WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 6 - A Mile in My Shoes - full transcript

SO WHILE OUR ACTUAL
BUILDINGS WERE UP

OUR TOTAL REVENUES WERE DOWN.

YOU SEE THAT'S THE
PROBLEM, OVERDUE ACCOUNTS.

- AHA!
- RIGHT.

THESE CLIENTS HAVE GOT
TO PAY WHAT THEY OWE.

AND THAT'S WHY I WANT
YOU TO TALK TO HERB.

IT'S NOT A DIFFICULT
THING TO DO.

I'VE DONE SALES
AT OTHER STATIONS.

I'VE DONE SALES AT BIG STATIONS.

IF AN OVERDUE
CLIENT DOES NOT PAY

YOU SIMPLY REPLACE THAT
CLIENT WITH ANOTHER ONE.



OH, YEAH. WHOA!

WHAT DID I JUST SAY?

GEEZ, DON'T YOU KNOW?

GOOD MORNING AND
HOW ARE YOU TWO?

FINE.

NO BAD MOODS, OR
UNRESOLVED ANGER?

OOH, I DON'T THINK SO.

I CAN'T HEAR YOU, ANDY.

- NO I'M... I'M OKAY.
- YEAH.

THEN NEITHER ONE OF YOU

IS WAITING FOR AN
EXCUSE TO EXPLODE.

- NO.
- ISN'T THAT NICE?

IT'S OKAY, HERB.

GOOD MORNING, GENTLEMEN.



NEVER ASK ME TO
DO THIS AGAIN, HERB.

IT'S, UH, REAL LUCKY I
CAUGHT YOU TOGETHER.

IF I COULD GET YOU TO
JOT YOUR JOHN HANCOCKS

ACROSS THE BOTTOM
OF THESE LETTERS.

SIT DOWN, HERBERT, LET'S CHAT.

WELL, I'M KIND OF IN A RUSH.

- SIT DOWN.
- BUT I'LL MAKE THE TIME.

- MR. CARLSON.
- WHAT?

OOH.

LISTEN, HERB, IF THIS
SORT OF THING CONTINUES

THERE'S GONNA BE HELL OF A PAY.

EXCUSE ME?

I THINK WHAT MR. CARLSON
MEANS IS WE CAN'T LET

SOME OF OUR CLIENTS
GO ON OWING MONEY.

- THAT'S WRONG.
- YEAH.

PAYMENT IS DUE, WHEN
PAYMENT IS DUE, HERBERT,

PERIOD, END OF SENTENCE,
END OF DISCUSSION. YOU GOT ME?

SURELY AND I'LL GET RIGHT ON IT

JUST AS SOON AS YOU FILL
AND SIGN THESE LETTERS.

WELL, THIS LOOKS
SHORT OF LEGAL, HERB.

MUMBO JUMBO, I WOULDN'T
WASTE MY TIME READING IT.

OH, OKAY.

LOOK AT YOUR CARDS.

SALES MANAGER WKRP

IS ESSENTIAL AND INDISPENSABLE

TO THE OPERATION OF THE COMPANY.

WHAT THE HECK
IS THIS IS? A JOKE?

NO, SIR, THEY, UH, PULLED
MY NAME FOR JURY DUTY

AND I THOUGHT MAYBE
YOU COULD GET ME OFF...

I DON'T KNOW, HERB.

NOW, LOOK IT'S-IT'S
YOUR DUTY TO SERVE.

WELL, THAT'S THE WAY I FEEL.

BUT WHO IS GONNA
LOOK AFTER SALES.

I WOULDN'T MIND.

SOMEBODY'S GOT TO GET ON
THOSE OVERDUE ACCOUNTS.

YOU WANNA DO IT?

- NO.
- SIGN.

UNDER PENALTY OF PERJURY.

WHERE DOES IT SAY THAT?

AT LAST PARAGRAPH I THINK.

- OH!
- I-I DON'T THINK MEANING...

