Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 7 - Sweathog, Nebraska Style - full transcript
Julie's sister from Nebraska visits and enrolls at Buchanan. She wants to be in Gabe's class and develops a fondness for Epstein...much to Julie's dismay.
- NOPE.
- OKAY,
UNCLE OSCAR WAS A
VERY TIMID TYPE OF GUY.
ONE TIME HE'S DRIVING...
HE HAS A STATION WAGON...
AND DECIDES TO STOP
IN THIS CAFÉ, YOU KNOW,
HAVE A LITTLE BREAKFAST.
SO HE'S HAVING HIS BREAKFAST,
AND THESE THREE MOTORCYCLE
GANG GUYS COME IN, RIGHT,
AND THEY WALK UP TO UNCLE OSCAR
WHO'S TRYING TO HAVE
HIS BREAKFAST, YOU KNOW.
ONE GOES, "HEY,
BUDDY, WHAT YOU DOIN'?"
I'M JUST HAVIN' A
LITTLE BREAKFAST,
JUST A LITTLE COFFEE AND
SOME PANCAKES, THAT'S ALL.
"WELL, I THINK THIS MAN NEEDS
SOME MORE SUGAR IN HIS COFFEE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, BO?
YEAH, YEAH, HE DOES, YEAH."
SO HE POURS SUGAR IN
UNCLE OSCAR'S COFFEE.
AND HE SAYS, "YOU
HAVIN' PANCAKES, TOO...
WHY, YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SYRUP
ON THEM PANCAKES, DOES HE, BO?
NO, NO, NO."
HE'S POURIN' SYRUP ALL OVER
UNCLE OSCAR'S PANCAKES...
UNCLE OSCAR SAYS,
"EXCUSE ME, I THINK I'LL LEAVE."
SO HE GOES AND LEAVES
AND THEN THEY KID
ARGH, ARGH, ARGH, ARGH, AND
HE LOOKED AT THE WAITRESS.
HE SAYS, "LOOK, WAITRESS,
HE DIDN'T TOUCH ANYTHING.
THAT FELLA DON'T
KNOW HOW TO EAT."
AND THE WAITRESS SAYS,
"I DON'T THINK HE KNOWS
HOW TO DRIVE EITHER...
HE JUST RAN OVER THREE
MOTORCYCLES IN THE PARKING LOT."
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED ♪
♪ SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪
♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪
- HEY, FOLKS. IT'S A LUCKY THING
I RAN INTO YOU GUYS AT
THE MOVIES, YOU KNOW.
THERE COULD'VE BEEN BIG TROUBLE.
- IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT, EPSTEIN.
I MEAN, IT'S OKAY TO KISS A GIRL
IN THE BALCONY OF THE THEATER,
BUT SHE SHOULDN'T BE
SOMEBODY ELSE'S DATE.
- YOU THINK THIS GUY'S
STILL FOLLOWIN' US?
- NO, I THINK HE STOPPED
ON THE WAY OVER HERE
TO PUNCH OUT THE CROSSTOWN BUS.
EPSTEIN, YOU KNOW, I HAVE
NEVER SEEN YOU SO NERVOUS.
- WELL, I NEVER SEEN A GUY
EAT A FIRE HYDRANT BEFORE.
HEY, BUT THANKS A LOT
FOR WALKIN' ME HOME.
- DON'T MENTION IT, JUAN.
EXCEPT WE THOUGHT
YOU MEANT YOUR HOME.
- YEAH, WELL, I'M
GONNA BE MOVIN' ON
JUST AS SOON AS
THE COAST IS CLEAR.
- IS THAT HIM?
- HEY, YOU GOTTA HIDE
ME, YOU GOTTA HIDE ME.
LOOK, I'LL TELL YA WHAT...
JUST THROW SOMETHIN' OVER ME
AND MAKE BELIEVE
I'M AN EASY CHAIR.
- EPSTEIN, THAT'S NOT HIM.
IF IT WAS HIM, WE WOULDA
HEARD HIS KNUCKLES
DRAGGING ON THE STAIRS.
I'M SORRY, HE WOULDN'T KNOCK...
HE'D WALK RIGHT
THROUGH THE DOOR.
- MY GABE!
- JULIE, I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS
WOMAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE!
- YES, YOU HAVE...
AT OUR WEDDING.
REMEMBER, IT'S MY SISTER JENNY.
HI!
- JENNY, RIGHT, OH, JENNY, OH.
HOW YA DOIN'?
WOW, LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'VE GROWN UP...
AND OUT... AND AROUND.
- YEAH, YOU REALLY
HAVE FILLED OUT.
- OH, JENNY, UH,
THIS IS JUAN EPSTEIN.
- WELL, I ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET
AN AUTHENTIC BROOKLYN HOOD.
- WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?
- NEBRASKA.
- I KNOW YOU CAME FROM NEBRASKA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- NOTHING.
I JUST HAD A LITTLE FREE
TIME, SO I HOPPED ON A BUS
AND CAME TO SEE YOU GUYS.
- AW, ISN'T THAT SOMETHIN'?
WELL, I JUST SO HAPPEN TO HAVE
A LITTLE BIT OF FREE
TIME OF MY OWN.
- SO, MOM AND DAD
KNOW YOU'RE HERE?
- MOM AND DAD KNOW I'M NOT HOME.
BESIDES, I'M OLD ENOUGH
TO DO WHAT I WANT.
- SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
- SAY GOOD NIGHT, JUAN.
- OH.
- GOOD NIGHT, JUAN.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT, JUAN.
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU
KNOW SHE'S PROBABLY REAL TIRED.
HEY, WHILE SHE'S HERE, WE
ALL OUTTA GO OUT TOGETHER,
YOU KNOW? WE'LL
MAKE IT A FOURSOME.
- UH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, JUAN.
YOU AND THREE OTHER PEOPLE.
GOOD NIGHT.
- YA MEAN THAT, DON'T YA?
- GABE, SHE NEVER
TELLS ME ANYTHING.
WOULD YOU TRY AND FIND OUT
WHAT SHE'S DOING HERE, PLEASE?
- JULIE, RELAX.
I'M A PROFESSIONAL.
IT'S WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING... I
DEAL WITH JUVENILE PROBLEMS.
I'LL USE A LITTLE
CHILD PSYCHOLOGY...
JENNY, I HAVEN'T SEEN
YOU FOR FOUR YEARS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- JENNY, YOU'RE NOT
IN... TROUBLE, ARE YOU?
- YOU MEAN A BOY?
I DON'T BELIEVE IN
BOYS... I HATE BOYS,
ESPECIALLY THAT ROGER ABERNATHY.
- WHO'S ROGER ABERNATHY?
- YOU MEAN LITTLE
ROGER ABERNATHY
WHO'S BEEN YOUR
BOYFRIEND SINCE JUNIOR HIGH?
- LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT ROGER ABERNATHY.
COULD I JUST STAY WITH
YOU GUYS FOR A WHILE?
- WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL?
- I DON'T MISS IT.
