Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 3, Episode 24 - El Matrimonio Loco - full transcript
Pete and Berg are still fighting, and Pete and Marti are definitely going out together. Irene sees Pete and Marti kissing and she hyperventilates. She deludes herself that Marti must have been a hooker. Sharon had cancelled the wedding bookings and they were unable to make the bookings again after they reconciled. They decide to have a fast wedding, which Irene promised to organise for the next day. They have the wedding the next day. Robert Goulet is the wedding celebrant and the music is provided by a Mexican mariachi band. At the last minute, Sharon once again has doubts but there is a happy ending.
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY 20th
CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
WHAT?
JOHNNY, I TOLD YOU
TO STOP BOTHERING ME!
NO, IT'S ME... BERG.
WHAT?
HE MADE ME DO IT. HE... AAH!
I AM SO SORRY.
LOOK, HONEY, NO, LOOK,
I AM LOST WITHOUT YOU.
I MEAN, NOT LITERALLY LOST.
THIS IS THE BASEMENT...
I KNOW THAT.
FORGET IT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S JUST GET MARRIED...
JUST LIKE WE PLANNED.
JOHN, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
BADLY YOU HURT ME LAST NIGHT.
I DON'T THINK I CAN EVER
FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.
IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY
SLUGGED ME IN THE GUT.
BABY, I KNOW I MADE
A HUGE MISTAKE.
I KNOW THAT I WAS WRONG.
IF I COULD DO ANYTHING
TO MAKE YOUR HURT MY OWN,
I WOULD.
OY!
SEE? IT FELT LIKE
THAT ALL NIGHT LONG!
WELL, I'M GLAD IT
DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
SOMEONE KICKED YOU IN THE GROIN.
I-I'M SORRY. I AM SO SORRY.
I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME BACK.
YEAH, I AM, TOO.
JUST SORRY I ATE FIRST.
WHERE'S YOUR IDIOT ROOMMATE?
THE VILLAGE RECALLED HIM.
HE TOLD NOMAR
THAT YOU AND I ESCAPED
TO ALBANY FOR THE WEEKEND.
NOMAR'S GOING TO THINK
WE'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR.
PLEASE! LIKE NOMAR DOESN'T
GET CHICKS ON THE ROAD.
Ashley: THERE YOU ARE!
THANKS FOR TELLING NOMAR
I WAS WITH MY EX-BOYFRIEND!
I DIDN'T SAY THAT!
I SAID "FORMER LOVER."
PETE, HOW RUDE!
YOU DIDN'T INTRODUCE
ME TO YOUR DATE.
HI, I'M ASHLEY.
HI, I'M MARTI.
OH, AND, PETE,
I KNOW THEY MAKE
YOU FEEL CONFIDENT,
BUT I NEED MY BRA
AND PANTIES BACK.
YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER?
THAT... THAT IS GREAT!
BERG, EVERYTHING I
HAVE TO SAY TO YOU,
I COULD SAY WITH ONE FINGER.
LET'S GO.
NO. PETE, LISTEN, YOU
NEED TO TALK TO HIM, OKAY?
I CAN'T STAND YOU GUYS
NOT BEING FRIENDS
BECAUSE OF ME...
AS FLATTERING AS THAT IS.
I'LL WAIT OUTSIDE.
WHAT?
I GOT YOU A LITTLE GIFT.
YOU THINK I'M GOING
TO FORGET EVERYTHING
BECAUSE YOU GOT
ME A LITTLE GIFT?
WHO LOVES CHOCOLATE?
KEEP TALKING.
I DID A LOT OF
THINKING IN ALBANY,
AND I REALIZED... THAT
I SCREWED UP, OKAY?
MY LIFE SUCKS LATELY,
AND I'M TAKING IT OUT
ON THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.
IT WAS WRONG, AND I REALLY
WANT YOU TO FORGIVE ME.
WELL... YOUR LIFE
DOES REALLY SUCK.
HE LOVES ME AGAIN.
NO. HE DOES.
NO. NO. YEAH. HE DOES.
NO, NO! HE DOES.
COME ON!
I DIDN'T LIKE YOU DOING THIS
WHEN WE WERE GETTING ALONG!
GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE.
HEY, THESE MUST BE GOOD.
THERE'S A FAT LADY ON THE FRONT.
BERG, H-HALF THE
CHOCOLATES ARE EATEN.
YEAH, I KNOW.
THAT IS HALF THE
CALORIES OF A FULL BOX.
YOU... YOU ATE HALF
OF MY CHOCOLATES?
THIS IS SO TYPICAL, BERG!
YOU'RE ONLY
THINKING OF YOURSELF!
LOOK, WHAT... WHAT
IS THE BIG DEAL?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.
AT LEAST I MADE
THE FIRST GESTURE.
WHAT A LOUSY GESTURE!
WHY DO I KEEP BELIEVING YOU?
WHY DO I THINK THERE'S
MORE TO YOU THAN HAIR GEL?
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU
DON'T WANT TO LET THIS GO.
YOU JUST WANT TO KEEP
HOLDING IT OVER MY HEAD
BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU
FEEL BETTER THAN ME.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M WRONG.
AND I HOPE THAT
THIS... SHOWS YOU...
HOW... SORRY... I... AM...
YOU INSENSITIVE LITTLE... TWIT!
BIGGER MEN THAN YOU
HAVE THROWN CANDY AT ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHEN I GO TO FIREMAN'S
TRAINING, I'M NOT COMING BACK!
OH! OH! OH! YOU'RE MOVING OUT?
YEAH! I CONSIDER THIS OUR
LAST NIGHT AS ROOMMATES!
