Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 4, Episode 17 - The Adventures of Captain Karma - full transcript
Berg tells Irene that he loves her but doesn't get any reaction and he is upset. Berg goes to a comic book signing and meets a girl, Katie, from his old high school. She has changed considerable and Berg doesn't recognise her. He decides to go on a date with her but she ends up as an outpatient when Berg is on duty. He is tempted but Irene finally gives him an answer. Pete and Ashley go out separately but end up at watching a romantic comedy together. Sharon takes Johnny to a business dinner for a spot of schmoozing and he has to act like a silent partner in the law firm she works for.
THAT WAS FUN. WHAT A GREAT IDEA
TO MAKE A SNOWMAN
INTO MY LIKENESS.
I'M SURPRISED IT DIDN'T MELT.
YOU'RE SO HOT. HA HA HA.
HEY! COOL. CHECK IT OUT.
THE CREATOR OF CAPTAIN
KARMA IS GOING TO BE
AT PEE WEE'S COMICS.
YOU WANT TO COME?
I THINK I'LL SKIP THE
FUNNY BOOK CARNIVAL.
OH! I'M LATE.
IT'S HOKEY-POKEY DAY AT
MY ROLLER SKATING CLASS.
OH, DO YOU WANT TO COME?
NO, THE LAST TIME I
PUT MY WHOLE SELF IN,
I-I GOT IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME.
NO. OH, MY GOD, NO. I'M NOT.
I LOVE HOW UNIQUE
YOU ARE, YOU KNOW?
YOU'RE... YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND.
YOU ARE LIKE...
YOU ARE LIKE MY
OWN LITTLE DODO BIRD.
OH.
I AM SO, SO HAPPY
THAT YOU ARE IN MY LIFE.
OH, WELL, I AM, TOO, SIR.
IRENE... YEAH?
I, UH...
BE CAREFUL WHEN
YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.
THAT'S SWEET.
IRENE? YEAH?
I LOVE YOU.
HA HA HA. THAT'S SWEET.
HEY. HEY.
HEY, HEY, BERG, TELL ME AGAIN,
WHAT TRIMESTER ARE YOU IN?
OOH.
I TOLD IRENE THAT I LOVED HER.
WHOA, REALLY?
WOW, WOW. I-I'M SHOCKED.
I MEAN, I'M HAPPY FOR YOU...
NO, NOT YET. I'M STILL SHOCKED.
YEAH, WELL, UH, SHE
DIDN'T SAY IT BACK.
OH, NO, NO, SHE
PROBABLY DIDN'T HEAR YOU.
THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.
PETE,
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
THAT I SAID IT FIRST,
AND THE FIRST TIME I
MEANT IT, I MIGHT ADD.
YEAH, THAT'S NICE.
DO I NEED TO TELL YOU
WHAT ICE CREAM DOES TO CHENILLE?
JEEZ, I TOLD HER I LOVED HER...
AND SHE LAUGHED.
I DIDN'T EVEN GET A "DITTO."
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE FIRST THING
YOU NEED TO DO IS
STOP WATCHING "GHOST."
YEAH. I KNOW, BUT, UH...
SOMETIMES YOU JUST
NEED A GOOD CRY.
ALL RIGHT, NO, NO.
LOOK, GIVE IRENE SOME
TIME. SHE'LL COME AROUND.
YOU THINK?
YEAH. YEAH, BUT MEANWHILE,
LOOK, DON'T SIT HERE
WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY.
YOU KNOW, GO...
GO FIND YOUR SMILE.
HEY, LOOK, LOOK.
CAPTAIN KARMA'S IN TOWN.
GO SEE HIM. YOU LIKE HIM.
I DO LOVE CAPTAIN KARMA.
LOOK,
ALL HIS SUPERHERO
FRIENDS WILL BE THERE.
HUH? SO, YOU KNOW,
GO ENJOY YOURSELF
AND DON'T THINK ABOUT IRENE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE RIGHT, PETE.
YOU ARE RIGHT.
HEY... YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND.
DITTO.
YOU'RE THE COOLEST,
CAPTAIN KARMA.
THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOD. I KNOW YOU.
YOU'RE MIKEY BERGEN.
AND YOU'RE... S-SOMEONE
WHO KNOWS ME.
I'M KATIE CONNER.
WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER.
UH, NO, NO, WE DIDN'T.
IF THERE WERE GIRLS
WHO LOOKED LIKE YOU
IN HIGH SCHOOL, WE
WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO
TURN OUT THE
LIGHTS AT THE DANCES.
WELL, I DO LOOK A
LITTLE DIFFERENT NOW.
I WAS 4 INCHES SHORTER
AND ABOUT 50 POUNDS HEAVIER.
REMEMBER?
OH, AND I HAD A LAZY EYE
AND I USED TO WEARA PATCH.
EVERYBODY CALLED ME "PATCHES."
RIGHT, RIGHT, AND I
HAD SCURVY AND A HUMP.
YEAH.
WELL, I GUESS YOU
WOULDN'T REMEMBER ME.
I MEAN, YOU WERE A SENIOR
AND I WAS A GEEKY FRESHMAN.
BECAUSE OF YOU, I WENT TO SEE
EVERY PERFORMANCE OF "OKLAHOMA!"
OH, WELL, YEAH,
I-I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
A RANCHER, BUT THEY...
THEY NEEDED ANOTHER
COWGIRL FOR THE DANCE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I RAN INTO YOU
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
IT'S LIKE DESTINY OR SOMETHING.
DESTINY... THAT'S...
THAT'S THE NAME
OF CAPTAIN KARMA'S
ROBOTIC HORSE.
RIDE, DESTINY, RIDE!
WHAT A BUNCH OF GEEKS.
HERE'S ONE PERFECT
FOR A COUPLE
FIREFIGHTERS LIKE US...
"THE BOYS OF FIRE ISLAND."
JOHN... JOHNNY, I-I...
IT GOT TWO THUMBS UP.
YEAH, UM, THOSE AREN'T THUMBS.
OH, JOHNNY, THANK
GOD YOU'RE WEARING
YOUR BIG BOY PANTS.
OKAY, TURN AROUND.
WHAT?
GREAT NEWS. WE'RE GOING
TO A BUSINESS MIXER TONIGHT.
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO A BUSINESS MIXER.
OH, OH, I'M SORRY. I
MEANT "FREE BOOZE."
I CAN'T. I'M GOING TO
THE MOVIES WITH PETE.
OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SEE?
NOT GAY PORN.
NO, SERIOUSLY, SWEETIE.
I CAN'T GO TO THIS THING.
I AM GOING TO THE
MOVIES WITH PETE.
I KNOW. SOUNDS FUN.
TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
I KNOW, BABY. I KNOW
WHEN YOU'RE KIDDING.
LIFT UP YOUR ARMS.
SHARON, YOU CAN'T
JUST COME IN HERE
AND CHANGE HIS PLANS.
PETE, I WOULDN'T DREAM
OF IT. PUT YOUR ARMS DOWN.
I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT
YOU GUYS ARE HANGING OUT.
OKAY. GOOD NIGHT, PETE.
YOU GUYS HAVE FUN AT THE MOVIES.
HI, PETE.
HEY!
HEY, ASHLEY, I DIDN'T
SEE YOU THERE.
SO, IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.
DO YOU HAVE PLANS,
OR DO YOU WANT TO BORROW
MY HOME FACIAL KIT AGAIN?
I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT.
OH. I HAVE A DATE, TOO.
OH, WELL, THEN, I'LL
LET YOU GET READY.
I'M SURE YOU WANT
TO SHED YOUR SKIN.
WELL, YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME.
OH, AND DON'T FORGET
TO TIP YOUR DATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT MIGHT INTEREST YOU TO KNOW
THAT MY DATE IS, IN
FACT, NOT A HOOKER.
SHE HAPPENS TO BE A RHODES
SCHOLAR/NYMPHOMANIAC.
GREAT.
THEN SHE'LL BE BORED
AND FRUSTRATED.
SWEETIE, SWEETIE,
SWEETIE, STOP FIDGETING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M DOING HERE.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF WE'RE GOING TO LOOK
LIKE A REAL LAW FIRM,
WE'RE GOING TO NEED
MORE THAN ONE LAWYER,
SO FOR TONIGHT, YOU'RE
THE SILENT PARTNER.
BUT I'M NOT A LAWYER.
SILENT!
OH, OKAY. THERE'S MARK.
HI. I WANT YOU TO MEET
MY HUSBAND JOHNNY.
IT'S GOOD TO KNOW YOU.
YOU, TOO.
YOU LOOK NICE.
SEE, I TOLD YOU THIS
WASN'T GOING TO BE SO BAD.
I'D RATHER BE ON
A FUN SHIP CRUISE
WITH MY EX-WIFE AND HER MOTHER.
AND I'D RATHER BE WORKING
FOR A PRESTIGIOUS LAWYER.
HA HA. SO START MINGLING.
OKAY, HERE ARE
SOME BUSINESS CARDS.
WHOA! BUSINESS CARDS.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO
HAVE BUSINESS CARDS.
OKAY, SO I WANT YOU TO
GIVE EVERY ONE OF THOSE
TO A PROSPECTIVE CLIENT TONIGHT.
HERE YOU GO, SHARON.
UM, I'M GOING TO
WORK THE BUFFET LINE.
YOU COVER THESE TABLES.
JOHNNY, YOU WANT TO COME?
WITH YOU NOW, OR HERE AT ALL?
GO GET 'EM, TIGER.
BOY, YOUR WIFE HAS A WAY
OF GETTING WHAT SHE WANTS,
DOESN'T SHE?
YEAH, I THINK SO,
BUT I SHOULD REALLY
CHECK WITH HER.
LET ME BUY YOU A DRINK.
MY WIFE SAID THEY WERE FREE.
WHY DO YOU THINK I'M BUYING?
WHY DID WE RENT THIS?
WE SHOULD JUST BUY IT.
HEY, PETE.
OH, WHAT IS IT NOW?
DOES THIS, UH...
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A
FOUR OR A NINE TO YOU?
LOOKS LIKE A... WHAT?
THAT JUGHEAD... HE CAN'T
EAT THAT MANY BURGERS.
IT'S A FOUR, AND WHO'S KATIE?
SHE'S A CUTE GIRL I RAN INTO
AT THE COMIC BOOK STORE.
BERG... HOW OLD IS SHE?
WE USED TO GO TO
HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER,
AND, MAN, HAS SHE CHANGED.
BEST-LOOKING ONE-EYED
FAT GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN.
WHAT ABOUT IRENE?
I KNOW SHE'S A KOOK,
BUT SHE'S GOT TO GIVE
THE CHUBBY CYCLOPS
A RUN FOR HER MONEY.
MEETING KATIE WAS DESTINY.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING? BERG, NO, NO.
IT WASN'T DESTINY.
IT WAS A COINCIDENCE.
YOU JUST... YOU BUMPED
INTO THE GIRL ONCE.
NO, NO, I BUMPED INTO
HER ON THE SAME DAY
MY GIRLFRIEND, MORE OR
LESS, SAID SHE HATES ME.
PETE, SEE, I THINK EVERYTHING
IN LIFE HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
YOU KNOW, KATIE WAS
PUT THERE TO SHOW ME
THAT THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE
OUT THERE BETTER FOR ME.
I KNOW IT.
I KNOW YOU'RE HURT, OKAY?
AND I KNOW THIS GIRL
PROBABLY MAKES YOU FEEL
BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF,
BUT DON'T USE DESTINY
AS SOME EXCUSE
TO BAIL ON YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH IRENE.
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHAT AM I THINKING?
THERE YOU GO.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING TO GO TALK
THIS THROUGH WITH IRENE
RIGHT AFTER MY
SHIFT AT THE HOSPITAL.
MAYBE STOP BY RECOVERY,
STEAL SOME FLOWERS.
BERG, COME ON. THAT'S NOT NICE.
TAKE IT FROM A GUY IN A
COMA. HE'LL NEVER KNOW.
OKAY, BEFORE I GO... AW...
BEFORE I GO, I WANT
YOU TO KEEP HIM
ON AN I.V. DRIP AT
200 C.C.s, AND, UH...
GIVE YOURSELF 50 C.C.s.
YOU KNOW, THIS WHEELCHAIR
IS REALLY UNNECESSARY.
I JUST JAMMED MY FINGER
PLAYING BASKETBALL.
OH, YOU KNOW,
I PLAYED BALL WHEN
I WAS IN COLLEGE.
COULD HAVE GONE PRO,
BUT I LOST MY GYM BAG.
OH, MY GOD. BERG?
KATIE, HI! WHAT... ARE YOU OKAY?
OH, YEAH. I JUST DOVE
FOR A LOOSE BALL,
AND I JAMMED MY FINGER.
SEE, THAT'S WHY I DON'T GOLF.
I THINK I CAN TAKE IT
FROM HERE. THANK YOU.
HO-HO. I WAS
TOTALLY DOC BLOCKED.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
WOW. I HAD NO IDEA
YOU WERE A DOCTOR.
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU'D DO SOMETHING
WITH YOUR A.V. SKILLS.
WELL, I DO ACTUALLY RUN
MOST OF THE OVERHEAD PROJECTORS
HERE AT THE HOSPITAL.
SEE, YOU'VE... YOU'VE
REALLY JAMMED THIS.
ARE YOU READY?
HUH? OKAY.
YAAH!
HOW'S THAT FEEL?
OH, IT'S MUCH BETTER.
THANKS.
YEAH, WELL... NOW
YOU PULL MY FINGER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
I HAVEN'T SEEN
YOU IN EIGHT YEARS,
AND THEN I RUN INTO
YOU TWICE IN ONE DAY?
THAT... THAT IS QUITE
A COINCIDENCE, YEAH.
NO, I DON'T BELIEVE
IN COINCIDENCE.
I BELIEVE EVERYTHING
HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
WELL, SO DO I!
SO DO I.
YEAH, WELL, UM...
UH, KEEP ICE ON THAT UNTIL
THE SWELLING GOES DOWN
AND THAT SHOULD BE FINE.
OKAY.
WELL, IT WAS NICE
BUMPING INTO YOU AGAIN.
YEAH, YEAH.
OH, BY THE WAY,
BERG, I STAYED COOL.
EXCUSE ME?
IN MY YEARBOOK, YOU SAID
THAT I SHOULD STAY COOL,
SO I DID.
I, UH, CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
YOU REMEMBERED THAT.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I HAD ONE EYE AND A
PITUITARY DYSFUNCTION.
PEOPLE WEREN'T LINING
UP TO SIGN MY BOOK.
OH, YOU'RE PATCHES!
OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A BOY!
YEAH, YOU WEREN'T THE ONLY ONE.
THE PROM QUEEN
ASKED ME TO THE DANCE.
WELL, GOD, I...
I WISH... I WISH I ASKED
YOU TO THE DANCE.
WHY... WHY ARE YOU
LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
JUST KIND OF SPECIAL.
RIDE, DESTINY, RIDE.
Ashley: PETE?
PETE?
HEY!
HEY, WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
I WAS JUST HIDING FROM YOU.
MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.
IT'S OKAY. I'M A DOCTOR.
SO WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR BIG EVENING?
SAME THING THAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR IMAGINARY DATE.
I AM NOT THAT PATHETIC.
SHE'S PARKING THE CAR.
WOW. YOU LET HER DRIVE
THE IMAGINARY PORSCHE?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LET'S JUST ADMIT IT.
FINE.
I REALLY DIDN'T HAVE A DATE.
ALL RIGHT. MY DATE CANCELED.
SHE'S UNDERWEAR SHOPPING
FOR OUR DATE TOMORROW NIGHT.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SEE?
OH, I WANTED TO SEE
THAT UKRANIAN FILM,
BUT IT'S SOLD OUT.
MAN, HOW SMALL
CAN THAT THEATER BE?
SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SEE?
WELL, THE ONLY THING LEFT
IS THAT ROMANTIC COMEDY,
BUT I HATE ROMANTIC COMEDIES.
WHY? YOUR WHOLE
LOVE LIFE'S A JOKE.
WHAT?
I CAN READ THE MARQUEE BACKWARDS
IN YOUR OILY FOREHEAD.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT
ROMANTIC COMEDY ABOUT?
IT'S ABOUT TWO PEOPLE
WHO HATE EACH
OTHER FOR TWO HOURS.
THEN THEY WIND UP DOING IT.
GOD.
WHO WRITES THIS CRAP?
Both: ONE, PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
I HANDED OUT ALL
MY BUSINESS CARDS.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
YOU KNOW, IF EVEN A
SINGLE PERSON CALLS,
THEN THIS NIGHT WAS A SUCCESS.
HA HA.
JOHNNY, SWEETIE, WHAT'S
THAT IN YOUR POCKET?
HONEY, I DON'T THINK THAT GAME'S
REALLY APPROPRIATE RIGHT NOW.
OH, THOSE. YEAH.
YEAH, MARK GAVE THEM TO ME.
YEAH, SEE, WHENEVER I
SAVE SOMEONE FROM A FIRE,
I'M GOING TO SLIP THEM
ONE OF YOUR CARDS
WHILE THEY'RE STILL
STRAPPED TO THE STRETCHER
AND HIGH ON OXYGEN.
GOD, MARK, I HAD TO
JUMP THROUGH HOOPS
TO GET US INVITED
TO THIS STUPID THING.
SHARON, I CAN'T PRETEND
TO BE SOMEBODY I'M NOT.
NEITHER CAN MY CLIENTS.
YEAH, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I WAS THINKING,
INVITING YOU HERE.
I GUESS I WAS JUST
TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU
THAT YOU'RE A BETTER LAWYER
THAN YOU PRETEND TO BE,
BUT, I MEAN, WHO AM I KIDDING?
I CAN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
I'M SUCH A FAILURE.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, SHARON.
YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE.
YOU'RE A FAILURE'S ASSISTANT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
GIVE ME THE CARDS.
I'LL DO IT.
BABY... YES?
ARE YOU FAKE CRYING?
YES.
ALL RIGHT!
I'M FINALLY STARTING
TO PICK UP ON THAT.
MAN, THAT MOVIE WAS BAD.
GOOD CALL ON THE BEER RUN.
THOSE EMPTIES
MAKE A LOT OF NOISE
WHEN THEY ROLL
DOWN TO THE FRONT.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER IT'S THE BEER TALKING
OR THE KAHLUA OR
OR THE TEQUILA...
BUT I HAD A GREAT TIME.
YEAH, WELL, WHOEVER IT WAS,
THEY SHOULD BRUSH THEIR TEETH.
THAT'S FUNNY.
YOU'RE FUNNY.
I LIKE IT WHEN WE SAY
MEAN THINGS TO EACH OTHER.
NO, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
I LIKE IT WHEN I SAY
MEAN THINGS TO YOU
AND THEN YOU JUST
KIND OF STARE AT ME
AND GO, "BIG WORDS MAKE MY
HEAD HURT SOMETHING FIERCE."
ALL RIGHT, WELL... GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
OH. OH.
OH, I'M SORRY.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE
YOU LATER. GOODBYE.
HEY, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING...
DO YOU, UH... DO YOU
BELIEVE IN DESTINY?
YEAH, I DO.
I DIDN'T REALLY THINK
ABOUT IT UNTIL TONIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LOOK...
LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED.
I MEAN, ALL WE TRY TO
DO IS AVOID ONE ANOTHER,
YET TONIGHT,
DESPITE ALL THE LIES
AND ALL THE DIFFERENT MOVIE
THEATERS TO CHOOSE FROM,
WE WIND UP TOGETHER.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAD A GREAT TIME.
I HAD A GREAT TIME
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
HA HA.
WHAT... WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
IF YOU WERE ANYONE ELSE,
I'D THINK YOU WERE
COMING ON TO ME.
IF YOU WERE ANYBODY
ELSE, MAYBE I WOULD BE.
HEY.
GUESS WHAT.
DESTINY STRIKES AGAIN.
B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B!
WHAT YOU GOT THERE?
MY OLD YEARBOOK.
OH, YOU'RE THINKING
ABOUT CALLING YOUR
FRIENDS FROM FLAG CORPS?
NO, WE'VE GROWN APART.
I'M LOOKING AT WHAT THAT
GIRL KATIE WROTE. WHO?
THE COMIC BOOK
GIRL. LISTEN TO THIS.
"BERG..." I DOUBT
YOU'LL EVEN READ THIS,
"BUT IF YOU DO, YOU SHOULD KNOW
"THE ONLY THING I
LIKED ABOUT SCHOOL
"WAS THE CHANCE THAT I
MIGHT SEE YOU AT LUNCH.
"YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE THESE
AWKWARD TEENAGE YEARS BEHIND
"AND GO ON TO DO GREAT THINGS.
"I ONLY WISH THAT I
COULD BE THERE TO SEE IT.
"SEE YA. KATIE.
P.S... SCHOOL'S A BUMMER.
HAVE A GREAT SUMMER."
THAT'S IT.
I'M CALLING HER.
HEY, BERG!
YOU WERE VERY
PRETTY IN "OKLAHOMA!"
HEY, WHERE'D THAT...
WHERE IS HER NUMBER?
I THREW IT IN HERE.
DID YOU TAKE OUT THE TRASH?
IT WAS ITS DESTINY.
GOTCHA!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WE'RE OUT OF PLASTIC BAGS.
DO I BOTHER YOU WHEN YOU'RE
GOING THROUGH THE TRASH?
BERG, I WANT TO EXPLAIN
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER.
OKAY, HOLD ON, LOOK,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, OKAY?
THERE'S NO NEED TO EXPLAIN.
WELL, YES, THERE IS.
LOOK, YOU TOLD ME YOU
LOVED ME, AND I FROZE.
I GUESS WHEN YOU DREAM
ABOUT SOMETHING FOR SO LONG,
AND THEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS,
IT... IT TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.
YOU KNOW, I HAD TO
CATCH MY BREATH, BERG.
OKAY.
AND IF I'D BEEN ABLE TO,
WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IS...
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL BERGEN.
DITTO.
YOU SMELL ALL FUNKY.
WHY DON'T YOU COME IN?
I'LL FIX YOU SOMETHING FRESH.
OH, I... HA HA.
OKAY, YEAH, ACTUALLY,
JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT...
I'M JUST GOING TO GRAB
THE GARBAGE HERE.
HEY, LOOK, LOOK...
CAPTAIN KARMA'S
IN TOWN. GO SEE HIM.
YOU DO... YOU...
YOU... YOU... YOU...
YOU... YOU...
YOU... YOU... YOU...
I'LL JUST KEEP STUFFING
THIS UP MY NOSE, BABY.
I DIDN'T SIGN THAT
"THE BERGSTER," DID I?
NO? UH...
DYING A SLOW AND
PAINFUL DEATH NOW.
TO MAKE A SNOWMAN
INTO MY LIKENESS.
I'M SURPRISED IT DIDN'T MELT.
YOU'RE SO HOT. HA HA HA.
HEY! COOL. CHECK IT OUT.
THE CREATOR OF CAPTAIN
KARMA IS GOING TO BE
AT PEE WEE'S COMICS.
YOU WANT TO COME?
I THINK I'LL SKIP THE
FUNNY BOOK CARNIVAL.
OH! I'M LATE.
IT'S HOKEY-POKEY DAY AT
MY ROLLER SKATING CLASS.
OH, DO YOU WANT TO COME?
NO, THE LAST TIME I
PUT MY WHOLE SELF IN,
I-I GOT IN A LOT OF TROUBLE.
YOU'RE MAKING FUN OF ME.
NO. OH, MY GOD, NO. I'M NOT.
I LOVE HOW UNIQUE
YOU ARE, YOU KNOW?
YOU'RE... YOU'RE ONE OF A KIND.
YOU ARE LIKE...
YOU ARE LIKE MY
OWN LITTLE DODO BIRD.
OH.
I AM SO, SO HAPPY
THAT YOU ARE IN MY LIFE.
OH, WELL, I AM, TOO, SIR.
IRENE... YEAH?
I, UH...
BE CAREFUL WHEN
YOU SHAKE IT ALL ABOUT.
THAT'S SWEET.
IRENE? YEAH?
I LOVE YOU.
HA HA HA. THAT'S SWEET.
HEY. HEY.
HEY, HEY, BERG, TELL ME AGAIN,
WHAT TRIMESTER ARE YOU IN?
OOH.
I TOLD IRENE THAT I LOVED HER.
WHOA, REALLY?
WOW, WOW. I-I'M SHOCKED.
I MEAN, I'M HAPPY FOR YOU...
NO, NOT YET. I'M STILL SHOCKED.
YEAH, WELL, UH, SHE
DIDN'T SAY IT BACK.
OH, NO, NO, SHE
PROBABLY DIDN'T HEAR YOU.
THAT'S HAPPENED TO ME BEFORE.
PETE,
THIS IS THE FIRST TIME
THAT I SAID IT FIRST,
AND THE FIRST TIME I
MEANT IT, I MIGHT ADD.
YEAH, THAT'S NICE.
DO I NEED TO TELL YOU
WHAT ICE CREAM DOES TO CHENILLE?
JEEZ, I TOLD HER I LOVED HER...
AND SHE LAUGHED.
I DIDN'T EVEN GET A "DITTO."
ALL RIGHT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
THE FIRST THING
YOU NEED TO DO IS
STOP WATCHING "GHOST."
YEAH. I KNOW, BUT, UH...
SOMETIMES YOU JUST
NEED A GOOD CRY.
ALL RIGHT, NO, NO.
LOOK, GIVE IRENE SOME
TIME. SHE'LL COME AROUND.
YOU THINK?
YEAH. YEAH, BUT MEANWHILE,
LOOK, DON'T SIT HERE
WALLOWING IN SELF-PITY.
YOU KNOW, GO...
GO FIND YOUR SMILE.
HEY, LOOK, LOOK.
CAPTAIN KARMA'S IN TOWN.
GO SEE HIM. YOU LIKE HIM.
I DO LOVE CAPTAIN KARMA.
LOOK,
ALL HIS SUPERHERO
FRIENDS WILL BE THERE.
HUH? SO, YOU KNOW,
GO ENJOY YOURSELF
AND DON'T THINK ABOUT IRENE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU'RE RIGHT, PETE.
YOU ARE RIGHT.
HEY... YOU'RE A GOOD FRIEND.
DITTO.
YOU'RE THE COOLEST,
CAPTAIN KARMA.
THANK YOU.
OH, MY GOD. I KNOW YOU.
YOU'RE MIKEY BERGEN.
AND YOU'RE... S-SOMEONE
WHO KNOWS ME.
I'M KATIE CONNER.
WE WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER.
UH, NO, NO, WE DIDN'T.
IF THERE WERE GIRLS
WHO LOOKED LIKE YOU
IN HIGH SCHOOL, WE
WOULDN'T HAVE HAD TO
TURN OUT THE
LIGHTS AT THE DANCES.
WELL, I DO LOOK A
LITTLE DIFFERENT NOW.
I WAS 4 INCHES SHORTER
AND ABOUT 50 POUNDS HEAVIER.
REMEMBER?
OH, AND I HAD A LAZY EYE
AND I USED TO WEARA PATCH.
EVERYBODY CALLED ME "PATCHES."
RIGHT, RIGHT, AND I
HAD SCURVY AND A HUMP.
YEAH.
WELL, I GUESS YOU
WOULDN'T REMEMBER ME.
I MEAN, YOU WERE A SENIOR
AND I WAS A GEEKY FRESHMAN.
BECAUSE OF YOU, I WENT TO SEE
EVERY PERFORMANCE OF "OKLAHOMA!"
OH, WELL, YEAH,
I-I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE
A RANCHER, BUT THEY...
THEY NEEDED ANOTHER
COWGIRL FOR THE DANCE.
I CAN'T BELIEVE I RAN INTO YOU
AFTER ALL THESE YEARS.
IT'S LIKE DESTINY OR SOMETHING.
DESTINY... THAT'S...
THAT'S THE NAME
OF CAPTAIN KARMA'S
ROBOTIC HORSE.
RIDE, DESTINY, RIDE!
WHAT A BUNCH OF GEEKS.
HERE'S ONE PERFECT
FOR A COUPLE
FIREFIGHTERS LIKE US...
"THE BOYS OF FIRE ISLAND."
JOHN... JOHNNY, I-I...
IT GOT TWO THUMBS UP.
YEAH, UM, THOSE AREN'T THUMBS.
OH, JOHNNY, THANK
GOD YOU'RE WEARING
YOUR BIG BOY PANTS.
OKAY, TURN AROUND.
WHAT?
GREAT NEWS. WE'RE GOING
TO A BUSINESS MIXER TONIGHT.
I DON'T WANT TO GO
TO A BUSINESS MIXER.
OH, OH, I'M SORRY. I
MEANT "FREE BOOZE."
I CAN'T. I'M GOING TO
THE MOVIES WITH PETE.
OH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE FUN.
WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SEE?
NOT GAY PORN.
NO, SERIOUSLY, SWEETIE.
I CAN'T GO TO THIS THING.
I AM GOING TO THE
MOVIES WITH PETE.
I KNOW. SOUNDS FUN.
TUCK IN YOUR SHIRT.
I'M NOT KIDDING.
I KNOW, BABY. I KNOW
WHEN YOU'RE KIDDING.
LIFT UP YOUR ARMS.
SHARON, YOU CAN'T
JUST COME IN HERE
AND CHANGE HIS PLANS.
PETE, I WOULDN'T DREAM
OF IT. PUT YOUR ARMS DOWN.
I THINK IT'S GREAT THAT
YOU GUYS ARE HANGING OUT.
OKAY. GOOD NIGHT, PETE.
YOU GUYS HAVE FUN AT THE MOVIES.
HI, PETE.
HEY!
HEY, ASHLEY, I DIDN'T
SEE YOU THERE.
SO, IT'S FRIDAY NIGHT.
DO YOU HAVE PLANS,
OR DO YOU WANT TO BORROW
MY HOME FACIAL KIT AGAIN?
I HAVE A DATE TONIGHT.
OH. I HAVE A DATE, TOO.
OH, WELL, THEN, I'LL
LET YOU GET READY.
I'M SURE YOU WANT
TO SHED YOUR SKIN.
WELL, YOU HAVE A GOOD TIME.
OH, AND DON'T FORGET
TO TIP YOUR DATE.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT MIGHT INTEREST YOU TO KNOW
THAT MY DATE IS, IN
FACT, NOT A HOOKER.
SHE HAPPENS TO BE A RHODES
SCHOLAR/NYMPHOMANIAC.
GREAT.
THEN SHE'LL BE BORED
AND FRUSTRATED.
SWEETIE, SWEETIE,
SWEETIE, STOP FIDGETING.
I DON'T KNOW WHAT
I'M DOING HERE.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IF WE'RE GOING TO LOOK
LIKE A REAL LAW FIRM,
WE'RE GOING TO NEED
MORE THAN ONE LAWYER,
SO FOR TONIGHT, YOU'RE
THE SILENT PARTNER.
BUT I'M NOT A LAWYER.
SILENT!
OH, OKAY. THERE'S MARK.
HI. I WANT YOU TO MEET
MY HUSBAND JOHNNY.
IT'S GOOD TO KNOW YOU.
YOU, TOO.
YOU LOOK NICE.
SEE, I TOLD YOU THIS
WASN'T GOING TO BE SO BAD.
I'D RATHER BE ON
A FUN SHIP CRUISE
WITH MY EX-WIFE AND HER MOTHER.
AND I'D RATHER BE WORKING
FOR A PRESTIGIOUS LAWYER.
HA HA. SO START MINGLING.
OKAY, HERE ARE
SOME BUSINESS CARDS.
WHOA! BUSINESS CARDS.
I ALWAYS WANTED TO
HAVE BUSINESS CARDS.
OKAY, SO I WANT YOU TO
GIVE EVERY ONE OF THOSE
TO A PROSPECTIVE CLIENT TONIGHT.
HERE YOU GO, SHARON.
UM, I'M GOING TO
WORK THE BUFFET LINE.
YOU COVER THESE TABLES.
JOHNNY, YOU WANT TO COME?
WITH YOU NOW, OR HERE AT ALL?
GO GET 'EM, TIGER.
BOY, YOUR WIFE HAS A WAY
OF GETTING WHAT SHE WANTS,
DOESN'T SHE?
YEAH, I THINK SO,
BUT I SHOULD REALLY
CHECK WITH HER.
LET ME BUY YOU A DRINK.
MY WIFE SAID THEY WERE FREE.
WHY DO YOU THINK I'M BUYING?
WHY DID WE RENT THIS?
WE SHOULD JUST BUY IT.
HEY, PETE.
OH, WHAT IS IT NOW?
DOES THIS, UH...
DOES THIS LOOK LIKE A
FOUR OR A NINE TO YOU?
LOOKS LIKE A... WHAT?
THAT JUGHEAD... HE CAN'T
EAT THAT MANY BURGERS.
IT'S A FOUR, AND WHO'S KATIE?
SHE'S A CUTE GIRL I RAN INTO
AT THE COMIC BOOK STORE.
BERG... HOW OLD IS SHE?
WE USED TO GO TO
HIGH SCHOOL TOGETHER,
AND, MAN, HAS SHE CHANGED.
BEST-LOOKING ONE-EYED
FAT GIRL I'VE EVER SEEN.
WHAT ABOUT IRENE?
I KNOW SHE'S A KOOK,
BUT SHE'S GOT TO GIVE
THE CHUBBY CYCLOPS
A RUN FOR HER MONEY.
MEETING KATIE WAS DESTINY.
WHAT ARE YOU
DOING? BERG, NO, NO.
IT WASN'T DESTINY.
IT WAS A COINCIDENCE.
YOU JUST... YOU BUMPED
INTO THE GIRL ONCE.
NO, NO, I BUMPED INTO
HER ON THE SAME DAY
MY GIRLFRIEND, MORE OR
LESS, SAID SHE HATES ME.
PETE, SEE, I THINK EVERYTHING
IN LIFE HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
YOU KNOW, KATIE WAS
PUT THERE TO SHOW ME
THAT THERE'S SOMEONE ELSE
OUT THERE BETTER FOR ME.
I KNOW IT.
I KNOW YOU'RE HURT, OKAY?
AND I KNOW THIS GIRL
PROBABLY MAKES YOU FEEL
BETTER ABOUT YOURSELF,
BUT DON'T USE DESTINY
AS SOME EXCUSE
TO BAIL ON YOUR
RELATIONSHIP WITH IRENE.
OH, YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
WHAT AM I THINKING?
THERE YOU GO.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GOING TO GO TALK
THIS THROUGH WITH IRENE
RIGHT AFTER MY
SHIFT AT THE HOSPITAL.
MAYBE STOP BY RECOVERY,
STEAL SOME FLOWERS.
BERG, COME ON. THAT'S NOT NICE.
TAKE IT FROM A GUY IN A
COMA. HE'LL NEVER KNOW.
OKAY, BEFORE I GO... AW...
BEFORE I GO, I WANT
YOU TO KEEP HIM
ON AN I.V. DRIP AT
200 C.C.s, AND, UH...
GIVE YOURSELF 50 C.C.s.
YOU KNOW, THIS WHEELCHAIR
IS REALLY UNNECESSARY.
I JUST JAMMED MY FINGER
PLAYING BASKETBALL.
OH, YOU KNOW,
I PLAYED BALL WHEN
I WAS IN COLLEGE.
COULD HAVE GONE PRO,
BUT I LOST MY GYM BAG.
OH, MY GOD. BERG?
KATIE, HI! WHAT... ARE YOU OKAY?
OH, YEAH. I JUST DOVE
FOR A LOOSE BALL,
AND I JAMMED MY FINGER.
SEE, THAT'S WHY I DON'T GOLF.
I THINK I CAN TAKE IT
FROM HERE. THANK YOU.
HO-HO. I WAS
TOTALLY DOC BLOCKED.
LET'S TAKE A LOOK AT THAT.
WOW. I HAD NO IDEA
YOU WERE A DOCTOR.
YOU KNOW, I ALWAYS THOUGHT
YOU'D DO SOMETHING
WITH YOUR A.V. SKILLS.
WELL, I DO ACTUALLY RUN
MOST OF THE OVERHEAD PROJECTORS
HERE AT THE HOSPITAL.
SEE, YOU'VE... YOU'VE
REALLY JAMMED THIS.
ARE YOU READY?
HUH? OKAY.
YAAH!
HOW'S THAT FEEL?
OH, IT'S MUCH BETTER.
THANKS.
YEAH, WELL... NOW
YOU PULL MY FINGER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS.
I HAVEN'T SEEN
YOU IN EIGHT YEARS,
AND THEN I RUN INTO
YOU TWICE IN ONE DAY?
THAT... THAT IS QUITE
A COINCIDENCE, YEAH.
NO, I DON'T BELIEVE
IN COINCIDENCE.
I BELIEVE EVERYTHING
HAPPENS FOR A REASON.
WELL, SO DO I!
SO DO I.
YEAH, WELL, UM...
UH, KEEP ICE ON THAT UNTIL
THE SWELLING GOES DOWN
AND THAT SHOULD BE FINE.
OKAY.
WELL, IT WAS NICE
BUMPING INTO YOU AGAIN.
YEAH, YEAH.
OH, BY THE WAY,
BERG, I STAYED COOL.
EXCUSE ME?
IN MY YEARBOOK, YOU SAID
THAT I SHOULD STAY COOL,
SO I DID.
I, UH, CAN'T BELIEVE THAT
YOU REMEMBERED THAT.
ARE YOU KIDDING?
I HAD ONE EYE AND A
PITUITARY DYSFUNCTION.
PEOPLE WEREN'T LINING
UP TO SIGN MY BOOK.
OH, YOU'RE PATCHES!
OH, I THOUGHT YOU WERE A BOY!
YEAH, YOU WEREN'T THE ONLY ONE.
THE PROM QUEEN
ASKED ME TO THE DANCE.
WELL, GOD, I...
I WISH... I WISH I ASKED
YOU TO THE DANCE.
WHY... WHY ARE YOU
LOOKING AT ME LIKE THAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
JUST KIND OF SPECIAL.
RIDE, DESTINY, RIDE.
Ashley: PETE?
PETE?
HEY!
HEY, WHAT A COINCIDENCE.
I WAS JUST HIDING FROM YOU.
MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE, MOVE.
IT'S OKAY. I'M A DOCTOR.
SO WHAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR BIG EVENING?
SAME THING THAT HAPPENED
TO YOUR IMAGINARY DATE.
I AM NOT THAT PATHETIC.
SHE'S PARKING THE CAR.
WOW. YOU LET HER DRIVE
THE IMAGINARY PORSCHE?
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.
LET'S JUST ADMIT IT.
FINE.
I REALLY DIDN'T HAVE A DATE.
ALL RIGHT. MY DATE CANCELED.
SHE'S UNDERWEAR SHOPPING
FOR OUR DATE TOMORROW NIGHT.
SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SEE?
OH, I WANTED TO SEE
THAT UKRANIAN FILM,
BUT IT'S SOLD OUT.
MAN, HOW SMALL
CAN THAT THEATER BE?
SO WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO SEE?
WELL, THE ONLY THING LEFT
IS THAT ROMANTIC COMEDY,
BUT I HATE ROMANTIC COMEDIES.
WHY? YOUR WHOLE
LOVE LIFE'S A JOKE.
WHAT?
I CAN READ THE MARQUEE BACKWARDS
IN YOUR OILY FOREHEAD.
HEY, WHAT'S THAT
ROMANTIC COMEDY ABOUT?
IT'S ABOUT TWO PEOPLE
WHO HATE EACH
OTHER FOR TWO HOURS.
THEN THEY WIND UP DOING IT.
GOD.
WHO WRITES THIS CRAP?
Both: ONE, PLEASE.
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S IT.
I HANDED OUT ALL
MY BUSINESS CARDS.
YEAH, ME, TOO.
YOU KNOW, IF EVEN A
SINGLE PERSON CALLS,
THEN THIS NIGHT WAS A SUCCESS.
HA HA.
JOHNNY, SWEETIE, WHAT'S
THAT IN YOUR POCKET?
HONEY, I DON'T THINK THAT GAME'S
REALLY APPROPRIATE RIGHT NOW.
OH, THOSE. YEAH.
YEAH, MARK GAVE THEM TO ME.
YEAH, SEE, WHENEVER I
SAVE SOMEONE FROM A FIRE,
I'M GOING TO SLIP THEM
ONE OF YOUR CARDS
WHILE THEY'RE STILL
STRAPPED TO THE STRETCHER
AND HIGH ON OXYGEN.
GOD, MARK, I HAD TO
JUMP THROUGH HOOPS
TO GET US INVITED
TO THIS STUPID THING.
SHARON, I CAN'T PRETEND
TO BE SOMEBODY I'M NOT.
NEITHER CAN MY CLIENTS.
YEAH, I DON'T EVEN KNOW
WHAT I WAS THINKING,
INVITING YOU HERE.
I GUESS I WAS JUST
TRYING TO CONVINCE YOU
THAT YOU'RE A BETTER LAWYER
THAN YOU PRETEND TO BE,
BUT, I MEAN, WHO AM I KIDDING?
I CAN'T MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
I'M SUCH A FAILURE.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, SHARON.
YOU'RE NOT A FAILURE.
YOU'RE A FAILURE'S ASSISTANT.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,
GIVE ME THE CARDS.
I'LL DO IT.
BABY... YES?
ARE YOU FAKE CRYING?
YES.
ALL RIGHT!
I'M FINALLY STARTING
TO PICK UP ON THAT.
MAN, THAT MOVIE WAS BAD.
GOOD CALL ON THE BEER RUN.
THOSE EMPTIES
MAKE A LOT OF NOISE
WHEN THEY ROLL
DOWN TO THE FRONT.
YOU KNOW, I DON'T KNOW
WHETHER IT'S THE BEER TALKING
OR THE KAHLUA OR
OR THE TEQUILA...
BUT I HAD A GREAT TIME.
YEAH, WELL, WHOEVER IT WAS,
THEY SHOULD BRUSH THEIR TEETH.
THAT'S FUNNY.
YOU'RE FUNNY.
I LIKE IT WHEN WE SAY
MEAN THINGS TO EACH OTHER.
NO, NO, WAIT A MINUTE.
I LIKE IT WHEN I SAY
MEAN THINGS TO YOU
AND THEN YOU JUST
KIND OF STARE AT ME
AND GO, "BIG WORDS MAKE MY
HEAD HURT SOMETHING FIERCE."
ALL RIGHT, WELL... GOOD NIGHT.
GOOD NIGHT.
OH. OH.
OH, I'M SORRY.
ALL RIGHT, I'LL SEE
YOU LATER. GOODBYE.
HEY, LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING...
DO YOU, UH... DO YOU
BELIEVE IN DESTINY?
YEAH, I DO.
I DIDN'T REALLY THINK
ABOUT IT UNTIL TONIGHT.
YOU KNOW, I MEAN, LOOK...
LOOK AT WHAT HAPPENED.
I MEAN, ALL WE TRY TO
DO IS AVOID ONE ANOTHER,
YET TONIGHT,
DESPITE ALL THE LIES
AND ALL THE DIFFERENT MOVIE
THEATERS TO CHOOSE FROM,
WE WIND UP TOGETHER.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HAD A GREAT TIME.
I HAD A GREAT TIME
WITH YOU TONIGHT.
HA HA.
WHAT... WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
IF YOU WERE ANYONE ELSE,
I'D THINK YOU WERE
COMING ON TO ME.
IF YOU WERE ANYBODY
ELSE, MAYBE I WOULD BE.
HEY.
GUESS WHAT.
DESTINY STRIKES AGAIN.
B-B-B-B-B-B-B-B!
WHAT YOU GOT THERE?
MY OLD YEARBOOK.
OH, YOU'RE THINKING
ABOUT CALLING YOUR
FRIENDS FROM FLAG CORPS?
NO, WE'VE GROWN APART.
I'M LOOKING AT WHAT THAT
GIRL KATIE WROTE. WHO?
THE COMIC BOOK
GIRL. LISTEN TO THIS.
"BERG..." I DOUBT
YOU'LL EVEN READ THIS,
"BUT IF YOU DO, YOU SHOULD KNOW
"THE ONLY THING I
LIKED ABOUT SCHOOL
"WAS THE CHANCE THAT I
MIGHT SEE YOU AT LUNCH.
"YOU'RE GOING TO LEAVE THESE
AWKWARD TEENAGE YEARS BEHIND
"AND GO ON TO DO GREAT THINGS.
"I ONLY WISH THAT I
COULD BE THERE TO SEE IT.
"SEE YA. KATIE.
P.S... SCHOOL'S A BUMMER.
HAVE A GREAT SUMMER."
THAT'S IT.
I'M CALLING HER.
HEY, BERG!
YOU WERE VERY
PRETTY IN "OKLAHOMA!"
HEY, WHERE'D THAT...
WHERE IS HER NUMBER?
I THREW IT IN HERE.
DID YOU TAKE OUT THE TRASH?
IT WAS ITS DESTINY.
GOTCHA!
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
WE'RE OUT OF PLASTIC BAGS.
DO I BOTHER YOU WHEN YOU'RE
GOING THROUGH THE TRASH?
BERG, I WANT TO EXPLAIN
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED EARLIER.
OKAY, HOLD ON, LOOK,
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, OKAY?
THERE'S NO NEED TO EXPLAIN.
WELL, YES, THERE IS.
LOOK, YOU TOLD ME YOU
LOVED ME, AND I FROZE.
I GUESS WHEN YOU DREAM
ABOUT SOMETHING FOR SO LONG,
AND THEN IT FINALLY HAPPENS,
IT... IT TAKES YOUR BREATH AWAY.
YOU KNOW, I HAD TO
CATCH MY BREATH, BERG.
OKAY.
AND IF I'D BEEN ABLE TO,
WHAT I WOULD HAVE SAID IS...
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
I LOVE YOU, MICHAEL BERGEN.
DITTO.
YOU SMELL ALL FUNKY.
WHY DON'T YOU COME IN?
I'LL FIX YOU SOMETHING FRESH.
OH, I... HA HA.
OKAY, YEAH, ACTUALLY,
JUST GIVE ME A MINUTE.
I'LL BE RIGHT...
I'M JUST GOING TO GRAB
THE GARBAGE HERE.
HEY, LOOK, LOOK...
CAPTAIN KARMA'S
IN TOWN. GO SEE HIM.
YOU DO... YOU...
YOU... YOU... YOU...
YOU... YOU...
YOU... YOU... YOU...
I'LL JUST KEEP STUFFING
THIS UP MY NOSE, BABY.
I DIDN'T SIGN THAT
"THE BERGSTER," DID I?
NO? UH...
DYING A SLOW AND
PAINFUL DEATH NOW.