WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 16 - Circumstantial Evidence - full transcript

♪♪

THIS IS VENUS, MY CHILDREN.

AND HERE WE SIT

AND LET THE SOUNDS OF
MUSIC CREEP IN OUR EARS.

SOFT STILLNESS OF THE NIGHT

BECOME THE TOUCHES
OF SWEET HARMONY.

NICE CHOICE.

YEAH?

COME HERE. I'VE GOT
SOMETHING FOR YOU.

GIVE ME YOUR FACE.

WHAT?



OH. THIS IS NICE.

NOTHING BUT THE BEST FOR
THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.

YOU MEAN, THIS IS A GIFT?

OF COURSE, SILLY.

YOU'RE NOT TOO PERCEPTIVE.

I LIKE THAT IN A MAN.

I JUST DIDN'T EXPECT THIS. GEEZ.

I'M FULL OF LITTLE SURPRISES.

HOLD THAT THOUGHT
WHILE I GO FRESHEN UP.

HURRY BACK.

VENUS, I NEVER HURRY.

REMEMBER THAT.

WHILE I'M GONE,

WHY DON'T YOU TUNE
UP YOUR IMAGINATION?



ANDY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOING IN HERE?

I'M LOOKING FOR YOU. WHAT ARE
YOU DOING, HOLDING A SEANCE?

OF COURSE NOT. I'M
HAVING A MEETING.

- OH-HO. WITH WHO?
- MY SPIRITUAL ADVISOR.

- UH-HUH. WHERE IS SHE?
- WHAT'S WITH ALL THE QUESTIONS?

I'M THE INQUISITIVE TYPE.

LISTEN, I DON'T SUPPOSE I COULD HAVE
A LITTLE BIT OF THAT THERE HOLY WATER.

ONLY IF YOU PROMISE TO
DRINK IT IN YOUR OFFICE.

ALL RIGHT. YOU GOT A DEAL.

I THANK YOU.

BY THE WAY, I WANTED TO TELL
YOU THAT FOR THE LAST, UH, HOUR,

YOU'VE BEEN IN
VIOLATION OF TITLE 47 CFR,

SECTION 73.1201.

- WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
- SIMPLY STATED,

IF YOU DON'T HURRY UP AND PUT ON A
STATION I.D., KRP COULD LOSE ITS LICENSE,

AND YOU, YOUR JOB.

ONE SHOULD NEVER HURRY, ANDY.

REMEMBER THAT.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

WELL, I CAN'T FIGURE IT OUT.

WELL, MAN, MAYBE YOU
JUST FRIGHTENED HER OFF

WITH YOUR ANIMAL MAGNETISM.

MAYBE SHE GOT
KIDNAPPED BY ALIENS

ON HER WAY TO THE WASHROOM.

MAYBE SHE DECIDED
SHE HATED YOU AND SPLIT.

ARE YOU KIDDING. FIRST OF ALL,
THE WOMAN DOESN'T GET SCARED.

SECOND, SHE COMES UP HERE
DRESSED REALLY DANGEROUS.

BRINGS ME CHAMPAGNE.
GIVES ME A GIFT.

CHECK OUT THE DOLLAR
VALUE OF THIS, HUH?

I TELL YOU, IF IT AIN'T LOVE,
IT'S A VICIOUS CASE OF LIKE.

NOW, THAT'S WHAT
I LIKE TO SEE...

ONE MAN ADMIRING
ANOTHER MAN'S EARRINGS.

KIND OF HELPS ME KEEP
MY PRIORITIES IN LINE.

DID YOU SEE A GIRL LAST NIGHT?

AS A MATTER OF FACT,
I DID, IN MY APARTMENT.

- IT WAS QUITE FUN.
- TALKING ABOUT AROUND HERE.

OH, YOU MEAN, DID
I SEE YOUR GURU?

- WELL, DID YOU SEE HER?
- NO.

- WHO?
- VENUS LOST A GIRL.

"LOST A GIRL"? WHEN?

LAST NIGHT.

WHY WOULD YOU WANT TO DO THAT?

I DIDN'T. I MEAN, I DIDN'T
EXACTLY LOSE HER.

