WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 9 - The Painting - full transcript

OH, GOOD MORNING, LES.

GOOD MORNING, BAILEY.

- WHERE WERE YOU SUNDAY?
- WHY?

SUNDAY WAS MR. CARLSON'S
CHURCH AUCTION.

OH, I KNOW.

IT WAS REALLY EMBARRASSING, LES,

HERB AND I WERE THE ONLY
EMPLOYEES WHO SHOWED UP.

WELL, I WAS CALLED AWAY
SUDDENLY TO DAYTON.

OH, COME ON, LES.

NOBODY IS EVER SUDDENLY
CALLED AWAY TO DAYTON.

I WAS VISITING MY MOTHER.



OH, THAT'S NICE. HOW IS SHE?

EVEN SMALLER, I'M AFRAID.

OH, I'M SORRY.

WE HAD LUNCH TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, IT'S
VERY DISCONCERTING

TO HAVE THOSE TWO LITTLE EYES

PEERING UP AT YOU
FROM TABLE LEVEL.

WELL, YOU... YOU DIDN'T
REALLY MISS MUCH, LES.

I WENT LAST YEAR.

ALL THEY AUCTIONED
OFF WAS A LOT OF JUNK.

OH, THEY HAD ONE
NICE THING THIS YEAR.

IT WAS THIS REALLY AMAZING
PAINTING OF A SUNLIT SUMMER LAWN

FILLED WITH GERANIUMS
AND WICKER FURNITURE,

AND IN THE BACKGROUND,



TWO WOMEN STROLLING IN
THE GENTLE SUMMER BREEZE.

OH, I LOVED IT.

- DID YOU BUY IT?
- OH, NO.

THE PAINTING WAS THE
LAST THING AUCTIONED OFF,

AND I COULDN'T AFFORD
IT, SO I CHICKENED IT OUT.

WELL, I DIDN'T.

HELLO, HERB.

- YOU BOUGHT THE PAINTING?
- I DID.

YOU BOUGHT IT?

DON'T RUB IT IN, BAILEY.

LES, THIS IS IT. THIS
IS THE PAINTING.

WHERE WERE YOU?

I WAS OUT OF TOWN.

WE HAD A DATE, LESTER.

WE WERE GOING TO THE AUCTION
TO SUCK UP SOME BROWNIE POINTS

WITH THE BIG GUY BY
BUYING SOMETHING TOGETHER.

50-50.

I WAITED AND WAITED FOR YOU
UNTIL THERE WAS NOTHING LEFT,

BUT THIS PAINTING.

I HAD TO BUY IT.

I WAS VISITING MY MOTHER.

HOW IS SHORTY?

WATCH IT, TARLEK.

I'LL WATCH IT, LES,

WHEN YOU GIVE ME THE $50.

THAT'S HALF OF WHAT I
PAID FOR THIS OIL SLICK.

- NOW GIVE ME THE MONEY.
- FORGET IT, HERB.

WOULD YOU JUST LEAVE LES ALONE?

YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO GO TO THE AUCTION

BECAUSE IT WAS A WORTHY CAUSE.

- DON'T BE NAIVE, BAILEY.
- AH!

HERB WON'T EVEN GIVE
MONEY TO JERRY LEWIS'S KIDS.

LES, I'VE TOLD YOU
A THOUSAND TIMES,

THEY'RE NOT JERRY'S KIDS,
THEY'RE EVERYBODY'S KIDS.

WELL, THAT'S NOT
WHAT JERRY SAYS.

ARE YOU GONNA GIVE ME THE MONEY?

- NO!
- YES!

NO!

ALL RIGHT, THEN.

I'M JUST GONNA HAVE
TO PUNCH YOU OUT.

YOU DO, AND I'LL
SEE YOU IN COURT.

YOU WOULD DO THAT, WOULDN'T YOU?

UH-HUH.

HERE, BAILEY, HOLD THIS.

AS A MATTER OF
FACT, YOU CAN HAVE IT.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT, LESTER.

