Wellington Paranormal (2018–…): Season 3, Episode 2 - Te Maero - full transcript
So, day six out here
in the bush,
in Mother Nature.
We've run into a bit of
a problem.
Something's taken my food!
I'm sure I had enough
for the full duration.
But not a problem
when you know what you're
looking for out here.
More of a challenge.
Positivity!
If you like this video,
press 'like' now and subscribe.
Something's gotten in my tent!
These rips are massive!
Might have been a possum.
Pretty big possum, though.
Shouldn't be a problem.
The power of positivity.
I see it as a challenge.
Press 'like' now
if you feel the same.
So, I can hear
something outside my tent.
I don't think it is
a possum, actually.
What do we do?
We check it out -
check out what it is.
Not a problem.
Positive power.
So, something has me by the leg.
Quite a freaky experience being
dragged along in this manner.
If you like the ride,
hit 'like' too.
Oh my God, this thing's
immensely powerful!
I'm gonna try and get a look
at whatever it is.
Oh my gosh!
It's not human!
It's some kind of freaky freak!
All right. All right.
Mouths closed, eyes open,
backs straight, faces forward.
Attitudes strong.
- How's this, Sarge?
- That's pretty good, actually.
As you all know,
the police station
was broken into last night.
This is highly embarrassing
for all of us.
You should all be embarrassed.
It's especially embarrassing
for me
because I'm the
Senior Sergeant. Yeah?
Should be embarrassing for you,
O'Leary, Minogue,
Smith, Raulton, and-
Parker, is that jersey
regulation?
No, it's angora, Sarge.
You are aware that we all have
a strict uniform code?
Yeah. Yeah, I am aware
of that, Sarge. Erm,
it's just that my mum,
she, um...
She shrunk my other one
in the-in...
when she was doing the wash.
Do you think she's gonna
get in trouble for tampering
with police property?
I'd be willing to give her
a stern telling-off.
- Minogue, no.
- No, Minogue.
You know, what are criminals
gonna think
if you show up to an arrest
wearing that?
Oh, well, I actually just
arrested two perpetrators
this morning, and they loved it.
They thought it was really nice
and they loved the texture,
and they thought it was
a really good fit.
End of discussion. Minogue and
O'Leary, I would like you two
to investigate the
missing persons case
in the Remutaka Ranges.
And officers -
do not do that ever again.
All right. Dismissed.
OK, guys. Uh, pack your gear
and bring some supplies.
We may be gone a few days.
And also, be prepared
- to leave immediately.
- Mm-hmm.
If we all have one, then,
you know, we could petition
to get it made into a uniform.
Sorry, where- Where are you guys
going for a few days?
- Going to the forest.
- Oh. For reconnaissance?
Well, you could say that, yes.
- Can I come?
- Not in that jersey.
- Gotcha. OK.
- So, we'll all convene
at the Remutaka State Park,
leaving approximately
0900 hours.
- Oh, can we make it tomorrow?
- Absolutely not.
This is a missing persons
case, Parker.
Time is of the essence.
Yeah, one day won't matter,
though, if they're-
- Time is of the essence!
- ...if they're dead already.
Uh, officers, I want you
to meet the park ranger here.
- This is Park Ranger Anton.
- Kia or a. Officer O'Leary.
- Gidday, Anton.
Officer Minogue.
So, yeah. The old urban cops
meet the, uh, the bush cop.
I'm pretty much the police
around here,
but the community I'm protecting
is the community of the birds
and the ferns.
Your first-degree murder
out here equivalent
would be littering.
That's the big one for us.
Either way, here, I'm the law.
Yeah. So, a man's
gone missing here.
Right. Well, I'm not the law
in that situation.
That's more you three.
We've got reason to believe
he was abducted.
And the reason being is
we've got footage of that
actually happening.
Any idea what might have
done that?
What, done the filming?
No, no. We know who did
the filming.
It was the guy that was
abducted. We found his phone.
What we want to know is
who did the abducting.
That's where the policing
comes in.
Finding the phone - that's more
the littering, possibly.
That's where you might come in.
'No, ' I think would be
my answer there.
Right.
- I mean, I do know, but-
- What was that?
- Sorry?
- What? What's that?
- What's that?
- No, what was that?
- That's exactly it.
What was that?
That's a leading question.
You haven't seen anything
out of the ordinary at all?
No. Not...
Well...
I have. But no.
Check that out.
What's that, then?
- I don't know.
- You gave it to me.
- I didn't draw this.
- Oh, OK. No, yeah.
Well, that's-
Just be careful there.
That's potentially litter,
isn't it?
Look after that bit of paper.
I tell you what, if I saw that
in the, uh, in the bush here,
I'd be scared.
Well, welcome to my community.
Hey, what are some
of the dangers
that you guys face in town?
Well, I mean, obviously
there's a range of crimes.
I mean, you're sort of going
right from embezzlement
and that kind of thing
through to, uh-
- Car accidents.
- Mental psychopaths.
- Yeah, right.
- Graffiti.
I've heard, yeah,
embezzlement's a big one.
Here, just to let you know,
it's eye-level sticks.
So that would be the
equivalent, I guess,
of psychopaths for you guys.
You do a lot of running,
I imagine, in town.
- Yep.
- Out here, you're running,
and there'|| be
eye-level sticks,
and you'll get it- you'll cop it
in the ol' googlies.
