WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 2, Episode 6 - Carlson for President - full transcript

OKAY, DO YOU WANT
TO GIVE ME A LEVEL?

- JUST SAY SOMETHING.
- OH.

HI. I'M ARTHUR CARLSON.

I'M RUNNING FOR CITY COUNCIL,

AND I HOPE THAT I CAN HAVE
YOUR SUPPORT AT THE POLLS...

- OKAY, THANK YOU.
- NEXT TUESDAY.

ACTUALLY, I'M NOT
A CONSERVATIVE,

- AND I'M DEFINITELY
NOT A LIBERAL.
- EXCUSE ME.

I'M SOME... (audio off)

WHAT THE HELL
DROVE CARLSON TO RUN

FOR CITY COUNCIL ANYWAY?



I CAN TELL YOU WHAT I
THINK. I THINK HE'S JUST SIMPLY

TRYING TO IMPRESS
HIS MOTHER AGAIN.

THE GUY IS 48 YEARS OLD.

WELL, THAT DOESN'T SEEM TO
MAKE ANY DIFFERENCE WHATSOEVER.

YEAH.

WELL, NOTHING
REALLY DOES, I GUESS.

WHEN I WAS A YOUNG
LAD, I USED TO THINK...

OKAY, WE'RE READY OUT HERE.

LET'S TRY ONE, SHALL WE?

OKAY. WE ARE ROLLING.

TAKE ONE.

SEE, WHEN I POINT AT YOU,

THAT'S WHEN YOU START TALKING.

GOT IT.



OKAY. TAKE TWO.

HI. I'M ARTHUR CARLSON,

AND I'M RUNNING FOR
CINCINNATI'S CITY COUNCIL.

NOW, I KNOW A LOT OF YOU
PEOPLE OUT THERE THINK THAT

POLITICS IS A DIRTY BUSINESS.

I KNOW MY WIFE SURE DOES.

BUT I LOVE THIS TOWN,

AND I WANT TO DO
SOMETHING FOR IT.

THANK YOU.

- THAT'S IT?
- I GUESS THAT IS.

FINE, MR. CARLSON.
THAT WAS REAL GOOD.

YEAH. JUST PERFECT, REALLY.

LISTEN, EDIT THAT, PUNCH IT UP,

MAKE HIM SOUND
FORCEFUL, ALL RIGHT?

LISTEN, WHY DO YOU WANT
THIS GUY IN PUBLIC OFFICE?

I MEAN, YOU KNOW THE MAN.

WELL, IN THE FIRST
PLACE, I LIKE HIM.

AND IN THE SECOND PLACE,
IF HE ACTUALLY WINS IT,

HE'S GONNA BE DOWNTOWN AT CITY
HALL TWO DAYS OUT OF EVERY WEEK.

TWO DAYS, HELPING THE CITY

Both: INSTEAD OF HELPING US.

- YOU'VE GOT MY VOTE.
- LOOKS GOOD.

♪ BABY, IF YOU'VE
EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVIN' ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKIN' AND UNPACKIN' ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN, UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP IN CINCINNATI ♪

HERE THEY ARE... RESULTS OF
THE LATEST PUBLIC OPINION POLL.

I'M, UH, THE CAMPAIGN
CHAIRMAN. LET ME SEE THAT.

MR. CARLSON ISN'T
EVEN MENTIONED.

PERFECT. PERFECT.

- WHY?
- "WHY"?

BECAUSE IF PEOPLE DON'T KNOW
YOU, THEY WON'T DISLIKE YOU.

IF YOU SHOW YOURSELF TOO MUCH,

THEN YOU COME OFF
LOOKING LIKE A JERK.

AT LEAST, THAT'S
BEEN MY EXPERIENCE.

JENNIFER,

YOU KNOW LOTS OF
WEALTHY MEN... UH, PEOPLE.

YES?

WELL, DO YOU THINK
YOU COULD HELP US

RAISE SOME CAMPAIGN
CONTRIBUTIONS?

COME ON. WE NEED
DINERO. MUY DINERO.