I'M GONNA GO SIT AT MY DESK.

AND I'M GONNA STARE AT
YOU FOR AS LONG AS IT TAKES.

SOON, LES,

THE GUILT WILL BE MORE
THAN YOU CAN TAKE.

SOON, LES,

IT WILL BEGIN TO
GNAW AT YOUR INSIDES.

SOON, LES, YOU'LL FEEL
A SENSE OF FAIRNESS,

WHICH WILL COMPEL YOU
TO DO THE RIGHT THING.

AND SOON, LES,

YOU'LL BEG ME TO RELEASE
YOU FROM YOUR GUILT AND SIN.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI... ♪

OH, I DEARLY LOVE THE
SOUND OF A BAGPIPE.

HOO... UH, UH, GOOD
MORNING, JENNIFER.

AND, HOW-HOW WAS YOUR WEEKEND?

OKAY.

IT'S JUST SO UNFORTUNATE

I HAD TO BE IN SPAIN ON
SUNDAY AND MISS THE AUCTION.

WELL, THANK YOU FOR THOSE
APPLIANCES YOU DONATED.

WELL, THEY'RE JUST SO
MANY WASHER DRIERS

THAT'S A GIRL CAN OWN.

YEP, I BOUGHT THESE LITTLE
FELLOWS AT THE AUCTION.

YOU KNOW, THIS KIND
OF CRAFTSMANSHIP

IS ALMOST A LOST ART, JENNIFER.

SO RARE TO FIND NOWADAYS.

AND IT'S NOT IMMATURE
FOR A GROWN MAN

TO HAVE TOY SOLDIERS.

THIS IS A REAL HOBBY,

NOTHING TO BE ASHAMED OF.

HM, OH, YES, YEAH.

- MAY I SEE THAT?
- WELL, ABSOLUTELY.

YOU KNOW, I CAUGHT
LITTLE ARTHUR TRYING TO...

SHOOT THEIR HEADS
OFF THIS MORNING.

OH, DEAR!

YEAH, WITH AN AUTOMATIC PUMP
GUN I... HAVEN'T SEEN BEFORE.

SOMETIMES THAT BOY
FRIGHTENS ME, JENNIFER.

I'M SURE HE'S JUST
GOING THROUGH A STAGE,

MUCH LIKE GERMANY DID.

OH, I KNOW.

SOMETIMES I FEAR HE'S
CONNECTED TO SOME DARKER FORCE

THAT COULD SHAKE THE WORLD.

WELL, MAYBE NOT.

HEY BIG GUY, TWO QUESTIONS.

ONE, WHY IS JERRY LEWIS
SO POPULAR IN FRANCE?

HA!...JUST KIDDING.

AND TWO, HOW MUCH
DID THE AUCTION TAKE IN?

WE TOOK IN OVER $10000.

OOH! RIGHT ON TO
THE CHURCH, I LOVE IT.

I BOUGHT A VERY
EXPENSIVE PAINTING.

YOU? YOU BOUGHT A PAINTING?

THAT'S RIGHT, JENNIPOO.

AND DO I SEE A BULLFIGHTER

EMBLAZONED ACROSS A
FIELD OF BLACK VELVET?

UNFORTUNATELY, NO.

IT WAS JUST ONE OF
THOSE OIL THINGS.

BUT WHAT THE HECK,
IT'S FOR A GOOD CAUSE!

I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE
INTERESTED IN ART, HERB.

THERE ARE A LOT OF THINGS
YOU DON'T KNOW ABOUT ME, BABY.

I KNOW, AND THANK YOU.

HERB, IS THERE SOMETHING
I CAN DO FOR YOU?

BECAUSE I'M ABOUT
TO BECOME VERY BUSY.

I JUST LIKE TO SAY HOW
MUCH I ENJOYED THE AUCTION.

AND I'M SURE THE STAFF

WHO DIDN'T SHOW UP HAD
PERFECTLY GOOD EXCUSES.

