WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 17 - Fire - full transcript

I JOINED A RELIGION THAT
LETS YOU HAVE TWO WIVES.

I DON'T WANT TWO WIVES.

- WOULD YOU GIVE ME A LIFT HOME?
- I DON'T GO ANYWHERE
NEAR YOUR HOME.

EVER.

WE COULD GO TO YOUR HOME.

- GOOD NIGHT, MR. CARLSON.
- GOOD NIGHT, BAILEY. BOY, AM I BUSHED.

- WHY?
- HUH?

LUCILLE TOLD ME NOT
TO COME HOME TONIGHT.

I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT.

JOHNNY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I-I OVERSLEPT. I'M LATE.



JOHNNY, IT'S 5:30 P.M.

NOT MORNING?

NO, YOU'RE NOT ON THE
AIR FOR 12 1/2 HOURS.

- HOLD IT.
- AND LET ME TELL YOU
SOMETHING ELSE, YOUNG LADY.

I GET A LOT OF WORK DONE
BEHIND THAT CLOSED DOOR.

OH, I'M SORRY, MR. CARLSON, BUT
MY MIND IS ON GETTING TO THE BANK.

YOU SEE, IF I DON'T
DEPOSIT MY PAYCHECK,

I'LL HAVE CHECKS BOUNCING ALL
OVER TOWN LIKE LITTLE RUBBER BALLS.

ANYBODY WANT TO GET BREAKFAST?

JOHNNY, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

OH, I, UH...

I CAME IN A LITTLE
EARLY THIS MORNING.

- HEY, THAT SOUNDS LIKE A FIRE.
- WHAT IS IT?

LET'S TAKE A LOOK.



BIG FIRE ENGINE. BOY!

WOW, A WHOLE BUNCH OF 'EM!

GEE, CAN YOU BELIEVE
THERE WAS A TIME IN MY LIFE

WHEN I COULDN'T WAIT
TO BECOME A FIREMAN

SO I COULD SLIDE
DOWN THAT BRASS POLE?

YOU KNOW, GUIDE THAT
HOOK-AND-LADDER TRUCK

AND FEED THAT
LITTLE SPOTTED DOG?

IT MUST BE CLOSE.

I DON'T SEE A FIRE.

WELL, LET'S SEE
WHICH WAY THEY TURN.

OH, GOSH, THEY DIDN'T.

HUH. THEY'RE SLOWING
DOWN, THOUGH.

THEY MUST BE VERY CLOSE.

THEY'RE-THEY'RE STOPPING...

- I SMELL SMOKE.
- RIGHT IN FRONT OF
THE BUILDING DOWNSTAIRS.

JOHNNY, DO YOU SMELL SMOKE?

NO, NO. IT'S JUST ME.

WHEN I CAME THROUGH THE
LOBBY, IT WAS REAL... KIND OF FOGGY.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

THE TIME OF
TRANSITION IS UPON US,

WHEN THE WARMTH OF DAY
PALES TO THE COOL BLUE OF NIGHT.

AT 5:33 ON FRIDAY, THIS
IS VENUS, MY CHILDREN,

COMING TO YOU FROM THE
TOP OF THE FLIMM BUILDING

WITH A BEACON OF LOVE
SHINING EVER SO BRIGHT.

SO BE NOT AFRAID
OF THE DARKNESS.

YES, THE DARKNESS,

WHICH USUALLY HAPPENS AT NIGHT.

AH, NIGHT... A TIME
OF... OF NOT DAY.

THUS A CYCLE, A CYCLE
THAT REPEATS ITSELF

NIGHT AFTER NIGHT AFTER NIGHT.

WHAT BETTER TIME,
THEN, TO REPEAT

THAT OTHER SONG, THE
ONE YOU JUST HEARD, AGAIN.

DAMN PIECE OF JUNK!

SORRY, MY CHILDREN.

QUITTIN' TIME!

THIS TURNTABLE IS
STUCK AGAIN, ANDY.

- COME ON, IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.
- YEAH, I BLEW MY WHOLE SEGUE.

I'LL THINK ABOUT THAT
ON MONDAY. RIGHT NOW,

I'VE GOT TO RUSH SOMEWHERE TO
MEET SOMEONE TO DO SOMETHING

THAT IS MORE IMPORTANT THAN
THE INVENTION OF RADIO ITSELF.

HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY. I CAN'T SAY NO.

I HAD THIS THING TIMED
TO THE SECOND, MAN.

UNLIKE FEVER, I
PREPARE FOR MY SHOW.

MONDAY. MONDAY. I'VE GOT
BIG PLANS THIS WEEKEND.

UH-HUH.

OKAY, I'LL TELL YOU THIS MUCH.

IT INVOLVES AN AIRPLANE,
A BREATHING APPARATUS,

AND A YOUNG WOMAN.

VENUS, RELINQUISH YOUR SHOW.

BE COOL. I'M NOT
IN THE MOOD, LES.

ANDY, IF YOU DON'T MAKE
HIM RELINQUISH HIS SHOW,

- I WON'T BE RESPONSIBLE.
- YOU'RE NOT RESPONSIBLE, LES.

I'M THE NEWS DIRECTOR.

THE BUILDING'S ON FIRE!
THE BUILDING'S ON FIRE!

- CHEAP TRICK, LES.
- ALL RIGHT, I'LL
TELL YOU EVERYTHING.

A STEWARDESS IS TAKING
OLD TRAVIS TO THE BAHAMAS.

A WHOLE WEEKEND OF
NOTHING BUT SNORKELING.

FLAMES FILL FIFTH-FLOOR,
FLIMM BUILDING.

FIREMEN FIGHT FIERCE
CONFLAGRATION.

WHAT?

FLAMES FILL FIFTH-FLOOR,
FLIMM BUILDING.

FIREMEN FIGHT FIERCE
CONFLAGRATION.

I DON'T SEE FLAMES ANYWHERE.

DID YOU SEE ANYTHING, JOHNNY?

- WHEN?
- WHEN YOU CAME IN.

BAILEY, WHEN I HEAR
SIRENS, I DON'T LOOK BACK.

I'LL BET IT'S THAT CHILI
PARLOR NEXT DOOR.

THEY'VE BEEN BEGGING FOR A FIRE.

OH, THERE YOU ALL ARE.

THERE'S A FIRE IN A
BUILDING ON THIS BLOCK.

YEAH, I KNOW. WE'RE IN IT.

- HUH?
- WE ARE?

WE CAN'T BE. I'VE GOT
TO GET TO THE BANK.

I'VE GOT 12 1/2
HOURS TO KILL, MAN.

I'VE GOT TO GO... WHERE
IS IT I'VE GOT TO GO?

WAIT, EVERYBODY. SO FAR, IT'S
CONTAINED TO THE FIFTH FLOOR.

LET'S JUST EVERYONE KEEP
THEIR HEADS ABOUT THIS.

- UH, GOODBYE, ALL.
- WAIT A MINUTE. VENUS...

- IT'S QUITTIN' TIME, MAN.
- VENUS...

- LOOK, VENUS...
- IT'S OKAY. LES IS ON THE AIR.

HE'S INTERVIEWING A FIREMAN.
DID YOU KNOW HE'S NUTS?

YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED TO
TAKE AN ELEVATOR DURING A FIRE.

WAIT A MINUTE!

NOW, WHO VOLUNTEERED TO
BE FIRE WARDEN ON THIS FLOOR?

NOW, WHO IS SUPPOSED
TO KNOW WHAT TO DO?

I FEEL SAFE.

WE WILL ALL EXIT
VIA THE FIRE STAIRS.

NOW, WAIT A MINUTE! FIRST OF ALL,
YOU'VE GOT TO TAKE THE PRECAUTION

OF FEELING THAT DOOR
TO BE SURE IT'S NOT WARM.

ANDY.

- IT'S COOL.
- I'M GONNA GO GET LES,
CHECK FOR STRAGGLERS,

WHILE YOU ALL WALK
IN AN ORDERLY FA...

OH, NO! WHERE ARE THE
OTHER DOORS? HUH, ANDY?

- I DON'T KNOW. HE'S THE WARDEN.
- THIS IS IT.

- ISN'T THERE SUPPOSED
TO BE ANOTHER ONE?
- YEAH.

