Welcome Back, Kotter (1975–1979): Season 1, Episode 15 - The Sit-In - full transcript

I'm late. Goodbye, honey.

I'll see you later.
See you tonight.

Julie, did I tell you
about my Uncle Bernie?

Uh, I thought you were late.

That's the whole thing.

See, my Uncle
Bernie was always late.

Well, why was he always late?

Because my Aunt Helen
would drive him crazy.

Whatever he would
do, she would say:

"Bernie! Bernie, you give
me so much heartache.

"You know what I'm
gonna do, Bernie?



"I'll dance on
your grave, Bernie.

"Listen to me, Bernie.

I'll dance on your grave."

And what did Bernie say to that?

"I'm gonna be buried at sea.

Let her dance."

Welcome Back,
Kotter is recorded live

before a studio audience.

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪

♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪



♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

Kotter, my informants...
Oh, Captain Ahab.

You're looking for Moby
Dick? He went that way.

Kotter, I am dressed
like this because...

♪ Because I'm
singin' In the rain ♪

♪ Just singin' in the rain ♪
Come on, Kotter.

♪ What a glorious feeling ♪

♪ I'm happy again ♪
Kotter.

♪ I'm smiling at clouds ♪
Kotter.

♪ So high up above ♪
Come on, Kotter.

♪ The sun... ♪

Heh-heh.

That's not
entertainment, Kotter.

Now grim up.

I'm dressed like this because my
informants told me the Sweathogs

are planning a food
fight in the cafeteria.

You remember the
last cafeteria riot?

Why, it took me weeks to get
the goulash outta my socks.

Look, Mr. Woodman, believe me,

my kids would not
plan a food fight

without telling me first.

Hey, shalom, amigo.

They are not people, Kotter.

They are not people.

Mr. Woodman, let
me handle this, okay?

Well, you better, Kotter.

Because if you don't,

I won't even let you
collect unemployment.

I'll tell 'em you
never worked here.

Hello, Arnold.

Haven't you noticed?

You're wearing a
green plastic bag.

I'm disguised as a green bean.

Ho-ho-ho!

And how are
things in the valley,

Little Sprout?

Fine and dandy,
Jolly Green Giant.

How's your niblets?

Ho-ho-ho!

Green Giant
thinks Little Sprout's

been dipping into the sauce.

Okay, why didn't
you tell me that today

was gonna be dress-up day?

I mean, I could've
painted graffiti on my suit

and come as a subway train.

You joke, Mr. Kotter.

We are fighting
against something

that truly, grievously
disturbs us.

Yeah.

We're protesting liver.

Anybody's liver in particular?

Yeah, the liver they make us eat

in the cafeteria
every Wednesday.

Yeah, so, what
we're gonna do is...

See, we're gonna throw
food around the cafeteria

till they treat our wishes
with a little respect.

We got a dynamite plan.

First,

Epstein here's gonna
throw the first handful

of weenies and beans.

Washington is then gonna
dump his cottage cheese

in the cash register.

While Horshack
starts flicking chicken.

Yeah, we'll punch
'em in the pot roast.

We'll...

We'll kick 'em in
the corned beef.

Yeah!

We'll mash 'em in
the meatballs. Yeah.

All right, all right,
uh, Little Sprout.

Before you ruin your clothes...

Whosever clothes you
happen to be wearing.

Have you thought of
making your feelings known

in a civilized manner?

Like, for instance,
writing a petition?

Ha-ha! Hey, man,
petitions don't do no good.

Sure they do.

You just write
out what you want.

No liver.

And then you all sign it.

And then we can
send it to Santa Claus

in care of the North Pole.

Hey, listen, all
throughout history

people have
peacefully demonstrated

for what they believed in.

You all have a
chance to become part

of a great moment
in Sweathog history.

Just as our forefathers

had taxation without
representation,

we Sweathogs have
liver on Wednesday.

We are the people.

We are committed.

We shall be heard.

And we shall not
perish from the Earth.

And we shall not eat
liver on Wednesday.

Where do I sign?

Right over there. Put your
John Hancock up on the board.

"John...

Hancock."

Okay, who's gonna be the
next one to sign? Come on.

Get your signatures
up... Uh, Kotter.

You know, uh,

it really would be funny if I
told the unemployment office

you never worked here.

Oh, yeah, that would be funny.

But not as funny as this:

That's not funny ha-ha, Kotter.

That's funny strange.