EXCEPT LES OF COURSE,

WHO DID A NOWHERE SHOW,

WHEREAS LES JUST
SAID TO ME THIS MORNING,

"HEY, THAT'S BALDIES AUCTION,

I'VE GOT BETTER THINGS
TO DO WITH MY SUNDAYS."

WELL, I CERTAINLY APPRECIATE
YOUR SUPPORT, HERB.

AH! HEY, YOU
KNOW, I'M JUST, UH...

I'M JUST GLAD I WAS ABLE
TO OPEN UP MY HEART,

MY POCKET BOOK TO
BUY A PAINTING, WHICH...

IN ALL HONESTY, I
DON'T LIKE THAT MUCH,

FOR A CHURCH I'M NOT
REALLY A MEMBER OF,

TO HELP FIND A
CURE FOR A DISEASE

THAT QUITE FRANKLY DOESN'T
AFFECT THAT MANY PEOPLE.

WELL, THANK YOU,

AND I MEAN IT.

THANK YOU.

NO, THANK YOU.

HERB, EXACTLY, WHAT
IS IT THAT YOU WANT?

WOULD YOU BE INTERESTED
IN BUYING THAT PAINTING BACK?

NO.

PERFECT, PERFECT, I UNDERSTAND.

SO, WHAT IF I DON'T
HAVE THE MONEY

TO TAKE THE FAMILY TO MILWAUKEE?

- WHAT?
- OH, IT'S... WELL FOR MONTHS NOW,

YOU KNOW, LUCILLE HAS
BEEN PLANNING A FAMILY TRIP

TO MILWAUKEE TO TOUR THE
DIFFERENT BREWERIES THERE.

HER, UH...

HER BROTHER IS AN
ASSISTANT BREW MASTER.

DID I EVER MENTION
THAT? NO, PROBABLY NOT.

WELL, TO MAKE A
LONG STORY SHORT...

HERB, LOOK, WILL
YOU GET OF MY OFFICE

IF I BUY YOUR PAINTING?

- YES SIR.
- HA-HA.

EXACTLY HOW MUCH
YOU WANT FOR IT?

WELL, WHATEVER YOU
FEEL IN YOUR HEART IS RIGHT.

OH! HOW ABOUT $10?

OH, GOD. UH,

I'LL PROBABLY NEED A
LITTLE MORE THAN THAT.

YOU SEE, I PAID 150
FOR THAT PAINTING.

W-WERE YOU THERE WHEN THAT
PAINTING WAS AUCTIONED OFF?

YES, I BELIEVE YOU WERE,
AND COME TO THINK OF IT,

I GOT THAT PAINTING FOR
$100. WHAT AM I THINKIN' ABOUT?

I'LL GIVE YOU $50 IF YOU GET
OUT OF MY OFFICE RIGHT NOW,

$20 IF YOU'RE STILL HERE
20 SECONDS FROM NOW,

AND $10 IF WE'RE FACE-TO-FACE
A MINUTE FROM NOW.

I'LL BE RIGHT BACK
BEFORE YOU GONNA SAY,

"THANKS, HERB TARLEK
FOR HELPING MY CHURCH."

WHAT DO YOU MEAN
IT'S YOUR PAINTING?

WELL, YOU GAVE
IT TO ME, IT'S MINE!

- WHEN?
- TEN MINUTES AGO.

- WHERE?
- RIGHT HERE.

YOU SAID, "HERE,
YOU CAN HAVE IT."

OH! BAILEY.

BAILEY, BAILEY, BAILEY...

"YOU CAN HAVE IT" IS
JUST A FIGURE OF SPEECH.

PEOPLE SAY IT ALL THE TIME,
IT DOESN'T MEAN ANYTHING.

IT'S LIKE, UH,

"THANKS A MILLION"
OR "SO'S YOUR MOTHER."

IT'S MY PAINTING,
HERB. THANKS A MILLION.

I-I REALLY DON'T BELIEVE YOU.

I-I JUST DON'T
BELIEVE YOU, BAILEY.