Look at that. See?
- Sharp, hidden by a leaf.
- Right.
There it is, and that's-
Well, that's probably your
eye level, see? And so-
- There you go.
- Right there. Right-
- Exactly at the right height.
- And when you're running,
if you're at a pace
and going like this...
- Yep.
- ...and you might be pushing
your leaves away,
you push that away,
stick revealed, in the eye.
Close.
We should split up so we can
cover more ground. Um,
I'll stick with Ranger Anton
and you guys stick together.
We'll go this way.
It's pretty dangerous out
here. Eyes open,
but be prepared to
shut them quickly.
I can't stress that enough.
So, we're looking for any
signs of a struggle -
anything like that. The personal
effects of the missing person.
- Or the missing person.
- Oh, absolutely.
I mean, the missing person.
I mean, that'd be a real win.
- Found a lot of, um, trees.
- Good work, Minogue.
I was just saying that, you
know, we're in the right area.
Officer O'Leary's just being
a little bit snippy there,
so I've come back with
a witty 'report',
and, uh, come out on top,
- I'd have to say.
- Retort. It's a retort.
Witty retort.
We're getting a little bit
of cabin fever
cos we've been out here
for so long.
What Minogue's done there
is he's used
a classic passive-aggressive
technique
by talking to me
through the camera.
I mean, obviously like
he was trying to allude to,
things can get a bit tense
out here.
Maybe it's just cos
we're staying in tents.
This looks like one of the
ferns from the video.
Do you think they maybe
all look quite similar
to the ones in the video?
The victim was dragged that way.
- Found his tent!
- The victim was dragged this way.
Watch out for eye-level sticks.
Pretty messed up, eh?
What do we think
could have done all this?
Yeah, if I was to put money
on it, rodents.
Have you seen this kind of
thing happen before out here?
Yeah, I'd be lying
if I said 'yeah'.
Groups of vicious wild cats...
- or rats. Yeah.
- Mm.
Wouldn't they have to be
highly organised
to all get together and drag
a human man through the bush?
Most likely, yeah. I'd say
it'd be a sort of a plan.
A planned event.
That's the outcome of...
that.
If you do want to get hold of me
via radio any time -
and that means any time
night or day -
- for anything...
- Yep.
...you can't.
I just- I just don't have
a radio.
OK. Uh, will you be around
later tonight, then?
Tonight.
It's a full moon, innit?
Um...
no, I most likely...
Might kill ya if I come back.
- Sorry?
- What was that?
Sorry? No. Tonight is out.
- OK, guys.
My presentation's ready.
Um, so come over
to the secret tent.
Um, by 'secret tent',
do you mean this big one?
Yeah, this one here. Yeah.
Please forgive the makeshift
nature of this mobile HQ.
Come on in, guys.
OK. Theories, guys - I want
to hear them. And... go.
Well, we've actually got one
that we've come up with,
- haven't we?
- That's right. Relating to
- the park ranger, Anton.
- Mm-hmm. What about him?
You remember when we were
talking to him,
and he said really quietly
that if it was a full moon,
there was a potential that he
might murder us?
Yeah. So, we're gonna put
those two facts together,
and, um, we sort of realised
that maybe he was actually
a werewolf.
And then subsequently,
we both remembered
that we've seen a documentary
where we saw him
transform on camera
into a werewolf.
I mean, it feels open and shut.
- Dammit. That's a good theory.
That's a really good theory.
Sounds like you've got it
sussed. I also had a theory.
I've spent quite a bit of time
on it, as you can see.
- Yeah.
- Um, so, if you wouldn't mind,
um, would you like to hear it?
- I'd love to. That'd be great.
- Yeah, love to hear it.
Throughout history,
all around the world,
there's been well-known folklore
and actual reported sightings
of large, prehistoric hairy men.
Is it just men?
Let's just call them
'hominids'. Here. North America?
Sasquatch. Bigfoot.
Tibet and the Himalayas?
The Meh-Teh, or the yeti.
Australia? Yowie.
China has the Yeren.
England has the woodwose.
Here, we have a depiction
of the woodwose here.
I believe this is
a fully grown tree here.
Look how it towers above it.
So...
- It's got one...
- One stick.
...one tiny little bit of leaf
coming off the side of it.
Do you have any, um, like,
photographic evidence
- of these creatures?
- Yeah, I do, actually.
OK. Lighting down.
OK. Here, we have a picture of
Bigfoot in Utah in the 1970s.
And next, this is what is
purported to be
- the Orang Pendek in Sumatra.
- That's convincing.
Mm. And, uh, lastly,
what we have here is in
Afghanistan -
what is believed to be
a Barmanou.
Sarge, that's just, like,
a red circle on a photo.
The focal point here is in-in
the middle of the circle there.
It's exactly what's in
the rest of the photo.
Look, are there any of these,
you know,
reported creatures
in New Zealand, though?
Uh, actually, there have been
a handful of sightings
in Aotearoa. In Maori,
we have a word for them.
We call them, uh, tupua ngahere,
which means 'forest giant'
or 'forest guardian'.
Are they maybe more, sort of,
mythological than real?
People thought the same thing
about the giant squid
- until around about 2004.
- Yeah, and they're not real.
They are real.
We went and saw the giant squid
at Te Papa, remember?
Oh, I didn't think it was real.
