WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 12 - Venus and the Man - full transcript

Mr. Carlson: SO
PLEASE, EVERYONE,

REMEMBER TO ALWAYS DRIVE SAFELY.

AND NEVER DRIVE IF
YOU'VE BEEN DRINKING.

THIS IS ARTHUR CARLSON SPEAKING.

THANK YOU.

THAT WAS ANOTHER
CONTROVERSIAL MESSAGE

FROM STATION MANAGER
ARTHUR CARLSON HERE AT WKRP,

AND IF YOU'D LIKE TO
REBUT SAFE DRIVING,

PLEASE WRITE IN
CARE OF THIS STATION.

♪♪

AND NOW LET'S HAVE A
LITTLE MISS CANDI STATON.



- HOW YOU DOIN', CORA?
- CAN I TALK?

- SURE, YEAH.
- SHOULD I WHISPER?

- NO, I GOT A RECORD PLAYING.
- OH, GOOD.

- SIT DOWN.
- THANK YOU.

HOW ABOUT I SNEAK IN A LITTLE
ELLA FOR YOU TONIGHT, HUH?

- THAT'D BE NICE.
- BELLA? ELLA? DELLA?

- EITHER ONE.
- YOU GOT IT.

VENUS, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

- YEAH, SURE.
- ARE YOU A HIGH-SCHOOL
GRADUATE?

COLLEGE GRADUATE.

CARLISLE STATE
TEACHERS' COLLEGE.

WHAT WOULD YOU HAVE DONE
IF YOU HADN'T FINISHED SCHOOL?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. YOU SURE DON'T NEED
TO BE A COLLEGE GRADUATE TO DO THIS JOB.

YEAH.



WHAT'S WRONG, CORA? YOU
LOOK A LITTLE DOWN TONIGHT.

YEAH, I GUESS I DO.

OH, VENUS, I GOT
TROUBLE AT HOME.

- WHAT'S WRONG, CORA?
- MY LITTLE BOY, ARNOLD...

HE'S JUST 16, AND
NOW HE'S TELLING ME...

HE SAYS HE'S GONNA QUIT SCHOOL.

- JUST LIKE THAT. HE TOLD ME YESTERDAY.
- SORRY, CORA.

VENUS, I DON'T WORK LIKE I DO
FOR HIM TO DO SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

I WAS FOR SEVEN YEARS
NOW SAVING FOR HIS COLLEGE,

AND NOW HE'S NOT EVEN GONNA
GRADUATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL?

YOU KNOW HOW
KIDS ARE THESE DAYS.

THEY NEED TIME TO
FIND THEMSELVES.

"FIND THEMSELVES"?

I CAN FIND HIM.

NOBODY CAN. HE'S ALWAYS GONE,

RUNNING THE STREETS WITH HIS
FRIENDS, MESSING ALL KINDS OF STUFF.

YOU TELL HIM IF HE
DOESN'T SHAPE UP,

I'LL COME OVER AND
GO UPSIDE HIS HEAD.

I WISH YOU WOULD DO THAT.

YEAH, AND I WOULD TOO.

YEAH, IT'D BE GOOD FOR HIM
TO TALK TO SOMEBODY LIKE YOU,

A PERSON WHO'S MADE
SOMETHING OF THEMSELVES.

SEND HIM UP HERE.
I'LL TALK TO HIM.

- OH, VENUS, WOULD YOU?
- SURE.

- WHAT TIME SHOULD I TELL HIM?
- "TIME"? OH, I DON'T KNOW.

HOW ABOUT 4:00 TOMORROW?

I'LL MAKE SURE HE'S HERE.

- AND THANK YOU
SO MUCH, VENUS.
- NO PROBLEM.

- WELL, I GUESS I'D BETTER BE
GETTING BACK TO WORK.
- OKAY.

JUST A BIG, DUMB
FOOL. THAT'S ALL HE IS.

- JUST A BIG, DUMB FOOL.
- YEAH.

HOW BIG?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. HE'S
ABOUT YOUR HEIGHT.

KIND OF SKINNY LIKE ME, HUH?

NO, UH-UH.

HE, UH... HE LOOKS LIKE,

YOU KNOW, A REGULAR MAN.

"A REGULAR MAN" AT 16?

UH-HUH.

HE'S BAD TOO. REAL BAD.

