Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 3, Episode 1 - A New Hope - full transcript
Pete decides to leave because of his feelings towards Sharon and ends up in Paris. He meets a woman on the plane that ends up stealing his money. Now that Pete has left, Ashley is making her mark on the apartment. Sharon returns home to Johnny but acts as though nothing had happened. It turns out Sharon is afraid of making a life-long commitment, despite loving Johnny. However, she changes her mind and accepts his proposal, an engagement which she calls 'in theory'.
CAPTIONS PAID FOR BY ABC, INC.
AND 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
JOHNNY, WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
UH... WELL, SHE
SAID, UM... "OH, GOD!"
AND, UM, AND THEN...
AND THEN SHE RAN AWAY.
OH, MAN.
I'VE BEEN ALL OVER BOSTON
YELLING FOR SHARON.
I DID FIND ONE, BUT SHE WAS 97.
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
LEAVING. I TOOK MY
MONEY OUT OF SAVINGS,
I'M PUTTING THEM IN THIS SOCK,
AND I'M GOING TO THE AIRPORT.
I'D PUT IT IN YOUR JOCKEYS.
PEOPLE ARE LESS LIKELY
TO PICK YOUR UNDERWEAR.
HE WHO HESITATES IS LOST.
I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING
WITHOUT WORRYING
ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING...
WHERE THE HELL
IS MY LINT BRUSH?!
YOU CAN'T GO YET BECAUSE
SHE LOOKED AT YOU.
SHE LOOKED AT YOU. YOU
KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
NO, WHAT, BERG,
THAT SHE LOVES ME?
YES.
OR I REMINDED HER OF SOMEONE.
SOMEONE SHE LOVES.
OR I HAD SOMETHING IN MY TEETH.
LIKE LOVE.
YOU THINK YOU SAW
LOVE IN SHARON'S EYES.
YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW? PAIN.
PAIN BECAUSE OF ME.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW
WHERE I END UP.
NO, ASHLEY, DON'T LOOK AT ME.
BERG WILL THINK WE'RE IN LOVE.
WHERE'S HE GOING?
NOWHERE.
NO, I MEAN RIGHT NOW.
SHARON.
YOU'RE HOME.
YEAH. YOU HUNGRY? I GOT CHINESE.
WELL, NO, NOT REALLY
SO MUCH HUNGRY
AS I AM CURIOUS ABOUT,
YOU KNOW... HOW ARE YOU?
WELL... HUNGRY.
CAN YOU PUT THE FOOD
DOWN FOR A SECOND,
BECAUSE I REALLY
FEEL WE NEED TO TALK
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT.
OOH, FILL ME IN. IS IT GOOD?
WELL, IT STARTS OFF GOOD,
BUT ENDS UP WITH
ME IN MY FORMALWEAR
WONDERING WHAT THE
HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!
YOU ARE ACTING REALLY STRANGE.
I'M ACTING STRANGE?!
I'M ACTING STRANGE?!
YES, YOU ARE.
YES, YOU ARE.
ARE YOU GOING TO
SIT THERE AND TELL ME
YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING
THAT HAPPENED TONIGHT?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!
I'M JUST GOING TO PRETEND
LIKE THIS WHOLE
CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.
Y... B... UGH!
AAAH! EVERYTHING IN
HERE'S TOO NICE TO BREAK!
UH, EXCUSE ME,
I'M IN THE CENTER.
OH, SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
UM, HI, UM,
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D
WANT TO TRADE SEATS WITH ME.
NO.
WELL, UM, SEE, IT'S SUCH
A LONG WAY TO PARIS,
AND I'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH
A REALLY TRAUMATIC,
EMOTIONAL ORDEAL,
AND IT MIGHT MAKE ME FEEL
BETTER IF I SIT NEXT TO THE WINDOW.
OH, I SEE.
NO.
RIGHT.
SO, YOU GOING TO PARIS?
OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO PARIS.
THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S GREAT.
VIVE LA FRANCE!
I ONLY SAID THAT BECAUSE I
JUST DECIDED TO GO THERE
WHEN I GOT TO THE AIRPORT.
YEAH, I'M HEALING THE OLD
HEART WITH A LITTLE ADVENTURE.
HEALING THE OLD HEART!
LITTLE ADVENTURE.
JUST HOPPED ON THE
FIRST FLIGHT TO EUROPE.
ACTUALLY, THE FIRST
FLIGHT WAS TO TURKEY,
BUT I DON'T SPEAK TURKISH, SO...
I-I DON'T SPEAK FRENCH, EITHER.
BUT, I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S GOT TO BE
EASIER THAN TURKISH.
I MEAN, HAVE YOU EVER
HEARD THAT LANGUAGE
WITH ALL THE "HA-CHHH"
AND THE "GA-GA-GA-GA-GA"?
EXCUSEZ-MOI, I THINK YOU
ARE SITTING IN THE WRONG SEAT.
