United States of Tara (2009–2011): Season 1, Episode 5 - Revolution - full transcript
Depressed and unhappy then ever over losing her job and being ostracized by the neighborhood, things turn from bad to worse when Tara suddenly turns into her teenage personality 'T' and steals her own car to go on a joyride. While Max and Charmaine chase off after her, Marshall is left at home alone, and he decides to throw a huge party to hopefully win the affections of his schoolmate Jason. Also, Kate blows off her ex-boyfriend, Benjamin, when he shows up at the party with his latest girlfriend, resulting in Kate spending some quality time with her boss, Gene. Max tries to find out which one of Tara's alters destroyed Tiffany's mural and suspects it was 'T', but she denies doing it.
(Tara)
previously,
on united states of tara...
I haven't had
a real friend in so long.
Tiffany must be very pleased
with your work.
I love it.
God, I just want
to live in there, right?
Hi, I'm the new server.
Gene's gonna love you.
Really?
Gene stewart,
general manager.
I think he's nice.
If you like him,
he must be a great guy.
And if he likes you,
then he won't
Give a damn
about the bee stings.
Does that hurt?
You're so cute.
Thank you.
Come on.
[Arguing indistinctly]
Kate!
I did not raise you
to let
Boys who wear pigtails
push you around.
I am buck,
and I will fuck you sideways.
I know about
the multiple personalities.
I want to meet one.
Tiffany, you don't.
I'm not a dancing monkey.
(max)
tiffany thinks
one of your alters
broke into her place
in the middle of the night.
I'm the only one
who has her key.
Are you tara gregson?
(charmaine)
it's not just
the restraining order.
I'm banned from selling
vita-self products.
You just ruin everything.
[Contemplative music]
* *
* Open up the sky *
* This mess is getting high *
* It's windy,
and our family needs a ride *
* *
* I know we'll be just fine *
* When we learn to love
the ride *
* *
* I know we'll be fine *
* When we learn to love
the ride *
* *
* I know we'll be
just fine *
* When we learn to love *
* The ride *
[Hip-hop music plays]
I'm telling you, man,
tupac is alive.
I just saw him
eating huevos
Down at the pancake place
in prairie village.
(kate)
what are you doing?
Oh, yes, I did.
I thought maybe
I could find some kind of clue
About, you know,
who ruined mom's mural
On one of these videos.
Now lookity-look who's dead.
Now would be your window
to say something disparaging
About me being very nancy drew
or mrs. Marple-esque.
It's too early.
tara made a new friend.
Tiffany was a threat
to the system.
So one of the alters
was jealous?
And wanted to be
out in the world too.
I know this is scary,
but it's what we wanted.
Not to just
tolerate your parts,
But to really
get to know them.
So that we'll get to the truth
of what happened to you.
It's just one
of your alters showing
A side we've never seen.
Great, now my alters
have alters.
It was me.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
So, uh, you snuck over
to tiffany's
In the middle
of the night?
Okay.
And what did you use
to scratch
"Die yuppie cunt"
in the wall?
Um, my ferocious nails.
Remember to pour
with confidence.
Well, the restraining order says
whichever one did it
Used mom's exacto knife.
So we're looking
for the alter
That's the biggest dumbass.
Pretty much.
Oh, crud!
(dr. Ocean)
everybody has aggression.
Most women
don't have a clue
How much they're carrying,
Which is totally
understandable.
We're not encouraged
to express it,
And we don't have
societally sanctioned outlets
For aggression built in
to our daily lives like men do.
Max doesn't.
Sure, I do.
I play basketball.
I'm gonna go out
on a limb here,
And just say that,
with our situation,
It might not
be enough.
Maybe it was
aunt charmaine.
Another pitiful,
yet over-the-top grab for--
Shh!
Listen.
When people see
who I really am,
It's gonna
change everything.
I can't imagine alice
scratching up somebody's wall.
No way.
I guess it could be buck.
But he'd be more inclined
to write
"Sit on my face
with your yuppie cunt."
[Laughs]
Not just my life,
but the lives around me
people are gonna talk
about this for a long time.
Please, my money's
on t.
Interesting.
come on.
She's devious.
We know she's insecure.
So when you see
what I'm capable of,
You're gonna know
That I got
super powers, bitches!