YOU'RE LUCKY, BECAUSE
OTHERWISE, I'D KICK YOUR ASS!
OH, YEAH? LET'S GO RIGHT NOW!
I SAID IF YOU
WEREN'T MOVING OUT.
HEY. HOW'D IT GO?
I THINK I HIT HIM IN THE EYE
WITH A CHOCOLATE TURTLE.
OH, COME HERE, BABY.
AAH!
IRENE! ARE YOU OKAY?
DO YOU HAVE ASTHMA?
NO, WAIT, MARTI!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
L-LET ME HANDLE THIS.
I'LL MEET YOU OUTSIDE.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, IRENE,
IRENE, CALM DOWN.
PLEASE... TELL ME...
THAT WAS YOUR SISTER.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WOULD
MAKE THE SITUATION BETTER,
BUT... IT'S NOT.
LOOK, IRENE, THAT WAS MY DATE,
AND YOU REALLY NEED TO FIND
A WAY TO BE OKAY WITH THIS.
IT'S OKAY. I'M OKAY.
YOU SURE?
I'LL BE FINE, REALLY.
ALL RIGHT. THEN I'LL...
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, SEE YA.
TURNS OUT PETE LIKES UGLY GIRLS.
BUT SHE JUST CANCELED
YOU GUYS YESTERDAY.
HOW COULD YOU
ALREADY BE REBOOKED?
WELL, COULDN'T HE GET
BURIED ANOTHER DAY?
I-I'M SORRY!
JEEZ, YOU'D THINK I KILLED HIM!
GREAT! NO CHURCH!
THAT'LL GO GREAT
WITH NO BANQUET HALL
AND NO FOOD.
YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?
THIS IS A SIGN.
WE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE
A BIG, PLANNED WEDDING.
LET'S GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW.
BABY, I DON'T THINK
NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T THINK.
THAT'S WHEN WE ALWAYS
GET INTO TROUBLE.
THINKING'S BAD.
DON'T YOU THINK... NN-NN-NN, ZH!
THINKING, TALKING,
COMMUNICATING...
WE'RE NOT GOOD AT THAT.
LET'S JUST GRAB THE RINGS,
GO SEE A JUSTICE OF THE PEACE.
LET'S JUST DO IT
BEFORE WE SCREW IT UP.
DO I HAVE TIME TO PUT
ON MY WEDDING GOWN?
I'LL DRIVE SLOW.
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
MM! MM!
SUPERINTENDENT DONNELLY,
I HAVE A GRIEVANCE.
IRENE, THIS IS REALLY
NOT A GOOD TIME.
THIS IS URGENT... A VIOLATION
IN THE LEASE AGREEMENT.
IT SPECIFICALLY PROHIBITS
PROSTITUTES IN THE BUILDING,
AND PETE'S
GIRLFRIEND IS A WHORE.
OKAY, I'M READY. LET'S GO.
HI, SHARON. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.
I KNOW... NEXT WEEK.
I'M GETTING A PERM.
NO, WE'RE GOING TO GO
TO CITY HALL RIGHT NOW.
NO, NO, NO. YOU CAN'T!
YOU ARE STARTING
YOUR LIFE TOGETHER.
IT HAS TO BE SPECIAL
AND ROMANTIC.
AND FAST. WE GOT TO GO
BEFORE WE CHANGE OUR MINDS.
I CAN THROW A WEDDING TOMORROW.
I KNOW A MINISTER WHO
WILL DO IT IN A SECOND.
CITY HALL IS NO PLACE
FOR A PROPER WEDDING.
WELL... I DO LOOK
GREAT IN THIS DRESS,
AND IT'D BE A SHAME TO
JUST WASTE IT ON YOU.
OH, THIS IS SO GREAT!
I WILL DO THIS FOR YOU GUYS,
AND THEN WHEN I GET MARRIED,
YOU CAN THROW ME MINE.
I THINK WE GOT THE
BETTER END OF THAT DEAL.
OKAY, OKAY. SO, 24 HOURS.
CAN WE GO THAT LONG
WITHOUT FIGHTING?
WELL, OF COURSE WE CAN, HONEY.
TOGETHER, WE CAN DO ANYTHING.
BUT JUST IN CASE, I'LL
SEE YOU IN 24 HOURS.
OKAY, SEE YOU AT THE WEDDING.
JUST THINK... NEXT
TIME WE FIGHT,
WE'LL BE MARRIED.
THIS IS... REALLY...
GREAT, IRENE.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
UM, NOT TO CRITICIZE,
BUT THIS BEING BOSTON
AND JOHNNY BEING IRISH,
WHY MEXICAN?
THE STORE I WORK AT
OVERSTOCKED FOR CINCO de MAYO.
ONCE I HAD THE THEME, THE
REST JUST FELL INTO PLACE.
SEÑORES, MúSICA, POR FAVO.
WHOA, IRENE,
IRENE, DON'T LOOK...
DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT ROBERT
GOULET IS ON THE ROOFTOP.
OH, I KNOW. I INVITED HIM.
BOB GOULET! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
TOO FAR FROM YOU, PUMPKIN.
WHOA, WHOA, UH... BOB
GOULET IS YOUR DATE?
I'M THE MINISTER.
OH.
YEAH, THINGS WERE
KIND OF SLOW IN THE '80s,
SO I GOT MY LICENSE.
I'M ALSO A NOTARY.
JOHNNY, IF THAT'S
YOU, I'LL KILL YOU!
IT'S ASHLEY.
OH.
SORRY. YOU HAVE A
VERY MANLY KNOCK.
WELL, IRENE SENT ME
DOWN TO WAIT WITH YOU.
