Wellington Paranormal (2018–…): Season 1, Episode 5 - Vampire - full transcript

So we've had calls from a number of
the residents in these local flats

about something unusual,
unexplained possibly ghostly.

On the lookout for a pale, translucent figure
floating eerily in the back of the car park.

O'Leary! There!

So, um, we did respond to a call-out of
something that was, perhaps, supernatural,

like a ghost floating around.

But our findings have determined
that the nature of the entity

was not actually of supernatural
origin. No, it was a, um,

it was a plastic bag.

Yeah, that's correct. It was
a um, a plastic shopping bag.

I mean, I guess that's the thing with the nature
of this job and our work for Wellington Paranormal.

It's not always, uh,
paranormal call-outs. In fact, um...

most of the time,
it's not paranormal.

Could have tased it.
Y No. Put that back.

You're always saying
"Don't tase stuff."

Oh my God.

This is the fourth time you've
done that! Hang on. Yeah, I know.

Pull over.
I'm pulling over. Yep, yep.

Um, so we've had reports
from the local hospital here.

Staff had reported a suspicious number of blood
bags have gone missing from the blood bank area.

You know, it could be some sort of a stocktaking
error, but it could also be foul play.

I mean, I'm certainly thinking that it could
be some sort of high-performance sportspeople

that are coming in and stealing that blood
to give them the advantage they need to win.

I mean, certainly, that's cheating.

I mean, it's not the way
to get ahead.

I mean, when I was a sportsperson, I could have chosen
to cheat. But I didn't. It's not the way to do it.

But had I chosen to do that, I probably
could have come away with a gold.

I reckon it was vampires.

Staff believe that the thief may have escaped
the blood bank area via the internal door

and through the car park.
O'Leary!

Evidence. Blood.

Bag it, Minogue.

It's already in a bag. Otherwise, it
would just sploosh all over my head.

No, I mean, like, put that bag
in an evidence bag.

Put this bag in
another bag got it.

I mean, obviously a blood bag loose
in a car park doesn't look good.

Could be some sort of delivery error, but
certainly, we need to be on the lookout for a thief.

I mean, if they make a comeback
or they come back here,

we might be able to catch them
red-handed if there's a spillage, you know.

See that? Obviously cos, you know, blood being
a substance that's red in appearance makes pe

O'Leary!

What's happened?

I was trying to squeeze the blood bag in to the
much smaller evidence bag. Can you help me up?

Come on.
It's got blood on it.

OK, hang on. Wait, wait, wait, wait. I shouldn't
have stood in there. Maybe if you hold you hold

two hands.
OK, yep.

It's not gonna Ooh.

No, just lean forward
when I pull you.

Ready?
Yep.

Maybe if you go under my arms.
Under my arms.

Don't use your back like a Yep.

Uh, so the nurse here told us that the potential
thief was seen gliding down the hallway,

but, for whatever reason, the security
cams didn't pick it up. So, I mean, that

O'Leary? Couldn't find any
more evidence out there. OK.

There's nothing.
Excuse me, again.

Oh, hi. Hey. Oh, don't
worry. It's not my blood.

Oh, no, I didn't I didn't
brutalise anyone. People think I...

I didn't brutalise anyone! Minogue.
I didn't brutalise anyone.

I don't think No one thinks that.
Neither did she. No, certainly not.

Um, so could you just tell us
who has access to the blood bank?

Hi, I'm Nick. I've been a blood bank
officer for two months now.

Sir, are you aware that 19 bags of
blood were stolen this evening?

Yep.

Mate, do you know if
blood is combustible? What?

Well, what I mean by that is is it possible that
the 19 bags of blood... exploded into smithereens,

and then would those smithereens then
be naked to the human eye? Minogue, um...

That doesn't make
any sense whatsoever.

Are you... Are you OK? I've just
got that flu that's going around.

I haven't seen that flu
going around.

OK, look. You've got access to this room, OK?
You know, there's blood going missing, so...

