WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 4 - Bad Risk - full transcript

(clicks tongue)

WHAT ARE YOU DOING OUT HERE?

- WAITING.
- FOR WHOM?

ANYBODY.

I DON'T LIKE IT.

- THE WAITING?
- YES.

ME NEITHER.

OH, GOOD MORNING, LES. ARE
YOU FEELING ANY BETTER TODAY?

NO. AND I WISH YOU WOULDN'T
SAY "GOOD MORNING."

IT'S A LOUSY MORNING.

OKAY. I GUESS I'M
JUST AN "UP" PERSON.



- WHY?
- NOW, LES, LISTEN TO ME.

YOU'VE GOT TO STOP BEING
DEPRESSED OVER NOTHING.

IT'S BORING. YOU'LL GET
OVER THIS. YOU ALWAYS HAVE.

DON'T COUNT ON IT.

EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING.

IT'S ALWAYS DARKEST JUST BEFORE
THE DAWN. PENNIES FROM HEAVEN.

ALL THAT SENTIMENTAL
MALARKEY'S TRUE.

(whistles)

"HERB R. TARLEK
JR., CHIEF EXECUTIVE

"IN CHARGE OF ALL BROADCASTING
SALES AND MARKETING.

WKRP IN CINCINNATI."

GO ON. THERE'S MORE.

"ALSO REPRESENTING THE ASSOCIATED
AMALGAMATED COMPANY, LIMITED

"AS SALES REPRESENTATIVE
FOR ALL GENERAL AND..." OH, NO.



OH, YES.

LIFE INSURANCE NEEDS."

OH, NO, PLEASE, HERB, NO.

- HERB, NO. HERB...
- LES...

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

YOU DROVE ALL THE WAY OVER
THERE, AND CHARLIE WASN'T THERE?

NO, I ASKED FOR CHARLIE, BUT
THE GUY'S NAME WAS WALLY.

WELL, WHERE WAS CHARLIE?

I'M TELLING YOU, MAN,
THERE IS NO CHARLIE.

WELL, WHO IS WALLY?

THAT'S THE GUY WHO DIDN'T
KNOW WHO CHARLIE WAS.

LOOK OUT. HERB TARLEK'S
SELLING LIFE INSURANCE,

AND HE'S HEADED THIS WAY.

(rock music plays)

♪ GOOD GIRLS DON'T I
SHOULD BE TELLING YOU ♪

WHERE IS EVERYBODY?

THERE'S NOBODY HERE.

- BUT YOU ARE.
- NO, HERB. PLEASE
LET ME GO. PLEASE?

I PROMISE I WON'T
TELL THE OTHERS.

LOOK, YOU KNOW HOW
DEPRESSED I'VE BEEN LATELY.

WHAT IS THIS?

CAN'T A GUY TRY TO MAKE
AN EXTRA BUCK ON THE SIDE

WITHOUT SCARING ALL HIS FRIENDS?

GEEZ. YOU KNOW, PAL,

THE WAY THE ECONOMY IS TODAY,

A GUY LIKE ME CAN'T
SAVE A SINGLE PENNY.

AND I DON'T MEAN THAT SELFISHLY.

THEN YOU GOT TO CUT
BACK ON THINGS, OR...

THE KIDS, THE WIFE.

YOU KNOW, AND IT'S
ALWAYS THE LITTLE THINGS,

THINGS THAT YOU CAN DO WITHOUT,

THE THINGS THAT MAKE LIFE
A LITTLE MORE ENJOYABLE.

I'VE GOT ALL THE
INSURANCE I NEED, HERB.

I KNOW, LES. MAYBE
SOME OTHER TIME.

- HERB?
- HMM?

WHAT KINDS OF
INSURANCE HAVE YOU GOT?

♪ HAVE YOU HEARD ABOUT
THE LONESOME LOSER ♪

ALL RIGHT, IT'S 9:30
IN THE A.M., KRP TIME.