- IT WAS MORE OF A CASE, SHE...
- DUMPED HIM.

WHAT HAPPENED?

SEEMS OUR MAN WAS HAVING
A ROMANTIC INTERLUDE,

- AND...
- SHE WENT TO THE WASHROOM.

YEAH.

USED TO HAPPEN
TO ME ALL THE TIME.

- SHE TAKE HER PURSE?
- UH-HUH.

IF THEY TAKE THEIR PURSE,
THEY'RE NOT COMING BACK.

THAT'S WHY I ALWAYS TRY
TO GET THEIR CAR KEYS.

- DID YOU GO AFTER HER?
- YEAH.

- IN THE LADIES' ROOM?
- MM-HMM.

- VENUS!
- I KNOCKED FIRST.

GOOD GOLLY!

IT WAS VERY BIZARRE
IN THERE TOO.

- REALLY?
- YEAH.

I'VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING
QUITE LIKE IT IN MY LIFE.

REALLY?

EXCUSE ME.

MAYBE YOU WERE COMING
ON JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO HARD.

ACTUALLY, SHE WAS COMING ON.

I WAS STILL TRYING TO
TUNE UP MY IMAGINATION.

NOW I'M ALL TUNED UP,
AND NO PLACE TO SHOW.

VENUS, THESE ARE
SERGEANTS ALCORN AND DAVIES.

- AIR FORCE?
- POLICE.

TRAFFIC?

ARE YOU GORDON SIMS, ALSO
KNOWN AS VENUS FLYTRAP?

- YEAH. WHAT'S THIS
ALL ABOUT?
- CRIME.

THE BURGLARY OF A WHOLESALE
JEWELER IN THIS BUILDING.

ARE YOU FAMILIAR WITH A
WOMAN NAMED JESSICA LANGTREE?

- YEAH. WHERE IS SHE?
- WE HAVE HER IN CUSTODY.

- CUSTODY? FOR WHAT?
- MR. SIMS, YOU'RE UNDER ARREST.

- HEY, YOU NEED
A WARRANT FOR THAT.
- YEAH, YOU GOT A WARRANT?

OF COURSE WE HAVE A
WARRANT. WE'RE PROFESSIONALS.

- PUT YOUR HANDS
BEHIND YOUR BACK, PLEASE.
- IS THAT REALLY NECESSARY?

- I'M AFRAID SO.
- MR. SIMS, YOU HAVE
THE RIGHT TO REMAIN SILENT.

ANYTHING YOU SAY CAN AND
WILL BE USED AGAINST YOU.

- YOU HAVE THE RIGHT
TO TALK TO YOUR LAWYER...
- OH, HI, EVERYBODY.

- HEY, VENUS.
- HI, MR. CARLSON.

- HOW'S IT GOING?
- REAL GOOD.

WELL, GOOD.

WHAT ARE YOU
DOING IN THAT BEARD?

IT'S PART OF THE DISGUISE, MAN.

SO, DID YOU GET ANY SLEEP?

ARE YOU KIDDING? I DON'T HAVE
GREAT ACCOMMODATIONS HERE.

THIS PLACE IS A PALACE

COMPARED TO WHERE I
DID TIME IN MEXICO, MAN.

YOU COULD BARELY EAT THE FOOD. HOW IS
THE FOOD HERE NOW? LAST TIME I WAS HERE...

I DON'T CARE ABOUT THE FOOD,
JOHNNY! I WANT TO GET OUT OF HERE!

THIS PLACE IS SERIOUS, MAN!

I HAVEN'T BEEN
HERE 24 HOURS YET,

AND ALREADY THREE GUYS
HAVE ASKED ME TO DANCE.

AND THESE GUYS REALLY WANT TO
DANCE. YOU UNDERSTAND WHAT I'M SAYING?

- YEAH.
- IF I'M NOT OUT SOON,

I'M GONNA BECOME ONE GREAT BOXER

OR ONE HELL OF A GREAT DANCER.

WE TRIED TO GET
YOU OUT YESTERDAY,

AND WE'LL BAIL YOU OUT
THIS AFTERNOON FOR SURE,

BUT YOU HAVE GOT A
LOT OF LEGAL PROBLEMS.

