Warehouse 13 (2009–2014): Season 2, Episode 4 - Age Before Beauty - full transcript

Previously on Warehouse 13...

Customer.

I have a special... order.

- So I just moved here.
- Why on Earth would you do that?

Claudia, wait!
I got the parts you ordered.

You're a wonder twin.

So Claudia, Todd's cute.

This is me ignoring you.

Eat shield, stabby!

Are you okay? Here you go.
Let me help you up.

Here we go.



Where'd you learn to handle
a sword like that?

Some girls play with Barbies,
and others took fencing lessons.

Everybody got all their limbs?

Yeah, that's a big ten fingers
and ten toes, good buddy.

Behold...

mighty Excalibur.

You snagged it.

This could have been easier
if we swapped it out for a fake.

Only you, Artie, would know
it was a tacky wall decoration

in some cheesy castle in Cardiff.

The rock, it worked?

Yes, you were right.
As soon as the blade came into contact

with the rock that was laced
with the same metal, it...

The sword went out of phase



and allowed it to pass
right through solid matter.

Preventing today's pub special
from being Myka meat pie.

That's how King Arthur did it.

Nice, Artie. You sure know how to take
the fun out of believing in legends.

Some legends can have truth to them.

So there was
a real Merlin the Magician?

- Fiction.
- Knights of the Round Table?

Bedtime story.

Holy Grail?

Anyway,

on your way back I want you
to check something out for me in Italy.

That's not really on our way back.

Yeah, but I got a ping, so go to Milan.
Call me when you land.

I've never been to Italy.

So how'd she die?

Old age.
No identification.

But we found these

inside her body.

- That's...
- Implants.

- The old woman had implants.
- I've never seen them like this.

When they weren't on active duty...

Something else.

The woman was shouting something
before she died.

- That's Russian.
- You speak Russian?

Yeah, you know,
some girls played with Barbies and...

Got it, got it.
What'd she say?

It means...

It means, "they stole me."

I know how we can I.D. her.

All surgical implants

are labeled and coded
by serial number,

so you can track them

through the doctor
and back to the patient.

Why am I not surprised that you are
the expert on breast implants?

Some boys played with Barbies.

Now these implants were placed
in the body of...

- Wait. That can't be right.
- I don't get it. Who is that?

Anya Verdikov, age 19.

Anya Verdikov.

Wait, you know her?

- She's a Russian model.
- We need to meet with her right away.

She was reported missing
two days ago.

You think?

- We have seen stranger things.
- What?

Either someone took the implants
out of Anya Verdikov

and put them in the body
of this old woman.

Or this woman is the 19-year-old
Anya Verdikov.

Warehouse 13 - 2x04
Age Before Beauty

Arrow, nitrogenc & Salomon

Welcome back.
What'd you bring me from Italy?

- You know it.
- Hey, biscotti.

It was a long flight.

- What did you find out about Anya?
- Lots.

Anya was not the first.
Claudia, would you do the honors?

- Missing fashion models.
- They vanished from different cities.

From Tokyo, Berlin,
and Paris, and London.

So since we knew what to look for,
it wasn't hard to find a pattern.

And after each model disappeared,
they found the body of a Jane Doe.

- Elderly.
- Yes. Very old jane doe.

It seemed like it was natural causes,
but I don't think so.

An unidentified old Asian woman...

Asian woman was found dead
two months ago in paris.

- Hey, same tattoo.
- Same place.

- Same woman.
- Have you ever seen an artifact

that produces rapid aging
in a person?

- I've never seen anything like that.
- Obviously it's not a coincidence

that all these victims
were models, right?

- What's the plan?
- Since all the attacks happened around

the fashion industry

and since this week in
full swing in Manhattan

is Fashion Week,
two tickets to New York.

Nice.

Original Ray's pizza.

The original original Ray's pizza
is actually here.

And funny thing about that
is the mob bought the original cheese.

You can't make a decent pie
without mob cheese.

So the way to stop this
is to find Anya's agent.

The agent will tell you
where's Anya has been

and hopefully also
what she's been in touch with.

Perfect.

- What aisle is...
- Not a chance.