MR. CARLSON HAS A POINT
ABOUT THAT CIVIC DUTY, HERB.

YE-YEAH, BUT I THINK...

WELL, OF COURSE
ON THE OTHER HAND,

WE COULD TAKE THE EASY
WAY OUT AND WE COULD LIE

AND KEEP HERB ON
THE JOB, GO AHEAD, SIGN.

WELL I... I WOULDN'T GET
CARRIED AWAY WITH LYING...

NO, SIR. YOU GO,
HERB. DO YOUR DUTY.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE RIGHT, HERBERT.

I COULD HANDLE SALES

AND VENUS COULD FILL IN FOR ME.

GOOD IDEA. VERY GOOD, YEAH!

THANK YOU, SIR.

JUST REMEMBER WHO THOUGHT OF IT.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI... ♪

JOHNNY, PERHAPS I'VE
BEEN A TOUCH ABRUPT

IN MY ATTEMPTS TO PERSUADE...

I HAVE PERSUADED
AUSTRALIAN COMMUNICATIONS

WITH MY DREAMS,
AND YOU'RE ACTING...

YOU HAVEN'T LISTENED
TO ME IN FOUR DAYS MAN.

WELL, YOU HAVEN'T MADE
ANY SENSE IN FOUR DAYS.

I'M JUST DOING MY JOB.

OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE
TRYING TO DO ANDY'S JOB.

LOOK, FEVER...

YOU USED TO BE A
GOOD DISC JOCKEY, MAN,

OF COURSE THAT'S
WHEN YOU WERE BLACK.

YOU WANNA BE ACTING
PROGRAM DIRECTOR?

YOU WANNA ARGUE ABOUT
SOMETHING YOU DON'T CARE ABOUT

WITH SOMEBODY YOU AGREE WITH.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOU JUST SAID?

NOT A WORD.

Both: WHEN IS HERB COMING BACK?

I DON'T KNOW. WHY?

Both: THIS GUY'S OUT OF LINE.

HEY, YOU GUYS KEEP TALKING
IN UNISON AND I'M LEAVING.

LOOK, TRAVIS, DO I REALLY
HAVE TO PLAY WHAT VENUS SAYS?

YES... HE'S THE ACTING PD.

YEAH, I KNOW. BUT I... I JUST...

I CAN'T SEE AN ALL BERRY
WHITE WEEKEND, YOU KNOW.

RIGHT ON, RIGHT ON,
RIGHT ON, RIGHT ON.

HEY, LISTEN, IF I CAN
HANDLE THOSE SALES,

YOU CAN HANDLE PROGRAMMING
AND YOU CAN ADJUST.

NOW DROP THOSE CHICKEN
CITY COMMERCIALS FROM THE LOG.

NOT THE CHICKEN CITIES BOX.

HEY, HE REFUSED
TO PAY. HE'S OUT.

- YOU LOST A CLIENT?
- I'LL REPLACE HIM.

YOU'RE REALLY BURNING
UP THE SALES DEPARTMENT.

IF THEY PAY, THEY ARE CLIENTS.

- IF THEY DON'T THEY'RE CHARITY.
- THANKS, HERB.

NEITHER ONE OF YOU
GUYS HAVE GOT A CLUE...

Both: JUST HOW ROUGH IT IS
OUT THERE ON THE STREETS

SELLING THIS PLACE.

AT UNISON. I WARNED YOU. I...

Both: WHAT'S WITH HIM?

SO THERE WE ARE STANDING
IN MY FRONT DOOR AND HE SAYS,

JENNIFER SOME WOMEN WOULD
FEEL OBLIGATED AFTER FLYING

TO NEW ORLEANS ON A PRIVATE JET

IN A MOON LIGHT DINNER
ON A MISSISSIPPI RIVER BOAT.

BUT I PREFER A CHALLENGE.

SOMEONE, SOMEONE
WHO IS INTERESTED IN ME

AND NOT MY MONEY.

WHAT'D YOU DO?

