Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 3, Episode 6 - Halloween 2: Mind Over Body - full transcript
It's Halloween and Johnny finds a creepy room in the basement of the apartment building. The room is inhabited by a mad scientist, Ed, who captures Pete and Ashley and swaps their brains. He then does the same thing with Berg and Sharon. Johnny comes down and rescues them but is unable to swap their brains. The confusion causes considerable difficulty in the relationships. Eventually, Johnny decides to try and use the equipment to put each persons brain back in the right person. He succeeds, except for Sharon.
[DOOR CREAKS]
[CAT SCREECHES]
OH, MY!
IS THIS CRAZY, OR WHAT?
HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?
IT WAS HIDDEN.
I WAS DOWN IN THE
BASEMENT CHANGING A FUSE.
I MOVED THIS BOOK, THE
WHOLE WALL SWUNG OPEN.
"THE JOY OF ELDERLY SEX."
YOU'LL THANK ME ONE DAY.
WHOA! IT LOOKS LIKE NO
ONE'S BEEN IN HERE FOR YEARS!
IT'D BE A PERFECT PLACE TO
HAVE YOUR HAUNTED HOUSE.
WE ALWAYS HAVE IT
AT PETE AND BERG'S.
I ALREADY RIGGED THE
REFRIGERATOR TO SAY,
"GET... OUT!"
AND THE BATHROOM
SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
HELP ME FIND A LIGHT SWITCH.
WHO DO YOU THINK ALL
THIS STUFF BELONGS TO?
"PROPERTY OF ED."
NO, IT CAN'T BE!
WHAT? WHAT CAN'T BE?
MY GRANDPA USED TO TELL ME
STORIES ABOUT A GUY NAMED ED.
W-WHO WAS ED?
ED WAS A PROMISING
YOUNG NEUROSURGEON...
LIVED IN BOSTON SOME
HUNDRED YEARS AGO.
STORY IS, HE SPENT
EVERY NIGHT IN HIS LAB,
DOING... REALLY BAD STUFF.
YOU SUCK AT SCARY STORIES.
I'M NOT DONE.
ONE NIGHT, AN ANGRY MOB
DESCENDED UPON ED'S LABORATORY,
DESTROYING ED'S WORK!
AAAH!
COOL.
LEGEND HAS IT, HE STILL WAITS...
NO, LURKS... NO,
NO, NO, WAITS...
READY TO TAKE HIS
BLOODY REVENGE!
[Laughing] OOOOH, THIS IS SCARY!
[MACHINERY HUMMING]
WHOA!
THIS PLACE IS AMAZING!
OF COURSE WE HAVE TO HAVE
THE HAUNTED HOUSE HERE!
THE KIDS WILL BE
TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE!
OH, YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE SUCH A GREAT MOM.
[HUMMING STOPS]
[CHUCKLING]
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
BERG, MAYBE WE SHOULD
KEEP THE HAUNTED HOUSE UP HERE
I MEAN, THE BASEMENT
MIGHT SCARE THE... THE KIDS.
THAT'S OKAY, PETEY,
YOU CAN SLEEP WITH
ME AND ASHLEY TONIGHT.
HEY, GUYS. YOU GOT EVERYTHING?
BRAINS... EYEBALLS.
BERG, YOU WORK AT A HOSPITAL.
YOU COULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN REAL EYEBALLS?
I TRIED, BUT A BLIND
KID BEAT ME TO THEM.
HEY.
HEY, BABY, HOW WAS THE HOSPITAL?
ECH! I WAS IN THE E.R. ALL DAY.
YOU'RE WORKING ON HALLOWEEN?
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE SPENDING
TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY IN SALEM.
GEE...
IT'S NICE TO SEE MY SPELL TO
TURN YOU INTO A WITLESS TURD
HAS TAKEN EFFECT.
WE GOT TO GET STARTED
ON THE BLOOD PUNCH
BEFORE JOHNNY GETS BACK.
I STILL NEED TO FIGURE
OUT MY COSTUME.
WHY DON'T YOU BORROW
SOME OF PETE'S PANTS?
YOU CAN GO AS A KID WITH
A RECENT GROWTH SPURT.
OR YOU COULD PUT
ON ASHLEY'S PANTS
AND GO AS A REAL MAN.
HEY!
I'M SORRY, MAN. I
WAS AIMING FOR HER.
WOW! LOOK AT THAT LIGHTNING!
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY...
ALL YEAR LONG YOU TELL KIDS,
"WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T TAKE CANDY
FROM STRANGERS."
COME ON, ASHLEY, GET
IN THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT.
HALLOWEEN'S ABOUT COMING
TOGETHER AS A COMMUNITY
TO SCARE THE HELL
OUT OF 8-YEAR-OLDS
WHO PEE THEIR AQUAMAN COSTUMES.
SOMEONE JUMPED OUT AT ME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS.
THERE IS NOTHING
SCARY ABOUT HALLOWEEN.
WHY ARE YOU SO
DOWN ON HALLOWEEN?
