United States of Tara (2009–2011): Season 1, Episode 4 - Inspiration - full transcript
Tara begins to feel stressed out as she starts work on her new mural project for Tiffany. Unfortunately, Tiffany learns about Tara's multi-personality disorder, and becomes a little too curious about 'T', Buck, and Alice, and it affects Tara in a bad way when after an evening out with Tara, Charmaine, and Tiffany, the next morning Tiffany's mural is trashed, and Tiffany suspects one of Tara's alters did it. It also affects Charmaine when Tiffany, in retaliation, gets Charmaine fired from her job. Meanwhile, Max takes Marshall to work with him in which an accident happens when Marshall is stung by bees and being allergic to bee stings, ends of with his face disfigured which Marshall fears about looking awful to Jason as he continues working with him on his project. Also, Kate has some ideas for the restaurant which her boss, Gene, does not approve of.
Previously, on United
States of Tara...
I'm kinda worried about Max, though.
The alters have been
coming on to him.
I've been reading a tasteful
guide to the french arts.
He says he respects our agreement
and doesn't sleep with them,
but I don't know...
I think he's tempted.
It's been too long
since we did any manly stuff.
All we do now
is nurse trees and shit.
We're landscapers, asshole.
Are you hiring?
I'd like to fill out an application.
I think he's nice.
I'm workin' on this experimental
theater thing right now.
You should come check it out.
Hell House?
Is that the name of the play?
Hi! Tiffany St. John.
This part over here, the water, would
have kind of a trompe l'il-type feel.
I am impressed.
I know about
the multiple personalities.
You know, you've conquered it
with your creativity and your talent.
- What are you doin'?
- Trying to get laid.
I gotta get
these concepts mocked up.
Charmaine {\actually} did me a favor for once.
It's a mural, too,
not some boring bathroom job.
Hey.
You and me tomorrow night.
I might even bring some props.
Sous-titres :
browncoat, grischka, lafeelicita
Sous-titres :
salomon, valpi
I don't believe in God.
I wish I did.
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with Thee.
Alice believes in God.
Blessed art Thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit
of Thy womb.
I don't know what I believe in.
Yes, I do.
Faith.
And art.
Not that what I do
is art or anything.
This one here
is for national colitis week.
Hadassah plant a tree drive.
Seem to be on some list
for people who need
gigantic fundraising thermometers.
But once in a while...
What you do for work
is also what you do for love.
And when that happens...
it's heaven.
Max?
You up?
I didn't mean to...
I didn't realize
you were, you know...
Having your gentleman's time.
Which is fine.
I think it's fantastic.
What?
Where'd you get
the term gentleman's time?
I made it up.
- Right now. Just now.
- Well, yeah.
- I didn't know, so...
- No, no, it's good. I like it. It's...
very Rhett Butler.
Fetch me some brandy and cigars.
I'm preparing myself
a gentleman's time.
- Why? 'cause we're not having...
- Somethin' like that.
That's a... interesting question
you pose, little lady.
Some day when women have the vote,
we'll have to discuss it.
Until then, I'll just be in the library
with the colonel
having my gentleman's time.
Okay, camping trip check.
Book fair pledge.
And if you could tell Laurie Marvin
she can shove her pta blood drive
out her hideous reworked snout...
Only kidding. 2:00 to 4:00 shift.
Plus, I'm making blondies.
So eat that, Alice.
Like your glasses.
Why's your sister
wearing dark glasses?
Shade out drugs today.
Tomorrow's put a cap on drugs.
We have to wear a hat.
- Look at you with the school spirit!
- Not really.
She's just doing it because
otherwise we'd get detention.
- Fucking benedict dushbag.
- Is this form for school?
No, actually. It's...
It's a parental consent
for this theater thing I'm doing.
What theater thing?
It's for Halloween. It's like
a haunted house kind of deal.
- Wait, is it a Hell House?
- A what?
This evangelical play that they use
to scare kids straight.
Maybe you can be a gang raper?
No.
Let's see, it says here,
"Youth quakin', soul shakin'
"keep you from wakin' up
Satan's bacon cutting edge
evangelism tool of the'90s."
- They oughta change that right now.
- I'm just doing it to infiltrate.
I'm writing an extra credit
expose for social studies.
Marshy, I think you're a liar.