- WELL, HONEY, CAN'T YOU
GET HER INTO BUCHANAN
ON SOME SORT OF
NONOFFICIAL DROP-IN BASIS.
- JULIE, YOU JUST DESCRIBED THE
ENTIRE BUCHANAN STUDENT BODY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
A COUPLE OF DAYS
WITH THE SWEATHOGS
AND SHE'LL BE HAPPY
TO GO BACK TO NEBRASKA.
- IS JUAN EPSTEIN IN
BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL?
- MY SISTER IS NOT A SWEATHOG.
- WHAT'S A SWEATHOG?
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL PUT
HER IN FISHBECK'S CLASS.
- WHAT'S A FISHBECK?
- A FISHBECK IS THE
OPPOSITE OF A SWEATHOG.
- OH, WELL WHAT'S A SWEATHOG?
- HULLO.
HOW-WAH-YA?
I'M AHH-NOL'D HOR-SHAAAAACK.
AND WHOM MIGHT
YOU BE, LITTLE LADY?
- ARNOLD, LEMME TRY.
- GO 'HEAD, GO 'HEAD.
- STEP ASIDE.
HI THERE.
LIKE TO BE ABLE TO
TELL YOUR FRIENDS
YOU KNOW BOOM-BOOM. NAH.
- STEP ASIDE FOR AN EXPERT.
- WHAT DO YOU GOT...
HOOF AND PANTS DISEASE?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'...
BRINGIN' IN HIRED GUNS ON ME
OR WHAT?
- VINNIE, THIS IS MY
SISTER-IN-LAW JENNY HANSEN
FROM NEBRASKA.
- OH YEAH?
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
HERE, FRESHMOUTH?
ARE YA HERE TO GET
YOUR UH, CROPS ROTATED?
- LISTEN, I DIDN'T
WANT TO BE HERE,
BUT THEY MADE ME.
- SAME HERE.
- SOME REASON WHY YOU
DECIDED TO HOLD CLASS
IN THE HALLWAY TODAY, KOTTER?
- GIVE US A BREAK, MR. WOODMAN,
THE BELL DIDN'T EVEN RING YET.
- THREE, TWO, ONE.
GOTCHA!
THAT'S THE THIRD TIME I
WORKED THAT THIS WEEK.
- YOU LEAD A REALLY
EXCITING LIFE, MR. WOODMAN.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN AT
HOME... SIT THERE AND WATCH
YOUR SUITS GO OUT OF STYLE?
UH, MR. WOODMAN, I'D
LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO JENNY HANSEN...
SHE'S A RELATIVE.
- OF YOURS?
WHAT, IS SHE OUT ON PAROLE?
- SHE'S JULIES SISTER
FROM NEBRASKA.
- OH, WELL THAT'S DIFFERENT.
WELL, OBVIOUSLY SHE SHOULD
BE IN MISS FISHBECK'S CLASS.
- NO, I WANT TO BE IN HIS CLASS
WITH JUAN AND THE SWEATHOGS.
- WELL, A FINE
YOUNG LADY LIKE YOU
DOESN'T BELONG WITH SWEATHOGS.
- OH YEAH?
IN YOUR HORN WITH
AN EAR OF CORN!
- SHE'S A SWEATHOG.
YOU'LL BE IN HIS CLASS.
- WHERE DID YOU LEARN
TO UH, RANK, LIKE THAT, HUH?
- WE DO THAT ALL THE
TIME. IT'S CALLED CHOPPING.
- CHOPPING, HUH?
SMALL WORLD.
TAKE THE SECOND SEAT, JENNY.
- SO-O-O-O?
HOW DO YA LIKE BROOKLYN?
IF YA GET HOMESICK I'LL SHOW
YA WHERE THE TREE GROWS.
YUCK, YUCK, YUCK, YUCK.
- IS HE FOR REAL?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, BALLYHEAD?
DON'T YA GOT NOBODY
AROUND THE FARM
THAT LAUGHS LIKE ARNOLD?
- NOT ON TWO FEET.
- OKAY, OKAY.
NOW I SEE SOME OF YOU
HAVE MET OUR VISITOR.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T,
HER NAME IS JENNY HANSEN.
SHE IS FROM NEBRASKA,
AND IT'S TIME TO PLAY
CELEBRITY SWEATHOG.
NOW, YESTERDAY, PAGE 14.
WE WERE TALKIN'
ABOUT... EPSTEIN.
"DEAR MR. KOTTER,
JUAN EPSTEIN WAS LATE
BECAUSE HE WAS IN
CONFERENCE WITH ME.
SIGNED, PRINCIPAL LAZARUS."
WHAT ARE YOU TRYIN'
TO DO TO ME, EPSTEIN.
I KNOW THE MAN'S HANDWRITING.
THIS NOTE IS LEGITIMATE.
- YO, WELL IN BASEBALL IT'S
CALLED A CHANGE-UP, YOU KNOW.
IT KEEPS THE HITTER GUESSIN'.
HI.
- HI, JUAN.
- OH, YOU TWO ALREADY MET.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
IT'S A MATCH MADE IN BROOKLYN.
- HEY, DON'T LET
THESE GUYS BOTHER YA.
YOU KNOW, UH, BROOKLYN'S A LOT
TOUGHER BOROUGH THAN NEBRASKA.
- OH, NEBRASKA CAN BE
PRETTY TOUGH, TOO, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, ON SATURDAY NIGHT, WE
ALL GO DOWN TO THE MALT SHOP
AND WE TAKE UP ALL THE STOOLS.
- AND WE DON'T EVEN ORDER.
- OH, THE DECADENCE OF IT, OH!
- WE DO A LOT OF TERRIBLE THINGS
LIKE BURN, PILLAGE, AND LOOT.
- HEY, OH, VINNIE, UH, WHAT
YOU GONNA DO TONIGHT?
BURN OR PILLAGE?
- WELL, LEMME TELL
YA... I LOOTED LAST NIGHT,
SO I'M PRETTY BORED
WITH THAT, YOU KNOW.
- OH, I GOT A LATE
DATE TO PILLAGE,
SO I'LL PROBABLY BURN EARLY.
- WELL, I THINK I'M GONNA
PILLAGE EARLY AND BURN LATER.
- OH, AH!
- OKAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
GET BACK TO SCHOOLWORK NOW.
PAGE 14...
- OH, GABE,
All: OH GABE!
- JENNY, IN THIS
CLASS, I AM MR. KOTTER,
YOUR TEACHER-IN-LAW.
- SORRY. MR. KOTTER, IN
NEBRASKA WHEN SOMEONE NEW
COMES TO MY SCHOOL, WE
ALWAYS ASSIGN ANOTHER STUDENT
SORT OF AS A GUIDE
FOR THE FIRST FEW DAYS.
- YOU KNOW, THAT'S
A VERY GOOD IDEA.
HOW ABOUT ONE OF THE GIRLS.
CHARMAINE, WILL YOU
SHOW JENNY AROUND...