IS IT ALL THOSE LITTLE
GIRLS DRESSING UP LIKE YOU?
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
IRENE! WHAT'S WRONG?
WHY WERE YOU SCREAMING?
WAS I SCREAMING?
I MUST HAVE BEEN
THINKING OUT LOUD.
OH, WELL.
TRICK OR TREAT! GUESS WHAT I AM!
A DANGER TO YOURSELF?
SOMEONE'S A HALLOWEENIE MEANIE!
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE
HAVING A HAUNTED HOUSE.
WE'RE SETTING IT UP IN THE
BASEMENT, BUT IT'S NOT READY.
SO I'LL JUST HANG OUT
HERE WITH THE WHOLE GANG!
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!
OH, OKAY!
TELL YOU WHAT...
I GIVE YOU PERMISSION
TO GO DOWN THERE
AND HAVE YOUR VERY
OWN SNEAK PREVIEW.
YOU THINK THERE'S A MAN CRAZY
ENOUGH FOR HER OUT THERE?
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]
[MUSIC STOPS]
AFTER YOU.
WHAT, ARE YOU SCARED?
NO, I'M NOT SCARED!
SCARED... I-I'M
JUST BEING POLITE.
REALLY?
YOU'RE... YOU'RE IN A DAMP...
GLOOMY... RAT-INFESTED BASEMENT
ON A DARK... [THUNDER CRASHES]
STORMY... HALLOWEEN NIGHT.
YOU'RE NOT SCARED?
YOU SHOULD BE.
ASHLEY, IF YOU'RE HERE...
WHO'S RUNNING HELL?
[DOOR CREAKS]
Oh, God!
WOW, THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
I IMAGINE YOU WERE GROWN
IN A LAB MUCH LIKE THIS.
BUT, UH, I THINK WE
SHOULD GO BACK UPSTAIRS.
YOU'RE LIKE THE LITTLE
SISTER I NEVER HAD.
[DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES]
OOH! LOOK!
A SKIL SAW WITH BLOOD ON IT.
SHARON'S SUCH A SICKO!
IT'S NOT A SKIL SAW...
I-IT SAYS, UH, "SKULL SAW."
[SAW WHIRS]
ARE YOU THE CATERER?
EEEH... WHAT WAS THAT?
MAYBE MRS. ABERNATHY'S LISTENING
TO THE RADIO IN THE TUB AGAIN.
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM]
IT'S GOOD TO SEE ASHLEY GETTING
INTO THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT.
THAT WAS PETE.
WILL YOU PUT THAT
DISGUSTING BOOK BACK?
[GRUNTING]
[CHUCKLES ][CHUCKLES]
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I DON'T KNOW. ALL I REMEMBER...
[CLEARS THROAT]
MY VOICE... SOMETHING'S
WRONG WITH MY VOICE.
WELL, YOU SOUND FINE.
YEAH. HOW'D YOU GUYS
GET TIED UP IN THE CHAIR?
I DON'T KNOW. ASK THE
WITCH YOU'RE DATING.
YOU ARE THE WITCHI'M DATING.
BERG, I HAVE A HEADACHE.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
YO! ENDORA! TALK
TO YOUR BOYFRIEND.
WOULD YOU PIPE DOWN,
PETE? MY HEAD IS THROBBING.
AND MY VOICE SOUNDS ODD.
WHAT WAS... WHAT WAS THE
LAST THING YOU REMEMBER?
WELL, YOU WERE BEING A
BIG BABY, AND THEN WE CAME...
OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
THE CATERER!
THE CATERER MUST HAVE
SWITCHED OUR BRAINS!
[LAUGHS] VERY FUNNY, GUYS.
KEEP IT UP, AND WE'LL
LEAVE YOU STRAPPED IN.
YOU SEE? YOU SEE?
I TOLD YOU, ASHLEY!
I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT
TO COME IN HERE, BUT NO!
"YOU'RE THE LITTLE
SISTER I NEVER HAD."
NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!
HOW DID YOU GUYS
GET STRAPPED IN THIS?
THE GUY WAS EASY,
BUT THE GIRL PUT
UP QUITE A FIGHT.
[SAW WHIRS]
SHARON, CREATE A
DIVERSION WHILE I RUN.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
WHO ARE YOU?
ED.
SEE? "ED."
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
I-I-I-I'M DOING IT FOR REVENGE!
BUT W-W-WE DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING TO YOU.
OKAY... SO "REVENGE"
IS THE WRONG WORD.
IS MY MOTIVATION SO IMPORTANT?
EWW!
WHAT'S THAT BLACK
SPOT ON HER BRAIN?
SHE MUST HAVE
SMOKED MARIJUANA ONCE.
DON'T DO DRUGS, KIDS!
WANNA SEE SOMETHING FUNNY?
[LAUGHS]
THAT GETS ME EVERY TIME!
Ashley... WHAT?
Shh! Shh! Shh!
If you have a hairpin,
I think I can get
us out of here.
My God, Pete, are
you always this gassy?
