Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 11 - Frog Day Afternoon - full transcript
The students are told as part of their biology requirement they're going to have to dissect a frog. And Arnold refuses to do it. He even protests by trying to take the frogs. He is told if he doesn't do it, he will get a failing grade and he's asking the other Sweathogs for support.
HEY, MRS. KOTTER?
DO YOU THINK MR. KOTTER
WILL BE HOME TONIGHT...
I MEAN, I KNOW HE'S
FLYING IN FROM BUFFALO.
ARNOLD, IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
HE'S GOTTA COME
BY WAY OF MONTREAL.
WHAT'S IN MONTREAL?
HIS LUGGAGE.
WILL YOU COME ON, MRS. KOTTER?
I'M SERIOUS, I NEED HELP.
WELL, ARNOLD, IS IT SOMETHING
THAT I CAN HELP YOU WITH?
WELL, SEE... I GOT THIS
FRIEND ON DEATH ROW
WHO'S GONNA BE
EXECUTED TOMORROW,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I WOULD CALL CHARLES BRONSON.
IF HE'S NOT AVAILABLE, I
WOULD CALL CLINT EASTWOOD.
COME ON, MRS.
KOTTER, I'M SERIOUS.
ARNOLD, WHO DO YOU
KNOW ON DEATH ROW?
IT'S NOT A WHO,
IT'S A BIOLOGY FROG.
HE'S GONNA BE CHLOROFORMED
AND DISSECTED TOMORROW.
WHO'S BEING CHLOROFORMED
AND DISSECTED?
ONE OF THE SWEATHOGS, I HOPE?
MR. WOODMAN, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
ARNOLD HAS A PROBLEM, AND
I'M TRYING TO HELP HIM WITH IT.
WELL, NEVER MIND
ARNOLD'S PROBLEM.
I HAVE A BIGGER PROBLEM:
SOMEONE TIPPED OVER THE
BLOODMOBILE IN THE PARKING LOT.
NOW, GET YOUR PAD, I
WANNA QUESTION EVERYBODY.
MR. WOODMAN, I WOULD RATHER
STAY HERE AND HELP ARNOLD.
FORGET HORSHACK,
THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT!
THIS SCHOOL IS
LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD!
NOW, GET YOUR PAD AND A PAIL.
WELL, COME ON,
LET'S GO, LET'S GO!
ARNOLD... DON'T
WORRY, MRS. KOTTER.
I'LL DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
- FREDDIE, YOU COVER THE DOOR.
- ALL RIGHT.
JUAN, YOU GET THOSE
FROGS OVER HERE
AS FAST AS YOUR LITTLE
LEGS CAN CARRY YOU.
AND, JUAN, WHEN
YOU TAKE 'EM OUT,
DON'T TAKE 'EM OUT BY THE FEET.
FROGS IS VERY TICKLISH.
I THINK THIS FROG-NAPPING
IDEA IS THE DUMBEST IDEA
YOU EVER HAD.
OH, COME ON, DON'T YOU GET IT?
WHEN MISS GARLAND COMES
INTO CLASS TOMORROW
AND FINDS OUT THAT THERE
ARE NO FROGS FOR DISSECTION,
SHE'S GONNA BURST HER PANTYHOSE!
COME ON, SOMEBODY'S
COMING, SOMEBODY'S COMING!
RALPH, YOU'RE IN CHARGE.
- ARNOLD.
- ARGH!
I WAS JUST LOOKING AT
THE LITTLE AMOEBAS HERE.
THEY'RE SO CUTE.
AND THEY MAKE FRIENDS SO EASY.
ESPECIALLY THE TALL ONES.
ARNOLD, I'M AFRAID YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE.
YOU KNOW STUDENTS
AREN'T ALLOWED IN THE LAB
WITHOUT PROPER SUPERVISION.
PLEASE, MISS GARLAND, PLEASE.
LEMME STAY JUST A LITTLE
WHILE LONGER SO I CAN, UH...
FEED THE SNAILS, YOU KNOW?
WELL, ALL RIGHT...
AS LONG AS YOU DON'T
FEED THEM TO THE TURTLES.
BYE!
OKAY, YOU GUYS, LET'S GET
THESE FROGS TO MY HOUSE.
WHAT'S YOUR MOTHER
GONNA SAY WHEN YOU SHOW UP
WITH 14 FROGS?
OH WOW, MAN, I KNOW
WHAT MY DADDY WOULD SAY.
"PUT 'EM IN THE SOUP."
HEY, WAIT A SECOND, NOW.
IF THEM FROGS AIN'T
GONNA BE HERE TOMORROW,
I'D BETTER WRITE
'EM A NOTE, HUH?
NOW, LET'S SEE HERE,
"DEAR MISS GARLAND,
PLEASE EXCUSE US FROGS,
WE GOT A MAN IN OUR THROAT."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
HEY, ARNOLD...
NOW LOOK, WE HELPED
YOU RIP THOSE FROGS OFF,
BUT YOU SAID YOU WAS
GONNA KEEP 'EM AT HOME.
WELL, MAYBE THEY AIN'T
HOUSEBROKEN, FREDDIE.
I HAD TO BRING 'EM BACK.
MY MOTHER COULDN'T STAND
THE WAY THEY WAS BELCHING
AND BURPING ALL NIGHT LONG.
I THINK I PUT TOO MUCH
HORSERADISH IN THEIR TACOS.
LOOK, ARNOLD, IF SOMEBODY
FINDS THEM FROGS IN YOUR LOCKER,
WE ALL GET BUSTED.
YOU SHOULDA HID
'EM SOMEPLACE ELSE.
I DID HIDE 'EM SOMEPLACE ELSE,
I PUT 'EM IN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER.
UNTIL MY MOTHER OPENED IT UP,
AND THREE PAIRS OF MY
SHORTS JUMPED INTO HER ARMS.
HORSHACK, MISS GARLAND
WANTS THOSE FROGS BACK...
ALL 14 OF 'EM.
WELL, WHO SAYS ARNOLD
HORSHACK TOOK 'EM?
I DO... HE WAS THE
LAST ONE IN THE LAB
BEFORE THEY WERE MISSING.
YEAH, WELL, JUST 'CAUSE HE
WAS THE LAST ONE IN THERE,
MR. WOODMAN, DIDN'T
MEAN THAT, UH, HE DID IT.
NOW LOOKEE HERE, MR. WOODMAN.
IF YOU WANNA FIND THESE FROGS,
WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IS, YOU
GOTTA THINK LIKE A FROG, SEE?
AND THEN WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
IS YOU GOTTA LOOK LIKE A FROG.
OH, OH, THAT'S PERFECT!
THAT'S PERFECT!
RIBBET, RIBBET!
