Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 3, Episode 5 - Sunday in the Apartment - full transcript
They are all about to go to the football, courtesy of Pete, when Irene turns up. She has just been released from a hospital and is still a bit unstable. They have trouble getting to the football as Sharon and Ashley become very competitive and are continually changing their outfits. The group then decide to go the pictures instead but talk of Sharon and Johnny's wedding arrangements causes a big argument. They then change their minds and decide to go out to dinner. Nothing goes right and they end up eating in the apartment with take away.
ASHLEY, ARE YOU
READY FOR SOME FUN?
GEE, I'D LOVE TO, BUT I'M
GOING TO A FOOTBALL GAME.
IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO
A FOOTBALL GAME BEFORE,
THEN HOW DO YOU
KNOW YOU WON'T LIKE IT?
WELL, THAT'S A GOOD
ARGUMENT, BERG.
AND WHEN MY MOTHER USED IT,
I VOMITED BROCCOLI ON HER LAP.
Pete: ALL RIGHT,
I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU GUYS
THAT EVERYTHING
IS ON ME... MY TREAT.
THEN CAN I GET A FOAM
FINGER AND A LEATHER JACKET?
HEY, GUYS!
ALL READY FOR THE GAME?
OH, YES.
I JUST WANT TO REMIND
YOU THAT TODAY IS MY TREAT.
YOUR MONEY IS NO GOOD WITH ME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR US.
NOW, NOW, SINCE PETE
HAS GENEROUSLY OFFERED
TO PAY FOR THE GAME WITH
THE MONEY THAT HE EARNED
FROM THE JOB THAT
HE STOLE FROM ME,
I SAY, "LET'S BLEED
THE SUCKER DRY."
I'm getting a foam finger.
ASHLEY, YOU LOOK REALLY CUTE!
THANKS.
WHAT?
WELL, USUALLY WHEN ONE
GIRL TELLS ANOTHER GIRL
THAT SHE LOOKS CUTE,
THE OTHER GIRL THEN
SAYS, "SO DO YOU."
ALL THE TIME?
YES.
BUT YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE A BOY.
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS TO CHANGE.
SO, WHAT'S WITH SHARON?
SHE'S BEEN A LITTLE ON EDGE
WITH THE WEDDING PLANS.
OH, HOW'S THAT GOING?
I DON'T KNOW. SHARON'S
HANDLING THE ARRANGEMENTS.
SHE'S BEEN PLANNING
THIS SINCE SHE WAS 6.
CAN WE STOP TALKING
ABOUT THE WEDDING?
TODAY IS NOT ABOUT A WEDDING.
TODAY IS ABOUT FOOTBALL...
IT'S ABOUT ME
TREATING YOU FOOTBALL.
IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT
GETTING MARRIED TODAY,
'CAUSE PETE WOULD PAY FOR IT.
THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
I'M MAKING GOOD MONEY NOW.
MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING.
THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE WHO
DON'T MAKE MONEY SAY.
OKAY. READY.
WOW, SHARON, I HAVE TO SAY,
THAT'S A REALLY CUTE OUTFIT.
OH. WHY, THANK YOU, ASHLEY.
OKAY, I'M CHANGING.
NO! COME ON! COME ON!
HI, PETE.
HI, IRENE.
G-GOSH... GOSH, I-I
HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE...
VALENTINE'S DAY,
WHEN YOU HUMILIATED
ME AND DUMPED ME.
VALENTINE'S DAY...
LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY.
OH, DON'T BE A STUPID. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
I'VE DONE A LOT OF
REFLECTING SINCE THEN,
AND I REALIZE THAT I
WAS JUST A BIG BUGABOO.
WELL, HERE.
I MADE YOU THIS AT THE HOSPITAL.
YOU WERE AT THE HOSPITAL?
DID I SAY "HOSPITAL"?
WHERE'S MY HEAD? I
MEANT "CERAMICS CLASS."
HEY, LOOK, GUYS.
I CAN PUT MY MARBLES IN HERE
TO KEEP FROM LOSING THEM.
NO, SEE, IT'S A
FORGIVENESS BOWL.
SEE, WHENEVER YOU'RE
ANGRY AT SOMEONE,
YOU PUT ALL YOUR ANGRY IN IT.
YOU JUST PUT IT IN
THERE... ALL OF IT...
ALL THE HATE AND THE BILE
AND THE BLOOD-RED
SCREAMS FROM THE NIGHT!
BAD VOICES, BAD VOICES, GO AWAY!
W-WELL, THANK YOU, IRENE.
I-I WILL CHERISH
THIS BOWL ALWAYS.
THANK YOU, PETE.
FRIENDS?
FRIENDS.
AND I'M SORRY I WAS SO CLINGY.
YOU WEREN'T THAT CLINGY.
I WASN'T?
WANNA HANG OUT TODAY?
UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'D LOVE TO. I WOULD.
BUT WE'RE ALL GOING
TO THE FOOTBALL GAME.
OH, HI, BERG!
HI, IRENE.
WELL, SOME OTHER TIME, I GUESS.
SEE YA LATER, WOMAN-HATER.
OH... ALLIGATOR.
SHE'S BA-A-CK!
FORGET HER. WHO'S
UP FOR FOOTBALL?
HEY, YOU GUYS, IT LOOKS
LIKE IT'S GONNA RAIN.
OKEY-DOKEY. I'M READY TO GO.
WHOA. YOU CAN'T GO
DRESSED LIKE THAT.
WHY NOT?
'CAUSE IT'S COLD...
AND IF YOU WEAR THAT,
EVERYONE WILL KNOW IT.
COME ON.
NO ONE'S EVEN GONNA
NOTICE WHAT I'M WEARING.
RIGHT?
HMM?
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
NO, COME ON, SHARON.
THE GAME'S STARTING.
IT'S REALLY STARTING TO POUR.
I PAID FOR THESE TICKETS.
DON'T THEY GIVE YOUR MONEY
BACK WHEN THE GAME'S RAINED OUT?
THEY DON'T CANCEL FOR RAIN.
THEY CANCEL BASEBALL
FOR RAIN. NOT FOOTBALL.
THEY CANCEL TENNIS
FOR RAIN. NOT FOOTBALL.
IT'S FLU SEASON. THEY DON'T...
CANCEL... FOOTBALL
GAMES... FOR RAIN!
I'M NOT SITTING IN THE
RAIN FOR THREE HOURS.
ME EITHER.
THIS TOP GETS
SEE-THROUGH WHEN IT'S WET.
APPARENTLY THE
SALESGIRL WARNED HER
AT HOOKERS DRESS FOR LESS.
FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST US GUYS WILL GO.
Sharon: JOHNNY!
PETE, LOOKS LIKE I WON'T
MAKE IT TO THE GAME.
I ALREADY HAVE THE TICKETS.
YOU COULD BUY US
TICKETS TO SOMETHING ELSE.
HOW ABOUT AN ART GALLERY?
HEY, HEY! WHO'S UP
FOR AN ART GALLERY?
NO, SERIOUSLY, GUYS... I
THINK THEY'RE SHOWING
THE WORKS OF "BORIS TUTEERS."
HOW ABOUT A MOVIE?
BUT I'M PAYING.
OH, MY GOD! ALL
RIGHT. OFF COURSE.
HERE, PETE, YOU CHOOSE A MOVIE.
ALL RIGHT. UH... HOW
ABOUT THAT ONE?
SEEN IT.
HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? CHICK FLICK.
I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE MOVIES.
I WANNA SPEND THE DAY ALONE.
BUT IT'S MY ONE DAY OFF.
CAN'T I SPEND IT WITH FRIENDS?
I THOUGHT YOU'D WANT TO
SPEND YOUR DAY OFF WITH ME.
I'M WITH YOU ALL THE TIME.
JEEZ!
HOW MUCH DO YOU
THINK I CAN TAKE?
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
IT MEANS THAT I WANNA
SEE HOW MUCH I CAN TAKE.
'CAUSE I NEVER
SEEM TO GET ENOUGH.
I WOULDN'T COUNT ON GETTING
ANY MORE FOR A LONG TIME.
NO, NO, NO, NO, I'M SORRY.
THAT CAME OUT ALL WRONG.
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS,
SHARON LOOKS LIKE A HOOKER.
LET'S JUST SEE THE MOVIE
THAT'S PLAYING AT THE BEACON.
IT STARTS IN 20
MINUTES, SO LET'S GO.
PLEASE?
OKAY, BUT I HAVE TO CHANGE.
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
THIS IS A FOOTBALL
OUTFIT, NOT A MOVIE OUTFIT.
MAN, IS SHE EVER OBSESSED.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
COME ON!
GUYS, WE'RE GONNA MISS THE FILM.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
RUN AHEAD, GET THE
TICKETS, AND WE'LL MEET YOU.
WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?
I MEAN, YOU'RE LETTING
ME PAY FOR EVERYTHING.
THE LEAST I CAN DO
IS SAVE YOUR SEATS.
HEY... GODSPEED.
EVERYTHING OKAY
WITH YOU AND ASHLEY?
YEAH, I THINK SO.
I GOTTA HAND IT
TO YOU, THOUGH...
LETTING SHARON PLAN
THE WHOLE WEDDING...
YOU'RE A BIGGER MAN THAN I.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
AREN'T YOU AT ALL CURIOUS
ABOUT WHAT SHE'S PLANNING?
YOU GUYS DON'T EXACTLY
HAVE THE SAME TASTES.
REMEMBER WHEN SHE
HAD YOU TIE THE SWEATER
AROUND YOUR SHOULDERS?
PETE AND I STILL
LAUGH ABOUT THAT.
OKAY, LET'S GO. WE
GOTTA WAIT FOR SHARON.
OKAY, I'M READY.
HEY, HONEY...
MAYBE WE SHOULD
DISCUSS THE WEDDING PLANS.
NO, NO, NO. IT'S JUST
GONNA BORE EVERYBODY.
I'D LIKE TO KNOW.
OKAY, WELL, IT'S GONNA BE
A VERY SIMPLE CEREMONY.
WE'LL ARRIVE AT THE CHURCH
IN YOUR STANDARD
HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGE.
THEN, AS THE
CATHEDRAL DOORS OPEN,
THREE HARPISTS WILL
BE PLAYING "AVE MARIA"
AS I'M WALKING DOWN THE AISLE
WITH MY 20-FOOT TRAIN OF SATIN,
WHICH IS TRAILING
ACROSS THE CARPET
OF YELLOW AND PINK ROSE PETALS.
YOU KNOW... VOW
STUFF, PICTURE, PICTURE...
SHARON... AM I THERE?
I DON'T REMEMBER YOU...
I DON'T RECALL
YOU MENTIONING ME.
OH, GOD, I'M SORRY!
OF COURSE YOU'RE THERE, BABY.
YOU'RE THE ONE
SIGNALING THE GUESTS
TO RELEASE THE 200
WHITE TURTLEDOVES.
HEY, BRING AN UMBRELLA.
PRETTY AMAZING, HUH?
HONEY, I DON'T THINK MY
FAMILY'S GONNA UNDERSTAND.
WE HAVE SOME TRADITIONS
THAT WE LIKE TO DO, TOO.
OH? LIKE WHAT?
UM... WELL, LIKE
THE MONEY DANCE.
THE... MONEY DANCE?
ALL THE GUYS TAKE
TURNS DANCING WITH YOU,
AND THEN THEY EACH PIN
A DOLLAR TO YOUR DRESS.
STRANGERS ARE
GOING TO BE PINNING
DIRTY DOLLAR BILLS
TO MY WEDDING DRESS?
THERE'S BOUND TO BE A
COUPLE OF 5s IN THERE.
HA HA. AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
THEN YOU WALK AROUND ALL NIGHT
WITH CURRENCY PINNED TO YOU.
WHAT A LOVELY BRIDE YOU'LL BE.
I REALLY DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD GET INVOLVED IN THIS.
WHY NOT? DON'T WE DO
EVERYTHING WITH YOUR FRIENDS?
WOULD YOU LET UP?
YOU'RE LIKE A DOG WITH A BONE.
DID... DID YOU JUST
CALL ME A DOG?
I THINK THAT MONEY
DANCE SOUNDS STUPID!
WHAT'S STUPID IS A
HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGE.
DON'T YOU THINK THE HORSE MANURE
IS GONNA GET ALL TANGLED
IN THE STRING OF CANS?
I WILL NO SOONER DO THE
MONEY DANCE AT MY WEDDING
THAN I WILL THE CHICKEN DANCE!
NO CHICKEN DANCE?! WHAT
KIND OF WEDDING IS THIS?
PETE?
IRENE!
ENJOYING THE "FOOTBALL GAME"?
IT'S HALF TIME, SO...
MAN, THIS IS A GOOD GAME.
YEAH, THE PATRIOTS LOOK GREAT.
IT'S AMAZING THAT IT
CAN BE SO RAINY HERE,
YET SO... BEAUTIFUL
AT THE STADIUM.