I had broccoli.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
[GASPS]
I'VE DONE IT AGAIN!
I'M A GENIUS!
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
WHERE'S MY RING?
LUCKY TO RUN INTO YOU.
JUYOU'RE A LIFESAVER..
I'M A PEOPLE PERSON.
YOU KNOW,
IF YOU'RE GOING TO
FREEZE YOURSELF,
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A
LOT MORE DRY ICE THAN THAT.
NO, IT'S FOR THE PUNCH BOWL.
OH! THEN YOU'RE FINE!
SO, UM... WHAT DO YOU DO?
I-I DON'T THINK
YOU'D BE INTERESTED.
IT'S KIND OF CEREBRAL.
I DON'T KNOW... I'M A PRETTY
OPEN-MINDED PERSON.
WELL, MAYBE I COULD
COME BACK LATER
TO PICK YOUR BRAIN.
LATER.
WHAT A NICE GUY.
HEY, GUYS! YOU DOWN HERE?
[DOOR CREAKS]
HEY... WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN'?
OH, JOHNNY, THANK
GOD YOU'RE HERE!
A MAD SCIENTIST
SWITCHED ALL OUR BRAINS!
[CHUCKLES]
WITH WHAT?
WITH EACH OTHER'S! DUH!
NOW GET US OUT OF HERE!
SHARON, IS THIS
SOME KIND OF PRANK?
[Feminine voice] JOHNNY,
HONEY? HONEY, JOHNNY?
I'M OVER HERE.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
PETE, HELP ME OUT.
OVER HERE.
HELLO-O-O-O!
AND I GUESS THAT
WOULD MAKE YOU ASHLEY.
YES, I'M ASHLEY. WHAT IS
SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!
TRICK-OR-TREATERS ARE
ALREADY STARTING TO ARRIVE!
JOHNNY...
CAN'T YOU TELL
THAT IT'S REALLY ME?
LOOK, YOU GUYS, IF
YOU'RE JUST GONNA...
JOHNNY!
HONEY?
HI, BABY.
WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE.
AND TELL THEM WHAT?
"SOMEBODY SWAPPED OUR BRAINS"?
AND GET THAT STUPID
LOOK OFF MY FACE!
AAH! AAH!
IT'S JUST ME! I CAN
FIX EVERYTHING!
I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! YOU
ARE SO GOOD WITH YOUR HANDS.
ALL RIGHT, THERE'S SHARON.
SHARON IS BERG.
YOU'RE PETE.
WHERE'S ASHLEY?
GUESS WHAT?
I JUST PEED STANDING UP.
OKAY! PROBLEM SOLVED!
THE PROBLEM IS NOT SOLVED!
I MEAN, LOOK AT ME!
I HAVE BREASTS!
AND A THONG! AND...
AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
N-N-N-NO!
OKAY!
PETE, ASHLEY, IN THE KITCHEN!
SHARON, BERG, IN
THE LIVING ROOM!
BERG, GET YOUR HANDS
OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!
WHAT?!
I KNEW I WAS
GOOD-LOOKIN', BUT DAMN!
THAT MIRROR WAS MODEST!
PETE, WHAT'S WRONG?
I-I'M JUST SO
UNCOMFORTABLE IN YOUR BODY!
I'M IRRITABLE... BLOATED.
OH, YEAH. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
OH, MY GOD!
AND YOU ARE GOING
TO BE IN NO MOOD
TO GO TO WORK ON MONDAY.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! MY NEW JOB!
AND MY BOSS IS SUCH A DOG,
AND WITH MY LUCK
HE'LL HAVE BAD TASTE.
PUT A CORK IN IT. I
HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS.
YOU SHOULD BUY SOME BOXERS,
OR YOU'RE NEVER GONNA HAVE KIDS.
OOPS! LOOK! A BRUISE!
STOP THAT.
I KNOW SOMEBODY WHO'S NOT
GOIN' TO THE BEACH THIS SUMMER!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY! RELAX! RELAX!
LET'S CALM DOWN!
I JUST GOTTA
THINK! I GOTTA THINK!
YOU KNOW, I JUST
REALIZED SOMETHING.
WHAT?
I HAVE, LIKE, THE
BEST COSTUME EVER!
Sharon: BERG? WHERE
ARE YOU GOING?
I WANT TO TRY IT OUT!
I'LL STOP BY THE WOMEN'S GYM
FOR A LITTLE STEAM-BATH SOCIAL.
FOR ONCE, I CAN SIT IN A
ROOMFUL OF NAKED BABES
WITHOUT REROUTIN'
THE OL' BLOOD SUPPLY!
JOHNNY, STOP ME!
I'LL GET A REPUTATION!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
[Panting] OH, MY GOD!
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!
WHAT IF WE NEVER GET
OUT OF THESE BODIES?!
WHAT IF WE ARE TRAPPED THIS
WAY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES?!
[PANTING]
DAMN YOUR BODY! IT CAN'T CRY!
JOHNNY? HONEY, I'M SCARED.