KNOCK IT OFF, EPSTEIN.
OH YEAH, THAT WAS
GOOD, JUAN, REALLY GOOD.
HE'S TALENTED... YOU SEE,
WHAT HE WAS JUST DOIN'
WAS, UM... UH, THE
BULLFROG'S MATIN' CALL,
CHECK IT OUT!
I THINK THE MATE IS ANSWERING
FROM ONE OF THESE LOCKERS.
WHOSE LOCKER'S THIS?
OH, THAT'S MINE, BUT...
YOU AIN'T GONNA FIND
NO FROGS IN THERE.
MY LIFE!
NOTHING IN THIS WORLD
IS GONNA MAKE ME
OPEN UP THIS LOCKER, NOTHING!
NOT THREATS, NOT KNIVES,
NOT BAMBOO SHOOTS
UNDER MY FINGERNAILS.
NOTHING.
PLEASE, ARNOLD.
MR. WOODMAN, I NEVER
THOUGHT YOU WOULD STOOP...
TO USING GOOD MANNERS.
GET THESE BACK TO BIOLOGY NOW.
BIOLOGY IS THE OTHER WAY.
ARNOLD... SIT DOWN.
SON... I KNOW WHY YOU
STOLE THOSE FROGS.
IT'S NOT THAT YOU'RE
A BAD BOY, IT'S FEAR.
YOU KNOW, TODAY
IS DISSECTION DAY,
IT'S A BIG DAY FOR FEAR.
MR. WOODMAN, I AM NOT AFRAID.
I WENT THROUGH THE SAME
THING MYSELF ON DISSECTION DAY.
I COULDN'T LOOK
THAT FROG IN THE EYE.
MY HANDS WERE LIKE THIS.
BUT... I DID THE
ONLY THING I COULD.
YOU RAN.
YOU SCREAMED, YOU
CRIED, YOU FAINTED.
I NEVER CRY.
HEY, MR. WOODMAN, IF YOU
DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT,
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
GONE THROUGH WITH IT.
ARNOLD, WHEN YOU TEACHER
SAYS GET IT OVER WITH
OR I'LL TEAR YOU
APART IN THE ALLEY...
- HE SAID THAT TO YOU?
- NO, TO MY FROG.
SUDDENLY, THESE
GOLDEN HANDS STEADIED.
YEAH, WELL THESE GOLDEN HANDS
ARE STAYIN' RIGHT IN MY POCKET.
NO, THEY'RE GONNA COME THROUGH.
JUST AS MINE DID, BRILLIANTLY.
IT'S JUST... I CAN'T
KILL ANYTHING.
SURE YOU CAN, MY BOY...
NOW, GO PICK UP THAT KNIFE.
I'M SURE YOUR FROG
WOULD WANT IT THAT WAY.
WHICH BRINGS US TO THE SUBJECT
OF MAN'S INHUMANITY TO FROGS
IN THE 18TH CENTURY.
THE BOSTON TEA PARTY.
WHERE YOUR FOREFATHERS
AND YOUR FORE...
DUMPED 20,000 POUNDS OF
TEA INTO BOSTON HARBOR.
FOR THREE WEEKS,
THOSE POOR FROGS
WERE SWIMMING
AROUND IN COLD TEA.
YEAH... AND WITHOUT
NO SUGAR OR LEMON.
I NEVER REALIZED THAT
FROGS WAS THE FIRST ONES
TO TAKE THE NESTEA PLUNGE.
THINK IF YOU WILL WHAT
THE WORLD WOULD BE LIKE
IF WE DID NOT HAVE FROGS.
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ANY WARTS.
TRY GETTING A WART
FROM A CHIPMUNK.
IT CANNOT BE DONE.
OF COURSE, YOU ALL KNOW THAT
YOU DON'T GET WARTS FROM FROGS.
CHECK IT OUT, MISS GARLAND...
I MEAN, DON'T FORGET NOW.
WITHOUT FROGS, I MEAN,
SOME OF THE BEST FAIRYTALES,
THEY'D BE GONE.
A PRINCESS HAS
GOT TO KISS A FROG
TO TURN HIM INTO A PRINCE.
'COURSE, THE FROG'S
GOTTA TAKE HER OUT
FOR A COUPLE OF DRINKS FIRST.
MAYBE SOME DINNER,
LITTLE BIT OF BOOGIE.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
COME ON, COME ON, COME
ON, FORGET YOUR FAIRYTALES.
JUST IMAGINE GOIN'
OUTSIDE AND SAYING,
"HEY, EVERYBODY,
WANNA PLAY SOME LEAP..."
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, THAT IS ENOUGH.
NOW, GET BACK TO YOUR SEATS.
NOW, IT'S NOT GOING
TO WORK, ARNOLD.
IN THE TIME WE HAVE LEFT, I
SUGGEST YOU START DISSECTING.
I'M WAITING, ARNOLD.
I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
THE ONLY THING THAT I'M
GONNA DO WITH THIS FROG
IS LEAVE HIM RIGHT WHERE HE IS.
ARNOLD HORSHACK, IF YOU
WALK OUT OF THIS CLASS,
YOU WILL HAVE
MR. WOODMAN TO DEAL WITH.
I DON'T CARE.
THAT FROG IS A LIVING THING,
AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME KILL IT.
ONCE IT'S DEAD, NOBODY CAN
BRING IT BACK TO LIFE AGAIN.
NOT YOU, NOT ME,
NOT MR. WOODMAN.
I THINK THIS IS A
STUPID EXPERIMENT.
THANK YOU, RALPHIE.
HEY, MAN, I HATE THIS BOOK.
I KEEP LOSIN' MY PLACE.
AWW, THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU AIN'T USIN'
THE EPSTEIN MARKIN' SYSTEM.
WHAT'S THAT?
WELL, LET'S SAY YOU HAVE
TO REMEMBER PAGE 46, OKAY?
TURN TO PAGE 45, FOLD
IT IN HALF, ALL RIGHT?
TURN TO PAGE
47, FOLD IT IN HALF.
VIOLA!
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST FOLD 46?
THAT'S GOOD TOO.
HEY, CHECK IT OUT, I
BET YOU A QUARTER
ARNOLD CARVES UP
THAT FROG TODAY.
COME ON, COME ON,
THAT'S A SUCKER'S BET.
I BET YOU ARNOLD
GOES TO CUT IT UP,
AND THE FROG HAS TO GIVE HIM
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH REGURGITATION.
HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, ARNOLD?
HI!
IS THE DOCTOR IN
FOR SURGERY TODAY?
NO WAY.
HEY, ARNOLD, LISTEN TO ME.
RUNNING' AWAY LIKE
YOU DID YESTERDAY,
I MEAN, THAT AIN'T NO GOOD.