THANK GOD.
BERG, I MADE BREAKFAST.
THANK GOD.
I SMELLED TOAST. I THOUGHT
I WAS HAVING A STROKE.
WELL, THIS BEING OUR FIRST
MORNING IN THE APARTMENT
WITHOUT PETE, I
THOUGHT IT... WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
SOMETHING SEEMS DIFFERENT.
WELL, I DON'T HEAR PETE
SINGING "RHINESTONE
COWBOY" IN THE SHOWER.
I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
HE'S GOT THE BALL.
TWO SECONDS TO SHOOT.
GAME'S ON THE LINE. FAKES RIGHT.
HE SHOOTS.
OOH, NOTHING BUT WALL!
YOU CAN'T JUST GET RID OF
EVERYTHING YOU DON'T LIKE.
OF COURSE I CAN, HONEY.
I'LL GET IT!
It's probably the new
girlfriend I ordered.
HEY, BERG, CAN I
ASK YOU A QUESTION?
THIS IS IT.
OH, GOD!
I WAS SHARON.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
LOOK, SOMETHING
REALLY WEIRD IS GOING ON.
SHARON IS ACTING LIKE I
NEVER EVEN PROPOSED.
I HAVE A SIMILAR STORY.
LAST WEEK, I ASKED
HER FOR 10 BUCKS.
SHE JUST STARED AT ME.
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE
THERE'S ANOTHER GUY.
NO!
NO.
USUALLY THE SIMPLE
ANSWER IS THE RIGHT ONE.
WHICH IS? SHARON'S UNBALANCED.
SHE'S CRAZY. LET'S TAKE A WALK.
I MEAN, DON'T GET ME
WRONG. I LOVE HER TO DEATH,
BUT, UH, LOOK WHO
MY GIRLFRIEND IS.
WELL, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
I'M A DOCTOR. DON'T
PICK AT IT, IT'LL GO AWAY.
Woman: WE WILL ARRIVE AT
CHARLES DE GAULLE AIRPORT
IN 30 MINUTES.
MAN, IT'S AMAZING HOW
FAST SIX HOURS CAN GO BY
WHEN YOU HAVE
SOMEBODY TO TALK TO.
ANYWAY, SO I SCREWED
EVERYTHING UP WITH SHARON,
AND SHE GAVE ME THIS
LOOK, AND THIS LOOK,
IT... IT JUST SAID SO MUCH.
FUNNY, YOU DON'T STRIKE ME
AS THE KIND OF GUY
WHO CAN READ A LOOK.
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU COULD HAVE SAID
SOMETHING SIX HOURS AGO.
I WAS WAITING FOR A PAUSE.
FINE, I WON'T TALK ANYMORE.
AND COULD I MAYBE GET A
LITTLE PIECE OF THE ARMREST?
EXCUSE ME.
I'M SORRY.
I COULDN'T HELP BUT
OVERHEAR YOU EARLIER.
OH, I'M SORRY.
YOU KNOW, I TALK REALLY LOUD.
I GREW UP IN A VERY LONG HOUSE.
NO, I MEAN IT SOUNDS LIKE
YOU HAD A REALLY HARD TIME.
OH, WELL, I'M FINE.
LOVE SUCKS, THAT'S ALL.
I HEAR YA. I FELL IN LOVE
WITH MY BEST FRIEND,
AND ALL MY FRIENDS
TOLD ME I WAS CRAZY.
YES!
YES!
BUT WE'RE NOT CRAZY.
THEY'RE CRAZY.
AND WHEN I TOLD HIM TO
MEET ME AT THE EIFFEL TOWER
SO I COULD TELL HIM I LOVE HIM,
THEY TOLD ME IT
WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
AND YOU'RE GOING. BAD IDEA?
YEAH, IF WE'RE CALLING
GREAT IDEAS BAD IDEAS NOW!
WELL, WHAT IF HE DOESN'T
FEEL THE SAME WAY?
IS THAT YOUR TICKET?
YEAH.
WELL, LOOK, EXCUSE ME,
BUT MISS NEGATIVE
DOES NOT HAVE SEAT 12-F.
NO, BATES BALOO DOES.
YES!
BATES, FOLLOW YOUR HEART,
AND NOT JUST FOR YOURSELF,
BUT FOR EVERYONE WHO'S
EVER SAT IN SEAT 12-F.
I WILL.
WILL YOU COME WITH ME?
YES.
YES. YES, I WILL.
WOW! I-IT'S ALL SO CLEAR NOW.
WHAT IS?
WELL, THAT I MUST SUFFER...
SO THAT I CAN TEACH OTHERS.
HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET
THIS DOWN BY YOURSELF?
THE GODS OF GOOD
TASTE EMPOWERED ME.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW
THAT EACH AND EVERY ITEM IN THIS
APARTMENT HAS BEEN HANDPICKED.