- HERB?
- HMM?

IN SPANISH, THAT
MEANS "VERY MONEY."

I KNOW THAT.

HERB, I'VE GOT MR. VAN DYKE'S
SECRETARY ON THE PHONE,

BUT I CAN'T GET PAST HER.

HARRISON VAN DYKE?

I'LL, UH, HANDLE THIS.

HELLO. HERB TARLEK HERE.

LOOK, I'D LIKE TO TALK...

OH, HE DID? WELL, UH,

COULD I AT LEAST
LEAVE A MESSAGE?

WHY NOT?

HERB, HERE, LET
ME HAVE THE PHONE.

HELLO, THIS IS JENNIFER MARLOWE.

I'D LIKE TO SPEAK
WITH MR. VAN DYKE.

THANKS.

IT HELPS TO KNOW THE SECRETARY.

HELLO, HARRY?

THIS IS JENNIFER.

YES, REALLY.

HARRY, PULL YOURSELF
TOGETHER AND LISTEN.

BOY, COUNCILMAN TILLMAN'S
STILL WAY OUT IN FRONT.

OH, I WISH WE HAD
SOMETHING ON THAT GUY.

WELL, ONE OF MY EX-COLLEGE
ROOMMATES USED TO BE ON TILLMAN'S STAFF.

BAILEY. BAILEY, BAILEY, BAILEY.

WHY DON'T YOU TELL
US THESE THINGS?

- BECAUSE YOU DIDN'T ASK ME.
- WELL, NOW I'M ASKING.

NOW, LOOK, YOU
THINK YOU CAN FIND OUT

IF THIS TILLMAN CHARACTER

HAS EVER BEEN SEEN
IN THE COMPANY OF MEN?

YOU KNOW, JUST SORT OF
WALKING DOWN THE STREET

WITH ANOTHER GUY
WITH NO WOMEN AROUND?

HERB, YOU ARE SUCH
A JERK. SUCH A TOTAL...

JUST FIND OUT
WHAT YOU CAN, OKAY?

(laughing) OH, HARRISON,

THAT IS SO VERY SWEET OF YOU.

UH-HUH. ME TOO.

BYE-BYE, NOW.

PUT HIM DOWN FOR $800.

(mouthing words)

I HAVE BEEN EDITING
TAPE FOR TWO HOURS NOW,

TRYING TO MAKE
CARLSON SOUND LIKE

A REASONABLY INTELLIGENT GUY.

YES? AND?

THE TELEVISION
STATION JUST CALLED,

- AND THE DEBATE IS A GO.
- TERRIFIC.

TOMORROW NIGHT, THE PEOPLE
OF THIS TOWN SEE THE REAL ME.

I HAVE A POSITION
ON EVERY ISSUE.

COME ON, ASK ME SOMETHING.
GO AHEAD. ANYBODY.

- JOHNNY?
- WHAT'S YOUR POSITION ON

ABORTION, WELFARE,
AND MARIJUANA REFORM?

NO COMMENT.

LISTEN, VENUS, HOW DO THINGS
LOOK IN THE BLACK COMMUNITY?

OH, SAME OLD THING.

BIG, LUSH LAWNS,
MANICURED HEDGES.

LIVING'S EASY. FISH ARE JUMPING,
COTTON, OH, ABOUT SO HIGH.

DADDY'S RICH.

SUPPOSE YOU DON'T WANT
TO HEAR ABOUT MY MAMA, HUH?

- (groans)
- WE'RE NOT GETTING ANYWHERE.

MR. CARLSON, LET'S PRETEND
THAT I'M THE MODERATOR.

OKAY.

TELL ME, CANDIDATE CARLSON,

WHAT IS YOUR POSITION ON BUSING?

NO COMMENT.

PERSONALLY, I LIKE THE
"NO COMMENT" THING.

IT'S SHORT, AND IT'S
TO THE POINT, BUT, UH,

IT COULD SOUND LIKE YOU'RE
TAKING THE FIFTH, BIG GUY.

