WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 11 - You Can't Go Out of Town Again - full transcript

I WAS NUMBER ONE IN NEW ORLEANS
FOR 14 STRAIGHT RATING PERIODS.

- THE KING.
- GREAT.

BIT OF WINE?

SURE.

GEE.

BOY, IT SURE IS OLDER
THAN THE ONE AT COLLEGE.

YEAH, AND THEN CINCINNATI
CALLED WITH A BETTER OFFER.

(chuckles)

EXCUSE ME.

- (smooth jazz plays)
- (chuckles)

NICE SEGUE.



YEAH.

WHY DON'T YOU SIT DOWN
HERE AT THE CONTROLS

AND SORT OF GET THE
FEEL OF THINGS, HUH?

SOME CHEESE?

NO, THANKS.

CRAB PUFF?

(giggles) SURE.

GUESS HOW I GOT
THE NAME "VENUS."

IS THE FEED MICROWAVE
OR TELCO LINES?

RADIO, RADIO...
ENOUGH ABOUT RADIO.

I WANT TO KNOW MORE ABOUT YOU.

MORE WINE?

- UH, VENUS...
- HUH?

(exclaims) MR. CARLSON,



GENERAL MANAGER OF THE STATION.

- HI.
- HI.

UH, THIS IS JACKIE WINSTON,
MY PERSONAL ACCOUNTANT.

OH, WELL, I SURELY DIDN'T WANT
TO INTERRUPT A BUSINESS MEETING.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, WE
WERE JUST WRAPPING IT UP.

OH, NO.

WE HAVE TO GO OVER OUR
OPTION PLAN. YOU KNOW.

OH. WELL, HOW ABOUT
TOMORROW NIGHT?

GOOD. THAT'LL BE NICE.

- MR. CARLSON.
- PLEASURE.

NOW, YOU SEE, I COULD
JUST NEVER GET THAT

EXCITED ABOUT INVESTMENTS.

YEAH.

WORKING LATE TONIGHT, ARE YOU?

NO, I'M JUST KIND OF
KNOCKING AROUND.

WHAT IS IT YOU YOUNG PEOPLE SAY?

- "HANGING UP."
- "OUT."

OH. I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW.

NO, NO, NO. "HANGING OUT"
IS THE TERM. "HANGING OUT."

OH, "HANGING OUT."

OOH! ARE THOSE CRAB PUFFS?

- YEAH. HELP YOURSELF.
- THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW, THIS WEEKEND
IS MY COLLEGE REUNION.

SO YOU WON'T BE
HERE TOMORROW NIGHT.

WELL, CARMEN'S EXCITED ABOUT IT.

SHE'S OUT GETTING HER HAIR DONE.

I DON'T KNOW, THOUGH. I WAS
NEVER BIG MAN ON CAMPUS.

- OH, YOU'LL HAVE A GREAT TIME.
- YOU THINK SO?

OH, YEAH. YOU WERE
A FRAT MAN, RIGHT?

OH, YEAH. SURE, YEAH.

WELL, IT WASN'T AN
OFFICIAL FRATERNITY.

MOTHER SORT OF RENTED
THIS HOUSE FOR A BUNCH OF US

WHO COULDN'T
GET... (clears throat)

YES, THE OMEGAS.

GREAT MEMORY ALREADY.

WELL, CARMEN...
BOY, CARMEN, SHE...

SHE CHASED ME ALL
OVER THAT CAMPUS.

I'LL NEVER FORGET
OUR FIRST DATE.

SHE INVITED ME TO
THIS SORORITY DANCE.

WE NEVER SHOWED UP.
WE DID SOMETHING ELSE.

- NO!
- YEAH.

(laughing) YOU'RE DOING
A NICE JOB, VENUS.

HI, HONEY. I WAS JUST TELLING
VENUS THAT HE WAS DOING A NICE JOB.

UH-HUH. HI, VENUS.

MRS. CARLSON. OH,
YOUR HAIR LOOKS NICE.

OH, I'M SORRY, HONEY. I
SHOULD'VE MENTIONED THAT.

- OH, IT'S OKAY, ARTHUR.
- IT IS?