- NO, I, I THINK JUAN EPSTEIN
SHOULD SHOW ME AROUND.
All: AW.
- I SECOND THE MOTION.
I MEAN, UH, LOOK, IF THE
LADY'S GONNA BE A SWEATHOG,
SHE MIGHT AS WELL
LEARN FROM THE BEST.
RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- TELL THAT TO UM, MY WIFE.
- WILL YOU JUST TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE?
- YOU'LL SEE.
- LUCY, LUCY, LUCY RICARDO.
HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO TELL
YOU NOT TO COME TO THE CLUB.
- MRS. KOTTER TO SEE
PRINCIPAL LAZARUS.
- WHO SAID THAT?
NO ONE SEES PRINCIPAL LAZARUS.
SEE ME, I DECIDE WHO
SEES PRINCIPAL LAZARUS.
- UH, MISS FURBISH,
ASK PRINCIPAL LAZARUS
IF HE'LL SEE ME LATER.
- MR. WOODMAN, I AM HERE
AS A PARENT AND/OR GUARDIAN
TO REGISTER A FORMAL COMPLAINT.
- JULIE, YOU ARE OVERREACTING.
- IS THIS ONE OF THOSE
MARITAL SQUABBLES?
WELL, I CAN'T HELP YOU THERE,
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT MARRIED.
I DON'T EVEN READ COSMOPOLITAN.
- IT'S ABOUT JENNY
HANSEN, MR. WOODMAN.
- OH, YOUR NEW SWEATHOG.
- SHE IS NOT A SWEATHOG.
SHE IS MY SISTER.
YOU MADE HER A SWEATHOG.
- WELL SHE TOLD ME TO PUT
CORN IN MY HORN, MRS. KOTTER.
I'D CALL THAT A SWEATHOG.
- MR. WOODMAN, MY
SISTER WENT OUT ON A DATE
LAST NIGHT AT 5 O'CLOCK.
SHE RETURNED AT
8... THIS MORNING!
- WHO DID SHE GO OUT WITH?
- JUAN EPSTEIN.
- WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
I MEAN CHANCES ARE
THAT NOTHING HAPPENED.
- I BET YA BELIEVE IN THE
EASTER BUNNY, TOO, DON'T YA?
- OH, MY BABY SISTER, A
SWEET, SIMPLE, ROSY-CHEEKED
FARM GIRL... OUT ALL
NIGHT WITH A SWEATHOG.
I BET HE CHANGED
HER INTO A SWEATHOG.
- WILL YOU STOP
BEING RIDICULOUS.
HE DIDN'T CHANGE
HER INTO A SWEATHOG.
- HEY, SIS.
LIKE MY NEW OUTFIT?
- JULIE, JULIE!
- CALM DOWN, CALM
DOWN, ALL RIGHT?
I'LL HANDLE THIS, OKAY?
JUAN?
- YEAH?
- CAN I SEE YOU A SECOND?
- OH, YOU BET!
- JUAN, WE'RE
FRIENDS, AREN'T WE?
- OH, YOU BET WE ARE.
- AND NOW YOU KNOW, I WOULD SAY
THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP TRANSCENDS
THE NORMAL BOUNDS OF A
STUDENT-TEACHER RELATIONSHIP,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY SO?
- YEAH, I'D SAY IT
GOES PRETTY DEEP.
- DEEPER THAN THAT.
SO, WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS...
- YEAH.
- I WANT YOU TO TELL ME...
- YEAH.
- WHERE YOU WERE ALL
NIGHT WITH JULIE'S SISTER
OR I AM GOING TO
REARRANGE YOUR FACE.
- YOU WOULD, WOULDN'T YA?
- OH, YOU COULD TAKE
THAT TO THE BANK.
- YEAH.
- WE WERE SITTIN' ON YOUR STOOP.
- COME ON, JUAN.
SAVE THAT FOR ONE OF YOUR NOTES.
NOW WHERE WERE YOU
ALL NIGHT WITH JENNY?
- GABE, HE'S TELLIN' THE TRUTH!
IT WAS SO LATE WHEN WE CAME IN,
I DIDN'T WANT TO
WAKE YOU GUYS UP,
SO WE SAT ON THE
STOOP ALL NIGHT.
- TALKIN'.
AND YOU CAN TAKE
THAT TO THE BANK.
- I BELIEVE THEM. I'M CONVINCED.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
- I'M GOING HOME,
AND I'M GOING TO PACK
JENNY'S SUITCASE
BECAUSE SHE'S GOING HOME,
AND IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING
TO BREAK UP THAT SITUATION,
DON'T BOTHER COMING HOME.
- AND PEOPLE WONDER
WHY I NEVER MARRIED.
- OKAY, SO, WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO NOW?
- WELL, WE GOT IT
ALL WORKED OUT.
WE'RE BOTH GOIN'
BACK TO NEBRASKA.
- WHAT?
- YOU SEE, LAST NIGHT WE DID
A LOT OF TALKIN', YOU KNOW?
I TOLD JENNY ALL ABOUT
BROOKLYN... THE CRIME,
THE SLUMS, THE POLLUTION...
THAT'S JUST IN MY HOUSE.
AND THEN SHE TOLD ME
ALL ABOUT NEBRASKA...
BLUE SKIES AND THE WHEAT
FIELDS AND THE IRRIGATION DITCHES.
YOU KNOW, MR. KOTTER, I
FIGURE A MAN'S GOTTA GET BACK
TO THE SOIL, YOU KNOW?
COME ON, LET'S GO.
- EPSTEIN, WAIT.
YOU CAN'T GO TO NEBRASKA.
THEY WON'T LET YOU
PAST PHILADELPHIA
WITHOUT A PASSPORT.
- JUAN, THIS IS
NOTHING PERSONAL.
YOU'RE VERY NICE AND I
LIKE YOU A LOT, I REALLY DO.
YOU'RE JUST NOT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR MY SISTER.
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT MR. KOTTER?
HE WAS A SWEATHOG.
- HE'S NOT RIGHT FOR
MY SISTER, EITHER.
- THANKS.
MAYBE WE'LL FIX YA UP
WITH ROGER ABERNATHY.
WELL, WOULD YA LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S THE WHOLE HEE HAW GANG.
COME ON IN.
- HOWDY, MR. KOTTER.
HEY, JUAN... YOU WANNA
TASTE OF NEBRASKA?
- YEAH.
- I'LL GIVE YOU A
TASTE OF NEBRASKA.
- YEAH, WE WANNA SHOW YOU
GUYS WHAT YOU GONNA LOOK LIKE
IN A COUPLE O' YEARS.
- THAT'S RIGHT. LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE?
MA AND PA KETTLE
VISIT THE GHETTO?
- YOU THINK THIS IS BAD, RIGHT.
WELL HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
WAKE UP TO THIS EVERY MORNING?
- HULLO. HOW-WAH-YA?
YUCK, YUCK, YUCK.
OH, HERE, MR. KOTTER.
THIS IS FOR YOU.
- JUST WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED...