WHAT KIND OF LEGAL PROBLEMS?
I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.

I KNOW, MAN. IT'S THAT
GIRLFRIEND OF YOURS.

ONE OF THE COPS TOLD
ME THEY STOPPED HER CAR,

AND SHE HAD A LOT OF JEWELRY.

SHE WASN'T WEARING IT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

SEE, IT'S THE LOOT FROM
THAT WHOLESALE JEWELER

DOWN ON THE FOURTH FLOOR,
AND NOW THEY GOT YOU TIED INTO IT

BECAUSE YOU SNUCK HER INTO
THE BUILDING PAST THE NIGHT GUARD.

BUT I'M ALWAYS SNEAKING
WOMEN IN! I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!

I KNOW, MAN. IT'LL ALL
GET STRAIGHTENED OUT.

IT'S A MIX-UP. DON'T WORRY.

CARLSON'S GOT AN ATTORNEY
FOR YOU AND EVERYTHING,

SO JUST... NO, NO!
NOT MR. CARLSON!

YOU GET THE LAWYER!
YOU... NO, NOT YOU.

JENNIFER. JENNIFER
GET THE LAWYER.

JUST RELAX, MAN.

GOING BACK TO THE OLD BALLROOM.

WHAT?

IT'S A CLASSIC CASE OF
CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE.

GOOD. VERY GOOD.

NO. NO. THERE'S NO GOOD
OR BAD IN THE LAW, ARTHUR.

THE LAW IS SET UP BY AND FOR

OUR SOCIETY AS A WHOLE.

NOW, IN DETERMINING
WHETHER SOMEONE'S ACTUALLY

BROKEN THE LAW, EVIDENCE
MUST BE BROUGHT FORTH.

DIRECT EVIDENCE IS
SIMPLE. A NUMBER OF PEOPLE

SEE THE MAN COMMIT THE CRIME.

CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE
IS SOMETHING ELSE AGAIN.

IT'S A PUZZLE.
IT'S LIKE A PUZZLE.

LET ME GIVE YOU AND EXAMPLE.

THERE'S AN ISOLATED HOUSE
IN THE MIDDLE OF A FIELD,

A BODY ON THE LIVING ROOM FLOOR,

A BULLET HOLE IN THE
LIVING ROOM WINDOW,

FOOTPRINTS IN THE
NEWLY FALLEN SNOW

LEADING DIRECTLY FROM
THE WINDOW TO OUR MAN

STANDING ALONE AT
THE EDGE OF THE FIELD.

IS HE GUILTY?

MAYBE HE JUST

LOOKED IN THE WINDOW
AFTER THE CRIME.

THAT IS RIGHT. THAT
IS EXACTLY RIGHT.

TO UNDERSTAND THAT ANOTHER
PIECE OF THAT PUZZLE IS NECESSARY,

WE NEED... WE NEED...

WE NEED THE SMOKING
GUN, THE SMOKING GUN.

DO YOU SEE HOW THE
PICTURE CHANGES?

IF WE FIND OUR
MAN STANDING THERE

STILL HOLDING THE
SMOKING MURDER WEAPON

IN HIS TREMBLING HAND, ADD TO
THIS A LITTLE HISTORY OF ANIMOSITY

BETWEEN OUR MAN AND THE MURDER
VICTIM, THE BALANCE TIPS TOWARD GUILT,

EVEN THOUGH NOBODY HAS
ACTUALLY SEEN OUR MAN DO ANYTHING.

- I HAVE A QUESTION.
- YES?

HOW DID THE MAN IN THE
FIELD KEEP HIS GUN SMOKING

SO LONG AFTER THE SHOOTING?

- WHAT?
- LES!

GUNS JUST DON'T GO
ON SMOKING FOREVER.

GO ON.

UH, THINK.

LET ME SEE. UH, SIMS
HAS BEEN ARRESTED

ON THE BASIS OF A VERY FEW PIECES
OF VERY CIRCUMSTANTIAL EVIDENCE.

HOWEVER, I DON'T BELIEVE

THAT ANYONE HAS A
SMOKING GUN IN THIS CASE.