I mean, what are we meant to think? What
would I want to do with 19 bags of blood?

What would you want to do
with 19 bags of blood? Save lives.

That's quite a good answer, actually.
And how did you know it was 19?

You just told me.
No, I didn't.

You literally just said "19 bags
of blood went missing." Did I?

Yeah, at the start you said
"19 bags of blood". Actual quote.

I work here, so I know
most things that happen.

We'd just like to take you down to the station,
Nick, OK? Ask you a couple of questions. All right?

I didn't do anything.

OK. Well, we'll get to the bottom of that once we ask
you some questions. We just need to get a statement, OK?

You've got the wrong guy. Hey, look,
mate, you're not Obi-Wan Kenobi, OK?

We need to go down to the copper
shop, have a bit of a chitty-chat, OK?

Just... just let me go, eh?

Yes, OK. No, yeah, you're right. OK. You,
um... Sorry to bother you. Are you serious?

Sorry, mate. You have a great
night, eh? So I'm innocent and shit?

Have a good day. Thank you.
See you later.

That's literally
never worked before.

So it turns out that the blood bank officer
is not a person of interest in this case.

Certainly, we will be investigating
further, but for now,

we have no reason to believe that this was a theft
or even that this case is paranormal in any way.

Or even that anything,
um, happened at all. Mm.

- It's the other one, Minogue.
- It's the other button.

And lastly, special thanks to Officers
Jones, Savali, Michaelson, Smith, Folatai,

Bracewell, Ward, Qing, Yates,
Parker, Donovan, Laupepe and Solid

for their hard work out
in the harbour today.

These fine police
people all worked together

and braved the conditions in response to a call-out
about a baby in distress out in the harbour.

Well done.

As we all know, it turned out to be a towel,
but, uh, what if it was a baby, you know?

That towel could have been a real danger to shipping
got caught up in a propeller. You never know.

Ah, Minogue. What happened to you?
Were you shot in the line of fire? No, sir.

Oh, no. He was trying to fit a bag
of blood into another bag

which was way too small
to possibly fit the first bag.

Right, clean that up. That's
no way to keep a uniform. Yes, sir.

Uh, we still have
13 unsolved murders.

I'm gonna divvy those up later
on today. All right. Dismissed.

Uh, Minogue. O'Leary.

Uh, just holding for
fingerprint analysis, guys.

Finger analysis complete.

What's the status update on that
ghost outside the fish and chip shop?

OK. That turns out it was
just a plastic bag, sir. Mm-hm.

Do you know of the
Japanese tales of the Yokai?

Spirits or demons.
Sometimes vengeful.

They take the form of people,
animals, even inanimate objects.

I'm talking about scary umbrellas.

Possessed futons.

I believe that what you saw
may in fact have been a...

Oh. That's just a normal
plastic bag, isn't it? Mm.

Yep. Um, that's all right.
I'm gonna file it anyway.

Any further development on the, uh, missing
blood bags from Wellington Hospital?

Uh, O'Leary and I investigated, sir, and
we've come up with, um, absolutely nothing.

I... have a theory.

- What are you d what is that?
- What are you doing?

Pardon?

Vampires. Oh. Yeah, I thought
that to begin with, sir, but...

I mean, we interviewed the leading suspect
and came back with nothing suspicious.

You sure he wasn't a vampire?
He just wasn't remotely suspicious.

He was He was too normal,
if anything.

Did he have fangs? It's hard to remember.
He might have had little tiny ones, perhaps.

Vampire. Did he glamour you? Like, give us a
glamorous makeover? Nope. Not on my watch. No.

No, no. Uh, glamouring is a hypnotic form of sorcery,
or spell. It's a power that's innate in vampires.

They can use it to charm people
or even erase your memory.

Nah, I'd remember
something like that.

And even if he perhaps didn't,
I certainly would remember that.

I want you to get back to that hospital and
interview that guy from the blood bank again.

I think you may have been glamoured.