THE DOCTOR IS ON
DUTY, AND THAT WAS

THE LITTLE RIVER BAND
WITH A REAL NICE ONE:

"LONESOME LOSER."

AND SPEAKING OF LOSERS,

HEY, VILLAGE PEOPLE,

LOOK, I WANT TO GET
SERIOUS WITH YOU.

NOBODY BELIEVES
THAT ANY OF YOU GUYS

WERE IN THE NAVY, OKAY?

TAKE MY ADVICE: LOSE THE INDIAN.

(rock music plays)

WELL,

LOOKS LIKE WE'RE STUCK
IN HERE FOREVER, MAN.

YEAH. SOONER OR LATER, WE'RE
GONNA RUN OUT OF PROVISIONS,

AND THEN HE'S SURE TO GET US.

IT WAS THE MONSTER WHO SOLD

LIFE INSURANCE-
INSURANCE-INSURANCE.

(gasps)

HEY, YOU GUYS HAD
BETTER STOP THESE

BULL SESSIONS IN THE BOOTH,
YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

LOOK, THIS IS SERIOUS, TRAVIS.
SOMETHING TERRIBLE HAS HAPPENED.

- OH, YEAH?
- HERB IS SELLING
LIFE INSURANCE.

- WHERE IS HE NOW?
- IN THE BULLPEN.

YEAH. WE THINK HE
ALREADY GOT LES.

LISTEN, CAN HE DO THAT...
WORK AT THE STATION

AND SELL LIFE INSURANCE
AT THE SAME TIME?

- I THOUGHT YOU WERE
IN CHARGE HERE, MAN.
- HUH?

OH.

LOST CONTROL THERE FOR A
SECOND. JUST FOR A SECOND.

ALL RIGHT, I'LL
GO TALK WITH HIM.

OKAY.

IF THIS WAS A MONSTER MOVIE,
HE'D BE THE NEXT GUY THAT GETS IT.

"LES NESSMAN."

- THERE.
- OH, AND THE NEXT PAGE TOO.

NOW, THIS PROTECTS YOU

AGAINST ACCIDENTAL
NERVE GAS LEAKS.

THEY HAPPEN. THEY HAPPEN.

"LES NESSMAN."

BOY, ARE YOU COVERED.

THIS BABY IS GOING
STRAIGHT INTO THE MAIL.

CONGRATULATIONS, MR. NESSMAN.

YOU HAVE MORE
INSURANCE THAN SIX GUYS.

- YOU GOT INSURANCE
COMING OUT YOUR EARS.
- THANK YOU.

HERB, LET'S TALK INSURANCE.

WOW! SELLING THIS STUFF IS EASY!

OKAY, OUT OF THE CHAIR,
NESSMAN. I GOT A NEW CUSTOMER.

ALL RIGHT. I FEEL LIKE
A BARBER. COME ON.

DID YOU JUST SELL
LES SOME INSURANCE?

MAYBE.

PERSONAL LIABILITY,
AUTOMOBILE, MOTOR SCOOTER,

APARTMENT, BOAT, AND LIFE.

YOU DON'T HAVE A BOAT, LES.

- YES, I DO.
- I SOLD HIM MINE.

- OH, COME ON, HERB.
- IT'S ALL RIGHT, ANDY.

I NEED INSURANCE.
AND I NEED A BOAT.

WHAT, WITH ALL THE TROUBLE THESE
DAYS, A HARD RAIN'S GONNA FALL.

LOOK, LES, LET'S NOT
START ALL THIS AGAIN.

YOU KNOW WHAT, TRAVIS?
YOU'RE JUST LIKE EVERYBODY ELSE.

WHEN THE NEWS GETS BAD,
YOU DON'T PAY ATTENTION.

IF THINGS GET TO BE TOO
DEPRESSING, YOU CAN JUST TURN IT OFF.

BUT I CAN'T. I'M A NEWSMAN.

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH
ALL THIS BEFORE, LES.