YOU COME IN HERE EVERY MORNING
IN YOUR FRESHLY PRESSED OUTFITS

AND YOUR FRESHLY
SCRUBBED FACE, AND...

AND YOU SIT HERE... ALL DAY,

HARDLY SPEAKING ABOVE
A WHISPER, AND THEN,

WHEN A MAN IS... IS
VULNERABLE, SHAKEN, UPSET,

YOU... YOU JUST REACH OUT AND,

AND RIP FROM HIM WHAT IS
RIGHTFULLY AND FAIRLY HIS!

BAILEY, UH, I-I'M JUST
SO, SO DISAPPOINTED!

HERB, SO'S YOUR MOTHER.

GOOD MORNING BOYS. I'M HERE.

I WANTED YOU TO
SEE MY NEW PAINTING.

ISN'T IT GREAT?

DON'T YOU JUST LOVE THE SHADING
AND THE COLOR OF THE FLOWERS?

DON'T YOU JUST HATE THE SHADING
AND THE COLOR OF THE FLOWERS?

BAILEY, DON'T PAY ANY
ATTENTION TO THOSE JERKS,

- THEY DON'T KNOW ANYTHING.
- WELL, DO YOU LIKE IT?

I DON'T KNOW!

I SHOULD SURELY LIKE THE FRAME.

VENUS?

LET ME SEE.

THAT'S NICE, THAT'S REALLY NICE.

THANK YOU.

WELL.

SO... IT'S NICE.

- YOU DON'T LIKE IT?
- I DON'T LIKE IT.

OH! I'M REALLY SURPRISED AT YOU.

I ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU HAD A LITTLE TASTE.

NOT AS MUCH AS HERB
OF COURSE, BUT STILL..

OH, COME ON, BAILEY.

BEFORE I COULD
LIKE THE PAINTING,

I HAVE TO BE ABLE TO SMELL
THE PSYCHIC SWEAT OF THE ARTIST

COMING OFF THE CANVAS, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN I-I-I-WA-I WANT TO SENSE

THAT HE SHARES MY VISION

THAT WE'RE ALL MORALLY ADRIFT

IN THE CHAOTIC WORLD OF
DISTORTED SOCIAL VALUES.

I-I WANT TO FEEL HIS,

HIS LOATHING, HIS SELF-CONTEMPT

AND ALL THOSE DARK URGES.

I WANT TO SENSE FROM HIS WORK

THAT HE'S COME TO GRIPS
WITH HIS OWN HOMOSEXUALITY

IF NOT GOING TO JAIL FOR.

I WAN TO KNOW...
Fever: OH, SHUT UP!

- WHAT?
- SHUT UP!

OKAY.

HERE YOU ARE. THERE IT IS.

LEAVE IT ALONE, HERB.

BUT IT IS MINE!

HERE'S THE RECEIPT, I FOUND IT.

- W-WHAT'S GOING ON?
- HE GAVE ME THE PAINTING,

NOW HE'S TRYING
TO STEAL IT BACK.

THAT'S RIGHT, AND I
CAN'T THINK OF A THING

THAT'S GONNA STOP ME.

WHAT ABOUT THE FOUR OF
US BEATING YOU TO DUST?

YOU DO, AND I'LL
SEE YOU IN COURT.

WE DON'T CARE.

CAN I SPEAK PRIVATELY
WITH YOU IN THE HALL?

- NOPE.
- OKAY.

AL-ALL RIGHT.

HERB. OH, HERB.

OH, HI BAILEY HOW'S IT GOING?

STOP IT.

WELL, HOW WOULD YOU
FEEL OF SAVING THAT $100

TO HELP TAKE THE LITTLE
LADY TO OKLAHOMA CITY?

COWBOY HALL OF
FAME IS DOWN THERE,

AND HER BROTHER
USED TO BE A TRAIL BOSS.

DID I EVER MENTION
THAT? NO, PROBABLY NOT.

