Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 8 - X-Rated Education - full transcript

♪ THERE'S NO BUSINESS
LIKE SHOW BUSINESS ♪

♪ LIKE NO BUSINESS I KNOW ♪♪

HOLD IT, EPSTEIN.

HOLD IT.

WHERE ARE YOU GOIN'
WITH THAT PROJECTOR?

- NOWHERE.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN NOWHERE?

YOU'RE OBVIOUSLY
GOING SOMEWHERE.

WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

NOWHERE, I'M THERE.

IF YOU HAD ASKED ME OUT
THERE, I WOULD HAVE SAID HERE.

BUT I'M NOT THERE, I'M HERE.



SO, I AIN'T GOIN' NOWHERE.

♪ THERE'S NO BUSINESS
LIKE SHOW BUSINESS ♪

♪ LIKE NO BUSINESS I KNOW ♪♪

I'M WILLING TO START AGAIN.

GOOD MORNING, EPSTEIN, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING WITH THAT PROJECTOR?

GOOD MORNIN', MR. WOODMAN.

I'M IN CHARGE OF VISUAL
AIDS HERE, AND I'M JUST, UH...

SETTIN' UP THIS PROJECTOR
TO SHOW A MOTION PICTURE.

WHY, EPSTEIN, WHY DIDN'T
YOU TELL ME THAT BEFORE?

YOU DIDN'T ASK ME BEFORE.

I HATE DAYS THAT
BEGIN LIKE THIS.

THEY ONLY GET WORSE.

♪ THERE'S NO BUSINESS
LIKE SHOW BUSINESS ♪♪

EPSTEIN, I'VE BEEN, UH,
LOOKIN' ALL OVER FOR YOU.



IT JUST GOT WORSE.

CARVELLI.

HEY, MURRAY, I THINK WE'RE ABOUT
TO BE HARASSED BY THE PRINCIPAL.

HEY, MR. WOODMAN...
I DIDN'T DO NOTHIN'.

I'M CLEAN.

HE SAYS, HE'S CLEAN.

YEAH, GO AHEAD, SEARCH ME.

HE SAID, GO AHEAD
AND SEARCH HIM.

I WOULDN'T TOUCH YOUR BODY...
HOW DO I KNOW WHERE IT'S BEEN?

WELL, IN THAT CASE, UH...

I GOTTA GO, SEE YA LATER.

COME ON, MURRAY.

I THOUGHT YOU
WANTED TO SEE EPSTEIN.

EPSTEIN, IS HE HERE?

I'M GOING BACK TO MY OFFICE,

I'M GONNA THINK
ABOUT WHAT YOU SAID.

AND IF ANY OF IT
MAKES ANY SENSE,

I'M GONNA HAVE MYSELF COMMITTED.

WELL, WELL, WELL.

JUAN EPSTEIN, THE
ORIGINAL MR. MOVIES.

COME ON, COME ON, I'M BUSY.

WHAT CAN I DO YA
OUT OF, CARVELLI?

YOU DOIN' YOUR
LITTLE JOB, RIGHT JUAN?

THAT'S RIGHT.

HE SAID, YOU'RE DOIN'
A JOB, RIGHT JUAN?

HEY, UH, WHAT KIND OF
JOB ARE YOU DOIN' ANYWAY?

I'M IN CHARGE OF
VISUAL AIDS, WHY?

'CAUSE, UH, THAT'S
EXACTLY WHAT WE NEED...

IS A LITTLE, UH, VISUAL AID.

YOU DON'T NEED NO
VISUAL AID, CARVELLI.

YOU NEED MENTAL AID.

MURRAY.

JUAN, I'M TALKIN' GENUINE,
ADULTS ONLY, TRIPLE-X RATED,

TECHNICOLOR, HARDCORE,
MOTION PICTURE.

WHAT?

HE SAID, WE GOT A HOT FLICK.

YOU GUYS ARE CRAZY, YOU
DIDN'T BRING AN X-RATED MOVIE

HERE TO SCHOOL.

COME ON, COME ON,
YOU'RE LYING TO ME.

HEY, IF I'M LYIN', I'M DYIN'.

AND THE PROOF
IS... IS RIGHT HERE.

SO LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU
JUST SET UP THE PROJECTOR...