- OH.
- OKAY, LOOK,

I MAY NOT KNOW EXACTLY WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE, BUT I DO KNOW THIS:

THE ELEVATOR IS SAFE,
BECAUSE HERB AND JENNIFER

WERE GETTING ON WHEN I GOT OFF,

AND THEY ARE NOT TRAPPED
UP HERE; THEY ARE SAFE.

WE SHOULD BE TOGETHER.

IT'S A SIGN FROM GOD.

DIAL AGAIN.

OKAY, FINE.

AH. YOU SEE?

I CAN'T EVEN GET A
RINGING SOUND DOWNSTAIRS.

WE COULD BE ALONE
HERE ALL NIGHT.

IMPOSSIBLE. DID YOU HAVE
SOMETHING TO DO WITH THIS?

- ME?
- VENUS IS STILL
IN HIS OFFICE.

I DIDN'T EVEN DREAM
ANYTHING THIS GOOD.

- KRP.
- ANDY? JENNIFER.

- JENNIFER!
- WE'RE STUCK
NEAR THE EIGHTH FLOOR.

WE KNOW. LOOK, WHAT
WE'RE TRYING TO DO

IS PRY OPEN THE ELEVATOR DOORS TO
MAKE SURE YOU'RE CLEAR OF THE FIRE.

TELL HIM THERE'S NO HURRY.

- QUIET! WHAT FIRE?
- "FIRE"?

WELL, NOW, LOOK, "FIRE" IS
PROBABLY TOO STRONG A WORD.

A LITTLE SMOLDERING ON
FIVE. I'M SURE IT'S OUT BY NOW.

CAN'T YOU GO DOWN AND CHECK?

DOWN HERE?

WELL, NOW, YOU SEE,
YOU'VE HIT ON THE PROBLEM.

YOU'RE TRAPPED LIKE WE ARE?

WHO ARE?

NOW, LOOK. LES ALREADY HAS
A FIRE OFFICIAL ON THE PHONE.

I'M GONNA GO TALK WITH HIM, AND I'LL GET
SOMEONE FROM DOWN THE HALL... VENUS!

TO COME IN HERE AND
STAY ON THE LINE WITH YOU.

UM, BY ANY CHANCE,

ARE THE ELEVATOR DOORS WARM?

ARE THE DOORS WARM?

THERE'S NO FIRE DOWN HERE.

ARE YOU TALKING TO ANYBODY?

- Jennifer: NO, ANDY.
- GOOD.

WHY DON'T YOU AND HERB SEE IF
YOU CAN'T PRY OPEN THOSE DOORS

AND SEE IF YOU CAN'T POP OUT

ON THE FLOOR YOU'RE BETWEEN.

"POP OUT"? I SEE.

WE GOT THE DOORS OPEN, ANDY.

JUST... WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT?

I DON'T KNOW. I JUST
FEEL BETTER WITH IT.

THIS IS JENNIFER ON THE LINE.
NOW, HERB AND SHE ARE OKAY.

KEEP THIS LINE OPEN WHILE
I GO TALK TO THE FIRE GUY.

ANDY, MR. CARLSON SAID
EVERYTHING'S ALL RIGHT.

THAT DOES NOT MEAN ANYTHING.

THEY'RE A LITTLE TENSE,
SO SEE IF YOU CAN'T...

NO PROBLEM. I CAN HANDLE IT.

HEY. HOW'S IT GOING?

SO IF I MAY PARAPHRASE
YOU, OFFICER SHANKS,

FOR MY GREAT MANY LISTENERS,

YOU ALLEGE THAT THIS
RAGING SEA OF FLAME

IS CONTAINED ON THE FIFTH FLOOR,

AND THAT ALL THOSE IN
DANGER OF THE BURNING MORASS

HAVE SUPPOSEDLY BEEN EVACUATED,

AND THAT NO ONE,
THEORETICALLY, HAS BEEN HURT.

SOMETHING LIKE THAT.
YOU SEE, WITH SPRINKLERS...

OFFICER SHANKS, EXPLAIN FIRE.

BUT... EXACTLY WHY
DO THINGS BURN?

WHAT KIND OF RADIO
STATION IS THIS?

♪♪- ANDY...