Taking all of that
into consideration,
you know, put these side by
side, look at the similarities.
Still can't actually-
I can't see the other one.
OK. What if I do that?
- Looks like a werewolf?
- Yeah, no. OK.
The hell was that?
Oh, what?
Look, it's taken all our food.
Oh, holy hika.
And messed my bed up.
We, uh, made quite an exciting
discovery this morning.
Yeah. It's just past here.
I think you guys are gonna be
quite excited as well.
Watch your step.
- Scat.
- Doobie-doobie-doo-wop?
- No.
- ♪ Scoobidy-wah-wah! ♪
No, no, no. No. It's faecal
matter - bigger than a human's.
Well done, Sarge.
No, it's not-
It's not mine, O'Leary.
Do we have to keep looking
at this?
- No.
- We could take a photograph.
- That'd be good. Portrait. Yep.
- Nah, that's good.
That's it. Now, that's looking
really cool.
Uh, it's night two.
To be honest, it's been a little
bit hard without our camp food.
But, uh, you know,
the ngahere provides,
and my officers have managed
to forage together
quite a nice, hearty meal-
under my guidance, of course.
- Got a nice spiciness to it.
- Mm.
See, that there - that's
the horopito leaves.
Gives it a good kick.
I'm really enjoying the contrast
between the different types
of fungi.
Um...
Uh, sorry, there's only supposed
to be one kind of fungi.
Oh. Well, this mushroom's
different to that mushroom.
Uh, OK. Are we sure we got the
same kind of mushroom, though?
- Same kind?
- Yeah. There's only one.
Um, I drew a diagram. Can I-
Can I see that diagram?
- So, the one on the r-
- We got these mushrooms.
Ah, OK. Yeah. Cool.
- And these mushrooms.
- Those ones.
Mostly these ones, but we
found some of those too.
- OK. So, spoon down.
Just don't have any more.
OK. That's just concerning
because that one
- there on the left?
- Mm-hmm?
That is a Class A substance.
Class A? So that means
it's the best?
That means it's an illegal drug.
Not only that, but it's known
to cause psychosis,
hallucinations, and in some
extreme cases, paralysis.
Move your fingers, Sarge.
- I can't.
- You can.
OK. I think we're gonna be
all right, guys.
I think we're
gonna be all right.
I was freaking out.
Oh, no! There's a werewolf!
There's a werewolf, guys!
Maybe- Maybe I'm the werewolf.
The forest is angry at me,
but I- but I'm a good boy.
Oh, no! Oh!
I'm changing! I'm changing!
Here's the full moon!
This transformation has begun!
Uh, it would appear that
my officers and I have-
uh, had, earlier on,
accidentally ingested
some mind-altering substances.
This is highly illegal, and in
the interest of public safety,
we have placed each other
under arrest.
I've arrested Minogue here.
And I've arrested, uh,
Sergeant Maaka.
Officer O'Leary is still at
large, but I've got eyes on her.
Mm. So, um, do we think
that we're in a better state
to police now?
I, uh, certainly think that
being handcuffed together
is not going to help
our policing at all.
Um, I think it was
an unwise decision.
- Yep.
- And I think, furthermore,
throwing away the keys was
also an error of judgement.
Yeah. I agree. I agree.
Decisions were made,
regretfully.
With that being said,
we do have a zero tolerance
towards drug abuse,
and so, um...
with that being said,
do you think
that we are in a better
position to police now?
N-No.
Whoa, what was that?
What was that?
- No, we need-
- Here. Yeah, go, go, go, go.
Turn the lights off.
Go to night mode.
Crap, that
looks like the creature.
Is that a werewolf?
- Put your arm up.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Be careful. You're
gonna hit the camera guy.
- Look out.
- Look, out, Kevin!
- Oh, where'd it go?
Oh, dammit.
- Shall we go home?
- I feel like going home.
I feel like someone's
touching me.
Just wanna go home.
- Don't freak it out.
- Don't freak it out.
Tranquil movements -
non-threatening.
- It's not-
- Oh my God.
It's waving.
- Can you see that?
- Yes.
Um, what are you doing, O'Leary?
- I just, um...
- Yeah.
And what about you, Minogue?
I'm closing my eyes
and wishing this day was over.
OK. Just nice, gentle
movement.
Even more gentle than that.
Hello, majestic creature.
We bid you peaceful greetings.
- Hi, guys.
- Oh.
That was a really
peaceful greeting.
Parker, what are you doing?
I've been trying to find
you guys for ages.
What are you wearing?
Oh, this is my ghillie suit
that my mum made for me
when I was in the Territorials.
It's really good for
camouflaged reconnaissance.
Probably look like a floating
head, do I?
Whoa.
Tennis?
Tennis anyone? 15-love.
Bumblebee.
Oh, look. A beautiful hebe.
Can you stop doing that,
please, Parker?
It's freaking me out.
Anyway, look at me go
invisible again, guys.
- I'm gone!
- Oh, there you are!
- My fellow officers of the law.
- Hi.
- Thought I'd check on ya.
- Um, we're all right.
We had a bit of a false alarm,
that's all.
Did you think that was
the creature?
What creature?
I didn't say 'creature'.
Hang on. What creature?
Oh, we just thought you
might have been some kind of-
- Hey! Big, hairy creature!