THE SECRET IS TO APPEAR TO
ANSWER ALL THE QUESTIONS,

WHEN IN TRUTH IT'S
ALL MUMBO-JUMBO.

HERE, LET ME SHOW YOU.
HERB, ASK ME THIS QUESTION.

SURELY.

- "MR. CANDIDATE,
WHAT IS YOUR ENERGY PROGRAM?"
- (whistles)

RIGHT NOW,

I'M DEVOTING A GREAT DEAL OF
TIME AND STUDY TO THAT PROBLEM,

AND I EXPECT TO ISSUE A
POSITION PAPER ON THAT...

A POSITION THAT IS AT ONCE

SIMPLE, YET COMPLEX,

FLEXIBLE, AND ABOVE ALL ELSE,

FAIR TO EVERY AMERICAN.

- THAT'S TERRIFIC.
- I KNOW.

LISTEN UP, GUYS.

THE NEW CAMPAIGN COMMERCIAL.

(rock music fades)

( Star Wars theme music plays)

Johnny, dramatic voice:
A LONG TIME AGO,

IN A CITY FAR, FAR AWAY,
ARTHUR CARLSON WAS BORN.

(theme music swells)

ARTHUR CARLSON: MAN OF DESTINY.

IN THE DECADE AHEAD,
AMERICA WILL BE IN SPACE.

ARTHUR CARLSON IS ALREADY THERE.

(laser cannons blasting)

ASTRONAUT NEIL
ARMSTRONG HAD THIS TO SAY

ABOUT ARTHUR CARLSON'S
BID FOR CITY COUNCIL:

Armstrong's voice: THAT'S
ONE SMALL STEP FOR MAN...

(theme music swells)

IT WAS THE CANDIDATE HIMSELF WHO
SUMMED IT UP BEST WHEN HE SAID...

Carlson's voice: HI,
I'M ARTHUR CARLSON.

(theme music swells)

Johnny's voice: SO VOTE FOR
ARTHUR CARLSON FOR CITY COUNCIL.

THIS ANNOUNCEMENT PAID FOR BY
THE COMMITTEE TO ELECT CARLSON.

HERBERT R. TARLEK, CHAIRMAN.

- I LIKE IT.
- I LOVE IT.

- DID YOU HEAR MY NAME
ON THE TAPE THERE, BIG GUY?
- WHAT DO YOU THINK, TRAVIS?

EXCUSE ME, MR. CARLSON,
BUT HERB ASKED ME

TO GET SOME INFORMATION
ON MR. TILLMAN.

WHAT DO YOU GOT?

- IT'S PRETTY HOT STUFF.
- COME ON, WHAT IS IT?

OKAY.

"MR. TILLMAN IS OFTEN TARDY

OR TOTALLY ABSENT FROM
IMPORTANT COUNCIL VOTES."

- BIG DEAL.
- THAT'S NOTHING.

OKAY. YOU ASKED.

I GUESS IT'S BECAUSE HE DRINKS.

"DRINKS"?

BAILEY, WOULD YOU MIND STEPPING
BACK OVER TO THE DESK, PLEASE?

YOU CAN'T USE
SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

OH, NO, OF COURSE NOT.
THAT'S NOT THE HIGH ROAD.

WAIT A MINUTE, WAIT A MINUTE.
HOW DO YOU KNOW HE DRINKS?

WELL, LAST MONTH,

AT A "FRIENDS OF
ARMENIA" BANQUET,

HE APPARENTLY FELL
FORWARD INTO HIS LASAGNA.

WOW. (chuckling)

LISTEN, BAILEY'S RIGHT. YOU
COULDN'T USE SOMETHING LIKE THAT.

POLITICS IS A TOUGH
BUSINESS, TRAVIS.

WHY ARE ARMENIANS
EATING LASAGNA?

NO, HERB, THEY'RE RIGHT.
WE COULDN'T USE THAT.

BUT THANK YOU FOR
COMING IN, BAILEY.

IT'S ALWAYS NICE TO TALK TO YOU.

ANYTIME.

OKAY, NOW, WHERE WERE WE?

