Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 9 - The Barbarino Blues - full transcript
When Vinnie gets dumped by a girl in front of the Sweathogs, he gets depressed and is too ashamed to leave his apartment.
"REVIVAL SMELLING SALTS."
"TO REVIVE, HOLD TWO TO THREE
INCHES UNDER VICTIM'S NOSTRILS."
UGH, WHAT A SMELL.
THANKS A LOT, VINNIE.
WE NEVER PROMISED.
YOU A ROSE GARDEN.
I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE HERE,
I-I NEED YOUR HELP DESPERATELY,
SALLY'S COMING OVER A MINUTE.
YOU NEED OUR HELP WITH A GIRL?
WHAT'S THE MATTER, VINNIE?
LOSIN' YOUR SUCTION?
HEY, COME ON GUYS, QUIET
DOWN, LOOKS LIKE OUR FRIEND HERE
IS HAVING TROUBLE
WITH THIS LITTLE PHILLY
AND AS GENTLEMEN, WE SHOULD
EXTEND HIM EVERY COURTESY.
COME ON, HOUND
DOG, SPILL THE GRITS.
YOU KNOW...
I REALLY LIKE THE WAY
YOU TALK, YOU KNOW...
IT'S JUST LIKE WATCHING
A RERUN OF "HEE-HAW."
LOOK, I THINK THIS-THIS
THIS GIRL SALLY IS GETTING
A LITTLE TOO SERIOUS WITH ME.
LAST WEEK I CAUGHT HER
SPELLING MY NAME IN COTTON BALLS.
- OH!
- GROSS!
THAT'S THE MOST DISGUSTING
THING I'VE EVER HEARD!
THAT'S WHY I'VE GOTTA
BREAK UP WITH HER.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I KNOW WHAT
BREAKING UP WITH A GIRL DOES,
WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN
THEY BREAK UP WITH ME,
I MEAN IT COULD RUIN HER LIFE.
YEAH, OR AT LEAST SPOIL
THEIR WHOLE WEEKEND.
NO, I AIN'T KIDDING, THE
LAST TIME I BROKE UP
WITH A GIRL, SHE JUMPED
IN THE HARLEM RIVER.
OH, COME ON VINCENT,
I SAW THAT GIRL JUMP!
BELIEVE ME, VERY FEW
SUICIDES WEAR A BATHING CAP.
AH, COME ON, VINNIE, I
BROKE UP WITH A GIRL ONCE,
BUT, UH, SHE GOT OVER IT.
EVENTUALLY SHE REPLACED ME.
OH, WITH WHAT?
A SEEING-EYE DOG?
ALL RIGHT, NOW LISTEN GUYS,
NOW, LOOK IF VINNIE THINKS
THIS IS GONNA BE DEVASTATING
TO THE YOUNG LADY, WELL...
WELL MAYBE HE'S RIGHT.
HOW CAN WE BE OF HELP?
I FIGURE YOU GUYS BEING AROUND,
YOU KNOW, WOULD EASE THE BLOW.
THERE'S GONNA BE
TEARS ALL OVER THE PLACE,
THAT'S WHY I GOT THESE TISSUES.
NOW LOOK, HORSHACK,
YOU-YOU, IF SHE STARTS TO CRY,
YOU TAKE CARE OF HER, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S ALL IN THE
FLICK OF THE WRIST.
ALL IN THE FLICK OF THE
WRIST, ALL IN THE WRIST,
I AIN'T GOT NO MORE.
THANK YOU.
ALL IN THE WRIST,
ALL IN THE WRIST.
OH, A YOUNG GIRL'S TEARS,
THIS IS HEARTBREAKING.
YEAH, YEAH, VINNIE, THIS
WHOLE SCENE IS VERY, VERY
HEARTBREAKING TO ME.
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN
DO FOR YA, LITTLE BUDDY?
YOU COULD NOT GET
CLEARASIL ON MY SHIRT.
NOW LOOK, THE WORST PART OF
THIS IS SHE GONNA FAINT, RIGHT?
SO YOU BE THERE
TO CATCH HER, BEAU.
OH, HAVE NO FEAR, VINNIE, I WILL
CRADLE HER GENTLY IN MY ARMS.
GOOD.
NOW LOOK, YOU TAKE
THE SMELLING SALTS.
WHY, I SEE THEY-THEY FOUND A
WAY OF BOTTLING EPSTEIN'S LOCKER.
NO, THAT'S TO REVIVE HER,
NOW LOOK, WHEN SHE FAINTS
YOU JUST STICK IT
UNDER HER NOSTRILS
TWO TO THREE INCHES.
AND-AND-AND EPSTEIN, YOU-YOU
GUARD THE WINDOW, OKAY?
AND DON'T LET HER
JUMP, WHATEVER YOU DO.
- TEN-FOUR!
- OH HEY, VINNIE?
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS
THAT YOUR CONCERN FOR SALLY'S
WELL-BRING IS MIGHTY CHIVALROUS.
YEAH, WELL WHEN, WHEN BABIES
ARE GIVEN CHIVIL IN HEAVEN
I GOT AN EXTRA SCOOP.
OH, YEAH, VINNIE GOT AN
EXTRA SHOVEL OF CHIVIL.
OH, HI VINNIE!
OH, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU HAD COMPANY.
DO YOU THINK WE CAN
BE ALONE FOR A MINUTE?
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
"DO YOU THINK WE CAN
BE ALONE FOR A MINUTE?"
NO.
MY FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS
WITH ME WHEN I'M ALONE.
THAT'S NICE, I CAN'T
STAND TO BE ALONE.
AGH!
NOW, LOOK, UH, I DON'T QUITE
KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS,
UH, SALLY, BUT D-DO YOU LIKE
TO GO DOWN TO THE DOCKS?
LOOK, VINNIE I HAVE
TO TALK TO YOU.
I LIKE TO GO DOWN TO THE DOCKS.
AND YOU KNOW WHY, CAUSE
I LIKE TO SEE THE SHIPS
GO ALL OVER THE WORLD, RIGHT?
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU
THINK OF YOURSELF
AS SORT OF LIKE A PORT, RIGHT?
AND I'M A SHIP AND I'M GONNA
GO FROM PORT TO PORT TO PORT
TO PORT TO PORT, OKAY?