[Laughs]
[Flatulence]
[buck laughing]
Like how you always
recognize stuff,
Even if tara
wasn't around.
Yeah, maybe I don't remember
alice making
Chicken with corn flakes,
But when you
or one of the kids tell me,
I can feel it's true.
Like, somewhere
in another room in my head
That I'm not privy to.
Yeah, I get that.
I can see it
kind of click with you.
Yeah, but with this,
there's no click.
I have no feeling
for it.
And I would
take responsibility, honestly.
But I just
don't think it was me.
Really?
Maybe it was
tiffany's ex-husband.
Maybe it was somebody
who was really, really pissed
'Cause they couldn't
lose weight.
Come on, is there some way
it's not me?
I guess
there's some way.
You don't really
believe that.
You think I did it.
You're my husband.
Aren't you supposed
to believe me?
Come on, honey.
We're late.
All right, let's just talk
about this later,
When I see you.
[Sighs]
(woman on radio)
they only are able
to dispense
these particular medications
once a month.
this has devastated
an already overpopulated--
Fucking npr.
[Engine revs]
They're on their way.
Just another five minutes.
How'd you kill it?
It's not dead yet.
Max said
he'd take a look.
Hey, tara,
where are you going?
Don't you have something
at marshall's school?
[Engine starts]
[Muffled hip-hop music]
t?
Whoo-hoo!
Hi, max.
Yeah, it's me.
She's back.
No, I'm glad you were there.
Charmaine, any chance
I could convince you
To help me wrangle her?
What's in it for you?
I don't know.
Free junk food, and, uh,
good karma, I guess.
Thank you.
Listen, I gotta go.
Bye.
Listen, your mom's fine.
She, uh--
She's just not
quite herself.
She went awol?
I'm pretty sure she's at that
arcade place she likes.
You should go get her.
No, no, no.
I'm not gonna do that.
You're gonna be
wiggling your foot
The whole trial anyway.
No.
Just go.
[Sighs]
Okay, all right.
Thanks.
Oh, I hate fremont.
I don't know why
she can't find a sugar shack
Closer than 200 miles.
Ah, it'd take
all the fun out of it.
I was thinking about
tara and her friends.
You know if she had a roommate
at boarding school?
Somebody that might have
been around, you know,
When whatever
happened happened?
I think so.
She didn't mention it?
Well, I asked,
but I think my wanting to know
Just puts her on edge.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, you know?
You know she told me
to also get a hobby
Other than fixing her?
We were going
round and around about that.
She said "train set."
I thought maybe line dancing.
She did have a roommate.
I can't remember her name.
I remember she was
freakishly tall.
Of course I was only worthy
of shitty public school, so--
Why's that?
I don't know.
I don't know what I did.
Maybe you didn't
do anything.
[Engine starts]
Maybe.
[Electronic dance music]
* *
[Chatter and cheers]
[Music continues]
* *
[Cheers]
* *
She's pretty good.
My bitch is fresh.
[Cheers]
Come on.
[Cell phone vibrating]
Hi, dad.
Did you find her?
Yes, I have, and she's not
even in any trouble.
yet.
you haven't let her
out of your sight, have you?
No, sir.
I have not, sir.
hey, I think we're gonna
stay over, okay?
All right, bye.
Roger.
Oh, yeah, I'll take
you bitches anytime.
I wanna have a party.
What?
They're staying over.
You just wanna
have a party
So that that jason guy
comes over.
No.
I've always wanted
to have a party.
You hate parties.
Parties with teenagers.
I mean, I'd go to woody allen's
new year's eve party,
Or, you know,
if noel coward
Invited me
to something on his boat.
Sorry, moosh,
but jason's not gonna come.
How do you know?
Because, it'd be too big
of a statement.
It would show
he's actually into you.
Maybe it'd just show, you know,
that he likes parties.
Civilized parties,
like mine will be.
[Laughs]
But I guess I can make
some phone calls.
Thank you.
So her footwork's all sloppy,
and she dares me to sight read.
And I'm like,
"pfft, step-off, bar-humper,
Here comes
my bong thomas."
And then I did a double
on this nine-footer,
And was, like,
totally in challenge mode.
Why's she here?
Well, 'cause she's
a nice person,
And she's offered
to drive tara's car back.
So I can get up early,
and go to my job at the clinic,
Because your actions
don't only affect you,
You self-absorbed
pretend teenager.