MILK FROM A CONTENTED HORSHACK.
- HEY, JUAN.
YOU AIN'T REALLY GOIN'
TO NEBRASKA, ARE YOU?
- OH, YEAH?
WELL THEN WHY DID I SCRATCH
ANGEL HORWICH'S PHONE NUMBER
OFF MY LOCKER DOOR?
- FOR THE SAME
REASON WE ALL DID...
HER BROTHER VITO, THE KNIFE.
- LOOK, I'M LEAVIN' AND
THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
- HORSHACK, WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT RIDICULOUS COW'S HEAD.
- I FOUND HER AT
THE HEAD OF MY BED.
SHE WAS LEFT BY THE NEBRASKA
GODFATHER, DON HAYSEED.
- LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME.
- YEAH.
- I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU, OH YEAH.
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
NOW I WAS NEVER ONE TO BUTT
INTO YOUR PERSONAL LIFE, RIGHT?
- YOU NEVER DID THAT TO ME.
- I NEVER DID, I NEVER DID.
- NEVER. ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW MY BIG BROTHER LEROY?
- YEAH.
- HE RAN AWAY WITH A GIRL
WHEN HE WAS YOUR AGE.
- WELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
YOU ASKIN' ME WHAT
HAPPENED TO HIM? NOTHIN'.
- YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
A REAL SPELLBINDER
WITH A STORY, FREDDIE.
LOOK, JUAN, ALL WE'RE
TRYIN' TO DO IS WE'RE TRYIN'
TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO,
AND WE WANNA MAKE
SURE THAT JENNY KNOWS
WHAT SHE'S GETTING INTO.
- LOOK, MR. KOTTER,
I KNOW WHAT I WANT.
SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS.
WE BOTH KNOW WHAT WE WANT.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- HELLO?
WHO?
HOW NICE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE!
OH, YEAH, JUST A
SECOND. HOLD ON.
JENNY, IT'S FOR YOU...
ROGER ABERNATHY.
- OH, ROGER!
OH ROGER, IS IT REALLY YOU?
OH ROGER!
- I GOT A FEELIN' IT'S ROGER.
- THIS IS ME... IT'S JENNY, YES.
- BOY, HOW RUDE!
- OH, NO, NO. SHE'S ALL RIGHT.
SHE'S GOT A RIGHT TO
HER PRIVACY, RIGHT?
AND I GOT A RIGHT TO LISTEN.
- AND EPSTEIN HAS GOT A
RIGHT TO SING THE BLUES.
- SHE'S SAYIN' "I'M
SORRY, ROGER"
"OF COURSE I FORGIVE YOU."
"AND I'M SORRY I CALLED
YOU ALFALFA BREATH"
"THE NEXT BUS, YES. I'M COMING
IN ON THE NEXT BUS, ROGIE.
UNTIL THAT TIME,
UNTIL THAT TIME."
HEY, JUAN... YOU'VE BEEN DUMPED!
- HEY, MR. KOTTER,
I BEEN DUMPED.
I MEAN, HEY, I JUST CAN'T
LET HER WALK OUTTA HERE.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
- JUAN, LOOK.
THIS IS FOR THE
BEST, BELIEVE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO... I
WOULD DO WHAT HUMPHREY BOGART
DID IN THAT LAST SCENE WITH
INGRID BERMAN IN CASABLANCA.
- NAH, I CAN'T DO BOGART.
- SURE YA CAN,
SURE YA CAN. LOOK,
HUMPHREY BOGART.
- OH, JUAN, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
- NAH, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
SWEETHEART, YOU'RE
GETTIN ON THAT BUS,
AND YOU'RE GETTIN ON ALONE.
GO BACK TO ROGER, JENNY.
WHY, IN THIS CRAZY WORLD
WHEN IT COMES TO TWO PEOPLE,
THEY DON'T AMOUNT
TO A HILL O' BEANS.
SO GO ON, GET ON THAT
BUS AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
- I'M GOING JUAN, I'M GOING.
- I'LL TAKE JENNY TO THE BUS.
- GOOD-BYE, GABE.
- BYE, JEN, AND I'LL SEE
YA THIS SUMMER, HUH?
SAY HELLO TO YOUR MOM AND DAD.
- YEAH.
- GOOD-BYE, YOU GUYS.
All: BYE, JENNY.
- HAVE A NICE TIME.
- WELL, I'LL SEE
YOU AROUND, JUAN.
- HERE'S LOOKIN' AT YOU, KID.
- I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
SO HARD ON JUAN AND JENNY.
AFTER ALL, YOU WERE RIGHT...
I DID MARRY A SWEATHOG.
- OKAY, WHERE'D I GO WRONG?
- YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE
YOU WENT WRONG, JUAN?
- I'D LIKE TO, YEAH.
- YOU WERE A LITTLE TOO HIGH.
LISTEN, SWEETHEART, THE PROBLEMS
OF TWO PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD
DON'T AMOUNT TO A HILL OF BEANS.
- NO, MR. KOTTER, NO.
IT'S IN THE SHOULDERS.
- IT WAS TOO HIGH.
THE PROBLEMS OF TWO
PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD...
- JULIE, DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT MY UNCLE
HEYSITDOWNDER KOTTER?
- WAS HE AN INDIAN?
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
THAT WAS A NAME THAT
HE GOT IN THE MOVIES.
- OH, HE WAS AN ACTOR.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS LIKE A UNANIMOUS
PROCLAMATION.
HE WAS IN A MOVIE
HOUSE WATCHING A MOVIE,
AND BY UNANIMOUS
PROCLAMATION, HE GOT THAT NAME.
- WELL HOW?
- WELL, HE STOOD UP
IN THE SECOND ROW.
HE HAD TIGHT PANTS ON AND
HE WANTED TO GET SOMETHING
IN HIS POCKETS.
EVERYBODY IN BACK OF HIM
YELLED, "HEY SIT DOWN THERE."
- THE WORST JOKE I'VE
EVER HEARDIN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED ♪
♪ SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪
♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW IT MUST HAVE BEEN ♪
- OKAY,
UNCLE OSCAR WAS A
VERY TIMID TYPE OF GUY.
ONE TIME HE'S DRIVING...
HE HAS A STATION WAGON...
AND DECIDES TO STOP
IN THIS CAFÉ, YOU KNOW,
HAVE A LITTLE BREAKFAST.
SO HE'S HAVING HIS BREAKFAST,
AND THESE THREE MOTORCYCLE
GANG GUYS COME IN, RIGHT,
AND THEY WALK UP TO UNCLE OSCAR
WHO'S TRYING TO HAVE
HIS BREAKFAST, YOU KNOW.
ONE GOES, "HEY,
BUDDY, WHAT YOU DOIN'?"
I'M JUST HAVIN' A
LITTLE BREAKFAST,
JUST A LITTLE COFFEE AND
SOME PANCAKES, THAT'S ALL.
"WELL, I THINK THIS MAN NEEDS
SOME MORE SUGAR IN HIS COFFEE.