What's happening
with the, uh, food fight?

Oh, Mr. Woodman, you
will be happy to know

that we have decided
against the food fight.

We Sweathogs are going
to work through the system.

What system, Kotter?
There's only one system here.

You're free to
do as you're told.

Mr. Woodman,

cast your eyes on our petition.

Soon, every Sweathog
signature will be up on that board.

Forget it, Kotter.

Who's this Hancock kid?

We all have to eat this swill.

I have to eat it.

You have to eat it.

And if I die,

I'm taking every
one of you with me.

I am becoming a funny guy.

Hey, all right, all right.

So our petition failed.

Are we gonna let that stop us?

Yes.

I tell you one thing, it
didn't stop Bonzo Moretti.

Who, you ask, was Bonzo Moretti?

No, I don't ask that.
Do you ask that?

Hey, do any of you wanna
know who Bonzo Moretti is?

Nobody wants to know
this. All right, all right.

Since you're so interested, I'll
tell you who Bonzo Moretti was.

Bonzo Moretti was a
kid I went to school with.

Now, when Bonzo
had emotions, feelings,

he let 'em be known.

He thought there
should be a stoplight

on the street we
played stickball.

And just to let the city
know he meant business,

Bonzo sat right down
in the middle of the street

until something
was done about it.

W-well, i-is there a
stoplight there now?

No stoplight.

But there is a plaque
right on the spot

where the truck ran over Bonzo.

You mean, you want
us to sit and wait here

till a truck runs over us?

No, if we sit in over here,

Woodman'll see
that you're committed.

That you mean business.

You're willing to stand
up for what you believe in.

He'll also... see that I think
I sat on somebody's gum.

It's okay, Mr. Kotter.
I'm with you all the way.

Yeah, I'm committed.

Hey, Mr. Kotter, it's been
about an hour and a half

since school got out, right?

I mean, you think that they
know we mean business yet?

Nobody even knows we in here.

Man, we the only
people know we having

a sit-in.

Ah, don't be so
sure of that, Freddie.

Hey, he's come
to cancel the liver.

That's it, we won.

Ohhh!

The thrill of victory.

What victory? You
didn't win anything.

Oh, the agony of defeat.

Hey, we didn't win, Mr. Kotter?

What win?

We have been
sitting in against liver,

and I'm warning you,
we are determined.

We will stay here
all night if necessary.

Right, gang?

Right, gang?

Have you lost your
marbles, Mr. Kotter?

Yeah, I distinctly
heard the sound

of marbles dropping.

As far as I'm concerned, you
can stay here as long as you want.

This will be one night
the city can rest easy.

I'm warning you,
Mr. Woodman, we are committed.

Well, if you aren't
committed, Kotter,

you oughta be.

I am really becoming
a funny guy.

I think someone's been
spiking his prune juice.

Hey, hey. Whoa, whoa,
whoa, whoa, whoa.

Where...? Where you going?

Look, it's 4:30, school's over.

We gotta go.

All right.

You wanna leave? Leave.

Wait just a second.

Just a second.

I just wanna tell
you one thing, okay?

Suppose our founding
fathers would've felt

the way you guys felt.

Been willing to cop out, huh?

I mean, they
believed in something.

They were willing to stand
for what they believed in.

You know what they used to do?

They used to gather every night

at the Valley Forge Ramada Inn.

They'd sing songs.

Songs that made
this country great.

Songs that made us free.

Songs that you could believe in.

Songs like... You
know what I've got?

♪ I've got ♪

♪ Ninety-nine bottles
of beer On the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-nine bottles of beer ♪

♪ If one of those bottles
Should happen to fall ♪

♪ Ninety-eight bottles
of beer On the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-eight bottles
of beer On the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-eight bottles of beer ♪

♪ If one of those bottles
Should happen to fall ♪

♪ Ninety-seven bottles
of beer On the wall ♪

And that's the way it
was, 200 years ago today,

the Valley Forge Ramada Inn.

This Bicentennial Minutes has
been brought to you by S.H.E.L.

Students Happy to
End Liver. ♪ ...Beer ♪

♪ If one of those bottles
Should happen to fall ♪

♪ Ninety-five bottles
of beer On the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-five bottles
of beer On the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-five
bottles Of beer... ♪

♪ Two bottles of
beer On the wall ♪

♪ Two bottles of beer ♪

♪ If one of them bottles
Should happen to fall ♪

♪ One bottle of
beer On the wall... ♪

Okay, okay. I finally got
ahold of everybody's parents.

