WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 9 - Mama's Review - full transcript
Momma comes to the station for her quarterly review for the first time since WKRP changed formats. When Momma shows up, heads usually roll! Momma, Mr. Carlson, and Andy review the different events that occurred during the first 8 episodes using significant flashback footage.
UH-HUH.
I'LL TELL YOU, ANDY,
I'VE BEEN MANAGER
OF WKRP SINCE... 1955.
YEAH, I KNOW.
AND EVERY TIME MY MOTHER COMES BY
FOR THESE LITTLE QUARTERLY REVIEWS...
SHE ALWAYS LEAVES WITH
A PIECE OF ME IN HER PURSE.
- I'D RATHER FACE
A SUMO WRESTLER.
- HEY, NOW.
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE BIG FAT
GUYS WITH HARDLY ANY CLOTHES ON.
ALWAYS GRABBING
YOU AND HUGGING YOU.
COME ON NOW. LISTEN,
ANDY, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW.
NOTHING IS EVER THE SAME
AFTER ONE OF THESE MEETINGS.
LISTEN, BEFORE SHE
LEAVES HERE, THE BUDGET'S
GONNA GET CUT,
SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET FIRED.
ONE TIME, SHE... SHE WANTED
ME TO FIRE ALL THE DISC JOCKEYS.
YOU DIDN'T GO ALONG
WITH THAT, DID YOU?
YOU THINK MAYBE IT'S A
LITTLE TOO BRIGHT IN HERE?
MR. CARLSON, HEY.
LET'S BE STRONG, OKAY?
OKAY.
- MR. CARLSON?
- YES.
WHEN YOUR MOTHER ARRIVES, DO YOU
WANT ME TO JUST SEND HER RIGHT IN?
NO. YOU JUST LET HER COOL
HER HEELS IN THE LOBBY THERE.
OKAY.
THAT OUGHT TO SET THE
TONE FOR THIS MEETING.
WHY, MRS. CARLSON, HOW ARE YOU?
I'M FINE, JENNIFER. HOW
ARE YOU? I'M FINE. THANK YOU.
- ARTHUR IS EXPECTING ME.
- YES. HE ASKED IF YOU'D
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT,
AND HE'LL BE WITH
YOU MOMENTARILY.
THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
MY PLEASURE.
MR. CARLSON?
YOUR MOTHER IS HERE.
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
MAMA! HOW ARE YOU, DEAR?
THE SAME, ARTHUR.
ALWAYS THE SAME.
YOU KNOW ANDY, DON'T
YOU? HELLO, MR. TRAVIS.
WELL, IT'S NICE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN, MRS. CARLSON.
SAY, MOM, HOW ARE YOUR
SINUSES? I KNOW THIS WEATHER...
FOUR MONTHS AGO, WHEN MR. TRAVIS
JOINED US AS PROGRAM DIRECTOR,
I AGREED TO LET YOU CHANGE THE
FORMAT OF THIS STATION TO ROCK AND ROLL.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- I'M HERE FOR A FULL ACCOUNTING
OF WHAT'S HAPPENED SINCE THEN.
I WANT TO DISCUSS YOUR
PERSONNEL AND YOUR PROGRESS.
OKAY. HOW 'BOUT A
NICE, HOT CUP OF TEA?
UNFORTUNATELY, I DO
HAVE OTHER MEETINGS TO
ATTEND, AND I CAN ONLY
GIVE YOU 20 MINUTES.
NO TEA.
NOW, I WANT YOU BOTH TO
KNOW THAT I'VE COME HERE...
WITH AN OPEN, UNPREJUDICED MIND.
WELL, WE APPRECIATE
THAT, MRS. CARLSON. YEAH.
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF
NONSENSE IS GOING ON DOWN HERE?
UH, WELL, UH, WHERE-WHERE
SHALL WE START?
LET'S START WITH THE
CHANGE IN FORMAT.
AS I RECALL, THE SWITCH FROM
BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TO ROCK AND ROLL...
WAS A RATHER ABRUPT
ONE, WAS IT NOT?
ALL RIGHT, CINCINNATI! IT IS
TIME FOR THIS TOWN TO GET DOWN!
NOW, YOU GOT JOHNNY...
DR. JOHNNY FEVER.
AND I AM BURNING UP
IN HERE. WHOA! WHOO!
WE ALL IN CRITICAL
CONDITION, BABIES.
BUT YOU CAN TELL
ME WHERE IT HURTS.
BECAUSE I GOT THE HEALING
PRESCRIPTION HERE...
FROM THE BIG KRP
MUSICAL MEDICINE CABINET.
NOW I AM TALKING ABOUT YOUR
50,000-WATT INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, BABIES!
SO JUST SIT RIGHT DOWN, RELAX,
OPEN YOUR EARS REAL WIDE AND SAY,
"GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT,
DOCTOR. I CAN TAKE IT."
♪♪
I ALMOST FORGOT,
FELLOW BABIES. BOOGER!
BOOGER?
WELL, YOU SEE, JOHNNY WAS FIRED IN
L.A. FOR SAYING THAT WORD ON THE AIR.
WE WERE JUST TRYING TO MAKE HIM FEEL
AT HOME. YES, HE HAS NOT SAID IT SINCE.
YEAH, WE'RE ALL
VERY PROUD OF THAT.
HOW DID OUR OLD LISTENERS
REACT TO THE CHANGE IN FORMAT?
WELL, I'D SAY...
ENTHUSIASTICALLY.
YEAH, ENTHUSIASTICALLY.
ENTHUSIASTICALLY IS A GOOD DESCRIPTION.
AND, IN FACT, SOME OF THEM EVEN WERE
NICE ENOUGH TO DROP BY THE STATION.
♪♪
♪♪
WE SEEM TO BE EXPERIENCING SOME
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES HERE IN THE STUDIO.
PLEASE STAY TUNED. WE'LL BE BACK
AS SOON AS WE GET IT FIXED. OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO,
UP AGAINST THE WALL!
NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
HERE, BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW...
THAT I'VE KILLED A LOT
OF OLD PEOPLE IN MY TIME.
AND I'M NOT ABOVE
DOING IT AGAIN.
OF COURSE, WE DEALT WITH
THEM MOST DIPLOMATICALLY.
I'LL BET YOU DID. LISTEN.
IT'S NOT EASY HAVING A BUNCH OF OLD COOTS
RUNNING AROUND YOUR STATION. NO OFFENSE.
WHAT'D I SAY?
- MAY I INTERRUPT?
- OH, YOU BET.
MR. CARLSON, I HAVE
TO GO TO LUNCH NOW.
OKAY, FINE. JENNIFER.
WHO ANSWERS THE PHONE
WHEN YOU'RE AT LUNCH?
USUALLY I JUST LEAVE
IT OFF THE HOOK.
YOU THINK THAT'S WISE?
I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS
MR. CARLSON'S IDEA.
- THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
- BYE-BYE.
