Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 4, Episode 12 - A Little Fright Music - full transcript

I THINK WHAT'S IMPORTANT
IS HE'S GOTTA STUDY.

HE'S GOTTA GO HOME.

WOULD YOU, UH, TAKE
YOUR SEATS PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

EVERYONE.

BEFORE WE COME TO THE
END OF PARENTS NIGHT,

I THINK I'D BE REMISS IF I
DIDN'T THANK MRS. EPSTEIN

FOR BRINGING THE
CHILI PEPPER DIP.

MRS. LOVATO FOR THE
MOCHA JAVA CARROT CAKE.

I'D LIKE TO THANK
MRS. DELVECCHIO

FOR BRINGING THE ROLAIDS.



AFTER SEEING MY REPORT CARD,
MY FATHER NEEDED SOME ROLAIDS.

WE'D LIKE TO THANK
YOU ALL FOR COMING.

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT
MONTH AT PARENTS NIGHT.

DRIVE SAFELY.

TAKE CARE.

ALL RIGHT, TAKE YOUR
SEATS FOR JUST A SECOND.

- TAKE YOUR SEATS.
- WHAT?

IT'S NOT OVER YET.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN,
"IT'S NOT OVER YET"?

WE HAVE A TRADITION
HERE AT BUCHANAN.

WHAT WOULD PARENTS NIGHT BE

WITHOUT THE BUCHANAN
SCHOOL SONG?

ENJOYABLE, WE'D ALL LIKE TO
SING IT, BUT WE GOTTA LEAVE.

YOU GUYS GOTTA LEAVE.



WAIT, EVERYBODY,
EVERYBODY, PLEASE.

WHERE'S YOUR SPIRIT, KOTTER.

AND NOW, PARENTS, WOULD YOU
JOIN ME IN RENDERING OUR SONG,

"OH BUCHANAN, MY BUCHANAN,

FAIR BUCHANAN, OH
BUCHANAN, MY FAIR BUCHANAN".

♪ HAIL TO THEE, BUCHANAN FAIR ♪

♪ WALLS AND HALLS
COVERED WITH CARE ♪

♪ WHERE WE READ
AND WRITE AND LEARN ♪

♪ FEASTING FROM ALL
THE WISDOM'S EARNED ♪

♪ WHEN WE PART, WE
WILL LEAVE SMART ♪

♪ MY BUCHANAN ♪



YOU SEE, KOTTER, THAT'S HOW
YOU END THE PARENTS NIGHT

WITH A SONG
RINGING IN THEIR EARS.

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT THEM,
BUT MY EARS ARE STILL RINGING.

BE CAREFUL, KOTTER.

DON'T START UP WITH TRADITION.

WHAT IS WITH YOU AND
THAT TERRIBLE SONG?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WHAT DO I MEAN, YOU
USE ANY EXCUSE TO SING IT.

ASSEMBLIES, FACULTY MEETINGS.

YESTERDAY YOU SUNG
IT IN THE CAFETERIA

WHEN YOU FIRED THE COOK.

WELL WHY CAN'T I SING IT?

I WROTE IT.

YOU WROTE THAT?

"OH BUCHANAN, MY BUCHANAN,
HIS BUCHANAN, FAIR BUCHANAN"?

EVERY WORD, EVERY NOTE.

WASN'T EASY, KOTTER.

I COMPOSED THAT ON A KAZOO.

AND I'LL TELL YA SOMETHING ELSE.

THERE'LL BE PEOPLE SINGING

THAT SONG 50 YEARS
AFTER YOU'RE DEAD.

I HOPE SO, MR. WOODMAN.

I HOPE THEY SING
IT AT MY FUNERAL.

I HOPE THEY SING IT ANYWHERE

WHERE I DON'T
HAVE TO LISTEN TO IT.

HALL AND WALLS COVERED WITH AIR.

THAT'S NOT HOW IT GOES.

♪ HAIL TO THEE ♪



♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪

♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED

SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪

♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED

AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT

'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT

'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

OKAY, I WANT YOU ALL
TO KNOW I'M VERY HAPPY

WITH THE TURNOUT WE
HAD FOR PARENTS NIGHT.