EVERY SINGLE ONE
HAS A STORY TO IT.
I KNOW.
AND EVERY STORY STARTS WITH,
"OKAY, SO PETE AND I WERE
TOTALLY HAMMERED ONE NIGHT..."
YOU KNOW WHAT...
I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO
THIS BECAUSE BOTTOM LINE...
BOTTOM LINE IS THAT
THIS IS STILL MY APARTMENT
AND I WILL DECORATE
IT ANY WAY I WANT TO...
SOMETHING ELSE IS GONE.
AREN'T YOU GUYS READY YET?
YOU ASKED US TO GO
TO THE WHARF TODAY.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE,
IN SHARON'S WORLD,
WHERE PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T.
HEY... YOU TOOK DOWN
THE BASKETBALL HOOP!
NOW THIS WAY I CAN
HAVE A FEW FRIENDS OVER
FOR A GAME OF MIRROR.
AND YOU FINALLY GOT
RID OF THE STUPID OARS
YOU GUYS STOLE WHEN
YOU WERE HAMMERED.
YOU TOOK MY OARS.
IT'S AMAZING.
YOU CAN REMEMBER EVERY
DETAIL ABOUT THIS APARTMENT.
YOU MUST HAVE, LIKE,
THE BEST MEMORY EVER.
EVERYONE THINKS THE
APARTMENT LOOKS BETTER THIS WAY.
WRONG. WOMEN HAVE NO CONCEPT
OF THE HOOP AS DECORATION.
RIGHT, JOHNNY?
I HELPED HER TAKE IT DOWN.
WHAT?!
W-WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
IF PETE HADN'T LEFT TOWN...
W-W-WAIT. PETE LEFT TOWN? WHY?
I, UH... I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK. LOOK, OKAY,
HE LEFT SO FAST LAST NIGHT,
I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO ASK HIM ANYTHING.
IT WAS ALL JUST A BLUR
OF SOCKS AND MONEY.
HE LEFT LAST NIGHT, AFTER I
SAW HIM AT THE PIZZA PLACE?
AHA!
HA HA!
HA HA HAA!
WHAT?!
"LAST NIGHT AT THE PIZZA PLACE"?
YOU SAID, "LAST NIGHT
AT THE PIZZA PLACE."
YOU REMEMBER!
NO, I DON'T, I...
WHERE AM I?
WHAT IS GOING ON, SHARON?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME?
YOU KNOW... STAY
OUT OF IT. OKAY.
JOHNNY, I... I'M... WHAT?!
FINE. THAT'S OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE YOUR IDEA WAS BEST.
LET'S JUST PRETEND LIKE I
NEVER ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME.
WHEW, THAT WENT
BETTER THAN I THOUGHT.
WHY ARE YOU STARING
AT ME LIKE THAT?
I'M NOT LOOKING AT YOU.
I'M LOOKING AT THE CHAIR.
IT'S GONE INSANE.
SHARON, WHY CAN'T YOU
JUST GIVE JOHNNY AN ANSWER?
I CAN'T. IF I SAY NO, IT'S GOING
TO RUIN THE RELATIONSHIP.
YOU WANT TO SAY
NO. I WANT TO SAY YES.
SO SAY YES.
BUT THEN HE'LL
WANT TO GET MARRIED!
EXACTLY!
WHAT AM I NOT GETTING?
SHARON LOVES JOHNNY, BUT
SHE CAN'T SAY YES BECAUSE...
SOMETHING'S HOLDING HER BACK.
SO, INSTEAD OF BEING
HONEST, SHE'S OPTING
TO LET JOHNNY ROAST SLOWLY
IN THE FLAMES OF UNCERTAINTY.
YES!
NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
YOU HAVE TO BE
HONEST WITH JOHNNY
AND TELL HIM THAT YOU'RE
IN LOVE WITH PETE, TOO.
PETE?
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH
PETE. PETE'S MY FRIEND.
I MEAN, SURE, I'D BE
SAD IF HE DIED, BUT...
IS THAT LOVE?
FINE, IF THAT'S NOT IT,
THEN TELL ME SOMETHING...
WHAT IS IT?
I... BERG, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I-IT'S A LOT OF THINGS.
LIKE IT'S... LIKE...
LIKE IT'S TOO SOON.
PROBLEMS WITH HER FAMILY.
MY MOTHER!
HER MOTHER, RIGHT. SEE?
SO YOUR MOTHER HATES JOHNNY.
NO, MY MOTHER LOVES JOHNNY.
LOVES HIM TOO MUCH.
MY MOTHER'S BEEN
MARRIED THREE TIMES!
AND ONCE TO JOHNNY!
WILL YOU SHUT UP?!
SHARON DOESN'T WANT
TO RUSH INTO MARRIAGE
AND MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES
THAT HER MOTHER MADE.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S IT.
THAT IS IT.
