Veep (2012–…): Season 5, Episode 3 - Episode #5.3 - full transcript
Table for two under
McLintock, Mike McLintock.
Uh, yes. The table is ready.
We're clear. Bring in Sparrow.
Listen, can I just reiterate once again
how really, really sorry I am?
Wow! Oh, look at this. I
guess they like us, huh?
Hi. Wonderful. What were you saying?
How really sorry I am. And I'm not
someone who loves to apologize.
Uh-huh, right, but you're
loving it now, aren't you?
Oh, loving it. Want another one?
- Yeah, I do.
- I'm really sorry.
- I'm really, really, really sorry.
- Now sing it.
The president and Mr. Baird
enjoyed a delicious dinner
of blue crabs trapped by
local fisherman Steve Yerkes
and a cheese course including
"Basil Hayden" Blue
from Jasper Hill, Vermont.
Mike, how is she able
to focus on the economy
if she's running around
with her new boyfriend?
The president has always placed great
value on fiscal responsibility.
In fact, as vice president,
she was chairman
of the Meyer Postal Commission,
which reduced post office debt
from 65 billion to just over 62 billion.
Okay, Eagle. Well, I'll
see you in a few seconds.
Yeah, bye.
All right, we got six
more votes this morning.
- Whoo!
- We're never gonna close that gap.
Well, on the less shitty side, people are
really loving you and Charlie Baird.
Even Wall Street's got
a boner for you guys.
- Really? The market's up?
- No, it's flat.
But not down is straight
up for us at this point.
Madam President, we have received
word that Chinese hackers
have now breached the National
Security Council servers.
I got a great idea. Why
don't we give the Chinese
their own log-ins and passwords?
Okay? Save everybody a lot of time.
Ma'am, the FDA is monitoring a salmonella
outbreak at a Missouri chicken farm.
- Got a few fowl questions.
- What?
Also from the comms department,
multiple mentions of tomorrow's trip
to the Museum of Natural History
in New York City with Mr. Charlie Baird.
Huh, not bad. Phone.
Oh, listen to this.
Charlie says O'Brien won't go down on
his wife without biscuits and gravy.
Hey, can you show me
how to find on Twitter
those tweets where people were
gushing about me and Charlie?
Oh, yeah. You see this
button right here?
Okay, so listen,
certification is tomorrow.
I mean, seriously, do we have any reason
to think that we're not as
fucked as a Senate page here?
Actually, ma'am... I'm sorry I'm late...
I think I may have found something.
The voting data in Nevada is multiple
standard deviations outside the means.
Christ, Kent, know your audience.
I think that there is
statistical evidence
of missing ballots in Nevada.
- Where?
- I do not know.
- How many?
- I do not know.
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.
Graydon Carter is begging
for a photo spread
of you and Charlie Baird
in "Vanity Fair."
Hey, Garfield, we're right in the
middle of talking about Nevada, okay?
Kent, what can you tell us?
I might be able to
pinpoint the vote anomaly
if I could break down confounding
variables using an intercept model.
What Alan Turing is trying to say
is if there are missing votes,
- he needs time to find them.
- Mm-hmm.
All right, then we have to delay
the certification of the recount.
Exactly my thought, ma'am.
I could have the lawyers
file an injunction.
- Bob, what do you think?
- I think it's a weak case.
Let me just take a meeting
with Jim Whitman.
And after I'm done dick slapping him,
he will have agreed to
delay certification.
- Amy, set it up.
- The injunction or the dick slapping?
Christ, Amy, the meeting.
All right, gonna have to start
chumming the media waters.
I want you to get me on the horn
with Ned Mitchell from
the "Las Vegas Gazette"
and Susan Bailey with the "Reno Star."
Amy, set it up. Sue Bailey,
the "Reno Star," everything.
Madam President, who would you say
would be your best person to be
at that meeting as my number two?
- I could.
- Richard.
Oh, well.
Okay, listen, I need to
talk to Bob privately,
so everybody get out, please.
- Even...
- Yeah-huh.
Bob, I am going crazy here in DC.
I just... I feel trapped
like a Saudi housekeeper.
Is there any way I could get to Nevada?
Just let me win the presidency for you
and then you can land Air
Force One on the Strip
and piss in Caesar's
fountain if you want.
Oh, come on, please, Bob, I
would never stay at Caesar's.
Yes? What?
Ma'am, weekly CIA briefing.
See? Crapistan's calling.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'll talk to you later, though.
Catherine, do not use any
of the vulgar parts.
Yeah, but that's like all of it, Mom.
- Well, then don't use it.
- But it's a doc.
- A what?
- A documentary.
Then say that.
Never heard back from you.
Late night?
Sophie told you?
What?
No.
Gross.
You didn't tell me she worked for CBS.
Oh!
Oh, this is too good.
Dan, Sophie doesn't work for CBS.
She works for CVS.
You sold your dick for bulk iced tea
and off-brand cough syrup.
Don't worry.
You're gonna look really
cute in a blue vest.
I am not having a good year.
Unfortunately, ma'am,
the man we captured
is not, in fact, Abdullah Saeed.
Do the Israelis know
anything about this?
Because they're a sneaky bunch of fucks.
Excuse me one second, ma'am.
So Mike McLintock, tonight for 8:30.
Thank you.
Sorry, Kent, Salt and
Moon, new restaurant.
Impressive. How did you
secure a reservation there?
Well, Sue uses my name
for POTUS reservations,
so when I call, I get an amazing table.
I'm back on food.
Doctor says the cleanse
caused no lasting damage.
@POTUS is tweeting?
I'm the only one who's
supposed to send her tweets.
"Ha, ha, ha, @RealCharlieBaird.
Here's one for you now."
The president is tweeting.
She's tweeting?
Sorry, just... I just have to go in.
The president has to...
I can't let you in
there, sir, I'm sorry.
Please, Marjorie, please. I
have to talk to the president.
- Please take a step back.
- Look, please.
Oh, no.
- Uh, ma'am.
- Yes?
It turns out our prisoner's name
is Abdullah Faeed, a
local schoolteacher.
What is he doing?
- What is that?
- Beats me.
Hi, ma'am. If you hear
this, do not tweet.
- Please, stop... ma'am?
- Mike, what are you doing?
- You tweeted.
- What?
About O'Brien. It wasn't nice.
I just direct messaged Charlie.
No, it was public. Everybody
saw it on Twitter.
- No, they didn't.
- What did you tweet?
What? It was just some
funny joke I was just...
- Oh, shi...
- I pushed that feather button.
I know, you tweet... that's a tweet.