NO!
I'M JUST TRYING TO SET THE MOOD.
LOOK, VINNIE, WE HAVE TO TALK.
I KNOW AND I'M AFRAID
SWEETHEART THAT THIS IS PROBABLY
GONNA HURT ME A LITTLE
MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU.
YEAH, I KNOW THAT AND
THAT'S WHY I'M SORRY, VINNIE.
SEE... OH, JUST A
SECOND, VINNIE!
EXCUSE ME.
UH, I'LL BE RIGHT
DOWN, BABY CAKES!
- "BABY CAKES?"
- "BABY CAKES?"
THAT-THAT MUST BE
HER MOTHER'S NAME.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS,
VINNIE, BUT WE'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO STOP SEEING EACH OTHER.
SEE, YOU WERE GETTING
TOO SERIOUS AND I KNEW THAT
WHEN I SAW YOU SPELLING OUT
MY NAME IN THOSE COTTON BALLS.
- COTTON BALLS?!
- COTTON BALLS?!
AND BESIDES, VINNIE, I'VE-I
MET SOMEBODY ELSE AND...
OH, I'LL BE SEEING YOU
AROUND THOUGH, OKAY?
YEAH.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
IT'S A GOOD THING I STOPPED
HER FROM JUMPING, HUH?
RIGHT OUT OF VINNIE'S
WINDOW INTO THE FRONT SEAT
OF BABY CAKES'
CADILLAC CONVERTIBLE!
HEY, YO, HEY, JUAN, UM, YOU
CAN GET DOWN OVER FROM
THE WINDOW NOW, NOW
THAT THE "BIG CRISIS" IS OVER.
HEY, VINNIE, VINNIE,
PUSHING ALL JOKES ASIDE...
COME HERE, MAN, COME HERE.
HEY, LOOK MAN, IT AIN'T NO BIG
TRIP MAN, GETTING DUMPED BY A
PRETTY GIRL THAT'S GOT A NICE
PERSONALITY, A GORGEOUS SHAPE,
A TERRIFIC SMILE, I
MEAN COME ON MAN,
IT AIN'T THE WORST
THING IN THE WORLD.
IT AIN'T?
NO, BUT IT IS IN THE TOP FIVE!
I GOTTA GO.
YEAH, YEAH, GUYS, COME ON.
I THINK WE CAN GET GOING NOW.
NOW THAT THE
"BIG CRISIS" IS OVER.
I MEAN, VINNIE, YOU'VE
HAD A BIG DAY, HUH?
ISN'T THIS THE FIRST TIME A PORT
EVER SAILED AWAY FROM A SHIP?
SPEAKING FOR ALL OF US,
WELCOME TO DRY DOCK.
IT'S ALL IN THE WRIST!
HEY, VINNIE, WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE OLD ZIPPITY-DO?
YEAH, WELL, IT'S
ZIPPITY-DON'T NOW.
COME ON, VINNIE, WHEN
YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY
AND YOU FELL OF YOUR
BICYCLE, WHAT DID YOU DO?
WELL, I GOT MERCUROCHROME,
MY MOTHER, SHE'D TAKE
A LITTLE GLASS STICK
AND SHE WOULD PUT IT ON THE...
VINNIE, YEAH, I'M...
SOMETIMES SHE'D
KISS THE BOO-BOO.
MAN, THAT LADY, WHAT A SAINT.
TOO BAD I AIN'T GONNA BE ABLE
TO GIVE HER NO GRANDCHILDREN.
VINNIE, I THINK WE'VE
LOST THE POINT.
SEE, YOU DIDN'T GIVE
UP RIDING YOUR BICYCLE,
YOU GOT RIGHT BACK
ON AND YOU TRIED AGAIN.
UH-UH, NO.
- NO?
- NO.
BY THE TIME I'D GET DOWNSTAIRS,
THEY TOOK THE WHEELS.
THEY-THEY EVEN TOOK
THE LITTLE BELL I HAD.
ALL RIGHT, FORGET THE
BIKE, FORGET THE BIKE.
WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
IS THINK DATES, DATES.
NOW, WHERE'S YOUR
LITTLE BLACK BOOK?
- YOU AIN'T SEEN MY BLACK BOOK?
- NO.
AH, IT'S IN MY SAFE,
I'LL SHOW YOU.
GIVE ME ONE SECOND.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT-WHAT
DO YOU WANT?
VOLUME ONE, TWO, OR THREE?
UH, IT DOESN'T
MATTER, VOLUME ONE.
YELLOW PAGES OR WHITE PAGES.
JUST GET THE BOOK!
THERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY
NOW, LISTEN, COME ON,
WE'RE GONNA GO FIND A PHONE.
ONE OR TWO PHONE
CALLS, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
WOMEN UP TO YOUR EARS.
YEAH, BUT NO TALLER
THAN THAT, HUH?
NINE PHONE CALLS,
NINE REJECTIONS.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW THAT CAN HAPPEN.
OH, BEAU, I... I DON'T
EVEN THINK IT'S THEM,
I THINK IT'S ME.
I LOST MY POWER OVER WOMEN.
NOW, VINNIE.
VINNIE, VINNIE!
POUND ON THE DOOR!
OKAY!
IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME,
SOMETIMES IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
YEAH.
NOW, NOW VINNIE, JUST
'CAUSE A FEW WOMEN ARE BUSY
FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS,
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT MUCH.
WHAT ABOUT-BOUT-BOUT,
JENNY, UH, ROONEY?
VINNIE, SHE SAID SHE'S
GETTING MARRIED SATURDAY.
YEAH, BUT I-I ASKED
HER OUT ON FRIDAY.
OH, IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE.
NO, BEAU, I'M
TELLING YOU IT'S ME.
LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT
THIS, I GOT A GREY HAIR HERE.
VINNIE, WHAT'S ONE GREY HAIR?
THAT MEANS THAT THERE'S A
WHOLE LOT OF OTHER GREY HAIRS
ALL SCRUNCHED UP IN MY
HEAD, WAITING TO POP OUT.
OH, VINNIE, YOU'RE
CRAZY, THERE'S NOTHING
INSIDE YOUR HEAD.
TELL ME THE TRUTH, BEAU,
MY BODY, IT'S GONE, HUH?