I SAID, "OH, YEAH, THAT'S IT."
BUT REALLY, I'VE WATCHED
JOHNNY AROUND YOUR MOM.
OH, BERG!
LOOK, SHARON, I REALLY DO
UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL,
BUT YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE IT
THIS WAY WITH JOHNNY FOREVER.
BUT HOW DO YOU TELL A
GUY WHO KNOWS HE WANTS
TO BE WITH YOU FOR
THE REST OF HIS LIFE
THAT YOU'RE NOT SURE YET?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT THIS
WHOLE THING WAS ABOUT PETE.
IT IS!
HE'S NOT COMING!
NO, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
BATES, IT'S BEEN 10 MINUTES.
MAYBE HE'S HAVING A HARD
TIME FINDING THE PLACE.
IT'S THE EIFFEL TOWER.
DID I HEAR YOU ASK
FOR AN EIFFEL TOWER?
NO, UM, WE'RE LOOKING FOR A MAN.
MONSIEUR, I CAN
ARRANGE THAT FOR YOU.
WHAT IS YOUR PRICE RANGE?
AND THEY SAY THE FRENCH
AREN'T HELPFUL. THANKS.
I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T
TELL HIM I LOVE HIM.
WHAT? NO, NO, NO.
LISTEN TO ME.
THIS IS THE MOMENT THAT'S
GONNA CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER.
AND THE WORST PART IS
NOT HIM NOT LOVING YOU,
IT'S NOT KNOWING WHETHER
OR NOT HE LOVES YOU OR NOT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YES, THAT'S RIGHT!
ARE YOU SURE?
I'M WILLING TO BET
THE LAST UNBROKEN
BIT OF MY HEART ON IT.
OKAY!
OH, NO.
WHAT "OH, NO"?
WHAT IF HE'S AT THE BOTTOM?
ALL RIGHT, UM, WELL, UH,
LET'S GO DOWN AND CHECK.
WHAT IF HE COMES UP HERE
WHILE WE'RE DOWN THERE?
WHAT IF HE TAKES THE ELEVATORS
WHILE WE TAKE THE STAIRS?
I'LL GO DOWN AND CHECK.
YOU WAIT HERE, OKAY?
THAT WOULD BE PERFECT.
UH, BUT HOW AM I GOING
TO RECOGNIZE HIM?
HE HAS ONE ARM.
GREAT!
IT'S NOT GREAT FOR HIM,
BUT IT SURE HELPS ME.
OH, UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR,
DID YOU SEE THE
WOMAN I WAS WITH?
YES. SHE LEFT RIGHT
AFTER YOU, MONSIEUR.
A-AFTER ME?
WELL, UH, NOT RIGHT AFTER.
FIRST SHE TOOK
SOME TIME TO, UH...
GO THROUGH YOUR LUGGAGE.
NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
COME ON, PLEASE,
NOT THE MONEY SOCK,
NOT THE MONEY
SOCK, NOT THE MONEY...
HA HA HA!
SHE LEFT THE SOCK!
SHE LEFT THE SOCK!
SHE TOOK THE MONEY!
SHE TOOK THE MONEY
AND LEFT THE SOCK?
ABSURD.
OH, MY GOD, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I WOULD JUMP OFF THIS SIDE.
THE VIEW IS BEAUTIFUL.
THERE YOU ARE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
I WENT OUT FOR A WALK.
YOU KNOW WHAT? FUNNIEST
THING HAPPENED TO ME.
I ASKED THIS GUY FOR
DIRECTIONS, AND HE ANSWERED ME.
OKAY, I GET IT.
AND THEN I ASKED THE GROCER
IF THE MELONS WERE FRESH.
HE ANSWERED ME, TOO!
I NEARLY FELL DOWN!
PEOPLE WERE ANSWERING
ME WHEREVER I WENT!
PRETTY SOON, I
WAS DOIN' IT MYSELF!
"DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH
THAT?" "NO," I SAID, "NO FRIES!"
JOHNNY, I WANT TO GIVE
YOU AN ANSWER, I DO.
BUT...
BUT I'M SCARED, OKAY?
CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
I-IF YOU DON'T LOVE
ME, JUST TELL ME.
I DO LOVE YOU.
THEN WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?!
I DON'T KNOW!
GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
WHY CAN'T I JUST SAY YES?
WHY CAN'T I JUST LET GO
AND TRUST MY FEELINGS?
WHY AM I TAKING WHAT SHOULD BE
THE BEST MOMENT
OF MY ENTIRE LIFE
AND RUINING IT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET UP, GET UP, GET UP!
NO.
I AM NOT LETTING GO THIS
TIME UNTIL I GET AN ANSWER,
JUST TRUST YOUR FEELINGS.
LET GO!
NO.
LET GO!
NO.
LET GO! NO!
AAH!
OWW!
I'M SORRY!
I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY!
I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY!