DO YOU THINK I SHOULD
GO TALK TO ASHLEY?
NO, NO.
I THINK SHE JUST NEEDS
A LITTLE TIME ALONE.
YEAH.
WHY? YOU THINK I
SHOULD TALK TO SHARON?
NO, SHE NEEDS TO COOL OFF.
HAPPY? HAPPY?
SEE HOW STUPID THIS LOOKS?
THAT IS REAL NICE...
MAKE FUN OF MY
FAMILY TRADITIONS.
I'M NOT MAKING FUN. I'M EXCITED.
LOOK HOW PRETTY I'LL LOOK
DOING THE CHICKEN DANCE!
YOU DON'T CATCH ME MAKING
FUN OF YOUR WEDDING PLANS.
OH, TRY, TRY... I DARE YOU.
OH, JOHNNY, I GOT A BUNCH.
OKAY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE HELL THAT IS,
BUT I'M NOT CHANGING.
ASHLEY... SWEETHEART,
IF YOU'RE STILL UPSET
ABOUT THE ART GALLERY...
I THINK WE SHOULD
PUT A CORK IN IT
ABOUT THE ART GALLERY,
BECAUSE I CAN'T GO ANYWAY
SINCE THEY DON'T ALLOW DOGS.
OKAY, AS LONG AS WE'RE
COOL ABOUT THE ART GALLERY.
AHA!
OH! PETE, THE
MOVIES... WE FORGOT.
THE MOVIES.
I HAVE BEEN STUCK DOWN
THERE IN THE COLD AND THE RAIN,
AND NO ONE SHOWS UP EXCEPT...
FOR EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE
IRENE, WHO, OF COURSE, IS MAD AT ME
BECAUSE I TOLD HER
I'D BE AT THE GAME...
WHICH IS ON TV!
IT'S A GREAT GAME, TOO.
SO IRENE AND I ARE SITTING
IN A SOLD-OUT THEATER
SAVING SIX SEATS,
AND I KEEP SAYING TO
HER, "IRENE, YOU'LL SEE.
MY FRIENDS ARE
COMING. THEY'RE COMING."
DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID I LOOKED?
HAVE YOU SEEN SHARON?
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS FORGOT.
YOU'RE A BUNCH OF INSENSITIVE,
SELF-CENTERED JERKS.
WHERE'S IRENE? I DITCHED HER.
AS LONG AS WE'RE
GONNA WATCH THE GAME,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THESE.
BIG FOAM FINGERS?
NO, I DON'T HAVE
BIG FOAM FINGERS.
I HAVE TICKETS.
HERE'S YOURS... HERE'S YOURS...
HERE'S YOURS AND YOURS.
THERE YOU GO.
I'M GETTING A BEER.
HEY, EVERYBODY, SHARON'S
GOING TO THE KITCHEN!
RELEASE THE DOVES!
WAIT, MILADY, WAIT...
YOUR PATHWAY OF PINK
AND YELLOW ROSE PETALS.
HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN ARGUING?
UH, THEY STARTED A
COUPLE MINUTES AFTER US.
UNH-UNH. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I AM NOT GONNA SIT AROUND
HERE AND WATCH YOU GUYS FIGHT.
I'M GOING TO GET
SOMETHING TO EAT.
I COULD EAT. I'M STARVING.
ME TOO. WHAT THE
HELL? IT'S ON PETE.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH
YOU IF YOU CONTINUE TO BICKER,
SO IF YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME,
YOU'RE ALL JUST GONNA
HAVE TO GET ALONG.
YEAH.
WELL, WE'VE ALL
BEEN ACTING SILLY.
NOT ME.
SAID THE GIRL WEARING THE MONEY.
ALL RIGHT.
WHERE DO WE WANNA EAT?
ANYPLACE IS FINE BY ME.
HOW ABOUT ITALIAN?
I HAD THAT YESTERDAY.
I CAN'T HAVE THAT
TWO DAYS IN A ROW.
I HARDLY THINK BEEFARONI
QUALIFIES AS ITALIAN.
HOW ABOUT DELI? TOO FATTY.
INDIAN? TOO SPICY.
SUSHI. TOO RAW.
STOP IT!
JUST... STOP.
ALL RIGHT. UM...
HOW ABOUT CHINESE?
WE ALL LIKE CHINESE.
THEY SERVE PORK.
I CAN'T STAND PORK.
I CAN'T HAVE IT
ANYWHERE ON THE TABLE.
RIGHT. I FORGOT... THEY
DON'T EAT THEIR OWN.
EXCUSE ME?
NOTHING. ALL RIGHT...
WHY DON'T WE JUST GET CHINESE,
AND NOBODY ORDERS PORK?
SOUNDS GOOD.
SEE? SEE? HOW HARD WAS THAT?
YOU SEE HOW EASY THINGS ARE
WHEN EVERYBODY SHOWS
A LITTLE CONSIDERATION?
PETE?
IRENE?
UH-HUH.
UM, WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR POPCORN?
HEY, IRENE, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WAS JUST COMING TO GET YOU.
WE'RE GONNA GO OUT
FOR CHINESE FOOD.
WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH US?
OKAY, WHERE'S THE JOKE?
BECAUSE IF THERE'S A
JOKE AT THE END OF THIS,
IT'S NOT A JOKE. IT'S A MEANIE.
NO. NO, NO. NO JOKE.
WE'RE GOING TO RED
DRAGON. IT'LL BE FUN.
OKAY.
THEN I'LL GO FEED MY
CATS AND MEET YOU THERE.
OKAY. RED DRAGON...
HALF AN HOUR.
DID YOU JUST SAY RED DRAGON?
'CAUSE I DON'T FEEL
LIKE CHINESE FOOD.
THIS IS AN AMAZING GAME.
LOOK AT ALL THE SINGLE
GUYS THAT GOT TO GO.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY...
AT LEAST WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY.
HA HA HA!
PIZZA'S HERE.
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YA?
$15. OKAY. PETE?
I AM STARVING.
THERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.
DELI. DELI.
THERE YOU GO.
UH, WHO HAD THE PASTA?
PASTA.
WHO ORDERED CHINESE?
OH, I DID!
WHAT?
I SAID I DIDN'T WANT IT THEN.
DOES ANYBODY HAVE A $5?
THAT'S A LOAN.
WHAT'S THAT?
POT STICKER.
WHAT KIND?
PORK. YOU WANT SOME?
AAAAAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
YOU'RE EATING!
YOU'RE EATING FOOD!
I-IRENE, I CAN EXPLAIN.
