WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 10 - Love, Exciting and New - full transcript

GOOD MIDDAY, MR. AND
MRS. CINCINNATI.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN
WITH "SHOW BEAT."

OUR GUEST TODAY: THE
ACTRESS COLLEEN CAMP.

OH. HELLO. (chuckles)

MS. CAMP, YOU'RE
HERE IN THE QUEEN CITY

FOR THE OPENING OF THE NEW...

"BIGONONVICH" FILM, ARE YOU NOT?

BOGDANOVICH.

YES, WELL, WHATEVER.

- THEY ALL LAUGHED.
- EXCUSE ME?

THAT'S THE NAME OF THE PICTURE.



IT OPENS HERE IN
CINCINNATI ON FRIDAY.

AND WHAT ABOUT ALL
THE SEX AND VIOLENCE?

EXCUSE ME?

WHAT'S HOLLYWOOD OUT TO PROVE?

THIS IS A COMEDY.
IT'S A FAMILY PICTURE.

WELL, I AM ONE AMERICAN
WHO IS SICK AND TIRED

OF SLOW-MOTION DEATH.

- THIS IS PG.
- SO THERE IS SOME CURSING.

WELL, NOT THAT I REMEMBER.
OH, MAYBE A LITTLE.

"MAYBE A LITTLE."

- WELL, I MEAN, HELL...
- "HELL"? "HELL"?

I THINK IT'S ABOUT TIME
THAT HOLLYWOOD MADE FILMS

WE DECENT AMERICANS COULD WATCH.

I COULDN'T AGREE
WITH YOU MORE. I...



- YOU REMEMBER THE MOVIE GIGI?
- WELL, YES.

- FUNNY LITTLE FASCINATIN' GIGI?
- YES.

WELL, THEY DON'T MAKE
FILMS LIKE THAT ANYMORE.

I GUESS NOT.

WHERE'S CHEVALIER NOW?

DEAD, I BELIEVE.

YES, THAT'S RIGHT.

BUT I BELIEVE I HAD
MADE MY POINT, HAVEN'T I?

I GUESS SO. I MEAN...

SO YOU'RE HERE IN CINCINNATI
TRYING TO PROMOTE THIS FILM,

WHEN IN ACTUAL FACT, YOU'D
RATHER BE LOUNGING AROUND

ON A BEACH SOMEWHERE
IN THE SOUTH PACIFIC.

DOESN'T THAT JUST
ABOUT SUM THINGS UP?

WELL, I SUPPOSE
YOU COULD SAY THAT.

IT'S CALLED "SHOW
BEAT." I'M LES NESSMAN,

AND YOU'RE AN
INFORMED CINCINNATI.

(theme music plays)

OH, THAT WAS GREAT, COLLEEN.

GOOD LUCK ON THAT FILM.
I HEAR IT'S QUITE GOOD.

OH, COLLEEN, I AM SO SORRY.

NO, NO, IT WAS FUN.

- COME WITH ME, LES.
- ONE MINUTE, ANDY.

COLLEEN, I WAS WONDERING
IF I COULD HAVE AN AUTOGRAPH.

IT'S NOT FOR ME,
IT'S FOR MY BROTHER.

HIS NAME IS LES TOO.

JUST WRITE, "TO LES, WITH
ALL MY LOVE AND RESPECT."

NOW, LES.

THE LADY WAS NICE ENOUGH TO
TAKE TIME OUT OF HER BUSY SCHEDULE

TO COME OVER HERE AND
BE INTERVIEWED BY YOU,

AND YOU GRILLED HER LIKE
SHE WAS ADOLF EICHMANN.

WHY?

BECAUSE I PLAY HARDBALL, TRAVIS.

MIKE WALLACE DOES IT; I DO IT.

WELL, I WANT YOU TO STOP IT.

IT'S WRONG, LES.
YOU'RE DOING WRONG.

WELL, I COULD SAY THE
VERY SAME THING ABOUT YOU.