YOU FOUND SOMEBODY TO
BUY THE PAINTING, DIDN'T YOU?

OH, BAILEY, IT...

IT'S NOT THE MONEY, I
DON'T CARE ABOUT THAT.

- WHO?
- MR. CARLSON,

UH, HE-HE LOVES THE DARN THING.

HOW MUCH?

HOW MUCH?

HOW MUCH? THAT'S
ENGLISH "HOW MUCH?"

WELL, I DON'T KNOW,
ABOUT, ABOUT $160.

- OH... REALLY?
- YEAH.

UH, WERE YOU IN THERE
WHEN WE TALKED ABOUT IT?

NO, OF COURSE, YOU WEREN'T. 160.

- I'LL GIVE YOU $200.
- TWO HUNDRED...

OH, GEE, BAILEY, I
DON'T KNOW, UH...

I'LL GO TO THE BANK AT LUNCH.

ALL RIGHT, IF IT MEANS
THAT MUCH TO YOU.

OH! IT DOES. I LOVE IT.
I LOVE THIS PAINTING.

OH, HERB, THANK YOU.

YOUR MOTHER WOULD
BE PROUD OF YOU.

YEAH, SURE SHE WOULD.

GOD, I HAVE NO VALUES.

SO THE BIG TALL GUY
SAYS TO THE DOCTOR,

"ARE YA SURE THAT'S
YOUR ELEPHANT?"

AND THE DOCTOR...

THE DOCTOR...
- IT WAS THAT...
- COME IN

BIG GUY, BAD NEWS.

I CAN'T SELL YOU THAT PAINTING.

OKAY.

SO, NOW, TH-TH-THE DOCTOR

TAKES A LOOK OVER
AT THE KANGAROO

WHO'S SEATED
FURTHER DOWN THE BAR.

OH, I'VE HEARD THIS
ONE, AND HE SAYS

"IF THAT'S YOUR ELEPHANT,
YOU BUY HIM A DRINK."

FUNNY, FUNNY, FUNNY, BIG GUY.

SO HERBY, DID YOU SELL THE
PAINTING TO SOMEONE ELSE?

YEAH.

- SHOULD HAVE KEPT IT.
- WHY?

BECAUSE IT WAS DONATED BY
THE VAN GIESON FAMILY, JUG HEAD.

THE VAN GIESONS? OH, MY!

WHO'S THAT?

- YOU'VE NEVER HEARD OF THEM?
- NO. MAYBE.

WELL, HERB, THEY'RE A
VERY RICH OLD FAMILY.

YOU KNOW, HALF THE PAINTINGS
AT THE COUNTY MUSEUM

WERE DONATED BY THEM.

I KNEW THAT.

UH-HUH, WOULD YOU PLEASE
HAVE MRS. VAN GIESON CALL ME?

RIGHT.

HERBERT RUGGLES,
R-U-G-G-L-E-S, TARLEK THE THIRD.

OH, NO, NO, NO...
NO, THE FOURTH.

OKAY?

YEAH, IT-IT-IT CONCERNS
A WORK OF ART,

YOU KNOW, LIKE A PAINTING.

RIGHT, THERE YOU HAVE MY NUMBER.

RIGHT... NO... THANK YOU.

AND AU REVOIR.

THAT'S FRENCH.

WHAT AN IDIOT.

- HERB.
- WE GOT TO TALK BAILEY.

- HERE'S MY MONEY.
- HUH, DON'T WANT IT.

WHERE IS MY PAINTING?

WELL, I... I HAD
TO TAKE IT BACK.

OH, NO, YOU DON'T!
WE MADE A DEAL.

UH, BAILEY, EVIDENTLY
YOU DON'T KNOW

WHAT THE WORD
"DEAL" MEANS, YOU SEE.

A DEAL IS WHEN
PAPERS ARE SIGNED,

RECEIPTS ARE GIVEN,

LEGAL OBLIGATIONS TAKE PLACE.

I THINK I'LL CALL THE POLICE.