I MEAN, KILLIN' A LITTLE FROG
AIN'T THE END OF THE WORLD.
IT IS FOR THE FROG.
COME ON, WHAT'S WITH YOU?
YOU PROBABLY STEPPED
ON THREE ANTS TODAY
AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT.
THAT'S RIGHT... I STEPPED
ON THREE WINOS TODAY,
AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW IT.
HEY, ARNOLD, ARNOLD!
THIS BIOLOGY STORY
IS GREAT STUFF
FOR THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER!
OH, STEP INTO MY OFFICE.
LISTEN... YOU GOT A PICTURE
WE CAN RUN ON THE FRONT PAGE?
HEY, WHAT YOU TRYIN' TO
DO, SCARE OFF YOUR READERS?
NO, NO, LISTEN:
WHAT I WANNA DO IS,
I WANNA SUPERIMPOSE YOUR
HEAD ON THE BODY OF A FROG.
THAT'S TOO BAD... MOTHER
NATURE ALREADY BEAT YOU TO IT.
WILL YOU GUYS CUT OUT,
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
HEY, SIDNEY, I GOT ANOTHER
ONE FOR YOU, CHECK IT OUT.
"ARNOLD GIVES YOU MORE
CLUCK FOR YOUR BUCK."
WILL YOU GUYS PLEASE CUT IT OUT?
I AM NOT A CHICKEN.
THIS IS MY INTERVIEW
NOW, COME ON, SIDNEY.
YOU ASK ME SOME MORE
QUESTIONS, GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD.
NOW, WHAT ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?
HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT ALL THIS?
WELL, YOU SEE, SIDNEY,
MY MOTHER REALLY ISN'T
INTO ANIMALS THAT MUCH.
AND THEY DON'T LIKE HER, EITHER.
I ONCE HAD A SNAIL THAT WENT
STRAIGHT FOR HER THROAT.
- ARNOLD, ARNOLD.
- OH, MA, HI!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I GOT A CALL FROM THE PRINCIPAL,
WHO SAID MY SON
WON'T CUT UP A TOAD.
MA, IT'S NOT A
TOAD, IT'S A FROG.
COME ON.
MA, MA, THAT'S MY EAR, MA!
THERE YOU GO, SIDNEY,
THERE GO YOUR HEADLINE:
"MOTHER PLUCKS CHICKEN."
MA, COME ON, THAT REALLY
HURTS, MA, WILL YOU COME ON?
THANKS FOR COMING,
MRS. HORSHACK.
OH, IT'S MRS. O'HARA NOW.
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER
STORY ALTOGETHER.
ARNOLD, SIT DOWN.
MRS., UH, O'HARA, I'M SORRY
ABOUT THIS INCONVENIENCE.
GOOD.
THIS IS MISS ILONA GARLAND,
ARNOLD'S BIOLOGY TEACHER.
OH, OF COURSE!
THE FROG LADY.
- OH, MRS. KOTTER!
- HI, MRS. O'HARA.
I'VE ASKED JULIE TO BE
HERE TO TAKE A TRANSCRIPT
OF OUR LITTLE MEETING.
MR. WOODMAN, DO YOU REALLY
THINK A TRANSCRIPT IS NECESSARY?
IT'S JUST A CONFERENCE,
IT'S NOT A TRIAL.
OH, I THINK MR. WOODMAN'S
IDEA OF A TRANSCRIPT
IS AN EXCELLENT ONE.
THANK YOU, ILONA.
OH, DON'T THANK ME,
MICHAEL, IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
THAT'S TRUE!
MRS. O'HARA, AS I EXPLAINED
TO YOU ON THE PHONE,
ARNOLD REFUSED
TO DISSECT A FROG.
REFUSES, AND WILL
CONTINUE TO REFUSE.
FRANKLY, MRS.
O'HARA, I WAS AMAZED.
UP UNTIL YESTERDAY,
ARNOLD HAS BEEN
AN EXCELLENT BIOLOGY STUDENT.
WHY, HE EVEN SOMETIMES
STAYS AFTER CLASS
TO FEED THE
TURTLES AND THE FISH.
YOU KNOW, I ONCE
WALKED IN AND SAW ARNOLD
TURNING THE TREADMILL SO THE
HAMSTERS WOULDN'T GET WINDED.
OH!
OH, LISTEN, HE'S THE SAME
LITTLE DR. DOLITTLE AT HOME.
LOOK, MA, THEY DON'T
CARE ABOUT THE ANIMALS.
OH, ARNOLD, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THE PURPOSE OF
DISSECTION IS TO FIND OUT
MORE ABOUT THEM.
IT'S A VERY USEFUL
TOOL OF SCIENCE.
DEFINITELY.
WHY, DISSECTION HAS BEEN
GOING ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS.
IT'S PAVED THE WAY FOR CURES
THAT HAVE SAVED PEOPLE'S LIVES.
DEFINITELY.
HEY, LISTEN, I THINK
ALL OF THAT IS TERRIFIC,
BUT... WHO'S CURING
THE LITTLE ANIMALS?
HAS ANYBODY FOUND A WAY
TO BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE?
WOULD YOU CARE TO TRY
ANOTHER "DEFINITELY"?
ARNOLD, LET ME PUT
IT TO YOU THIS WAY:
DO YOU EAT MEAT?
OH, LISTEN, YOU THINK I'D MAKE
POT ROAST THREE TIMES A WEEK
IF HE DIDN'T?
AND MY BRISKET'S
NO SLOUCH, EITHER.
USUALLY, I PUT
A LITTLE GARLIC...
ARNOLD...
THOSE ANIMALS HAVE TO BE
KILLED BEFORE YOU CAN EAT THEM.
DEFINITELY.
DITTO.
LISTEN, I KNOW ALL OF
THAT, BUT SOMEBODY ELSE
IS GONNA HAVE TO DO THE
KILLING, NOT ARNOLD HORSHACK!
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, ARNOLD?
I'M WITH YOU.
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH
SCHOOL, I HAD TO KILL A FROG.
I DIDN'T WANNA
DO IT, BUT I DID IT,
'CAUSE I WAS TOO MUCH OF
A COWARD TO TAKE A STAND.
ARE YOU FINISHED?
MR. WOODMAN, I JUST
HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH ARNOLD
THAT IT IS WITHIN HIS
RIGHTS NOT TO KILL.
DEFINITELY.
WELL, THEN, MRS. KOTTER,
MAYBE YOU'LL HAPPEN TO AGREE
THAT I AM WITHIN MY RIGHTS
TO FAIL HIM IF HE DOESN'T.
I'M NOT GONNA DO
IT, MISS GARLAND.