YOU KNOW, EPSTEIN, YOUR
FATHER WAS REALLY IMPRESSED

WITH YOUR TERM PAPER
ON THE WHISKEY REBELLION.

OH YEAH, YEAH, THAT'S
HIS FAVORITE SUBJECT.

FREDDIE, WHAT'D
YOUR PARENTS THINK?

FREDDIE, WHAT'RE YOU DOING?

HEY, COME ON, MR. KOTTER,
YOU'RE CUTTING OFF MY FLOW.

NOW LET ME SEE NOW.

I NEED SOMETHING THAT'S GONNA
RHYME WITH BUCHANAN HIGH.

WHY?

THAT'S A GOOD TRY.

FLY, DIE.

- SQUIRREL PIE.
- STY IN YOUR EYE.

CAPTAIN BLY, JOANNE LIE.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, COME ON.

LET'S PASS THIS BY.

♪ LET'S PASS THIS BY,
BUCHANAN HIGH ♪♪

SIT DOWN!

I DON'T KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING,

BUT IT'S CERTAINLY
NOT SCHOOLWORK.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT A
MINUTE, MR. KOTTER.

THIS IS SCHOOLWORK.

SEE, CHECK IT OUT, MAN.

I'M DOING MY RENDITION
OF THE SCHOOL SONG.

SOMETHING THAT WE CAN DIG ON.

YEAH, YEAH, SOMETHING
WE CAN LAY BACK WITH.

NOT THAT FUNERAL
MARCH OF WOODMAN'S.

HEY, MR. KOTTER, THE ONLY
THING MUSICAL ABOUT MR. WOODMAN

IS THAT HE'S THE SAME
SIZE AS PAUL WILLIAMS.

HEY, COME ON, MR. KOTTER, AT
LEAST GIVE MY SONG A LISTEN.

ALL RIGHT, LET ME HEAR IT.

ALL RIGHT, MAN, I
GOTTA SIT OVER HERE.

SEE, WE'VE BEEN
WORKING ON THIS...

ME, EPSTEIN, AND BO,
BEEN WORKING THIS OUT.

MAN, PEOPLE REALLY
DIGGING IT, MAN.

CHECK THIS OUT.



♪ HAIL TO THEE,
WITH A CAPITAL B ♪

♪ AND A U ♪

♪ YOU GOT, YOU GOT TO SEE ♪

♪ AN H COMES NEXT ♪

♪ YEAH, THAT'S THE TEXT ♪

♪ GRAB AN A, DROP IN AN N ♪

♪ LET'S DO IT AGAIN ♪

♪ A AND AN N ♪

♪ NOW WHAT DOES THAT SPELL ♪

♪ BUCHANAN ♪

♪ WHO ♪

♪ BUCHANAN ♪

♪ I SAID, SAY WHAT ♪

♪ BUCHANAN, THE
OLD HIGH SCHOOL ♪

♪ BUCHANAN ♪

WE LOVE YOU, BABY.



THAT SONG LAYS THERE, MAN.

THAT'S A BUMMER, BROTHER.

MR. WOODMAN, FREDDIE
WAS JUST TRYING TO DO HIS...

TAKE FIVE, KOTTER.

HEY, UH, MR. WOODMAN,
DON'T IT MOVE YOU?

YES, TO TEARS.

HEY, NO IT'S GREAT, MR. WOODMAN.

YOU SEE, FREDDIE PUT NEW
LYRICS TO THAT OLD SONG.

HE PUT SOME SAUCE
ON THAT OLD TURKEY.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

HE MADE A FOOT STOMPER
OUTTA A TAIL DRAGGER.

♪ BUCHANAN, BABY ♪

♪ BUCHANAN ♪

COME ON, COME ON,
HERE, HERE, HERE.

SEE, MR. WOODMAN,
MAN, IT'S NICE NOW.

NOW YOU CAN HUSTLE TO THE SONG.

OR YOU CAN BUMP.

OR YOU CAN DO THE JERK TO IT.

NO OFFENSE.

KNOCK IT OFF, YOU CREEPS.

I DIDN'T WRITE "OH BUCHANAN,
MY BUCHANAN, FAIR BUCHANAN,

OH BUCHANAN MY
FAIR" TO BE RECORDED

BY GLADYS KNIGHT
AND THE BEE GEES.

