Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 2, Episode 19 - There Goes Number 5 - full transcript
- MR. KOTTER, I'M
REALLY WORRIED.
HORSHACK'S BEEN
GONE FOR TWO DAYS NOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
- THAT'S RIGHT, MR. KOTTER.
I MEAN, ARNOLD, HE
AIN'T NEVER BEEN ABSENT.
- I KNOW. I'M WORRIED, TOO.
I THINK HE, UH, MUST HAVE A
PROBLEM IN HIS PERSONAL LIFE.
- AH, COME ON, MR. KOTTER.
YOU KNOW ARNOLD AIN'T
GOT NO PERSONAL LIFE.
- HEY, MR. KOTTER. HOW
DO YOU BECOME A FATHER?
- A FATHER?
WELL, YOU GOTTA MEET A GIRL
THAT YOU LIKE AND THEN YOU,
WELL YOU SORT OF...
- OH, MR. KOTTER!
I DON'T HAVE TO START A FAMILY.
I'VE ALREADY GOT ONE.
YOU SEE, MY MOTHER'S
FIFTH HUSBAND, MR. O'HARA,
DIED THE OTHER DAY.
JUST LIKE THAT.
SITTING IN HIS TAXI IN THE
MIDDLE OF A TRAFFIC JAM
ON THE LONG ISLAND EXPRESSWAY.
THE MAN FELL ON HIS HORN.
GAVE ONE FINAL TOOT.
AND WENT TO THAT GREAT
WHITE TAXI STAND IN THE SKY.
- SORRY, ARNOLD.
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS
TO LOSE A LOVED ONE.
- HEY ARNOLD, YOU REMEMBER,
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL,
I MEAN ANYTHING AT ALL,
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.
FREDDIE 'CAN DO' WASHINGTON.
- STICK WITH IT, ALRIGHT?
- YEAH
- HEY ARNOLD. ARNOLD.
IT'S GONNA BE OKAY,
BUDDY, YA KNOW?
HEY, YOU GOT FRIENDS HERE.
- OH, LITTLE JUAN.
- AH, HORSHACK.
- ARNOLD, I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU,
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW
ABOUT BEING A FATHER?
- WELL SEE, MR. KOTTER, IT'S,
IT'S LIKE THIS VOICE CAME TO ME
AND IT SAID, "ARNOLD...
ARNOLD... IT'S TIME TO GROW UP."
AND I SAID, "CAN I ASK
MR. KOTTER FIRST?"
AND THE VOICE SAID,
"IT COULDN'T HURT."
SO, I'M ASKING.
MR. KOTTER, IS IT TIME
FOR ME TO GROW UP?
- ARNOLD, I THINK
YOU ALREADY HAVE.
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES HAVE ALL
CHANGED SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪
♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASED HIM A LOT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ DA DA, DA DA DA... ♪
- HI, MA.
- HI YA, ARNOLD.
DON'T LOOK. IT'LL
SPOIL YOUR APPETITE.
- TOO LATE.
HEY, MA. BEING YOUR ELDEST SON,
I THINK THE TIME HAS COME
FOR YOU AND I TO HAVE A TALK.
- FINE. FIRST, SET THE TABLE.
- GUESS WHO FOLLOWED
ME HOME AGAIN.
"NO NOSE" BLOOMBERG. HE'S
RIGHT OUTSIDE THAT DOOR.
SOMEBODY PLEASE GET RID OF HIM.
- I'LL BOIL SOME WATER.
- I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.
NOW, LOOK HERE, FELLA.
I'M JUDY'S BIG BRO...
HELLO, NO NOSE.
SO, WHAT SAY YOU COME
OVER ON SATURDAY?
COME EARLY.
PLAN TO SPEND THE WHOLE DAY.
- LISTEN, ARNOLD.
I'M PLANNING A
HEADACHE ON SATURDAY.
SO YOU CAN GO OUT WITH HIM.
- YOU KNOW, JUDY.
SOMETIMES YOU ARE SUCH A NOODGE.
YOU DON'T SEE OUR LITTLE SISTER
GIVING ME SUCH AGGRAVATION,
DO YA? NO SIR-EE.
SHE'S SITTING THERE
ON THE FLOOR CRYING.
CRYING.
DORIS.
SAY, HEY DORIS.
DON'T CRY.
YOU'RE WETTING
THE LINOLEUM, DORIS.
- HEY LISTEN, WE ALL FEEL
BAD ABOUT MR. O'HARA,
BUT PEOPLE DIE.
ACEEPTING THAT IS
PART OF GROWING UP.
- OH, I DON'T FEEL BAD
ABOUT HIM, ARNOLD.
WE'VE HAD BETTER FATHERS.
- SO, WHAT'S WRONG?
- ARNOLD, REMEMBER
THAT STORY YOU TOLD ME
ABOUT HOW THE UGLY
DUCKLING TURNED INTO A SWAN?
- MM-HM.
- WELL, IT AIN'T WORKING.
I'M TURNING INTO A DUCK.
- AW, HONEY, LOOK.
IF YOU REALLY AND TRULY
BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE A SWAN,
SO WILL EVERYBODY ELSE.
- ARNOLD, DO YOU
REALLY AND TRULY BELIEVE
THAT YOU'RE A SWAN?
- DORIS, DO AS I
SAY, NOT AS I DO.
- BUT, MY NOSE IS STILL GROWING.
- IT'LL STOP.
- YOUR'S DIDN'T.
- I HAVE A PERFECT NOSE.
- WE KNOW, JUDY.
WE KNOW.
- FACE IT, ARNOLD, YOU AND ME,
I MEAN WE'RE THE KIND
OF PEOPLE LIFE STEPS ON.
OW!
