WKRP in Cincinnati (1978–1982): Season 1, Episode 10 - A Date with Jennifer - full transcript

TURNING TO THE COMMODITIES,

SLUGGISH HOGS STUMBLED
THROUGH CHICAGO MARKETS...

WHILE CHICKENS TOOK A BATH
FOR THE SECOND TIME THIS WEEK.

ONCE AGAIN, TODAY'S MAJOR STORY.

YOURS TRULY, YOUR OWN FARM
REPORTS DIRECTOR, LES NESSMAN,

HAS BEEN NAMED THE WINNER OF
THE COVETED SILVER SOW AWARD.

AND NOW A WORD FROM OUR SPONSOR.

MEN, EVER STOP TO THINK...

WHAT'S WRONG WITH YOU?

DINING ALONE. NO
BEAUTIFUL GIRLS IN YOUR LIFE.

ALWAYS THE INSIPID JERK WHO MAKES
OTHER PEOPLE WANT TO THROW UP...



THE MOMENT YOU ENTER THE ROOM.

WELL, RELAX.

NINE OUT OF 10 TIMES,
THE PROBLEM IS SIMPLY...

LOSS OF HAIR.

AND NOW MR. MACHO
HAS THE ANSWER.

NATURAL-LOOKING HAIRPIECES
THAT FEEL AS GOOD AS THEY LOOK...

IN THE WIND... IN THE JUNGLE...

IN THE SHOWER...

OR WHEN YOU'RE WITH
THAT VERY SPECIAL GIRL.

WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO!

ONLY YOU AND MR. MACHO
WILL KNOW YOUR SECRET.

SO, IN CINCINNATI,
DIAL 555-MCHO.

THAT'S 555-MACHO.

ASK FOR CLARENCE.



CLARENCE.

LES, YOU GOT DEAD
AIR. DEAD HAIR?

THE WEATHER REPORT.

WELL, IT'S CLOUDY TODAY, JOHNNY.
PRESENT TEMPERATURE'S ABOUT 57 DEGREES...

TELL THEM.

IT'S CLOUDY TODAY. PRESENT
TEMPERATURE IS 57 DEGREES.

NOW BACK TO THE DR. JOHNNY
FEVER SHOW ALREADY IN PROGRESS.

THANKS A LOT, LES.

AND I'D JUST LIKE TO SAY,

CONGRATULATIONS ON
THAT PROUD PORK AWARD.

THAT'S THE SILVER SOW,
JOHNNY. RIGHT YOU ARE, LES.

AND, UH, CONGRATULATIONS
FROM ALL OF US HERE...

AT THE MIGHTY WKRP.

♪ BABY IF YOU'VE EVER WONDERED ♪

♪ WONDERED WHATEVER
BECAME OF ME ♪

♪ I'M LIVING ON THE
AIR IN CINCINNATI ♪

♪ CINCINNATI, WKRP ♪

♪ GOT KIND OF TIRED OF
PACKING AND UNPACKING ♪

♪ TOWN TO TOWN UP
AND DOWN THE DIAL ♪

♪ MAYBE YOU AND ME
WERE NEVER MEANT TO BE ♪

♪ JUST MAYBE THINK
OF ME ONCE IN A WHILE ♪

♪ I'M AT WKRP ♪

♪ IN CINCINNATI ♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

SAY, LES. UH-UH-UH!

SORRY.

- KNOCK, KNOCK, KNOCK.
- COME IN.

I JUST WANTED TO CONGRATULATE
YOU ON THAT PIG THING.

- THANK YOU.
- YOU DON'T SEEM
TOO EXCITED ABOUT IT.

HERB,

WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO
THE AWARDS BANQUET WITH ME?

I DON'T GO OUT WITH GUYS, LES.

KIND OF A LITTLE RULE WITH ME.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

NOTHING, EXCEPT THAT I ALREADY HAVE
SOMETHING TO DO TOMORROW NIGHT.

HERB!

LOOK.

I WENT TO THE TROUBLE OF
PUTTING THESE LINES HERE...