NO, IT'S NOT!
I SHOULDA KNOWN THE END WAS NEAR
THE DAY MY SKIN CLEARED UP.
COME ON, VINNIE, GET
A GRIP ON YOURSELF!
NOW LISTEN, YOU'RE JUST GOING
THROUGH A DRY SPELL, THAT'S ALL.
"DRY SPELL," THIS
AIN'T NO "DRY SPELL,"
I LOST IT, BEAU.
I LOST MY POWER MOVER
WOMEN, I-I-I LOST MY MAGIC.
NOW, VINNIE, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
I AM SO DEPRESSED.
JULIE, WILL YOU TAKE A
NOTE TO THE PRINCIPAL
OF FILLMORE HIGH SCHOOL?
"WE REGRET THE UNFORTUNATE
INCIDENT AFTER LAST FRIDAY'S
FOOTBALL GAME AND I ASSURE YOU
THAT EVERY EFFORT IS BEING MADE
TO FIND YOUR COACH."
HEY, MRS. KOTTER, HAVE
YOU HEARD FROM VINNIE?
HE HASN'T BEEN TO
SCHOOL IN THREE DAYS.
NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD
FROM HIM ARNOLD.
BUT I KNOW THAT HE HASN'T
SHOWN UP AT WORK EITHER
BECAUSE THE
HOSPITAL CALLED HERE.
OH, THAT GIRL, THAT
GIRL, THAT CRUEL, CRAZY,
IMPETUOUS GIRL.
HE WAS HER MAN, BUT
SHE DONE HIM WRONG.
YEAH, YEAH, THE
GIRL RUINED HIS LIFE,
SHE WENT AND
RIPPED OUT HIS HEART.
YEAH, AND NOW HE AIN'T
GOT NOTHING TO HOLD
WHEN THEY PLAY
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
LOOK, I, I KNOW HE'S UPSET.
WELL, ANOTHER
CONTENDER BITES THE DUST.
IT ISN'T EVERYONE WHO
KEEPS HIS ALLURE, HIS OOMPH,
HIS RUGGED MAGNETISM
THE WAY I HAVE.
WHERE DO YOU KEEP IT,
IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER?
COME ON, YOU GUYS, LET'S GO.
- WE KNOW WHAT VINNIE NEEDS.
- YEAH.
YEAH, VINNIE GONNA
HAVE TO SETTLE FOR US.
LET'S SPLIT.
BEAU, I THINK ALL YOU
GUYS ARE EXAGGERATING.
JUST GIVE VINNIE A FEW
DAYS, HE'LL GET OVER IT.
I WOULDN'T COUNT ON THAT.
YOU SEE THERE ARE THREE THINGS
YOU DON'T GET OVER IN A HURRY:
LOSING A WOMAN,
EATING BAD POSSUM,
OR EATING GOOD POSSUM.
VINNIE, WILL YOU
OPEN UP THE DOOR!
JUST A MINUTE, HOLD YOUR HORSES.
AH, SHUT UP!
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING IN THE CLOSET?
HEY, JUAN.
I'M ARNOLD.
WELL, I'M VINNIE, AND I'M
SO VERY HAPPY TO MEET YOU.
COME ON IN IF YOU WANT.
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?
I MADE SOME DELICIOUS
BREAD PUDDING.
VINNIE, COME ON.
WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS
WERE THE SALVATION ARMY.
THEY'RE COMING TO
GET MY LOVESEAT.
THEY SAID THEY'D BE
GLAD TO GET IT BACK.
SO, SO I SAID, "OKAY, FINE."
YOU KNOW, I-I CAN
BELIEVE VINNIE'S BOMBED.
IT'S A SAD DAY IN BROOKLYN, HUH?
HEY, COME ON, VINNIE, YOU
GOTTA PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER,
THIS IS NO GOOD, MAN!
COME ON, COME ON,
YOU WANNA FIGHT?
I'LL FIGHT YA!
COME ON!
COME ON, I'LL FIGHT ANY
OF YA, COME ON, COME ON!
HOW ABOUT YOU, COME ON!
- OH, VINNIE...
- AH!
VINNIE, COME ON, BIG BUCKAROO.
YOU SIT DOWN, WE'RE
GONNA CHEER YOU RIGHT UP.
HEY, COME ON, VINNIE.
FRIENDSHIP WAS
NICE, YOU'RE SO NICE.
COME ON.
HI, VINNIE!
HEY, SWEETHEART.
YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK
LIKE YOU'RE THIRSTY.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
YOU PIG.
♪ ONCE THERE WAS
A LITTLE OLD ANT ♪
♪ TRIED TO MOVE A
RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
♪ EVERYONE KNOWS AN ANT
CAN'T MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
♪ BUT HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪
STOP!
♪ HE'S GOT HIGH APPLE
PIE IN THE SKY HOPES ♪
GO ON, GET OUTTA HERE.
YOU LITTLE CREEPS.
I'M GONNA TALK TO THIS GUY.
HI LITTLE FELLA.
AH, LOOK GUYS, WE GOTTA
HANDLE HIM VERY, VERY CAREFULLY,
THE GUY'S IN VERY
DELICATE CONDITION.
WE SHOULD JUST HANDLE HIM
LIKE WE GOT ON KID GLOVES.
COME OVER HERE, YOU!
COME HERE, NOW LOOK!
LOOK, I WANT YOU TO STOP
FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
I WANT YOU TO GET OUT, I WANT
YOU TO GO AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.
COME ON, GO OUT
AND MEET SOME GIRLS!
I CAN'T GO OUT
WITHOUT MY MAGIC, JUAN.
"MAGIC JUAN?"
COME ON, VINNIE!
COME ON, YOU GOTTA
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
HEY, HEY, YOU STILL
HAVE YOUR MAGIC
AND YOU CAN GO OUT IN PUBLIC.
ARNOLD'S ALLOWED OUT IN PUBLIC.
AND HE WAS BORN WITHOUT MAGIC.
PERHAPS HE SHOULD
STAY INSIDE WITH ME.
HEY, VINNIE.
NOW LOOK, EITHER YOU GET
DRESSED OR WE'RE GONNA DO IT FOR YA.
NO!
AIN'T THERE A LAW
AGAINST DISROBING A MINOR?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT!