- MANNY, YOU JUST
STEPPED ON YOUR SISTER.
- I'M TAKING A WALK.
CAN'T A GUY TAKE A WALK?
- NOT ON HIS SISTER.
Mother: DINNER IS READY!
COME ON EVERYBODY.
THERE'S NOTHING WORSE
THAN A COLD DINNER.
- MMM. DON'T THIS LOOK GOOD.
HEY MA, EVERYBODY.
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT.
- MA, WHAT ARE
THESE LUMPY THINGS?
- GRAVY.
- LISTEN EVERYBODY,
THERE'S SOMETHING I
WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS HERE.
- WELL, I AIN'T EATING
THESE MASHED POTATOES.
NOT ME BOY.
- YOO HOO. LOOK HERE.
LOOK AT CRAZY ARNOLD.
OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH!
- ARNOLD, SOMETIMES
YOU'RE SUCH A BABY.
QUIT THAT, "OH OH
OH-ING" AND EAT.
YOU'RE NOTHING
BUT SKIN AND BONES.
- MA, CLAM UP.
- OOOOOOH.
- BOY, ARE YOU GONNA GET IT?
- LOOK, MA, I'M REAL
SORRY I SAID "CLAM UP,"
BUT YOU JUST NEVER LISTEN TO ME.
YOU SHOULD.
I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
- YEAH.
YOU SAID, "CLAM
UP" TO YOUR MOTHER.
NOT EVEN MANNY'S
FATHER, THE CRUMB,
EVER SAID CLAM UP
TO YOUR MOTHER.
- MY FATHER WASN'T A CRUMB.
JUDY'S FATHER WAS THE CRUMB.
- HE WAS NOT.
- OF COURSE NOT. MR. LUTZ
WAS A VERY NICE MAN.
- MOM, MY FATHER WAS MR. LUTZ.
- MY FATHER WAS MR. TEMPLETON.
- OK. SO, I'M NOT SO
TERRIFIC AT NAMES, OK?
- YOU ARE NOT EXACTLY A
WHIZ AT SELECTING MEN EITHER.
- YOU THINK IT'S EASY FOR ME?
YOU THINK I ENJOY HAULING
THAT COCKTAIL DRESS
OUT OF THE MOTH BALLS.
- MOTH BALLS.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE EATING. THE
LUMPY THINGS ARE MOTH BALLS.
- NOBODY'S GONNA
GIVE ME THE KIND OF JOB
THAT WILL SUPPORT THIS FAMILY.
I'VE GOTTA FIND ANOTHER HUSBAND.
IT'S THE ONLY THING
I KNOW HOW TO DO.
- LOOK, MA.
LISTEN, IF YOU SHOULD
MEET SOMEBODY
THAT YOU REALLY AND TRULY LOVE,
WHO WOULD BE MORE
DELIGHTED THAN I?
BUT, MA, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO
GO OUT AND GET MARRIED AGAIN
TO FIND SOMEBODY
TO TAKE CARE OF US
BECAUSE FROM
NOW ON, MA... I WILL.
- OOOH.
ARNOLD, YOU'RE A GOOD BOY.
YOU REALLY ARE.
- MA, COME ON.
- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I FEEL A LOT BETTER
NOW, YOU KNOW?
I'M GONNA GO UP AND SEE IF THAT
COCKTAIL DRESS NEEDS TAKEN UP.
OR LETTING DOWN.
OR THROWING OUT.
- MA. MA. MA!
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
HOLD IT!
EVERYBODY FINISH EATING.
YOU DOWN. YOU DOWN. YOU DOWN.
- WELL, I AIN'T GONNA EAT MY
MASHED POTATOES, BRILLO HEAD.
EAT YOUR MASHED POTATOES.
- MAKE ME, HORSE FACE.
- YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.
- I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, ARNOLD.
IT MIGHT BE YEARS FROM NOW.
I MIGHT BE DISGUISED AS A NUN,
BUT JUST REMEMBER,
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT,
EXPECT IT.
- GO AHEAD, ARNOLD.
TAKE OVER THE FAMILY.
IT'S OK BY ME.
JUST DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
- I THINK YOU CAN DO IT, ARNOLD.
- HONEST?
- NO.
- THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT ME
THAT PEOPLE DO
NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY.
MAYBE IT'S MY VOICE.
NAH.
IT USED TO BE MY VOICE.
BEFORE IT CHANGED.
MAYBE IT'S MY LAUGH.
SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECTLY
GOOD LAUGH TO ME.
- HEY, WHAT'S SO FUNNY.
- HI, GOLDIE. I WAS
JUST PRACTICING.
- WHAT FOR? YOU DO IT PERFECT.
HEY UH, LISTEN, I HEARD ABOUT
FATHER NUMBER FIVE KICKING OFF.
I'M SORRY.
I GUESS YOU GROW UP
WHEN YOU HAVE TO, HUH?
- YEAH.
- THANKS.
- OH.
- OH.
- HEY, YOU KNOW I CHECKED
THE WANT ADS THIS MORNING.
THE ONE THING THAT
NOBODY WANTS IS ME.
- SO, YOU'LL BECOME
INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
YOU GOT ANY RICH RELATIVES?
- I DON'T GOT ANY
RELATIVES, EXCEPT FOR... NAH.
- NAH? NAH WHO?
- NAH WHO IS MY UNCLE
HARRY HORSHACK.
OH HE USED TO HAVE THIS TERRIFIC
COSTUME STORE ON DEKALB AVENUE,
HORSHACK'S COSTUME CITY.
GOLDIE!
GEE, I HAVEN'T SEEN MY
UNCLE HARRY IN 15 YEARS.
I WONDER IF HE'D
STILL REMEMBER ME.