Still think we'd remember it.

We'll Yep, we'll go back.

Uh, we were on our way
back to the hospital

for some further questioning when
we got a call-out to this park.

Seems some of the neighbours have
reported hearing satanic-sounding chanting.

Hey, guys.
I can't see a barbecue. Bring meat?

Hello.
Sausage sizz oh.

What are you guys doing out here
in the middle of the night?

It's almost, uh, it's almost
midnight, guys. We're just, um...

Just chanting.
Just normal chanting stuff.

Can you just lift your hood
a bit, sir, please? You?

Just hold on to this.

Keep going round. Don't chant,
but keep going round.

We were just coming to see you
at the hospital, actually. Yeah.

Oh, cool. Yeah, you were the
guy with the, uh, stolen blood.

I'm innocent though, eh? Oh,
yeah. Absolutely. No, you're innocent.

Really? Yeah, yeah.
That's awesome.

So what's going on here? Are you guys having
a, uh, you're having a drink, are you?

Yeah, I guess you could say that. What's with
the uh, the cloaks? Oh, nah. That's, um...

just role-playing. It's like
a Dungeons and Dragons thing.

This must be a, uh, different version,
is it? It's the, um, Lower Hutt version.

Wait a second. Who's this?

Hello. What are you what are you
doing tied to that stick there? Are you OK?

He's... He's definitely OK. OK,
yeah. Well, I want to hear his answer.

Um, I'm actually just I was hopin that someone
would come and save me or just help me down.

Um, everything is fine right now.
Everything's actually fine right now. I'm OK.

I mean, I asked to be put on this stake, and I'm not
cold. I'm not afraid. I'm really looking forward.

Don't Don't Don't improvise.
You don't want someone to save you?

We had a question for you, mate.
He's fine. Did you give us a makeover?

Nah, nothing. Forget about it.

This guy looks a bit cold, OK? He could probably
do with one of those cloaks at some stage soon.

And, I mean, obviously it is quite late, but if
any children come along here at this time of night,

it's not gonna be good, is it? No.
I mean Don't do that, Minogue.

Um, so maybe just have a think about this guy.
Maybe, you know, include him more in the circle bit.

Yeah, the flames well, he's
the centre of it. Uh, OK. Great.

Right, well, we'll leave you to it. Right, and
just make sure you take your rubbish with you, OK?

Yeah, of course. Don't go leaving
a bloody mess all over the place.

And I would just keep that chanting down to a
minimum, OK? Yeah, of course. We'll be quiet.

Yep.
Can we just hear that?

Quiet.

A little bit louder. No, no. I think that was
good. Do you not you don't do the chanting?

No, I'm just naked. OK.
Have a good night. Good night!

Storm in a teacup, eh?
Yeah, you never know, do you?

It was weird seeing that guy from the hospital
again, wasn't it? It was weird seeing that other guy.

Yeah. It wasn't paranormal,
though, was it?

Nah, it was more abnormal.

I guess that's the job, though,
isn't it?

Sometimes it's normal,
sometimes it's abnormal.

Copy that. Look at this
freaky-looking clown. What the...

I don't like that. He can
see you. I don't like it.

He can see you. Look. Look how he's looking at
you. Slow down and look how he's looking at you.

Eugh.
Oh, God. It's another one.

This must be some kind of
crime, is it? Well, jaywalking, yes.

Times two.
Pass me the thing.

Excuse me. Return to the footpath,
please. Did you spike my coffee, O'Leary?

Oh, what is this, now? He's doing
the Running Man. Is that a clown thing?

He'd better not touch the car. Do
that, but towards the footpath, sir.

He's running on the spot, but he
needs to be running... over to the r whoa.

What?

And now there's even more of them
jaywalking. There's multiple crimes.

Oh, God. Now what's this?

Wha They can't do that.
More clowns. More clowns, O'Leary.

Stop. Stop the car. Police,
stop. Don't say 'please' to them.

'Police, stop.'
'Please stop.' 'Police!'