EXCUSE ME, OFFICER SHANKS,
MAY I SPEAK TO YOU A SECOND, SIR?

- WE'RE NOT ON
THE AIR RIGHT NOW.
- IS THIS A PRANK?

NO, SIR. THIS IS ANDY TRAVIS,
PROGRAM DIRECTOR OF WKRP RADIO.

- OKAY.
- SIR, WE'RE ON THE 14th FLOOR
OF THE FLIMM BUILDING.

YOU'RE KIDDING. YOU PEOPLE
OUGHT TO GET OUT OF THERE.

DON'T TAKE THE ELEVATOR.
TAKE THE FIRE STEPS.

WELL, SIR, THERE'S A DOGGONE
BUNCH OF SMOKE ON THOSE STEPS.

SHOULDN'T BE. I'LL BET SOMEBODY

PROPPED OPEN A FIRE
DOOR ON THE FIFTH FLOOR.

- PEOPLE DO THAT.
- DON'T WORRY, ANDY. THEY'VE GOT LADDERS.

- NOT TO THE 14th FLOOR.
- HELICOPTERS?

- NOT TO SPEAK OF.
- NETS?

TOO WINDY. LOOK, YOU'LL BE
FINE. IT'S A SMALL FIRE, I HEAR.

SIT TIGHT AND STAY LOW.

SIR, WE HAVE A PROBLEM.
WE HAVE TWO PEOPLE TRAPPED

IN ONE OF THOSE ELEVATORS
BETWEEN THE EIGHTH AND NINTH FLOORS.

TELL YOU WHAT. I'LL WORK ON
GETTING A MAN UP TO THEM. STAY COOL.

UH-HUH. WELL, HOW ABOUT IF
ONE OF US COULD FIGURE OUT A WAY

TO GET DOWN TO
THEM FROM UP HERE?

I CAN'T OFFICIALLY ADVISE YOU
TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

RIGHT. I UNDERSTAND.
OKAY, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN. WE'RE BACK.

THIS IS A VAULT.

WHY COULDN'T THIS HAVE BEEN
MADE IN A FOREIGN COUNTRY

BY PEOPLE THAT DON'T
KNOW WHAT THEY'RE DOING?

WHY?

IT'S GETTING STUFFY IN HERE.
ISN'T IT GETTING STUFFY IN HERE?

JENNIFER,

I DON'T WANT TO
DIE IN THIS SUIT.

ANDY?

THEY WON'T OPEN.
WHAT DO WE DO NOW?

WELL, I THINK THE
SMART THING TO DO...

HELLO?

JENNIFER?

IT'S DEAD.

UH-HUH. WHAT DID
THE FIRE FELLOW SAY?

FINE, FINE. THERE'S NO PROBLEM.

- SURE.
- YEAH.

- GIVE ME THAT THING.
- NO.

I'VE GOT AN IDEA. GIVE ME THAT.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID
THERE WAS NO PROBLEM.

- OH, SURE.
- THEN GIVE ME BACK
MY HOSE, MAN!

HELP! HELP!

- I UNDERSTAND, ANDY.
- ANDY? ANDY? HELP! HELP!

- HE SAYS WE HAVE NOTHING
TO WORRY ABOUT, HERB.
- OH, SURE.

REALLY? THE FIRE IS OUT.

- IT IS?
- MM-HMM.

WELL, YES, IT WAS QUITE A SCARE,

BUT HERB CALMED ME DOWN.

HE'S QUITE A HERO.

I'M PRETTY USED
TO DISASTERS, ANDY.

OKAY. WE'LL JUST WAIT
HERE AND RELAX, THEN.

HERB, YOU DON'T HAVE TO
TAKE ANYTHING ELSE OFF.

LET ME TALK TO HIM.

OH, ANDY, HERB WOULD LIKE
TO TALK TO YOU. OH, OKAY.

HE PUT US ON HOLD.

"HOLD"? COME ON. HELLO, A...

JOHNNY, BE CAREFUL OF THE BROOM.
I'VE GOT IT WEDGED RIGHT IN THERE.

JUST BE CAREFUL, JOHNNY.
IT'S A LONG WAY DOWN.

LOOK, HERE'S THE DEAL.

