WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 3, Episode 11 - Frog Story - full transcript

- GOOD MORNING, HERB.
- MM-HMM.

IS SOMETHING WRONG?

UH, YEAH, SOMETHING'S WRONG.

CAN I HELP... YOU KNOW,

WITHOUT REALLY GETTING INVOLVED?

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

OKAY.

CAN I SHOW YOU SOMETHING?

I GUESS.

WHY DO YOU HAVE THAT?

I, UH, THINK IT'S DYING.



- IT'S PINK.
- I KNOW.

IT'S A PINK FROG.

IT'S, UH, GREENPEACE.

IT'S MY DAUGHTER
BUNNY'S PET FROG.

I WAS SPRAY-PAINTING
THE INTERIOR

OF THE KITCHEN
CABINETS LAST NIGHT,

AND I ACCIDENTALLY SPRAYED HIM.

IS THAT, UH, SOMETHING FUNNY?

NO. HUH-UH.

ANYWAY, THAT'S ONE
HELL OF A FROG THERE.

I KNOW IT IS.

JENNIFER, YOU GOT ANY ASPIRIN?

- WE'RE OUT.
- OH, BOY. HOW ABOUT MORPHINE?

- GOOD GOD!
- WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?



I HAVE A HEADACHE. WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S BUNNY'S FROG.

HERB PAINTED HIM PINK.

NEW HOBBY?

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

I DIDN'T MEAN TO.
I WAS SPRAYING,

AND HE JUST SORT
OF JUMPED IN MY WAY.

YOU KNOW HOW FROGS
WILL DO THAT SOMETIMES...

JUST SORT OF JUMP IN YOUR WAY.

PINK'S THE WRONG COLOR.

OH, I'M SORRY,
HERB. I REALLY AM.

I NEARLY KILLED MY
DAUGHTER'S FAVORITE PET.

MAYBE WE CAN DO SOMETHING.
HERE, LET ME SEE HIM AGAIN.

OKAY.

- HE'S NOT MOVING.
- DON'T SAY THAT.

- WELL, HE'S NOT.
- DO SOMETHING. DO SOMETHING.

WHAT? I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

- WATER. HE NEEDS WATER.
- OH, HE IS NOT MOVING AT ALL.

- OKAY, STAND BACK, STAND BACK.
- OH, NO, HERB, THAT'S HOT!

OH!

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

WHILE FROZEN PORK BELLIES
MOVED BRISKLY OUT OF STORAGE.

AND FINALLY, DID YOU KNOW THAT

ONLY A MIRACULOUS
SET OF CIRCUMSTANCES

MAKES LIFE HERE
ON EARTH POSSIBLE?

FOR INSTANCE, THE PLANET'S
SIZE IS JUST EXACTLY RIGHT

TO HOLD OUR ATMOSPHERE.

THE ATMOSPHERE CONTAINS JUST
ENOUGH OXYGEN TO SUPPORT LIFE,

AND OUR DISTANCE FROM
THE SUN IS JUST PERFECT

FOR THE RIGHT TEMPERATURE.

SHOULD THERE BE EVEN A TRIVIAL
CHANGE IN ANY OF THESE CONDITIONS,

ALL LIFE HERE ON EARTH WOULD
MOST CERTAINLY BE OBLITERATED

IN A MATTER OF MILLISECONDS.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN
SAYING GOOD DAY,

AND MAY THE GOOD NEWS BE YOURS.

Man: THIS HAS BEEN
THE EARLY NEWS

WITH LES NESSMAN.

SLOW NEWS DAY?

I'M ENDING ALL MY REPORTS NOW WITH
SOME INTERESTING HUMAN FACT, JOHN.

PEOPLE SEEM TO LIKE IT.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, YOUR FACE. IT'S GRAY.

IT'S NOT YOUR
NORMAL GRAY EITHER.

IT'S MORE ASHEN THAN USUAL.

IT'S JUST A LITTLE HEADACHE. I
THINK I'M COMING DOWN WITH A COLD.

WELL, YOU SHOULD GO HOME AND
REST, DRINK PLENTY OF LIQUIDS, AND...

- IT'S NOT SERIOUS, LES.
- WHAT ARE THE SYMPTOMS?

JUST THE USUAL, OKAY? HOLD IT.

NESSMAN, CINCINNATI'S
WINDOW TO THE WORLD.

ALL RIGHT, SOMEBODY
HAND ME THE WINDEX,

'CAUSE THE VIEW
IS GETTING WARPED.

THIS IS THE DOCTOR. THESE ARE
THE KINKS FROM WAY BACK IN '64.

♪♪

ARE YOUR LEGS SORE?

UH, YEAH, NOW
THAT YOU MENTION IT.

AND HEADACHE-Y IN
THE FRONTAL LOBE?

UP HERE?

YEAH, UH, MORE AND MORE.

- HMM.
- "HMM"?

WHAT ABOUT YOUR JOINTS?

ARE THEY GIVING YOU TROUBLE?

UH, YEAH, A LITTLE.

DOES IT HURT TO TOUCH
YOUR CHIN TO YOUR CHEST?

GEE, I DON'T KNOW.

TRY IT.

YEAH, IT DOES HURT A LITTLE.

IF I TOUCH YOU HERE, IN
THE SMALL OF YOUR BACK,

- YEAH?
- RIGHT THERE,

DOES THAT SEEM SLIGHTLY SORE?

UH, IT'S A LITTLE TENDER, YEAH.

I SEE. LET ME SEE YOUR HANDS.

WHAT DO YOU THINK IS
WRONG WITH ME, LES?

PROBABLY JUST A SIMPLE COLD.

YOU SHOULD SEE A DOCTOR, JOHN...

IF NOT NOW, AT LEAST BY NOON.

WHY?

I'M A NEWSMAN, NOT
A NEUROLOGIST, JOHN.

"NEUROLOGIST"?

WOULD YOU PLEASE EXCUSE ME?

I'M DYING.

HE'S NOT DEAD, BAILEY. HE'S
JUST RESTING, THAT'S ALL.

NO, I DID NOT SAY
HE WAS DEAD, HERB.

I JUST SAID HE LOOKS
A LITTLE PATHETIC.

WON'T THE PAINT COME OFF?

GOOD MORNING.

GOOD MORNING, LES.
HERB HAS A SICK FROG.

I BEG YOUR PARDON?

WELL, HE...

WELL, IT SEEMS THAT THIS FROG...

HERB, YOU'D BETTER TELL HIM.

HIS NAME'S GREENPEACE,
LES, AND HE'S PINK.

SO DON'T LOOK AT HIM
AND TELL ME HE'S PINK,

BECAUSE I ALREADY
TOLD YOU HE'S PINK, OKAY?

I ACCIDENTALLY
SPRAY-PAINTED HIM. THERE HE IS.

OOH!

HE'S PINK.

HI, THERE, GREENPEACE. YOU
LOOK LIKE A CUTE LITTLE FROGGY.

DOESN'T... DOESN'T
MOVE AROUND MUCH.

HE'S A VERY SICK FROG, LES.

OH, I SEE. WHAT SHALL WE DO?

- I DON'T WANT
TO HEAR IT, LES.
- WHY?

IT'S BAD LUCK TO TAKE
ADVICE FROM INSANE PEOPLE.

I'VE NEVER HEARD THAT.

- HEY, HERB?
- HMM?

MR. CARLSON WANTS ME TO FIND OUT WHY YOU
WERE THROWING COFFEEPOTS AROUND THE LOBBY.

I HAVE A SICK FROG
ON MY HANDS, ANDY.

OH. WELL, THAT EXPLAINS IT.

- YOU WANT TO SEE HIM?
- HEY, WHY NOT?

I LIKE TO HAVE AS MUCH
FUN AS THE NEXT GUY.

WELL, HE'S PINK, ANDY,

SO DON'T LOOK AT HIM
AND TELL ME HE'S PINK,

BECAUSE I'VE ALREADY
TOLD YOU HE'S PINK, OKAY?

I ACCIDENTALLY
SPRAY-PAINTED HIM. THERE HE IS.

YOU DID WHAT?

I SPRAY-PAINTED HIM.

YOU PAINTING YOUR CAR?

NO.

UH, CABINETS.

OH, GOOD.

- WHAT'S HIS NAME?
- GREENPEACE.

LOOKS LIKE "PINK-PEACE."

MY DAUGHTER NAMED
HIM AFTER THE PEOPLE WHO

GO AROUND SAVING LITTLE BABY
SEALS AND WHALES AND STUFF.

SHE'S JUST A LITTLE KID, BUT
SHE'S AN ENVIRONMENTALIST.

I THINK THAT'S WONDERFUL, HERB.

NOW DO YOU SEE HOW
BAD THIS IS GONNA LOOK?

I'VE ALMOST KILLED THIS
INNOCENT PRODUCT OF NATURE

WITH TOXIC CHEMICALS.

MY DAUGHTER'S GONNA
HATE ME FOREVER.

WELL, HE HASN'T CROAKED
YET, HERB. GIVE HIM TIME.

I-I DIDN'T... I'M
SORRY, I'M SORRY.

LISTEN, HERB, WHY DON'T YOU
CALL A VETERINARIAN OR SOMETHING?

I'VE TRIED.

VETS DON'T MAKE HOUSE
CALLS. NOT FOR FROGS, ANYWAY.

I HAVE A SUGGESTION.

- I DON'T WANT TO HEAR IT.
- NO, NOW, WAIT
JUST A SECOND, HERB.

LES KNOWS ALL ABOUT NATURE
AND SCIENCE AND THINGS LIKE THAT.

HEARD YOUR NEWS
REPORT THIS MORNING, LES.

BETTER STOP IT.

NOW, HOW ABOUT YOUR SUGGESTION?

THANK YOU, ANDY.

MY SUGGESTION IS,
CALL IN DR. HUNNISETT.

DR. HUNNISETT? THE
GUY ON THE THIRD FLOOR?

- YES.
- LES, HE'S A PODIATRIST.

- SO?
- "SO"?

WELL, HE'S THE ONLY
DOCTOR IN THE BUILDING,

AND HE HAPPENS TO
BE A VERY NICE MAN.

I CAN'T CALL IN A
PODIATRIST TO SEE A FROG.

IT'LL MAKE ME LOOK STUPID.

HERB, PODIATRISTS TAKE FOUR
YEARS OF MEDICAL TRAINING.

OH, CALL HIM, HERB.
THE FROG IS DYING.

JUST PICK UP THE PHONE AND SAY,

"HI. MY PINK FROG IS DYING,

"AND I WOULD LIKE
YOU TO COME UP HERE

AND TAKE A LOOK AT HIS FEET."

I AM SORRY. I
COULD NOT RESIST IT.

WOULD YOU... PLEASE
GO GET HIM, LES?

ALL RIGHT. WON'T BE EASY,

BUT WE ALL KNOW THAT I CAN BE

EXTREMELY PERSUASIVE AT TIMES.

NOT TO MENTION FRIGHTENING.

- WHAT?
- JUST GO.

- JENNIFER?
- YES, JOHNNY?

COULD YOU GET ME THE
NAME OF A GOOD NEUROLOGIST?

A NEUROLOGIST? I THOUGHT
YOU HAD A HEADACHE.

YEAH, SO DID I.

I THINK IT'S A LOT MORE SERIOUS.
BOY, I'D BETTER SIT DOWN.

OH, HERE, LET ME HELP YOU.

COME ON. RIGHT HERE.

I FAILED THE CHIN-CHEST THING.

"THE CHIN-CHEST THING"?

- YEAH, YOU KNOW.
- NO, I'M AFRAID I DON'T.

THIS WAY, DOCTOR.

LES BROUGHT A DOCTOR.

- ARE YOU A NEUROLOGIST?
- NO, I'M A PODIATRIST.

"PODIATRIST"? I
DON'T UNDERSTAND.

- IT'S THE STUDY
AND TREATMENT OF FEET.
- I KNOW THAT.

DR. HUNNISETT IS HERE
TO SEE HERB'S FROG.

- OF COURSE.
- COME ON.

UH, DOC? HOLD IT.

MY HEAD ACHES, MY THROAT'S SORE,

I ACHE ALL OVER, AND I
WANT YOU TO SEE THIS.

- SOUNDS LIKE THE FLU.
- "FLU"?

HEY, I GOT THE FLU!

CONGRATULATIONS.

- NICE FEET.
- I KNOW.

I'M SORRY, GUYS. I
DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO.

YOU MUST. YOU'VE GOT TO.

IN MEDICAL SCHOOL, ALL WE EVER
DID WITH FROGS WAS CUT THEM UP.

WE NEVER TRIED TO SAVE ONE.

LET'S GO TALK TO
THE RECEPTIONIST.

LOOK, HERB,

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO SAY THIS TO YOU,
BUT I REALLY THINK SOMEBODY SHOULD.

- WHAT?
- IT'S JUST A FROG.

AND YOU CALL YOURSELF A DOCTOR?

IT'S MORE THAN A
FROG. IT'S GREENPEACE.

MM, PEOPLE AND THEIR PETS.

YEAH, YOU'RE TELLING
ME. THAT IS THE TRUTH.

THIS MORNING, I THINK I'M DYING,

ALL ANYBODY AROUND HERE
CAN THINK ABOUT IS THIS FROG.

THE PINK FROG. I'M A
HUMAN BEING, YOU KNOW.

IT'S LIKE IN THE MOVIES, THOUGH:

YOU CAN WASTE THE
ENTIRE CONFEDERATE ARMY,

NOBODY CARES.

395,000 GUYS DEADER
THAN DOORNAILS.

BUT YOU KILL ONE COLLIE,

EVERYBODY COLLAPSES IN GRIEF.

WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

- SCHISTOSOMIASIS.
- REALLY?

WHAT?

WHAT DID YOU SAY?

WELL, IT'S PROBABLY
JUST A COMMON COLD,

BUT THE SYMPTOMS ARE
SUSPICIOUSLY SIMILAR.

LET'S GET BACK TO
THE FROG, PLEASE.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE.
I-I'M DYING HERE.

I'VE GOT SCHISTO-SOMETHING.

HE'S A HYPOCHONDRIAC.

NO, YOU TOLD ME THAT I HAD
THE FLU. YOU GAVE ME YOUR WORD.

I DON'T KNOW. I DO
FEET. SEE A SPECIALIST.

WHAT, A NEUROLOGIST?

- OKAY.
- THE FROG, PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT.

MAYBE WE COULD GIVE HIM
AN ASPIRIN OR SOMETHING.

WAIT A MINUTE! I'VE GOT
SCHISTO-SOMETHING!

- GET OUT.
- PLEASE, JOHN.

I DON'T BELIEVE THIS.

I SUPPOSE IF MY THROAT WAS
THROBBING AND I WAS EATING FLIES,

I'D GET A LITTLE
ATTENTION AROUND HERE.

HERB, WHAT YOU'VE GOT TO DO
IS GET THE PAINT OFF THE FROG.

I DON'T KNOW HOW TO DO THAT. I
JUST CAME UP HERE AS A FAVOR TO LES.

- HE WAS MY FIRST PATIENT.
- THAT'S TRUE.

OH, SWELL.

- OH, VENUS...
- HI, HERB.

LISTEN, HOW DO YOU
GET PAINT OFF A FROG?

OH, I DON'T KNOW. HOW DO
YOU GET PAINT OFF A FROG?

I'M ASKING YOU.

COME HERE, COME HERE. I
WANT TO SHOW YOU SOMETHING.

EXCUSE ME. LOOK
AT THIS. NOW, SEE?

IN HERE'S A FROG WHO'S
DYING BECAUSE I PAINTED HIM.

DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

UH-HUH.

VENUS, SURELY YOU MUST
KNOW SOME SORT OF BLACK THING.

YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?

"A BLACK THING"?

YES, YOU KNOW. SOME SORT
OF PLANTATION VOODOO THING

THAT HELPS GET PAINT OFF A FROG.

A WHAT?

WHO'S THIS GUY?

THE PODIATRIST.

OH.

I DON'T KNOW
ANYTHING ABOUT FROGS.

UH-HUH.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T THINK A
VET WOULD KNOW WHAT TO DO.

YOU COULDN'T MAKE A LIVING
OUT OF SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

WHERE IS A FROG GONNA GO THESE
DAYS FOR PROPER HEALTH CARE?

LOOK, HERB, I'M SORRY.
IT'S OUT OF MY HANDS.

KEEP HIM WARM OR WET OR
SOMETHING AND HOPE FOR THE BEST.

I'M SORRY.

ALL RIGHT. THANKS FOR COMING UP.

WELL, LES CAN BE RATHER
FRIGHTENING SOMETIMES.

HE'S DEAD.

- Herb: WHAT?
- GREENPEACE IS DEAD.

- LET ME SEE.
- LOOK AT HIM.

I WANT A SECOND OPINION.

HE IS DEAD, HERB.

NOT YOU. I WANT AN AUTHORITY.

DOCTOR?

YEAH, HERB, HE'S GONE.

"GONE"?

I'M SORRY.

WHAT AM I GONNA
TELL MY DAUGHTER?

- UM, HERB...
- YEAH?

WELL, I... I GUESS

SOME SORT OF ARRANGEMENTS
SHOULD BE MADE.

UH, IF YOU DON'T WANT
TO BURY GREENPEACE,

I'LL DO IT FOR YOU.

BAILEY, YOU'RE VERY KIND,

BUT, I MEAN, HE'S JUST A FROG.

MAYBE IT WOULD BE NICE

IF WE WERE TO SLIP
HIM INTO THE RIVER.

KIND OF A BURIAL AT SEA.

NAH.

CREMATION?

OF COURSE, WE'D
HAVE TO BURN HIM.

HI, HERBIE. LOOK,

I'VE GOT TO GO ON THE AIR, BUT I
JUST WANTED TO SAY I'M SORRY.

I MEAN, I DIDN'T KNOW
GREENPEACE, BUT, UM,

I'M SURE HE WAS A FINE FROG.

HEY, WHO'S KIDDING WHO?
HE WAS A RIGHT-ON FROG.

WELL, I... I JUST
WANTED TO SAY THAT,

SO TRY TO HOLD
UP, BE BRAVE, AND...

KEEP BEING YOU.

HERB, ANDY JUST TOLD
ME THAT YOUR FROG DIED.

- I'M SORRY. I LIKE FROGS.
- SO DO I, HERB.

- THANK YOU.
- FROGS ARE.. ARE FROGS.

THEY LIKE TO JUMP,
THEY LIKE TO SWIM.

DON'T DO A LOT FOR SOCIETY, BUT
DON'T CREATE A LOT OF PROBLEMS EITHER.

- YOU KNOW WHAT I'M SAYING?
- YES, SIR.

YEAH. UNLESS YOU'RE
A FLY OR AN INSECT,

IT'S KIND OF HARD
NOT TO LIKE A FROG.

- THANK YOU.
- AND, HERB,

YOU ARE GONNA PAY FOR
THAT COFFEEPOT, AREN'T YOU?

HERB, I'M SORRY, BUT IT'S BUNNY.

OH. UM... I CAN'T TALK TO HER.

I DON'T KNOW WHAT
TO SAY TO HER. UH...

UH, TELL HER I'M ON A
SALES CALL. PLEASE?

ALL RIGHT.

BUNNY?

YOUR DADDY CAN'T COME
TO THE PHONE RIGHT NOW.

YES, HE'LL BE HOME SOON.

GREENPEACE?

OH, HONEY, I DON'T KNOW.

OKAY. BYE-BYE.

MY SYMPATHIES, HERB.

OH. OH, THANK YOU,
BUT HE'S JUST A FROG.

YEAH, BUT HE WAS
A GREAT FROG, HERB.

I KNOW. I KNOW, ANDY. BUT WHAT DO
YOU THINK I OUGHT TO TELL MY DAUGHTER?

I THINK YOU OUGHT TO TELL HER
THE TRUTH. WHAT ELSE CAN YOU DO?

ANDY'S RIGHT, HERB.
TELL HER THE TRUTH.

THE FROG IS DEAD, AND DEATH IS

THE LOGICAL, UNAVOIDABLE
CONCLUSION TO ALL THINGS.

Bailey: YOU KNOW, HERB,

I GUESS WE ALL
THINK ABOUT DEATH.

I WENT TO THE BEACH THIS
SUMMER, AND I WATCHED THE WAVES.

NOW, A WAVE IS A WAVE,

BUT ONLY FOR A SECOND,
AND THEN IT'S OVER.

BUT THE WATER
THAT MAKES THE WAVE

CONTINUES TO EXIST.

IT'S JUST NOT A WAVE ANYMORE.

THAT'S A LOVELY THOUGHT.

- THANK YOU.
- WELL,

IT'S GETTING PRETTY
HEAVY FOR ME AROUND HERE.

I THINK I'LL JUST GO ON HOME.

- HERBERT?
- MM-HMM?

- TELL THE TRUTH.
- RIGHT.

- BUNNY?
- HI, DADDY. WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?

OH, BUSY, BUSY, BUSY.

- IT'S ALMOST 8:00.
- I KNOW.

- WHERE'S GREENPEACE?
- BUNNY... WHAT?

I'VE GOT GOOD NEWS FOR YOU.

GREENPEACE. HE'S OKAY.

- HE'S JUST FINE.
- REALLY?

OH, YEAH. YEAH, THE DOCTOR GOT
THE PAINT OFF HIM AND EVERYTHING.

HE'S JUST FINE. GO
AHEAD, TAKE A LOOK.

GREENPEACE, YOU'RE ALL
RIGHT! HE TRIED TO JUMP.

WELL, YEAH. YOU PROBABLY DON'T
WANT TO LOOK AT HIM TOO MUCH

BECAUSE HE'S... WELL, HE'S
BEEN THROUGH A LOT, YOU KNOW?

BUT EVERYTHING WORKED OUT OKAY.

EVERYTHING IS JUST FINE.

SOMETIMES FROGS GET SICK,

AND THEN THEY GET
WELL AGAIN, YOU KNOW?

BUT, UH... WELL,

THE MAIN THING I
WANT YOU TO KNOW IS...

I DIDN'T MEAN TO HURT
GREENPEACE ON PURPOSE.

I MEAN, IF HE HAD DIED...

AND THANK GOODNESS HE DIDN'T...

WELL, I WOULD'VE FELT TERRIBLE.

I MEAN, IT WOULD'VE
KILLED ME TO KNOW

THAT I HURT SOMETHING
THAT YOU LOVED.

I'M JUST ACCIDENT-PRONE.
DO YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?

- UH-HUH.
- YEAH, WELL,

I MEAN, I KNOW I DO A LOT OF...

LOT OF STUPID THINGS, YOU KNOW?

I-I...

I SAY THINGS SOMETIMES
THAT, YOU KNOW,

I DON'T MEAN, AND I
HURT PEOPLE'S FEELINGS,

AND I DON'T EVEN KNOW
I'M DOING IT, YOU KNOW?

I MEAN, I'M NO ANGEL,
AND I... I KNOW THAT.

I'M JUST BASICALLY
ACCIDENT-PRONE.

I'M A WALKING "FOE-PACKS."

THAT'S A FRENCH WORD,

AND I'M NOT SURE WHAT
IT MEANS EITHER, BUT I'M IT.

SEE, UH,

I REALLY NEED FOR
YOU TO KNOW THAT, UM...

WELL, IT'S IMPORTANT THAT YOU

KEEP LOVING ME AND, UH...

AND BELIEVING IN ME.

- THINK YOU CAN DO THAT?
- YES.

THANK YOU, SWEETHEART.

THAT'S THE IMPORTANT THING.

WELL, I THINK I'M GONNA
GO EAT SOME DINNER, OKAY?

- OKAY.
- OKAY.

THAT'S NOT REALLY GREENPEACE.

I KNOW.

WELL, WE'LL BURY
GREENPEACE, OKAY?

WE'LL BURY HIM IN THE BACK YARD,

AND WE CAN HAVE
HIM HERE WITH US,

AND WE CAN JUST
HONOR HIM ALL THE TIME.

OKAY?

OKAY.

HELLO, NEW FROG.
WELCOME TO MY ROOM.

I THINK YOU'RE
GONNA LIKE IT HERE.

BUT STAY AWAY FROM MY DADDY.

Man: WKRP IN CINCINNATI

WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS.

AND DID YOU KNOW THAT
WITHIN THE NEXT 24 HOURS,

OVER 500,000 TONS OF SOIL

WILL HAVE BEEN CARRIED
BY THE MISSISSIPPI RIVER

INTO THE GULF OF MEXICO?

HOW LONG CAN SOMETHING
LIKE THAT CONTINUE?

THINK ABOUT IT.

THIS IS LES NESSMAN
SAYING GOOD DAY,

AND MAY THE GOOD NEWS BE YOURS.

Man: THIS HAS BEEN
THE EARLY NEWS

WITH LES NESSMAN.

MORNING, JOHN.

YOU'RE LOOKING MUCH MORE
YOUR USUAL GRAY TODAY.

YEAH, NO THANKS TO YOU, LES.

BOY, I TELL YOU, YOU HAD ME
SCARED TO DEATH LAST NIGHT

WITH THAT SCHISTOSOMIASIS
STUFF, YOU KNOW?

I LEFT HERE, I WENT TO A CLINIC,

AND I TALKED TO A DOCTOR,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT HE SAID?

♪♪- HE TOLD ME I'VE GOT A COLD.

I'M COMING DOWN WITH A
COLD. IT'S NOT A BIG COLD.

JUST A LITTLE COLD, YOU KNOW?

JOHN, DO YOU REALIZE

HOW MANY MISTAKES
DOCTORS MAKE EACH YEAR?

- WHAT?
- I'VE GOT A REPORT RIGHT HERE

ABOUT A DOCTOR WHO SEWED
UP HIS TIMEX INSIDE A PATIENT.

YOU SEE STORIES
LIKE THAT EVERY DAY.

WILDLY INCORRECT DIAGNOSES,

WRONG LIMBS BEING REMOVED...

THAT'S JUST THE
TIP OF THE ICEBERG.

WHAT ARE YOU TRYING
TO TELL ME, NESSMAN?

DO YOU REALIZE HOW
LITTLE DOCTORS KNOW?

WISE UP, JOHN.

COME TO THINK OF IT,
WHEN SOMEBODY GOES,

USUALLY THE LAST
PERSON HE WAS WITH

WAS A DOCTOR.