OH, IT DOES. GOOD NIGHT, VENUS.

YOU AND MRS.
CARLSON HAVE FUN, NOW.

YEAH. (chuckling)

OH, VENUS,

I WOULDN'T WANT THAT
STORY TO GET AROUND.

DON'T WORRY. I
WON'T TELL A SOUL.

OH.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

HEY, JENNIFER,

WHAT DO YOU MAKE
OF THESE THINGS?

APPETIZERS. CRAB, I THINK.

- SO THEY'RE OKAY TO EAT?
- I DON'T KNOW.

OH, GOOD.

(with stuffed nose) SO WITH ALL
THIS TALK ABOUT ASIAN FLU,

I STARTED WONDERING WHY
WE DON'T HAVE AN AMERICAN FLU.

- WHO'S BEHIND THIS?
- INTERESTING, JENNIFER, IS...

- OH, THERE'S MORE, MUCH MORE.
- IS ANDY IN?

- HAVEN'T SEEN HIM.
- WELL, I'M GOING TO
GET AN ANSWER TODAY.

BAILEY QUARTERS WILL
NOT BE PUSHED AROUND.

MY EARLY-BIRD COMMENTARY

- WILL EXAMINE ILLNESS
AS A COMMUNIST THREAT.
- MORNING, EVERYBODY.

ANDY, DO I GET A COMPUTER
FOR BILLING OR NOT?

ANDY, I'D LIKE TO SHARE MY
THOUGHTS ON SICKNESS WITH YOU.

WAIT A MINUTE, YOU GUYS. I
HAVEN'T EVEN TAKEN MY HAT OFF YET.

EVERYBODY HAS COMPUTERS, ANDY.

- THEY'RE MORE COMMON
THAN THE COMMON COLD.
- (sniffling)

WE NEED IT TO HANDLE INVOICES.

YOU HAVE BEEN PUTTING ME
OFF FOR DAYS. I WANT AN ANSWER.

OKAY. NO.

WELL, THAT'S MORE
LIKE IT, THEN. WHAT?

I'M KIDDING. I'LL
TALK TO CARLSON

AS SOON AS HE COMES
IN TODAY, ALL RIGHT?

- OKAY.
- OKAY.

MY COMMENTARY THIS
MORNING WILL TACKLE GERMS.

I JUST WANT YOU TO KNOW OLD
HERBIE WILL KEEP AN EYE ON THINGS.

GOOD GOSH, HERB. THE
REUNION'S OVER THE WEEKEND.

- SURELY.
- GOOD MORNING.

- HERB...
- LATER.

- MR. CARLSON, I...
- TALK TO ANDY.

- ANDY...
- MR. CARLSON, BAILEY NEEDS...

ANDY, ONE MINUTE,
WILL YOU, PLEASE?

DO YOU KNOW WHERE I CAN
GET THIS CLEANED IN AN HOUR?

OF COURSE. I'LL
TAKE CARE OF THAT.

- ANDY...
- MR. CARLSON...

- THANK YOU.
- ANDY?

I NEED A WORD WITH YOU, SIR.

I'M GONNA LEAVE IN
A COUPLE OF HOURS.

I'VE GOT TO MAKE HOTEL
RESERVATIONS. CAN'T THIS THING WAIT?

- IT'LL JUST TAKE
A FEW MINUTES.
- SAME HERE.

ALL RIGHT, CHECK WITH ME
LATER. GOOD MORNING, LES.

- ANDY...
- THAT WAS RUDE!

- ANDY!
- WHAT? WHAT IS IT, LES?

OH, NEVER MIND.

- JENNIFER...
- JUST A MINUTE.

HERE WE GO. ONE-HOUR
SERVICE IN 55 MINUTES.

- OH, THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
- WELL, AREN'T YOU GONNA
TRY IT ON?

OH, GOSH, I DON'T KNOW. I'M
HAVING SECOND THOUGHTS

ABOUT THIS WHOLE REUNION THING.

OH, MR. CARLSON,
YOU'RE ACTING SILLY AGAIN.

OH, I'M SORRY. I WAS
GONNA TRY AND STOP THAT.