WHAT DO YOU THINK, BO?
YEAH, YEAH, HE DOES, YEAH."
SO HE POURS SUGAR IN
UNCLE OSCAR'S COFFEE.
AND HE SAYS, "YOU
HAVIN' PANCAKES, TOO...
WHY, YOU DON'T HAVE ENOUGH SYRUP
ON THEM PANCAKES, DOES HE, BO?
NO, NO, NO."
HE'S POURIN' SYRUP ALL OVER
UNCLE OSCAR'S PANCAKES...
UNCLE OSCAR SAYS,
"EXCUSE ME, I THINK I'LL LEAVE."
SO HE GOES AND LEAVES
AND THEN THEY KID
ARGH, ARGH, ARGH, ARGH, AND
HE LOOKED AT THE WAITRESS.
HE SAYS, "LOOK, WAITRESS,
HE DIDN'T TOUCH ANYTHING.
THAT FELLA DON'T
KNOW HOW TO EAT."
AND THE WAITRESS SAYS,
"I DON'T THINK HE KNOWS
HOW TO DRIVE EITHER...
HE JUST RAN OVER THREE
MOTORCYCLES IN THE PARKING LOT."
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED ♪
♪ SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪
♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH, WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪
- HEY, FOLKS. IT'S A LUCKY THING
I RAN INTO YOU GUYS AT
THE MOVIES, YOU KNOW.
THERE COULD'VE BEEN BIG TROUBLE.
- IT'S YOUR OWN FAULT, EPSTEIN.
I MEAN, IT'S OKAY TO KISS A GIRL
IN THE BALCONY OF THE THEATER,
BUT SHE SHOULDN'T BE
SOMEBODY ELSE'S DATE.
- YOU THINK THIS GUY'S
STILL FOLLOWIN' US?
- NO, I THINK HE STOPPED
ON THE WAY OVER HERE
TO PUNCH OUT THE CROSSTOWN BUS.
EPSTEIN, YOU KNOW, I HAVE
NEVER SEEN YOU SO NERVOUS.
- WELL, I NEVER SEEN A GUY
EAT A FIRE HYDRANT BEFORE.
HEY, BUT THANKS A LOT
FOR WALKIN' ME HOME.
- DON'T MENTION IT, JUAN.
EXCEPT WE THOUGHT
YOU MEANT YOUR HOME.
- YEAH, WELL, I'M
GONNA BE MOVIN' ON
JUST AS SOON AS
THE COAST IS CLEAR.
- IS THAT HIM?
- HEY, YOU GOTTA HIDE
ME, YOU GOTTA HIDE ME.
LOOK, I'LL TELL YA WHAT...
JUST THROW SOMETHIN' OVER ME
AND MAKE BELIEVE
I'M AN EASY CHAIR.
- EPSTEIN, THAT'S NOT HIM.
IF IT WAS HIM, WE WOULDA
HEARD HIS KNUCKLES
DRAGGING ON THE STAIRS.
I'M SORRY, HE WOULDN'T KNOCK...
HE'D WALK RIGHT
THROUGH THE DOOR.
- MY GABE!
- JULIE, I'VE NEVER SEEN THIS
WOMAN BEFORE IN MY LIFE!
- YES, YOU HAVE...
AT OUR WEDDING.
REMEMBER, IT'S MY SISTER JENNY.
HI!
- JENNY, RIGHT, OH, JENNY, OH.
HOW YA DOIN'?
WOW, LOOK AT YOU.
YOU'VE GROWN UP...
AND OUT... AND AROUND.
- YEAH, YOU REALLY
HAVE FILLED OUT.
- OH, JENNY, UH,
THIS IS JUAN EPSTEIN.
- WELL, I ALWAYS WANTED TO MEET
AN AUTHENTIC BROOKLYN HOOD.
- WHERE DID YOU COME FROM?
- NEBRASKA.
- I KNOW YOU CAME FROM NEBRASKA.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- NOTHING.
I JUST HAD A LITTLE FREE
TIME, SO I HOPPED ON A BUS
AND CAME TO SEE YOU GUYS.
- AW, ISN'T THAT SOMETHIN'?
WELL, I JUST SO HAPPEN TO HAVE
A LITTLE BIT OF FREE
TIME OF MY OWN.
- SO, MOM AND DAD
KNOW YOU'RE HERE?
- MOM AND DAD KNOW I'M NOT HOME.
BESIDES, I'M OLD ENOUGH
TO DO WHAT I WANT.
- SOUNDS GOOD TO ME.
- SAY GOOD NIGHT, JUAN.
- OH.
- GOOD NIGHT, JUAN.
- GOOD NIGHT.
- GOOD NIGHT, JUAN.
- YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT, YOU
KNOW SHE'S PROBABLY REAL TIRED.
HEY, WHILE SHE'S HERE, WE
ALL OUTTA GO OUT TOGETHER,
YOU KNOW? WE'LL
MAKE IT A FOURSOME.
- UH, THAT'S A GOOD IDEA, JUAN.
YOU AND THREE OTHER PEOPLE.
GOOD NIGHT.
- YA MEAN THAT, DON'T YA?
- GABE, SHE NEVER
TELLS ME ANYTHING.
WOULD YOU TRY AND FIND OUT
WHAT SHE'S DOING HERE, PLEASE?
- JULIE, RELAX.
I'M A PROFESSIONAL.
IT'S WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING... I
DEAL WITH JUVENILE PROBLEMS.
I'LL USE A LITTLE
CHILD PSYCHOLOGY...
JENNY, I HAVEN'T SEEN
YOU FOR FOUR YEARS.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
- JENNY, YOU'RE NOT
IN... TROUBLE, ARE YOU?
- YOU MEAN A BOY?
I DON'T BELIEVE IN
BOYS... I HATE BOYS,
ESPECIALLY THAT ROGER ABERNATHY.
- WHO'S ROGER ABERNATHY?
- YOU MEAN LITTLE
ROGER ABERNATHY
WHO'S BEEN YOUR
BOYFRIEND SINCE JUNIOR HIGH?
- LOOK, I DON'T WANT TO TALK
ABOUT ROGER ABERNATHY.
COULD I JUST STAY WITH
YOU GUYS FOR A WHILE?
- WHAT ABOUT SCHOOL?
- I DON'T MISS IT.
- WELL, HONEY, CAN'T YOU
GET HER INTO BUCHANAN
ON SOME SORT OF
NONOFFICIAL DROP-IN BASIS.
- JULIE, YOU JUST DESCRIBED THE
ENTIRE BUCHANAN STUDENT BODY.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
A COUPLE OF DAYS
WITH THE SWEATHOGS
AND SHE'LL BE HAPPY
TO GO BACK TO NEBRASKA.
- IS JUAN EPSTEIN IN
BUCHANAN HIGH SCHOOL?
- MY SISTER IS NOT A SWEATHOG.
- WHAT'S A SWEATHOG?
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL PUT
HER IN FISHBECK'S CLASS.