TO INDICATE THE WALLS OF THE PRIVATE
OFFICE A NEWS DIRECTOR SHOULD HAVE.

I WOULD APPRECIATE IT IF YOU WOULD
BE KIND ENOUGH TO OBSERVE THEM.

GEEZ. WHAT'S WRONG WITH HIM?

I DON'T KNOW, HERB.

BOY, GUY GETS A GRAY HOG AWARD,

AND HE SUDDENLY
GETS SNOOTY ON US.

THE WET HEAD'S DEAD, HERB.

HI, JENNIFER. I WAS
JUST, UH... HUH?

OH, HEY. GOT SOME GOOD NEWS.

LUCILLE HAS GONE TO VISIT
HER MOTHER FOR A WEEK.

OH, THAT IS GOOD NEWS. I'M
SURE SHE'LL ENJOY THE REST.

NO, NO, NO. NO, NO.
YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.

THIS IS OUR BIG CHANCE.

I MEAN, MY WIFE'S OUT OF TOWN.

NO ONE WOULD EVER
KNOW IF YOU AND I, UH... NO.

WHY NOT? I HAVE A HEADACHE.
I HAVE TO WASH MY HAIR.

MY MOTHER'S IN
TOWN. I'M ENGAGED. OH.

WHAT'S THIS? IT'S A MEMO.

SEE? RIGHT THERE AT
THE TOP, IT SAYS "MEMO."

WAIT, WAIT! WAIT
A MINUTE! HOLD ON.

I CAN'T DO THIS. LISTEN TO THIS.

"IN KEEPING WITH THE PRESIDENT'S
GUIDELINES TO CUT DOWN ON EXPENSES,

THERE WILL BE NO MORE THREE-MARTINI
EXPENSE ACCOUNT LUNCHES AT WKRP."

- WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?
- WHAT'S THE BIG DEAL?

YOU TRY TO SELL TIME ON THIS
RADIO STATION TO A SOBER CLIENT.

IT CAN'T BE DONE.

AND YOU CAN TELL MR. CARLSON
HE CAN STICK THIS MEMO...

MORNING. ON THE BULLETIN
BOARD, RIGHT WHERE IT BELONGS.

GOOD MORNING, BIG GUY. HOW'S
IT GOING? N-NOT NOW, HERB.

SURELY.

- YES?
- LES, THIS IS MR. CARLSON.

JUST HEARD ABOUT YOUR
AWARD. UH, CONGRATULATIONS.

THANK YOU, MR. CARLSON.

HEY, JUST WANTED YOU TO KNOW
THAT WE'RE ALL VERY PROUD OF YOU.

AND THE STATION'S GONNA PICK UP THE
TAB FOR THE BANQUET FOR YOU AND A DATE.

THANK YOU, MR. CARLSON.

ABOUT THIS MEMO...

HOW CAN YOU CUT OUT BUSINESS
LUNCHES AND STILL PAY FOR PIG BANQUETS?

LISTEN. YOU GET AN AWARD, AND
WE'LL DO SOMETHING ABOUT IT.

COME ON, JENNIFER. I FEEL
ANOTHER MEMO COMING ON.

MARK MY WORDS. YOU GET RID OF THE
BOOZE, YOU GET RID OF THE BUSINESS.

IT'S STATION POLICY NOW, HERB,
AND IT'S OUR DUTY TO STAND BEHIND IT.

"IT'S STATION POLICY NOW, HERB,
AND IT'S OUR DUTY TO STAND BEHIND IT."

I BELIEVE IN
FOLLOWING RULES, HERB.

GOOD. WHY DON'T YOU
JOIN THE BOY SCOUTS?

I AM A MEMBER OF THE BOY SCOUTS.

GOOD MORNING, EVERYBODY.
HEY, LES. CONGRATULATIONS.

OH, THANK YOU, ANDY. SURE.

OH, ANDY, AS PROGRAM DIRECTOR,

PERHAPS IT WOULD BE PROPER FOR YOU
TO ACCOMPANY ME TO THE AWARDS BANQUET.

NO, GET A DATE, LES.
ENJOY YOURSELF.