ARE YOU IN EITHER
OF THESE PICTURES?

- YEAH, BOTH OF THEM.
- OH.

THAT ONE, THE HOMECOMING FLOAT?

THAT'S ME IN THE MASCOT COSTUME.

I MADE THAT SUCKER MYSELF.

OH, A GIANT GOPHER.

NO, THAT'S A
CARDINAL. IT'S A BIRD.

CAN'T YOU SEE... LOOK
FOR THE BEAK THERE.

- OH.
- NOW, OVER HERE...

NO, NO, NO, NO. LET ME FIND YOU.

OH, YOU'RE THIS TALL,
GOOD-LOOKING FELLOW

WITH HIS ARM AROUND CARMEN.

NO, THAT'S HANK KREMSKI.

"HANK THE HUNK,"
THEY CALLED HIM.

HE WAS THE ONLY OMEGA
THAT WAS EVER A BIG DEAL.

OH, BUT WEREN'T
YOU THE GIANT BIRD?

CARDINAL.

AND THAT COULD NEVER
COMPARE TO THE HUNK.

OH, BOY. IT'S GONNA
BE THREE DAYS OF HIS

BRAGGING ABOUT HIS MEATPACKING
BUSINESS AND CALLING ME "MOOSE."

"MO-O-OSE."

YOU KNOW, CARMEN SURE
STILL LOOKS THE SAME.

YEAH. (chuckles)

SHE'S KIND OF SENTIMENTAL
ABOUT OUR COLLEGE DAYS.

WE MET ON THAT CAMPUS.
MEANS AN AWFUL LOT TO HER.

WELL, DOESN'T IT
MEAN A LOT TO YOU?

OH, SURE. I MEAN, HECK,

SHE INVITED ME
OUT, NOT THE HUNK.

WELL, JUST YOU REMEMBER,
MR. CARLSON, YOU ARE NOT

GOING BACK AS A STRUGGLING
UNDERGRADUATE NAMED MOOSE.

YOU ARE GOING BACK AS ARTHUR
CARLSON, BRAND-NEW FATHER

AND GENERAL MANAGER OF
THE TENTH-RANKED STATION

IN THE 24th LARGEST MARKET

IN THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA.

NOW, SEE? THERE. THAT
FITS JUST PERFECTLY.

- YEAH?
- UH-HUH.

NOW, YOU JUST FORGET
ABOUT HIS HUNK FELLOW

AND TAKE CARMEN TO
SOME NICE, ROMANTIC,

OUT-OF-THE-WAY
HIDEAWAY NEAR CAMPUS.

YOU KNOW, SOMEPLACE
SPECIAL AND SECRET.

THE EAT AND SLEEP MOTEL.

CARMEN INVITED ME TO
THIS SORORITY DANCE,

BUT WE NEVER SHOWED UP.

WE, UH... WE WENT
TO THIS OTHER...

- I WONDER IF THAT PLACE
IS STILL IN BUSINESS.
- (knock at door)

MAY I HAVE THAT
WORD ABOUT BAILEY?

IN A MINUTE, TRAVIS.
THANK YOU, JENNIFER.

YOU'RE WELCOME, MR. CARLSON.
THE EAT AND SLEEP. (clicks tongue)

SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH!

(chuckles)

HEY, IS THIS YOU STANDING
NEXT TO THE CHUBBY KID?

I'LL COME BACK.

GERMAN MEASLES, RUSSIAN FLU,

MONTEZUMA'S REVENGE.

AND WHY DO WE SAY A FOREIGN WORD

WHENEVER SOMEONE SNEEZES?

TOMORROW I'LL TAKE
A LOOK AT SWINE FLU,

UP CLOSE AND PERSONAL.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN.

(coughing)

- ANDY, DO YOU HAVE A MINUTE?
- NO, NOT RIGHT NOW, BAILEY.

RIGHT NOW, I'M WAITING FOR THE
NEWS BEACON OF THE OHIO VALLEY

SO I CAN SEVERELY CHAT WITH HIM.

- THERE'S A BETTER WAY, ANDY.
- I KNOW, HERB.