- WHAT'S A FISHBECK?
- A FISHBECK IS THE
OPPOSITE OF A SWEATHOG.
- OH, WELL WHAT'S A SWEATHOG?
- HULLO.
HOW-WAH-YA?
I'M AHH-NOL'D HOR-SHAAAAACK.
AND WHOM MIGHT
YOU BE, LITTLE LADY?
- ARNOLD, LEMME TRY.
- GO 'HEAD, GO 'HEAD.
- STEP ASIDE.
HI THERE.
LIKE TO BE ABLE TO
TELL YOUR FRIENDS
YOU KNOW BOOM-BOOM. NAH.
- STEP ASIDE FOR AN EXPERT.
- WHAT DO YOU GOT...
HOOF AND PANTS DISEASE?
- WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'...
BRINGIN' IN HIRED GUNS ON ME
OR WHAT?
- VINNIE, THIS IS MY
SISTER-IN-LAW JENNY HANSEN
FROM NEBRASKA.
- OH YEAH?
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'
HERE, FRESHMOUTH?
ARE YA HERE TO GET
YOUR UH, CROPS ROTATED?
- LISTEN, I DIDN'T
WANT TO BE HERE,
BUT THEY MADE ME.
- SAME HERE.
- SOME REASON WHY YOU
DECIDED TO HOLD CLASS
IN THE HALLWAY TODAY, KOTTER?
- GIVE US A BREAK, MR. WOODMAN,
THE BELL DIDN'T EVEN RING YET.
- THREE, TWO, ONE.
GOTCHA!
THAT'S THE THIRD TIME I
WORKED THAT THIS WEEK.
- YOU LEAD A REALLY
EXCITING LIFE, MR. WOODMAN.
WHAT DO YOU DO FOR FUN AT
HOME... SIT THERE AND WATCH
YOUR SUITS GO OUT OF STYLE?
UH, MR. WOODMAN, I'D
LIKE TO INTRODUCE YOU
TO JENNY HANSEN...
SHE'S A RELATIVE.
- OF YOURS?
WHAT, IS SHE OUT ON PAROLE?
- SHE'S JULIES SISTER
FROM NEBRASKA.
- OH, WELL THAT'S DIFFERENT.
WELL, OBVIOUSLY SHE SHOULD
BE IN MISS FISHBECK'S CLASS.
- NO, I WANT TO BE IN HIS CLASS
WITH JUAN AND THE SWEATHOGS.
- WELL, A FINE
YOUNG LADY LIKE YOU
DOESN'T BELONG WITH SWEATHOGS.
- OH YEAH?
IN YOUR HORN WITH
AN EAR OF CORN!
- SHE'S A SWEATHOG.
YOU'LL BE IN HIS CLASS.
- WHERE DID YOU LEARN
TO UH, RANK, LIKE THAT, HUH?
- WE DO THAT ALL THE
TIME. IT'S CALLED CHOPPING.
- CHOPPING, HUH?
SMALL WORLD.
TAKE THE SECOND SEAT, JENNY.
- SO-O-O-O?
HOW DO YA LIKE BROOKLYN?
IF YA GET HOMESICK I'LL SHOW
YA WHERE THE TREE GROWS.
YUCK, YUCK, YUCK, YUCK.
- IS HE FOR REAL?
- WHAT'S THE MATTER
WITH YOU, BALLYHEAD?
DON'T YA GOT NOBODY
AROUND THE FARM
THAT LAUGHS LIKE ARNOLD?
- NOT ON TWO FEET.
- OKAY, OKAY.
NOW I SEE SOME OF YOU
HAVE MET OUR VISITOR.
FOR THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVEN'T,
HER NAME IS JENNY HANSEN.
SHE IS FROM NEBRASKA,
AND IT'S TIME TO PLAY
CELEBRITY SWEATHOG.
NOW, YESTERDAY, PAGE 14.
WE WERE TALKIN'
ABOUT... EPSTEIN.
"DEAR MR. KOTTER,
JUAN EPSTEIN WAS LATE
BECAUSE HE WAS IN
CONFERENCE WITH ME.
SIGNED, PRINCIPAL LAZARUS."
WHAT ARE YOU TRYIN'
TO DO TO ME, EPSTEIN.
I KNOW THE MAN'S HANDWRITING.
THIS NOTE IS LEGITIMATE.
- YO, WELL IN BASEBALL IT'S
CALLED A CHANGE-UP, YOU KNOW.
IT KEEPS THE HITTER GUESSIN'.
HI.
- HI, JUAN.
- OH, YOU TWO ALREADY MET.
WELL, WELL, WELL.
IT'S A MATCH MADE IN BROOKLYN.
- HEY, DON'T LET
THESE GUYS BOTHER YA.
YOU KNOW, UH, BROOKLYN'S A LOT
TOUGHER BOROUGH THAN NEBRASKA.
- OH, NEBRASKA CAN BE
PRETTY TOUGH, TOO, YOU KNOW.
I MEAN, ON SATURDAY NIGHT, WE
ALL GO DOWN TO THE MALT SHOP
AND WE TAKE UP ALL THE STOOLS.
- AND WE DON'T EVEN ORDER.
- OH, THE DECADENCE OF IT, OH!
- WE DO A LOT OF TERRIBLE THINGS
LIKE BURN, PILLAGE, AND LOOT.
- HEY, OH, VINNIE, UH, WHAT
YOU GONNA DO TONIGHT?
BURN OR PILLAGE?
- WELL, LEMME TELL
YA... I LOOTED LAST NIGHT,
SO I'M PRETTY BORED
WITH THAT, YOU KNOW.
- OH, I GOT A LATE
DATE TO PILLAGE,
SO I'LL PROBABLY BURN EARLY.
- WELL, I THINK I'M GONNA
PILLAGE EARLY AND BURN LATER.
- OH, AH!
- OKAY, WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
GET BACK TO SCHOOLWORK NOW.
PAGE 14...
- OH, GABE,
All: OH GABE!
- JENNY, IN THIS
CLASS, I AM MR. KOTTER,
YOUR TEACHER-IN-LAW.
- SORRY. MR. KOTTER, IN
NEBRASKA WHEN SOMEONE NEW
COMES TO MY SCHOOL, WE
ALWAYS ASSIGN ANOTHER STUDENT
SORT OF AS A GUIDE
FOR THE FIRST FEW DAYS.
- YOU KNOW, THAT'S
A VERY GOOD IDEA.
HOW ABOUT ONE OF THE GIRLS.
CHARMAINE, WILL YOU
SHOW JENNY AROUND...
- NO, I, I THINK JUAN EPSTEIN
SHOULD SHOW ME AROUND.
All: AW.
- I SECOND THE MOTION.
I MEAN, UH, LOOK, IF THE
LADY'S GONNA BE A SWEATHOG,
SHE MIGHT AS WELL
LEARN FROM THE BEST.
RIGHT?
- YEAH.
- YEAH.
- TELL THAT TO UM, MY WIFE.