WHOA, WHOA! THERE, THERE!
JUST, UH, WALK IT OFF.
JOHNNY!
BE SWEET TO ME!
JOHNNY, SHE'S
SCARED. SHE NEEDS YOU.
GO TO HER.
I-I NEED A BEER.
OH, YEAH. THAT'LL
FIX EVERYTHING.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
DO YOU LOVE ME
FOR MY MIND, OR IS IT...
THE WAY I LOOK?
WELL, OF COURSE, I
LOVE YOU FOR YOUR...
JOHNNY!
AAH! YOUR MIND! YOUR MIND!
[Laughs] ATTABOY!
'CAUSE THERE WASWAY NO
YOU WERE GETTIN'
A PIECE OF THIS!
YOU KNOW, JOHNNY, IF
YOU REALLY LOVED HER...
YOU'D KISS HER.
ARE YOU HELPING?!
CAN'T A GIRL HAVE A LITTLE FUN?
[SIGHS]
THAT'S OKAY, BABY. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO KISS ME.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
AAAH!
THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK!
WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO SWITCH YOUR BRAINS BACK
USING THAT CONTRAPTION!
BUT WHAT IF SOMETHING
GOES WRONG?
[Voice breaking] THAT'S A
CHANCE I'M WILLING TO TAKE.
ATTACH THESE THINGIES
TO THAT THINGY...
THESE THINGIES TO THAT THINGY...
AND ATTACH THIS
DOODAD RIGHT HERE...
AND THEN, UH...
THROW THIS SWITCH.
OR THIS SWITCH.
OH, WHAT THE HELL.
IT'S PETE AND ASHLEY.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
YOU GUYS OKAY? DID IT WORK?
WAIT A MINUTE... I CAN'T TELL!
OKAY, OKAY. TIME TO
HIT BERG AND SHARON.
JUST HURRY UP BEFORE
THAT CRAZY GUY COMES BACK.
SHARON, HONEY, SWEETIE?
I'M GONNA PUT YOUR
BRAIN RIGHT THERE.
NOW I'LL TAKE BERG'S BRAIN...
[LAUGHS][ LAUGHS]
DO IT AGAIN.
DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!
[High-pitched voice] OKAY, STOP.
COULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND
HERE? MY HANDS ARE FULL.
YEAH, YEAH.
SHARON! SHARON! COME ON!
UPSY-DAISY!
A SEVERED HEAD IS NO
REASON NOT TO BE A LADY!
IS THE CEREBRAL CORTEX LINING
UP WITH THE SPINAL COLUMN?
SURE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
HEY, I PUT YOUR BOOKSHELF
TOGETHER, DIDN'T I?
JOHNNY! THE CRAZY
GUY! STAY AWAY FROM US!
YOU'RE BRAIN-SWITCHING ED?!
THAT'S ME!
OF COURSE, I DO OTHER THINGS,
BUT I'M PRETTY MUCH
FOCUSED ON THAT RIGHT NOW.
REMEMBER YOU PROMISED
I COULD PICK YOUR BRAIN?
[SAW WHIRS]
[WHIRRING STOPS]
WHAT THE... HA HA!
YAAA!
WH-O-O-O-A!
PETE! THROW THAT SWITCH!
A-A-A-AH!
YOU GUYS DID IT! YOU
ELECTROCUTED HIM!
THANK GOD!
ANY CALLS WHILE I WAS OUT?
AAAH! AAAH! AAAH!
WE KILLED YOU!
ACTUALLY, WRONG SWITCH.
HE JUST TURNED
ON MY NIGHT LIGHT.
IT CAN GET SPOOKY DOWN HERE.
OKAY! HOW ABOUT THIS SWITCH?
OHHH, YEAH!
THAT'S THE ONE!
Johnny: WATCH OUT!!
[SARCOPHAGUS THUDS]
WELL, I GUESS I WON'T BE
GETTING THAT BARRETTE BACK.
LET'S JUST WAITYS, YOU WANNA GO
FOR SHARON TO GET BACK. TO EAT?
GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU,
JOHNNY. YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
YEAH, IT'S GREAT HAVING
EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL.
HEY, SHARON.
HI, GUYS!
HEY.
OOH! SHARON, YOU NEED TO SHAVE.
I JUST DID!
APPARENTLY, I'M PART GREEK.
I GUESS YOU DO REALLY
LOVE ME FORMY MIND.
YEAH.
OOH-HOO! YOU'RE SO STRONG!
[CAT SCREECHES]
OH, MY!
IS THIS CRAZY, OR WHAT?
HOW DID YOU FIND THIS PLACE?
IT WAS HIDDEN.
I WAS DOWN IN THE
BASEMENT CHANGING A FUSE.
I MOVED THIS BOOK, THE
WHOLE WALL SWUNG OPEN.
"THE JOY OF ELDERLY SEX."
YOU'LL THANK ME ONE DAY.
WHOA! IT LOOKS LIKE NO
ONE'S BEEN IN HERE FOR YEARS!