ANDY, I SEE IT ALL,
JUST LIKE A COP...

THE ACCIDENTS,

THE TRAGEDIES, THE DISASTERS...

AND I HAVE TO COVER THE
WHOLE DISGUSTING MESS.

I CAN'T IGNORE THE NEWS.

PEOPLE DEPEND ON ME.

I AM THE NEWS.

AND I'M AFRAID WHAT WE'VE
GOT HERE IS A BAD CASE

OF N.S.

N.S.?

NEWSMAN'S SYNDROME.

LISTEN, LES... CAN I COME IN?

SURE.

SIT DOWN.

OKAY, ANDY.

LES, YOU'VE BEEN
DOWN IN THE DUMPS

NOW FOR WEEKS.

DID YOU EVER SERIOUSLY THINK
ABOUT GOING TO SEE A PSYCHI...

HMM-MM!

OR SOME SORT OF
PROFESSIONAL HELP, LIKE A THERA...

MM! MM!

LES, IT'S NOT ALL THAT BAD.

AFTER SIX MONTHS OF BEING
HERE, I SERIOUSLY THOUGHT ABOUT...

MM! MM!

YOU'RE GONNA KILL
HIM IF YOU KEEP THAT UP.

I HAVE TO BE DOWN AT CITY
HALL IN 10 MINUTES, TRAVIS.

- OKAY.
- EXCUSE ME.

- MAIL THIS.
- SURE.

NOW, MR. TRAVIS,

I BELIEVE YOU WANTED
TO TALK INSURANCE?

YEAH.

YEP.

YOU CAN'T SELL
IT AT THE STATION.

WHY NOT?

BECAUSE I DON'T WANT YOU
MAKING A PEST OF YOURSELF.

"PEST"?

"PEST"?

ANDY TRAVIS, PROGRAM
DIRECTOR OF WKRP,

YOU KNOW THAT I AM
NOTHING LIKE A PEST.

- I KNOW YOU'RE NOT, HERB,
BUT LET ME ASK YOU A QUESTION.
- HMM?

SHOULDN'T YOU BE SELLING COMMERCIAL
TIME RATHER THAN LIFE INSURANCE?

AM I RIGHT?

I GUESS, IF YOU WANT TO
GET TECHNICAL ABOUT IT.

- I WANT TO.
- OKAY.

OKAY.

- HERB?
- HMM?

I'M REALLY CURIOUS
ABOUT ONE THING:

WHAT KIND OF INSURANCE COMPANY

WOULD HIRE A FELLOW LIKE YOU?

WHAT KIND OF A QUESTION IS THAT?

I GOT MY LICENSE YEARS AGO, PAL.

YEAH, YOU'RE RIGHT. I'M
SORRY. THAT WAS RUDE.

A VERY SPECIAL LIFE INSURANCE
COMPANY, AS A MATTER OF FACT...

ONE THAT HAS BEEN
FEATURED ON 60 MINUTES,

IN WHICH MR. MIKE WALLACE
AND THE WHOLE GANG

MARCHED RIGHT INTO THE
OFFICES AND EVERYTHING.

TWICE.

DON'T FOOL WITH ME, BOY.

(chuckling, muttering)

- (knock at door)
- OH, UH, COME IN.

OH, AFTERNOON, TRAVIS.

LISTEN, I'VE GOT TO
TALK TO YOU ABOUT HERB.

OKAY.

THIS MORNING, I ASKED HIM TO
STOP DOING WHAT HE WAS DOING,

BUT HE WAS STILL DOING IT BY LUNCH, AND I
THINK YOU'VE GOT TO DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

OH, YEAH? WHAT'S HE DOING?

WELL, HE'S GOT A BUSINESS
GOING ON THE SIDE,

AND HE'S BOTHERING
EVERYONE IN THE STATION.

WELL, WHAT KIND OF BUSINESS?

HE'S SELLING LIFE INSURANCE.