SHE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
OH, GOD, YES. I AM SO NERVOUS!
OH, GOSH, THAT IS
A FABULOUS DRESS!
THANK YOU.
YOU MIND IF WE TURN ON THE GAME?
I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO TALK.
YEAH, BUT NOMAR'S MAD AT
ME, AND HE'S GONE INTO A SLUMP.
IF HE DOESN'T SNAP OUT OF IT,
HE'S GOING TO BREAK UP WITH ME.
YOU GOT ANY MORE OF THOSE?
HERE. I DON'T NEED
ANY MORE BEER.
SO, UH, WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
IT'S JUST ALL HAPPENING SO FAST.
YOU KNOW, I JUST
WISH MY MOM WAS HERE.
YEAH, I KNOW.
YOU PLAN THESE WEDDINGS,
LIKE, HUNDREDS OF
MINUTES IN ADVANCE,
AND... PEOPLE
STILL CAN'T MAKE IT.
I CAN'T AFFORD TO WAIT.
THE PRESSURE'S JUST
TEARING US APART.
I THINK WE'LL BE ABLE TO RELAX
AND WORK OUT OUR PROBLEMS
ONCE WE'RE LEGALLY TRAPPED.
YOU DON'T MIND IF I WAIT
TO BUY YOU A
WEDDING GIFT, DO YOU?
MMM, IRENE, THIS IS REALLY
GREAT WEDDING SALSA.
OH, THANK YOU.
INTERESTING STORY...
I GOT THE RECIPE
OUT OF THAT... FLOOZY!
HEY, BERG.
HEY, MARTI.
HAVE YOU MET, UM, IRENE?
IRENE, THIS... THIS IS MARTI.
SHE'S GOING OUT WITH PETE.
I'LL LET YOU TWO CHAT.
HI, IRENE.
HELLO.
HOW'S YOUR ASTHMA?
BETTER.
LISTEN, I'M GLAD WE
HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK.
PETE TOLD ME HOW
SPECIAL YOU ARE TO HIM.
HE DID?
YEAH, HE SAID YOU'RE
THE KIND OF PERSON
WHO PUTS HER FRIENDS IN
FRONT OF ANYTHING ELSE,
AND THAT HE WOULD NEVER,
EVER WANT TO SEE YOU HURT.
SO I'M HOPING WE
COULD BE FRIENDS.
I... CAN'T... HATE YOU.
I WANT TO, I REALLY DO.
WAIT.
NO, I CAN'T.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
HI.
SO, WOULD YOU MIND
TAKING OFF YOUR HAT?
IT'S SCREWING UP MY RECEPTION.
AND IT'S TACKY.
YOU LOOK... RADIANT.
I'VE BEEN DRINKING.
SHARON, I, UH, GOT YOU
AN ENTIRELY UNEATEN
BOX OF CHOCOLATES
FOR YOUR WEDDING.
DE-LISH!
WOW!
SUDDENLY THIS IS ALL SO REAL!
YEAH, BEFORE, IT
JUST SEEMED LIKE
A PLAY YOU TWO KIDS
COOKED UP IN THE BACKYARD.
OH, ALL THESE DECORATIONS!
LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE!
THEY'RE ALL HERE TO
WATCH US GET MARRIED!
OKAY, IS THAT ROBERT GOULET?
GENTLEMEN?
OKAY, BERG, REMEMBER.
IT'S RIGHT FOOT... LEFT FOOT.
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT CHEWING GUM.
LISTEN, IF YOU WANT TO
APOLOGIZE, I'D FORGET ABOUT IT,
BECAUSE THAT TIME
HAS COME AND GONE.
JUST LIKE OUR FRIENDSHIP.
PETE, GO TO HELL.
CAN I BRING YOUR
SOUL BACK FOR YOU?
BOYS... I THINK YOU
FORGOT SOMETHING.
Be right back. Just a second.
OKAY, SHAR, IT'S CALLED
"THE WEDDING MARCH."
IF YOU DON'T MARCH,
IT'S REALLY MORE OF A
WEDDING STAND-AROUND.
I CAN'T MOVE.
YOU CAN'T MO... YOU CAN'T? OKAY.
DO YOU WANT US TO
BRING GOULET BACK HERE?
NO.
NO. I HAVE TO TALK TO JOHNNY.
JOHNNY, WE'RE
MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE.
WE'RE RUSHING INTO THIS
JUST TO MAKE SURE
WE GO THROUGH WITH IT.
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU
GOT ME PREGNANT.
IT'S NOT THAT I CAN'T!
LOOK, HONEY...
MAYBE WE CAN TALK ABOUT
THIS AFTER THE WEDDING.
I THINK YOU'RE
MISSING THE POINT.
JOHNNY, WE SHOULDN'T
BE GETTING MARRIED.
WE CAN'T EVEN BE AROUND
EACH OTHER WITHOUT FIGHTING.
YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE
ALREADY MARRIED.
SEE THAT, HONEY?
YOU LISTEN TO THE
MINISTER/ENTERTAINER.
LOOK, A LOT OF COUPLES FIGHT.
SOMETIMES THAT'S BAD.
BUT SOMETIMES THAT JUST
MEANS THEY GIVE A DAMN, OKAY?
NOW, JUST ASK YOURSELF
A VERY SIMPLE QUESTION...
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO
SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIVES
WITHOUT SEEING EACH
OTHER'S FACE IN THE MORNING?
WITHOUT SHARING LAUGHS TOGETHER?
I MEAN, IF YOU DO... WALK AWAY.
BUT IF YOU DON'T...
HOLD ON TIGHT.
NEVER LET GO.
I LOVE YOU, MAN! LOVE YOU, PETE!