ARNOLD, YOU WILL
DO IT THIS AFTERNOON,
OR YOU WILL REPEAT THIS COURSE.
HAS ANYONE SEEN ARNOLD HORSHACK?
NOT ME.
PERSONALLY, I NEVER COULD
SEE ARNOLD HORSHACK.
ALL RIGHT EVERYONE, CAN
WE PLEASE HAVE SOME QUIET?
I SAID, CAN WE HAVE QUIET?
THAT'S BETTER.
RIBBET, RIBBET.
HEY, DON'T LOOK AT
ME, I ONLY DO CHICKENS.
I DO CAMELS.
WATER!
PLEASE!
WATER!
GET THESE ARABS OFF MY BACK!
HEY, THAT WAS GOOD, MAN, I
THINK YOU GOT GENIUS IN YOU!
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
NOW THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH.
ENOUGH.
WELL.
I'M SO GLAD THAT
WE'RE ALL HERE TODAY,
ESPECIALLY YOU, ARNOLD.
WILL YOU KINDLY STEP
TO THE DISSECTING TABLE.
MISS GARLAND, COULD
I SAY SOMETHING?
NO.
OH, ARNOLD, YOU HELD US UP
YESTERDAY WITH YOUR FILIBUSTER.
I DO NOT WANNA
HEAR ANYTHING MORE
ABOUT THE GLORY OF FROGS.
BUT I NEVER SAID
FROGS WAS GLORIOUS.
I DON'T EVEN LIKE FROGS.
THEY'RE DIRTY AND
SMELLY AND UGLY, YUCK.
GOOD... THEN YOU WON'T
MIND DOING YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
WELL, I JUST WANT
EVERYBODY TO KNOW
THAT I'M NOT AFRAID
TO CARVE UP A FROG.
THAT'S MY MAN, ARNOLD HORSHACK!
I KNEW HE WAS
GONNA COME THROUGH!
SIT DOWN, WASHINGTON.
BELIEVE ME, ARNOLD
DOESN'T NEED YOUR HELP...
OR YOURS.
THAT'S RIGHT, I DON'T
NEED ANYBODY'S HELP.
UH... I'D LIKE AN F, PLEASE.
I KNOW, I'LL HAVE TO
REPEAT THIS COURSE.
BUT SO WILL YOU.
AND I CAN COME BACK JUST AS
LONG AS YOU CAN COME BACK.
EVEN LONGER... I'M YOUNGER.
AND EVERY TIME YOU
SAY TO ME, "ARNOLD, KILL,"
I'M GONNA SAY "NO."
EXCUSE ME.
ALL RIGHT.
WASHINGTON, YOU'RE NEXT.
ALL RIGHT, HA-HA!
WHO GETS THE LEGS?
HEY, YO, UM, MISS GARLAND.
I THINK YOU BETTER, YOU BETTER
LAY ONE OF THOSE Fs ON ME, TOO.
MAKE IT THREE.
ANYBODY ELSE?
WELL...
IF WE'RE GOING TO
LEARN DISSECTING,
SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT.
EXCUSE ME, MISS
GARLAND, COULDN'T WE, UH...
CUT THIS UP INSTEAD?
OH, NOT... NOT THAT, THAT'S
PERSONAL PROPERTY, ARNOLD.
OH, ARNOLD, MR. WOODMAN
GAVE ME THAT, PLEASE, NO!
WAIT A MINUTE, ARNOLD, NO, NO!
IT'S ONLY A LITTLE
PLANT, EEE-YAAH!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"ONLY A LITTLE PLANT"?
THIS IS A CLIMBING TASMANIAN
SPLIT-LEAF ARBOR VITAE.
WHY, IN THE SOUTH SEAS,
THE NATIVES WORSHIP IT.
IT'S THEIR ONLY SOURCE OF MULCH.
OH, GEE, MISS GARLAND.
I HAD NOT IDEA YOU
WERE SO INTO MULCH.
DON'T MAKE FUN OF
MY PLANT, ARNOLD.
TODAY'S MULCH IS
TOMORROW'S PEAT MOSS.
LOOK, UH, WE SHOULD
BE ABLE TO FIND
SOME SORT OF COMPROMISE HERE.
WHY DON'T WE JUST CUT UP
SOMETHIN' NOBODY CARES ABOUT?
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT,
MISS GARLAND.
WHY DON'T WE CUT UP SOMETHIN'
THAT, THAT AIN'T WORTH NOTHIN'?
SOMETHING THAT'S
TOTALLY USELESS.
HEY, ALL RIGHT!
HEY, ARNOLD!
AS DULY ELECTED SPOKESMEN,
PLEASE ACCEPT OUR APOLOGIES
FOR CALLIN' YOU
CHICKEN, ALL RIGHT?
OR TURKEY, EH?
AS SELF-ELECTED SPOKESMAN
FOR ARNOLD HORSHACK,
I WANNA THANK YOU
GUYS FOR BACKING ME UP.
- YOU GOT IT.
- COME ON, WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?
HEY, SO, KEEP THE
APPLAUSE GOING.
I STILL GOT TWO MORE BOWS LEFT.
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE IN BIOLOGY?
OH NO, WE GOT OUT EARLY,
WE HAD TO DISSECT A FLOWER.
AND IT WASN'T THAT EASY.
YEAH, THE BEE WAS STILL IN IT.
HEY, YO, MR. WOODMAN,
UH, TELL ME SOMETHIN', MAN.
WHEN YOU WAS IN BIOLOGY CLASS,
WHAT DID YOU DISSECT?
A DINOSAUR?
OH NO, HA-HA-HA!
NO, BUT MY UNCLE GRUNT DID.
OH, MR. WOODMAN, NOT YOU TOO.
I'VE GOT A FAMILY TOO.
MY UNCLE GRUNT WAS A
CAVEMAN, HE LIVED IN CAVE SEVEN,
UPSTAIRS IN THE BACK.
AND IT TOOK HIM A MONTH
TO DISSECT HIS DINOSAUR.
BUT THAT WASN'T
THE HARDEST PART.
YEAH... WHAT WAS?
PUTTING IT BACK IN
THE JAR EVERY NIGHT.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪
♪ AND WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪
DO YOU THINK MR. KOTTER
WILL BE HOME TONIGHT...
I MEAN, I KNOW HE'S
FLYING IN FROM BUFFALO.
ARNOLD, IT'S NOT THAT SIMPLE.
HE'S GOTTA COME
BY WAY OF MONTREAL.
WHAT'S IN MONTREAL?
HIS LUGGAGE.
WILL YOU COME ON, MRS. KOTTER?
I'M SERIOUS, I NEED HELP.
WELL, ARNOLD, IS IT SOMETHING
THAT I CAN HELP YOU WITH?