- WILL YOU JUST TELL ME
WHAT YOU'RE DOING HERE?
- YOU'LL SEE.
- LUCY, LUCY, LUCY RICARDO.
HOW MANY TIMES I HAVE TO TELL
YOU NOT TO COME TO THE CLUB.
- MRS. KOTTER TO SEE
PRINCIPAL LAZARUS.
- WHO SAID THAT?
NO ONE SEES PRINCIPAL LAZARUS.
SEE ME, I DECIDE WHO
SEES PRINCIPAL LAZARUS.
- UH, MISS FURBISH,
ASK PRINCIPAL LAZARUS
IF HE'LL SEE ME LATER.
- MR. WOODMAN, I AM HERE
AS A PARENT AND/OR GUARDIAN
TO REGISTER A FORMAL COMPLAINT.
- JULIE, YOU ARE OVERREACTING.
- IS THIS ONE OF THOSE
MARITAL SQUABBLES?
WELL, I CAN'T HELP YOU THERE,
YOU KNOW, I'M NOT MARRIED.
I DON'T EVEN READ COSMOPOLITAN.
- IT'S ABOUT JENNY
HANSEN, MR. WOODMAN.
- OH, YOUR NEW SWEATHOG.
- SHE IS NOT A SWEATHOG.
SHE IS MY SISTER.
YOU MADE HER A SWEATHOG.
- WELL SHE TOLD ME TO PUT
CORN IN MY HORN, MRS. KOTTER.
I'D CALL THAT A SWEATHOG.
- MR. WOODMAN, MY
SISTER WENT OUT ON A DATE
LAST NIGHT AT 5 O'CLOCK.
SHE RETURNED AT
8... THIS MORNING!
- WHO DID SHE GO OUT WITH?
- JUAN EPSTEIN.
- WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
I MEAN CHANCES ARE
THAT NOTHING HAPPENED.
- I BET YA BELIEVE IN THE
EASTER BUNNY, TOO, DON'T YA?
- OH, MY BABY SISTER, A
SWEET, SIMPLE, ROSY-CHEEKED
FARM GIRL... OUT ALL
NIGHT WITH A SWEATHOG.
I BET HE CHANGED
HER INTO A SWEATHOG.
- WILL YOU STOP
BEING RIDICULOUS.
HE DIDN'T CHANGE
HER INTO A SWEATHOG.
- HEY, SIS.
LIKE MY NEW OUTFIT?
- JULIE, JULIE!
- CALM DOWN, CALM
DOWN, ALL RIGHT?
I'LL HANDLE THIS, OKAY?
JUAN?
- YEAH?
- CAN I SEE YOU A SECOND?
- OH, YOU BET!
- JUAN, WE'RE
FRIENDS, AREN'T WE?
- OH, YOU BET WE ARE.
- AND NOW YOU KNOW, I WOULD SAY
THAT OUR RELATIONSHIP TRANSCENDS
THE NORMAL BOUNDS OF A
STUDENT-TEACHER RELATIONSHIP,
WOULDN'T YOU SAY SO?
- YEAH, I'D SAY IT
GOES PRETTY DEEP.
- DEEPER THAN THAT.
SO, WHAT I WANT YOU TO DO IS...
- YEAH.
- I WANT YOU TO TELL ME...
- YEAH.
- WHERE YOU WERE ALL
NIGHT WITH JULIE'S SISTER
OR I AM GOING TO
REARRANGE YOUR FACE.
- YOU WOULD, WOULDN'T YA?
- OH, YOU COULD TAKE
THAT TO THE BANK.
- YEAH.
- WE WERE SITTIN' ON YOUR STOOP.
- COME ON, JUAN.
SAVE THAT FOR ONE OF YOUR NOTES.
NOW WHERE WERE YOU
ALL NIGHT WITH JENNY?
- GABE, HE'S TELLIN' THE TRUTH!
IT WAS SO LATE WHEN WE CAME IN,
I DIDN'T WANT TO
WAKE YOU GUYS UP,
SO WE SAT ON THE
STOOP ALL NIGHT.
- TALKIN'.
AND YOU CAN TAKE
THAT TO THE BANK.
- I BELIEVE THEM. I'M CONVINCED.
WHAT ABOUT YOU?
- I'M GOING HOME,
AND I'M GOING TO PACK
JENNY'S SUITCASE
BECAUSE SHE'S GOING HOME,
AND IF YOU DON'T DO SOMETHING
TO BREAK UP THAT SITUATION,
DON'T BOTHER COMING HOME.
- AND PEOPLE WONDER
WHY I NEVER MARRIED.
- OKAY, SO, WHAT ARE
WE GONNA DO NOW?
- WELL, WE GOT IT
ALL WORKED OUT.
WE'RE BOTH GOIN'
BACK TO NEBRASKA.
- WHAT?
- YOU SEE, LAST NIGHT WE DID
A LOT OF TALKIN', YOU KNOW?
I TOLD JENNY ALL ABOUT
BROOKLYN... THE CRIME,
THE SLUMS, THE POLLUTION...
THAT'S JUST IN MY HOUSE.
AND THEN SHE TOLD ME
ALL ABOUT NEBRASKA...
BLUE SKIES AND THE WHEAT
FIELDS AND THE IRRIGATION DITCHES.
YOU KNOW, MR. KOTTER, I
FIGURE A MAN'S GOTTA GET BACK
TO THE SOIL, YOU KNOW?
COME ON, LET'S GO.
- EPSTEIN, WAIT.
YOU CAN'T GO TO NEBRASKA.
THEY WON'T LET YOU
PAST PHILADELPHIA
WITHOUT A PASSPORT.
- JUAN, THIS IS
NOTHING PERSONAL.
YOU'RE VERY NICE AND I
LIKE YOU A LOT, I REALLY DO.
YOU'RE JUST NOT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR MY SISTER.
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT MR. KOTTER?
HE WAS A SWEATHOG.
- HE'S NOT RIGHT FOR
MY SISTER, EITHER.
- THANKS.
MAYBE WE'LL FIX YA UP
WITH ROGER ABERNATHY.
WELL, WOULD YA LOOK AT THIS.
IT'S THE WHOLE HEE HAW GANG.
COME ON IN.
- HOWDY, MR. KOTTER.
HEY, JUAN... YOU WANNA
TASTE OF NEBRASKA?
- YEAH.
- I'LL GIVE YOU A
TASTE OF NEBRASKA.
- YEAH, WE WANNA SHOW YOU
GUYS WHAT YOU GONNA LOOK LIKE
IN A COUPLE O' YEARS.
- THAT'S RIGHT. LOOK AT THIS.
- WHAT IS THIS SUPPOSED TO BE?
MA AND PA KETTLE
VISIT THE GHETTO?
- YOU THINK THIS IS BAD, RIGHT.
WELL HOW WOULD YOU LIKE TO
WAKE UP TO THIS EVERY MORNING?
- HULLO. HOW-WAH-YA?
YUCK, YUCK, YUCK.
OH, HERE, MR. KOTTER.