Forget it.

I'll run an artifact
search on the mainframe,

see what might make
the beautiful people go geezer.

Thank you.
That would be very help...

God, stop it.

Something you'd like to share
with the rest of the class?

That only makes me
a little bit more curious.

Todd keeps texting me.

You know, texting.

It's what the kids do these days
instead of going to dinosaur races.

I know what texting is...
Also iTunes and color television.

What is a Todd?

You know, Todd. The guy from town,
from the hardware store.

What is with him? "Want to meet
for coffee?" Give me my space!

Why don't you text him back?

I remember that kid.
He was... inoffensive.

Strike up the band.

- You're not a girl anymore.
- What?

I just said, you know,
you're a woman.

No, well, you're a woman
because you're over 16.

I'm just saying he's a man

and men and women...

If you've never...

- I didn't mean to...
- Pull up, pull up.

I appreciate the advice,
but can we just get back to work?

Best assignment ever.

Just try not to be 12 years old.

There is no try.
Only do or do not.

- Then do.
- I'll try.

I have a quick meeting with Michael,
after that I'm going home.

Would you ask Sutton
if we can reschedule?

Oh, my... Isabella Fuentes.

I love you.

I love your work.

The 2004 swimsuit issue,
I mean, that was like

your Sgt. Pepper's.

- Excuse me, I'm not feeling well.
- I won't take up lot of your time.

I was just curious where you stood
on dating civil servants.

You're scaring her.

Ask anyone who's made
an enemy of me, Sutton,

if they don't dearly
regret that decision.

What, are we opening a Walmart?

Call Damian, have him send
Romana another gift basket.

- No food.
- Miss Harris.

I'm Myka Bering.
This is Pete Lattimer.

We spoke on the phone
regarding Anya Verdikov.

Have you found her?

I told her I would take care of her.

Do you have any idea what happened?

We were hoping you might know.

Was she acting at all strangely?

Was there anyone new
come into contact with her?

No one.
She'd been staying away from people.

Why?

Just before Milan, Anya said
she was coming down with the flu.

Excuse me, I'm not feeling well.

It's Isabella.

- You're nothing if not persistent.
- You don't look so good.

- Your pickup lines are getting worse.
- I need you to come with me.

I think you might be in danger.

- What are you talking...
- Are you okay?

I'm sorry, I must be getting a fever.
I've just gotta get out of here.

I'm burning up.

Pete, what's happening?

Get an ambulance.

It was nothing, girls. Just some poor
old woman who took a fall.

- What's the matter with you?
- It just happened.

You know, it was like a nightmare.
I couldn't help, and...

I just had to stand there
and watch, Artie.

Pete, there was nothing you could do.
Now listen, get me the...

We've seen a lot of bad juju
from these artifacts,

- but man, this one...
- Get your head back in the game.

Get me a sample of her blood.

It could lead to whatever artifact
is causing this aging thing.

They're keeping a lid
on what happened to Isabella for us.

Are you okay?

Yeah, I will be
when we find this thing.

I tested her clothes and jewelry.
The artifact definitely wasn't on her.

It wouldn't be. She probably got zapped
after a fashion show

like Anya and the others.

But why models?

What's the connection, some...

hair dryer that they're all using?

Anya said, "they stole me."

As if somebody was doing this
to them on purpose.

There are hundreds of people
behind the scenes at these things.

And fashion week ends in three days,
and with it goes our potential suspects.

So we're gonna have to get in
on the down low

and smoke out the bad guy or girl.

That's easier said than done.

- What?
- Just having a thought.

- Is it a good thought?
- I'm gonna say yes.

You're gonna say no.
But I'm right, you're wrong.

I think I know a way to find the person
who's doing this, okay,

but I'm gonna need your help.

So how'd we do?

You tell me.

Holy crap.

Welcome to the runway.

One day you're in,
and the next day...

We get it.

Through there's backstage
where the models change during the show.

I hope you don't mind
taking your clothes off in public.

Let me go sell you to Damian.

I just don't understand
why I had to be the model.

First of all, I don't have the legs
for a dress like that.

And a model and her manager
won't stand out.

