Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 4, Episode 15 - An Eye for a Finger - full transcript

OH, HEY, BERG.

I'M MAKING YOUR FAVORITE,

CHOPPED SALAD WITH BOLOGNA.

AND I CIRCLED ALL YOUR
FAVORITE PROGRAMS

IN THE "TV GUIDE,"

AND I PUT LITTLE STARS
NEXT TO "THE TELETUBBIES."

COME ON, MAN. I'M TRYING HERE.

OH, OH, YOU'RE TRYING.

WELL, THIS SEEMS
LIKE A FAIR TRADE.

I GET A USED "TV GUIDE,"
AND YOU GET MY MOTHER.

I SAID I WASN'T GOING
TO SEE HER ANYMORE,



AND I TOLD YOU HOW SORRY I AM.

YOU KNOW, IT'S WAY
TOO LATE FOR THAT.

WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?

YOU KNOW, YOU CAN JUST
STOP APOLOGIZING, ALL RIGHT?

BECAUSE THIS IS THE TYPE OF
THING YOU CAN NEVER FORGIVE.

NEVER FORGIVE? NEVER...

OKAY, OKAY. YEAH,
FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?

IF THAT'S THE WAY YOU FEEL,

THEN IT'S FINE BY ME.

GREAT.

BUT WHEN I THINK OF EVERYTHING

WE'VE BEEN THROUGH TOGETHER,

AND WHAT WE MEAN TO EACH OTHER,

AND HOW YOU'RE NOT EXACTLY
PERFECT YOURSELF, MISTER...



YOU KNOW, IT MAKES
ME WANT TO... AAH! AAH!

DON'T TELL ME
THAT MOUSE IS BACK.

NO, BERG. I CUT MY FINGER.

I THINK IT'S REALLY BAD.

REALLY? LET ME TAKE A LOOK.

AAH.

OKAY. ALL RIGHT,
EVERYTHING'S GOING TO BE OKAY.

WE'RE JUST GOING TO...

I HAVE TO GET YOU TO
THE HOSPITAL RIGHT AWAY

AND GET THAT FINGER REATTACHED.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, REATTACHED?

I DON'T WANT YOU TO PANIC,

BUT YOU JUST CUT OFF
THE TIP OF YOUR FINGER.

OH. OH, GOD, BERG.
I THINK I SEE A LIGHT.

GRANDMAMA?

NO, YOU DON'T. LOOK,
IT'S GOING TO BE FINE.

I PUT THE TIP ON ICE.
LET'S GO. COME ON.

OKAY.

I JUST WANTED TO MAKE
YOU A CHOPPED SALAD.

NEXT TIME, HOLD THE FINGER.

YOU KNOW, IF YOU WOULD HAVE
CUT THE TIP OF YOUR FINGER OFF,

I WOULD HAVE TAKEN YOU TO
THE HOSPITAL IN AN AMBULANCE.

LOOK, A CAB WILL BE FASTER.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU MAY
NOT BE ABLE TO RELATE TO THIS,

BUT YOU CAN TRUST ME BECAUSE
THAT'S THE KIND OF FRIEND I AM,

LOYAL AND TRUSTWORTHY,
NOT LIKE SOME PEOPLE!

ARE YOU STILL ON THIS?

YES!

WHAT'S IT GOING TO TAKE? I
CUT MY FINGER OFF FOR YOU!

NO, YOU CUT YOUR
FINGER OFF FOR DINNER!

FORGET THIS. WHY
DON'T I JUST WALK?

'CAUSE YOU'LL BLEED OUT
IN AROUND FOUR BLOCKS.

ALL RIGHT, I WAS JUST
POSING THE QUESTION.

LOOK, PETE, LISTEN TO ME NOW.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE.

OH, MY GOD. I FELT THAT.

RELAX, ALL RIGHT? YOU
HAVE UP TO SIX HOURS

TO GET YOUR FINGER
REATTACHED, OKAY?

JUST DON'T PANIC,
APPLY PRESSURE... TAXI!

AND KEEP THE AREA DRY.

HEY, BABY. HOW'D IT GO TODAY?