- MR. BARTMAN?
- YES?

YOU SAID WE COULD HELP. HOW?

I NEED YOU ALL AS
CHARACTER WITNESSES.

I NEED YOU ALL TO TESTIFY

THAT MR. SIMS HAD NEITHER
THE MOTIVE NOR THE OPPORTUNITY

- NOR THE INCLINATION
TO COMMIT THIS CRIME.
- THAT'S NO PROBLEM.

I THINK I'LL BE WANTING
TO USE ALL OF YOU,

WITH THE POSSIBLE
EXCEPTION OF MR. NESSMAN,

UNTIL THINGS START TO GO BAD

AND WE'RE LOOKING
FOR A MISTRIAL.

GENTLEMEN, ARE WE READY?

YES, YOUR HONOR. IF
IT PLEASE THE COURT,

MAY I BRING YOUR ATTENTION
TO INFORMATION NUMBER

821504, GORDON SIMS.

MR. SIMS, YOU UNDERSTAND
THAT THIS IS NOT REALLY A TRIAL?

IF IT PLEASE YOUR HONOR, I
REPRESENT MR. SIMS IN THIS MATTER,

AND HE IS AWARE THAT THIS
IS A PRELIMINARY HEARING,

NOT A DETERMINATION OF
GUILT... UH, OR INNOCENCE.

THANK YOU, COUNSELOR.

IS THE STATE READY?

YES, YOUR HONOR.

MR. SIMS IS CHARGED

WITH FIVE COUNTS OF BURGLARY,

ONE COUNT OF POSSESSION
OF STOLEN PROPERTY,

ALSO WITH CONSPIRACY
TO COMMIT A FELONY,

AND PANDERING.

CALL YOUR FIRST WITNESS.

THE STATE WOULD LIKE TO CALL

MISS JESSICA LANGTREE.

IS THAT THE GIRL?

I BELIEVE SO.

GEE, I DON'T SEE HOW SHE
COULD COMMIT A CRIME.

I LIKE HER.

WOULD YOU STATE
YOUR NAME, PLEASE?

JESSICA LANGTREE.

DO YOU KNOW GORDON SIMS?

YES, SIR.

MISS LANGTREE, I'D LIKE YOU
TO TELL US IN YOUR OWN WORDS

HOW YOU COME TO BE HERE TODAY?

I GUESS I'M HERE BECAUSE
I'M A VICTIM OF LOVE.

I LOVED VENUS.

I DID ANYTHING HE WANTED ME TO.

"VENUS" IS MR. SIMS' SOBRIQUET?

YES.

ANYWAY, HE HAD A PLAN

THAT WOULD GIVE US
EVERYTHING WE WANTED, HE SAID.

AND YOU WENT
ALONG WITH THIS PLAN?

YES.

I DID ANYTHING HE TOLD ME.

SUCH AS?

WE BURGLARIZED A
JEWELRY WHOLESALER.

WEXLER JEWELERS,
IN THE SAME BUILDING

- WHERE MR. SIMS WORKS, HMM?
- YES.

I'M SO ASHAMED.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

HOW DID YOU DO IT?

VENUS PUT ON A PRE-RECORDED
TAPE OF HIS SHOW.

SO IT WOULD SOUND AS
THOUGH HE WERE ON THE AIR,

WHEN IN FACT THE TWO OF YOU
WERE COMMITTING THE CRIME.

YES.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

MISS LANGTREE,

WAS THIS THE ONLY TIME
THAT YOU AND MR. SIMS

COMMITTED A BURGLARY?

NO.

THERE WERE FOUR OTHER TIMES.

FOUR TIMES?

- SHE'S LYING! SHE'S LYING!
- COUNSELOR, WARN YOUR CLIENT.

SIT DOWN, SIT DOWN.
VENUS, CONTROL YOURSELF.

I'M NOT GONNA SIT
HERE AND LET HER LIE!

YOU HAVE TO. THIS
IS A COURT OF LAW.

OFFICER DAVIES,

WHAT DID YOU FIND
WHEN YOU SEARCHED

MR. SIMS' APARTMENT?