What about me?
We're gonna stay over.
No shit?
Yeah, let's hang out,
have some fun.
Why not?
What kind of fun?
Okay, bye.
No.
[Laughing]
Why are we gonna stay over
if we're not gonna fuck?
Drive safe, charmie.
Can I at least
fuck him?
No.
You never let me
do anything.
You know, I think
tara's roommate's name
Was heidi troy,
or heidi sawyer maybe.
Does that help?
Yeah, yeah.
You bet.
All right.
Okay, thank you.
[Electronic dance music]
I've been collecting
for quite some time now.
I started on or around christmas
when I was eight.
It's, like,
a peppermint schnapps party?
I told you it was going
to be civilized.
Hey.
Hey, how'd you get off work?
I told gene stuart
my grandma died,
And I have to sit shivah.
Nice, I told him
I had lady cramps.
Oh, hey, moosh,
the christians are here!
hey, come on in!
[Electronic dance music]
(man)
dude, I'm on level five!
[Sighs]
Hey, what the fuck, man?
Hey, t.
Leave us alone,
weird stranger!
Yeah, we were having
a moment here!
Yeah, you were.
Moment's over.
I'm her husband.
Let's go.
Excuse me?
In your dreams, old man.
Go away now!
Yeah, you heard her.
Why don't you take
a walk with me?
Oh, what the fuck.
T, tell these guys
who I am.
Hello, I'm 16.
In your dreams, old lady.
Come on.
Get your fucking hands
off me, freakzoid.
Hey.
Guess I'm leaving.
Thank you.
Listen, chief, you don't know
what the fuck is going on.
Hey.
Come on,
it's still a good party.
No, it's not.
Hmm.
Well, if it makes
you feel any better,
Ben's here with
his new evil girlfriend.
What the fuck?
I know.
I invited him.
Yeah, but not her.
[Laughs]
Skank-strumpet.
Fuck-pretzel.
Jezebel.
Sugar hole.
Motherfucking,
cock sucking cunt blossom.
[Laughs]
Marshall?
Oh, my--my god.
You made it.
Dude.
What's up?
Um...
This is my--
this is my kitchen area.
I like it.
It's nice.
Yo, party's over.
Are we gonna
have a problem?
Yeah, don't be such
an asshole, dad.
Just go home.
Wait, he's your dad?
Yes, that's right.
I'm her dad.
And you are
in big trouble, missy.
Don't pay any attention
to him, skunk.
Nice meeting you.
Hey, call me.
[Laughs]
[Indistinct chatter]
Hello, pretty lady.
What the fuck is this?
Three guesses.
Go.
I'm going
to kill my niece.
Well, uh, as kate's manager
at barnabeez,
I can absolutely
vouch for her.
She's dedicated,
she's hard working.
And I don't know
if you're familiar
With the phrase, uh,
"those who work hard play hard,"
But that's pretty much
what we got going on here.
It's gonna be fine.
Shut up.
Talk to you--
talk to you later.
See that?
That went good.
Hey, ben.
Hey.
Is it okay
that I'm here?
I mean, look, I don't want you
to feel weird or anything, so.
I don't feel weird.
No?
Well, uh,
I miss you, katie-chan.
benjamin.
Be right there.
[Giggling]
Hey, shh!
You gotta be quiet.
t, there's other--
hey, stop, leave that alone.
there's other people
sleeping here.
Ooh!
Let's go for a swim
in the heated pool.
Or we can empty
the mini bar, watch porn,
And then go
for a swim.
Pool's closed.
well, what do you
want to do?
Talk.
Okay.
Ask me anything.
What happened
to tiffany's mural?
What?
Just thought you'd know
how it got cut up.
[Laughs]
Oh, that.
[Sighs]
oh, maxi-pad.
I wanna help you.
You know I do.
But I can't tell you about that
unless you fuck me.
[Laughs]
oh.
Okay.
Wait.
Did you guys, like, change
your agreement or something?
Not really.
you wanna do it
on the bed or the floor?
Sorry, you weren't
Expecting someone romantic,
were you?
'Cause I can totally
be that guy.
What is this?
Is ashton kutcher
gonna step out
From behind a plant
or something?
[Grunts]
No, t,
you're not getting punked.
Tell me why
you hurt tara.