AT LEAST I KNOW THIS
TIME YOU HEARD ME.
I LOVE YOU.
I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
ASK ME AGAIN.
WHAT?
COME HERE.
PROPOSE TO ME AGAIN.
OKAY.
I WAS IN A BAD MOOD EARLIER.
TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF FIRST.
SHARON, WILL YOU MARRY ME?
YES...
IN THEORY.
"IN THEORY"? WHAT THE
HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
IT IS WHAT IT IS.
BUT IT'S A YES, RIGHT?
YES... IN THEORY.
I HEARD YES! YAY!
YOU'RE FOOLS!
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS LOVE! IT DOESN'T EXIST!
D-DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE
WORD LOVE COMES FROM?
IT COMES FROM THE WORD
L'OEUF, WHICH MEANS EGG,
WHICH MEANS... ZERO,
WHICH MEANS NOTHING.
YOU FRENCH ARE IDIOTS!
STUPIDE!
SIR, WOULD YOU BUY ME A DRINK?
DON'T LET PARIS FOOL YOU!
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LOVE!
I L'OEUF YOU, TOO.
OKAY, ASHLEY, I'VE DECIDED
TO LET THE OARS AND
THE BASKETBALL HOOP GO.
YOU COULDN'T FIND
THEM, COULD YOU?
IT'S LIKE YOU WORK FOR THE MOB.
DON'T WORRY, FROM NOW
ON, I'LL CHECK WITH YOU FIRST.
SO, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
ABOUT LOSING THE COFFEE TABLE?
AND 20th CENTURY FOX TELEVISION
JOHNNY, WHAT HAPPENED?
WHAT DID SHE SAY?
UH... WELL, SHE
SAID, UM... "OH, GOD!"
AND, UM, AND THEN...
AND THEN SHE RAN AWAY.
OH, MAN.
I'VE BEEN ALL OVER BOSTON
YELLING FOR SHARON.
I DID FIND ONE, BUT SHE WAS 97.
WHAT ARE YOU DOIN'?
LEAVING. I TOOK MY
MONEY OUT OF SAVINGS,
I'M PUTTING THEM IN THIS SOCK,
AND I'M GOING TO THE AIRPORT.
I'D PUT IT IN YOUR JOCKEYS.
PEOPLE ARE LESS LIKELY
TO PICK YOUR UNDERWEAR.
HE WHO HESITATES IS LOST.
I'M GONNA DO SOMETHING
WITHOUT WORRYING
ABOUT EVERY LITTLE THING...
WHERE THE HELL
IS MY LINT BRUSH?!
YOU CAN'T GO YET BECAUSE
SHE LOOKED AT YOU.
SHE LOOKED AT YOU. YOU
KNOW WHAT THAT MEANS?
NO, WHAT, BERG,
THAT SHE LOVES ME?
YES.
OR I REMINDED HER OF SOMEONE.
SOMEONE SHE LOVES.
OR I HAD SOMETHING IN MY TEETH.
LIKE LOVE.
YOU THINK YOU SAW
LOVE IN SHARON'S EYES.
YOU KNOW WHAT I SAW? PAIN.
PAIN BECAUSE OF ME.
I'LL LET YOU KNOW
WHERE I END UP.
NO, ASHLEY, DON'T LOOK AT ME.
BERG WILL THINK WE'RE IN LOVE.
WHERE'S HE GOING?
NOWHERE.
NO, I MEAN RIGHT NOW.
SHARON.
YOU'RE HOME.
YEAH. YOU HUNGRY? I GOT CHINESE.
WELL, NO, NOT REALLY
SO MUCH HUNGRY
AS I AM CURIOUS ABOUT,
YOU KNOW... HOW ARE YOU?
WELL... HUNGRY.
CAN YOU PUT THE FOOD
DOWN FOR A SECOND,
BECAUSE I REALLY
FEEL WE NEED TO TALK
ABOUT WHAT HAPPENED TONIGHT.
OOH, FILL ME IN. IS IT GOOD?
WELL, IT STARTS OFF GOOD,
BUT ENDS UP WITH
ME IN MY FORMALWEAR
WONDERING WHAT THE
HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU!
YOU ARE ACTING REALLY STRANGE.
I'M ACTING STRANGE?!
I'M ACTING STRANGE?!
YES, YOU ARE.
YES, YOU ARE.
ARE YOU GOING TO
SIT THERE AND TELL ME
YOU DON'T REMEMBER ANYTHING
THAT HAPPENED TONIGHT?
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?!
I'M JUST GOING TO PRETEND
LIKE THIS WHOLE
CONVERSATION NEVER HAPPENED.
Y... B... UGH!
AAAH! EVERYTHING IN
HERE'S TOO NICE TO BREAK!
UH, EXCUSE ME,
I'M IN THE CENTER.
OH, SORRY.
I'M SORRY.