GETTING BETTER, IT USED
TO BE GLADYS KNIGHT

AND THE SONS OF THE PIONEERS.

HEY, MR. WOODMAN, I DIDN'T KNOW
YOU WROTE THAT... THE SCHOOL SONG.

AND I WASN'T TRYING
TO BE DISRESPECTFUL,

IT'S JUST THAT, I THINK WE
NEED A NEW ONE, RIGHT?

YEAH, YEAH, YOUR SONG WAS OKAY
WHEN THEY SANG WITH MEGAPHONES.

♪ OH HO DEE OH DO, WOO ♪♪

SONGS FROM THAT TIME
DON'T NEED IMPROVEMENT.

YOU DON'T SEE ANYBODY CHANGING

"FLAT FOOT FLOOGIE
WITH A FLOY FLOY".

MR. WOODMAN, I DIDN'T WRITE
THOSE LYRICS TO PUT YOU DOWN.

I MEAN IT, I REALLY FELT THEM.

YOU KNOW, I JUST WANTED TO
DO SOMETHING FOR THE SCHOOL.

TRY GRADUATING.

MR. WOODMAN, MR. WOODMAN,

I THINK YOU SHOULD GIVE
FREDDIE'S LYRICS A CHANCE.

I MEAN, IT'S OBVIOUS
THE CLASS LIKES THEM.

I'M AMAZED AT YOU, KOTTER.

WHAT'RE YOU DOING,
CHUCKING ALL THE TRADITIONS?

I MEAN, THIS HIGH
SCHOOL ONLY HAS TWO.

MY SCHOOL SONG, AND
THROWING THE SMALLEST FRESHMAN

AGAINST THE ELECTRIC FENCE.

HEY, MR. WOODMAN,
MR. WOODMAN, LOOK.

WON'T YOU AT LEAST
THINK ABOUT CHANGING?

WELL, MAYBE NEXT YEAR WE'LL
TRY THROWING A SOPHOMORE.

GABE, DINNER'S READY.

SHH, JUST GOT
THE GIRLS TO SLEEP.

HOW'D YOU GET THEM
TO SLEEP SO FAST.

EASY, I PUT ON "RETURN
TO GILLIGAN'S ISLAND".

WHAT KIND OF SALAD
DRESSING IS THIS?

RANCH STYLE RUSSIAN.

RANCH STYLE RUSSIAN?

PUT ON SALAD OR BARBECUED YAK.

I'LL GET IT.

LISTEN, WHY DON'T YOU
USE THE SALAD DRESSING

AND UNCLOG THE DRAIN.

RANCH STYLE
RUSSIAN... I'M COMING!

HEY, LOOK MR. KOTTER,

I KNOW THIS IS YOUR
DINNER HOUR, BUT THIS IS...

I GOT SOMETHING
IMPORTANT TO TELL YOU.

I WON'T INTERRUPT
YOU FROM EATING.

YOU SIT DOWN, THIS
CAN'T WAIT, MAN.

GO AHEAD, EAT, GO AHEAD.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT.

GO AHEAD AND EAT YOUR FOOD.

I DON'T WANT YOU
TO MISS OUT EATIN'.

WHAT'S SO IMPORTANT, FREDDIE?

I NEED A LAWYER.

WHAT DO YOU NEED A
LAWYER FOR, FREDDIE?

YOU IN SOME KIND OF TROUBLE?

MR. KOTTER, SIT DOWN, I DON'T
WANT YOU TO INTERRUPT YOUR MEAL,

ALL RIGHT, SEE, IT'S JUST THAT,

I GOT THIS CONTRACT
RIGHT HERE, MAN.

J BUBBA HAMPTON WANTS
TO RECORD MY SCHOOL SONG.

WHO'S HAMPTON J BUBBA?

NOT HAMPTON J BUBBA,
J BUBBA HAMPTON.

HONEY, YOU KNOW WHO THAT IS.

J BUBBA... YOU
KNOW ALL HIS HITS.

UM, "HOPPIN' AND
JERKIN' AND JUMPIN'",

"CROCODILE MUSTARD",
"SMOKING THE WRONG END".