ARTHUR, HOW MUCH DO
YOU PAY JENNIFER A YEAR?
OH, MOM, I'D HAVE TO
LOOK A FIGURE LIKE THAT UP.
$24,000 A YEAR, ARTHUR.
GOOD GOD.
THAT'S RIGHT, MR. TRAVIS.
ARTHUR, TELL US. JUST WHAT DOES
JENNIFER DO TO WARRANT SUCH A SALARY?
N-NOTHING. I SWEAR.
ALTHOUGH, YOU, UH... YOU KNOW,
MOTHER, SHE IS A BIG HELP TO ME.
WELL, JENNIFER DOES
A THOUSAND THINGS.
YOU WANT ME, MR. CARLSON?
OH, YEAH. COME IN, JENNIFER.
HAVE A SEAT. NO, THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT. AT THIS
PARTICULAR POINT IN TIME,
I WOULD LIKE TO
DICTATE A PRESS RELEASE.
I DON'T TAKE DICTATION.
WHAT? WELL, ALL RIGHT. I GUESS
I CAN DO THIS THING MYSELF.
IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE A LONG MEETING,
SO GET COFFEE FOR ALL THE GUYS HERE.
- I DON'T GET COFFEE,
MR. CARLSON. WE AGREED.
- OH, YEAH.
- YOU HAVE TO DRAW
THE LINE SOMEWHERE.
- YOU SURE GOT THAT RIGHT.
WILL THERE BE
ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO?
NO. I THINK THAT ABOUT DOES IT.
- THANK YOU.
- OH, NO. THANK YOU.
HOW DOES SHE GET AWAY
WITH THAT? ARE YOU KIDDING?
LOOK, I'D BE... I'D BE LOST
WITHOUT JENNIFER, MOM.
THAT'S TRUE, MRS. CARLSON.
ARTHUR, WHO ELSE WOULD
YOU BE LOST WITHOUT?
UH, WELL, LET'S SEE. UH... AH!
LES NESSMAN. NOW YOU WOULDN'T
WANNA FIRE HIM. WOULD YA?
WOULD THERE BE ANY REASON TO?
OH, HECK NO. LES NESSMAN'S A
CRACKERJACK NEWS REPORTER.
OH, ARTHUR, I LISTEN TO LES
NESSMAN'S NEWS REPORTS.
AND RIGHT NOW IT'S TIME FOR MR. LES
NESSMAN WITH A WHOLE MESS OF NEWS.
♪ WKRP ♪
GOOD MORNING, LES.
GOOD MORNING,
JOHNNY. ♪ CINCINNATI ♪
IT'S ALL YOURS. ♪♪
LONDON, MADRID, BANGKOK,
MOSCOW, CINCINNATI.
FROM THE FOUR
CORNERS OF THE WORLD.
FROM THE NEWS CAPITALS
AT HOME AND ABROAD.
THE DAY'S HEADLINES
BROUGHT INTO FOCUS.
THE ISSUES AND EVENTS
THAT SHAPE OUR TIME.
WKRP, INFORMATION BEACON
OF THE OHIO VALLEY, PRESENTS...
LES NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
AN UP-TO-THE-MINUTE COMMENTARY FROM
ONE OF JOURNALISM'S MOST TRUSTED VOICES.
FIVE-TIME WINNER OF THE
BUCKEYE NEWSHAWK AWARD.
- IS THAT NEW?
- I JUST HAD IT MADE.
- VERY NICE.
- I LIKE IT.
NOW HERE'S LES
NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
GOOD MORNING. THIS IS
LES NESSMAN REPORTING.
IN THE TOP STORY OF THE
DAY, GENERAL WALLACE NASAMI,
HEAD OF THE EMERGING
NATION OF NIBIA,
DENIED HIS NEW GOVERNMENT
WAS A DICTATORSHIP...
AND PROMISED FREE ELECTIONS AS SOON
AS EACH CITIZEN OF THE SMALL COUNTRY...
LEARNED TO PLAY A
MUSICAL INSTRUMENT.
NASAMI SAID THIS WAS PART
OF A NEW CULTURAL PROGRAM.
TURNING TO SPORTS...
WINNER OF THIS WEEK'S
GULF COAST GOLF CLASSIC...
WAS "CHAI CHAI RODRIGUEEZ."
"CHAI CHAI" FINISHED WITH
NINE-UNDER PAR SCORE.
IT'S CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ.
HOPEFULLY, MR. "RODRIGUEEZ"...
WILL PLAY UP TO PAR IN
HIS NEXT COMPETITION.
NOW LISTEN, MOTHER.
LES NESSMAN HAS WON...
THE BUCKEYE NEWSHAWK
AWARD TWO YEARS IN A ROW.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
WELL, THAT'S, UH... ANDY,
WHAT... WHAT IS THAT?
UH, LET'S SEE.
IT IS GIVEN FOR THE
BEST NEWS STORY...
SPECIFICALLY DEALING
WITH, OR RELATED TO...
TAPROOT VEGETABLE
PRODUCTION IN THE TRISTATE AREA...
AND IN CERTAIN PARTS OF
NORTHERN WEST VIRGINIA.
- MARVELOUS.
- MOM, LES IS A VERY
CONSCIENTIOUS MAN.
ARTHUR, LES IS VERY CONFUSING.
AND SPEAKING OF CONFUSING, WHAT ABOUT THAT
NEW NIGHTTIME MAN, VENUS, UH, FLYPAPER?
TRAP. FLYTRAP.
IT'S THE HOUR OF
DARKNESS, CHILDREN.
AND VENUS IS ON THE
RISE IN CINCINNATI.
THE MOON IS HIGH.
MRS. CARLSON, OUR NEW
AUDIENCE UNDERSTANDS VENUS.
HE COMMUNICATES WITH 'EM,
JUST LIKE JOHNNY FEVER DOES.
AH, FEVER. HOW'S THAT
OLD REPROBATE DOING?
HE LOVES IT HERE, MOTHER.
I'LL BET HE DOES.
THIS MUST BE THE ONLY
STATION IN AMERICA
THAT HAS YET TO FIRE HIM.
HE'S A GOOD MAN, MOM!
HE'S A MAN, ARTHUR, AS ARE ALL
THE REST OF THE EMPLOYEES HERE.
BESIDES JENNIFER, ARE THERE ANY
OTHER WOMEN WORKING UP HERE?
SURE. THERE'S BAILEY QUARTERS. SHE JUST
RECENTLY GRADUATED FROM JOURNALISM SCHOOL.
THAT'S RIGHT! AND I INTEND TO BRING
THIS BAILEY ALONG PRETTY QUICKLY.
NOW THERE IS DEFINITELY EXECUTIVE
TIMBER IF I'VE EVER SEEN IT, MOTHER.
AND I'LL, UH... I'LL BE HANDLING
THIS ONE PERSONALLY.
YES?
