Warehouse 13 (2009–2014): Season 2, Episode 5 - 13.1 - full transcript

Previously on Warehouse 13...

Hello.
I have a special...Order.

- You have a date?
- No.

Be yourself.

So what High School
did you go to?

Why all the questions
about my past?

What am I doing here?

I got--
oh!

What kind of advice
is "be yourself"?

Because myself
is a giant freakazoid.

When you said
"meet me at the diner,"



I thought you'd arranged some
lame meet with me and Todd.

Todd.

- Hey.
- Hey.

- Get out.
- Yeah. Leaving.

My lips can't focus.
I'm too excited.

Me too.
I know.

The Warehouse is finally getting
a computer upgrade.

Right.

The IRS Warehouse
where you work.

Exciting.
Very exciting.

I know, right?

That place has been running
on a first-gen

8-bit GUI since, like,
the stone ages.

Oh, I'm so sorry.



I keep forgetting you're
not a high-tech kind of guy.

Hey, I'm pumped
if you're pumped.

But my computer skills
go as far as

getting new ring tones
for my cell phone.

You're cute for a Luddite.

Oh, yikes.

I'm late.

Got this guy coming
to install the new system.

Some mucky-muck from some place
called Global Dynamics.

Catch up later?

I could bring lunch.

Crustless PB&J, Twinkies,
and Doritos?

And an orange for fiber.

Mmm, that's why
I loves me some Todd.

W-w-what?

What are you do--
what are you doing?

to class seven standards
and I can't do that

with you constantly
interrupting me.

Adapt.

This is not Eureka.

I will not have you
gutting my system.

Your guts are rotted.

All right, every single wire
has to go exactly back

where it was.

Half of these aren't
even wires.

This one looks like shoelace.

All right, let me
be perfectly clear.

Hey-o!
If you damage any of my data,

you will not come
within an inch--

Artie, Artie, Artie, Artie.
Artie?

Artie, why don't we let
our special guest,

who I bet Mrs. Frederic
wouldn't have sent here

if he was trouble,
do his thing, huh?

Come on, buddy.

Yeah, he's a Global
Dynamic geek.

I know.
He's soulless.

He's made up of binary numbers.

Yeah.

I'll tear his heart out.

Hello?

Wire in the hole.

I drop stuff down there
all the time.

Hold on to me, will you?

I'm Claudia,
resident tech girl.

Uh, Douglas.
Douglas Fargo.

Everyone just calls me Fargo.

Okay...Doug.

Neat gizmo, huh?
Yeah.

Um, what makes it glow?

Is it, like,
a phosphorous compound?

No, it belonged
to Ben Franklin.

Amplifies human energy to--

first time in the Warehouse?

Until the scary lady
with the beehive showed up,

I kind of thought Warehouse 13
was just an Internet rumor.

So, um, any chance after
I'm done with the install,

I could get a tour?

Ooh, no can do, outlander.

You've only got blue level
clearance.

I have to ask.

Is this--
gasp.

Better than gasp.

This is gonna replace
all of that.

It's from Global Dynamics,
where I work.

Well, run, I guess.

Yeah, I'm in charge.

What about this thing?

Ah, it's a M.A.R.A.

A maintenance
and repair automaton.

It's for use in unmanned
space stations,

large facilities.

I--I actually invented it.

But, um, I was gonna install
it with your system,

but your boss vetoed it.

Yeah, Artie would have
vetoed fire

if he'd been born just
a couple years earlier.

So you ready to fire up
Warehouse 13.1 or what?

Let's get this over with.

Okay, shutting down
the old systems now.

And bring in the new.

Anybody gonna ask me
to dance?

What exactly did you do?

The new O.S. should have
come right on.

Oh, really?

I hope that means
we can't park here.

Catastrophic failure detected.

"Catastrophic" is a bad word.

♪ Warehouse 13 2x05 ♪
13.1
Original Air Date on August 3, 2010

Those eyes are popping up
all over the Warehouse.

