Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 1, Episode 17 - Follow the Leader: Part 2 - full transcript

Gabe, this is ridiculous.

These kids are in and out of
this apartment day and night.

We don't have any
private life anymore.

I really think that we
should talk about it.

I'm all ears.

Here's an ear, and
here's another ear.

Gabe, be serious.

Wherever we are, there's a
little Sweathog between us.

Okay, all those who support

the candidacy of
our present leader,

Mr. Vinnie Barbarino,
raise your hand.



It's a tie.

Somebody did not vo...

Epstein. It's up to you, man.

Who's the new leader
of the Sweathogs?

Washington.

You try, go on. Try and
do without me, all right?

I'm droppin' out of school.

Vinnie Barbarino is coming here?

Look, Julie, his father
threw him out of the house.

I mean, he came to me.

What was I gonna do?

Goodbye, Mr. Kotter.

We now continue with
part two of our story.

♪ Welcome back ♪



♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪

♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

Julie, honey, go ahead.

See who's knocking
on the window, Julie.

I'll go back to sleep.

Go ahead, honey.

Wow, those exercises
are really working.

You're not Julie.

I know that.

I'll answer the window.

Go ahead.

It's Epstein, what's
he doing here?

I don't know, but
I'm gonna find out.

Seven-thirty in the morning.

Eps... Woo.

Epstein, what are you doing
here at 7:30 in the morning?

Oh, I came by for breakfast.

This place was
highly recommended.

By whom?

Didn't I tell you not to come
here for breakfast anymore?

They want breakfast?

I'll give 'em breakfast.

There. There's your breakfast.

Dry cereal?

So where's the milk?

Barbarino.

Hey, I thought you said
we had reservations?

Well, you know what happens
when a place gets popular.

All right, come
on in and dry off.

What are you throwing
milk at people for?

So, Mr. Kotter...

what's Vinnie doing here?

He's giving me a
nervous breakdown.

If his father doesn't take
him back in the house,

we're both gonna wind
up at the funny farm.

Oh.

And where is Mrs. Kotter?

I do not hear the crackle
of farm fresh country eggs.

Cool it, turkey.

Mrs. Kotter split.

Oh? Oh, ohhh!

Mr. Kotter, I am
so sorry for you.

She took a powder, huh?

Yeah, she did.

Right after she told me

I spend too much
time with my students.

Oh, that's ridiculous.

We haven't seen you

since we walked you
home from school yesterday.

Yeah.

Well, I ain't gonna
stay in the same room

with my ex-friends.

Benedict and Arnold.

Why do I get in
the middle of this?

It might interest you to know
that there are some teachers

who only see their
students in school.

Julie was right.

I'm calling her right
now and telling her that.

Don't you guys have
something to do?

No.

Go feed your faces.
Go ahead, get some...

Oh, hey, yeah, I can
taste them waffles.

Argh! I'm gonna make
myself some waffles.

How do you make waffles?

Oh, it's kinda like
making pancakes.

Only you gotta put
little dents in 'em.

Yes, uh, could I have
Julie Kotter's room, please?

What do you mean she's
not...? She has to be.

You're the only hotel
in the neighborhood.

Mister, could you
look up Julie Hanson?

You see, Hanson's
my wife's maiden name

and, uh, we're married

and we had a little spat, so...

What do you mean who cares?

Just look it up.

My mother's maiden
name is Dingfelder.

My middle name is Dingfelder.

But I never use it.

I mean, how would that sound?

Hello.

How are you?

I'm Arnold Dingfelder Horshack.

Hey, will you guys cool it?

Julie, Julie, hi,
honey, how you doing?

Okay, what's new?

You spoke to a lawyer?

You spoke to my
cousin Bernie the lawyer?

Why don't you speak to your
own cousin Bernie the lawyer?

There are no
Bernies in Nebraska?

Julie, what would make
my cousin represent you,

go against his own
flesh and blood?

You gave him $75.

Look, that's really
a stupid thing to do.

You're really acting
like a yutz now.

You know that? You're
a yutz from Nebraska.

Hello? Julie, hello?

Aw, Mr. Kotter, I
feel real bad for you.

But always remember, a woman

is a sometime thing.

She'll take your heart
and give it a fling.

But when true love
runs off its course...

Then she'll sue you for divorce.

And yet a... Get
outta here! Let's go.

Give me your juice.

Those punks finally leave?

You. What?

Got to school. If not,
get yourself a job.

Boy.

You sound just like my dad did

when he kicked me out.

I bet you don't think I
could get a job, do you?

Well, I tell you this,

you don't need
brains to get a job.

And I'm gonna prove it.

Yeah, Julie Hanson's
room, please.

I'll show her who's boss.

You gotta be firm with women.

That's the only thing
they understand, firmness.

Julie, honey, I'm
sorry, I didn't mean to...