"HOT TUB SATURDAY NIGHT".

GABE, YOU KNOW WHO HE IS.

HE WORKS BAREFOOT AND
HAS A SNAKE ON EACH ARM.

OH YEAH, AND I SUPPOSE HE
HAS A MONGOOSE ON HIS GUITAR.

OH NO, MAN, HE BROKE UP WITH
THE MONGOOSE SIX MONTHS AGO.

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE,
YOU'RE TRYING TO SAY THAT

THIS BIG RECORDING
STAR WANTS TO RECORD

THE "OH BUCHANAN, MY
BUCHANAN, YOUR BUCHANAN"?

YEAH, EXCEPT HE DON'T WANNA GO

WITH THAT OLD PRUNE
JUICE TITLE, MAN.

CHECK THIS OUT.

GOT A NEW TITLE.

DIG THIS.

"THERE AIN'T NO OTHER LIKE
YOUR GROOVY ALMA MOTHER".

FREDDIE, HOW'D YOU EVER
MEET J BUBBA HAMPTON ANYWAY.

REMEMBER MY UNCLE,
MY UNCLE WILLIE,

THE ONE THAT SOLD YOU
THAT VACUUM CLEANER?

WELL, HE GOT A CAR WASH NOW.

AND BUBBA CAME IN
THERE THE OTHER DAY

AND WE WAS WAXING
HIS PURPLE PACKARD.

DOES HE ALSO BUFF HIS SNAKES?

NOW WHAT HAPPENED IS THAT MAN,
WHEN HE CAME INSIDE AND WHATNOT,

I JUST DECIDED THAT, HEY
I'LL LAY MY SONG ON HIM.

HE HEARD IT, HE FLIPPED.

HE SAYS HE WANTS TO PUT
MY SONG ON HIS NEXT ALBUM.

FREDDIE, THAT IS FREAKY.

THAT IS FREAKY.

I MEAN, THAT IS
REALLY FREAKY, MAN.

UH, LISTEN, MISS FREAKCITY.

THERE'S ONE THING THAT
YOU TWO ARE FORGETTING.

YOU CANNOT USE WOODMAN'S SONG.

IT AIN'T HIS SONG, MR. KOTTER.

IT'S MINE.

NO, FREDDIE.

THE TITLE AND THE
LYRICS ARE YOURS.

BUT THE MUSIC IS
STILL WOODMAN'S.

ALL YOU DID WAS
CHANGE THE TEMPO.

I KNOW, BUT THAT'S WHAT
MAKES IT SOUND GREAT.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES IT A
LITTLE THING CALLED PLAGIARISM.

AND BEFORE YOU SIGN THIS, YOU
BETTER GET WOODMAN'S OKAY.

OH NO, NO, NO, MAN.

FORGET ABOUT IT, MR. KOTTER.

HE'S TOO PIGHEADED, MAN.

HE'S NOT GONNA CHANGE
ONE PART OF THAT SONG.

HONEY, WHY DON'T YOU
TALK TO MR. WOODMAN.

YOU KNOW, HE REALLY LIKES YOU.

REMEMBER YOU SIGNED
THAT PETITION WITH HIM

TO BRING BACK THE
JOHNNYMAN SINGERS?

YOU'RE REALLY
FUNNY TONIGHT, JULIE.

YOU'RE A REGULAR
LAUGH RIOT TONIGHT.

FREDDIE, LOOK, I'LL
TALK TO WOODMAN,

BUT I CAN'T PROMISE
ANYTHING, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, MR. KOTTER, BUT IT...

WHAT DO YOU THINK
MY CHANCES ARE?

AS GOOD AS DOLLY
PARTON DROWNING.

I DON'T CARE, KOTTER.

THE ANSWER'S STILL NO.

I'M NOT SHARING MY
SONG WITH WASHINGTON.

THERE AIN'T NO OTHER BUT
YOUR GROOVY ALMA MOTHER.

MR. WOODMAN, JUST THINK

OF WHAT IT WOULD DO
FOR FREDDIE EMOTIONALLY.

WHAT A LIFT IT WOULD GIVE HIM.