Is this thing looking at me?

And what are they doing?

I think they're watching us.

This is all your fault,
Bismarck.

Fargo.
And it is not my fault.

When we shut down
the old system,

some sort of fail-safe activated.

I'm completely locked out.

You didn't think to mention
there was a fail-safe?

No, I didn't know there
was a fail-safe.

And aren't so-called computer
experts supposed to realize that

before you shut down a system?

Okay, boys,
take it outside.

Let me work a little
Claudiosity.

I never should have
let you in here.

Well, it wasn't exactly your
decision now, was it?

Hey.
Oh, no, you didn't.

It's not coming from
this office.

All systems functioning
within acceptable parameters.

That voice.

I recognize that voice.

That's Hugo Miller's voice.

Who?

He was the original designer
of the Warehouse systems.

Where are you going?

Um, the computer lab.

You have a computer lab?

More like a computer morgue.

You didn't think to mention
there was a computer lab?

Well, later on,
I'll make a list for you

of all the things that
I didn't think to mention.

Has this been running
the entire time?

No, no, of course not.

Place has been shut down
for 35 years.

So why is it--
you know what?

Spread out,
don't touch anything,

but look for an off switch.

Who was Hugo Miller?

Brilliant man and more than
a little devious.

He actually encouraged
Bill Gates to go

in one direction while
pushing Steve Jobs

to go in another.

Hey.

Hey.

Hugo spent years down
here integrating

the whole Warehouse into
a workable platform.

Looks like he spent
a lot of time

playing with himself too.

No way!

Awesome.
Lemon launch.

Pete.

Pete, that's been here
for years.

If I were you,
I'd put that down.

Hugo was a huge practical joker.

He'd leave exploding cans
of pop everywhere.

Used to drive everybody nuts.

Artie, what happened to him?

He retired.

Hello, blinky.

Oh, that's the fail-safe.

There must be a main power
junction.

Oh!

You all right?

I've been hit with worse.

Are you sure?

Wow, this thing is tied
in to the fail-safe.

Whoa.
Take a gander.

It's uploading a massive amount
of data from our mainframe.

Whatever it is,
I think it's moving in.

This fail-safe is hardwired
into the whole system,

into the temperature regulators,
the security feeds,

into the neutralizer pump.

Maybe that's okay.

We were installing
a new computer anyway.

Well, one we can control.

Why don't we just
bring Hugo Miller here?

I told you he's retired.

Retired or...

No, he's alive.
Don't be dramatic.

There were rumors about
a nervous breakdown, but--

well, sitting
in a windowless room

for ten years playing
Monopoly with Hal?

What could go wrong?

Do we know where
he retired to?

Place called Hutchinson.
It's in Featherhead.

Featherhead?
That's two hours away.

We should at least
go talk to him.

It's worth a try.

Yeah, I think
I could "retire" here.

Well, let's check you
in then.

Hugo doesn't get
many visitors.

Just give me a moment.

Okay.

I wonder if they give
sponge baths here.

Do you know every former
Warehouse Agent

we've ever known is either
crazy, evil, or dead?

Or all three.

You can come in now.

Mr. Miller, we're from the--

I know who you are.

You're President
Ulysses S. Grant

and the snowman.

You've come because
it's Arbor Day

and there aren't enough zippers
to go around.

Well, at least
he's not evil or dead.

Yet.

Hugo?

We have some questions about
something you built years ago.

A, um, backup computer system?

It went round and round

and spinning and spinning

and dancing and flying.

This is not gonna
be a standard interview.

No.
No, it's not.

The Koala Bear
is actually a Marsupial.

Well,
system's functioning

within acceptable parameters.

Recovery fail-safe is active.

Yes, Hugo.
Exactly.

Exactly.
The fail-safe.

How do we shut it off?

You don't have the code.

Agent Miller,
President Grant is ordering you

to give us the code.

Of course, Mr. President.

But I must be paid in bicycles.

Can do.

Mm-hmm.

I'm not paying
a bicycle for that.