WE CAN HAVE A LITTLE
LOOK AT IT, WHADDAYA SAY?

WELL, HEY THERE,
WHAT'S GOOD Y'ALL?

GOODIE, WE'RE GONNA SEE MOVIES.

WHAT'D I DO?

YOU NEVER, EVER TOUCH
ANOTHER MAN'S PROPERTY.

IT'S LIKE... IT'S LIKE
AN UNWRITTEN LAW.

SEE, IF A MAN HAS A SKIN FLICK
AND HE WANTS YOU TO SEE IT,

HE'LL SAY, "HERE,
LOOK AT MY SKIN FLICK."

AND THEN YOU LOOK AT IT.

Y'ALL SAYIN' THAT Y'ALL
GOT A X-RATED MOVIE?

YEAH... BUT LOOK, WE CAN'T
LOOK AT IT UNTIL JUAN SETS IT UP

ON THE PROJECTOR.

AN X-RATED MOVIE?

C'MON, C'MON, YOU GUYS.

I CAN'T SHOW AN X-RATED
MOVIE HERE IN THE CLASS.

OH.

AN X-RATED MOVIE!

WHERE THE REALLY SHOW THE XS?

- HEYO, JUAN, JUAN, JUAN.
- YEAH?

I KNOW YOU CAN'T SHOW
THAT FILM IN CLASS, BUT, UM...

WHAT ABOUT THE PROJECTOR
IN THE SCHOOL AUDITORIUM?

HEY, WE COULD USE THAT PROJECTOR
THERE TO SHOW THAT FILM, HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT... IN THE
SCHOOL STORE, BABY!

YEAH!

OH, NO.

NO, NO.

THE SCHOOL STORE IS OPEN ALL
DAY, EXCEPT DURING LUNCH, NO.

- HORSHACK.
- HM?

- HORSHACK, YOU'RE A GENIUS.
- WHY?

THE SCHOOL STORE AT LUNCH HOUR.

OOH YEAH, OH YEAH.

OH, NO.

NO, NO.

THE LUNCH HOUR IS FOR EATING
YOUR FOOD IN THE CAFETERIA.

IT IS NOT A TIME TO
ENJOY YOURSELVES, NO.

YO, UM... YO, CARVELLI.

CARVELLI, LET ME
ASK YOU SOMETHIN'.

- WHAT IF WE GET CAUGHT?
- WE'RE NOT GONNA GET CAUGHT.

LOOK, IT'S MY FILM... I'LL
TAKE THE HEAT, ALL RIGHT?

IT'S MY TAIL... DON'T
WORRY ABOUT IT, YOU GUYS...

YOU GUYS ARE NOTHIN'
BUT-BUT INNOCENT BYSTANDERS.

OH, HO-HO-HO!

PORN FLICKS FOR LUNCH!

PORN FLICKS FOR LUNCH!

PORN FLICKS FOR LUNCH.

WHAT WAS THAT?

UH, UH, I SAID
CORNFLAKES FOR LUNCH.

YOU KNOW, UM, CORNFLAKES, MAN.

YOU KNOW, CORNFLAKE'S
DELICIOUS, MMM, GOOD!

OH, I JUST LOVE
CORNFLAKES FOR LUNCH.

IT'S MY FAVORITE, MM-MM GOOD!

I TELL YA.

IT JUST KEEPS GETTING WORSE.



♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪

♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED

SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪

♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED

AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT

'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪

♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪

MR. WOODMAN, YOU
WANTED TO SEE ME?

OH, UH, JULIE.

WE GOT A BIG PROBLEM.

SOME FOOL PARENTS ARE
COMING IN HERE RIGHT NOW

WITH SOME FOOL COMPLAINT.

AND HOW DID THAT
GET TO BE MY PROBLEM?

WASN'T IT YOUR IDEA TO
SHOW A SEX EDUCATION FILM

TO THE SENIOR CLASS?
- YES.

AND WEREN'T YOU THE ONE
WHO SELECTED THE FILM?

YES, I WAS.

WELL, I TOLD THESE PEOPLE THAT.

DID YOU ALSO TELL THESE
PEOPLE THAT ALL THIS WAS DONE

WITH YOUR APPROVAL?

THAT'S NONE OF THEIR BUSINESS.