Look, babe, hey, if you
think we should separate,

if that's the best thing, let's
get together and talk about it.

What do we need lawyers for?

Okay, why don't you
come over here, baby?

Right after school, okay?

3:30?

Okay, Julie, I'll see you then.

All right, step lively, come
on, come on, let's go, move it,

move it, move it, let's
go, let's go, let's go.

Keep it moving, that's
right. Hold it. Hold it!

All right, seats.

All present and
accounted for, sir.

Except for Epstein and
Horshack, they AWOL.

What will you do when
school's over, Washington,

attack Staten Island?

I didn't do it.

All right, it's a false alarm.

That was just your
fearless leader.

Sit down, general.

You! Straighten up.

Hey, Rick, Ricky, sit down.

I want your hair cut by morning.

Hey, what's with you, Freddie?

I'm being leader.

Yeah? Well, you just led me
into wishing I never voted for you.

Yeah, Vinnie didn't
always act like the leader.

Sometimes he acted
like a real person.

Yeah. Yeah.

How about it, huh?

All right, come on. Let's
get right to work, all right?

Aw, come on.

One more thing, Mr. Kot-ter.

We need a recreation period.

Washington, come here.

Come here.

Recreation period.

Class didn't even start yet!

So let's start with a break

before we get all tired.

Three minute break.

All right, I decided
that we should

all relax with a
little bit of music...

and some square dancing.

Square dancing?

Square dancing?

Yee-haw!

♪ Grab your partner
Allemande left ♪

♪ Skip to my Lou My darling ♪

I'm taking this record and
mailing it back to Hee Haw.

Sit down, general.

Now you might be the
leader of the Sweathogs...

but I am the commander in chief.

What I say goes.

And I'd like to
say a few things.

My name is Mr. Kotter.

I am your teacher from
9 till 3, at no other time.

Which means coming to
my house is a definite no-no.

You people have caused
friction between me and my wife,

and I will not let that
happen anymore.

There will be no jokes and no
impressions in this classroom.

Now turn your
books to chapter 47.

I want a full outline
by tomorrow morning.

From now on, I will
teach, you will learn.

Simple.

Mr. Kotter.

I see no reason

for you to take it out on us.

We are impressionable children.

Just because your personal life

is crumbling around your ears.

Julie, hi.

What a pleasant surprise.
You're a little early.

Hello, Gabe.

Let me take this from you.

Okay.

Well, let's talk about

whatever you wanna talk about.

All right, I, uh...
I wanna talk...

First, be... Before
you say anything,

there's a question
I have to ask you.

I mean, I'm just curious.

Doesn't really matter anymore.

Is there another man?

No.

There are four.

Four. Well, now I know how
you spend your afternoons.

Four boys.

You're with them all day,

and then when you
come home at night,

you're sitting and thinking of
new ways to entertain them.

Julie, you know what's
wrong with you? You're jealous.

You're so busy
envying me my life,

you haven't found time to go
out and find a life of your own.

Gabe, I can't do anything.

I'm an Anthropology major.

Well, dig up the living room.

Julie, I don't know what to
do. I mean, I'm so frustrated.

If you don't stop
feeling sorry for yourself,

I'm gonna put my
fist through this table.

You will not.

Excuse me.

I'll get it.

Hi.

I'm Vinnie Barbarino,
your Tidy Didy man.

Vinnie, what's this all about?

You told me to get a job.

Oh, I see the woman
of the house is home.

Very good, very good.

Now, I am here to
show you and you

how Tidy Didy cleaner
can change your life.

I do not believe this.

Will you please go

and tidy your didy
somewhere else?

Where ever dirt congregates,

Tidy Didy acts like
thousands of teeny weeny

dirt suckers.

This is where I came in.

Julie, Julie, you
can't leave again.

Now sit down.

Both of you, come on, sit down.

Let's go.

Okay, Julie, you
said I've changed.

I'm not Gabe
anymore, I'm Mr. Kotter.

Well, you're right.

I'm a teacher and
I'm a good teacher.

Right now, I am gonna teach.

Now you, is this
what you're gonna do

with the rest of your life?

Tidy "didy's"?

Vinnie, you were
voted out as leader.

You weren't voted out of school.

My advice to you is simple.

If you're smart, you'll take it.

Go back to school.

You. Nobody voted
you out of this house.

Okay, we have problems.

But the only way to solve
them is to solve them together.

Julie, I know,
y-you're living my life

and you have to
have your own life.

But I can't make
that happen for you.

You have to do
that for yourself.

Hey, you can't both leave.

Mr. Kotter, I'll think about it.

But in the meantime, I got
a lot of doors to knock on.

I'll think about it too, Gabe.

I thought that was a
really great speech.

Mr. Woodman, wait.

Look, if school
starts after lunch,

it'll make the day shorter.

Call off your Sweathog, Kotter.