Please, nobody's gonna
believe that I'm a model.

I don't know how to do this.

Just act like everyone's
been put on the Earth to serve you.

- That's idiotic.
- Just like that, perfect.

I couldn't possibly work
with a new girl.

I'm all about rapport. You can't have
rapport with someone fresh off the farm.

She's an undiscovered treasure.

- That's fine.
- No one has even seen her yet.

Don't you want to be the first
to bring her into the sun?

Fine. Let me see her.

I don't understand.
Is she behind the fat girl?

Trust me, Damian.

For you, Sutton, darling, anything.

Myka Burton, top women's
fashion designer Damian Jardin.

I'm going to have to ask you
to lay off the milk shakes, precious.

What's this?

I'm Pete Lawson. I'm Myka's...

Personal assistant, does whatever
I tell him. Right?

Speaking of slaves, Jenny!

This one, new photos.

Andale!

Let me see that dress.

Good luck.

You are officially embedded.

Coffee?

No thanks.
I'm jittery enough as is.

I meant for me. Black, no sugar.

Andale!

I'm Gunther.
I'm here taking pictures.

Ready to be beautiful?

Here we go. That's right.

Beautiful.

Give me a little smile.
There you go.

Who's that?

Sutton's latest find for Damian.

Didn't we just get rid
of the last latest find?

What did Anya ever do to you?

Just so we're clear, Damian,
I burn brightest.

Little fat girls aren't gonna
sell your rags like I do.

Of course, of course.

Relax, Romana, you'll get wrinkles.

We're not getting any younger.

Why doesn't some thoughtful
psychopath kill her for me?

It's like a game of gay clue.

Careful. We don't need much
for a full chemical analysis.

Can you explain to me again
why I'm doing this

and you're cowering ten feet away?

- I don't like blood.
- You picked the wrong line of work.

- You have no idea.
- Really?

Moving on.

Gently, gently put the needle gently
into that mass spectrometer.

Sorry, sorry.

Let me guess. Todd.

Well?

- I took your advice.
- What advice? I gave no advice.

I'm meeting Todd later,
cup of coffee, slice of pie, you know?

You have a date?

It's more like
a, you know, pie/coffee summit.

Fix the economy, solve world peace.
I could cancel.

Be yourself.

- I was just looking at your photos.
- I'm sorry.

I guess I just had
too much caffeine today.

You're pretty strong for a model.

Most of these girls get winded
just by pushing an elevator button.

I eat food.

Gunther took these, right?

Yeah, he did.

He's got a real eye.

Tell him to put a star filter next time.
It'll bring out your eyes more.

- You're a photographer?
- Freelance.

You're Sutton's new girl, right?

You're a natural.

You have a gift.

I have a gift.

How many of these things
can you drink anyway?

I'm not actually drinking them.
I like making you go get them.

- Nice.
- So?

I checked a few of the dressing rooms.
Nobody's got the picture of Dorian Gray

hanging up for decoration.

The real one's
in the warehouse anyway.

Is that what that is?
Man, I gotta stop looking at that.

Right. I did find out
that Romana hated Anya.

Really?

It's a tough business.
Maybe she's eliminating the competition.

Why don't you go distract her
so I can check her dressing room?

But I don't know
how to distract her.

Ask her for tips
on torturing your assistant.

So what's your favorite movie?

God, I hate that.

Yeah, me too.

There's eight billion different movies.
You can never pick just one.

And then am I telling you
my real favorite movie

or randomly picking
the first movie that pops into my head?

Godfather.

- So what high school did you go to?
- What do you mean?

- What high school did you go to?
- Why all the questions about my past?

It was just one question.
You made me ask it twice.

What can I get you guys?

BLT, please.

I would like the chili,
extra onions.

- Guess no good-bye kiss, huh?
- What?

The onions.

Bad breath. Kissing.

Bad joke. Sorry.

I mean, yes, I could get it to go.

Eat it later
after non-onion breath kissing.

- I'm not expecting kissing.
- I wasn't expecting kissing...

- Me neither.
- ... or not.

Or maybe.

I should've ordered grilled cheese.

What am I doing here?