UH, I... I HATE TO
INTERRUPT, BUT, ANDY,
YOU'VE GOTTA SIGN SOME
INVOICES BEFORE LUNCH.
AH. WELL, NO PROBLEM.
OKAY. HI, MR. CARLSON.
HI.
WHO IS THAT?
THAT'S, UH, BAILEY QUARTERS.
UH, SH-SHE MUST BE DOING
SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO HER HAIR.
AND DOES HERB TARLEK,
YOUR REMARKABLY
INCOMPETENT SALES MANAGER,
CHASE BAILEY AROUND AS
MUCH AS HE CHASES JENNIFER?
NO. JUST JENNIFER. I MEAN...
HERB IS A MARRIED
MAN, MRS. CARLSON.
AND I'M QUITE SURE HE LIKES JENNIFER
ONLY, YOU KNOW, FOR A FRIEND.
HE SHOULD PAY AS MUCH
ATTENTION TO HIS JOB.
WELL, HE DOES. ACTUALLY, I THINK
HERB'S PROBABLY A PRETTY BRIGHT FELLA.
OH, YEAH, MOM.
HERB'S NOBODY'S FOOL.
HERB...
OUR RECEPTIONIST, THE
BEAUTIFUL JENNIFER MARLOWE,
IS A RESULT OF THE MOST CUNNINGLY
SUCCESSFUL SEX-CHANGE OPERATION...
IN MEDICAL HISTORY.
- GET OUTTA HERE.
- OKAY.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME...
THAT JENNIFER,
THAT... THAT'S SHE'S A...
A GUY. OR AT LEAST
SHE USED TO BE.
GET OUTTA HERE. OKAY.
WAIT A MINUTE.
NOW, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING...
I MEAN, YOU'RE
TELLING ME THAT SHE...
GET OUT OF HERE. ALL RIGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE. I
DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO, MAN.
ALL I'M SAYING IS JUST DON'T TELL
ANYBODY ELSE. THAT'S ALL I ASK.
ARTHUR, ARTHUR, ARTHUR,
WHY DIDN'T YOU FIRE
HERB YEARS AGO?
MRS. CARLSON, FIRING HERB
WOULDN'T SOLVE ANYTHING.
I KNOW THAT, MR. TRAVIS.
I THINK THE PROBLEM IS
MUCH HIGHER UP THAN THAT.
HOW... HOW HIGH?
HIGH, ARTHUR.
MRS. CARLSON, YOU CANNOT
JUDGE A RADIO STATION...
BY THE UNORTHODOX
BEHAVIOR OF ITS EMPLOYEES.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S
TALK PROFITS INSTEAD.
HOW DID OUR ADVERTISING CLIENTS
REACT TO THE CHANGE IN FORMAT?
UH, WELL, THEY...
THEY ALL... LEFT.
YEAH, BUT WE GOT
SOME NEW CLIENTS.
- FOR INSTANCE?
- THE MIGHTY MELLOW CIGARETTE
ROLLING PAPER ACCOUNT.
AND THERE WAS WHAT
ELSE? RED RED WIGGLERS.
RED WIGGLERS.
WHAT ARE RED WIGGLERS?
UH, WELL, RED WIGGLER'S A
BIG CONCERN, MOTHER. VERY BIG.
- WHAT DO THEY SELL?
- WORMS.
- WONDERFUL.
- I LIKE THEIR... I LIKE THEIR JINGLE.
♪ RED WIGGLERS THE CADILLAC
OF WORMS ♪ WE'RE HOOKED.
HEY, THE CONCERT. WE MADE MONEY ON
THAT ROCK CONCERT. NOW THAT IS A FACT.
WHAT WAS THE NAME
OF THE ORCHESTRA?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW. LET'S
SEE. WHAT WERE THEY CALLED?
SCUM OF THE EARTH.
SCUM OF THE EARTH?
WELL, THEY WERE VERY
BIG IN ENGLAND, MOTHER.
SCUM... OF THE EARTH.
THAT CONCERT WAS A BIG SUCCESS, MRS.
CARLSON. WE MADE MONEY ON THAT CONCERT.
REALLY? OH, YES,
MA'AM. WE SURE DID.
YEAH, AND THEN THE NEXT WEEK, WE HAD A
VERY SUCCESSFUL REMOTE BROADCAST TOO.
- I DON'T THINK YOUR MOTHER
WANTS TO HEAR THAT ONE.
- OH, NO. TELL ME ABOUT IT.
OH. UH, UH, UH...
GO AHEAD, ANDREW.
WELL, IT WAS FROM A
STEREO STORE, MRS. CARLSON.
AND I'LL TELL YOU, OUR BROADCAST
JUST PACKED IN THOSE CUSTOMERS.
NOW, I'D LIKE TO TRY TO
DESCRIBE SOME OF THE
INCREDIBLE ACTION THAT'S
HAPPENING DOWN HERE.
A MAN WE BELIEVE
MIGHT BE A CUSTOMER...
HAS JUST COME BACK
FROM FRESHENING UP.
AND IT LOOKS AS
THOUGH HE'S LEAVING.
NO, HOLD IT. HE'S PAUSING
THERE. MAYBE HE'S GONNA CHAT...
WITH DEL MURDOCH, PERSONABLE
OWNER OF DEL'S STEREO AND SOUND.
YES, HE IS. MAYBE HE'S
GONNA BUY SOMETHING.
NO, NO, HE'S PULLED OUT A GUN.
AND IF THERE'S A POLICEMAN
WHO MIGHT BE LISTENING,
APPARENTLY WE'RE BEING HELD UP
DOWN HERE AT DEL'S STEREO AND SOUND.
THAT'S AT 24675... NINE.
IF MR. MURDOCH WERE STILL IN BUSINESS, HE'D
TELL YOU WHAT A GOOD JOB WE DID FOR HIM.
WHAT WAS THE BOTTOM
LINE ON THAT REMOTE?
- WE'D HAVE TO LOOK THAT ONE UP.
- OKAY, LOOK IT UP.
OKAY. OH, AND, YES,
WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, I'D LIKE TO REVIEW
SOME OF THE BILLS WE RECEIVED...
ON THIS YEAR'S
THANKSGIVING PROMOTION.
JUST, YOU KNOW, YOUR NORMAL
OPERATING EXPENSES, MOTHER.
OH, REALLY? YEAH.
WE HAD TO REPLACE SIX
AUTOMOBILE WINDSHIELDS,
ONE PLATE GLASS WINDOW
FOR TONY'S PIZZERIA,
AND IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN,
COVER SEVERAL MEDICAL BILLS.
YEAH, MOM, BUT, YOU
SEE, NOTHING MAJOR.
THOSE PEOPLE WERE IN AND OUT
OF THE HOSPITAL... JUST LIKE THAT.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- OH, UH, UH...
WELL, WE GAVE AWAY FREE TURKEYS.
- WHAT'S SO UNUSUAL ABOUT THAT?
- WELL, THEY WERE LIVE TURKEYS.