WELL, I WISHED HIM LUCK,
KISSED HIM ON HIS BALD SPOT

AND WHEELED HIM TO HIS CAR.

OH, ANDY,

JIM GOSHEN OF THE TUBE
AND LUBE SHOP HAS CALLED

AND TOLD ME TO TELL YOU

"REGARDING YOUR HARDBALL
COLLECTION AGENCY TACTICS,

"I WON'T PAY YOU ONE RED CENT.

PUT YOUR COMMERCIALS
WHERE THE SUN DON'T..."

I CAN'T MAKE THAT OUT.

THANK YOU JENNIFER.
THANK YOU VERY MUCH.

ANDY, PRUNING A TREE
OF IT'S DEAD BRANCHES

HELPS NEW BRANCHES TO GROW.

RIGHT.

HEY THAT'S SMART THING,
YOU KNEW EXACTLY, BAILEY.

YA, HELLO, MORNING.

MAY I SPEAK WITH
BARNEY MARSHAL PLEASE?

OH, MR. MARSHAL... HI, SORRY.

BAD CONNECTION HERE I GUESS.

MY NAME IS ANDY TRAVIS OF WKRP

AND I WOULD LIKE TO SHOW YOU

HOW INEXPENSIVE WHEN
I BELIEVE EFFECTIVE AT...

WKRP...

RADIO.

YEAH, WE'RE HERE IN TOWN.

ANDY TRAVIS.

ALRIGHT.

MR. MARSHAL MAY
I CALL YOU BARNEY.

OKAY, IT'S NOT IMPORTANT.

YEAH... OKAY... NO,

SIR I-I'M A VERY
BUSY MAN TOO. I...

OKAY, FINE. I'LL HOLD.

ANDY...

- ANDY?
- NOT NOW, LES.

- ANDY!
- YES.

HAVE YOU EVER HEARD
ABOUT THE REPORTER

WHO DYED WITH SKIN DARK

AND WENT TO LIVE
WITH BLACK PEOPLE?

I'M ON THE PHONE HERE, LES.

I HAVE.

IT'S CALLED "BLACK LIKE
ME" IT'S A GREAT BOOK.

AND YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S
NEVER BEEN DONE ON RADIO.

OH, LES.

I WANNA GO OUT AMONG
THE BLACK PEOPLE

ALONG THE HIGHWAYS AND BYWAYS

IN THE CAFES

LAUGHING, LOVING,
CRYING AND SINGING...

LIVING THE LIFE OF THE NEGRO!

AND REPORTING IT
ALL IN THE SERIES OF

AWARD WINNING NEWS
SPECIALS, WHAT DO YOU SAY?

SOUNDS GREAT TO ME, LES.

I'LL SAY GO AHEAD AND DO IT.

BUT SEE I'M IN SALES
WHILE HERB'S GONE,

YOU HAVE TO TALK
TO VENUS ABOUT THIS.

THANK YOU, ANDY, I'LL
TELL HIM YOU LIKE IT.

LET ME GO RUN SOME TESTS.

YEAH, MR. MARSHAL,

YES I'M STILL HERE,
I'M STILL WAITING.

HELLO... HELLO?

PLEASE DON'T ANYBODY GET UP.

TRAVIS, I'VE JUST BEEN ON THE
PHONE WITH OUR CARPENTER.

UH, OKAY, CAROL, RV, SAYS
YOU'VE BEEN HARASSING HIM.

SMILE AND YELL, YOU BET I HAVE.

HE OWES US OVER $9000.

WHY, YOU SHOULD HAVE
SAVED THOSE ROUGH TACTICS

FOR WHERE YOU SELL
THE REAL DEAD BEATS.

HE'S... HE'S HAPPY TO PAY.

IN FACT, HE'S GOT A NEW CAMPAIGN

HE WANTS TO TALK OVER WITH YOU

WHEN YOU GO OVER
TO PICK UP HIS CHECK.

- THAT'S GREAT.
- YOU BET, IT IS.