I JUST SPENT THE LAST
HOUR SAVING A TABLE
IN A CROWDED CHINESE RESTAURANT.
I DRANK THREE POTS OF TEA,
BUT I WAS AFRAID TO GET
UP, GO TO THE BATHROOM,
FOR FEAR I'D LOSE THE TABLE!
DO YOU WANNA USE OUR BATHROOM?
MY THERAPIST WAS RIGHT...
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.
YOU ARE A SELFISH, SPOILED FLAKE
WHO DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT ANYONE ELSE!
NO, NO, NO!
THAT'S THESE GUYS!
PETE, WE'RE SO SORRY...
NO, NO, NO! NO TALKING.
I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING.
YOU KNOW, YOU'VE ALL BEEN
ACTING LIKE CHILDREN ALL DAY,
AND NOW SOMEBODY GOT HURT.
I WANT YOU TO THINK
VERY HARD ABOUT THAT.
HE SURE YAPS AWAY FOR A GUY
THAT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE TALKING.
PETE, WE'LL BE GOOD.
WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?
HUH?
YOU KNOW, I WAS REALLY
EXCITED ABOUT TODAY.
I GOT A BRAND-NEW JOB,
AND I WANTED TO TREAT US ALL
TO SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL.
AND I KEPT THINKING,
"WHY DON'T WE DO
THIS MORE OFTEN?"
YOU KNOW WHAT?
NOW I KNOW.
JUST DO ME A FAVOR.
JUST SIT HERE AND EAT
YOUR MEALS IN SILENCE.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE,
WE'RE TRAPPED IN
A ROOM WITH PORK!
IT'S JUST CHINESE FOOD!
FOOD WE COULD HAVE BEEN
EATING IN A RESTAURANT.
HEY, CAREFUL HOW
YOU TALK TO MY FIANCéE.
YEAH, OR HE WON'T INVITE
YOU TO THE HOEDOWN...
I MEAN WEDDING.
NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED
IF YOU HADN'T FORCED ME
TO GO TO A FOOTBALL GAME.
WHAT'S THAT, ASHLEY?
"THANK YOU, PETE,
FOR YOUR KINDNESS.
THANK YOU FOR DINNER."
MINE'S COLD.
PETE, WE'RE SICK OF YOU
RUBBING IT IN OUR FACE...
"OOH, LOOK HOW RICH I AM!
I CAN TAKE ALL MY FRIENDS
TO A FOOTBALL GAME!"
A LOT YOU GUYS KNOW.
THOSE TICKETS WERE FREE.
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
SOME GUY GAVE
THEM TO ME AT WORK.
OH, WAIT... WHAT?
I'M THE BAD GUY NOW?
GREAT RELAXING
SUNDAY, BERG. I'M LEAVING.
FINE. FINE. WALK OUT BECAUSE
I WANT TO SPEND THE DAY
WITH MY FRIENDS.
YEAH, YOUR FRIENDS.
WE HAVE TO SPEND ALL
DAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
THEY'RE YOURS, TOO! SINCE WHEN?
WE'RE NOT YOUR FRIENDS?
OH, COME ON, LET'S FACE IT.
I'M JUST THE FRIEND-IN-LAW.
I MEAN,
I WOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE IF I
WEREN'T ATTACHED TO BERG.
IS THAT THE WAY YOU REALLY FEEL?
NO, THAT IS THE WAY YOU FEEL.
IT'S THE WAY ALL OF YOU FEEL.
NOBODY EVER ASKS
ME WHAT I WANT TO DO,
AND PETE COMPARES ME TO SWINE.
AND, SHARON, YOU'RE...
YOU'RE ALWAYS COMPETING
WITH THE WAY I DRESS.
ASHLEY, HAVE YOU EVER
HAD FRIENDS BEFORE?
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO.
WELL, TODAY DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE FRIENDSHIP.
YEAH, LIKE YOU HAVE
A POINT OF REFERENCE.
WHAT?
THIS IS WHAT FRIENDS DO.
YOU GUYS MIGHT HAVE A
DIFFICULT TIME BELIEVING THIS,
BUT I HAVE A HARD TIME
GETTING CLOSE TO PEOPLE.
WELL... WE'RE GETTING CLOSE.
WELL, THANKS, GUYS... I THINK.
SO, WE OKAY?
NO.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, SHARON, IN
THE SPIRIT OF FORGIVENESS,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
DO THE MONEY DANCE.
DAMN STRAIGHT I DON'T!
AND I DON'T HAVE TO RIDE
IN A HORSE-DRAWN
CARRIAGE, RIGHT?
BABY, I THOUGHT
WE WERE MAKING UP.
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO
BE MY WEDDING, TOO.
WELL, IF YOU WANTED INPUT,
YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING
BEFORE I STARTED MAKING PLANS.
YOU WERE 6!
YOU TOLD ME YOU
DIDN'T WANT ME TO.
I DON'T ACTUALLY
WANT YOU TO HELP,
BUT I WANT YOU TO WANT TO.
I DO WANT TO!
Y... THANK YOU.
THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO HEAR.
NOW STAY OUT OF IT.
WHO'S TO SAY THAT THIS
DAY IS A TOTAL WRITE-OFF?
I BET IF WE HURRY WE CAN
STILL MAKE A LATE MOVIE.
YEAH. FINALLY, WE'RE
GETTING OUT OF HERE.
MY TREAT!
A-ARE YOU WEARING THAT?
YEAH.
I-I-I'M GONNA CHANGE.
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS GONNA WORK?
I DO IT ALL THE TIME...
BUY HALF-PRICE
TICKETS DURING THE DAY
FOR FULL-PRICE
SHOWINGS AT NIGHT.
HE TREATS ME LIKE SUCH A QUEEN.
NICE TRY, LADY. THIS
IS A MATINEE TICKET.
BERG!
PETE, I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
I'LL GO BUY MORE TICKETS.
HI. UM, FIVE, PLE...
READY FOR SOME FUN?
GEE, I'D LOVE TO, BUT I'M
GOING TO A FOOTBALL GAME.
IF YOU'VE NEVER BEEN TO
A FOOTBALL GAME BEFORE,
THEN HOW DO YOU
KNOW YOU WON'T LIKE IT?
WELL, THAT'S A GOOD
ARGUMENT, BERG.
AND WHEN MY MOTHER USED IT,
I VOMITED BROCCOLI ON HER LAP.
Pete: ALL RIGHT,
I JUST WANT TO REMIND YOU GUYS
THAT EVERYTHING
IS ON ME... MY TREAT.
