Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 3, Episode 18 - Angie - full transcript
- JULIE!
- WHAT?
THERE'S AN ARTICLE IN HERE
ABOUT MY UNCLE ZOLTAN.
NOT YOUR FAMOUS UNCLE
ZOLTAN, THE MAD SCIENTIST?
YES, THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS HERE:
"GABE'S FAMOUS UNCLE
ZOLTAN, THE MAD SCIENTIST,
HAS JUST BAFFLED THE
WHOLE MEDICAL WORLD
BY CROSSING A LION AND A PARROT,
AND HE GOT SOMETHING."
WELL... UM, THIS
THING THAT HE GOT.
- YEAH.
- WHAT DID IT SAY?
IT SAYS, "POLLY WANTS A ZEBRA."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪
OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
NOW TODAY, I'D
LIKE TO TALK ABOUT
THE EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT.
NOW, BEFORE WE GET INTO THAT,
LET'S GET SOME BACKGROUND
ON THE CONSTITUTION.
NOW, WHO REMEMBERS
WHAT THE FIRST PART
OF THE CONSTITUTION IS?
OH, I KNOW IT, I KNOW.
FREDDIE.
PAGE ONE.
OPEN YOUR BOOKS
TO THE CONSTITUTION.
ALL RIGHT... NOW, WHAT IS
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE?
"WILLIE LOVES EDNA."
WILLIE LOVES EDNA.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
IT SAYS RIGHT HERE.
"WILLIE LOVES EDNA,
BUT EDNA LOVES HERMAN.
HERMAN LOVES LILA, BUT
LILA LOVES EVERYBODY."
SOMEBODY SHOULD TELL WILLIE.
ENOUGH, ARNOLD.
THE FIRST PART OF
THE CONSTITUTION
IS CALLED THE
PREAMBLE, PREAMBLE.
THE LAST PART IS MADE
UP OF THE AMENDMENTS.
NOW, HOW WERE THE
AMENDMENTS CREATED?
I-I CAN DO THAT, I
KNOW THAT ANSWER.
ALL RIGHT...'MEMBER THE
GUY, HE WAS AN OLD GUY
WITH A BIG WHITE BEARD, RIGHT?
AND-AND HE GOES UP THE
SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN, RIGHT?
AND WHEN HE GETS TO THE TOP,
HE HEARS A LOT OF
LIGHTNING AND THUNDER
AND-AND BOOM!
AND THEN HE COMES DOWN,
AND WRITTEN ON A BIG ROCK,
HE'S GOT THE TEN AMENDMENTS.
BUT YOU SEE, THEN
AFTER, AFTER THAT,
IT WENT TO INTERMISSION,
I GOT POPCORN.
VINNIE, THAT'S THE COMMANDMENTS,
VINNIE, NOT THE AMENDMENTS,
THE COMMANDMENTS,
NOT AMENDMENTS.
OH.
NEVER MIND.
ANYBODY ELSE HERE WANNA
RAMBLE AIMLESSLY FOR A WHILE?
YEAH!
SIT DOWN!
THAT'S ENOUGH AIMLESS
RAMBLING FOR TODAY.
- HUH?
- NOTHING.
ALL RIGHT, WOO-HOO!
QUIET, QUIET!
KOTTER, THIS IS A NEW STUDENT.
ANGIE GRABOWSKI,
TRANSFERRED FROM THE BRONX.
ANGIE, ANGIE!
ALL RIGHT, QUIET DOWN!
QUIET DOWN, OR WE WON'T
SWEEP OUT YOUR CAGES.
NOW, DON'T FORGET, ANGIE,
UNTIL THE SHIPMENT
OF MACE ARRIVES,
MY OFFICE IS JUST A SCREAM AWAY.
IN THE MEANTIME, YOU'VE
ENTERED THE WILD KINGDOM.
GET THAT, KOTTER...
THE WILD KINGDOM.
HELLO, ANGIE, I'M
MARLON PERKINS.
TODAY, WE WILL JOURNEY
TO THE DEEPEST, DARKEST
JUNGLES OF BROOKLYN,
WHERE YOU WILL
MEET THE SWEATHOGS
IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT.
FIRST OFF, WE HAVE
ARNOLD HORSHACK.
HE'S THE LAST OF
A DYING SPECIES.
YEAH... BUT HE AIN'T
DYIN' FAST ENOUGH.
HELLO.
HOW ARE YA?
ARE YOU HERE PERMANENTLY, OR
ARE YOU JUST TEMPORARILY HERE
TO DRIVE US CRAZY?
NEXT, OVER HERE,
WE HAVE AN EPSTEIN.
NOW, HE CAN BE DANGEROUS,
SO YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR
WINDOWS ROLLED UP AT ALL TIMES.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I
DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT ALL YOU CATS ARE GETTIN'
ALL BENT OUTTA SHAPE ABOUT, HUH?
I MEAN, SHE'S JUST
ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
PLEASE TOUCH ME,
LOOK AT ME, ANYTHING!
NOW, THE EPSTEIN CAN
ALSO BE VERY GENTLE.
IN FACT, HE'LL TAKE THE
FOOD RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HAND.
ALL RIGHT, GET OUT OF HERE.
HI, MY NAME IS VINNIE BARBARINO.
AND VERY SHORTLY, YOU'RE
GONNA START TO FEEL FAINT,
AND YOUR KNEES ARE
GONNA START TO BUCKLE,
AND THEN, YOU'LL
FALL IN MY ARMS,
- AND THE, YOU'RE GONNA...
- ALL RIGHT, VINNIE, SIT DOWN!
ALL RIGHT, RALPHIE BABY!
NOW, LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
WE HAVE THE WASHINGTON.
NOW, HE'S SMOOTH
AND SUAVE AND FAST.
IN FACT, HE CAN GO UP
TO 40 MILES AN HOUR...
AND THAT'S JUST WITH HIS MOUTH.
HI THERE.
WELL, THAT'S IT, ANGIE,
YOU MET THE SWEATHOGS.
AW, EVERYONE KNOWS
THE SWEATHOGS.
THEY'RE LEGENDS,
THEY'RE LARGER THAN LIFE.
YEAH, EVERYBODY EXCEPT
FOR ARNOLD HORSHACK...
HE'S SHORTER THAN LIFE.
OKAY, ANGIE, WE WERE RIGHT
IN THE MIDDLE OF A LESSON,
- SO WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
- SURE, MR. KOTTER.
COME SIT OVER WITH ME!
NO, NO, HERE!
YOU KNOW, GUYS, I THINK
WE'RE GONNA BE GREAT FRIENDS.
OH, I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
OH, I'M GREAT AT CHEATING.
DID YOU EVER TRY
WRITING THE ANSWERS
DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR DRESS?
NO, BUT I'D GLADLY ERASE 'EM
FOR YOU ANYTIME YOU NEED IT.
OH, I'M GREAT AT
HOT-WIRING CARS.
HEY, BABY, I CAN SNEEZE AT WILL.
- OH, BUT I CAN ALSO...
- ANGIE, COME ON!
I'M SORRY, MR. KOTTER,
BUT PLEASE DON'T SPOIL IT.
THIS IS, REALLY, MY
GREATEST MOMENT.
YOUR GREATEST MOMENT?
YEAH... THIS IS THE MOMENT
THAT ANGIE GRABOWSKI
BECOMES A SWEATHOG.
BUT, ANGIE, YOU'RE A GIRL.