NOW, YOU HEAD ON OVER
THERE AND GET THAT MONEY

AND BE NICE TO THE MAN

'CAUSE THAT'S KINDA CLIENT
WE WANNA HAVE AROUND HERE.

- THANKS. CARRY ON.
- RIGHT.

- OH, TRAVIS.
- YEAH?

IF YOU NEED ANYBODY
TO GO, YOU KNOW,

BARE KNUCKLES WITH ANY
ONE OF THESE DEAD BEATS,

YOU KNOW, WHERE TO FIND ME.

COME ON, LADIES AND GENTLEMEN.

WE'VE WASTED ENOUGH
TIME ON THIS TRIAL ALREADY.

DAD, COULD YOU SLIP INTO GEAR.

I'VE GOT WHAT'S LEFT OF
A CAREER TO GET BACK TO.

WHY IS THIS MAN IN THE UGLY SUIT

TELLING US WHAT TO DO?

SIR, IF YOU DIDN'T WANT
ME TO BE JURY FOREMAN,

YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE VOTED FOR ME.

I DIDN'T.

ALRIGHT JUST...
JUST HAVE A SEAT.

I WOULD LIKE TO GET
THROUGH WITH THIS BY LUNCH.

OH, LUNCH IS THE BEST
PART, NEVER MISS LUNCH.

IS THIS WHERE YOU
WANT ME, MR. TARTAR.

IT'S FINE, IT'S FINE.

DO YOU THINK WE
COULD CHANGE SEATS?

IT'S REALLY VERY
IMPORTANT TO ME.

ALRIGHT, NOW.

WE'VE ALL SEEN THE EVIDENCE,

WE'VE ALL HEARD THE TESTIMONY

AND I THINK THE VERDICT
IS QUITE OBVIOUS.

I HATE TO ADMIT IT.

BUT THIS SMART ALEC IS RIGHT.

ALRIGHT. NOW IF RAISE YOUR HAND,

WE FRY HIM.

IF YOU DON'T, WE'LL
LET THE GUY OFF.

OKAY, VOTE.

THAT GREEN OLD RADIO
STATION STILL AWAY FROM ME.

WELL, SEND THAT
PECKERWOOD IN HERE HOLLY.

BE SURE AND BUZZ ME BACK ON THE
HORN, HON, IN A COUPLE OF MINUTES.

COME ON IN HERE
STRANGER THIS IS THE PLACE.

YOU SWALLOWED OUT, I CAN TELL.

MY NAME IS TRAVIS. WE
TALKED ON THE PHONE.

SURE IT IS, THIS SHOWS YOU
HOW WRONG ABOUT IT YOU CAN BE.

YOU DIDN'T TELL
ME YOU'S A COWBOY.

- OH, I AM NOT A REAL COWBOY.
- OH, WHERE ARE YOU FROM?

- ORIGINALLY?
- ORIGINALLY.

ORIGINALLY, FROM, UH, PHOENIX.

- PHOENIX, ARIZONA.
- ARE YOU FROM THERE?

NO, I MISSED A DAY AT ONE TIME.

DROP YOUR SADDLE SIDE OUT HERE,

AND LET'S SEE WHOSE
BRAND IS ON THE CATTLE.

- WHAT?
- HOOCH.

I AM SORRY?

HOOCH, YOUR LITTLE
CONVERSATION LUBRICATION.

OH, WELL, THANK YOU. BUT
NOT NOW. WE ARE OVER A TALK-

WHEN I WHISTLE, I LIKED A TUNE.

RIGHT ON THE BAR.
ALRIGHT, SO FUN.

BOY, I CAN'T PLAY CAT AND
MOUSE WITH YOU ALL DAY LONG,

I'VE GOT SOME COMMERCIALS.
I'VE GOT TO START TODAY.

I HAVE GOT A LOT OF BUSINESS.

AND I THINK THAT'S WONDERFUL.

WELL, I'M GOING TO
HEAR ALL ABOUT IT,

JUST AS SOON WE SETTLE
THAT ACCOUNT AROUND.

