Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 4, Episode 10 - Rescue Me - full transcript
Ashley's attitude gets her arrested when she is pulled over by a police officer. There is a court case and her approach almost gets her jailed. The group is dining at a restaurant when a diner starts choking on some food. Sharon rushes and saves him while Pete and Borg just look on making jokes. They are embarrassed when Johnny, who has been taping the incident, gives the tape to a local TV station. This makes Sharon a hero, and Pete and Berg pariahs. They try to redeem themselves but just make things worse.
ISN'T THIS PLACE GREAT, HMM?
I DON'T KNOW WHY
EVERY RESTAURANT
DOESN'T HAVE AN
EARLY-BIRD SPECIAL.
UM, ARE YOU SURE
WE SHOULD BE HERE?
I MEAN, I HAVE MY OWN TEETH.
THAT MAY DISQUALIFY ME.
HEY, UH...
HEY, YOU WANNA
CAUSE SOME TROUBLE?
BINGO!
WHAT IS TAKING
THE GIRLS SO LONG?
I'M GETTING HUNGRY!
I KNOW, IT'S ALMOST 4:30.
WE HAVE TO BE ASLEEP BY 7:00.
THIS IS JUST AS BORING AS WORK!
THERE'S NO FIRES, NO DEATHS!
SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE
THERE'S THIS BLACK CLOUD
HANGING OVER MY HEAD.
THEY GIVE ALL THE
NEAR-FATALITIES
TO THE EXPERIENCED DOCTORS
I SPENT MY DAY DRAINING
PUS OUT OF SOME GUY'S EAR.
I GUESS I'LL SKIP THE SOUP.
THEY CAN'T PULL ME OVER.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
IT'S A SOBRIETY CHECKPOINT.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING,
SO IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
UNLESS YOU HAPPEN
TO LIVE IN A DEMOCRACY!
THIS IS JUST LIKE THE TIME
YOU GOT KICKED OFF THE PLANE
BECAUSE YOU REFUSED
TO PUT UP YOUR TRAY TABLE.
THAT FLIGHT ATTENDANT
WAS ON A POWER TRIP.
YOU MADE HIM CRY!
I DON'T BELIEVE IN
ALLOWING MY RIGHTS
TO BE GOOSE-STEPPED ON.
OKAY, HERE'S THE PLAN...
YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.
COMING, OFFICER!
ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW.
ROLL IT DOWN! ROLL
IT DOWN! ROLL IT DOWN!
BUT I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG!
THAT'S WHY I'M NOT TELLING
YOU TO UNBUTTON YOUR BLOUSE!
ALL RIGHT!
HEY, UM, I CAN
STILL SEE A LITTLE.
MAYBE YOU WANNA HIT ME
WITH YOUR PEPPER SPRAY.
NOW, THAT DIDN'T GET US
OFF TO A GOOD START, DID IT?
WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT
BEFORE YOU STOPPED ME.
IS THERE A REASON YOU DIDN'T
ROLL YOUR WINDOW DOWN?
A LITTLE THING CALLED
THE THIRD AMENDMENT.
THE QUARTERING OF
SOLDIERS DURING PEACETIME?
OKAY, FINE... THE
FOURTH AMENDMENT.
AND THE HANDLE KNOB
IS A LITTLE BIT STICKY.
IS SHE ALWAYS LIKE THIS?
OH, NO, OFFICER!
UNBUTTON YOUR BLOUSE.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
DRINKING, HAVE YOU?
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
OH, NO, SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE
THIS WHEN SHE'S SOBER.
SHE'D BE ALL OVER
YOU IF SHE WERE DRUNK.
YEAH, WELL, I'LL TAKE
YOUR WORD FOR IT.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE,
OR DO YOU WANT TO
DRAG ME OUT OF THE CAR
AND BEAT ME WITH
YOUR FLASHLIGHT?
WELL, THERE'S
WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO,
AND THEN THERE'S WHAT
THEY ALLOW ME TO DO.
YOU LADIES HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
HOW OBNOXIOUS!
YEAH, BUT YOU ARE
FUN TO SHOP WITH.
HEY, LOOK, THERE'S
OLD MR. LOCKWOOD.
HE JUST RETIRED FROM
THE CARPET BUSINESS.
YEAH, I THINK THAT'S
ONE OF HIS OLD SAMPLES
ON TOP OF HIS HEAD.
WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT THING, ANYWAY?
I BOUGHT IT FOR MY BABY
SO WE COULD RECORD OUR FIRST
CHRISTMAS AS HUSBAND AND WIFE.
HOW CAN YOU AFFORD IT?
I CAN'T. I'M GONNA RETURN
IT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.
HERE'S TO HAVING A PULSE!
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!
GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!
YOU CAN POINT IT AT ME.
WHEN YOU WATCH THIS LATER...
PUT IT TO MUSIC.
WHERE WAS THAT CAMERA
WHEN MY CONSTITUTIONAL
RIGHTS WERE BEING TRAMPLED ON?
ASHLEY, ASHLEY, WE
ARE SO SICK AND TIRED
OF HEARING HOW YOU HAVEN'T
HAD A DATE IN THREE MONTHS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHERE IS YOUR MORAL
INDIGNATION, PEOPLE?
DOESN'T ANYONE EVEN CARE
THAT I WAS HARASSED AND
HUMILIATED BY THE POLICE?
WE SHOULD SEND THE COPS
A REALLY NICE FRUIT BASKET.
WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A MOOD?
SHE TOOK ALL THE
PRESENTS FROM WHOVILLE,
AND YET THEY STILL KEEP SINGING.
OKAY, THAT'S IT.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, ASHLEY,
YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE LIKE THIS.
OKAY. THANK YOU, JOHNNY.
YOU STILL HAVE TO
PITCH IN YOUR SHARE.
FINE. HERE.
OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHY
I ALWAYS HAVE TO
PLAY THE CHEAPSKATE,
BUT YOU FORGOT TO
PITCH IN FOR THE WINE.
WHY SHOULD I? I
DIDN'T EVEN DRINK ANY.
AND I JUST BURPED UP,
LIKE, HALF MY CARROTS.
CREDIT ME 50 CENTS.
FINE, HERE, BUT I'M
TAKING MY SHARE.
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
I DATED HER,
AND NOW SHE'S
EVERYBODY'S PROBLEM.
YOU KNEW I WAS HERE!