UM, HI, UM,
I DON'T SUPPOSE YOU'D
WANT TO TRADE SEATS WITH ME.
NO.
WELL, UM, SEE, IT'S SUCH
A LONG WAY TO PARIS,
AND I'VE JUST BEEN THROUGH
A REALLY TRAUMATIC,
EMOTIONAL ORDEAL,
AND IT MIGHT MAKE ME FEEL
BETTER IF I SIT NEXT TO THE WINDOW.
OH, I SEE.
NO.
RIGHT.
SO, YOU GOING TO PARIS?
OF COURSE YOU'RE GOING TO PARIS.
THAT'S GREAT, THAT'S GREAT.
VIVE LA FRANCE!
I ONLY SAID THAT BECAUSE I
JUST DECIDED TO GO THERE
WHEN I GOT TO THE AIRPORT.
YEAH, I'M HEALING THE OLD
HEART WITH A LITTLE ADVENTURE.
HEALING THE OLD HEART!
LITTLE ADVENTURE.
JUST HOPPED ON THE
FIRST FLIGHT TO EUROPE.
ACTUALLY, THE FIRST
FLIGHT WAS TO TURKEY,
BUT I DON'T SPEAK TURKISH, SO...
I-I DON'T SPEAK FRENCH, EITHER.
BUT, I MEAN, YOU KNOW WHAT?
IT'S GOT TO BE
EASIER THAN TURKISH.
I MEAN, HAVE YOU EVER
HEARD THAT LANGUAGE
WITH ALL THE "HA-CHHH"
AND THE "GA-GA-GA-GA-GA"?
EXCUSEZ-MOI, I THINK YOU
ARE SITTING IN THE WRONG SEAT.
THANK GOD.
BERG, I MADE BREAKFAST.
THANK GOD.
I SMELLED TOAST. I THOUGHT
I WAS HAVING A STROKE.
WELL, THIS BEING OUR FIRST
MORNING IN THE APARTMENT
WITHOUT PETE, I
THOUGHT IT... WHAT?
I DON'T KNOW.
SOMETHING SEEMS DIFFERENT.
WELL, I DON'T HEAR PETE
SINGING "RHINESTONE
COWBOY" IN THE SHOWER.
I'LL FIGURE IT OUT.
HE'S GOT THE BALL.
TWO SECONDS TO SHOOT.
GAME'S ON THE LINE. FAKES RIGHT.
HE SHOOTS.
OOH, NOTHING BUT WALL!
YOU CAN'T JUST GET RID OF
EVERYTHING YOU DON'T LIKE.
OF COURSE I CAN, HONEY.
I'LL GET IT!
It's probably the new
girlfriend I ordered.
HEY, BERG, CAN I
ASK YOU A QUESTION?
THIS IS IT.
OH, GOD!
I WAS SHARON.
THAT'S NOT FUNNY.
LOOK, SOMETHING
REALLY WEIRD IS GOING ON.
SHARON IS ACTING LIKE I
NEVER EVEN PROPOSED.
I HAVE A SIMILAR STORY.
LAST WEEK, I ASKED
HER FOR 10 BUCKS.
SHE JUST STARED AT ME.
YOU DON'T SUPPOSE
THERE'S ANOTHER GUY.
NO!
NO.
USUALLY THE SIMPLE
ANSWER IS THE RIGHT ONE.
WHICH IS? SHARON'S UNBALANCED.
SHE'S CRAZY. LET'S TAKE A WALK.
I MEAN, DON'T GET ME
WRONG. I LOVE HER TO DEATH,
BUT, UH, LOOK WHO
MY GIRLFRIEND IS.
WELL, WHAT SHOULD I DO?
I'M A DOCTOR. DON'T
PICK AT IT, IT'LL GO AWAY.
Woman: WE WILL ARRIVE AT
CHARLES DE GAULLE AIRPORT
IN 30 MINUTES.
MAN, IT'S AMAZING HOW
FAST SIX HOURS CAN GO BY
WHEN YOU HAVE
SOMEBODY TO TALK TO.
ANYWAY, SO I SCREWED
EVERYTHING UP WITH SHARON,
AND SHE GAVE ME THIS
LOOK, AND THIS LOOK,
IT... IT JUST SAID SO MUCH.
FUNNY, YOU DON'T STRIKE ME
AS THE KIND OF GUY
WHO CAN READ A LOOK.
OH, WELL, YOU KNOW,
YOU COULD HAVE SAID
SOMETHING SIX HOURS AGO.
I WAS WAITING FOR A PAUSE.
FINE, I WON'T TALK ANYMORE.
AND COULD I MAYBE GET A
LITTLE PIECE OF THE ARMREST?
EXCUSE ME.
I'M SORRY.
I COULDN'T HELP BUT
OVERHEAR YOU EARLIER.
OH, I'M SORRY.
YOU KNOW, I TALK REALLY LOUD.