HOW DO YOU MEAN, "BAD"? LIKE "HE'S
A BAD LITTLE BOY," OR "THAT CAT'S BAD."

NO.

BAD.

RIGHT.

BUT WATCH OUT. HE
CAN BE REAL TRICKY.

OH, TRICKY, HUH? BIG, TRICKY.

- AND BAD.
- BAD!

BIG, TRICKY, AND BAD.

WELL, THANK YOU, VENUS.
THANK YOU SO MUCH.

HEY, NO PROBLEM. MY PLEASURE.

HEY, NO PROBLEM
AT ALL I CAN'T HANDLE.

I'M FROM THE STREETS.
I'M USED TO HANDLING

BIG, BAD, TRICKY MEN.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

- WHAT TIME DO YOU HAVE?
- OH, I'M NOT WEARING
MY WATCH TODAY.

- OH.
- WHAT TIME DO YOU HAVE?

- 4:50.
- THANK YOU.

- A-ARNOLD?
- YEAH.

- I'M VENUS FLYTRAP.
- HEY.

HI.

H-HI, VENUS.

HI.

UH... UM...
- UH...
- JENNIFER.

YEAH, UH, J-JENNIFER.

UH, I-I READ THROUGH THESE
PAPERS JUST LIKE YOU ASKED.

MR. CARLSON, YOU WERE SUPPOSED
TO SIGN THEM, NOT READ THEM.

OH.

OKAY. THANK YOU.

- HOW'S IT GOING, VENUS?
- FINE, A.C. AND YOU?

OH, IT'S AWFULLY BUSY. IT
JUST NEVER SEEMS TO STOP.

YES, SIR.

AH. WELL, I DIDN'T KNOW YOU WERE GONNA
BRING ALL YOUR FRIENDS DOWN WITH YOU.

I DIDN'T KNOW I WAS GONNA
HAVE TO COME UP HERE EITHER.

- WELL, NOBODY FORCED YOU TO.
- THAT'S RIGHT.

YOU WANT TO HAVE YOUR BUDDIES
WAIT FOR YOU DOWNSTAIRS?

I'LL BE DOWN IN
ABOUT FIVE MINUTES.

- LET'S GO BACK HERE.
- OKAY.

- THEY'RE SIGNED.
- YOUR NAME?

YEAH.

AH, LET'S SEE.
WHERE CAN WE TALK?

DON'T YOU HAVE YOUR OWN OFFICE?

NO, I DON'T, ARNOLD.

YES. ARNOLD, THIS IS MISS BAILEY
QUARTERS. BAILEY, THIS IS ARNOLD.

- WELL, HELLO, ARNOLD.
- HI.

VENUS TOLD ME ALL ABOUT YOU.

I KNOW THAT SOMETIMES

IT MAY NOT SEEM LIKE
IT'S WORTH THE EFFORT,

BUT I THINK THAT SCHOOL
PAYS OFF IN THE LONG RUN,

NO MATTER WHAT YOU
DECIDE TO DO LATER ON.

OF COURSE, I COULD BE WRONG.

AND I PROBABLY AM.

- THANK YOU, BAILEY.
- YOU'RE WELCOME, VENUS.

WELL, I JUST GUESS I'LL GATHER UP
MY WORK HERE AND BLOW OUT OF HERE

SO YOU TWO CAN JUST
TALK BY YOURSELVES.

- THANK YOU.
- EXCUSE ME.

LET'S GO OVER HERE, ALL RIGHT?

- YOU WANT TO SIT DOWN?
- NO,

I DON'T THINK SO.

YOU'RE A REAL TOUGH GUY, AREN'T
YOU? A REAL BAD DUDE, RIGHT?

WELL, WELL, WELL.
WHAT HAVE WE HERE?

OH, NO.

HI, I'M LES NESSMAN,
SENIOR NEWS DIRECTOR.

YOU MUST BE ARNOLD ISLEY.

I KNOW YOUR MOTHER VERY WELL.

WELCOME TO WKRP,

AND FEEL FREE TO
ASK ANY QUESTIONS.

ALL THIS IS NOT AS
COMPLICATED AS IT LOOKS.

THANK YOU, LES, BUT ARNOLD AND I
WONDER IF WE COULD TALK PRIVATELY.

CERTAINLY. I'LL JUST
STEP INTO MY OFFICE

AND SHUT MY DOOR.

LES, WE WERE HOPING...