HEY, FREDDIE, I DON'T
REMEMBER US EVER HAVIN' A GIRL
- IN THE SWEATHOGS.
- YEAH.
WELL, COULDN'T
YOU START WITH ME?
LOOK, ANGIE BABY...
I WOULD LIKE TO START
SOMETHIN' WITH YOU,
BU THIS AIN'T IT.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU
SHOULD KNOW THAT.
- GIRLS CAN'T BECOME GUYS.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE
SEPARATE WASHROOMS.
WE DO?
WELL, COULDN'T YOU AT
LEAST MAKE ME AN EXCEPTION?
LOOK, UM, ANGIE'S
THE NAME, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- LEMME, LEMME PUT THIS TO YOU
IN A DIFFERENT KIND
OF WAY... FORGET IT!
ALL RIGHT, NOW, NO EXCEPTIONS.
WE START THIS UP,
AND PRETTY SOON,
THEY'LL BE CALL THE
SWEATHOGS VIENNA GIRL CHOIR.
- BUT, GUYS, YOU JUST DON'T...
- BALONEY!
HEY, GUYS, WHAT DO
YOU FEEL LIKE DOING?
YOU FEEL LIKE SHOOTING POOL?
OKAY.
NAH, WE SHOT POOL
YESTERDAY, LET'S GO TO A MOVIE.
OKAY.
NO, MAN, WE SHOULD DO
SOME STUFF OUTDOORS.
WE CAN GO OVER TO THE
GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE
AND HOPE THAT SOMEBODY JUMPS.
NAH, IT'S TOO COLD OUTSIDE.
YEAH, ANGIE'S RIGHT.
IT'S TOO COLD OUTSIDE
FOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
OH MY, WHAT DID I SAY?
HEY, WHO ASKED YOU?
WELL, I'M SORRY IF I
SPOKE OUT OF TURN.
I-I'M JUST KINDA NEW
TO THE SWEATHOGS.
- LOOK, ANGIE GROMBASLEWSKI.
- GRABOWSKI.
WELL, WHATEVER YOUR
NAME IS, SWEETHEART.
NOW, LOOK, FOR THE LAST TIME,
SITTIN' IN THAT CLASSROOM
OVER THERE DON'T MAKE YOU
- NO SWEATHOG, UNDERSTAND?
- YEAH.
YEAH, YOU SEE, THE
SWEATHOGS AIN'T A CLUB.
IT'S A STATE OF MIND.
BUT I WANNA BE A SWEATHOG, I
CAN DO ANYTHING YOU GUYS CAN.
OH?
CAN YOU PICK UP GIRLS?
WELL, NO.
NEITHER CAN I.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU
GUYS, THIS IS THE 20TH CENTURY!
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THAT
WOMEN HAVE BEEN LIBERATED?
HOW DO YOU LIKE
THAT, HUH, VINNIE?
I MEAN, I MISS THE 11
O'CLOCK NEWS ONE NIGHT,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON!
HEY, LOOK... ANGIE,
THAT'S YOUR NAME?
YOU GOTTA EARN YOUR
WAY INTO THE SWEATHOGS...
LOOK AT ME BABY, I'M TALKIN'.
MY LIPS, THEY MOVIN',
UNDERSTAND... ALL RIGHT.
NOW LOOK, IT AIN'T EASY.
NOW YOU TAKE ARNOLD HORSHACK
OVER THERE, FOR INSTANCE.
NOW, HOW YOU THINK
HE BECAME A SWEATHOG?
HOW DID HE BECOME A SWEATHOG?
I DON'T KNOW... DURING
THE MEMBERSHIP DRIVE.
COME ON!
HE'S GOT A POINT THERE...
WELL, ANYWAY, LOOK.
YOU WANNA BE IN THE SWEATHOGS,
YOU GOTS TO PROVE YOURSELF.
BUT HOW CAN I?
- WELL, ONE THING THAT YOU...
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
UP-DOWN, UP-DOWN, HEY, HEY, HEY.
- ALL RIGHT.
- THANK YOU.
VINNIE, VINNIE, VINNIE,
VINNIE, HERE WE GO.
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
- YEAH.
THEM BRONX PEOPLE,
THEM PEOPLE IN THE BRONX,
THEY WEIRD, MAN.
OF COURSE, THEY'RE
WEIRD, YOU KNOW?
COMES FROM LIVING IN
THE WEIRDERNESS, OH YEAH.
YEAH, I HAD A COUSIN OF MINE
WENT UP TO THE BRONX ONCE.
CAME BACK WITH SOME
REAL HORROR STORIES.
- REALLY?
- MM-HM.
TOOK SOME PICTURE OF SOME
LIONS AND TIGER AND BEARS.
OH MY!
- LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS.
- OH MY!
- LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS.
- OH MY!
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T THINK
THAT THAT ANGIE'S WEIRD AT ALL.
YOU KNOW, COMIN'
FROM YOU, HORSHACK,
THAT DON'T MEAN NOTHIN'.
WELL, WHAT IS SO WEIRD
ABOUT WORSHIPING SWEATHOGS
ALL YOUR LIFE?
I THINK I'LL FORGET
I ASKED THAT.
GUYS, PULL UP A SEAT, I
GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
NOW, YOU SEE, I'VE GOT A
PLAN THAT COULD GET RID
OF THIS ANGIE BABY FOR GOOD.
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS I'LL
TAKE HER HOME TO MY HOUSE, RIGHT,
AND LOCK HER IN A
ROOM WITH MY MOTHER.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN, RIGHT?
IN TWO HOURS' TIME, THAT
ANGIE GRABOWSKI, RIGHT,
SHE'S GONNA COME OUT SISTER
ANGELINA THERESA PHILHARMONICA.
- GUARANTEED.
- ALL RIGHT!
OKAY, WHO DID IT?
WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT?
HEY, MR. WOODMAN,
DIDN'T THEY TELL YOU?
THE WET LOOK IS OUT.
MR. WOODMAN, MR. WOODMAN,
MR. WOODMAN... OH.
HOW MANY TIMES DO
WE GOTTA TELL YOU?
FIRST, YOU TAKE YOUR CLOTHES
OFF, THEN YOU TAKE YOUR SHOWER.
FIRST, YOU TAKE YOUR...
FIRST, YOU TAKE... COME ON!
ONE OF YOU THIEVES SET
OFF THE SPRINKLER SYSTEM
IN MY OFFICE.
FREDDIE, DID YOU DO
THAT... THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
WAIT A MINUTE,
MAN, WAIT A MINUTE:
I AIN'T DID NOTHIN'.
WELL, SOMEONE HERE DID.
ONLY A SWEATHOG
WOULD STOOP SO LOW.
UH, I DIDN'T STOOP, MR. WOODMAN.
I STOOD ON A CHAIR.
YOU?
OH, HOW CUTE.
CONVINCING HER, CONVINCING
HER TO TAKE THE BLAME
FOR SOMETHING YOU DID,
WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR,
SOME KIND OF SAP?
WELL, YOU ARE DRIPPIN'.
WELL, IT WON'T WORK.
AND WHEN PRINCIPAL
LAZARUS HEARS WHAT YOU DID,
YOU HAVE MY PROMISE, EVERY
ONE OF YOU WILL BE EXPELLED
BY TOMORROW MORNING!
EXPEL ME TOO, MR. WOODMAN,
JUST EXPEL ME TOO.
ANGIE... WHAT DID YOU
GO AND DO THAT FOR?