OH, REALLY? HOW SO?

WELL, I WOULDN'T WANT TO
SAY IT IN FRONT OF VENUS.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT VENUS. YOU TELL
ME, WHAT AM I DOING THAT'S SO WRONG?

- NO, I CAN'T.
- GO AHEAD. I WANT TO KNOW.

- NO. - LES... - NO. - LES!

ALL RIGHT.

YOU ARE DATING
MR. CARLSON'S MOTHER.

WHAT?

I'M A NEWSMAN, TRAVIS. I KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

THAT YOU DINED
IN PUBLIC WITH HER

- TWO NIGHTS
IN A ROW AT NICK'S.
- ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

THAT YOU ATTENDED
THE OPERA WITH HER.

- ALL RIGHT. LES!
- THAT YOU...

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.
THAT'LL BE ENOUGH. THANK YOU.

OF COURSE, ANDY.

(sly chuckle)

(forced laugh)

(both laughing)

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

- ARE YOU INSANE.
- IT WAS BUSINESS.

IT WAS JUST AN OPPORTUNITY
TO TALK BUSINESS.

IS IT BUSINESS TO HER?

OF COURSE IT IS.

HI. WHAT'S HAPPENING?

ANDY'S DATING MRS. CARLSON.

- DON'T TELL ANYBODY.
- ANDY'S NOT DATING
MRS. CARLSON.

WHICH ONE? HIS
WIFE OR HIS MOTHER?

HIS MOTHER. WHAT KIND
OF A GUY DO YOU THINK I AM?

GEE, TRAVIS, I DON'T KNOW.

LOOK, IT WAS NOTHING. WE
NEED A NEW TRANSMITTER.

THE INSURANCE ONLY
PAYS FOR SO MUCH.

I'M TRYING TO GET
MONEY FROM HER.

HOW MUCH DID YOU GET SO FAR?

WILL YOU DO ME A FAVOR? JUST DON'T LET
THIS GET AROUND THE STATION, ALL RIGHT?

- ANDY, LES KNOWS.
- I JUST DON'T WANT MR. CARLSON
TO KNOW, THAT'S ALL.

- OH, I DON'T THINK HE CARES.
- NO!

IT'S BUSINESS.

ARE YOU SURE SHE'S
NOT WOOING YOU?

- "WOOING"?
- YOU HEARD HIM: WOOING.

"WOOING"?

ANDY, MOTHER CARLSON'S
ON LINE ONE FOR YOU.

- SHE IS?
- UH-HUH.

I'D BE DELIGHTED
TO TALK WITH HER.

I'M GLAD SHE CALLED. I'D
BE GLAD TO TAKE THE CALL.

GOOD.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO,
NO, NO. I WANT YOU TO STAY.

I HAVE NOTHING TO HIDE.
I WANT YOU TO HEAR THIS.

(clears throat)

HELLO, LILLIAN.

YES, I HAD FUN.
IT WAS GREAT FUN.

THE OPERA'S ALWAYS FUN.

UH, TODAY? NO,
I DON'T... UH-HUH.

WELL, YES... 1:00.

YES, I'LL BE THERE.

BYE-BYE.

- THERE, YOU SEE? SHE SAID YES.
- WHEN'S THE WEDDING?

SHE SAID YES. YES
TO THE TRANSMITTER.

OR AT LEAST SHE WANTS
TO TALK ABOUT IT. THAT'S ALL.

WHERE ARE YOU GONNA MEET HER?

OVER AT HER HOUSE, OF
COURSE. I'VE BEEN THERE BEFORE.

HEY, MAN, WE ALL HAVE.

JUST DON'T LET THIS GET
AROUND THE STATION, ALL RIGHT?

WE WON'T.

ARE YOU INSANE?

WELL, THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

NO, IT WAS NICE
TALKING TO YOU TOO.

- GOODBYE.
- WHO WAS THAT?