AND KNOWING HERB, IT HAS TO
BE SOME FLY-BY-NIGHT OUTFIT.

YOU MEAN, NONE OF
THIS STUFF'S ANY GOOD?

BIG GUY...
- TRAVIS.
- YEAH, HI, HERB.

LOOK, BIG GUY, DID
YOU GET A CHANCE

TO LOOK OVER THE STUFF
I GAVE YOU THIS MORNING?

WELL, YEAH. IT LOOKS
PRETTY GOOD, HERB.

MATTER OF FACT, IT
LOOKS VERY GOOD.

GOOD.

HOLD IT. LET'S GET THIS
STRAIGHT ONCE AND FOR ALL.

NOW, IS THIS A RADIO
STATION OR WHAT?

Herb: THIS IS A
PLACE OF BUSINESS,

- AND INSURANCE IS BUSINESS.
- Andy: IT'S NOT OUR BUSINESS.

Herb: LOOK, I CAN DO
TWO JOBS AT ONCE.

CAN'T I, MR. CARLSON?

LES! WHAT HAPPENED?

I HAVE TO REPORT TO MR. CARLSON.

OF COURSE. HERE,
LET ME HELP YOU.

I'VE GOT TO CUT BACK ON
STUFF FOR THE KIDS, THE WIFE.

IT'S ALWAYS THE LITTLE THINGS,
THINGS THAT, YOU KNOW, THAT...

WHAT'S HAPPENED, LES?

MR. CARLSON, SOMETHING
BAD HAS HAPPENED.

- WHAT?
- THERE'S BEEN AN ACCIDENT.

- HOW BAD?
- REALLY BAD.

- WHOSE FAULT?
- MINE.

- DID YOU MAIL THAT ENVELOPE?
- FIRST THING.

WHY? WHY?

- LOOK, ARE YOU HURT, MAN?
- NO. I'M ALL RIGHT.

I WISH I WASN'T. I REALLY
DO. IT WAS HORRIBLE.

- HOW HORRIBLE?
- HORRIBLE.

- HERE'S SOME WATER.
- THANK YOU.

LESTER, TELL US
EXACTLY WHAT HAPPENED.

WELL, I HAD THE
MOBILE NEWS SCOOTER

UP TO ABOUT 40 MILES AN HOUR.

I WAS ON MY WAY TO AN IMPORTANT
CITY HALL NEWS CONFERENCE,

AND I WENT TO TURN, AND
SUDDENLY I LOST CONTROL.

I WENT ONE WAY, AND
THE SCOOTER WENT...

WELL, IT WENT...

WHERE DID THE SCOOTER GO, LES?

INTO THIS HOUSE.

ACTUALLY, IT KIND OF SPUN
AROUND THE PORCH FOR A WHILE,

AND THEN IT GATHERED ITSELF TOGETHER
AND WENT STRAIGHT THROUGH A WINDOW.

I CAN'T LISTEN TO
ANY MORE OF THIS.

BOUNCED THROUGH THE LIVING ROOM

INTO THE KITCHEN

AND STRUCK A MR. AND
MRS. J. GARNETT HOPKINS

AS THEY WERE HAVING TEA.

IT-IT... WERE THEY, UH...

WELL, YOU KNOW,
WERE THEY... WASTED?

I DON'T KNOW. THERE WAS A
LOT OF SCREAMING AND YELLING,

AND THEN THE AMBULANCE CAME,

AND I GOT THIS TICKET.

CAN I BE REIMBURSED FOR THIS?

SURE. LISTEN, HERB,
DOES THIS BIG-SHOT

60 MINUTES INSURANCE
COMPANY PAY OFF ITS CLAIMS?

SURE, EVER SINCE MIKE
GOT 'EM THE SECOND TIME.

MY MOTHER ALWAYS TOLD ME THAT
JOURNALISM WASN'T A GENTLEMAN'S PURSUIT.

I THINK AT THE END THERE,
SHE REALLY HAD HER HEART SET

ON ME BEING A... A COWBOY.