- ARNOLD, BELIEVE ME,
YOU'RE HARD TO FORGET.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S REAL EASY
TALKING WITH YOU, GOLDIE.
YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE THIS,
BUT I GET VERY TONGUE
TIED AROUND MOST GIRLS.
- NAH.
- YEAH, REALLY.
YOU'RE DIFFERENT.
- THANK YOU, ARNOLD.
SO ARE YOU.
Mother: ARNOLD! ARNOLD!
ARE YOU UP THERE?
- YEAH, UP HERE, MA.
- THERE YOU ARE.
YOU THINK THE OLD LADY'S
GOTTEN IT TOGETHER?
- MA, MA, YOU'RE WEARING
YOUR FALSE EYELASHES.
MA, YOU HAVEN'T WORN
YOUR FALSE EYELASHES
SINCE YOUR LAST WEDDING.
- YEAH, I'M GOING WITH MY FRIEND
WANDA OVER TO THE BOWLING ALLEY.
- MA, YOU DO NOT BOWL.
- ARNOLD, FATHER NUMBER SIX
MIGHT BE BOWLING
LANE NUMBER SEVEN.
♪ SOME ENCHANTED EVENING... ♪
- YOU KNOW, ARNOLD.
YOUR MOTHER IS A
VERY STRANGE LADY.
- YEAH, WELL LOOK, I'D BETTER
GO SEE ABOUT THAT JOB, GOLDIE
BEFORE CINDERELLA
MEETS PRINCE CHARMING.
HEY, WISH ME LUCK, GOLDIE.
- GOOD LUCK, ARNOLD.
- ARNOLD HORSHACK, CONQUERER.
- OH, THIS IS SOME SWANKY STORE.
MY UNCLE HARRY MUST
BE DOING REAL GOOD.
OH SORRY.
- MAY I HELP YOU.
- HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M ARNOLD HORSHACK,
HARRY HORSHACK'S NEPHEW.
- THERE'S NO H. HARRY ORSHACK,
PRESIDENT OF
ORSHACK'S OF 5TH AVENUE.
AND MR. ORSHACK DOESN'T SEE
ANYONE WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT.
- UH.
THANK YOU.
OH, LOOK AT THAT. OH.
PRETTY.
Secretary: I'M
TERRIBLY SORRY, H.O.
SOMEONE WAS PLAYING
WITH YOUR KNOCKERS.
- HELLO, HARRY. YOU REMEMBER ME?
I'M ARNOLD.
I'M YOUR NEPHEW, UNCLE HARRY.
AFTER FIFTEEN YEARS,
WE'RE REUNITED.
- LEONARD, THROW
HIM OUT OF HERE.
- OK. THE REUNION IS OVER.
- HEY, UNCLE HARRY,
I REALLY NEED A JOB.
- ARTHUR.
- ARNOLD, IT'S ARNOLD.
- ARNOLD, IT'S NOT
THAT EASY TO GET A JOB.
COME HERE. LET ME
SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
LOOK OUT THAT WINDOW, ARTHUR.
- ARNOLD.
- SEE ALL THOSE LITTLE PEOPLE
DOWN THERE ON 5TH AVENUE?
- UH UH.
- I STEPPED ON ALL OF THOSE
PEOPLE TO GET UP HERE.
- WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN
EASIER TO TAKE AN ELEVATOR?
- YOU'RE A NICE KID.
BUT NICE KIDS FINISH LAST.
THIS KID'S A WINNER.
- I'M A SHARK.
- IT'S THE SHARKS IN THIS WORLD
THAT DEVOUR PEOPLE
LIKE YOU, OTTO.
- ARNOLD.
MY NAME IS ARNOLD.
ARNOLD HORSHACK.
I PRONOUNCE THE
"H," MISTER ORSHACK.
I'M VERY PROUD OF MY NAME.
HORSHACK IS A VERY
OLD AND RESPECTED NAME.
IT MEANS "THE CATTLE ARE DYING."
AND YOU USED TO BE PROUD OF
THAT NAME, TOO, UNCLE HARRY.
REMEMBER WHEN YOU OWNED
HORSHACK'S COSTUME CITY
ON DEKALB AVENUE IN BROOKLYN.
- LEONARD.
- YES?
- WOULD YOU GO SPY ON
SOMEBODY FOR ME, PLEASE?
- WHATEVER YOU SAY.
- ARNOLD, THERE NEVER WAS
A HORSHACK'S COSTUME CITY
ON DEKALB AVENUE. NEVER.
- OH SURE THERE
WAS, UNCLE HARRY.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU?
OH, YOU WAS DRESSED IN
THE CHICKEN SUIT. REMEMBER?
- ARNOLD.
- HUH?
- IF YOU CAN FORGET THAT
YOU EVER SAW ME DRESSED
IN THE CHICKEN SUIT,
YOU'VE GOT A JOB.
- OH, THANK YOU, UNCLE
HARRY. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
- ARNOLD, YOU REMIND ME OF
ME WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN.
IF YOU EVER TELL
THAT TO ANYBODY,
I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEART OUT.
♪ WE'RE IN THE MONEY. OH
YEAH, WE'RE IN THE MONEY. ♪
- ARNOLD, WHERE DO
I KEEP THE ASPIRIN?
- HEY MA, I GOT A JOB.
- I GOT TO THE BOWLING ALLEY.
I MET A FARMER NAMED
AUGGIE FARNSWORTH.
HE MIGHT BE A LOUSY DATE, BUT HE
COULD MAKE A WONDERFUL FATHER.
♪ SOME ENCHANTED
EVENING I WILL MEET... ♪
- HEY ARNOLD, WHEN YOU
LEAST EXPECT IT, EXPECT IT.
- COME ON, MANNY.