HEY... DON'T MOVE OUT.
COME ON, MAN. YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO GET RID OF ME THAT EASY!
GENTLEMEN,
GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN...
CAN WE JUST GET ON
WITH THEIR WEDDING?
I MEAN, UH,
WE'LL MARRY YOU GUYS
LATER, WHEN IT'S LEGAL.
WELL?
I LOVE YOU, SHARON...
WITH ALL MY HEART.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
SO... YOU DIG HER...
AND SHE DIGS YOU.
SO YOU, UH... WANT TO?
OH, I'M IN. OH, ME TOO!
ALL RIGHT, BY THE
POWER VESTED IN ME
BY THE PEQUOT TRIBE,
PROUD OWNERS OF
THE FOXWOODS CASINOS,
I NOW PRONOUNCE
YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE.
GO GET HER, TIGER.
♪ CAN YOU HEAR THE
DRUMS, FERNANDO? ♪
♪ I REMEMBER LONG AGO
ANOTHER STARRY NIGHT LIKE THIS ♪
WELL, IRENE, IT
LOOKS LIKE YOU AND I
ARE THE ONLY ONES NOT DANCING.
YEP.
YEP.
IRENE, IRENE, WE CANNOT
THANK YOU ENOUGH
FOR THROWING SUCH
A GREAT WEDDING!
YEAH, IT WAS FANTáSTICO!
IT'S ROBERT GOULET!
I KNOW!
IRENE, I DIDN'T THROW
THE WEDDING BOUQUET,
BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT.
OH...
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE
SOMEBODY VERY HAPPY SOMEDAY.
Thank you. Thank you.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE
GOING TO SLIP OUT, TOO.
WE GOT TO GET ON THE
ROAD TO FIREMAN BOOT CAMP.
I WILL, UH, SEE YOU
IN THREE MONTHS.
AND REMEMBER, FIRE... BAD.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU, BERG.
I'M SO GLAD YOU
GUYS AREN'T FIGHTING
ABOUT US DATING ANYMORE.
ME, TOO.
IT'S JUST LIKE
KISSING MY SISTER.
WELL, BYE, IRENE.
YOUR GIRL IS LOVELY, PETER.
YOU, UH, YOU GOING TO BE OKAY?
YEAH, I THINK I AM.
OKAY.
LISTEN, IRENE, I JUST
WANT TO LET YOU KNOW,
IF IT WASN'T FOR MARTI...
IT'D BE ME. I KNOW.
OKAY... UH...
WELL, HATE TO EAT,
DROP, AND ROLL, BUT...
IT'S, UH, FIREMAN HUMOR.
NO, IT'S NOT.
DON'T! STOP IT! NO, DON'T!
DON'T... DON'T CRY, IRENE, OKAY?
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY.
WHY ARE YOU SAD?
BECAUSE EVERYONE
IS LEAVING, YOU KNOW?
SHARON'S LEAVING WITH JOHNNY.
PETE'S LEAVING WITH MARTI.
YOU KNOW, IF ONE
MORE PERSON LEAVES,
I'M GOING TO LOSE IT.
WELL, THANK YOUR
ROOMMATE FOR ME, BERG.
BECAUSE OF HIM, I HAVE TO
BLOW ALL OF MY VACATION TIME
AND FLY TO CLEVELAND TO
SMOOTH THINGS OVER WITH NOMAR.
WELL, THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
OKAY, ONE LAST SONG.
THIS ONE IS DEDICATED
TO A LITTLE LADY
WITH A BIG HEART.
THIS IS FOR YOU, IRENE.
AMIGOS... ♪ ERES Tú ♪
♪ COMO EL AGUA DE ME FUENTE ♪
I WAS AN IDIOT TO THINK I
COULD COMPETE WITH MARTI.
I MEAN, SHE'S DECENT, KIND,
YOU COULD CRACK
AN EGG ON THAT BUTT.
WELL, I DON'T... I
DON'T KNOW, IRENE.
I THINK YOU'RE AN
AMAZING PERSON.
DON'T TEASE ME.
NO, I'M SERIOUS.
LOOK... LOOK WHAT YOU DID HERE.
YOU KNOW? ALL JUST TO
HELP OUT SOME FRIENDS.
THAT'S A PRETTY
ATTRACTIVE QUALITY.
WELL, THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU KNOW, I NEVER NOTICED
BECAUSE PETE'S LIGHT
SHONE SO BRIGHTLY, BUT...
WELL, YOU'RE QUITE
A HANDSOME MAN.
THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, IT IS THE LAST SONG.
ARE YOU SURE YOU
DON'T WANT TO DANCE?
NO, IT'S NOT WHAT I
WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW.
NO? NO.
♪ COMO UNA GUITARRA
EN LA NOCHE ♪
♪ COMO MI HORIZONTE
ERES Tú, ERES Tú ♪
♪ ASí, ASí ERES Tú ♪
IRENE, WE CAN'T DO THIS.
NO, THIS IS... THIS IS WRONG.
I KNOW. THIS IS WRONG.
I KNOW. YEAH, THIS IS WRONG.
I KNOW.
THAT'S THE STUFF.
CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
WHAT?
JOHNNY, I TOLD YOU
TO STOP BOTHERING ME!
NO, IT'S ME... BERG.
WHAT?
HE MADE ME DO IT. HE... AAH!
I AM SO SORRY.
LOOK, HONEY, NO, LOOK,
I AM LOST WITHOUT YOU.
I MEAN, NOT LITERALLY LOST.
THIS IS THE BASEMENT...
I KNOW THAT.
FORGET IT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S JUST GET MARRIED...
JUST LIKE WE PLANNED.