Call him off, please.

Washington, take
your whistle and blow.

Hey, clean that mess up.

Kotter, never repeat what
I'm about to say to you.

I miss Barbarino.

Okay, come on, let's
get in, the bell rang.

Let's go, come on, let's go.

All right, today we're
gonna get right to work.

I want to talk about
the two party system.

Now, Epstein, what
are the advantages

of the two party system?

Oh, that's an easy one.

In the two party system,

they get to go to
two kinds of parties...

two kinds of dancing,
two kinds of chip dip,

and two kinds of hoping
you'll, uh, make out.

No, Mr. Kotter, see,
in the two party system,

you always got somebody
looking over your shoulder.

Helps keep you honest.

Aha. Now, what would
happen without that competition?

You get a dictator,
like Freddie.

Yes, sir. No, sir.

In your ear with
a can of beer, sir.

Yeah, very
impressive, Mr. Kotter.

You know, Freddie,

I feel you are becoming
a real schmendrick.

Yeah. A pain in my posterior.

Mm-hm.

I'm getting the feeling
that none of y'all

don't like me no more.

I just wanted to do
a good job, that's all.

Look, it ain't so much
that I wanted to be leader.

It's just that...

Hey, I never was,

and I never will be no follower.

Hey, Vinnie would
understand that.

Somebody mentioned my name?

Here, Mr. Kotter, I'm
back. Vinnie is back in town.

Hey, it's official.

Hey, Vinnie.

I was thinking about
what you said, Mr. Kotter.

I don't know, I couldn't sell
that Tidy Didy crud, I mean...

I couldn't even sell it to you,

and you're the
softest touch in town.

Well, you made the
right move, Vinnie.

I'm proud of you.

You're looking
very well, Vinnie.

Hey, welcome back, Vinnie.

Hey, Vinnie.

What?

I'm glad you're back, man.

Freddie, goombah.

Not that glad.

Mr. Kotter, I came
up with my own idea.

Why do we need a leader at all?

I mean, why can't everybody
just take care of themselves?

How's that? Can we do that?

Hey, that's a great idea.

I cast my vote for no leader.
- All right.

I second. BARBARINO: Good.

I third.

Yeah. Yeah.

All right, it's unanimous.

Horshack, get me my book.

Okay, Vinnie.

So here.

All right, I hope
you guys don't mind

if we sneak a little school
in here today, okay?

Mr. Kotter, I got one question.

Now that you and your
wife are separated, right?

I hope you don't mind that
I asked her out on a date.

You asked my wife out?

Yeah, just a couple of
minutes ago in the hall.

But she said she
had to think about it.

Hi.

Hi.

Honey, I wanna...

You go first.

No, you first.

Gabe, I'm so confused.

I know we have problems,

but I really wanna work 'em out.

I was so incredibly
lonely without you.

I know what you mean.

I mean, I kept
turning to look for you

and you weren't there.

Last night, I told the
pizza man I loved him.

I guess we both
have to change, huh?

Sure, change is good.

I mean, without change,

there'll be a lot of wet babies.

All right, no more jokes.

No more jokes with you

and no more jokes
in the classroom.

From now on, I am
through with jokes.

No, your students
love your jokes.

It's the way you
communicate with them.

I love your jokes too.

Except there's one thing.

Why can't I tell a
joke once in a while?

I can be very funny, you know.

You can. Yeah,
yeah, I know, right.

I can.

Okay, honey, why
don't you tell a joke?

Oh...

Well, I hadn't really
prepared anything.

I know.

Why does the
chicken cross the road?

I don't know, Gracie,

why does the chicken
cross the road?

To keep his pants up.

Chicken crosses the road

to keep his pants up.

Right, don't you get it?

Wait.

Why does a fireman
wear red suspenders?

To get to the other side.

Chicken crosses the
road to keep his pants up.

Of course.

I think it's time for my number.

♪ Down in the river
Where the red roses grow ♪

♪ Oh, my, don't you know? ♪

♪ Honey, let me do
that Red rose red ♪

Say good night, Gracie.

Good night, Gracie.

Julie, listen, ever tell you
about my Aunt Bertha?

No, no, wait, wait, wait,

let me tell you
about Aunt Bertha.

No, my Aunt Bertha is
funnier. Come on, one more.

You've been
telling jokes all day.

Let me tell you...
It's hysterical.

It's hys... Wait,
you're gonna laugh.

You'll see yourself laughing.

Okay? Yes.

Gabe. Yes?

Did I ever tell you
about my Aunt Bertha?

No, what about her? JULIE: No?

Aunt Bertha was so fat... Mm-hm.

That when she sat
around the house...

she sat around the house.

She sat around the house.

Exactly.

Welcome Back, Kotter is recorded
live before a studio audience.

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪

♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we got
him On the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ 'Cause we got
him On the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