I think you're joining the God squad
in order to get closer to Jason.
And mystery solved.
His dad's the pastor.
Oh, my God!
I can't wait to dance
at your ass pirate wedding!
Hey, knock it off!
If Marshall wants to put his time into
this, I'm sure he has a {\very} good reason.
Yeah.
Cock!
Okay, Marsh, am I
dropping you? I gotta go.
Yes. Please.
Hey, Neil.
Neil. Neil!
I can't understand you, Neil.
I guess marijuana
is a gateway drug after all.
Why'd he call you
from the Ikea parking lot?
Olive garden waitress
wouldn't go home with him,
so he drove 3 feet and passed out.
Fuck!
This is a new client. Huge property.
How am I gonna aerate
this lady's lawn in one day?
Was that rhetorical? Because
it sounded euphemistically filthy.
What?
No! Dad... I have a quiz
in french fourth period.
I'll get you back in time.
Come on.
- Fine.
- Yeah! Knuckles.
My man!
All right.
Now, you know what, honey?
It's not saturation. It's timing.
They don't want us
in Uganda? Coolio, okay?
But don't you tell me that we're done
in Winnipeg,
because that's just fear talking,
and I don't play that.
Okay, honey, can I buzz you back?
That's Jeff from the president's team.
Okay, bye, honey.
Hey, himbo, give me the good news.
Awesome. Okay, book it and cook it.
I'll talk to you soon.
Okay, bye.
Oh... my God!
I came home late,
so I didn't get to see
what you did yesterday!
Oh, it's amazing.
I love it!
It's like...
It's glowing.
I put mica in the pigment.
You know, I am so glad
You got me to go with
inspiration over motivation.
Oh, God, I just wanna live
in there, right?
Are your other personalities
all so talented?
Well, Alice plays the piano.
She's not very good, apparently.
Just moves her arms around a lot.
You need to keep that rock.
I mean it.
People always pick
the one they need.
Who is at our door?
- Hey.
- Hey, sugar, come on in.
- How's it going?
- Well, I only have four rsvps,
so maybe I could get another week
before the byycb party.
Oh, hey... Tara.
That's the "best you,
you can be" party.
I already invited you, but you said
you don't have disposable income.
OK, let me see these work sheets.
OK, why is this one crossed out?
I talked past the "yes".
OK, all right.
Now, you listen to me.
I am not gonna say
that this isn't gonna be hard,
because to do anything
of measure takes work.
But you can either stand here
and say,
"Why is everything
always happening to me?"
Or you can take control
and see what your life can become
when you really let your light shine.
That's what I want.
I'll come to your party, Charmie.
You see that?
- All right, now go pick out a rock.
- OK.
So she's recommended me
to this head honcho,
at the world headquarters
to do something
in the executive dining room,
which is so generous.
Tiffany must be
very pleased with your work.
Yeah!
Is that hard for you
to admit to yourself?
No.
I mean...
It is, but...
And worse than that...
When I was driving here today,
I had this...
feeling.
You're gonna think I'm insane.
Well, i'm sure you already do.
It's just...
I haven't had
a real friend in so long,
it's kinda scary to be hopeful.
Don't even wanna say it out loud.
Well... People
who've been through trauma
don't believe they're lovable.
You've been carrying that negative
programming for a long time, so
it's gonna take a while for you
to really trust a new person.
I just wish I had more of a handle
on what happened to me.
Well, your alters know.
That's why the system
was created, to protect you.
So you could live through school,
so you could go to college,
so that you could
meet and marry Max,
and raise those amazing kids.
I'm sorry my parts are so shy
about coming out in here. It's...
We have lots of time, honey.
Maybe...
Tara
needs space to take it all in.
- Take all what in?
- Well, look at you.
You're facing life head-on.
You've got satisfying work,
you've got a new friend.
You should be so proud of yourself!
So is this...
Does this qualify as a breakthrough?
You bet!
Well, smell me!
OK, then when you get going,
you just drop this down.
- Whoa, nelly!
- Give it some gas.
Yeah, there ya go!
- Look at this!
- Rock and roll!
Slow down.
Dad!
I had one in here.
Motherfucker!
In my briefcase.
- Fuck!
- One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
OK.
All right.
- Whoo, my arms!
- I know!
Guys, we are doing so great!
Remember, anything of measure
takes work, doesn't it?
