Udan Patolas (2022–…): Season 2, Episode 3 - Ignorance is Bless - full transcript

Well, guys let me tell you
why I have called you all here.

How many of you know about
Jaspal Chatwal?

Oh, wow! Good.
Impressed.

And how many of you know that...

...he's the richest Indian
in the world...

...and he's returning to India from London
for the first time in 20 years?

That's why I'm your boss.

Because I'm more aware
than all of you.

So, why is he returning to India?

This information will be very profitable
and precious to us.

'So,
I have an offer for all of you.'



The first one to find out...

...the reason for Jaspal
to come to India...

...will be paid double the salary
for the next three months.

'Hey!'
- 'Really!'

And your offer starts...

'Let's go...'
- Now!

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.

You know what..
Amalfi is really trending.

We must go there
for our summer holidays.

And you promised me.

Let me go to South Africa
and wrap up this deal.

I promise you,
we'll go to Amalfi and Blue Grotto.

Really?

- Yes.



- But why are you leaving tonight?
- One second.

- Oh, my God. Amrit, it's true!
- What happened?

Mr. Jaspal Chatwal
is coming to India.

Oh, how come?

That's the thing. Nobody knows.

You know,
I really respect this guy.

He's a true businessman.

Everything he touches, turns to gold.

If he's coming to India
for business...

...and if I manage to crack
even a small deal with him...

...then not just Amalfi, babe...

...I can take a sabbatical
for three months...

...and we'll go on a world tour.

It's my dream
to work with this guy.

But first, I need to find out
why he is coming here.

Hmm.

How can we find that out?

Chatwal... Mr. Chatwal...

- Oh, my God. My God.
- You scoundrel!

Have you gone mad?

- You are obsessed now!
- Oh, Lovely!

For a 3-month double salary..

..I'm ready to stand in front of
a speeding truck...

Alright, we'll see
when the next one comes.

Hey! You duck face.
Can't you see properly?

- Get lost, you monkey!
- Crazy woman!

- What the hell! Did you see that?
- Unbelievable. You're unbelievable.

I feel like I'm taking my two
blind dogs for a walk.

- But our collars are missing.
- Look at this!

Noorpreet Dhillon,
that's the worst photograph. Okay?

I can only see half your face.
Where is the rest?

In your a**, Lovely.

- Oh!
- Show-off.

Someone is surely going to cry today.

Look, you look so under-confident
in that photograph. Duck!

Oh, hey! I was giving
a 'mystery girl' look.

You won't get it,
Japanese doll.

Do you know, Lovely? Your problem
is completely contrary to Punni's.

- What?
- She's not at all aware.

And you are a bit too aware.

"What one should eat.."

"What one should drink..?"
"What will people think?"

Blah-blah.

You're too aware.

So, what shall I do?
Be an ignorant cow like Punni?

Oh, hello.
There's a saying in English.

"Ignorance is bless".

It's "Ignorance is bliss", Punni.
Bless you.

Forget it, Lovely.

Given how unaware she is...

...that was great English
for the poor girl.

Noorpreet, I hate you.
Both of you, I'm...

You always do this to me.

You pat my back with one hand
then slap me with the other hand!

- Someone is surely going to cry today.
- ..going to cry today.

- Okay, stop. My blind dog.
- Pup...

- Puppy.
- Sorry.

- Sorry.
- Okay, listen, sorry.

- Sorry...
- God!

Here, son. Have some milk.

Milk? But, I haven't even
brushed my teeth.

You didn't brush? That's okay.

What is it that you drink
early in the morning?

What do they say in English?

- Mom, bed tea.
- Bed tea?

'What a boring movie!'

Is your revenge done?

- Shall we go now?
- No. I'm not done yet.

Get me some samosas and cola.
Quickly.

'I didn't know that.'

i Fashion brings you sunglasses.

Hey! That's Jasmine, right?

- Yes!
- Oh, wow!

She looks so good.

Oh, my God!

- What a surprise!
- Jassu!

- Hi.
- Hi.

How are you?

Jassu!

You look very hot on screen.
But, in real, you're even more...

Wow!

I'm telling you, she can turn
every guy in Mumbai into a villain.

'Yeah, Jassu.
Kaaju bhaiya had told us about you.'

You have become a celeb now.

Noorpreet, I swear, your brother...

...has scaled up my whole life.

- Huh?
- 'It's all a matter of time.'

Now, look.
I'm on the cover page already.

- Now...
- Now?

- Should I tell you?
- Yes?

Ready... Steady...

- On the mark.
- Get set.

Go!

I have been selected
for Miss India.

- Oh, my God.

My god!

Oh, my god! Thank you so much.
I'm so happy for you, Jassu.

That means
you'll be on Splitsvilla soon.

- Yes, Punni.
- Jassu, I'm so happy for you.

That's your childhood dream, right?
I'm sure you're gone win the crown.

- Just look at her!
- Right?

Really?

- But I'm not so sure. - Why?
- Why? What happened?

That...

You guys know how smart I am.

I used to get the highest marks
in the class.

But, my instructor in the class...

...she says my vocal chords
are full of wrong pronoun...

Pronunciation?

- Pronunciation.
- Yes, that.

I'm wrong at that.

She keeps asking me
to say a different words.

She hates me.

- Is it?
- No, Jassu. This is not good.

You cannot be in your instructor's
bad books.

But what do I do, lovely?

She's so annoying. Bloody b***h.

Jassu, are you crazy?
A Miss India cannot talk like that.

No way!

Guys, we need to fix Jassu.

She needs polishing.

- Yes.
- She needs Corella ma'am.

- What?
- Corella Grooming Academy, guys.

- What?
- She is the best.

All these actresses and models
go to her to correct their diction.

'How to be articulate,
you know.'

She will train you so well that
you will be spewing flowers soon.

- Flowers!
- Okay, let's go.

Guys, hurry up. Let's go.
We have work to do.

- Come on. Let's fix me.
- Okay.

Oh! This way.

Okay, class. Look at this.

- What is this?
- Cake-a.

No! It's cake. Make it quick.

Don't stretch words
like a rubber band. Okay?

- It's cake.
- 'Cake.'

'Much better.'

Now, let's see the next word.
What is this?

- Warfall.
- Warfall.

No. If you're hungry, eat fruits.
Don't eat up letters.

It's waterfall. Okay?
Now, class, please repeat after me.

Hello. How do you do?

'Hello. How do you do?'
- Hello. How do you do?

Much better.

When you greet someone...

...it's double side kiss.

'Why two times, ma'am?'

Parminder, in Punjab, Do you say"Balle" or "Balle Balle"?

- 'Right?'

'That's all for today.'

Please go home and practice
what I have taught you. Okay?

I will see you tomorrow.

- Thank you, ma'am.
- You're welcome.

Uhm... Hi, ma'am.

Hi, Lovelle. Nice to see you.

- How are you, ma'am?
- I am good.

- You're looking pretty as always,
darling. - Thank you so much.

Ma'am, it's such a pleasure
to see you at work always.

- You're like a true magician.
- Thank you.

Now, tell me.
Which one of these lovely ladies...

...needs Corella's magic wand?

Ma'am, actually, Jasmine here...

She has been selected
in Miss India.

- That's lovely.
- Yeah, ma'am.

But she has some problems
with her accent.

- You see, I'm from Punjab.
- Oh, it's not your fault, child.

It's the village problem.

It's tough but not impossible.

- Ma'am, there's one more problem.
- Is it?

Her first round
is tomorrow morning, ma'am.

- Oh! Jesus Christ.
- 'Yeah.'

I know. Ma'am, please
if you can do something today...

...we'll be really grateful to you.

You know, I know you since
you were Lovely Singh.

You are one of my first students.

If I could get a change in you...

- ...I can do the same with her,
right? - Yes, ma'am.

- Ma'am, so...
- Yeah.

- Take her tomorrow.
- Thank you so much, ma'am.

Thanks, that means a lot to us.

- Alright, Jassu. All the best.
- All the best.

- Tata.
- Goodbye, child.

- Goodbye.
- Goodbye.

- Thank you, ma'am.
- Thank you.

Okay, girls. Thank God!
This job is done.

- Yes. - Now, let's focus on our
double salary for three months.

Yeah. Hey!

If we research about Chatwal
together then we can...

- Salary share?
- We can do that.

Good idea.

Hello, my cuties.

Hello, Amrinderrrr...

'How are you, girls?'
- We're good.

Okay, Lovely, listen.
I need a favour.

'Yes. What is it?'
- Can you fix a meeting...

...for Akaash, with Mr. Mittal?

Yeah. Sure.
Why? What happened?

I don't know. Something to do with
Mr. Jaspal Chatwal.

Chatwal?

What do you know about him?

I don't know anything.

Okay, Amrinder. I'll get to the office
and organise a video conference.

Akaash is going to South Africa,
right?

- I'll have it sorted.
- Okay, thank you.

- Love you too.

- Okay, Amrinder...

'Yes, tell me, Noor.'

Did you know that Jasmine
is taking part in Miss India contest?

Yes. Why? Didn't you know?

No. We didn't know.

Hmm...
Because you girls don't pay attention.

'I always tell you
to keep your eyes and ears open.'

'Be a little more aware.'

Okay, I have to go.
See you, girls, soon. Bye.

- Bye.
-

By the way,
she was talking about you too.

- Uhm, sir, sir, sir, sir.
- What is it, Lovelle?

Sir, someone wants to
have a video call with you.

Lovelle I have got back
to back meetings today. I'm sorry.

Sir, I think you would want to
take this call.

- Who is it?
- Mr. Akaash Goel.

Sir, he wants to talk to you about
Mr. Jaspal Chatwal.

- Really?
- Yes.

Okay, okay.

Hello, Puneet. I have a meeting
with Mr. Lloyd now, right?

Please postpone that, okay?
I have an urgent video call coming.

Yeah. Bye.

- Great.
- Thank you, Lovelle. Thank you.

You know, that's why you're my
favourite employee, Lovelle.

That's why I love you so much.

- Thank you so much.
- Tell him I'm waiting.

Yes, sir. I'll just connect you
to the call.

- Okay.
- Okay, thank you.

'Attitude, attitude.
Come on, girls.'

Come on, girls.

Move your f*****g bums.

'You girls are walking
like donkeys.'

'So unattractive.'

Where's your style?
Where's your charm?

'You girls have to walk
the ramp in the evening.'

You might just walk in
a bloody cow shed.

Just forget it.
Just f**k it.

Number seven. You come first.

Hi, my name is Jasmine.

When I was in college,
I always wanted to be a model.

Hmm. Amazing.

You speak well.

Tell me something more about you.

So, one day I received
a fakhs ...

...when I was sitting
in my daxs .

- And it was...
It was a dakument ...

'...that I was selected
for video ad.'

of my life.

was felt like wow!

came on light.

Then what happened,
Ms. Number Seven?

- Tell us more.
- I was so excated ...

...that I told my driver,
let's go to tehen .

soon.

Oh, God! And I put on
my bast shirrt on me.

Okay, just stop.

'Miss Village belle.
Go and stand at the back.'

'And keep your mouth shut.'

Someone, just give her
a toothbrush.

She has uttered such words that
her Punjabi mouth must be stinking by now.

And by the way, please get
a ticket at your tehen .

You get a ticket, you buffalo!

You won't even fit
in an entire train coach.

- Excuse me?
- What cuse me, cuse me?

- You've fried my brains, b***h.
- Talk properly, miss.

- Or just watch it.
- You watch, huh?

Don't you dare make fun of Punjabis.

'Do you know what
Punjabis are? Huh?'

Punjabi is the only person who can
speak all the languages...

...in Punjabi.

- Bloody show-off.
- Shut up, you fool.

Have you ever been hit with a sandal?

It's pure leather. Pure leather.

You've been barking at us since morning!

- You old frustrated woman!
- Calm down, Number Seven.

My name is Jasmine. Jasmine.

Leave me.
I'll show this cow.

- Acting cool and all.
- 'Out. Out of the contest, now.'

Look, Akaash.
Enough with the small talk.

I'm fine. You're fine.
Let's come to the point.

Now tell me.
Why did you call me?

I just want to know...

...if you have any information on
Mr. Chatwal's visit to India?

What are you saying?

Do you think even if I had
the information about Chatwal...

...I would just give it away to you?

- What is he saying? I can't hear.
- Noor, I can't hear either. Idiot.

Valid point.

But I might have some information
in return for you.

So, do you have this information?

What...
What information do you have?

The information which I have...

...could be useful for the one
who has this information.

Sir... I got to know
why Mr. Chatwal is coming to India.

Shhh.

- Hey!
- Romil. Romil.

Oh! Mr. Goel.

I didn't know you were here.

No worries.
Mr. Mittal...

...so, now you would surely want
the information that I have?

Come on, sir.
You should trust me.

Remember. I also have that
information that you don't have.

Okay. Let's talk about it
some other time. Okay?

Bye, Akaash. Bye.

- Sit, sit, sit, sit, sit.
- Look at this, sir.

- Look at this.
- Yes. That's it.

- You'll get only for two months, okay?
Come... - What?

They are coming...

Hello, hello, hello, everybody.
Listen to me, listen to me, listen to me.

Buy the shares of
all the electric car companies in India.

Even Biffito and Speed-on's shares.
Come on, hurry up. Go on. Go on.

- How many shares, sir?
- What do you mean?

Buy all that you get.
You know why?

Because Chatwal is investing
in electric cars in India.

Tomorrow, you'll see an
insane rise in these shares.

Start buying.
Hurry up. Hurry up all of you.

- You know what people will say tomorrow?

"Mittal owns the world."
Yes!

Yes, but why would he
want to invest in electric cars?

You know, my source is very
reliable, Tamanna. Chill.

Romil, but...

'Chatwal has invested
in electric cars in China.'

And then in Germany.

Now, why would he come to India?
Like...

'Yes but this is...'
-Come on!

This is too small
a project for him.

That's what I am trying
to tell you guys.

Sir, it's true.
Chatwal has invested in cars.

- Hasn't he?
- Yes.

- How much?
- Many.

- Did you buy or not?
- Already done, sir.

Mittal owns the world.

- Three salaries. Three salaries.
- What?

Three salaries. Three salaries.

- Bloody idiot!
- God, you're not my friend.

You couldn't f*****g find out,
Punni.

What do I do?

Why wouldn't I be angry?

Akaash does so much for you and
you couldn't even do this for him.

Amrinder, we didn't know.

How did you not know?

Walter has bought most of
the shares before anyone did.

And you didn't know Chatwal is
coming to India for electric cars?

No. We seriously didn't know,
Amrinder.

We really don't know until
that stupid Romil did some...

- ...weird research, right?
- Research.

That loser took away our salary
of three months. Bloody idiot!

Who the f**k is Romil?

Anyway, I don't care.
I'm very upset.

Where the hell is this
Miss Stupid Punjab now?

Turn left here
and just stop the car.

Lovely! Why did you plan for such
an expensive restaurant again?

You know, we can't even afford the tips.
It's month-end.

Hey!

- Jassu.
- Hi.

What happened? Don't cry.

Are you crazy?

Amrinder has spoken to them.
Everything will be fine.

Jassu, listen. Okay.
Just breathe, okay?

- Take a deep breath.
- Yes.

'Come on.'

See? Good.

Jassu, listen. I have spoken
to the organizers.

They are taking you back.

Just give her a lovely hug
and say sorry.

- Be a good girl.
- You're rat .

Correct, Amrinder.
I want to be Miss India.

Of course,
you will be Miss India.

But the next time, please don't mess
with your priority decisions...

...because of your ego.

Okay?
So welcome back to the competition.

Thank you, sisters.

At least someone's life
is on track.

Even our Chatwal plan
was a flop.

- What Chatwal? - That...
- Leave it, sis.

You focus on your crown. Okay?

- Shall we order?
- Okay.

Sir... Mr. Chatwal. What is the purpose
of coming to India after so long?

- Sir... - Is it true that you're
investing in electric cars?

- Sir, one comment, please.
Say something. - Sir...

Welcome back after the break
and let me now introduce you...

...to our beautiful contestants...

'...who have come from
different parts of India.'

- 'Welcome contestant number one...'
- Wow. Hot.

'...Shefali Raghav from New Delhi.'

Yes, Mom. We are having
hot samosas and tea.

We are also watching the Miss India
contest. Jasmine is participating.

Yes. I'll call you. Bye.

Contestant number seven,
Jasmine Singh from Ludhiana.

Woah! Our Punjabi babe!

'Let's hear a huge round of applause
for all our beautiful contestants.'

Number seven is... My God!
Wow!

- Yes, Romil. Tell me.
- Sir, are you watching TV?

Yes, but I am watching
the wrong channel.

'Why?'
- Sir, switch to the news quickly.

Mr. Chatwal is finally about to reveal
why he has come to Mumbai.

Okay... Darling, volume.
Volume please. Volume.

Good evening, everyone.
I have called for this press briefing...

'...because I don't want anyone
to incur any kind of loss.'

As for my trip here...

...a lot of rumours
are being spread here.

'And before you make
any wrong investments...'

...I want to clear a few things.

'And finally, we have
three contestants left.'

'The final contestants.'

'That means, three girls
and one crown.'

'Who will get to wear this crown?'

'I am sure your hearts
are pounding hard by now.'

- 'Am I right?'
- Yes... Come on now, say it.

'I want the three girls
to step forward.'

I just hope they don't
ask her to speak.

Oh, God! No way!

It's okay.
It's okay, Amrinder.

You've trained her, right?
Nothing will go wrong.

'And let's begin...'

'...the question-answer round.'

- Oh, f**k! - F**k!
- F**k.

I have come to India
for a personal matter...

'...and not for
any business.'

- And, Jasmine, it's your turn
to answer. - Hey!

- Hey! - Hurry up!
- I'm here...

'Good evening,
ladies and gentlemen.'

My name is Jasmine
and I always wanted to be a model.

But I would like to answer
in Punjabi.

- What?
- What is this, Amrinder?

I just asked her to listen to
her heart and not to her brain.

And then nothing can go wrong.

'And I'll give the answer
in Punjabi...'

...because I'm most comfortable
speaking in Punjabi.

I am here with my son...

...who has come to India
in search of a girl.

'About a year back,
he met a Punjabi girl...'

'...in the US.'

'He is looking for her.'

- There's nothing more to this trip.
- What the f**k!

No! Shit, man!
Shit!

Bloody...

If it helps.

'Ladies and gentlemen...'

'...finally, I have with me...'

'...the name of the winner.
I have the list with me.'

'The second runner up is...'

- 'Jasmine Singh!'
- M**********r!

Shove it up your a**!
Bloody second runner up!

Punni, no! Punni! F**k!

- After all, we found her.
- Yes, Dad.

Whatever, Dad.
For me, she is Miss India.

And you know.
She is even more beautiful now.

- Oh! Cheers, son.
- Cheers, Dad.

'And in the top
10 news, at number three is...'

'...Mr. Chetwal is not investing
in electric cars.'

Most eligible bachelor,
Raj Chatwal...

...might not remain
a bachelor for long now.

'For the first time in Miss
India contest...'

'...the second runner up, Jasmine Singh,
has become more popular than the winner.'

Because Raj Chatwal's secret lover
is none other than...

...Jasmine Singh.

And in this fairy tale story..

...do you know what is most special?

Jasmine had absolutely no idea...

...that Raj is Raj Chatwal.
Now, that's true love.

Really.
Sometimes ignorance can be bliss.

Jasmine Singh...

How does it feel to know...

...that the richest Indian in the world
is madly in love with you?

One second...
Leave her alone.

Weren't you shocked that
he came all the way to find you?

- Excuse me. She didn't even know.
- Ma'am...

- Will you step back?
- Ma'am...

Will you step back?

- Come on, sis. - Let's go...
- Oh, my God!

?

They are hear, Jassu, because
you are a superstar now.

- Overnight, your life has turned downside up.
- Yes.

- Jassu?
- Hmm.

Didn't you really know?

What didn't I know?

That the boy you went
trekking with, was Raj Chatwal?

Seriously, I had no idea.

I mean, living in Ludhiana,
how would I know who Chatwal is?

I was just going out with him,
just like that. Oh, God!

Little did I know that he would fall for
a qweet girl from a small-town!

Wow, sis!

- You're so lucky! Really.
- Right.

Really, Jassu..
You are really lucky.

See, Lovely. Sometimes,
being ignorant, is really bliss.

Do you know why?

Because then when you finally get
something, you feel doubly happy.

- Yes. - By the way, on which floor
will Raj meet us at Royal Hotel?

What Flour?

The entire hotel belongs to him.

No matter if the world
understands your worth or not...

...true love knows your worth.

A diamond always shines through.

And a diamond always
finds its hero in the end.

Someone needs to stop Clearway Law.
Public shouldn't leave reviews for lawyers.