- MY MOM.
- REALLY?

YEAH, SHE WAS PLEASANT.
NO GUILT FEELINGS.

SOMETHING'S WRONG.

OF COURSE. SHE'S DYING.

MR. CARLSON.

THAT'S IT. SHE'S DYING, AND SHE CALLED
AND WAS NICE TO ME BEFORE SHE WENT.

OH, JENNIFER, I FEEL SO GUILTY.

THERE IS ABSOLUTELY NOTHING
WRONG WITH YOUR MOTHER.

SHE'S PROBABLY JUST FEELING GOOD
BECAUSE SHE FORECLOSED ON SOMEBODY.

- OR MAYBE SHE'S IN LOVE.
- WHO'S IN LOVE?

- MOTHER CARLSON.
- (coughing)

ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

FINE. SWALLOWED MY GUM.

OH. I DON'T KNOW WHAT'S
GOING ON HERE, TRAVIS,

BUT, BOY, MOTHER IS HAPPY.

OH, MR. CARLSON,
MAYBE YOU'RE IN LINE

FOR A NEW STEPFATHER.

COULD BE.

I THINK I'LL JUST STRIKE
WHILE THE IRON'S HOT...

- GO OVER AND TALK TO HER
ABOUT A NEW TRANSMITTER.
- I WANT TO GO WITH YOU.

- NO, I WANT TO GO ALONE.
- NO, I WANT TO GO.

- ALL RIGHT, GO BY YOURSELF.
- NO, I WANT YOU TO GO WITH ME.

- ALL RIGHT, WE'LL GO TOMORROW.
- NO, TODAY.

- ALL RIGHT. HOW'S NOON?
- NO, 1:00.

OKAY. I'VE GOT TO RING FIRST.

- NO, I WILL.
- OH. ALL RIGHT.

- THANKS.
- UH-HUH. WE'LL GO
IN YOUR CAR.

UH, NO. YOURS.

I WANTED TO GO IN MINE ANYWAY.

UH, THIS WAY, GENTLEMEN.

MADAM IS IN THE BILLIARD
ROOM HORSING AROUND.

THANK YOU, HIRSCH.

UH, NICE TO SEE YOU
AGAIN SO SOON, MR. TRAVIS.

"SOON"? (stammering) WHAT
DO YOU MEAN, "SOON"?

WELL, I SUPPOSE IT'S THE
OPPOSITE OF THE WORD "LATE."

- (door opens)
- MADAM.

- ANDREW.
- HELLO.

AND MY SON.

HI, MOM. HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

I'M FINE.

I MUST SAY, I WASN'T
EXPECTING YOU.

- ANDY CALLED, DIDN'T HE?
- I THOUGHT YOU MIGHT LIKE TO
SPEAK WITH THE BOTH OF US.

OH, OF COURSE, YES.

WOULD THE BOTH OF
YOU LIKE A REFRESHMENT?

OH, I THINK I'D LIKE A
LEMONADE, IF THAT'S ALL RIGHT.

GOOD CHOICE ON A COLD DAY.

HIRSCH, GO SQUEEZE A LEMON.

YES, MA'AM.

I MIGHT SUGGEST YOU DO THE SAME.

MR. TRAVIS, WOULD YOU
CARE FOR THE USUAL?

- HUH?
- THERE IS NO "USUAL."

HE'LL HAVE LEMONADE
TOO. GOODBYE, HIRSCH.

GOODBYE, MADAM.
I'LL WRITE OFTEN.

OH, JUST GET THE
LEMONADE, WILL YOU?

- ON THE DOUBLE.
- ALL RIGHT.

POOR DEVIL'S MEMORY'S
COMPLETELY SHOT.

WHAT A SHAME. WHERE WERE WE?

WE WERE GONNA TALK ABOUT
BUYING A NEW TRANSMITTER.

YOU'LL RECALL THE OLD ONE
WAS BLOWN UP BY TERRORISTS.

