Victor & Valentino (2019–…): Season 1, Episode 3 - Brotherly Love - full transcript

After breaking Chata's plant, Vic and Val must accomplish the seemingly easy task of replacing it; this proves difficult when their squabbling puts Monte Macabre in jeopardy.


- -Whoa!
- -Whoa!

Guacamole? Check.

Al pastor?

- Plentiful.
- Onions?

- Hmm...
- Low on onions.

Better make a note of that.


Armpit of death!

Ahh! I tap!

I tap!

That was a complete violation

of my personal space!

Stop being so boring.

- I'm just excited to show
- my favorite luchador,

El Hombre Bigote, my impressive

new move at Luchafest!

Boring, huh?


Check out my move.

The... Valentime!

Great cuddling skills,


- I doubt El Hombre
- will be impressed.

El Hombre Bigote appreciates

a well thought-out move.

- You should use
- your brain more.

- Yeah?
- How's this for using my brain?

Butt plex!

Get off me, Victor!

I know how much you like

"pressed ham", Valentino.

- Ah! Ah!
- My beautiful eyes!

- Hey!
- Hello?

Get off!

Abuela's plant!


We're dead!



You cannot go one day

- without fighting
- and breaking things!

That was my favorite plant.

I loved the way it smelled.

We were just really excited

about Luchafest, Grandma...

when Val broke the plant.

- You can forget
- about Luchafest.

I will go with

my comadres instead.

- What?!
- But Abuela...

We waited so long to go!

Yeah. We'll behave.

Just give us a chance.

- We'll even replace
- the plant.

- -Okay.
- -Okay?

But you have to get the plan

from Don Jalapeño's market

- and bring it back
- in one piece.

Only then can you go

to the Luchafest.

- -Yeah!
- -Yeah!

- And I'll make sure Val
- doesn't break anything else.

Stop it with your lies.

Enough fighting!

Now go!

Oh, I love those boys.

- I can't believe Grandma
- would doubt

- That we could accomplish
- such a simple task.

- It's a bit insulting,
- really.

Hey, watch it!

- Didn't you see my beautiful
- brother standing right there?

Thank you,

my sweet brother Victor.

We're so good at getting along,

my dear brother Valentino.

Hmm, that's interesting...

Whatcha reading, Don?

Important research...

Way beyond your comprehension.

- Now what are you two doing
- at my shop?

- We would like to purchase
- a plant for our grandma, Chata.

- No, we don't have...
- Ch-Ch-Chata?!

W-Why didn't you say so?

Eh, my daughter Xochi can

happily assist you two gentlemen

- while I finish up
- my plant research. Hm?

Thank you, Don Jalapeño!

I can't stand those boys.

Hey, Xochi!

- Pick a plant from the stand,
- guys.

Okay, got one.

May I?



C'mon, Valentino.

My dearest brother Victor,

the plant needs to smell

as nice as Grandma's old one.

But my sensitive brother, all

these plants are really nice.

They are all different

in their own special ways.

You just lack the taste

to tell the difference.

Stop being so picky,


I am not picky, Victor.

- Xochi, would you happen
- to have something

In the succulent family,

preferably dry soil,

and perhaps with a hint

of cornflower blue?

Not at the stand, but there

might be some out back.

- Normally no one's allowed
- back here,

But I respect how you

get under my dad's skin,

so I'll let you

in this one time.



- So, is this like some
- parallel realm

- Of the multiverse
- or something?

Something like that.

Okay, you can pick

from that side of the garden.

- Do not pick - from that side.

It's off limits.

According to my dad,

giant plant monsters

- will attack the town
- if you choose one of these.

So, just stay away from there.

Got it?

Loud and clear.

- Good.
- Now make it quick.

You heard her,

let's make it quick.

Now this one looks good.

- Victor!
- Hey!

It's not cornflower blue.

- Get off me, psycho!
- Let it go!

We didn't even

smell it yet!

Why do you have to be so picky?


- -Hey!
- -Ah!

You two shouldn't

be back here!

- My plant!
- You kids!

Out of here now!

Or I'm telling your grandma

you're causing trouble!

How about this one? Good size,
good smell, good color.

- Let's go!
- -Aye mi hija!

- I've got you.
- It's okay.

I've got you.

-Thanks, Xochi!

-No problem.

Hey, wait a minute.

I picked the plant.

You should be carrying it.

- It's just a little further,
- Vic.

Vic, what are you doing?

I'm not going one step further

until you carry the plant.

Vic, it's literally

like a step away.

It's the principle,



I'm more the brains

of this operation,

while you do the grunt work.

I'm not a grunt.

You're the grunter.

Wha... Whaaa!


You almost broke the plant!

- Does it look like the plant's
- growing to you?

- If anything, now that
- you're holding it...

It looks smaller.

- You know what?
- I know how to settle this.

- I challenge you
- to a match of...

Lucha Thumb wrestling!

You're on!


Hah! Hah!

No way!

Uno, dos, tres.

Yes! I won!

I won!

- Huh?
- Oh, no!

- Great place to put
- the plant, Val.

- Really using
- your brain there.


Looks like this grunter

just saved Luchafest again!

Look out!

It's Maria Teresa!



I can't look!

What the...?


Well, that was close.

Now let's get you back

to the cart once and for all.

Glad we're going to Luchafest,

thanks to me.

Yeah, well if you didn't

have to sniff everything,

- we'd already - be on our way.

Oh, yeah?

Well, if it wasn't for your

invasive "armpit of death",

- we wouldn't even be
- in this mess.

Well, at least my signature

move isn't a giant cuddle.

- I'll show you
- a giant cuddle!

- Ahhh!
- Ah!

Ha ha!

Belly Bounce!

Smell it!

Smell it!


Rosa, is that you?

I always knew

you'd come back to me.



I tried to tell 'em.

Behind those crates!

It was you two!

- You took a plant from
- the forbidden side, didn't you?!

- Uh, yeah, but that was actually
- Valentino, though.

Oh, yeah? Well...

why can't I feel my legs?

- -Valentino!
- -Victor!

Nice going, Vic!

Now we're both caught.

- I can't believe
- I'm half-hermanos

With such an ignoramus.

- Whoa.
- Val, you got to see something.

What now?


Whoa. This evil thing must be

reacting to our squabbling.


- It was nice knowing you, Val.
- You, too!

I'm sorry for bossing you around

and calling you names.

Whoa! Did I just hurt it?


If the plant grows

from negativity, then... Vic!

Looks like we can weaken it if

we're just nice to each other!

We're gonna die!

No, it's easy!


Your hair is really cool.

Now, your turn.


Compliment for Val?


You're the best

at bad wrestling moves?


Maybe try something

less passive aggressive?


I like how you...

- don't care
- what you look like?

Like at all?


I'm really trying!

I've never complimented

anyone before!

You can do this, Vic.

- You helped me figure
- this thing out.

- You're way smarter
- than I give you credit for!

Well, w-what should I say?

- I don't know, but you better
- think of something quick!



It's okay... erg... ug...

There's till time... erp.

- Agh...
- You can do this!

Val! I'm sorry I said

you were boring.

You're not!

Life in this town

would be so lame without you.

And... and I wouldn't

wanna go to Luchafest

with anyone but you.


- Val!
- You're alive!

- I thought you
- were plant food!

It was so dark,

so moist.

Nice to see you again,


- -Abuela!
- -Hola, niños.

- Eh, we got your plant,
- Abuela!

And it's in one piece,

just like you said.

- So, you ready to go
- to Luchafest now?

- You think you're going
- to Luchafest?

No, no, no, no.

You're grounded.

- -Grounded?
- -Grounded?

Yes, grounded.

And you have to clean up

this mess.

But what about Luchafest?

Oh, I'm taking

mis comadres!

- Lucha!
- Lucha!

- You know I only said
- that stuff back there

To save your neck, right?

Sure you did, Vic.

- It's true, and I shouldn't
- have to clean up

- The mess
- that you caused, either.

Well, you're a living mess.

How about that?

- Yeah?
- Well, whatever.