LOUSY. THERE'S NOT
ONE LAW FIRM IN BOSTON

THAT WILL HIRE ME
AS A LEGAL ASSISTANT.

I COULDN'T MEET A LAWYER

IF I WAS FOLLOWED BY
A TOBACCO COMPANY.

OKAY, WHY DON'T WE
MAKE THAT PLAN B?

I MEAN, SO WHAT IF I HAVEN'T
STARTED LAW SCHOOL YET?

I MISS THE OLD DAYS
WHEN I GOT WHAT I WANTED

'CAUSE I'M CUTE.

WHY DON'T YOU TAKE THAT JOB

OVER AT POWELL,
BROWN, AND JOHNSON?

WHAT?

THEY CALLED WHILE YOU WERE OUT.

OH, MY GOD! WHY DIDN'T
YOU TELL ME RIGHT AWAY?

TO WAIT UNTIL I'D
BE A BIGGER HERO.

NOW GO, GO, GO.

THEY SAID BE THERE IN
HALF AN HOUR. DON'T BE LATE.

GOD, I HAVEN'T EVEN STARTED,

AND THEY'RE ALREADY
BUSTING MY HUMP.

ISN'T THAT GREAT?

HEY, SHAR. SO, YOU READY?

OH, ASH, I CAN'T HELP YOU
WITH YOUR HOMEWORK THING.

I GOT A JOB INTERVIEW.

OH, NO, NO, NO, SHARON.

I REALLY NEED A GOOD
GRADE ON THIS PSYCH PAPER,

AND YOU'RE THE PERFECT SUBJECT.

YOU'RE SO INTERESTING
AND COLORFUL.

OH, UH, SORRY.
JOHNNY WILL DO IT.

FINE. I'LL GET A D.

HOW YOU HOLDING UP?

I'M OKAY. I THINK
I'M OKAY. AM I OKAY?

TELL ME I'M OKAY.

YOU'RE GOING TO BE FINE.

YOU'LL BE FINE.

I'VE SEEN A NUMBER
OF REATTACHMENTS.

SEE? IT'S A CLEAN
CUT, WHICH IS GOOD,

BECAUSE THAT WAY,
WHEN THEY REATTACH IT,

YOU WON'T SEE A SCAR.

OH, MY GOD!

BERG, THERE'S TWO
FINGERS IN THERE.

NO, NO, ONE'S A GARBANZO BEAN.

HEY, LISTEN, I WANT TO
TALK ABOUT YOUR MOM.

OH, PLEASE, DROP IT.

NO, WE HAVE TO TALK ABOUT THIS.

FINE. FINE. I'M SURE YOU HAVE

A PERFECTLY
REASONABLE EXPLANATION,

ONE THAT WILL MAKE ME FEEL
COMPLETELY COMFORTABLE

AT USING MY MOTHER
AS YOUR PLAYTHING.

IN FACT, I'M LOOKING
FORWARD TO THIS.

THIS IS GOING TO BE SUPER.

ALL RIGHT, PETE,
I'M LISTENING. GO!

LOOK, I NEVER INTENDED
FOR THIS TO HAPPEN, OKAY?

SHE WAS NERVOUS ABOUT
HER DATE WITH CAPTAIN SHAW,

AND I STARTED TO REASSURE HER,

AND THEN SHE STARTED TELLING ME

WHAT A GREAT GUY I WAS,

AND I JUST FINISHED
ZIPPING UP HER DRESS,

AND THEN WE WERE...

WILL YOU SPARE ME
THE DETAILS, STUMPY?

WHERE ARE WE?

I DON'T KNOW. WHERE ARE WE?

EXCUSE ME. HEY, WHERE ARE WE?

UH, GOING HOSPITAL.

NO, I SAID THE HOSPITAL
WAS ON 5th STREET.

YOU'VE TAKEN US ALL THE WAY...

GOD, HOW MANY HOOKERS
DOES ONE TOWN NEED?

YOU SAY HOSPITAL. YOU
NOT SAY WHICH HOSPITAL.

I DID SAY WHICH HOSPITAL.

I SAID THE HOSPITAL
ON 5th STREET.

ALL RIGHT, WHICH HOSPITAL
ARE YOU TAKING US TO?

WELL, I BE HONEST. I'M
NEW IN THIS COUNTRY.

I'M NOT SURE.

OH, MY GOD. ALL
RIGHT, ALL RIGHT.

JUST, LOOK, MAKE A LEFT
AT THE NEXT STREET...

DON'T MAKE A LEFT.
U-TURN, U-TURN.

IGNORE HIM. MAKE A
LEFT AT THE NEXT STREET...

PLEASE, PLEASE, ONE AT A TIME.

THE ONE WHO DID THE BONKY-BONK

WITH THE OTHER ONE'S
MOTHER, YOU FIRST.

HI. EXCUSE ME.

I'M SHARON CARTER.
I'M HERE ABOUT THE JOB.

OH, GOOD. WILL YOU BE
ABLE TO START TOMORROW?

OH. UH, SURE.

DON'T YOU WANT TO
INTERVIEW ME FIRST?

ALL RIGHT. CAN
YOU RIDE A BICYCLE?

YEAH. WHY?

WE FIND IT A USEFUL SKILL
FOR BIKE MESSENGERS.

NO, NO, I'M NOT HERE
TO BE A BIKE MESSENGER.

I WANT TO HAVE CONTACT
WITH THE LAWYERS.

STAB YOUR HUSBAND.
THAT'S WHAT I DID.

WELL, YOU WANT THE JOB OR NOT?

NO. I WANT TO BE
IN THE TRENCHES,

YOU KNOW, DEFENDING THE
RIGHTS OF THE LESS FORTUNATE.

THAT'S WHY I WANT
TO BE A LAWYER,

AND I WANT TO
LEARN FROM THE BEST.

SO IF I HAVE TO COME HERE
EVERY DAY AND BEG FOR A JOB,

THEN THAT'S WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO.

THANK YOU. I'LL NOTIFY SECURITY.

YOU'LL HAVE TO EXCUSE BETTY.

SHE'S BEEN LIKE THIS EVER
SINCE SHE PASSED AWAY.

MARK BRESLIN. I'M AN ATTORNEY.

UH, I GATHER THAT
YOU'RE LOOKING FOR A JOB.

YES.

WELL, IT SOUNDS AS
THOUGH YOU'RE SERIOUS

IN YOUR COMMITMENT TO THE LAW.

YES, SIR. ABSOLUTELY.

CAN YOU WORK LONG HOURS
WITHOUT COMPLAINING?

NOT WITHOUT COMPLAINING.

WELL, NEITHER CAN I,

BUT YOU CERTAINLY
GOT A LOT OF PASSION,

AND THAT'S WHAT IT TAKES
TO MAKE A GOOD LAWYER.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT.

UM, I'M LOOKING
FOR AN ASSISTANT.

YOU WANT ME TO WORK FOR YOU

AT ONE OF THE TOP
LAW FIRMS IN BOSTON?

OH, NO. I DON'T WORK HERE.

UM, I'M REPRESENTING A
CLIENT IN A SETTLEMENT MEETING.

OH. WELL, IF YOU'RE BUTTING
HEADS WITH THE BIG GUYS,

THEN I AM RARING TO GO.

GREAT. I'D LIKE YOU
TO START RIGHT AWAY.

ALL RIGHT. WELL, IT'S
ALMOST LUNCHTIME,

BUT OKAY.

YOU SHOULD CONSIDER
YOURSELF LUCKY, JOHNNY.

THERAPY IS USUALLY
RESERVED FOR THE COMPLICATED.

NOW, IF ANY OF THESE
QUESTIONS ARE TOO PERSONAL,

YOU JUST LET ME KNOW.

NO, NO, GO AHEAD.

HIT ME WITH YOUR
MUMBO-JUMBO, DR. FRAUD.

THAT'S VERY CLEVER.

HAVE YOU EVER TAKEN A
PSYCHOLOGICAL TEST BEFORE?

YES, ONCE AT A SLEEPOVER

WHEN THE OUIJA BOARD GOT OLD.

YOU KNOW, MAYBE I'M
INTERVIEWING THE WRONG SUBJECT.

THERE'S A ST. BERNARD
AROUND THE CORNER

THAT CAN OPEN A DOOR.

I'M OKAY. HIT ME.
COME ON. GO AHEAD.

OKAY. NOW, I'M GOING TO
ASK YOU SOME QUESTIONS,

AND THEN I'M GOING TO WRITE

A COMPLETE PROFILE
OF YOUR PERSONALITY.

OKAY. TELL ME WHAT YOU SEE.

INK.

OKAY. LOOK AGAIN,

AND THIS TIME, USE
YOUR IMAGINATION.

YOU KNOW, MAKE
PLAY-PLAY IN THE HEAD.

COME ON.

YOU KNOW, THIS WOULD BE

A LOT EASIER ON BOTH OF US

IF I HAD A FEW DRINKS.

PICTURES ARE HARD.

WHY DON'T WE TRY
SOME MULTIPLE CHOICE?

OKAY.

OKAY. WHAT WOULD YOU DO
IN THE FOLLOWING SITUATION?

YOU SEE A PERSON
WHO OWES YOU $100...

OKAY.

I WOULD NEVER LEND ANYONE MONEY.

OKAY, BUT SAY IN A UNIVERSE

WHERE THAT MIGHT BE POSSIBLE,

WHAT DO YOU THINK YOU WOULD DO?

I DON'T KNOW. WHY DID I
LEND THIS PERSON MONEY?

IT DOESN'T MATTER.

YEAH, THAT'S EASY
FOR YOU TO SAY.

MEANWHILE, I'M OUT 100 BUCKS.

FORGET IT. OKAY, MOVING ON.

SEXUAL FANTASIES.
WOULD YOU SAY YOU HAVE...

NEXT.

YES, BUT WOULD YOU...

NEXT.

WE'RE IN PLENTY OF
TIME. JUST SIT DOWN,

KEEP YOUR HAND ELEVATED,
I'LL GET US RIGHT IN.

ALL RIGHT, TELL THEM
I'M A HAND MODEL.

HI, I'M DR. MICHAEL BERG,

AND MY PATIENT HAS CUT
OFF THE TIP OF HIS FINGER.

WE NEED TO GET HIM
IN A PRE-OP RIGHT AWAY.

PETE, HAND ME THE BAG.

WHAT?

THE BAG WITH YOUR FINGERTIP.

Y-Y-YOU HAD IT.

NO, YOU... OH, MY GOD.

WHAT?

I LEFT IT IN THE CAB.

YOU'RE KIDDING ME. YOU'RE KID...

YOU DID THIS ON PURPOSE!

I DID NOT. YUH-HUH.

BECAUSE YOU'RE JUST
TRYING TO GET EVEN WITH ME

FOR BEING WITH YOUR MOTHER,

SO YOU THREW MY FINGER AWAY!

KEEP IT DOWN.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, THAT
IS RIDICULOUS, OKAY?

LOOK, HEY, WE HAVE
PLENTY OF TIME, ALL RIGHT?

I WILL GET IT BACK.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.

ARE YOU SURE?

OF COURSE I'M
SURE. HEY, HIGH FOUR.

ALL RIGHT, ALL RIGHT,

ONE MORE TRIP TO THE
AIRPORT, BACK TO THE HOTEL.

EXCUSE ME.

I'M STILL HERE.

RIGHT.

SO LET ME GET THIS STRAIGHT...

YOU LEFT YOUR FINGER
IN ONE OF OUR CABS?

NO, NOT MY FINGER.

MY FRIEND'S FINGER, ALL RIGHT?

COME ON. WILL YOU HELP
ME OUT HERE OR WHAT?

WHAT WAS THE CAB'S NUMBER?

I DON'T KNOW. IT WAS YELLOW.

YOU SEE OUR PROBLEM HERE?

OKAY. WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,

I REMEMBER SOMETHING
ABOUT THE DRIVER, THOUGH.

ALL RIGHT. THAT MIGHT HELP.

HE HAD AN ACCENT. HE WAS
FROM A FOREIGN COUNTRY.

OKAY, ALL RIGHT.

UM, LOOK, THIS IS MY
BEST FRIEND'S FINGER,

AND, UH, HE THINKS I
LOST IT ON PURPOSE.

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT?

YES, I'M MAD AT HIM,

BUT WHO WOULDN'T
BE AFTER WHAT HE DID?

MUST BE PRETTY SERIOUS
IF YOU CUT OFF HIS FINGER.

HE DATED MY MOTHER.

AND YOU ONLY CUT OFF HIS FINGER?

DISPATCH.

WHAT? ACTUALLY,
HOLD ON A SECOND.

REALLY?

IT WASN'T A BIG TOE, WAS IT?

NO, IT WAS A FINGER.

WHAT KIND OF PLACE
ARE YOU RUNNING HERE?

NO, EDDIE, I GUESS
YOU CAN KEEP THE TOE.

OH, LOOK AT THIS
CONFERENCE ROOM.

IT'S ALL TO INTIMIDATE YOU.

THEY WANT TO MAKE YOU FEEL
LIKE YOU'RE NOBODY, SHELLY.

IT'S SHARON.

SHARON.

GOSH, THIS IS SO EXCITING.
MY FIRST SETTLEMENT MEETING.

SO WHAT WOULD YOU
LIKE ME TO DO, SIR?

I WANT YOU TO PRETEND
THAT YOU'RE MY ASSOCIATE.

YOU SIT UP STRAIGHT,
YOU LOOK STEELY-EYED,

AND YOU PUT THIS
PEN IN YOUR POCKET.

OKAY, WHY?

IT'S A NICE PEN.

UM, OKAY, SO WHAT
IS THIS CASE ABOUT?

MY CLIENT, SINGLE FATHER OF TWO,

LOST THE USE OF HIS LEGS
DUE TO THE NEGLIGENCE

OF THE COMPANY
REPRESENTED BY THIS FIRM.

OH, THAT IS TERRIBLE.

NOW, HOW MUCH DO THESE
CASES USUALLY SETTLE FOR?

USUALLY IN THE MILLIONS.

NICE.

I MEAN... THAT'S BAD,

AWFUL THAT HE LOST
THE USE OF HIS LEGS,

BUT IT'S PRETTY GOOD.

MR. BRESLIN, WE HAVE
REVIEWED THE FACTS

OF YOUR CLIENT'S CASE,
AND ALTHOUGH WE FEEL

THIS IS NOTHING MORE
THAN A NUISANCE SUIT,

IN THE INTEREST OF
RESOLVING THIS PROMPTLY,

WE HAVE PREPARED
A CERTIFIED CHECK

IN THE AMOUNT OF $30,000.

$30,000? TAKE IT OR LEAVE IT.

BOY, ARE YOU GUYS IN
FOR A SURPRISE. TELL HIM.

WE'LL TAKE IT.

WHAT?

THANK YOU.

$30,000? WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

I WAS THINKING I WAS
GOING TO GET $20,000.

OH, DADDY'S HAD A GOOD DAY.

OKAY.

ONE LAST TEST.

I'M GOING TO HOLD UP A CARD,

AND YOU HAVE 10 SECONDS
TO DRAW WHAT YOU SEE.

IT'S JUST YOUR IMPRESSIONS.

DOESN'T HAVE TO
BE A WORK OF ART.

OKAY... TIME.

LET'S SEE WHAT YOU GOT.

IT'S MY FINGERS.

THAT'S CUTE. THAT'S VERY CUTE.

YEAH.

SORRY TO DRAW THEM SO CHUBBY.

JOHNNY, WHY ARE
YOU STONEWALLING ME?

OOH, STONEWALLING.

IS THAT ONE OF YOUR
BIG DOCTOR WORDS?

WELL, I'M SORRY IF I COULDN'T
BE A LITTLE MORE COLORFUL.

OH, NO, JOHNNY, YOU ARE
SURPRISINGLY COLORFUL,

BORDERING ON PSYCHOTIC.

RIGHT.

I DIDN'T EVEN ANSWER ANY
OF YOUR STUPID QUESTIONS.

OH, NO.

NO, IT'S NOT YOUR ANSWERS
THAT TELL ME ABOUT YOU,

IT'S THE WAY YOU
RESPOND TO THE QUESTIONS.

YOU ARE PASSIVE-AGGRESSIVE,

YOU HAVE TROUBLE WITH AUTHORITY,

AND I'M PRETTY SURE YOU'VE
GOT A DRINKING PROBLEM.

WHAT... WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

DON'T WRITE THAT DOWN.

WRITE IT DOWN? ARE YOU KIDDING?

I'M HOPING TO HAVE IT PUBLISHED.

YOU CAN'T PUBLISH THAT!

THAT KIND OF STUFF WILL END
UP ON MY PERMANENT RECORD!

OH, JOHNNY, DON'T WORRY.

THE ONLY PEOPLE WHO READ THIS

SUBSCRIBE TO MEDICAL JOURNALS...

OR HAVE THE INTERNET.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT!

I SAW A BUTTERFLY IN THE INK!

IT'S A BUTTERFLY!

WELCOME TO YOUR NEW OFFICE.

IT ISN'T MUCH, BUT...
WELL, IT ISN'T MUCH.

HOW'D IT GO?

OH, JUST LIKE I SAID.

HERE'S YOUR CHECK,
MINUS MY HALF.

THANK YOU.

AND I THINK YOU HAVE
SOMETHING THAT BELONGS TO ME.

OH, YEAH. THANKS FOR THE CHAIR.

UH, YOU KNOW, THE
RIGHT WHEEL STICKS A BIT.

IT PINCHED MY THUMB.

SO SUE ME.

OH, SHARON, YOU
CAN USE THAT CHAIR,

AND I'LL GET YOU A DESK LATER.

MR. BRESLIN, I'M NOT QUITE
SURE HOW TO SAY THIS, BUT, UH,

I DON'T THINK
THIS JOB IS FOR ME.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

YOU CAN GET A LOT OF
PRACTICAL EXPERIENCE.

HELL, I'LL EVEN LET
YOU DO LEGAL WORK,

WHICH IS TECHNICALLY ILLEGAL.

NO, SIR, I'M QUITTING
BECAUSE I THINK

YOU'RE THE WORLD'S WORST LAWYER.

SHARON, I DO NOT
CHOOSE MY CLIENTS.

YES, BUT YOU HELP
THEM BREAK THE LAW.

BEND. BEND. THAT'S
WHAT WE LAWYERS DO.

NOT THIS LAWYER.

OH, SHARON, DON'T BE SO NAIVE.

YOU KNOW, WHEN I
FIRST STARTED PRACTICE,

IT WAS TO DEFEND THE RIGHTS

OF THOSE WHO COULD
NOT DEFEND THEMSELVES,

AND YOU KNOW WHY?

BECAUSE THEY WERE GUILTY AS SIN.

SO I DECIDED

THAT IF I'M GOING
TO REPRESENT SCUM,

I MIGHT AS WELL REPRESENT
SCUM WHO CAN PAY ME.

OH, OKAY, SO YOU JUST GAVE UP.

NO, I WISED UP, AND
YOU WILL, TOO, SOMEDAY.

I-I FEEL SORRY FOR YOU, SIR.

OH, NOW YOU SOUND
JUST LIKE MY SON.

HE'S A JUDGE.

YOU KNOW WHAT?
OKAY, I MIGHT BE NAIVE,

BUT AT LEAST I
NEVER STOP TRYING.

WELL, I KNEW THAT THE
FIRST TIME I SAW YOU.

WELL, GOODBYE.

GOODBYE.

OKAY, YOU KNOW
WHAT REALLY GETS ME?

HERE I AM ACCUSING
YOU OF BEING A QUITTER,

AND THEN I GO AND QUIT.

HYPOCRITE.

WELL, I AM NOT QUITTING.