WELL, SEE... I GOT THIS
FRIEND ON DEATH ROW
WHO'S GONNA BE
EXECUTED TOMORROW,
AND I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.
WHAT WOULD YOU DO?
I WOULD CALL CHARLES BRONSON.
IF HE'S NOT AVAILABLE, I
WOULD CALL CLINT EASTWOOD.
COME ON, MRS.
KOTTER, I'M SERIOUS.
ARNOLD, WHO DO YOU
KNOW ON DEATH ROW?
IT'S NOT A WHO,
IT'S A BIOLOGY FROG.
HE'S GONNA BE CHLOROFORMED
AND DISSECTED TOMORROW.
WHO'S BEING CHLOROFORMED
AND DISSECTED?
ONE OF THE SWEATHOGS, I HOPE?
MR. WOODMAN, IF YOU DON'T MIND,
ARNOLD HAS A PROBLEM, AND
I'M TRYING TO HELP HIM WITH IT.
WELL, NEVER MIND
ARNOLD'S PROBLEM.
I HAVE A BIGGER PROBLEM:
SOMEONE TIPPED OVER THE
BLOODMOBILE IN THE PARKING LOT.
NOW, GET YOUR PAD, I
WANNA QUESTION EVERYBODY.
MR. WOODMAN, I WOULD RATHER
STAY HERE AND HELP ARNOLD.
FORGET HORSHACK,
THIS IS MORE IMPORTANT!
THIS SCHOOL IS
LOSING A LOT OF BLOOD!
NOW, GET YOUR PAD AND A PAIL.
WELL, COME ON,
LET'S GO, LET'S GO!
ARNOLD... DON'T
WORRY, MRS. KOTTER.
I'LL DO WHAT I HAVE TO DO.
- FREDDIE, YOU COVER THE DOOR.
- ALL RIGHT.
JUAN, YOU GET THOSE
FROGS OVER HERE
AS FAST AS YOUR LITTLE
LEGS CAN CARRY YOU.
AND, JUAN, WHEN
YOU TAKE 'EM OUT,
DON'T TAKE 'EM OUT BY THE FEET.
FROGS IS VERY TICKLISH.
I THINK THIS FROG-NAPPING
IDEA IS THE DUMBEST IDEA
YOU EVER HAD.
OH, COME ON, DON'T YOU GET IT?
WHEN MISS GARLAND COMES
INTO CLASS TOMORROW
AND FINDS OUT THAT THERE
ARE NO FROGS FOR DISSECTION,
SHE'S GONNA BURST HER PANTYHOSE!
COME ON, SOMEBODY'S
COMING, SOMEBODY'S COMING!
RALPH, YOU'RE IN CHARGE.
- ARNOLD.
- ARGH!
I WAS JUST LOOKING AT
THE LITTLE AMOEBAS HERE.
THEY'RE SO CUTE.
AND THEY MAKE FRIENDS SO EASY.
ESPECIALLY THE TALL ONES.
ARNOLD, I'M AFRAID YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO LEAVE.
YOU KNOW STUDENTS
AREN'T ALLOWED IN THE LAB
WITHOUT PROPER SUPERVISION.
PLEASE, MISS GARLAND, PLEASE.
LEMME STAY JUST A LITTLE
WHILE LONGER SO I CAN, UH...
FEED THE SNAILS, YOU KNOW?
WELL, ALL RIGHT...
AS LONG AS YOU DON'T
FEED THEM TO THE TURTLES.
BYE!
OKAY, YOU GUYS, LET'S GET
THESE FROGS TO MY HOUSE.
WHAT'S YOUR MOTHER
GONNA SAY WHEN YOU SHOW UP
WITH 14 FROGS?
OH WOW, MAN, I KNOW
WHAT MY DADDY WOULD SAY.
"PUT 'EM IN THE SOUP."
HEY, WAIT A SECOND, NOW.
IF THEM FROGS AIN'T
GONNA BE HERE TOMORROW,
I'D BETTER WRITE
'EM A NOTE, HUH?
NOW, LET'S SEE HERE,
"DEAR MISS GARLAND,
PLEASE EXCUSE US FROGS,
WE GOT A MAN IN OUR THROAT."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
HEY, ARNOLD...
NOW LOOK, WE HELPED
YOU RIP THOSE FROGS OFF,
BUT YOU SAID YOU WAS
GONNA KEEP 'EM AT HOME.
WELL, MAYBE THEY AIN'T
HOUSEBROKEN, FREDDIE.
I HAD TO BRING 'EM BACK.
MY MOTHER COULDN'T STAND
THE WAY THEY WAS BELCHING
AND BURPING ALL NIGHT LONG.
I THINK I PUT TOO MUCH
HORSERADISH IN THEIR TACOS.
LOOK, ARNOLD, IF SOMEBODY
FINDS THEM FROGS IN YOUR LOCKER,
WE ALL GET BUSTED.
YOU SHOULDA HID
'EM SOMEPLACE ELSE.
I DID HIDE 'EM SOMEPLACE ELSE,
I PUT 'EM IN THE LAUNDRY HAMPER.
UNTIL MY MOTHER OPENED IT UP,
AND THREE PAIRS OF MY
SHORTS JUMPED INTO HER ARMS.
HORSHACK, MISS GARLAND
WANTS THOSE FROGS BACK...
ALL 14 OF 'EM.
WELL, WHO SAYS ARNOLD
HORSHACK TOOK 'EM?
I DO... HE WAS THE
LAST ONE IN THE LAB
BEFORE THEY WERE MISSING.
YEAH, WELL, JUST 'CAUSE HE
WAS THE LAST ONE IN THERE,
MR. WOODMAN, DIDN'T
MEAN THAT, UH, HE DID IT.
NOW LOOKEE HERE, MR. WOODMAN.
IF YOU WANNA FIND THESE FROGS,
WHAT YOU GOTTA DO IS, YOU
GOTTA THINK LIKE A FROG, SEE?
AND THEN WHAT YOU GOTTA DO
IS YOU GOTTA LOOK LIKE A FROG.
OH, OH, THAT'S PERFECT!
THAT'S PERFECT!
RIBBET, RIBBET!
KNOCK IT OFF, EPSTEIN.
OH YEAH, THAT WAS
GOOD, JUAN, REALLY GOOD.
HE'S TALENTED... YOU SEE,
WHAT HE WAS JUST DOIN'
WAS, UM... UH, THE
BULLFROG'S MATIN' CALL,
CHECK IT OUT!
I THINK THE MATE IS ANSWERING
FROM ONE OF THESE LOCKERS.
WHOSE LOCKER'S THIS?
OH, THAT'S MINE, BUT...
YOU AIN'T GONNA FIND
NO FROGS IN THERE.