NOW, THESE PEOPLE ARE VERY
UPSET BY THIS PROGRAM, JULIE.

YOU CAN USE YOUR, UH,

WOMANLY CHARMS
TO SETTLE 'EM DOWN.

BUT, MR. WOODMAN, THIS
WHOLE PROGRAM WAS SET UP

WITH THE APPROVAL OF
THE BOARD OF EDUCATION.

IF THESE PEOPLE ARE AGAINST
SEX THAT'S THEIR PROBLEM.

LET THEM COMPLAIN
TO MOTHER NATURE.

IT'S SEX EDUCATION IN THE
SCHOOLS THEY'RE AGAINST,

AND THAT'S YOUR PROBLEM.

AND THEY MAY HAVE A POINT.

THIS FILM SEEMS A
LITTLE UNNECESSARY.

I MEAN, I NEVER HAD
ANY SEX EDUCATION.

LOOK HOW I TURNED OUT.

YEAH, I SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.

I'D BETTER TALK TO THESE
PEOPLE AS SOON AS POSSIBLE.

GOOD... THERE'S NO REASON WHY

THAT STUFF CAN'T BE
TAUGHT IN THE HOME.

IS THAT WHERE YOU LEARNED IT?

WELL, OF COURSE.

WHEN I WAS 16, MY, UH,
FATHER TOOK ME ASIDE.

AND HE SAID, "SON."

HE CALLED ME THAT.

"I BET YOU'RE GONNA HEAR A
LOT OF TALK ABOUT THE THINGS

MEN AND WOMEN DO
TOGETHER WHEN THEY'RE ALONE."

HE SAID, "DON'T YOU
BELIEVE ANY OF IT."

I'VE ALWAYS TRIED
TO LIVE BY THAT.

OH, HELLO FOLKS,
YOU'RE HERE ALREADY.

THIS IS MRS. KOTTER, SHE'LL
ANSWER ANY QUESTIONS YOU HAVE.

THIS PROGRAM IS
ENTIRELY IN HER HANDS.

YOU SEE, MINE ARE CLEAN.

GOODBYE.

- HOW NICE THAT YOU COULD...
- NOW, LET'S NOT WASTE TIME,

MRS. KOTTER... NOW,
I'M MRS. ZUGLER,

THIS IS MR. FINCH,
AND MS. JONES.

NOW, WE'RE CONCERNED ABOUT
THE SEX EDUCATION IN THE SCHOOLS

AND WE'D LIKE TO GET IT OUT OF
OUR SCHOOL SYSTEM RIGHT NOW.

WELL, I CAN UNDERSTAND YOUR
CONCERN, BUT OUR PROGRAM...

STINKS.

THAT WASN'T EXACTLY
THE WORD I WAS GOING FOR.

WHY DON'T YOU ALL SIT DOWN?

NOW LISTEN, WE ARE REALLY HERE
BECAUSE WE ARE VERY CONCERNED

ABOUT THIS PROGRAM
THAT YOU'RE INITIATING.

WELL, MR. FINCH, I CAN
UNDERSTAND YOUR CONCERN.

BUT IF YOU WERE MORE
FAMILIAR WITH OUR PROGRAM,

I THINK YOU MIGHT
FEEL DIFFERENTLY.

FOR INSTANCE, THE FILM
THAT WE'RE SHOWING TODAY

WE'RE GONNA SHOW TO
SOME OF OUR FRESHMAN.

OH NO, YOU'RE NOT.

WE SEND OUR KIDS HERE
TO GET AN EDUCATION,

NOT TO WATCH
DISGUSTING SEX MOVIES.

DISGUSTING MAY BE A
LITTLE STRONG, MRS. ZUGLER.

THANK YOU.

WE ARE TRYING TO
SHOW OUR CHILDREN

THAT SEX IS NOT DISGUSTING.

I'VE BEEN MARRIED FOR 27 YEARS.

DON'T TELL ME WHAT'S DISGUSTING.

LOOK... WE DON'T TELL OUR CHILDREN
THAT THEY HAVE TO DRIVE CARS,

BUT THEY'RE GOING TO DO IT.

SO WE OFFER THEM
DRIVER'S EDUCATION.

SO THEY CAN GO TO DRIVE-IN
MOVIES AND FOOL AROUND.

