Umbre (2014–…): Season 1, Episode 6 - Episode #1.6 - full transcript

Mr. Puiu has some memory problems and decides to pay a visit to a doctor, a good friend of his; he discovers some unsettling things. At school, Chuckie is challenged by a classmate, gets into a fight with him and things get out of control. The principal calls Relu and Gina to school and they unite to defend their boy. During a meeting with the boys, Capitanu finds out that Relu didn't finish a certain job and gets very angry. Wanting to warn Relu, Teddy finds Magda and so the two get to see each other after a long time. Mr. Puiu pays Relu a visit and he confesses that he wants to get out of the mobster's world to take care of his family. Capitanu is looking for Relu and Nico is accused of defending him. Mr. Puiu gets into a big mess, without anyone suspecting anything, while Relu brings his cab to the car service.

No, no, no! More!

-Right. I'm all good.
-I'm not!

-What about me?
-You've got a few options.

First, rub one off,
get the blood flowing.

Or, second, try switching it up, it's
never too late to learn a new trick.

Or stop taking me for a fool...

- And then...
- Then?

You won't ask yourself
"what about you."

-Can't we make a one-time exception?
-Can we?

Look how sweaty I am,
I'll get a chest cold if I stay still.

You were the one carping about
how hot it was in the car!

-Wasn't it though?
-Relu, you should count your blessings.

Crazy broad!

Episode 6

No way, what's with you here, so early?

Early?! Oh, right, for you it is,
patching up stiffs and all.

You shouldn't have, Puiu.

- How've you been?
- All right.

Can you still get it up?

- You've come for some little helpers?
- Nope.

I've put together
a crank-arm system.

Stands to attention
like nobody's business.

So? Spill!

I thought I'd... My mind's been
on the fritz lately.

Was it ever any different?

We've come far,
but there's still no cure for stupid.

I can't remember stuff.

Not like, when the game's on or
some girl's name you're screwing.

But where I've left things...
And a few times, where I live.

I took a cab once just
two blocks away from home.

I struggle to make coffee,
and I'm a regular drinker

been brewing it since I was 14.

Let's see. On your feet!
Close your eyes, stretch out your arms!

- You're how old now?
- 68.

Touch your nose with the fingertips
on your left hand.

Now with your right hand...

Sit down.

Take off that sorry excuse
for footwear.

Put your foot up.

- Did'ya sense that?
- More or less.

'Cause you ain't got a lick of sense.
The other one!

How about now?

Stand up!

Make a beeline, with your eyes closed!

- Trained in blind man's buff, were'ya?
- Yeah, that and leapfrog!

Go on, ready? Start walking!

That's enough. Sit down.

I can get you in for a brain scan,
or an MRI, if you want to dig deeper.

But I reckon there's no point.

Listen, this can be
any number of things.

But, given your age, I reckon
it's some form of dementia.

-You don't say!
-The highbrows call it Alzheimer's.

- Us normal folk, we call it...
- A screw loose.

That sounds right.

Thing is, the way it progresses
varies from one case to the next.

It can be a year, it can be five.
What we know for sure is it progresses.

- Here I was thinking it was serious.
- No, no.

Good thing you'll have forgotten all
about it by the time you leave here.

You'll come out with a clean slate.

There. I built them a pool too.

Where do you get off hitting me?
Hitting me, creep?!

Fight! Fight!

- Pãtraºcu farted!
- I'm putting it on Facebook!

- Did'ya catch me farting on him?
- Yeah.

Pãtraºcu, Teacher is gonna get you,
just you wait!

Teacher is coming, I'm so merry/
I will pop her little cherry!

- Pãtraºcu!
- You again?!

Unreal, man, how the Queens keep
giving me the runaround!

Never mind, bro. They turn tail now,
but you'll get tail later.

I wish, bro. I'll barely get a bagpipe
on a good day!

How does that one go?

Back in my day, you knew what's what.
Ass. Blowjob. Tit.

- What the bloody hell's this now?
- Kinky stuff.

-Did you know about this bagpipe thing?
-How do you think I had him?

How come he ain't joining in?

He's more about the virtual life.

I'd grab this guy and smash his hands
in a grinder!

As if you've never mugged
a guy in your life!

Never slashed a guy
for a lousy penny.

Is killing a guy for a million
really so different?

- A million's just more pennies, right?
- He's right!

Yeah, but Pop Geamanu's saying there
should be a code in place. That right?

Man, I don't believe in God.
I believe in what I can touch.

A bit of flesh. A scrap of iron.

Even when I was a kid,
I'd be smoking at church

and clipping churchgoers,
could do it blindfolded!

But I think there's a balance in
this world that you reap what you sow.

You can laugh, boss, but you didn't do
a 7-year stretch for nothing!

Sure, pops, we've heard the old tune,
the clink's full of innocents!

Seven years in the slammer,
and for what?

- A car accident.
- That was your rap? I had no idea!

And I wasn't even driving.

I remember it like it was yesterday.

So much snow, it was hard to see
anything past two yards ahead.

I was coming back from a party,
with the missus.

I'd been boozing it up all night.

I was seeing double,
so I thought I'd let her drive.

How much traffic could there be,
on a Sunday morning, in that weather?!

There was, still is, a tight turn on
Berzei, going up from the train depot.

The Beetle skidded off the road there,
and sent this woman flying...

... all the way into the buildings
across the road.

I realized it was bad.

I went to see what I could do.
It wasn't much, she was a mess.

Upper-crust lady,
had on a white fox.

What could I to do?
Let my wife get thrown in jail?

With her diabetes, and all her pips?

I got in behind the wheel
and she called the cops.

I didn't get my just deserts
for what I did in life.

Got them for what I didn't do instead.

When all's said and done,
I barely broke even.

A bit better than even, I'd say.

Money's worthwhile
when you're broke, bro.

When you're not, it's zilch.

At least, for me.

Others don't feel quite the same.

If there's something on your mind,
come out with it, stop waffling!

I'll give it to you straight then,

For a pile of cash, we're all gonna
land head-first in a clusterfuck.


Last week you were sending a guy
after him, right?

I couldn't give a shit about his
Senate seat, ain't about that!

But who does Cocos answer to again?

Shit's gonna come raining down
on us all! For some lettuce!

You're saying the Senator got kevorked?

So what?! Plenty more
leeches in the sea!

Yeah, if they'd offed him. I would have
jumped on his funeral beans!

But no, they just stitched his jugular
an inch.

He was in a coma for 3 or 4 days
and now he's on the mend.

Oh, so you didn't know that, boss?

-Who knife him, pops? One of ours?
-That's the million-dollar question!

Wait till he fingers the guy.

Pop Geamanu, give the doomsaying
a rest already!

Fine then, just deal. We'll see.

So what, he thinks he can play me
just 'cause I dropped out of school?!

What's he done now?

See, boss, a few days ago, he makes
these Bambi eyes at me and says...

"Babe, how about you start
playing the skin flute again?"

Sure, laugh! You 16-year-olds
are all carefree!

I bet they're lining up
to jump your bones!

-You churn out 5 kids, then we'll talk!
-Plenty of ways around that now.

Like what? Round the rear?!

They're called Kegels, muscle-toning
exercises. Like fitness, just for...

As if! So I toil here for 10 hours,
go home, wash their clothes,

feed them, wipe their asses,
then screw up the kick for a workout!

- Do you do'em with small dumbbells...?
- You gotta contract in a certain way.


- Have you got 2 minutes?
- Yes. Here's one... and two.

- Who's this guy?
- A douche.

- I'm her boyfriend!
- My what, now?! Man, you're tripping!

All men are the same, mark my words!

- So you tried them all out?
- Hey!

- Come outside, I need a word!
- So now you want a word?!

How about when I buzzed you
on Messenger?! Or when I called?!

When I texted?! Why no word then?!

- Magda, let's talk outside!
- Watch it, punk!

Get out, don't make me go fetch
my husband!

- Go on, take a hike!
- Scram! Buzz off!

I'll cut my wrists, so help me!

Shut it, you pricks!
I'll set my pit bull on you!

Magda, come with me or mop my blood
off this floor!

- Where's Mr. Relu?
- My dad?!

- Yes. Where is he? I can't reach him.
- So this show wasn't even about me!

- Magda, where's your dad?
- Go fuck yourself!

Girl, are you crazy?

Do you think I'm here for your dad?
I'm here 'cause he's your dad!

I've no idea where he is. He and mom
had a row, he hasn't come home in ages.

I don't know what they're thinking,
it's like they lost their marbles.

Let's go.

Hey, is it just me or...?

Show's over, stop leering, you guys!
Back to work!

-We're lucky he didn't break his skull.
-'Cause he's got fat up to his eyeballs!

What's this about luck, headmistress?

He was in and out of X-rays,
they even did an MRI!

He was crying so hard,
it broke my heart!

Do you even know what a private clinic
charges for an MRI?

600 Lei! Were you aware?

-I don't even know what that is.
-It's like an X-ray.

So why didn't you do
the free X-ray?

Given this show of defiance,
no wonder he did what he did!

- My child was raised to know better.
- I'm sure... he was.

- Where did you get that cane?
- Watch your tone with my kid!

Please, be civil!

- That's a deadly weapon!
- Crap, it's not!

I won't rest till your kid's in juvenile
detention! He's a public menace!

Mrs. Pãtraºcu, calm down!
No one's going to get locked up.

- Surely not on your say-so.
- Oh no?!

- No!
- Fine, let me rephrase then!

White arm assault.

Will you please tell us
where did you get that cane?


As if these people had a credit card!
You can only pay by card online.

we're getting sidetracked.

- A bunch of his classmates come out...
- Came!

- Huh?
- They came out.

That's what I said.
A bunch of kids came out

and pointed at this lady's boy as
the instigator. He spat on my kid...

- Wrong! He spat on the page!
- And he farted on my kid!

- Mr. Oncescu!
- That's what they said happened!

Fine, they did, but we don't use
that type of hood speak at school!

Isn't the school in the hood?!
How else should I speak?!

If he won't be civil, I'm leaving.
And I'll see you all in court!


Civil then, my dear lady.

Let's say I sat down
on your face and farted...

- Relu!
- ...what would you do?

It expires in 2016.

You, outside!

Good day!

- Bye!
- See you! Careful not to...

At least now you know for sure
he's yours.

I've always known that.

- You're mighty sure of yourself.
- Myself, not so much.

-But I'm sure of you.
-Same warmed-uo lines, for 20 years!

-If the system ain't broke, why fix it?
-Are you sure it's still not broken?

Thanks for dropping us off.
We could've taken the subway.


How long till you get off the fence
about my coming home?

I never said you could come home.

So what do I have to do
to get you to take me back?

Turn back time, be an engineer?

First you fuck up, now you're the one
soapboxing about it?!

Don't you see nothing's changed?

Who knows, maybe one day you wake up
in a funk, we get into it

and you throw me out the window
like you did that guy!

Don't worry, I'll lay down some guy
to break your fall!

Don't you think I want you back home?

I'm afraid to be with you

and I'm afraid to be without you.

I'll put the pieces back together.
I swear.

Just tell me I'm not doing it in vain.

Better change this windshield,
before someone starts asking questions.

Fuck me sideways, what a dump!
This was Giani's old hole?

- And he rolled like Donald Trump!
- Popped by to speak ill of the dead?

What's that?

Mrs. Pãtraºcu's address.

Mommy dearest to that little shit
who messed with shorty.

Gina told me what went down.
So I did some digging.

-Fuck that puffed-up creep!
-My thoughts exactly.

I'll get to stretch out the old bones.

Take a trip down memory lane,
while I still can.

- Cheers!
- To your health!

Cheers, Giani man!

Pops, I'm not doing that sort of thing
anymore. I'm quitting.

-Say what now? Did you fill the lads in?
-No I didn't!

I'll send'em chocolates and flowers
in due time, to soften the blow!

Can't do it anymore.

You knew what you were getting into.
You knew when you fell in with them,

they don't leave home
without a sweet guy.

- I did tell you.
- You did.

These lads pulled you
out of a lot of scrapes.

- They were your family.
- My wife and kids are my family!

So what, the rest of us, the brigade,
we're jack shit, huh?!

What brigade are you on about?!

The Captain, who shakes your hand
while stabbing you in the back?

Tãnase? Sabin? The other drudges
who need his OK to cross the street?!

What are we playing at, Cosa Nostra?
Family, my ass!

A bunch of hoodlums who start popping
caps to weatherise their homes!

So what's the plan, Relu?
Live out your life in a garage, like me?

Don't even...! I've told you,
how many times now, to move inside?

I don't mean that!

You've got a wife, kids.
What'll you do for money?

So you sell the house, the car,
all of it. Then what will you do?

Can't shift the house.

The bank owns most of it.
But I've got the car, that gold.

Maybe it really is how you see it and
the lads are all dimwits.

None's got your balls of steel,
that's for damn sure.

But know this!

For as long as I've known this crew,
no one's upped and left on a whim!

Not that I've heard of.

You did!


I spent 11 years in the slammer.

I came out like a three-legged dog
who no one's afraid of anymore.

No matter how much blood they'd drawn
in their prime. So they let me go.

I'm not about to ask for a hall pass!

I'll get my ducks in a row,
then hop on a train.

- Where will you go?
- Where will we go! You're coming with.

Don't sweat the "where."
It's a big world out there.

Fine then, Relster.
Whatever you say.

-What's up, boss!
-Cheers, boss!

- I was just gonna...
- Where is he?

I don't know.

Call him!

Go on, call him!

Don't be coy!

- He's not answering.
- He's not, huh? I thought so.

How long has it been?

- Dunno, but...
- Stop covering for him!

He hasn't picked up or called back
since the Senator thing, boss!

So four, five days now.

You do know he knifed that guy?

- I heard, but I don't buy it.
- You don't?

So who's that in hospital, lying in
a coma with his veins slashed?!

- It's not his style, he'd've told me..
- Would he?

What did he tell you instead?

- Nothing. He didn't tell me a thing.
- Nico, love...

Too bad that abortion left you barren!
Given you've got a mother's touch.

You so like to suckle and shield!

- I'm not shielding him. I just know...
- You don't know anything...

...except what I tell you to!

No, you should've called me, ME!
I'll blow you all to hell!

What's this shit?! You're suddenly
paddling your own canoe?!

So no bead on Relu.
Do you at least have the cash?

-Did you count it?
-No, but Relu said it was 12 grand.

I'm not disputing that.

Still, would you please count it again,
as a favour to me, just to make sure?

Boss, what if the count
turns up more dough?

I'll just turn it over to the church.
Cheers, pops!

Sorry, boss, only I've just been
to the can.

And you're the type
who doesn't wash after...

You know the saying,

a gentleman washes
before handling the jewels, not after!

Take this, pops, drink a beer
to my health!

Cheers, boss!

I'll drink to Relu's too, he could use
the help by the looks of it!

As you please,
but not on my penny.

- Off you go, Pop Puiu, we're busy.
- I can see that.

What's eating you? Go play some
backgammon! Move it along!


Itching for it, huh? Scram,
before he has me beat you to a pulp!

Or d'ya wanna waddle like Pinocchio?!

Sabin, sonny.
It's one thing to be a blowhard...

Quite another to land
the hard blows.

Sit still. Still now. Go on...

...take a nap.

Yes, of course. Yeah. Of course.

Yeah, damn straight!

Put it all in there.

Yes? Sabin speaking.

-All of it, I said!
-Pop Puiu, think this through!

I've never seen the point.
Why start now?!

Nico! You're my favorite princess!

I think you should play it smart now or
you might fall face first on the curb.

If only I were just that bit younger...

Good night, my sweets!



End of episode 6