WELL, I WAS JUST
TRYIN' TO PROVE MYSELF.
OH YEAH, SURE, SURE... YOU PROVED
THAT WE CAN ALL GET EXPELLED.
WELL, I'LL GET MYSELF
EXPELLED TOO, I PROMISE.
IT'S JUST HARD BEING
ONE OF THE SWEATHOGS.
WE GOTTA STICK TOGETHER.
ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL.
ANGIE, GO DO ME
A FAVOR, WILL YA?
GO GARGLE WITH GLUE.
YEAH, THEN TRY
HANGING FROM A CEILING...
BY YOUR TONGUE.
COME ON, ARNOLD,
LET'S GO, COME ON.
GUYS, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.
- I'M COMING.
- RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT...
SWEATHOGS DON'T CRY.
HEY, MR. KOTTER,
MR. KOTTER, MR. KOTTER-ER-ER!
LISTEN, I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE
YOU COULD HELP ANGIE OUT.
SHE'S IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
YES, I HEARD.
ANGIE, HOW'D YOU DO THAT...
IT ONLY TOOK YOU FOUR HOURS.
I THINK THAT'S A
NEW SCHOOL RECORD.
LOOK, MR. KOTTER, YOU
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE
YOU COULD GIVE
HER A LITTLE ADVICE,
HOW TO BECOME A SWEATHOG
THE PROPER WAY, YOU KNOW,
LIKE YOU TAUGHT ME, REMEMBER?
WELL, ALL I TAUGHT
ARNOLD, ANGIE,
WAS YOU GOTTA BE YOURSELF.
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WHEN THAT DIDN'T WORK, I
TOLD HIM TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE.
OH, COME ON... HELP HER.
OKAY, ANGIE'S PROBLEM IS
A LITTLE DIFFERENT, ARNOLD.
COME OVER HERE TO MY
OFFICE, RIGHT OVER HERE.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
ANGIE, WHAT YOU WERE DOING
WAS YOUR OLD, BASIC
TRYING TOO HARD.
I MEAN, YOU REALLY
WANTED TO BE ACCEPTED,
AND YOU GOT EVERYBODY
IN A LOT OF TROUBLE,
AND WOODMAN GET ALL WET.
NOT THAT HE WASN'T
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YEAH, I GUESS I WAS JUST
TRYING MUCH TOO HARD.
YEAH.
LEMME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY.
OH, I LOVE STORIES, MR. KOTTER.
YOU DO?
YEAH, ESPECIALLY ONES ABOUT
RELATIVES AND AUNTS AND UNCLES.
ANGIE, WE'RE GONNA
GET ALONG REALLY WELL.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THAT'S
ALL YOU'RE GONNA HEAR.
HE HAS MORE UNCLES
THAN ALEX HALEY.
WELL, I WANNA HEAR IT ANYWAY.
ALL RIGHT, BUT THIS ONE'S
NOT ABOUT MY UNCLE.
IT'S ABOUT A GUY I
WENT TO SCHOOL WITH.
HIS NAME WAS BULLETS BERNSTEIN.
NOW, BULLETS WANTED
TO BE A SWEATHOG
MORE THAN ANYTHING IN
THE WORLD, SO WHAT HE DID IS,
HE TRIED TO ACT TOUGH.
COME TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY
WITH HIS HAIR SLICKED BACK,
LEATHER COAT, TRY AND
PICK FIGHTS WITH PEOPLE,
STARTED TO TALK LIKE THIS...
"HEY, I WANNA BE A SWEATHOG.
I WANNA BE A SWEATHOG,
YEAH, I WANNA BE A SWEATHOG."
WELL, DID HE GET
INTO THE SWEATHOGS?
NO... NO ONE COULD
UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SAYING.
BUT, ANGIE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
MR. KOTTER, IF SHE
SAYS YES, WILL YOU STOP?
SAY YES, ANGIE.
- YES.
- BOY, SHE LEARNS FAST!
- LEMME TELL YOU ANOTHER STORY.
- NO, NO, MR. KOTTER.
THAT WAS A TERRIFIC STORY,
YOU HELPED HER SO MUCH.
- THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.
THERE IS IT... OH
NO, THAT AIN'T IT.
TRY IT AGAIN?
BOY, MR. KOTTER'S
REALLY A FUNNY GUY.
YEAH, HE SURE IS
FUNNY, AIN'T HE?
IF ONLY HIS JOKES WERE.
OH, HORSHACK, I DIDN'T
KNOW YOU WERE SO SMOOTH.
WHAT?
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WAS A TRAITOR.
THAT'S RIGHT, ARNOLD...
AS IN "BENEDICT."
HEY, LISTEN, YOU
GUYS, I WAS JUST TRYING
TO HELP ANGIE OUT HERE.
YEAH, YEAH, WELL, I'D LIKE
TO KNOW WHO LET HER IN HERE.
WILL YOU COME ON, LITTLE JUAN?
I'M SURE THAT ANGIE
REALIZES THAT IT IS NOT AS EASY
TO BECOME AS SWEATHOG
AS SHE THOUGHT, ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I JUST WANT YOU
GUYS TO LIKE ME, THAT'S ALL.
LISTEN, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU HAVE GIVEN US THE
GREATEST HONOR YET.
ARNOLD, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
WELL, SHE GOT US EXPELLED,
THAT'S GOTTA BE WORTH SOMETHING.
EXPELLED?
HEY, WELL, I AIN'T NEVER
FIGURED MYSELF TO BE EXPELLED.
I MEAN, DROP OUT GRACEFULLY,
OR HONORABLY DEMOTED, MAYBE.
BUT COMPLETELY
EXPELLED... I MEAN, THAT WAS,
THAT WAS JUST A CRAZY DREAM.
YEAH, COME ON, COME ON, ANGIE.
TO PULL A STUNT LIKE
THAT, I DON'T KNOW...
IT'S BIZARRE.
YEAH... YOU KNOW WHAT, ANGIE?
YOU SEE, OUR STUNTS
ALWAYS HAD TWO THINGS.
THAT WAS, THEY WERE ORIGINAL,
AND TWO, THEY HAVE NO EVIDENCE.
WE'RE SO SMART.
LIKE THE TIME WE
PUT THE KITTY LITTER
IN MR. WOODMAN'S HAIRSPRAY?
FOR TWO WEEKS, HE THOUGHT
HE HAD IMPACTED DANDRUFF.
SEE, ANGIE?
YOUR STUNT WAS
PURELY AMATEUR NIGHT.
WELL, YEAH, I KNOW.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A
LOT NOISIER THAN IT WAS.
YOU MEAN, MORE THAN THE
SCREAMS OF A MAN DROWNING
IN HIS OWN SUIT?
I THOUGHT THE FIRE ALARMS
WERE SUPPOSED TO GO OFF TOO.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
THE FIRE ALARMS WERE
SUPPOSED TO GO OFF.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IF THERE WAS A FIRE, MAN,
WE WOULDA ALL BEEN FRIED.
HM, WELL, WHO'S
RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT?
OUR LITTLE WHITE-HAIRED FRIEND.
WOODMAN.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
YOU DON'T NEED A WEATHERMAN TO
KNOW WHICH WAY THE WIND BLOWS.
EPSTEIN, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
STAND BACK, WE MAY HAVE
TO BUILD A FIREWALL HERE.
ALL RIGHT, GET ON WITH IT.
WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?
- BECAUSE!
- BECAUSE WHY?
BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE
DOLORES DELVECCHIO'S
PHONE NUMBER, THAT'S WHY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DRESSED UP LIKE A FIREMAN?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING DRESSED
UP LIKE A VICE PRINCIPAL?
WAIT A MINUTE, I WORKED
YEARS FOR MY CREDENTIALS.
YOU PROBABLY STOOD
IN THE WRONG LINE.
READY WITH THE REPORT
FROM THE MEN'S ROOM, SIR.
ANGIE!
YOU WENT IN A MEN'S ROOM?
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, I
KEPT MY EYES CLOSED.
ALL RIGHT, ANY VIOLATIONS
ON THE CODE THERE.
NO, BUT I JUST SUNK
THE TIDY BOWL MAN.
WHAT IS GOING ON,
THERE'S NO FIRE HERE.
WELL, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
WE HAVE A FIRE ALARM.
RIGHT.
BREAK IT, FREDDIE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I GOT THIS PITCH HERE FROM
HANK AARON, PERSONALLY.
WAIT A MINUTE,
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
SURE I CAN.
PULL IT, FREDDIE.
NO!
IF HE PULLS THAT HANDLE,
THE ALARM WILL GO OFF
ALL OVER THE SCHOOL.
OH.
PULL IT, FREDDIE.
MR. WOODMAN, IT DOESN'T WORK.
- MR. WOODMAN...
- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
THE SOUND OF THAT
ALARM IS DEAFENING!
- IT DOESN'T WORK.
- WHAT?
NOW, I JUST WONDER
WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IT IS
TO MAKE SURE THAT
THAT FIRE ALARM SYSTEM
IS OPERATIONAL, MR. WOODMAN.
IT'S NOT MINE, I'M
JUST A STUDENT
PRETENDING TO BE A FIRE CHIEF.
YEAH, AND IT'S NOT
MINE, YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE I'M JUST A STUDENT
PRETENDIN' TO BE A STUDENT.
YEAH, AND I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT ME, I'M JUST A TIN MAN.
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO
KNOW IT WAS DEFECTIVE?
WELL, YOU'D BETTER
COME UP WITH AN ANSWER
BEFORE THE NEXT SCHOOL
BOARD MEETING, MR. WOODMAN.
WELL, NOW, COME ON,
THERE'S NO REASON
WHY THEY HAVE TO
FIND OUT ABOUT IT.
OH, NO REASON AT ALL,
UNLESS WE GET EXPELLED.
THIS IS BLACKMAIL.
DO YOU PREFER THE
TERM "EXTORTION"?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
GO GET OUT OF
THOSE STUPID OUTFITS.
YOU, GIVE ME THAT.
OH, OH!
HERE, HERE YOU GO,
TAKE IT, IT'S YOURS.
MR. WOODMAN, I'VE
SEEN YOU MAD BEFORE,
BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN
YOU FOAMING AT THE SUIT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT...
TWO SUITS IN TWO DAYS.
WELL, MR. WOODMAN,
THEY CAME WITH TWO SETS
OF PANTS, DIDN'T THEY?
YEAH.
SO WEAR ONE OF THE SETS
OF PANTS AS A TOP TOMORROW.
DON'T BE SO STUPID...
THEY DON'T MATCH!
ALL RIGHT, FIRST OF ALL,
I DO NOT WANT A TICKET
TO THE FIREMEN'S BALL.
SECOND OF ALL,
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
HEY, MR. KOTTER,
EVERYTHING'S COOL.
WE SAVED... THE SCHOOL.
YOU DID, HUH?
HOW'D YOU GET WOODMAN TO RESIGN?
NO, MR. KOTTER, WE JUST
GOT MR. WOODMAN TO REALIZE
THAT THE FIRE ALARM
SYSTEM DON'T WORK.
LOOK, I DON'T CARE, YOU...
IT REALLY DIDN'T WORK?
TAKE A LOOK OVER THERE.
WE PULLED THE LEVER
DOWN, NOTHING HAPPENED.
WELL, LOOK, I REALLY DON'T
APPROVE OF YOUR METHODS,
BUT IF THE SYSTEM
WASN'T WORKING, UH,
YOU DID A WORTHWHILE THING.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, IT WAS
ANGIE THAT DONE IT, THOUGH.
THAT'S RIGHT MAN, SHE DID NICE!
THANKS A LOT, ARNOLD.
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, I
WOULDN'T BE A SWEATHOG.
WELL, IT WAS WORTH IT!
WAIT A SECOND... WHO SAID
THAT SHE WAS A SWEATHOG?
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU
GOTTA REMEMBER NOW:
CONSIDER YOURSELF WITH
THE LOWEST OF THE LOW.
YEAH.
WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
I THINK, ANGIE, THAT MEANS THEY
JUST MADE YOU A SWEATHOG, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, BABY!
♪
MR. WOODMAN, DID I EVER
TELL YOU ABOUT MY UNCLE,
EBENEZER KOTTER?
EBENEZER KOTTER.
HE WAS THE CHEAPEST
MAN IN THE WORLD.
- CHEAPEST MAN IN THE WORLD.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
ONE TIME, HE WAS
READING A NEWSPAPER,
HE SEES AN AD, COLOR
TELEVISIONS, $40 EACH
FOR THE FIRST
FIVE PEOPLE IN LINE.
SO YOU KNOW WHAT
HE DOES, HE'S SO CHEAP?
HE GOES THERE THE NIGHT
BEFORE AND HE CAMPS OUT
IN FRONT OF THE
DEPARTMENT STORE.
WAITING THERE ALL NIGHT.
HE'S THIRD IN LINE,
THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE
EVEN CHEAPER THAN HIM.
NEXT MORNING, HE STANDS UP,
LITTLE MAN TRIES TO
WALK IN FRONT OF HIM.
HE SAYS, "HEY, YOU, GET
TO THE BACK OF THE LINE."
TWO MINUTES LATER,
THE SAME LITTLE MAN
TRIES TO GET IN FRONT OF HIM.
HE SAID, "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU
TO GET TO THE BACK OF THE LINE."
LITTLE GUYS SAYS, "OKAY, BUT
WHO'S GONNA OPEN THE STORE?"
WHO'S GONNA OPEN THE STORE...
IT WAS THE OWNER,
COULDN'T OPEN THE STORE.
OH, HE'S THE OWNER,
HA-HA-HA, I GET IT!
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪♪
- WHAT?
THERE'S AN ARTICLE IN HERE
ABOUT MY UNCLE ZOLTAN.
NOT YOUR FAMOUS UNCLE
ZOLTAN, THE MAD SCIENTIST?
YES, THAT'S WHAT IT SAYS HERE:
"GABE'S FAMOUS UNCLE
ZOLTAN, THE MAD SCIENTIST,
HAS JUST BAFFLED THE
WHOLE MEDICAL WORLD
BY CROSSING A LION AND A PARROT,
AND HE GOT SOMETHING."
WELL... UM, THIS
THING THAT HE GOT.
- YEAH.
- WHAT DID IT SAY?
IT SAYS, "POLLY WANTS A ZEBRA."
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪
OKAY, OKAY, ALL RIGHT.
NOW TODAY, I'D
LIKE TO TALK ABOUT
THE EQUAL RIGHTS AMENDMENT.
NOW, BEFORE WE GET INTO THAT,
LET'S GET SOME BACKGROUND
ON THE CONSTITUTION.
NOW, WHO REMEMBERS
WHAT THE FIRST PART
OF THE CONSTITUTION IS?