ISN'T THERE A CHANCE
THAT PROGRAMS LIKE YOURS

GIVE OUR CHILDREN IDEAS?

WOULDN'T THEY GET ALONG FINE
IF YOU JUST LEFT THEM ALONE?

THEY DON'T GET ALONG FINE.

DO YOU PEOPLE HAVE ANY IDEA
ABOUT THE TEENAGE PREGNANCY RATE

IN THIS COUNTRY?

OR THE TEENAGE VD RATE?

ALL RIGHT, IF YOU'RE
GONNA TALK DIRTY, I'M LEAVIN'.

MRS. KOTTER IS SIMPLY
TRYING TO DISCUSS THE ISSUE.

ALL RIGHT, MRS. KOTTER, BUT IF
YOU TRY SHOWIN' THIS SEX MOVIE

TO OUR CHILDREN, WE'RE
GONNA COME DOWN ON YOU HARD.

MRS. ZUGLER, PLEASE.

WE'RE CONCERNED PARENTS,
BUT WE'RE NOT UNREASONABLE.

NOW, I DON'T THINK THAT
WE SHOULD JUDGE THE FILM

WITHOUT SEEING IT FIRST.

- I AGREE.
- THANK YOU.

MRS. ZUGLER, WOULD
YOU PLEASE SIT DOWN?

THIS IS A SIMPLE ANIMATED MOVIE,

DEPICTING THE
BIOLOGICAL FACTS OF LIFE.

YOU KNOW, BIRDS,
FLOWERS, BUTTERFLIES.

THAT SORT OF THING.

BUT, HOW DO WE KNOW THAT?

OKAY, I TELL YOU WHAT:

I WILL SHOW YOU THE FILM,

AND I'LL STAND THERE WITH
YOU, I'LL EXPLAIN THE FILM TO YOU,

JUST THE WAY I WOULD
EXPLAIN IT TO OUR STUDENTS.

THEN, IF YOU STILL
FIND IT OBJECTIONABLE,

WE'LL CANCEL IT.

THAT SEEMS FAIR.

OKAY, OKAY, WE'LL
LOOK AT YOUR MOVIE.

BUT I DON'T WANT YOU THERE,
BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU

STANDIN' OVER ME, TELLIN'
ME SOMETHIN'S CLEAN

WHEN I KNOW IT'S DIRTY.

AND IF IT'S DIRTY...

IF IT'S DIRTY, YOU'RE
IN FOR TROUBLE.

WELL, I'M NOT WORRIED
ABOUT THAT, MRS. ZUGLER.

YOU SEE, I HAPPEN TO LIKE
THE KIDS IN THIS SCHOOL.

AND I WOULDN'T
SHOW THEM ANYTHING

THAT I WOULDN'T
SHOW MY OWN MOTHER.

NOW, I'LL HAVE ONE OF THE
STUDENTS RUN THE PROJECTOR.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, I CAN
RUN THE PROJECTOR, ALL RIGHT?

I MEAN, WE DON'T WANT ANY OF
THE CHILDREN INVOLVED IN THIS.

OKAY, FINE, THE PROJECTOR
IS SET UP IN ROOM ELEVEN.

YOU CAN JUST START IT, IT'S
UP AT THE TOP OF THE STAIRS.

- OKAY, THANK YOU.
- YOU'RE WELCOME.

YOU KNOW JUAN, BEFORE
YOU START THE MOVIE, UH...

I GOTTA GO GET SOME POPCORN.

I CAN'T WATCH A MOVIE WITHOUT
HOT, BUTTERED POPCORN.

HEY, ARNOLD, JUST
GET AN EAR OF CORN,

BECAUSE THIS FILM IS SO HOT

THE CORN WILL POP ITSELF!

YEAH, HE SAID THE
CORN'LL POP ITSELF.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
QUIET ON THE SET.

QUIET ON THE SET.

LIGHTS!

CAMERA!

ACTION!

HEY JUAN, TURN IT ON.

RIGHT.

ACTION!



WHAT IS THAT?

WHAT IS THAT... OH, HO-HO-HO!

HE DON'T KNOW, YOU
DON'T KNOW WHAT THAT IS!

IT'S A FLOWER.

NO IT AIN'T,
IT'S A... IT'S, UH...

THAT'S RIGHT HORSHACK,
IT'S A... FLOWER?