Come on, O'Leary. I've put on
a little bit of weight
over winter, but-
Oh my God!
Hey, did you want me
to tranquilise it?
- Yes!
- Yes.
Yeah, thought you would.
Because they don't give us
tranquiliser guns,
- so I can't help you there.
- OK. In pursuit!
Why don't you guys chase it
and I'll hang back?
We're handcuffed
together, Minogue.
- Come on, Minogue!
Parker's in trouble.
Well, you can see
I'm coming with you.
The creature is clearly not
following the official tracks.
- I mean, that can't be safe.
- Oh my God.
Look.
- I need to get my phone.
- So, um,
we've followed the creature
to this area
where it seems to have
made some sort of a shelter.
At the moment, it's unaware
of our presence.
It's an incredibly large
creature.
Minogue, are you trying to saw
your hand off with a stick?
- I thought I'd just...
whip it off and
- go and warm the car up.
- Nah, nah. You stay put.
Feels like we're just about
done here.
- Nah, nah. We're not done here.
Just stay here.
Oh my God.
Is this one of those legends
you've told us about?
Yeah. Pretty sure that this
is a Maero or hakituri.
Legend tells of
an ancient man-animal.
- Amanimal?
- Yeah. Yeah, if you like.
Its claws are as sharp
as an axe.
Most of the tales
actually paint it out to be
a very dangerous
and malevolent creature,
so we should stay
absolutely silent.
Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka or a.
Ka mate, ka mate! Ka or a! Ora!
Tenei te tangata puhuruhuru...
- Tangata puhuruhuru?
- K0 au tena?
Ah, mo taku he.
Koira nga kupu iho o taua haka.
Uh, kia manawanui mai
a Te Maero tawhito.
K0 matou k0 Minogue, k0 O'Leary,
k0 Ruawai Maaka.
No matou te he.
Kua aurara ketia e matou
to ngahere tap...
- Tell him to have a good night.
- Kia pai to p0.
- And from me too.
- Uh, kei te mihi.
Kei a koe to matou hoa.
No reira, whakawete I a ia...
me tukuna mai ki a matou.
Oh, to koutou hoa tenei?
Ah, it believes that Parker
is one of them.
- Hey, hang on.
- I didn't say that.
- Oh. Do you speak English?
- Yes, and a little Swedish
I learned from a tourist
in the '60s.
I think I said, 'Hello.
Would you like schnapps?'
I don't know what schnapps is.
Uh, excuse me. Te Maero, could
you tell us what brings you
to our part of the island?
I'm lonely.
For aeons, I wandered through
the forests,
over the mountains
to find my mate,
and now I have found...
the one.
Oh, he's beautiful. Ah.
OK. Uh, ah...
That's a- That's a very sad
story there.
But, um, well, you see, that
over there is Constable Parker,
and he's not actually
one of your species.
Parker, can you do us
a favour, please?
Can you please remove your hood?
Thank you.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry to disappoint.
I've been in this situation
before.
When have you been
in this situation before?
Well, not exactly
this situation,
but looks like I've done it
again. Good one, Parker
Sorry if I've lead you on.
- Are you looking for a female?
- Well, no, a- a male.
See? You can't just, uh,
assume.
I am a female of my species.
This happens to me all the time.
You know, quite often in shops,
I get called 'sir'.
People just, you know,
looking at you
and making a judgement
just on your appearance,
- and that's not OK.
- Yeah, I understand.
And males - you know,
they're hairy
and their voices are so...
Low.
I just thought this was
a tiny one, but that's OK.
I understand, and after all
you've told us
about your sad tale,
we feel really bad for you,
but you're still going to need
to let him go.
I- Well, uh...
There's just one more thing
we need from you, though.
Have you by any chance
seen, um, this man?
Oh, yes! I've seen him.
Right. Do you know of his
whereabouts?
Oh, yeah. In my puku.
Um, ma'am, I'm afraid we're
going to have to
place you under arrest.
Parker, please detain
this woman.
Yes, sir!
Oh, I don't know if the cuffs
will fit around her wrists.
She overwhelmed me, Sarge.
- In pursuit! In pursuit!
- In pursuit!
- Come on. Come on.
- There he is, Sarge.
She's getting away!
Obstruction.
Obstruction. Obstruction.
Preparing pepper spray!
Testing pepper spray.
What's happening?
- I lost 100% of visuals.
- Leave him behind!
An eye-level stick!
No! She's getting away!
No! Come back!
Maero! Maero!
She got away.
Back into the ngahere.
Aue. So close, so far.
Did you know it actually
tastes like pepper?
- Won't lie - pretty gutted.
Um, but, uh...
Yeah, all around,
pretty unsuccessful
for the Wellington Police.
Uh, but I guess the
scientific community
will be very interested in the
footage we managed to capture.
So... yeah,
at the end of the day, I guess
it is quite successful.
- Another job well done.
- Nah. Nah.
I see the
eye-level sticks got ya.
Yeah. Psychopaths of
the forest - I told ya.
Who's that?
- It's, uh, Anton.
- Anton.
- Ranger Anton?
- Yeah.
Must hurt. And you're gonna
have trouble driving back
to the city all handcuffed.
Could you please call 111?
- You are 111, aren't ya?
- Well, we're one of the 111s.
- Well, you're in luck.
I do have a cell phone.
- Yes!