I'm clearly a closed book
with bad breath

who's too freakish to live,
and I gotta go.

Oh, my God.

She wants this to go.

Hi there. My name's Myka.

We met the other day
in Sutton's office.

Tell Damian it'll do.

I was just wondering
if you had any, you know,

sisterly advice.

My advice:

Spanx.

I'm always amazed at the correlation
between being beautiful

and being a complete bitch.

Being a successful model
isn't about beauty

and it certainly
isn't about the clothes.

Then what's it about?

When I walk down the runway,

with one look I can stop a war

or start one.

I make people want something
that I have,

because when I'm out there
I tear out my soul

and I offer it for everyone to see.

You think you can do that, sister?

Jenny, the schedule, please.

I'll be right there.

Booyah Buddha.

I don't suppose you gave
the same sisterly advice to Anya.

Anya shoulda stayed in Russia
and stuck with what she knew...

Borscht and bread lines.

Sounds to me
like you're glad she's dead.

You're very nosy.

No, I'm just curious
about the people I work with.

I wonder if the next girl will ask
what happened to you.

It's all over, Jenny.

- What's happening?
- Is that it?

Crap.

- Why are you doing it?
- I'm not hurting anybody.

You've got a pretty whacked-out
definition of "hurt".

They can afford to pay.

Is that how Anya paid,
with her youth?

- How did you kill her, jenny?
- I didn't kill Anya.

- She wasn't even a customer.
- A customer?

Look, how is the buddha
aging the models?

What are you talking about?

- What are you talking about?
- Diet pills.

Diet what now?

Easy, that's...

Filled with teeny-tiny pills.

- You're peddling diet pills?
- They're the good ones.

Not legal here yet.
I get them on the black market for...

You're not here
about the diet pills, are you?

Here's what you're gonna do.

You're gonna go home, call in sick,
and stay there until you hear from me,

or you'll be explaing that little
bobble-headed buddha to the DEA.

I can hook you up if you let me go.

You could lose those extra five pounds
by, like, tomorrow.

I don't have an extra five pounds.

Right.

Go!

- Myka, we're running out of time.
- I know.

I couldn't believe it
when you finally called.

Anticipation has been interminable.

You said you found her,

the one?

Yes, she's perfect.

Good, you're here.

Well, the blood sample
that Pete sent over

has got trace elements
of silver nitrate in it,

which is not commonly found
in human blood.

What does that mean?

I have no idea.

So what I...

How was your date?

It was perfect.

Well, good.

Good.

So as I was saying, human blood...

Actually no kind of blood has sil...

- What?
- What kind of advice is be yourself?

Artie, that's the worst advice
I've ever heard,

because myself is a giant freakazoid

with no past and no real interests

outside of my top-secret job,
which I can't talk about.

And I like onions.

Can I come in? Are you decent?

You know what, screw it,
I'm coming in.

Don't you dare laugh.

No, no, I'm so not laughing.

Listen, I don't want you
to go out there.

I'm having some wicked bad vibes,

and whatever, you know,
whammy's being done to the models,

maybe it's when
they're walking the runway.

Okay, so it's just...
It's too dangerous and...

What?

No fight, no argument,
no punching me in my soft spots?

No, no, I just, I won't...
I'm not gonna go out there.

What's going on?

Well, like you said, it's dangerous.

You don't ever listen to me.

Okay, I can't,

because I...

I can't stop an army.

And I can't, you know,

show people my soul.

What are you...
What are you talking about?

Okay, some girls
took fencing lessons, right?

And read books and studied
and became secret service agents.

And that,

that out there, that is...

That is not me.

Why not?

'cause, you know...

I'm not the pretty one.

Who was the pretty one?

My sister.

Tracy.

Yeah, she's the cheerleader

and the homecoming queen.

You know, she was the one that...

She was the one that all the boys
were crazy about.

She could do this.

All right.

Turn around.

- Why?
- Because if I'm going to say this,

I can't say it with you looking at me.
So just turn around.

I'll turn around.

I can't say it
to the back of your head either.

You are a stunningly
beautiful woman.

The day that I met you, I said,

"What, I'm not gonna be able
to work with her.