THIS IS FOR YOU.
- JUST WHAT I'VE ALWAYS WANTED...
MILK FROM A CONTENTED HORSHACK.
- HEY, JUAN.
YOU AIN'T REALLY GOIN'
TO NEBRASKA, ARE YOU?
- OH, YEAH?
WELL THEN WHY DID I SCRATCH
ANGEL HORWICH'S PHONE NUMBER
OFF MY LOCKER DOOR?
- FOR THE SAME
REASON WE ALL DID...
HER BROTHER VITO, THE KNIFE.
- LOOK, I'M LEAVIN' AND
THAT'S ALL THERE IS TO IT.
- HORSHACK, WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT RIDICULOUS COW'S HEAD.
- I FOUND HER AT
THE HEAD OF MY BED.
SHE WAS LEFT BY THE NEBRASKA
GODFATHER, DON HAYSEED.
- LISTEN TO ME, LISTEN TO ME.
- YEAH.
- I GOT YOU, I GOT YOU, OH YEAH.
- OKAY, OKAY, OKAY.
NOW I WAS NEVER ONE TO BUTT
INTO YOUR PERSONAL LIFE, RIGHT?
- YOU NEVER DID THAT TO ME.
- I NEVER DID, I NEVER DID.
- NEVER. ALL RIGHT.
YOU KNOW MY BIG BROTHER LEROY?
- YEAH.
- HE RAN AWAY WITH A GIRL
WHEN HE WAS YOUR AGE.
- WELL, WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
- WHAT HAPPENED TO HIM?
YOU ASKIN' ME WHAT
HAPPENED TO HIM? NOTHIN'.
- YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
A REAL SPELLBINDER
WITH A STORY, FREDDIE.
LOOK, JUAN, ALL WE'RE
TRYIN' TO DO IS WE'RE TRYIN'
TO MAKE SURE YOU KNOW
WHAT YOU'RE GETTING INTO,
AND WE WANNA MAKE
SURE THAT JENNY KNOWS
WHAT SHE'S GETTING INTO.
- LOOK, MR. KOTTER,
I KNOW WHAT I WANT.
SHE KNOWS WHAT SHE WANTS.
WE BOTH KNOW WHAT WE WANT.
- WHAT DO YOU WANT?
- HELLO?
WHO?
HOW NICE TO HEAR YOUR VOICE!
OH, YEAH, JUST A
SECOND. HOLD ON.
JENNY, IT'S FOR YOU...
ROGER ABERNATHY.
- OH, ROGER!
OH ROGER, IS IT REALLY YOU?
OH ROGER!
- I GOT A FEELIN' IT'S ROGER.
- THIS IS ME... IT'S JENNY, YES.
- BOY, HOW RUDE!
- OH, NO, NO. SHE'S ALL RIGHT.
SHE'S GOT A RIGHT TO
HER PRIVACY, RIGHT?
AND I GOT A RIGHT TO LISTEN.
- AND EPSTEIN HAS GOT A
RIGHT TO SING THE BLUES.
- SHE'S SAYIN' "I'M
SORRY, ROGER"
"OF COURSE I FORGIVE YOU."
"AND I'M SORRY I CALLED
YOU ALFALFA BREATH"
"THE NEXT BUS, YES. I'M COMING
IN ON THE NEXT BUS, ROGIE.
UNTIL THAT TIME,
UNTIL THAT TIME."
HEY, JUAN... YOU'VE BEEN DUMPED!
- HEY, MR. KOTTER,
I BEEN DUMPED.
I MEAN, HEY, I JUST CAN'T
LET HER WALK OUTTA HERE.
WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
- JUAN, LOOK.
THIS IS FOR THE
BEST, BELIEVE ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT I WOULD DO... I
WOULD DO WHAT HUMPHREY BOGART
DID IN THAT LAST SCENE WITH
INGRID BERMAN IN CASABLANCA.
- NAH, I CAN'T DO BOGART.
- SURE YA CAN,
SURE YA CAN. LOOK,
HUMPHREY BOGART.
- OH, JUAN, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
- NAH, I GOTTA TALK TO YOU.
SWEETHEART, YOU'RE
GETTIN ON THAT BUS,
AND YOU'RE GETTIN ON ALONE.
GO BACK TO ROGER, JENNY.
WHY, IN THIS CRAZY WORLD
WHEN IT COMES TO TWO PEOPLE,
THEY DON'T AMOUNT
TO A HILL O' BEANS.
SO GO ON, GET ON THAT
BUS AND DON'T LOOK BACK.
- I'M GOING JUAN, I'M GOING.
- I'LL TAKE JENNY TO THE BUS.
- GOOD-BYE, GABE.
- BYE, JEN, AND I'LL SEE
YA THIS SUMMER, HUH?
SAY HELLO TO YOUR MOM AND DAD.
- YEAH.
- GOOD-BYE, YOU GUYS.
All: BYE, JENNY.
- HAVE A NICE TIME.
- WELL, I'LL SEE
YOU AROUND, JUAN.
- HERE'S LOOKIN' AT YOU, KID.
- I SHOULDN'T HAVE BEEN
SO HARD ON JUAN AND JENNY.
AFTER ALL, YOU WERE RIGHT...
I DID MARRY A SWEATHOG.
- OKAY, WHERE'D I GO WRONG?
- YOU WANNA KNOW WHERE
YOU WENT WRONG, JUAN?
- I'D LIKE TO, YEAH.
- YOU WERE A LITTLE TOO HIGH.
LISTEN, SWEETHEART, THE PROBLEMS
OF TWO PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD
DON'T AMOUNT TO A HILL OF BEANS.
- NO, MR. KOTTER, NO.
IT'S IN THE SHOULDERS.
- IT WAS TOO HIGH.
THE PROBLEMS OF TWO
PEOPLE IN THIS WORLD...
- JULIE, DID I EVER TELL YOU
ABOUT MY UNCLE
HEYSITDOWNDER KOTTER?
- WAS HE AN INDIAN?
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
THAT WAS A NAME THAT
HE GOT IN THE MOVIES.
- OH, HE WAS AN ACTOR.
- NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
IT WAS LIKE A UNANIMOUS
PROCLAMATION.
HE WAS IN A MOVIE
HOUSE WATCHING A MOVIE,
AND BY UNANIMOUS
PROCLAMATION, HE GOT THAT NAME.
- WELL HOW?
- WELL, HE STOOD UP
IN THE SECOND ROW.
HE HAD TIGHT PANTS ON AND
HE WANTED TO GET SOMETHING
IN HIS POCKETS.
EVERYBODY IN BACK OF HIM
YELLED, "HEY SIT DOWN THERE."
- THE WORST JOKE I'VE
EVER HEARDIN MY ENTIRE LIFE.
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES
HAVE ALL CHANGED ♪
♪ SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪
♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASE HIM A LOT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE'VE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WE ALWAYS COULD
SPOT A FRIEND ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ AND I SMILE WHEN I THINK
HOW IT MUST HAVE BEEN ♪