Fuck, yeah!
Also remember
that whichever one of you
does the most cars
gets this very posh Vita-self hoodie
in addition to the cash
i'm giving you.
Are these yours?
- Yeah. Is there a problem?
- We do Vita-self here.
- It's our mall.
- It's everybody's mall, Sudoku.
All right, it's your mall.
No problem.
It's all good.
Get the fucking flyers.
Sorry.
I know, it...
- I think that's enough, Mom.
- OK.
Oh, God, you should rest up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna watch brief
encounter, and cool my heels.
Nice.
And Mom, it was pretty fun
until my throat closed up.
So don't chew Dad a new one.
I wish you would.
It'd make me feel better.
I don't have the energy.
Yeah, you do.
He's allergic, and I lost my EpiPen.
Plus, you took him out of school.
- So you are mad.
- Of course I'm mad.
He could have been really hurt.
What were you thinking?
I'm not the only one
that's ever screwed up around here.
- You wanna give me the laundry list?
- No, I don't.
You don't wanna remind me
about the time T left the iron on,
{\and }Katie burned herself and got a bubble{\ on her hand},
{\and }since she was {\still }crawling, it kept {\splitting }open?
- Will you knock it off?
- Come on. I wanna hear all my offenses.
Don't you have them
meticulously listed on your computer?
Yeah, so you'll know everything,
so we won't have secrets.
Come on, you think
I wanna tell you that stuff?
Tara!
I can't believe this.
200 bucks' worth of flyers,
and a whole day's work
down the drain.
You don't have to pay me,
aunt Charmaine.
That's nice, sweetie.
But I still have 600 worth
of elixirs at home,
and nobody wants to buy it.
Do you know how many people
are trying to unload this stuff on eBay?
Even at all the fake eBays.
I had no idea.
Maybe we can talk to my manager.
- Set something up at Barnabeez.
- Really?
Sure.
I mean, isn't there some sort
of Vita-self slogan about...
making your own future
but innovating your present?
I'm just so blown away
by the power of Vita-self!
Mom...
Can I skip school today?
I'll get the homework.
Okay. Don't you have
rehearsal after school?
They don't need me.
If you like him,
he must be a great guy.
And if he likes you, then he won't give
a damn about the bee stings.
If you don't show up,
you'll never know.
At least he does it in the shower.
My ex
used to have his gentleman's time
right next to me in bed.
I don't care what he says.
I just, I'm never gonna believe that
I know how to do it better than he does.
I mean,
I know T doesn't feel that way,
which is, I'm sure,
part of her skank muffin appeal.
So how does it work, you know?
Do you guys have, like, rules
about having sex with the alters?
Well, the first DID therapist
said it should be my choice.
And I felt bad about putting Max
through so much,
so I was like, "knock yourself out".
Which he did... with T.
Until he realized she was stuck at 16.
- And that kinda put a damper on things.
- Gotcha.
Basically, we...
mutually agreed.
It's... too messy
if he fucks my alters.
Well, you know...
When I blow Roger,
I pretend I'm N'ichelle,
from that Fox show
with the grainy streetwalkers?
It's like the only way
I can get through it.
Honestly, I think you are a genius.
I really do.
Yeah, but it, it's...
... different, you know? When you're
N'ichelle, you're still in the room.
I don't know where I am.
What is it, honey?
What's wrong?
- Sorry, it's just...
- No...
Max and I...
haven't been very...
connected.
I'm sorry,
but I don't know
how that's any different
from any other couple
who've been married for a while.
- Really?
- Listen, I hate to disappoint you,
but that is like
the centrifugal forces
of unsexy daily life plus biology.
You know, you name me
one couple your age
who has sex more than once a week.
Who are not tv characters.
Thank you.
And this is why we drink.
- Hey, Kate.
- Hey.
Hello, Kitty.
Why do you {\always }call me that?
Workers like nicknames.
We have solid data.
Hey, so I have a line
on an excellent product discount.
Love that word. Hit me.
Protein powder.
I mean, people love healthy shakes.
So we could tie it
into some sort of... fit menu?
We don't do that.
Next time, do your homework.
I'm sorry I left the iron on.
I'm sorry I don't remember
leaving the iron on.
Babe...
It isn't just that I can't remember
whole chunks of my childhood
or almost killing our children.