OH, IT'S ALL EGO, MR. CARLSON.

EGO, PRIDE, HUBRIS.

I HAVE TO BE THE NUMBER-ONE
ELECTRONIC JOURNALIST IN THIS TOWN,

AND I DON'T CARE WHO
GETS HURT ALONG THE WAY.

GET IN MY WAY, YOU
GET STEPPED ON.

"HE WANTED SUCCESS,
AND HE'D GET IT,

NO MATTER HOW."

YOU... YOU DON'T THINK
THAT'S TRUE, JENNIFER?

OH, YES, LES, I DO.

IT'S TRUE.

I CAN SEE THAT NOW.

I THINK ALL MY DEPRESSION
WAS BUILDING UP TO THIS.

WELL, IT'S OVER FOR ME NOW.

OH, HEY, COME ON NOW, LESTER.

I HAVE BECOME THE BAD NEWS
I WAS SUPPOSED TO REPORT.

I'VE BEEN CONSUMED BY MY WORK.

WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?

HE'S GONE NUTS. WE
CAN USE THIS IN COURT.

MR. CARLSON, I NEED
TO TAKE SOME TIME OFF,

RETHINK MY PRIORITIES.

MAYBE I'LL GO BACK
TO DENTAL SCHOOL.

I COULD'VE BEEN A
BRILLIANT DENTIST.

OH, LES... I'VE ALWAYS
LIKED YOU, JENNIFER.

MORE THAN YOU'LL EVER, EVER,

EVER, EVER... NEVER, EVER KNOW.

OH, LES, I'LL SEE YOU TOMORROW.

- I DON'T THINK SO, JENNIFER.
- LES, IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

ACCIDENTS ARE ACCIDENTS.
THAT'S WHY THEY CALL THEM THAT.

I'VE GOT TO GO DOWN TO THE HOSPITAL
AND SEE HOW BADLY I'VE HURT THOSE PEOPLE.

LOOK, CAN ONE OF US
GO ALONG WITH YOU, LES?

- WELL, IF JENNIFER
ISN'T TOO BUSY.
- I'LL GO.

NOW, LOOK, WE'LL GO DOWN THERE,

CHECK THESE FIGURES
OUT, AND LEAVE.

DON'T MENTION THIS
TO ANYONE. LET'S GO.

Woman over intercom: DR. JONES.

DR. KLEIN. PAGING DR. KLEIN.

TELEPHONE, PLEASE, DR. KLEIN.

DR. KERROW, SURGERY, PLEASE.

OH, HELLO, DOCTOR.

- OH, I'M NOT THE DOCTOR.
- (screams)

IT'S HIM! IT'S HIM!

YOU KEEP AWAY FROM US!
WE'VE HAD ENOUGH FROM YOU!

SORRY. ARE YOU ALL RIGHT?

OUR BONES ARE BROKEN.

- OUR LIVES ARE IN A TATTER.
- A TATTER.

- YOU'RE A CRUEL, CRUEL MAN!
- IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.

MY GOD, MAN, WE WERE HAVING TEA.

I WISH THERE WAS SOMETHING
I COULD DO FOR YOU.

SOMETHING. ANYTHING.

COME ON, LES, LET'S
GET OUT OF HERE.

DR. SIDELMAN, LINE ONE,
PLEASE. DR. SIDELMAN.

I'LL QUIT MY JOB. AFTER 14
YEARS, I'LL GIVE IT ALL UP.

I WANT TO SUFFER.
I'LL NEVER FORGET THIS.

I'LL WEAR THIS AROUND LIKE A
HEAVY IRON CROSS AROUND MY CHEST,

AND I'LL NEVER, EVER GIVE
IT UP UNTIL THE DAY I DIE!

IT'S NOT ENOUGH.

IT DOESN'T EVEN
SCRATCH THE SURFACE.

LOOK, MY FRIEND HURT
YOU ACCIDENTALLY.