OH, I KNOW IT, I KNOW.
FREDDIE.
PAGE ONE.
OPEN YOUR BOOKS
TO THE CONSTITUTION.
ALL RIGHT... NOW, WHAT IS
THE FIRST THING YOU SEE?
"WILLIE LOVES EDNA."
WILLIE LOVES EDNA.
YEAH, THAT'S WHAT
IT SAYS RIGHT HERE.
"WILLIE LOVES EDNA,
BUT EDNA LOVES HERMAN.
HERMAN LOVES LILA, BUT
LILA LOVES EVERYBODY."
SOMEBODY SHOULD TELL WILLIE.
ENOUGH, ARNOLD.
THE FIRST PART OF
THE CONSTITUTION
IS CALLED THE
PREAMBLE, PREAMBLE.
THE LAST PART IS MADE
UP OF THE AMENDMENTS.
NOW, HOW WERE THE
AMENDMENTS CREATED?
I-I CAN DO THAT, I
KNOW THAT ANSWER.
ALL RIGHT...'MEMBER THE
GUY, HE WAS AN OLD GUY
WITH A BIG WHITE BEARD, RIGHT?
AND-AND HE GOES UP THE
SIDE OF THE MOUNTAIN, RIGHT?
AND WHEN HE GETS TO THE TOP,
HE HEARS A LOT OF
LIGHTNING AND THUNDER
AND-AND BOOM!
AND THEN HE COMES DOWN,
AND WRITTEN ON A BIG ROCK,
HE'S GOT THE TEN AMENDMENTS.
BUT YOU SEE, THEN
AFTER, AFTER THAT,
IT WENT TO INTERMISSION,
I GOT POPCORN.
VINNIE, THAT'S THE COMMANDMENTS,
VINNIE, NOT THE AMENDMENTS,
THE COMMANDMENTS,
NOT AMENDMENTS.
OH.
NEVER MIND.
ANYBODY ELSE HERE WANNA
RAMBLE AIMLESSLY FOR A WHILE?
YEAH!
SIT DOWN!
THAT'S ENOUGH AIMLESS
RAMBLING FOR TODAY.
- HUH?
- NOTHING.
ALL RIGHT, WOO-HOO!
QUIET, QUIET!
KOTTER, THIS IS A NEW STUDENT.
ANGIE GRABOWSKI,
TRANSFERRED FROM THE BRONX.
ANGIE, ANGIE!
ALL RIGHT, QUIET DOWN!
QUIET DOWN, OR WE WON'T
SWEEP OUT YOUR CAGES.
NOW, DON'T FORGET, ANGIE,
UNTIL THE SHIPMENT
OF MACE ARRIVES,
MY OFFICE IS JUST A SCREAM AWAY.
IN THE MEANTIME, YOU'VE
ENTERED THE WILD KINGDOM.
GET THAT, KOTTER...
THE WILD KINGDOM.
HELLO, ANGIE, I'M
MARLON PERKINS.
TODAY, WE WILL JOURNEY
TO THE DEEPEST, DARKEST
JUNGLES OF BROOKLYN,
WHERE YOU WILL
MEET THE SWEATHOGS
IN THEIR NATURAL HABITAT.
FIRST OFF, WE HAVE
ARNOLD HORSHACK.
HE'S THE LAST OF
A DYING SPECIES.
YEAH... BUT HE AIN'T
DYIN' FAST ENOUGH.
HELLO.
HOW ARE YA?
ARE YOU HERE PERMANENTLY, OR
ARE YOU JUST TEMPORARILY HERE
TO DRIVE US CRAZY?
NEXT, OVER HERE,
WE HAVE AN EPSTEIN.
NOW, HE CAN BE DANGEROUS,
SO YOU GOTTA KEEP YOUR
WINDOWS ROLLED UP AT ALL TIMES.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, I
DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT ALL YOU CATS ARE GETTIN'
ALL BENT OUTTA SHAPE ABOUT, HUH?
I MEAN, SHE'S JUST
ANOTHER BEAUTIFUL WOMAN,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?
PLEASE TOUCH ME,
LOOK AT ME, ANYTHING!
NOW, THE EPSTEIN CAN
ALSO BE VERY GENTLE.
IN FACT, HE'LL TAKE THE
FOOD RIGHT OUT OF YOUR HAND.
ALL RIGHT, GET OUT OF HERE.
HI, MY NAME IS VINNIE BARBARINO.
AND VERY SHORTLY, YOU'RE
GONNA START TO FEEL FAINT,
AND YOUR KNEES ARE
GONNA START TO BUCKLE,
AND THEN, YOU'LL
FALL IN MY ARMS,
- AND THE, YOU'RE GONNA...
- ALL RIGHT, VINNIE, SIT DOWN!
ALL RIGHT, RALPHIE BABY!
NOW, LAST BUT NOT LEAST,
WE HAVE THE WASHINGTON.
NOW, HE'S SMOOTH
AND SUAVE AND FAST.
IN FACT, HE CAN GO UP
TO 40 MILES AN HOUR...
AND THAT'S JUST WITH HIS MOUTH.
HI THERE.
WELL, THAT'S IT, ANGIE,
YOU MET THE SWEATHOGS.
AW, EVERYONE KNOWS
THE SWEATHOGS.
THEY'RE LEGENDS,
THEY'RE LARGER THAN LIFE.
YEAH, EVERYBODY EXCEPT
FOR ARNOLD HORSHACK...
HE'S SHORTER THAN LIFE.
OKAY, ANGIE, WE WERE RIGHT
IN THE MIDDLE OF A LESSON,
- SO WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN?
- SURE, MR. KOTTER.
COME SIT OVER WITH ME!
NO, NO, HERE!
YOU KNOW, GUYS, I THINK
WE'RE GONNA BE GREAT FRIENDS.
OH, I CERTAINLY HOPE SO.
OH, I'M GREAT AT CHEATING.
DID YOU EVER TRY
WRITING THE ANSWERS
DOWN THE FRONT OF YOUR DRESS?
NO, BUT I'D GLADLY ERASE 'EM
FOR YOU ANYTIME YOU NEED IT.
OH, I'M GREAT AT
HOT-WIRING CARS.
HEY, BABY, I CAN SNEEZE AT WILL.
- OH, BUT I CAN ALSO...
- ANGIE, COME ON!
I'M SORRY, MR. KOTTER,
BUT PLEASE DON'T SPOIL IT.
THIS IS, REALLY, MY
GREATEST MOMENT.
YOUR GREATEST MOMENT?
YEAH... THIS IS THE MOMENT
THAT ANGIE GRABOWSKI
BECOMES A SWEATHOG.
BUT, ANGIE, YOU'RE A GIRL.
HEY, FREDDIE, I DON'T
REMEMBER US EVER HAVIN' A GIRL
- IN THE SWEATHOGS.
- YEAH.
WELL, COULDN'T
YOU START WITH ME?
LOOK, ANGIE BABY...
I WOULD LIKE TO START
SOMETHIN' WITH YOU,
BU THIS AIN'T IT.
YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YOU
SHOULD KNOW THAT.
- GIRLS CAN'T BECOME GUYS.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
THAT'S WHY THEY HAVE
SEPARATE WASHROOMS.
WE DO?
WELL, COULDN'T YOU AT
LEAST MAKE ME AN EXCEPTION?