WILL YA LAY OFF?
SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT FOR
THE MAN OF THE HOUSE, HERE.
- THIS ISN'T A HOUSE, ARNOLD.
IT'S A RUNDOWN TENNAMENT IN
THE CRUMMY SECTION OF BROOKLYN.
- NOW, YOU LISTEN
TO ME, YOUNG LADY.
ONE MORE WORD OUT OF
YOU AND YOU'RE GOING TO BED
WITHOUT ANY SUPPER.
- WE ALREADY HAD SUPPER.
- THEN YOU'LL
NEVER HAVE IT AGAIN.
- COME ON, YOU GUYS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
GIVE THE KID A BREAK?
- OK.
ARNOLD, I THINK WE CAN
DO A LITTLE BUSINESS HERE.
I'LL GIVE YOU A SHOT AT
THIS MAN OF THE HOUSE TRICK,
IF YOU PROMISE TO STOP
TUCKING ME IN AT NIGHT.
- CAN I KEEP ON SAYING "GOOD
NIGHT LITTLE BUCKAROO"?
- YOU GOT A DEAL.
- AW, THANK YOU, MANNY.
HEY LISTEN YOU GUYS,
I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY
ONE GROWING UP HERE.
WE'RE ALL GROWING UP.
EXCEPT FOR MA, OF COURSE.
JUDY, I'M ASKING FOR YOUR HELP.
PLEASE.
- OH, ARNOLD.
- THANK YOU, JUDY.
- HEY MA, DID YOU HEAR?
ARNOLD GOT A JOB TODAY.
- YEAH. YEAH, WITH MY
UNCLE HARRY HORSHACK.
- HARRY HORSHACK.
HARRY HORSHACK.
IF THAT MAN HAD HAD HIS WAY,
I NEVER WOULD'VE
MARRIED YOUR FATHER.
I FORBID YOU TO WORK
FOR HARRY HORSHACK.
- MA, YOU CANNOT TELL A
GROWN PERSON WHO HE CAN
AND CANNOT WORK FOR.
- YEAH!
- THANK YOU.
- ALL RIGHT. THAT'S
IT. I'VE HAD IT.
OK, EVERYBODY,
EVERYBODY GOES TO BED.
EVERYONE GOES TO BED.
THAT INCLUDES YOU, TOO, ARNOLD.
- YEAH, MA. PLEASE,
EVERYBODY GO TO BED.
- GOOD NIGHT, ARNOLD.
- GOOD NIGHT, BABY.
- GOOD NIGHT, ARNOLD.
- GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.
- NIGHT, ARNOLD.
- GOOD NIGHT, BABY.
- GOODNIGHT, ARNOLD.
- ARNOLD.
- OH, MA.
- I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
- YOU DO, MA?
- YEAH.
- AND ARNOLD, DON'T WORRY...
'CAUSE YOUR MOTHER'S GOT A
TALENT FOR MAKING THINGS WORK.
- YOU DON'T, MA.
YOU REALLY, DON'T.
- HEY, ARNOLD. YOU EXPECTING IT?
- EXPECTING WHAT?
- HEY.
- HEY YOU GUYS.
- ARNOLD, YOU'RE BACK, HUH?
- YEAH.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOUR UNCLE FIRE YOU?
- AU CONTRAIRE, LITTLE FRIEND.
YOU ARE GAZING UPON
A WORKING SWEATHOG.
- ALL RIGHT.
- HEY, YOU KNOW, ARNOLD,
YOU GETTING A JOB COULD MEAN
SUSPENSION FROM THE SWEATHOGS.
- IT'S ONLY PART TIME.
MY UNCLE HARRY'S GONNA
TEACH ME EVERYTHING HE KNOWS
ABOUT THE BUSINESS WORLD.
I'M GONNA BE A SHARK.
- I DON'T, I DON'T QUITE
PICTURE YOU AS A SHARK.
YOU KNOW, I SORTA
LOOK ON YOU AS A GUPPY.
Mr. Kotter: HEY, ARNOLD.
- HEY, MR. KOTTER.
- HEY, WELCOME BACK.
CLASSROOM HASN'T BEEN
THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.
- AH, THANK YOU, MR. KOTTER.
- YOU KNOW, I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D MISS "OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!"
WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE
HERE, BUSINESS AS USUAL.
EVERYTHING'S BACK TO NORMAL.
- WELL, NOT QUITE
NORMAL, MR. KOTTER.
I GOT A PART TIME JOB WORKING
IN MY UNCLE HARRY'S STORE.
- YOU'RE WORKING FOR YOUR UNCLE?
- YEAH.
- DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE
TIME I WAS WORKING FOR MY UNCLE?
HIS NAME WAS FRED...
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES HAVE ALL
CHANGED SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪
♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASED HIM A LOT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪
REALLY WORRIED.
HORSHACK'S BEEN
GONE FOR TWO DAYS NOW.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE HE IS.
- THAT'S RIGHT, MR. KOTTER.
I MEAN, ARNOLD, HE
AIN'T NEVER BEEN ABSENT.
- I KNOW. I'M WORRIED, TOO.
I THINK HE, UH, MUST HAVE A
PROBLEM IN HIS PERSONAL LIFE.
- AH, COME ON, MR. KOTTER.
YOU KNOW ARNOLD AIN'T
GOT NO PERSONAL LIFE.
- HEY, MR. KOTTER. HOW
DO YOU BECOME A FATHER?
- A FATHER?
WELL, YOU GOTTA MEET A GIRL
THAT YOU LIKE AND THEN YOU,
WELL YOU SORT OF...
- OH, MR. KOTTER!
I DON'T HAVE TO START A FAMILY.
I'VE ALREADY GOT ONE.