"I won't be able
to stop staring at her."

But then I got to know you,

and I realized that

you're even more beautiful
than I could see.

And if that, you know,
little teen fencer

could see what a beautiful woman
that she would become,

she would know that it's her sister
that should be jealous.

- You good to go?
- I am good to go.

- All right, all right.
- I'm going.

Wait, wait a minute. I came here
to talk you out of it. Myka, come here.

There you are.

Where were you, Arby's?
Andale, get out there.

Go! Go!

Hell.
She's wearing the killer dress.

Damian, you bastard.

The dress.

It's the dress.

- The dress.
- Get your hands off me.

You switched the dresses.
Why?

It's my show. I do what I want.

- Where's my whistle?
- Is that how you're doing it?

- What is it, Lizzie Borden's dress?
- What are you talking about?

- You are gonna tell me everything.
- All right.

- I gave her the killer dress.
- I knew it.

Romana and I started out together.

We were friends.

Now she treats me like a minion.

Rude, dismissive,
snide comments about my work.

I gave my best dress
to the new girl.

And I hope it hurt,
like you've hurt me.

I did it!
I did it.

- And you didn't even need your sword.
- Not bad.

I am not fat.

Give me that onstage.
That's what I want.

So nothing but dead ends back here.

There was an older woman
in the crowd,

rich, biggest ruby earrings
I have ever seen,

and there was something about the way
that she was looking at me.

Well, let's go have
a look at her, shall we?

Wait, just...

Will it hurt?

Are you okay?

I'm burning up.

Oh, my God, no.

Stay with me.

Stay with me.

Stay with me.

Stay with me.

It's worth every penny.

Still me, Claudie.

Are you in pain?

Other than a sudden desire
to hit the early bird special, I'm fine.

What are we gonna do?

- How is she?
- She doesn't have much time.

Isabella died about an hour ago
from old age, Artie.

She was 22.

Now what do you need to undo this?

A sample of Myka's blood would be...

What else?

Silver nitrate.

It's in Myka's blood too,
exactly the same as Isabella's.

- Silver nitrate?
- Yeah, it was a compound

that was used as a disinfectant
before the development of antibiotics.

Wait, wait, wait, it was also used
in the manufacture of photographic film.

- I was doing something.
- Gus used to say...

Gus was a former warehouse agent.

And he used to say
that there was a camera

that belonged to...
There.

Man Ray.

- I'm on it. Give me an address.
- He's dead.

- What?
- He was a photographer in the 1930s.

Guy shot some wicked cool pics.

Contemporary of Dali, except that Ray
was into photographic surrealism.

And Gus used to say that one of Ray's
last cameras had artifact properties.

It's just we never found it.

It's gotta be
one of the photographers.

Which brings us back to what I was doing
before Artie so rudely took my computer.

I hacked into the fashion show
security cameras.

Now let me just get a good angle.

There, that guy.
Check the camera.

- Not exactly state-of-the-art, right?
- Right.

As soon as he takes
Myka's picture, he walks.

It's him.

Can I interest you in changing
your long distance carrier?

No thanks.

Can I interest you
in staying alive, huh?

- Where is it?
- What are you talking about?

I said where is it?

- Claudia, Man Ray's.
- Jackpot.

And that is not all.

Myka said there was an old lady
giving her the stink eye,

and she had on huge ruby earrings.

This camera doesn't just steal
people's youth.

It transfers it to another person.

You've been peddling
a second chance at life.

How does the camera work, huh?

- How does the camera work?
- Lay off, we might need this guy.

All right.

You double-expose a younger photograph
over someone older.

The process is almost instantaneous.

Myka and the others
didn't change right away.

That would be a little too public,
wouldn't it?

What you did is you figured out
how to do it later.

Something to do
with the development process, right?

Did you hear the question? Do you doubt
that he wants to beat you to death?

It works retroactively

- if I wait and use the developer.
- The silver nitrate.

Right?
Silver nitrate.

But why models? Why not just snap
pictures of anonymous young people?

You ever heard the expression
"make love to the camera"?

A model has a gift.

She bares her soul, opens up.