YOU WANNA GIVE HIM A LIFT?

BUS HIM TO CLEVELAND.

ALL RIGHT LISTEN, IF YOU
DON'T CARE ABOUT FREDDIE,

THINK ABOUT YOURSELF.

THINK OF ALL THE MONEY YOU
CAN MAKE FROM ROYALTIES.

THINK ABOUT ALL THE
EXPLODING CIGARS

YOU CAN BUY FOR YOUR
NEXT LODGE MEETING.

KOTTER, I DIDN'T WRITE
MY SONG FOR THE TOP 40.

TRADITION, THAT'S WHERE IT'S AT.

MY SONG'S BEEN NUMBER 1
IN THIS SCHOOL FOR 30 YEARS.

NUMBER ONE.

THE NUMBER ONE
CAUSE OF DROP OUTS.

HEY, MR. KOTTER, CHECK IT OUT.

AND HERE'S FREDDIE.

HI, THERE.

HOW'S THIS FOR BREAD?

HEY YO, EPSTEIN?

YEAH, YEAH.

GET YOURSELF A HAIRCUT.

AND THIS TIME DON'T
GO TO A PET SHOP.

HEY FREDDIE, WHERE'D
YOU GET THAT OUTFIT.

WHAT'D YOU DO, MUG
DOC SEVERENSON?

HEY YO, MR. KOTTER,
HERE'S THAT TWENTY DOLLARS

THAT I BORROWED FROM
YOU LAST SEMESTER,

PLUS A LITTLE INTEREST.

DON'T TAKE IT, KOTTER, IT'S HOT.

PROBABLY HELD UP A GAS STATION.

IT HAPPENS TO BE AN ADVANCE

FROM J BUBBA HAMPTON
FOR FREDDIE'S SONG.

OH YEAH, A VERY SMALL
ADVANCE, I MIGHT ADD.

THE REST IS COMING BY
WAY OF BRINKS TRUCK.

- HEY YO, BROTHER EPSTEIN.
- YES, BROTHER WASHINGTON.

HEY MAN, TAKE THIS AND
BUY YOURSELF A NEW SHIRT

AND USE THIS ONE FOR A DOORMAT.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE,
WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU'RE NOT TAKING
MY SONG TO THE BANK.

THAT MELODY BELONGS TO ME.

HEY, YOU CAN KEEP
YOUR SONG, JACK.

IS MY LYRICS THAT J
BUBBA HAMPTON DIGS.

YOU DIG?

I SUPPOSE HE'S JUST GONNA HAVE
TO PUT 'EM TO SOME OTHER TUNE.

WON'T LAY DOWN LIKE MINE.

HOW COULD IT?

YOURS HAS BEEN LAYING
DOWN FOR OVER 30 YEARS.

I THINK IT ROLLED OVER AND DIED.

SEE MAN, WITH ALL THIS MONEY...

THIS CASH MONEY THAT I GOT HERE,

I'M A' BE NEEDING MYSELF
SOME TAX SHELTERS, YOU KNOW.

SO I WAS THINKING OF MAYBE
OPENING UP A COMBINATION

THREE MINUTE
CARWASH AND MORTUARY.

FOR 98 CENTS, WE PUSH YOU
AND YOUR CAR IN THE EAST RIVER.

YOU FEEBS ARE DREAMING.

OH MAN, YOU JUST
DON'T KNOW NOTHING

ABOUT THE RECORD BUSINESS.

HOW CAN YOU SAY THAT, FREDDIE.

WHY THIS MAN JUST BOUGHT A
NEW CRANK FOR HIS PHONOGRAPH.

J BUBBA HAMPTON SAYS, MAN,

THAT MY RECORD WILL SELL
FIVE MILLION COPIES MINIMUM.

SON.

I'VE BEEN SELFISH.

IF IT'S MOTOWN RECORDS YOU WANT,

WHO AM I TO STAND IN YOUR WAY.

MR. WOODMAN, WHAT
HAPPENED TO TRADITION?

STAY OUT OF THIS, KOTTER.

THIS IS BETWEEN
ME AND MY LYRICIST.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE, NOW.

YOU MEAN YOU WILLING
TO SACRIFICE YOUR MUSIC?