CALL ME SMART.

- SMART.
- WHAT?

WE'RE TAKING ANOTHER DRINK,
KNOCK THE BAR OFF THAT, BOY.

HURLEY, GO DAMN IT, I TOLD
YOU NOT TO DISTURB ME.

WELL I, TOLD HIM I
WAS GOING TO WKRP.

NO, I'M NOT GONNA
GO WITH YOUR STATION.

THAT MUCH LESS.

HMM. WELL, TELL HIM I'LL
SEE HIM AT 2 O CLOCK, HONEY.

SORRY ABOUT THAT
FRIEND. WHAT'S IT YOU SAYIN'?

I SEE THERE'S NO
REASON TO, UH...

BEAT AROUND THE BUSH
WITH A FELLOW LIKE YOU.

WKRP WANT YOU AS A CLIENT.

- HOOCH?
- NO, THANKS.

I'VE GOT 50 COMMERCIALS AND
I DON'T WANNA RUN DRIVE TIME,

A DAY FULL OF SALE IN OUR MAP.

NOW UPFRONT I'M ON OLDER
BOOK, PRICE IS A STEEP $40.

HOW'S 30 SOUND?

20 SOUND BETTER.

OOH! THAT'S HALF RATE.

WELL, I GUESS YOU COULD
LOOK AT IT THAT WAY.

BUT, DAMN, MY HERE, THEY
HAVE SCREWED ALL RIGHT BOY.

A BLOOM FORGOT TO GIVE YOU

THE CHECK FOR $9000 WE OWE YOU.

- SMART...
- WHAT?

I BELIEVE WE CAN GIVE THOSE
COMMERCIALS AT $20 A SPOT

IF YOU ORDER 100.

OH, WELL, I... I JUST
NEED 50 COMMERCIALS.

AND AS A GESTURE OF GOOD FAITH,

I'M WILLING TO COMMIT
TO THAT... IN WRITING,

RIGHT NOW...

$20 SPOTS.

BOY, I LIKE YOUR STYLE.

YOU HAVE GOT GUTS.

YOU KNOW WHAT,
THEY'RE GONNA THIS FAR.

LOOK AT THAT, RIGHT
THERE, THE OLD GOT IT RIGHT.

LET ME GET THOSE
COMMERCIALS NOW,

WE GOTTA START ON DEBATE.

- SEE, SMILE.
- WHAT?

THIS CHECK'S WRONG.

- WHAT?
- YEAH.

SEE, UH, THE $9000 IN NUMBERS

BUT IT... IT'S WRITTEN
DOWN AND SAYS 900.

WHY HELL, THERE'S
NO BANK IN THE WORLD

WOULD TAKE THAT CHECK?

IT'S GOOD THING, I CAUGHT THAT.

IT CERTAINLY IS. I'LL HELP
CUT YOU ANOTHER CHECK.

WE'LL GET IT IN THE
MAIL TO YOU TODAY.

I SEE. AND WE WILL
RUN THEM COMMERCIALS

JUST AS SOON AS
THAT CHECK ARRIVES.

OH, NO, NO WE RUN THEM
COMMERCIALS TODAY.

UH... WE GOT A CONTRACT.

RIGHT. AT $20 SPOT.

A HUNDRED OF 'EM, SON, AND
I NEVER WOULD'VE DONE IT.

EXCEPT YOU GOT
ME OVER ONE DEEP...

AND NOT A MOMENT
TOO SOON EITHER BABIES.

THAT WAS QUEEN
WITH THEIR BIG HIT,

ONE THAT I NEVER
PARTICULARLY CARED FOR,

BUT I'M NEVERTHELESS
FORCED TO PLAY HERE ON WKRP.

THIS IS DR. JOHNNY
FEVER JUST DOING MY JOB,

FOLLOWING THE ORDERS
OF VENUS FLYTRAP.