I NEED A DRINK.
- YOU DON'T!
- NO, VINNIE!
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DRINK ANYMORE!
A&R ROOT BEER?
WELL, THAT'S ALL
THEY HAD IN THE STORE.
HEY, BUDDY, YOU CAN'T
GET DRUNK ON THIS STUFF.
- NO?
- NO.
NO KIDDIN', REALLY?
ISN'T THAT A REALLY,
REALLY BEAUTIFUL PICTURE?
MAKE A MOVE NOW!
GET HIS CLOTHES!
COME ON, VINNIE, THIS IS JUST
WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED.
A PLACE OF LAUGHTER,
GAIETY, ESKIMO PIES.
I CAN'T STAND HERE,
THERE'S GIRLS IN HERE.
- COME ON, VINNIE, CUT IT OUT.
- HEY, COME ON, VINNIE.
OF COURSE THERE'S GIRLS IN HERE,
THIS IS AN EQUAL
OPPORTUNITY CLIP JOINT.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THIS IS THE
SAME GUY WHO USED TO SPEND
ALL HIS SPARE TIME
ON DOUBLE DATES.
OH, I KNOW IT.
HEY, VINNIE, YOU ORDER
WHAT YOU WANT, MAN,
BUT DRINKS, THEY ON US.
SO, SHOOT FOR THE WORKS!
YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING...
UP TO 35 CENTS INCLUDING TIP.
I'LL HAVE A WARM
COCOA, THANK YOU.
COME ON, VINNIE, WE'RE
ONLY TRYING TO CHEER YOU UP.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, YOU KNOW HOW
YOU COULD CHEER ME UP?
- HOW?
- LEMME GO HOME.
- AW, COME ON, VINNIE, SIT DOWN!
- AW, COME ON, GROW UP!
SURE, GO ON HOME, WATCH
THE MOLD GROW ON YOUR DIMPLE.
HEY, VINNIE, HOW ARE YA?
LONG TIME NO SEE, VINNIE,
WHERE YA BEEN HIDING YOURSELF?
I AIN'T BEEN HIDING.
HEY, WATCH IT!
I DON'T WANNA GET NO
CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN MY HAIR.
COME ON, MARY-ANN.
COME ON, VINNIE, YOU'RE
ONLY MAKING MATTERS WORSE
BY CHASING LADIES AWAY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
YOU DON'T THINK I KNEW
THAT YOU GUYS SET THAT UP?
I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY.
HEY, VINNIE, NOBODY SET THAT UP.
LOOK, I'M NOT BLIND, I
KNOW MY MAGIC IS GONE.
SO JUST... YOU KNOW YOUS
GUYS ARE JUST MAKING IT WORSE.
OH, VINNIE, I'M
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WELL, THAT MAKES ONE OF US.
HAVE YOU GOT A MINUTE?
NO, I'M TOO BUSY GOING FROM
PARTY TO PARTY TO PARTY.
YOU KNOW, VINNIE, I'D
REALLY LIKE TO TALK TO YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T
WANNA TALK TO YOU, BABY.
NOW, VINNIE, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD LISTEN
TO WHAT LITTLE SALLY HAS TO SAY?
I HEARD WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY.
"I'LL BE RIGHT
DOWN, BABY CAKES!"
HEY, VINNIE, WHY DON'T
YOU COME ON DOWN HERE,
LITTLE BUDDY, SO YOU AND I CAN
HAVE A COUPLE OF SYLLABLES?
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, VINNIE?
WHEN YOU AND I GOT PROBLEMS,
WE LISTEN TO EACH OTHER, RIGHT?
YEAH?
WE SIT DOWN, WE TALK IT OUT.
SO, WHY DON'T YOU TALK
IT OUT WITH THIS GIRL?
'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T,
IT'S JUST GONNA KEEP ON
BOTHERING YA AND BOTHERING YA.
YOU LIKE HER, DON'T YOU?
YEAH.
SO, IT AIN'T GONNA COST
NOTHING TO TALK IT OUT.
NOW, GO ON, SCRAM.
LOOK, I'M GONNA TALK
TO YA ONLY BECAUSE
MY GOOD FRIEND HERE,
EPSTEIN, WANTS ME TO TALK TO YA.
SO, UH, MAKE IT FAST.
'CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT BABY
CAKES TO WEAR OUT HIS HORN.
VINNIE, WHAT I DID WAS WRONG
AND THE WAY I DID IT WAS ROTTEN
AND I'M SORRY.
IT DON'T MATTER.
WELL, IT MATTERS TO ME...
AND YOU MATTER TO ME.
VINNIE, YOU'VE ALWAYS
BEEN HONEST AND OPEN
AND YOU ALWAYS MADE ME
FEEL LIKE I WAS IMPORTANT.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.
MAGIC.
MAYBE THAT'S IT, MAGIC.
ANYWAY, I... I'D LIKE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN IF YOU WANNA SEE ME?
WELL, UH, MISS
SWEETHEART BABY CAKES,
REMEMBER THE NIGHT YOU
CAME OVER TO TALK TO ME
AND I WAS GONNA
TELL YOU SOMETHING?
YEAH, WHAT WAS IT?
WE'RE THROUGH, IT'S OVER.
OKAY, DID I HURT YOUR FEELINGS?
GOOD, NOW WE'RE EVEN.
COME ON, I'LL TREAT
YOU TO SOMETHING.
ALL RIGHT, HOW MUCH
MONEY YOU GOT TO SPEND?
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW IT MUST HAVE BEEN ♪♪
"TO REVIVE, HOLD TWO TO THREE
INCHES UNDER VICTIM'S NOSTRILS."
UGH, WHAT A SMELL.
THANKS A LOT, VINNIE.
WE NEVER PROMISED.
YOU A ROSE GARDEN.
I'M SO GLAD YOU GUYS ARE HERE,
I-I NEED YOUR HELP DESPERATELY,
SALLY'S COMING OVER A MINUTE.
YOU NEED OUR HELP WITH A GIRL?
WHAT'S THE MATTER, VINNIE?
LOSIN' YOUR SUCTION?