IT'D BE A PERFECT PLACE TO
HAVE YOUR HAUNTED HOUSE.
WE ALWAYS HAVE IT
AT PETE AND BERG'S.
I ALREADY RIGGED THE
REFRIGERATOR TO SAY,
"GET... OUT!"
AND THE BATHROOM
SPEAKS FOR ITSELF.
HELP ME FIND A LIGHT SWITCH.
WHO DO YOU THINK ALL
THIS STUFF BELONGS TO?
"PROPERTY OF ED."
NO, IT CAN'T BE!
WHAT? WHAT CAN'T BE?
MY GRANDPA USED TO TELL ME
STORIES ABOUT A GUY NAMED ED.
W-WHO WAS ED?
ED WAS A PROMISING
YOUNG NEUROSURGEON...
LIVED IN BOSTON SOME
HUNDRED YEARS AGO.
STORY IS, HE SPENT
EVERY NIGHT IN HIS LAB,
DOING... REALLY BAD STUFF.
YOU SUCK AT SCARY STORIES.
I'M NOT DONE.
ONE NIGHT, AN ANGRY MOB
DESCENDED UPON ED'S LABORATORY,
DESTROYING ED'S WORK!
AAAH!
COOL.
LEGEND HAS IT, HE STILL WAITS...
NO, LURKS... NO,
NO, NO, WAITS...
READY TO TAKE HIS
BLOODY REVENGE!
[Laughing] OOOOH, THIS IS SCARY!
[MACHINERY HUMMING]
WHOA!
THIS PLACE IS AMAZING!
OF COURSE WE HAVE TO HAVE
THE HAUNTED HOUSE HERE!
THE KIDS WILL BE
TRAUMATIZED FOR LIFE!
OH, YOU'RE GONNA
MAKE SUCH A GREAT MOM.
[HUMMING STOPS]
[CHUCKLING]
[LAUGHING MANIACALLY]
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
BERG, MAYBE WE SHOULD
KEEP THE HAUNTED HOUSE UP HERE
I MEAN, THE BASEMENT
MIGHT SCARE THE... THE KIDS.
THAT'S OKAY, PETEY,
YOU CAN SLEEP WITH
ME AND ASHLEY TONIGHT.
HEY, GUYS. YOU GOT EVERYTHING?
BRAINS... EYEBALLS.
BERG, YOU WORK AT A HOSPITAL.
YOU COULDN'T HAVE
GOTTEN REAL EYEBALLS?
I TRIED, BUT A BLIND
KID BEAT ME TO THEM.
HEY.
HEY, BABY, HOW WAS THE HOSPITAL?
ECH! I WAS IN THE E.R. ALL DAY.
YOU'RE WORKING ON HALLOWEEN?
I THOUGHT YOU'D BE SPENDING
TIME WITH YOUR FAMILY IN SALEM.
GEE...
IT'S NICE TO SEE MY SPELL TO
TURN YOU INTO A WITLESS TURD
HAS TAKEN EFFECT.
WE GOT TO GET STARTED
ON THE BLOOD PUNCH
BEFORE JOHNNY GETS BACK.
I STILL NEED TO FIGURE
OUT MY COSTUME.
WHY DON'T YOU BORROW
SOME OF PETE'S PANTS?
YOU CAN GO AS A KID WITH
A RECENT GROWTH SPURT.
OR YOU COULD PUT
ON ASHLEY'S PANTS
AND GO AS A REAL MAN.
HEY!
I'M SORRY, MAN. I
WAS AIMING FOR HER.
WOW! LOOK AT THAT LIGHTNING!
YOU KNOW, IT'S FUNNY...
ALL YEAR LONG YOU TELL KIDS,
"WHATEVER YOU DO,
DON'T TAKE CANDY
FROM STRANGERS."
COME ON, ASHLEY, GET
IN THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT.
HALLOWEEN'S ABOUT COMING
TOGETHER AS A COMMUNITY
TO SCARE THE HELL
OUT OF 8-YEAR-OLDS
WHO PEE THEIR AQUAMAN COSTUMES.
SOMEONE JUMPED OUT AT ME.
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS.
THERE IS NOTHING
SCARY ABOUT HALLOWEEN.
WHY ARE YOU SO
DOWN ON HALLOWEEN?
IS IT ALL THOSE LITTLE
GIRLS DRESSING UP LIKE YOU?
[WOMAN SCREAMS]
IRENE! WHAT'S WRONG?
WHY WERE YOU SCREAMING?
WAS I SCREAMING?
I MUST HAVE BEEN
THINKING OUT LOUD.
OH, WELL.
TRICK OR TREAT! GUESS WHAT I AM!
A DANGER TO YOURSELF?
SOMEONE'S A HALLOWEENIE MEANIE!
I THOUGHT YOU GUYS WERE
HAVING A HAUNTED HOUSE.
WE'RE SETTING IT UP IN THE
BASEMENT, BUT IT'S NOT READY.
SO I'LL JUST HANG OUT
HERE WITH THE WHOLE GANG!
THERE'S NO PLACE LIKE HOME!
OH, OKAY!
TELL YOU WHAT...
I GIVE YOU PERMISSION
TO GO DOWN THERE
AND HAVE YOUR VERY
OWN SNEAK PREVIEW.
YOU THINK THERE'S A MAN CRAZY
ENOUGH FOR HER OUT THERE?
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]
[MUSIC STOPS]
AFTER YOU.
WHAT, ARE YOU SCARED?
NO, I'M NOT SCARED!
SCARED... I-I'M
JUST BEING POLITE.
REALLY?
YOU'RE... YOU'RE IN A DAMP...
GLOOMY... RAT-INFESTED BASEMENT
ON A DARK... [THUNDER CRASHES]
STORMY... HALLOWEEN NIGHT.
YOU'RE NOT SCARED?
YOU SHOULD BE.
ASHLEY, IF YOU'RE HERE...
WHO'S RUNNING HELL?
[DOOR CREAKS]
Oh, God!
WOW, THIS IS INCREDIBLE!
I IMAGINE YOU WERE GROWN
IN A LAB MUCH LIKE THIS.
BUT, UH, I THINK WE
SHOULD GO BACK UPSTAIRS.
YOU'RE LIKE THE LITTLE
SISTER I NEVER HAD.
[DOOR CREAKS, CLOSES]
OOH! LOOK!
A SKIL SAW WITH BLOOD ON IT.
SHARON'S SUCH A SICKO!
IT'S NOT A SKIL SAW...
I-IT SAYS, UH, "SKULL SAW."
[SAW WHIRS]
ARE YOU THE CATERER?
EEEH... WHAT WAS THAT?
MAYBE MRS. ABERNATHY'S LISTENING
TO THE RADIO IN THE TUB AGAIN.
[HIGH-PITCHED SCREAM]
IT'S GOOD TO SEE ASHLEY GETTING
INTO THE HALLOWEEN SPIRIT.
THAT WAS PETE.
WILL YOU PUT THAT
DISGUSTING BOOK BACK?
[GRUNTING]
[CHUCKLES ][CHUCKLES]
WHAT'S GOING ON?
I DON'T KNOW. ALL I REMEMBER...
[CLEARS THROAT]
MY VOICE... SOMETHING'S
WRONG WITH MY VOICE.
WELL, YOU SOUND FINE.
YEAH. HOW'D YOU GUYS
GET TIED UP IN THE CHAIR?
I DON'T KNOW. ASK THE
WITCH YOU'RE DATING.
YOU ARE THE WITCHI'M DATING.
BERG, I HAVE A HEADACHE.
LEAVE ME ALONE.
YO! ENDORA! TALK
TO YOUR BOYFRIEND.
WOULD YOU PIPE DOWN,
PETE? MY HEAD IS THROBBING.
AND MY VOICE SOUNDS ODD.
WHAT WAS... WHAT WAS THE
LAST THING YOU REMEMBER?
WELL, YOU WERE BEING A
BIG BABY, AND THEN WE CAME...
OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
THE CATERER!
THE CATERER MUST HAVE
SWITCHED OUR BRAINS!
[LAUGHS] VERY FUNNY, GUYS.
KEEP IT UP, AND WE'LL
LEAVE YOU STRAPPED IN.
YOU SEE? YOU SEE?
I TOLD YOU, ASHLEY!
I TOLD YOU I DIDN'T WANT
TO COME IN HERE, BUT NO!
"YOU'RE THE LITTLE
SISTER I NEVER HAD."
NOW LOOK WHAT HAPPENED!
HOW DID YOU GUYS
GET STRAPPED IN THIS?
THE GUY WAS EASY,
BUT THE GIRL PUT
UP QUITE A FIGHT.
[SAW WHIRS]
SHARON, CREATE A
DIVERSION WHILE I RUN.
[ORGAN MUSIC PLAYS]
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
WHO ARE YOU?
ED.
SEE? "ED."
WHY ARE YOU DOING THIS?
I-I-I-I'M DOING IT FOR REVENGE!
BUT W-W-WE DIDN'T
DO ANYTHING TO YOU.
OKAY... SO "REVENGE"
IS THE WRONG WORD.
IS MY MOTIVATION SO IMPORTANT?
EWW!
WHAT'S THAT BLACK
SPOT ON HER BRAIN?
SHE MUST HAVE
SMOKED MARIJUANA ONCE.
DON'T DO DRUGS, KIDS!
WANNA SEE SOMETHING FUNNY?
[LAUGHS]
THAT GETS ME EVERY TIME!
Ashley... WHAT?
Shh! Shh! Shh!
If you have a hairpin,
I think I can get
us out of here.
My God, Pete, are
you always this gassy?
I had broccoli.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
[GASPS]
I'VE DONE IT AGAIN!
I'M A GENIUS!
[LAUGHS MANIACALLY]
WHERE'S MY RING?
LUCKY TO RUN INTO YOU.
JUYOU'RE A LIFESAVER..
I'M A PEOPLE PERSON.
YOU KNOW,
IF YOU'RE GOING TO
FREEZE YOURSELF,
YOU'RE GOING TO NEED A
LOT MORE DRY ICE THAN THAT.
NO, IT'S FOR THE PUNCH BOWL.
OH! THEN YOU'RE FINE!
SO, UM... WHAT DO YOU DO?
I-I DON'T THINK
YOU'D BE INTERESTED.
IT'S KIND OF CEREBRAL.
I DON'T KNOW... I'M A PRETTY
OPEN-MINDED PERSON.
WELL, MAYBE I COULD
COME BACK LATER
TO PICK YOUR BRAIN.
LATER.
WHAT A NICE GUY.
HEY, GUYS! YOU DOWN HERE?
[DOOR CREAKS]
HEY... WHAT ARE YOU GUYS DOIN'?
OH, JOHNNY, THANK
GOD YOU'RE HERE!
A MAD SCIENTIST
SWITCHED ALL OUR BRAINS!
[CHUCKLES]
WITH WHAT?
WITH EACH OTHER'S! DUH!
NOW GET US OUT OF HERE!
SHARON, IS THIS
SOME KIND OF PRANK?
[Feminine voice] JOHNNY,
HONEY? HONEY, JOHNNY?
I'M OVER HERE.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.
PETE, HELP ME OUT.
OVER HERE.
HELLO-O-O-O!
AND I GUESS THAT
WOULD MAKE YOU ASHLEY.
YES, I'M ASHLEY. WHAT IS
SO HARD TO UNDERSTAND?!
TRICK-OR-TREATERS ARE
ALREADY STARTING TO ARRIVE!
JOHNNY...
CAN'T YOU TELL
THAT IT'S REALLY ME?
LOOK, YOU GUYS, IF
YOU'RE JUST GONNA...
JOHNNY!
HONEY?
HI, BABY.
WE SHOULD CALL THE POLICE.
AND TELL THEM WHAT?
"SOMEBODY SWAPPED OUR BRAINS"?
AND GET THAT STUPID
LOOK OFF MY FACE!
AAH! AAH!
IT'S JUST ME! I CAN
FIX EVERYTHING!
I KNEW YOU COULD DO IT! YOU
ARE SO GOOD WITH YOUR HANDS.
ALL RIGHT, THERE'S SHARON.
SHARON IS BERG.
YOU'RE PETE.
WHERE'S ASHLEY?
GUESS WHAT?
I JUST PEED STANDING UP.
OKAY! PROBLEM SOLVED!
THE PROBLEM IS NOT SOLVED!
I MEAN, LOOK AT ME!
I HAVE BREASTS!
AND A THONG! AND...
AND I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
N-N-N-NO!
OKAY!
PETE, ASHLEY, IN THE KITCHEN!
SHARON, BERG, IN
THE LIVING ROOM!
BERG, GET YOUR HANDS
OUT OF YOUR POCKETS!
WHAT?!
I KNEW I WAS
GOOD-LOOKIN', BUT DAMN!
THAT MIRROR WAS MODEST!
PETE, WHAT'S WRONG?
I-I'M JUST SO
UNCOMFORTABLE IN YOUR BODY!
I'M IRRITABLE... BLOATED.
OH, YEAH. I FORGOT TO TELL YOU.
OH, MY GOD!
AND YOU ARE GOING
TO BE IN NO MOOD
TO GO TO WORK ON MONDAY.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO! MY NEW JOB!
AND MY BOSS IS SUCH A DOG,
AND WITH MY LUCK
HE'LL HAVE BAD TASTE.
PUT A CORK IN IT. I
HAVE MY OWN PROBLEMS.
YOU SHOULD BUY SOME BOXERS,
OR YOU'RE NEVER GONNA HAVE KIDS.
OOPS! LOOK! A BRUISE!
STOP THAT.
I KNOW SOMEBODY WHO'S NOT
GOIN' TO THE BEACH THIS SUMMER!
HEY, HEY, HEY, HEY,
HEY! RELAX! RELAX!
LET'S CALM DOWN!
I JUST GOTTA
THINK! I GOTTA THINK!
YOU KNOW, I JUST
REALIZED SOMETHING.
WHAT?
I HAVE, LIKE, THE
BEST COSTUME EVER!
Sharon: BERG? WHERE
ARE YOU GOING?
I WANT TO TRY IT OUT!
I'LL STOP BY THE WOMEN'S GYM
FOR A LITTLE STEAM-BATH SOCIAL.
FOR ONCE, I CAN SIT IN A
ROOMFUL OF NAKED BABES
WITHOUT REROUTIN'
THE OL' BLOOD SUPPLY!
JOHNNY, STOP ME!
I'LL GET A REPUTATION!
WHOA, WHOA, WHOA!
[Panting] OH, MY GOD!
WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!
WHAT IF WE NEVER GET
OUT OF THESE BODIES?!