- That's a tweet.
- Well, then delete it!
- Delete it!
- Just delete it!
- Delete it!
- Hey, hey, hey!
- What? Okay.
- Not here.
Gary, I did it the way
you showed me to do it.
But that's not the way
I showed you to do...
That's exactly the way that
you showed me to do it.
Do you want me to show you again?
I'll tell you what I want you to do.
Nothing, okay?
That's your punishment. Get out.
Okay, I'll just go make some tea.
You better not.
The Swedish prime minister just
retweeted your tweets with an LOL.
Well, what the FOL are we
supposed to do about this?
I suggest that we disavow the tweets.
Phones are hacked all the time
to steal pictures of celebrities'
penises and whatnot.
- Oh, my God.
- Hold that thought, Kent.
Madam President, are
you sure you did this?
What do you mean, am I sure?
Well, maybe the White House computers
aren't as secure as we think.
Maybe the firewalls
have more holes in them
than a gold digger's diaphragm.
My God, I hated those things.
Wait a minute.
- There was a breach earlier today.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God, and maybe that
breach concerned those tweets.
Maybe it did.
Oh, my God, maybe you had
nothing to do with it.
Oh, my God.
In that case, China would be blamed
for your messages going public, maybe.
So is that what I think happened?
That China tweeted this?
Oh, no, ma'am, no. You have
no idea what happened.
And neither does Mike, who
would be outraged by this.
Actually, ma'am, I have a better idea.
No, you don't, Mike.
History has proven that.
Now, let me just run this by Bob
and see if he thinks blaming
China is a good idea.
- This can't leave this room.
- Can or can't?
- It cannot, Mike.
- Not!
Why don't you just tell the truth?
- I don't sound like that.
- That's exactly how you sound.
- No, I don't.
- Spot-on.
Yeah, it's pretty close.
I don't know where you
get that impersonation.
Ma'am, you have to make a decision now.
I mean, can I really
blame another country
for something they didn't do?
It's been the cornerstone
of American foreign policy
since the Spanish American War.
This morning the White House
cybersecurity was breached
by what the NSA has come
to believe was a hack
that originated in mainland China.
Mike, Mike, what about the president's
tweet about Senator O'Brien?
The president was horrified.
Horrified by this latest
violation of cybersecurity.
The president believes
cybersecurity is paramount
for the United States' future survival.
Kent, any progress on the ballots?
I've eliminated eight counties
as potential locales,
but there's no way around my doing
a district-by-district
regression analysis.
Are we paying you by the word
here, Kent, or what? Ben?
He needs more time. Ma'am, we
got O'Brien on a live feed.
Oh, boy. Well, we knew this was coming.
Let's hear it.
I will not dignify the president's
petty remarks with a response.
And yet he's responding.
I do, however, want to point out
that over 29 million people
suffer from various forms of diabetes.
- Oh, who cares?
- What truly troubles me, however,
is President Meyer's timid response
to a clear act of aggression.
Did you just see that? Okay?
We're gonna have to do
something about China now.
- No, you don't, ma'am.
- I need to look strong.
- If we lose Nevada...
- "Nev-add-a."
...O'Brien is gonna kill us in
the House over this China thing.
In reality, ma'am, China...
In reality? I know reality, Ben.
You're the one who suggested
we all live in the Matrix.
Ma'am, nobody chose
to live in the Matrix.
What?
The machines rose up and
placed humans in the Matrix
so they could use them as a
biological power source.
- Whose side were you on?
- What about targeted sanctions?
That will send a message of
real strength, won't it?
Or we could go to the United
Nations and have them issue...
Have them what? Have them help us
park in front of a fire hydrant?
I mean, come on.
Ma'am, your focus now
should be on Nevada.
I'm president, in case you forgot.
I know what I should focus on.
Sorry, ma'am.
Jesus, you're still here?
I don't know why. My
only jobs seem to be
asking Bob and finding
out what Bob thinks.
Yeah, it's been pretty fun to watch.
So you want to grab a
drink or something?
No, thanks.
Oh, but on your way,
would you mind stopping
at ABC News and picking up some Advil?
Oh, did I say ABC News?
I meant Rite Aid.
Yeah, I think you're
forgetting something, Amy,
is that I still had sex
with your sister, so...
Good night, have a pleasant evening,
and I had sex with your sister.
You might actually want to go
to Rite Aid. Get some Valtrex.
Dan?
- Hello?
- Oh!
Bob, I didn't know you were still here.
Yeah. When's the meeting?
The Whitman meeting's
tomorrow afternoon.
Tomorrow.
You might want to go to your
hotel and get some sleep.
No, I got some more work to do.
You have a good one, Jamie.
Mike McLintock.
I have a reservation.
The McLintock party has
already been seated.
No, no, that's impossible
'cause he's Mike McLintock.
Show her your driver's license.
- I can't find it.
- Again?
Uh, where exactly is
the McLintock party?
Right over there.
This is my table.
And this is my fat johnson
and you can suck it
as long as you promise not to put
your dirty gay mustache on it.
What is that, some kind of side
effect from your AIDS medication
or did you shave it off of
Freddie Mercury's corpse?
Now, if you don't mind, I'd like
to enjoy my bay scallop gateau.
You, you're a bald jerk.
Pardon me, Mrs. Furlong.
Jesus, you think I married that?
That's Will's wife.
Hi, Mike. It's good to see you.
This is my wife Mary.
The congressman was kind enough
to take us out to dinner
on our anniversary.
- Hello.
- I guess Will likes them old.
Why don't you fuck off
back to Burger King?
- Happy anniversary.
- Hi, Wendy.
We're going. We're going.
Christ, she looks like a Batman villain.
What'd Dopey get you
for your anniversary?
And when I'm president,
we will defend our digital borders
just as diligently as we
defend our physical ones.
Yeah, can I get a secure line?
Bradley.
Bob, oh, God, I
hope I'm not waking you.
No, no, I'm always awake.
Great. So this China thing.
They did hack us,
but they didn't exactly
hack my Twitter account.
- Say no more, Madam President.
- Oh, God, I knew it.
I knew you would understand, Bob.
It is so nice to finally be
talking to a professional here.
This is how I see it, okay?
If I'm soft on China,
I'm gonna get killed in the House.
Your instincts are telling
you you should be strong.
Yes, you think my instincts are right?
Does a bear piss in the shower?
- You should lead.
- I'm the leader.
- You caught the fish, now gut the fish.
- Gut the fish.
You're wearing the fireman's
hat, now put out the fire.
- Yes! This is better than phone sex.
- Well, I just came.