OH, INDEED I DO.

LOOK, SON: A GAME.

- MAY I?
- OF COURSE.

OH, I THOUGHT YOU'D NEVER ASK.

YOU KNOW, I WAS NEVER ALLOWED
TO COME IN HERE AS A CHILD.

COULDN'T GO INTO THE
ARBORETUM OR INTO THE GYMNASIUM.

BOY, LIFE WAS
TOUGH, BUT WE GOT BY.

ANY PARTICULAR REASON
YOU COULDN'T COME ALONE?

- NO, NO.
- YOU'VE COME ALONE BEFORE.

YES.

WHEN I ASK TO SEE YOU ALONE,
THAT'S HOW I EXPECT TO SEE YOU.

PLEASE DROP BACK
LATER THIS EVENING.

OH, BOY, AND I THOUGHT THIS WAS
JUST GONNA BE A BUSINESS MEETING.

AH!

OH, NO, SON.

BUSINESS AND RECREATION
GO HAND IN HAND.

MANY A DEAL HAS
BEEN MADE OR LOST

ON HOW WELL ONE PLAYS THE GAME.

AM I RIGHT, ANDREW?

I GUESS SO.

WELL, NOW, LET'S ALL PLAY POOL.

- OH, GOOD!
- RACK 'EM UP, SON.

OH, YEAH.

MR. TRAVIS, WOULD YOU
CARE TO PLAY ALONG?

OKAY.

MARVELOUS.

NOW, THEN, PERHAPS
I SHOULD GO OVER

THE HOUSE RULES
BEFORE WE START, HMM?

NOW, WHEN IT'S SOMEONE'S
TURN TO SHOOT, I TELL THEM.

IF SOMEONE GETS AHEAD
OF ME, THEY LOSE THEIR TURN.

EVERYONE PLAYS VERY
HARD, AND IN THE END, I WIN.

- IS THAT CLEAR?
- YES, MA'AM.

BEAR WITH ME, MOTHER. I
CAN'T FIND ALL THE BALLS.

OF COURSE.

IS THERE ONE DOWN THERE?

OH, I'VE GOT IT OVER HERE.

AS I WAS SAYING, IS THAT CLEAR?

YES, MA'AM.

IT'S YOUR TABLE.

INDEED IT IS.

G-GOOD SHOT, MOM. GO AGAIN.

ANDY, WE DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
TALKING ABOUT. YOU'LL HAVE TO BE CLEARER.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

SAY THAT YOU WORK FOR SOMEONE,

AND THEY, YOU KNOW...

IT'S NO BIG THING.
IT'S VERY SUBTLE.

ACTUALLY, THERE'S
PROBABLY NOTHING TO IT AT ALL,

BUT STILL THERE IS
SOMETHING THERE...

MAYBE.

HOW DO YOU REACT TO
SOMETHING LIKE THAT?

I DON'T KNOW ABOUT JENNIFER,
BUT I CLEAN OUT MY CLOSETS.

- WHAT?
- WE DON'T KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT, ANDY.

I WENT OUT TO DINNER
WITH YOU-KNOW-WHO.

YOU KNOW?

- LES DIDN'T TELL YOU?
- TELL US WHAT?

THAT WE WENT OUT TO DINNER AGAIN.
WE WENT OUT A COUPLE MORE TIMES.

YOU AND LES?

NO, NO, NO. ME AND, UH...

CARLSON'S MOTHER.

ARE YOU INSANE?

APPARENTLY.

WELL, WHAT HAPPENED? I MEAN...

OH, BAILEY, NO, NO.
NO, NOTHING HAPPENED.

OH, BUT YOU FEEL A SENSE OF
PRESSURE FROM AN EMPLOYER.

YES, AND THAT USUALLY
HAPPENS TO WOMEN.

THAT'S WHY I WANTED TO
TALK WITH YOU TWO ABOUT IT.

