WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 5 - Hotel Oceanview - full transcript

Les on radio: AND SO IN SUMMARY

THIS GERMAN PIGGY
WENT TO COMMON MARKET.

THIS CHINESE PIGGY STAYED HOME.

THIS SOVIET PIGGY HAD TURKEY.

AND OUR AMERICAN PIGGY HAD NONE.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN SAYING
WE, WE, WE, WE ALL THE WAY HOME.

GOOD DAY AND MAKE A GOOD...

OH, JENNIFER, I GUESS
I AM READY TO LEAVE.

ANDY AND HERB WENT
DOWN TO GET THE CORDOBA.

HAVE YOU REMEMBERED EVERYTHING?

I CAN'T BE SURE.



- YOU'RE DRIVING TO DAYTON.
- YEAH.

WHERE YOU'LL BE STAYING AT
THE LUXURIOUS HOTEL OCEAN VIEW.

- IN DAYTON?
- AH... HA..

AND YOU'LL MEET WITH
VICKY VON VICKY AT 7 PM.

NOW JENNIFER, TELL ME AGAIN

WHY AM I MAKING
THIS TRIP TO DAYTON?

BECAUSE THE VICKY VON
VICKY JEANS ACCOUNT

COULD MAKE THE
STATION A LOT OF MONEY.

AND MAKING MONEY CAN
BE FUN AND CHEERFUL.

AH-HA! TRUTH IS
ALWAYS SO OBVIOUS.

MR. CARLSON, I'M SO GLAD I
CAUGHT BEFORE YOU LEFT.

I WANTED TO WISH YOU

A SAFE AND SUCCESSFUL
MISSION TO DAYTON.

WELL, THANK YOU, LES.



DAYTON IS WHERE MOTHER LIVES.

- I KNOW, LES.
- WELL, GOOD BYE, MR. CARLSON,

AND BEWARE OF THE
DAYTON POISONER.

DAYTON POISONER?

LOVE AMERICA STYLE, HURRAY
FOR THE RED WHITE BLUE POWN...

HEY BIG GUY COME ON, LET'S GO.

THE CORDOBA IS WARMED
UP AND READY TO CRUISE.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE MY BAG DOWN

I WILL BE DOWN IN A MINUTE.

OKAY... OH, UH, BY THE WAY, BG,

ANDY DID SHOTGUN

BUT YOU'LL BE SITTING
IN THE BACK SEAT

WITH FOUR SPEAKER UNITS

AND THREE SQUARE YARDS
OF REAL CORINTHIAN LEATHER,

TALK ABOUT FUN.
SEE YOU, BLONDIE.

HEY, HEY, STEVE HOW YOU
DOING? HOW YOU DOING?

GETTING READY TO
HIT THE ROAD, HUH?

BOY, RUMORS FLYING
ALL OVER TOWN.

YOU KNOW, YOU, ANDY, HERB
JUST SLIPPING DOWN TO DAYTON

IN SOME SLEAZY HOTEL ROOM,
I DON'T WANT TO SAY ANYTHING,

IT'S NONE OF MY BUSINESS,
BUT MY FEELING IS

THESE LOVE TRIANGLES
WILL NEVER WORK OUT.

WE CANNOT ALLOW YOU, FEVER.

I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE TALKING.
I KNOW WHAT YOU'RE THINKING.

BUT YOU CAN REST ASSURE IN
THE DURATION OF YOUR SOJOURN.

I'LL PLAY NOTHING BUT MELLOWED
OUT DRUG ORIENTED HINDU MUSIC.

WITH JUST A FEW OF THE
CHRISTIAN NEO-ACID ROCK TUNES,

THROWIN' IN THERE
COMING INTO VOGUE NOW.

FEVER IN THE FOREFRONT,

BEARING PROUDLY
THE BANNER OF KRP.

YOU CAN REST ASSURE,
NOTHING TO WORRY,

NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT, SIR.

JENNIFER, I LOVE YOU. I WANT
TO FATHER YOUR CHILDREN

MUST TAKE A LONG
LUNCH TO DISCUSS IT. OKAY.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE, ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN AWHILE. ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI. ♪

BOY, I FEEL STUPID
IN THESE JEANS.

SO DO I, BUT IT'S SMART BUSINESS
TO USE THE CLIENTS PRODUCT.

OKAY, LOOK.

WE HAVE TO GO OVER THIS
PRESENTATION ONE MORE TIME.

NOW REMEMBER,

NO MATTER HOW SILLY VICKY
VON VICKY'S NAME MAY BE

HER JEANS ARE WORTH

$100,000 IN ADVERTISING
REVENUE TO US.

WKRP.

WHAT DO YOU WANT?

Andy: WHO ARE YOU?

MICKEY BARTENDER DAYTON.

WELL, I WANTED YOU TO SETUP
OVER HERE NEXT TO WINDOW, OKAY.

I DON'T WORK WITH
MY BACK TO WINDOWS.

I WORK THAT CORNER
OR THIS CORNER.

HOW ABOUT THAT CORNER.

OKAY, LISTEN. I GOT TO
BE OUT OF HERE BY 10.

- WHO IS YOUR CLIENT?
- VICKY VON VICKY.

FINE. HOW DRUNK
YOU WANT HER TO BE?

- NOBODY IS GETTING DRUNK.
- LOOK JUST RELAX, MR. CARLSON.

YOU GUYS WANTING
TO WET YOUR WHISTLE.

YEAH, YOU... YOU MAKE
THOSE EXOTIC RUM DRINKS

WITH LITTLE UMBRELLAS IN.

- YEAH, BUT ONLY FOR WOMEN.
- THAT'S HOW I FEEL.

NOTHING FOR ME, MICKEY.
MR. CARLSON YOU WANT?

OH, YES, SOMETHING WITH A
LITTLE FRUIT IN IT WOULD BE NICE.

HOW ABOUT SOMETHING WITH FRUIT
IN IT, YEAH? THAT WOULD BE NICE.

OKAY, LET'S GO OVER
THE PLAN. COME ON, HERB.

RIGHT NOW.

VICKY ARRIVES, WE
ALL HAVE A DRINK.

- WE CHAT...
- WE CHAT, VICKY CHATS...

- SNACKS WOULD BE NICE.
- SNACKS ARE ALWAYS NICE.

AND MOST IMPORTANT

WE GOT TO COME ACROSS
WITH A CHARM, YOU KNOW.

OOZE CHARM. HEY, BE CHARM.

ALRIGHT, THEN WHEN WE'RE
ALL COMFORTABLE, RELAXED,

WE ALL SIT DOWN

AND I GIVE YOU A BRILLIANT
SLIDE SHOW PRESENTATION

SHOWING IN GRAPHIC
DETAIL WHY VICKY VON VICKY

SHOULD ADVERTISE WITH US

OVER ANY OTHER
STATION IN THE CINCINNATI.

- EVERY AD...
- ANDY, ANDY, ANDY...

UH, AS EXECUTIVE SALES MANAGER

I STILL THINK THAT I SHOULD
GIVE THE PRESENTATION.

HERB, LET'S BE
MATURE ABOUT THIS.

FOR ONE THING, MY PRESENTATION
VOICE IS VERY NEARLY PERFECT.

LOOK WE'RE MAKING A SALE
AND THAT'S MY TERRITORY.

YEAH? WELL, IT'S MY PROJECTOR,

IT'S MY SLIDES AND IT'S
MY REMOTE CLICKER.

NO ONE, I REPEAT NO ONE,
USES MY REMOTE CLICKER.

CLICKER OR NO
CLICKER, IT'S WRONG.

GUYS, WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO?

WHY DON'T YOU SWALLOW THIS?

- WHAT IS THIS?
- IT'S GOT FRUIT IN IT.

IF I DON'T LIKE THIS, MICKEY?

- WHAT'S YOUR NAME?
- ARTHUR.

WELL, I DON'T KNOW ART,

BUT I DO KNOW ONE
THING IT'S GOT FRUIT IN IT.

THANK YOU, MICKEY.

Herb: COME IN.

HERB TARLEK, MY
GOD. IT'S HERB TARLEK.

YES, IT IS. HELLO.

I'M NIKKI SINCKLER, VICKY
VON VICKY'S ASSISTANT.

OH, YES OF COURSE.
COME ON IN, NIKKI.

YOU ARE IN.

HEY, LOOK. LET ME
INTRODUCE YOU AROUND.

THIS IS ARTHUR CARLSON,
GENERAL MANAGER.

HI, HOW YOU DO?
NICE TO MEET YOU.

AND OVER HERE IS ANDY
TRAVIS, PROGRAM DIRECTOR.

- HELLO.
- HI.

AND ME AGAIN OF COURSE,

HERBERT TARLEK, GENERAL
SALES MANAGER OF WKRP.

CAN I GET YOU A
DRINK, MS. SINCKLER?

NO THANK YOU, AND CALL ME NIKKI.

- OH, HI, MICKEY.
- HI, NIKKI. HOW IS VICKY?

VICKY IS FINE MICKEY.

POISONER'S STILL LOSE, MICKEY?

FOR THE TIME BEING NIKKI.

WELL, YOU TWO, YOU
KNOW EACH OTHER.

DAYTON IS A VERY SMALL TOWN,
BUT THAT'S ANOTHER STORY.

LISTEN, I REALLY MUST APOLOGIZE,

VICKY VON VICKY HAS
BEEN RUNNING LATE TODAY.

CONFIDENTIALLY, SHE HAS
BEEN IN NEW YORK ALL DAY

CLOSING OUT A MAJOR DEAL WITH A
MAJOR, MAJOR DEPARTMENT STORE.

BUT SHE IS BACK AND ON HER
WAY OVER IN A MAJOR BIG CAR.

WELL, AS YOU CAN SEE THESE
GENTLEMEN ARE WEARING

VICKY VON VICKY JEANS.

YES, I SEE. HOW CUTE.

LITTLE TIGHT IN
THE CROTCH, BUT...

YOU KNOW, HERB,
WE HAVE MET BEFORE.

IMPOSSIBLE.

I NEVER FORGET A FACE.

ESPECIALLY ONE AS
LOVELY AS YOURS.

- OH, YOU FLATTER ME.
- THANK YOU.

UH, LOOK, NIKKI,

I'VE GOT SOME PROMOTIONAL
PACKAGES BACK IN MY SUITE,

DID I TELL YOU THAT
WE TOOK TWO SUITES?

NO, YOU DIDN'T, BUT
I'M VERY IMPRESSED.

THANK YOU AGAIN.

UH, LOOK, WHY DON'T YOU AND I
JUST KIND OF STROLL ON DOWN

TO MY PERSONAL SUITE AND
TAKE A LOOK AT IT, TOGETHER.

YOU KNOW, JUST THE TWO
OF US ALONE... TOGETHER.

GREAT IDEA.

JUST LET ME FRESHEN UP IN
THE POWDER ROOM IN A MINUTE.

THEN WE CAN HEAD ON OUT.

NOW DON'T YOU MOVE,
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

- UH, YOU KIDDIN'?
- NO, I'M NOT.

YOU DISAPPOINT ME, HERB.

LOOK, LOOK, TRUST ME
BIG GUY, JUST TRUST ME.

I MEAN I CHARMED NIKKI,
NIKKI GETS US IN WITH VICKY.

- YOU'RE SLEAZY.
- I'M SMART.

- I'M READY.
- LET'S GO.

TRUST ME, WE'RE HOME FREE.

MAN, YOU'RE DEAD IF YOU'RE
NOT BACK IN 10 MINUTES.

10 MINUTES, THAT'S ABOUT RIGHT.

YOU KNOW, NIKKI YOU
DO LOOK FAMILIAR TO ME.

WE HAVE MET SOMEWHERE BEFORE.

I ALREADY TOLD YOU THAT.

AH, BUT DON'T TELL ME
WHERE. I WANT TO GUESS.

IN THE MEANTIME,
WHY DON'T YOU JUST...

MAKE YOURSELF COMFORTABLE,
AND I'LL PUT LITTLE MUSIC.

NICE ROOM. OH, NICE BED.

I LOVE KING SIZE
BEDS, DON'T YOU?

I LIKE YOUR MIND.

DOES VICKY VON VICKY
LIKE KING SIZE BEDS TOO?

WHO CARES? NERVOUS TYPE?

- NO, I'M MARRIED.
- MARRIED!

I LOVE THE FACT
THAT YOU'RE MARRIED.

IT MAKES YOU EVEN
MORE ATTRACTIVE TO ME.

IT DOES?

HERB, CAN I BE FRANK?

YOU CAN BE WHOEVER YOU WANT.

A MAN WITH A SENSE
OF HUMOR, I LOVE IT.

YEAH, FUNNY AND
MARRIED. THAT'S ME.

ALSO AN EXECUTIVE
WHO IS VERY INTERESTED

IN THE VICKY VON VICKY ACCOUNT

IF YOU GET MY DRIFT
AND I THINK YOU DO.

OF COURSE I DO.

I HOPE YOU DON'T FIND
ME TOO AGGRESSIVE.

- ARE YOU JOKING?
- YES, I AM.

SEE, I CAN BE FUNNY TOO.

BUT SERIOUSLY, HERB,

MOST MEN DO FIND
ME TOO AGGRESSIVE.

I'M NOT MOST MEN.

I KNOW THAT WHEN YOU WERE

PRESIDENT OF THE JUNIOR
SALES CLUB IN HIGH SCHOOL.

HIGH SCHOOL?

WE KNEW EACH
OTHER IN HIGH SCHOOL?

- I'M NOT TELLING.
- AH... YOU LITTLE DICKENS.

HERB,

IS THERE ANY REASON
WHY TWO MATURE ADULTS

SHOULDN'T BE INTIMATE
ON THE FIRST DATE?

MARRIED OR OTHERWISE.

NONE THAT COME TO MIND.

- YOU GOT THE TIME, MICKEY.
- YEAH.

COULD YOU GIVE
ME THE TIME, MICKEY?

YES.

- WHAT TIME IS IT, MICKEY?
- 7:35, RIGHT.

- THANK YOU, MICKEY.
- MY PLEASURE, EH.

I CAN'T BELIEVE IT.

THE BULB JUST
WORN-OUT. THIS IS GREAT.

MY PROJECTOR HAS NEVER
DONE THIS TO ME BEFORE.

NOW WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

WE HAVE TO GET ANOTHER
BULB, MR. CARLSON.

- WHERE?
- WELL, I DON'T KNOW.

IT CAN'T BE THAT
DIFFICULT TO FIND

A SMALL LITTLE
PROJECTOR BULB IN DAYTON

AT SEVEN O'CLOCK IN THE EVENING.

HEY, MICKEY, GOT
ANY SUGGESTIONS?

- RICKY'S.
- RICKY'S, MICKEY?

YEAH.

- WHERE IS THAT, MICKEY?
- ABOUT TWO BLOCK EAST.

- EAST IS THIS WAY?
- THAT WAY.

THANK YOU, MICKEY.

OH, ANDY, DON'T LEAVE NOW.

VICKY VON VICKY COULD
BE HERE ANY SECOND.

I GOT TO GO MR. CARLSON.

LOOK WITHOUT A BULB
WE HAVE NO PRESENTATION.

WITHOUT A PRESENTATION,
WE GOT NO CLIENT,

WITHOUT A CLIENT WE
GOT NO... I'LL MR. CARLSON.

- OH, DON'T BE LONG.
- I WON'T, MR. CARLSON.

AND ANOTHER THING ANDY,

- WHAT?
- BE CAREFUL.

DAYTON CAN BE NASTY AFTER DARK.

- I UNDERSTAND.
- WELL, I CARE ABOUT YOU.

AND I CARE ABOUT
YOU TOO, MR. CARLSON.

BUT WE GOT TO STOP TALKING
THIS WAY IN FRONT OF MICKEY.

OF COURSE, I AM SORRY.

- OH, HERB, YOU'RE WONDERFUL.
- THANK YOU.

- HERB - YEAH

- I BET YOU'LL NEVER GUESS.
- WHAT?

I WAS ONCE A MAN.

WHAT?

COME ON, HERB, DON'T
YOU REMEMBER ME?

NICK SINCKLER, CLASS OF '64.

OH, YEAH.

NICK...

WHERE IS HERB? HE
SHOULD'VE BEEN HERE BY NOW.

MIND IF I PLAY A
LITTLE MUSIC, ART.

NO. PLEASE, GO AHEAD.

IT'S INTERESTING MUSIC.

THE ONLY THING I CAN DO ABOUT

HALF A GLASS MORE
OF THAT FRUITY DRINK.

WE'RE OUT OF FRUIT, ART.

I'M SORRY TO HEAR THAT, MICKEY.

- HOW ABOUT THE BAMBOOZLE, ART?
- BAMBOOZLE?

YEAH, BAMBOOZLE, ART?

- AH, I DON'T THINK SO, MICKEY.
- WHAT'S WRONG?

DON'T YOU LIKE THE WAY
I MAKE THE BAMBOOZLE?

NO, NO, I THINK YOU
MAKE A NICE BAMBOOZLE.

NICE?

DID I... DID I SAY NICE?

I MEAN YOU CAN MAKE
GREAT BAMBOOZLE.

IN FACT, YOU PROBABLY MAKE A
BAMBOOZLE BETTER THAN ANYBODY

I'VE EVER SEEN MAKE
A BAMBOOZLE BEFORE.

YEAH, I DON'T WANT TO SOUND
EXTREME, MICKEY, BUT YOU...

YOU PROBABLY MAKE THE
BEST BAMBOOZLE IN THE WORLD.

- I LIKE YOU ART.
- I LIKE YOU MICKEY.

- MIND IF I HAVE A DRINK?
- AH, I WISH YOU WOULD.

YOU KNOW, WHAT
I DON'T LIKE, ART?

WHAT'S THAT?

I DON'T LIKE DRINKING ALONE,

BECAUSE WHEN I DRINK
ALONE I GET VERY SAD,

AND WHEN I GET SAID
I GET VERY ANGRY.

YOU SURE YOU
DON'T WANT TO DRINK.

OH, I'D LOVE ONE.

IT'S VERY FUNNY. YOU
DIDN'T WANT ONE BEFORE.

YEAH, WELL SEE THAT
WAS 53 SECONDS AGO.

DO YOU MIND IF WE CHAT A WHILE?

I WISH WE WOULD.

NO, NO, I MEAN CHATTING
ALMOST BECOME A HOBBY WITH ME.

WHAT DO THINK ABOUT
THE DAYTON POISONER?

- DAYTON POISONER?
- YEAH.

I'M FROM CINCINNATI.

I DON'T... YOU KNOW,
MUCH ABOUT HIM, BUT...

WELL, I MEAN HE'S IN ALL
THE NEWSPAPER HEADLINES,

YOU KNOW NATIONAL NEWS.

YEAH, WELL, SURE HE IS. I
READ ABOUT HIM EVERYWHERE.

THE WORLD NEWS?

YOU KNOW, I THINK HE
IS WORLD NEWS, MICKEY.

SEE, I'VE BEEN FOLLOWING
THIS CASE VERY CLOSELY.

YOU KNOW, I MEAN I...

I CUT OUT ALL NEWSPAPER
CLIPPINGS ON THIS CASE

AND I THINK ABOUT
IT ALL THE TIMES.

SOMETIMES I'VE
BEEN LYING ON MY BED

IN MY ROOM IN HOUSE,
TOSSING AND TURNING,

THINKING AND CHURNING.

- YOU DO?
- YES, I DO.

DID YOU KNOW THAT
THE POISONER WRITES

IN VERSES TO THE POLICE?

SURE I DID. YEAH, I READ THAT.

HE'S A LONER, WHO
CLEARLY HATES PEOPLE.

- OH, GEEZ.
- ESPECIALLY HAPPY PEOPLE.

YEAH, WELL SOMETIMES HAPPY
PEOPLE COULD BE UNPLEASANT,

I THINK I'LL JUST MOSEY
ON DOWN THE HALL,

AND SEE IF I CAN FIND HERB.

- YOU CAN'T LEAVE YET, ART.
- I CAN'T LEAVE YET?

NO! YOUR MICKEY'S
SPECIAL IS READY.

GET IT? MICKEY'S SPECIAL.

Nikki: ISN'T THIS SOMETHING,

YOU AND I TOGETHER
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS?

Herb: WE BOTH CERTAINLY
BEEN THROUGH SOME CHANGES.

Nikki: YEAH, YOU
ALWAYS TURNED ME ON.

Herb: OH, MAN, DON'T SAY THAT.

Nikki: WHY NOT IT'S TRUE?

I KNEW IT WHEN WE PLAYED
FOOTBALL TOGETHER.

Herb: DON'T BRING UP FOOTBALL.

Nikki: I FELT LIKE A FREAK THEN,
HERB. I WAS IN THE WRONG BODY.

BUT NOW I LIKE ME,
I ACCEPT WHO I AM.

Herb: LORD.

Nikki: I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING, HERB.

YOU'RE THINKING GOD
DIDN'T MAKE ME THIS WAY.

WELL, GOD DIDN'T
MAKE POLYESTERS.

DO YOU KNOW WHAT
I'M SAYING, HERB?

Herb: DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
SAYING I'VE NO IDEA WHAT IT MEANS?

Nikki: I'M A WOMAN NOW, HERB.

YOU HUGGED THIS BODY.

Herb: OH, NO.

- YOU KISSED THESE LIPS.
- NO.

- OH, HERB, COME ON.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN COME ON?

DON'T YOU FEEL WHAT I FEEL?

- WHAT ARE YOU FEELING?
- YOU AND I TOGETHER...

- WHERE?
- HERE.

- WHEN?
- NOW.

EXCUSE ME.

- DID YOU HEAR A SCREAM?
- DID YOU?

I CAN'T BE SURE.

- PROBABLY YOUR IMAGINATION.
- PROBABLY MY IMAGINATION?

WHY DON'T I GO DOWN
THE HALL AND CHECK?

I DO... I DON'T THINK THAT'LL
BE NECESSARY, MICKEY.

STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE, ART.

OH, PLEASE.

- NO, DON'T MICKEY.
- YOU MIGHT CLOSE YOUR EYES.

OH PLEASE...

LOOK, I'M JUST A
DECENT, UNHAPPY MAN

WITH A WONDERFUL
WIFE AND FAMILY.

I'LL GIVE YOU CASH.

WELL, I... I'VE GOT A CAR
DOWNSTAIRS YOU CAN HAVE.

ACTUALLY I HAVE A
CORDOVA, MICKEY.

MICKEY?

GOOD LORD.

- BIG GUY, I'VE GOT PROBLEMS.
- LISTEN, NOT NOW HERB.

YOU KNOW, MICKEY, THE BARTENDER.

YEAH.

HE'S, MICKEY, THE
DAYTON POISONER.

IT'S NOTHING.

LISTEN HE'S JUST
GONE DOWN THE HALL.

I THINK HE'S COMING RIGHT BACK.

AND HE'S GOT A GUN IN HIS
HANDS, HE'S GONNA KILL US.

LOOK WE GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.

WE WILL CALL THE
POLICE FROM YOUR ROOM.

- NO, WE CAN'T.
- WHY? WHY, WHY?

NIKKI SINCKLER IS IN
THERE, AND NIKKI'S A MAN.

WHAT?

NIKKI'S A MAN I KISSED
HIM FULL ON THE LIPS.

- OH, YOU INSANE.
- MAY BE.

LOOK, MICKEY IS COMING BACK.

WE'VE GOT TO GET
HIDE BEHIND THE DOORS,

I'LL TAKE THE LIGHTS.

Arthur: OH, I'VE GOT
HIM. I'VE GOT HIM.

Andy: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Arthur: WHO IS THAT?

Andy: ANDY!

Arthur: WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

Andy: LOOKING FOR
A BULB IN DAYTON.

Andy: WHAT THE HELL IS GOING ON?

Herb: NIKKI'S A MAN AND I
KISSED HIM ON THE LIPS.

Arthur: MICKEY'S A POISONER
WHO SHOOTS PEOPLE.

Andy: WHAT? WHY ARE WE
TALKING THIS WAY IN THE DARK?

Herb: WHAT'S THAT?

Andy: IT'S MUSIC.

Arthur: IT'S MICKEY'S MUSIC,

HE ALWAYS PLAYS IT
WHEN HE'S UNHAPPY.

Andy: MICKEY?

MICKEY?

Mickey: YES, ANDY.

Andy: ARE YOU... ARE YOU THERE?

Mickey: YES, I AM.

ANDY, YOU GENTLEMEN ALWAYS

TUMBLE AROUND IN THE
DARK BEFORE DIGNITY.

Arthur: MICKEY, MAY
I ASK A QUESTION?

Mickey: GO AHEAD, ART.

Arthur: ARE YOU GONNA KILL US?

Andy: WHO'RE YOU?

I'M VICKY VON
VICKY, WHO ARE YOU?

AND WHY YOU PRAYING IN THE DARK?

BECAUSE YOUR ACCOUNT
IS VERY IMPORTANT TO US.

I'M ANDY TRAVIS,

PROGRAM DIRECTOR
AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI.

THIS IS ARTHUR CARLSON,
GENERAL MANAGER

AND THIS IS HERB TARLEK.

EXECUTIVE SALES MANAGER.

- AND WHO IS HE?
- MICKEY BARTENDER, DAYTON.

OH, THAT'S MICKEY,
THE DAYTON POISONER.

WRONG. THAT'S MICKEY BROAD HEAD,

FULL-TIME COP,
PART-TIME BARTENDER.

- IS THAT RIGHT, MICKEY.
- IT'S TRUE, ART.

I THOUGHT YOU SAID
YOU'D BE RIGHT BACK, HERB.

SORRY, NICK, I LIED MAN.

YOU KNOW THIS MAN?

WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER.

VICKY, I SEE NO REASON TO
WASTE YOUR VALUABLE TIME.

TRY AND DESCRIBE THE CHAIN
OF EVENTS THAT LED UP YOUR...

THE RATHER AWKWARD MOMENT

WHEN YOU CAME IN,
TURNED ON THE LIGHTS

AND FOUND US THREE CONFIDENT
BUSINESSMEN ON OUR KNEES.

THAT IS THE PAST,
THIS IS THE PRESENT.

THE POINT IS... WE'RE ALL HERE.

SO WHY DON'T WE JUST
START THE MEETING. HUH?

MY LIFE IS DEDICATED TO
JEANS, NOTHING BUT JEANS.

AND SO AS FAR AS I'M CONCERNED

I SAW THREE PAIR OF
JEANS ON THE FLOOR.

WELL, AS YOU CAN
SEE WE LOVE 'EM.

YEAH, GOSH, LITTLE TIGHT
IN THE CROTCH, BUT NICE.

WHY DON'T WE SIT DOWN
AND START THE MEETING?

VICKY, MAY I GET YOU SOMETHING
TO DRINK BEFORE WE START?

YES, SOMETHING WITH A LITTLE
BIT OF FRUIT IN IT WILL BE NICE.

- WE'RE OUT OF FRUIT VICKY.
- GIVE ME A BAMBOOZLE.

YOU SEE, AT WKRP THAT

WE HAVE THE BEST MARKET RANGE

FOR SELLING YOUR JEANS
IN THE CINCINNATI AREA.

BUT LISTEN WHY TALK SALES?

WHEN I CAN SHOW
YOU GRAPHIC SLIDES

TO ILLUSTRATE THAT VERY POINT.

LIGHTS, MICKEY.

ALRIGHT, LET'S GET RIGHT
ON TO OUR FIRST SLIDE.

I'VE NO IDEA WHERE THAT
PORNOGRAPHIC SLIDE CAME FROM.

NOW THIS OF COURSE
IS MY TRIP TO JAMAICA.

WKRP IN CINCINNATI
WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS

MAY BE THAT HE LOVES
YOU JUST FOR YOUR BODY.

CAN YOU ADVISE?

LOSE HIM, HOLD OUT
FOR THE REAL THING.

I AM THE REAL THING.

LET'S GET SOME
COFFEE, GET TO WORK.

GOOD MORNING.

HI, ANDY. HOW DID THE TRIP GO?

WELL, MY PROJECTOR EXPLODED.
THAT'S NEVER HAPPENED BEFORE.

UH, HERB HAD A VERY
TOUCHING REUNION

WITH AN OLD HIGH-SCHOOL FRIEND

WHO USED TO BE A
GUY, NOW IS A GIRL.

AND MR. CARLSON MISTOOK
AN UNDERCOVER COP

FOR THE DAYTON POISONER.
YEAH, BUT IT WAS GREAT.

WELL, WHAT FUN.

SO IS VICKY VON VICKY A CLIENT?

I DON'T THINK SHE IS GONNA
SUE, IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.

MY OFFICE, LOOKING FOR MY GUN.

- OKIE DOKIE.
- HEY, TRAVIS.

ANDY.

- GOOD MORNING, GUYS.
- HOW ARE YOU, MS. MARLOWE?

- PERFECT.
- GOOD.

- GOOD MORNING.
- MORNING, AC.

TRIP SUCCESSFUL?

SHE IS NOT GONNA SUE US
IF THAT'S WHAT YOU MEAN.

I'LL BE IN MY OFFICE
ALL DAY JENNIFER ALONE,

VERY ALONE.

GOOD MORNING.

HOW ARE YOU? NICE DAY.

WHY?

WELL, I TAKE THE
TRIP WENT OKAY, HERB.

LOOK, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THEY TOLD YOU,

BUT SHE IS NOT A SHE.

AND IF I HAD KISSED HIM, IT
DOESN'T MEAN THAT I'M GAY, OKAY?

MORNING, HOW ARE YOU?

- NICE DAY.
- HMMM...