Forget threatening sanctions.
I should call on Congress
directly to levy them.
That's a bold move, Madam President,
and one that'll only earn you respect.
Bob, thank you so much.
Well, I'll be around for the next
five to six hours if you
need anything else.
That is why today I am announcing
a set of unilateral sanctions
starting with the freezing of all assets
associated with the
Chinese state-sponsored
cyberespionage apparatus.
Thank you.
Well, that seems to have
shut O'Brien up, huh?
- There's a new stegosaurus.
- That's not my problem.
- Absolutely, ma'am.
- Right. Hey, Amy.
You all set for today's meeting?
Ma'am, have you noticed...
God, please back up
your face, Amy, okay?
Back it up.
Have you noticed anything
weird about Bob?
He was acting a little off last night.
That's just Bob being Bob.
No, I know what this is about.
Amy, you know that you are very
important to the campaign, right?
- No, this is not...
- No, Amy, listen, you
are doing a great job.
A great, great, very good job.
Ben, tell Amy what a great
job that she's doing.
One heck of a job, Amy.
If the Eagle told you that
the Eagle was acting odd,
- would you listen to him?
- Yeah.
You got to trust the Eagle.
Why? Did he say something to you?
Is everybody's cell phone off?
Yeah. Those things cause
cancer, you know.
That's what I hear.
Good to see you, Bob.
Good to see you.
- Been a while, huh?
- Yeah, it has indeed.
I think the last time was at
your ski cabin with your wife.
I still got the cabin.
So, Bob, neither of us have time to
waste with the certification so close.
What's on your mind?
What we have here is a classic thumb
in the apple pie situation
and Grandma is mad as hell.
- She spent all day cooking...
- Look, Bob. Bob.
We all know you're as folksy
as a butter churn lamp,
but let me cut to the chase.
From where I'm sitting, my boy's ahead.
If you're here to beg for more time,
take your cup and cane elsewhere.
Hold that thought.
- The gown is just gorgeous.
- I know.
- Did this come from India?
- I don't know. Did you get it?
Just all of this just
screams Grace Kelly.
- I know.
- Charlie is gonna flip.
- I don't like my eyes, though.
- What?
Yeah, I feel like I've got
two diaper bags underneath.
- No, no, no, no. I don't think...
- Oh, God.
- I need my ring.
- Okay.
- Oh, Bob.
- Evening.
Hi, you're getting ready to go
to the Whitman meeting, right?
Mm-hmm, there's never
been a Whitman's Sampler
I couldn't take apart piece by piece
and shit out, Madam President.
I love to hear that. Okay, you're
hanging on to me like a skin tag.
Hey, you know what? Could you go and tell
Charlie I'll be just a couple minutes?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
- Thank you very much.
So listen, I talked to
Kent and he really needs
as much time as possible,
so whatever you could do
to buy more time to delay
the certifica... Bob?
Bob? Are you all right? Can you hear me?
- Is there someone in here?
- What?
- What is this?
- Bob, is Richard there?
Bob, are you okay?
Oh, fuck. You know what?
I wonder... I think maybe we
should delay the meeting.
Oh, not a chance, Mr. President.
- I'm locked and loaded.
- Madam President.
A lady president? Yeah,
maybe in the year 2000.
Bob! Oh, my God. Jesus Christ!
- Mr. Baird, Mr. Baird. I'm so sorry.
- Excuse me.
I know everybody's waiting, but she just
texted and she's running a little bit late.
You sure she just texted or did
she tweet the entire world?
It's okay, she's not here.
All right, then let's just sit down.
- Wait, you want...
- It's fine. It's fine.
- She won't care.
- I don't know if...
Howard, would you do me a favor
and slide over for my pal?
Sure.
I don't know if this
is such a good idea.
It's 250 grand. I bought the table.
Sit down.
Gary is a key member of
the Meyer administration.
So kind. Thank you.
- You have a card?
- No, just a bag.
Guys, something is
deeply wrong with Bob.
What?
I'm talking like blood
in the urine wrong.
Yes, that's what I've
been trying to tell you.
No, not now, Amy, okay?
Just focus on this.
Amy, this is really bad.
Oh, hello, ma'am.
- What's bad?
- Can I tell Amy and have her tell you?
Jonah, just speak. What is it?
Ma'am, I've been trying to get Mr.
Bradley on the phone
with Ned Mitchell from
the "Las Vegas Gazette."
- Right.
- Ned Mitchell died in 2006.
And the "Las Vegas Gazette"
stopped publishing in 2007.
Oh, my God.
I was able to get in touch with
Susan Bailey at the "Reno Star,"
which is not a newspaper,
it's a legal brothel.
But she did seem excited to help the
campaign in whichever way she could.
Jesus Christ, ma'am. I'm so sorry.
He just seemed like the
same old Bob to me.
Ma'am, this morning he told
me the Jews cause hurricanes.
He just went into this
Whitman meeting, you guys!
What if he takes a shit on
the table or something?
Ma'am, at his age, if he can take a shit
whenever he wants, that's a major victory.
All right, Amy, this
meeting cannot make it
past the School Book Depository.
I'm loading my gun and
heading to the sixth floor.
Well, then, go, go, go!
Ben, don't hang up.
- I've got to tell you something.
- Uh-oh.
Bob knows there wasn't a Chinese hack.
I think I might have told him.
Well, don't worry, ma'am.
We'll get him on the first
flight out of Nevada
and we'll shove his ass out
somewhere over Oklahoma.
Alzheimer's or no, I
image-searched Susan Bailey
and she is legit fuckable.
Hi, this is Dan, leave a message.
Shit! Thing Two.
Honestly, her rates are reasonable.
Richard, call...
Can you go any faster?
Amy, if you had rented
me a Sebring, yes.
Just go! Go, go!
This is like that famous
scene from the movie "Heat."
You know, with De Niro and Brenneman.
Just thinking about that
scene gives me goose bumps.
The fuck is going on?
Mr. Whitman, sir, I'm sure that Mr.
Bradley
will be right back
very soon.
You know, I'm just gonna step out,
make sure that Bob
doesn't need anything.
Be right back.
Good evening, everyone. Before we start,
I would like to acknowledge the
chairman of tonight's dinner
and a longtime generous benefactor
of this unique institution,
- Mr. Charles Baird Jr.
- Oh!
Thank you, Steve. I'd
like to say dig in,
but my date is running late.
Presidents, right?
Well, hopefully she arrives
before we all turn into fossils.
Why is nobody answering
their phones right now?
Hang on, ma'am. I'm gonna try Dan again.
- Hey.