I PUT A LITTLE LOOP
IN THIS HOSE HERE.

WE'RE GONNA LOWER SOMEONE
DOWN TO THE TOP OF THE ELEVATOR.

THERE'S A TRAP DOOR THERE.
WE'LL GET 'EM BOTH OUT.

YOU SAID WE HAD
NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

RIGHT, SURE. ALL RIGHT,

WHO'S THE PASSENGER?

WELL, I THOUGHT OF
THE IDEA. I DID MY PART.

OKAY, I WANT TO GO.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE SAYING?

IT'S A POSSIBILITY, SURE.
WHO ELSE HAVE YOU GOT?

OKAY, OKAY, I'LL GO.

NO, I WANT TO GO. IT'S A CHANCE
TO LEAP INTO THE JAWS OF DEATH.

WHAT A GREAT WAY TO
START A MORNING. COME ON.

- YOU CAN'T LET HIM DO THIS.
- ARE YOU VOLUNTEERING?

WELL, I MEAN, IF HIS
HEART'S SET ON IT...

- OKAY.
- NO, WAIT A MINUTE.

YOU SAID WE NEED SOMEBODY
WHO'S IN GREAT PHYSICAL SHAPE.

- RIGHT.
- OH...

I'M THE WARDEN. I SHOULD GO.

- WE'LL GO WITH JOHNNY.
- ARE YOU SERIOUS?

HE WANTS TO GO. LET HIM
GO. WATCH YOURSELF, JOHNNY.

SLACK, SLACK, SLACK, SLACK.

- ALL RIGHT.
- I GOT IT.

- YOU GOT IT?
- OKAY.

WHOA! WATCH IT!

IS THIS THE WAY TO KANSAS?

THE PHONES ARE DEAD!
THE PHONES ARE DEAD!

- NOT NOW, LES!
- SHOULDN'T WE CALL SOMEBODY?

- LES, PLEASE.
- AT FIRST I THOUGHT
THAT FIREMAN HUNG UP ON ME.

HI, JOHNNY.

BUT THEN I FIGURED IT OUT.

WHAT IN THE HELL?

WHAT THE HELL AM I DOING HERE?

♪ SOMEWHERE OVER
THE NINTH FLOOR... ♪

- JOHNNY?
- WHAT DO YOU THINK, ANDY?

LET ME DOWN ABOUT
TWO MORE FLOORS, GUYS.

WILL YOU GET THAT
FLASHLIGHT OUT OF MY EYES?

I KEEP IT HIDDEN IN MY DESK.

I'M ALWAYS PREPARED
FOR THE WORST.

SHINE IT THAT WAY!

- WHY?
- OH, JUST DO IT, LES!

- IT'S MY LANTERN.
- I'M THE WARDEN. JUST DO IT.

GET THAT THING TIED OFF BACK
THERE, WARDEN. HE'S GETTING HEAVY.

DON'T WORRY, JOHNNY!

LOOK, IT'S SO BRIGHT, YOU
CAN SEE THROUGH MY HAND.

Herb: I DON'T GET IT.

I CAN UNDERSTAND HIM FORGETTING
ABOUT ME, BUT YOU'RE DOWN HERE TOO.

- WHO?
- TRAVIS.

HANG UP, HERB.

- YEAH, BUT HOW'S ANDY GONNA TALK TO...
- HE CAN'T.

BUT YOU SAID...

I THOUGHT THAT HE...

HOLY SMOKE.

NO.

NOT "SMOKE."

WOULD YOU PUT
YOUR ARM AROUND ME?

HERB, I'M FRIGHTENED.

PLEASE?

SHALL I... SHALL I SIT DOWN,

OR DO YOU WANT TO STAND UP?

DOESN'T MATTER.

THANK YOU.

DON'T MENTION IT.

WE'RE GONNA BE JUST FINE.

I KNOW.

THINGS ALWAYS WORK OUT FOR ME.

YEAH.

ARE YOU CRYING?

NO. OF COURSE NOT.

IT'S JUST THE SMOKE.

Y-YEAH.

I KNOW WHY THIS IS HAPPENING.

GOD WANTS ME OUT OF THE WAY,

AND HE'S BURNING DOWN
A WHOLE BUILDING TO DO IT.