YOU SEE, MY MOTHER'S
FIFTH HUSBAND, MR. O'HARA,
DIED THE OTHER DAY.
JUST LIKE THAT.
SITTING IN HIS TAXI IN THE
MIDDLE OF A TRAFFIC JAM
ON THE LONG ISLAND EXPRESSWAY.
THE MAN FELL ON HIS HORN.
GAVE ONE FINAL TOOT.
AND WENT TO THAT GREAT
WHITE TAXI STAND IN THE SKY.
- SORRY, ARNOLD.
I KNOW HOW IT FEELS
TO LOSE A LOVED ONE.
- HEY ARNOLD, YOU REMEMBER,
IF YOU NEED ANYTHING AT ALL,
I MEAN ANYTHING AT ALL,
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME.
FREDDIE 'CAN DO' WASHINGTON.
- STICK WITH IT, ALRIGHT?
- YEAH
- HEY ARNOLD. ARNOLD.
IT'S GONNA BE OKAY,
BUDDY, YA KNOW?
HEY, YOU GOT FRIENDS HERE.
- OH, LITTLE JUAN.
- AH, HORSHACK.
- ARNOLD, I'D LIKE TO HELP YOU,
BUT WHAT DO I KNOW
ABOUT BEING A FATHER?
- WELL SEE, MR. KOTTER, IT'S,
IT'S LIKE THIS VOICE CAME TO ME
AND IT SAID, "ARNOLD...
ARNOLD... IT'S TIME TO GROW UP."
AND I SAID, "CAN I ASK
MR. KOTTER FIRST?"
AND THE VOICE SAID,
"IT COULDN'T HURT."
SO, I'M ASKING.
MR. KOTTER, IS IT TIME
FOR ME TO GROW UP?
- ARNOLD, I THINK
YOU ALREADY HAVE.
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES HAVE ALL
CHANGED SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪
♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASED HIM A LOT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ DA DA, DA DA DA... ♪
- HI, MA.
- HI YA, ARNOLD.
DON'T LOOK. IT'LL
SPOIL YOUR APPETITE.
- TOO LATE.
HEY, MA. BEING YOUR ELDEST SON,
I THINK THE TIME HAS COME
FOR YOU AND I TO HAVE A TALK.
- FINE. FIRST, SET THE TABLE.
- GUESS WHO FOLLOWED
ME HOME AGAIN.
"NO NOSE" BLOOMBERG. HE'S
RIGHT OUTSIDE THAT DOOR.
SOMEBODY PLEASE GET RID OF HIM.
- I'LL BOIL SOME WATER.
- I'LL TAKE CARE OF THIS.
NOW, LOOK HERE, FELLA.
I'M JUDY'S BIG BRO...
HELLO, NO NOSE.
SO, WHAT SAY YOU COME
OVER ON SATURDAY?
COME EARLY.
PLAN TO SPEND THE WHOLE DAY.
- LISTEN, ARNOLD.
I'M PLANNING A
HEADACHE ON SATURDAY.
SO YOU CAN GO OUT WITH HIM.
- YOU KNOW, JUDY.
SOMETIMES YOU ARE SUCH A NOODGE.
YOU DON'T SEE OUR LITTLE SISTER
GIVING ME SUCH AGGRAVATION,
DO YA? NO SIR-EE.
SHE'S SITTING THERE
ON THE FLOOR CRYING.
CRYING.
DORIS.
SAY, HEY DORIS.
DON'T CRY.
YOU'RE WETTING
THE LINOLEUM, DORIS.
- HEY LISTEN, WE ALL FEEL
BAD ABOUT MR. O'HARA,
BUT PEOPLE DIE.
ACEEPTING THAT IS
PART OF GROWING UP.
- OH, I DON'T FEEL BAD
ABOUT HIM, ARNOLD.
WE'VE HAD BETTER FATHERS.
- SO, WHAT'S WRONG?
- ARNOLD, REMEMBER
THAT STORY YOU TOLD ME
ABOUT HOW THE UGLY
DUCKLING TURNED INTO A SWAN?
- MM-HM.
- WELL, IT AIN'T WORKING.
I'M TURNING INTO A DUCK.
- AW, HONEY, LOOK.
IF YOU REALLY AND TRULY
BELIEVE THAT YOU'RE A SWAN,
SO WILL EVERYBODY ELSE.
- ARNOLD, DO YOU
REALLY AND TRULY BELIEVE
THAT YOU'RE A SWAN?
- DORIS, DO AS I
SAY, NOT AS I DO.
- BUT, MY NOSE IS STILL GROWING.
- IT'LL STOP.
- YOUR'S DIDN'T.
- I HAVE A PERFECT NOSE.
- WE KNOW, JUDY.
WE KNOW.
- FACE IT, ARNOLD, YOU AND ME,
I MEAN WE'RE THE KIND
OF PEOPLE LIFE STEPS ON.
OW!
- MANNY, YOU JUST
STEPPED ON YOUR SISTER.
- I'M TAKING A WALK.
CAN'T A GUY TAKE A WALK?
- NOT ON HIS SISTER.
Mother: DINNER IS READY!
COME ON EVERYBODY.
THERE'S NOTHING WORSE
THAN A COLD DINNER.
- MMM. DON'T THIS LOOK GOOD.
HEY MA, EVERYBODY.
THERE'S SOMETHING
I'D LIKE TO TALK ABOUT.
- MA, WHAT ARE
THESE LUMPY THINGS?
- GRAVY.
- LISTEN EVERYBODY,
THERE'S SOMETHING I
WOULD LIKE TO DISCUSS HERE.
- WELL, I AIN'T EATING
THESE MASHED POTATOES.
NOT ME BOY.
- YOO HOO. LOOK HERE.