SMALL, UH, PRICE TO
PAY FOR YOUR HAPPINESS.

SKIN, BROTHER.

RIGHT ON, PARTNER.

WHEN HE SAW THIS
MONEY, HE WENT CRAZY.

THIS TRICK REALLY WORKED.

YEAH, HE HASN'T
SEEN SO MUCH MONEY

SINCE THEY TOOK AWAY
HIS PAY TOILET CONCESSION.

HEY, Y'ALL, I GOTTA SPLIT.

I GOTTA TELL J BUBBA THAT
WE GOT OURSELVES A DEAL.

UH, JUST ONE SECOND.

AREN'T YOU FORGETTING THAT
IT'S MY CHRISTMAS CLUB MONEY

WE PUT UP FOR THIS SCAM.

OH YEAH, HERE YOU GO.

THEY'VE ALREADY PENALIZED
ME FOR EARLY WITHDRAWAL.

MADE GIVE BACK MY FREE
FARRAH FAWCETT CALENDAR.

HEY YO, I GOTTA GO, MAN.

Y'ALL COME ON, LET'S GO.

OKAY, SEE YOU LATER.

CAN YOU LOAN ME 20?

GET OUT.

ALL RIGHT, GUYS, HERE'S
SOMETHING TO NIBBLE ON.

HEY WHAT IS THIS
IN THE DIP HERE?

LOOKS LIKE SHOELACES.

IT'S LOW CAL ASPARAGUS, EPSTEIN.

DON'T KNOCK IT,
THE PRICE IS RIGHT.

YEAH WE WANTED MR. WOODMAN
TO GO TO FREDDIE'S APARTMENT,

YOU KNOW, TO SIGN THE CONTRACTS.

HE CHICKENED OUT.

YEAH, HE WAS AFRAID TO GO
INTO FREDDIE'S NEIGHBORHOOD.

SO AM I.

I ONLY GO THERE TO SLEEP.

WELL, WHY DON'T YOU JUST
MEET AT WOODMAN'S APARTMENT?

THAT'S REAL SAFE,
HE'S GOT A GUARD DOG.

YEAH, WOODMAN LOOKS
REALLY CUTE IN HIS CHOKE CHAIN.

I'LL GET IT.

COMING.

HEY, JULIE.

WHAT'S SHAKING?

WHAT'S GOING DOWN?

MOSTLY THE BUTTONS
ON YOUR SHIRT.

♪ STAYIN' ALIVE, STAYIN' ALIVE ♪

♪ STAYIN' ALIVE,
STAYIN' ALIVE ♪♪

STAYIN' ALIVE, HUH?

COULD HAVE FOOLED ME.

DON'T TEASE MR. WOODMAN.

IT'S A BIG NIGHT FOR HIM.

I BET YOU'RE REAL EXCITED
ABOUT MEETING J BUBBA HAMPTON.

I'M NOT IMPRESSED
WITH CELEBRITIES.

I MET A LOT OF
BIGGIES IN MY TIME.

I SHARED A CAB ONE TIME
WITH THE ANDREWS SISTERS.

EVEN CARRIED THEIR LUGGAGE
INTO GRAND CENTRAL STATION.

NICE KIDS.

BIG TIPPERS.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, OKAY.

THAT'S GOTTA BE J BUBBA HAMPTON.

ALL RIGHT.

LET ME GET IT, LET
ME-LET ME GET IT.

RELAX, MR. WOODMAN, HE PROBABLY
DOESN'T HAVE ANY LUGGAGE.

ALL RIGHT, BROTHER J, ALL RIGHT.

HAPPY YOU CAME BY.

HEY, J, SHOW ME SOME SKIN.

YEAH, UH, HUBBA HUBBA.

HEY, J, COME ON, I WANT YOU TO
MEET THE REST OF MY BUDDIES.

ALL RIGHT, OKAY, WE HAVE
EPSTEIN TYPE OVER HERE.

HEY, IT'S GOOD TO MEET
YOU, GOOD TO MEET YOU.

AND THAT'S BO DELLABAR.

AND THAT'S MRS. KOTTER.

AND THAT'S MR. KOTTER,
HE'S MY TEACHER.