A COLLECTION OF
ORIENTAL PORCELAIN,

THE REMNANTS OF AN
ANTIQUE GOLD COIN COLLECTION,

$11,134 IN CASH,

AND THE USUAL FURNISHINGS AND
ACCOUTREMENTS WHICH, IN THIS CASE,

ALL HAD A CERTAIN ELEGANCE.

SERGEANT, WHAT ELSE
HAVE YOU BEEN ABLE TO FIND

IN THIS INVESTIGATION?

AT THE TIME OF MR. SIMS' ARREST,
HE WAS WEARING A DIAMOND EARRING,

WHICH, UPON FURTHER
INVESTIGATION,

PROVED TO BE ONE
OF THE STOLEN ITEMS

TAKEN FROM A PREVIOUS
BURGLARY AT BRANDT'S JEWELERS.

WE DISCOVERED THAT
THERE HAD BEEN AT LEAST

FOUR OTHER BURGLARIES COMMITTED

IN EXACTLY THE SAME WAY
DURING THE LAST MONTH.

THE SAME MODUS OPERANDI?

YES, SIR.

SERGEANT, YOU'RE LAUGHING.
IS SOMETHING WRONG?

NO, SIR.

I FIND THE USE OF LATIN FUNNY.

HE WORKS THE EVENING-
DRIVE-TIME SHIFT, 4:00 TO 8:00.

WHAT TIME DOES EVERYONE GO HOME?

OH, GOSH, THAT'S SO HARD TO SAY.

WE WORK SO DARNED HARD.

- USUALLY.
- 5:00.

SO MR. SIMS IS ALONE, USUALLY,

AT THE STATION
BETWEEN 5:00 AND 8:00?

YEAH, BUT THIS IS RIDICULOUS.

I KNOW GORDON SIMS TO BE A
FORTHRIGHT AND UPSTANDING PERSON.

- DO YOU KNOW HIM WELL?
- YES.

IS THIS A PICTURE OF HIM?

- NOT A VERY GOOD ONE.
- BUT IS IT HIM?

LET ME SEE.

BOY, IT DOES SORT OF
LOOK LIKE HIM, DOESN'T IT?

YOUR HONOR, THIS IS A COMPOSITE
DRAWING DONE BY A POLICE ARTIST

BASED UPON AN
EYEWITNESS DESCRIPTION

GIVEN BY A NIGHT WATCHMAN
AT BRANDT JEWELERS

WHO SAW THIS MAN RUNNING
FROM THE BACK OF THE OFFICE

ON THE NIGHT OF THE ROBBERY
WITH A SATCHEL IN HIS HAND

AT 7:15 P.M.

MR. TRAVIS, DID YOU WORK LATE

ON THE NIGHT OF FEBRUAR7 28th?

YES, I DID.

DID YOU NOTICE WHETHER MR. SIMS

USED A TAPE RECORDER
ON THAT NIGHT?

- THAT'S STANDARD PRACTICE...
- NO, NO, NO. JUST ANSWER THE QUESTION.

YES.

HOW LONG HAD THE TAPE
RECORDER BEEN PLAYING?

GOSH, THAT'S HARD TO SAY.

JUST ROUGHLY.

AN HOUR, MAYBE.

AN HOUR? MAYBE?

MAYBE MORE?

MAYBE.

DID YOU ACTUALLY SEE

MR. SIMS AT ALL THAT NIGHT?

YES, I DID.

FOR HOW LONG?

A FEW MINUTES.

HMM?

I SAID, A FEW MINUTES.

A FEW MINUTES?

SO YOU DON'T KNOW WHERE HE WAS

FOR AN HOUR, MAYBE MORE?

NO, I DON'T.

THANK YOU, MR. TRAVIS.

SHE'S A LIAR.

MISS QUARTERS, I MUST CAUTION YOU
AGAINST MAKING WILD ACCUSATIONS.

YOU WILL CONFINE YOUR
REMARKS IN THIS MATTER

TO MR. SIMS, IS THAT CLEAR?

YOUR HONOR, I AM SURE

YOU DO YOUR JOB VERY WELL.

BUT UNLIKE YOU, MOST PEOPLE

IGNORE THEIR
RESPONSIBILITY TO JUSTICE.