MY LIFE!
NOTHING IN THIS WORLD
IS GONNA MAKE ME
OPEN UP THIS LOCKER, NOTHING!
NOT THREATS, NOT KNIVES,
NOT BAMBOO SHOOTS
UNDER MY FINGERNAILS.
NOTHING.
PLEASE, ARNOLD.
MR. WOODMAN, I NEVER
THOUGHT YOU WOULD STOOP...
TO USING GOOD MANNERS.
GET THESE BACK TO BIOLOGY NOW.
BIOLOGY IS THE OTHER WAY.
ARNOLD... SIT DOWN.
SON... I KNOW WHY YOU
STOLE THOSE FROGS.
IT'S NOT THAT YOU'RE
A BAD BOY, IT'S FEAR.
YOU KNOW, TODAY
IS DISSECTION DAY,
IT'S A BIG DAY FOR FEAR.
MR. WOODMAN, I AM NOT AFRAID.
I WENT THROUGH THE SAME
THING MYSELF ON DISSECTION DAY.
I COULDN'T LOOK
THAT FROG IN THE EYE.
MY HANDS WERE LIKE THIS.
BUT... I DID THE
ONLY THING I COULD.
YOU RAN.
YOU SCREAMED, YOU
CRIED, YOU FAINTED.
I NEVER CRY.
HEY, MR. WOODMAN, IF YOU
DIDN'T WANT TO DO THAT,
YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
GONE THROUGH WITH IT.
ARNOLD, WHEN YOU TEACHER
SAYS GET IT OVER WITH
OR I'LL TEAR YOU
APART IN THE ALLEY...
- HE SAID THAT TO YOU?
- NO, TO MY FROG.
SUDDENLY, THESE
GOLDEN HANDS STEADIED.
YEAH, WELL THESE GOLDEN HANDS
ARE STAYIN' RIGHT IN MY POCKET.
NO, THEY'RE GONNA COME THROUGH.
JUST AS MINE DID, BRILLIANTLY.
IT'S JUST... I CAN'T
KILL ANYTHING.
SURE YOU CAN, MY BOY...
NOW, GO PICK UP THAT KNIFE.
I'M SURE YOUR FROG
WOULD WANT IT THAT WAY.
WHICH BRINGS US TO THE SUBJECT
OF MAN'S INHUMANITY TO FROGS
IN THE 18TH CENTURY.
THE BOSTON TEA PARTY.
WHERE YOUR FOREFATHERS
AND YOUR FORE...
DUMPED 20,000 POUNDS OF
TEA INTO BOSTON HARBOR.
FOR THREE WEEKS,
THOSE POOR FROGS
WERE SWIMMING
AROUND IN COLD TEA.
YEAH... AND WITHOUT
NO SUGAR OR LEMON.
I NEVER REALIZED THAT
FROGS WAS THE FIRST ONES
TO TAKE THE NESTEA PLUNGE.
THINK IF YOU WILL WHAT
THE WORLD WOULD BE LIKE
IF WE DID NOT HAVE FROGS.
YOU WOULDN'T HAVE ANY WARTS.
TRY GETTING A WART
FROM A CHIPMUNK.
IT CANNOT BE DONE.
OF COURSE, YOU ALL KNOW THAT
YOU DON'T GET WARTS FROM FROGS.
CHECK IT OUT, MISS GARLAND...
I MEAN, DON'T FORGET NOW.
WITHOUT FROGS, I MEAN,
SOME OF THE BEST FAIRYTALES,
THEY'D BE GONE.
A PRINCESS HAS
GOT TO KISS A FROG
TO TURN HIM INTO A PRINCE.
'COURSE, THE FROG'S
GOTTA TAKE HER OUT
FOR A COUPLE OF DRINKS FIRST.
MAYBE SOME DINNER,
LITTLE BIT OF BOOGIE.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH.
COME ON, COME ON, COME
ON, FORGET YOUR FAIRYTALES.
JUST IMAGINE GOIN'
OUTSIDE AND SAYING,
"HEY, EVERYBODY,
WANNA PLAY SOME LEAP..."
ALL RIGHT, BOYS, THAT IS ENOUGH.
NOW, GET BACK TO YOUR SEATS.
NOW, IT'S NOT GOING
TO WORK, ARNOLD.
IN THE TIME WE HAVE LEFT, I
SUGGEST YOU START DISSECTING.
I'M WAITING, ARNOLD.
I'M NOT GOING TO DO IT.
I BEG YOUR PARDON?
THE ONLY THING THAT I'M
GONNA DO WITH THIS FROG
IS LEAVE HIM RIGHT WHERE HE IS.
ARNOLD HORSHACK, IF YOU
WALK OUT OF THIS CLASS,
YOU WILL HAVE
MR. WOODMAN TO DEAL WITH.
I DON'T CARE.
THAT FROG IS A LIVING THING,
AND YOU CAN'T MAKE ME KILL IT.
ONCE IT'S DEAD, NOBODY CAN
BRING IT BACK TO LIFE AGAIN.
NOT YOU, NOT ME,
NOT MR. WOODMAN.
I THINK THIS IS A
STUPID EXPERIMENT.
THANK YOU, RALPHIE.
HEY, MAN, I HATE THIS BOOK.
I KEEP LOSIN' MY PLACE.
AWW, THAT'S BECAUSE
YOU AIN'T USIN'
THE EPSTEIN MARKIN' SYSTEM.
WHAT'S THAT?
WELL, LET'S SAY YOU HAVE
TO REMEMBER PAGE 46, OKAY?
TURN TO PAGE 45, FOLD
IT IN HALF, ALL RIGHT?
TURN TO PAGE
47, FOLD IT IN HALF.
VIOLA!
WHY DIDN'T YOU JUST FOLD 46?
THAT'S GOOD TOO.
HEY, CHECK IT OUT, I
BET YOU A QUARTER
ARNOLD CARVES UP
THAT FROG TODAY.
COME ON, COME ON,
THAT'S A SUCKER'S BET.
I BET YOU ARNOLD
GOES TO CUT IT UP,
AND THE FROG HAS TO GIVE HIM
MOUTH-TO-MOUTH REGURGITATION.
HEY, WHAT'S HAPPENING, ARNOLD?
HI!
IS THE DOCTOR IN
FOR SURGERY TODAY?
NO WAY.
HEY, ARNOLD, LISTEN TO ME.
RUNNING' AWAY LIKE
YOU DID YESTERDAY,
I MEAN, THAT AIN'T NO GOOD.
I MEAN, KILLIN' A LITTLE FROG
AIN'T THE END OF THE WORLD.
IT IS FOR THE FROG.
COME ON, WHAT'S WITH YOU?