NOW YOU'RE HURTING HIM, BUT NOT
ACCIDENTALLY. YOUR HURTING'S ON PURPOSE.

I WILL NOT BE TAUGHT HOW TO
LIVE BY A MAN IN A WHITE BELT.

IT WAS AN ACCIDENT.
ACCIDENTS HAPPEN.

YES, BUT WHY ALWAYS TO US?

EVERYBODY ALWAYS THINKS THAT
EVERYTHING HAPPENS TO THEM

AND NOBODY ELSE.

BUT YOU KNOW SOMETHING?

I GOT PROBLEMS.

YOU WANT TO HEAR MY PROBLEMS?

- NOW?
- SURE, WHY NOT?

LOOK, I HAVE A
WIFE AND TWO KIDS...

OH, FIRST THE
SCOOTER, AND NOW THIS.

HERB, LEAVE THESE PEOPLE ALONE.

OKAY.

WELL?

ARE YOU JUST GONNA LET HIM
WALK OUT OF HERE LIKE THIS?

Both: YES.

ALL RIGHT.

WELL, LET ME TELL THE
THREE OF YOU SOMETHING.

EVERY CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING.

- (groaning)
- HERB, DON'T GIVE US
THAT NONSENSE.

AND IT IS NONSENSE... "EVERY
CLOUD HAS A SILVER LINING."

- IT'S RUBBISH.
- WHY, EVEN BEFORE
THIS HAPPENED,

WE WERE NEVER HAPPY.

- WERE WE, DEARIE?
- NO.

OUR LIFE TOGETHER
HAS BEEN ONE BAD DREAM.

WELL, I KNOW I'VE HAD
A MISERABLE LIFE TOO.

ONE THING AFTER
ANOTHER. IT'S JUST...

OH, REALLY? SIT DOWN, LES.

THANK YOU.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE
CALL "PROBLEMS" IN SALES?

WE CALL THEM "OPPORTUNITIES."

LES, YOUR FRIEND IS A TWIT.

WHERE'S THE SILVER
LINING IN ALL THIS, HERB?

WELL, IN THIS CASE,

THERE IS NO SILVER LINING.

- I MEAN, THERE IS, BUT IT'S IN...
- JUST INSURANCE.

- I BEG YOUR PARDON?
- WHAT?

INSURANCE. I'VE GOT LOTS
OF INSURANCE. A TON OF IT.

DEFINE "TON."

NOW, LOOK, LOOK, LOOK, NOW.

THESE PEOPLE ARE FULLY
COVERED, AREN'T YOU, FOLKS?

AH, YES, YES, BUT IT WAS ALL
YOUR FAULT, WASN'T IT, LES?

- WE DON'T KNOW THAT.
- YES, WE DO, HERB.

WE COULD SUE YOU INTO
THE VERY FIRES OF HELL,

OH, COULDN'T WE, LES?

- SURE, OF COURSE. YOU'LL BE VERY RICH.
- (woman exclaims)

BUT HOW CAN MERE MONEY EVER
COMPENSATE YOU FOR WHAT I'VE DONE FOR YOU?

IT'S A START.

NOW, LOOK, OLD BOY, THESE
THINGS ARE NOT CONTROLLED

BY MERE MORTAL MAN.

IF FATE DROPS YOUR
SCOOTER INTO OUR LIVES

AND IF FATE WANTS US TO MAKE
A LITTLE PROFIT OUT OF THAT,

WHO ARE WE TO QUESTION IT?

WAIT A MINUTE.

WHAT IF FATE DOESN'T WANT
YOU TO PROFIT BY ALL THIS?

OH, DON'T BE SOPPY,
DEAR. WHY ELSE WOULD FATE

HAVE ALLOWED LES TO
BUY ALL THAT INSURANCE?

PRECISELY! YOU KNOW, THIS COULD
WORK OUT VERY WELL AFTER ALL.

OH, RIGHT. IT'S
PERFECT. LET'S GO.