Look, anyway, this is getting weird. OK,
look, that is... Now where are they going?

This definitely Excuse me.
Stay there. Stay in the car.

They're going. They're driving off,
now. Let's just.

Turn on the thing. Yeah, turn the lights
on. OK? Yep. What are we gonna do?

Oh, God. Now there's more they're all of them
are coming now. What is what is going on?

All of you,
just stay still, please.

Yep, lock the doors. Lock the doors. What Is there
some sort of weird, disturbing circus in town?

O'Leary. Look at that one. He's walking
weird. I don't want to look at that one.

I don't even like it. There's too many
of them, O'Leary! This is not funny.

I'm not even watching. I don't wanna watch it. It's
making me feel sick. There's too may of them, O'Leary.

Hey, get off of the car!
Get away from the car!

Get in the car! Now where
are they going? Call for backup.

Put the lights on. Call for backup.
The lights are on. Put the lights back on.

He's driving along
with the door open.

Shut the door! That is
completely unsafe! Unacceptable.

OK, this is a traffic infringement. They've been
jaywalking. They've been dancing on the road.

Where's the siren? Put the thing on.

It's under here.
No, the big the noise.

- Hang on.
- Pull over, please.

Uh, so what we have here is a large number
of incredibly creepy and disturbing clowns,

um, paying no attention to the law. Mm, mm, mm.
There's actually a worldwide trend of sightings

of these creepy, freaky clowns,
and it's um, it's just disappoint

that it's made its way
all the way to Wellington.

The other thing is, obviously,
this is not a paranormal case,

um, but the maximum number of clowns or people
that should be in that small car is five,

um, and I think they had at least, I
think, 16 clowns getting into that vehicle,

and that's completely unsafe. I'm
glad it's my week with the Taser.

But, I mean, obviously, we just need to get
them out of the car and have a good chat to them

about, you know, just, some of their actions
tonight were just completely, um, irresponsible.

We should get these clowns down
to the station anyway.

I think we're gonna have
to book those clowns.

I don't know how we're gonna get all those
clowns in our car. It'll take multiple trips.

And they'll just be clowning around.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Excuse
me. Hang on. Hey. Whoa, whoa, whoa.

No. Come on, guys. Back you come.
Come here! Guys.

Where's our car? H
Here. Guys. Come here!

Get the These clowns are
making us look like clowns.

I've got it! I've got it!

Got it! I've got it! I'll
get the car. I've got it.

I've got it.

We should have got in the car. Um, obviously,
that was a mistake chasing the clown car.

I mean, we did a good job,

but we really should have got
into the patrol vehicle.

We probably would have got them
by now if we had done that.

Where is our car?

Where's our car?

So we haven't made it
to the hospital yet.

We will get there, but
we've been called out to a cemetery.

Go that way. Sorry.

Another possible ghost sighting. Yeah, there
have been several witnesses who report seeing

a number of ghosts having conversations
in and amongst the gravestones.

Just chatting to each other, um, which is pretty
strange, but who knows what to expect from ghosts?

Hello? Anybody there?

It's the police.
We have pepper spray.

Pepper spray? That's body spray,
Minogue. We have body spray.

- Smells bad.
- Hello.

Stop police terror.
Police-free zone.

What have you got left to do on
Earth? What are you talking about?

Let me see the pad, Minogue.

That says 'Goths', not 'ghosts'. 'A group of
Goths seen conferring around the gravestones.'

I could never read this handwriting.
Minogue, that's That's your handwriting.

Well, I know that. I can tell.

Because I can't read it. What do
you guys want from us? We're just...

minding our own business. What are you
actually doing hanging around in a cemetery

at this time of night? We're just,
like, rejecting normal society and stuff,

and I live next door with my mum and
dad. We were both following this guy.

He was handing out party flyers, and
he looked... pretty pale and freaky. Yeah.

Around here, somewhere?

Actually, that's him over there. That's great.
We'll have a chat with him. Thank you very much.