HE'S JUST DOING ANDY TRAVIS' JOB

WHILE ANDY FILLS IN FOR OUR
SALES MANAGER HERB TARLEK

WHO IS NOT DOING HIS JOB.

WHAT ABOUT SCENE OF THE CRIME?

A BROKEN GLASS,

THE EMPTY ROLLS OF MASKING TAPE,

THE TORN SILK SHEETS...

MY APARTMENTS ARE MESS TOO,

I DON'T SEE WHAT THAT PROVES.

I'D LIKE TO SEE YOUR APARTMENT.

Old man: LOOK...

THE ONLY THINGS IN OUR LIFE TIME

THAT WE'RE DEEPLY,
DEEPLY ASHAMED OF RIGHT.

BOY, I'LL SAY.

- REALLY?
- SURE.

I'M A SCORPIO. WHAT'S YOUR SIGN?

I DON'T KNOW.

IF WE'RE GOING TO TALK EVIDENCE,

LET'S NOT FORGET
THE FIRE PLACE POKER.

All: WHAT?

JUST A LITTLE JOKE.

THE OLD IMMIGRANT
MAN MADE A LITTLE JOKE.

CRIME IS NO JOKE.

TALK TO YOUR TAILOR.

DID ANY OF YOU SEE HIS EYES,

THEY WERE SO SAD IT LOOKED
LIKE HE WAS ABOUT TO CRY?

AH, ACTING...

HEY!

I'M GUY WHO'S BEEN AROUND.

I KNOW WHAT'S WHAT.

I HUSTLE FOR LIVING.

I'M A SALESMAN
AND I'M PROUD OF IT.

SALES IS MY LIFE.

BUT WHILE WE'RE HERE
DOING OUR CIVIC DUTY,

SOME JERK IS BACK THERE TRYING
TO ROB ME OF MY LIVELIHOOD.

OH, SURE, HE'S A HOT DOG.

BUT WHAT IF HE GETS
LUCKY AND HAS A GOOD WEEK.

I'M OUT.

CAREER OVER.

AND ALL THOSE...
ALL THOSE YEARS OF

GREAT RECORD BREAKING
SALES... FORGOTTEN.

OH, DEAR.

ARE YOU OKAY?

OF COURSE, HONEY, THAT'S ACTING.

LET'S VOTE GUILTY.

JENNIFER, FOR THE NEXT HOUR,

I WILL BE TAKING ALL CALLS
AND SEEING ALL VISITORS.

ALRIGHTY.

PROBABLY LITTLE SURPRISED
HEARING THAT FROM ME?

NOT NEARLY AS SURPRISED AS
I FEEL HEARING MYSELF SAY IT.

MR. CARLSON, NOTHING
YOU DO SURPRISES ME.

NAH, NAH.

THE REEVALUATING,
JENNIFER, I'VE BEEN THINKING.

AND YOU SHOULD. YOU'RE THE BOSS.

AND FOR THAT REASON,

I WILL LET NO CALLS AND
NO VISITORS DISTURB YOU.

THANK YOU, JENNIFER.

GOOD MORNING, GORGEOUS.

- CAN IT, HERB?
- WHAT?

OH! UH, ANDY!

I'M SORRY. I THOUGHT
YOU WERE HERB.

YOU SEE HE CALLS ME
GORGEOUS, YOU DON'T.

AND THAT'S ALWAYS BEEN
OVERSIGHT ON MY PART,

- HEY, YOU LOOK GREAT.
- OH!

THANK YOU, SO DO YOU.

- ANY MESSAGES?
- NO.

- ANY MAIL?
- SORRY.

YOU KNOW, I'VE MADE OVER TWO
DOZEN SALES CALLS THIS WEEK.

NOT ONE MESSAGE? NOT ONE REPLY?

I COULD GIVE YOU THIS MAIL
ADDRESSED TO OCCUPANT.

I DON'T GET IT, JENNIFER.

JUST DON'T GET IT.

I'VE LIVED AND BREATHED
RADIOS SINCE I WAS A LITTLE BOY.