- Unfortunately, though,
there's no reception out here.
in the bush,
in Mother Nature.
We've run into a bit of
a problem.
Something's taken my food!
I'm sure I had enough
for the full duration.
But not a problem
when you know what you're
looking for out here.
More of a challenge.
Positivity!
If you like this video,
press 'like' now and subscribe.
Something's gotten in my tent!
These rips are massive!
Might have been a possum.
Pretty big possum, though.
Shouldn't be a problem.
The power of positivity.
I see it as a challenge.
Press 'like' now
if you feel the same.
So, I can hear
something outside my tent.
I don't think it is
a possum, actually.
What do we do?
We check it out -
check out what it is.
Not a problem.
Positive power.
So, something has me by the leg.
Quite a freaky experience being
dragged along in this manner.
If you like the ride,
hit 'like' too.
Oh my God, this thing's
immensely powerful!
I'm gonna try and get a look
at whatever it is.
Oh my gosh!
It's not human!
It's some kind of freaky freak!
All right. All right.
Mouths closed, eyes open,
backs straight, faces forward.
Attitudes strong.
- How's this, Sarge?
- That's pretty good, actually.
As you all know,
the police station
was broken into last night.
This is highly embarrassing
for all of us.
You should all be embarrassed.
It's especially embarrassing
for me
because I'm the
Senior Sergeant. Yeah?
Should be embarrassing for you,
O'Leary, Minogue,
Smith, Raulton, and-
Parker, is that jersey
regulation?
No, it's angora, Sarge.
You are aware that we all have
a strict uniform code?
Yeah. Yeah, I am aware
of that, Sarge. Erm,
it's just that my mum,
she, um...
She shrunk my other one
in the-in...
when she was doing the wash.
Do you think she's gonna
get in trouble for tampering
with police property?
I'd be willing to give her
a stern telling-off.
- Minogue, no.
- No, Minogue.
You know, what are criminals
gonna think
if you show up to an arrest
wearing that?
Oh, well, I actually just
arrested two perpetrators
this morning, and they loved it.
They thought it was really nice
and they loved the texture,
and they thought it was
a really good fit.
End of discussion. Minogue and
O'Leary, I would like you two
to investigate the
missing persons case
in the Remutaka Ranges.
And officers -
do not do that ever again.
All right. Dismissed.
OK, guys. Uh, pack your gear
and bring some supplies.
We may be gone a few days.
And also, be prepared
- to leave immediately.
- Mm-hmm.
If we all have one, then,
you know, we could petition
to get it made into a uniform.
Sorry, where- Where are you guys
going for a few days?
- Going to the forest.
- Oh. For reconnaissance?
Well, you could say that, yes.
- Can I come?
- Not in that jersey.
- Gotcha. OK.
- So, we'll all convene
at the Remutaka State Park,
leaving approximately
0900 hours.
- Oh, can we make it tomorrow?
- Absolutely not.
This is a missing persons
case, Parker.
Time is of the essence.
Yeah, one day won't matter,
though, if they're-
- Time is of the essence!
- ...if they're dead already.
Uh, officers, I want you
to meet the park ranger here.
- This is Park Ranger Anton.
- Kia or a. Officer O'Leary.
- Gidday, Anton.
Officer Minogue.
So, yeah. The old urban cops
meet the, uh, the bush cop.
I'm pretty much the police
around here,
but the community I'm protecting
is the community of the birds
and the ferns.
Your first-degree murder
out here equivalent
would be littering.
That's the big one for us.
Either way, here, I'm the law.
Yeah. So, a man's
gone missing here.
Right. Well, I'm not the law
in that situation.
That's more you three.
We've got reason to believe
he was abducted.
And the reason being is
we've got footage of that
actually happening.
Any idea what might have
done that?
What, done the filming?
No, no. We know who did
the filming.
It was the guy that was
abducted. We found his phone.
What we want to know is
who did the abducting.
That's where the policing
comes in.
Finding the phone - that's more
the littering, possibly.
That's where you might come in.
'No, ' I think would be
my answer there.
Right.
- I mean, I do know, but-
- What was that?
- Sorry?
- What? What's that?
- What's that?
- No, what was that?
- That's exactly it.
What was that?
That's a leading question.
You haven't seen anything
out of the ordinary at all?
No. Not...
Well...
I have. But no.
Check that out.
What's that, then?
- I don't know.
- You gave it to me.
- I didn't draw this.
- Oh, OK. No, yeah.
Well, that's-
Just be careful there.
That's potentially litter,
isn't it?
Look after that bit of paper.
I tell you what, if I saw that
in the, uh, in the bush here,
I'd be scared.
Well, welcome to my community.
Hey, what are some
of the dangers
that you guys face in town?
Well, I mean, obviously
there's a range of crimes.
I mean, you're sort of going
right from embezzlement
and that kind of thing
through to, uh-
- Car accidents.
- Mental psychopaths.
- Yeah, right.
- Graffiti.
I've heard, yeah,
embezzlement's a big one.
Here, just to let you know,
it's eye-level sticks.
So that would be the
equivalent, I guess,
of psychopaths for you guys.
You do a lot of running,
I imagine, in town.
- Yep.
- Out here, you're running,
and there'|| be
eye-level sticks,
and you'll get it- you'll cop it
in the ol' googlies.
Look at that. See?
- Sharp, hidden by a leaf.