BUT SOONER OR LATER HIS
BODY WOULD BOB TO THE SURFACE,

AND THEY'D FIND MY
BELT AROUND HIS NECK.

- ANDY I JUST WANT TO...
- JUST A MINUTE, BAILEY.

I'M GONNA LET YOU IN ON
A LITTLE SALES TECHNIQUE

THAT IS NOT ONLY GUARANTEED

BUT WILL GIVE YOU TOTAL
CONTROL OVER ANYBODY.

- NOW, IF YOU...
- WAIT A MINUTE.

CAN BAILEY HEAR THIS?

- I GUESS SO.
- OKAY. ALL RIGHT.

NOW, IF YOU HAVE
SOMEONE WHO WON'T BUY,

THEN YOU ACT LIKE
YOU WON'T SELL.

REVERSE PSYCHIATRY.

- (coughing)
- WATCH THIS.

LES... LES...

ANDY HEARD YOUR
COMMENTARY THIS MORNING.

I'M NOT GOING TO APOLOGIZE.

"APOLOGIZE"? HA!

HE THOUGHT YOU WERE BRILLIANT.

HE WAS DUMBFOUNDED
BY YOUR PROFESSIONALISM.

THANK YOU, ANDY.

- YOU JERK.
- DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, HERB.

LISTEN, SO IT DIDN'T WORK.

YOU ARE STILL THE BEST
SALESMAN THIS TOWN HAS EVER SEEN.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?

I AM DUMBFOUNDED BY
YOUR PROFESSIONALISM.

EXCUSE ME.

I'VE GOT SALES CALLS.

ANDY, I'M SORRY THAT I
WAS BEING A LITTLE GRUFF.

LISTEN, BAILEY, I HAVEN'T HEARD ANYTHING
FROM CARLSON EXCEPT HIS REUNION PLANS,

BUT WHEN I DO, YOU WILL BE THE
FIRST ONE TO HEAR ABOUT IT, ALL RIGHT?

LES,

YOU KNOW WHAT HERB SAID THAT
I SAID ABOUT YOUR COMMENTARY?

YES, ANDY?

HE WAS LYING.

I KNOW.

WHEN SOMEONE PLAYS MIND
GAMES WITH LES NESSMAN,

THEY'RE WALKING ON THIN ICE.

- (clock chiming)
- I WANT YOU TO KNOW

I AM HAPPY YOU TURNED ME DOWN.

I MEAN, I DON'T WANT
TO HAVE LUNCH WITH YOU.

IN FACT, THE THOUGHT

OF HAVING LUNCH WITH
YOU IS DEPRESSING.

SAME HERE.

IT'S 12:00 NOON, BAILEY.

- YOU'RE RIGHT.
- CARMEN'S NOT HERE YET?

- UH-UH.
- HUH.

MR. CARLSON, HAS
ANDY TALKED TO YOU?

- ABOUT WHAT?
- WELL, ABOUT THE BACKLOG

OF BILLS ON MY DESK AND A
WAY TO SOLVE THAT PROBLEM.

- NO.
- OH.

WELL, MAYBE HE HASN'T
HAD A CHANCE YET.

NO? GEE, I'VE BEEN IN
MY OFFICE ALL MORNING

JUST HANGING IT OUT.

DARLING!

I'M SORRY I'M LATE, ARTHUR,

BUT I WANTED TO BE SURE
THE BABY WAS ALL RIGHT

BEFORE I LEFT, AND
THEN THE PHONE...

IF SHE'S UPSET, MAYBE
WE JUST SHOULDN'T GO.

WELL, THERE'S REALLY NO REASON
TO SPOIL YOUR FUN, ARTHUR.

WELL, I KNOW THIS THING
IS IMPORTANT TO YOU.

SHE'S GONNA BE ALL RIGHT.
I'LL JUST GO AND GET MY COAT.

(sighs) HI, BAILEY.

HI, MRS. CARLSON. IT
SOUNDS LIKE A LOT OF FUN.

I GUESS. I KNOW ARTHUR'S

VERY SENTIMENTAL
ABOUT HIS COLLEGE DAYS.