OH.

HERE COMES A HUMMINGBIRD.

- HEY, CARVELLI.
- WHAT IS THAT HUMMINGBIRD DOING?

- THIS AIN'T IT!
- WHAT?

OH, HERE COMES A BUTTERFLY.

WHADDAYA MEAN,
WHADDAYA MEAN THIS AIN'T IT?

THIS IS THE FILM YOU GAVE ME.

NO WAY, MAN, THIS
IS NOT THE FILM.

HE SAY, UH-UH.

HERE COMES MR. BUMBLEBEE.

WAIT-WAIT-WAIT A MINUTE, MAN.

IF THIS IS NOT YOUR FLICK...

IT MUST BE MRS. KOTTER'S FLICK.

YEAH, WELL I WANNA
KNOW: WHERE'S MY FLICK?

SHH, MRS. KOTTER
PROBABLY GOT YOUR FLICK.

IN THE OTHER PROJECTOR!

DISGUSTING.

MOST DISGUSTING
FILM... FILTH, THIS FILTH!

HEADS ARE GONNA ROLL FOR THIS!

I'VE NEVER BEEN SO
OFFENDED IN MY LIFE!

THERE IS A POSSIBILITY
WE MAY BE TOO LATE.

THIS DAY KEEPS GETTING
WORSE AND WORSE.

OH, DON'T WORRY, MR. WOODMAN.

WHEN THOSE PEOPLE SEE THAT FILM,

THIS DAY'LL GET
BETTER AND BETTER.

THIS PIECE OF FILTH IS
ALL THE EVIDENCE WE NEED.

I HAVE TO GO ALONG
WITH MRS. ZUGLER,

THIS IS NOTHING BUT PURE FILTH.

AND YOU ARE NOTHING BUT
AN IRRESPONSIBLE TROLLOP.

NOW, JUST A MINUTE...
JUST A MINUTE.

I WILL REMIND YOU THAT WE
ARE LADIES AND GENTLEMEN

AND WE SHOULD BEHAVE
WITH DIGNITY AND DECORUM.

AND AS FOR YOU, YOU
SAWED-OFF LITTLE TWERP...

YOU ARE GOING TO JAIL.

YOU'RE GONNA RUIN MY
CAREER AND PUT ME IN JAIL

FOR SOMETHING THIS TROLLOP DID?

MR. WOODMAN, PLEASE, HOW
CAN YOU SAY A THING LIKE THAT?

I'M SORRY, JULIE, I...

I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE.

YOU'RE SHOWING PORNOGRAPHY
TO INNOCENT SCHOOLCHILDREN.

WE JUST LOOKED AT THIS
SO-CALLED SEX EDUCATION FILM

AND IT'S NOTHING BUT TRASH.

MAY I SEE THIS FILM, PLEASE?

DON'T GIVE IT TO
HIM, IT'S EVIDENCE.

THAT'S ALL RIGHT, WE
HAVE THREE WITNESSES

WHO HAVE SEEN THIS VILE FILM.

I SAW THAT FILM MYSELF, I CANNOT
BELIEVE THAT THIS IS HAPPENING.

I CANNOT BELIEVE
THIS IS HAPPENIN'.

I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS
IS HAPPENING, EITHER.

WE'LL BE BACK TOMORROW MORNING.

AND IF EITHER ONE OF
YOU IS STILL WORKIN' HERE,

WE GON' BLOW THE WHISTLE.

TAKE YOUR HANDS OFF ME.

MR. WOODMAN, I JUST CANNOT
UNDERSTAND THOSE PEOPLE

GETTING SO UPSET
ABOUT A LITTLE FILM CALLED

"THE PASSIONATE PLUMBER?"

MR. WOODMAN,
THIS IS NOT OUR FILM!

WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WITH TIME OFF FOR GOOD
BEHAVIOR, I'D SAY ABOUT TEN YEARS.

MRS. KOTTER,

IS IT TRUE MR. WOODMAN
MAY GET CANNED?

BOTH OF US.

AND NOT MAY, WILL.

WHAT IF YOU SAID IT
WASN'T YOUR FAULT, HUH?

WHAT IF YOU SAID SOMEBODY
SWITCHED THE MOVIES, HUH?

WHAT DO YOU GUYS
KNOW ABOUT THIS?