LOOK AT CRAZY ARNOLD.
OOH! OOH! OOH! OOH!
- ARNOLD, SOMETIMES
YOU'RE SUCH A BABY.
QUIT THAT, "OH OH
OH-ING" AND EAT.
YOU'RE NOTHING
BUT SKIN AND BONES.
- MA, CLAM UP.
- OOOOOOH.
- BOY, ARE YOU GONNA GET IT?
- LOOK, MA, I'M REAL
SORRY I SAID "CLAM UP,"
BUT YOU JUST NEVER LISTEN TO ME.
YOU SHOULD.
I MIGHT HAVE SOMETHING TO SAY.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND?
- YEAH.
YOU SAID, "CLAM
UP" TO YOUR MOTHER.
NOT EVEN MANNY'S
FATHER, THE CRUMB,
EVER SAID CLAM UP
TO YOUR MOTHER.
- MY FATHER WASN'T A CRUMB.
JUDY'S FATHER WAS THE CRUMB.
- HE WAS NOT.
- OF COURSE NOT. MR. LUTZ
WAS A VERY NICE MAN.
- MOM, MY FATHER WAS MR. LUTZ.
- MY FATHER WAS MR. TEMPLETON.
- OK. SO, I'M NOT SO
TERRIFIC AT NAMES, OK?
- YOU ARE NOT EXACTLY A
WHIZ AT SELECTING MEN EITHER.
- YOU THINK IT'S EASY FOR ME?
YOU THINK I ENJOY HAULING
THAT COCKTAIL DRESS
OUT OF THE MOTH BALLS.
- MOTH BALLS.
THAT'S WHAT WE'RE EATING. THE
LUMPY THINGS ARE MOTH BALLS.
- NOBODY'S GONNA
GIVE ME THE KIND OF JOB
THAT WILL SUPPORT THIS FAMILY.
I'VE GOTTA FIND ANOTHER HUSBAND.
IT'S THE ONLY THING
I KNOW HOW TO DO.
- LOOK, MA.
LISTEN, IF YOU SHOULD
MEET SOMEBODY
THAT YOU REALLY AND TRULY LOVE,
WHO WOULD BE MORE
DELIGHTED THAN I?
BUT, MA, YOU DO NOT HAVE TO
GO OUT AND GET MARRIED AGAIN
TO FIND SOMEBODY
TO TAKE CARE OF US
BECAUSE FROM
NOW ON, MA... I WILL.
- OOOH.
ARNOLD, YOU'RE A GOOD BOY.
YOU REALLY ARE.
- MA, COME ON.
- OH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I FEEL A LOT BETTER
NOW, YOU KNOW?
I'M GONNA GO UP AND SEE IF THAT
COCKTAIL DRESS NEEDS TAKEN UP.
OR LETTING DOWN.
OR THROWING OUT.
- MA. MA. MA!
YOU'RE NOT LISTENING.
HOLD IT!
EVERYBODY FINISH EATING.
YOU DOWN. YOU DOWN. YOU DOWN.
- WELL, I AIN'T GONNA EAT MY
MASHED POTATOES, BRILLO HEAD.
EAT YOUR MASHED POTATOES.
- MAKE ME, HORSE FACE.
- YOUR WISH IS MY COMMAND.
- I'LL GET YOU FOR THIS, ARNOLD.
IT MIGHT BE YEARS FROM NOW.
I MIGHT BE DISGUISED AS A NUN,
BUT JUST REMEMBER,
WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT,
EXPECT IT.
- GO AHEAD, ARNOLD.
TAKE OVER THE FAMILY.
IT'S OK BY ME.
JUST DON'T TELL ME WHAT TO DO.
- I THINK YOU CAN DO IT, ARNOLD.
- HONEST?
- NO.
- THERE IS SOMETHING ABOUT ME
THAT PEOPLE DO
NOT TAKE SERIOUSLY.
MAYBE IT'S MY VOICE.
NAH.
IT USED TO BE MY VOICE.
BEFORE IT CHANGED.
MAYBE IT'S MY LAUGH.
SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECTLY
GOOD LAUGH TO ME.
- HEY, WHAT'S SO FUNNY.
- HI, GOLDIE. I WAS
JUST PRACTICING.
- WHAT FOR? YOU DO IT PERFECT.
HEY UH, LISTEN, I HEARD ABOUT
FATHER NUMBER FIVE KICKING OFF.
I'M SORRY.
I GUESS YOU GROW UP
WHEN YOU HAVE TO, HUH?
- YEAH.
- THANKS.
- OH.
- OH.
- HEY, YOU KNOW I CHECKED
THE WANT ADS THIS MORNING.
THE ONE THING THAT
NOBODY WANTS IS ME.
- SO, YOU'LL BECOME
INDEPENDENTLY WEALTHY.
YOU GOT ANY RICH RELATIVES?
- I DON'T GOT ANY
RELATIVES, EXCEPT FOR... NAH.
- NAH? NAH WHO?
- NAH WHO IS MY UNCLE
HARRY HORSHACK.
OH HE USED TO HAVE THIS TERRIFIC
COSTUME STORE ON DEKALB AVENUE,
HORSHACK'S COSTUME CITY.
GOLDIE!
GEE, I HAVEN'T SEEN MY
UNCLE HARRY IN 15 YEARS.
I WONDER IF HE'D
STILL REMEMBER ME.
- ARNOLD, BELIEVE ME,
YOU'RE HARD TO FORGET.
- YOU KNOW, IT'S REAL EASY
TALKING WITH YOU, GOLDIE.
YOU MAY NOT BELIEVE THIS,
BUT I GET VERY TONGUE
TIED AROUND MOST GIRLS.
- NAH.
- YEAH, REALLY.