- Right.
There it is, and that's-
Well, that's probably your
eye level, see? And so-
- There you go.
- Right there. Right-
- Exactly at the right height.
- And when you're running,
if you're at a pace
and going like this...
- Yep.
- ...and you might be pushing
your leaves away,
you push that away,
stick revealed, in the eye.
Close.
We should split up so we can
cover more ground. Um,
I'll stick with Ranger Anton
and you guys stick together.
We'll go this way.
It's pretty dangerous out
here. Eyes open,
but be prepared to
shut them quickly.
I can't stress that enough.
So, we're looking for any
signs of a struggle -
anything like that. The personal
effects of the missing person.
- Or the missing person.
- Oh, absolutely.
I mean, the missing person.
I mean, that'd be a real win.
- Found a lot of, um, trees.
- Good work, Minogue.
I was just saying that, you
know, we're in the right area.
Officer O'Leary's just being
a little bit snippy there,
so I've come back with
a witty 'report',
and, uh, come out on top,
- I'd have to say.
- Retort. It's a retort.
Witty retort.
We're getting a little bit
of cabin fever
cos we've been out here
for so long.
What Minogue's done there
is he's used
a classic passive-aggressive
technique
by talking to me
through the camera.
I mean, obviously like
he was trying to allude to,
things can get a bit tense
out here.
Maybe it's just cos
we're staying in tents.
This looks like one of the
ferns from the video.
Do you think they maybe
all look quite similar
to the ones in the video?
The victim was dragged that way.
- Found his tent!
- The victim was dragged this way.
Watch out for eye-level sticks.
Pretty messed up, eh?
What do we think
could have done all this?
Yeah, if I was to put money
on it, rodents.
Have you seen this kind of
thing happen before out here?
Yeah, I'd be lying
if I said 'yeah'.
Groups of vicious wild cats...
- or rats. Yeah.
- Mm.
Wouldn't they have to be
highly organised
to all get together and drag
a human man through the bush?
Most likely, yeah. I'd say
it'd be a sort of a plan.
A planned event.
That's the outcome of...
that.
If you do want to get hold of me
via radio any time -
and that means any time
night or day -
- for anything...
- Yep.
...you can't.
I just- I just don't have
a radio.
OK. Uh, will you be around
later tonight, then?
Tonight.
It's a full moon, innit?
Um...
no, I most likely...
Might kill ya if I come back.
- Sorry?
- What was that?
Sorry? No. Tonight is out.
- OK, guys.
My presentation's ready.
Um, so come over
to the secret tent.
Um, by 'secret tent',
do you mean this big one?
Yeah, this one here. Yeah.
Please forgive the makeshift
nature of this mobile HQ.
Come on in, guys.
OK. Theories, guys - I want
to hear them. And... go.
Well, we've actually got one
that we've come up with,
- haven't we?
- That's right. Relating to
- the park ranger, Anton.
- Mm-hmm. What about him?
You remember when we were
talking to him,
and he said really quietly
that if it was a full moon,
there was a potential that he
might murder us?
Yeah. So, we're gonna put
those two facts together,
and, um, we sort of realised
that maybe he was actually
a werewolf.
And then subsequently,
we both remembered
that we've seen a documentary
where we saw him
transform on camera
into a werewolf.
I mean, it feels open and shut.
- Dammit. That's a good theory.
That's a really good theory.
Sounds like you've got it
sussed. I also had a theory.
I've spent quite a bit of time
on it, as you can see.
- Yeah.
- Um, so, if you wouldn't mind,
um, would you like to hear it?
- I'd love to. That'd be great.
- Yeah, love to hear it.
Throughout history,
all around the world,
there's been well-known folklore
and actual reported sightings
of large, prehistoric hairy men.
Is it just men?
Let's just call them
'hominids'. Here. North America?
Sasquatch. Bigfoot.
Tibet and the Himalayas?
The Meh-Teh, or the yeti.
Australia? Yowie.
China has the Yeren.
England has the woodwose.
Here, we have a depiction
of the woodwose here.
I believe this is
a fully grown tree here.
Look how it towers above it.
So...
- It's got one...
- One stick.
...one tiny little bit of leaf
coming off the side of it.
Do you have any, um, like,
photographic evidence
- of these creatures?
- Yeah, I do, actually.
OK. Lighting down.
OK. Here, we have a picture of
Bigfoot in Utah in the 1970s.
And next, this is what is
purported to be
- the Orang Pendek in Sumatra.
- That's convincing.
Mm. And, uh, lastly,
what we have here is in
Afghanistan -
what is believed to be
a Barmanou.
Sarge, that's just, like,
a red circle on a photo.
The focal point here is in-in
the middle of the circle there.
It's exactly what's in
the rest of the photo.
Look, are there any of these,
you know,
reported creatures
in New Zealand, though?
Uh, actually, there have been
a handful of sightings
in Aotearoa. In Maori,
we have a word for them.
We call them, uh, tupua ngahere,
which means 'forest giant'
or 'forest guardian'.
Are they maybe more, sort of,
mythological than real?
People thought the same thing
about the giant squid
- until around about 2004.
- Yeah, and they're not real.
They are real.
We went and saw the giant squid
at Te Papa, remember?
Oh, I didn't think it was real.
Taking all of that
into consideration,
you know, put these side by
side, look at the similarities.