THE LAW SAYS YOU
CAN KILL BABY SEALS.

JUST BASH THEIR HEADS IN.

SO DON'T TELL ME ABOUT THE LAW.

IT'S THE SAME WITH THE DOLPHINS.

- HUH?
- YOU KNOW. FLIPPER?

CHING!

OKAY.

I KNOW FOR A FACT
THAT VE... GORDON SIMS

IS A FINE MAN WHO WOULD
NEVER BREAK THE LAW

UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES.

- YOU HAVE MY WORD ON THAT.
- Attorney: YOUR WORD?

THAT'S RIGHT.

MR. CARAVELLA,

HAVE YOU EVER BEEN
ARRESTED YOURSELF?

IT IS MY FEELING THAT MR. SIMS

COULD NEVER BE INVOLVED
IN WHAT YOU'VE SUGGESTED.

YOU SOUND VERY SURE OF
YOURSELF, MISS MARLOWE.

I AM.

EVEN AFTER HEARING THE
OVERWHELMING EVIDENCE...

THAT WILL BE ENOUGH OF THAT.

THIS WITNESS HAS KINDLY
CONSENTED TO COME DOWN HERE

AND ANSWER ALL YOUR QUESTIONS,
YOU'VE DONE NOTHING BUT BROWBEAT HER.

I WILL NOT HAVE THAT SORT
OF THING GOING ON IN MY COURT.

THANK YOU, CORKY.

MR. TARLEK, WOULD YOU SAY
THAT YOU AND MR. SIMS GOT ALONG?

OH, HECK, YEAH.

I MEAN, WE HAVE OUR DIFFERENCES.
MOST BLACK AND WHITE PEOPLE DO.

YOU CAN DISAGREE, AS LONG
AS YOU DON'T SHOOT ANYBODY.

YOU'RE NOT SAYING THAT
MR. SIMS CARRIES A FIREARM.

OH, HECK, NO.

VENUS DOESN'T EVEN LIKE GUNS.

HE ALMOST SHOT ANDY ONE NIGHT,

AND HAS BEEN SICK
ABOUT IT EVER...

IT WASN'T VENUS'S FAULT.

YOU SEE, HE THOUGHT THAT, UH,

ANDY WAS A BURGLAR.

SEE, WE'D HAD A
BURGLARY IN THE STATION.

YOU MEAN THERE WAS ANOTHER
BURGLARY IN THE SAME BUILDING?

RIGHT.

SEE?

LET'S SAY HE DID DO IT.

ALL RIGHT

YOU WOULD STILL
HAVE TO PROVE IT.

THAT'S THE LAW.

- YES.
- SMOKING GUN.

YES.

MR. NESSMAN,

DO YOU KNOW IF MR. SIMS HAS EVER
BEEN INVOLVED IN A CRIME BEFORE?

JUST THE ONE TIME, WHEN HE BROKE
INTO A PHOTOGRAPHER'S STUDIO

TO STEAL SOME PHOTOGRAPHS OF A
FRIEND OF OURS WHO WAS NAKED AT THE TIME,

BUT THAT WAS DIFFERENT.

HE HAD TO. IT WASN'T HIS IDEA.

OH, PERFECT.

- THIS ISN'T ME.
- IT DOES LOOK LIKE YOU.

YES, IT'S A BLACK
MAN WITH A BEARD.

CAN YOU TELL ME HOW YOU
COME TO BE HERE TODAY?

NO, I CAN'T. I FEEL LIKE A
CHARACTER IN A KAFKA NOVEL.

I HAVEN'T DONE ANYTHING.

I'VE NEVER STOLEN
ANYTHING IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

THE EARPIECE WAS
FROM HER. IT WAS A GIFT.

I CAN'T ACCOUNT FOR MY
WHEREABOUTS EVERY MINUTE OF THE DAY,

BUT NOBODY CAN.

THE WORST THING I EVER DONE IN MY
LIFE WAS, I WORKED FOR NIXON ONCE.

BUT IT WAS ONLY FOR AN
HOUR, AND IT WAS BECAUSE...

BECAUSE OF WHAT?