NICE TO MEET YOU.

GOT YOUR SNAKES IN THERE?

SNAKES IS JUST MY ACT.

I DON'T SEE YOU
CARRYING A BLACKBOARD.

I HAVE IT IN MY OTHER SWEATER.

YEAH.

AND THIS MAN, THIS IS THE MAN
THAT MAKES THE WHOLE WORLD SING.

HE WRITES THAT KIND OF MUSIC.

HE WROTE THE MUSIC FOR THE SONG.

MR. WOODMAN.

HEY, FREDDIE, DROP THE MISTER.

WE'RE ALL GONNA BE
WORKING TOGETHER.

JUST CALL ME WOODY.

MR. HAMPTON, WHY
DON'T YOU SIT DOWN.

YOU KNOW, MY HUSBAND
AND I LOVE YOUR MUSIC,

ESPECIALLY YOUR LAST ALBUM,

"IF YOU'RE LOSING TRACTION,
YOU'RE LOSING ACTION".

THANK YOU.

YOU REALLY LIKED IT.

ME, OH, YEAH GOOD STUFF.

THE COVER WAS TERRIFIC.

I LIKE IT WITH THE SNAKES.

NICE SKIN TONE ON THE SNAKES.

I HAVE THE CONTRACTS RIGHT HERE.

NOW ALL YOU TWO HAVE
TO DO IS JUST SIGN IT.

OH GROOVY.

INCIDENTALLY, MY LAWYER
SAYS IN CASE THEY SUE,

ALL YOU HAVE TO DO IS JUST
CLAIM IT WAS UNINTENTIONAL.

WHAT SUE, SUE, SUE WHO?

THE IRVIN RUSSELL ESTATE.

WHAT'RE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

WHO'S IRVIN RUSSELL?

COME ON, PAL, HE'S THE GUY
WHOSE SONG YOU RIPPED OFF.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, RIPPED OFF?

I WROTE "OH BUCHANAN, MY
BUCHANAN, FAIR BUCHANAN,

OH BUCHANAN, MY FAIR" IN 1948.

WHAT DID HE EVER WRITE.

"OH BELOVED, MY BELOVED,

FAIR BELOVED, OH
BELOVED, MY FAIR", 1938.

BALL'S IN YOUR
COURT, MR. WOODMAN.

BUT MY SONG'S
COMPLETELY ORIGINAL.

I WROTE EVERY NOTE MYSELF.

UNFORTUNATELY YOU PUT THOSE
NOTES IN THE SAME ORDER HE DID.

MR. WOODMAN, YOU PLAGIARIST?

WORSE THAN THAT, HE'S A CROOK.

NOW WAIT A MINUTE, GUYS.

I DON'T THINK MR. WOODMAN
HAD ANY IDEA ABOUT IT.

THAT'S WHY HE STOLE THAT SONG,

BECAUSE HE AIN'T HAD NO IDEA.

RELAX, NOW THIS KIND OF
THING HAS HAPPENED BEFORE.

NOW YOU JUST MIGHT
GET AWAY WITH IT.

YEAH, YOU COULD USE THE ANDREWS
SISTERS FOR CHARACTER WITNESSES.

OH NO, ANOTHER MAN'S SONG.

COME ON, COME ON,
MR. WOODMAN, TAKE A SHOT, HUH?

THEY NEVER SENT A
SONGWRITER UP TO THE BIG HOUSE.

BESIDES, YOU CAN ALWAYS
WRITE PRISON TUNES, YOU KNOW,

LIKE "STRIPES AND
STRIPES FOREVER".

I CAN'T DO IT, FREDDIE.

IT'S NOT RIGHT AND
I'M TOO CLASSY A GUY.

HEY YO LOOK,
MR. WOODMAN, HEY LOOK MAN.

HEY LOOK, I KNOW WHERE
YOU'RE COMING FROM, ALL RIGHT.

AND UM, I COULDN'T
DO THAT EITHER, MAN.

WELL, I GUESS THAT'S IT, THEN.

I GUESS I'LL JUST HAVE TO FIND
ANOTHER SONG FOR THE ALBUM.

OH WAIT A MINUTE.