OH, UH...

HEY, THAT'S... THAT'S
A LONG, SAD STORY.

INDEED.

IT'S A VERITABLE
COMEDY OF ERRORS.

MAKE ME LAUGH.

HEY, MRS. KOTTER.

NOW, SPEAKIN' FOR
THE TONGUE-TIED TRIO,

HERE'S HOW THEY
EXPLAINED IT TO ME.

YOU SEE, CARVELLI BROUGHT
THIS CERTAIN FILM TO SCHOOL.

AND HE DIDN'T
HAVE IT, MURRAY DID.

BUT MURRAY JUST
CARRIED IT FOR CARVELLI.

AND HORSHACK PICKED IT UP.

HOWEVER, YOU KNOW, THE
FILM THAT HORSHACK PICKED UP,

IT WASN'T CARVELLI'S.

BUT CARVELLI GRABBED
IT AND GAVE IT TO MURRAY.

SO THE FILM EPSTEIN PUT IN
THE PROJECTOR WASN'T YOURS,

IT WAS CARVELLI'S.

AND THE ONE THAT CARVELLI
TOOK FROM HORSHACK

AND GAVE TO MURRAY,
THAT WAS YOURS.

ARE YOU FOLLOWIN' ME?

NO.

WELL, ANYWAY, NOW... NOW,
WHEN WASHINGTON SAID...

THANK YOU VERY
MUCH F. LEE DE LABARRE.

UH, WILL YOU TAKE YOUR PLACE
BACK WITH THE OTHER GUYS?

THANK YOU, THANK YOU.

I WOULD LIKE TO TALK
TO THE PARTIES INVOLVED.

JUAN.

OKAY, OKAY, CARVELLI
BROUGHT THIS FILM INTO SCHOOL.

"THE PASSIONATE PLUMBER".

THE VERY ONE.

SO, WHEN I DECIDED...
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WHO PUT THAT FILM
IN MY PROJECTOR?

I DID, BUT YOU GOTTA
UNDERSTAND THE CIRCUMSTANCES.

THAT'S ENOUGH.

GUYS, IF YOU DON'T MIND, I'D
LIKE TO TALK TO JUAN ALONE.

DEAL WIT' IT.

JUAN, JUST SAY YOU DIDN'T KNOW
WHAT YOU WERE DOIN', YOU KNOW?

THAT COVERS ABOUT 95 PERCENT
OF WHAT YOU DO, ANYWAY.

HEY, THANKS A LOT GUYS, HUH?

C'MON, I'LL FACE THE MUSIC.

JUAN!

OH, YEAH... JUAN, THAT'S ME.

YOU KNOW, SOMETIMES I GET MYSELF
MIXED UP WITH THE OTHER GUYS.

OKAY JUAN, IF YOU PUT
THAT FILM IN THAT PROJECTOR

I WANT YOU TO GO TO THE
PARENTS AND TELL THEM.

OH, NO-NO-NO.

I CAN'T DO THAT.

I MEAN, I CAN'T
TELL 'EM THE TRUTH.

I'M GONNA GET EXPELLED.

MY MOTHER'S GONNA FIND OUT.

SOCIALLY, I'LL BE RUINED.

I'D BE THE LAUGHIN'
STOCK OF THE GHETTO.

JUAN, WE'RE TALKING
ABOUT RESPONSIBILITY, HERE.

YOU WERE RESPONSIBLE
FOR THAT FILM

AND WE ARE RESPONSIBLE FOR YOU.

COULDN'T YOU TELL
THEM THE BUTLER DID IT?

NO, I'M SORRY, I CAN'T.

OKAY JUAN, DON'T WORRY.

I WON'T FINK ON YOU.

THE PARENTS WANT BLOOD,
I'LL JUST GIVE 'EM MINE.

C'MON, C'MON, THAT
AIN'T FAIR, NOW.

IT WASN'T YOUR FAULT.

YES IT WAS, JUAN... YOU SEE, I
MADE ONE VERY BIG MISTAKE.

WHAT WAS THAT?

I TRUSTED YOU.

LOOK, IT'S UNFORTUNATE
THAT THIS HAD TO HAPPEN.

BUT, IT WAS ALL A
MISUNDERSTANDING

AND IT WAS MY FAULT.