I AM STICKING AROUND UNTIL
YOU CLEAN UP YOUR ACT.

BY THE TIME I AM
FINISHED WITH YOU,

YOU WILL HAVE A
RESPECTABLE LAW PRACTICE.

YEAH? WELL, THAT'S
ASSUMING THAT I HIRE YOU.

TOO LATE. I'M HIRED,

BUT I'M EXPENSIVE, SO
LET ME SEE YOUR BOOKS.

OKAY.

I GOT TWO SETS.

WHICH ONE WOULD YOU LIKE TO SEE?

PETE, I AM SO SORRY.

I COULDN'T FIND IT.

YOU'RE NOT SERIOUS.

I CHECKED THE CAB COMPANY,
THE POLICE, EVERYWHERE.

I, UH, I DON'T KNOW
WHERE YOUR FINGER IS.

I, UH, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.

I-I'M SORRY. I LOST IT.

ISN'T THAT FUNNY? WE
BOTH LOST A FINGER TODAY.

YOU IDIOT!

I'M... I CAN GET YOU A TOE.

CAN YOU EVER... EVER FORGIVE ME?

WAIT, YOU WOULDN'T FORGIVE
ME FOR BEING WITH YOUR MOTHER?

YOU SEE, HERE'S THE THING...

YOU STILL HAVE YOUR MOTHER.

ALL I HAVE IS A BLOODY NUB.

OKAY, LOOK, OBVIOUSLY, PETE...

OH, WAIT, WHAT,

YOU'RE GOING TO
SAY SOMETHING NOW

TO MAKE ME FEEL BETTER
ABOUT NOT HAVING A FINGER?

OH, WELL, THIS SHOULD BE GOOD.

I CAN'T WAIT TO HEAR
IT. OKAY, BERG, GO.

OKAY, I SEE YOUR POINT.

AND?

AND I FORGIVE YOU
FOR SEEING MY MOTHER.

THANK YOU.

ALL RIGHT.

OKAY.

WAS THAT THAT HARD?

DO YOU FORGIVE ME
FOR LOSING YOUR FINGER?

NO.

SEE, IT JUST SO HAPPENS
YOU DIDN'T LOSE MY FINGER.

THEY SEWED IT ON
WHILE YOU WERE GONE.

AND I GOT A SUCKER.

WHAT? I THOUGHT I
LEFT IT IN THE CAB.

YOU DID, BUT I GRABBED
IT BEFORE YOU NOTICED.

SEE, YOU SHOULD ALWAYS CHECK
A CAB FOR YOUR BELONGINGS

BEFORE YOU GET OUT.

HOLD IT.

YOU MADE ME GO THROUGH
ALL THIS FOR NOTHING?

NO, NO, NOT FOR NOTHING.

YOU HAD TO BE TAUGHT
THE LESSON OF FORGIVENESS.

I TAKE IT BACK. YOU CAN'T.

IT'S ALREADY OUT THERE.
I ALREADY ACCEPTED IT.

OH, YEAH?

WELL, THOSE STITCHES
ARE STILL FRESH, YOU KNOW.

ONE LITTLE TUG

AND THAT LITTLE
PIGGY COMES RIGHT OFF!

HEY, THANKS FOR THE KNIFE, MAN.

YOU KNOW, YOU WERE RIGHT.

ALL I NEEDED WAS A HOBBY TO
TAKE MY MIND OFF MY FINGER.

IT GETS A LITTLE
SLIPPERY FROM THE SOAP.

YOU KNOW, I THINK
WE BOTH LEARNED

A PRETTY VALUABLE
LESSON ABOUT SAFETY HERE.

DAMN, THIS STUPID
THING IS STUCK AGAIN.

BERG, DON'T PUT
YOUR FINGERS IN THERE.

HERE... USE MY KNIFE.

THANKS.

THERE WE GO.

HEY, YOU WANT TO
MAKE A CHOPPED SALAD?

YEAH, RIGHT. WHAT,
ARE WE BOTH IDIOTS?

HERE'S YOUR KNIFE BACK, BUDDY.

THANKS.

AAH! JUST KIDDING.