WHY DIDN'T YOU GO
A DIFFERENT WAY?!
BECAUSE I'M AN AMERICAN,
AND I DON'T HAVE TO
GO A DIFFERENT WAY.
WOW... STUBBORN AND STUPID.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE SINGLE.
SORRY, I DON'T DATE A MAN
WHOSE HEAD IS
SMALLER THAN HIS NECK.
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING
SINCE THE LAST TIME,
OR IS THIS MORE OF YOUR
PERSONALITY SHINING THROUGH?
GIVE ME YOUR LICENSE, PLEASE.
WHY?
OH, USUAL REASON... I WANNA
SEE HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.
OH, GREAT!
NOW YOU MADE ME SPILL MY WINE!
AND HAVE YOU BEEN
DRINKING THAT WINE?
NOT THAT I HAVE TO ANSWER THAT,
BUT, NO, MY FRIENDS DRANK IT.
AND YOU EXPECT
ME TO BELIEVE THAT...
YOU HAVE FRIENDS?
LISTEN, OFFICER...
STEP OUT OF THE
CAR, PLEASE, MA'AM.
MMM... MAN... THIS
BEEF IS TOUGH.
OH, THIS IS BEEF?
THAT EXPLAINS WHY I
CAN'T BLOW A BUBBLE.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, YOU READY?
ON THE COUNT
OF THREE... 1... 2, 3!
HEY, IT'S LIKE EATING
WITH SUPERMODELS!
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
IF I REVERSE IT, I CAN MAKE THE
FOOD GO BACK IN YOUR MOUTH.
LOOK... IN, OUT, IN, OUT.
I CAN DO THAT WITH
MY BELLYBUTTON.
YOU WANNA SEE?
MR. LOCKWOOD... IS HE CHOKING?
I'M THE DOCTOR, OKAY?
THAT'S THE WAY
OLD PEOPLE BREATHE.
WHERE IS SHE GOING?
THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
OH, MY GOD, HE
REALLY WAS CHOKING.
OH, THAT'S MR. LOCKWOOD!
SO I WAS RIGHT.
THE GUY IN THE PLAID
WASN'T CHOKING.
SHARON JUST SAVED
MR. LOCKWOOD'S LIFE!
LET THE PROFESSIONALS
HANDLE IT. ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE!
THERE IS NOTHING TO
SEE HERE! MOVE ALONG!
OKAY, WE BLEW IT.
YEAH, YOU KNOW,
IF THE GUYS AT THE FIRE
STATION GET WIND OF THIS...
OR THE HOSPITAL!
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WE WOULD'VE
LOOKED A LOT BETTER
IF NOBODY SAVED HIM.
Woman: FORTUNATELY,
THE QUICK REACTIONS
OF BOSTON RESIDENT
SHARON DONNELLY
SAVED THE 77-YEAR-OLD LOCKWOOD,
AS FIREFIGHTER PETE DUNVILLE
AND HOSPITAL RESIDENT
MICHAEL BERGEN SAT WATCHING.
HERE'S TO HAVING A PULSE!
LOCKWOOD'S GRANDSON
IS THE STATION MANAGER,
SO I GAVE THEM THE TAPE.
THEY GAVE ME THIS GREAT JACKET.
CHECK IT OUT. I'M A
CITIZEN NEWS-HOUND.
WHY'D YOU HAVE TO
TELL THEM I'M A DOCTOR?!
THAT'S WHAT MADE IT A STORY.
IT'S WHAT THEY CALL A "HOOK."
WE ARE NEVER
GONNA LIVE THIS DOWN.
NOBODY EVEN NOTICED YOU.
THEY WERE ALL
LOOKING AT MY SHARON,
BECAUSE SHE IS A HERO.
OH, JOHNNY, COME
ON, I'M NOT A HERO.
I'M A HEROINE!
HOW DO THEY KNOW
THAT YOU SAVED HIM?
HE'S ON A FIXED INCOME.
HE COULD'VE BEEN TRYING
TO GET OUT OF THE CHECK.
OKAY, GUYS, COME ON!
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE PLENTY
OF OPPORTUNITY TO SAVE LIVES!
ON TELEVISION?
YOU COULD START SAVING LIVES
IN COMMUNITY THEATER
AND WORK YOUR WAY UP.
HELLO?
OH, HEY, ASH.
Hey, Sharon, I was wondering
if you could help me out.
OH, WHAT WAS THAT?
YOU NEED HELP?
WELL, LUCKY YOU DIDN'T
CALL PETE OR BERG!
I NEED YOU TO FEED MY FISH
AND PICK UP MY MAIL
AND WATER MY PLANTS.
ASH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE
SOMETHING FOR A MAID,
AND FRANKLY, I'M A HERO!
YEAH, WELL, UM, I
HAD A GOOD DAY, TOO.
I FOUND OUT THAT I'M
WORTH MORE ON THE STREET
THAN I AM AT THE HOSPITAL.
YOU CAN'T SILENCE ME!
YOU CAN BIND MY HANDS,
YOU CAN SHACKLE MY FEET,
BUT I WILL BE HEARD!
WHOO!
I BET YOU'D LIKE TO THROW
THE SWITCH RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
SHARON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
HERE, I CAME TO GET YOU OUT.
I HAVE YOUR RELEASE PAPERS.
NO! NO! I AM NOT LEAVING!
I'M STAYING UNTIL MY
ARRAIGNMENT TOMORROW
TO PROVE MY POINT!
OKAY, THOSE WEREN'T
JUST YOUR PAPERS!
MY PARKING VALIDATION
WAS IN THERE!
SHARON, I'M SORRY,
BUT I'M STANDING UP
FOR SOMETHING HERE,
AND IT'S NOT JUST ME!
WE ARE PRISONERS OF CONSCIENCE!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I AM GONNA CALL
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL.
THAT'S WHO I'M GONNA CALL.
GOOD. ORDER ME SOME CURLY FRIES.
ASH, PLEASE, JUST COME ON HOME.
YOU CAN GET SOME REST THERE,
AND THEN YOU CAN SHOWER
BEFORE COURT TOMORROW.
NO, SHARON! FREEDOM NEVER RESTS!
TRUTH DOESN'T SHOWER!
HOW DID YOU NOT PASS
THE SOBRIETY TEST?
I EXERCISED MY RIGHTS,
AND I REFUSED TO TAKE IT!
YOUR RIGHT TO WHAT, BE STUPID?