WHAT'S SO UNUSUAL ABOUT THAT?
THE WAY WE GAVE 'EM AWAY.
ALL RIGHT, FELLOW
BABIES. AND NOW IT'S TIME
TO GO TO OUR LIVE
REMOTE MAN ON THE SCENE...
AT THE PINEDALE SHOPPING MALL
FOR THE BIG WKRP TURKEY GIVEAWAY.
SO TAKE IT AWAY, LES NESSMAN.
NOW, THE CROWD IS...
THE CROWD IS, UH,
CURIOUS BUT WELL-BEHAVED.
AND I THINK I HEAR
SOMETHING NOW.
UH, THE CROWD IS MOVING
OUT INTO THE PARKING AREA.
AND, OH, YES, I CAN SEE IT NOW.
IT'S A... IT'S A HELICOPTER!
AND IT'S COMING THIS WAY.
- A HELICOPTER?
- IT'S FLYING SOMETHING
BEHIND IT.
I CAN'T QUITE MAKE IT
OUT. IT'S A LARGE BANNER.
AND IT SAYS, UH, "HAPPY...
"THANKS... "GIVING...
"FROM W... "K...
"R... P."
WHAT A SIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. WHAT A SIGHT.
THE COPTER SEEMS TO BE
CIRCLING THE PARKING AREA NOW.
I GUESS IT'S LOOKING
FOR A PLACE TO LAND.
NO, SOMETHING JUST CAME OUT OF THE BACK
OF THE HELICOPTER. IT'S, UH, A DARK OBJECT.
PERHAPS A SKYDIVER
PLUMMETING TO THE EARTH...
FROM ONLY 2,000 FEET IN THE AIR.
THERE'S A SECOND AND A THIRD.
THERE'S NO PARACHUTES YET.
THOSE CAN'T BE SKYDIVERS.
I CAN'T TELL JUST YET
WHAT THEY ARE, BUT...
OH, MY GOD! THEY'RE TURKEYS!
OH, MY GOD! JOHNNY,
CAN YOU GET THIS?
THEY'RE CRASHING TO THE EARTH
RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!
ONE JUST WENT THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD
OF A PARKED CAR! JOHNNY, THIS IS TERRIBLE.
THE CROWD IS RUNNING AROUND
PUSHING EACH OTHER. OH, MY GOODNESS!
OH, THE HUMANITY!
ALL THE PEOPLE
ARE RUNNING ABOUT.
THE TURKEYS ARE HITTING THE
GROUND LIKE SACKS OF WET CEMENT.
HONESTLY, FOLKS, I... I DON'T
KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER...
THE CROWD... LES? LES?
LES, ARE YOU THERE?
LES ISN'T THERE.
THANKS FOR THAT
ON-THE-SPOT REPORT, LES.
AND, UM, FOR THOSE OF
YOU WHO JUST TUNED IN,
THE PINEDALE SHOPPING MALL HAS
JUST BEEN BOMBED WITH LIVE TURKEYS.
FILM AT 11:00.
ARTHUR,
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU
THOUGHT TURKEYS COULD FLY?
WELL, THEY HAVE WINGS, YOU KNOW.
BUT FOR SOME REASON,
THEY DON'T USE 'EM.
MR. TRAVIS,
WKRP SEEMS TO BE IN
MORE TROUBLE TODAY...
THAN IT WAS BEFORE YOU GOT HERE.
AM I RIGHT, MR. TRAVIS?
I SUPPOSE IT LOOKS THAT WAY.
NO.
NO, YOU'RE NOT RIGHT, MOTHER.
THIS TURKEY PROMOTION
IDEA, THAT WAS MINE.
BEFORE HE CAME HERE, WE WERE JUST
GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS AROUND HERE.
BUT NOW... NOW EVERYBODY CARES.
WE FEEL LIKE WE'RE
DOING SOMETHING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
ARTHUR? THIS STATION'S A MESS.
IT IS NOT, EITHER!
T-T-TELL HER, ANDY.
NO, YOU TELL ME!
OKAY.
I AM THE MANAGER.
I'M SORRY THAT YOU THINK WE'RE
ALL SO INCOMPETENT AROUND HERE.
BUT WE'RE DOING THE BEST WE CAN.
IF THAT'S NOT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOU, THEN YOU
GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO
RUN YOUR BLINKIN' STATION.
OH, YOU DON'T THINK I
CAN GET ANOTHER JOB?
WELL, YOU JUST WATCH ME, MUMMY.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I'M OVER 40.
WHERE I GO IS NONE
OF YOUR BEESWAX.
AND YOUR 20 MINUTES, THEY'RE UP!
PERFECT.
PERFECT?
THAT MAN PREPARED FOR
THIS MEETING FOR A WEEK.
AND YOU SAT THERE AND YOU MOWED
HIM DOWN LIKE HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD.
MR. TRAVIS, I'M A
VERY SMART WOMAN.
I OWN AND OPERATE A MULTITUDE
OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSES.
- WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
- BUT I AM A ROTTEN MOTHER.
EVER SINCE ARTHUR WAS A CHILD,
I PUSHED AND BULLIED HIM BECAUSE I
THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE HIM HARD AND STRONG.
WELL, I WAS WRONG.
IT MADE HIM SOFT AND WEAK.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
MAYBE NOT.
DO YOU KNOW TODAY WAS THE FIRST
TIME ARTHUR EVER WALKED OUT OF A ROOM...
WITHOUT ASKING MY PERMISSION?
THAT'S A VERY GOOD SIGN.
WELL, MA'AM, YOU SURE HAVE A
FUNNY WAY OF LOOKING AT THINGS.
THAT'S BECAUSE I
AM HARD AND STRONG.
I GUESS I LACK
ARTHUR'S... "SWEETNESS,"
FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD.
TAKE GOOD CARE OF
MY BOY, MR. TRAVIS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL?
- THAT'S ALL.
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE STATION?
OH, THAT. WELL, IF THE RATINGS
AREN'T UP BY THE NEXT SURVEY,
YOU'RE ALL LUNCHEON MEAT.
THANKS.
JUST BUSINESS. NOTHING PERSONAL.
GOOD-BYE, MR. TRAVIS.
MY 20 MINUTES... THEY'RE UP.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
I'LL TELL YOU, ANDY,
I'VE BEEN MANAGER
OF WKRP SINCE... 1955.
YEAH, I KNOW.
AND EVERY TIME MY MOTHER COMES BY
FOR THESE LITTLE QUARTERLY REVIEWS...
SHE ALWAYS LEAVES WITH
A PIECE OF ME IN HER PURSE.
- I'D RATHER FACE
A SUMO WRESTLER.
- HEY, NOW.
YOU KNOW, ONE OF THOSE BIG FAT
GUYS WITH HARDLY ANY CLOTHES ON.
ALWAYS GRABBING
YOU AND HUGGING YOU.
COME ON NOW. LISTEN,
ANDY, YOU JUST DON'T KNOW.
NOTHING IS EVER THE SAME
AFTER ONE OF THESE MEETINGS.
LISTEN, BEFORE SHE
LEAVES HERE, THE BUDGET'S
GONNA GET CUT,
SOMEBODY'S GONNA GET FIRED.
ONE TIME, SHE... SHE WANTED
ME TO FIRE ALL THE DISC JOCKEYS.
YOU DIDN'T GO ALONG
WITH THAT, DID YOU?
YOU THINK MAYBE IT'S A
LITTLE TOO BRIGHT IN HERE?
MR. CARLSON, HEY.
LET'S BE STRONG, OKAY?
OKAY.
- MR. CARLSON?
- YES.
WHEN YOUR MOTHER ARRIVES, DO YOU
WANT ME TO JUST SEND HER RIGHT IN?
NO. YOU JUST LET HER COOL
HER HEELS IN THE LOBBY THERE.
OKAY.
THAT OUGHT TO SET THE
TONE FOR THIS MEETING.
WHY, MRS. CARLSON, HOW ARE YOU?
I'M FINE, JENNIFER. HOW
ARE YOU? I'M FINE. THANK YOU.
- ARTHUR IS EXPECTING ME.
- YES. HE ASKED IF YOU'D
PLEASE HAVE A SEAT,
AND HE'LL BE WITH
YOU MOMENTARILY.
THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
MY PLEASURE.
MR. CARLSON?
YOUR MOTHER IS HERE.
♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪
♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪
♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪
♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪
♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪
♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪
♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪
♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪
♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪
♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪
MAMA! HOW ARE YOU, DEAR?
THE SAME, ARTHUR.
ALWAYS THE SAME.
YOU KNOW ANDY, DON'T
YOU? HELLO, MR. TRAVIS.
WELL, IT'S NICE TO SEE
YOU AGAIN, MRS. CARLSON.
SAY, MOM, HOW ARE YOUR
SINUSES? I KNOW THIS WEATHER...
FOUR MONTHS AGO, WHEN MR. TRAVIS
JOINED US AS PROGRAM DIRECTOR,
I AGREED TO LET YOU CHANGE THE
FORMAT OF THIS STATION TO ROCK AND ROLL.
- RIGHT, RIGHT.
- I'M HERE FOR A FULL ACCOUNTING
OF WHAT'S HAPPENED SINCE THEN.
I WANT TO DISCUSS YOUR
PERSONNEL AND YOUR PROGRESS.
OKAY. HOW 'BOUT A
NICE, HOT CUP OF TEA?
UNFORTUNATELY, I DO
HAVE OTHER MEETINGS TO
ATTEND, AND I CAN ONLY
GIVE YOU 20 MINUTES.
NO TEA.
NOW, I WANT YOU BOTH TO
KNOW THAT I'VE COME HERE...
WITH AN OPEN, UNPREJUDICED MIND.
WELL, WE APPRECIATE
THAT, MRS. CARLSON. YEAH.
WHAT THE HELL KIND OF
NONSENSE IS GOING ON DOWN HERE?
UH, WELL, UH, WHERE-WHERE
SHALL WE START?
LET'S START WITH THE
CHANGE IN FORMAT.
AS I RECALL, THE SWITCH FROM
BEAUTIFUL MUSIC TO ROCK AND ROLL...
WAS A RATHER ABRUPT
ONE, WAS IT NOT?
ALL RIGHT, CINCINNATI! IT IS
TIME FOR THIS TOWN TO GET DOWN!
NOW, YOU GOT JOHNNY...
DR. JOHNNY FEVER.
AND I AM BURNING UP
IN HERE. WHOA! WHOO!
WE ALL IN CRITICAL
CONDITION, BABIES.
BUT YOU CAN TELL
ME WHERE IT HURTS.
BECAUSE I GOT THE HEALING
PRESCRIPTION HERE...
FROM THE BIG KRP
MUSICAL MEDICINE CABINET.
NOW I AM TALKING ABOUT YOUR
50,000-WATT INTENSIVE CARE UNIT, BABIES!
SO JUST SIT RIGHT DOWN, RELAX,
OPEN YOUR EARS REAL WIDE AND SAY,
"GIVE IT TO ME STRAIGHT,
DOCTOR. I CAN TAKE IT."
♪♪
I ALMOST FORGOT,
FELLOW BABIES. BOOGER!
BOOGER?
WELL, YOU SEE, JOHNNY WAS FIRED IN
L.A. FOR SAYING THAT WORD ON THE AIR.
WE WERE JUST TRYING TO MAKE HIM FEEL
AT HOME. YES, HE HAS NOT SAID IT SINCE.
YEAH, WE'RE ALL
VERY PROUD OF THAT.
HOW DID OUR OLD LISTENERS
REACT TO THE CHANGE IN FORMAT?
WELL, I'D SAY...
ENTHUSIASTICALLY.
YEAH, ENTHUSIASTICALLY.
ENTHUSIASTICALLY IS A GOOD DESCRIPTION.
AND, IN FACT, SOME OF THEM EVEN WERE
NICE ENOUGH TO DROP BY THE STATION.
♪♪
♪♪
WE SEEM TO BE EXPERIENCING SOME
TECHNICAL DIFFICULTIES HERE IN THE STUDIO.
PLEASE STAY TUNED. WE'LL BE BACK
AS SOON AS WE GET IT FIXED. OKAY?
ALL RIGHT, YOU TWO,
UP AGAINST THE WALL!
NOW, I DON'T KNOW WHAT YOU WANT
HERE, BUT I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW...
THAT I'VE KILLED A LOT
OF OLD PEOPLE IN MY TIME.
AND I'M NOT ABOVE
DOING IT AGAIN.
OF COURSE, WE DEALT WITH
THEM MOST DIPLOMATICALLY.
I'LL BET YOU DID. LISTEN.
IT'S NOT EASY HAVING A BUNCH OF OLD COOTS
RUNNING AROUND YOUR STATION. NO OFFENSE.
WHAT'D I SAY?
- MAY I INTERRUPT?
- OH, YOU BET.
MR. CARLSON, I HAVE
TO GO TO LUNCH NOW.
OKAY, FINE. JENNIFER.
WHO ANSWERS THE PHONE
WHEN YOU'RE AT LUNCH?
USUALLY I JUST LEAVE
IT OFF THE HOOK.
YOU THINK THAT'S WISE?
I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS
MR. CARLSON'S IDEA.
- THANK YOU, JENNIFER.
- BYE-BYE.
ARTHUR, HOW MUCH DO
YOU PAY JENNIFER A YEAR?
OH, MOM, I'D HAVE TO
LOOK A FIGURE LIKE THAT UP.
$24,000 A YEAR, ARTHUR.
GOOD GOD.
THAT'S RIGHT, MR. TRAVIS.
ARTHUR, TELL US. JUST WHAT DOES
JENNIFER DO TO WARRANT SUCH A SALARY?
N-NOTHING. I SWEAR.
ALTHOUGH, YOU, UH... YOU KNOW,
MOTHER, SHE IS A BIG HELP TO ME.
WELL, JENNIFER DOES
A THOUSAND THINGS.
YOU WANT ME, MR. CARLSON?
OH, YEAH. COME IN, JENNIFER.
HAVE A SEAT. NO, THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT. AT THIS
PARTICULAR POINT IN TIME,
I WOULD LIKE TO
DICTATE A PRESS RELEASE.
I DON'T TAKE DICTATION.
WHAT? WELL, ALL RIGHT. I GUESS
I CAN DO THIS THING MYSELF.
IT'S PROBABLY GONNA BE A LONG MEETING,
SO GET COFFEE FOR ALL THE GUYS HERE.
- I DON'T GET COFFEE,
MR. CARLSON. WE AGREED.
- OH, YEAH.
- YOU HAVE TO DRAW
THE LINE SOMEWHERE.
- YOU SURE GOT THAT RIGHT.
WILL THERE BE
ANYTHING ELSE I CAN DO?
NO. I THINK THAT ABOUT DOES IT.
- THANK YOU.
- OH, NO. THANK YOU.
HOW DOES SHE GET AWAY
WITH THAT? ARE YOU KIDDING?
LOOK, I'D BE... I'D BE LOST
WITHOUT JENNIFER, MOM.
THAT'S TRUE, MRS. CARLSON.
ARTHUR, WHO ELSE WOULD
YOU BE LOST WITHOUT?
UH, WELL, LET'S SEE. UH... AH!
LES NESSMAN. NOW YOU WOULDN'T
WANNA FIRE HIM. WOULD YA?
WOULD THERE BE ANY REASON TO?
OH, HECK NO. LES NESSMAN'S A
CRACKERJACK NEWS REPORTER.
OH, ARTHUR, I LISTEN TO LES
NESSMAN'S NEWS REPORTS.
AND RIGHT NOW IT'S TIME FOR MR. LES
NESSMAN WITH A WHOLE MESS OF NEWS.
♪ WKRP ♪
GOOD MORNING, LES.
GOOD MORNING,
JOHNNY. ♪ CINCINNATI ♪
IT'S ALL YOURS. ♪♪
LONDON, MADRID, BANGKOK,
MOSCOW, CINCINNATI.
FROM THE FOUR
CORNERS OF THE WORLD.
FROM THE NEWS CAPITALS
AT HOME AND ABROAD.
THE DAY'S HEADLINES
BROUGHT INTO FOCUS.
THE ISSUES AND EVENTS
THAT SHAPE OUR TIME.
WKRP, INFORMATION BEACON
OF THE OHIO VALLEY, PRESENTS...
LES NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
AN UP-TO-THE-MINUTE COMMENTARY FROM
ONE OF JOURNALISM'S MOST TRUSTED VOICES.
FIVE-TIME WINNER OF THE
BUCKEYE NEWSHAWK AWARD.
- IS THAT NEW?
- I JUST HAD IT MADE.
- VERY NICE.
- I LIKE IT.
NOW HERE'S LES
NESSMAN AND THE NEWS.
GOOD MORNING. THIS IS
LES NESSMAN REPORTING.
IN THE TOP STORY OF THE
DAY, GENERAL WALLACE NASAMI,
HEAD OF THE EMERGING
NATION OF NIBIA,
DENIED HIS NEW GOVERNMENT
WAS A DICTATORSHIP...
AND PROMISED FREE ELECTIONS AS SOON
AS EACH CITIZEN OF THE SMALL COUNTRY...
LEARNED TO PLAY A
MUSICAL INSTRUMENT.
NASAMI SAID THIS WAS PART
OF A NEW CULTURAL PROGRAM.
TURNING TO SPORTS...
WINNER OF THIS WEEK'S
GULF COAST GOLF CLASSIC...
WAS "CHAI CHAI RODRIGUEEZ."
"CHAI CHAI" FINISHED WITH
NINE-UNDER PAR SCORE.
IT'S CHI CHI RODRIGUEZ.
HOPEFULLY, MR. "RODRIGUEEZ"...
WILL PLAY UP TO PAR IN
HIS NEXT COMPETITION.
NOW LISTEN, MOTHER.
LES NESSMAN HAS WON...
THE BUCKEYE NEWSHAWK
AWARD TWO YEARS IN A ROW.
WHAT THE HELL IS THAT?
WELL, THAT'S, UH... ANDY,
WHAT... WHAT IS THAT?
UH, LET'S SEE.
IT IS GIVEN FOR THE
BEST NEWS STORY...
SPECIFICALLY DEALING
WITH, OR RELATED TO...
TAPROOT VEGETABLE
PRODUCTION IN THE TRISTATE AREA...
AND IN CERTAIN PARTS OF
NORTHERN WEST VIRGINIA.
- MARVELOUS.
- MOM, LES IS A VERY
CONSCIENTIOUS MAN.
ARTHUR, LES IS VERY CONFUSING.
AND SPEAKING OF CONFUSING, WHAT ABOUT THAT
NEW NIGHTTIME MAN, VENUS, UH, FLYPAPER?
TRAP. FLYTRAP.
IT'S THE HOUR OF
DARKNESS, CHILDREN.
AND VENUS IS ON THE
RISE IN CINCINNATI.
THE MOON IS HIGH.
MRS. CARLSON, OUR NEW
AUDIENCE UNDERSTANDS VENUS.
HE COMMUNICATES WITH 'EM,
JUST LIKE JOHNNY FEVER DOES.
AH, FEVER. HOW'S THAT
OLD REPROBATE DOING?
HE LOVES IT HERE, MOTHER.
I'LL BET HE DOES.
THIS MUST BE THE ONLY
STATION IN AMERICA
THAT HAS YET TO FIRE HIM.
HE'S A GOOD MAN, MOM!
HE'S A MAN, ARTHUR, AS ARE ALL
THE REST OF THE EMPLOYEES HERE.
BESIDES JENNIFER, ARE THERE ANY
OTHER WOMEN WORKING UP HERE?
SURE. THERE'S BAILEY QUARTERS. SHE JUST
RECENTLY GRADUATED FROM JOURNALISM SCHOOL.
THAT'S RIGHT! AND I INTEND TO BRING
THIS BAILEY ALONG PRETTY QUICKLY.
NOW THERE IS DEFINITELY EXECUTIVE
TIMBER IF I'VE EVER SEEN IT, MOTHER.
AND I'LL, UH... I'LL BE HANDLING
THIS ONE PERSONALLY.
YES?
UH, I... I HATE TO
INTERRUPT, BUT, ANDY,
YOU'VE GOTTA SIGN SOME
INVOICES BEFORE LUNCH.
AH. WELL, NO PROBLEM.
OKAY. HI, MR. CARLSON.
HI.
WHO IS THAT?
THAT'S, UH, BAILEY QUARTERS.
UH, SH-SHE MUST BE DOING
SOMETHING DIFFERENT TO HER HAIR.
AND DOES HERB TARLEK,
YOUR REMARKABLY
INCOMPETENT SALES MANAGER,
CHASE BAILEY AROUND AS
MUCH AS HE CHASES JENNIFER?
NO. JUST JENNIFER. I MEAN...
HERB IS A MARRIED
MAN, MRS. CARLSON.
AND I'M QUITE SURE HE LIKES JENNIFER
ONLY, YOU KNOW, FOR A FRIEND.
HE SHOULD PAY AS MUCH
ATTENTION TO HIS JOB.
WELL, HE DOES. ACTUALLY, I THINK
HERB'S PROBABLY A PRETTY BRIGHT FELLA.
OH, YEAH, MOM.
HERB'S NOBODY'S FOOL.
HERB...
OUR RECEPTIONIST, THE
BEAUTIFUL JENNIFER MARLOWE,
IS A RESULT OF THE MOST CUNNINGLY
SUCCESSFUL SEX-CHANGE OPERATION...
IN MEDICAL HISTORY.
- GET OUTTA HERE.
- OKAY.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME...
THAT JENNIFER,
THAT... THAT'S SHE'S A...
A GUY. OR AT LEAST
SHE USED TO BE.
GET OUTTA HERE. OKAY.
WAIT A MINUTE.
NOW, WHAT YOU'RE SAYING...
I MEAN, YOU'RE
TELLING ME THAT SHE...
GET OUT OF HERE. ALL RIGHT.
WAIT A MINUTE. I
DON'T BELIEVE IT.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO, MAN.
ALL I'M SAYING IS JUST DON'T TELL
ANYBODY ELSE. THAT'S ALL I ASK.
ARTHUR, ARTHUR, ARTHUR,
WHY DIDN'T YOU FIRE
HERB YEARS AGO?
MRS. CARLSON, FIRING HERB
WOULDN'T SOLVE ANYTHING.
I KNOW THAT, MR. TRAVIS.
I THINK THE PROBLEM IS
MUCH HIGHER UP THAN THAT.
HOW... HOW HIGH?
HIGH, ARTHUR.
MRS. CARLSON, YOU CANNOT
JUDGE A RADIO STATION...
BY THE UNORTHODOX
BEHAVIOR OF ITS EMPLOYEES.
ALL RIGHT. LET'S
TALK PROFITS INSTEAD.
HOW DID OUR ADVERTISING CLIENTS
REACT TO THE CHANGE IN FORMAT?
UH, WELL, THEY...
THEY ALL... LEFT.
YEAH, BUT WE GOT
SOME NEW CLIENTS.
- FOR INSTANCE?
- THE MIGHTY MELLOW CIGARETTE
ROLLING PAPER ACCOUNT.
AND THERE WAS WHAT
ELSE? RED RED WIGGLERS.
RED WIGGLERS.
WHAT ARE RED WIGGLERS?
UH, WELL, RED WIGGLER'S A
BIG CONCERN, MOTHER. VERY BIG.
- WHAT DO THEY SELL?
- WORMS.
- WONDERFUL.
- I LIKE THEIR... I LIKE THEIR JINGLE.
♪ RED WIGGLERS THE CADILLAC
OF WORMS ♪ WE'RE HOOKED.
HEY, THE CONCERT. WE MADE MONEY ON
THAT ROCK CONCERT. NOW THAT IS A FACT.
WHAT WAS THE NAME
OF THE ORCHESTRA?
GEE, I DON'T KNOW. LET'S
SEE. WHAT WERE THEY CALLED?
SCUM OF THE EARTH.
SCUM OF THE EARTH?
WELL, THEY WERE VERY
BIG IN ENGLAND, MOTHER.
SCUM... OF THE EARTH.
THAT CONCERT WAS A BIG SUCCESS, MRS.
CARLSON. WE MADE MONEY ON THAT CONCERT.
REALLY? OH, YES,
MA'AM. WE SURE DID.
YEAH, AND THEN THE NEXT WEEK, WE HAD A
VERY SUCCESSFUL REMOTE BROADCAST TOO.
- I DON'T THINK YOUR MOTHER
WANTS TO HEAR THAT ONE.
- OH, NO. TELL ME ABOUT IT.
OH. UH, UH, UH...
GO AHEAD, ANDREW.
WELL, IT WAS FROM A
STEREO STORE, MRS. CARLSON.
AND I'LL TELL YOU, OUR BROADCAST
JUST PACKED IN THOSE CUSTOMERS.
NOW, I'D LIKE TO TRY TO
DESCRIBE SOME OF THE
INCREDIBLE ACTION THAT'S
HAPPENING DOWN HERE.
A MAN WE BELIEVE
MIGHT BE A CUSTOMER...
HAS JUST COME BACK
FROM FRESHENING UP.
AND IT LOOKS AS
THOUGH HE'S LEAVING.
NO, HOLD IT. HE'S PAUSING
THERE. MAYBE HE'S GONNA CHAT...
WITH DEL MURDOCH, PERSONABLE
OWNER OF DEL'S STEREO AND SOUND.
YES, HE IS. MAYBE HE'S
GONNA BUY SOMETHING.
NO, NO, HE'S PULLED OUT A GUN.
AND IF THERE'S A POLICEMAN
WHO MIGHT BE LISTENING,
APPARENTLY WE'RE BEING HELD UP
DOWN HERE AT DEL'S STEREO AND SOUND.
THAT'S AT 24675... NINE.
IF MR. MURDOCH WERE STILL IN BUSINESS, HE'D
TELL YOU WHAT A GOOD JOB WE DID FOR HIM.
WHAT WAS THE BOTTOM
LINE ON THAT REMOTE?
- WE'D HAVE TO LOOK THAT ONE UP.
- OKAY, LOOK IT UP.
OKAY. OH, AND, YES,
WHILE YOU'RE AT IT, I'D LIKE TO REVIEW
SOME OF THE BILLS WE RECEIVED...
ON THIS YEAR'S
THANKSGIVING PROMOTION.
JUST, YOU KNOW, YOUR NORMAL
OPERATING EXPENSES, MOTHER.
OH, REALLY? YEAH.
WE HAD TO REPLACE SIX
AUTOMOBILE WINDSHIELDS,
ONE PLATE GLASS WINDOW
FOR TONY'S PIZZERIA,
AND IF I'M NOT MISTAKEN,
COVER SEVERAL MEDICAL BILLS.
YEAH, MOM, BUT, YOU
SEE, NOTHING MAJOR.
THOSE PEOPLE WERE IN AND OUT
OF THE HOSPITAL... JUST LIKE THAT.
- WHAT HAPPENED?
- OH, UH, UH...
WELL, WE GAVE AWAY FREE TURKEYS.
- WHAT'S SO UNUSUAL ABOUT THAT?
- WELL, THEY WERE LIVE TURKEYS.
WHAT'S SO UNUSUAL ABOUT THAT?
THE WAY WE GAVE 'EM AWAY.
ALL RIGHT, FELLOW
BABIES. AND NOW IT'S TIME
TO GO TO OUR LIVE
REMOTE MAN ON THE SCENE...
AT THE PINEDALE SHOPPING MALL
FOR THE BIG WKRP TURKEY GIVEAWAY.
SO TAKE IT AWAY, LES NESSMAN.
NOW, THE CROWD IS...
THE CROWD IS, UH,
CURIOUS BUT WELL-BEHAVED.
AND I THINK I HEAR
SOMETHING NOW.
UH, THE CROWD IS MOVING
OUT INTO THE PARKING AREA.
AND, OH, YES, I CAN SEE IT NOW.
IT'S A... IT'S A HELICOPTER!
AND IT'S COMING THIS WAY.
- A HELICOPTER?
- IT'S FLYING SOMETHING
BEHIND IT.
I CAN'T QUITE MAKE IT
OUT. IT'S A LARGE BANNER.
AND IT SAYS, UH, "HAPPY...
"THANKS... "GIVING...
"FROM W... "K...
"R... P."
WHAT A SIGHT, LADIES AND
GENTLEMEN. WHAT A SIGHT.
THE COPTER SEEMS TO BE
CIRCLING THE PARKING AREA NOW.
I GUESS IT'S LOOKING
FOR A PLACE TO LAND.
NO, SOMETHING JUST CAME OUT OF THE BACK
OF THE HELICOPTER. IT'S, UH, A DARK OBJECT.
PERHAPS A SKYDIVER
PLUMMETING TO THE EARTH...
FROM ONLY 2,000 FEET IN THE AIR.
THERE'S A SECOND AND A THIRD.
THERE'S NO PARACHUTES YET.
THOSE CAN'T BE SKYDIVERS.
I CAN'T TELL JUST YET
WHAT THEY ARE, BUT...
OH, MY GOD! THEY'RE TURKEYS!
OH, MY GOD! JOHNNY,
CAN YOU GET THIS?
THEY'RE CRASHING TO THE EARTH
RIGHT IN FRONT OF OUR EYES!
ONE JUST WENT THROUGH THE WINDSHIELD
OF A PARKED CAR! JOHNNY, THIS IS TERRIBLE.
THE CROWD IS RUNNING AROUND
PUSHING EACH OTHER. OH, MY GOODNESS!
OH, THE HUMANITY!
ALL THE PEOPLE
ARE RUNNING ABOUT.
THE TURKEYS ARE HITTING THE
GROUND LIKE SACKS OF WET CEMENT.
HONESTLY, FOLKS, I... I DON'T
KNOW HOW MUCH LONGER...
THE CROWD... LES? LES?
LES, ARE YOU THERE?
LES ISN'T THERE.
THANKS FOR THAT
ON-THE-SPOT REPORT, LES.
AND, UM, FOR THOSE OF
YOU WHO JUST TUNED IN,
THE PINEDALE SHOPPING MALL HAS
JUST BEEN BOMBED WITH LIVE TURKEYS.
FILM AT 11:00.
ARTHUR,
YOU MEAN TO TELL ME YOU
THOUGHT TURKEYS COULD FLY?
WELL, THEY HAVE WINGS, YOU KNOW.
BUT FOR SOME REASON,
THEY DON'T USE 'EM.
MR. TRAVIS,
WKRP SEEMS TO BE IN
MORE TROUBLE TODAY...
THAN IT WAS BEFORE YOU GOT HERE.
AM I RIGHT, MR. TRAVIS?
I SUPPOSE IT LOOKS THAT WAY.
NO.
NO, YOU'RE NOT RIGHT, MOTHER.
THIS TURKEY PROMOTION
IDEA, THAT WAS MINE.
BEFORE HE CAME HERE, WE WERE JUST
GOING THROUGH THE MOTIONS AROUND HERE.
BUT NOW... NOW EVERYBODY CARES.
WE FEEL LIKE WE'RE
DOING SOMETHING.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING,
ARTHUR? THIS STATION'S A MESS.
IT IS NOT, EITHER!
T-T-TELL HER, ANDY.
NO, YOU TELL ME!
OKAY.
I AM THE MANAGER.
I'M SORRY THAT YOU THINK WE'RE
ALL SO INCOMPETENT AROUND HERE.
BUT WE'RE DOING THE BEST WE CAN.
IF THAT'S NOT GOOD
ENOUGH FOR YOU, THEN YOU
GET SOMEBODY ELSE TO
RUN YOUR BLINKIN' STATION.
OH, YOU DON'T THINK I
CAN GET ANOTHER JOB?
WELL, YOU JUST WATCH ME, MUMMY.
- WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
- I'M OVER 40.
WHERE I GO IS NONE
OF YOUR BEESWAX.
AND YOUR 20 MINUTES, THEY'RE UP!
PERFECT.
PERFECT?
THAT MAN PREPARED FOR
THIS MEETING FOR A WEEK.
AND YOU SAT THERE AND YOU MOWED
HIM DOWN LIKE HE WAS SIX YEARS OLD.
MR. TRAVIS, I'M A
VERY SMART WOMAN.
I OWN AND OPERATE A MULTITUDE
OF HIGHLY SUCCESSFUL BUSINESSES.
- WELL, GOOD FOR YOU.
- BUT I AM A ROTTEN MOTHER.
EVER SINCE ARTHUR WAS A CHILD,
I PUSHED AND BULLIED HIM BECAUSE I
THOUGHT IT WOULD MAKE HIM HARD AND STRONG.
WELL, I WAS WRONG.
IT MADE HIM SOFT AND WEAK.
NO, I DON'T THINK SO.
MAYBE NOT.
DO YOU KNOW TODAY WAS THE FIRST
TIME ARTHUR EVER WALKED OUT OF A ROOM...
WITHOUT ASKING MY PERMISSION?
THAT'S A VERY GOOD SIGN.
WELL, MA'AM, YOU SURE HAVE A
FUNNY WAY OF LOOKING AT THINGS.
THAT'S BECAUSE I
AM HARD AND STRONG.
I GUESS I LACK
ARTHUR'S... "SWEETNESS,"
FOR LACK OF A BETTER WORD.
TAKE GOOD CARE OF
MY BOY, MR. TRAVIS.
WAIT A MINUTE.
THAT'S IT? THAT'S ALL?
- THAT'S ALL.
- WELL, WHAT ABOUT THE STATION?
OH, THAT. WELL, IF THE RATINGS
AREN'T UP BY THE NEXT SURVEY,
YOU'RE ALL LUNCHEON MEAT.
THANKS.
JUST BUSINESS. NOTHING PERSONAL.
GOOD-BYE, MR. TRAVIS.
MY 20 MINUTES... THEY'RE UP.
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪
♪♪