Still can't actually-
I can't see the other one.
OK. What if I do that?
- Looks like a werewolf?
- Yeah, no. OK.
The hell was that?
Oh, what?
Look, it's taken all our food.
Oh, holy hika.
And messed my bed up.
We, uh, made quite an exciting
discovery this morning.
Yeah. It's just past here.
I think you guys are gonna be
quite excited as well.
Watch your step.
- Scat.
- Doobie-doobie-doo-wop?
- No.
- ♪ Scoobidy-wah-wah! ♪
No, no, no. No. It's faecal
matter - bigger than a human's.
Well done, Sarge.
No, it's not-
It's not mine, O'Leary.
Do we have to keep looking
at this?
- No.
- We could take a photograph.
- That'd be good. Portrait. Yep.
- Nah, that's good.
That's it. Now, that's looking
really cool.
Uh, it's night two.
To be honest, it's been a little
bit hard without our camp food.
But, uh, you know,
the ngahere provides,
and my officers have managed
to forage together
quite a nice, hearty meal-
under my guidance, of course.
- Got a nice spiciness to it.
- Mm.
See, that there - that's
the horopito leaves.
Gives it a good kick.
I'm really enjoying the contrast
between the different types
of fungi.
Um...
Uh, sorry, there's only supposed
to be one kind of fungi.
Oh. Well, this mushroom's
different to that mushroom.
Uh, OK. Are we sure we got the
same kind of mushroom, though?
- Same kind?
- Yeah. There's only one.
Um, I drew a diagram. Can I-
Can I see that diagram?
- So, the one on the r-
- We got these mushrooms.
Ah, OK. Yeah. Cool.
- And these mushrooms.
- Those ones.
Mostly these ones, but we
found some of those too.
- OK. So, spoon down.
Just don't have any more.
OK. That's just concerning
because that one
- there on the left?
- Mm-hmm?
That is a Class A substance.
Class A? So that means
it's the best?
That means it's an illegal drug.
Not only that, but it's known
to cause psychosis,
hallucinations, and in some
extreme cases, paralysis.
Move your fingers, Sarge.
- I can't.
- You can.
OK. I think we're gonna be
all right, guys.
I think we're
gonna be all right.
I was freaking out.
Oh, no! There's a werewolf!
There's a werewolf, guys!
Maybe- Maybe I'm the werewolf.
The forest is angry at me,
but I- but I'm a good boy.
Oh, no! Oh!
I'm changing! I'm changing!
Here's the full moon!
This transformation has begun!
Uh, it would appear that
my officers and I have-
uh, had, earlier on,
accidentally ingested
some mind-altering substances.
This is highly illegal, and in
the interest of public safety,
we have placed each other
under arrest.
I've arrested Minogue here.
And I've arrested, uh,
Sergeant Maaka.
Officer O'Leary is still at
large, but I've got eyes on her.
Mm. So, um, do we think
that we're in a better state
to police now?
I, uh, certainly think that
being handcuffed together
is not going to help
our policing at all.
Um, I think it was
an unwise decision.
- Yep.
- And I think, furthermore,
throwing away the keys was
also an error of judgement.
Yeah. I agree. I agree.
Decisions were made,
regretfully.
With that being said,
we do have a zero tolerance
towards drug abuse,
and so, um...
with that being said,
do you think
that we are in a better
position to police now?
N-No.
Whoa, what was that?
What was that?
- No, we need-
- Here. Yeah, go, go, go, go.
Turn the lights off.
Go to night mode.
Crap, that
looks like the creature.
Is that a werewolf?
- Put your arm up.
- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.
Be careful. You're
gonna hit the camera guy.
- Look out.
- Look, out, Kevin!
- Oh, where'd it go?
Oh, dammit.
- Shall we go home?
- I feel like going home.
I feel like someone's
touching me.
Just wanna go home.
- Don't freak it out.
- Don't freak it out.
Tranquil movements -
non-threatening.
- It's not-
- Oh my God.
It's waving.
- Can you see that?
- Yes.
Um, what are you doing, O'Leary?
- I just, um...
- Yeah.
And what about you, Minogue?
I'm closing my eyes
and wishing this day was over.
OK. Just nice, gentle
movement.
Even more gentle than that.
Hello, majestic creature.
We bid you peaceful greetings.
- Hi, guys.
- Oh.
That was a really
peaceful greeting.
Parker, what are you doing?
I've been trying to find
you guys for ages.
What are you wearing?
Oh, this is my ghillie suit
that my mum made for me
when I was in the Territorials.
It's really good for
camouflaged reconnaissance.
Probably look like a floating
head, do I?
Whoa.
Tennis?
Tennis anyone? 15-love.
Bumblebee.
Oh, look. A beautiful hebe.
Can you stop doing that,
please, Parker?
It's freaking me out.
Anyway, look at me go
invisible again, guys.
- I'm gone!
- Oh, there you are!
- My fellow officers of the law.
- Hi.
- Thought I'd check on ya.
- Um, we're all right.
We had a bit of a false alarm,
that's all.
Did you think that was
the creature?
What creature?
I didn't say 'creature'.
Hang on. What creature?
Oh, we just thought you
might have been some kind of-
- Hey! Big, hairy creature!
Come on, O'Leary. I've put on
a little bit of weight
over winter, but-
Oh my God!