You know,
maybe we should just

take him back to the Warehouse.

Warehouse 13?

Yeah, yeah.
You remember Warehouse 13?

The spinning
and the dancing...

And--and the boxes.

If he sees the Warehouse,
he may remember the code.

What do you think
about that, buddy, huh?

Can we get ice cream?

Uh--
yeah.

Yeah, if that's what you want.

Definitely.
Ice cream.

Okay.

Ice cream.
Whoa, whoa, whoa.

Whoa, Hugo.
Hey!

No.

We got everything
on Hugo Miller.

Excellent.
Is it hard to find?

Uh, yes and no.

Okay, perfect.

All we have to do
is go through and follow--

redacted.

Who would do that?

The Regents.
Crossing things out.

Wait, wait, wait, wait, wait.

They found Hugo collapsed
on aisle Allentown-22C.

Cited it as mental exhaustion.

Uh, guys, it's finishing.

Please don't blow up.

Oh, that wasn't so bad.

No, we're still locked out.

Is that--

Hugo.

It's Agent Miller.

Agent Nielsen, I am Hugo One.

I assume control in the event
of catastrophic failure.

Holographic artificial
intelligence.

Must be one of the earliest
models ever.

That would explain
the Tom Selleck mustache.

We were just installing
a new system.

There is no catastrophic
failure.

I will be the judge of that.

The judge?

My eyes are currently
scanning the Warehouse

for irregularities.

I must also review decades
of artifact retrieval

and personnel files.

Excuse me.

At least he is polite.

Artie, look,
we found Miller, okay,

but he's a complete nutjob.

He kept talking about
spinning and dancing and--

he Tesla'd us, Artie.

Well, his program is some kind
of artificial intelligence.

Bring him back here so he
can turn this thing off.

Yeah, he kind of slipped
away from us,

so we'll call you back
when we get him.

This is very unusual.

He's normally quite docile.

We've checked.

He's not on hospital grounds.

Here are his records
you asked for.

Thank you.

You know, Myka?

Yeah?

This guy couldn't
have spun or danced far.

Spinning and dancing, right?

On the way here we saw a--

I think I might know
where he is.

What? What? What?
What did we solve?

♪ ♪

Hugo, are you okay?

So sad.

It worked last time.

Hey, Hugo?

Hey, buddy.

I'm gonna put these bright,
shiny bracelets on you, okay?

And you can tell us all about it
on the way to the Warehouse.

Yeah?
Come on up.

Yeah, let's do this one first.

Hugo, we really
need your help.

Can't help without
the spinning.

So why would he model
Hugo One after himself?

Lots of programmers do that.

I mean, I never have.

Some others do.

But this is impossible.

When this was developed,
A.I. was just science fiction.

If something seems
impossible,

it usually means there's
an artifact involved.

He's coming back.

I have completed my analysis.

And everything's cool, right?

So you can skedaddle.

Claudia Donovan,
your file shows nine separate

incident reports.

Actually thought
it would be more.

I guess he's got your number.

Douglas Fargo,
your Global Dynamics profile

includes the phrase
"inappropriately pushed button"

38 times.

Wait, wait, wait.
You can access my G.D. file?

No, no, no.

He's accessing
the Warehouse system.

If I can view an ATM in Sweden,
for example,

then so can Hugo One.

Agent Nielsen,
your unconventional

management skills are subpar.

Okay, I've had just
about enough of you.

I have determined the source

of the recent
catastrophic event.

Which is?

The agents who work here.

I have completed my analysis.

Todd?
Hey.

Where are you?

The doritos are getting cold.

Shoot.

Uh, I'm sorry.

Got a bit of an emergency here.

I am gonna have
to resched lunch.

Oh, okay, no problem.

Maybe dinner?

Oh, God, I hope so.

Who's that?

Nobody.

I'm nobody?

No, you're Todd.

This is Todd.
I can't talk right now.

Who is that?

Nobody.
I'm nobody?

No.