HEY, COME ON GUYS, QUIET
DOWN, LOOKS LIKE OUR FRIEND HERE
IS HAVING TROUBLE
WITH THIS LITTLE PHILLY
AND AS GENTLEMEN, WE SHOULD
EXTEND HIM EVERY COURTESY.
COME ON, HOUND
DOG, SPILL THE GRITS.
YOU KNOW...
I REALLY LIKE THE WAY
YOU TALK, YOU KNOW...
IT'S JUST LIKE WATCHING
A RERUN OF "HEE-HAW."
LOOK, I THINK THIS-THIS
THIS GIRL SALLY IS GETTING
A LITTLE TOO SERIOUS WITH ME.
LAST WEEK I CAUGHT HER
SPELLING MY NAME IN COTTON BALLS.
- OH!
- GROSS!
THAT'S THE MOST DISGUSTING
THING I'VE EVER HEARD!
THAT'S WHY I'VE GOTTA
BREAK UP WITH HER.
BUT, YOU KNOW, I KNOW WHAT
BREAKING UP WITH A GIRL DOES,
WELL, YOU KNOW, WHEN
THEY BREAK UP WITH ME,
I MEAN IT COULD RUIN HER LIFE.
YEAH, OR AT LEAST SPOIL
THEIR WHOLE WEEKEND.
NO, I AIN'T KIDDING, THE
LAST TIME I BROKE UP
WITH A GIRL, SHE JUMPED
IN THE HARLEM RIVER.
OH, COME ON VINCENT,
I SAW THAT GIRL JUMP!
BELIEVE ME, VERY FEW
SUICIDES WEAR A BATHING CAP.
AH, COME ON, VINNIE, I
BROKE UP WITH A GIRL ONCE,
BUT, UH, SHE GOT OVER IT.
EVENTUALLY SHE REPLACED ME.
OH, WITH WHAT?
A SEEING-EYE DOG?
ALL RIGHT, NOW LISTEN GUYS,
NOW, LOOK IF VINNIE THINKS
THIS IS GONNA BE DEVASTATING
TO THE YOUNG LADY, WELL...
WELL MAYBE HE'S RIGHT.
HOW CAN WE BE OF HELP?
I FIGURE YOU GUYS BEING AROUND,
YOU KNOW, WOULD EASE THE BLOW.
THERE'S GONNA BE
TEARS ALL OVER THE PLACE,
THAT'S WHY I GOT THESE TISSUES.
NOW LOOK, HORSHACK,
YOU-YOU, IF SHE STARTS TO CRY,
YOU TAKE CARE OF HER, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S ALL IN THE
FLICK OF THE WRIST.
ALL IN THE FLICK OF THE
WRIST, ALL IN THE WRIST,
I AIN'T GOT NO MORE.
THANK YOU.
ALL IN THE WRIST,
ALL IN THE WRIST.
OH, A YOUNG GIRL'S TEARS,
THIS IS HEARTBREAKING.
YEAH, YEAH, VINNIE, THIS
WHOLE SCENE IS VERY, VERY
HEARTBREAKING TO ME.
IS THERE ANYTHING I CAN
DO FOR YA, LITTLE BUDDY?
YOU COULD NOT GET
CLEARASIL ON MY SHIRT.
NOW LOOK, THE WORST PART OF
THIS IS SHE GONNA FAINT, RIGHT?
SO YOU BE THERE
TO CATCH HER, BEAU.
OH, HAVE NO FEAR, VINNIE, I WILL
CRADLE HER GENTLY IN MY ARMS.
GOOD.
NOW LOOK, YOU TAKE
THE SMELLING SALTS.
WHY, I SEE THEY-THEY FOUND A
WAY OF BOTTLING EPSTEIN'S LOCKER.
NO, THAT'S TO REVIVE HER,
NOW LOOK, WHEN SHE FAINTS
YOU JUST STICK IT
UNDER HER NOSTRILS
TWO TO THREE INCHES.
AND-AND-AND EPSTEIN, YOU-YOU
GUARD THE WINDOW, OKAY?
AND DON'T LET HER
JUMP, WHATEVER YOU DO.
- TEN-FOUR!
- OH HEY, VINNIE?
I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW
NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS
THAT YOUR CONCERN FOR SALLY'S
WELL-BRING IS MIGHTY CHIVALROUS.
YEAH, WELL WHEN, WHEN BABIES
ARE GIVEN CHIVIL IN HEAVEN
I GOT AN EXTRA SCOOP.
OH, YEAH, VINNIE GOT AN
EXTRA SHOVEL OF CHIVIL.
OH, HI VINNIE!
OH, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU HAD COMPANY.
DO YOU THINK WE CAN
BE ALONE FOR A MINUTE?
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
"DO YOU THINK WE CAN
BE ALONE FOR A MINUTE?"
NO.
MY FRIENDS ARE ALWAYS
WITH ME WHEN I'M ALONE.
THAT'S NICE, I CAN'T
STAND TO BE ALONE.
AGH!
NOW, LOOK, UH, I DON'T QUITE
KNOW HOW TO TELL YOU THIS,
UH, SALLY, BUT D-DO YOU LIKE
TO GO DOWN TO THE DOCKS?
LOOK, VINNIE I HAVE
TO TALK TO YOU.
I LIKE TO GO DOWN TO THE DOCKS.
AND YOU KNOW WHY, CAUSE
I LIKE TO SEE THE SHIPS
GO ALL OVER THE WORLD, RIGHT?
NOW, WHY DON'T YOU
THINK OF YOURSELF
AS SORT OF LIKE A PORT, RIGHT?
AND I'M A SHIP AND I'M GONNA
GO FROM PORT TO PORT TO PORT
TO PORT TO PORT, OKAY?
NO!
I'M JUST TRYING TO SET THE MOOD.
LOOK, VINNIE, WE HAVE TO TALK.
I KNOW AND I'M AFRAID
SWEETHEART THAT THIS IS PROBABLY
GONNA HURT ME A LITTLE
MORE THAN IT HURTS YOU.
YEAH, I KNOW THAT AND
THAT'S WHY I'M SORRY, VINNIE.
SEE... OH, JUST A
SECOND, VINNIE!
EXCUSE ME.
UH, I'LL BE RIGHT
DOWN, BABY CAKES!
- "BABY CAKES?"
- "BABY CAKES?"
THAT-THAT MUST BE
HER MOTHER'S NAME.