LET'S TALK ABOUT THE DEBATE.

AH, RIGHT, YEAH.

AS A PROFESSIONAL JOURNALIST, I KNOW
ALL THE DO'S AND DON'TS OF DEBATING.

THE MOST IMPORTANT THING IS,
ALWAYS LOOK DIRECTLY AT THE CAMERA.

THE CAMERA IS THE VOTER.

ALWAYS KEEP YOUR EYES
FOCUSED DIRECTLY ON IT.

NEVER TAKE YOUR EYES OFF OF IT.

I WONDER IF HE
DRINKS ON THE JOB.

YOU KNOW, I WONDER ABOUT THAT
MYS... OH, WELL, IT DOESN'T MATTER.

- WHAT ABOUT MAKEUP?
- NO MAKEUP.

- MAKEUP'S IMPORTANT, BIG GUY.
- HUH?

THAT'S RIGHT. REMEMBER
WHAT HAPPENED TO NIXON.

OH, THAT'S TRUE.

WHEN YOU THINK ABOUT IT, THOUGH,

HAVING AN ALCOHOLIC IN A RESPONSIBLE
GOVERNMENT POST COULD BE VERY DANGEROUS.

YEAH.

I MEAN, I MERELY BRING
IT UP FOR CONSIDERATION.

BUT IT'S NOT SOMETHING WE WANT TO
CONSIDER. ISN'T THAT RIGHT, MR. CARLSON?

HMM? OH, NO, OF COURSE
NOT, OF COURSE NOT.

WHAT ABOUT HAIR?

- WHAT ABOUT IT, HERB?
- ALL RIGHT. BIG GUY,

JUST THINK TWO WORDS: TOUPEE.

NOW, SILLY WORDS, I
KNOW, BUT A GOOD CONCEPT.

PERSONAL GROOMING IS THE
CORNERSTONE TO SUCCESS ON TV.

NOW, LET'S JUST MULL THAT OVER.

SIR, WHY DON'T YOU JUST TRY TO
WORK WITH WHATEVER YOU GOT, HUH?

YEAH, I AGREE.

OKAY, FINE. DON'T LISTEN TO ME.

I'VE ONLY BEEN IN
SALES ALL MY LIFE,

AND I'LL TELL YOU RIGHT
NOW THE GUY'S A LUSH.

MR. CARLSON, WHATEVER YOU DO,

REMEMBER THIS:

NEVER PERSPIRE.

LET'S TALK ABOUT
THE ISSUES, ALL RIGHT?

ISSUES... ISSUES...

(exhales)

ISN'T IT IRONIC?

WE'RE HANDED AN EXPLOSIVE
ISSUE LIKE DRINKING,

AND WE CAN'T USE IT.

'COURSE, WE, UH...
WE COULD USE IT,

BUT THAT WOULD BE WRONG.

IS THAT PRESIDENTIAL
TIMBRE OR WHAT?

- (news theme plays)
- WELCOME BACK TO
THE SECOND HALF

OF CORNER THE CANDIDATES.

I'M YOUR HOST, BARRY SCHIFRIN.

LET'S ONCE AGAIN MEET THE FOUR
CANDIDATES FOR CITY COUNCIL:

THE INCUMBENT,
MR. CHARLES TILLMAN;

MR. WENDELL BROOKS;

- MS. MITZY MONAHAN...
- OH, THAT'S "MRS."

SORRY. AND ARTHUR CARLSON.

BEFORE THE BREAK, WE WERE
ABOUT TO DISCUSS BUSING.

MRS. MONAHAN.

NOW, BARRY, AS YOU KNOW,
IN MY NATIONAL BESTSELLER,

IT'S A MAN'S WORLD, GIRLS,

WHICH IS NOW AVAILABLE
IN PAPERBACK EVERYWHERE,

I SAY VERY CLEARLY
THAT MEN ARE THE BOSSES.

THAT'S GOD'S PLAN. IT'S
A MAN'S WORLD, GIRLS...

A WATERTON PUBLICATION
ON SALE EVERYWHERE.

I'M FOR BUSING.