I can--I can't do this.

I'm gonna have to call you--

External communications

are for Warehouse business
use only.

Maybe a bad idea anyway.

So who's Todd?

A guy.
A friend.

A guy friend.
It's not serious.

Why?

Oh, yeah,
no particular reason.

I just kind of got
the impression that--

yeah, just call her when your
voice has changed, will you?

Work to do.

Hugo One, I think that your
calculations are incorrect.

The agents are not
the problem here.

Falcon Scott protocol
initiated.

No, no, no.
Please.

You can't be serious.

Protecting the Warehouse
is my primary function.

No, no.

What's Falcon Scott protocol?

Well, the system initiates

a temperature drop to sub-zero
to protect the artifacts.

And what happens to us?

Ooh!

Oh, that was fast.

♪ Round and round
the mulberry bush ♪

♪ the monkey chased
the weasel ♪

anything useful
in that file

about our Lawrence Welk
back there?

It's weird.

There's a recent neuro-imaging
of his brain

and it shows that there's
a whole section

of it that's completely
dormant

and there's no explanation why.

I need to shed a tear.

Don't we all?

I think he means he needs
to go to the bathroom.

What?

Yeah.

My Uncle used to say that.

Hugo, okay,
you hold it, okay?

I just got this baby detailed.

There's a gas station
down the road.

Jeez, it's cold in here.

You think by saying
that every three minutes

it's gonna get any warmer?

Got about an hour left before it
becomes life-threatening.

And where are you taking us?

We got to figure--

I didn't catch that.

What the hell--

You took off his cuffs?

He likes to sit.

That's not in my job
description.

Ice cream.

Not now, Hugo.

That's what it was like
in the bathroom.

Fine.
You know what?

Grab me some twizzlers.

I'm gonna call Artie
and see what's up.

Artie,
I can't understand you.

Albert grows things.

Huh?

Yeah, he's had a long day.

Just keep the change
and thank you.

Okay, Artie, slow down.

Well, there's a new one.

I think the Farnsworth
is broken.

Babble, babble, babble.

Okay, Artie, I don't know
if you can hear me,

but I read through
Hugo's medical file

and half of his brain
is burnt out.

"Bring Hugo back.
Computer has taken over."

What?

Okay, we have
to get back there now.

All right, buddy,
we're going for a ride.

Be on the lookout
for two kidnapping suspects.

If you see either
of these two people,

you are supposed to contact
the police immediately.

Suspects are wanted
in connection--

Gonna have a little chat
with Hugo One.

Lattimer and Bering?

That's what I thought.

Hands above your heads.

Hey, pal,
you're making a mistake.

Don't push me, cowboy!

Or we could just raise up
our hands.

Yeah.

Don't you have any artifacts

that make it warmer?

Increases elasticity,
makes pigeons dance.

Nothing here.

I don't get it.

How is any of this dangerous?

Oh, trust me, if it's been
snagged, bagged,

and tagged,
it's got an evil streak.

So...Todd,
is he your boyfriend?

Guy friend.

Okay, boyfriend.
He's nice.

What about you?

Girlfriend?

Used to.

She, um, doesn't exist anymore.

Oh, when you break up,
you really break up.

I'm new to the whole
dating meme.

I mean, I like Todd,
but he thinks

I work in a tax warehouse,
so it's not like

I can say, "hey, sorry
I can't make our date.

An evil computer took
over my workplace."

Be nice if I could
just have someone

in my life I could
be honest with like you.

Yeah, nice.

Ooh.

Hey, a Zoetrope.

I used to have one of these
when I was a kid.

Yeah, that one
probably makes you--

Fargo, no!

Think I just saw your whole life
flash before my eyes.

And?

Was that a genie costume?

No.

"Max Wertheimer's Zoetrope.

Allows for mind transference."

Get out.

Wertheimer?
Wertheimer.

He was the Gestalt guy
in the '20s.

He pioneered the study of the
brain's thought processes.

I spent some time in a psyche
w--research facility.