For some strange
reason, they're not upset

that you won't be home tonight.

How you doin', boss?

What?

That's a-pretty good, huh, boss?

Mr. Ravelli,

if you keep walking you're gonna
fall all the way through China.

Hey, I never been
to China, boss.

What's it like?

China, it's a lot
like Cleveland.

Only in China, there's
less Chinese restaurants.

Hey, that's a-pretty good.
But I gotta keep moving, boss.

I think I got a-hydrophobia.

That's claustrophobia. Oh.

You only get hydrophobia
if you bite somebody.

Have you bitten anybody lately?

Oh, you know how
it is in China, boss.

You bite somebody, two hours
later you wanna bite 'em again.

Hey, that's a-pretty good, huh?

That's ridiculous.

Reasoner.

Reasoner? I wish I had a
good reasoner for being here.

Reasoner.

Hey, boss, I think
he's delirious.

Reasoner?

Harry Reasoner.

I always have supper
with Harry Reasoner.

Oh, severe hunger.

I think I'll go get
a cheeseburger.

We are on a sit-in.

Lest we forget, we cannot leave.

Look, we'll just sit out
for a couple of minutes,

grab some burgers
and sit right back in.

Yeah. Yeah.

Save our place for us, okay?

It is very important
that we stay here.

It's not that hard.

People have gone
without food for days.

And died right after.

Hi, everybody. Julie.

Julie, what are
you doing here? Hi.

Picnic basket. Food. Feed me.

Arnold, Arnold, take it easy.

It's all right, Arnold.

There is plenty
here for everybody.

I have brought my famous...

tuna casserole.

You will appreciate it

when you're a
little bit hungrier.

Julie, about a
thousand years ago

there was a great
famine in Europe.

If you ask those people at that
time when they were starving

to choose between death
and your tuna casserole,

98 percent would
have chosen death.

I also brought blankets

to keep us warm
and toasty tonight.

Julie, this is not a love-in.

This is a sit-in.

I know the difference.

In case you have forgotten,
I used to organize sit-ins.

Okay, we're all gonna
be here for a while,

so let's entertain ourselves.

Sit down.

♪ Ninety-nine bottles
of Beer on the wall ♪

♪ Ninety-nine bottles of beer ♪

I love this song!

♪ If one of those bottles... ♪

Stop. Stop. There are
no more bottles of beer

falling off any walls anymore.

That's it.

It's time to go to sleep.
Come on. Beddy-bye time.

Come on, Mr. Kotter.
It's still early.

Let's get the girls on
that side of the room.

And the boys will
be on this side.

We're gonna go to sleep
'cause it's late. Let's go.

I need something to eat.

Come on. Take a blanket.

Take a blanket
everybody. Come on.

Mr. Kotter, uh, I think we
got a little problem here.

What's the little
problem, Vinnie?

Well, you see,

I always make it a practice
to sleep in the nude.

Go ahead.

You don't think I will, do you?

Well you're darn lucky
it's so cold in here tonight,

I'll tell you that.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Hey, Vinnie, where
are you going?

Vinnie, this side of the room.

Get over here, Vinnie.

You don't seem to
understand something.

I'm Vinnie Barbarino.

Well, you can
Vinnie your Barbarino

on this side of the room.

All right, everybody
got a blanket?

Shutting off the lights.

Anybody wants me to
leave this hall light on, I will.

We are not babies, Mr. Kotter.

Okay, see you
tomorrow. Go to sleep.

I... I would've been
okay if I had my teddy.

Well, you can't have your teddy.

Then how about Mrs. Kotter?

You can't have my teddy either.

Just leave the hall light on.

Okay.

Dear Lord, I know
we're really close,

and I think that we would...

Hey, Vinnie, is
that you praying?

Yeah, so what?

So nothing, it's cool,
man. Send my regards.

Now where was I, Lord?

Oh, that's right. Thanks.

Now I lay me down to sleep.

Arnold Horshack at my feet.

Dear Lord, please bless my mom,

and all the girls out
there I ain't met yet.

Good night.

Hey, Horshack. Huh?

Tell me something.

You ever think about
what God is like?

Oh, yeah.

I think he's short.

And he has a marvelous
sense of humor.

And a great laugh.

Hey. God can do anything.

He can?

She can.

You know, she sings
just like Aretha Franklin.