MR. WOODMAN HAD
NOTHING TO DO WITH IT.

NOW, JUST A MINUTE, MRS. KOTTER.

NO, LET HER FINISH.

I STARTED THE PROGRAM,
I SELECTED THE FILM,

I SHOULD BE THE ONE TO
SUFFER THE CONSEQUENCES.

WELL, I APPRECIATE
THAT, JULIE, BUT, UH...

I CAN'T LET YOU DO IT.

I AUTHORIZED THIS PROGRAM
AND I'M RESPONSIBLE FOR IT.

ISN'T THIS QUANT?

FIRST, SHE SAYS
SHE'S RESPONSIBLE.

THEN, HE SAYS HE'S RESPONSIBLE.

WHO'S GONNA TAKE THE BLAME
NEXT, THE SCHOOL MASCOT?

I DID IT.

I SET UP THE PROJECTOR,
I PUT THE FILM IN IT.

SO, GO ON, GO ON,

SEND ME UP TO THE
BIG HOUSE, ALL RIGHT?

HEY, HEY, HEY,
C'MON, TAKE IT EASY.

ONE BAD MOVIE A DAY IS ENOUGH.

YOU DEAR, DEAR PEOPLE.

YOU SAW THE WRONG FILM.

THIS IS THE FILM THAT YOU
WERE SUPPOSED TO SEE.

DO YOU EXPECT US TO BELIEVE THAT
THE WHOLE THING WAS A MISTAKE?

CAN YOU GET THESE
CHILDREN OUT OF THE ROOM?

OH.

THAT'S THE FIRST TIME
ANYBODY CALLED US CHILDREN.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE.

I-I'D LIKE TO HEAR
WHAT THEY HAVE TO SAY.

WELL, WHY... WE
KNOW WHAT WE SAW.

WELL, THAT'S TRUE,
BUT I'VE BEEN THINKING.

I MEAN, THEY'RE
INTELLIGENT PEOPLE.

WHY WOULD THEY
SUGGEST THAT WE SEE A FILM

THAT WAS SURE TO INSULT US?

HEY, HEY, SHAKESPEARE,
READ MY LIPS, HUH?

I TOLD YA.

I SET UP THE WRONG FILM.

OKAY, THAT'S ENOUGH.

LOOK, I APPRECIATE YOU
BOYS TRYIN' TO TAKE THE BLAME,

BUT JUAN WAS JUST
FOLLOWING MY ORDERS.

I GAVE HIM THE FILM TO
PUT IN THE PROJECTOR.

WHAT ARE YA TALKIN' ABOUT?

WHY MRS. KOTTER?

TO PROVE A POINT.

TO SHOW YOU THE DIFFERENCE
BETWEEN SEX EDUCATION

AND PORNOGRAPHY.

TOO MANY OF OUR KIDS GET
THEIR SEXUAL KNOWLEDGE

FROM FILMS LIKE
YOU SAW YESTERDAY.

THINK ABOUT IT.

IS THAT HOW YOU WANT YOUR
KIDS TO LEARN THE FACTS OF LIFE?

YEAH, YEAH.

NO.

THAT'S WHAT WE'RE
TRYING TO STOP.

THAT'S RIGHT, THEN WE SHOULD
TRY AND STOP IT TOGETHER.

INSTEAD OF TRYING TO STOP
RESPONSIBLE SEX EDUCATION.

ARE YOU SAYIN' THAT
YOUR SEX EDUCATION CLASS

WILL KEEP OUR KIDS OUT
OF THESE FILTHY MOVIES?

NO.

WE CAN'T ALWAYS
CONTROL WHAT THEY SEE.

BUT, IF THE SCHOOL, THE
HOME, THE COMMUNITY,

AND THE CHURCH
ALL WORK TOGETHER,

WE CAN ARM OUR
KIDS WITH THE TRUTH,

SO THAT MOVIES LIKE
THIS WON'T MISLEAD THEM.

I THINK I'M GETTIN' THE
MESSAGE, MRS. KOTTER.

WELL, I KNEW YOU WOULD, ONCE,
UH, WE CAME UP WITH THE TRUTH.

OKAY, I'M GONNA ASK
YOU ONE LAST FAVOR.

I WANT YOU TO
SEE THE RIGHT FILM.