- Dan, you're on with the...
Dan, are your ears on mute?
I've called you like 80 times.
- You're on with the president.
- Sorry, ma'am.
Whitman made us turn our phones off
before Bob walked out of the meeting.
What do you mean? The meeting is over?
Well, no, but that didn't stop the Eagle
from flying out onto the
street and getting in a cab.
Yeah, turns out he's nuttier
than a squirrel's diaper.
- Tell Jonah to shut the fuck up.
- Shut the fuck up.
If the meeting's still
going on, who's with Whitman?
- Richard.
- Oh, thank God.
Hate to say I told you so.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Shut the fuck up, Jonah.
Mr. Splett, where's Bob Bradley?
Honestly, I was gonna ask you that.
Do you mind if I get a picture with you
for my blog "Let's Talk About Splett"?
Tell the Eagle it was great to see him.
And at 6:00 P.M. tomorrow,
every vote in this state will
be counted and certified.
Well, not every vote. Funny
thing about elections,
historically there've always
been leftover ballots.
Sometimes up to 16% end
up missing or thrown out.
- Is that what this is about?
- I'm so sorry for...
The missing ballots in Washoe County.
We looked all over for
them, came up empty,
so best of luck to you.
And if you do happen to find
as much as one new vote,
- we'll see you in court.
- Thank you.
Holy bacon double Asperger's.
- How did you do that?
- I'm sorry, what?
Amy, what are your top five
favorite De Niro movies?
And you can't say "Meet the Parents"
'cause that's automatically number one.
Kent, it's Washoe County.
Don't ask me how I know.
Kent, get the Justice
Department on this, okay?
You give them your statistical
whatever it is to narrow it down.
- You mean my data narrative matrices.
- Yeah, the datas.
Amy, is there any sign of the Eagle or
is he crossing America on a lawn mower?
Ma'am, we really ought to get
someone in court right away
to file a Hail Mary injunction
to extend the deadline,
someone who can stall
till we find the ballots.
I already thought about that.
I've got it covered.
Mm-hmm.
So the lady-in-waiting came over to us
and she said, "Her Majesty thought perhaps
you would like to see her crown."
Imagine a shy kid from
Birmingham, Alabama,
and the Queen of England...
Ladies and gentlemen, the
President of the United States.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you. Oh, look at that.
That's sort of a grey-blue dress.
Isn't that something?
Hi, feeling good in Nevada.
Nifty in Nevada. Hi.
- You look fantastic.
- Yeah, I need a drink.
Indeed I do. Everybody,
please, sit down.
I am so excited to hear all about the...
Stegosaurus, the armored plant eater.
- Stegosaurus, the arm... Gary?
- Mm-hmm.
I dropped my lipstick somewhere
between here and the motorcade.
- Okay, I got one right here.
- No, go get that one.
- Uh-huh.
- So what did I miss?
We just heard a lovely story
about the Queen of England.
She's a fucking cunt.
- You didn't hear it from me.
- No.
We're still searching for the
votes, so we need you to stall.
Amy, I respect the sanctity
of this courtroom far
too much to "stall."
This is a simple and
straightforward case.
Although, in many ways, that's
what makes it so complicated.
- You see...
- That's good. Do that.
The court will hear the
matter of Meyer v. Nevada,
a motion to delay certification.
Before we begin, I would love
to define a few key terms.
Vote. What is a vote?
Well, I think that's pretty obvious.
Oh, is it, Your Honor?
In many cultures, the word vote
can mean a myriad of things.
It can mean a celebration.
It can mean a dance around a fire.
It can mean a silent nod.
In this room, what does it mean?
Any news on Creaky McGee?
Seriously, we have got
to find Bob before...
Look at this. How beautiful you look.
And check this out.
No, no. What about the
Nevada State Police?
- Ma'am, there's nothing.
- Oh, never mind. We got him.
What? Where is he?
- Here.
- Good morning.
Hi, Bob.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I am so happy to see you.
What kind of soup do you have today?
Um, what kind of soup is on your mind?
Well, what is today?
- Um... it's Thursday.
- It's Thursday.
- Thursday?
- Yup.
Navy bean. So delicious.
Ma'am, you want to... hey, Bob.
Bob Bradley. Nice to meet you, sir.
- They found the ballots.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
- Excuse me, Bob.
Breaking news out of Nevada.
Acting on a tip, US Justice
Department deputies
found an estimated 10,000
uncounted mail-in ballots
from last week's
presidential election...
Come on.
...in the house of this man, 54-year-old
US postal worker Vance Otlow.
- Look at this guy.
- Otlow had grown more erratic
following post office closures last year
by the Meyer Postal Commission.
10,000 ballots!
From a district with an empirically
high applied demography value.
I don't know what you're saying, but
you keep doing that math stuff, Kent,
no matter how much anyone
makes fun of you, okay?
Yes, ma'am.
All right, listen. Karen has got to
get those ballots admitted, right?
She will or she won't.
Amy, I know the last couple
days have not been ideal.
To say the least, ma'am.
I just want you to know
that I could not have
done it without Richard
and I want you to please
relay my thanks to him.
I'll get right on that.
Uh, ma'am, from our ambassador in China.
As I feared, the Chinese are responding
to your threat of sanctions.
Can I not have just one
minute to enjoy this?
I'll ask the Chinese.
Your Honors, I have just been informed
that uncounted ballots have been
discovered in Washoe County.
I'd like to move that those
be included in the recount.
Objection, the deadline
has already passed.
Your Honor, how is counsel
defining "deadline" and "passed"?
Your Honor, objection!
The deadline will be extended
until we can hear on this matter.
We will reconvene tomorrow at 10:00 A.M.
After today's stunning
turn of events in Nevada,
the president has asked
Bob Bradley, the Eagle,
to return to Washington as her new
cybersecurity czar,
effective immediately.
Also the State Department is reporting
the Chinese government announced a
series of measures aimed at the US.
New restrictions on American
imports into China,
freezing of US investment
funds in China...
a ban on all foreign adoptions
by American citizens.
- A bunch of other stuff.
- Mike! Mike!
Will the president move
forward with her sanctions?
I don't know.
I have to call my wife.
I didn't know there
was a subbasement.
- Nice and cool.
- Yeah, it's nice.
- A lot of supplies here.
- This is mine, right?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, boy.
And here we go, Eagle, your new nest.
Now, I don't think my cell
phone's gonna work here.
- No. Good luck.
- Great.
Thanks, buttfucker.
McLintock, Mike McLintock.
Uh, yes. The table is ready.
We're clear. Bring in Sparrow.