RIGHT. ENJOY MYSELF.

WHO YOU GOT IN MIND, LES?

I DON'T KNOW ANY WOMEN.

WAIT. THERE'S MRS. ROMBAUER,
THE WIDOW NEXT DOOR.

MAYBE SHE'D GO WITH ME. SHE'S
STARTING TO LOSE HER HAIR TOO.

IT SOUNDS LIKE A PERFECT
MATCH. LEAVE LES ALONE, HERB.

OH, HERB'S RIGHT, BAILEY. LOOK AT ME.
WHO WOULD GO OUT WITH A GUY LIKE ME?

ALL RIGHT. COME ON NOW.
DON'T PUT YOURSELF DOWN.

THAT'S THE FIRST
RULE IN GIRL-GETTING.

DRESS SHARP.

LOOK AT THIS BAGGY YOU GOT ON.

AND A BOW TIE?

IT SAYS, "HI. I'M
REMARKABLY DULL."

NEW MEMO. OH, TERRIFIC.
WHAT'S THIS ONE ABOUT?

GEORGE WASHINGTON'S BIRTHDAY.

IT'S THREE PAGES LONG. I KNOW.

THERE'S A LOT OF STUFF IN
THERE ABOUT VALLEY FORGE.

DO WE GET THE DAY OFF? I
DON'T KNOW. IT NEVER SAYS.

JENNIFER.

- I THINK YOU CAN HELP US OUT.
- WHAT IS IT?

WOULD YOU LET LES PRACTICE
ON YOU FOR A MINUTE?

PRACTICE WHAT?

HE NEEDS TO GET A
DATE FOR THE BANQUET

TOMORROW NIGHT, AND
HE NEEDS A FEW POINTERS.

THAT'S ALL. WHAT KIND?

I'M NOT SURE ABOUT THIS, HERB.

NOTHIN' TO IT. THIS
IS HOW YOU DO IT.

WHAT DO YOU SAY, BEAUTIFUL?

HOW 'BOUT, UH, YOU AND ME
GETTING IT TOGETHER TONIGHT?

YOU ONLY GO AROUND
ONCE IN LIFE, SO...

WHY NOT GRAB A LITTLE GUSTO?

I DON'T LIKE "LITTLE"
GUSTOS, HERB.

YOU SEE? THAT'S HOW YOU DO IT.

- SHE SAID NO, HERB.
- SHE ALWAYS SAYS NO.

NOW, COME ON. IT'S THE
SCRIMMAGE, NOT THE GAME. COME ON.

OKAY. YOU SURE IT'S ALL RIGHT,
JENNIFER? ANYTHING TO HELP.

WELL, YOU SEE, THERE'S THIS
BANQUET TOMORROW NIGHT, AND, UH,

THIS EVENT IS
VERY SPECIAL TO ME.

AND...

IF YOU DON'T HAVE ANYTHING
ELSE TO DO, MAYBE, UH,

YOU AND I... MAYBE WE
COULD GO TOGETHER.

I'D LOVE TO, LES.

LOOK! THE GUY
NEEDS PRACTICE, NOW.

COME ON. MAKE IT, UH,
TOUGH. MAKE IT REAL.

- SHE SAID YES, HERB.
- AND WHEN THEY SAY YES,
THEY ALWAYS MEAN NO.

- IT WORKS BOTH WAYS,
RIGHT, JENNIFER?
- NO.

OH, GOOD GOD. SHE SAID NO.

MIND IF I COME IN? GOOD.

ABOUT THIS MEMO.

ACCORDING TO THIS,
WE'RE SUPPOSED TO START

PAYING FOR ALL THE COFFEE
WE DRINK AROUND HERE.

- BIG GUY, CAN I
SEE YOU PRIVATELY?
- WHY?

WELL, IT'S ABOUT THIS MEMO
BUSINESS. I THINK IT'S A GREAT IDEA.

UH, WOULD YOU TWO EXCUSE US?

LISTEN. I'M TELLING YOU, FREE
COFFEE IS A CONSTITUTIONAL RIGHT.

ALL RIGHT. JOHNNY.
JOHNNY, COME ON.

I'LL BUY YOU A CUP OF
COFFEE. JUST LOOK IT UP!

JUAN VALDEZ VERSUS
THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA!

BIG GUY? YEAH?

THERE'S SOMETHING GOING ON AROUND
HERE I THINK YOU SHOULD KNOW ABOUT.

OH? WELL, GO ON.

SIT DOWN.

SIR? OH!

THERE'S A WORD FOR WHAT SOME OF
THE EMPLOYEES ARE DOING AROUND HERE.

WHAT? FRATERNIZATION.

MM-HMM.

I FOUND IT PRETTY HARD
TO BELIEVE MYSELF AT FIRST.

I KNOW I DON'T HAVE TO TELL YOU
WHAT THIS SORT OF THING CAN LEAD TO.

OH, HECK, NO. GEE.

WH-WHAT COULD IT LEAD TO, HERB?

WELL, IT ALL STARTS
VERY INNOCENTLY, BIG GUY.

THAT'S WHAT MAKES
IT SO DANGEROUS.

I MEAN, FIRST THERE'S A LITTLE
CONVERSATION AT THE WATER FOUNTAIN.

WELL, UH... OR OVER COFFEE.

AND THEN IT'S LUNCH.

AND THE LUNCHES GET
LONGER AND LONGER,

AND THE NEXT THING YOU
KNOW, SOMEBODY'S PREGNANT!

PREGNANT?

THAT'S WHY MOST OF
THE MAJOR CORPORATIONS

HAVE RULES ABOUT EMPLOYEES
DATING ONE ANOTHER.

WELL, UH, MAYBE WE OUGHTA HAVE
SOMETHING LIKE THAT AROUND HERE.

YOU KNOW BETTER THAN I DO HOW
TO DEAL WITH THIS SORT OF THING.

UH, R-RIGHT. YEAH. I MEAN, FIRST
YOU DROPPED THE DRESS CODE.

THEN YOU TOOK
OUT THE TIME CLOCK.

I SUPPOSE WHILE WE'RE BEING SO
LIBERAL ABOUT THIS WHOLE THING,

WE MIGHT AS WELL LET THE EMPLOYEES
HAVE SEX WITH ONE ANOTHER... IN THE HALLS.

M-MEMO. MEMO. UM...

TWO-TO-ONE, HERB KILLS HIMSELF.

NOW, I'M TALKIN' HEAD IN THE
OVEN, AND I'M GIVIN' SEVEN POINTS.

- HI, ANDY.
- THERE HE IS... THE WHITE SUPER FLY!

LISTEN, LES. I'VE TOLD YOU YOU
COULD GET A DATE, BUT JENNIFER!

WHOO! I MEAN, THAT'S
THE SUPER BOWL, PAL.

- WELL, IS EVERYTHING ALL RIGHT?
- I'VE GOT BUTTERFLIES.

OH! NOW, COME ON NOW. LES,
THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.

I CAN H-HARDLY TALK.

BE CALM, MY MAN. YOU GOTTA GET
TO KNOW YOUR INNER REALNESS.

GOTTA BREATHE IN AND BREATHE
OUT AND CENTER YOURSELF.

ALL RIGHT? BREATHE IN.

OUT.

NOW WHAT? I DON'T KNOW.

WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF? THAT'S
JUST MY WARDROBE FOR TONIGHT.

LET'S SEE IT. OH, LOOK OUT!

OW! DISCO MANIA!

JUST A COAT. LOOKS
VERY NICE, LES.

- I SUPPOSE THEY WERE OUT
OF THE ORANGE ONES, HUH?
- WHAT IS ALL THIS STUFF?

OH, LOOK AT THIS.
ALL RIGHT! AN ASCOT.

GET DOWN, LESTER!

NO.

UH-OH.

LESTER BOUGHT A LITTLE DOG.

YOU OUGHTA HAVE THAT THING
SHOT BEFORE YOU WEAR IT, MAN.

ALL RIGHT. LOOK, LES. THE
WIG IS FINE AND EVERYTHING.

I DON'T PERSONALLY THINK YOU NEED
IT, BUT THAT'S YOUR OWN BUSINESS.

YEAH, BUT, YOU KNOW, I WOULD
GET THAT THING SOME SHOTS.

WHOO! UH-HUH.

A MOMENT ALONE. ♪♪

UH, MR. CARLSON'S
MEMO FOR THE DAY.

WHAT'S THIS ONE ABOUT,
WALKING ON THE FLOORS?

READ IT.

"NO EMPLOYEE FRATERNIZATION.

NO DATING BETWEEN"...
WH-WHAT IS THIS?

IT'S A NEW RULE.
BUT THIS MEANS...

IT DOESN'T MEAN
ANYTHING. YES, IT DOES.

LES, MEMO OR NO MEMO,

I'LL BE READY TO
LEAVE WITH YOU AT 6:00.

BUT THIS IS STATION
POLICY, JENNIFER.

LES, NEVER IN MY LIFE HAS
SOMEONE BROKEN A DATE WITH ME.

I HEARD THAT.

I'M SORRY, JENNIFER.

HEY, LOOK, LES. I'D JUST FORGET
THIS WHOLE THING, YOU KNOW?

HELL, YES, MAN. WE'RE
TALKING HUMAN RIGHTS HERE.

I DON'T LIKE TO MAKE ANY
TROUBLE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY I AM.

LOOK, LES. I'M GONNA GET THIS THING
STRAIGHTENED OUT WITH CARLSON.

NOW, YOU'RE GONNA
SEE. I'LL GO WITH YOU.

YEAH, SOMEBODY GET A
ROPE. HEY, BUT NO SHEETS.

IN CINCINNATI, MR. MACHO
HAS THE ANSWER.

NATURAL-LOOKING HAIRPIECES
THAT FEEL AS GOOD AS THEY LOOK...

IN THE WIND... IN THE JUNGLE...

IN THE SHOWER...

OR WHEN YOU'RE WITH
THAT VERY SPECIAL GIRL.

WHOO-HOO-HOO-HOO! ONLY YOU AND
MR. MACHO WILL KNOW YOUR SECRET.

SO, IN CINCINNATI,
DIAL 555-MCHO.

THAT'S 555-MACHO.

♪ WKRP ♪

♪ CINCINNATI ♪♪

♪♪

♪ YOU'RE TOO MUCH YEOW ♪

♪ MUCH TOO MUCH ♪

♪ YOU'RE TOO MUCH ♪
♪ TOO MUCH ♪

♪ MUCH TOO MUCH ♪

♪ TOO MUCH ♪

♪ MUCH TOO MUCH ♪

♪ OH, LISTEN NOW ♪

♪ IT'S JUST THE WAY
THAT YOU MOVE IT ♪

♪ YOU KNOW YOU
GOT LOTS OF STYLE ♪

♪ AND THE WAY YOU
LOOK THROUGH ME ♪

♪ REALLY DRIVES ME WILD ♪

♪ YOU KNOW, I GOTTA SAY ♪

♪ YOU'RE TOO MUCH ♪

♪ MUCH TOO MUCH ♪

♪ YEAH, YOU'RE
LOOKIN' SO GOOD, YEAH ♪

♪ YOU'RE TOO MUCH ♪

♪ MUCH TOO MUCH ♪

♪ LISTEN NOW ♪

♪ YOU'RE TOO MUCH ♪

♪ YOU'RE MUCH TOO MUCH ♪

♪ EVERYBODY KNOWS
YOU'RE TOO MUCH ♪♪

WHY CAN'T I MAKE AT LEAST
ONE RULE THAT STICKS?

WHO IS THIS?

IT'S ME, MR. CARLSON.
LES NESSMAN!

GOOD GRAVY.

WOULD ALL OF YOU
PLEASE EXCUSE US?

I HAVE A BONE TO PICK
WITH MANAGEMENT.

YOU BET.

LES, HAVE YOU LOST
YOUR MIND? MAYBE!

UH-OH.

I THINK HERB IS RIGHT. THIS
EMPLOYEE DATING IS VERY, VERY BAD.

SO IT WAS HERB.

I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN!

WELL, IT WAS HIS SUGGESTION.

WELL, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE
LISTENED TO HIM! WH-WHY NOT?

BECAUSE HE'S JUST JEALOUS...

BECAUSE JENNIFER AGREED
TO GO OUT ON A DATE WITH ME.

OH.

AS A MATTER OF FACT, I
THINK SHE'S JUST BEING KIND.

- SHE PROBABLY KNOWS
I DON'T KNOW A LOT OF WOMEN.
- I'M SORRY, LES.

I HAD A GIRLFRIEND
FOR A WHILE LAST YEAR,

BUT THEN SHE MOVED TO
ST. LOUIS TO FIND HERSELF.

IN ST. LOUIS? YES.

ANYWAY, I GUESS JENNIFER
JUST SORT OF TOOK PITY ON ME.

I CAN SEE THAT NOW.

AH, NO, LES. LOOK, I'M SURE
THAT SHE WANTS TO GO WITH YOU.

AH, COME ON. LES, YOU'RE
VERY... PERSONABLE.

- YOU JUST WON
THIS PINK PORKER THING.
- SILVER SOW.

WHY DON'T YOU GO TO THAT
BANQUET AND JUST HAVE A GOOD TIME?

I DON'T CARE ABOUT EMPLOYEE
DATING. WHAT THE HECK.

REALLY? OH, THANK
YOU, MR. CARLSON.

DARN THAT HERB. HEY!

UH, I-I'M SORRY, LES.

UH, JENNIFER, WOULD
YOU COME IN HERE, PLEASE?

THANK YOU.

LISTEN, LES. I-I DON'T MIND
THIS FRATERNIZATION THING.

IT'S... JUST THAT I DON'T
WANT ANY SEX IN THE HALLS.

I'LL TRY TO BEHAVE
MYSELF, MR. CARLSON.

JENNIFER.

JUST... FORGET THE MEMO, OKAY?

AND YOU TWO JUST GO AND HAVE
A GOOD TIME AT THIS, UH, PIG BALL.

UH, BEFORE WE GO,

I WAS WONDERING IF YOU
COULD... OH, YOU KNOW...

SLIP INTO A LITTLE
BOW TIE FOR ME.

OH, YES, OF COURSE,
JENNIFER. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

MORNING. OH, HI, JENNIFER.

OH, UH, HOW WAS
THE, UH, BANQUET?

IT WAS A LOT OF FUN.

EVERYONE JUST TALKED PIGS ALL
NIGHT, BUT I WAS REALLY PROUD OF LES.

YEAH.

WHAT'S HE LIKE ON A
DATE? VERY GALLANT.

LATER HE TOOK ME TO
THIS INTIMATE LITTLE PLACE,

AND I HAD A MARTINI, AND
LES HAD A HOT CHOCOLATE.

THEN HE TOOK ME HOME. OH, DID
HE, UH, GO UP TO YOUR APARTMENT?

WELL, I INVITED HIM, BUT
ON THE WAY UP THE STAIRS,

HIS KNEES SORT OF GAVE OUT.

BUT HE TOOK A RAIN CHECK. OH.

GOOD MORNING, LES. OH,
GOOD MORNING, JENNIFER.

OH. I TALKED TO HERB,
AND HE APOLOGIZED.

YEAH, THAT'S RIGHT. I'M REAL
SORRY ABOUT EVERYTHING. BIG DEAL.

SEE?

I DON'T SEE HOW YOU CAN BE
SO NICE TO HERB ALL THE TIME.

OH, HERB'S MY PAL. I'M HIS PAL.

FORGIVE AND FORGET...
THAT'S MY MOTTO. RIGHT, LES?

RIGHT, HERB.

HERB? HMM?

REMEMBER ONCE TELLING ME THAT
YOU BET JENNIFER HAD A ROUND BED?

YEAH.

WELL, IT'S RECTANGULAR,
JUST LIKE EVERYONE ELSE'S.

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪

♪♪