SHARON, I DON'T EXPECT
YOU TO UNDERSTAND,
AND YOU'RE FREE TO
THINK THAT I'M STUPID,
BUT WITHOUT MY
PRINCIPLES, WHAT AM I?
I'M JUST SOME
MIDDLE-CLASS DO-NOTHING
WHO'D RATHER GO
ALONG WITH THE CROWD
THAN STAND UP FOR
WHAT SHE BELIEVES IN.
SO... I DO APPRECIATE
YOUR CONCERN,
BUT I'M NOT AFRAID TO
SPEND THE NIGHT IN JAIL
TO GET MY DAY IN COURT.
WOW.
AND I WAS PROUD OF
MYSELF FOR RECYCLING.
WELL, THAT'S JUST
HOW WE'RE DIFFERENT.
YEAH. YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT, ASH?
I AM SO PROUD OF
YOU! YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA BE THERE WITH
YOU IN COURT TOMORROW!
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT!
YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO SIT HERE
AND WAIT FOR SOMEBODY TO CHOKE?
I MEAN, THIS IS LIKE EXPECTING
LIGHTNING TO STRIKE TWICE.
GIVE IT TIME.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM.
HI.
TRY THE POT ROAST.
WHAT WAS THAT?!
IT WAS JUST A COUGH. STAND DOWN.
MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY SOMEPLACE
A LITTLE MORE DANGEROUS.
THERE'S AN AIRSHOW IN TOWN.
THEY'RE ALWAYS HAVING CRASHES.
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
WE'LL BRING OUR SPATULAS!
LOOK, IT'S FINALS
TIME AT HARVARD.
I SAY WE GO AND HANG OUT
UNDER ONE OF THE DORM WINDOWS.
MMM, NAH, I DON'T WANNA
SAVE ONE OF THOSE GUYS.
WE CAN WATCH JOHNNY'S GAME.
YOU GUYS DRINK
BEFORE THOSE, RIGHT?
SORRY, NO GAMES FOR WEEKS
YET... ICE HASN'T THICKENED YET.
KIDS HAVE BEEN FALLING
THROUGH ALL WEEK.
OH.OH.
THE LAKE!
THE LAKE!
QUICK, BEFORE A KID
FALLS THROUGH WITHOUT US!
HEY, THAT'S A NICE COAT.
THANKS, MY NANA GOT IT
FOR ME LAST CHRISTMAS.
IS IT WARM?
YEAH. IT'S REVERSIBLE, TOO.
HEY... LET'S GO SAVE A LIFE.
NEXT CASE... 14557,
COMMONWEALTH OF
MASSACHUSETTS vs ASHLEY WALKER
ON THE CHARGE OF
OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE
UNDER THE INFLUENCE.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
YOUR HONOR, OUR FOUNDING
FATHERS LAID DOWN THEIR LIVES
SO WE COULD ENJOY FREEDOM
FROM GOVERNMENT INTRUSION,
AND THIS... SHH, SHH, SHH.
I'M SORRY.
I REALLY HATE TO INTERRUPT.
COULD YOU APPROACH
THE BENCH, PLEASE?
NOW, LOOK...
I AM FIGHTING A
MAJOR HEADACHE HERE,
SO I'M GONNA TRY TO
SAVE US BOTH SOME TIME.
NOW, THIS HEARING
IS REALLY A FORMALITY.
OH.
YEAH, YOU PLEAD GUILTY,
AND I SENTENCE YOU TO SIX MONTHS
OF SUBSTANCE-ABUSE CLASSES.
UNDERSTOOD?
YES.
I THINK I CAN HANDLE
IT FROM HERE.
GO BACK!
OH.
MISS WALKER... HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
NOT GUILTY!
PLEASE. YES, YOU. THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, I... I
REALLY DON'T THINK
YOU'RE GETTING
QUITE HOW THIS GOES.
OH, YEAH, I DO.
I AM A VICTIM OF THE "SYSTEM,"
AND I AM NOT GOING TO ADMIT
TO SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO.
SO, IF IT PLEASES THE COURT,
I WOULD NOW LIKE TO PRESENT...
MY FIRST WITNESS.
UH, BAILIFF? ASPIRIN!
I'VE GOT SOME, YOUR
HONOR, RIGHT HERE.
UH, YEAH,
I WAS WITH THE PERP ON
THE NIGHT IN QUESTION.
AND, UH...
AND I CAN SAY UNEQUIVOCALLY
THAT SHE WAS NOT DRINKING.
ACCORDING TO THE REPORT,
SHE WAS IN THE CAR ALONE.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE WAS DOING IN THE CAR.
SO SHE COULD HAVE BEEN
DRINKING WHEN YOU WEREN'T AROUND.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHE COULD
HAVE. SHE DID HAVE AN OPEN BOTTLE.
EXACTLY.
OH, GEE, YOU ARE GOOD!
YOUR HONOR!
THERE IS A BASIC RIGHT TO
TRAVEL FREELY IN THIS COUNTRY
WITHOUT BEING
HARASSED BY THE POLICE!
LIKE THE RIGHT NOT TO HAVE
LUGGAGE SEARCHED AT THE AIRPORT.
EXACTLY!
NO!
MISS WALKER, I AM
TRYING TO SAVE YOU
FROM A PRISON SENTENCE HERE,
WHICH IS WHAT YOU GET IF
YOU INSIST ON GOING FURTHER.
WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO "INNOCENT UNTIL
PROVEN GUILTY"?
LOOK, CHECKPOINTS HAVE
BEEN PROVEN CONSTITUTIONAL.
NOW, AS MUCH AS I WOULD LIKE
TO BE IN THE SUPREME COURT,
THE PRESIDENT WANTS ME HERE
JUST IN CASE SOMEBODY
SHOPLIFTS A CHOCOLATE BAR.
SO YOU PLEAD GUILTY TO
HAVING A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL,
AND I WILL SENTENCE YOU
TO A TREATMENT PROGRAM.
B-BUT THEY... AH AH
AH! SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH!
SHH, SHH. SHH, SHH.
OR YOU CAN GO TO TRIAL
AND POSSIBLY SERVE SIX
MONTHS TO A YEAR IN JAIL.
NOW... WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
WELL...
IF YOU WOULD LET
ME GET A WORD IN...
I WAS GOING TO SAY...
MY NAME IS ASHLEY,
AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.