HE'S BEEN WORKING
ON THIS ALL MY LIFE.

YEAH. THE HEART TROUBLE?

I'VE HAD IT.

DRINKING PROBLEM? THAT'S ME.

REAL ESTATE?

I BOUGHT A HOME IN
THE ONLY NEIGHBORHOOD

IN THE WHOLE WORLD WHERE THE
PROPERTY VALUES HAVE GONE DOWN.

MY BEST FRIEND IS LES.

LUCILLE THINKS SEX IS A REWARD.

COME ON, HERB. MOW THE LAWN,

OR NO NUM-NUMS
TONIGHT, UH-HUH, UH-HUH.

I TELL YOU,

I'VE HAD IT.

- I'M SORRY, HERB.
- YEAH.

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT?
- WHAT?

WE SHOULD DO SOMETHING
TO TAKE OUR MINDS OFF THIS.

TARZAN WANT BE
FREE OF THIS PLACE.

Venus: WOULD YOU GET THAT
FLASHLIGHT OUT OF MY EYES?

Bailey: DON'T WORRY, JOHNNY!

HMM?

TARZAN FIND LADDER.

TARZAN NO NEED SILLY FIRE HOSE.

I HAVE AN IDEA.

LET'S HEAR IT.

I'LL TELL YOU A SECRET ABOUT ME,

SOMETHING I'VE NEVER
TOLD ANYONE ELSE,

AND THEN YOU TELL ME
A SECRET ABOUT YOU.

YEAH. WHO GOES FIRST?

I WILL.

OKAY.

HERB, TONIGHT, FRIDAY NIGHT,

INSTEAD OF DOING SOMETHING
MADLY EXPENSIVE WITH SOMEONE

DASHING AND WEALTHY
AND INTRIGUING,

I WAS JUST GOING
TO GO HOME ALONE

AND CURL UP IN FRONT
OF THE FIRE WITH A BOOK,

A PAPERBACK ROMANCE.

YOU?

AND THERE HAVE BEEN MORE EVENINGS
LIKE THIS THAN I CARE TO MENTION.

OH, NO. NO.

EIGHT IN THE LAST YEAR.

OKAY, IT'S YOUR TURN.

NO.

I DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
TO COMPARE WITH THAT.

OH, COME ON. A MAN LIKE YOU
MUST HAVE ALL KINDS OF SECRETS.

WELL...

THERE IS SOMETHING.

GOOD.

SINCE WE'RE TRAPPED
LIKE RATS... HERB...

I WANT TO CONFESS
SOMETHING TO YOU

WHILE I STILL HAVE THE CHANCE.

- I...
- COME ON.

JUST SAY IT.

I TELL EVERY MAN I
MEET THAT YOU AND ME,

THAT ME AND YOU, THAT
THE TWO OF US ARE...

YOU DO?

ON A REGULAR BASIS.

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY. I... I...

I'M JUST GLAD I HAD A CHANCE TO
TELL YOU IN THIS LAST MOMENT OF...

HI.

MIND IF I WATCH?

I SHOULD'VE JUMPED
INTO THE JAWS OF DEATH.

- I MEAN, I AM THE FIRE WARDEN.
- EASY, A.C.

HE'S COMING. SHOVE
IT, MR. CARLSON.

- HUH?
- I SAID, SHOVE IT!

- JOHNNY?
- JOHNNY?

- GIVE ME THE LIGHT.
- I'LL DO IT.

- CAN YOU HEAR ME, JOHNNY?
- HEY, THERE'S NO TENSION.

HUH? OH, MY GOSH.

HUH? I...

ALL WE'VE GOT IS THE SHAFT.

AND THIS ENDED UP ON THE ROOF.

OH, JOHNNY! I COULD HUG YOU, I COULD
SQUEEZE YOU, I COULD KISS YOU TO DEATH!

YOU CLIMBED DOWN THAT
DARK, DANGEROUS, DIRTY HOLE

TO SAVE OUR
MISERABLE NECKS, HUH?

NO. JUST TO BRING
YOU THIS BROOM.

OH. HOW CAN WE EVER THANK YOU?

I THINK JENNIFER
MENTIONED SOMETHING.