WE MAY HAVE TO
USE YOUR OFFICE TOO.

OH. CERTAINLY.

I UNDERSTAND.

- WHAT'S HE ON?
- OVALTINE.

YOU KNOW, I JUST
CAN'T HELP NOTICING

THAT BOTH YOU
GENTLEMEN ARE BLACK.

OH, GOD!

I'VE RECENTLY TAKEN QUITE
AN INTEREST IN NEGRO CULTURE.

- IS THAT RIGHT.
- LES, UH...

- YOU MAY NOT KNOW
THIS, ARNOLD, - LES...

BUT MOST OF THE FEW TRULY
ORIGINAL CONTRIBUTIONS

THIS COUNTRY HAS MADE TO SOCIETY
HAVE COME FROM BLACK AMERICANS.

TAKE, FOR INSTANCE,
THE LANGUAGE.

NOW, I PERSONALLY THINK THAT
IT'S STAGNATING IN ENGLAND,

BUT HERE IN THE U.S. IT
IS VIBRANT AND GROWING.

AND WHY?

- AND WHY?
- WHY?

BLACK INPUT, ARNOLD. THAT'S WHY.

- LES, LOOK...
- THEN, OF COURSE,
WE HAVE MUSIC.

IT'S NOT MY FAVORITE SUBJECT,
BUT IT'S ONE I CAN ARTICULATE.

IF THE BEATLES ARE THE
CONSTRUCT OF MODERN MUSIC...

AND I USE THAT WORD
"CONSTRUCT" INCORRECTLY...

SURELY THEY WERE GIVEN BIRTH TO

BY ELVIS PRESLEY,
A GIANT FOR SURE,

BUT A PRODUCT OF
THE BLACK EXPERIENCE.

ERGO... AND I USE THAT
WORD CORRECTLY...

BLACKS CREATED MODERN MUSIC.

SCRATCH AN ALLMAN
BROTHER, AND YOU HAVE BLACK.

SCRATCH BILLY
"JOE-ELL," AND YOU HAVE

HOWLING WOLF.

I COULD GO ON, BUT
MY MOTHER IS IN TOWN.

LET'S JUST SAY THAT EVERY ROCK
AND ROLL MUSICIAN WORKING TODAY

SHOULD TAKE HALF OF
HIS OR HER PAYCHECK

AND MAIL IT DIRECTLY
TO CHUCK BERRY.

AT LEAST, THAT'S WHAT I THINK,
AND I WON'T EVEN GO INTO JAZZ.

ARNOLD, ENJOY YOUR
VISIT TO THE STATION.

VENUS, NICE VISITING
WITH YOU TOO.

- RIGHT ON, LES.
- DID YOU TELL HIM ALL THAT?

- UH, NO.
- YOU KNOW, I DID.

WHO IS THAT?

UH, THAT'S, UH, FEVER.

HE HATES HIS APARTMENT, SO
HE SLEEPS AROUND THE STATION.

- THAT'S DR. FEVER?
- YEAH.

- HE DON'T LOOK
LIKE HIS VOICE.
- YEAH?

- YOU DON'T EITHER.
- I DON'T?

NO. YOU SOUND WHITE TO ME.

I REALLY DON'T CARE WHAT YOU THINK ABOUT
ME. I'M JUST TRYING TO HELP YOUR MOTHER.

YEAH? AND HOW ARE
YOU GONNA DO THAT?

I'VE SEEN YOUR TYPE BEFORE.
YOU'RE GONNA BE BIG LOSER, MAN.

LIFE'S GONNA RUN YOU OVER
LIKE A GIANT STEAMROLLER.

- IS THAT RIGHT?
- YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

HERE'S A HUNDRED DOLLARS.

WHY DON'T YOU GO OUT AND
BUY YOURSELF A NEW JACKET?

THAT'S HOW LIFE'S
RUNNING ME OVER.

WHY DON'T YOU GIVE THAT
MONEY TO YOUR MOTHER?

I TRIED.

I CAN'T. SHE WON'T TAKE IT.

DO YOU LOVE YOUR MAMA?

YEAH, I LOVE MY MAMA.

WELL, GIVE ME 30 MINUTES, MAN.
WE'LL GO SOMEWHERE ELSE AND TALK.

JUST YOU AND ME, ONE
ON ONE. WHAT DO YOU SAY?

OKAY. WHY NOT?
I'M HERE, AIN'T I?