You know, I think God is, uh...

He's kinda tough,
you know, but he's fair.

Sort of like, uh...

Like John Wayne in a
white beard, you know?

All right, pilgrims, move
those clouds in a circle.

Well, I got my own
idea of what God is like.

I know he's a sharp dresser.

And he's good-looking.

And, of course, he's Italian.

Yeah? Well, if you ask me,

all that stuff about
harps is a lot of jive.

God is backed up by
a jazz rhythm section.

He got a piano, a bass guitar

and a drummer
with a good right foot.

Well, I think that God is love.

And if God were here,

he would love my tuna casserole.

Hey, Mr. Kotter,

what's your feelings
on this subject?

Well, I think that
God is everywhere.

Even in liver?

He's everywhere.

He's in Times Square.

Used to be in Ebbets Field.

He spent a lot of
time in Ebbets Field.

He's "Moonlight in Vermont,"

"Autumn in New
York," all the standards.

He's everywhere.

With the possible exception
of Epstein's gym locker.

Go to sleep.

Look at them.

When they're all
asleep like that,

they still look like Sweathogs.

Kotter.

Kotter.

You still here?

Mr. Woodman.

We've been here all night.

And we're gonna
stay here forever.

Or until Vinnie wakes
up, whichever comes first.

Yeah, so, what you gonna do

about liver day
now, Mr. Woodman?

Nothing.

I couldn't do
anything if I wanted to.

Buchanan's liver contract
still has three years to run.

Besides, who cares if
a bunch of Sweathogs

spend the night in a classroom?

Hello, everybody. Hi there.

Hey, what it is.
Hello, Mr. Woodman.

My, but you certainly
look robust today.

All right, Ludlow, you're
already class president.

Stop pushing for my job.

Mr. Kotter, we are
the first wave of those

who have decided
to join your cause.

More are coming.

This is a liver rebellion.
Down with liver!

Down with liver!
Down with liver!

Down with liver! All right.

All right! All right!

Since the real students
seem to dislike liver too,

I'll see if I can
work out a trade

with the principal
of New Yudtran.

His students are
protesting chipped beef.

And wait till you
taste the chipped beef.

Yeah, we still won.

We won. We won.

Ooh! Ooh, ooh, ooh!

Arnold, Arnold.

Arnold, Arnold.

It's much too early in
the morning to "Ooh, ooh."

But, Mr. Kotter, don't
you think we ought to

wake up Vinnie
before we celebrate?

Vinnie, Vinnie, get up.
We're gonna celebrate.

Vinnie.

Looks like I'm gonna have to do

what my mother
used to do with me.

Go ahead.

Vinnie, come on darling.

Come on, it's time to go
to school, honeybunch.

Come on, Mama,
five more minutes.

All right? All right, Ma.

Vinnie.

Get up you lazy bum!

What are you gonna do?
Sleep your whole life away?

Up, up, up.

Mom!

Congratulations, honey. You won.

Yeah, we won, huh?

We beat 'em. We
beat Woodman's liver.

Today, Woodman's liver.

Tomorrow, my
wife's tuna casserole.

Honey, could you give
me a hand with this?

Yeah, sure, baby.

Did I tell you about Uncle
Jack who was afraid to fly?

No.

You see, he was afraid to fly.

So Aunt Rose thought
if she'd take him up,

he'd get over his fear.
So up in the plane...

It's one of these
pre-World War II planes,

open and everything.

And my Uncle
Jack is going crazy.

He said, "We're gonna
die. We'll get killed.

You know how much
money a funeral costs?"

Pilot said, "Mr. Kotter,
if you'll please shut up,

I won't charge
you for the flight."

When Uncle Jack
hears that, he shuts up.

On the ground the pilot said,
"I didn't think you could do it.

Congratulations,
the flight is on me."

My Uncle Jack says, "I almost
felt like opening my mouth,

especially when Rose
fell outta the plane."

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Your dreams
Were your ticket out ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ To that same old place
That you laughed about ♪

♪ Well, the names
Have all changed ♪

♪ Since you hung around ♪

♪ But those dreams
Have remained ♪

♪ And they've turned around ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪

♪ Who'd have thought
They'd lead ya ♪

♪ Back here where we need ya? ♪

♪ Back here Where we need ya? ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ 'Cause we've got
him On the spot ♪

♪ Welcome back Welcome back ♪

♪ Yeah, we tease him a lot... ♪