WHY DIDN'T YOU
SPEAK WITH ME FIRST?

SUDDENLY I FEEL
SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

SHE SHOULDN'T COME HERE.
YOU SHOULD'VE GONE TO HER.

I KNOW. SHE SAID SHE
WANTED TO COME DOWN HERE.

WHAT COULD I SAY? WHAT AM I
GONNA SAY WHEN SHE GETS HERE?

TRY "HELLO."

- OH, HI, MOM.
- WHY, MRS. CARLSON.

- HELLO, JENNIFER.
- YOU DIDN'T HAVE TO
COME DOWN HERE, MOM.

OH, WELL, I HAD SOME
BUSINESS AT THE BANK.

BESIDES, I LIKE TO COME
UP HERE OCCASIONALLY

TO SEE YOU AND, UH,
CHAT WITH MR. TRAVIS.

OH, WELL, I SHOULD BE
GETTING BACK TO MY LITTLE DESK.

YES, WHY-WHY DON'T YOU DO
THAT? THAT-THAT'S A GOOD IDEA.

THANK YOU.

UH, HAVE-HAVE A SEAT, MOM.

- THANK YOU.
- I'LL JUST SIT OVER HERE,
AND, UH...

NO, WHY DON'T I COME OVER
THERE AND SIT NEXT TO YOU, AND...

UH-HUH. WELL, UH, THAT'S WRONG.

UH, MOM?

TELL THE TRUTH.

HOW HAVE YOU BEEN?

Andy: WHAT ARE YOU
DOING OUT HERE?

NOTHING. JUST HANGING AROUND.

- BOTHERING ME.
- BOTHERING HER.

WELL, DON'T BOTHER HER. THAT'S
CALLED SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

- IT IS?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

AND WE'RE NOT GONNA HAVE
ANY MORE OF THAT AROUND HERE.

NOW, GO OUT AND SELL SOMETHING.

(scoffs) GEEZ.

SELL THAT COAT.

I SHOULD BE IN THERE.
THIS IS MY PROBLEM.

- (faint clattering)
- WHAT WAS THAT?

- WHAT?
- I THOUGHT I HEARD THE DOOR.

I'D BETTER GET OUT OF HERE.

ARTHUR, GET A HOLD OF YOURSELF.

EVEN HORSES DON'T
PERSPIRE THAT MUCH.

YOU ALWAYS MAKE THINGS
SO DIFFICULT FOR ME.

- WELL, HOW DO YOU
THINK I FEEL?
- I DON'T KNOW.

I FEEL OFFENDED. DO I
LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT TO YOU?

NO.

WELL, I CERTAINLY DON'T GO
CHASING AROUND AFTER YOUNG MEN.

ALL OF THIS IS IN
MR. TRAVIS'S HEAD.

ALL OF IT?

- MAYBE NOT.
- OH, MY.

OH, NOW, LOOK, ARTHUR.

I GO PLACES. I DO THINGS.

AND IT'S NICE TO HAVE A
PERSONABLE YOUNG MAN

ON YOUR ARM, PARTICULARLY
WHEN HE HAS, UH,

NICE TEETH AND GOOD HAIR.

THEN YOU HAVE BEEN
USING HIM, TO SOME EXTENT.

WELL, HE'S AN EMPLOYEE OF MINE,

AND THAT'S WHAT YOU
DO WITH EMPLOYEES.

WELL, WHAT'S THE POINT
OF BEING IN CHARGE?

AND HE TOO HAS BEEN USING ME.

HE WANTS SOMETHING.
A TRANSMITTER.

OH.

AND I WANT
SOMETHING... GOOD HAIR.

WELL, THAT ALL SOUNDS
VERY INNOCENT TO ME,

I'LL JUST GO TELL
MR. TRAVIS WHAT YOU SAID.

OH, NO, NO. PLEASE
LET ME, ARTHUR.

- I HAVE SO LITTLE FUN.
- MOM...