WHAT SORT OF WORK
ARE YOU IN, MR. HOPKINS?

CURRENTLY, I'M
BETWEEN ASSIGNMENTS.

WHY DO YOU ASK?

WELL, BECAUSE I THINK YOU'LL
MAKE ENOUGH MONEY FROM THIS

TO QUIT YOUR NEXT ASSIGNMENT.

YES, GO PLACES, TRAVEL, BUY ALL
THOSE THINGS YOU'VE ALWAYS WANTED.

OH, TIFFANY, WE COULD
HAVE SEPARATE ROOMS!

AND YOU KNOW, YOU COULD
ALSO SUE THE RADIO STATION.

SURE, I'VE GOT
PRIMARY RESPONSIBILITY,

BUT YOU COULD CREAM THEM TOO.

LESTER, LET'S GO. WE SHOULD
HAVE BEEN OUT OF HERE HOURS AGO.

NO, NO, NO, NO. I
WON'T HEAR OF IT.

IT'S NOT HOSPITABLE.
LET ME ORDER TEA.

OH, I'D LOVE SOME TEA.

SIT DOWN HERE, HERB.

SURELY.

MAYBE THEY WON'T FIRE ME.

MAYBE THEY'LL
JUST HAVE ME KILLED.

YOU COME AND SIT
DOWN HERE, HERBERT.

LES, WHAT A LUCKY
ACCIDENT YOU HAD.

YES. YOU KNOW, IN ALL MY YEARS OF
REPORTING... I'M A REPORTER. DID YOU KNOW?

NO, NO, I DIDN'T KNOW. A POT OF
TEA FOR FOUR, PLEASE. THANKS.

I'VE NEVER COVERED AN
ACCIDENT QUITE LIKE THIS ONE.

IT'D MAKE A GOOD STORY.
YOU COULD WRITE IT UP, LES.

YOU JUST SIT THERE AND TELL ME

YOUR PROBLEMS, HERBERT.

I LIKE MEN THAT
WEAR WHITE BELTS.

YEAH?

WELL, UH,

IT ALL STARTED IN 1964.

I COULD'VE GONE INTO PLYWOOD.

PLYWOOD WAS BIG THEN.

Man: WKRP IN CINCINNATI

WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS.

UH-HUH.

YEAH.

DON'T YOU...

DON'T YOU THINK THAT'S
A LITTLE HARSH? I MEAN,

I'VE ONLY BEEN WITH
THE COMPANY, OH,

A VERY SHORT PERIOD NOW, AND...

YES, SIR.

WELL, IT WAS NICE
WORKING WITH...

(singing)

MORNING, HERB. ISN'T LIFE GREAT?

JAM IT, LES.

CHEER UP, HERB. YOU'VE MADE
A LOT OF PEOPLE VERY HAPPY.

INSURANCE IS A GREAT BLESSING.

YEAH. WELL, I'M, UH...

I'M OUT OF INSURANCE
NOW, AND, UH,

I'D LIKE MY BOAT BACK.

OH, I WAS GONNA TALK TO YOU
ABOUT YOUR BOAT THIS MORNING, HERB.

- BUT IF YOU'RE OUT
OF THE INSURANCE BUSINESS...
- WHAT ABOUT THE BOAT?

IT'S GONE.

"GONE"?

YOU'VE HAD THE BOAT
ONE DAY, AND IT'S GONE?

WELL, I'VE NEVER DRIVEN ONE OF
THOSE TRAILER HITCHES BEFORE, HERB.

MY BOAT IS GONE.

WHERE DID THIS HAPPEN, LES?

WELL, THE LAST TIME I SAW IT

WAS ON INTERSTATE 75.

IT WAS REALLY RATHER A
STIRRING SIGHT, YOU KNOW?

WENT RIGHT PAST
ME IN THE OTHER LANE.

LITTLE FLAG WAS
FLUTTERING OUT BEHIND.

(rock music plays)

(man singing, indistinct)

(meows)