I GREW UP IN A VERY LONG HOUSE.
NO, I MEAN IT SOUNDS LIKE
YOU HAD A REALLY HARD TIME.
OH, WELL, I'M FINE.
LOVE SUCKS, THAT'S ALL.
I HEAR YA. I FELL IN LOVE
WITH MY BEST FRIEND,
AND ALL MY FRIENDS
TOLD ME I WAS CRAZY.
YES!
YES!
BUT WE'RE NOT CRAZY.
THEY'RE CRAZY.
AND WHEN I TOLD HIM TO
MEET ME AT THE EIFFEL TOWER
SO I COULD TELL HIM I LOVE HIM,
THEY TOLD ME IT
WAS A TERRIBLE IDEA.
AND YOU'RE GOING. BAD IDEA?
YEAH, IF WE'RE CALLING
GREAT IDEAS BAD IDEAS NOW!
WELL, WHAT IF HE DOESN'T
FEEL THE SAME WAY?
IS THAT YOUR TICKET?
YEAH.
WELL, LOOK, EXCUSE ME,
BUT MISS NEGATIVE
DOES NOT HAVE SEAT 12-F.
NO, BATES BALOO DOES.
YES!
BATES, FOLLOW YOUR HEART,
AND NOT JUST FOR YOURSELF,
BUT FOR EVERYONE WHO'S
EVER SAT IN SEAT 12-F.
I WILL.
WILL YOU COME WITH ME?
YES.
YES. YES, I WILL.
WOW! I-IT'S ALL SO CLEAR NOW.
WHAT IS?
WELL, THAT I MUST SUFFER...
SO THAT I CAN TEACH OTHERS.
HOW THE HELL DID YOU GET
THIS DOWN BY YOURSELF?
THE GODS OF GOOD
TASTE EMPOWERED ME.
I'LL HAVE YOU KNOW
THAT EACH AND EVERY ITEM IN THIS
APARTMENT HAS BEEN HANDPICKED.
EVERY SINGLE ONE
HAS A STORY TO IT.
I KNOW.
AND EVERY STORY STARTS WITH,
"OKAY, SO PETE AND I WERE
TOTALLY HAMMERED ONE NIGHT..."
YOU KNOW WHAT...
I DON'T HAVE TO LISTEN TO
THIS BECAUSE BOTTOM LINE...
BOTTOM LINE IS THAT
THIS IS STILL MY APARTMENT
AND I WILL DECORATE
IT ANY WAY I WANT TO...
SOMETHING ELSE IS GONE.
AREN'T YOU GUYS READY YET?
YOU ASKED US TO GO
TO THE WHARF TODAY.
EXCEPT, OF COURSE,
IN SHARON'S WORLD,
WHERE PERHAPS YOU DIDN'T.
HEY... YOU TOOK DOWN
THE BASKETBALL HOOP!
NOW THIS WAY I CAN
HAVE A FEW FRIENDS OVER
FOR A GAME OF MIRROR.
AND YOU FINALLY GOT
RID OF THE STUPID OARS
YOU GUYS STOLE WHEN
YOU WERE HAMMERED.
YOU TOOK MY OARS.
IT'S AMAZING.
YOU CAN REMEMBER EVERY
DETAIL ABOUT THIS APARTMENT.
YOU MUST HAVE, LIKE,
THE BEST MEMORY EVER.
EVERYONE THINKS THE
APARTMENT LOOKS BETTER THIS WAY.
WRONG. WOMEN HAVE NO CONCEPT
OF THE HOOP AS DECORATION.
RIGHT, JOHNNY?
I HELPED HER TAKE IT DOWN.
WHAT?!
W-WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU PEOPLE?
IF PETE HADN'T LEFT TOWN...
W-W-WAIT. PETE LEFT TOWN? WHY?
I, UH... I DON'T KNOW.
LOOK. LOOK, OKAY,
HE LEFT SO FAST LAST NIGHT,
I DIDN'T GET A CHANCE
TO ASK HIM ANYTHING.
IT WAS ALL JUST A BLUR
OF SOCKS AND MONEY.
HE LEFT LAST NIGHT, AFTER I
SAW HIM AT THE PIZZA PLACE?
AHA!
HA HA!
HA HA HAA!
WHAT?!
"LAST NIGHT AT THE PIZZA PLACE"?
YOU SAID, "LAST NIGHT
AT THE PIZZA PLACE."
YOU REMEMBER!
NO, I DON'T, I...
WHERE AM I?
WHAT IS GOING ON, SHARON?
WHY DON'T YOU JUST TALK TO ME?
YOU KNOW... STAY
OUT OF IT. OKAY.
JOHNNY, I... I'M... WHAT?!
FINE. THAT'S OKAY.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
MAYBE YOUR IDEA WAS BEST.
LET'S JUST PRETEND LIKE I
NEVER ASKED YOU TO MARRY ME.