JOHN, YOU DON'T KNOW HOW
BADLY YOU HURT ME LAST NIGHT.
I DON'T THINK I CAN EVER
FEEL THAT WAY AGAIN.
IT'S LIKE SOMEBODY
SLUGGED ME IN THE GUT.
BABY, I KNOW I MADE
A HUGE MISTAKE.
I KNOW THAT I WAS WRONG.
IF I COULD DO ANYTHING
TO MAKE YOUR HURT MY OWN,
I WOULD.
OY!
SEE? IT FELT LIKE
THAT ALL NIGHT LONG!
WELL, I'M GLAD IT
DIDN'T FEEL LIKE
SOMEONE KICKED YOU IN THE GROIN.
I-I'M SORRY. I AM SO SORRY.
I'M SO GLAD YOU CAME BACK.
YEAH, I AM, TOO.
JUST SORRY I ATE FIRST.
WHERE'S YOUR IDIOT ROOMMATE?
THE VILLAGE RECALLED HIM.
HE TOLD NOMAR
THAT YOU AND I ESCAPED
TO ALBANY FOR THE WEEKEND.
NOMAR'S GOING TO THINK
WE'RE HAVING AN AFFAIR.
PLEASE! LIKE NOMAR DOESN'T
GET CHICKS ON THE ROAD.
Ashley: THERE YOU ARE!
THANKS FOR TELLING NOMAR
I WAS WITH MY EX-BOYFRIEND!
I DIDN'T SAY THAT!
I SAID "FORMER LOVER."
PETE, HOW RUDE!
YOU DIDN'T INTRODUCE
ME TO YOUR DATE.
HI, I'M ASHLEY.
HI, I'M MARTI.
OH, AND, PETE,
I KNOW THEY MAKE
YOU FEEL CONFIDENT,
BUT I NEED MY BRA
AND PANTIES BACK.
YOU TWO ARE TOGETHER?
THAT... THAT IS GREAT!
BERG, EVERYTHING I
HAVE TO SAY TO YOU,
I COULD SAY WITH ONE FINGER.
LET'S GO.
NO. PETE, LISTEN, YOU
NEED TO TALK TO HIM, OKAY?
I CAN'T STAND YOU GUYS
NOT BEING FRIENDS
BECAUSE OF ME...
AS FLATTERING AS THAT IS.
I'LL WAIT OUTSIDE.
WHAT?
I GOT YOU A LITTLE GIFT.
YOU THINK I'M GOING
TO FORGET EVERYTHING
BECAUSE YOU GOT
ME A LITTLE GIFT?
WHO LOVES CHOCOLATE?
KEEP TALKING.
I DID A LOT OF
THINKING IN ALBANY,
AND I REALIZED... THAT
I SCREWED UP, OKAY?
MY LIFE SUCKS LATELY,
AND I'M TAKING IT OUT
ON THE PEOPLE I CARE ABOUT.
IT WAS WRONG, AND I REALLY
WANT YOU TO FORGIVE ME.
WELL... YOUR LIFE
DOES REALLY SUCK.
HE LOVES ME AGAIN.
NO. HE DOES.
NO. NO. YEAH. HE DOES.
NO, NO! HE DOES.
COME ON!
I DIDN'T LIKE YOU DOING THIS
WHEN WE WERE GETTING ALONG!
GIVE ME THE CHOCOLATE.
HEY, THESE MUST BE GOOD.
THERE'S A FAT LADY ON THE FRONT.
BERG, H-HALF THE
CHOCOLATES ARE EATEN.
YEAH, I KNOW.
THAT IS HALF THE
CALORIES OF A FULL BOX.
YOU... YOU ATE HALF
OF MY CHOCOLATES?
THIS IS SO TYPICAL, BERG!
YOU'RE ONLY
THINKING OF YOURSELF!
LOOK, WHAT... WHAT
IS THE BIG DEAL?
I DON'T UNDERSTAND
WHAT YOUR PROBLEM IS.
AT LEAST I MADE
THE FIRST GESTURE.
WHAT A LOUSY GESTURE!
WHY DO I KEEP BELIEVING YOU?
WHY DO I THINK THERE'S
MORE TO YOU THAN HAIR GEL?
YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU
DON'T WANT TO LET THIS GO.
YOU JUST WANT TO KEEP
HOLDING IT OVER MY HEAD
BECAUSE IT MAKES YOU
FEEL BETTER THAN ME.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU'RE RIGHT.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I'M WRONG.
AND I HOPE THAT
THIS... SHOWS YOU...
HOW... SORRY... I... AM...
YOU INSENSITIVE LITTLE... TWIT!
BIGGER MEN THAN YOU
HAVE THROWN CANDY AT ME.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
WHEN I GO TO FIREMAN'S
TRAINING, I'M NOT COMING BACK!
OH! OH! OH! YOU'RE MOVING OUT?
YEAH! I CONSIDER THIS OUR
LAST NIGHT AS ROOMMATES!
YOU'RE LUCKY, BECAUSE
OTHERWISE, I'D KICK YOUR ASS!
OH, YEAH? LET'S GO RIGHT NOW!
I SAID IF YOU
WEREN'T MOVING OUT.
HEY. HOW'D IT GO?
I THINK I HIT HIM IN THE EYE
WITH A CHOCOLATE TURTLE.
OH, COME HERE, BABY.
AAH!
IRENE! ARE YOU OKAY?
DO YOU HAVE ASTHMA?
NO, WAIT, MARTI!
YOU KNOW WHAT?
L-LET ME HANDLE THIS.
I'LL MEET YOU OUTSIDE.
OKAY. ALL RIGHT.
ALL RIGHT, IRENE,
IRENE, CALM DOWN.
PLEASE... TELL ME...
THAT WAS YOUR SISTER.
I DON'T KNOW HOW THAT WOULD
MAKE THE SITUATION BETTER,
BUT... IT'S NOT.
LOOK, IRENE, THAT WAS MY DATE,
AND YOU REALLY NEED TO FIND
A WAY TO BE OKAY WITH THIS.
IT'S OKAY. I'M OKAY.
YOU SURE?
I'LL BE FINE, REALLY.
ALL RIGHT. THEN I'LL...
I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
OKAY, SEE YA.
TURNS OUT PETE LIKES UGLY GIRLS.
BUT SHE JUST CANCELED
YOU GUYS YESTERDAY.
HOW COULD YOU
ALREADY BE REBOOKED?
WELL, COULDN'T HE GET
BURIED ANOTHER DAY?
I-I'M SORRY!
JEEZ, YOU'D THINK I KILLED HIM!
GREAT! NO CHURCH!
THAT'LL GO GREAT
WITH NO BANQUET HALL
AND NO FOOD.
YOU KNOW WHAT, HONEY?
THIS IS A SIGN.
WE WEREN'T MEANT TO HAVE
A BIG, PLANNED WEDDING.
LET'S GET MARRIED RIGHT NOW.
BABY, I DON'T THINK
NO, NO, NO, NO.
DON'T THINK.
THAT'S WHEN WE ALWAYS
GET INTO TROUBLE.
THINKING'S BAD.
DON'T YOU THINK... NN-NN-NN, ZH!
THINKING, TALKING,
COMMUNICATING...
WE'RE NOT GOOD AT THAT.
LET'S JUST GRAB THE RINGS,
GO SEE A JUSTICE OF THE PEACE.
LET'S JUST DO IT
BEFORE WE SCREW IT UP.
DO I HAVE TIME TO PUT
ON MY WEDDING GOWN?
I'LL DRIVE SLOW.
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
MM! MM!
SUPERINTENDENT DONNELLY,
I HAVE A GRIEVANCE.
IRENE, THIS IS REALLY
NOT A GOOD TIME.
THIS IS URGENT... A VIOLATION
IN THE LEASE AGREEMENT.
IT SPECIFICALLY PROHIBITS
PROSTITUTES IN THE BUILDING,
AND PETE'S
GIRLFRIEND IS A WHORE.
OKAY, I'M READY. LET'S GO.
HI, SHARON. WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
WE'RE GETTING MARRIED.
I KNOW... NEXT WEEK.
I'M GETTING A PERM.
NO, WE'RE GOING TO GO
TO CITY HALL RIGHT NOW.
NO, NO, NO. YOU CAN'T!
YOU ARE STARTING
YOUR LIFE TOGETHER.
IT HAS TO BE SPECIAL
AND ROMANTIC.
AND FAST. WE GOT TO GO
BEFORE WE CHANGE OUR MINDS.
I CAN THROW A WEDDING TOMORROW.
I KNOW A MINISTER WHO
WILL DO IT IN A SECOND.
CITY HALL IS NO PLACE
FOR A PROPER WEDDING.
WELL... I DO LOOK
GREAT IN THIS DRESS,
AND IT'D BE A SHAME TO
JUST WASTE IT ON YOU.
OH, THIS IS SO GREAT!
I WILL DO THIS FOR YOU GUYS,
AND THEN WHEN I GET MARRIED,
YOU CAN THROW ME MINE.
I THINK WE GOT THE
BETTER END OF THAT DEAL.
OKAY, OKAY. SO, 24 HOURS.
CAN WE GO THAT LONG
WITHOUT FIGHTING?
WELL, OF COURSE WE CAN, HONEY.
TOGETHER, WE CAN DO ANYTHING.
BUT JUST IN CASE, I'LL
SEE YOU IN 24 HOURS.
OKAY, SEE YOU AT THE WEDDING.
JUST THINK... NEXT
TIME WE FIGHT,
WE'LL BE MARRIED.
THIS IS... REALLY...
GREAT, IRENE.
LET ME ASK YOU SOMETHING.
UM, NOT TO CRITICIZE,
BUT THIS BEING BOSTON
AND JOHNNY BEING IRISH,
WHY MEXICAN?
THE STORE I WORK AT
OVERSTOCKED FOR CINCO de MAYO.
ONCE I HAD THE THEME, THE
REST JUST FELL INTO PLACE.
SEÑORES, MúSICA, POR FAVO.
WHOA, IRENE,
IRENE, DON'T LOOK...
DON'T LOOK NOW, BUT ROBERT
GOULET IS ON THE ROOFTOP.
OH, I KNOW. I INVITED HIM.
BOB GOULET! WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
TOO FAR FROM YOU, PUMPKIN.
WHOA, WHOA, UH... BOB
GOULET IS YOUR DATE?
I'M THE MINISTER.
OH.
YEAH, THINGS WERE
KIND OF SLOW IN THE '80s,
SO I GOT MY LICENSE.
I'M ALSO A NOTARY.
JOHNNY, IF THAT'S
YOU, I'LL KILL YOU!
IT'S ASHLEY.
OH.
SORRY. YOU HAVE A
VERY MANLY KNOCK.
WELL, IRENE SENT ME
DOWN TO WAIT WITH YOU.
SHE THOUGHT YOU MIGHT
NEED SOMEONE TO TALK TO.
OH, GOD, YES. I AM SO NERVOUS!
OH, GOSH, THAT IS
A FABULOUS DRESS!
THANK YOU.
YOU MIND IF WE TURN ON THE GAME?
I THOUGHT WE WERE GOING TO TALK.
YEAH, BUT NOMAR'S MAD AT
ME, AND HE'S GONE INTO A SLUMP.
IF HE DOESN'T SNAP OUT OF IT,
HE'S GOING TO BREAK UP WITH ME.
YOU GOT ANY MORE OF THOSE?
HERE. I DON'T NEED
ANY MORE BEER.
SO, UH, WHAT'S ON YOUR MIND?
IT'S JUST ALL HAPPENING SO FAST.
YOU KNOW, I JUST
WISH MY MOM WAS HERE.
YEAH, I KNOW.
YOU PLAN THESE WEDDINGS,
LIKE, HUNDREDS OF
MINUTES IN ADVANCE,
AND... PEOPLE
STILL CAN'T MAKE IT.
I CAN'T AFFORD TO WAIT.
THE PRESSURE'S JUST
TEARING US APART.
I THINK WE'LL BE ABLE TO RELAX
AND WORK OUT OUR PROBLEMS
ONCE WE'RE LEGALLY TRAPPED.
YOU DON'T MIND IF I WAIT
TO BUY YOU A
WEDDING GIFT, DO YOU?
MMM, IRENE, THIS IS REALLY
GREAT WEDDING SALSA.
OH, THANK YOU.
INTERESTING STORY...
I GOT THE RECIPE
OUT OF THAT... FLOOZY!
HEY, BERG.
HEY, MARTI.
HAVE YOU MET, UM, IRENE?
IRENE, THIS... THIS IS MARTI.
SHE'S GOING OUT WITH PETE.
I'LL LET YOU TWO CHAT.
HI, IRENE.
HELLO.
HOW'S YOUR ASTHMA?
BETTER.
LISTEN, I'M GLAD WE
HAVE A CHANCE TO TALK.
PETE TOLD ME HOW
SPECIAL YOU ARE TO HIM.
HE DID?
YEAH, HE SAID YOU'RE
THE KIND OF PERSON
WHO PUTS HER FRIENDS IN
FRONT OF ANYTHING ELSE,
AND THAT HE WOULD NEVER,
EVER WANT TO SEE YOU HURT.
SO I'M HOPING WE
COULD BE FRIENDS.
I... CAN'T... HATE YOU.
I WANT TO, I REALLY DO.
WAIT.
NO, I CAN'T.
EXCUSE ME.
EXCUSE ME.
HI.
SO, WOULD YOU MIND
TAKING OFF YOUR HAT?
IT'S SCREWING UP MY RECEPTION.
AND IT'S TACKY.
YOU LOOK... RADIANT.
I'VE BEEN DRINKING.
SHARON, I, UH, GOT YOU
AN ENTIRELY UNEATEN
BOX OF CHOCOLATES
FOR YOUR WEDDING.
DE-LISH!
WOW!
SUDDENLY THIS IS ALL SO REAL!
YEAH, BEFORE, IT
JUST SEEMED LIKE
A PLAY YOU TWO KIDS
COOKED UP IN THE BACKYARD.
OH, ALL THESE DECORATIONS!
LOOK AT ALL THESE PEOPLE!
THEY'RE ALL HERE TO
WATCH US GET MARRIED!
OKAY, IS THAT ROBERT GOULET?
GENTLEMEN?
OKAY, BERG, REMEMBER.
IT'S RIGHT FOOT... LEFT FOOT.
I HOPE YOU'RE NOT CHEWING GUM.
LISTEN, IF YOU WANT TO
APOLOGIZE, I'D FORGET ABOUT IT,
BECAUSE THAT TIME
HAS COME AND GONE.
JUST LIKE OUR FRIENDSHIP.
PETE, GO TO HELL.
CAN I BRING YOUR
SOUL BACK FOR YOU?
BOYS... I THINK YOU
FORGOT SOMETHING.
Be right back. Just a second.
OKAY, SHAR, IT'S CALLED
"THE WEDDING MARCH."
IF YOU DON'T MARCH,
IT'S REALLY MORE OF A
WEDDING STAND-AROUND.
I CAN'T MOVE.
YOU CAN'T MO... YOU CAN'T? OKAY.
DO YOU WANT US TO
BRING GOULET BACK HERE?
NO.
NO. I HAVE TO TALK TO JOHNNY.
JOHNNY, WE'RE
MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE.
WE'RE RUSHING INTO THIS
JUST TO MAKE SURE
WE GO THROUGH WITH IT.
IT'S NOT LIKE YOU
GOT ME PREGNANT.
IT'S NOT THAT I CAN'T!
LOOK, HONEY...
MAYBE WE CAN TALK ABOUT
THIS AFTER THE WEDDING.
I THINK YOU'RE
MISSING THE POINT.
JOHNNY, WE SHOULDN'T
BE GETTING MARRIED.
WE CAN'T EVEN BE AROUND
EACH OTHER WITHOUT FIGHTING.
YOU SOUND LIKE YOU'RE
ALREADY MARRIED.
SEE THAT, HONEY?
YOU LISTEN TO THE
MINISTER/ENTERTAINER.
LOOK, A LOT OF COUPLES FIGHT.
SOMETIMES THAT'S BAD.
BUT SOMETIMES THAT JUST
MEANS THEY GIVE A DAMN, OKAY?
NOW, JUST ASK YOURSELF
A VERY SIMPLE QUESTION...
DO YOU REALLY WANT TO
SPEND THE REST OF YOUR LIVES
WITHOUT SEEING EACH
OTHER'S FACE IN THE MORNING?
WITHOUT SHARING LAUGHS TOGETHER?
I MEAN, IF YOU DO... WALK AWAY.
BUT IF YOU DON'T...
HOLD ON TIGHT.
NEVER LET GO.
I LOVE YOU, MAN! LOVE YOU, PETE!
HEY... DON'T MOVE OUT.
COME ON, MAN. YOU'RE NOT
GOING TO GET RID OF ME THAT EASY!
GENTLEMEN,
GENTLEMEN, GENTLEMEN...
CAN WE JUST GET ON
WITH THEIR WEDDING?
I MEAN, UH,
WE'LL MARRY YOU GUYS
LATER, WHEN IT'S LEGAL.
WELL?
I LOVE YOU, SHARON...
WITH ALL MY HEART.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
SO... YOU DIG HER...
AND SHE DIGS YOU.
SO YOU, UH... WANT TO?
OH, I'M IN. OH, ME TOO!
ALL RIGHT, BY THE
POWER VESTED IN ME
BY THE PEQUOT TRIBE,
PROUD OWNERS OF
THE FOXWOODS CASINOS,
I NOW PRONOUNCE
YOU HUSBAND AND WIFE.
GO GET HER, TIGER.
♪ CAN YOU HEAR THE
DRUMS, FERNANDO? ♪
♪ I REMEMBER LONG AGO
ANOTHER STARRY NIGHT LIKE THIS ♪
WELL, IRENE, IT
LOOKS LIKE YOU AND I
ARE THE ONLY ONES NOT DANCING.
YEP.
YEP.
IRENE, IRENE, WE CANNOT
THANK YOU ENOUGH
FOR THROWING SUCH
A GREAT WEDDING!
YEAH, IT WAS FANTáSTICO!
IT'S ROBERT GOULET!
I KNOW!
IRENE, I DIDN'T THROW
THE WEDDING BOUQUET,
BECAUSE I WANTED YOU TO HAVE IT.
OH...
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE
SOMEBODY VERY HAPPY SOMEDAY.
Thank you. Thank you.
ALL RIGHT, WE'RE
GOING TO SLIP OUT, TOO.
WE GOT TO GET ON THE
ROAD TO FIREMAN BOOT CAMP.
I WILL, UH, SEE YOU
IN THREE MONTHS.
AND REMEMBER, FIRE... BAD.
ALL RIGHT.
I'LL SEE YOU, BERG.
I'M SO GLAD YOU
GUYS AREN'T FIGHTING
ABOUT US DATING ANYMORE.
ME, TOO.
IT'S JUST LIKE
KISSING MY SISTER.
WELL, BYE, IRENE.
YOUR GIRL IS LOVELY, PETER.
YOU, UH, YOU GOING TO BE OKAY?
YEAH, I THINK I AM.
OKAY.
LISTEN, IRENE, I JUST
WANT TO LET YOU KNOW,
IF IT WASN'T FOR MARTI...
IT'D BE ME. I KNOW.
OKAY... UH...
WELL, HATE TO EAT,
DROP, AND ROLL, BUT...
IT'S, UH, FIREMAN HUMOR.
NO, IT'S NOT.
DON'T! STOP IT! NO, DON'T!
DON'T... DON'T CRY, IRENE, OKAY?
YOU'RE GOING TO MAKE ME CRY.
WHY ARE YOU SAD?
BECAUSE EVERYONE
IS LEAVING, YOU KNOW?
SHARON'S LEAVING WITH JOHNNY.
PETE'S LEAVING WITH MARTI.
YOU KNOW, IF ONE
MORE PERSON LEAVES,
I'M GOING TO LOSE IT.
WELL, THANK YOUR
ROOMMATE FOR ME, BERG.
BECAUSE OF HIM, I HAVE TO
BLOW ALL OF MY VACATION TIME
AND FLY TO CLEVELAND TO
SMOOTH THINGS OVER WITH NOMAR.
WELL, THAT DOESN'T COUNT.
OKAY, ONE LAST SONG.
THIS ONE IS DEDICATED
TO A LITTLE LADY
WITH A BIG HEART.
THIS IS FOR YOU, IRENE.
AMIGOS... ♪ ERES Tú ♪
♪ COMO EL AGUA DE ME FUENTE ♪
I WAS AN IDIOT TO THINK I
COULD COMPETE WITH MARTI.
I MEAN, SHE'S DECENT, KIND,
YOU COULD CRACK
AN EGG ON THAT BUTT.
WELL, I DON'T... I
DON'T KNOW, IRENE.
I THINK YOU'RE AN
AMAZING PERSON.
DON'T TEASE ME.
NO, I'M SERIOUS.
LOOK... LOOK WHAT YOU DID HERE.
YOU KNOW? ALL JUST TO
HELP OUT SOME FRIENDS.
THAT'S A PRETTY
ATTRACTIVE QUALITY.
WELL, THANK YOU, SIR.
YOU KNOW, I NEVER NOTICED
BECAUSE PETE'S LIGHT
SHONE SO BRIGHTLY, BUT...
WELL, YOU'RE QUITE
A HANDSOME MAN.
THANK YOU.
YOU KNOW, IT IS THE LAST SONG.
ARE YOU SURE YOU
DON'T WANT TO DANCE?
NO, IT'S NOT WHAT I
WANT TO DO RIGHT NOW.
NO? NO.
♪ COMO UNA GUITARRA
EN LA NOCHE ♪
♪ COMO MI HORIZONTE
ERES Tú, ERES Tú ♪
♪ ASí, ASí ERES Tú ♪
IRENE, WE CAN'T DO THIS.
NO, THIS IS... THIS IS WRONG.
I KNOW. THIS IS WRONG.
I KNOW. YEAH, THIS IS WRONG.
I KNOW.
THAT'S THE STUFF.