THEN CAN I GET A FOAM
FINGER AND A LEATHER JACKET?
HEY, GUYS!
ALL READY FOR THE GAME?
OH, YES.
I JUST WANT TO REMIND
YOU THAT TODAY IS MY TREAT.
YOUR MONEY IS NO GOOD WITH ME.
YOU DON'T HAVE TO PAY FOR US.
NOW, NOW, SINCE PETE
HAS GENEROUSLY OFFERED
TO PAY FOR THE GAME WITH
THE MONEY THAT HE EARNED
FROM THE JOB THAT
HE STOLE FROM ME,
I SAY, "LET'S BLEED
THE SUCKER DRY."
I'm getting a foam finger.
ASHLEY, YOU LOOK REALLY CUTE!
THANKS.
WHAT?
WELL, USUALLY WHEN ONE
GIRL TELLS ANOTHER GIRL
THAT SHE LOOKS CUTE,
THE OTHER GIRL THEN
SAYS, "SO DO YOU."
ALL THE TIME?
YES.
BUT YOU'RE DRESSED LIKE A BOY.
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS TO CHANGE.
SO, WHAT'S WITH SHARON?
SHE'S BEEN A LITTLE ON EDGE
WITH THE WEDDING PLANS.
OH, HOW'S THAT GOING?
I DON'T KNOW. SHARON'S
HANDLING THE ARRANGEMENTS.
SHE'S BEEN PLANNING
THIS SINCE SHE WAS 6.
CAN WE STOP TALKING
ABOUT THE WEDDING?
TODAY IS NOT ABOUT A WEDDING.
TODAY IS ABOUT FOOTBALL...
IT'S ABOUT ME
TREATING YOU FOOTBALL.
IT'S TOO BAD YOU'RE NOT
GETTING MARRIED TODAY,
'CAUSE PETE WOULD PAY FOR IT.
THIS IS IMPORTANT TO ME.
I'M MAKING GOOD MONEY NOW.
MONEY ISN'T EVERYTHING.
THAT'S WHAT PEOPLE WHO
DON'T MAKE MONEY SAY.
OKAY. READY.
WOW, SHARON, I HAVE TO SAY,
THAT'S A REALLY CUTE OUTFIT.
OH. WHY, THANK YOU, ASHLEY.
OKAY, I'M CHANGING.
NO! COME ON! COME ON!
HI, PETE.
HI, IRENE.
G-GOSH... GOSH, I-I
HAVEN'T SEEN YOU SINCE...
VALENTINE'S DAY,
WHEN YOU HUMILIATED
ME AND DUMPED ME.
VALENTINE'S DAY...
LOOK, I'M REALLY SORRY.
OH, DON'T BE A STUPID. YOU
DON'T HAVE TO APOLOGIZE.
I'VE DONE A LOT OF
REFLECTING SINCE THEN,
AND I REALIZE THAT I
WAS JUST A BIG BUGABOO.
WELL, HERE.
I MADE YOU THIS AT THE HOSPITAL.
YOU WERE AT THE HOSPITAL?
DID I SAY "HOSPITAL"?
WHERE'S MY HEAD? I
MEANT "CERAMICS CLASS."
HEY, LOOK, GUYS.
I CAN PUT MY MARBLES IN HERE
TO KEEP FROM LOSING THEM.
NO, SEE, IT'S A
FORGIVENESS BOWL.
SEE, WHENEVER YOU'RE
ANGRY AT SOMEONE,
YOU PUT ALL YOUR ANGRY IN IT.
YOU JUST PUT IT IN
THERE... ALL OF IT...
ALL THE HATE AND THE BILE
AND THE BLOOD-RED
SCREAMS FROM THE NIGHT!
BAD VOICES, BAD VOICES, GO AWAY!
W-WELL, THANK YOU, IRENE.
I-I WILL CHERISH
THIS BOWL ALWAYS.
THANK YOU, PETE.
FRIENDS?
FRIENDS.
AND I'M SORRY I WAS SO CLINGY.
YOU WEREN'T THAT CLINGY.
I WASN'T?
WANNA HANG OUT TODAY?
UH, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'D LOVE TO. I WOULD.
BUT WE'RE ALL GOING
TO THE FOOTBALL GAME.
OH, HI, BERG!
HI, IRENE.
WELL, SOME OTHER TIME, I GUESS.
SEE YA LATER, WOMAN-HATER.
OH... ALLIGATOR.
SHE'S BA-A-CK!
FORGET HER. WHO'S
UP FOR FOOTBALL?
HEY, YOU GUYS, IT LOOKS
LIKE IT'S GONNA RAIN.
OKEY-DOKEY. I'M READY TO GO.
WHOA. YOU CAN'T GO
DRESSED LIKE THAT.
WHY NOT?
'CAUSE IT'S COLD...
AND IF YOU WEAR THAT,
EVERYONE WILL KNOW IT.
COME ON.
NO ONE'S EVEN GONNA
NOTICE WHAT I'M WEARING.
RIGHT?
HMM?
I'M GOING UPSTAIRS.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
NO, COME ON, SHARON.
THE GAME'S STARTING.
IT'S REALLY STARTING TO POUR.
I PAID FOR THESE TICKETS.
DON'T THEY GIVE YOUR MONEY
BACK WHEN THE GAME'S RAINED OUT?
THEY DON'T CANCEL FOR RAIN.
THEY CANCEL BASEBALL
FOR RAIN. NOT FOOTBALL.
THEY CANCEL TENNIS
FOR RAIN. NOT FOOTBALL.
IT'S FLU SEASON. THEY DON'T...
CANCEL... FOOTBALL
GAMES... FOR RAIN!
I'M NOT SITTING IN THE
RAIN FOR THREE HOURS.
ME EITHER.
THIS TOP GETS
SEE-THROUGH WHEN IT'S WET.
APPARENTLY THE
SALESGIRL WARNED HER
AT HOOKERS DRESS FOR LESS.
FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?
JUST US GUYS WILL GO.
Sharon: JOHNNY!
PETE, LOOKS LIKE I WON'T
MAKE IT TO THE GAME.
I ALREADY HAVE THE TICKETS.
YOU COULD BUY US
TICKETS TO SOMETHING ELSE.
HOW ABOUT AN ART GALLERY?
HEY, HEY! WHO'S UP
FOR AN ART GALLERY?
NO, SERIOUSLY, GUYS... I
THINK THEY'RE SHOWING
THE WORKS OF "BORIS TUTEERS."
HOW ABOUT A MOVIE?
BUT I'M PAYING.
OH, MY GOD! ALL
RIGHT. OFF COURSE.
HERE, PETE, YOU CHOOSE A MOVIE.
ALL RIGHT. UH... HOW
ABOUT THAT ONE?
SEEN IT.
HOW ABOUT THIS ONE? CHICK FLICK.
I DON'T WANNA GO TO THE MOVIES.
I WANNA SPEND THE DAY ALONE.
BUT IT'S MY ONE DAY OFF.
CAN'T I SPEND IT WITH FRIENDS?
I THOUGHT YOU'D WANT TO
SPEND YOUR DAY OFF WITH ME.
I'M WITH YOU ALL THE TIME.
JEEZ!
HOW MUCH DO YOU
THINK I CAN TAKE?
WHAT'S THAT SUPPOSED TO MEAN?
IT MEANS THAT I WANNA
SEE HOW MUCH I CAN TAKE.
'CAUSE I NEVER
SEEM TO GET ENOUGH.
I WOULDN'T COUNT ON GETTING
ANY MORE FOR A LONG TIME.
NO, NO, NO, NO, I'M SORRY.
THAT CAME OUT ALL WRONG.
WHAT I MEANT TO SAY WAS,
SHARON LOOKS LIKE A HOOKER.
LET'S JUST SEE THE MOVIE
THAT'S PLAYING AT THE BEACON.
IT STARTS IN 20
MINUTES, SO LET'S GO.
PLEASE?
OKAY, BUT I HAVE TO CHANGE.
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
THIS IS A FOOTBALL
OUTFIT, NOT A MOVIE OUTFIT.
MAN, IS SHE EVER OBSESSED.
I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.
COME ON!
GUYS, WE'RE GONNA MISS THE FILM.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT.
RUN AHEAD, GET THE
TICKETS, AND WE'LL MEET YOU.
WHY DIDN'T I THINK OF THAT?
I MEAN, YOU'RE LETTING
ME PAY FOR EVERYTHING.
THE LEAST I CAN DO
IS SAVE YOUR SEATS.
HEY... GODSPEED.
EVERYTHING OKAY
WITH YOU AND ASHLEY?
YEAH, I THINK SO.
I GOTTA HAND IT
TO YOU, THOUGH...
LETTING SHARON PLAN
THE WHOLE WEDDING...
YOU'RE A BIGGER MAN THAN I.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
AREN'T YOU AT ALL CURIOUS
ABOUT WHAT SHE'S PLANNING?
YOU GUYS DON'T EXACTLY
HAVE THE SAME TASTES.
REMEMBER WHEN SHE
HAD YOU TIE THE SWEATER
AROUND YOUR SHOULDERS?
PETE AND I STILL
LAUGH ABOUT THAT.
OKAY, LET'S GO. WE
GOTTA WAIT FOR SHARON.
OKAY, I'M READY.
HEY, HONEY...
MAYBE WE SHOULD
DISCUSS THE WEDDING PLANS.
NO, NO, NO. IT'S JUST
GONNA BORE EVERYBODY.
I'D LIKE TO KNOW.
OKAY, WELL, IT'S GONNA BE
A VERY SIMPLE CEREMONY.
WE'LL ARRIVE AT THE CHURCH
IN YOUR STANDARD
HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGE.
THEN, AS THE
CATHEDRAL DOORS OPEN,
THREE HARPISTS WILL
BE PLAYING "AVE MARIA"
AS I'M WALKING DOWN THE AISLE
WITH MY 20-FOOT TRAIN OF SATIN,
WHICH IS TRAILING
ACROSS THE CARPET
OF YELLOW AND PINK ROSE PETALS.
YOU KNOW... VOW
STUFF, PICTURE, PICTURE...
SHARON... AM I THERE?
I DON'T REMEMBER YOU...
I DON'T RECALL
YOU MENTIONING ME.
OH, GOD, I'M SORRY!
OF COURSE YOU'RE THERE, BABY.
YOU'RE THE ONE
SIGNALING THE GUESTS
TO RELEASE THE 200
WHITE TURTLEDOVES.
HEY, BRING AN UMBRELLA.
PRETTY AMAZING, HUH?
HONEY, I DON'T THINK MY
FAMILY'S GONNA UNDERSTAND.
WE HAVE SOME TRADITIONS
THAT WE LIKE TO DO, TOO.
OH? LIKE WHAT?
UM... WELL, LIKE
THE MONEY DANCE.
THE... MONEY DANCE?
ALL THE GUYS TAKE
TURNS DANCING WITH YOU,
AND THEN THEY EACH PIN
A DOLLAR TO YOUR DRESS.
STRANGERS ARE
GOING TO BE PINNING
DIRTY DOLLAR BILLS
TO MY WEDDING DRESS?
THERE'S BOUND TO BE A
COUPLE OF 5s IN THERE.
HA HA. AND THEN WHAT HAPPENS?
THEN YOU WALK AROUND ALL NIGHT
WITH CURRENCY PINNED TO YOU.
WHAT A LOVELY BRIDE YOU'LL BE.
I REALLY DON'T THINK
WE SHOULD GET INVOLVED IN THIS.
WHY NOT? DON'T WE DO
EVERYTHING WITH YOUR FRIENDS?
WOULD YOU LET UP?
YOU'RE LIKE A DOG WITH A BONE.
DID... DID YOU JUST
CALL ME A DOG?
I THINK THAT MONEY
DANCE SOUNDS STUPID!
WHAT'S STUPID IS A
HORSE-DRAWN CARRIAGE.
DON'T YOU THINK THE HORSE MANURE
IS GONNA GET ALL TANGLED
IN THE STRING OF CANS?
I WILL NO SOONER DO THE
MONEY DANCE AT MY WEDDING
THAN I WILL THE CHICKEN DANCE!
NO CHICKEN DANCE?! WHAT
KIND OF WEDDING IS THIS?
PETE?
IRENE!
ENJOYING THE "FOOTBALL GAME"?
IT'S HALF TIME, SO...
MAN, THIS IS A GOOD GAME.
YEAH, THE PATRIOTS LOOK GREAT.
IT'S AMAZING THAT IT
CAN BE SO RAINY HERE,
YET SO... BEAUTIFUL
AT THE STADIUM.
DO YOU THINK I SHOULD
GO TALK TO ASHLEY?
NO, NO.
I THINK SHE JUST NEEDS
A LITTLE TIME ALONE.
YEAH.
WHY? YOU THINK I
SHOULD TALK TO SHARON?
NO, SHE NEEDS TO COOL OFF.
HAPPY? HAPPY?
SEE HOW STUPID THIS LOOKS?
THAT IS REAL NICE...