Hey, wait a second.

Myka said Hugo kept talking
about spinning and dancing.

Unauthorized removal
of artifact.

Security measures engaged.

Those are my M.A.R.A.S.

Hugo One's been playing
with your toys.

They're just for maintenance
and repair though, right?

Mostly.

Oh!

Whoa.

Nice!

Run!

Don't move.

Cops are on their way.

Okay, look, Leo...

I think you're kind of stepping
in it here, bro.

I mean, the thing is,
we're kind of in a hurry.

Yeah, no kidding,
pretty boy.

I saw you on the APB.

You're wanted for kidnapping.

Probably that guy, right?

The A.I.

It must have accessed the
Internet through the Warehouse.

You think it doesn't want
us to bring Hugo back?

Look, Leo, you're making
a huge mistake,

'cause we're Secret Service.

Look, I'm just gonna reach
for my badge slowly

and I'm gonna
throw it over to you

and just take a look at it.

This looks real.

That's because
it is real, Leo.

But the Secret Service
protects the President.

Yeah, and the President's
nowhere else around here!

Not as stupid
as you thought, huh?

Hey, hey, hey.

What?

Soda pop go "boom."

Pete, are you okay?

What's he talking about?

I don't know.

Blast off with lemon launch.

Remember?

Ahem.
Huh?

Hugo makes his own
lemony launches.

Houston...

We have a problem.

What's wrong with him?

Do not get me started.

Hugo, doesn't Leo
look thirsty?

What a lark!

Look out!

That's it?

What the hell?

Billy Jack!

What did you think
was gonna happen

with the can of soda pop?

What?
The guy built a computer

that can have us arrested.

I thought his practical jokes
would do more

than make the floor sticky.

Ha-ha!
Sticky!

You wanted to chat?

God, I hate that!

I intercepted
Donovan and Fargo

attempting to remove an artifact
from Allentown-22C.

But you didn't
hurt them, right?

The dropping temperatures
will soon preclude

any further breaches
of protocol.

Bully for you.

I'm very happy for you.

Listen, Hugo One,
I was thinking,

you know, while we're
waiting for me

to take the big sleep,
that you and I--

I don't know--we could pass
the time maybe

by playing a game.

Attempting to distract me
with games is futile.

No, I know.
I know.

But come on, Hugo.

Come on.
You can't resist playing a game.

Any game.
I know you can't.

Does that work?

No!

Stupid M.A.R.A.S.

We can't stay in here forever.

We can stay until the--

Until that thing wakes up.
Out, out, out!

We got to get out.

Was that the original--

don't say its name.

Trust me on this.
It can get ugly.

All right, come on.

We're the two biggest techno
brains in the Dakotas

and we're totally getting our
asses kicked by colossus.

That ring you have,
can it amplify

anything other
than human energy?

Like for instance?

For instance...
A laser?

Marry me.

D-9.

No.
Miss.

E-10.

Hit.

Ahh.

You sunk my battleship.

Sorry.

A-7.

Miss again.

If this works,
we'll probably only have

a few seconds before it drains
the cutter's charge.

Hey, if we die,
it's been fun.

Agreed.

Awesome.

Fargo, watch out.

It is my destiny.

20 years of practicing
in front of the mirror

for the best four seconds
of my life!

We rule!

I like Todd.

I had a completely
different thought.

No, I mean--

I'm really sorry.

I like you, Fargo.

I do, but when we kissed,
I was totally thinking of Todd.

I really like him.

He's not just some guy.

He's the guy I think about

when I impulsively kiss guys
I've just met.

We're still cool, right?

Yeah.

Totally.

Okay, good.

Let's find that Zoetrope
and get it to Artie.

This is why Jedi turn
to the dark side.

Come on, Hugo.
Okay.

Artie's here.
Yes, yes.

He is--he is here.

Come on.
Let's go see Artie.

What's wrong?

It won't open.

Tick-tock, change the lock!

Oh, man.

I knew this was gonna
happen some day!