The legal system should be
against the law.

Go that way, Minogue.

Excuse me! So, you know Keith,
who's got the mobile karaoke business?

Oh, yup. Hello! So
he's bringing the truck,

and it's gonna be great. Awesome.
Uh, look, my Uber's here, so I...

Is that the guy...

G'day, mate. Oh, hey,
man. You look familiar.

Nah. Sir. Sir, we've
met before. Remember?

No. We were actually just
coming to visit you at the hospital.

Nope. That's a coincidence,
eh? Yeah, you could say that.

Uh, what's in those bags?
Uh, just pizza.

He's saying things, but he just
keeps on running away faster.

Look, there's werewolves behind you.
What?

Um... I don't know.

Stop there! Sir!
You need to stop!

Can't go any further, can you?
Freeze!

Wait there.
It wasn't me.

What the hell? He can't do that.

Don't Oh. Away!

No, come on. Down you get.
No. You're hurting my shin splints.

You're making a fool of yourself,
mate. Get off! Go away, pigs!

Tie his shoelaces together!
OK, OK, OK, OK, OK.

Yeah, I'm just, um... I'm just going
to the hospital to drop them off.

Via a cemetery in the
middle of the night? Yep.

I wasn't born yesterday, mate.
If I was, I'd still be a baby.

What are these? Party flyers? "Come to
my party"? Oh, that's That's not my flyer.

OK. Well, that's a big photo of your face, OK,
on the middle of this flyer, and then it says.

"Nick's vampire party".

You know, so, obviously, you're stealing this
blood to, uh, spare innocent victims' lives.

The best part is that you can put a straw through
the bag and you can drink it like a juicie.

Whoa. There you go. Really good to just pass
around at a party or something. Easy to drink.

Well, I guess that is actually
quite clever. Pretty clever.

So... can you let me go?
Nah!

No.

No, look. You know what? You're under
arrest, OK, for stealing hospital property.

OK? And also for making
a false statement.

What does that mean?
Thank you.

What's this? Discrimination against
vampires, now? Are we the minority? No.

It's fine to, uh, just take the blood from
a human person. That's all fair game.

But stealing from a hospital?
No way.

They need that for emergencies.

Just cos I'm a brown vampire walking through a
cemetery on a Monday night with a bag of blood...

like, 18 bags of blood, I
get pulled over.

You know, this is
just discrimination because...

um, I'm not a white vampire,
I guess.

So, if you guys are watching this,
um, #BatLivesMatter.

A bit tighter. There you go.

We're in Taita right now, actually.

Turn around and look at me. I think
we'd better get him an isolated cell.

Yes, agreed.
Actually, no. This is me right here.

Look, um, we're taking you to the cells,
OK? You'll be spending the night there.

No, I can't. Like, the sun's gonna come up,
and I'm gonna burn, so I'll just get off here.

Look, you've passed my Mate, we're
not falling for that this time, all right?

We're not facing towards you, OK?
You can see there's no eye contact, right?

Excuse me, you need to put
those back on, OK, sir?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa. Just put your
handcuffs back on. Hey. Stop hassling me,

pull the car over and let
me get out. All right. Um...

just up here? Yeah. Just here
behind this van. Thank you very much.

Am I able to get the stuff out of the
boot as well? Of course you are, mate.

Let me help you with that, eh? Nah,
it's all good, officer. Oh, and by the way,

you're not gonna remember a single
thing that's happened today.

You're not gonna remember that
tonight happened or anything. OK.

He was a nice guy.
What guy?

I don't I don't know.

Cheers, guys.

He looks vaguely familiar. Yeah, he was just
touching the police car. Should we follow him?

Nah. I think he's just one of those
Deliver Easy guys. Quiet night, eh?

I reckon.
Abnormally quiet.

Yeah. Certainly not paranormal.
No. Not paranormal at all.

Wha!

I knew it!

Yokai!

Captions SBS Australia 2018