BECAUSE THIS
GOOD-LOOKING GIRL ASKED ME.

EXCUSE ME.

Prosecutor: MR. SIMS,
WHY DO YOU THINK

MISS LANGTREE SAYS THAT YOU

COMMITTED THESE BURGLARIES?

SO SHE CAN GET A SHORTER
SENTENCE, THAT'S WHY.

ALL SHE HAS TO DO IS TURN IN THE
RINGLEADER, SO SHE SAYS IT'S ME.

AFTER THAT, SHE'LL BE ON
THE STREET IN SIX MONTHS.

AND THEN I'M SURE YOU'LL FIND
HER AND THE REAL RINGLEADER

SIPPING PINA COLADAS
IN THE CARIBBEAN.

MEANWHILE, I'LL BE TRYING TO
MAKE THE PRISON BOXING TEAM.

Judge: MR. SIMS,

UPON CAREFUL CONSIDERATION
OF THE EVIDENCE PRESENTED,

AND NOTWITHSTANDING THAT
MUCH OF IT IS CIRCUMSTANTIAL,

I FIND THAT THE PROSECUTION HAS

SUBSTANTIATED A PRIMA
FACIE CASE AGAINST YOU,

AND THEREFORE I'M GOING TO
SEND THIS CASE TO THE GRAND JURY.

IF IT PLEASE YOUR HONOR,

I'D LIKE TO REQUEST THAT MR. SIMS
REMAIN FREE ON HIS OWN RECOGNIZANCE.

DENIED. YOU ARE HEREBY REMANDED

IN CUSTODY, WITH
BAIL SET AT $200,000.

I'M SORRY, MR. SIMS. YOU'RE GOING TO HAVE
TO ACCOMPANY THE OFFICERS BACK TO COUNTY

UNTIL YOUR BAIL CAN BE ARRANGED.

THIS COURT IS ADJOURNED.

OH, WELL.

I'M INNOCENT.

YEAH? WELL, I'VE SEEN A
LOT OF GUILTY MEN GO FREE,

BUT I'VE NEVER SEEN AN
INNOCENT ONE GO IN YET.

JUST DON'T HAPPEN
THAT WAY, MY FRIEND.

WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
IS THAT A MUSLIM THING?

SORT OF. I'M PRAYING TO MY GOD.

YEAH? WELL, A LOT OF GOOD
THAT'S GONNA DO YOU NOW.

WATCH YOUR STEP.

Man: HOLD THAT ELEVATOR.

- WHAT DO YOU GOT HERE?
- BURGLARY.

- JEWELRY STORE?
- UH-HUH.

OH, MY GOODNESS.

Man: WKRP IN CINCINNATI

WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS.

THE GUY CONFESSED, YEAH, BUT
HE'S NOT THE REAL RINGLEADER.

NO, IT WAS THE WOMAN,
JESSICA. IT WAS ALL HER IDEA.

HE WAS JUST SOME POOR SUCKER WHO WOULD
DO ANYTHING FOR A GOOD-LOOKING WOMAN.

- NOT LIKE YOU, HUH?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

THEY PRACTICALLY PUT YOU
IN SAN QUENTIN. YOU'RE LUCKY.

LUCK HAD NOTHING TO DO WITH
IT. IT WAS HARDCORE PRAYER.

A MIRACLE, PURE AND
SIMPLE, MY FRIEND.

I'VE OFTEN THOUGHT
THAT I HAD A DOUBLE.

- OH, LES.
- TWO OF THEM.

I THINK THERE'S ANOTHER
UNIVERSE JUST LIKE OURS

RIGHT NEXT DOOR
WITH ALL OUR DOUBLES...

A DOUBLE STATION, DOUBLE
DESKS, DOUBLE DOORS.

- DOUBLE DATES.
- YEAH.

I THINK I MET MY DOUBLE ONCE.

OH, YEAH? WHAT
DID YOU LOOK LIKE?

- ALL I KNOW IS,
I'VE LEARNED MY LESSON.
- THE VALUE OF PRAYER?

THAT, AND NEVER LISTEN AGAIN
TO A GOOD-LOOKING WOMAN.

VENUS, WOULD YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

COMING UP.