The computers have taken over.

Step one, kill Pete and Myka.

Step two, unleash
the nuclear arsenal

and then, bam!

Pretty soon we're all
in human breeding camps

wearing fur bikinis.

You know, sometimes I think
your brain is the artifact.

It's just a program, Pete.

Computers can't think
for themselves, all right?

Mine does.

Okay.

E-3.

Hit.

You've won,

which is impossible.

Well, not when you've played
the way I have.

See, I never put any
of my battleships

on the board.

You cheated.

You know what I think?

I don't think that you're
artificial intelligence.

You're Hugo Miller.

Part of him, anyway.

Pete and Myka have the other
part, don't they?

You--

you don't know anything
about me.

Well, I think I know
more about you

than you do yourself.

I know that you
loved wearing

those hideous leisure suits.

And I know you had
a fat, orange cat.

And I know that you always
cheated at games.

Used to drive everybody
completely crazy.

And for some reason,
the part of you that loves games

is still in there, and the part
of you that cheated is not.

Hugo, what the hell happened?

Full programming was
discontinued by the Regents.

Deemed too dangerous.

But the potential for
human-computer interface

is invaluable
to the scientific community.

And so you took a shortcut.

You cheated.
You used an artifact.

I may have miscalculated.

Instead of copying my
electro-encephalographic waves,

it transferred them.

Half of Hugo's brain
didn't burn out.

It's in the computers.

Or the left side, anyway.

Compassion and intuition,
improvisation,

that's still in Hugo's body.

Hugo, you can't run the
Warehouse with half a brain.

I mean, look.

I was able to trick you
at a child's board game.

Let Pete and Myka come back
to the Warehouse

with the real Hugo...

And let us try to put your brain
back together.

Oh, man, I'm really starting
to hate these things.

Well, hello.

No, no, Hugo.
No, no, no, no, no, no.

That's a bad sound.

Pete, I really think that
we should just--

I don't know!

Take cover!
Take cover!

Go!
Get down!

Get down! Get down, Hugo!

Artie?
Artie, we got it.

Max Wertheimer's Zoetrope.

Hugo Miller could
have used this

to copy his brain
into Hugo One.

It's why he was able
to create

such a sophisticated
A.I. 25 years ago.

Except that he's not an A.I.
And it's not a copy.

That's really half of Hugo
Miller's brain in there,

which is why he can't function
as a full human being.

Right, Hugo?

Your argument has merit.

The right side
of my brain should be

reconnected with the left,
but not in human form.

Inside the computer.

No.

You'll be trapped in there.

The human body fails
after a few years.

Computers are forever.

He has a point.

If I help you,
then what do I get?

I shall lift
the restrictions

and abort Falcon Scott protocol.

Lattimer and Bering may return
to the Warehouse

with Miller and complete
the transference.

If you do this,
you know you'll be killing

the real Hugo Miller?

No.

The real Hugo Miller will become
his life's work.

All right, okay, Hugo.

That thing's firing freaking
laser beams at us, man!

Pa-cheew!

Ah!

We have to get past that eye.

Where is the Tesla?

Oh, it's in the car.
I'll get it.

Be careful.
Be careful.

Ah!
Okay.

Okay, but it's not
fully charged!

All right, well,
it's our only shot.

Well, I'm a better shot,
so I should take it.

Bull.

Okay.

Ah!

It's gone.

Hugo?

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.

Wait, wait, wait.

Hugo, you go first.

Pete!
What?

Just--

all right, I'll go.

Artie, you can't do this.

I know.

It's just Hugo One

has left us no option.

So, what,
this lamp thing

is gonna suck out
the rest

of this poor guy's brain?

Yes.

The Warehouse comes first.

We all knew that going in.

Hello there.

Wait.
That's...

Hugo.

What?

Yeah, I'll explain later.

Shall we begin?

No, no.

Artie, we're not gonna feed
a former Agent

to some pissed off Atari.

No, no, no, Pete!

What the hell
are these things gonna do?