LOOK, UM, ANGIE'S
THE NAME, RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- LEMME, LEMME PUT THIS TO YOU
IN A DIFFERENT KIND
OF WAY... FORGET IT!
ALL RIGHT, NOW, NO EXCEPTIONS.
WE START THIS UP,
AND PRETTY SOON,
THEY'LL BE CALL THE
SWEATHOGS VIENNA GIRL CHOIR.
- BUT, GUYS, YOU JUST DON'T...
- BALONEY!
HEY, GUYS, WHAT DO
YOU FEEL LIKE DOING?
YOU FEEL LIKE SHOOTING POOL?
OKAY.
NAH, WE SHOT POOL
YESTERDAY, LET'S GO TO A MOVIE.
OKAY.
NO, MAN, WE SHOULD DO
SOME STUFF OUTDOORS.
WE CAN GO OVER TO THE
GEORGE WASHINGTON BRIDGE
AND HOPE THAT SOMEBODY JUMPS.
NAH, IT'S TOO COLD OUTSIDE.
YEAH, ANGIE'S RIGHT.
IT'S TOO COLD OUTSIDE
FOR ANYTHING LIKE THAT.
OH MY, WHAT DID I SAY?
HEY, WHO ASKED YOU?
WELL, I'M SORRY IF I
SPOKE OUT OF TURN.
I-I'M JUST KINDA NEW
TO THE SWEATHOGS.
- LOOK, ANGIE GROMBASLEWSKI.
- GRABOWSKI.
WELL, WHATEVER YOUR
NAME IS, SWEETHEART.
NOW, LOOK, FOR THE LAST TIME,
SITTIN' IN THAT CLASSROOM
OVER THERE DON'T MAKE YOU
- NO SWEATHOG, UNDERSTAND?
- YEAH.
YEAH, YOU SEE, THE
SWEATHOGS AIN'T A CLUB.
IT'S A STATE OF MIND.
BUT I WANNA BE A SWEATHOG, I
CAN DO ANYTHING YOU GUYS CAN.
OH?
CAN YOU PICK UP GIRLS?
WELL, NO.
NEITHER CAN I.
WHAT'S THE MATTER WITH YOU
GUYS, THIS IS THE 20TH CENTURY!
HAVEN'T YOU HEARD THAT
WOMEN HAVE BEEN LIBERATED?
HOW DO YOU LIKE
THAT, HUH, VINNIE?
I MEAN, I MISS THE 11
O'CLOCK NEWS ONE NIGHT,
I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S GOIN' ON!
HEY, LOOK... ANGIE,
THAT'S YOUR NAME?
YOU GOTTA EARN YOUR
WAY INTO THE SWEATHOGS...
LOOK AT ME BABY, I'M TALKIN'.
MY LIPS, THEY MOVIN',
UNDERSTAND... ALL RIGHT.
NOW LOOK, IT AIN'T EASY.
NOW YOU TAKE ARNOLD HORSHACK
OVER THERE, FOR INSTANCE.
NOW, HOW YOU THINK
HE BECAME A SWEATHOG?
HOW DID HE BECOME A SWEATHOG?
I DON'T KNOW... DURING
THE MEMBERSHIP DRIVE.
COME ON!
HE'S GOT A POINT THERE...
WELL, ANYWAY, LOOK.
YOU WANNA BE IN THE SWEATHOGS,
YOU GOTS TO PROVE YOURSELF.
BUT HOW CAN I?
- WELL, ONE THING THAT YOU...
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
UP-DOWN, UP-DOWN, HEY, HEY, HEY.
- ALL RIGHT.
- THANK YOU.
VINNIE, VINNIE, VINNIE,
VINNIE, HERE WE GO.
- YOU KNOW SOMETHING?
- YEAH.
THEM BRONX PEOPLE,
THEM PEOPLE IN THE BRONX,
THEY WEIRD, MAN.
OF COURSE, THEY'RE
WEIRD, YOU KNOW?
COMES FROM LIVING IN
THE WEIRDERNESS, OH YEAH.
YEAH, I HAD A COUSIN OF MINE
WENT UP TO THE BRONX ONCE.
CAME BACK WITH SOME
REAL HORROR STORIES.
- REALLY?
- MM-HM.
TOOK SOME PICTURE OF SOME
LIONS AND TIGER AND BEARS.
OH MY!
- LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS.
- OH MY!
- LIONS AND TIGERS AND BEARS.
- OH MY!
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T THINK
THAT THAT ANGIE'S WEIRD AT ALL.
YOU KNOW, COMIN'
FROM YOU, HORSHACK,
THAT DON'T MEAN NOTHIN'.
WELL, WHAT IS SO WEIRD
ABOUT WORSHIPING SWEATHOGS
ALL YOUR LIFE?
I THINK I'LL FORGET
I ASKED THAT.
GUYS, PULL UP A SEAT, I
GOT SOMETHING TO TELL YOU.
NOW, YOU SEE, I'VE GOT A
PLAN THAT COULD GET RID
OF THIS ANGIE BABY FOR GOOD.
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO IS I'LL
TAKE HER HOME TO MY HOUSE, RIGHT,
AND LOCK HER IN A
ROOM WITH MY MOTHER.
YOU KNOW WHAT'S
GONNA HAPPEN, RIGHT?
IN TWO HOURS' TIME, THAT
ANGIE GRABOWSKI, RIGHT,
SHE'S GONNA COME OUT SISTER
ANGELINA THERESA PHILHARMONICA.
- GUARANTEED.
- ALL RIGHT!
OKAY, WHO DID IT?
WHICH ONE OF YOU DID IT?
HEY, MR. WOODMAN,
DIDN'T THEY TELL YOU?
THE WET LOOK IS OUT.
MR. WOODMAN, MR. WOODMAN,
MR. WOODMAN... OH.
HOW MANY TIMES DO
WE GOTTA TELL YOU?
FIRST, YOU TAKE YOUR CLOTHES
OFF, THEN YOU TAKE YOUR SHOWER.
FIRST, YOU TAKE YOUR...
FIRST, YOU TAKE... COME ON!
ONE OF YOU THIEVES SET
OFF THE SPRINKLER SYSTEM
IN MY OFFICE.
FREDDIE, DID YOU DO
THAT... THAT'S A GREAT IDEA.
WAIT A MINUTE,
MAN, WAIT A MINUTE:
I AIN'T DID NOTHIN'.
WELL, SOMEONE HERE DID.
ONLY A SWEATHOG
WOULD STOOP SO LOW.
UH, I DIDN'T STOOP, MR. WOODMAN.
I STOOD ON A CHAIR.
YOU?
OH, HOW CUTE.
CONVINCING HER, CONVINCING
HER TO TAKE THE BLAME
FOR SOMETHING YOU DID,
WHAT DO YOU TAKE ME FOR,
SOME KIND OF SAP?
WELL, YOU ARE DRIPPIN'.
WELL, IT WON'T WORK.
AND WHEN PRINCIPAL
LAZARUS HEARS WHAT YOU DID,
YOU HAVE MY PROMISE, EVERY
ONE OF YOU WILL BE EXPELLED
BY TOMORROW MORNING!
EXPEL ME TOO, MR. WOODMAN,
JUST EXPEL ME TOO.
ANGIE... WHAT DID YOU
GO AND DO THAT FOR?
WELL, I WAS JUST
TRYIN' TO PROVE MYSELF.
OH YEAH, SURE, SURE... YOU PROVED
THAT WE CAN ALL GET EXPELLED.