I didn't.
Please don't lie to me.
I'm not.
Everything's so easy
for you, isn't it?
Huh?
She loved that mural.
She loved that job.
You just had
to take it away, didn't you?
[Cell phone rings]
Tara?
No, jackass.
And I didn't
fuck up tara's mural.
[Ringing continues]
Yeah?
[Acoustic guitar music]
* Jesus *
I thought that you said
that if he came,
It would be a statement.
But this isn't a statement.
It's just folk rock
for girls about jesus.
How you doin'?
Max, you need
to get back here.
We so seriously need beer,
it's not even funny.
I know.
May I be
of service?
Hi...gene.
I didn't know
you were here.
I'm just glad
you're feeling better.
Any way
that I can help?
Um, yeah, actually.
If you wouldn't mind.
As long as I can trust you
not to drink and drive.
No.
No.
We don't do that, gene.
Of course not.
Never.
Let's make it so.
What's going on?
Nothing, ben.
Who's the joker?
He's my boss.
Let's go.
Good deal.
Hey, cool hat, man.
Katie, where are you going?
You can't leave
your own party!
[Tires screech]
[Screams and laughs]
Thanks for saving me.
Anytime, my lady.
How did you get off work?
Aren't you supposed
to be managing right now?
Shh!
Everything's under control.
Pager.
[Laughs]
It's all good.
[Laughs]
Let's go.
Party's over.
No, it's not!
I just hope that there's
still room for me, you know?
There's always room, bro.
No, not for, like,
people in buildings.
Holy shit, marshy.
What have you done to yourself?
Who's this?
I'm jason.
What's up, jason?
Not too much.
Bye.
Are you even gay?
What?
Man or clam?
Who's hungry?
Could you just--
leave him alone, okay?
Okay.
Dude, you smell like toothpaste.
And no smoking
in the house.
Just trying to help.
good.
Then could you write
"Die yuppie cunt" for me
on this napkin?
[Exhales]
[Laughter]
Nice cup.
Yeah, that's one
of my inventions.
I think you're hot.
Thanks.
And you have what it takes
to go far in business.
But I've just been
too damn hurt too many times.
Sorry.
Most guys could just--
They can have intercourse
day after day
Without even caring,
but I won't go there, kitty.
Especially not with someone
I could fall in love with.
Here's my house.
Oh, that's your house?
Yeah.
In case you ever want
to drop by, and--
And--and not
have intercourse?
Fair enough.
[Groaning]
Charmaine, just leave that,
all right, I got it.
Just go home.
Okay, I'll just, um,
wrap up some lasagna.
Where's your sister?
With gene stuart.
Ah, he's hot.
Hey, there's no smoking
in here, okay?
That's what I said.
[Scoffs]
Gah.
Fuck.
Sorry.
It was my fault.
The whole party
was my idea.
No, it wasn't.
Thank god you're safe, katie.
we were worried
about you.
Katie can take care
of herself.
Did you get some?
I'm pretty sure
marshy didn't.
hey, t,
Why don't you go out
to the shed and chill out?
Yeah, that's a great idea.
I thought she left.
Just go home, charmaine.
I was just trying
to help.
[Mockingly]
I was just trying to help, maxi.
I was just trying
to help.
Ohh.
I really don't think
you should be
Getting all judgey on me.
Oh, my god,
be quiet.
you should have seen him.
he's totally into me.
Your father is like
a sex-crazed--
Just shut up, t!
haven't you caused
enough trouble?
Excuse me?
Look, you know you wrote
"die yuppie cunt"
On mom's mural.
Did not.
Why does everyone
always blame me?
Because it's always you.
You gave kate
the morning after pill.
You shoplifted bras,
You ruined mom's mural.
And then she went away,
and dad had to go get you.
And so mom and dad
missed my open house,
Just like they missed
the scopes trial,
And aztec day,
And my parent-teacher
conference,
And the battle
of little big horn.
Honey, I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.
It's hers!
Are you my mother?
[Laughs]
no way.
Then why are you
inside my mother?
I don't know.
I want my real mother,
And only my real mother,
and none of you other freaks.
Just her.
Everybody else,
go away!
[Laughs]
T didn't
ruin the mural, marsh.
Come on.
Who did?
I don't know, son.
[Crickets chirping]
You're still here?
I'm sorry.
[Soft acoustic guitar music]
* *
* Who sent you *
* Who made you *
* Why are you
looking around *
* Who caught you *
* Who kept you *
* Kept you
for a while *
* *
* Who's leaving *
* Ice breaking *
* Why's it always feel fine *
* Why's it always
feel fine *
previously,
on united states of tara...
I haven't had
a real friend in so long.
Tiffany must be very pleased
with your work.
I love it.
God, I just want
to live in there, right?
Hi, I'm the new server.
Gene's gonna love you.
Really?
Gene stewart,
general manager.
I think he's nice.
If you like him,
he must be a great guy.
And if he likes you,
then he won't
Give a damn
about the bee stings.
Does that hurt?
You're so cute.
Thank you.
Come on.
[Arguing indistinctly]
Kate!
I did not raise you
to let
Boys who wear pigtails
push you around.
I am buck,
and I will fuck you sideways.
I know about
the multiple personalities.
I want to meet one.
Tiffany, you don't.
I'm not a dancing monkey.
(max)
tiffany thinks
one of your alters
broke into her place
in the middle of the night.
I'm the only one
who has her key.
Are you tara gregson?
(charmaine)
it's not just
the restraining order.
I'm banned from selling
vita-self products.
You just ruin everything.
[Contemplative music]
* *
* Open up the sky *
* This mess is getting high *
* It's windy,
and our family needs a ride *
* *
* I know we'll be just fine *
* When we learn to love
the ride *
* *
* I know we'll be fine *
* When we learn to love
the ride *
* *
* I know we'll be
just fine *
* When we learn to love *
* The ride *
[Hip-hop music plays]
I'm telling you, man,
tupac is alive.
I just saw him
eating huevos
Down at the pancake place
in prairie village.
(kate)
what are you doing?
Oh, yes, I did.
I thought maybe
I could find some kind of clue
About, you know,
who ruined mom's mural
On one of these videos.
Now lookity-look who's dead.
Now would be your window
to say something disparaging
About me being very nancy drew
or mrs. Marple-esque.
It's too early.
tara made a new friend.
Tiffany was a threat
to the system.
So one of the alters
was jealous?
And wanted to be
out in the world too.
I know this is scary,
but it's what we wanted.
Not to just
tolerate your parts,
But to really
get to know them.
So that we'll get to the truth
of what happened to you.
It's just one
of your alters showing
A side we've never seen.
Great, now my alters
have alters.
It was me.
Oh, yeah?
Yeah.
So, uh, you snuck over
to tiffany's
In the middle
of the night?
Okay.
And what did you use
to scratch
"Die yuppie cunt"
in the wall?
Um, my ferocious nails.
Remember to pour
with confidence.
Well, the restraining order says
whichever one did it
Used mom's exacto knife.
So we're looking
for the alter
That's the biggest dumbass.
Pretty much.
Oh, crud!
(dr. Ocean)
everybody has aggression.
Most women
don't have a clue
How much they're carrying,
Which is totally
understandable.
We're not encouraged
to express it,
And we don't have
societally sanctioned outlets
For aggression built in
to our daily lives like men do.
Max doesn't.
Sure, I do.
I play basketball.
I'm gonna go out
on a limb here,
And just say that,
with our situation,
It might not
be enough.
Maybe it was
aunt charmaine.
Another pitiful,
yet over-the-top grab for--
Shh!
Listen.
When people see
who I really am,
It's gonna
change everything.
I can't imagine alice
scratching up somebody's wall.
No way.
I guess it could be buck.
But he'd be more inclined
to write
"Sit on my face
with your yuppie cunt."
[Laughs]
Not just my life,
but the lives around me
people are gonna talk
about this for a long time.
Please, my money's
on t.
Interesting.
come on.
She's devious.
We know she's insecure.
So when you see
what I'm capable of,
You're gonna know
That I got
super powers, bitches!
[Laughs]
[Flatulence]
[buck laughing]
Like how you always
recognize stuff,
Even if tara
wasn't around.
Yeah, maybe I don't remember
alice making
Chicken with corn flakes,
But when you
or one of the kids tell me,
I can feel it's true.
Like, somewhere
in another room in my head
That I'm not privy to.
Yeah, I get that.
I can see it
kind of click with you.
Yeah, but with this,
there's no click.
I have no feeling
for it.
And I would
take responsibility, honestly.
But I just
don't think it was me.
Really?
Maybe it was
tiffany's ex-husband.
Maybe it was somebody
who was really, really pissed
'Cause they couldn't
lose weight.
Come on, is there some way
it's not me?
I guess
there's some way.
You don't really
believe that.
You think I did it.
You're my husband.
Aren't you supposed
to believe me?
Come on, honey.
We're late.
All right, let's just talk
about this later,
When I see you.
[Sighs]
(woman on radio)
they only are able
to dispense
these particular medications
once a month.
this has devastated
an already overpopulated--
Fucking npr.
[Engine revs]
They're on their way.
Just another five minutes.
How'd you kill it?
It's not dead yet.
Max said
he'd take a look.
Hey, tara,
where are you going?
Don't you have something
at marshall's school?
[Engine starts]
[Muffled hip-hop music]
t?
Whoo-hoo!
Hi, max.
Yeah, it's me.
She's back.
No, I'm glad you were there.
Charmaine, any chance
I could convince you
To help me wrangle her?
What's in it for you?
I don't know.
Free junk food, and, uh,
good karma, I guess.
Thank you.
Listen, I gotta go.
Bye.
Listen, your mom's fine.
She, uh--
She's just not
quite herself.
She went awol?
I'm pretty sure she's at that
arcade place she likes.
You should go get her.
No, no, no.
I'm not gonna do that.
You're gonna be
wiggling your foot
The whole trial anyway.
No.
Just go.
[Sighs]
Okay, all right.
Thanks.
Oh, I hate fremont.
I don't know why
she can't find a sugar shack
Closer than 200 miles.
Ah, it'd take
all the fun out of it.
I was thinking about
tara and her friends.
You know if she had a roommate
at boarding school?
Somebody that might have
been around, you know,
When whatever
happened happened?
I think so.
She didn't mention it?
Well, I asked,
but I think my wanting to know
Just puts her on edge.
Yeah, I know.
Oh, you know?
You know she told me
to also get a hobby
Other than fixing her?
We were going
round and around about that.
She said "train set."
I thought maybe line dancing.
She did have a roommate.
I can't remember her name.
I remember she was
freakishly tall.
Of course I was only worthy
of shitty public school, so--
Why's that?
I don't know.
I don't know what I did.
Maybe you didn't
do anything.
[Engine starts]
Maybe.
[Electronic dance music]
* *
[Chatter and cheers]
[Music continues]
* *
[Cheers]
* *
She's pretty good.
My bitch is fresh.
[Cheers]
Come on.
[Cell phone vibrating]
Hi, dad.
Did you find her?
Yes, I have, and she's not
even in any trouble.
yet.
you haven't let her
out of your sight, have you?
No, sir.
I have not, sir.
hey, I think we're gonna
stay over, okay?
All right, bye.
Roger.
Oh, yeah, I'll take
you bitches anytime.
I wanna have a party.
What?
They're staying over.
You just wanna
have a party
So that that jason guy
comes over.
No.
I've always wanted
to have a party.
You hate parties.
Parties with teenagers.
I mean, I'd go to woody allen's
new year's eve party,
Or, you know,
if noel coward
Invited me
to something on his boat.
Sorry, moosh,
but jason's not gonna come.
How do you know?
Because, it'd be too big
of a statement.
It would show
he's actually into you.
Maybe it'd just show, you know,
that he likes parties.
Civilized parties,
like mine will be.
[Laughs]
But I guess I can make
some phone calls.
Thank you.
So her footwork's all sloppy,
and she dares me to sight read.
And I'm like,
"pfft, step-off, bar-humper,
Here comes
my bong thomas."
And then I did a double
on this nine-footer,
And was, like,
totally in challenge mode.
Why's she here?
Well, 'cause she's
a nice person,
And she's offered
to drive tara's car back.
So I can get up early,
and go to my job at the clinic,
Because your actions
don't only affect you,
You self-absorbed
pretend teenager.
What about me?
We're gonna stay over.
No shit?
Yeah, let's hang out,
have some fun.
Why not?
What kind of fun?
Okay, bye.
No.
[Laughing]
Why are we gonna stay over
if we're not gonna fuck?
Drive safe, charmie.
Can I at least
fuck him?
No.
You never let me
do anything.
You know, I think
tara's roommate's name
Was heidi troy,
or heidi sawyer maybe.
Does that help?
Yeah, yeah.
You bet.
All right.
Okay, thank you.
[Electronic dance music]
I've been collecting
for quite some time now.
I started on or around christmas
when I was eight.
It's, like,
a peppermint schnapps party?
I told you it was going
to be civilized.
Hey.
Hey, how'd you get off work?
I told gene stuart
my grandma died,
And I have to sit shivah.
Nice, I told him
I had lady cramps.
Oh, hey, moosh,
the christians are here!
hey, come on in!
[Electronic dance music]
(man)
dude, I'm on level five!
[Sighs]
Hey, what the fuck, man?
Hey, t.
Leave us alone,
weird stranger!
Yeah, we were having
a moment here!
Yeah, you were.
Moment's over.
I'm her husband.
Let's go.
Excuse me?
In your dreams, old man.
Go away now!
Yeah, you heard her.
Why don't you take
a walk with me?
Oh, what the fuck.
T, tell these guys
who I am.
Hello, I'm 16.
In your dreams, old lady.
Come on.
Get your fucking hands
off me, freakzoid.
Hey.
Guess I'm leaving.
Thank you.
Listen, chief, you don't know
what the fuck is going on.
Hey.
Come on,
it's still a good party.
No, it's not.
Hmm.
Well, if it makes
you feel any better,
Ben's here with
his new evil girlfriend.
What the fuck?
I know.
I invited him.
Yeah, but not her.
[Laughs]
Skank-strumpet.
Fuck-pretzel.
Jezebel.
Sugar hole.
Motherfucking,
cock sucking cunt blossom.
[Laughs]
Marshall?
Oh, my--my god.
You made it.
Dude.
What's up?
Um...
This is my--
this is my kitchen area.
I like it.
It's nice.
Yo, party's over.
Are we gonna
have a problem?
Yeah, don't be such
an asshole, dad.
Just go home.
Wait, he's your dad?
Yes, that's right.
I'm her dad.
And you are
in big trouble, missy.
Don't pay any attention
to him, skunk.
Nice meeting you.
Hey, call me.
[Laughs]
[Indistinct chatter]
Hello, pretty lady.
What the fuck is this?
Three guesses.
Go.
I'm going
to kill my niece.
Well, uh, as kate's manager
at barnabeez,
I can absolutely
vouch for her.
She's dedicated,
she's hard working.
And I don't know
if you're familiar
With the phrase, uh,
"those who work hard play hard,"
But that's pretty much
what we got going on here.
It's gonna be fine.
Shut up.
Talk to you--
talk to you later.
See that?
That went good.
Hey, ben.
Hey.
Is it okay
that I'm here?
I mean, look, I don't want you
to feel weird or anything, so.
I don't feel weird.
No?
Well, uh,
I miss you, katie-chan.
benjamin.
Be right there.
[Giggling]
Hey, shh!
You gotta be quiet.
t, there's other--
hey, stop, leave that alone.
there's other people
sleeping here.
Ooh!
Let's go for a swim
in the heated pool.
Or we can empty
the mini bar, watch porn,
And then go
for a swim.
Pool's closed.
well, what do you
want to do?
Talk.
Okay.
Ask me anything.
What happened
to tiffany's mural?
What?
Just thought you'd know
how it got cut up.
[Laughs]
Oh, that.
[Sighs]
oh, maxi-pad.
I wanna help you.
You know I do.
But I can't tell you about that
unless you fuck me.
[Laughs]
oh.
Okay.
Wait.
Did you guys, like, change
your agreement or something?
Not really.
you wanna do it
on the bed or the floor?
Sorry, you weren't
Expecting someone romantic,
were you?
'Cause I can totally
be that guy.
What is this?
Is ashton kutcher
gonna step out
From behind a plant
or something?
[Grunts]
No, t,
you're not getting punked.
Tell me why
you hurt tara.
I didn't.
Please don't lie to me.
I'm not.
Everything's so easy
for you, isn't it?
Huh?
She loved that mural.
She loved that job.
You just had
to take it away, didn't you?
[Cell phone rings]
Tara?
No, jackass.
And I didn't
fuck up tara's mural.
[Ringing continues]
Yeah?
[Acoustic guitar music]
* Jesus *
I thought that you said
that if he came,
It would be a statement.
But this isn't a statement.
It's just folk rock
for girls about jesus.
How you doin'?
Max, you need
to get back here.
We so seriously need beer,
it's not even funny.
I know.
May I be
of service?
Hi...gene.
I didn't know
you were here.
I'm just glad
you're feeling better.
Any way
that I can help?
Um, yeah, actually.
If you wouldn't mind.
As long as I can trust you
not to drink and drive.
No.
No.
We don't do that, gene.
Of course not.
Never.
Let's make it so.
What's going on?
Nothing, ben.
Who's the joker?
He's my boss.
Let's go.
Good deal.
Hey, cool hat, man.
Katie, where are you going?
You can't leave
your own party!
[Tires screech]
[Screams and laughs]
Thanks for saving me.
Anytime, my lady.
How did you get off work?
Aren't you supposed
to be managing right now?
Shh!
Everything's under control.
Pager.
[Laughs]
It's all good.
[Laughs]
Let's go.
Party's over.
No, it's not!
I just hope that there's
still room for me, you know?
There's always room, bro.
No, not for, like,
people in buildings.
Holy shit, marshy.
What have you done to yourself?
Who's this?
I'm jason.
What's up, jason?
Not too much.
Bye.
Are you even gay?
What?
Man or clam?
Who's hungry?
Could you just--
leave him alone, okay?
Okay.
Dude, you smell like toothpaste.
And no smoking
in the house.
Just trying to help.
good.
Then could you write
"Die yuppie cunt" for me
on this napkin?
[Exhales]
[Laughter]
Nice cup.
Yeah, that's one
of my inventions.
I think you're hot.
Thanks.
And you have what it takes
to go far in business.
But I've just been
too damn hurt too many times.
Sorry.
Most guys could just--
They can have intercourse
day after day
Without even caring,
but I won't go there, kitty.
Especially not with someone
I could fall in love with.
Here's my house.
Oh, that's your house?
Yeah.
In case you ever want
to drop by, and--
And--and not
have intercourse?
Fair enough.
[Groaning]
Charmaine, just leave that,
all right, I got it.
Just go home.
Okay, I'll just, um,
wrap up some lasagna.
Where's your sister?
With gene stuart.
Ah, he's hot.
Hey, there's no smoking
in here, okay?
That's what I said.
[Scoffs]
Gah.
Fuck.
Sorry.
It was my fault.
The whole party
was my idea.
No, it wasn't.
Thank god you're safe, katie.
we were worried
about you.
Katie can take care
of herself.
Did you get some?
I'm pretty sure
marshy didn't.
hey, t,
Why don't you go out
to the shed and chill out?
Yeah, that's a great idea.
I thought she left.
Just go home, charmaine.
I was just trying
to help.
[Mockingly]
I was just trying to help, maxi.
I was just trying
to help.
Ohh.
I really don't think
you should be
Getting all judgey on me.
Oh, my god,
be quiet.
you should have seen him.
he's totally into me.
Your father is like
a sex-crazed--
Just shut up, t!
haven't you caused
enough trouble?
Excuse me?
Look, you know you wrote
"die yuppie cunt"
On mom's mural.
Did not.
Why does everyone
always blame me?
Because it's always you.
You gave kate
the morning after pill.
You shoplifted bras,
You ruined mom's mural.
And then she went away,
and dad had to go get you.
And so mom and dad
missed my open house,
Just like they missed
the scopes trial,
And aztec day,
And my parent-teacher
conference,
And the battle
of little big horn.
Honey, I'm sorry.
It's not your fault.
It's hers!
Are you my mother?
[Laughs]
no way.
Then why are you
inside my mother?
I don't know.
I want my real mother,
And only my real mother,
and none of you other freaks.
Just her.
Everybody else,
go away!
[Laughs]
T didn't
ruin the mural, marsh.
Come on.
Who did?
I don't know, son.
[Crickets chirping]
You're still here?
I'm sorry.
[Soft acoustic guitar music]
* *
* Who sent you *
* Who made you *
* Why are you
looking around *
* Who caught you *
* Who kept you *
* Kept you
for a while *
* *
* Who's leaving *
* Ice breaking *
* Why's it always feel fine *
* Why's it always
feel fine *