- WHAT?
- THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WOULD TOO, WOULDN'T YOU?

YOU'RE DARN RIGHT.

I DON'T CARE.

HELLO... OH, STOP
IT, PUT IT AWAY.

ALL RIGHT, THE PAINTING
IS YOURS, I'LL JUST...

I'LL JUST BUY IT BACK FOR $300.

OH! NO!

I LIKE THE PAINTING, YOU DON'T.

I WANT IT. I WANT TO ADMIRE IT.

I LIKE IT. I... IT MAKES
ME FEEL GOOD.

FOUR HUNDRED.

UGH! NO, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND!

NOT EVERYTHING IN
THIS WORLD IS FOR SALE.

NOT EVERYTHING IS COMMERCE.

$500.

OH, OH.

ALL RIGHT.

DEAL.

FIVE HUNDRED IS TOO MUCH.

FIVE HUNDRED IS A PRICE
AN ART APPRECIATES.

ALL RIGHT, 500, I'LL
WRITE YOU A CHECK.

AND I WANT YOUR RECEIPT
FROM THE AUCTION AS TAX DEDUCT

OR I'LL WRITE YOU
ANOTHER RECEIPT.

YOU KNOW, BAILEY,

DEEP DOWN INSIDE
YOU ARE JUST ANOTHER

SHREWD BUSINESSMAN LIKE MYSELF.

OH, NO, I'M NOT, BUT I KNOW YOU.

YOU THINK EVERYTHING IS BUSINESS
AND THAT EVERYTHING IS A DEAL.

- NO, I DON'T.
- YES, YOU DO.

YOU GOT POOR LES TO GIVE
YOU 50 BUCKS, DIDN'T YOU?

YES, I DID, THANK YOU.

I JUST STARED AT HIM
THROUGH THE DJ WINDOW TILL

SWEAT ROLLED DOWN
THE BACK OF HIS NECK,

FIFTY BUCKS JUST POPPED
RIGHT OUT OF HIS BACK POCKET.

AND AT HOME YOU'RE A REAL
SWEET GUY WITH THE KIDS.

I AM.

OKAY. YOUR 200
AND MY CHECK FOR 3.

OKAY.

LESTER BABY!

HERB, I ALREADY GAVE YOU
$50, NOW LEAVE ME ALONE!

I KNOW AND YOU WERE RIGHT
ALL ALONG AND I WAS WRONG.

HERE'S YOUR 50 BACK.

I WON'T TAKE IT.

COME ON, TAKE IT!

- NO.
- YES.

- NO.
- WHY NOT?

BECAUSE IT'S NOT FAIR.

UGH!

LES, FAIR IS JUST A WORD
PEOPLE USE. LIKE, UH...

ALL RIGHT, AVERAGE.

YOU SHOULDN'T TAKE THE 50, LES.

THE PAINTING'S WORTH 500 NOW,
HERB OWES YOU HALF OF THAT.

WHAT'S A STROKE FEEL LIKE?

WELL, OBVIOUSLY YOU
FOUND ANOTHER BUYER.

HALF THE SALE PRICE
MUST GO TO LES.

NO, I DIDN'T FIND
ANOTHER BUYER REALLY,

I'M NOT LYING THIS TIME.

I MEAN, I MEAN I'M NOT LYING.

LOOK, I-I-I JUST
WANT THE PAINTING.

I TELL YOU WHAT LES.

I'LL GIVE YOU YOUR 50

AND I'LL WRITE YOU
OUT A CHECK FOR 100.

- WELL...
- DON'T DO IT, LES.

DO IT, LES. TRUST ME.

ALL RIGHT, HERB.

I HATE HIM BUT HE
IS MY BEST FRIEND.

LES, IT'S SO DUMB.

HE HAS FOUND OUT THAT
THE PAINTING IS VALUABLE.

THIS IS ANOTHER ONE
OF HIS LITTLE SCHEMES.

- IS THAT TRUE, HERB?
- OKAY, OKAY.