Manny's camera captures it,

reacts to it.

How do we turn Myka back?

Look out!

I know what happened.

You, young man,

have to stop playing with fire.

Yeah, close call.

I didn't need the phoenix this time.
I remembered to duck.

Doctors say you're doing great.

Liar.

How are you?

I just wish I could see
my mom and dad.

They could never cope with this.

Artie, I just want to tell you

that...

I know I've been hard on you
sometimes.

Don't.

Don't... Don't start that.

I'm not giving up on you.
Don't you give up.

All right, listen.

We have to find
this ruby earring woman.

We have to take
a new photograph of her young

and superimpose it
on a photograph of old Myka.

And it might switch her back?

Well, I'm in his bank account.

He hasn't touched anything
since the last deposit but...

- Something?
- He's got a serious crush on someone.

He's had flowers delivered from
the same shop three times this week.

- Does it say to who?
- No, this just lists his transactions.

Romana.

- What?
- Romana had flowers delivered to her,

and she wasn't very happy
with whoever sent them.

I'm on it.

See?

- Even at 90, you are a crack agent.
- Pete, wait.

What if you find him and he doesn't tell
who he sold Myka's youth to?

Do we find someone else,
take someone else's youth?

I mean,

someone bad?

- He'll tell me.
- Go.

Consider me an ex-fan of Man Ray.

Manny's.

- What?
- Perry didn't say Man Ray's camera.

He said Manny's.

So?

- Perry, you scared me half to death.
- I haven't got time. Listen to me.

- What do you want?
- I think you know.

We've been through this.
You and I, we're never gonna happen.

That's right.

I'm not your type, am I?

Rich and powerful. Guess what,

I'm both now.

What is that supposed to mean?

I never used the camera
for financial gain.

What camera?

Until I met you.

- You know what, I have to go.
- I'm finally...

wealthy enough now

to have the most beautiful
woman in the world.

You'll never have that much money.

Don't you understand?

Everything I did was for you,

for us to be together.

Just let go of me.

Let go of me.

You've had Man Ray's camera
for a long time, haven't you?

In fact, you actually knew Manny.

I modeled for him when I was 22.
He gave me that camera.

I kept it all these years.

And that's how you discovered
its restorative properties?

And the first person
that it turned young

was you.

I look pretty good for 98.

And how many innocent lives
did your vitality cost?

I would imagine
you double exposed my image

with your friend's.

You've been young long enough.

Back again.

- Are you okay?
- Well, yeah. Thanks to you guys.

Well, you know, it's in my contract.

If my partner turns into
a senior citizen

and I don't do anything about it,
it's, like, six vacation days,

so I didn't really...
It was all about the vacation.

I'm so glad to see you
looking like the old you.

I mean, the young old you,
not the old, old you...

Gramps, you're having
a mini stroke again.

You are aware that I'm your boss, right?
You know that?

Yes, crabby, come on.

You know,
I just want to say thank you.

- You're welcome.
- Not... Not for...

For what you said before the show.

We don't have
to ever mention that again.

But remember you said that I...

- Can't hear...
- I think that we should...

Warning! Warning!
Danger, Will Robinson.

Why are we doing this?

- You don't see enough of me?
- Sit down.

- I owe you an apology.
- You owe me lots of apologies.

Which one's nagging at you?

The one about Todd.

Not a big deal.
It doesn't matter.

It does matter, because he's a good kid,
and I should be able to help.

You didn't make me a train wreck.

You are not a train wreck, Claudia.

I just sometimes forget that underneath
the talented computer programmer

and fearless junior Warehouse agent

there beats the heart
of a teenage girl

who deserves, well,

someone better than me for a...

Father figure?

Oh, my God.

You're not doing so bad.

Well, I...

I could do a little better.
You know, I can do better.

- Sometimes you are so cute.
- Don't do that.

I hate that word.
Don't use that word, cute. I'm not cute.

Well, I am relieved.
When you said "meet me at the diner",

I thought you'd arranged
some lame meet with me and Todd.

What a remarkable coincidence.

I don't know
if I mentioned this before,

but I really like chili.

- Get out.
- Yes, leaving.