{\And }It doesn't only happen when {\the alters}they are out
and doing stuff that I don't know about.
I've been fading in and out
forever, Max.
Until I quit the meds,
I didn't even know how much I'd lost.
How much good stuff.
I remember I met you at a party,
but that's it.
My head is so messed up, I literally
have no memory of our first date.
Honey... We got high a lot
when we first started going out.
No, no, no.
The point is, I missed it.
I can't reminisce!
With you.
I mean, how can you make
a lifetime of memories with someone
when the person you're spending it with
isn't even there?
What did we do?
We made a casserole thing
with a can of mushroom soup.
Burned the shit out of it,
set off all the alarms.
Well, I wanna make new memories,
and I want our sex life back.
Our sex life.
And if we never had one,
then I wanna make one.
Oh, we had one.
Why do you think you burned
the shit out of the chicken?
Great work, guys.
Great work, everybody.
Really looking good.
Just great.
Welcome. Welcome.
We're just about to get started, and...
Oh, Kimmy!
Kimmy'll catch you up on the blocking.
Okay? Great.
What happened to your face?
Shut up, Kimmy.
I had a bad bug encounter.
Does that hurt?
Yes.
I mean...
No.
You're so cute.
Come on.
Thank you.
It's just complicated 'cause
it's a national chain and everything.
Oh, you're a sweetheart for trying.
I gotta run. Bye.
Sorry I'm late!
We started without you.
Excuse me, can I get one of...
whatever they're having?
And some nachos?
So...
- So...
- Did you close that deal?
Good girl! Good girl!
Drinks are on you.
Oh, good. I'll have a sip of that.
A sip?
Oh! Okay.
- See ya.
- See ya.
I'll say one thing.
You're not the girl I thought you were.
No?
Putting it together.
Supply, demand.
It wasn't the right idea, but...
you know what
you were thinking like?
Junior manager.
Some day, Kitty.
Some day soon.
- Do I get a raise?
- No.
So the disassociation happens
when you have a trigger, right?
Sorry.
Thank you.
And is the trigger something
that reminds you
of, like, some bad thing
that happened to you, or what?
Yeah, but like a lot of the triggers
are just weird, like,
the smell of instant coffee
or something.
{\I mean, }I have no idea what that means.
And there were no alters
before the event,
but you just have no idea
what happened?
At {\*boarding }school, she had sex with a guy
she didn't want to have sex with.
- Charmaine!
- What? Everybody has their shit!
Besides, that's back when "No"
meant give her another drink.
I mean, if I had a nickel
for every guy
I had drunk sex with
when I didn't want to, well...
I wouldn't be selling
Vita- fuckin'- Self.
Wait. So you're not buying
any of this?
Look...
I watch 20/20, okay?
I believe that bad things happen
that people can't remember.
But, I mean, how come
whenever it's this DID thing,
the abusers are always hooking up
electrical boxes to the kids' genitals?
I mean, who has electrical boxes
ready to go?
- You are screaming.
- Can I get an electro...
... genital torturer at...
Hi... At Wal-Mart?
Thank you.
Can we have another one
of those, please? Thank you.
Oh, my God...
I wanna meet one.
- Tiffany, you don't.
- No, I do. I do!
- I'm not a dancing monkey.
- Oh, come on! Hello, who's in there?
Come out and have a drink with us.
Did I mention I was molested?
I was.
Come out, come out, come out!
Did you have fun?
No.
Good morning!
- I didn't... No, no, no.
- Get out.
So Tiffany thinks one of your alters
broke into her place
in the middle of the night.
I'm the only one who has her key.
If it's not a good time,
I can just skip rehearsal.
No, no. Can I drop him?
I'll be right back.
Go! Go. Infiltrate.
Thanks, mom.
Are you Tara Gregson?
What is it?
A restraining order.
No shit!
Gotta mean it, guys.
We've got homosexual souls to save!
Kevin, you look like
you're waiting for the bus.
Come on, let's go. Get moving!
I mean, what the fuck, okay?
It's not just the restraining order.
I'm banned from selling
Vita-Self products.
God...
You just ruin everything...
Don't you?
Find joy.
Self-satisfied bitch.
- We never get to have any friends.
- Oh. Thanks a lot.
You know what I mean.
Early in the morning
and late at night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords
and shot each other.
Early in the morning
and late at night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
God bless Max,
Katie, and Marshy.
God bless Charmie and Tara.
God bless T.
God bless Buck.
God bless...
Two dead boys got up to fight.
I'm done.
- Come on.
- You always go too fast.
Early in the morning
and late at night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords
and shot each other.
Early in the morning
and late at night.
States of Tara...
I'm kinda worried about Max, though.
The alters have been
coming on to him.
I've been reading a tasteful
guide to the french arts.
He says he respects our agreement
and doesn't sleep with them,
but I don't know...
I think he's tempted.
It's been too long
since we did any manly stuff.
All we do now
is nurse trees and shit.
We're landscapers, asshole.
Are you hiring?
I'd like to fill out an application.
I think he's nice.
I'm workin' on this experimental
theater thing right now.
You should come check it out.
Hell House?
Is that the name of the play?
Hi! Tiffany St. John.
This part over here, the water, would
have kind of a trompe l'il-type feel.
I am impressed.
I know about
the multiple personalities.
You know, you've conquered it
with your creativity and your talent.
- What are you doin'?
- Trying to get laid.
I gotta get
these concepts mocked up.
Charmaine {\actually} did me a favor for once.
It's a mural, too,
not some boring bathroom job.
Hey.
You and me tomorrow night.
I might even bring some props.
Sous-titres :
browncoat, grischka, lafeelicita
Sous-titres :
salomon, valpi
I don't believe in God.
I wish I did.
Hail Mary, full of grace,
the Lord is with Thee.
Alice believes in God.
Blessed art Thou amongst women,
and blessed is the fruit
of Thy womb.
I don't know what I believe in.
Yes, I do.
Faith.
And art.
Not that what I do
is art or anything.
This one here
is for national colitis week.
Hadassah plant a tree drive.
Seem to be on some list
for people who need
gigantic fundraising thermometers.
But once in a while...
What you do for work
is also what you do for love.
And when that happens...
it's heaven.
Max?
You up?
I didn't mean to...
I didn't realize
you were, you know...
Having your gentleman's time.
Which is fine.
I think it's fantastic.
What?
Where'd you get
the term gentleman's time?
I made it up.
- Right now. Just now.
- Well, yeah.
- I didn't know, so...
- No, no, it's good. I like it. It's...
very Rhett Butler.
Fetch me some brandy and cigars.
I'm preparing myself
a gentleman's time.
- Why? 'cause we're not having...
- Somethin' like that.
That's a... interesting question
you pose, little lady.
Some day when women have the vote,
we'll have to discuss it.
Until then, I'll just be in the library
with the colonel
having my gentleman's time.
Okay, camping trip check.
Book fair pledge.
And if you could tell Laurie Marvin
she can shove her pta blood drive
out her hideous reworked snout...
Only kidding. 2:00 to 4:00 shift.
Plus, I'm making blondies.
So eat that, Alice.
Like your glasses.
Why's your sister
wearing dark glasses?
Shade out drugs today.
Tomorrow's put a cap on drugs.
We have to wear a hat.
- Look at you with the school spirit!
- Not really.
She's just doing it because
otherwise we'd get detention.
- Fucking benedict dushbag.
- Is this form for school?
No, actually. It's...
It's a parental consent
for this theater thing I'm doing.
What theater thing?
It's for Halloween. It's like
a haunted house kind of deal.
- Wait, is it a Hell House?
- A what?
This evangelical play that they use
to scare kids straight.
Maybe you can be a gang raper?
No.
Let's see, it says here,
"Youth quakin', soul shakin'
"keep you from wakin' up
Satan's bacon cutting edge
evangelism tool of the'90s."
- They oughta change that right now.
- I'm just doing it to infiltrate.
I'm writing an extra credit
expose for social studies.
Marshy, I think you're a liar.
I think you're joining the God squad
in order to get closer to Jason.
And mystery solved.
His dad's the pastor.
Oh, my God!
I can't wait to dance
at your ass pirate wedding!
Hey, knock it off!
If Marshall wants to put his time into
this, I'm sure he has a {\very} good reason.
Yeah.
Cock!
Okay, Marsh, am I
dropping you? I gotta go.
Yes. Please.
Hey, Neil.
Neil. Neil!
I can't understand you, Neil.
I guess marijuana
is a gateway drug after all.
Why'd he call you
from the Ikea parking lot?
Olive garden waitress
wouldn't go home with him,
so he drove 3 feet and passed out.
Fuck!
This is a new client. Huge property.
How am I gonna aerate
this lady's lawn in one day?
Was that rhetorical? Because
it sounded euphemistically filthy.
What?
No! Dad... I have a quiz
in french fourth period.
I'll get you back in time.
Come on.
- Fine.
- Yeah! Knuckles.
My man!
All right.
Now, you know what, honey?
It's not saturation. It's timing.
They don't want us
in Uganda? Coolio, okay?
But don't you tell me that we're done
in Winnipeg,
because that's just fear talking,
and I don't play that.
Okay, honey, can I buzz you back?
That's Jeff from the president's team.
Okay, bye, honey.
Hey, himbo, give me the good news.
Awesome. Okay, book it and cook it.
I'll talk to you soon.
Okay, bye.
Oh... my God!
I came home late,
so I didn't get to see
what you did yesterday!
Oh, it's amazing.
I love it!
It's like...
It's glowing.
I put mica in the pigment.
You know, I am so glad
You got me to go with
inspiration over motivation.
Oh, God, I just wanna live
in there, right?
Are your other personalities
all so talented?
Well, Alice plays the piano.
She's not very good, apparently.
Just moves her arms around a lot.
You need to keep that rock.
I mean it.
People always pick
the one they need.
Who is at our door?
- Hey.
- Hey, sugar, come on in.
- How's it going?
- Well, I only have four rsvps,
so maybe I could get another week
before the byycb party.
Oh, hey... Tara.
That's the "best you,
you can be" party.
I already invited you, but you said
you don't have disposable income.
OK, let me see these work sheets.
OK, why is this one crossed out?
I talked past the "yes".
OK, all right.
Now, you listen to me.
I am not gonna say
that this isn't gonna be hard,
because to do anything
of measure takes work.
But you can either stand here
and say,
"Why is everything
always happening to me?"
Or you can take control
and see what your life can become
when you really let your light shine.
That's what I want.
I'll come to your party, Charmie.
You see that?
- All right, now go pick out a rock.
- OK.
So she's recommended me
to this head honcho,
at the world headquarters
to do something
in the executive dining room,
which is so generous.
Tiffany must be
very pleased with your work.
Yeah!
Is that hard for you
to admit to yourself?
No.
I mean...
It is, but...
And worse than that...
When I was driving here today,
I had this...
feeling.
You're gonna think I'm insane.
Well, i'm sure you already do.
It's just...
I haven't had
a real friend in so long,
it's kinda scary to be hopeful.
Don't even wanna say it out loud.
Well... People
who've been through trauma
don't believe they're lovable.
You've been carrying that negative
programming for a long time, so
it's gonna take a while for you
to really trust a new person.
I just wish I had more of a handle
on what happened to me.
Well, your alters know.
That's why the system
was created, to protect you.
So you could live through school,
so you could go to college,
so that you could
meet and marry Max,
and raise those amazing kids.
I'm sorry my parts are so shy
about coming out in here. It's...
We have lots of time, honey.
Maybe...
Tara
needs space to take it all in.
- Take all what in?
- Well, look at you.
You're facing life head-on.
You've got satisfying work,
you've got a new friend.
You should be so proud of yourself!
So is this...
Does this qualify as a breakthrough?
You bet!
Well, smell me!
OK, then when you get going,
you just drop this down.
- Whoa, nelly!
- Give it some gas.
Yeah, there ya go!
- Look at this!
- Rock and roll!
Slow down.
Dad!
I had one in here.
Motherfucker!
In my briefcase.
- Fuck!
- One, two, three, four,
five, six, seven, eight, nine, ten.
OK.
All right.
- Whoo, my arms!
- I know!
Guys, we are doing so great!
Remember, anything of measure
takes work, doesn't it?
Fuck, yeah!
Also remember
that whichever one of you
does the most cars
gets this very posh Vita-self hoodie
in addition to the cash
i'm giving you.
Are these yours?
- Yeah. Is there a problem?
- We do Vita-self here.
- It's our mall.
- It's everybody's mall, Sudoku.
All right, it's your mall.
No problem.
It's all good.
Get the fucking flyers.
Sorry.
I know, it...
- I think that's enough, Mom.
- OK.
Oh, God, you should rest up.
Yeah, I'm just gonna watch brief
encounter, and cool my heels.
Nice.
And Mom, it was pretty fun
until my throat closed up.
So don't chew Dad a new one.
I wish you would.
It'd make me feel better.
I don't have the energy.
Yeah, you do.
He's allergic, and I lost my EpiPen.
Plus, you took him out of school.
- So you are mad.
- Of course I'm mad.
He could have been really hurt.
What were you thinking?
I'm not the only one
that's ever screwed up around here.
- You wanna give me the laundry list?
- No, I don't.
You don't wanna remind me
about the time T left the iron on,
{\and }Katie burned herself and got a bubble{\ on her hand},
{\and }since she was {\still }crawling, it kept {\splitting }open?
- Will you knock it off?
- Come on. I wanna hear all my offenses.
Don't you have them
meticulously listed on your computer?
Yeah, so you'll know everything,
so we won't have secrets.
Come on, you think
I wanna tell you that stuff?
Tara!
I can't believe this.
200 bucks' worth of flyers,
and a whole day's work
down the drain.
You don't have to pay me,
aunt Charmaine.
That's nice, sweetie.
But I still have 600 worth
of elixirs at home,
and nobody wants to buy it.
Do you know how many people
are trying to unload this stuff on eBay?
Even at all the fake eBays.
I had no idea.
Maybe we can talk to my manager.
- Set something up at Barnabeez.
- Really?
Sure.
I mean, isn't there some sort
of Vita-self slogan about...
making your own future
but innovating your present?
I'm just so blown away
by the power of Vita-self!
Mom...
Can I skip school today?
I'll get the homework.
Okay. Don't you have
rehearsal after school?
They don't need me.
If you like him,
he must be a great guy.
And if he likes you, then he won't give
a damn about the bee stings.
If you don't show up,
you'll never know.
At least he does it in the shower.
My ex
used to have his gentleman's time
right next to me in bed.
I don't care what he says.
I just, I'm never gonna believe that
I know how to do it better than he does.
I mean,
I know T doesn't feel that way,
which is, I'm sure,
part of her skank muffin appeal.
So how does it work, you know?
Do you guys have, like, rules
about having sex with the alters?
Well, the first DID therapist
said it should be my choice.
And I felt bad about putting Max
through so much,
so I was like, "knock yourself out".
Which he did... with T.
Until he realized she was stuck at 16.
- And that kinda put a damper on things.
- Gotcha.
Basically, we...
mutually agreed.
It's... too messy
if he fucks my alters.
Well, you know...
When I blow Roger,
I pretend I'm N'ichelle,
from that Fox show
with the grainy streetwalkers?
It's like the only way
I can get through it.
Honestly, I think you are a genius.
I really do.
Yeah, but it, it's...
... different, you know? When you're
N'ichelle, you're still in the room.
I don't know where I am.
What is it, honey?
What's wrong?
- Sorry, it's just...
- No...
Max and I...
haven't been very...
connected.
I'm sorry,
but I don't know
how that's any different
from any other couple
who've been married for a while.
- Really?
- Listen, I hate to disappoint you,
but that is like
the centrifugal forces
of unsexy daily life plus biology.
You know, you name me
one couple your age
who has sex more than once a week.
Who are not tv characters.
Thank you.
And this is why we drink.
- Hey, Kate.
- Hey.
Hello, Kitty.
Why do you {\always }call me that?
Workers like nicknames.
We have solid data.
Hey, so I have a line
on an excellent product discount.
Love that word. Hit me.
Protein powder.
I mean, people love healthy shakes.
So we could tie it
into some sort of... fit menu?
We don't do that.
Next time, do your homework.
I'm sorry I left the iron on.
I'm sorry I don't remember
leaving the iron on.
Babe...
It isn't just that I can't remember
whole chunks of my childhood
or almost killing our children.
{\And }It doesn't only happen when {\the alters}they are out
and doing stuff that I don't know about.
I've been fading in and out
forever, Max.
Until I quit the meds,
I didn't even know how much I'd lost.
How much good stuff.
I remember I met you at a party,
but that's it.
My head is so messed up, I literally
have no memory of our first date.
Honey... We got high a lot
when we first started going out.
No, no, no.
The point is, I missed it.
I can't reminisce!
With you.
I mean, how can you make
a lifetime of memories with someone
when the person you're spending it with
isn't even there?
What did we do?
We made a casserole thing
with a can of mushroom soup.
Burned the shit out of it,
set off all the alarms.
Well, I wanna make new memories,
and I want our sex life back.
Our sex life.
And if we never had one,
then I wanna make one.
Oh, we had one.
Why do you think you burned
the shit out of the chicken?
Great work, guys.
Great work, everybody.
Really looking good.
Just great.
Welcome. Welcome.
We're just about to get started, and...
Oh, Kimmy!
Kimmy'll catch you up on the blocking.
Okay? Great.
What happened to your face?
Shut up, Kimmy.
I had a bad bug encounter.
Does that hurt?
Yes.
I mean...
No.
You're so cute.
Come on.
Thank you.
It's just complicated 'cause
it's a national chain and everything.
Oh, you're a sweetheart for trying.
I gotta run. Bye.
Sorry I'm late!
We started without you.
Excuse me, can I get one of...
whatever they're having?
And some nachos?
So...
- So...
- Did you close that deal?
Good girl! Good girl!
Drinks are on you.
Oh, good. I'll have a sip of that.
A sip?
Oh! Okay.
- See ya.
- See ya.
I'll say one thing.
You're not the girl I thought you were.
No?
Putting it together.
Supply, demand.
It wasn't the right idea, but...
you know what
you were thinking like?
Junior manager.
Some day, Kitty.
Some day soon.
- Do I get a raise?
- No.
So the disassociation happens
when you have a trigger, right?
Sorry.
Thank you.
And is the trigger something
that reminds you
of, like, some bad thing
that happened to you, or what?
Yeah, but like a lot of the triggers
are just weird, like,
the smell of instant coffee
or something.
{\I mean, }I have no idea what that means.
And there were no alters
before the event,
but you just have no idea
what happened?
At {\*boarding }school, she had sex with a guy
she didn't want to have sex with.
- Charmaine!
- What? Everybody has their shit!
Besides, that's back when "No"
meant give her another drink.
I mean, if I had a nickel
for every guy
I had drunk sex with
when I didn't want to, well...
I wouldn't be selling
Vita- fuckin'- Self.
Wait. So you're not buying
any of this?
Look...
I watch 20/20, okay?
I believe that bad things happen
that people can't remember.
But, I mean, how come
whenever it's this DID thing,
the abusers are always hooking up
electrical boxes to the kids' genitals?
I mean, who has electrical boxes
ready to go?
- You are screaming.
- Can I get an electro...
... genital torturer at...
Hi... At Wal-Mart?
Thank you.
Can we have another one
of those, please? Thank you.
Oh, my God...
I wanna meet one.
- Tiffany, you don't.
- No, I do. I do!
- I'm not a dancing monkey.
- Oh, come on! Hello, who's in there?
Come out and have a drink with us.
Did I mention I was molested?
I was.
Come out, come out, come out!
Did you have fun?
No.
Good morning!
- I didn't... No, no, no.
- Get out.
So Tiffany thinks one of your alters
broke into her place
in the middle of the night.
I'm the only one who has her key.
If it's not a good time,
I can just skip rehearsal.
No, no. Can I drop him?
I'll be right back.
Go! Go. Infiltrate.
Thanks, mom.
Are you Tara Gregson?
What is it?
A restraining order.
No shit!
Gotta mean it, guys.
We've got homosexual souls to save!
Kevin, you look like
you're waiting for the bus.
Come on, let's go. Get moving!
I mean, what the fuck, okay?
It's not just the restraining order.
I'm banned from selling
Vita-Self products.
God...
You just ruin everything...
Don't you?
Find joy.
Self-satisfied bitch.
- We never get to have any friends.
- Oh. Thanks a lot.
You know what I mean.
Early in the morning
and late at night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords
and shot each other.
Early in the morning
and late at night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
God bless Max,
Katie, and Marshy.
God bless Charmie and Tara.
God bless T.
God bless Buck.
God bless...
Two dead boys got up to fight.
I'm done.
- Come on.
- You always go too fast.
Early in the morning
and late at night,
two dead boys got up to fight.
Back to back, they faced each other,
drew their swords
and shot each other.
Early in the morning
and late at night.