ALL RIGHT, LES. IT IS A SCHEME.

BUT WHEN HAVE YOU EVER KNOWN

ANY OF MY SCHEMES
TO PAN OUT HUH?

I MEAN WHEN WAS IT THAT

I NEVER WOUND UP ON
THE SHORT END OF A STICK?

AND THE 50?

HERB, DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING ABOUT
A CALL FOR RUGGLES THE FOURTH?

OH, I'LL GET THAT. THANK YOU.

HELLO, MRS. RUGGLES...

UH, OH, I'M SORRY. MRS.
VAN GIESON, I'M RUGGLES.

ALL RIGHT, LISTEN.

I PURCHASED A PAINTING WHICH
YOU DONATED TO A CHURCH AUCTION.

YES, RIGHT.

UH, WOULD YOU BE SO KIND AS TO,

YOU KNOW, GIVE ME A BRIEF
HISTORY ON THAT PAINTING?

THANK YOU.

UH-HUH!

UH-HUH!

THANK YOU.

AU REVOIR.

ARE YOU OKAY?

HER SON DID IT.

HE PAINTS A PAINTING A DAY

BECAUSE HE'S IN PRISON
FOR SELLING QUAALUDES.

LOOKS LIKE THE ROOSTERS
HAVE COME HOME TO ROOST.

THAT'S ONE WAY OF PUTTING IT.

I'M OUT.

LET'S SEE...

100 FOR THE PAINTING.

100 TO LES.

300 TO BAILEY.

$500.

I'M OUT $500!

SEE WHAT GREED GOT YOU?

PLEASE, BAILEY, NO LECTURES.

HERB, I WANT TO BUY
THE PAINTING BACK.

- YOU DO?
- YES, HERB.

FOR $500?

NO, NO. I'LL KEEP MY CASH AND
I'LL JUST TEAR UP YOUR CHECK.

BAILEY, Y-YOU'D BE GETTING
THE PAINTING FOR FREE.

REALLY?

- THAT, THAT'S NOT FAIR!
- YOU MEAN AS IN STATE FAIR?

- OH, BAILEY.
- PLEASE, HERB, NO LECTURES.

OKAY.

YOU'RE LUCKY.

I HOPE I DON'T GET LUCKIER.

WHERE IS IT?

- BEHIND THE COUCH.
- OH!

YOU KNOW, THAT WAS A VERY
NICE THING FOR BAILEY TO DO.

SHE COULD HAVE KEPT YOUR CHECK.

YES, IT WAS A VERY NICE
THING FOR BAILEY TO DO.

SPEAKING OF NICE,

I BELIEVE YOU HAVE $150
OF MY MONEY ON YOUR DESK.

OH, YES.

HERB, I THINK YOU OUGHT TO
LEARN A LESSON FROM ALL THIS.

SO I'M GOING TO GIVE
THIS TO JERRY'S KIDS.

HIS REAL KIDS.

- HI MR. CARLSON.
- HI LES.

SEE, WHERE WERE YOU ON SUNDAY?

YEAH, WHERE WERE YOU?

I WAS IN DAYTON VISITING
MY MOTHER, MR. CARLSON.

SOMETHING I'M SURE
THAT YOU CAN APPRECIATE,

BUT I WANTED YOU TO
KNOW THAT MY THOUGHTS

WERE WITH YOU AND
YOUR VERY FINE AUCTION.

OH, IT'S VERY KIND OF YOU, LES.

AND I WOULD LIKE TO
ENDORSE THIS CHECK

IN THE AMOUNT OF $100

AS MY SMALL WAY OF
LETTING YOU KNOW...

I CARE.

OH, THANKS LES.

NOW, I MUST SAY GOODBYE

SO THAT I CAN GO HOME AND
PREPARE MY WORK FOR TOMORROW.

GOODBYE, HERB.

NOW, IS THAT SOME KIND
OF A GUY OR WHAT, HUH?

YOU SHOULD SEE
SOMEBODY ABOUT THAT.