Hey, did you want me
to tranquilise it?
- Yes!
- Yes.
Yeah, thought you would.
Because they don't give us
tranquiliser guns,
- so I can't help you there.
- OK. In pursuit!
Why don't you guys chase it
and I'll hang back?
We're handcuffed
together, Minogue.
- Come on, Minogue!
Parker's in trouble.
Well, you can see
I'm coming with you.
The creature is clearly not
following the official tracks.
- I mean, that can't be safe.
- Oh my God.
Look.
- I need to get my phone.
- So, um,
we've followed the creature
to this area
where it seems to have
made some sort of a shelter.
At the moment, it's unaware
of our presence.
It's an incredibly large
creature.
Minogue, are you trying to saw
your hand off with a stick?
- I thought I'd just...
whip it off and
- go and warm the car up.
- Nah, nah. You stay put.
Feels like we're just about
done here.
- Nah, nah. We're not done here.
Just stay here.
Oh my God.
Is this one of those legends
you've told us about?
Yeah. Pretty sure that this
is a Maero or hakituri.
Legend tells of
an ancient man-animal.
- Amanimal?
- Yeah. Yeah, if you like.
Its claws are as sharp
as an axe.
Most of the tales
actually paint it out to be
a very dangerous
and malevolent creature,
so we should stay
absolutely silent.
Ka mate! Ka mate! Ka or a.
Ka mate, ka mate! Ka or a! Ora!
Tenei te tangata puhuruhuru...
- Tangata puhuruhuru?
- K0 au tena?
Ah, mo taku he.
Koira nga kupu iho o taua haka.
Uh, kia manawanui mai
a Te Maero tawhito.
K0 matou k0 Minogue, k0 O'Leary,
k0 Ruawai Maaka.
No matou te he.
Kua aurara ketia e matou
to ngahere tap...
- Tell him to have a good night.
- Kia pai to p0.
- And from me too.
- Uh, kei te mihi.
Kei a koe to matou hoa.
No reira, whakawete I a ia...
me tukuna mai ki a matou.
Oh, to koutou hoa tenei?
Ah, it believes that Parker
is one of them.
- Hey, hang on.
- I didn't say that.
- Oh. Do you speak English?
- Yes, and a little Swedish
I learned from a tourist
in the '60s.
I think I said, 'Hello.
Would you like schnapps?'
I don't know what schnapps is.
Uh, excuse me. Te Maero, could
you tell us what brings you
to our part of the island?
I'm lonely.
For aeons, I wandered through
the forests,
over the mountains
to find my mate,
and now I have found...
the one.
Oh, he's beautiful. Ah.
OK. Uh, ah...
That's a- That's a very sad
story there.
But, um, well, you see, that
over there is Constable Parker,
and he's not actually
one of your species.
Parker, can you do us
a favour, please?
Can you please remove your hood?
Thank you.
Yeah.
I'm so sorry to disappoint.
I've been in this situation
before.
When have you been
in this situation before?
Well, not exactly
this situation,
but looks like I've done it
again. Good one, Parker
Sorry if I've lead you on.
- Are you looking for a female?
- Well, no, a- a male.
See? You can't just, uh,
assume.
I am a female of my species.
This happens to me all the time.
You know, quite often in shops,
I get called 'sir'.
People just, you know,
looking at you
and making a judgement
just on your appearance,
- and that's not OK.
- Yeah, I understand.
And males - you know,
they're hairy
and their voices are so...
Low.
I just thought this was
a tiny one, but that's OK.
I understand, and after all
you've told us
about your sad tale,
we feel really bad for you,
but you're still going to need
to let him go.
I- Well, uh...
There's just one more thing
we need from you, though.
Have you by any chance
seen, um, this man?
Oh, yes! I've seen him.
Right. Do you know of his
whereabouts?
Oh, yeah. In my puku.
Um, ma'am, I'm afraid we're
going to have to
place you under arrest.
Parker, please detain
this woman.
Yes, sir!
Oh, I don't know if the cuffs
will fit around her wrists.
She overwhelmed me, Sarge.
- In pursuit! In pursuit!
- In pursuit!
- Come on. Come on.
- There he is, Sarge.
She's getting away!
Obstruction.
Obstruction. Obstruction.
Preparing pepper spray!
Testing pepper spray.
What's happening?
- I lost 100% of visuals.
- Leave him behind!
An eye-level stick!
No! She's getting away!
No! Come back!
Maero! Maero!
She got away.
Back into the ngahere.
Aue. So close, so far.
Did you know it actually
tastes like pepper?
- Won't lie - pretty gutted.
Um, but, uh...
Yeah, all around,
pretty unsuccessful
for the Wellington Police.
Uh, but I guess the
scientific community
will be very interested in the
footage we managed to capture.
So... yeah,
at the end of the day, I guess
it is quite successful.
- Another job well done.
- Nah. Nah.
I see the
eye-level sticks got ya.
Yeah. Psychopaths of
the forest - I told ya.
Who's that?
- It's, uh, Anton.
- Anton.
- Ranger Anton?
- Yeah.
Must hurt. And you're gonna
have trouble driving back
to the city all handcuffed.
Could you please call 111?
- You are 111, aren't ya?
- Well, we're one of the 111s.
- Well, you're in luck.
I do have a cell phone.
- Yes!
- Unfortunately, though,
there's no reception out here.