I DON'T REALLY CARE.

OOH, CARMEN,

HAVE I GOT A SURPRISE
FOR YOU, HONEY.

- YOU KNOW THAT LITTLE MOTEL
WHEN WE WERE IN COLLEGE?
- ARTHUR!

WELL, NOTHING HAPPENED, BAILEY.

LESS THAN NOTHING.

- ANYWAY, THE EAT
AND SLEEP MOTEL?
- YOU'RE KIDDING.

- WHAT?
- YOU REMEMBER YOUR FRIEND,
HANK KREMSKI?

- UH-HUH.
- YES.

HE CALLED ME.
THAT'S WHY I WAS LATE.

HIS MEATS ARE SERVED
IN EIGHT COUNTIES.

ANYWAY, HE AND FLUFF
ARE GOING TO BE STAYING

AT THE EAT AND SLEEP MOTEL.

OH! (chuckling)

YOUR TURN, MR. CARLSON.

IT'S TOO LATE, ANDY.

MR. CARLSON LEFT AN HOUR AGO.

- I'M SORRY, BAILEY. I TRIED.
- DID YOU?

YEAH, I DID.

HEY. HOW'S EVERYBODY
THIS FINE AFTERNOON?

FINE, JUST FINE.

HAS MR. CARLSON LEFT
FOR HIS REUNION YET?

- MM-HMM. AN HOUR AGO.
- OH, PERFECT.

AFTER HE SPENT
THE ENTIRE MORNING

SITTING IN HIS OFFICE
WITH NOTHING TO DO.

- DID HE TELL YOU THAT?
- I'M GOING HOME. I DON'T FEEL TOO WELL.

- FINE, FINE, LES.
- FINE.

HEY, WHAT'S MY
TUPPERWARE DOING OUT HERE?

HONEST TO GOD, VENUS,
I REALLY DON'T KNOW.

AND WHO ATE ALL MY CRAB PUFFS?

I'M GOING TO NEED
THEM FOR TONIGHT.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

WELL, AT LEAST
THERE ARE A FEW LEFT.

- (sneezes)
- EW.

(door buzzer sounds)

Woman: JUST A MINUTE.

OH, ARTHUR, IT'S
EXACTLY THE SAME.

YEAH. BOY, IT'S
LIKE 1956 IN HERE.

AH, HECK, I DIDN'T WANT TO GO

TO THAT SORORITY DANCE ANYWAY.

- WHAT?
- REMEMBER? THE NIGHT?

OH!

DO YOU USUALLY BRING
CO-EDS HERE, ARTHUR?

WELL, JUST FOR A HAMBURGER.

'COURSE, IF YOU WANT ME TO WALK
YOU BACK TO THE DORM, IT'S ALL RIGHT.

(buzzer sounds)

SORRY. IT'S OKAY. I JUST...

Woman: KEEP YOUR PANTS ON!

I'D LOVE A HAMBURGER.

YOU KNOW, CARMEN, HONEY,

THE BEST THING THAT EVER
HAPPENED TO ME UP AT THIS COLLEGE

WAS THE NIGHT THAT YOU INVITED
ME TO THAT SORORITY DANCE

AND WE CAME HERE INSTEAD.

WELL, YOU WERE QUITE A HUNK.

DID SOMEONE MENTION
MY NAME? MOOSE!

(exclaiming)

SAY HELLO TO THE MOOSE, FLUFF!

HEY-Y-Y, MOOSE!

WHEE! A PEP RALLY,
AND I FORGOT MY BEANIE.

I CALLED IN TODAY
FOR RESERVATIONS.

I CALLED YESTERDAY.

HE DID TOO. HE'S VERY
GOOD ON THE PHONE.

SIGN HERE.

CHECK-OUT TIME IS 12:00.

NO DRINKING, NO
EATING, NO SMOKING,

NO LOUD PARTIES,
NO LOUD TELEVISION.

WE COUNT THE TOWELS.
20 BUCKS IN FRONT. ENJOY.

OH, COULD YOU HURRY IT UP,
HANK? YOU KNOW MY CALVES.

OH, POOR FLUFFY AND HER CALVES.