I'M FOR BUSING EVERY
SINGLE COMMUNIST

AND COMMUNIST
SYMPATHIZER IN THIS COUNTRY

BACK TO RUSSIA.

OR TO NEW YORK CITY.

OR WHEREVER THEY COME FROM.

I'VE SPOKEN
PERSONALLY WITH MY MAID

AND A MAN AT THE AIRPORT,
AND I CAN TELL YOU PERSONALLY

THAT THE BLACK PEOPLE
DON'T WANT BUSING

ANY MORE THAN THE REST OF US.

MR. TILLMAN.

YOU CAN JUST CALL
ME "CHUCK," BARRY.

ALL RIGHT.

- CHUCK, THE PEOPLE OF CINCI...
- YOU CAN JUST CALL ME "ART," BARRY.

THANK YOU, ART, BUT WE'RE
TALKING TO CHUCK RIGHT NOW.

FINE. JUST GO ON.

I DON'T CARE WHAT
YOU CALL ME, REALLY,

JUST AS LONG AS YOU CALL ME.

- CHUCK?
- BARRY,

I'VE DEVOTED A GREAT
DEAL OF TIME AND STUDY

TO THIS BUSING SITUATION,

AND I INTEND TO ISSUE A
POSITION PAPER ON THAT,

A POSITION THAT IS
SIMPLE, YET FLEXIBLE,

BUT ABOVE ALL,

FAIR TO EVERY
PERSON IN CINCINNATI.

THANK YOU.

THANK YOU.
MR. CARLSON, YOUR VIEWS?

HUH? OH, WELL,
UH... (stammering)

I WAS GONNA SAY
WHAT HE S... UH...

NO COMMENT.

MR. CARLSON, YOU'VE
BEEN SAYING "NO COMMENT"

TO MOST OF MY
QUESTIONS TONIGHT. WHY?

MAYBE MR. CARLSON'S
TRYING TO HIDE SOMETHING.

I HAVE HERE DOCUMENTED FACTS

THAT THERE ARE PRESENTLY

- 917 PINKOS WHO...
- MR. BROOKS? MR. BROOKS?

MR. BROOKS, WE'LL GET
BACK TO YOU IN JUST A SECOND.

OKAY.

MR. CARLSON, WHAT DO YOU HAVE
TO SAY BESIDES "NO COMMENT"?

WELL, THIS-THIS BUSING THING,

I THINK IT SHOWS THAT

THE COUNTRY'S HEART'S
IN THE RIGHT PLACE,

BUT AT THE SAME
TIME, IT'S SORT OF,

YOU KNOW, SPLITTING US

WHEN REALLY, THE WHOLE THING WAS
MEANT TO BRING US CLOSER TOGETHER.

YOU SEE, THE PEOPLE
OF THIS COUNTR...

OH, FOR THE LOVE OF PETE.

NOW, DON'T WORRY, ART.
IF YOU SOAK IT OVERNIGHT

IN A LITTLE CORN STARCH,
THE STAIN WILL LIFT RIGHT OUT.

NOW, I WOULD LIKE
TO ASK MR. TILLMAN

WHY HE WAS ABSENT SO MUCH
OF HIS LAST TERM AS COUNCILMAN.

- CHUCK?
- MITZI,

I MISSED A FEW DAYS
FOR HEALTH REASONS,

BUT NOW, WITH GOD'S
HELP, I'M FULLY RECOVERED.

YOU MISSED OVER 80% OF THE
MEETINGS AND VOTED ONLY SIX TIMES.

MR. CARLSON?

- MR. CARLSON?
- OH.

HOW DO YOU FEEL ABOUT
MR. TILLMAN'S RECORD OF ABSENCES?

WELL, I THINK IF
A MAN'S ELECTED,

BY GOLLY, HE OUGHT
TO SHOW UP FOR WORK.

I, FOR ONE, WOULD LIKE TO SPEND

THIS VALUABLE AIRTIME DISCUSSING
THE ISSUES INSTEAD OF CLOWNING AROUND.

ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT ME?