HI, BROTHERS.

COWABUNGA, UNCLE BOB!

THERE'S THAT HUNDRED-DOLLAR
BILL I LOST YESTERDAY.

I THOUGHT IT WAS GONE. I
LOOKED ALL OVER THE PLACE FOR IT.

HA! THIS IS STRANGE.

LIFE ITSELF IS STRANGE. MM!

DONATION.

LET'S GO, ARNOLD.

♪♪

THESE EDITORIALS OF YOURS,
THEY'RE GOOD, DARN GOOD.

I'M NOT SAYING THAT THEY'RE NOT.

NEITHER IS BAILEY,
NOT FOR A MINUTE.

I'M NOT, AND NEITHER
IS ANDY, MR. CARLSON.

OH, NO, SIR. WHAT WE ARE
SAYING IS THAT SOMETIMES

YOUR EDITORIALS ARE
JUST A LITTLE BIT MILD.

YOU CAN'T HAVE A
HOT ITEM ALL THE TIME.

I KNOW THAT, BUT, SIR, SINCE
YOU'VE BEEN DOING THIS,

YOU'VE COME OUT IN FAVOR OF

GOOD ROADS, BETTER
EDUCATION, AND SPRING.

YOU CAME OUT IN FAVOR
OF SPRING, MR. CARLSON.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH SPRING?

I LIKE SPRING. CAN'T I
TALK ABOUT THE SEASONS?

WHY DOES EVERYTHING HAVE
TO BE SO NEGATIVE TODAY?

WELL, IT'S A DOWN
TIME, MR. CARLSON.

JUST LISTEN TO ME
FOR JUST ONE SECOND.

OH, I'M SORRY. I DIDN'T KNOW.
WE'LL GO DO IT IN THE STOREROOM.

LOOK, I JUST WANT TO
GET THIS OVER WITH, OKAY?

COME ON.

- WHERE'D YOU GET
THE HUNDRED-DOLLAR BILL?
- ON THE STREET.

ROLLING DRUNKS? SELLING DRUGS?

NO, MAN. YOU GOT ME ALL WRONG.

YEAH, YOU ARE A MEMBER
OF A GANG, THOUGH?

NO, IT'S A, UH,

A SOCIAL CLUB, YOU
KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

A GENTLEMEN'S CLUB.

YEAH, AND YOU'RE THE PRESIDENT
OF THIS GENTLEMEN'S CLUB?

- THAT'S RIGHT.
- THAT MEANS YOU'RE
THE STRONGEST AND SMARTEST.

- YEAH, I GUESS SO.
- YOU'RE STRONG
AND YOU'RE SMART.

- I JUST WANT TO
VERIFY THAT.
- YEAH.

I'M STRONG AND I'M SMART.

GOOD. I'M NOT SURPRISED.

SO WHY DO YOU WANT
TO DROP OUT OF SCHOOL?

IT'S A WASTE OF MY TIME.

MAYBE. MAIN REASON IS,
YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DO YOU?

- YEAH, I GUESS SO.
- HOW COME?

BECAUSE IT'S WASTING MY TIME.

NO.

YOU DON'T LIKE SCHOOL BECAUSE
YOU LOOK LIKE A DUMMY IN THERE.

- WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
- YOU LOOK LIKE AN IDIOT
IN CLASS.

- A WHAT?
- AN IDIOT.

- LOOK OUT, MAN.
- HEY, I'M LOOKING OUT.

I'M LOOKING OUT.

AND I SEE A SMART
GUY WHO ISN'T SO SMART

WHEN A TEACHER
ASKS HIM A QUESTION.

- EMBARRASSING, AIN'T IT?
- I WOULDN'T KNOW.

OH, YEAH, YOU WOULD.

THERE AIN'T NOBODY LIKE TO DO
ANYTHING TO MAKE THEM LOOK DUMB.

AND SCHOOL MAKES YOU LOOK DUMB.

I RUN THAT SCHOOL, MY MAN.

HEY, I'M SURE YOU DO.
I'M NOT SAYING YOU DON'T.

BUT YOU DON'T LOOK GOOD IN
CLASS, AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DO YOU?

- YOU SAYING I'M DUMB?
- NO.

I'M SAYING YOU AIN'T STRONG.

YOU WANT TO SEE
JUST HOW STRONG I AM,

YOU KEEP ON TALKING.

- DO YOU KNOW WHAT STRONG IS?
- WHAT?

STRONG IS NOT CARING WHAT
ANYBODY THINKS ABOUT YOU.

- YEAH?
- YEAH.

WELL, I DON'T CARE
WHAT ANYBODY THINKS,

ESPECIALLY YOU.

WHAT IF YOU START
PAYING ATTENTION IN CLASS

INSTEAD OF BEING COOL AND
CAUSING A LOT OF TROUBLE?

HOW WOULD YOUR FRIENDS REACT? WHAT
WOULD YOUR LIEUTENANTS THINK ABOUT THAT?

DOESN'T MATTER,
'CAUSE I AIN'T GONNA DO IT.

BUT COULD YOU DO IT?
COULD YOU BE THAT STRONG?

YEAH. I COULD BE THAT STRONG.

THEN YOU'RE A VERY
SPECIAL MAN, ARNOLD.

NOW WE'RE GETTING SOMEWHERE.

- TOO BAD YOU'RE DUMB.
- DON'T START THAT AGAIN.

YOU KNOW WHAT'S
REALLY DUMB, ARNOLD?

YOU THINK THEY'RE TRYING
TO MAKE YOU TAKE SOMETHING.

- THEY ARE.
- THOSE TEACHERS DON'T CARE
ABOUT YOU THAT MUCH, MAN.

IF YOU'RE NOT BUYING WHAT
THEY'RE SELLING, TO HELL WITH YOU.

THEY'RE JUST GONNA PROMOTE
YOU RIGHT OUT OF THERE.

LOOK, MAN, YOU BELIEVE THEY'RE
TRYING TO MAKE YOU TAKE SOMETHING.

I'M TELLING YOU THEY GOT
SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO YOU.

IT'S YOURS. IT'S YOUR RIGHT
TO HAVE WHAT THEY GOT.

IF THEY WON'T GIVE YOU AN EDUCATION,
YOU GOT TO STEAL IT FROM THEM.

YOU GOT TO STAND UP AND SAY, "HEY, TEACHER,
I DON'T UNDERSTAND. REPEAT THAT AGAIN."

THEY GET TIRED OF REPEATING
THAT AND PUT YOU IN A SPECIAL CLASS

AND CALL IT "REMEDIAL"
JUST TO EMBARRASS YOU,

YOU GOT TO TELL THEM YOU DON'T
GIVE A DAMN WHAT THEY CALL IT,

THAT YOU'RE TOO STRONG TO BE EMBARRASSED,
AND YOU WANT WHAT'S COMING TO YOU.

WHY DO I WANT IT? HUH?

I MEAN, WHAT GOOD
IS AN EDUCATION

FOR A GUY LIKE ME?

AND DON'T HAND ME ALL THAT
BULL ABOUT JOBS AND MONEY EITHER,

BECAUSE THE UNEMPLOYMENT LINE'S
FILLED WITH PEOPLE WITH AN EDUCATION,

INCLUDING COLLEGE
DEGREES, AM I RIGHT?

YEAH, YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT.

THERE'S NO GUARANTEE, MAN.

SO WHAT'S THE POINT OF
GOING BACK TO SCHOOL?

YOU WANT TO KNOW
WHAT I THINK, MAN?

I THINK THERE'S ONLY TWO THINGS
ANYBODY CARES ABOUT IN THIS WORLD:

ONE, SURVIVAL; TWO, CONQUEST.

- WHAT ABOUT SEX?
- THAT'S PART OF SURVIVAL.

- OKAY.
- AND SO IS AN EDUCATION, MAN.

YOU'VE GOT TO HAVE AN
EDUCATION TO SURVIVE.

NOW, I'M NOT GONNA
TELL YOU THAT,

BECAUSE YOU'VE HEARD
THAT A HUNDRED TIMES BEFORE.

- I WON'T BORE YOU WITH THAT.
- GOOD.

I'M NOT GONNA BORE YOU WITH THAT BECAUSE
A DUDE LIKE YOU IS NOT INTO SURVIVAL.

NO, YOU'RE INTO CONQUEST.

YOU CONQUER OUT THERE IN
THE STREET, AND YOU LIKE THAT.

YOU GET CONQUERED IN THE
CLASSROOM, AND YOU DON'T LIKE IT, DO YOU?

NO.

HAVE YOU CONQUERED MATH,
MAN, OR HAS MATH CONQUERED YOU?

WHO'S THE TOUGHEST DOG
IN THAT FIGHT: YOU OR MATH?

- MATH.
- HOW COME?

"HOW COME"? I DON'T KNOW.

- WHAT DO YOU THINK IT IS?
- I DON'T KNOW.

- DO YOU PAY
ATTENTION IN CLASS?
- NO.

WHAT IS IT? I'M
ASKING YOU, ARNOLD.

- MAYBE IT'S BECAUSE I'M DUMB.
- NO, YOU'RE NOT.

YEAH. I AM. DON'T BE TELLING ME I'M
NOT DUMB. I'M TELLING YOU, I'M DUMB.

ARNOLD, YOU'RE SMART. YOU'RE
THE PRESIDENT OF YOUR GANG.

- IT'S DIFFERENT.
- NO, IT ISN'T.

YES, IT IS. IN SCHOOL THEY GOT

GEOMETRY AND ENGLISH
AND BIOLOGY AND...

I JUST DON'T UNDERSTAND
A THING ABOUT IT, MAN.

I JUST DON'T GET ANY OF IT.

- WHAT ABOUT CHEMISTRY?
- THAT'S THE HARDEST ONE.

DID THEY TEACH YOU
ABOUT THE ATOM?

THE ATOM? YEAR AFTER YEAR.

AND I DON'T KNOW THE
FIRST THING ABOUT IT.

I CAN GIVE YOU THE BASICS
OF THE ATOM IN TWO MINUTES.

YOU'LL UNDERSTAND IT PERFECTLY
AND REMEMBER IT FOR MONTHS.

TWO MINUTES? YOU'RE
CRAZY, YOU KNOW THAT?

IF I CAN TEACH YOU ABOUT
THE ATOM IN TWO MINUTES,

WILL YOU GO BACK TO SCHOOL
AND FINISH OUT THE YEAR?

HOW ABOUT IT. HUH? COME ON. YOU'RE
A BETTING MAN. HOW ABOUT IT, ARNOLD?

YEAH. YEAH, OKAY,
SURE. YOU GOT IT.

- I GOT YOUR WORD?
- YEAH, YOU GOT MY WORD
AND TWO MINUTES.

- WE GOT A DEAL.
- YEAH, WE GOT A DEAL.

- ALL RIGHT, SIT DOWN.
- OKAY.

OKAY. THERE ARE THREE
GANGS ON THE STREET, RIGHT?

YEAH, YEAH. THREE GANGS.

AND THIS...

THIS RIGHT HERE
IS THE TERRITORY.

NOW, HERE IS A NEIGHBORHOOD.

- GOT THAT?
- YEAH.

AND RIGHT IN THE MIDDLE OF THE
NEIGHBORHOOD IS A GANG CALLED

THE NEW BOYS.

YEAH. THE NEW BOYS. GOOD NAME.

OKAY. OUT HERE ON THE
OUTSIDE OF THE NEIGHBORHOOD,

ON THE EDGE OF THE
NEIGHBORHOOD, IS ANOTHER GANG.

THESE ARE REAL NEGATIVE
DUDES. REALLY NEGATIVE. RIGHT?

- RIGHT.
- THEY CALL THEMSELVES
THE ELECTED ONES.

- ALL RIGHT. THE ELECTED ONES.
- YOU GOT THAT?

REALLY NEGATIVE. THEY
DON'T LIKE NOTHING.

- SEE?
- RIGHT.

THEY ALL THE TIME OUT HERE
CIRCLING AROUND THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

JUST CIRCLING, YOU KNOW?

CHECKING OUT THE NEW BOYS.

THE NEW BOYS SEE THIS,

AND THEY FIGURE THERE'S
SOMETHING WRONG HERE,

SO THEY MAKE A DEAL
WITH ANOTHER GANG,

A GANG OF VERY
HAPPY-GO-LUCKY GUYS.

THEY CALL THEMSELVES THE PROS.

THE PROS.

NOW, THE PROS ARE VERY
POSITIVE CATS, YOU SEE?

- THEY GOT ALL THE GOOD-LOOKING
WOMEN, RIGHT?
- YEAH.

SEE, NOW, THE PROS

AND THE ELECTED ONES... INTERESTING
THING... THEY HATE EACH OTHER.

SO MUCH SO, THAT THEY KEEP THE
SAME NUMBER OF MEMBERS IN THE GANG

- JUST IN CASE, YOU DIG?
- RIGHT.

SO IF I'VE GOT 10 ELECTED
ONES, HOW MANY PROS DO I HAVE?

- TEN.
- ALL RIGHT. NOW, HOW MANY
GANGS DO I HAVE?

- THREE.
- NAME 'EM.

THE NEW BOYS, THE
ELECTED ONES, AND THE PROS.

- ALL RIGHT. WHO'S HERE?
- THE ELECTED ONES.

- WHAT ARE THEY? NEGATIVE?
- YEAH, NEGATIVE.

ALL RIGHT. NOW, WHO'S POSITIVE?

THE PROS. AND YOU'RE
RUNNING OUT OF TIME.

YOU SEE RIGHT HERE? THE
PROS AND THE NEW BOYS?

THEY CALL THEIR
HANGOUT THE NUCLEUS.

YEAH. NOW, SEE, THAT'S
A REAL TOUGH WORD.

IT'S LATIN. AND I KIND OF THINK
IT'S SWAHILI, AND IT MEANS "CENTER."

YEAH? WHAT IS IT?

- IT'S NUCLEUS. SAY IT.
- NUCLEUS.

- IS THAT REALLY AFRICAN?
- SAY IT.

- NUCLEUS.
- YOU GOT IT?

- YEAH.
- ALL RIGHT.

I'LL GIVE YOU ANOTHER
SWAHILI WORD.

IT'S, UH, "TRON."
IT MEANS "DUDE."

YEAH. TRON. DUDE.

ALL THESE GANGS LIKE
THEIR NAMES SO WELL

THAT THEY ALL DECIDE TO USE IT.

FOR INSTANCE, THE
PROS IN THE MIDDLE

START CALLING
THEMSELVES PROTONS,

AND THE NEW BOYS START
CALLING THEMSELVES THE NEUTRONS,

AND OUT HERE ON THE
EDGE, THE ELECTED ONES,

- THEY START CALLING
THEMSELVES THE ELEC...
- THE ELECTRONS,

- THE PROTONS
AND THE NEUTRONS.
- YEAH.

AND ALL THIS RIGHT HERE,
THIS IS THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

THIS IS BLOCK AFTER
BLOCK OF NOTHING.

YOU UNDERSTAND BLOCK AFTER
BLOCK OF NOTHING, DON'T YOU?

YEAH, I KNOW ALL ABOUT THAT.

AND YOUR TIME IS UP,
PROFESSOR DEEJAY.

GOOD. I WAS FINISHED ANYWAY.

- NOW, YOU GO ON BACK
TO SCHOOL NOW.
- "SCHOOL"?

ALL I KNOW ABOUT IS A
BUNCH OF DAMN GANGS

THAT LIVE IN A ROUND
NEIGHBORHOOD.

ARNOLD, THAT'S THE
ATOM. THAT'S IT, MAN.

THAT'S IT. WHAT'S
THIS RIGHT HERE?

UH, PROTONS AND NEUTRONS.

- ALL RIGHT, AND THEY
CALL THIS THE WHAT?
- NUCLEUS.

- ALL RIGHT. WHAT ARE
THESE GUYS UP HERE?
- ELECTRONS.

- ARE THEY NEGATIVE OR POSITIVE?
- NEGATIVE.

- AND HOW DO THEY MOVE?
- ROUND AND ROUND.

- AND IF I'VE GOT TWO,
HOW MANY PROTONS DO I HAVE?
- TWO.

- ARE PROTONS NEGATIVE
OR POSITIVE?
- POSITIVE.

- AND WHAT'S ALL THIS HERE?
- THAT'S THE NEIGHBORHOOD.

- WHICH IS?
- NOTHING.

YOU GOT IT, MAN. YOU GOT AN "A."

YOU KNOW THIS STUFF
BACKWARDS AND FORWARDS.

- I DO?
- YEAH.

YEAH. I DO.

YEAH, BUT WHAT GOOD
IS IT GONNA DO ME?

I AIN'T NEVER SEEN AN
ATOM. I CAN'T TOUCH IT.

ARNOLD, YOU'VE
GOT TO LEARN TO LIVE

BEYOND YOUR FINGERTIPS, MAN.

YOU'VE GOT TO START BELIEVING
IN THINGS YOU CAN'T SEE.

I SEE WHAT I SEE.

- IS AFRICA A PLACE?
- YEAH.

- YOU EVER BEEN THERE?
- NO.

- IS IT STILL THERE?
- YEAH.

THIS THING HERE
YOU CALL YOUR BODY,

THAT'S WHAT ATOMS ARE WHEN
THEY GET TOGETHER IN A CERTAIN WAY.

IT'S WHAT EVERYTHING
IS. IT'S WHAT WE ALL ARE.

YOU KNOW THAT 95% OF PEOPLE IN THIS
COUNTRY DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU KNOW ABOUT IT?

AND YOU CONQUERED IT IN TWO
MINUTES. HOW DOES THAT MAKE YOU FEEL?

I GUESS KIND OF GOOD.

THAT'S THE JOY OF CONQUEST,

THE JOY OF LEARNING, AND THAT'S
WHY YOU SHOULD GO BACK TO SCHOOL.

YOU KNOW, MAN, YOU
SHOULD TEACH SCHOOL.

- YEAH, WELL, I, UH...
- YOU DID, DIDN'T YOU?

- NO, NO.
- ARE YOU SURE?

YEAH, I'M SURE. BUT I
DID LIE ABOUT ONE THING:

THOSE WORDS BEING SWAHILI?

NO. BLACK KIDS SEEM TO LEARN FASTER WHEN
THEY THINK IT'S ABOUT THEIR OWN CULTURE.

JUST A LITTLE WHITE LIE, OKAY?

OKAY.

- SO ARE YOU GONNA
FINISH OUT THE YEAR?
- YOU WON, MAN.

NO, ARNOLD, YOU WON.

OKAY.

AND ANOTHER THING, ARNOLD, UH,

YOU'RE PROBABLY NOT GONNA FIND
A TEACHER AS GOOD AS ME AGAIN,

SO, UH, WHEN CLASS
STARTS GETTING VERY BORING,

YOU PAY PARTICULAR
ATTENTION AND BREAK IT DOWN

INTO SOMETHING YOU
CAN IDENTIFY WITH, OKAY?

SURE.

I'LL SAY HELLO TO
YOUR MOTHER TONIGHT.

YEAH. ME TOO.

Johnny: ATOMS...

ATOMS STUFF WAS TERRIFIC, MAN.

I NEVER UNDERSTOOD
IT BEFORE, YOU KNOW?

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME
YOU WERE BACK THERE?

I TRIED, BUT I WAS ASLEEP.

HOW LONG DID YOU TEACH, MAN?

UH, THREE YEARS, BUT I
COULDN'T CUT IT, SO I QUIT.

YOU NEVER TOLD ME ABOUT THAT.

IT'S NOT THE KIND OF
THING I'M PROUD OF.

IF YOU GOT SOME
TIME, I'M WIDE AWAKE.

- LET ME BUY YOU
A DRINK, ALL RIGHT?
- YOU GOT IT.

ALL RIGHT.

CAN YOU, UH, TEACH
ME ABOUT MAGNETS?

Man: WKRP IN CINCINNATI

WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS.

♪♪- ALL RIGHT, MY CHILDREN,

IT'S TIME FOR US TO GET MELLOW

AND LISTEN TO THE
MELLIFLUOUS VOICE OF...

- VENUS, YOU DID IT!
- MISS DELLA REESE.

- YOU DID IT!
- KIND OF ON THE AIR,
THERE, CORA.

WELL, PLAY SOMETHING
FOR ME, BABY.

WELL, WAY AHEAD OF YOU.
I'VE GOT ELLA ON BOARD.

♪♪

MM, THAT'S NICE.

THINK IT WILL LAST, VENUS?

THINK HE'LL STAY IN
AFTER THE YEAR'S OUT?

OH, I DON'T KNOW, CORA. THE
ODDS ARE KIND OF AGAINST IT.

- YEAH.
- I HAD TO BE HONEST.

SURE.

HEY, BUT LOOK.

THE ODDS WERE AGAINST ME, AND LOOK
HOW I TURNED OUT? I MEAN, I'M SO BEAUTIFUL.

YOU ARE, TOO.

- WELL, CUTE, MAYBE.
- NO, BABY, YOU'RE BEAUTIFUL.

I GUESS THERE'S NO POINT IN
ARGUING WITH YOU, IS THERE?

NO, THERE'S NOT.