MY CALVES ALWAYS HURT.

- DO YOURS?
- NO.

HECK, WE'VE GOT A COUPLE
HOURS BEFORE THE OLD WINGDING.

I SURE COULD USE
ME A BREW, MOOSE.

- GREAT, HANK. I'LL BUY.
- NO, NO, NO, NO. I BUY.

OH, HANKY, I'M GONNA
BE A BIG POOH-POOH,

BUT I'VE JUST GOT
TO PUT UP MY LEGS.

OH, THAT'S ALL
RIGHT, HONEY. HERE.

CARMEN, WOULD YOU
LIKE TO GO UP WITH HER?

DIDN'T YOU SAY YOU WERE HAVING
A PROBLEM WITH YOUR GAMS?

OH, HECK, NO. SHE'S
GOT GREAT LEGS.

SHOW 'EM YOUR LEGS, HONEY.

IT'S ALL RIGHT, ARTHUR.
I'LL MEET YOU IN THE ROOM.

- WELL...
- I DON'T MIND.

KISS, KISS, HANKY!

(squeals)

- DON'T BE TOO LONG.
- UH, YEAH. I...

BOY, I TELL YOU,

THAT CARMEN IS REALLY
U.S.D.A. CHOICE STILL.

- WHAT?
- AND OLD FLUFFY CAN STILL
SHAKE THOSE POM-POMS.

- HUH?
- I TELL YOU, MOOSE,
I'M SPITTIN' COTTON.

- COME ON!
- LOOK, HANK...

GOD, I HAVE MISSED YOU.

I'VE MISSED YOU TOO, HANK.

START 'EM POURIN'.

I ONLY SERVE 3.2 BEER.

YOU WANT TO SEE OUR I.D.s?

OF ALL THE GIN JOINTS IN ALL THE
WORLD, YOU HAD TO WALK INTO MINE.

BOGART. GOOD.

- THERE YOU GO.
- AW.

SORRY. TOO LITTLE,
TOO LATE, TOO BAD.

AW. WELL, I GET THE FIRST TOAST.

- IT'S YOUR PLEASURE.
- OKAY.

- TO OUR LADIES.
- I'LL DRINK TO THAT.

THEY'RE WONDERFUL, MOOSE,

EVEN IF THE JOKE WAS ON US.

LISTEN, WOULD YOU NOT CALL ME...

WHAT? "MOOSE"?

I'VE BEEN CALLING
YOU THAT FOR 25 YEARS.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, "EVEN
THOUGH THE JOKE WAS ON US"?

NOTHING. THAT SORORITY
THING. YOU KNOW.

- NO.
- WHEN CARMEN AND FLUFFY
WERE PLEDGES... THE DANCE.

OH, THE ONE CARMEN ASKED
ME TO. THAT WAS OUR FIRST DATE.

YEAH. SHE ONLY MADE THE DATE
BECAUSE WE WERE ON THE "DIP" LIST.

YOU KNOW, I BROUGHT A...

HUH?

IT WAS THE SAME
THING WITH FLUFFY.

IT WAS PART OF THEIR INITIATION.

OH, COME ON.

YOU KNEW THAT.

WELL, WHAT DID YOU THINK?

LITTLE CARMEN WAS
TRACKING THE MOOSE?

(guffaws) COME ON!

SOME CHEESE?

NO, THANKS.

A GHERKIN, PERHAPS?

NO.

ANY OF THOSE CRAB PUFFS LEFT?

NO, I'M SORRY.

- OH!
- AW.

- UH, VEN...
- HMM? OH!

- OH, I'M SORRY.
- DAMN.

OH, IT'S OKAY.

UH, ANDY TRAVIS.

HI. JACKIE WINSTON.

I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T
MEAN TO INTERRUPT.

- THAT'S ALL RIGHT. THIS IS...
- I'M VENUS'S PSYCHIATRIST.

- WHAT?
- REALLY?

- YEAH.
- AND HIS HOUR
WAS JUST UP.

WHAT ABOUT MY NEXT APPOINTMENT?
I'VE GOT A LOT TO WORK OUT. YOU KNOW...