WELL, YOU'RE CERTAINLY
WEARING ENOUGH MAKEUP

TO QUALIFY AS A CLOWN.

WELL, I'LL TELL YOU, IF
I'M ELECTED FOR THE JOB,

AT LEAST I'M GONNA SHOW
UP AND BE AT CITY HALL.

MR. CARLSON, YOU CAN'T EVEN
RUN A SMALL RADIO STATION.

LADIES AND GENTLEMEN, I'M AFRAID
THAT OUR TIME IS JUST ABOUT UP.

W-WAIT A MINUTE. HE SAID I
CAN'T RUN A RADIO STATION?

WKRP? (laughing)

LISTEN, BUDDY, I RUN
THAT RADIO STATION,

AND I WORK HARD AT IT, AND
WHAT'S MORE, I'M THERE EVERY DAY.

I'M NOT OFF SOMEPLACE
GETTING DRUNK, TILLMAN!

DO YOU WISH TO REPLY TO
THAT ACCUSATION, MR. TILLMAN?

NO COMMENT.

MR. CARLSON, CAN YOU ELABORATE?

WELL, I-I COULD,

BUT THAT WOULD BE WRONG.

- IN THAT CASE, - (Theme plays)

LET'S TAKE TIME OUT FOR THESE
IMPORTANT COMMERCIAL MESSAGES.

LOOK AT THIS, SIR. BIG
PAGE-TWO ARTICLE ON THE DEBATE.

TILLMAN'S FINISHED,
SHOT, KAPUT, A DEAD MAN.

THIS POLITICS STUFF IS FUN.

LOOK, ANDREW, I WANT YOU TO
KNOW THAT I HAD NO INTENTION

OF USING THAT
DRINKING ISSUE ON TV.

- MR. CARLSON...
- YES, DEAR?

I HAVE NEVER BEEN SO
ANGRY BEFORE IN MY LIFE.

WHAT I TOLD YOU
ABOUT MR. TILLMAN

WAS CONFIDENTIAL,

AND YOU SAID YOU
WEREN'T GOING TO USE IT.

I THINK THAT WAS A CHEAP
AND DEMEANING THING TO DO.

I AM SO ASHAMED OF YOU!

I'M SORRY.

DON'T WORRY ABOUT
IT. I'LL CALM HER DOWN.

HERB, BAILEY'S RIGHT.

HOW DID I EVER GET
MYSELF IN THIS MESS?

I JUST WANTED TO IMPRESS
SOME PEOPLE, I GUESS.

NOW I CAN'T EVEN GET
MY NAME OFF THE BALLOT.

- WAIT, NOW. DON'T QUIT NOW.
- I DON'T WANT TO WIN LIKE THIS.

ALL RIGHT, THEN I'LL HELP.

- THANKS, HERB.
- SURELY.

HERB, WOULD YOU DO
SOMETHING FOR ME?

YOU... NAME IT.

HERB, WOULD YOU GET DOWN ON YOUR
KNEES WITH ME AND PRAY FOR GUIDANCE?

- WELL, I, UM...
- I THINK WE ALL COULD USE IT.

OKAY.

- (machine clicking)
- (phone ringing)

THE LEAGUE OF WOMEN
VOTERS IS ON LINE TWO.

AH. THANKS, JENNIFER.

HELLO, THIS IS ARTHUR CARLSON,

CANDIDATE FOR CITY COUNCIL.

WHO'S THIS?

OH, MRS. CLAIRBORNE?
WELL, MRS. CLAIRBORNE,

I JUST WANTED YOU TO
KNOW THAT IT'S MY OPINION

THAT MOST OF THE WOMEN
IN YOUR ORGANIZATION

ARE REALLY OVERWEIGHT.

I DON'T MEAN STOCKY. WE'RE
TALKING TUBBY, MRS. CLAIRBORNE.

UH, NO, THAT'S ALL.

- HERE'S THE NEW
POSTER, MR. CARLSON.
- WELL, LET'S SEE IT.

OH...