I'M SORRY ABOUT THIS,
VINNIE, BUT WE'RE JUST GONNA
HAVE TO STOP SEEING EACH OTHER.
SEE, YOU WERE GETTING
TOO SERIOUS AND I KNEW THAT
WHEN I SAW YOU SPELLING OUT
MY NAME IN THOSE COTTON BALLS.
- COTTON BALLS?!
- COTTON BALLS?!
AND BESIDES, VINNIE, I'VE-I
MET SOMEBODY ELSE AND...
OH, I'LL BE SEEING YOU
AROUND THOUGH, OKAY?
YEAH.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
IT'S A GOOD THING I STOPPED
HER FROM JUMPING, HUH?
RIGHT OUT OF VINNIE'S
WINDOW INTO THE FRONT SEAT
OF BABY CAKES'
CADILLAC CONVERTIBLE!
HEY, YO, HEY, JUAN, UM, YOU
CAN GET DOWN OVER FROM
THE WINDOW NOW, NOW
THAT THE "BIG CRISIS" IS OVER.
HEY, VINNIE, VINNIE,
PUSHING ALL JOKES ASIDE...
COME HERE, MAN, COME HERE.
HEY, LOOK MAN, IT AIN'T NO BIG
TRIP MAN, GETTING DUMPED BY A
PRETTY GIRL THAT'S GOT A NICE
PERSONALITY, A GORGEOUS SHAPE,
A TERRIFIC SMILE, I
MEAN COME ON MAN,
IT AIN'T THE WORST
THING IN THE WORLD.
IT AIN'T?
NO, BUT IT IS IN THE TOP FIVE!
I GOTTA GO.
YEAH, YEAH, GUYS, COME ON.
I THINK WE CAN GET GOING NOW.
NOW THAT THE
"BIG CRISIS" IS OVER.
I MEAN, VINNIE, YOU'VE
HAD A BIG DAY, HUH?
ISN'T THIS THE FIRST TIME A PORT
EVER SAILED AWAY FROM A SHIP?
SPEAKING FOR ALL OF US,
WELCOME TO DRY DOCK.
IT'S ALL IN THE WRIST!
HEY, VINNIE, WHAT HAPPENED
TO THE OLD ZIPPITY-DO?
YEAH, WELL, IT'S
ZIPPITY-DON'T NOW.
COME ON, VINNIE, WHEN
YOU WERE A LITTLE BOY
AND YOU FELL OF YOUR
BICYCLE, WHAT DID YOU DO?
WELL, I GOT MERCUROCHROME,
MY MOTHER, SHE'D TAKE
A LITTLE GLASS STICK
AND SHE WOULD PUT IT ON THE...
VINNIE, YEAH, I'M...
SOMETIMES SHE'D
KISS THE BOO-BOO.
MAN, THAT LADY, WHAT A SAINT.
TOO BAD I AIN'T GONNA BE ABLE
TO GIVE HER NO GRANDCHILDREN.
VINNIE, I THINK WE'VE
LOST THE POINT.
SEE, YOU DIDN'T GIVE
UP RIDING YOUR BICYCLE,
YOU GOT RIGHT BACK
ON AND YOU TRIED AGAIN.
UH-UH, NO.
- NO?
- NO.
BY THE TIME I'D GET DOWNSTAIRS,
THEY TOOK THE WHEELS.
THEY-THEY EVEN TOOK
THE LITTLE BELL I HAD.
ALL RIGHT, FORGET THE
BIKE, FORGET THE BIKE.
WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
IS THINK DATES, DATES.
NOW, WHERE'S YOUR
LITTLE BLACK BOOK?
- YOU AIN'T SEEN MY BLACK BOOK?
- NO.
AH, IT'S IN MY SAFE,
I'LL SHOW YOU.
GIVE ME ONE SECOND.
ALL RIGHT, WHAT-WHAT
DO YOU WANT?
VOLUME ONE, TWO, OR THREE?
UH, IT DOESN'T
MATTER, VOLUME ONE.
YELLOW PAGES OR WHITE PAGES.
JUST GET THE BOOK!
THERE YOU GO.
ALL RIGHT, OKAY
NOW, LISTEN, COME ON,
WE'RE GONNA GO FIND A PHONE.
ONE OR TWO PHONE
CALLS, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE
WOMEN UP TO YOUR EARS.
YEAH, BUT NO TALLER
THAN THAT, HUH?
NINE PHONE CALLS,
NINE REJECTIONS.
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
HOW THAT CAN HAPPEN.
OH, BEAU, I... I DON'T
EVEN THINK IT'S THEM,
I THINK IT'S ME.
I LOST MY POWER OVER WOMEN.
NOW, VINNIE.
VINNIE, VINNIE!
POUND ON THE DOOR!
OKAY!
IT HAPPENS ALL THE TIME,
SOMETIMES IN THE
MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT.
YEAH.
NOW, NOW VINNIE, JUST
'CAUSE A FEW WOMEN ARE BUSY
FOR THE NEXT FEW WEEKS,
IT DOESN'T MEAN THAT MUCH.
WHAT ABOUT-BOUT-BOUT,
JENNY, UH, ROONEY?
VINNIE, SHE SAID SHE'S
GETTING MARRIED SATURDAY.
YEAH, BUT I-I ASKED
HER OUT ON FRIDAY.
OH, IT'S JUST A COINCIDENCE.
NO, BEAU, I'M
TELLING YOU IT'S ME.
LOOK AT THIS, LOOK AT
THIS, I GOT A GREY HAIR HERE.
VINNIE, WHAT'S ONE GREY HAIR?
THAT MEANS THAT THERE'S A
WHOLE LOT OF OTHER GREY HAIRS
ALL SCRUNCHED UP IN MY
HEAD, WAITING TO POP OUT.
OH, VINNIE, YOU'RE
CRAZY, THERE'S NOTHING
INSIDE YOUR HEAD.
TELL ME THE TRUTH, BEAU,
MY BODY, IT'S GONE, HUH?
NO, IT'S NOT!
I SHOULDA KNOWN THE END WAS NEAR
THE DAY MY SKIN CLEARED UP.
COME ON, VINNIE, GET
A GRIP ON YOURSELF!