OH, I'LL TELL HIM
TONIGHT IN MY OWN WAY.

OH, MY.

NOW, DON'T YOU SAY A WORD.

OKAY.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA DESTROY
HIS MIND COMPLETELY, ARE YOU?

NO, JUST RATTLE
HIS CAGE A LITTLE.

OH, GOOD.

I SUPPOSE MR. TRAVIS AND I
ARE THE TALK OF THE STATION.

OH, YEAH.

THANK LES FOR ME, WILL YOU?

- (muttering)
- AH, THE DEEJAYS.

- HELLO, MRS. CARLSON.
- MRS. CARLSON.

DR. FEVER, WOULD YOU
TURN AROUND FOR ME?

WHAT?

TURN.

HAVE YOU GOT ALL YOUR TEETH?

I THINK SO.

GOOD.

WRAP THIS ONE UP
AND SEND HIM OVER.

LOOKS LIKE YOU'RE GONNA
WORK IN THE BIG HOUSE.

MADAM SPECIFICALLY ASKS

THAT YOU WAIT FOR
HER IN THE GAME ROOM.

YEAH, THANK YOU.

- HERE IS YOUR DRINK.
- THANK YOU.

IT'S VERY STRONG.

WAIT A MINUTE. HIRSCH,
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?

OH. MADAM ALSO SPECIFICALLY
ASKED THAT I LEAVE.

"GET LOST" WAS HOW
I BELIEVE SHE PUT IT.

GOODBYE, MR. TRAVIS,
AND GOOD LUCK.

(exhales)

OH! OH, NO.

OH, NO.

OH, BOY. OH, NO.

OH, NO.

HIRSCH!

HELLO, ANDREW.

H-HI. H-HOW YOU DOIN'?

I SEE YOU'VE BEEN
MAKING YOURSELF AT HOME.

UH, YEAH.

DRINK?

UH, NO, THANK
YOU. I JUST HAD ONE.

MATTER OF FACT, MRS.
CARLSON, I JUST SPILLED IT

RIGHT THERE ON YOUR TABLE.

I'M, UH... I'M REALLY SORRY.

I WISH THERE WAS SOME WAY
I COULD MAKE IT UP TO YOU.

LET'S, UH, THINK OF SOMETHING.

- UH, MRS. CARLSON...
- LILLIAN.

- LILLIAN...
- LIL.

LIL!

- WE SHOULD TALK.
- ABOUT WHAT?

- I'M NOT SURE.
- ARE YOU UNCOMFORTABLE
AROUND ME?

YEAH, SOMETIMES.

I'M SORRY IF I'VE PUT
ANY DEMANDS UPON YOU.

I MEAN, I WOULDN'T USE MY
POSITION AS YOUR EMPLOYER

TO ENFORCE A RELATIONSHIP.

OH, I KNOW THAT.

IT'S JUST THAT I CARE
FOR YOU VERY, VERY MUCH.

THIS IS DRYING. FEEL THAT.

YOU KNOW, WE'VE GOT A
LOT IN COMMON, ANDREW.

- WE'RE BOTH TOUGH,
WE'RE BOTH GUTSY...
- I'M NOT GUTSY.

NEITHER ONE OF US LIKES
TO BEAT AROUND THE BUSH.

- I DON'T MIND.
- WE BOTH LIKE THE OPERA.

- I HATE THE OPERA.
- BUT YOU WENT WITH ME
NEVERTHELESS. I WONDER WHY.

MRS. CARLSON, IF I MIGHT
BE TOTALLY HONEST WITH YOU,

I WENT BECAUSE I
WANTED TO TALK WITH YOU

ABOUT THE NEW TRANSMITTER.

I SEE.

NOW, I KNOW THAT SOUNDS BAD.

IT'S MORE THAN
THAT. IT REALLY IS.

I... I ENJOY YOUR COMPANY,
MRS. CARLSON. I REALLY DO.