Listen, can I just reiterate once again
how really, really sorry I am?
Wow! Oh, look at this. I
guess they like us, huh?
Hi. Wonderful. What were you saying?
How really sorry I am. And I'm not
someone who loves to apologize.
Uh-huh, right, but you're
loving it now, aren't you?
Oh, loving it. Want another one?
- Yeah, I do.
- I'm really sorry.
- I'm really, really, really sorry.
- Now sing it.
The president and Mr. Baird
enjoyed a delicious dinner
of blue crabs trapped by
local fisherman Steve Yerkes
and a cheese course including
"Basil Hayden" Blue
from Jasper Hill, Vermont.
Mike, how is she able
to focus on the economy
if she's running around
with her new boyfriend?
The president has always placed great
value on fiscal responsibility.
In fact, as vice president,
she was chairman
of the Meyer Postal Commission,
which reduced post office debt
from 65 billion to just over 62 billion.
Okay, Eagle. Well, I'll
see you in a few seconds.
Yeah, bye.
All right, we got six
more votes this morning.
- Whoo!
- We're never gonna close that gap.
Well, on the less shitty side, people are
really loving you and Charlie Baird.
Even Wall Street's got
a boner for you guys.
- Really? The market's up?
- No, it's flat.
But not down is straight
up for us at this point.
Madam President, we have received
word that Chinese hackers
have now breached the National
Security Council servers.
I got a great idea. Why
don't we give the Chinese
their own log-ins and passwords?
Okay? Save everybody a lot of time.
Ma'am, the FDA is monitoring a salmonella
outbreak at a Missouri chicken farm.
- Got a few fowl questions.
- What?
Also from the comms department,
multiple mentions of tomorrow's trip
to the Museum of Natural History
in New York City with Mr. Charlie Baird.
Huh, not bad. Phone.
Oh, listen to this.
Charlie says O'Brien won't go down on
his wife without biscuits and gravy.
Hey, can you show me
how to find on Twitter
those tweets where people were
gushing about me and Charlie?
Oh, yeah. You see this
button right here?
Okay, so listen,
certification is tomorrow.
I mean, seriously, do we have any reason
to think that we're not as
fucked as a Senate page here?
Actually, ma'am... I'm sorry I'm late...
I think I may have found something.
The voting data in Nevada is multiple
standard deviations outside the means.
Christ, Kent, know your audience.
I think that there is
statistical evidence
of missing ballots in Nevada.
- Where?
- I do not know.
- How many?
- I do not know.
- Are you sure?
- Absolutely.
Graydon Carter is begging
for a photo spread
of you and Charlie Baird
in "Vanity Fair."
Hey, Garfield, we're right in the
middle of talking about Nevada, okay?
Kent, what can you tell us?
I might be able to
pinpoint the vote anomaly
if I could break down confounding
variables using an intercept model.
What Alan Turing is trying to say
is if there are missing votes,
- he needs time to find them.
- Mm-hmm.
All right, then we have to delay
the certification of the recount.
Exactly my thought, ma'am.
I could have the lawyers
file an injunction.
- Bob, what do you think?
- I think it's a weak case.
Let me just take a meeting
with Jim Whitman.
And after I'm done dick slapping him,
he will have agreed to
delay certification.
- Amy, set it up.
- The injunction or the dick slapping?
Christ, Amy, the meeting.
All right, gonna have to start
chumming the media waters.
I want you to get me on the horn
with Ned Mitchell from
the "Las Vegas Gazette"
and Susan Bailey with the "Reno Star."
Amy, set it up. Sue Bailey,
the "Reno Star," everything.
Madam President, who would you say
would be your best person to be
at that meeting as my number two?
- I could.
- Richard.
Oh, well.
Okay, listen, I need to
talk to Bob privately,
so everybody get out, please.
- Even...
- Yeah-huh.
Bob, I am going crazy here in DC.
I just... I feel trapped
like a Saudi housekeeper.
Is there any way I could get to Nevada?
Just let me win the presidency for you
and then you can land Air
Force One on the Strip
and piss in Caesar's
fountain if you want.
Oh, come on, please, Bob, I
would never stay at Caesar's.
Yes? What?
Ma'am, weekly CIA briefing.
See? Crapistan's calling.
That's what I'm talking about.
I'll talk to you later, though.
Catherine, do not use any
of the vulgar parts.
Yeah, but that's like all of it, Mom.
- Well, then don't use it.
- But it's a doc.
- A what?
- A documentary.
Then say that.
Never heard back from you.
Late night?
Sophie told you?
What?
No.
Gross.
You didn't tell me she worked for CBS.
Oh!
Oh, this is too good.
Dan, Sophie doesn't work for CBS.
She works for CVS.
You sold your dick for bulk iced tea
and off-brand cough syrup.
Don't worry.
You're gonna look really
cute in a blue vest.
I am not having a good year.
Unfortunately, ma'am,
the man we captured
is not, in fact, Abdullah Saeed.
Do the Israelis know
anything about this?
Because they're a sneaky bunch of fucks.
Excuse me one second, ma'am.
So Mike McLintock, tonight for 8:30.
Thank you.
Sorry, Kent, Salt and
Moon, new restaurant.
Impressive. How did you
secure a reservation there?
Well, Sue uses my name
for POTUS reservations,
so when I call, I get an amazing table.
I'm back on food.
Doctor says the cleanse
caused no lasting damage.
@POTUS is tweeting?
I'm the only one who's
supposed to send her tweets.
"Ha, ha, ha, @RealCharlieBaird.
Here's one for you now."
The president is tweeting.
She's tweeting?
Sorry, just... I just have to go in.
The president has to...
I can't let you in
there, sir, I'm sorry.
Please, Marjorie, please. I
have to talk to the president.
- Please take a step back.
- Look, please.
Oh, no.
- Uh, ma'am.
- Yes?
It turns out our prisoner's name
is Abdullah Faeed, a
local schoolteacher.
What is he doing?
- What is that?
- Beats me.
Hi, ma'am. If you hear
this, do not tweet.
- Please, stop... ma'am?
- Mike, what are you doing?
- You tweeted.
- What?
About O'Brien. It wasn't nice.
I just direct messaged Charlie.
No, it was public. Everybody
saw it on Twitter.
- No, they didn't.
- What did you tweet?
What? It was just some
funny joke I was just...
- Oh, shi...
- I pushed that feather button.
I know, you tweet... that's a tweet.
- That's a tweet.
- Well, then delete it!
- Delete it!
- Just delete it!
- Delete it!
- Hey, hey, hey!
- What? Okay.
- Not here.
Gary, I did it the way
you showed me to do it.
But that's not the way
I showed you to do...
That's exactly the way that
you showed me to do it.
Do you want me to show you again?
I'll tell you what I want you to do.
Nothing, okay?
That's your punishment. Get out.
Okay, I'll just go make some tea.
You better not.
The Swedish prime minister just
retweeted your tweets with an LOL.
Well, what the FOL are we
supposed to do about this?
I suggest that we disavow the tweets.
Phones are hacked all the time
to steal pictures of celebrities'
penises and whatnot.
- Oh, my God.
- Hold that thought, Kent.
Madam President, are
you sure you did this?
What do you mean, am I sure?
Well, maybe the White House computers
aren't as secure as we think.
Maybe the firewalls
have more holes in them
than a gold digger's diaphragm.
My God, I hated those things.
Wait a minute.
- There was a breach earlier today.
- Mm-hmm.
Oh, my God, and maybe that
breach concerned those tweets.
Maybe it did.
Oh, my God, maybe you had
nothing to do with it.
Oh, my God.
In that case, China would be blamed
for your messages going public, maybe.
So is that what I think happened?
That China tweeted this?
Oh, no, ma'am, no. You have
no idea what happened.
And neither does Mike, who
would be outraged by this.
Actually, ma'am, I have a better idea.
No, you don't, Mike.
History has proven that.
Now, let me just run this by Bob
and see if he thinks blaming
China is a good idea.
- This can't leave this room.
- Can or can't?
- It cannot, Mike.
- Not!
Why don't you just tell the truth?
- I don't sound like that.
- That's exactly how you sound.
- No, I don't.
- Spot-on.
Yeah, it's pretty close.
I don't know where you
get that impersonation.
Ma'am, you have to make a decision now.
I mean, can I really
blame another country
for something they didn't do?
It's been the cornerstone
of American foreign policy
since the Spanish American War.
This morning the White House
cybersecurity was breached
by what the NSA has come
to believe was a hack
that originated in mainland China.
Mike, Mike, what about the president's
tweet about Senator O'Brien?
The president was horrified.
Horrified by this latest
violation of cybersecurity.
The president believes
cybersecurity is paramount
for the United States' future survival.
Kent, any progress on the ballots?
I've eliminated eight counties
as potential locales,
but there's no way around my doing
a district-by-district
regression analysis.
Are we paying you by the word
here, Kent, or what? Ben?
He needs more time. Ma'am, we
got O'Brien on a live feed.
Oh, boy. Well, we knew this was coming.
Let's hear it.
I will not dignify the president's
petty remarks with a response.
And yet he's responding.
I do, however, want to point out
that over 29 million people
suffer from various forms of diabetes.
- Oh, who cares?
- What truly troubles me, however,
is President Meyer's timid response
to a clear act of aggression.
Did you just see that? Okay?
We're gonna have to do
something about China now.
- No, you don't, ma'am.
- I need to look strong.
- If we lose Nevada...
- "Nev-add-a."
...O'Brien is gonna kill us in
the House over this China thing.
In reality, ma'am, China...
In reality? I know reality, Ben.
You're the one who suggested
we all live in the Matrix.
Ma'am, nobody chose
to live in the Matrix.
What?
The machines rose up and
placed humans in the Matrix
so they could use them as a
biological power source.
- Whose side were you on?
- What about targeted sanctions?
That will send a message of
real strength, won't it?
Or we could go to the United
Nations and have them issue...
Have them what? Have them help us
park in front of a fire hydrant?
I mean, come on.
Ma'am, your focus now
should be on Nevada.
I'm president, in case you forgot.
I know what I should focus on.
Sorry, ma'am.
Jesus, you're still here?
I don't know why. My
only jobs seem to be
asking Bob and finding
out what Bob thinks.
Yeah, it's been pretty fun to watch.
So you want to grab a
drink or something?
No, thanks.
Oh, but on your way,
would you mind stopping
at ABC News and picking up some Advil?
Oh, did I say ABC News?
I meant Rite Aid.
Yeah, I think you're
forgetting something, Amy,
is that I still had sex
with your sister, so...
Good night, have a pleasant evening,
and I had sex with your sister.
You might actually want to go
to Rite Aid. Get some Valtrex.
Dan?
- Hello?
- Oh!
Bob, I didn't know you were still here.
Yeah. When's the meeting?
The Whitman meeting's
tomorrow afternoon.
Tomorrow.
You might want to go to your
hotel and get some sleep.
No, I got some more work to do.
You have a good one, Jamie.
Mike McLintock.
I have a reservation.
The McLintock party has
already been seated.
No, no, that's impossible
'cause he's Mike McLintock.
Show her your driver's license.
- I can't find it.
- Again?
Uh, where exactly is
the McLintock party?
Right over there.
This is my table.
And this is my fat johnson
and you can suck it
as long as you promise not to put
your dirty gay mustache on it.
What is that, some kind of side
effect from your AIDS medication
or did you shave it off of
Freddie Mercury's corpse?
Now, if you don't mind, I'd like
to enjoy my bay scallop gateau.
You, you're a bald jerk.
Pardon me, Mrs. Furlong.
Jesus, you think I married that?
That's Will's wife.
Hi, Mike. It's good to see you.
This is my wife Mary.
The congressman was kind enough
to take us out to dinner
on our anniversary.
- Hello.
- I guess Will likes them old.
Why don't you fuck off
back to Burger King?
- Happy anniversary.
- Hi, Wendy.
We're going. We're going.
Christ, she looks like a Batman villain.
What'd Dopey get you
for your anniversary?
And when I'm president,
we will defend our digital borders
just as diligently as we
defend our physical ones.
Yeah, can I get a secure line?
Bradley.
Bob, oh, God, I
hope I'm not waking you.
No, no, I'm always awake.
Great. So this China thing.
They did hack us,
but they didn't exactly
hack my Twitter account.
- Say no more, Madam President.
- Oh, God, I knew it.
I knew you would understand, Bob.
It is so nice to finally be
talking to a professional here.
This is how I see it, okay?
If I'm soft on China,
I'm gonna get killed in the House.
Your instincts are telling
you you should be strong.
Yes, you think my instincts are right?
Does a bear piss in the shower?
- You should lead.
- I'm the leader.
- You caught the fish, now gut the fish.
- Gut the fish.
You're wearing the fireman's
hat, now put out the fire.
- Yes! This is better than phone sex.
- Well, I just came.
Forget threatening sanctions.
I should call on Congress
directly to levy them.
That's a bold move, Madam President,
and one that'll only earn you respect.
Bob, thank you so much.
Well, I'll be around for the next
five to six hours if you
need anything else.
That is why today I am announcing
a set of unilateral sanctions
starting with the freezing of all assets
associated with the
Chinese state-sponsored
cyberespionage apparatus.
Thank you.
Well, that seems to have
shut O'Brien up, huh?
- There's a new stegosaurus.
- That's not my problem.
- Absolutely, ma'am.
- Right. Hey, Amy.
You all set for today's meeting?
Ma'am, have you noticed...
God, please back up
your face, Amy, okay?
Back it up.
Have you noticed anything
weird about Bob?
He was acting a little off last night.
That's just Bob being Bob.
No, I know what this is about.
Amy, you know that you are very
important to the campaign, right?
- No, this is not...
- No, Amy, listen, you
are doing a great job.
A great, great, very good job.
Ben, tell Amy what a great
job that she's doing.
One heck of a job, Amy.
If the Eagle told you that
the Eagle was acting odd,
- would you listen to him?
- Yeah.
You got to trust the Eagle.
Why? Did he say something to you?
Is everybody's cell phone off?
Yeah. Those things cause
cancer, you know.
That's what I hear.
Good to see you, Bob.
Good to see you.
- Been a while, huh?
- Yeah, it has indeed.
I think the last time was at
your ski cabin with your wife.
I still got the cabin.
So, Bob, neither of us have time to
waste with the certification so close.
What's on your mind?
What we have here is a classic thumb
in the apple pie situation
and Grandma is mad as hell.
- She spent all day cooking...
- Look, Bob. Bob.
We all know you're as folksy
as a butter churn lamp,
but let me cut to the chase.
From where I'm sitting, my boy's ahead.
If you're here to beg for more time,
take your cup and cane elsewhere.
Hold that thought.
- The gown is just gorgeous.
- I know.
- Did this come from India?
- I don't know. Did you get it?
Just all of this just
screams Grace Kelly.
- I know.
- Charlie is gonna flip.
- I don't like my eyes, though.
- What?
Yeah, I feel like I've got
two diaper bags underneath.
- No, no, no, no. I don't think...
- Oh, God.
- I need my ring.
- Okay.
- Oh, Bob.
- Evening.
Hi, you're getting ready to go
to the Whitman meeting, right?
Mm-hmm, there's never
been a Whitman's Sampler
I couldn't take apart piece by piece
and shit out, Madam President.
I love to hear that. Okay, you're
hanging on to me like a skin tag.
Hey, you know what? Could you go and tell
Charlie I'll be just a couple minutes?
- Yeah, yeah, yeah, sure.
- Thank you very much.
So listen, I talked to
Kent and he really needs
as much time as possible,
so whatever you could do
to buy more time to delay
the certifica... Bob?
Bob? Are you all right? Can you hear me?
- Is there someone in here?
- What?
- What is this?
- Bob, is Richard there?
Bob, are you okay?
Oh, fuck. You know what?
I wonder... I think maybe we
should delay the meeting.
Oh, not a chance, Mr. President.
- I'm locked and loaded.
- Madam President.
A lady president? Yeah,
maybe in the year 2000.
Bob! Oh, my God. Jesus Christ!
- Mr. Baird, Mr. Baird. I'm so sorry.
- Excuse me.
I know everybody's waiting, but she just
texted and she's running a little bit late.
You sure she just texted or did
she tweet the entire world?
It's okay, she's not here.
All right, then let's just sit down.
- Wait, you want...
- It's fine. It's fine.
- She won't care.
- I don't know if...
Howard, would you do me a favor
and slide over for my pal?
Sure.
I don't know if this
is such a good idea.
It's 250 grand. I bought the table.
Sit down.
Gary is a key member of
the Meyer administration.
So kind. Thank you.
- You have a card?
- No, just a bag.
Guys, something is
deeply wrong with Bob.
What?
I'm talking like blood
in the urine wrong.
Yes, that's what I've
been trying to tell you.
No, not now, Amy, okay?
Just focus on this.
Amy, this is really bad.
Oh, hello, ma'am.
- What's bad?
- Can I tell Amy and have her tell you?
Jonah, just speak. What is it?
Ma'am, I've been trying to get Mr.
Bradley on the phone
with Ned Mitchell from
the "Las Vegas Gazette."
- Right.
- Ned Mitchell died in 2006.
And the "Las Vegas Gazette"
stopped publishing in 2007.
Oh, my God.
I was able to get in touch with
Susan Bailey at the "Reno Star,"
which is not a newspaper,
it's a legal brothel.
But she did seem excited to help the
campaign in whichever way she could.
Jesus Christ, ma'am. I'm so sorry.
He just seemed like the
same old Bob to me.
Ma'am, this morning he told
me the Jews cause hurricanes.
He just went into this
Whitman meeting, you guys!
What if he takes a shit on
the table or something?
Ma'am, at his age, if he can take a shit
whenever he wants, that's a major victory.
All right, Amy, this
meeting cannot make it
past the School Book Depository.
I'm loading my gun and
heading to the sixth floor.
Well, then, go, go, go!
Ben, don't hang up.
- I've got to tell you something.
- Uh-oh.
Bob knows there wasn't a Chinese hack.
I think I might have told him.
Well, don't worry, ma'am.
We'll get him on the first
flight out of Nevada
and we'll shove his ass out
somewhere over Oklahoma.
Alzheimer's or no, I
image-searched Susan Bailey
and she is legit fuckable.
Hi, this is Dan, leave a message.
Shit! Thing Two.
Honestly, her rates are reasonable.
Richard, call...
Can you go any faster?
Amy, if you had rented
me a Sebring, yes.
Just go! Go, go!
This is like that famous
scene from the movie "Heat."
You know, with De Niro and Brenneman.
Just thinking about that
scene gives me goose bumps.
The fuck is going on?
Mr. Whitman, sir, I'm sure that Mr.
Bradley
will be right back
very soon.
You know, I'm just gonna step out,
make sure that Bob
doesn't need anything.
Be right back.
Good evening, everyone. Before we start,
I would like to acknowledge the
chairman of tonight's dinner
and a longtime generous benefactor
of this unique institution,
- Mr. Charles Baird Jr.
- Oh!
Thank you, Steve. I'd
like to say dig in,
but my date is running late.
Presidents, right?
Well, hopefully she arrives
before we all turn into fossils.
Why is nobody answering
their phones right now?
Hang on, ma'am. I'm gonna try Dan again.
- Hey.
- Dan, you're on with the...
Dan, are your ears on mute?
I've called you like 80 times.
- You're on with the president.
- Sorry, ma'am.
Whitman made us turn our phones off
before Bob walked out of the meeting.
What do you mean? The meeting is over?
Well, no, but that didn't stop the Eagle
from flying out onto the
street and getting in a cab.
Yeah, turns out he's nuttier
than a squirrel's diaper.
- Tell Jonah to shut the fuck up.
- Shut the fuck up.
If the meeting's still
going on, who's with Whitman?
- Richard.
- Oh, thank God.
Hate to say I told you so.
- Shut the fuck up.
- Shut the fuck up, Jonah.
Mr. Splett, where's Bob Bradley?
Honestly, I was gonna ask you that.
Do you mind if I get a picture with you
for my blog "Let's Talk About Splett"?
Tell the Eagle it was great to see him.
And at 6:00 P.M. tomorrow,
every vote in this state will
be counted and certified.
Well, not every vote. Funny
thing about elections,
historically there've always
been leftover ballots.
Sometimes up to 16% end
up missing or thrown out.
- Is that what this is about?
- I'm so sorry for...
The missing ballots in Washoe County.
We looked all over for
them, came up empty,
so best of luck to you.
And if you do happen to find
as much as one new vote,
- we'll see you in court.
- Thank you.
Holy bacon double Asperger's.
- How did you do that?
- I'm sorry, what?
Amy, what are your top five
favorite De Niro movies?
And you can't say "Meet the Parents"
'cause that's automatically number one.
Kent, it's Washoe County.
Don't ask me how I know.
Kent, get the Justice
Department on this, okay?
You give them your statistical
whatever it is to narrow it down.
- You mean my data narrative matrices.
- Yeah, the datas.
Amy, is there any sign of the Eagle or
is he crossing America on a lawn mower?
Ma'am, we really ought to get
someone in court right away
to file a Hail Mary injunction
to extend the deadline,
someone who can stall
till we find the ballots.
I already thought about that.
I've got it covered.
Mm-hmm.
So the lady-in-waiting came over to us
and she said, "Her Majesty thought perhaps
you would like to see her crown."
Imagine a shy kid from
Birmingham, Alabama,
and the Queen of England...
Ladies and gentlemen, the
President of the United States.
Oh, thank you.
Thank you. Oh, look at that.
That's sort of a grey-blue dress.
Isn't that something?
Hi, feeling good in Nevada.
Nifty in Nevada. Hi.
- You look fantastic.
- Yeah, I need a drink.
Indeed I do. Everybody,
please, sit down.
I am so excited to hear all about the...
Stegosaurus, the armored plant eater.
- Stegosaurus, the arm... Gary?
- Mm-hmm.
I dropped my lipstick somewhere
between here and the motorcade.
- Okay, I got one right here.
- No, go get that one.
- Uh-huh.
- So what did I miss?
We just heard a lovely story
about the Queen of England.
She's a fucking cunt.
- You didn't hear it from me.
- No.
We're still searching for the
votes, so we need you to stall.
Amy, I respect the sanctity
of this courtroom far
too much to "stall."
This is a simple and
straightforward case.
Although, in many ways, that's
what makes it so complicated.
- You see...
- That's good. Do that.
The court will hear the
matter of Meyer v. Nevada,
a motion to delay certification.
Before we begin, I would love
to define a few key terms.
Vote. What is a vote?
Well, I think that's pretty obvious.
Oh, is it, Your Honor?
In many cultures, the word vote
can mean a myriad of things.
It can mean a celebration.
It can mean a dance around a fire.
It can mean a silent nod.
In this room, what does it mean?
Any news on Creaky McGee?
Seriously, we have got
to find Bob before...
Look at this. How beautiful you look.
And check this out.
No, no. What about the
Nevada State Police?
- Ma'am, there's nothing.
- Oh, never mind. We got him.
What? Where is he?
- Here.
- Good morning.
Hi, Bob.
- Hey.
- Hi.
I am so happy to see you.
What kind of soup do you have today?
Um, what kind of soup is on your mind?
Well, what is today?
- Um... it's Thursday.
- It's Thursday.
- Thursday?
- Yup.
Navy bean. So delicious.
Ma'am, you want to... hey, Bob.
Bob Bradley. Nice to meet you, sir.
- They found the ballots.
- Seriously?
- Yeah.
- Excuse me, Bob.
Breaking news out of Nevada.
Acting on a tip, US Justice
Department deputies
found an estimated 10,000
uncounted mail-in ballots
from last week's
presidential election...
Come on.
...in the house of this man, 54-year-old
US postal worker Vance Otlow.
- Look at this guy.
- Otlow had grown more erratic
following post office closures last year
by the Meyer Postal Commission.
10,000 ballots!
From a district with an empirically
high applied demography value.
I don't know what you're saying, but
you keep doing that math stuff, Kent,
no matter how much anyone
makes fun of you, okay?
Yes, ma'am.
All right, listen. Karen has got to
get those ballots admitted, right?
She will or she won't.
Amy, I know the last couple
days have not been ideal.
To say the least, ma'am.
I just want you to know
that I could not have
done it without Richard
and I want you to please
relay my thanks to him.
I'll get right on that.
Uh, ma'am, from our ambassador in China.
As I feared, the Chinese are responding
to your threat of sanctions.
Can I not have just one
minute to enjoy this?
I'll ask the Chinese.
Your Honors, I have just been informed
that uncounted ballots have been
discovered in Washoe County.
I'd like to move that those
be included in the recount.
Objection, the deadline
has already passed.
Your Honor, how is counsel
defining "deadline" and "passed"?
Your Honor, objection!
The deadline will be extended
until we can hear on this matter.
We will reconvene tomorrow at 10:00 A.M.
After today's stunning
turn of events in Nevada,
the president has asked
Bob Bradley, the Eagle,
to return to Washington as her new
cybersecurity czar,
effective immediately.
Also the State Department is reporting
the Chinese government announced a
series of measures aimed at the US.
New restrictions on American
imports into China,
freezing of US investment
funds in China...
a ban on all foreign adoptions
by American citizens.
- A bunch of other stuff.
- Mike! Mike!
Will the president move
forward with her sanctions?
I don't know.
I have to call my wife.
I didn't know there
was a subbasement.
- Nice and cool.
- Yeah, it's nice.
- A lot of supplies here.
- This is mine, right?
- Oh, yeah.
- Oh, boy.
And here we go, Eagle, your new nest.
Now, I don't think my cell
phone's gonna work here.
- No. Good luck.
- Great.
Thanks, buttfucker.