NOW LISTEN, YOU'RE JUST GOING
THROUGH A DRY SPELL, THAT'S ALL.
"DRY SPELL," THIS
AIN'T NO "DRY SPELL,"
I LOST IT, BEAU.
I LOST MY POWER MOVER
WOMEN, I-I-I LOST MY MAGIC.
NOW, VINNIE, IT'S NOT THAT BAD.
I AM SO DEPRESSED.
JULIE, WILL YOU TAKE A
NOTE TO THE PRINCIPAL
OF FILLMORE HIGH SCHOOL?
"WE REGRET THE UNFORTUNATE
INCIDENT AFTER LAST FRIDAY'S
FOOTBALL GAME AND I ASSURE YOU
THAT EVERY EFFORT IS BEING MADE
TO FIND YOUR COACH."
HEY, MRS. KOTTER, HAVE
YOU HEARD FROM VINNIE?
HE HASN'T BEEN TO
SCHOOL IN THREE DAYS.
NO, I HAVEN'T HEARD
FROM HIM ARNOLD.
BUT I KNOW THAT HE HASN'T
SHOWN UP AT WORK EITHER
BECAUSE THE
HOSPITAL CALLED HERE.
OH, THAT GIRL, THAT
GIRL, THAT CRUEL, CRAZY,
IMPETUOUS GIRL.
HE WAS HER MAN, BUT
SHE DONE HIM WRONG.
YEAH, YEAH, THE
GIRL RUINED HIS LIFE,
SHE WENT AND
RIPPED OUT HIS HEART.
YEAH, AND NOW HE AIN'T
GOT NOTHING TO HOLD
WHEN THEY PLAY
THE NATIONAL ANTHEM.
LOOK, I, I KNOW HE'S UPSET.
WELL, ANOTHER
CONTENDER BITES THE DUST.
IT ISN'T EVERYONE WHO
KEEPS HIS ALLURE, HIS OOMPH,
HIS RUGGED MAGNETISM
THE WAY I HAVE.
WHERE DO YOU KEEP IT,
IN YOUR SOCK DRAWER?
COME ON, YOU GUYS, LET'S GO.
- WE KNOW WHAT VINNIE NEEDS.
- YEAH.
YEAH, VINNIE GONNA
HAVE TO SETTLE FOR US.
LET'S SPLIT.
BEAU, I THINK ALL YOU
GUYS ARE EXAGGERATING.
JUST GIVE VINNIE A FEW
DAYS, HE'LL GET OVER IT.
I WOULDN'T COUNT ON THAT.
YOU SEE THERE ARE THREE THINGS
YOU DON'T GET OVER IN A HURRY:
LOSING A WOMAN,
EATING BAD POSSUM,
OR EATING GOOD POSSUM.
VINNIE, WILL YOU
OPEN UP THE DOOR!
JUST A MINUTE, HOLD YOUR HORSES.
AH, SHUT UP!
ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU GUYS
DOING IN THE CLOSET?
HEY, JUAN.
I'M ARNOLD.
WELL, I'M VINNIE, AND I'M
SO VERY HAPPY TO MEET YOU.
COME ON IN IF YOU WANT.
CAN I GET YOU SOMETHING?
I MADE SOME DELICIOUS
BREAD PUDDING.
VINNIE, COME ON.
WANNA HEAR SOMETHING FUNNY?
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS
WERE THE SALVATION ARMY.
THEY'RE COMING TO
GET MY LOVESEAT.
THEY SAID THEY'D BE
GLAD TO GET IT BACK.
SO, SO I SAID, "OKAY, FINE."
YOU KNOW, I-I CAN
BELIEVE VINNIE'S BOMBED.
IT'S A SAD DAY IN BROOKLYN, HUH?
HEY, COME ON, VINNIE, YOU
GOTTA PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER,
THIS IS NO GOOD, MAN!
COME ON, COME ON,
YOU WANNA FIGHT?
I'LL FIGHT YA!
COME ON!
COME ON, I'LL FIGHT ANY
OF YA, COME ON, COME ON!
HOW ABOUT YOU, COME ON!
- OH, VINNIE...
- AH!
VINNIE, COME ON, BIG BUCKAROO.
YOU SIT DOWN, WE'RE
GONNA CHEER YOU RIGHT UP.
HEY, COME ON, VINNIE.
FRIENDSHIP WAS
NICE, YOU'RE SO NICE.
COME ON.
HI, VINNIE!
HEY, SWEETHEART.
YOU KNOW, YOU LOOK
LIKE YOU'RE THIRSTY.
THAT'S ENOUGH.
YOU PIG.
♪ ONCE THERE WAS
A LITTLE OLD ANT ♪
♪ TRIED TO MOVE A
RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
♪ EVERYONE KNOWS AN ANT
CAN'T MOVE A RUBBER TREE PLANT ♪
♪ BUT HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪
♪ HE'S GOT HIGH HOPES ♪
STOP!
♪ HE'S GOT HIGH APPLE
PIE IN THE SKY HOPES ♪
GO ON, GET OUTTA HERE.
YOU LITTLE CREEPS.
I'M GONNA TALK TO THIS GUY.
HI LITTLE FELLA.
AH, LOOK GUYS, WE GOTTA
HANDLE HIM VERY, VERY CAREFULLY,
THE GUY'S IN VERY
DELICATE CONDITION.
WE SHOULD JUST HANDLE HIM
LIKE WE GOT ON KID GLOVES.
COME OVER HERE, YOU!
COME HERE, NOW LOOK!
LOOK, I WANT YOU TO STOP
FEELING SORRY FOR YOURSELF.
I WANT YOU TO GET OUT, I WANT
YOU TO GO AND HAVE A GOOD TIME.
COME ON, GO OUT
AND MEET SOME GIRLS!
I CAN'T GO OUT
WITHOUT MY MAGIC, JUAN.
"MAGIC JUAN?"
COME ON, VINNIE!
COME ON, YOU GOTTA
PULL YOURSELF TOGETHER.
HEY, HEY, YOU STILL
HAVE YOUR MAGIC
AND YOU CAN GO OUT IN PUBLIC.
ARNOLD'S ALLOWED OUT IN PUBLIC.
AND HE WAS BORN WITHOUT MAGIC.
PERHAPS HE SHOULD
STAY INSIDE WITH ME.