CAN I HAVE YOUR ATTENTION, PLEASE?
ATTENTION. ATTENTION, EVERYBODY.

I'D LIKE TO MAKE A
LITTLE PEP TALK HERE.

I KNOW THAT THE POLLSTERS HAVE
ME WAY OUT IN FRONT RIGHT NOW,

BUT I WANT YOU TO COMPLETELY
IGNORE THAT, ALL RIGHT?

I WANT TO KEEP PULLING TOGETHER

AND MAKE EVERY EFFORT
POSSIBLE TO PUT MY CANDIDACY

RIGHT DOWN THE DUMPER, OKAY?

HELLO?

THIS IS DEEP THROAT AGAIN.

DID YOU KNOW THAT EVERY
NIGHT WHEN HE GOES HOME,

ARTHUR CARLSON LIKES TO LOUNGE
AROUND HIS HOUSE IN A DRESS?

WAIT A MINUTE, LES.

DON'T YOU THINK YOU'RE CARRYING
THIS THING JUST A LITTLE BIT TOO FAR?

DO YOU WANT TO LOSE OR NOT?

WELL, OKAY, BUT, UH,

COULDN'T IT BE A PAIR OF
SLACKS AND A SIMPLE HALTER TOP?

(news theme plays)

THIS IS BARRY SCHIFRIN
AT ELECTION CENTRAL.

LOOKING NOW AT THE
CINCINNATI CITY COUNCIL VOTING,

WITH ONLY 18% OF THE VOTE IN,

OUR LEADER IS RADIO
EXECUTIVE ARTHUR CARLSON.

- WHAT'S WRONG WITH THE VOTERS?
- MAKES YOU LOSE FAITH
IN THE SYSTEM, DOESN'T IT?

WHAT MAKES THIS EARLY LEAD
ALL THE MORE UNBELIEVABLE

IS MR. CARLSON'S BIZARRE
COMMENTS AT THE POLLS THIS MORNING.

ANNE BLIER REPORTS.

Woman: MR. CARLSON,
YOU'RE PREPARING TO VOTE.

WHERE IS YOUR
WIFE, MRS. CARLSON?

ACTUALLY, MRS. CARLSON AND I HAD A
LITTLE DISAGREEMENT EARLIER TODAY.

THINGS GOT A LITTLE OUT OF HAND.

THE FACT IS, IT'S GOING
TO BE QUITE A WHILE

BEFORE YOU SEE MRS.
CARLSON IN PUBLIC AGAIN.

(phone ringing)

- MR. CARLSON,
THAT WAS WONDERFUL.
- OH, THANK YOU, JENNIFER.

YOUR ATTENTION, EVERYONE.

I'VE JUST LEARNED FROM CONFIDENTIAL
NEWS SOURCES DOWNTOWN

THAT WE'VE LOST, AND I MEAN BIG!

- HOORAY!
- LISTEN, EVERYBODY.

Schifrin: WE HAVE A COMPUTER
PREDICTION THAT COUNCILMAN TILLMAN

HAS RETAINED HIS SEAT.

ANNE BLIER IS AT HIS
CAMPAIGN HEADQUARTERS.

Woman: COUNCILMAN TILLMAN,

WHAT HAVE YOU GOT TO
SAY ABOUT THIS VICTORY?

- Tillman: WELL...
- (glasses shattering)

Man: WKRP IN CINCINNATI

WILL BE BACK AFTER THIS.

- GOOD NIGHT, MR. CARLSON.
- YEAH, GOOD NIGHT.

HEY, I CAN TELL BY THAT
DISAPPOINTED LOOK ON YOUR FACE

THAT YOU'RE SORRY THERE AREN'T
MORE MEN LIKE ME IN GOVERNMENT.

WELL, YEAH, AT LEAST
TWO DAYS A WEEK.

WHAT ARE YOU GONNA
TELL YOUR MOTHER?

I DON'T WEAR A DRESS.

I'LL SEE YOU.

(wry chuckle)

MY FELLOW AMERICANS, GOOD NIGHT.

(rock music plays)

(man singing, indistinct)

(meows)