OH, JOHNNY, PLEASE
JUST GET ME OUT OF HERE.

WELL, JUST LET ME GET MY
HANDS ON SOMETHING ELECTRIC.

- OUT OF THE WAY, TARLEK.
- YEAH, RIGHT.

AHA! WE HAD 'EM
LIKE THIS IN 'NAM.

YOU WERE NEVER IN VIETNAM.

OH.

AH! WAY TO GO, JOHN!

THE ELEVATOR'S MOVING!
THE ELEVATOR'S MOVING!

CLOSE THE DOORS.
YOU'RE IN THE WAY, LES.

THIS IS GREAT.

NOW WE'LL ALL BE
TRAPPED TOGETHER.

WILL YOU GET THAT
OUT OF MY EYES.

14th FLOOR: WOMEN'S LINGERIE
AND OTHER HOBBY EQUIPMENT.

I'LL TELL YOU SOMETHING.

THERE'S A LADDER GOING ALL THE WAY
DOWN THE SHAFT. I COULD'VE WALKED.

- SHH!
- WE WERE TRAPPED DOWN THERE
BETWEEN THE EIGHTH AND NINTH.

ALL I HAD TO DO WAS
TOUCH TWO WIRES TOGETHER,

- AND... LIKE THAT.
- IS THAT RIGHT?

NOW I CAN PROBABLY DO
SOMETHING ABOUT THESE LIGHTS.

THAT'S MY BUDDY
JOHN. DID YOU SEE THAT?

THAT'S HIM, HUH?

WELL, THAT WAS BROKEN,
COMPLETELY DEAD.

- I PROBABLY FIXED THAT.
- EXCUSE ME.

MR. CARLSON, FIRE WARDEN,
14th FLOOR, FLIMM BUILDING.

THIS IS THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
IS THE PHONE WORKING OKAY?

WELL, YEAH, GREAT, YOU
KNOW, FOR A DEAD PHONE.

IT'S THE FIRE DEPARTMENT.
OH, THEY'RE BOTH FINE.

YEAH. ELEVATOR WORKS GREAT TOO.

THE FIRE'S OUT. IT'S
ALL SAFE. GO ON HOME.

YEAH. FINE. SURE.

THE FIRE'S OUT. IT'S ALL OVER.

HIP, HIP, HOORAY!

YEAH, I WAS JUST
GETTING INTO IT.

SO, GUESS THAT'S IT, THEN, HUH?

YEAH. IN THE NEWS
GAME, WE'D CALL IT A 30.

JOHNNY, I THOUGHT
YOU WERE INCREDIBLE.

I THINK WE WERE ALL
PRETTY DARNED HEROIC.

WE'RE ALL PRETTY
DARNED SOMETHING, HUH?

I WANT TO THANK EACH
AND EVERY ONE OF YOU,

ESPECIALLY HERB.

OH, YEAH.

WELL, WHAT ARE WE ALL
HANGING AROUND HERE FOR?

I KNOW JENNIFER HAS
A BIG EVENING PLANNED.

I ALMOST FORGOT.

HEY. YOU DEVIL.

I'D BETTER GO PUT ON A RECORD.

- WRONG WAY. WRONG WAY.
- RIGHT.

WELL, LISTEN, WANT TO
GET SOME BREAKFAST?

WELL I... I DO HAVE
TO GO TO THE BANK.

YES, AND I'VE GOT AN
ISLAND PARADISE TO GET TO.

I CAN SAY NO MORE.

OH, WELL, GOSH,
I'VE GOT TO GO...

WHERE DO I HAVE TO GO?

- DOWN?
- YEAH.

- DON'T WAIT ON ME.
- LET'S GO, LET'S GO.

OKAY. JUST THINK:

A FEW MINUTES AGO, THIS VERY
ELEVATOR WAS A DEATH TRAP.

WAS IT SCARY DOWN THERE, HERB?

"SCARY"?

IT TAKES MORE THAN
A STALLED ELEVATOR

AND A FEW FLAMES TO
RUSTLE THE FEATHERS

OF HERBERT R. TARLEK JR.

OH, YEAH. I FORGOT.

- SEE YOU, HERB.
- YEAH.