YOU'RE DIFFERENT.
- THANK YOU, ARNOLD.
SO ARE YOU.
Mother: ARNOLD! ARNOLD!
ARE YOU UP THERE?
- YEAH, UP HERE, MA.
- THERE YOU ARE.
YOU THINK THE OLD LADY'S
GOTTEN IT TOGETHER?
- MA, MA, YOU'RE WEARING
YOUR FALSE EYELASHES.
MA, YOU HAVEN'T WORN
YOUR FALSE EYELASHES
SINCE YOUR LAST WEDDING.
- YEAH, I'M GOING WITH MY FRIEND
WANDA OVER TO THE BOWLING ALLEY.
- MA, YOU DO NOT BOWL.
- ARNOLD, FATHER NUMBER SIX
MIGHT BE BOWLING
LANE NUMBER SEVEN.
♪ SOME ENCHANTED EVENING... ♪
- YOU KNOW, ARNOLD.
YOUR MOTHER IS A
VERY STRANGE LADY.
- YEAH, WELL LOOK, I'D BETTER
GO SEE ABOUT THAT JOB, GOLDIE
BEFORE CINDERELLA
MEETS PRINCE CHARMING.
HEY, WISH ME LUCK, GOLDIE.
- GOOD LUCK, ARNOLD.
- ARNOLD HORSHACK, CONQUERER.
- OH, THIS IS SOME SWANKY STORE.
MY UNCLE HARRY MUST
BE DOING REAL GOOD.
OH SORRY.
- MAY I HELP YOU.
- HELLO.
HOW ARE YOU?
I'M ARNOLD HORSHACK,
HARRY HORSHACK'S NEPHEW.
- THERE'S NO H. HARRY ORSHACK,
PRESIDENT OF
ORSHACK'S OF 5TH AVENUE.
AND MR. ORSHACK DOESN'T SEE
ANYONE WITHOUT AN APPOINTMENT.
- UH.
THANK YOU.
OH, LOOK AT THAT. OH.
PRETTY.
Secretary: I'M
TERRIBLY SORRY, H.O.
SOMEONE WAS PLAYING
WITH YOUR KNOCKERS.
- HELLO, HARRY. YOU REMEMBER ME?
I'M ARNOLD.
I'M YOUR NEPHEW, UNCLE HARRY.
AFTER FIFTEEN YEARS,
WE'RE REUNITED.
- LEONARD, THROW
HIM OUT OF HERE.
- OK. THE REUNION IS OVER.
- HEY, UNCLE HARRY,
I REALLY NEED A JOB.
- ARTHUR.
- ARNOLD, IT'S ARNOLD.
- ARNOLD, IT'S NOT
THAT EASY TO GET A JOB.
COME HERE. LET ME
SHOW YOU SOMETHING.
LOOK OUT THAT WINDOW, ARTHUR.
- ARNOLD.
- SEE ALL THOSE LITTLE PEOPLE
DOWN THERE ON 5TH AVENUE?
- UH UH.
- I STEPPED ON ALL OF THOSE
PEOPLE TO GET UP HERE.
- WOULDN'T IT HAVE BEEN
EASIER TO TAKE AN ELEVATOR?
- YOU'RE A NICE KID.
BUT NICE KIDS FINISH LAST.
THIS KID'S A WINNER.
- I'M A SHARK.
- IT'S THE SHARKS IN THIS WORLD
THAT DEVOUR PEOPLE
LIKE YOU, OTTO.
- ARNOLD.
MY NAME IS ARNOLD.
ARNOLD HORSHACK.
I PRONOUNCE THE
"H," MISTER ORSHACK.
I'M VERY PROUD OF MY NAME.
HORSHACK IS A VERY
OLD AND RESPECTED NAME.
IT MEANS "THE CATTLE ARE DYING."
AND YOU USED TO BE PROUD OF
THAT NAME, TOO, UNCLE HARRY.
REMEMBER WHEN YOU OWNED
HORSHACK'S COSTUME CITY
ON DEKALB AVENUE IN BROOKLYN.
- LEONARD.
- YES?
- WOULD YOU GO SPY ON
SOMEBODY FOR ME, PLEASE?
- WHATEVER YOU SAY.
- ARNOLD, THERE NEVER WAS
A HORSHACK'S COSTUME CITY
ON DEKALB AVENUE. NEVER.
- OH SURE THERE
WAS, UNCLE HARRY.
DON'T YOU REMEMBER
THE LAST TIME I SAW YOU?
OH, YOU WAS DRESSED IN
THE CHICKEN SUIT. REMEMBER?
- ARNOLD.
- HUH?
- IF YOU CAN FORGET THAT
YOU EVER SAW ME DRESSED
IN THE CHICKEN SUIT,
YOU'VE GOT A JOB.
- OH, THANK YOU, UNCLE
HARRY. THANK YOU. THANK YOU.
- ARNOLD, YOU REMIND ME OF
ME WHEN I WAS A YOUNG MAN.
IF YOU EVER TELL
THAT TO ANYBODY,
I'M GONNA RIP YOUR HEART OUT.
♪ WE'RE IN THE MONEY. OH
YEAH, WE'RE IN THE MONEY. ♪
- ARNOLD, WHERE DO
I KEEP THE ASPIRIN?
- HEY MA, I GOT A JOB.
- I GOT TO THE BOWLING ALLEY.
I MET A FARMER NAMED
AUGGIE FARNSWORTH.
HE MIGHT BE A LOUSY DATE, BUT HE
COULD MAKE A WONDERFUL FATHER.
♪ SOME ENCHANTED
EVENING I WILL MEET... ♪
- HEY ARNOLD, WHEN YOU
LEAST EXPECT IT, EXPECT IT.
- COME ON, MANNY.