YOU PROBABLY STEPPED
ON THREE ANTS TODAY
AND DIDN'T EVEN KNOW IT.
THAT'S RIGHT... I STEPPED
ON THREE WINOS TODAY,
AND THEY DIDN'T KNOW IT.
HEY, ARNOLD, ARNOLD!
THIS BIOLOGY STORY
IS GREAT STUFF
FOR THE SCHOOL NEWSPAPER!
OH, STEP INTO MY OFFICE.
LISTEN... YOU GOT A PICTURE
WE CAN RUN ON THE FRONT PAGE?
HEY, WHAT YOU TRYIN' TO
DO, SCARE OFF YOUR READERS?
NO, NO, LISTEN:
WHAT I WANNA DO IS,
I WANNA SUPERIMPOSE YOUR
HEAD ON THE BODY OF A FROG.
THAT'S TOO BAD... MOTHER
NATURE ALREADY BEAT YOU TO IT.
WILL YOU GUYS CUT OUT,
THIS IS VERY IMPORTANT.
HEY, SIDNEY, I GOT ANOTHER
ONE FOR YOU, CHECK IT OUT.
"ARNOLD GIVES YOU MORE
CLUCK FOR YOUR BUCK."
WILL YOU GUYS PLEASE CUT IT OUT?
I AM NOT A CHICKEN.
THIS IS MY INTERVIEW
NOW, COME ON, SIDNEY.
YOU ASK ME SOME MORE
QUESTIONS, GO AHEAD, GO AHEAD.
NOW, WHAT ABOUT YOUR PARENTS?
HOW DO THEY FEEL ABOUT ALL THIS?
WELL, YOU SEE, SIDNEY,
MY MOTHER REALLY ISN'T
INTO ANIMALS THAT MUCH.
AND THEY DON'T LIKE HER, EITHER.
I ONCE HAD A SNAIL THAT WENT
STRAIGHT FOR HER THROAT.
- ARNOLD, ARNOLD.
- OH, MA, HI!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I GOT A CALL FROM THE PRINCIPAL,
WHO SAID MY SON
WON'T CUT UP A TOAD.
MA, IT'S NOT A
TOAD, IT'S A FROG.
COME ON.
MA, MA, THAT'S MY EAR, MA!
THERE YOU GO, SIDNEY,
THERE GO YOUR HEADLINE:
"MOTHER PLUCKS CHICKEN."
MA, COME ON, THAT REALLY
HURTS, MA, WILL YOU COME ON?
THANKS FOR COMING,
MRS. HORSHACK.
OH, IT'S MRS. O'HARA NOW.
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER
STORY ALTOGETHER.
ARNOLD, SIT DOWN.
MRS., UH, O'HARA, I'M SORRY
ABOUT THIS INCONVENIENCE.
GOOD.
THIS IS MISS ILONA GARLAND,
ARNOLD'S BIOLOGY TEACHER.
OH, OF COURSE!
THE FROG LADY.
- OH, MRS. KOTTER!
- HI, MRS. O'HARA.
I'VE ASKED JULIE TO BE
HERE TO TAKE A TRANSCRIPT
OF OUR LITTLE MEETING.
MR. WOODMAN, DO YOU REALLY
THINK A TRANSCRIPT IS NECESSARY?
IT'S JUST A CONFERENCE,
IT'S NOT A TRIAL.
OH, I THINK MR. WOODMAN'S
IDEA OF A TRANSCRIPT
IS AN EXCELLENT ONE.
THANK YOU, ILONA.
OH, DON'T THANK ME,
MICHAEL, IT WAS YOUR IDEA.
THAT'S TRUE!
MRS. O'HARA, AS I EXPLAINED
TO YOU ON THE PHONE,
ARNOLD REFUSED
TO DISSECT A FROG.
REFUSES, AND WILL
CONTINUE TO REFUSE.
FRANKLY, MRS.
O'HARA, I WAS AMAZED.
UP UNTIL YESTERDAY,
ARNOLD HAS BEEN
AN EXCELLENT BIOLOGY STUDENT.
WHY, HE EVEN SOMETIMES
STAYS AFTER CLASS
TO FEED THE
TURTLES AND THE FISH.
YOU KNOW, I ONCE
WALKED IN AND SAW ARNOLD
TURNING THE TREADMILL SO THE
HAMSTERS WOULDN'T GET WINDED.
OH!
OH, LISTEN, HE'S THE SAME
LITTLE DR. DOLITTLE AT HOME.
LOOK, MA, THEY DON'T
CARE ABOUT THE ANIMALS.
OH, ARNOLD, THAT'S NOT TRUE.
THE PURPOSE OF
DISSECTION IS TO FIND OUT
MORE ABOUT THEM.
IT'S A VERY USEFUL
TOOL OF SCIENCE.
DEFINITELY.
WHY, DISSECTION HAS BEEN
GOING ON FOR YEARS AND YEARS.
IT'S PAVED THE WAY FOR CURES
THAT HAVE SAVED PEOPLE'S LIVES.
DEFINITELY.
HEY, LISTEN, I THINK
ALL OF THAT IS TERRIFIC,
BUT... WHO'S CURING
THE LITTLE ANIMALS?
HAS ANYBODY FOUND A WAY
TO BRING THEM BACK TO LIFE?
WOULD YOU CARE TO TRY
ANOTHER "DEFINITELY"?
ARNOLD, LET ME PUT
IT TO YOU THIS WAY:
DO YOU EAT MEAT?
OH, LISTEN, YOU THINK I'D MAKE
POT ROAST THREE TIMES A WEEK
IF HE DIDN'T?
AND MY BRISKET'S
NO SLOUCH, EITHER.
USUALLY, I PUT
A LITTLE GARLIC...
ARNOLD...
THOSE ANIMALS HAVE TO BE
KILLED BEFORE YOU CAN EAT THEM.
DEFINITELY.
DITTO.
LISTEN, I KNOW ALL OF
THAT, BUT SOMEBODY ELSE
IS GONNA HAVE TO DO THE
KILLING, NOT ARNOLD HORSHACK!
YOU KNOW SOMETHING, ARNOLD?
I'M WITH YOU.
WHEN I WAS IN HIGH
SCHOOL, I HAD TO KILL A FROG.
I DIDN'T WANNA
DO IT, BUT I DID IT,
'CAUSE I WAS TOO MUCH OF
A COWARD TO TAKE A STAND.
ARE YOU FINISHED?
MR. WOODMAN, I JUST
HAPPEN TO AGREE WITH ARNOLD
THAT IT IS WITHIN HIS
RIGHTS NOT TO KILL.
DEFINITELY.