MAKE FUN OF MY
FAMILY TRADITIONS.
I'M NOT MAKING FUN. I'M EXCITED.
LOOK HOW PRETTY I'LL LOOK
DOING THE CHICKEN DANCE!
YOU DON'T CATCH ME MAKING
FUN OF YOUR WEDDING PLANS.
OH, TRY, TRY... I DARE YOU.
OH, JOHNNY, I GOT A BUNCH.
OKAY, I DON'T KNOW
WHAT THE HELL THAT IS,
BUT I'M NOT CHANGING.
ASHLEY... SWEETHEART,
IF YOU'RE STILL UPSET
ABOUT THE ART GALLERY...
I THINK WE SHOULD
PUT A CORK IN IT
ABOUT THE ART GALLERY,
BECAUSE I CAN'T GO ANYWAY
SINCE THEY DON'T ALLOW DOGS.
OKAY, AS LONG AS WE'RE
COOL ABOUT THE ART GALLERY.
AHA!
OH! PETE, THE
MOVIES... WE FORGOT.
THE MOVIES.
I HAVE BEEN STUCK DOWN
THERE IN THE COLD AND THE RAIN,
AND NO ONE SHOWS UP EXCEPT...
FOR EMOTIONALLY UNSTABLE
IRENE, WHO, OF COURSE, IS MAD AT ME
BECAUSE I TOLD HER
I'D BE AT THE GAME...
WHICH IS ON TV!
IT'S A GREAT GAME, TOO.
SO IRENE AND I ARE SITTING
IN A SOLD-OUT THEATER
SAVING SIX SEATS,
AND I KEEP SAYING TO
HER, "IRENE, YOU'LL SEE.
MY FRIENDS ARE
COMING. THEY'RE COMING."
DO YOU KNOW HOW STUPID I LOOKED?
HAVE YOU SEEN SHARON?
I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU GUYS FORGOT.
YOU'RE A BUNCH OF INSENSITIVE,
SELF-CENTERED JERKS.
WHERE'S IRENE? I DITCHED HER.
AS LONG AS WE'RE
GONNA WATCH THE GAME,
YOU MIGHT AS WELL HAVE THESE.
BIG FOAM FINGERS?
NO, I DON'T HAVE
BIG FOAM FINGERS.
I HAVE TICKETS.
HERE'S YOURS... HERE'S YOURS...
HERE'S YOURS AND YOURS.
THERE YOU GO.
I'M GETTING A BEER.
HEY, EVERYBODY, SHARON'S
GOING TO THE KITCHEN!
RELEASE THE DOVES!
WAIT, MILADY, WAIT...
YOUR PATHWAY OF PINK
AND YELLOW ROSE PETALS.
HOW LONG HAVE THEY BEEN ARGUING?
UH, THEY STARTED A
COUPLE MINUTES AFTER US.
UNH-UNH. NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I AM NOT GONNA SIT AROUND
HERE AND WATCH YOU GUYS FIGHT.
I'M GOING TO GET
SOMETHING TO EAT.
I COULD EAT. I'M STARVING.
ME TOO. WHAT THE
HELL? IT'S ON PETE.
I'M NOT GOING ANYWHERE WITH
YOU IF YOU CONTINUE TO BICKER,
SO IF YOU WANT TO COME WITH ME,
YOU'RE ALL JUST GONNA
HAVE TO GET ALONG.
YEAH.
WELL, WE'VE ALL
BEEN ACTING SILLY.
NOT ME.
SAID THE GIRL WEARING THE MONEY.
ALL RIGHT.
WHERE DO WE WANNA EAT?
ANYPLACE IS FINE BY ME.
HOW ABOUT ITALIAN?
I HAD THAT YESTERDAY.
I CAN'T HAVE THAT
TWO DAYS IN A ROW.
I HARDLY THINK BEEFARONI
QUALIFIES AS ITALIAN.
HOW ABOUT DELI? TOO FATTY.
INDIAN? TOO SPICY.
SUSHI. TOO RAW.
STOP IT!
JUST... STOP.
ALL RIGHT. UM...
HOW ABOUT CHINESE?
WE ALL LIKE CHINESE.
THEY SERVE PORK.
I CAN'T STAND PORK.
I CAN'T HAVE IT
ANYWHERE ON THE TABLE.
RIGHT. I FORGOT... THEY
DON'T EAT THEIR OWN.
EXCUSE ME?
NOTHING. ALL RIGHT...
WHY DON'T WE JUST GET CHINESE,
AND NOBODY ORDERS PORK?
SOUNDS GOOD.
SEE? SEE? HOW HARD WAS THAT?
YOU SEE HOW EASY THINGS ARE
WHEN EVERYBODY SHOWS
A LITTLE CONSIDERATION?
PETE?
IRENE?
UH-HUH.
UM, WOULD YOU LIKE YOUR POPCORN?
HEY, IRENE, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I WAS JUST COMING TO GET YOU.
WE'RE GONNA GO OUT
FOR CHINESE FOOD.
WHY DON'T YOU COME WITH US?
OKAY, WHERE'S THE JOKE?
BECAUSE IF THERE'S A
JOKE AT THE END OF THIS,
IT'S NOT A JOKE. IT'S A MEANIE.
NO. NO, NO. NO JOKE.
WE'RE GOING TO RED
DRAGON. IT'LL BE FUN.
OKAY.
THEN I'LL GO FEED MY
CATS AND MEET YOU THERE.
OKAY. RED DRAGON...
HALF AN HOUR.
DID YOU JUST SAY RED DRAGON?
'CAUSE I DON'T FEEL
LIKE CHINESE FOOD.
THIS IS AN AMAZING GAME.
LOOK AT ALL THE SINGLE
GUYS THAT GOT TO GO.
LOOK AT IT THIS WAY...
AT LEAST WE'RE NOT GETTING ANY.
HA HA HA!
PIZZA'S HERE.
HOW MUCH DO I OWE YA?
$15. OKAY. PETE?
I AM STARVING.
THERE YOU GO. THANK YOU.
DELI. DELI.
THERE YOU GO.
UH, WHO HAD THE PASTA?
PASTA.
WHO ORDERED CHINESE?
OH, I DID!
WHAT?
I SAID I DIDN'T WANT IT THEN.
DOES ANYBODY HAVE A $5?
THAT'S A LOAN.
WHAT'S THAT?
POT STICKER.
WHAT KIND?
PORK. YOU WANT SOME?
AAAAAH!
AAH! AAH! AAH!
YOU'RE EATING!
YOU'RE EATING FOOD!
I-IRENE, I CAN EXPLAIN.
I JUST SPENT THE LAST
HOUR SAVING A TABLE
IN A CROWDED CHINESE RESTAURANT.
I DRANK THREE POTS OF TEA,
BUT I WAS AFRAID TO GET
UP, GO TO THE BATHROOM,
FOR FEAR I'D LOSE THE TABLE!
DO YOU WANNA USE OUR BATHROOM?
MY THERAPIST WAS RIGHT...
EACH AND EVERY ONE OF THEM.
YOU ARE A SELFISH, SPOILED FLAKE
WHO DOESN'T CARE
ABOUT ANYONE ELSE!
NO, NO, NO!
THAT'S THESE GUYS!
PETE, WE'RE SO SORRY...
NO, NO, NO! NO TALKING.
I DON'T FEEL LIKE TALKING.
YOU KNOW, YOU'VE ALL BEEN
ACTING LIKE CHILDREN ALL DAY,
AND NOW SOMEBODY GOT HURT.
I WANT YOU TO THINK
VERY HARD ABOUT THAT.
HE SURE YAPS AWAY FOR A GUY
THAT DOESN'T FEEL LIKE TALKING.
PETE, WE'LL BE GOOD.
WHY SHOULD I BELIEVE YOU?
HUH?
YOU KNOW, I WAS REALLY
EXCITED ABOUT TODAY.
I GOT A BRAND-NEW JOB,
AND I WANTED TO TREAT US ALL
TO SOMETHING REALLY SPECIAL.
AND I KEPT THINKING,
"WHY DON'T WE DO
THIS MORE OFTEN?"
YOU KNOW WHAT?
NOW I KNOW.
JUST DO ME A FAVOR.
JUST SIT HERE AND EAT
YOUR MEALS IN SILENCE.
OH, FOR GOD'S SAKE,
WE'RE TRAPPED IN
A ROOM WITH PORK!
IT'S JUST CHINESE FOOD!
FOOD WE COULD HAVE BEEN
EATING IN A RESTAURANT.
HEY, CAREFUL HOW
YOU TALK TO MY FIANCéE.
YEAH, OR HE WON'T INVITE
YOU TO THE HOEDOWN...
I MEAN WEDDING.
NONE OF THIS WOULD HAVE HAPPENED
IF YOU HADN'T FORCED ME
TO GO TO A FOOTBALL GAME.
WHAT'S THAT, ASHLEY?
"THANK YOU, PETE,
FOR YOUR KINDNESS.
THANK YOU FOR DINNER."
MINE'S COLD.
PETE, WE'RE SICK OF YOU
RUBBING IT IN OUR FACE...
"OOH, LOOK HOW RICH I AM!
I CAN TAKE ALL MY FRIENDS
TO A FOOTBALL GAME!"
A LOT YOU GUYS KNOW.
THOSE TICKETS WERE FREE.
WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?
SOME GUY GAVE
THEM TO ME AT WORK.
OH, WAIT... WHAT?
I'M THE BAD GUY NOW?
GREAT RELAXING
SUNDAY, BERG. I'M LEAVING.
FINE. FINE. WALK OUT BECAUSE
I WANT TO SPEND THE DAY
WITH MY FRIENDS.
YEAH, YOUR FRIENDS.
WE HAVE TO SPEND ALL
DAY WITH YOUR FRIENDS.
THEY'RE YOURS, TOO! SINCE WHEN?
WE'RE NOT YOUR FRIENDS?
OH, COME ON, LET'S FACE IT.
I'M JUST THE FRIEND-IN-LAW.
I MEAN,
I WOULDN'T EVEN BE HERE IF I
WEREN'T ATTACHED TO BERG.
IS THAT THE WAY YOU REALLY FEEL?
NO, THAT IS THE WAY YOU FEEL.
IT'S THE WAY ALL OF YOU FEEL.
NOBODY EVER ASKS
ME WHAT I WANT TO DO,
AND PETE COMPARES ME TO SWINE.
AND, SHARON, YOU'RE...
YOU'RE ALWAYS COMPETING
WITH THE WAY I DRESS.
ASHLEY, HAVE YOU EVER
HAD FRIENDS BEFORE?
THAT'S WHAT FRIENDS DO.
WELL, TODAY DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE FRIENDSHIP.
YEAH, LIKE YOU HAVE
A POINT OF REFERENCE.
WHAT?
THIS IS WHAT FRIENDS DO.
YOU GUYS MIGHT HAVE A
DIFFICULT TIME BELIEVING THIS,
BUT I HAVE A HARD TIME
GETTING CLOSE TO PEOPLE.
WELL... WE'RE GETTING CLOSE.
WELL, THANKS, GUYS... I THINK.
SO, WE OKAY?
NO.
OKAY.
YOU KNOW, SHARON, IN
THE SPIRIT OF FORGIVENESS,
YOU DON'T HAVE TO
DO THE MONEY DANCE.
DAMN STRAIGHT I DON'T!
AND I DON'T HAVE TO RIDE
IN A HORSE-DRAWN
CARRIAGE, RIGHT?
BABY, I THOUGHT
WE WERE MAKING UP.
THIS IS SUPPOSED TO
BE MY WEDDING, TOO.
WELL, IF YOU WANTED INPUT,
YOU SHOULD HAVE SAID SOMETHING
BEFORE I STARTED MAKING PLANS.
YOU WERE 6!
YOU TOLD ME YOU
DIDN'T WANT ME TO.
I DON'T ACTUALLY
WANT YOU TO HELP,
BUT I WANT YOU TO WANT TO.
I DO WANT TO!
Y... THANK YOU.
THAT'S ALL I WANTED TO HEAR.
NOW STAY OUT OF IT.
WHO'S TO SAY THAT THIS
DAY IS A TOTAL WRITE-OFF?
I BET IF WE HURRY WE CAN
STILL MAKE A LATE MOVIE.
YEAH. FINALLY, WE'RE
GETTING OUT OF HERE.
MY TREAT!
A-ARE YOU WEARING THAT?
YEAH.
I-I-I'M GONNA CHANGE.
ARE YOU SURE THIS IS GONNA WORK?
I DO IT ALL THE TIME...
BUY HALF-PRICE
TICKETS DURING THE DAY
FOR FULL-PRICE
SHOWINGS AT NIGHT.
HE TREATS ME LIKE SUCH A QUEEN.
NICE TRY, LADY. THIS
IS A MATINEE TICKET.
BERG!
PETE, I'M SO EMBARRASSED.
I'LL GO BUY MORE TICKETS.
HI. UM, FIVE, PLE...