WILL YA LAY OFF?
SHOW A LITTLE RESPECT FOR
THE MAN OF THE HOUSE, HERE.
- THIS ISN'T A HOUSE, ARNOLD.
IT'S A RUNDOWN TENNAMENT IN
THE CRUMMY SECTION OF BROOKLYN.
- NOW, YOU LISTEN
TO ME, YOUNG LADY.
ONE MORE WORD OUT OF
YOU AND YOU'RE GOING TO BED
WITHOUT ANY SUPPER.
- WE ALREADY HAD SUPPER.
- THEN YOU'LL
NEVER HAVE IT AGAIN.
- COME ON, YOU GUYS.
WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
GIVE THE KID A BREAK?
- OK.
ARNOLD, I THINK WE CAN
DO A LITTLE BUSINESS HERE.
I'LL GIVE YOU A SHOT AT
THIS MAN OF THE HOUSE TRICK,
IF YOU PROMISE TO STOP
TUCKING ME IN AT NIGHT.
- CAN I KEEP ON SAYING "GOOD
NIGHT LITTLE BUCKAROO"?
- YOU GOT A DEAL.
- AW, THANK YOU, MANNY.
HEY LISTEN YOU GUYS,
I KNOW I'M NOT THE ONLY
ONE GROWING UP HERE.
WE'RE ALL GROWING UP.
EXCEPT FOR MA, OF COURSE.
JUDY, I'M ASKING FOR YOUR HELP.
PLEASE.
- OH, ARNOLD.
- THANK YOU, JUDY.
- HEY MA, DID YOU HEAR?
ARNOLD GOT A JOB TODAY.
- YEAH. YEAH, WITH MY
UNCLE HARRY HORSHACK.
- HARRY HORSHACK.
HARRY HORSHACK.
IF THAT MAN HAD HAD HIS WAY,
I NEVER WOULD'VE
MARRIED YOUR FATHER.
I FORBID YOU TO WORK
FOR HARRY HORSHACK.
- MA, YOU CANNOT TELL A
GROWN PERSON WHO HE CAN
AND CANNOT WORK FOR.
- YEAH!
- THANK YOU.
- ALL RIGHT. THAT'S
IT. I'VE HAD IT.
OK, EVERYBODY,
EVERYBODY GOES TO BED.
EVERYONE GOES TO BED.
THAT INCLUDES YOU, TOO, ARNOLD.
- YEAH, MA. PLEASE,
EVERYBODY GO TO BED.
- GOOD NIGHT, ARNOLD.
- GOOD NIGHT, BABY.
- GOOD NIGHT, ARNOLD.
- GOOD NIGHT, HONEY.
- NIGHT, ARNOLD.
- GOOD NIGHT, BABY.
- GOODNIGHT, ARNOLD.
- ARNOLD.
- OH, MA.
- I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
- YOU DO, MA?
- YEAH.
- AND ARNOLD, DON'T WORRY...
'CAUSE YOUR MOTHER'S GOT A
TALENT FOR MAKING THINGS WORK.
- YOU DON'T, MA.
YOU REALLY, DON'T.
- HEY, ARNOLD. YOU EXPECTING IT?
- EXPECTING WHAT?
- HEY.
- HEY YOU GUYS.
- ARNOLD, YOU'RE BACK, HUH?
- YEAH.
- WHAT'S THE MATTER?
YOUR UNCLE FIRE YOU?
- AU CONTRAIRE, LITTLE FRIEND.
YOU ARE GAZING UPON
A WORKING SWEATHOG.
- ALL RIGHT.
- HEY, YOU KNOW, ARNOLD,
YOU GETTING A JOB COULD MEAN
SUSPENSION FROM THE SWEATHOGS.
- IT'S ONLY PART TIME.
MY UNCLE HARRY'S GONNA
TEACH ME EVERYTHING HE KNOWS
ABOUT THE BUSINESS WORLD.
I'M GONNA BE A SHARK.
- I DON'T, I DON'T QUITE
PICTURE YOU AS A SHARK.
YOU KNOW, I SORTA
LOOK ON YOU AS A GUPPY.
Mr. Kotter: HEY, ARNOLD.
- HEY, MR. KOTTER.
- HEY, WELCOME BACK.
CLASSROOM HASN'T BEEN
THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.
- AH, THANK YOU, MR. KOTTER.
- YOU KNOW, I NEVER THOUGHT
I'D MISS "OH! OH! OH! OH! OH!"
WELL, NOW THAT YOU'RE
HERE, BUSINESS AS USUAL.
EVERYTHING'S BACK TO NORMAL.
- WELL, NOT QUITE
NORMAL, MR. KOTTER.
I GOT A PART TIME JOB WORKING
IN MY UNCLE HARRY'S STORE.
- YOU'RE WORKING FOR YOUR UNCLE?
- YEAH.
- DID I EVER TELL YOU ABOUT THE
TIME I WAS WORKING FOR MY UNCLE?
HIS NAME WAS FRED...
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ YOUR DREAMS WERE
YOUR TICKET OUT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ TO THAT SAME OLD PLACE
THAT YOU LAUGHED ABOUT ♪
♪ WELL THE NAMES HAVE ALL
CHANGED SINCE YOU HUNG AROUND ♪
♪ BUT THOSE DREAMS
HAVE REMAINED ♪
♪ AND THEY'VE TURNED AROUND ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ WHO'D HAVE THOUGHT
THEY'D LEAD YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ BACK HERE WHERE WE NEED YA ♪
♪ YEAH WE TEASED HIM A LOT ♪
♪ 'CAUSE WE GOT
HIM ON THE SPOT ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK ♪
♪ WELCOME BACK WELCOME
BACK WELCOME BACK ♪