WELL, THEN, MRS. KOTTER,
MAYBE YOU'LL HAPPEN TO AGREE
THAT I AM WITHIN MY RIGHTS
TO FAIL HIM IF HE DOESN'T.
I'M NOT GONNA DO
IT, MISS GARLAND.
ARNOLD, YOU WILL
DO IT THIS AFTERNOON,
OR YOU WILL REPEAT THIS COURSE.
HAS ANYONE SEEN ARNOLD HORSHACK?
NOT ME.
PERSONALLY, I NEVER COULD
SEE ARNOLD HORSHACK.
ALL RIGHT EVERYONE, CAN
WE PLEASE HAVE SOME QUIET?
I SAID, CAN WE HAVE QUIET?
THAT'S BETTER.
RIBBET, RIBBET.
HEY, DON'T LOOK AT
ME, I ONLY DO CHICKENS.
I DO CAMELS.
WATER!
PLEASE!
WATER!
GET THESE ARABS OFF MY BACK!
HEY, THAT WAS GOOD, MAN, I
THINK YOU GOT GENIUS IN YOU!
ALL RIGHT, EVERYBODY,
NOW THAT IS QUITE ENOUGH.
ENOUGH.
WELL.
I'M SO GLAD THAT
WE'RE ALL HERE TODAY,
ESPECIALLY YOU, ARNOLD.
WILL YOU KINDLY STEP
TO THE DISSECTING TABLE.
MISS GARLAND, COULD
I SAY SOMETHING?
NO.
OH, ARNOLD, YOU HELD US UP
YESTERDAY WITH YOUR FILIBUSTER.
I DO NOT WANNA
HEAR ANYTHING MORE
ABOUT THE GLORY OF FROGS.
BUT I NEVER SAID
FROGS WAS GLORIOUS.
I DON'T EVEN LIKE FROGS.
THEY'RE DIRTY AND
SMELLY AND UGLY, YUCK.
GOOD... THEN YOU WON'T
MIND DOING YOUR ASSIGNMENT.
WELL, I JUST WANT
EVERYBODY TO KNOW
THAT I'M NOT AFRAID
TO CARVE UP A FROG.
THAT'S MY MAN, ARNOLD HORSHACK!
I KNEW HE WAS
GONNA COME THROUGH!
SIT DOWN, WASHINGTON.
BELIEVE ME, ARNOLD
DOESN'T NEED YOUR HELP...
OR YOURS.
THAT'S RIGHT, I DON'T
NEED ANYBODY'S HELP.
UH... I'D LIKE AN F, PLEASE.
I KNOW, I'LL HAVE TO
REPEAT THIS COURSE.
BUT SO WILL YOU.
AND I CAN COME BACK JUST AS
LONG AS YOU CAN COME BACK.
EVEN LONGER... I'M YOUNGER.
AND EVERY TIME YOU
SAY TO ME, "ARNOLD, KILL,"
I'M GONNA SAY "NO."
EXCUSE ME.
ALL RIGHT.
WASHINGTON, YOU'RE NEXT.
ALL RIGHT, HA-HA!
WHO GETS THE LEGS?
HEY, YO, UM, MISS GARLAND.
I THINK YOU BETTER, YOU BETTER
LAY ONE OF THOSE Fs ON ME, TOO.
MAKE IT THREE.
ANYBODY ELSE?
WELL...
IF WE'RE GOING TO
LEARN DISSECTING,
SOMEONE HAS TO DO IT.
EXCUSE ME, MISS
GARLAND, COULDN'T WE, UH...
CUT THIS UP INSTEAD?
OH, NOT... NOT THAT, THAT'S
PERSONAL PROPERTY, ARNOLD.
OH, ARNOLD, MR. WOODMAN
GAVE ME THAT, PLEASE, NO!
WAIT A MINUTE, ARNOLD, NO, NO!
IT'S ONLY A LITTLE
PLANT, EEE-YAAH!
WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"ONLY A LITTLE PLANT"?
THIS IS A CLIMBING TASMANIAN
SPLIT-LEAF ARBOR VITAE.
WHY, IN THE SOUTH SEAS,
THE NATIVES WORSHIP IT.
IT'S THEIR ONLY SOURCE OF MULCH.
OH, GEE, MISS GARLAND.
I HAD NOT IDEA YOU
WERE SO INTO MULCH.
DON'T MAKE FUN OF
MY PLANT, ARNOLD.
TODAY'S MULCH IS
TOMORROW'S PEAT MOSS.
LOOK, UH, WE SHOULD
BE ABLE TO FIND
SOME SORT OF COMPROMISE HERE.
WHY DON'T WE JUST CUT UP
SOMETHIN' NOBODY CARES ABOUT?
YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT,
MISS GARLAND.
WHY DON'T WE CUT UP SOMETHIN'
THAT, THAT AIN'T WORTH NOTHIN'?
SOMETHING THAT'S
TOTALLY USELESS.
HEY, ALL RIGHT!
HEY, ARNOLD!
AS DULY ELECTED SPOKESMEN,
PLEASE ACCEPT OUR APOLOGIES
FOR CALLIN' YOU
CHICKEN, ALL RIGHT?
OR TURKEY, EH?
AS SELF-ELECTED SPOKESMAN
FOR ARNOLD HORSHACK,
I WANNA THANK YOU
GUYS FOR BACKING ME UP.
- YOU GOT IT.
- COME ON, WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?
HEY, SO, KEEP THE
APPLAUSE GOING.
I STILL GOT TWO MORE BOWS LEFT.
AREN'T YOU SUPPOSED
TO BE IN BIOLOGY?
OH NO, WE GOT OUT EARLY,
WE HAD TO DISSECT A FLOWER.
AND IT WASN'T THAT EASY.
YEAH, THE BEE WAS STILL IN IT.
HEY, YO, MR. WOODMAN,
UH, TELL ME SOMETHIN', MAN.
WHEN YOU WAS IN BIOLOGY CLASS,
WHAT DID YOU DISSECT?
A DINOSAUR?
OH NO, HA-HA-HA!
NO, BUT MY UNCLE GRUNT DID.
OH, MR. WOODMAN, NOT YOU TOO.
I'VE GOT A FAMILY TOO.
MY UNCLE GRUNT WAS A
CAVEMAN, HE LIVED IN CAVE SEVEN,
UPSTAIRS IN THE BACK.
AND IT TOOK HIM A MONTH
TO DISSECT HIS DINOSAUR.
BUT THAT WASN'T
THE HARDEST PART.
YEAH... WHAT WAS?
PUTTING IT BACK IN
THE JAR EVERY NIGHT.
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW YOU MUST'VE BEEN ♪
♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNIN' IN ♪
♪ WAS THERE
SOMETHING THAT MADE YOU
COME BACK AGAIN ♪
♪ AND WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪♪