WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 4, Episode 9 - The Consultant - full transcript

VERY NICE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN, MR. TRAVIS.

- WHY, THANK YOU, HIRSCH.
- PLEASE MAKE YOURSELF
COMFORTABLE.

THANK YOU.

MADAME WILL BE MAKING A RATHER
PUSHY ENTRANCE MOMENTARILY.

- MIGHT I GET YOU SOMETHING?
- NO, THANKS, HIRSCH.

AS YOU WISH. UH...

HOW IS EVERYTHING IN THE
WORLD OF ROCK AND ROLL?

HMM? OH, IT'S PRETTY
GOOD. IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

EXCELLENT. I TRUST THE
DOORS ARE DOING WELL.

WELL, THEY, UH...
THEY BROKE UP, HIRSCH.

I DIDN'T KNOW THAT. WE GET
SO LITTLE NEWS AROUND HERE.



YOU CALL THOSE EGGS SOFT-BOILED?

OH, DID YOU ENJOY
YOUR BREAKFAST, MADAM?

THE COFFEE WAS LIKE
MUD, RATHER COOL MUD.

YES. WELL, THERE'S ONLY
SO MUCH ONE CAN DO.

WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
COOL MUD, MR. TRAVIS?

- UH, NO, NO, THANK YOU.
- OH, NO, PLEASE. I INSIST.

I WOULD LIKE A WITNESS
TO THE FACT THAT THIS MAN

IS ATTEMPTING TO POISON ME.

YES, PLEASE. COFFEE
WOULD BE FINE.

COFFEE, RIGHT AWAY, HIRSCH.

OH, AS FAST AS MY LITTLE
FEET WILL CARRY ME.

SO,

HOW ARE THINGS IN THE
WORLD OF ROCK AND ROLL?

PRETTY GOOD, PRETTY GOOD.



YES. I NOTICE

YOU HAVE A KNACK FOR
SPENDING MY MONEY.

WELL, WE HAVE A NEW
LOBBY. VERY IMPRESSIVE.

AND SOME LONG-SUFFERING
EMPLOYEES HAVE RECEIVED

MUCH-DESERVED RAISES.

AND YOU, NO DOUBT, FEEL VERY
PLEASED WITH YOURSELF ABOUT THAT.

SANTA CLAUS VERSUS THE
WICKED WITCH OF THE NORTH.

I AM MERELY DOING THE JOB
I THINK I SHOULD BE DOING.

OH, DON'T BE SO MODEST.

YOU KEPT THE UNION OUT OF MY
STATION IN RETURN FOR MY MONEY.

NOT FOR MYSELF, FOR THE STATION.

OH, YES, YES. FOR THE STATION.

NEVER, NEVER,
NEVER FOR YOURSELF.

TELL ME, MR. TRAVIS,

ARE YOU AS NICE
AS YOU SEEM TO BE?

MRS. CARLSON, WHY AM I HERE?

WHY, TO DISCUSS
OUR MUTUAL INTEREST

IN THE SUCCESS
OF A RADIO STATION.

I MEAN, THE BIGGER MY INVESTMENT,
THE BIGGER MY INVOLVEMENT.

OF COURSE, WE WOULD BE DELIGHTED
TO HAVE YOU PARTICIPATE MORE FULLY.

THAT'S A LIE.

YEAH. IT'S A BIG ONE.

MRS. CARLSON, WHY DON'T YOU JUST

LEAVE IT TO ME, TRUST ME?

OH, IMPOSSIBLE, MR. TRAVIS.

WHILE I DO HAVE A CERTAIN
AMOUNT OF CONFIDENCE IN YOU,

I TRUST NO ONE BUT MY OWN SON,

AND I ALWAYS TRUST HIM
TO DO THE WRONG THING.

UNLESS, OF COURSE,
THE SUBJECT IS FISH.

SHOW MY SON A MACKEREL, AND
HIS MIND BECOMES A COMPUTER.

WHAT IS IT THAT YOU WISH TO DO?

PARTICIPATE ON A
DAY-TO-DAY BASIS?

OH, OF COURSE NOT.

MY BUSINESS INTERESTS
ARE TOO FAR-FLUNG FOR THAT.

WHAT I HAVE DONE INSTEAD
IS HIRE THE SERVICES

OF A PROFESSIONAL
RADIO CONSULTANT...

A STATION DOCTOR, I
BELIEVE THEY'RE CALLED.

THIS MAN IS FROM NEW YORK,

AND I BELIEVE HE
CAN EVALUATE WKRP

WITH AN UNBIASED EYE.

- WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
- (scoffs) MARDI GRAS, MADAM.

- MAY I POUR?
- YES.

HAVE YOU A SHOVEL?

(chuckles) OH, MADAM,
ALWAYS THE CARD.

UH, SUGAR?

HIRSCH, YOU'VE BEEN
WITH ME 42 YEARS.

HAVE I EVER ONCE TAKEN
SUGAR IN MY COFFEE?

- THEN CREAM?
- I TAKE IT BLACK.

I'LL MAKE A NOTE OF THAT.

I'M NOT SO SURE THAT A
CONSULTANT IS A GOOD IDEA.

WELL, YOUR OPERATION CAN BEAR
SCRUTINY, CAN'T IT, MR. TRAVIS?

- OH, YEAH, SURE, SURE.
- Hirsch: CREAM AND SUGAR?

CREAM. WHEN IS THIS
CONSULTANT DUE IN TOWN?

OH, HE'S ALREADY HERE.

HE'S BEEN MONITORING THE
STATION FOR SEVERAL DAYS.

GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

AND HE'LL BE WANTING
TO SEE THE STATION

AND MEET THE GANG TOMORROW,

IF THAT'S CONVENIENT FOR YOU.

I OUGHT TO BE GETTING BACK TO
THE STATION, THEN, SHOULDN'T I?

I WOULD THINK SO.

- GOODBYE, MRS. CARLSON.
- GOODBYE.

HIRSCH, THANK YOU SO MUCH
FOR THE COFFEE. CATCH YOU LATER.

PLEASE DO.

I BELIEVE I HAVE PUT THE
CAT AMONG THE PIGEONS.

YES, MA'AM.

WHY, HIRSCH, THIS
COFFEE'S DELICIOUS!

MM-HMM. THAT'S BECAUSE WE
WERE HAVING A GUEST, MADAM.

WHEN IT'S JUST YOU AND ME,

I PREPARE IT A
LITTLE DIFFERENTLY.

OH.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

DON'T YOU SEE? IT IS PERFECT.

FOR A WEEK, LES DOES
A SPECIAL REPORT...

"LES NESSMAN TAKES A
LOOK AT PROSTITUTION."

THREE TIMES A DAY, 8:00,
2:00 AND 4:00, HOOKER CITY.

NOW, IS THAT GREAT, OR
AM I LOSING MY TOUCH?

HERB, I DON'T
THINK THAT THAT'S...

TELEVISION STATIONS
DO IT ALL THE TIME.

EVERY TIME IT'S A RATING PERIOD,
THEY PICK SOME LURID SUBJECT

LIKE PROSTITUTION OR L...

- (snaps fingers)
- LOOSE HOUSEWIVES.

HOW ABOUT THAT?

"LES NESSMAN TAKES A
LOOK AT LOOSE HOUSEWIVES."

- IT'S A DREAM COME TRUE.
- WHAT DO YOU THINK, LES?

I WAS THINKING ABOUT DOING
SOMETHING ON THE STATE LEGISLATURE.

BREAK MY HEART, LES.

THE STATE LEGISLATURE DOESN'T
CARE ABOUT THE STATE LEGISLATURE.

- (knock at door)
- COME IN.

- HI.
- HI.

- CAN WE TALK?
- OH, YOU BET, YEAH.

I SUPPOSE YOU WANT
US TO LEAVE, AS USUAL.

NO, HERB. I WANT YOU
TO STAY RIGHT HERE.

YES, SIR.

OKAY, ANDY, WHAT'S UP?

YOUR MOTHER HAS HIRED A
CONSULTANT TO LOOK AT OUR OPERATION.

- (whistles) WHEN?
- HE'S HERE NOW.

HERE? RIGHT HERE?

NO, NOT AT THE STATION.
HE'S HERE IN TOWN.

THEN DON'T PANIC. I KNOW
WHAT TO DO ABOUT THIS.

NEXT WEEK, I'LL JUST TAKE A LITTLE
VACATION, TAKE HERB AND LES WITH ME.

MAYBE JOHNNY TOO. YOU CAN
NEVER TELL WHAT HE'S GOING TO DO.

YOU JUST CAN'T CLEAR
OUT THE STATION.

WHY NOT? JUST BRING HIM
HERE, INTRODUCE HIM TO JENNIFER.

SHE'LL WINK AT HIM A COUPLE
TIMES, AND HE GOES HOME.

LISTEN, WHAT IF HE IS A SHE?

WELL, THEN, YOU WINK AT HIM.

WE CAN HANDLE IT, TRAVIS.
YOU THINK OF SOMETHING.

JUST MAKE EVERYTHING
WORK OUT BEAUTIFULLY.

CAN WE COME OUT NOW.

OH, YEAH, SURE, MEN.
COME ON OUT OF THERE.

YOU KNOW, MR. CARLSON,
I'VE BEEN THINKING,

AND I THINK...

COME ON, LES. LET'S DO
SOME BRAINSTORMING.

ANDY, I DON'T WANT TO DO
THE PROSTITUTION THING.

COME ON.

WHAT?

- GOOD MORNING, ANDY.
- OH, HI, JENNIFER. HOW ARE YOU DOING?

A MAN CALLED HERE THIS MORNING.
HE SAID HE IS A RADIO CONSULTANT.

YEAH.

HEY, I KNOW THIS GUY.

HE USED TO WORK FOR ME IN
ALBUQUERQUE. OH, THANK YOU.

THANK YOU FOR EVERYTHING.

YOU'RE WELCOME.

"POSTCARD"?

NO, HONEY. SEND A TELEX.

- AND THEN CALL FRED JOINER...
- (knock at door)

HOLD ON.

COMING.

HEY! ANDY?

- (exclaims)
- (screams)

OH, NORRIS, I'M SORRY.

- HOW ARE YOU DOING?
- GOOD.

- HOW HAVE YOU BEEN, MAN?
- COME ON IN.

THERE'S WHISKEY AND WINE THERE.

- YOU GOT ANY BEER?
- IN THE FRIDGE.

- WELL, YOU WANT ONE?
- I'M DRINKING WINE.

EXCUSE ME.

YEAH, CALL FRED JOINER AND
TELL HIM I THINK I CAN HELP HIM OUT.

AND I'LL SEE YOU ON FRIDAY.

LaGUARDIA. THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU LOOK GREAT,
MAN. YOU LOOK GREAT.

LAST TIME I SAW YOU, YOU
HAD HAIR DOWN TO YOUR WAIST.

HEY, WE ALL DID. DIDN'T
YOU HAVE A PONYTAIL?

- UH, NO. IT WAS KIND OF
A PAGEBOY THING.
- THAT'S RIGHT.

- HERE'S TO YOU.
- YEAH.

OH, I READ BIG THINGS
ABOUT YOU IN THE TRADES.

OH, YEAH. YEAH, MR. BIG.

A CONSULTANT, A PROGRAMMER...

YEAH, I'M PROGRAMMING
ABOUT 45 STATIONS NOW.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
HOW'S THIS STATION OF YOURS?

IT'S GOOD. GOOD, GOOD, GOOD.

YEAH? I FIGURED, WITH YOU
RUNNING IT... WHO YOU GOT THERE?

WELL, THERE'S A COUPLE
GUYS YOU MIGHT HAVE HEARD OF.

- JOHNNY CARAVELLA.
- PROFESSOR SUNSHINE.

NO. NOW IT'S DR. JOHNNY FEVER.

I LIKE THAT. "FEVER."

- WHAT, IS HE DOING
LATE NIGHT FOR YOU?
- NO, EARLY-MORNING DRIVE.

- UH-HUH.
- AND I GOT VENUS FLYTRAP.

OH, YEAH. THE GUY WITH THE
GONG FROM NEW ORLEANS.

WELL, HE DOESN'T USE
A GONG MUCH ANYMORE.

I THOUGHT HE WAS SOFT
JAZZ, A LOT OF CHATTER.

NO, IT'S ALL ROCK,
VERY LITTLE TALK.

WELL, WE'VE GOT SOME
TALK. PROBABLY MORE THAN

A LOT OF STATIONS.

- A LITTLE TALK, YEAH.
- MM.

WHAT'S YOUR OVERALL
IN THE MARKET?

TENTH. TEN.

TEN? THERE ARE ONLY 23 STATIONS

IN THE MARKET, A.M. AND F.M.

YOU KNOW, NORRIS, I WOULD'VE
THOUGHT MAYBE YOU'D HAVE

CHECKED INTO SOME OF THIS
BEFORE YOU CAME DOWN HERE.

- YEAH, I'M JUST ASKING.
- MM-HMM.

YOU'VE BEEN
MONITORING OUR STATION.

COUPLE OF DAYS.

- AND?
- THAT NEWSMAN OF YOURS...

HAS HE GOT SOME SORT
OF PROBLEM WITH PIGS?

NO.

NO, WHAT HE DOES, HE
LIKES TO KID AROUND A LOT.

PUTS A LITTLE HUMOR
INTO HIS BROADCAST,

TALKS A LOT ABOUT PIGS,

MISPRONOUNCES WORDS
ON PURPOSE, BUT HE'S A PRO.

AND I'VE GOT TO ADMIT I'VE
NEVER QUITE MET ANYONE LIKE HIM.

- HOW MANY SALESMEN
DO YOU HAVE?
- ONE.

- "ONE"?
- ONE.

- IT'S A TIGHT BUDGET. I KNOW IT'S WRONG.
- ONE GUY.

- HE MUST BE WORKING
24 HOURS A DAY.
- OH, YEAH.

I'M TELLING YOU, HERB IS GONNA
KILL HIMSELF ONE OF THESE DAYS.

ANDY, YOU'VE GOT PROBLEMS HERE.

I CAN TELL THAT JUST LISTENING.

REALLY? HOW DO YOU MEAN?

- TAKE "FEVER IN THE MORNING."
- YEAH?

HE'S LATE NIGHT, AT BEST.

AND HE'S PLAYING SOLID
GOLD. THAT'S CRAZY.

NO, HE PLAYS JUST A LITTLE GOLD.

ANDY, THE MAN IS STUCK IN 1962.

WHAT IS HE, RAY CHARLES'
UNCLE OR SOMETHING?

ALL RIGHT, LOOK,
NORRIS, I WILL ADMIT

THAT I'VE GOT SOME
PROBLEMS HERE,

BUT YOU AND I, WE
GO BACK A LITTLE BIT.

I DON'T THINK I HAVE TO
BRING UP THE FACT THAT...

I KNOW, YEAH. YOU GAVE
ME MY FIRST JOB IN RADIO.

LOOK, LET'S RELAX.

WE'LL TALK ABOUT
THIS LATER, HUH?

- YOU WANT TO DO A LINE OR TWO?
- NO, THANKS.

- COME ON, RELAX.
- I DON'T DO COKE.

THIS IS A SMALL TOWN
YOU'VE GOT HERE.

THERE'S PLENTY OF COKE IN
THIS TOWN. I JUST DON'T LIKE

STICKING MONEY UP MY NOSE
SO I CAN FEEL LOUSY LATER.

- YOU'RE MAD AT ME, RIGHT?
- I'M NOT MAD AT YOU, NORRIS.

YOU JUST DON'T SEEM
LIKE THE SAME GUY.

ARE YOU JEALOUS?

I'M NOT JEALOUS.

I WANT TO KNOW...

I WANT TO KNOW WHAT YOU THINK.

I DON'T LIKE YOUR SOUND.

YOUR FORMAT IS
ALL OVER THE ROAD.

I GOT TO BE HONEST WITH YOU.

WELL, THANKS.

(sucks teeth) SEE YOU
BACK AT THE STATION.

- HEY, HEY, WHOA. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- NO, NO, I'VE GOT TO GO

CLEAN OFF THE TOP OF THE
DESK, CLEAN OUT THE TRASH CANS,

GET EVERYTHING IN ORDER
FOR YOUR INSPECTION, NORRIS.

ANDY, IF YOU WANT A GOOD
REPORT, I'LL GIVE YOU A GOOD REPORT.

GOOD GOD. I HAVEN'T
CHANGED THAT MUCH.

YOU'RE A FRIEND. I CAME
TO SEE YOU, ANYHOW.

I WANTED TO ASK YOU TO
SUBSCRIBE TO MY SERVICE.

THERE IT IS.

YEAH. I DON'T WANT
TO INSPECT YOU.

WE DON'T USE A SERVICE, NORRIS.
YOU WANT TO KNOW THE TRUTH?

THE JOCKS PROGRAM THE MUSIC.

- WHAT?
- YEAH. AND WHAT
THEY DON'T DO, I DO.

ANDY, NOBODY IS PROGRAMMING
THEIR OWN MUSIC ANYMORE.

WE ARE. AND THAT'S
THE WAY IT'S GONNA STAY.

HEY. IF YOU WON'T BE NICE TO ME,

HOW CAN I BE NICE TO YOU?

I'LL SEE YOU THURSDAY
AT THE STATION.

- I WANT TO COME
TOMORROW, TRAVIS.
- THURSDAY.

- READ MY LIPS.
- OKAY. THURSDAY.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA DO?

FIX THE STATION IN A DAY?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?

I WAS JUST WAITING FOR
VENUS TO GET OFF THE AIR.

- HE'S GONNA FIX
MY REFRIGERATOR.
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH IT?

I DON'T KNOW. IT BROKE DOWN
A COUPLE OF MONTHS AGO.

WHAT'S YOUR PROBLEM?

THERE'S THIS GUY IN TOWN...

HEY, HOW YOU DOIN'?

- THERE'S THIS GUY IN TOWN...
- UH-HUH?

A RADIO DOCTOR. A CONSULTANT.
HE'S WORKING FOR MOTHER CARLSON.

- WELL, THAT'S IT FOR US, THEN.
- MR. NORRIS BREEZE. YOU HEARD OF HIM?

- OH, YEAH.
- HE'S IN TOWN
AS A CONSULTANT,

BUT WHAT HE REALLY WANTS
TO DO IS SELL US HIS SERVICE.

- OH, NO.
- THAT'S RIGHT. WE BUY HIS SERVICE,

HE WILL GIVE US A GOOD REPORT.

- NO SERVICES, PLEASE.
- I KNOW THAT. I KNOW IT.

BUT HE'S JUST GONNA KILL US
WITH THIS REPORT, THAT'S ALL.

COME ON. YOU THINK MAMA
IS GONNA FIRE HER OWN SON?

WHAT AM I SAYING?
OF COURSE SHE WOULD.

LES WOULD BE OUT IN A SECOND.

HERB'S A FOREGONE CONCLUSION.

DON'T YOU THINK WE COULD
GET EVERYBODY TO SHAPE UP,

AT LEAST FOR ONE DAY?

WHAT AM I SAYING?

WE'RE GONNA HAVE
TO DO SOMETHING.

TRAVIS, IT DOESN'T
MATTER WHAT WE DO.

IF WE DON'T BUY THE MAN'S SERVICE,
HE'S GONNA GIVE US A BAD REPORT.

THAT'S THE DEAL.
THAT'S HOW IT WORKS.

I GUESS SO.

NO, I'M SORRY, HE'LL BE IN
CONFERENCE ALL AFTERNOON.

THANK YOU FOR CALLING.

WELL, HELLO.

I'M NORRIS BREEZE.

(high, squeaky voice)
OH, MR. BREEZY!

WE'VE BEEN EXPECTING YOU.

WOULD YOU LIKE TO SIT DOWN?

WE HAVE ALL KINDS OF CHAIRS.

THERE'S ONE OVER THERE, AND
THERE'S ANOTHER ONE OVER THERE,

AND THERE... NO, THAT'S A CLOCK.

I'M HERE TO SEE
MR. CARLSON AND MR. TRAVIS.

WELL, THEN, GET UP,
AND LET'S GO SEE THEM.

YOU'RE VERY
ATTRACTIVE, BUT, UH...

(high-pitched giggle)

MR. CARLSON, LOOK,
IT'S MR. BREEZY.

BREEZE. NORRIS BREEZE.

HELLO, MR. BREEZE. HAVE A
SEAT. I'LL BE WITH YOU IN A SECOND.

WHAT EXACTLY IS IT
THAT YOU DO, MR. BREEZY?

I CONSULT WITH STATION OWNERS

ON HOW TO IMPROVE THEIR PROFIT.

I ALSO PROGRAM ALL THE MUSIC

FOR 45 ROCK AND ROLL STATIONS.

- YOU SEE, I LISTEN TO...
- HOW NICE.

YOU KNOW, I THINK I'LL JUST GO
GET EVERYBODY SOME COFFEE.

UH, MR. CARLSON,
YOUR RECEPTIONIST...

IN A SECOND, PLEASE.

ART, HERE'S THE CONTRACT
ON THE RAYCO DRUG STORE.

JUST SET IT ON THE PILE, HERB.

I'VE GOT TO GET SOME
SLEEP. JUST AN HOUR'S WORTH.

HERB, HAVE YOU MET NORRIS
BREEZE, THE CONSULTANT?

AH. MR. BREEZE.

- NORRIS.
- NORRIS.

UH, MAYBE WE OUGHT TO TALK
TO HIM WHILE WE'VE GOT HIM ALONE.

- RIGHT.
- YEAH.

HI. I'M BACK.

WHERE'S THE COFFEE?

UH-OH!

UM, YOU WERE SAYING?

OH, UH,

WE'VE GOT TO GET A PROGRAMMING
SERVICE IN HERE LIKE YOURS.

- REALLY?
- REALLY.

- I MEAN, OUR
FORMAT'S A MESS, - MM.

- TRAVIS DOESN'T REALLY
KNOW WHAT HE WANTS.
- RIGHT.

- HE ALS...
- OH. HIYA, NORRIS.

- MEETING THE GANG, ARE YOU?
- YES, I AM.

LOOK, I'VE GOT TO BE GOING.
NORRIS, IT'S BEEN REAL.

I'M SORRY WE COULDN'T TALK MORE.

NO PROBLEMO... PROBLEM.

LOOK, IT WAS NICE MEETING
YOU. DON'T FORGET WHAT I SAID.

RIGHT.

OH!

HELLO, HERBIE-WERBIE.

JENNIFER, PLEASE, ALL RIGHT?

WOULD ANYBODY LIKE SOME COFFEE?

NO, THANKS.

COMING UP.

- AND THIS IS THE BULLPEN,
AS WE CALL IT.
- MM.

THIS IS BAILEY QUARTERS HERE. SHE'S
IN CHARGE OF TRAFFIC, CONTINUITY,

PROMOTIONS, AND
SOME NEWS REPORTING.

HELLO.

HEY.

LET'S SEE WHAT LES
NESSMAN'S UP TO.

WELL, BEN BRADLEY AT THE
WASHINGTON POST IS A GOOD MAN.

WELL, SURE, HE MAKES SOME
MISTAKES, BUT HE'S A GOOD MAN.

UH-HUH.

SHE DOES TRAFFIC AND CONTINUITY?

UH, YEAH. LES WILL BE OFF
THE PHONE IN JUST A MINUTE.

I'D LIKE TO SPEAK WITH HER.

OKAY. SHE'S REALLY KIND OF SHY.

- I'D LIKE TO SPEAK TO HER.
- OKAY.

ALONE.

- (door shuts)
- HI.

HI.

YOU ENJOY YOUR WORK HERE?

OH, YEAH.

YEAH.

YOU, UH, EVER DO ANY DRUGS?

WHEN?

LIKE, ON THE JOB.

SIT DOWN. I WANT TO
TELL YOU SOMETHING.

WHAT?

- WHAT?
- WHAT "WHAT"?

YOU WERE GONNA
TELL ME SOMETHING.

OH, I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU CONTROL THE
PAPERWORK AT THE STATION?

OH, YEAH. IF YOU HAVE ANY PAPER,

YOU JUST BRING IT TO ME.

I WOULD ALSO LOVE SOME M&Ms.

MR. BREEZE, LES NESSMAN.

I UNDERSTAND YOU
FIND MY NEWS REPORTS

UNUSUAL, HUMOROUS.

THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

IT'S A ROCK STATION, SO
I ENJOY KIDDING AROUND.

UNLESS IT'S HARD NEWS.
THEN, OF COURSE, I GO FOR IT.

EXCUSE ME.

♪ N-E-S-T-L-E-S ♪

♪ NESTLE'S MAKES THE VERY BEST ♪

♪ CHOCOLATE ♪

FARFEL.

REMEMBER THAT GUY?

THE DOG.

(R & B music plays)

OH, HIYA, NORRIS. WHAT
DO YOU WANT TO SEE NOW?

- YOUR MOTHER.
- MY MOTHER?

CARLSON'S MOTHER.

WE'D BETTER GO THIS WAY.

THANK YOU.

NOW, IF I MAY MOVE
ON TO THE NEXT POINT,

A STATION SHOULD HAVE A
SOUND THAT IS CONSISTENT,

AND THIS IS ACHIEVED SIMPLY BY
PLAYING THE SAME BASIC RECORDS

OVER AND OVER AGAIN.

MR. TRAVIS KNOWS THIS, BUT FOR
SOME REASON HE'S NOT DOING IT.

WHY, MR. TRAVIS?

I DON'T KNOW. IT JUST SORT
OF WORKED OUT THAT WAY.

MRS. CARLSON,

WKRP IN CINCINNATI
IS, IN MY OPINION,

A LOONY BIN.

- GO ON.
- I THINK CHANGES
ARE IN ORDER...

DRASTIC, IMMEDIATE CHANGES.

HOW SO?

TO BEGIN WITH, YOUR
SON IS DOING A FINE JOB.

- HE IS?
- BUT HE'S OVERWORKED.

HE IS?

THE SAME GOES FOR HERB TARLEK.

IT DOES?

AN EXCELLENT MAN WHO'S
TRYING TO DO IT ALL HIMSELF.

REALLY?

THE STAFF IS A DIFFERENT MATTER.

BAILEY QUARTERS
CANNOT BE TRUSTED

WITH EVEN THE SIMPLEST OF TASKS

FOR REASONS I'D JUST
AS SOON NOT GO INTO,

AND THE RECEPTIONIST...
WHAT'S HER NAME?

- Mrs. Carlson:
JENNIFER MARLOWE.
- IS CERTAINLY BEAUTIFUL

BUT HAS THE I.Q. OF A
PIECE OF FURNITURE.

I SEE.

TOTAL AIRHEAD.

BUT THIS IS MINOR,
ALONGSIDE THE RACIAL UNREST

THAT EXISTS BETWEEN
THE DISC JOCKEYS.

I THINK YOU SHOULD
KNOW THAT VENUS FLYTRAP

IS ARMED... HE CARRIES A KNIFE.

I SEE. AND LES NESSMAN?

FUNNY.

A KIDDER, BUT ARTICULATE
AND PROFESSIONAL TO THE BONE.

AND, UH, MR. TRAVIS HERE?

AN OLD FRIEND OF MINE.

AN EXCELLENT RADIO MAN,

BUT I'M SORRY TO
SAY A LITTLE NAIVE.

NAIVE?

WELL, THANK YOU
SO MUCH, MR. BREEZE.

WOULD YOU MIND WAITING
OUTSIDE FOR A SECOND

WHILE I TALK TO MR. TRAVIS?

YES. I HAVE SOME RECOMMENDATIONS
ABOUT THESE PEOPLE.

THANK YOU, MR. BREEZE.
WE WILL BE TALKING LATER.

OF COURSE.

YOU ARE A VERY, VERY BAD BOY.

WELL, YOU KNOW,
IT'S KIND OF HARD

TO GET TO KNOW
PEOPLE IN ONE DAY.

- I REMEMBER THE FIRST TIME...
- THAT'S ENOUGH.

- HIRSCH!
- YES, MADAM?

- YOU'VE BEEN EAVESDROPPING.
- OH, NO, MADAM.

VERY HANDY, AS USUAL.

WOULD YOU KINDLY ESCORT
MR. TRAVIS TO THE DOOR?

AND WATCH HIM VERY CAREFULLY.

MAKE SURE HE DOESN'T
STEAL THE DOORBELL.

YES, MADAM.

- GONNA NEED SOME MORE MONEY.
- OUT.

- KIND OF OVERSPENT
ON THE LOBBY.
- OUT.

- WE'LL TALK LATER.
- GO.

HIRSCH, ONE DRY VODKA MARTINI,

STIRRED, NOT SHAKEN,

SERVED IN A PEANUT-BUTTER GLASS.

Hirsch: YES, YOUR MAJESTY.

(man singing rock, indistinct)

(meows)