WELL, I'LL GET MYSELF
EXPELLED TOO, I PROMISE.
IT'S JUST HARD BEING
ONE OF THE SWEATHOGS.
WE GOTTA STICK TOGETHER.
ALL FOR ONE AND ONE FOR ALL.
ANGIE, GO DO ME
A FAVOR, WILL YA?
GO GARGLE WITH GLUE.
YEAH, THEN TRY
HANGING FROM A CEILING...
BY YOUR TONGUE.
COME ON, ARNOLD,
LET'S GO, COME ON.
GUYS, I'M SORRY, I'M SORRY.
- I'M COMING.
- RIGHT NOW.
YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT...
SWEATHOGS DON'T CRY.
HEY, MR. KOTTER,
MR. KOTTER, MR. KOTTER-ER-ER!
LISTEN, I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE
YOU COULD HELP ANGIE OUT.
SHE'S IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
YES, I HEARD.
ANGIE, HOW'D YOU DO THAT...
IT ONLY TOOK YOU FOUR HOURS.
I THINK THAT'S A
NEW SCHOOL RECORD.
LOOK, MR. KOTTER, YOU
SEE, I THOUGHT THAT MAYBE
YOU COULD GIVE
HER A LITTLE ADVICE,
HOW TO BECOME A SWEATHOG
THE PROPER WAY, YOU KNOW,
LIKE YOU TAUGHT ME, REMEMBER?
WELL, ALL I TAUGHT
ARNOLD, ANGIE,
WAS YOU GOTTA BE YOURSELF.
THAT'S RIGHT.
AND WHEN THAT DIDN'T WORK, I
TOLD HIM TO BE SOMEBODY ELSE.
OH, COME ON... HELP HER.
OKAY, ANGIE'S PROBLEM IS
A LITTLE DIFFERENT, ARNOLD.
COME OVER HERE TO MY
OFFICE, RIGHT OVER HERE.
RIGHT THIS WAY.
ANGIE, WHAT YOU WERE DOING
WAS YOUR OLD, BASIC
TRYING TOO HARD.
I MEAN, YOU REALLY
WANTED TO BE ACCEPTED,
AND YOU GOT EVERYBODY
IN A LOT OF TROUBLE,
AND WOODMAN GET ALL WET.
NOT THAT HE WASN'T
IN THE FIRST PLACE.
YEAH, I GUESS I WAS JUST
TRYING MUCH TOO HARD.
YEAH.
LEMME TELL YOU A LITTLE STORY.
OH, I LOVE STORIES, MR. KOTTER.
YOU DO?
YEAH, ESPECIALLY ONES ABOUT
RELATIVES AND AUNTS AND UNCLES.
ANGIE, WE'RE GONNA
GET ALONG REALLY WELL.
AS A MATTER OF FACT, THAT'S
ALL YOU'RE GONNA HEAR.
HE HAS MORE UNCLES
THAN ALEX HALEY.
WELL, I WANNA HEAR IT ANYWAY.
ALL RIGHT, BUT THIS ONE'S
NOT ABOUT MY UNCLE.
IT'S ABOUT A GUY I
WENT TO SCHOOL WITH.
HIS NAME WAS BULLETS BERNSTEIN.
NOW, BULLETS WANTED
TO BE A SWEATHOG
MORE THAN ANYTHING IN
THE WORLD, SO WHAT HE DID IS,
HE TRIED TO ACT TOUGH.
COME TO SCHOOL EVERY DAY
WITH HIS HAIR SLICKED BACK,
LEATHER COAT, TRY AND
PICK FIGHTS WITH PEOPLE,
STARTED TO TALK LIKE THIS...
"HEY, I WANNA BE A SWEATHOG.
I WANNA BE A SWEATHOG,
YEAH, I WANNA BE A SWEATHOG."
WELL, DID HE GET
INTO THE SWEATHOGS?
NO... NO ONE COULD
UNDERSTAND WHAT HE WAS SAYING.
BUT, ANGIE, DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
MR. KOTTER, IF SHE
SAYS YES, WILL YOU STOP?
SAY YES, ANGIE.
- YES.
- BOY, SHE LEARNS FAST!
- LEMME TELL YOU ANOTHER STORY.
- NO, NO, MR. KOTTER.
THAT WAS A TERRIFIC STORY,
YOU HELPED HER SO MUCH.
- THANK YOU.
- THANK YOU.
THERE IS IT... OH
NO, THAT AIN'T IT.
TRY IT AGAIN?
BOY, MR. KOTTER'S
REALLY A FUNNY GUY.
YEAH, HE SURE IS
FUNNY, AIN'T HE?
IF ONLY HIS JOKES WERE.
OH, HORSHACK, I DIDN'T
KNOW YOU WERE SO SMOOTH.
WHAT?
I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WAS A TRAITOR.
THAT'S RIGHT, ARNOLD...
AS IN "BENEDICT."
HEY, LISTEN, YOU
GUYS, I WAS JUST TRYING
TO HELP ANGIE OUT HERE.
YEAH, YEAH, WELL, I'D LIKE
TO KNOW WHO LET HER IN HERE.
WILL YOU COME ON, LITTLE JUAN?
I'M SURE THAT ANGIE
REALIZES THAT IT IS NOT AS EASY
TO BECOME AS SWEATHOG
AS SHE THOUGHT, ALL RIGHT?
YEAH, I JUST WANT YOU
GUYS TO LIKE ME, THAT'S ALL.
LISTEN, LISTEN TO ME.
YOU HAVE GIVEN US THE
GREATEST HONOR YET.
ARNOLD, WHAT ARE
YOU TALKIN' ABOUT?
WELL, SHE GOT US EXPELLED,
THAT'S GOTTA BE WORTH SOMETHING.
EXPELLED?
HEY, WELL, I AIN'T NEVER
FIGURED MYSELF TO BE EXPELLED.
I MEAN, DROP OUT GRACEFULLY,
OR HONORABLY DEMOTED, MAYBE.
BUT COMPLETELY
EXPELLED... I MEAN, THAT WAS,
THAT WAS JUST A CRAZY DREAM.
YEAH, COME ON, COME ON, ANGIE.
TO PULL A STUNT LIKE
THAT, I DON'T KNOW...
IT'S BIZARRE.
YEAH... YOU KNOW WHAT, ANGIE?
YOU SEE, OUR STUNTS
ALWAYS HAD TWO THINGS.
THAT WAS, THEY WERE ORIGINAL,
AND TWO, THEY HAVE NO EVIDENCE.
WE'RE SO SMART.
LIKE THE TIME WE
PUT THE KITTY LITTER
IN MR. WOODMAN'S HAIRSPRAY?
FOR TWO WEEKS, HE THOUGHT
HE HAD IMPACTED DANDRUFF.
SEE, ANGIE?
YOUR STUNT WAS
PURELY AMATEUR NIGHT.
WELL, YEAH, I KNOW.
I THOUGHT IT WOULD BE A
LOT NOISIER THAN IT WAS.
YOU MEAN, MORE THAN THE
SCREAMS OF A MAN DROWNING
IN HIS OWN SUIT?
I THOUGHT THE FIRE ALARMS
WERE SUPPOSED TO GO OFF TOO.
HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
THE FIRE ALARMS WERE
SUPPOSED TO GO OFF.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE RIGHT.
IF THERE WAS A FIRE, MAN,
WE WOULDA ALL BEEN FRIED.
HM, WELL, WHO'S
RESPONSIBLE FOR THAT?