AND THEN, IF YOU
STILL DON'T APPROVE,

I'LL HAND IN MY RESIGNATION
WITHOUT ANOTHER WORD.

SHE'LL DO IT, TOO.

I GUARANTEE IT.

WELL, PERSONALLY, MRS. KOTTER,

I WANT MY CHILDREN TO
LEARN ABOUT SEX AT HOME.

BUT, I'M BEGINNIN' TO
SEE YOUR VIEWPOINT.

AND, IF THIS MOVIE'S WHAT
YOU SAY IT IS, I WON'T OPPOSE IT.

GOOD, OKAY.

MR. EPSTEIN, WOULD YOU BRING
IN THE PROJECTOR, PLEASE?

CERTAINLY.

OH, UH... HERE'S THE
FILM, MRS. KOTTER,

THE BIRDS AND THE BEES MOVIE.

ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
THEM TO SEE THAT BUTTERFLY?

UH, YOU KNOW, IT MIGHT BE BETTER
IF THE CHILDREN LEFT THE ROOM.

JUST IN CASE.

OH!

YEAH, C'MON HORSHACK, C'MON.

YOU KNOW, YOU SURPRISED ME.

I THOUGHT YOU KNEW
EVERYTHING ABOUT SEX.

I DO!

I JUST WANT TO SEE
THE END OF THE MOVIE.

I WANT TO FIND OUT IF THE
HUMMINGBIRD AND THE DAISY

GET MARRIED.

HEY, UH, MRS. KOTTER, WE'LL
JUST SHOW IT UP AGAINST

THIS WALL OVER HERE.

THANK YOU, MR. EPSTEIN.

THANK YOU, MRS. KOTTER...
WANT ME TO LOAD IT UP FOR YA?

NO, I THINK I'D BETTER
DO IT MYSELF, THIS TIME.

HERE.

YOU DO IT.

THANKS A LOT, MRS. KOTTER.

TRUST, HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT, JUAN.

HEY, UH, EXCUSE ME, GENTLEMEN.

I DON'T MEAN TO
INTERRUPT, BUT, UH...

THERE'S A CERTAIN PIECE
OF PROPERTY THAT'S, UH,

RIGHTFULLY MINE, AND, UH,

I THINK IT SHOULD
BE, UH, RETURNED.

HE SAID, FORK OVER THE FLICK!

YEAH, WELL, YOUR
CERTAIN PIECE OF PROPERTY

IS IN A CERTAIN PLACE
IN THE BASEMENT.

THE INCINERATOR.

YEAH, YEAH, YOUR MOVIE WAS
ELECTED TO THE HALL OF FLAME.

YEAH, CARVELLI, IT SOUNDS
LIKE YOUR FILM'S HOTTER NOW

THAN IT WAS BEFORE.

HEY, YOU GUYS DON'T UNDERSTAND,
THAT'S AN EXPENSIVE FILM.

NOW, I THINK WE SHOULD
TAKE UP A LITTLE COLLECTION

SO I CAN GET MY FILM BACK.

NOW, WHAT DO YOU THINK, HUH?

WHAT WAS THAT
ABOUT A FILM, CARVELLI?

OH, NO, I-I DIDN'T SAY ANYTHING
ABOUT A FILM, MRS. KOTTER.

I WAS TALKIN'... MURRAY!

MURRAY, DID I SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT A FILM?

YEAH, CARVELLI, YOU
WERE SAYIN' THAT YOU...

'SCUSE US, MRS. KOTTER,
MR. WOODMAN, BUT, UH...

WE GOT A, UH, A CHOIR PRACTICE.

SEE YOU LATER.

ABOUT THIS FILM BUSINESS.

WILL SOMEBODY PLEASE
EXPLAIN TO ME WHAT HAPPENED?

OH, MR. WOODMAN,
ALLOW ME TO ELUCIDATE.

YOU SEE, THE FEMALE BUTTERFLY...

WITH HER WINGS ALL AGLOW
IN BLACK AND YELLOW...

C'MON, C'MON, THAT AIN'T
WHAT HE'S TALKIN' ABOUT.

NO, WAIT A SECOND.

LET HIM FINISH.



♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪

♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED

SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪

♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED

AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT

'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK

HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪

♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE

YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪

♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU

COME BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ THEN WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪

♪ WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪♪