WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 5 - Jennifer Falls in Love - full transcript
Jennifer is in love with a blonde haired model of a guy named Steel Hawthorne. The only problem? He is poor. And he also seems interested in her because she has money. Is he treating her the way she treats other men?
"IN WASHINGTON, CARTER
SENDS MONDALE ABROAD.
"IN PHILADELPHIA, FOUR DEAD."
NOW STAY TUNED FOR A WHOLE
SLEW OF COMMERCIALS, MOST OF WHICH
WOULD INSULT THE INTELLIGENCE
OF THE AVERAGE SIX-YEAR-OLD.
THIS IS LES NESSMAN
SAYING GOOD DAY,
AND MAY THE GOOD NEWS BE YOURS.
(upbeat music plays)
KIND OF GOT UP ON THE WRONG SIDE
OF THE BED THIS MORNING, HUH, LES?
FEVER, DO YOU REALIZE I'M THE LOWEST-PAID
BROADCAST JOURNALIST IN THIS TOWN?
- REALLY?
- THE LOWEST-PAID.
YEAH? WELL, I'M SORRY.
I FOUND THAT OUT LAST
NIGHT AT THE PRESS CLUB.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU WORK FOR KRP, LES.
HEADS WILL ROLL,
FEVER. MARK MY WORDS.
- LES, UH...
- WRITE IT DOWN.
GET A PIECE OF PAPER
RIGHT NOW. "HEADS WILL ROLL."
"HEADS WILL...
- ROLL"?
- ROLL.
MM-HMM. THAT'S NICE.
"NESSMAN, '79."
- THANK YOU.
- MM-HMM.
PUBLIC SERVICE COPY.
YOU'RE JUST TRYING
TO BUTTER ME UP.
WELL, IT WON'T WORK.
WRITE THAT DOWN, FEVER.
OKAY. "IT WON'T WORK.
NESSMAN, LATER THAT SAME YEAR."
HERE, TAKE THIS STUFF.
WHY IS EVERYBODY
SO MAD THIS MORNING?
WHO'S MAD?
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE...
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? I
MAY ACTUALLY BE IN LOVE.
AT LEAST INFATUATED.
CERTAINLY INTERESTED.
WHY I AM TELLING YOU
ALL THIS, I HAVE NO IDEA.
WHO'S THE LUCKY GUY?
THE MAN IS BLONDE AND BEAUTIFUL,
- EVERY GIRL'S
DREAM, - (choking coughs)
AND POOR.
HE DOESN'T HAVE A DIME.
♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪
- HE'S A REPAIRMAN.
- A REPAIRMAN?
YES.
DOES THAT SOUND STRANGE?
- WELL, YEAH.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
I MEAN, UM... WELL, YOU KNOW.
MM-HMM, MM-HMM. THAT I'VE ALWAYS
GONE OUT WITH WEALTHY, OLDER MEN.
- OH, NO, JENNIFER.
- WELL, IT'S TRUE.
WELL, YEAH.
BUT, BAILEY...
BAILEY, THIS MAN HAS
CHANGED ALL THAT.
WOW!
WELL, WHAT'S HE LIKE?
WELL, HE'S JUST... WONDERFUL.
SO GOOD-LOOKING, - LIKE A MODEL.
- OH!
AND HE HAS THESE
BEAUTIFUL WHITE TEETH.
AND THIS LONG, BLONDE HAIR.
- AND THE CUTEST...
- WHAT?
- NO, I...
- WHAT?
THE CUTEST LITTLE DERRIERE
YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!
(Bailey exclaims)
- NOT IN YET.
- THANK YOU.
WELL, TELL ME WHAT HE'S LIKE.
WELL, HE'S THE NIGHT MAINTENANCE
MAN IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING.
YOU REMEMBER COMMANDER FITZHUGH,
THAT OLD AND VERY
DEAR FRIEND OF MINE?
WELL, HE GOT HIS ELECTRIC
WHEELCHAIR CAUGHT IN MY COAT CLOSET,
AND STEEL HAD TO COME
UP AND GET HIM OUT.
WE'VE BEEN SEEING
EACH OTHER EVER SINCE.
- STEEL?
- UH-HUH.
OH!
WOW!
BLOND... MODEL...
DERRIERE... TEETH...
STEEL! OH!
GOD!
JUST THANK GOODNESS
YOU'RE NOT IN SALES.
- LEAVE ME ALONE, HERB.
- SURELY.
JENNIFER, I DON'T WANT
TO SEE ANYONE TODAY.
- YES, SIR.
- UNLESS IT'S TRAVIS.
- YES, SIR.
- (door shuts)
"UNLESS IT'S TRAVIS."
TELL ME SOMETHING: WHAT
HAS HE GOT THAT I HAVEN'T GOT?
A PERSONALITY.
OKAY, NOW, HERE'S THE
FINANCIAL FIGURES FOR LAST MONTH.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT.
YOU'RE THE STATION MANAGER.
YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK AT THESE.
OH, COME ON, TRAVIS.
ALL RIGHT.
OH, BOY. IT'S BAD, HUH?
NO, NOT REALLY.
OH, YEAH. YEAH, I
SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
ACTUALLY, THAT'S QUITE GOOD.
WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY IT
WAS EXACTLY GOOD EITHER.
NO.
NO, YOU COULDN'T SAY THAT
WAS EXACTLY GOOD, COULD YOU?
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO?
I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
GO TO YOUR MOTHER AND ASK HER
FOR ABOUT $30,000
IN WORKING CAPITAL.
OUT OF THE QUESTION.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK HER FOR
ADDITIONAL FINANCING SOONER OR LATER.
NEXT IDEA. COME ON. LET'S
KEEP THE MEETING MOVING.
MR. CARLSON, LOOK. LET'S PRETEND
THAT THIS STATION IS A TRAIN,
AND WE'RE ON IT.
OKAY, I CAN DO THAT, YEAH.
- (imitating train chugging)
- NOW THAT YOU'RE...
THE TRAIN IS STANDING
IN THE STATION.
- OH.
- SEE, THE TRAIN
IS ALL READY TO GO,
- BUT THERE'S NO FUEL.
- OH.
SEE, FUEL IS MONEY.
NOW, WE NEED MONEY
TO HIRE NEW SALESMEN AND TO PROMOTE
OURSELVES IN THE ADVERTISING COMMUNITY.
NOW, GET THIS... WHEN
THE FUEL GOES IN,
- THE WHEELS START TO TURN.
- UH-HUH.
- YOU CAN BOUNCE NOW
IF YOU WANT TO.
- OKAY.
NOW, FUEL IS EXACTLY
WHAT... MR. CARLSON...
WHAT IS IT NOW, NESSMAN?
AS YOU WELL KNOW, I HAVE BEEN
YOUR MOST LOYAL OF EMPLOYEES
FOR LO THIS PAST
DECADE, MINUS THREE.
THAT'S SEVEN YEARS,
SEVEN THANKLESS YEARS
AS NEWS DIRECTOR OF WKRP.
BUT DO I TAKE A JOB
WITH THE NEW YORK TIMES?
NO-O-O.
IF CBS WANTS ME TO BE
THEIR MAN IN MOSCOW, DO I GO?
NO-O-O.
DO I GO ON THE ROAD WITH
CHARLES KURALT? NO-O-O.
- IF TIME OR NEWSWEEK
MAGAZINE CALLS...
- LES?
YES, SIR?
HOW ABOUT HITTING THE
ROAD? WE'RE A LITTLE BUSY HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
HEARD THE LAST OF THIS.
- FINE.
- WRITE THAT DOWN, TRAVIS.
YEAH, RIGHT, LES. "HAVEN'T
HEARD THE LAST OF LES."
ALL RIGHT, TRAVIS. NOW,
LET'S SEE. WHERE WERE WE?
- WE WERE ON A TRAIN.
- AH, RIGHT. YEAH.
- (vocalizing)
- (doorbell chime plays)
- MS. MARLOWE?
- HELLO, STEEL.
MORT SAYS YOU HAVE
ANOTHER PROBLEM?
ALL MY CABINET DOORS ARE STUCK.
OH, NO!
OH, BOY, YOU LOOK GREAT!
OH, SO DO YOU.
WE BOTH LOOK GREAT.
I HAVE A PITCHER OF MARTINIS
OVER HERE ON THE COFFEE TABLE.
GREAT.
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
OH, SO ARE YOU.
- YOU HAVE THE LOVELIEST SMILE.
- OH, YOURS IS PRETTIER.
- NO, YOURS IS.
- NO, YOURS IS.
DO YOU USE A WHITENER
OR A CAVITY-FIGHTER?
(doorbell chime plays)
WHO COULD THAT BE?
MAYBE IT'S MORT. HE WANTED TO
CHECK OUT YOUR CABINETS TOO.
- HELLO.
- LES!
OH, AM I INTERRUPTING?
OH, NO. I WAS JUST
HAVING A DRINK WITH...
MY MAINTENANCE MAN.
WELL, THAT CERTAINLY IS
VERY DEMOCRATIC OF YOU.
LES, THIS IS STEEL.
- STEEL, LES.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- GREAT.
- "STEEL," IS IT?
- YEAH, STEEL HAWTHORNE.
- THAT'S A NICE NAME.
THANKS. I LIKE TO THINK
THAT A PERSON'S NAME
SAYS A LOT ABOUT THE
TYPE OF PERSON HE IS.
WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?
LES.
- LES NESSMAN.
- RIGHT.
UH, WELL, WHY DON'T
WE ALL HAVE A DRINK?
- OH, NO. I DON'T WANT
TO INTERRUPT ANYTHING.
- OH, NO.
STEEL, WOULD YOU
GET LES A GLASS?
SURE.
ACTUALLY, HE'S JUST
HERE TO FIX THE CABINETS.
YOU KNOW, I USED TO BE PRETTY
HANDY AROUND THE HOUSE MYSELF,
TILL I BLEW OUT THE
BACK OF THE GARAGE.
I WAS MAKING A FOOTSTOOL.
HERE YOU GO... LES.
THANKS... STEEL.
ANYWAY, SHORTLY AFTER THAT,
MOTHER MOVED OUT, AND I
HAVEN'T HANDLED TOOLS MUCH...
LES, TELL US WHY YOU'RE HERE.
JENNIFER,
I WANT YOU TO GO SEE
MR. CARLSON FOR ME.
SOMEBODY SHOULD TALK
TO HIM. I DESERVE A RAISE.
WHY ME, LES?
BECAUSE YOU'RE VERY
CLOSE TO MR. CARLSON.
AND BESIDES, YOU'RE THE
HIGHEST-PAID EMPLOYEE AT THE STATION.
REALLY?
WELL, SURE. JENNIFER
MAKES A LOT OF MONEY.
WELL, GREAT. I THOUGHT YOU
WERE JUST THE RECEPTIONIST.
AT WKRP, THAT'S THE
HIGHEST-PAYING JOB.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
THAT'S GREAT.
- OH!
- JUST A MINUTE THERE, STEEL!
- IT'S OKAY, LES.
- DOWN, BOY.
STEEL IS, UH, MORE THAN
MY MAINTENANCE MAN.
HE'S A FRIEND... A
VERY CLOSE FRIEND.
OH. I'M SORRY.
MY GOODNESS. YOU TWO CERTAINLY
MAKE A WONDERFUL-LOOKING COUPLE.
Both: THANKS.
WISH I HAD MY CAMERA. I'D
LIKE TO GET A SHOT OF THIS.
LES, I WILL BE SURE TO
TALK TO MR. CARLSON
FIRST THING IN THE
MORNING ABOUT YOUR RAISE.
OH, I'D REALLY
APPRECIATE THAT, JENNIFER.
AND, JENNIFER, I'D
ALSO APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU WOULDN'T TELL
ANYONE THAT I ASKED YOU.
IT WOULDN'T LOOK VERY
PROFESSIONAL, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
OH, I UNDERSTAND. NO PROBLEM.
I FORGOT MY DRINK. CHEERS.
LES, THAT'S A MARTINI!
ALL NEWSMEN DRINK, JENNIFER.
THAT'S THE KIND OF
ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE GUYS WE ARE.
GOOD NIGHT, AND, UM...
CONGRATULATIONS
TO THE BOTH OF YOU
ON YOUR... VERY... FINE LOOKS.
- GOOD NIGHT, LES.
- NIGHT, LES.
NIGHT, STEEL.
(doorbell chime plays)
- IT'S COMING BACK UP.
- THIS WAY, LES.
(ululating)
VENUS, COULD I SPEAK
TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?
HEY, MAN, LOOK AT
ME. I'M A SHEIK, SEE?
- "SHAKE"?
- YEAH, THAT'S HOW
YOU PRONOUNCE "SHEIK."
PEOPLE WILL BE
THINKING I'M RICH.
(high voice) HEY, BROTHER
MAN, GIVE ME SOME OF THAT OIL.
(normal voice) NOT TODAY,
BOYS, WE'RE ALL OUT.
SHEIK VENUS BIN FLYTRAP.
CAN I SEE YOU FOR A MOMENT
PRIVATELY IN MY OFFICE?
- SURE, LES.
- WE'VE GOT REAL
PROBLEMS, VENUS.
YEAH?
SIT DOWN, MAKE
YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
OKAY.
- VENUS?
- YEAH?
ARE YOU SATISFIED
WITH YOUR SALARY?
- NO.
- NEITHER AM I.
WELL, THANKS FOR
THE CONCERN, LES.
I MEAN MINE.
OH.
NOW, I THINK WE OUGHT
TO APPROACH MR. CARLSON
AS A TEAM AND DEMAND A RAISE.
- WHY ME?
- BECAUSE MR. CARLSON'S
AFRAID OF YOU.
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
- HOW COME?
- WELL, BECAUSE YOU'RE A...
YOU KNOW.
- (weak chuckle)
- (imitates chuckle)
IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A...
A NEGRO?
EXACTLY.
LES, THE WORD ISN'T
"NEGRO," IT'S "BLACK."
READ MY LIPS: "BLACK."
I'VE BEEN STUDYING THE
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY LAWS,
AND YOU'VE GOT A REAL
LEG UP HERE, MY FRIEND.
BEING A NEGRO IS WHERE IT'S AT.
THANKS, LES, BUT IT HASN'T
ALWAYS BEEN THAT EASY.
SLAVERY, RIGHT?
YEAH.
I SAW ROOTS.
- SO DID I, LES.
- I'VE SEEN THEM ALL...
PORGY AND BESS,
RAISIN IN THE SUN,
THE JEFFERSONS.
(phone ringing)
WKRP.
OH, WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT, UH,
WE ALL GAVE AT HOME.
THANK YOU.
HI, BAILEY.
OH, HI... JOHN!
MY, AREN'T YOU
DAPPER THESE DAYS?
IS JENNIFER AROUND?
OH, NO, SHE'S AT LUNCH.
I'M SITTING IN FOR HER.
YEAH.
SHE, UH,
TELL YOU ANY MORE
ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
SHE'S FALLEN FOR THIS BLONDE GUY
WITH A REAL CUTE... NOTHING.
BAILEY, IS THE BIG GUY IN?
I THINK SO.
- FOLLOW ME, VENUS.
- RIGHT, CAPTAIN.
Mr. Carlson: WHAT?
IT'S VENUS, MR. CARLSON.
UH, JOHNNY,
YOU DON'T THINK
YOU'RE THE FELLOW
WITH THE, UH, DERRIERE?
WELL, YEAH.
I GOT ONE, AND I AM POOR.
ONE AND ONE MAKES TWO, HUH?
- NO?
- NO.
- WHO IS IT, THEN?
- I CAN'T SAY.
IT'S GOT TO BE
SOMEBODY AROUND HERE.
HOWDY. ANY PHONE MESSAGES?
- YEP.
- OKAY.
TRAVIS. IT'S TRAVIS, RIGHT?
NO.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WELL, JENNIFER HAS
FALLEN FOR SOME GUY,
AND GET THIS,
MAN... IT'S NOT ME.
- UNBELIEVABLE.
- YEAH.
WE'RE ALL PRETTY STUNNED.
HEY, COWBOY, I JUST GOT THAT RAISE
YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET FOR ME.
- ALL RIGHT, "SHEEK"!
- SHEIK.
- SURE.
- OH.
(barks)
HI. PROBLEM?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, HERE. SIT DOWN.
CAN WE TALK THIS THING OUT?
GO AWAY. THERE IS
NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
BUT, JENNIFER, WE'VE GOT
SOMETHING WORTH SAVING HERE.
HI.
OH!
WHERE IS SOMETHING TO
THROW? SOMETHING HEAVY?
I THINK I'D BETTER GO TO LUNCH.
IT WAS VERY NICE
TO MEET YOU, STEEL.
OH!
LISTEN TO ME. I WAS JUST
KIDDING ABOUT THE MONEY.
$200 DOLLARS TO FIX YOUR VAN?
ME PAY FOR IT? OH,
THAT'S GREAT, JUST GREAT.
- HEY, YOU'VE GOT THE MONEY.
- GET OUT.
DO WHAT I TELL YOU AND GET OUT!
I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL
WE SETTLE THIS THING.
ALL RIGHT, THEN I'M LEAVING.
(whistling)
- HI.
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
- HI.
UH, I'M, UH, MR. CARLSON.
THIS IS MY OFFICE.
DON'T BE NICE TO HIM!
UH, DOES THIS IN ANY WAY
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO
WITH THE RADIO BUSINESS?
HE WANTS MY MONEY, THAT'S ALL.
HE DOESN'T WANT ME.
OH, YOU'RE A VERY
SICK YOUNG MAN.
IT'S JUST A FAVOR, THAT'S ALL.
I DON'T GIVE FAVORS TO MEN.
OH? WELL, YOU TAKE
THEM, DON'T YOU?
MR. CARLSON, THROW THIS MAN OUT!
TH-THROW...
ON SECOND THOUGHT, GIVE
HIM A SOUND THRASHING.
A THRASHING? I'VE GOT THIS PROBLEM
IN MY ARM, RIGHT HERE IN THE SHOULDER.
- I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.
- (relieved sigh)
YOU KNOW, JENNIFER,
IF I WALK OUT THAT DOOR,
YOU MAY NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.
GO ON.
WELL, THAT'LL BE IT.
STEEL, IN A WORD, GREAT.
(snaps fingers)
- I GUESS THE MONEY'S
OUT OF THE QUESTION.
- OUT!
HE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS?
- I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING.
- HUH?
I'VE JUST GOTTEN A TASTE
OF MY OWN MEDICINE.
- "MEDICINE"?
- THAT IS IT, PRECISELY.
THAT'S PROBABLY WHY I'M
MORE UPSET THAN I SHOULD BE.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE SAYING THAT STEEL
- IS A GOLD-DIGGER,
JUST LIKE I AM.
- OH.
AND YOU'RE RIGHT, MR. CARLSON.
YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT.
YEAH. WELL, YOU KNOW,
THE LAW OF AVERAGES.
I'M NO BETTER THAN HE IS.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
BUT MEN BUY ME THINGS...
COATS, CARS, JEWELRY,
APPLIANCES, ACOUSTICAL
CEILINGS, MICROWAVE OVENS...
YOU DON'T ASK THEM FOR
THESE THINGS, DO YOU?
NEVER. THEY JUST INSIST.
I'M GONNA NEED A WAREHOUSE
FOR ALL THAT STUFF.
- THEN THAT'S DIFFERENT.
- IT ISN'T.
IT IS.
THEN WHY ARE ALL MY
DATES WEALTHY, OLDER MEN?
WELL, MAYBE IT'S JUST
BECAUSE YOU'RE ATTRACTED
TO THE MORE MATURE,
EXPERIENCED MALE.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I DO
LIKE OLDER MEN BETTER.
- THEY'RE SO MATURE - YEAH.
- AND KIND, - AH.
AND THEY TIRE EASILY.
YEAH, I'VE NOTICED THAT.
YOU KNOW, MR. CARLSON,
STEEL WOULDN'T
EVEN GET THE COFFEE.
THE SWINE!
AND YOU COULDN'T GET
HIM AWAY FROM THE MIRROR.
WELL, I TELL YOU, JENNIFER,
YOU AND THAT GUY HAVE
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN COMMON.
WHY, THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
YOU ARE RIGHT.
AND THANK YOU, MR. CARLSON.
YOU ARE SO-O-O... DECENT.
SUCH A GOOD FAMILY MAN.
SO ACTIVE IN YOUR CHURCH.
YOU KNOW, AROUND
YOU, I DON'T EVEN FEEL
JUST LIKE A VERY SEXY,
DESIRABLE WOMAN.
UH, JENNIFER,
YOU'RE A DECENT PERSON YOURSELF.
SO BRIGHT, SO LOVING, SO WARM.
OH, JENNIFER.
I LOVE YOU.
YES?
(clears throat) WELL...
I KNEW IT HAD TO BE
SOMEBODY AROUND HERE, BUT...
(chuckles)
MR. CARLSON, I AM A FAN.
COULD YOU JUST... TURN
AROUND ONCE FOR ME?
Man: WKRP IN CINCINNATI
WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS.
AND WHEN EDWARD R. MURROW
WANTED A RAISE, THEY GAVE HIM ONE.
LES, I'M GONNA GIVE
YOU $10 MORE A WEEK.
- REALLY, ANDY?
- REALLY.
RIGHT OUT OF MY
OWN POCKET. NOW, SIT.
- NOW, UH, WRITE THAT DOWN.
- I COULDN'T LET YOU
DO THAT, ANDY.
YOU DESERVE IT, LES, AND YOU'RE
NEVER GONNA GET IT FROM CARLSON.
ANDY, I APPRECIATE
THE SENTIMENT, BUT...
TRAVIS, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GIVE THE LITTLE
GUY 10 EXTRA A WEEK?
- REALLY?
- SURE.
LES, THAT'S GREAT.
YOU GOT YOUR MONEY.
BUT $10 FROM MR. CARLSON
AND $10 FROM YOU, THAT'S $20!
- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, LES...
- I'VE GOT TO GO TELL THE SHEIK!
- LES...
- JENNIFER SAID SHE THOUGHT
HE HAD IT COMING.
LISTEN, DID YOU TALK TO YOUR
MOTHER ABOUT THE 30 GRAND?
- YEAH, I CALLED HER.
- AND?
- SHE WASN'T HOME.
- SO?
SO, I'M GONNA CALL HER
AGAIN NEXT YEAR. EXCUSE ME.
I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER, I
GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
(rock music plays)
(man singing, indistinct)
(meows)
SENDS MONDALE ABROAD.
"IN PHILADELPHIA, FOUR DEAD."
NOW STAY TUNED FOR A WHOLE
SLEW OF COMMERCIALS, MOST OF WHICH
WOULD INSULT THE INTELLIGENCE
OF THE AVERAGE SIX-YEAR-OLD.
THIS IS LES NESSMAN
SAYING GOOD DAY,
AND MAY THE GOOD NEWS BE YOURS.
(upbeat music plays)
KIND OF GOT UP ON THE WRONG SIDE
OF THE BED THIS MORNING, HUH, LES?
FEVER, DO YOU REALIZE I'M THE LOWEST-PAID
BROADCAST JOURNALIST IN THIS TOWN?
- REALLY?
- THE LOWEST-PAID.
YEAH? WELL, I'M SORRY.
I FOUND THAT OUT LAST
NIGHT AT THE PRESS CLUB.
YEAH, WELL, THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN YOU WORK FOR KRP, LES.
HEADS WILL ROLL,
FEVER. MARK MY WORDS.
- LES, UH...
- WRITE IT DOWN.
GET A PIECE OF PAPER
RIGHT NOW. "HEADS WILL ROLL."
"HEADS WILL...
- ROLL"?
- ROLL.
MM-HMM. THAT'S NICE.
"NESSMAN, '79."
- THANK YOU.
- MM-HMM.
PUBLIC SERVICE COPY.
YOU'RE JUST TRYING
TO BUTTER ME UP.
WELL, IT WON'T WORK.
WRITE THAT DOWN, FEVER.
OKAY. "IT WON'T WORK.
NESSMAN, LATER THAT SAME YEAR."
HERE, TAKE THIS STUFF.
WHY IS EVERYBODY
SO MAD THIS MORNING?
WHO'S MAD?
FOR THE FIRST TIME IN MY LIFE...
CAN YOU BELIEVE THIS? I
MAY ACTUALLY BE IN LOVE.
AT LEAST INFATUATED.
CERTAINLY INTERESTED.
WHY I AM TELLING YOU
ALL THIS, I HAVE NO IDEA.
WHO'S THE LUCKY GUY?
THE MAN IS BLONDE AND BEAUTIFUL,
- EVERY GIRL'S
DREAM, - (choking coughs)
AND POOR.
HE DOESN'T HAVE A DIME.
♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪
- HE'S A REPAIRMAN.
- A REPAIRMAN?
YES.
DOES THAT SOUND STRANGE?
- WELL, YEAH.
- WHAT DO YOU MEAN BY THAT?
I MEAN, UM... WELL, YOU KNOW.
MM-HMM, MM-HMM. THAT I'VE ALWAYS
GONE OUT WITH WEALTHY, OLDER MEN.
- OH, NO, JENNIFER.
- WELL, IT'S TRUE.
WELL, YEAH.
BUT, BAILEY...
BAILEY, THIS MAN HAS
CHANGED ALL THAT.
WOW!
WELL, WHAT'S HE LIKE?
WELL, HE'S JUST... WONDERFUL.
SO GOOD-LOOKING, - LIKE A MODEL.
- OH!
AND HE HAS THESE
BEAUTIFUL WHITE TEETH.
AND THIS LONG, BLONDE HAIR.
- AND THE CUTEST...
- WHAT?
- NO, I...
- WHAT?
THE CUTEST LITTLE DERRIERE
YOU HAVE EVER SEEN!
(Bailey exclaims)
- NOT IN YET.
- THANK YOU.
WELL, TELL ME WHAT HE'S LIKE.
WELL, HE'S THE NIGHT MAINTENANCE
MAN IN MY APARTMENT BUILDING.
YOU REMEMBER COMMANDER FITZHUGH,
THAT OLD AND VERY
DEAR FRIEND OF MINE?
WELL, HE GOT HIS ELECTRIC
WHEELCHAIR CAUGHT IN MY COAT CLOSET,
AND STEEL HAD TO COME
UP AND GET HIM OUT.
WE'VE BEEN SEEING
EACH OTHER EVER SINCE.
- STEEL?
- UH-HUH.
OH!
WOW!
BLOND... MODEL...
DERRIERE... TEETH...
STEEL! OH!
GOD!
JUST THANK GOODNESS
YOU'RE NOT IN SALES.
- LEAVE ME ALONE, HERB.
- SURELY.
JENNIFER, I DON'T WANT
TO SEE ANYONE TODAY.
- YES, SIR.
- UNLESS IT'S TRAVIS.
- YES, SIR.
- (door shuts)
"UNLESS IT'S TRAVIS."
TELL ME SOMETHING: WHAT
HAS HE GOT THAT I HAVEN'T GOT?
A PERSONALITY.
OKAY, NOW, HERE'S THE
FINANCIAL FIGURES FOR LAST MONTH.
I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT.
YOU'RE THE STATION MANAGER.
YOU'VE GOT TO LOOK AT THESE.
OH, COME ON, TRAVIS.
ALL RIGHT.
OH, BOY. IT'S BAD, HUH?
NO, NOT REALLY.
OH, YEAH. YEAH, I
SEE WHAT YOU MEAN.
ACTUALLY, THAT'S QUITE GOOD.
WELL, I WOULDN'T SAY IT
WAS EXACTLY GOOD EITHER.
NO.
NO, YOU COULDN'T SAY THAT
WAS EXACTLY GOOD, COULD YOU?
YOU KNOW WHAT I THINK
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO DO?
I THINK WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO
GO TO YOUR MOTHER AND ASK HER
FOR ABOUT $30,000
IN WORKING CAPITAL.
OUT OF THE QUESTION.
WE'RE GONNA HAVE TO ASK HER FOR
ADDITIONAL FINANCING SOONER OR LATER.
NEXT IDEA. COME ON. LET'S
KEEP THE MEETING MOVING.
MR. CARLSON, LOOK. LET'S PRETEND
THAT THIS STATION IS A TRAIN,
AND WE'RE ON IT.
OKAY, I CAN DO THAT, YEAH.
- (imitating train chugging)
- NOW THAT YOU'RE...
THE TRAIN IS STANDING
IN THE STATION.
- OH.
- SEE, THE TRAIN
IS ALL READY TO GO,
- BUT THERE'S NO FUEL.
- OH.
SEE, FUEL IS MONEY.
NOW, WE NEED MONEY
TO HIRE NEW SALESMEN AND TO PROMOTE
OURSELVES IN THE ADVERTISING COMMUNITY.
NOW, GET THIS... WHEN
THE FUEL GOES IN,
- THE WHEELS START TO TURN.
- UH-HUH.
- YOU CAN BOUNCE NOW
IF YOU WANT TO.
- OKAY.
NOW, FUEL IS EXACTLY
WHAT... MR. CARLSON...
WHAT IS IT NOW, NESSMAN?
AS YOU WELL KNOW, I HAVE BEEN
YOUR MOST LOYAL OF EMPLOYEES
FOR LO THIS PAST
DECADE, MINUS THREE.
THAT'S SEVEN YEARS,
SEVEN THANKLESS YEARS
AS NEWS DIRECTOR OF WKRP.
BUT DO I TAKE A JOB
WITH THE NEW YORK TIMES?
NO-O-O.
IF CBS WANTS ME TO BE
THEIR MAN IN MOSCOW, DO I GO?
NO-O-O.
DO I GO ON THE ROAD WITH
CHARLES KURALT? NO-O-O.
- IF TIME OR NEWSWEEK
MAGAZINE CALLS...
- LES?
YES, SIR?
HOW ABOUT HITTING THE
ROAD? WE'RE A LITTLE BUSY HERE.
ALL RIGHT.
BUT YOU HAVEN'T
HEARD THE LAST OF THIS.
- FINE.
- WRITE THAT DOWN, TRAVIS.
YEAH, RIGHT, LES. "HAVEN'T
HEARD THE LAST OF LES."
ALL RIGHT, TRAVIS. NOW,
LET'S SEE. WHERE WERE WE?
- WE WERE ON A TRAIN.
- AH, RIGHT. YEAH.
- (vocalizing)
- (doorbell chime plays)
- MS. MARLOWE?
- HELLO, STEEL.
MORT SAYS YOU HAVE
ANOTHER PROBLEM?
ALL MY CABINET DOORS ARE STUCK.
OH, NO!
OH, BOY, YOU LOOK GREAT!
OH, SO DO YOU.
WE BOTH LOOK GREAT.
I HAVE A PITCHER OF MARTINIS
OVER HERE ON THE COFFEE TABLE.
GREAT.
YOU ARE SO BEAUTIFUL.
OH, SO ARE YOU.
- YOU HAVE THE LOVELIEST SMILE.
- OH, YOURS IS PRETTIER.
- NO, YOURS IS.
- NO, YOURS IS.
DO YOU USE A WHITENER
OR A CAVITY-FIGHTER?
(doorbell chime plays)
WHO COULD THAT BE?
MAYBE IT'S MORT. HE WANTED TO
CHECK OUT YOUR CABINETS TOO.
- HELLO.
- LES!
OH, AM I INTERRUPTING?
OH, NO. I WAS JUST
HAVING A DRINK WITH...
MY MAINTENANCE MAN.
WELL, THAT CERTAINLY IS
VERY DEMOCRATIC OF YOU.
LES, THIS IS STEEL.
- STEEL, LES.
- HOW DO YOU DO?
- GREAT.
- "STEEL," IS IT?
- YEAH, STEEL HAWTHORNE.
- THAT'S A NICE NAME.
THANKS. I LIKE TO THINK
THAT A PERSON'S NAME
SAYS A LOT ABOUT THE
TYPE OF PERSON HE IS.
WHAT WAS YOUR NAME AGAIN?
LES.
- LES NESSMAN.
- RIGHT.
UH, WELL, WHY DON'T
WE ALL HAVE A DRINK?
- OH, NO. I DON'T WANT
TO INTERRUPT ANYTHING.
- OH, NO.
STEEL, WOULD YOU
GET LES A GLASS?
SURE.
ACTUALLY, HE'S JUST
HERE TO FIX THE CABINETS.
YOU KNOW, I USED TO BE PRETTY
HANDY AROUND THE HOUSE MYSELF,
TILL I BLEW OUT THE
BACK OF THE GARAGE.
I WAS MAKING A FOOTSTOOL.
HERE YOU GO... LES.
THANKS... STEEL.
ANYWAY, SHORTLY AFTER THAT,
MOTHER MOVED OUT, AND I
HAVEN'T HANDLED TOOLS MUCH...
LES, TELL US WHY YOU'RE HERE.
JENNIFER,
I WANT YOU TO GO SEE
MR. CARLSON FOR ME.
SOMEBODY SHOULD TALK
TO HIM. I DESERVE A RAISE.
WHY ME, LES?
BECAUSE YOU'RE VERY
CLOSE TO MR. CARLSON.
AND BESIDES, YOU'RE THE
HIGHEST-PAID EMPLOYEE AT THE STATION.
REALLY?
WELL, SURE. JENNIFER
MAKES A LOT OF MONEY.
WELL, GREAT. I THOUGHT YOU
WERE JUST THE RECEPTIONIST.
AT WKRP, THAT'S THE
HIGHEST-PAYING JOB.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
THAT'S GREAT.
- OH!
- JUST A MINUTE THERE, STEEL!
- IT'S OKAY, LES.
- DOWN, BOY.
STEEL IS, UH, MORE THAN
MY MAINTENANCE MAN.
HE'S A FRIEND... A
VERY CLOSE FRIEND.
OH. I'M SORRY.
MY GOODNESS. YOU TWO CERTAINLY
MAKE A WONDERFUL-LOOKING COUPLE.
Both: THANKS.
WISH I HAD MY CAMERA. I'D
LIKE TO GET A SHOT OF THIS.
LES, I WILL BE SURE TO
TALK TO MR. CARLSON
FIRST THING IN THE
MORNING ABOUT YOUR RAISE.
OH, I'D REALLY
APPRECIATE THAT, JENNIFER.
AND, JENNIFER, I'D
ALSO APPRECIATE IT
IF YOU WOULDN'T TELL
ANYONE THAT I ASKED YOU.
IT WOULDN'T LOOK VERY
PROFESSIONAL, IF YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN.
OH, I UNDERSTAND. NO PROBLEM.
I FORGOT MY DRINK. CHEERS.
LES, THAT'S A MARTINI!
ALL NEWSMEN DRINK, JENNIFER.
THAT'S THE KIND OF
ROUGH-AND-TUMBLE GUYS WE ARE.
GOOD NIGHT, AND, UM...
CONGRATULATIONS
TO THE BOTH OF YOU
ON YOUR... VERY... FINE LOOKS.
- GOOD NIGHT, LES.
- NIGHT, LES.
NIGHT, STEEL.
(doorbell chime plays)
- IT'S COMING BACK UP.
- THIS WAY, LES.
(ululating)
VENUS, COULD I SPEAK
TO YOU FOR A MOMENT?
HEY, MAN, LOOK AT
ME. I'M A SHEIK, SEE?
- "SHAKE"?
- YEAH, THAT'S HOW
YOU PRONOUNCE "SHEIK."
PEOPLE WILL BE
THINKING I'M RICH.
(high voice) HEY, BROTHER
MAN, GIVE ME SOME OF THAT OIL.
(normal voice) NOT TODAY,
BOYS, WE'RE ALL OUT.
SHEIK VENUS BIN FLYTRAP.
CAN I SEE YOU FOR A MOMENT
PRIVATELY IN MY OFFICE?
- SURE, LES.
- WE'VE GOT REAL
PROBLEMS, VENUS.
YEAH?
SIT DOWN, MAKE
YOURSELF COMFORTABLE.
OKAY.
- VENUS?
- YEAH?
ARE YOU SATISFIED
WITH YOUR SALARY?
- NO.
- NEITHER AM I.
WELL, THANKS FOR
THE CONCERN, LES.
I MEAN MINE.
OH.
NOW, I THINK WE OUGHT
TO APPROACH MR. CARLSON
AS A TEAM AND DEMAND A RAISE.
- WHY ME?
- BECAUSE MR. CARLSON'S
AFRAID OF YOU.
- YEAH?
- YEAH.
- HOW COME?
- WELL, BECAUSE YOU'RE A...
YOU KNOW.
- (weak chuckle)
- (imitates chuckle)
IT'S BECAUSE YOU'RE A...
A NEGRO?
EXACTLY.
LES, THE WORD ISN'T
"NEGRO," IT'S "BLACK."
READ MY LIPS: "BLACK."
I'VE BEEN STUDYING THE
EQUAL OPPORTUNITY LAWS,
AND YOU'VE GOT A REAL
LEG UP HERE, MY FRIEND.
BEING A NEGRO IS WHERE IT'S AT.
THANKS, LES, BUT IT HASN'T
ALWAYS BEEN THAT EASY.
SLAVERY, RIGHT?
YEAH.
I SAW ROOTS.
- SO DID I, LES.
- I'VE SEEN THEM ALL...
PORGY AND BESS,
RAISIN IN THE SUN,
THE JEFFERSONS.
(phone ringing)
WKRP.
OH, WELL, I'M SORRY, BUT, UH,
WE ALL GAVE AT HOME.
THANK YOU.
HI, BAILEY.
OH, HI... JOHN!
MY, AREN'T YOU
DAPPER THESE DAYS?
IS JENNIFER AROUND?
OH, NO, SHE'S AT LUNCH.
I'M SITTING IN FOR HER.
YEAH.
SHE, UH,
TELL YOU ANY MORE
ABOUT WHAT'S HAPPENING?
WHAT'S HAPPENING?
SHE'S FALLEN FOR THIS BLONDE GUY
WITH A REAL CUTE... NOTHING.
BAILEY, IS THE BIG GUY IN?
I THINK SO.
- FOLLOW ME, VENUS.
- RIGHT, CAPTAIN.
Mr. Carlson: WHAT?
IT'S VENUS, MR. CARLSON.
UH, JOHNNY,
YOU DON'T THINK
YOU'RE THE FELLOW
WITH THE, UH, DERRIERE?
WELL, YEAH.
I GOT ONE, AND I AM POOR.
ONE AND ONE MAKES TWO, HUH?
- NO?
- NO.
- WHO IS IT, THEN?
- I CAN'T SAY.
IT'S GOT TO BE
SOMEBODY AROUND HERE.
HOWDY. ANY PHONE MESSAGES?
- YEP.
- OKAY.
TRAVIS. IT'S TRAVIS, RIGHT?
NO.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
WELL, JENNIFER HAS
FALLEN FOR SOME GUY,
AND GET THIS,
MAN... IT'S NOT ME.
- UNBELIEVABLE.
- YEAH.
WE'RE ALL PRETTY STUNNED.
HEY, COWBOY, I JUST GOT THAT RAISE
YOU'VE BEEN TRYING TO GET FOR ME.
- ALL RIGHT, "SHEEK"!
- SHEIK.
- SURE.
- OH.
(barks)
HI. PROBLEM?
I DON'T KNOW.
WELL, HERE. SIT DOWN.
CAN WE TALK THIS THING OUT?
GO AWAY. THERE IS
NOTHING TO TALK ABOUT.
BUT, JENNIFER, WE'VE GOT
SOMETHING WORTH SAVING HERE.
HI.
OH!
WHERE IS SOMETHING TO
THROW? SOMETHING HEAVY?
I THINK I'D BETTER GO TO LUNCH.
IT WAS VERY NICE
TO MEET YOU, STEEL.
OH!
LISTEN TO ME. I WAS JUST
KIDDING ABOUT THE MONEY.
$200 DOLLARS TO FIX YOUR VAN?
ME PAY FOR IT? OH,
THAT'S GREAT, JUST GREAT.
- HEY, YOU'VE GOT THE MONEY.
- GET OUT.
DO WHAT I TELL YOU AND GET OUT!
I AM NOT LEAVING UNTIL
WE SETTLE THIS THING.
ALL RIGHT, THEN I'M LEAVING.
(whistling)
- HI.
- HELLO.
- HELLO.
- HI.
UH, I'M, UH, MR. CARLSON.
THIS IS MY OFFICE.
DON'T BE NICE TO HIM!
UH, DOES THIS IN ANY WAY
HAVE ANYTHING TO DO
WITH THE RADIO BUSINESS?
HE WANTS MY MONEY, THAT'S ALL.
HE DOESN'T WANT ME.
OH, YOU'RE A VERY
SICK YOUNG MAN.
IT'S JUST A FAVOR, THAT'S ALL.
I DON'T GIVE FAVORS TO MEN.
OH? WELL, YOU TAKE
THEM, DON'T YOU?
MR. CARLSON, THROW THIS MAN OUT!
TH-THROW...
ON SECOND THOUGHT, GIVE
HIM A SOUND THRASHING.
A THRASHING? I'VE GOT THIS PROBLEM
IN MY ARM, RIGHT HERE IN THE SHOULDER.
- I DON'T WANT TO FIGHT.
- (relieved sigh)
YOU KNOW, JENNIFER,
IF I WALK OUT THAT DOOR,
YOU MAY NEVER SEE ME AGAIN.
GO ON.
WELL, THAT'LL BE IT.
STEEL, IN A WORD, GREAT.
(snaps fingers)
- I GUESS THE MONEY'S
OUT OF THE QUESTION.
- OUT!
HE'S A FRIEND OF YOURS?
- I KNOW WHAT
YOU'RE THINKING.
- HUH?
I'VE JUST GOTTEN A TASTE
OF MY OWN MEDICINE.
- "MEDICINE"?
- THAT IS IT, PRECISELY.
THAT'S PROBABLY WHY I'M
MORE UPSET THAN I SHOULD BE.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE SAYING THAT STEEL
- IS A GOLD-DIGGER,
JUST LIKE I AM.
- OH.
AND YOU'RE RIGHT, MR. CARLSON.
YOU ARE EXACTLY RIGHT.
YEAH. WELL, YOU KNOW,
THE LAW OF AVERAGES.
I'M NO BETTER THAN HE IS.
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
OF COURSE YOU ARE.
BUT MEN BUY ME THINGS...
COATS, CARS, JEWELRY,
APPLIANCES, ACOUSTICAL
CEILINGS, MICROWAVE OVENS...
YOU DON'T ASK THEM FOR
THESE THINGS, DO YOU?
NEVER. THEY JUST INSIST.
I'M GONNA NEED A WAREHOUSE
FOR ALL THAT STUFF.
- THEN THAT'S DIFFERENT.
- IT ISN'T.
IT IS.
THEN WHY ARE ALL MY
DATES WEALTHY, OLDER MEN?
WELL, MAYBE IT'S JUST
BECAUSE YOU'RE ATTRACTED
TO THE MORE MATURE,
EXPERIENCED MALE.
YOU KNOW, I THINK I DO
LIKE OLDER MEN BETTER.
- THEY'RE SO MATURE - YEAH.
- AND KIND, - AH.
AND THEY TIRE EASILY.
YEAH, I'VE NOTICED THAT.
YOU KNOW, MR. CARLSON,
STEEL WOULDN'T
EVEN GET THE COFFEE.
THE SWINE!
AND YOU COULDN'T GET
HIM AWAY FROM THE MIRROR.
WELL, I TELL YOU, JENNIFER,
YOU AND THAT GUY HAVE
ABSOLUTELY NOTHING IN COMMON.
WHY, THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
YOU ARE RIGHT.
AND THANK YOU, MR. CARLSON.
YOU ARE SO-O-O... DECENT.
SUCH A GOOD FAMILY MAN.
SO ACTIVE IN YOUR CHURCH.
YOU KNOW, AROUND
YOU, I DON'T EVEN FEEL
JUST LIKE A VERY SEXY,
DESIRABLE WOMAN.
UH, JENNIFER,
YOU'RE A DECENT PERSON YOURSELF.
SO BRIGHT, SO LOVING, SO WARM.
OH, JENNIFER.
I LOVE YOU.
YES?
(clears throat) WELL...
I KNEW IT HAD TO BE
SOMEBODY AROUND HERE, BUT...
(chuckles)
MR. CARLSON, I AM A FAN.
COULD YOU JUST... TURN
AROUND ONCE FOR ME?
Man: WKRP IN CINCINNATI
WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS.
AND WHEN EDWARD R. MURROW
WANTED A RAISE, THEY GAVE HIM ONE.
LES, I'M GONNA GIVE
YOU $10 MORE A WEEK.
- REALLY, ANDY?
- REALLY.
RIGHT OUT OF MY
OWN POCKET. NOW, SIT.
- NOW, UH, WRITE THAT DOWN.
- I COULDN'T LET YOU
DO THAT, ANDY.
YOU DESERVE IT, LES, AND YOU'RE
NEVER GONNA GET IT FROM CARLSON.
ANDY, I APPRECIATE
THE SENTIMENT, BUT...
TRAVIS, WHAT DO YOU SAY
WE GIVE THE LITTLE
GUY 10 EXTRA A WEEK?
- REALLY?
- SURE.
LES, THAT'S GREAT.
YOU GOT YOUR MONEY.
BUT $10 FROM MR. CARLSON
AND $10 FROM YOU, THAT'S $20!
- NOW, WAIT A MINUTE, LES...
- I'VE GOT TO GO TELL THE SHEIK!
- LES...
- JENNIFER SAID SHE THOUGHT
HE HAD IT COMING.
LISTEN, DID YOU TALK TO YOUR
MOTHER ABOUT THE 30 GRAND?
- YEAH, I CALLED HER.
- AND?
- SHE WASN'T HOME.
- SO?
SO, I'M GONNA CALL HER
AGAIN NEXT YEAR. EXCUSE ME.
I GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
SOMEHOW OR ANOTHER, I
GOT TO GET OUT OF HERE.
(rock music plays)
(man singing, indistinct)
(meows)