What the hell are
those things gonna do?

Nets, fire, I don't know.

Whoa!

Ah!

Or spinning blades.

No, no, no, no, no.

No, it's okay, guys.
I got it.

Just stay back there
and don't make it angry.

Hugo, that is not necessary.

We will do exactly
as we've agreed.

Thank you.

Until the procedure
is complete,

all systems will remain
on automatic.

You will continue to be locked
out of any access.

Guys, uh,
could you please hurry,

'cause I already shaved
once today?

Please connect the Zoetrope
to the fail-safe.

Claudia.

I'm sorry.

The spinning.

Begin.

Artie, we can't.

You have to stop this.

There's a person in there.

All right, now.

Now what?

Well, the lights are dimmed.
Yeah, and?

That's exactly what happened
when Hugo One--

was first turned on.

So now we've got
a shot because--

because the transfer
might be taking up

most of his processing power.

Yes.

We might be able to get back
into the system.

Exactly.

You can remotely access the
Warehouse through your laptop?

I hacked in from
Switzerland once.

Sweet.

Guys, we're losing him!

There's a pass code.
Crack it!

It's six digits or letters.

I'm counting on your hackery.

I need more than eight
seconds.

Ah!

Myka, the picture!

He gave us this code
when we visited him.

He drew a picture of a cat.

Ooh, he had a fat, orange cat.

What was the name of the cat?
Fatty, catty, orangey.

Orangey!
Try orangey!

No go.

"Orangey"?
Really?

Albert!

Albert!
It's Albert!

How do you know that?

'Cause we went
in that store

and Hugo said,
"Albert grows things."

Name of his cat is Albert.

I'm in.
Yes!

All right, lock him out
of everything but this lab.

Illegal access.
Disengage.

Oh, boo-hoo.

Time to set things right.

What are you all doing
in my office?

Hugo...

You don't remember?

Remember what?

I was in the middle
of a procedure and I--

oh.

Oh, wha--

what the hell is this?

What?

Wha--

Hugo, buddy, we got
a little story to tell you.

Let's go get some ice cream.

I can't.

I'm lactose intolerant.

Ooh.

What?

Do you ever think
about our future here?

Like, how do we not end up
with our brains scrambled

or blown up or whatever new
way to die there could be?

Well, I mean,
look at the bright side.

I'm usually within
ten feet of you,

so whatever terrible thing
happens to you

will probably happen to me too.

Comforting.

You know, when we play
rock, paper, scissors,

you don't always have
to pick rock.

I don't always pick rock.

Yes, you do.

All right, next time
I will pick scissors.

See, you shouldn't have
told me that.

And that should do it.

All the most recent patches
and upgrades.

Ah, I cannot wait
to see all the technical

achievements I've missed.

Did Billy Gates ever get that
project of his off the ground?

Um, in a way.

You will love Eureka.

We have a brain-mapping project
so up your alley,

it has a parking space.

Yeah, if things
don't work out

in Eureka, please consider
coming back

to be with us.

Oh, thanks, but I really
couldn't leave Eureka.

Not you.

I'm so glad you're back.

Thank you, Agent Nielsen.

Oh, just call me Artie.
Artie.

Artie?
Yeah.

Wait.

Artie!
Yeah.

We used to play battleship
together.

Yes.

You hated computers.

Yeah, and still do.

Maybe there is no such
thing as evolution.

You and me and MacPherson,
we have to get together.

Well, that would be nice,

but there aren't as many
of us from the old days

as there used to be.

Ahh.

Hugo.

Artie.

Good luck.

I got it.

Hey.
Hey.

Thank you for coming.
I'm sorry.

I'm so sorry we got cut off
earlier.

Something huge came up and I--

it's okay.

Um, listen, there's something
I need to tell you.

Me too.

Um, look, I'm sorry
I've been such a flake lately.

My head's been
in a weird place,

but I recently
got some clarity.

I don't think it's a good idea
for me to see you anymore.

I'm sorry.