OH, GREAT, THERE'S NO KIDS HERE!
LOOK, SOME DO-GOODER PUT
UP A SIGN TO WARN THE KIDS.
LET'S RIP IT DOWN AND
THROW IT BEHIND THE PLANT.
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!
IT'S GETTING COLD.
LET'S GO HOME.
NO, JOHNNY, THERE'S GOTTA
BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO.
HEY! YOU'RE A BIG GUY.
GO OUT ONTO THE ICE.
OOH, GOOD IDEA! GOOD IDEA!
OKAY, WHEN JOHNNY FALLS
IN, I'M GONNA PULL HIM OUT,
AND YOU'RE GONNA
WRAP HIM IN A BLANKET.
GREAT, SO YOU'RE THE HERO,
AND I'M THE STEWARDESS?
FORGET ABOUT IT!
THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GETTING
ME OUT THERE ON THAT ICE.
GREAT, NOW YOU'RE
WALLET'S OUT THERE.
I NEED A STICK.
I DON'T THINK A STICK'S
GONNA REACH THAT.
NO, IT'S TO BEAT PETE!
YOU GOT TWO PROFESSIONAL
LIFESAVERS HERE TO SAVE YOU!
NOW GIVE THE CAMERA TO BERG.
I'M NOT HOLDING THE CAMERA.
YOU'RE HOLDING THE CAMERA.
I'M NOT HOLDING THE CAMERA.
GIVE THE CAMERA TO THE KIDS.
WHAT ARE YOU, NEW?!
THE KIDS AREN'T GONNA
TAKE THE CAMERA!
THE KIDS WON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW TO WORK THE CAMERA!
YOU GUYS, ARE YOU LISTENING...
HOLY CRAP, THERE'S
KIDS ON THE ICE.
THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THERE'S A BUNCH OF THEM,
AND WE ONLY HAVE ONE BLANKET.
HEY, GUYS, CHECK IT
OUT! I FOUND A WALLET!
GET OFF THE ICE!
GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET!
LICK MY SKATES!
NICE MOUTH FOR A HOCKEY PLAYER!
HEY, KIDS! ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
GET OFF THE ICE. IT ISN'T SAFE.
I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S A LOT
SAFER THAN HANGING OUT
WITH THREE OLD CREEPS
AND A VIDEO CAMERA!
OKAY, I GOT MY EYE ON YOU, 31!
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
WAS THAT THE ICE?
YEAH, OKAY.
AAH!
ALL RIGHT, QUICK!
COLD! COLD!
GIVE ME YOUR HAND!
NO, YOU'RE NOT SAVING
ME! I'M SAVING YOU!
I DON'T NEED TO BE SAVED!
I'M OKAY! I'M OKAY!
UHH!
YOU SHUT THAT CAMERA OFF!
COME ON, YOU, THE
BIG ONE, USE YOUR BACK!
PLEASE!
GOD, IT'S SO COLD!
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SUSPENDED
MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.
I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN'T EXPECT
HIM TO SEND AN ADMITTED DRUNK
OUT ON THE HIGHWAY.
MISS WALKER?
YOU'RE LATE. THE TRIAL'S OVER.
YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW HE
SUSPENDED MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.
WELL, ACTUALLY,
I WAS HOPING TO GET
YOUR PHONE NUMBER
AND MAYBE TAKE YOU
OUT TO DINNER SOMETIME.
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
YOU WANT TO TAKE
HER OUT ON A DATE?!
SHE'S OBNOXIOUS AND HAS
NOTHING BUT CONTEMPT FOR YOU!
WELL... WHAT REPELS ME AS A COP
ATTRACTS ME AS A MAN.
MAN, DO YOU SO NOT KNOW
HOW TO READ A SITUATION.
OKAY, THE TOP NUMBER'S
MY HOME PHONE NUMBER,
AND IF YOU CAN'T REACH ME THERE,
THERE'S MY CELLPHONE
AND MY PAGER.
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
AND IF YOU GET BORED LATER,
I'LL BE AT MY CHECKPOINT.
I'LL BRING THE WINE.
WHAT?
AFTER EVERYTHING THAT
HE PUT YOU THROUGH,
YOU'RE GOING OUT
ON A DATE WITH HIM?!
SHARON, I JUST GOT
SPRUNG FROM THE SLAMMER!
CAN'T A GIRL GET
A LITTLE ACTION?!
Man: FORTUNATELY FOR THE
MEN, THE QUICK-THINKING CHILDREN
FORMED A HUMAN CHAIN OF LIFE
AND PULLED THEM OUT OF
THE ICY WATERS TO SAFETY.
YOU, THE BIG ONE, USE YOUR BACK!
IRONICALLY, THE TWO MEN ARE
BOTH PROFESSIONAL LIFESAVERS...
DR. MICHAEL BERGEN AND
FIREMAN PETE DUNKIRK.
WHAT?! "DUNKIRK"?!
IT'S "DUNVILLE," YOU IDIOT!
I AM CALLING THAT STATION.
DON'T TURN IT ON!
I ASSURE YOU, GENTLE VIEWER,
THERE ARE NO SPECIAL
EFFECTS, NO TRICK PHOTOGRAPHY.
I AM, IN FACT, THIS HANDSOME.
HOG IT, WHY DON'T YOU?
THEY'RE ALL LAUGHING
AT MY BOMBING JOKE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCENE.
YOU HAD A LITTLE PIECE
OF LETTUCE RIGHT HERE.
IT WAS RIGHT THERE,
AND I JUST WANTED TO GO...
I DON'T KNOW WHY
EVERY RESTAURANT
DOESN'T HAVE AN
EARLY-BIRD SPECIAL.
UM, ARE YOU SURE
WE SHOULD BE HERE?
I MEAN, I HAVE MY OWN TEETH.
THAT MAY DISQUALIFY ME.
HEY, UH...
HEY, YOU WANNA
CAUSE SOME TROUBLE?
BINGO!
WHAT IS TAKING
THE GIRLS SO LONG?
I'M GETTING HUNGRY!
I KNOW, IT'S ALMOST 4:30.
WE HAVE TO BE ASLEEP BY 7:00.
THIS IS JUST AS BORING AS WORK!
THERE'S NO FIRES, NO DEATHS!
SOMETIMES IT FEELS LIKE
THERE'S THIS BLACK CLOUD
HANGING OVER MY HEAD.