OUR LITTLE WHITE-HAIRED FRIEND.
WOODMAN.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
YOU DON'T NEED A WEATHERMAN TO
KNOW WHICH WAY THE WIND BLOWS.
EPSTEIN, WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
STAND BACK, WE MAY HAVE
TO BUILD A FIREWALL HERE.
ALL RIGHT, GET ON WITH IT.
WHAT'D YOU DO THAT FOR?
- BECAUSE!
- BECAUSE WHY?
BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO SEE
DOLORES DELVECCHIO'S
PHONE NUMBER, THAT'S WHY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING
DRESSED UP LIKE A FIREMAN?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING DRESSED
UP LIKE A VICE PRINCIPAL?
WAIT A MINUTE, I WORKED
YEARS FOR MY CREDENTIALS.
YOU PROBABLY STOOD
IN THE WRONG LINE.
READY WITH THE REPORT
FROM THE MEN'S ROOM, SIR.
ANGIE!
YOU WENT IN A MEN'S ROOM?
OH, IT'S ALL RIGHT, I
KEPT MY EYES CLOSED.
ALL RIGHT, ANY VIOLATIONS
ON THE CODE THERE.
NO, BUT I JUST SUNK
THE TIDY BOWL MAN.
WHAT IS GOING ON,
THERE'S NO FIRE HERE.
WELL, HOW WOULD YOU KNOW?
WE HAVE A FIRE ALARM.
RIGHT.
BREAK IT, FREDDIE.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
I GOT THIS PITCH HERE FROM
HANK AARON, PERSONALLY.
WAIT A MINUTE,
YOU CAN'T DO THAT.
SURE I CAN.
PULL IT, FREDDIE.
NO!
IF HE PULLS THAT HANDLE,
THE ALARM WILL GO OFF
ALL OVER THE SCHOOL.
OH.
PULL IT, FREDDIE.
MR. WOODMAN, IT DOESN'T WORK.
- MR. WOODMAN...
- I CAN'T HEAR YOU.
THE SOUND OF THAT
ALARM IS DEAFENING!
- IT DOESN'T WORK.
- WHAT?
NOW, I JUST WONDER
WHOSE RESPONSIBILITY IT IS
TO MAKE SURE THAT
THAT FIRE ALARM SYSTEM
IS OPERATIONAL, MR. WOODMAN.
IT'S NOT MINE, I'M
JUST A STUDENT
PRETENDING TO BE A FIRE CHIEF.
YEAH, AND IT'S NOT
MINE, YOU KNOW WHY?
'CAUSE I'M JUST A STUDENT
PRETENDIN' TO BE A STUDENT.
YEAH, AND I DON'T KNOW
ABOUT ME, I'M JUST A TIN MAN.
HOW WAS I SUPPOSED TO
KNOW IT WAS DEFECTIVE?
WELL, YOU'D BETTER
COME UP WITH AN ANSWER
BEFORE THE NEXT SCHOOL
BOARD MEETING, MR. WOODMAN.
WELL, NOW, COME ON,
THERE'S NO REASON
WHY THEY HAVE TO
FIND OUT ABOUT IT.
OH, NO REASON AT ALL,
UNLESS WE GET EXPELLED.
THIS IS BLACKMAIL.
DO YOU PREFER THE
TERM "EXTORTION"?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
GO GET OUT OF
THOSE STUPID OUTFITS.
YOU, GIVE ME THAT.
OH, OH!
HERE, HERE YOU GO,
TAKE IT, IT'S YOURS.
MR. WOODMAN, I'VE
SEEN YOU MAD BEFORE,
BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN
YOU FOAMING AT THE SUIT.
I DON'T BELIEVE IT...
TWO SUITS IN TWO DAYS.
WELL, MR. WOODMAN,
THEY CAME WITH TWO SETS
OF PANTS, DIDN'T THEY?
YEAH.
SO WEAR ONE OF THE SETS
OF PANTS AS A TOP TOMORROW.
DON'T BE SO STUPID...
THEY DON'T MATCH!
ALL RIGHT, FIRST OF ALL,
I DO NOT WANT A TICKET
TO THE FIREMEN'S BALL.
SECOND OF ALL,
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
HEY, MR. KOTTER,
EVERYTHING'S COOL.
WE SAVED... THE SCHOOL.
YOU DID, HUH?
HOW'D YOU GET WOODMAN TO RESIGN?
NO, MR. KOTTER, WE JUST
GOT MR. WOODMAN TO REALIZE
THAT THE FIRE ALARM
SYSTEM DON'T WORK.
LOOK, I DON'T CARE, YOU...
IT REALLY DIDN'T WORK?
TAKE A LOOK OVER THERE.
WE PULLED THE LEVER
DOWN, NOTHING HAPPENED.
WELL, LOOK, I REALLY DON'T
APPROVE OF YOUR METHODS,
BUT IF THE SYSTEM
WASN'T WORKING, UH,
YOU DID A WORTHWHILE THING.
HEY, MR. KOTTER, IT WAS
ANGIE THAT DONE IT, THOUGH.
THAT'S RIGHT MAN, SHE DID NICE!
THANKS A LOT, ARNOLD.
IF IT WASN'T FOR YOU, I
WOULDN'T BE A SWEATHOG.
WELL, IT WAS WORTH IT!
WAIT A SECOND... WHO SAID
THAT SHE WAS A SWEATHOG?
THAT'S RIGHT, YOU
GOTTA REMEMBER NOW:
CONSIDER YOURSELF WITH
THE LOWEST OF THE LOW.
YEAH.
WELL, WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
I THINK, ANGIE, THAT MEANS THEY
JUST MADE YOU A SWEATHOG, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT, BABY!
♪
MR. WOODMAN, DID I EVER
TELL YOU ABOUT MY UNCLE,
EBENEZER KOTTER?
EBENEZER KOTTER.
HE WAS THE CHEAPEST
MAN IN THE WORLD.
- CHEAPEST MAN IN THE WORLD.
- THAT'S RIGHT.
ONE TIME, HE WAS
READING A NEWSPAPER,
HE SEES AN AD, COLOR
TELEVISIONS, $40 EACH
FOR THE FIRST
FIVE PEOPLE IN LINE.
SO YOU KNOW WHAT
HE DOES, HE'S SO CHEAP?
HE GOES THERE THE NIGHT
BEFORE AND HE CAMPS OUT
IN FRONT OF THE
DEPARTMENT STORE.
WAITING THERE ALL NIGHT.
HE'S THIRD IN LINE,
THERE ARE TWO PEOPLE
EVEN CHEAPER THAN HIM.
NEXT MORNING, HE STANDS UP,
LITTLE MAN TRIES TO
WALK IN FRONT OF HIM.
HE SAYS, "HEY, YOU, GET
TO THE BACK OF THE LINE."
TWO MINUTES LATER,
THE SAME LITTLE MAN
TRIES TO GET IN FRONT OF HIM.
HE SAID, "I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU
TO GET TO THE BACK OF THE LINE."
LITTLE GUYS SAYS, "OKAY, BUT
WHO'S GONNA OPEN THE STORE?"
WHO'S GONNA OPEN THE STORE...
IT WAS THE OWNER,
COULDN'T OPEN THE STORE.
OH, HE'S THE OWNER,
HA-HA-HA, I GET IT!
♪
♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED
SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS HAVE REMAINED
AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YOU ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT
'CAUSE WE GOT HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK, WELCOME
BACK, WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪♪