Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 4, Episode 16 - A Few Good Firemen - full transcript
For his birthday, Sharon buys Johnny a 'Fireman for a Day' voucher. He joins the young children in the fire station. However, he has so much fun he decides to become a fireman. Sharon is not happy because she is worried that he will be injured or worse. They are taking photographs for the hospital security and Ashley is not happy with the result. A nurse accuses Berg of not being chivalrous when he cuts in and this upsets him, as he thinks he should be liked by everybody. Ashley stands up for him.
STOP IT, BERG, MY
MILK'S COMING IN.
WHAT? I HAVE TO WELCOME
ALL THE NEWBORNS
WHEN THEY'RE FRESH
OUT OF THE OVEN.
BABIES LOVE ME.
WELL, WHY WOULDN'T
THEY? YOU'RE A BOOB.
HEY THERE, LITTLE FELLA.
HELLO. HELLO. HEY, THERE.
CUT IT OUT. YOU'RE SCARING THEM.
OH, PLEASE. THEY'RE
PROBABLY JUST HUNGRY.
YEAH. YEAH. I'M SURE
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
NEWBORNS CAN'T
EVEN SEE THAT FAR.
NO, NO, NO, BUT
THEY CAN SENSE EVIL.
CHILDREN, RELAX...
SHE'LL BE DEAD BY THE
TIME YOU'RE DATING AGE.
JOHNNY!
SORRY, BABY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DRINKING BEER... WATCHING
MY TWO GOOD PALS
SHAGGY AND SCOOBY.
IT'S FUNNIER WITH BEER.
SWEETIE, IT IS 8:00
IN THE MORNING.
YEAH, AND IT'S MY BIRTHDAY,
AND I'M NOT GONNA SHAVE,
AND I'M NOT GONNA SHOWER.
I'M JUST GONNA SIT AROUND
IN MY UNDERWEAR ALL DAY
AND CELEBRATE LIFE.
COME ON, SWEETIE, YOU
CAN DO THAT ANY DAY.
NOT TRUE! LAST TIME
I TRIED THIS, YOU SAID,
"WHAT DO YOU THINK
IT IS, YOUR BIRTHDAY?"
I BET YOU'RE GONNA CHANGE YOUR
MIND WHEN YOU SEE YOUR PRESENT.
YOU GOT ME THE CIRCULAR SAW?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YOU GOT THE EXTENDED WARRANTY.
"JOHNNY DONNELLY
IS HEREBY DECLARED
AN HONORARY FIREMAN FOR A DAY."
ISN'T IT GREAT?
PETE WAS SELLING THESE TO
RAISE MONEY FOR THE FIRE STATION,
AND I JUST FIGURED, YOU KNOW,
EVERY BOY DREAMS
OF BEING A FIREMAN.
I ALWAYS DREAMED
OF DRIVING THAT TRUCK
THAT SUCKS THE STUFF
OUT OF OUTHOUSES.
OKAY. FORGET IT.
NO. HONEY, NO. COME ON.
NO, IT WAS A STUPID GIFT.
I GOTTA TELL YOU, YOU'RE
NOT THE EASIEST TO BUY FOR.
WHAT DO YOU GET THE
MAN WHO HAS NOTHING?
WHERE DO YOU START?
DON'T BE UPSET.
I WOULD LOVE TO BE
A FIREMAN FOR A DAY.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I WOULD
NEVER HAVE GOTTEN FOR MYSELF...
NEVER EVER.
ALL RIGHT. RELAX.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
MAKE THE CAMERA YOUR LOVER.
IT'S JUST AN I.D. PHOTO, GERM.
WILL YOU TAKE IT ALREADY?
COME ON, DR. WALKER, MOVE ME.
MAKE ME FEEL
SOMETHING. MAKE ME CRY.
IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT A BABY,
OR YOU'D BE BAWLING
YOUR EYES OUT.
BERG, WILL YOU JUST BE... NEXT!
GERM!
GERM, THAT WAS A
TERRIBLE PICTURE.
TAKE ANOTHER ONE.
NEXT.
GERM!
NEXT!
GERM! G... NEXT!!
ALL RIGHT.
I'M UP.
FINALLY, THEY SEND ME A FACE.
THIS IS THE LAST
SHOT OF THE MORNING.
FOR THOSE OF YOU
WANTING FAKE I.D.s,
MEET ME IN THE PARKING
LOT IN 15 MINUTES.
EVER HEARD THE
EXPRESSION "LADIES FIRST"?
LEARNED THAT AFTER
"WAIT YOUR TURN."
I WAS REALLY HOPING
TO GET THIS DONE TODAY.
YEAH, SO WAS I. YOU
THINK THIS JUST HAPPENS?
WELL, I GUESS CHIVALRY IS DEAD.
WHAT?
EXCUSE ME.
WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT?
I'M ALL ABOUT CHIVALRY.
WHO DOES SHE THINK...
SMILE.
SHE IS?!
GOOD WORK, MAN.
COME BACK NEXT WEEK,
I'LL BRING THE WIND MACHINE.
THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN.
I TOLD YOU, I'LL TAPE
THE HOCKEY GAME.
DON'T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS.
AND DON'T TAPE
OVER "SCOOBY DOO."
JUST GO BE A FIREMAN.
IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.
YOU GET TO HANG OUT WITH THE
GUYS AND SCRATCH AND CURSE.
OKAY, STOP!
HEY. OKAY.
OKAY, THAT'S A LETHAL WEAPON.
DON'T DO THAT!
HEY, PUT THOSE BACK.
TAKE THAT OFF, THAT'S NOT A TOY.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE
THAT BOOT HAS BEEN?
WELL, I DO, SO TAKE
IT OFF YOUR HEAD.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS
GONNA BE LIKE THIS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY.
NO. YOU WENT THROUGH
A LOT OF TROUBLE.
AT LEAST THIS WAY I KNOW
I WON'T GET PICKED ON.
OKAY, FINALLY, LOOK...
FIREFIGHTER JOHNNY IS HERE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN FIREFIGHTERS ARE LATE?
PEOPLE DIE, JOHNNY!
HEY, WHY DOES HIS
MOMMY GET TO STAY?
BECAUSE HIS MOMMY LOVES HIM.
SHARON, YOU CAN TAKE OFF.
BYE.
EWWW! EWWW! EWWW!
NOW WE CAN START.
LISTEN, THE FIRST THING WE DO
WHEN WE HEAR THE FIRE ALARM
IS WE SLIDE DOWN THE POLE.
WHO WANTS TO
SLIDE DOWN THE POLE?
I DO! I DO! ME!
HOW 'BOUT YOU, BIRTHDAY BOY?
THEY'RE SO CUTE
WHEN THEY'RE BIG.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
I WAS THERE BEFORE HER.
I KNOW BECAUSE SHE HELD
THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME.
CHIVALRY ISN'T ABOUT
DOING THE RIGHT THING.
IT'S ABOUT A MAN DOING THE
EXTRA THING FOR THE LADY.
LIKE THE EXTRA THINGS
THIS MAN DOES FOR HIS LADY?
THAT ISN'T CHIVALRY.
IT'S MEDIEVAL, BUT
IT AIN'T CHIVALRY.
THE CODPIECE WAS FOR YOU.
LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE
STORY ABOUT CHIVALRY.
REMEMBER LAST WINTER...
WE HAD THAT BIG STORM AND
THE STREETS WERE FLOODED?
I SLIPPED AND FELL IN
THE MUD OUT FRONT.
PEOPLE JUST WALKED
BY AND LAUGHED.
BUT THEN A TALL, HANDSOME
KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR
CAME OUT OF THIS
BUILDING, HELPED ME UP,
TOOK ME INSIDE, AND
MADE ME SOME COCOA.
I DON'T REMEMBER DOING THAT.
'CAUSE IT WAS JOHNNY!
YOU THINK JOHNNY'S HANDSOME?
NOT THE POINT!
LOOK, HE WAS BEING CHIVALROUS.
WHY EVEN CARE WHAT
THAT NURSE THINKS, ANYWAY?
BECAUSE! I CONSIDER
MYSELF TO BE A GOOD PERSON.
I HATE TO THINK THAT
THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT THERE
WHO DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY.
SO EVERYONE IN THE
WORLD SHOULD LOVE YOU?
I DON'T THINK THAT'S
TOO MUCH TO ASK.
THAT...
WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY
PRESENT I EVER GOT!
NO WAY?!
SO I SHOULD CANCEL THE
HOT FUDGE AND MAKE-UP SEX?
THE "STICKY ICKY"?
THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.
SO YOU REALLY HAD A GOOD TIME?
I LOVED IT!
AFTER THE KIDS WENT HOME,
PETE INVITED ME ON THE TRUCK.
HE TOOK YOU TO A FIRE?
NO, NO, FOR YOGURT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND OUT?
FIREMAN GET YOGURT FOR
FREE! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
AFTER THAT WE WENT
FOR COFFEE. GUESS WHAT?
COFFEE WAS FREE, TOO? YEAH!
YOU KNOW, SHARON, YOU WILL
NEVER MEET A GROUP OF NICER GUYS.
THEY LET YOU TURN ON
THE SIREN, DIDN'T THEY?
YEAH! YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I WOULD MAKE
A VERY GOOD FIREMAN.
YES, HONEY, I THINK
THAT YOU WOULD.
BECAUSE I SIGNED UP FOR
THE TRAINING PROGRAM.
I'M GONNA FIGHT FIRES. WHAT?!
FIRST I VOLUNTEER
AT THE FIRE STATION,
THEN I GO TO BOOT CAMP,
AND IN 6 MONTHS
I'LL BE A FIREFIGHTER.
WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER
CHILDREN? ARE THEY DOING THAT?
HONEY, I'M SERIOUS.
I'M GONNA FIGHT FIRES.
NO, NO, NO, THAT'S DANGEROUS.
YOU COULD GET HURT!
NOT IF I STAY ALERT.
IF THAT WAS ON FIRE,
I WOULD HAVE SEEN IT.
HEY.
HEY.
SO, JOHNNY HAD A FUN DAY.
I KNOW, AND VERY
WELL-BEHAVED DURING NAP TIME.
YEAH. NOW HE WANTS
TO BECOME A FIREMAN.
I KNOW. HE TOLD ME.
THAT IS JUST CRAZY.
WHY IS THAT CRAZY?
SHARON, I'M A FIREMAN.
PETE, YOU'RE GOOD AT IT.
YOU'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
JOHNNY BURNED HIMSELF SHAVING.
COME ON, SHARON, LOOK...
ALL SPOUSES GET
WORRIED AT FIRST.
EVENTUALLY THEY GET OVER IT,
AND IF NOT, THEY MEET
SOMEBODY IN REHAB.
THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
PETE, YOUR FUNDRAISER WAS
FOR WIDOWS AND ORPHANS.
NO, SEE... THAT'S
JUST MARKETING.
WHO WOULD CONTRIBUTE
IF THEY KNEW THEY WERE
SENDING US TO ATLANTIC CITY?
YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS
SERIOUSLY AND NEITHER IS HE.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
HE THINKS BEING A FIREMAN IS
EASIER THAN BEING A JANITOR.
HE S... HE SAID THAT?
ACTUALLY, HIS EXACT WORDS WERE,
"IF PETE CAN FIGHT
FIRES, ANY BOZO CAN."
OH, OH, YEAH, YEAH.
I'D LIKE TO SEE BOZO ENTERTAIN
A GROUP OF CHILDREN ALL DAY.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE ALSO SAID ALL
YOU GUYS SEEM TO DO
IS TAKE THE TRUCK
OUT FOR FREE YOGURT.
FREE YOGURT?
HE TOLD YOU ABOUT
THE FREE YOGURT?
SEE, CIVILIANS, THEY'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT.
THAT'S JUST BETRAYAL!
YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SAY
THIS ABOUT MY OWN HUSBAND,
BUT SOMEONE NEEDS
TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.
YEAH. YEAH.
AND I KNOW JUST
THE MAN TO DO IT.
YOU.
NO, PETE.
OKAY, YOU BIG WUSSY, I'LL DO IT.
AND THEN, JOHNNY STARTS
SHOOTIN' HIS MOUTH OFF.
YEAH, WE'LL SEE HOW COCKY HE IS
WHEN HE HAS TO CARRY THE
TIRES TO THE POLICE STATION.
WE NEVER HAD TO DO THAT.
HOW'S THE POLICE CHIEF SUPPOSED
TO INSPECT THE TIRES IF HE...
I KNEW THAT.
HEY, GUYS.
VOLUNTEER DONNELLY
REPORTING FOR DUTY.
ALL RIGHT, ROOKIE, WE GOT A
LOT OF WORK FOR YOU TO DO.
WE GOT BOOTS TO SHINE.
WE GOT FLOORS TO MOP.
AND THEN YOU GOTTA
SHAVE CHUCK'S BACK.
IT'S TRUE... WE
ALL HAD TO DO IT.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU GUYS ARE JUST JERKS.
OKAY, SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S
FIRST? WHAT'S FIRST?
FIRST, WE WANT YOU TO TAKE
EACH OF THESE 60-POUND HOSES
UP TO THE SECOND FLOOR,
BUT HERE'S THE THING...
WE JUST PAINTED THE STAIRS,
SO YOU CAN'T USE THOSE.
YOU HAVE TO USE THE POLE.
OHO-HO!
THIS IS ONE OF THOSE
HAZING THINGS, ISN'T IT?
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO KNOW THAT!
NICE WORK, DUNVILLE.
OH, AND WHEN YOU FINISH
THAT, CLEAN THE OVEN.
VERY NICE.
IT'S FILTHY, AND I HAVE
TO BAKE IN THE MORNING.
ALL RIGHT, WHO'S NEXT?
OH, NO... NO DO-OVERS.
GERM, I DEMAND YOU
RETAKE THIS PICTURE.
LOOK AT IT!
OH, BOY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
NO WONDER YOU
MAKE THE BABIES CRY!
CAN YOU HELP ME?
NO, IT'S A CAMERA,
NOT THE HAND OF GOD.
NEXT!
HEY...
I WAS THINKING ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED BETWEEN US EARLIER...
YEAH, THAT WAS MY LUNCH BREAK,
AND NOW I'M MISSING
MY KID'S SOCCER GAME.
Okay, see, I didn't know that.
LOOK, UM, I TALKED IT
OVER WITH MY GIRLFRIEND,
AND... AND I REALIZE
THAT MAYBE I COULD HAVE
GIVEN UP MY PLACE IN LINE.
SO I'M HERE TO MAKE IT
UP TO YOU... COME WITH ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M BEING CHIVALROUS.
HEY, HAIRDO, BEAT IT!
YOU ARE AMAZING.
YOU CUT IN FRONT OF A BUNCH
OF HARDWORKING NURSES
JUST TO SOMEHOW PROVE TO
ME WHAT A GOOD GUY YOU ARE.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW
TO TREAT A WOMAN, DO YOU?
WELL, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME
IN MY CODPIECE, HAVE YOU?
DUDE, YOU'RE A PIG!
GOOD YOGURT!
MM-HMM.
JOHNNY!
JOHNNY!
YEAH?
WHERE ARE ALL THE HOSES?
UH, TOP OF THE POLE,
WHERE YOU WANTED 'EM,
AND OVEN IS CLEAN, TOO, BUT
WHOEVER IS MAKIN' SOUFFLéS
SHOULD REALLY JUST
LAY SOME FOIL DOWN.
THIS GUY'S GOOD.
I'M GONNA GO LATHER UP MY BACK.
ALL RIGHT, HOTSHOT, LET'S GET
THOSE HOSES BACK DOWN HERE.
WAIT A SECOND... I
JUST PUT 'EM UP THERE.
I MISSED YOGURT!
ARE YOU SASSIN' ME?!
WHAT IS THIS, PETE? THE
OTHER DAY I WAS HERE,
YOU WERE TREATIN'
ME LIKE A KING,
AND TODAY YOU'RE DOGGIN' ME!
YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY SHOULDN'T I?
APPARENTLY YOU THINK IT'S
REAL EASY BEIN' A FIREMAN.
I NEVER SAID THAT.
SHARON ALSO TOLD ME YOU FIGURED,
"IF PETE CAN DO
IT, ANY BOZO CAN!"
WHOA, NO... I NEVER SAID THAT!
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I
DEFEND YOU WHEN I HEAR THAT.
LOOK, BABIES, IT'S RAGGEDY ANDY,
AND HE'S NOT CRYING.
WHAT'S THAT, RAGGEDY ANDY?
YOU LOVE ME?
OH!
MWAH, MWAH, MWAH!
MWAH, MWAH, MWAH!
THINK ABOUT WHAT
THEY'RE SEEING...
THE MEAN WOMAN EATING
THE LITTLE, REDHEADED KID.
WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT
THAT ALL THE BABIES LIKE YOU?
IT'S NOT JUST BABIES
WHO ARE AFRAID OF ME.
IT'S ALSO SMALL
ANIMALS AND THE BLIND.
OKAY, SO MAYBE IT'S
NOT THE WAY YOU LOOK,
BUT THE WAY YOU SMELL.
HELLO, DR. WALKER.
LADIES.
DR. PIG.
ALL THE NURSES HAVE
BEEN TREATING ME LIKE THAT.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO
THE EXTRA THING FOR A LADY.
YEAH, BUT, BERG,
YOU CAN'T FORCE IT.
THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN
YOU FORCE INNOCENT BABIES
TO WATCH YOUR
CREEPY PUPPET SHOWS.
HEY! LOOK, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
SURE... IT'S A PERFECT TIME
WHILE I'M STANDING HERE
HOLDING A HEAVY BOX.
OKAY, LOOK...
I KNOW WE GOT OFF TO
A BAD FIRST IMPRESSION,
AND I MADE A TERRIBLE
SECOND IMPRESSION,
BUT SERIOUSLY, IF YOU
GIVE ME ENOUGH CHANCES,
EVENTUALLY I COME OFF ADORABLE.
WELL, I GUESS I COULD
GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE.
ALL RIGHT, LAY IT ON.
HERE.
OW! OW!
SOMETHING WENT.
MY BACK... IT'S, UH...
IT'S AN OLD FLAG-CORPS INJURY.
GOOD! YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE
CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD.
MAYBE IT'S JUST AVOIDING
YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NASTY.
THIS GUY IS A GOOD GUY.
ALL WEEK LONG,
I'VE BEEN REALLY
DOWN ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT'S BEEN GOING ON
IN THE MATERNITY WARD.
THE BABIES ARE
AFRAID OF HER FACE.
AND HIS CARING HAS
HELPED ME THROUGH IT.
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST BACK
OFF AND TAKE YOUR BOX WITH YOU!
YEAH, BEFORE WE GET MAD.
THANKS, ASHLEY.
I DID NOT WANT TO
CARRY THAT BOX.
HEY, BABY. HEY.
GUESS WHO I BROUGHT
HOME FOR DINNER.
OOH, SOMEONE TO MAKE IT?
YEAH, YEAH, I'D BE HAPPY TO.
I MEAN, IF I CAN MAKE
DINNER, ANY BOZO CAN.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I LIED!
JEEZ, YOU GUYS ACT
LIKE IT'S THE FIRST TIME!
YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON.
I DO! YOU BEING A FIREMAN
SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME, JOHNNY.
WHAT IF YOU GOT BURNED
TO DEATH OR... OR WORSE?!
WHAT'S WORSE?
I GUESS IF YOU'RE BURNED
RIGHT UP TO THE EDGE OF DEATH,
YOU KNOW...
A-AND THEN YOU JUST
KIND OF LINGERED.
JOHNNY, I'M SERIOUS...
I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
SHARON, I TOLD YOU I'M
GONNA BE THERE TO HELP HIM.
AAHHHH! AAHHH! AAHHH!
OW!
T-THAT TOASTER IS ON!
LOOK, HONEY, I KNOW BEING
A FIREMAN IS DANGEROUS,
BUT I DON'T PLAN
ON GETTING HURT.
JOHNNY, YOU CANNOT CONTROL THAT!
I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE
MY MOM... WAITING UP,
WONDERING WHETHER OR NOT
HER HUSBAND MAKES IT HOME.
YOUR FATHER
WASN'T A FIREFIGHTER.
HE HAD A WHOLE OTHER FAMILY.
BABY, I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.
SWEETIE, WHY DIDN'T
YOU JUST SAY THAT,
INSTEAD OF PUTTING
US THROUGH ALL THIS?
BECAUSE YOU JUST
SEEMED SO EXCITED
AND IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY,
SO I JUST FIGURED, WHY
NOT MAKE PETE THE BAD GUY?
BABY, YOU ARE NOT GONNA LOSE ME.
THEN DON'T DO IT! BUT I HAVE TO!
NO, SWEET...
WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME
WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING,
I DON'T FEEL GOOD
TELLING THEM I'M A JANITOR.
YOU TELL THEM YOU'RE A JANITOR?!
NO WONDER WE DON'T
GET INVITED TO PARTIES!
SEE?
NOW, YOU TOOK THAT
JOB AT THE LAW OFFICE
SO THAT YOU COULD
MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
YOU COME HOME EVERY DAY,
PROUD OF ALL YOU'VE DONE.
I WANT THAT!
JOHNNY, LIVE THROUGH ME!
SHARON, THIS IS WHAT I WANT...
I WANT TO SAVE PEOPLE'S LIVES.
YOU ARE SO SELFISH!
HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOIN' OUT HERE?
I'M MAD AT JOHNNY, AND
WE ONLY HAVE ONE ROOM.
HE WANTS TO BECOME A FIREMAN!
OH, THAT'S GREAT!
THAT'S GREAT... I THINK JOHNNY
WOULD MAKE A GREAT FIREMAN.
NOT THAT I'D KNOW...
HE'S MARRIED TO YOU,
THOUGH, SO HE MUST BE BRAVE.
THAT'S WHAT I'M WORRIED
ABOUT... HE'S BRAVE.
N-NOW, WITH HIM BEING A JANITOR,
AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT HIM DYING
FROM FIXING A LEAK.
OH, Y-YOU CAN DIE
FROM FIXING A LEAK.
YOU'RE STANDING IN WATER...
YOU CROSS A COUPLE OF
LIVE WIRES TOGETHER, AND...
DEEP-FRIED JOHNNY.
THANK YOU, BERG.
LOOK... OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT...
BEING A FIREMAN IS DANGEROUS,
BUT JOHNNY'S GOT A GOOD
HEAD ON HIS SHOULDERS.
BESIDES, IF THERE'S ANYTHING
THAT'S GONNA KEEP HIM SAFE,
IT'S KNOWING THAT HE
HAS YOU TO COME HOME TO.
THAT WAS SWEET. THANK YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I GUESS
CHIVALRY STILL HAS A PULSE.
YOU'RE FREEZING.
I KNOW... GOD, I'M SO COLD!
I KNOW! YOU OUGHT
TO HAVE A JACKET.
IT'S, LIKE, 20 DEGREES OUT HERE!
DON'T BRING THAT COLD MY WAY!
OH! HIDE THE BABY...
BOOGEYWOMAN!
DON'T BE SILLY.
HERE, COME MEET MY LITTLE NIECE.
WELL, IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO SCARE THE BABY,
WHY DON'T YOU STICK A
BALLOON IN HER CRIB AND POP IT?
HE'S RIGHT, IRENE.
BABIES ARE TERRIFIED OF ME.
COME ON, BABIES ARE
EASY TO GET ALONG WITH.
JUST... OKAY, LET OUT
THE INNER ASHLEY.
NO, THE PROBLEM IS IT'S
WRAPPED IN THE OUTER ASHLEY.
COME ON, JUST RELAX.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS
AND TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD.
WOW!
SHE LIKES YOU. COME CLOSER.
WOW.
CLOSER, CLOSER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
CAN I HOLD HER?
OKAY, LET'S NOT PUSH OUR LUCK.
YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT
THANKS A LOT, IRENE.
GOSH, MAYBE BABIES
DON'T HATE ME.
NO, BABIES HATE HER...
BUT OUR SALAMI SURE DOESN'T.
THAT WAS VERY NICE OF YOU... I
MIGHT EVEN SAY "CHIVALROUS."
HEY, IS IT WRONG IF I
RAISE IT AS MY OWN?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
IT COSTS TO RAISE A SALAMI?
LET'S JUST EAT IT.
MILK'S COMING IN.
WHAT? I HAVE TO WELCOME
ALL THE NEWBORNS
WHEN THEY'RE FRESH
OUT OF THE OVEN.
BABIES LOVE ME.
WELL, WHY WOULDN'T
THEY? YOU'RE A BOOB.
HEY THERE, LITTLE FELLA.
HELLO. HELLO. HEY, THERE.
CUT IT OUT. YOU'RE SCARING THEM.
OH, PLEASE. THEY'RE
PROBABLY JUST HUNGRY.
YEAH. YEAH. I'M SURE
THAT'S WHAT IT IS.
THIS IS RIDICULOUS!
NEWBORNS CAN'T
EVEN SEE THAT FAR.
NO, NO, NO, BUT
THEY CAN SENSE EVIL.
CHILDREN, RELAX...
SHE'LL BE DEAD BY THE
TIME YOU'RE DATING AGE.
JOHNNY!
SORRY, BABY.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
DRINKING BEER... WATCHING
MY TWO GOOD PALS
SHAGGY AND SCOOBY.
IT'S FUNNIER WITH BEER.
SWEETIE, IT IS 8:00
IN THE MORNING.
YEAH, AND IT'S MY BIRTHDAY,
AND I'M NOT GONNA SHAVE,
AND I'M NOT GONNA SHOWER.
I'M JUST GONNA SIT AROUND
IN MY UNDERWEAR ALL DAY
AND CELEBRATE LIFE.
COME ON, SWEETIE, YOU
CAN DO THAT ANY DAY.
NOT TRUE! LAST TIME
I TRIED THIS, YOU SAID,
"WHAT DO YOU THINK
IT IS, YOUR BIRTHDAY?"
I BET YOU'RE GONNA CHANGE YOUR
MIND WHEN YOU SEE YOUR PRESENT.
YOU GOT ME THE CIRCULAR SAW?
HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
YOU GOT THE EXTENDED WARRANTY.
"JOHNNY DONNELLY
IS HEREBY DECLARED
AN HONORARY FIREMAN FOR A DAY."
ISN'T IT GREAT?
PETE WAS SELLING THESE TO
RAISE MONEY FOR THE FIRE STATION,
AND I JUST FIGURED, YOU KNOW,
EVERY BOY DREAMS
OF BEING A FIREMAN.
I ALWAYS DREAMED
OF DRIVING THAT TRUCK
THAT SUCKS THE STUFF
OUT OF OUTHOUSES.
OKAY. FORGET IT.
NO. HONEY, NO. COME ON.
NO, IT WAS A STUPID GIFT.
I GOTTA TELL YOU, YOU'RE
NOT THE EASIEST TO BUY FOR.
WHAT DO YOU GET THE
MAN WHO HAS NOTHING?
WHERE DO YOU START?
DON'T BE UPSET.
I WOULD LOVE TO BE
A FIREMAN FOR A DAY.
THIS IS SOMETHING THAT I WOULD
NEVER HAVE GOTTEN FOR MYSELF...
NEVER EVER.
ALL RIGHT. RELAX.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
MAKE THE CAMERA YOUR LOVER.
IT'S JUST AN I.D. PHOTO, GERM.
WILL YOU TAKE IT ALREADY?
COME ON, DR. WALKER, MOVE ME.
MAKE ME FEEL
SOMETHING. MAKE ME CRY.
IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT A BABY,
OR YOU'D BE BAWLING
YOUR EYES OUT.
BERG, WILL YOU JUST BE... NEXT!
GERM!
GERM, THAT WAS A
TERRIBLE PICTURE.
TAKE ANOTHER ONE.
NEXT.
GERM!
NEXT!
GERM! G... NEXT!!
ALL RIGHT.
I'M UP.
FINALLY, THEY SEND ME A FACE.
THIS IS THE LAST
SHOT OF THE MORNING.
FOR THOSE OF YOU
WANTING FAKE I.D.s,
MEET ME IN THE PARKING
LOT IN 15 MINUTES.
EVER HEARD THE
EXPRESSION "LADIES FIRST"?
LEARNED THAT AFTER
"WAIT YOUR TURN."
I WAS REALLY HOPING
TO GET THIS DONE TODAY.
YEAH, SO WAS I. YOU
THINK THIS JUST HAPPENS?
WELL, I GUESS CHIVALRY IS DEAD.
WHAT?
EXCUSE ME.
WHY WOULD SHE SAY THAT?
I'M ALL ABOUT CHIVALRY.
WHO DOES SHE THINK...
SMILE.
SHE IS?!
GOOD WORK, MAN.
COME BACK NEXT WEEK,
I'LL BRING THE WIND MACHINE.
THIS IS GONNA BE SO FUN.
I TOLD YOU, I'LL TAPE
THE HOCKEY GAME.
DON'T TELL ME HOW IT ENDS.
AND DON'T TAPE
OVER "SCOOBY DOO."
JUST GO BE A FIREMAN.
IT'S GONNA BE GREAT.
YOU GET TO HANG OUT WITH THE
GUYS AND SCRATCH AND CURSE.
OKAY, STOP!
HEY. OKAY.
OKAY, THAT'S A LETHAL WEAPON.
DON'T DO THAT!
HEY, PUT THOSE BACK.
TAKE THAT OFF, THAT'S NOT A TOY.
DO YOU KNOW WHERE
THAT BOOT HAS BEEN?
WELL, I DO, SO TAKE
IT OFF YOUR HEAD.
I DIDN'T KNOW IT WAS
GONNA BE LIKE THIS.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO STAY.
NO. YOU WENT THROUGH
A LOT OF TROUBLE.
AT LEAST THIS WAY I KNOW
I WON'T GET PICKED ON.
OKAY, FINALLY, LOOK...
FIREFIGHTER JOHNNY IS HERE.
DO YOU KNOW WHAT HAPPENS
WHEN FIREFIGHTERS ARE LATE?
PEOPLE DIE, JOHNNY!
HEY, WHY DOES HIS
MOMMY GET TO STAY?
BECAUSE HIS MOMMY LOVES HIM.
SHARON, YOU CAN TAKE OFF.
BYE.
EWWW! EWWW! EWWW!
NOW WE CAN START.
LISTEN, THE FIRST THING WE DO
WHEN WE HEAR THE FIRE ALARM
IS WE SLIDE DOWN THE POLE.
WHO WANTS TO
SLIDE DOWN THE POLE?
I DO! I DO! ME!
HOW 'BOUT YOU, BIRTHDAY BOY?
THEY'RE SO CUTE
WHEN THEY'RE BIG.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING WRONG.
I WAS THERE BEFORE HER.
I KNOW BECAUSE SHE HELD
THE DOOR OPEN FOR ME.
CHIVALRY ISN'T ABOUT
DOING THE RIGHT THING.
IT'S ABOUT A MAN DOING THE
EXTRA THING FOR THE LADY.
LIKE THE EXTRA THINGS
THIS MAN DOES FOR HIS LADY?
THAT ISN'T CHIVALRY.
IT'S MEDIEVAL, BUT
IT AIN'T CHIVALRY.
THE CODPIECE WAS FOR YOU.
LET ME TELL YOU A LITTLE
STORY ABOUT CHIVALRY.
REMEMBER LAST WINTER...
WE HAD THAT BIG STORM AND
THE STREETS WERE FLOODED?
I SLIPPED AND FELL IN
THE MUD OUT FRONT.
PEOPLE JUST WALKED
BY AND LAUGHED.
BUT THEN A TALL, HANDSOME
KNIGHT IN SHINING ARMOR
CAME OUT OF THIS
BUILDING, HELPED ME UP,
TOOK ME INSIDE, AND
MADE ME SOME COCOA.
I DON'T REMEMBER DOING THAT.
'CAUSE IT WAS JOHNNY!
YOU THINK JOHNNY'S HANDSOME?
NOT THE POINT!
LOOK, HE WAS BEING CHIVALROUS.
WHY EVEN CARE WHAT
THAT NURSE THINKS, ANYWAY?
BECAUSE! I CONSIDER
MYSELF TO BE A GOOD PERSON.
I HATE TO THINK THAT
THERE'S SOMEBODY OUT THERE
WHO DOESN'T FEEL THE SAME WAY.
SO EVERYONE IN THE
WORLD SHOULD LOVE YOU?
I DON'T THINK THAT'S
TOO MUCH TO ASK.
THAT...
WAS THE BEST BIRTHDAY
PRESENT I EVER GOT!
NO WAY?!
SO I SHOULD CANCEL THE
HOT FUDGE AND MAKE-UP SEX?
THE "STICKY ICKY"?
THIS IS THE BEST BIRTHDAY EVER.
SO YOU REALLY HAD A GOOD TIME?
I LOVED IT!
AFTER THE KIDS WENT HOME,
PETE INVITED ME ON THE TRUCK.
HE TOOK YOU TO A FIRE?
NO, NO, FOR YOGURT.
YOU KNOW WHAT I FOUND OUT?
FIREMAN GET YOGURT FOR
FREE! CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?
AFTER THAT WE WENT
FOR COFFEE. GUESS WHAT?
COFFEE WAS FREE, TOO? YEAH!
YOU KNOW, SHARON, YOU WILL
NEVER MEET A GROUP OF NICER GUYS.
THEY LET YOU TURN ON
THE SIREN, DIDN'T THEY?
YEAH! YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I WOULD MAKE
A VERY GOOD FIREMAN.
YES, HONEY, I THINK
THAT YOU WOULD.
BECAUSE I SIGNED UP FOR
THE TRAINING PROGRAM.
I'M GONNA FIGHT FIRES. WHAT?!
FIRST I VOLUNTEER
AT THE FIRE STATION,
THEN I GO TO BOOT CAMP,
AND IN 6 MONTHS
I'LL BE A FIREFIGHTER.
WHAT ABOUT THE OTHER
CHILDREN? ARE THEY DOING THAT?
HONEY, I'M SERIOUS.
I'M GONNA FIGHT FIRES.
NO, NO, NO, THAT'S DANGEROUS.
YOU COULD GET HURT!
NOT IF I STAY ALERT.
IF THAT WAS ON FIRE,
I WOULD HAVE SEEN IT.
HEY.
HEY.
SO, JOHNNY HAD A FUN DAY.
I KNOW, AND VERY
WELL-BEHAVED DURING NAP TIME.
YEAH. NOW HE WANTS
TO BECOME A FIREMAN.
I KNOW. HE TOLD ME.
THAT IS JUST CRAZY.
WHY IS THAT CRAZY?
SHARON, I'M A FIREMAN.
PETE, YOU'RE GOOD AT IT.
YOU'VE GOT WHAT IT TAKES.
JOHNNY BURNED HIMSELF SHAVING.
COME ON, SHARON, LOOK...
ALL SPOUSES GET
WORRIED AT FIRST.
EVENTUALLY THEY GET OVER IT,
AND IF NOT, THEY MEET
SOMEBODY IN REHAB.
THERE'S NOTHING TO WORRY ABOUT.
PETE, YOUR FUNDRAISER WAS
FOR WIDOWS AND ORPHANS.
NO, SEE... THAT'S
JUST MARKETING.
WHO WOULD CONTRIBUTE
IF THEY KNEW THEY WERE
SENDING US TO ATLANTIC CITY?
YOU'RE NOT TAKING THIS
SERIOUSLY AND NEITHER IS HE.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN?
HE THINKS BEING A FIREMAN IS
EASIER THAN BEING A JANITOR.
HE S... HE SAID THAT?
ACTUALLY, HIS EXACT WORDS WERE,
"IF PETE CAN FIGHT
FIRES, ANY BOZO CAN."
OH, OH, YEAH, YEAH.
I'D LIKE TO SEE BOZO ENTERTAIN
A GROUP OF CHILDREN ALL DAY.
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
HE ALSO SAID ALL
YOU GUYS SEEM TO DO
IS TAKE THE TRUCK
OUT FOR FREE YOGURT.
FREE YOGURT?
HE TOLD YOU ABOUT
THE FREE YOGURT?
SEE, CIVILIANS, THEY'RE NOT
SUPPOSED TO KNOW THAT.
THAT'S JUST BETRAYAL!
YOU KNOW, I HATE TO SAY
THIS ABOUT MY OWN HUSBAND,
BUT SOMEONE NEEDS
TO TEACH HIM A LESSON.
YEAH. YEAH.
AND I KNOW JUST
THE MAN TO DO IT.
YOU.
NO, PETE.
OKAY, YOU BIG WUSSY, I'LL DO IT.
AND THEN, JOHNNY STARTS
SHOOTIN' HIS MOUTH OFF.
YEAH, WE'LL SEE HOW COCKY HE IS
WHEN HE HAS TO CARRY THE
TIRES TO THE POLICE STATION.
WE NEVER HAD TO DO THAT.
HOW'S THE POLICE CHIEF SUPPOSED
TO INSPECT THE TIRES IF HE...
I KNEW THAT.
HEY, GUYS.
VOLUNTEER DONNELLY
REPORTING FOR DUTY.
ALL RIGHT, ROOKIE, WE GOT A
LOT OF WORK FOR YOU TO DO.
WE GOT BOOTS TO SHINE.
WE GOT FLOORS TO MOP.
AND THEN YOU GOTTA
SHAVE CHUCK'S BACK.
IT'S TRUE... WE
ALL HAD TO DO IT.
OKAY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU GUYS ARE JUST JERKS.
OKAY, SERIOUSLY, WHAT'S
FIRST? WHAT'S FIRST?
FIRST, WE WANT YOU TO TAKE
EACH OF THESE 60-POUND HOSES
UP TO THE SECOND FLOOR,
BUT HERE'S THE THING...
WE JUST PAINTED THE STAIRS,
SO YOU CAN'T USE THOSE.
YOU HAVE TO USE THE POLE.
OHO-HO!
THIS IS ONE OF THOSE
HAZING THINGS, ISN'T IT?
YOU'RE NOT SUPPOSED
TO KNOW THAT!
NICE WORK, DUNVILLE.
OH, AND WHEN YOU FINISH
THAT, CLEAN THE OVEN.
VERY NICE.
IT'S FILTHY, AND I HAVE
TO BAKE IN THE MORNING.
ALL RIGHT, WHO'S NEXT?
OH, NO... NO DO-OVERS.
GERM, I DEMAND YOU
RETAKE THIS PICTURE.
LOOK AT IT!
OH, BOY, YOU'RE RIGHT.
NO WONDER YOU
MAKE THE BABIES CRY!
CAN YOU HELP ME?
NO, IT'S A CAMERA,
NOT THE HAND OF GOD.
NEXT!
HEY...
I WAS THINKING ABOUT WHAT
HAPPENED BETWEEN US EARLIER...
YEAH, THAT WAS MY LUNCH BREAK,
AND NOW I'M MISSING
MY KID'S SOCCER GAME.
Okay, see, I didn't know that.
LOOK, UM, I TALKED IT
OVER WITH MY GIRLFRIEND,
AND... AND I REALIZE
THAT MAYBE I COULD HAVE
GIVEN UP MY PLACE IN LINE.
SO I'M HERE TO MAKE IT
UP TO YOU... COME WITH ME.
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
I'M BEING CHIVALROUS.
HEY, HAIRDO, BEAT IT!
YOU ARE AMAZING.
YOU CUT IN FRONT OF A BUNCH
OF HARDWORKING NURSES
JUST TO SOMEHOW PROVE TO
ME WHAT A GOOD GUY YOU ARE.
YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW
TO TREAT A WOMAN, DO YOU?
WELL, YOU HAVEN'T SEEN ME
IN MY CODPIECE, HAVE YOU?
DUDE, YOU'RE A PIG!
GOOD YOGURT!
MM-HMM.
JOHNNY!
JOHNNY!
YEAH?
WHERE ARE ALL THE HOSES?
UH, TOP OF THE POLE,
WHERE YOU WANTED 'EM,
AND OVEN IS CLEAN, TOO, BUT
WHOEVER IS MAKIN' SOUFFLéS
SHOULD REALLY JUST
LAY SOME FOIL DOWN.
THIS GUY'S GOOD.
I'M GONNA GO LATHER UP MY BACK.
ALL RIGHT, HOTSHOT, LET'S GET
THOSE HOSES BACK DOWN HERE.
WAIT A SECOND... I
JUST PUT 'EM UP THERE.
I MISSED YOGURT!
ARE YOU SASSIN' ME?!
WHAT IS THIS, PETE? THE
OTHER DAY I WAS HERE,
YOU WERE TREATIN'
ME LIKE A KING,
AND TODAY YOU'RE DOGGIN' ME!
YOU KNOW WHAT? WHY SHOULDN'T I?
APPARENTLY YOU THINK IT'S
REAL EASY BEIN' A FIREMAN.
I NEVER SAID THAT.
SHARON ALSO TOLD ME YOU FIGURED,
"IF PETE CAN DO
IT, ANY BOZO CAN!"
WHOA, NO... I NEVER SAID THAT!
AS A MATTER OF FACT, I
DEFEND YOU WHEN I HEAR THAT.
LOOK, BABIES, IT'S RAGGEDY ANDY,
AND HE'S NOT CRYING.
WHAT'S THAT, RAGGEDY ANDY?
YOU LOVE ME?
OH!
MWAH, MWAH, MWAH!
MWAH, MWAH, MWAH!
THINK ABOUT WHAT
THEY'RE SEEING...
THE MEAN WOMAN EATING
THE LITTLE, REDHEADED KID.
WHY IS IT SO IMPORTANT
THAT ALL THE BABIES LIKE YOU?
IT'S NOT JUST BABIES
WHO ARE AFRAID OF ME.
IT'S ALSO SMALL
ANIMALS AND THE BLIND.
OKAY, SO MAYBE IT'S
NOT THE WAY YOU LOOK,
BUT THE WAY YOU SMELL.
HELLO, DR. WALKER.
LADIES.
DR. PIG.
ALL THE NURSES HAVE
BEEN TREATING ME LIKE THAT.
I WAS JUST TRYING TO DO
THE EXTRA THING FOR A LADY.
YEAH, BUT, BERG,
YOU CAN'T FORCE IT.
THINK ABOUT THAT WHEN
YOU FORCE INNOCENT BABIES
TO WATCH YOUR
CREEPY PUPPET SHOWS.
HEY! LOOK, CAN I TALK
TO YOU FOR A SECOND?
SURE... IT'S A PERFECT TIME
WHILE I'M STANDING HERE
HOLDING A HEAVY BOX.
OKAY, LOOK...
I KNOW WE GOT OFF TO
A BAD FIRST IMPRESSION,
AND I MADE A TERRIBLE
SECOND IMPRESSION,
BUT SERIOUSLY, IF YOU
GIVE ME ENOUGH CHANCES,
EVENTUALLY I COME OFF ADORABLE.
WELL, I GUESS I COULD
GIVE YOU A SECOND CHANCE.
ALL RIGHT, LAY IT ON.
HERE.
OW! OW!
SOMETHING WENT.
MY BACK... IT'S, UH...
IT'S AN OLD FLAG-CORPS INJURY.
GOOD! YOU DESERVE IT.
YOU KNOW, MAYBE
CHIVALRY ISN'T DEAD.
MAYBE IT'S JUST AVOIDING
YOU BECAUSE YOU'RE NASTY.
THIS GUY IS A GOOD GUY.
ALL WEEK LONG,
I'VE BEEN REALLY
DOWN ABOUT SOMETHING
THAT'S BEEN GOING ON
IN THE MATERNITY WARD.
THE BABIES ARE
AFRAID OF HER FACE.
AND HIS CARING HAS
HELPED ME THROUGH IT.
SO WHY DON'T YOU JUST BACK
OFF AND TAKE YOUR BOX WITH YOU!
YEAH, BEFORE WE GET MAD.
THANKS, ASHLEY.
I DID NOT WANT TO
CARRY THAT BOX.
HEY, BABY. HEY.
GUESS WHO I BROUGHT
HOME FOR DINNER.
OOH, SOMEONE TO MAKE IT?
YEAH, YEAH, I'D BE HAPPY TO.
I MEAN, IF I CAN MAKE
DINNER, ANY BOZO CAN.
ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT, I LIED!
JEEZ, YOU GUYS ACT
LIKE IT'S THE FIRST TIME!
YOU BETTER HAVE A GOOD REASON.
I DO! YOU BEING A FIREMAN
SCARES THE HELL OUT OF ME, JOHNNY.
WHAT IF YOU GOT BURNED
TO DEATH OR... OR WORSE?!
WHAT'S WORSE?
I GUESS IF YOU'RE BURNED
RIGHT UP TO THE EDGE OF DEATH,
YOU KNOW...
A-AND THEN YOU JUST
KIND OF LINGERED.
JOHNNY, I'M SERIOUS...
I'M WORRIED ABOUT YOU.
SHARON, I TOLD YOU I'M
GONNA BE THERE TO HELP HIM.
AAHHHH! AAHHH! AAHHH!
OW!
T-THAT TOASTER IS ON!
LOOK, HONEY, I KNOW BEING
A FIREMAN IS DANGEROUS,
BUT I DON'T PLAN
ON GETTING HURT.
JOHNNY, YOU CANNOT CONTROL THAT!
I DON'T WANT TO BE LIKE
MY MOM... WAITING UP,
WONDERING WHETHER OR NOT
HER HUSBAND MAKES IT HOME.
YOUR FATHER
WASN'T A FIREFIGHTER.
HE HAD A WHOLE OTHER FAMILY.
BABY, I DON'T WANT TO LOSE YOU.
SWEETIE, WHY DIDN'T
YOU JUST SAY THAT,
INSTEAD OF PUTTING
US THROUGH ALL THIS?
BECAUSE YOU JUST
SEEMED SO EXCITED
AND IT WAS YOUR BIRTHDAY,
SO I JUST FIGURED, WHY
NOT MAKE PETE THE BAD GUY?
BABY, YOU ARE NOT GONNA LOSE ME.
THEN DON'T DO IT! BUT I HAVE TO!
NO, SWEET...
WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME
WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING,
I DON'T FEEL GOOD
TELLING THEM I'M A JANITOR.
YOU TELL THEM YOU'RE A JANITOR?!
NO WONDER WE DON'T
GET INVITED TO PARTIES!
SEE?
NOW, YOU TOOK THAT
JOB AT THE LAW OFFICE
SO THAT YOU COULD
MAKE A DIFFERENCE.
YOU COME HOME EVERY DAY,
PROUD OF ALL YOU'VE DONE.
I WANT THAT!
JOHNNY, LIVE THROUGH ME!
SHARON, THIS IS WHAT I WANT...
I WANT TO SAVE PEOPLE'S LIVES.
YOU ARE SO SELFISH!
HEY, WHAT ARE
YOU DOIN' OUT HERE?
I'M MAD AT JOHNNY, AND
WE ONLY HAVE ONE ROOM.
HE WANTS TO BECOME A FIREMAN!
OH, THAT'S GREAT!
THAT'S GREAT... I THINK JOHNNY
WOULD MAKE A GREAT FIREMAN.
NOT THAT I'D KNOW...
HE'S MARRIED TO YOU,
THOUGH, SO HE MUST BE BRAVE.
THAT'S WHAT I'M WORRIED
ABOUT... HE'S BRAVE.
N-NOW, WITH HIM BEING A JANITOR,
AT LEAST I DON'T HAVE TO WORRY
ABOUT HIM DYING
FROM FIXING A LEAK.
OH, Y-YOU CAN DIE
FROM FIXING A LEAK.
YOU'RE STANDING IN WATER...
YOU CROSS A COUPLE OF
LIVE WIRES TOGETHER, AND...
DEEP-FRIED JOHNNY.
THANK YOU, BERG.
LOOK... OKAY, YOU'RE RIGHT...
BEING A FIREMAN IS DANGEROUS,
BUT JOHNNY'S GOT A GOOD
HEAD ON HIS SHOULDERS.
BESIDES, IF THERE'S ANYTHING
THAT'S GONNA KEEP HIM SAFE,
IT'S KNOWING THAT HE
HAS YOU TO COME HOME TO.
THAT WAS SWEET. THANK YOU.
YEAH, WELL, I GUESS
CHIVALRY STILL HAS A PULSE.
YOU'RE FREEZING.
I KNOW... GOD, I'M SO COLD!
I KNOW! YOU OUGHT
TO HAVE A JACKET.
IT'S, LIKE, 20 DEGREES OUT HERE!
DON'T BRING THAT COLD MY WAY!
OH! HIDE THE BABY...
BOOGEYWOMAN!
DON'T BE SILLY.
HERE, COME MEET MY LITTLE NIECE.
WELL, IF YOU REALLY
WANT TO SCARE THE BABY,
WHY DON'T YOU STICK A
BALLOON IN HER CRIB AND POP IT?
HE'S RIGHT, IRENE.
BABIES ARE TERRIFIED OF ME.
COME ON, BABIES ARE
EASY TO GET ALONG WITH.
JUST... OKAY, LET OUT
THE INNER ASHLEY.
NO, THE PROBLEM IS IT'S
WRAPPED IN THE OUTER ASHLEY.
COME ON, JUST RELAX.
TAKE A DEEP BREATH.
THINK HAPPY THOUGHTS
AND TAKE ONE STEP FORWARD.
WOW!
SHE LIKES YOU. COME CLOSER.
WOW.
CLOSER, CLOSER.
I CAN'T BELIEVE THIS!
CAN I HOLD HER?
OKAY, LET'S NOT PUSH OUR LUCK.
YOU'RE RIGHT. BUT
THANKS A LOT, IRENE.
GOSH, MAYBE BABIES
DON'T HATE ME.
NO, BABIES HATE HER...
BUT OUR SALAMI SURE DOESN'T.
THAT WAS VERY NICE OF YOU... I
MIGHT EVEN SAY "CHIVALROUS."
HEY, IS IT WRONG IF I
RAISE IT AS MY OWN?
DO YOU KNOW HOW MUCH
IT COSTS TO RAISE A SALAMI?
LET'S JUST EAT IT.