HEY, VINNIE.
NOW LOOK, EITHER YOU GET
DRESSED OR WE'RE GONNA DO IT FOR YA.
NO!
AIN'T THERE A LAW
AGAINST DISROBING A MINOR?
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DO IT!
I NEED A DRINK.
- YOU DON'T!
- NO, VINNIE!
YOU'RE NOT GONNA DRINK ANYMORE!
A&R ROOT BEER?
WELL, THAT'S ALL
THEY HAD IN THE STORE.
HEY, BUDDY, YOU CAN'T
GET DRUNK ON THIS STUFF.
- NO?
- NO.
NO KIDDIN', REALLY?
ISN'T THAT A REALLY,
REALLY BEAUTIFUL PICTURE?
MAKE A MOVE NOW!
GET HIS CLOTHES!
COME ON, VINNIE, THIS IS JUST
WHAT THE DOCTOR ORDERED.
A PLACE OF LAUGHTER,
GAIETY, ESKIMO PIES.
I CAN'T STAND HERE,
THERE'S GIRLS IN HERE.
- COME ON, VINNIE, CUT IT OUT.
- HEY, COME ON, VINNIE.
OF COURSE THERE'S GIRLS IN HERE,
THIS IS AN EQUAL
OPPORTUNITY CLIP JOINT.
IT'S HARD TO BELIEVE THIS IS THE
SAME GUY WHO USED TO SPEND
ALL HIS SPARE TIME
ON DOUBLE DATES.
OH, I KNOW IT.
HEY, VINNIE, YOU ORDER
WHAT YOU WANT, MAN,
BUT DRINKS, THEY ON US.
SO, SHOOT FOR THE WORKS!
YOU CAN HAVE ANYTHING...
UP TO 35 CENTS INCLUDING TIP.
I'LL HAVE A WARM
COCOA, THANK YOU.
COME ON, VINNIE, WE'RE
ONLY TRYING TO CHEER YOU UP.
THAT'S RIGHT.
YEAH, YOU KNOW HOW
YOU COULD CHEER ME UP?
- HOW?
- LEMME GO HOME.
- AW, COME ON, VINNIE, SIT DOWN!
- AW, COME ON, GROW UP!
SURE, GO ON HOME, WATCH
THE MOLD GROW ON YOUR DIMPLE.
HEY, VINNIE, HOW ARE YA?
LONG TIME NO SEE, VINNIE,
WHERE YA BEEN HIDING YOURSELF?
I AIN'T BEEN HIDING.
HEY, WATCH IT!
I DON'T WANNA GET NO
CHOCOLATE CHIPS IN MY HAIR.
COME ON, MARY-ANN.
COME ON, VINNIE, YOU'RE
ONLY MAKING MATTERS WORSE
BY CHASING LADIES AWAY.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU?
YOU DON'T THINK I KNEW
THAT YOU GUYS SET THAT UP?
I DON'T NEED YOUR PITY.
HEY, VINNIE, NOBODY SET THAT UP.
LOOK, I'M NOT BLIND, I
KNOW MY MAGIC IS GONE.
SO JUST... YOU KNOW YOUS
GUYS ARE JUST MAKING IT WORSE.
OH, VINNIE, I'M
GLAD YOU'RE HERE.
WELL, THAT MAKES ONE OF US.
HAVE YOU GOT A MINUTE?
NO, I'M TOO BUSY GOING FROM
PARTY TO PARTY TO PARTY.
YOU KNOW, VINNIE, I'D
REALLY LIKE TO TALK TO YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T
WANNA TALK TO YOU, BABY.
NOW, VINNIE, MAYBE
YOU SHOULD LISTEN
TO WHAT LITTLE SALLY HAS TO SAY?
I HEARD WHAT SHE HAS TO SAY.
"I'LL BE RIGHT
DOWN, BABY CAKES!"
HEY, VINNIE, WHY DON'T
YOU COME ON DOWN HERE,
LITTLE BUDDY, SO YOU AND I CAN
HAVE A COUPLE OF SYLLABLES?
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, VINNIE?
WHEN YOU AND I GOT PROBLEMS,
WE LISTEN TO EACH OTHER, RIGHT?
YEAH?
WE SIT DOWN, WE TALK IT OUT.
SO, WHY DON'T YOU TALK
IT OUT WITH THIS GIRL?
'CAUSE IF YOU DON'T,
IT'S JUST GONNA KEEP ON
BOTHERING YA AND BOTHERING YA.
YOU LIKE HER, DON'T YOU?
YEAH.
SO, IT AIN'T GONNA COST
NOTHING TO TALK IT OUT.
NOW, GO ON, SCRAM.
LOOK, I'M GONNA TALK
TO YA ONLY BECAUSE
MY GOOD FRIEND HERE,
EPSTEIN, WANTS ME TO TALK TO YA.
SO, UH, MAKE IT FAST.
'CAUSE YOU DON'T WANT BABY
CAKES TO WEAR OUT HIS HORN.
VINNIE, WHAT I DID WAS WRONG
AND THE WAY I DID IT WAS ROTTEN
AND I'M SORRY.
IT DON'T MATTER.
WELL, IT MATTERS TO ME...
AND YOU MATTER TO ME.
VINNIE, YOU'VE ALWAYS
BEEN HONEST AND OPEN
AND YOU ALWAYS MADE ME
FEEL LIKE I WAS IMPORTANT.
WELL, I DON'T KNOW
HOW TO DESCRIBE IT.
MAGIC.
MAYBE THAT'S IT, MAGIC.
ANYWAY, I... I'D LIKE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN IF YOU WANNA SEE ME?
WELL, UH, MISS
SWEETHEART BABY CAKES,
REMEMBER THE NIGHT YOU
CAME OVER TO TALK TO ME
AND I WAS GONNA
TELL YOU SOMETHING?
YEAH, WHAT WAS IT?
WE'RE THROUGH, IT'S OVER.
OKAY, DID I HURT YOUR FEELINGS?
GOOD, NOW WE'RE EVEN.
COME ON, I'LL TREAT
YOU TO SOMETHING.
ALL RIGHT, HOW MUCH
MONEY YOU GOT TO SPEND?
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW IT MUST HAVE BEEN ♪♪