THEY GIVE ALL THE
NEAR-FATALITIES
TO THE EXPERIENCED DOCTORS
I SPENT MY DAY DRAINING
PUS OUT OF SOME GUY'S EAR.
I GUESS I'LL SKIP THE SOUP.
THEY CAN'T PULL ME OVER.
I DIDN'T DO ANYTHING.
IT'S A SOBRIETY CHECKPOINT.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN DRINKING,
SO IT'S NOT A BIG DEAL.
UNLESS YOU HAPPEN
TO LIVE IN A DEMOCRACY!
THIS IS JUST LIKE THE TIME
YOU GOT KICKED OFF THE PLANE
BECAUSE YOU REFUSED
TO PUT UP YOUR TRAY TABLE.
THAT FLIGHT ATTENDANT
WAS ON A POWER TRIP.
YOU MADE HIM CRY!
I DON'T BELIEVE IN
ALLOWING MY RIGHTS
TO BE GOOSE-STEPPED ON.
OKAY, HERE'S THE PLAN...
YOU DON'T SPEAK ENGLISH.
COMING, OFFICER!
ROLL DOWN YOUR WINDOW.
ROLL IT DOWN! ROLL
IT DOWN! ROLL IT DOWN!
BUT I'VE DONE NOTHING WRONG!
THAT'S WHY I'M NOT TELLING
YOU TO UNBUTTON YOUR BLOUSE!
ALL RIGHT!
HEY, UM, I CAN
STILL SEE A LITTLE.
MAYBE YOU WANNA HIT ME
WITH YOUR PEPPER SPRAY.
NOW, THAT DIDN'T GET US
OFF TO A GOOD START, DID IT?
WELL, MAYBE YOU SHOULD
HAVE THOUGHT OF THAT
BEFORE YOU STOPPED ME.
IS THERE A REASON YOU DIDN'T
ROLL YOUR WINDOW DOWN?
A LITTLE THING CALLED
THE THIRD AMENDMENT.
THE QUARTERING OF
SOLDIERS DURING PEACETIME?
OKAY, FINE... THE
FOURTH AMENDMENT.
AND THE HANDLE KNOB
IS A LITTLE BIT STICKY.
IS SHE ALWAYS LIKE THIS?
OH, NO, OFFICER!
UNBUTTON YOUR BLOUSE.
YOU HAVEN'T BEEN
DRINKING, HAVE YOU?
NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS.
OH, NO, SHE'S ALWAYS LIKE
THIS WHEN SHE'S SOBER.
SHE'D BE ALL OVER
YOU IF SHE WERE DRUNK.
YEAH, WELL, I'LL TAKE
YOUR WORD FOR IT.
IS THERE ANYTHING ELSE,
OR DO YOU WANT TO
DRAG ME OUT OF THE CAR
AND BEAT ME WITH
YOUR FLASHLIGHT?
WELL, THERE'S
WHAT I'D LIKE TO DO,
AND THEN THERE'S WHAT
THEY ALLOW ME TO DO.
YOU LADIES HAVE A GOOD NIGHT.
HOW OBNOXIOUS!
YEAH, BUT YOU ARE
FUN TO SHOP WITH.
HEY, LOOK, THERE'S
OLD MR. LOCKWOOD.
HE JUST RETIRED FROM
THE CARPET BUSINESS.
YEAH, I THINK THAT'S
ONE OF HIS OLD SAMPLES
ON TOP OF HIS HEAD.
WHERE'D YOU GET
THAT THING, ANYWAY?
I BOUGHT IT FOR MY BABY
SO WE COULD RECORD OUR FIRST
CHRISTMAS AS HUSBAND AND WIFE.
HOW CAN YOU AFFORD IT?
I CAN'T. I'M GONNA RETURN
IT AFTER THE HOLIDAYS.
HERE'S TO HAVING A PULSE!
ALL RIGHT, THAT'S ENOUGH!
GET THAT THING AWAY FROM ME!
YOU CAN POINT IT AT ME.
WHEN YOU WATCH THIS LATER...
PUT IT TO MUSIC.
WHERE WAS THAT CAMERA
WHEN MY CONSTITUTIONAL
RIGHTS WERE BEING TRAMPLED ON?
ASHLEY, ASHLEY, WE
ARE SO SICK AND TIRED
OF HEARING HOW YOU HAVEN'T
HAD A DATE IN THREE MONTHS.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OH, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
WHERE IS YOUR MORAL
INDIGNATION, PEOPLE?
DOESN'T ANYONE EVEN CARE
THAT I WAS HARASSED AND
HUMILIATED BY THE POLICE?
WE SHOULD SEND THE COPS
A REALLY NICE FRUIT BASKET.
WHY ARE YOU IN SUCH A MOOD?
SHE TOOK ALL THE
PRESENTS FROM WHOVILLE,
AND YET THEY STILL KEEP SINGING.
OKAY, THAT'S IT.
I'M OUT OF HERE.
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA, ASHLEY,
YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE LIKE THIS.
OKAY. THANK YOU, JOHNNY.
YOU STILL HAVE TO
PITCH IN YOUR SHARE.
FINE. HERE.
OKAY, I DON'T KNOW WHY
I ALWAYS HAVE TO
PLAY THE CHEAPSKATE,
BUT YOU FORGOT TO
PITCH IN FOR THE WINE.
WHY SHOULD I? I
DIDN'T EVEN DRINK ANY.
AND I JUST BURPED UP,
LIKE, HALF MY CARROTS.
CREDIT ME 50 CENTS.
FINE, HERE, BUT I'M
TAKING MY SHARE.
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
I DATED HER,
AND NOW SHE'S
EVERYBODY'S PROBLEM.
YOU KNEW I WAS HERE!
WHY DIDN'T YOU GO
A DIFFERENT WAY?!
BECAUSE I'M AN AMERICAN,
AND I DON'T HAVE TO
GO A DIFFERENT WAY.
WOW... STUBBORN AND STUPID.
PLEASE TELL ME YOU'RE SINGLE.
SORRY, I DON'T DATE A MAN
WHOSE HEAD IS
SMALLER THAN HIS NECK.
HAVE YOU BEEN DRINKING
SINCE THE LAST TIME,
OR IS THIS MORE OF YOUR
PERSONALITY SHINING THROUGH?
GIVE ME YOUR LICENSE, PLEASE.
WHY?
OH, USUAL REASON... I WANNA
SEE HOW MUCH YOU WEIGH.
OH, GREAT!
NOW YOU MADE ME SPILL MY WINE!
AND HAVE YOU BEEN
DRINKING THAT WINE?
NOT THAT I HAVE TO ANSWER THAT,
BUT, NO, MY FRIENDS DRANK IT.
AND YOU EXPECT
ME TO BELIEVE THAT...
YOU HAVE FRIENDS?
LISTEN, OFFICER...
STEP OUT OF THE
CAR, PLEASE, MA'AM.
MMM... MAN... THIS
BEEF IS TOUGH.
OH, THIS IS BEEF?
THAT EXPLAINS WHY I
CAN'T BLOW A BUBBLE.
OKAY, OKAY, OKAY, YOU READY?
ON THE COUNT
OF THREE... 1... 2, 3!
HEY, IT'S LIKE EATING
WITH SUPERMODELS!
WHAT'S SO FUNNY?
IF I REVERSE IT, I CAN MAKE THE
FOOD GO BACK IN YOUR MOUTH.
LOOK... IN, OUT, IN, OUT.
I CAN DO THAT WITH
MY BELLYBUTTON.
YOU WANNA SEE?
MR. LOCKWOOD... IS HE CHOKING?
I'M THE DOCTOR, OKAY?
THAT'S THE WAY
OLD PEOPLE BREATHE.
WHERE IS SHE GOING?
THIS IS SO EMBARRASSING.
OH, MY GOD, HE
REALLY WAS CHOKING.
OH, THAT'S MR. LOCKWOOD!
SO I WAS RIGHT.
THE GUY IN THE PLAID
WASN'T CHOKING.
SHARON JUST SAVED
MR. LOCKWOOD'S LIFE!
LET THE PROFESSIONALS
HANDLE IT. ALL RIGHT, PEOPLE!
THERE IS NOTHING TO
SEE HERE! MOVE ALONG!
OKAY, WE BLEW IT.
YEAH, YOU KNOW,
IF THE GUYS AT THE FIRE
STATION GET WIND OF THIS...
OR THE HOSPITAL!
YEAH.
YOU KNOW, WE WOULD'VE
LOOKED A LOT BETTER
IF NOBODY SAVED HIM.
Woman: FORTUNATELY,
THE QUICK REACTIONS
OF BOSTON RESIDENT
SHARON DONNELLY
SAVED THE 77-YEAR-OLD LOCKWOOD,
AS FIREFIGHTER PETE DUNVILLE
AND HOSPITAL RESIDENT
MICHAEL BERGEN SAT WATCHING.
HERE'S TO HAVING A PULSE!
LOCKWOOD'S GRANDSON
IS THE STATION MANAGER,
SO I GAVE THEM THE TAPE.
THEY GAVE ME THIS GREAT JACKET.
CHECK IT OUT. I'M A
CITIZEN NEWS-HOUND.
WHY'D YOU HAVE TO
TELL THEM I'M A DOCTOR?!
THAT'S WHAT MADE IT A STORY.
IT'S WHAT THEY CALL A "HOOK."
WE ARE NEVER
GONNA LIVE THIS DOWN.
NOBODY EVEN NOTICED YOU.
THEY WERE ALL
LOOKING AT MY SHARON,
BECAUSE SHE IS A HERO.
OH, JOHNNY, COME
ON, I'M NOT A HERO.
I'M A HEROINE!
HOW DO THEY KNOW
THAT YOU SAVED HIM?
HE'S ON A FIXED INCOME.
HE COULD'VE BEEN TRYING
TO GET OUT OF THE CHECK.
OKAY, GUYS, COME ON!
YOU'RE GONNA HAVE PLENTY
OF OPPORTUNITY TO SAVE LIVES!
ON TELEVISION?
YOU COULD START SAVING LIVES
IN COMMUNITY THEATER
AND WORK YOUR WAY UP.
HELLO?
OH, HEY, ASH.
Hey, Sharon, I was wondering
if you could help me out.
OH, WHAT WAS THAT?
YOU NEED HELP?
WELL, LUCKY YOU DIDN'T
CALL PETE OR BERG!
I NEED YOU TO FEED MY FISH
AND PICK UP MY MAIL
AND WATER MY PLANTS.
ASH, THAT SOUNDS LIKE
SOMETHING FOR A MAID,
AND FRANKLY, I'M A HERO!
YEAH, WELL, UM, I
HAD A GOOD DAY, TOO.
I FOUND OUT THAT I'M
WORTH MORE ON THE STREET
THAN I AM AT THE HOSPITAL.
YOU CAN'T SILENCE ME!
YOU CAN BIND MY HANDS,
YOU CAN SHACKLE MY FEET,
BUT I WILL BE HEARD!
WHOO!
I BET YOU'D LIKE TO THROW
THE SWITCH RIGHT ABOUT NOW.
SHARON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
HERE, I CAME TO GET YOU OUT.
I HAVE YOUR RELEASE PAPERS.
NO! NO! I AM NOT LEAVING!
I'M STAYING UNTIL MY
ARRAIGNMENT TOMORROW
TO PROVE MY POINT!
OKAY, THOSE WEREN'T
JUST YOUR PAPERS!
MY PARKING VALIDATION
WAS IN THERE!
SHARON, I'M SORRY,
BUT I'M STANDING UP
FOR SOMETHING HERE,
AND IT'S NOT JUST ME!
WE ARE PRISONERS OF CONSCIENCE!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I AM GONNA CALL
AMNESTY INTERNATIONAL.
THAT'S WHO I'M GONNA CALL.
GOOD. ORDER ME SOME CURLY FRIES.
ASH, PLEASE, JUST COME ON HOME.
YOU CAN GET SOME REST THERE,
AND THEN YOU CAN SHOWER
BEFORE COURT TOMORROW.
NO, SHARON! FREEDOM NEVER RESTS!
TRUTH DOESN'T SHOWER!
HOW DID YOU NOT PASS
THE SOBRIETY TEST?
I EXERCISED MY RIGHTS,
AND I REFUSED TO TAKE IT!
YOUR RIGHT TO WHAT, BE STUPID?
SHARON, I DON'T EXPECT
YOU TO UNDERSTAND,
AND YOU'RE FREE TO
THINK THAT I'M STUPID,
BUT WITHOUT MY
PRINCIPLES, WHAT AM I?
I'M JUST SOME
MIDDLE-CLASS DO-NOTHING
WHO'D RATHER GO
ALONG WITH THE CROWD
THAN STAND UP FOR
WHAT SHE BELIEVES IN.
SO... I DO APPRECIATE
YOUR CONCERN,
BUT I'M NOT AFRAID TO
SPEND THE NIGHT IN JAIL
TO GET MY DAY IN COURT.
WOW.
AND I WAS PROUD OF
MYSELF FOR RECYCLING.
WELL, THAT'S JUST
HOW WE'RE DIFFERENT.
YEAH. YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT, ASH?
I AM SO PROUD OF
YOU! YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M GONNA BE THERE WITH
YOU IN COURT TOMORROW!
THANK YOU.
ALL RIGHT!
YOU SHOULD BE
ASHAMED OF YOURSELF!
HOW LONG DO WE HAVE TO SIT HERE
AND WAIT FOR SOMEBODY TO CHOKE?
I MEAN, THIS IS LIKE EXPECTING
LIGHTNING TO STRIKE TWICE.
GIVE IT TIME.
GOOD AFTERNOON, MA'AM.
HI.
TRY THE POT ROAST.
WHAT WAS THAT?!
IT WAS JUST A COUGH. STAND DOWN.
MAYBE WE SHOULD TRY SOMEPLACE
A LITTLE MORE DANGEROUS.
THERE'S AN AIRSHOW IN TOWN.
THEY'RE ALWAYS HAVING CRASHES.
YEAH! YEAH! YEAH! YEAH!
WE'LL BRING OUR SPATULAS!
LOOK, IT'S FINALS
TIME AT HARVARD.
I SAY WE GO AND HANG OUT
UNDER ONE OF THE DORM WINDOWS.
MMM, NAH, I DON'T WANNA
SAVE ONE OF THOSE GUYS.
WE CAN WATCH JOHNNY'S GAME.
YOU GUYS DRINK
BEFORE THOSE, RIGHT?
SORRY, NO GAMES FOR WEEKS
YET... ICE HASN'T THICKENED YET.
KIDS HAVE BEEN FALLING
THROUGH ALL WEEK.
OH.OH.
THE LAKE!
THE LAKE!
QUICK, BEFORE A KID
FALLS THROUGH WITHOUT US!
HEY, THAT'S A NICE COAT.
THANKS, MY NANA GOT IT
FOR ME LAST CHRISTMAS.
IS IT WARM?
YEAH. IT'S REVERSIBLE, TOO.
HEY... LET'S GO SAVE A LIFE.
NEXT CASE... 14557,
COMMONWEALTH OF
MASSACHUSETTS vs ASHLEY WALKER
ON THE CHARGE OF
OPERATING A MOTOR VEHICLE
UNDER THE INFLUENCE.
HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
YOUR HONOR, OUR FOUNDING
FATHERS LAID DOWN THEIR LIVES
SO WE COULD ENJOY FREEDOM
FROM GOVERNMENT INTRUSION,
AND THIS... SHH, SHH, SHH.
I'M SORRY.
I REALLY HATE TO INTERRUPT.
COULD YOU APPROACH
THE BENCH, PLEASE?
NOW, LOOK...
I AM FIGHTING A
MAJOR HEADACHE HERE,
SO I'M GONNA TRY TO
SAVE US BOTH SOME TIME.
NOW, THIS HEARING
IS REALLY A FORMALITY.
OH.
YEAH, YOU PLEAD GUILTY,
AND I SENTENCE YOU TO SIX MONTHS
OF SUBSTANCE-ABUSE CLASSES.
UNDERSTOOD?
YES.
I THINK I CAN HANDLE
IT FROM HERE.
GO BACK!
OH.
MISS WALKER... HOW DO YOU PLEAD?
NOT GUILTY!
PLEASE. YES, YOU. THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, I... I
REALLY DON'T THINK
YOU'RE GETTING
QUITE HOW THIS GOES.
OH, YEAH, I DO.
I AM A VICTIM OF THE "SYSTEM,"
AND I AM NOT GOING TO ADMIT
TO SOMETHING I DIDN'T DO.
SO, IF IT PLEASES THE COURT,
I WOULD NOW LIKE TO PRESENT...
MY FIRST WITNESS.
UH, BAILIFF? ASPIRIN!
I'VE GOT SOME, YOUR
HONOR, RIGHT HERE.
UH, YEAH,
I WAS WITH THE PERP ON
THE NIGHT IN QUESTION.
AND, UH...
AND I CAN SAY UNEQUIVOCALLY
THAT SHE WAS NOT DRINKING.
ACCORDING TO THE REPORT,
SHE WAS IN THE CAR ALONE.
YEAH, WELL, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT SHE WAS DOING IN THE CAR.
SO SHE COULD HAVE BEEN
DRINKING WHEN YOU WEREN'T AROUND.
WELL, YOU KNOW, SHE COULD
HAVE. SHE DID HAVE AN OPEN BOTTLE.
EXACTLY.
OH, GEE, YOU ARE GOOD!
YOUR HONOR!
THERE IS A BASIC RIGHT TO
TRAVEL FREELY IN THIS COUNTRY
WITHOUT BEING
HARASSED BY THE POLICE!
LIKE THE RIGHT NOT TO HAVE
LUGGAGE SEARCHED AT THE AIRPORT.
EXACTLY!
NO!
MISS WALKER, I AM
TRYING TO SAVE YOU
FROM A PRISON SENTENCE HERE,
WHICH IS WHAT YOU GET IF
YOU INSIST ON GOING FURTHER.
WELL, WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO "INNOCENT UNTIL
PROVEN GUILTY"?
LOOK, CHECKPOINTS HAVE
BEEN PROVEN CONSTITUTIONAL.
NOW, AS MUCH AS I WOULD LIKE
TO BE IN THE SUPREME COURT,
THE PRESIDENT WANTS ME HERE
JUST IN CASE SOMEBODY
SHOPLIFTS A CHOCOLATE BAR.
SO YOU PLEAD GUILTY TO
HAVING A PROBLEM WITH ALCOHOL,
AND I WILL SENTENCE YOU
TO A TREATMENT PROGRAM.
B-BUT THEY... AH AH
AH! SHH, SHH, SHH, SHH!
SHH, SHH. SHH, SHH.
OR YOU CAN GO TO TRIAL
AND POSSIBLY SERVE SIX
MONTHS TO A YEAR IN JAIL.
NOW... WHAT WERE YOU SAYING?
WELL...
IF YOU WOULD LET
ME GET A WORD IN...
I WAS GOING TO SAY...
MY NAME IS ASHLEY,
AND I AM AN ALCOHOLIC.
OH, GREAT, THERE'S NO KIDS HERE!
LOOK, SOME DO-GOODER PUT
UP A SIGN TO WARN THE KIDS.
LET'S RIP IT DOWN AND
THROW IT BEHIND THE PLANT.
GUYS, GUYS, GUYS!
IT'S GETTING COLD.
LET'S GO HOME.
NO, JOHNNY, THERE'S GOTTA
BE SOMETHING WE CAN DO.
HEY! YOU'RE A BIG GUY.
GO OUT ONTO THE ICE.
OOH, GOOD IDEA! GOOD IDEA!
OKAY, WHEN JOHNNY FALLS
IN, I'M GONNA PULL HIM OUT,
AND YOU'RE GONNA
WRAP HIM IN A BLANKET.
GREAT, SO YOU'RE THE HERO,
AND I'M THE STEWARDESS?
FORGET ABOUT IT!
THERE'S NO WAY YOU'RE GETTING
ME OUT THERE ON THAT ICE.
GREAT, NOW YOU'RE
WALLET'S OUT THERE.
I NEED A STICK.
I DON'T THINK A STICK'S
GONNA REACH THAT.
NO, IT'S TO BEAT PETE!
YOU GOT TWO PROFESSIONAL
LIFESAVERS HERE TO SAVE YOU!
NOW GIVE THE CAMERA TO BERG.
I'M NOT HOLDING THE CAMERA.
YOU'RE HOLDING THE CAMERA.
I'M NOT HOLDING THE CAMERA.
GIVE THE CAMERA TO THE KIDS.
WHAT ARE YOU, NEW?!
THE KIDS AREN'T GONNA
TAKE THE CAMERA!
THE KIDS WON'T EVEN KNOW
HOW TO WORK THE CAMERA!
YOU GUYS, ARE YOU LISTENING...
HOLY CRAP, THERE'S
KIDS ON THE ICE.
THIS ISN'T RIGHT.
THIS ISN'T A GOOD IDEA.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
THERE'S A BUNCH OF THEM,
AND WE ONLY HAVE ONE BLANKET.
HEY, GUYS, CHECK IT
OUT! I FOUND A WALLET!
GET OFF THE ICE!
GIVE ME BACK MY WALLET!
LICK MY SKATES!
NICE MOUTH FOR A HOCKEY PLAYER!
HEY, KIDS! ALL RIGHT, COME ON.
GET OFF THE ICE. IT ISN'T SAFE.
I'M PRETTY SURE IT'S A LOT
SAFER THAN HANGING OUT
WITH THREE OLD CREEPS
AND A VIDEO CAMERA!
OKAY, I GOT MY EYE ON YOU, 31!
DID YOU HEAR THAT?
WAS THAT THE ICE?
YEAH, OKAY.
AAH!
ALL RIGHT, QUICK!
COLD! COLD!
GIVE ME YOUR HAND!
NO, YOU'RE NOT SAVING
ME! I'M SAVING YOU!
I DON'T NEED TO BE SAVED!
I'M OKAY! I'M OKAY!
UHH!
YOU SHUT THAT CAMERA OFF!
COME ON, YOU, THE
BIG ONE, USE YOUR BACK!
PLEASE!
GOD, IT'S SO COLD!
I CAN'T BELIEVE HE SUSPENDED
MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.
I KNOW, BUT YOU CAN'T EXPECT
HIM TO SEND AN ADMITTED DRUNK
OUT ON THE HIGHWAY.
MISS WALKER?
YOU'RE LATE. THE TRIAL'S OVER.
YOU'LL BE HAPPY TO KNOW HE
SUSPENDED MY DRIVER'S LICENSE.
WELL, ACTUALLY,
I WAS HOPING TO GET
YOUR PHONE NUMBER
AND MAYBE TAKE YOU
OUT TO DINNER SOMETIME.
WHAT?!
WHAT?!
YOU WANT TO TAKE
HER OUT ON A DATE?!
SHE'S OBNOXIOUS AND HAS
NOTHING BUT CONTEMPT FOR YOU!
WELL... WHAT REPELS ME AS A COP
ATTRACTS ME AS A MAN.
MAN, DO YOU SO NOT KNOW
HOW TO READ A SITUATION.
OKAY, THE TOP NUMBER'S
MY HOME PHONE NUMBER,
AND IF YOU CAN'T REACH ME THERE,
THERE'S MY CELLPHONE
AND MY PAGER.
ALL RIGHT. OKAY.
AND IF YOU GET BORED LATER,
I'LL BE AT MY CHECKPOINT.
I'LL BRING THE WINE.
WHAT?
AFTER EVERYTHING THAT
HE PUT YOU THROUGH,
YOU'RE GOING OUT
ON A DATE WITH HIM?!
SHARON, I JUST GOT
SPRUNG FROM THE SLAMMER!
CAN'T A GIRL GET
A LITTLE ACTION?!
Man: FORTUNATELY FOR THE
MEN, THE QUICK-THINKING CHILDREN
FORMED A HUMAN CHAIN OF LIFE
AND PULLED THEM OUT OF
THE ICY WATERS TO SAFETY.
YOU, THE BIG ONE, USE YOUR BACK!
IRONICALLY, THE TWO MEN ARE
BOTH PROFESSIONAL LIFESAVERS...
DR. MICHAEL BERGEN AND
FIREMAN PETE DUNKIRK.
WHAT?! "DUNKIRK"?!
IT'S "DUNVILLE," YOU IDIOT!
I AM CALLING THAT STATION.
DON'T TURN IT ON!
I ASSURE YOU, GENTLE VIEWER,
THERE ARE NO SPECIAL
EFFECTS, NO TRICK PHOTOGRAPHY.
I AM, IN FACT, THIS HANDSOME.
HOG IT, WHY DON'T YOU?
THEY'RE ALL LAUGHING
AT MY BOMBING JOKE
IN THE MIDDLE OF THE SCENE.
YOU HAD A LITTLE PIECE
OF LETTUCE RIGHT HERE.
IT WAS RIGHT THERE,
AND I JUST WANTED TO GO...