YOU'RE BRIGHT, YOU'RE INFORMED,
YOU'RE-YOU'RE STIMULATING...

- YOU REALLY THINK SO?
- DARN RIGHT.

- HOW DO YOU MEAN?
- WELL, THAT IS...

THAT'S VERY HARD TO PUT YOUR
FINGER ON. IT'S AN ELUSIVE KIND OF THING.

- THIS IS TOTALLY DRY NOW.
- ANDREW...

WHAT?

LET'S RUN AWAY TOGETHER.

- WHAT?
- TO LOS ANGELES.

- THEY'LL UNDERSTAND THERE.
- OH, MY.

OH, MY... MY GOODNESS.

YOU CAN'T BE SERIOUS.

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.

YOU'RE JOKING.

YOU'RE-YOU'RE
KIDDING ME, AREN'T YOU?

LOOK AT THIS. I KNEW IT.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME.
AREN'T YOU KIDDING ME?

NO, NOT AT ALL.

OH, MY, MY, MY, MY, MY.

THAT BAD?

OH, NO, NO, NO. NOT BAD. BUT
YOU'RE PULLING MY LEG, AND I KNOW IT.

YOU CAN'T KID A KIDDER, MRS.
CARLSON. YOU CAN'T FOOL A FOOL.

POOL! LET'S PLAY SOME POOL.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, HUH? HECK, YES.

MR. TRAVIS, INSTEAD OF
DESTROYING MY HOME,

WOULD YOU CARE TO
SIT DOWN AND TALK?

YES, PLEASE.

Man: WKRP IN CINCINNATI

WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS.

WE'VE TALKED ABOUT THIS BEFORE.

AND I DON'T KNOW WHY
YOU DO IT. IT'S A SICKNESS.

I'M A NEWSMAN, MR. CARLSON.

IT'S MY INSTINCT TO DISSEMINATE
INFORMATION THE MINUTE I HEAR IT.

TO SPREAD RUMORS
IS CHILDISH AND UNFAIR.

AND TO SUGGEST THAT
ANDY AND MY MOTHER WERE...

IT'S WRONG.

SO YOU WANT ME
TO KEEP IT A SECRET?

YES. NO! NOTHING'S HAPPENING!

MAY I SPEAK WITH YOU A SECOND?

- YES. LES...
- NO, THAT'S ALL RIGHT. LES CAN STAY.

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
WHAT YOUR MOTHER WAS UP TO?

WELL, I-I WANTED TO,

BUT I WASN'T QUITE
SURE WHAT IT WAS.

UH, WHAT WAS IT?

- IT WENT QUITE WELL,
ACTUALLY.
- OH?

YES, WE HAD A
COUPLE OF MARTINIS,

SHE KIDDED AROUND A LITTLE,

AND THEN IT GOT
KIND OF ROMANTIC.

- WHAT?
- WELL, WE HAVE QUITE
A LOT IN COMMON.

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.
LES, STAY PUT.

YES, I AM SERIOUS.

SHE'S A STIMULATING WOMAN.

OH, THIS IS CRAZY.

YOU'RE-YOU'RE PULLING MY LEG.

I CAN TELL. YOU'RE-YOU'RE
KIDDING ME. HUH?

AREN'T YOU KIDDING?

NO, I'M NOT KIDDING AT ALL.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT,
MR. CARLSON. IT'LL BE NICE.

WE CAN GO TO BALL
GAMES TOGETHER,

AND YOU WON'T EVEN
HAVE TO CALL ME "DAD."

LES!

YOU'RE PULLING MY
LEG. I KNOW YOU ARE.

YOU CAN'T KID AN
OLD KIDDER, ANDY.

SHE TOLD ME THAT
I HAD NICE HAIR,

AND THEN...

SHE TOLD ME TO GO HOME.

(relieved sigh)

HE DOES HAVE NICE HAIR.

(man singing rock, indistinct)

(meows)