WAIT, WAIT, I HAVE THIS
WONDERFUL LITTLE LULLABY

THAT I SING TO THE
TWINS EVERY NIGHT.

YOU'LL JUST LOVE IT.

PUTS 'EM RIGHT TO SLEEP.

OH THAT'S NICE, BUT I MAKE MY
MONEY KEEPING MY AUDIENCE AWAKE.

MAYBE SOME OTHER TIME.

GOOD NIGHT.

BYE BYE, GOOD NIGHT,
THANKS FOR COMING.

GOOD NIGHT NOW.

I KNEW I SHOULD'VE
PITCHED IT AS A BOOGIE.

I'M SORRY ABOUT
THE BREAD, FREDDIE.

OH MAN, MR. WOODMAN.

THE MONEY WAS ONLY PART OF IT.

AFTER ALL, I DID WRITE
THE SONG FOR THE SCHOOL.

WAIT A MINUTE,
GUYS, I HAVE AN IDEA.

WHY DON'T YOU JUST
HAVE TWO SCHOOL SONGS.

OH THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

ONE WOODMAN CAN SING
AND ONE WE CAN ENJOY.

NO, NO, IT'LL NEVER WORK.

BUT WHAT IF WE HAD
TWO SCHOOL SONGS?

SEE, AT FORMAL SCHOOL FUNCTIONS,
WE CAN SING MR. WOODMAN'S,

AND WE CAN SING FREDDIE'S

AT BASKETBALL GAMES
AND PEP RALLIES.

TERRIBLE IDEA.

WE'RE ALL FORGETTING TRADITION.

YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
RIGHT, MR. WOODMAN.

ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

WE'RE FORGETTING TRADITION.

BUT I'M A' HAVE TO BE HONEST

AND TELL EVERYBODY WHERE
YOUR SONG CAME FROM.

ALTHOUGH... CERTAINLY
MORE TO LIFE THAN TRADITION.

♪ HAIL TO THE CAPITAL B ♪

♪ BUCHANAN ♪

♪ BUCHANAN ♪♪

OKAY, THAT ABOUT DOES IT.

WE LIKE TO THANK
YOU ALL FOR COMING

TO THIS MONTH'S PARENT
NIGHT AND DRIVE SAFELY.

WE'LL SEE YOU NEXT MONTH.

HOLD IT, HOLD IT, KOTTER.

AREN'T YOU FORGETTING SOMETHING.

OH NO, MR. WOODMAN,
CAN'T WE SKIP IT?

TRADITION, KOTTER.

WELL, IF WE GONNA
BE SINGING ANY SONG,

WE GONNA BE SINGING MY SONG.

CHECK IT OUT.

THIS AIN'T NO FORMAL AFFAIR.

ANYTIME GUACAMOLE IS
SERVED, IT'S A FORMAL AFFAIR.

LISTEN, MR. WOODMAN,

IF YOU WANNA END THE
EVENING ON A HIGH NOTE,

WHY NOT GIVE THESE PEOPLE
WHAT THEY CAME TO HEAR ANYWAY?

OKAY?

MY UNCLE SEYMOUR.

MY UNCLE SEYMOUR ALWAYS
WANTED TO BE A GREAT COMPOSER.

SO HE WAS A LITTLE WEIRD ANYWAY.

SO WE THOUGHT HE WAS
GONNA DIG UP SCHUBERT'S GRAVE

TO FIND THE UNFINISHED
SYMPHONY, RIGHT.

SO HE STARTED TO DIG
UP SCHUBERT'S GRAVE

AND, UH, HE OPENED THE COFFIN,

AND, UH, SCHUBERT
SAID, "LEAVE ME ALONE.

I'M DECOMPOSING."



♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪

♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED

SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪

♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED

AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪

♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪

♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT

'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A PRAYER ♪

♪ WELCOME BACK ♪

♪ YEAH THAT SMILE THAT I
FAKE HAD TOO MUCH TO BEAR ♪

♪ AND I KNOW WHAT A SCENE
YOU WERE LEARNING IN ♪

♪ WAS THERE SOMETHING THAT
MADE YOU COME BACK AGAIN ♪

♪ AND WHAT COULD EVER LEAD YA ♪