WHAT IF WE ARE TRAPPED THIS
WAY FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES?!
[PANTING]
DAMN YOUR BODY! IT CAN'T CRY!
JOHNNY? HONEY, I'M SCARED.
WHOA, WHOA! THERE, THERE!
JUST, UH, WALK IT OFF.
JOHNNY!
BE SWEET TO ME!
JOHNNY, SHE'S
SCARED. SHE NEEDS YOU.
GO TO HER.
I-I NEED A BEER.
OH, YEAH. THAT'LL
FIX EVERYTHING.
WHAT'S GOING ON HERE?
DO YOU LOVE ME
FOR MY MIND, OR IS IT...
THE WAY I LOOK?
WELL, OF COURSE, I
LOVE YOU FOR YOUR...
JOHNNY!
AAH! YOUR MIND! YOUR MIND!
[Laughs] ATTABOY!
'CAUSE THERE WASWAY NO
YOU WERE GETTIN'
A PIECE OF THIS!
YOU KNOW, JOHNNY, IF
YOU REALLY LOVED HER...
YOU'D KISS HER.
ARE YOU HELPING?!
CAN'T A GIRL HAVE A LITTLE FUN?
[SIGHS]
THAT'S OKAY, BABY. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO KISS ME.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW I LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
AAAH!
THIS ISN'T GONNA WORK!
WE HAVE TO FIGURE OUT A WAY
TO SWITCH YOUR BRAINS BACK
USING THAT CONTRAPTION!
BUT WHAT IF SOMETHING
GOES WRONG?
[Voice breaking] THAT'S A
CHANCE I'M WILLING TO TAKE.
ATTACH THESE THINGIES
TO THAT THINGY...
THESE THINGIES TO THAT THINGY...
AND ATTACH THIS
DOODAD RIGHT HERE...
AND THEN, UH...
THROW THIS SWITCH.
OR THIS SWITCH.
OH, WHAT THE HELL.
IT'S PETE AND ASHLEY.
[ELECTRICITY CRACKLES]
YOU GUYS OKAY? DID IT WORK?
WAIT A MINUTE... I CAN'T TELL!
OKAY, OKAY. TIME TO
HIT BERG AND SHARON.
JUST HURRY UP BEFORE
THAT CRAZY GUY COMES BACK.
SHARON, HONEY, SWEETIE?
I'M GONNA PUT YOUR
BRAIN RIGHT THERE.
NOW I'LL TAKE BERG'S BRAIN...
[LAUGHS][ LAUGHS]
DO IT AGAIN.
DO IT AGAIN! DO IT AGAIN!
[High-pitched voice] OKAY, STOP.
COULD YOU GIVE ME A HAND
HERE? MY HANDS ARE FULL.
YEAH, YEAH.
SHARON! SHARON! COME ON!
UPSY-DAISY!
A SEVERED HEAD IS NO
REASON NOT TO BE A LADY!
IS THE CEREBRAL CORTEX LINING
UP WITH THE SPINAL COLUMN?
SURE.
DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA
WHAT YOU'RE DOING?
HEY, I PUT YOUR BOOKSHELF
TOGETHER, DIDN'T I?
JOHNNY! THE CRAZY
GUY! STAY AWAY FROM US!
YOU'RE BRAIN-SWITCHING ED?!
THAT'S ME!
OF COURSE, I DO OTHER THINGS,
BUT I'M PRETTY MUCH
FOCUSED ON THAT RIGHT NOW.
REMEMBER YOU PROMISED
I COULD PICK YOUR BRAIN?
[SAW WHIRS]
[WHIRRING STOPS]
WHAT THE... HA HA!
YAAA!
WH-O-O-O-A!
PETE! THROW THAT SWITCH!
A-A-A-AH!
YOU GUYS DID IT! YOU
ELECTROCUTED HIM!
THANK GOD!
ANY CALLS WHILE I WAS OUT?
AAAH! AAAH! AAAH!
WE KILLED YOU!
ACTUALLY, WRONG SWITCH.
HE JUST TURNED
ON MY NIGHT LIGHT.
IT CAN GET SPOOKY DOWN HERE.
OKAY! HOW ABOUT THIS SWITCH?
OHHH, YEAH!
THAT'S THE ONE!
Johnny: WATCH OUT!!
[SARCOPHAGUS THUDS]
WELL, I GUESS I WON'T BE
GETTING THAT BARRETTE BACK.
LET'S JUST WAITYS, YOU WANNA GO
FOR SHARON TO GET BACK. TO EAT?
GOTTA HAND IT TO YOU,
JOHNNY. YOU DID A GREAT JOB.
YEAH, IT'S GREAT HAVING
EVERYTHING BACK TO NORMAL.
HEY, SHARON.
HI, GUYS!
HEY.
OOH! SHARON, YOU NEED TO SHAVE.
I JUST DID!
APPARENTLY, I'M PART GREEK.
I GUESS YOU DO REALLY
LOVE ME FORMY MIND.
YEAH.
OOH-HOO! YOU'RE SO STRONG!