CALL THE OFFICE. BYE.

YEAH. BYE.

NICE LADY. SHE ANY GOOD?

WHAT?

I COULD USE A GOOD
PSYCHIATRIST TODAY.

WHY ARE YOU STILL HERE?

I'M HANGING OUT,
JUST KICKING BACK.

THIS WHOLE ENTIRE DAY'S
GONE WRONG FOR ME,

AND DARNED IF I KNOW WHY.

- TELL ME ABOUT IT.
- HEY, ARE THOSE GHERKINS?

YEAH.

OH, THANKS.

SO, UH,

- WHAT'S WITH YOU?
- NOTHING. CHEESE?

OH, YEAH. THANK YOU.

IT'S TOO BAD THERE'S NOT
SOME WINE HIDDEN AROUND HERE.

(lounge music plays)

ARTHUR.

ARTHUR?

OH.

(sighs) HI, CARMEN.

ARE YOU OKAY? I GOT WORRIED.

OH, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T
MEAN TO WORRY YOU.

OH, THAT'S ALL RIGHT,
ARTHUR. IT WAS SILLY TO WORRY.

YOU DON'T HAVE MUCH
TIME TO GET DRESSED.

WOULD YOU BE
TERRIBLY DISAPPOINTED

IF WE JUST WENT STRAIGHT HOME?

TONIGHT?

SKIP THE REUNION?

WHAT'S WRONG?

CARMEN, WHY DID YOU INVITE
ME TO THAT SORORITY DANCE?

OH, ARTHUR, THAT
WAS 25... OH, DEAR.

I KNOW THAT I WASN'T,
YOU KNOW, VERY POPULAR,

BUT "DIP LIST"?

WHO TOLD YOU THAT?

I'VE ALWAYS KIND
OF THOUGHT MAYBE

YOU SPOTTED ME IN
THAT MASCOT'S OUTFIT...

I DID.

NO ONE WILL EVER FORGET

YOUR HOMEMADE CARDINAL SUIT.

ARTHUR, IT WASN'T YOU.

ALL THE OMEGAS
WERE ON THE DIP LIST.

I'M SORRY.

WHY? IT'S TRUE.

- BUT, ARTHUR,
WE DIDN'T GO TO THAT DANCE.
- WELL, YEAH, BUT...

- WE CAME HERE.
- SHH. SHH.

ARTHUR, YOU KNOW WE JUST
CAME HERE FOR A HAMBURGER.

WELL, YEAH.

BUT SOMEHOW THE WORD SPREAD

THAT SOMETHING MORE HAPPENED.

OH?

SOMEONE SUGGESTED A LOT MORE.

WHO-WHO WOULD DO THAT?

I DIDN'T MIND. I
KIND OF LIKED IT.

YOU DID?

WE'VE HAD MORE THAN
25 YEARS TOGETHER.

I'M HAPPY ABOUT THE WAY
THINGS WORKED OUT. AREN'T YOU?

OH, YEAH. YEAH.

BUT, YOU KNOW, SOMEHOW I
ALWAYS THOUGHT, CARMEN,

THAT YOU PURSUED ME.

I MEAN, TO EVERYBODY ELSE
ON CAMPUS, I WAS MO-O-OSE,

BUT TO YOU... TO YOU I
WAS ALWAYS ARTHUR.

ARTHUR, WE DIDN'T
GO TO THAT DANCE.

AND I DIDN'T JOIN THAT
SORORITY BECAUSE...

- BECAUSE YOU FELT
SORRY FOR ME.
- NO!

BECAUSE TO GET
IN, I HAD TO SHOW UP

WITH A LOSER, A DIP, A CLOWN.

THANKS, CARMEN.

AND ONE MINUTE AFTER
YOU PICKED ME UP,

I KNEW YOU WERE
NONE OF THOSE THINGS.

YOU WERE FOR ME.

I'M SORRY I RAISED MY VOICE.

ARE WE GONNA MISS
THAT DANCE AGAIN?

- PLAY...
- UH, UH!

HUH? (exclaims)

OH, ARTHUR.

(rock music plays)

(man singing rock, indistinct)

(meows)