I'VE DONE EVERY JOB THERE IS
TO BE DONE AT A RADIO STATION,

INCLUDING SALES

AT SOME OF THE NUMBER ONE
OPERATIONS IN THIS COUNTRY.

IT'S NEVER HAPPENED
LIKE THIS BEFORE.

I SAY, "WKRP,"

THEY EITHER LAUGH
OR GET VERY ANGRY.

I ONCE HAD SELF CONFIDENCE,
THIS TERRIBLE EXPERIENCE

MIGHT MAKE ME QUESTION
WHO I REALLY AM?

TRAVIS! WHAT'RE
YOU DOIN' TO ME, MAN?

WHAT?

YOU'RE OUGHT TO HAVIN'
A GREAT TIME IN SALES,

WHY ARE YOU ADDIN' TO MY
HEADACHES IN PROGRAMMING?

VENUS!

OH, VENUS

THANKS FOR SENDING LES WITH
THIS AWARD WINNING IDEA OF HIS.

HAVE YOU SEEN VENUS?

SO FAR, SO GOOD, ANDY.
WHAT DO YOU THINK?

JENNIFER, I'M GONNA UNWIND
DOWN AT THE CLUB WITH THE STEAM,

I'LL BE BACK IN AN HOUR OR TWO.

HELLO TRAVIS, HELLO LES.

GOOD LOOKIN' SUIT,
ANDY. GO WASH UP LES.

ALRIGHT, EVERYBODY QUIET
DOWN. JUST STOP TALKING.

NOW, SINCE WE CAN'T
SEEM TO AGREE ON THIS,

I'LL MAKE THE DECISION.

THAT'S NOT FAIR!

FAIR'S GOT NOTHING TO
DO WITH IT, I'M HUNGRY NOW.

THAT'S THREE LARGE PIZZAS.

TWO WITH EVERYTHING. ONE PLAIN.

AND ONE SPINACH SALAD.

I GET HEARTBURNS.
WHAT CAN I TELL YOU?

COULDN'T WE HAVE
CHINESE FOOD AGAIN?

A GOOD SALAD IS VERY HEALTHY,
BUT PLEASE DON'T LISTEN TO ME,

I'M JUST AN OLD LITTLE MAN
FROM ANOTHER COUNTRY.

NOT FROM WHERE I SIT POPS.

ALRIGHT, NOW WHERE WERE WE?

WALTER HAD JUST
OFFERED TO TEACH ME

HOW TO SWIM IN HIS JACUZZI.

HE'S AN AQUARIAN
WITH HIS MOON RISING.

I DON'T CARE. WHERE WERE WE?

YOU WERE JUST SUMMING UP

YOUR 15TH AND
FINAL STUPID POINT.

RIGHT, OKAY.

NOW... LASTLY, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN OF THE JURY...

IT SHOULD BE SALAD,
ROUGHAGE IS VERY IMPORTANT.

LASTLY, THE
DEFENDANT IS ITALIAN.

HEY, I'M ITALIAN.

THAT EXPLAINS YOUR
VOTE, DOESN'T IT?

VOTE OR NOT?

LISTEN, YOU'RE BOTH DUMMIES.

THE DEFENDANT IS A CANADIAN.

All: UH-OH!

NOW, LET'S GET THIS
OVER WITH TODAY

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO
LOOK AT ANOTHER SUIT OF HIS.

I'M THE FOREMAN.

DOWN, JUNIOR.

NOW, EVERYBODY WHO
WANTS HIM SNUFFED

LIFT YOUR HANDS.

YOU'RE THE ONE WHO CONVINCED ME.

WELL, I CHANGED MY MIND.

AND I'D LIKE SPINACH SALAD TOO.

WELL.

IT'S TIME TO PUT OUR TOOLS AWAY,

STRAIGHTEN OUR DESKS,

CLIMB INTO OUR CARS

AND DRIVE OFF TO SOME SENSELESS,

POSSIBLY ILLEGAL DIVERSION.

BAILEY YOU'VE BEEN HANGING
AROUND WITH JOHNNY TOO MUCH?

I KNOW. GOOD NIGHT, ANDY.

GOOD NIGHT, BAILEY.

WORKIN' LATE, ANDY?

HEY, HEY, HERB!

THAT'S A...

- GOOD TO SEE YOU.
- YEAH?

HOW'S TRIAL GOIN'?

WELL, WE WRAPPED IT
UP ABOUT HALF HOUR AGO.

WOW, IT'S WONDERFUL.

I CAN BE BACK IN
MY DESK TOMORROW.

GREAT.

- WHAT WAS THE VERDICT?
- HOW WERE SALES?

- YOU GO, YOU GO FIRST.
- NO, YOU.

THE, WELL, UH, THE VERDICT...

NOT MUCH TO TELL...

WE COULDN'T REALLY
AGREE ON ANYTHING.

EXCEPT THE VERDICT.

OH, YEAH, OF COURSE.

YOU KNOW, I... WHEN I SAW
YOU SITTING AT MY DESK,

I D... I DIDN'T
RECOGNIZE YOU, HUH.

THOUGHT YOU'D HIRED
A REPLACEMENT FOR ME.

BUT THEN I SAW THE HAIR.

THAT WAS JUST ME, HERB.
I WAS JUST... FILLIN' IN.

WELL...

ANY, UH... ANY PROBLEMS?

PROBLEMS? NAAH! NO PROBLEMS.

I HAD TO... CUT OFF A CLIENT OR
TWO BECAUSE THEY WOULDN'T PAY.

OH, REALLY?

- WELL THAT'S SIX.
- SIX?

PAYMENT IS DUE
WHEN PAYMENT IS DUE.

THAT IS BUSINESS.

ANDY, YOU GOT TO
KNOW WHEN TO HEAD ON.

I GOT CLOSE TO COLLECT
$9000 FROM SMILIN' AL,

HIS COUSIN CLAUSE GETTING...

MAIL CHECK, RIGHT?

YEAH!

AND HE GOT A WHOLE
BUNCH OF NEW SPOTS

AT A RIDICULOUSLY LOW PRICE.

IT WASN'T RIDICULOUSLY LOW.

OH, ANDY!

HE DID THAT TO ME 20 TIMES.

THEN I GOT SMART.

- 20 TIMES?
- YEAH.

OH, HOLLY, BIG HERB HERE.

LOOK, LET ME YAP
AT THE HEAD HONCHO.

YEAH... SMILE!

LISTEN BUDDY... THAT
NEW CAMPAIGN OF YOURS,

NO CAN DO.

I WENT TO THE MAD ON THIS ONE,

BUT YOU KNOW THE BIG
GUY, HE'S A HARD MAN.

WELL, HE SAID, "HERB, LISTEN

ALL PAST DUES MUST BE CLEARED."

5000 IS A START.

NO... UH-UH... TODAY...

I WANT TO SEE THAT COUSIN
OF YOURS WITH A CHECK.

OKAY, FINE.

HERBERT, THAT WAS AN
INCREDIBLE DISPLAY OF DECEIT.

JUST PART OF THE JOB.

BESIDES, I DROVE VIA
HIS PLACE THIS MORNING

AND COUNTED 55 VANS,

WHERE HE NORMALLY CARRIES 20.

HE'S BACKED UP, HE'S
GOT TO ADVERTISE.

COME ON, HERB, LET
ME BUY YOU A... HOOCH.

HOOCH?

OH, YES.

HEY, AN-ANDREW, I WANNA
ASK YOU SOMETHING.

HA-HAVE YOU EVER
BEEN IN CHARGE OF A...

A WHOLE GROUP OF PEOPLE
WHO DIDN'T LISTEN TO YOU

OR CARED WHAT YOU SAID?

UH, YEAH, HERB, YEAH, I HAVE.

- WHAT HAPPENED?
- WHAT HAPPENED, HUH?

VENUS.

OH, VENUS.