WHEW, THAT WENT
BETTER THAN I THOUGHT.
WHY ARE YOU STARING
AT ME LIKE THAT?
I'M NOT LOOKING AT YOU.
I'M LOOKING AT THE CHAIR.
IT'S GONE INSANE.
SHARON, WHY CAN'T YOU
JUST GIVE JOHNNY AN ANSWER?
I CAN'T. IF I SAY NO, IT'S GOING
TO RUIN THE RELATIONSHIP.
YOU WANT TO SAY
NO. I WANT TO SAY YES.
SO SAY YES.
BUT THEN HE'LL
WANT TO GET MARRIED!
EXACTLY!
WHAT AM I NOT GETTING?
SHARON LOVES JOHNNY, BUT
SHE CAN'T SAY YES BECAUSE...
SOMETHING'S HOLDING HER BACK.
SO, INSTEAD OF BEING
HONEST, SHE'S OPTING
TO LET JOHNNY ROAST SLOWLY
IN THE FLAMES OF UNCERTAINTY.
YES!
NO! YOU CAN'T DO THAT!
YOU HAVE TO BE
HONEST WITH JOHNNY
AND TELL HIM THAT YOU'RE
IN LOVE WITH PETE, TOO.
PETE?
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
I'M NOT IN LOVE WITH
PETE. PETE'S MY FRIEND.
I MEAN, SURE, I'D BE
SAD IF HE DIED, BUT...
IS THAT LOVE?
FINE, IF THAT'S NOT IT,
THEN TELL ME SOMETHING...
WHAT IS IT?
I... BERG, YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND.
I-IT'S A LOT OF THINGS.
LIKE IT'S... LIKE...
LIKE IT'S TOO SOON.
PROBLEMS WITH HER FAMILY.
MY MOTHER!
HER MOTHER, RIGHT. SEE?
SO YOUR MOTHER HATES JOHNNY.
NO, MY MOTHER LOVES JOHNNY.
LOVES HIM TOO MUCH.
MY MOTHER'S BEEN
MARRIED THREE TIMES!
AND ONCE TO JOHNNY!
WILL YOU SHUT UP?!
SHARON DOESN'T WANT
TO RUSH INTO MARRIAGE
AND MAKE THE SAME MISTAKES
THAT HER MOTHER MADE.
OH, YEAH, THAT'S IT.
THAT IS IT.
I SAID, "OH, YEAH, THAT'S IT."
BUT REALLY, I'VE WATCHED
JOHNNY AROUND YOUR MOM.
OH, BERG!
LOOK, SHARON, I REALLY DO
UNDERSTAND HOW YOU FEEL,
BUT YOU CAN'T JUST LEAVE IT
THIS WAY WITH JOHNNY FOREVER.
BUT HOW DO YOU TELL A
GUY WHO KNOWS HE WANTS
TO BE WITH YOU FOR
THE REST OF HIS LIFE
THAT YOU'RE NOT SURE YET?
I CAN'T BELIEVE I THOUGHT THIS
WHOLE THING WAS ABOUT PETE.
IT IS!
HE'S NOT COMING!
NO, WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
BATES, IT'S BEEN 10 MINUTES.
MAYBE HE'S HAVING A HARD
TIME FINDING THE PLACE.
IT'S THE EIFFEL TOWER.
DID I HEAR YOU ASK
FOR AN EIFFEL TOWER?
NO, UM, WE'RE LOOKING FOR A MAN.
MONSIEUR, I CAN
ARRANGE THAT FOR YOU.
WHAT IS YOUR PRICE RANGE?
AND THEY SAY THE FRENCH
AREN'T HELPFUL. THANKS.
I CAN'T DO THIS. I CAN'T
TELL HIM I LOVE HIM.
WHAT? NO, NO, NO.
LISTEN TO ME.
THIS IS THE MOMENT THAT'S
GONNA CHANGE YOUR LIFE FOREVER.
AND THE WORST PART IS
NOT HIM NOT LOVING YOU,
IT'S NOT KNOWING WHETHER
OR NOT HE LOVES YOU OR NOT.
WAIT A MINUTE.
YES, THAT'S RIGHT!
ARE YOU SURE?
I'M WILLING TO BET
THE LAST UNBROKEN
BIT OF MY HEART ON IT.
OKAY!
OH, NO.
WHAT "OH, NO"?
WHAT IF HE'S AT THE BOTTOM?
ALL RIGHT, UM, WELL, UH,
LET'S GO DOWN AND CHECK.
WHAT IF HE COMES UP HERE
WHILE WE'RE DOWN THERE?
WHAT IF HE TAKES THE ELEVATORS
WHILE WE TAKE THE STAIRS?
I'LL GO DOWN AND CHECK.
YOU WAIT HERE, OKAY?
THAT WOULD BE PERFECT.
UH, BUT HOW AM I GOING
TO RECOGNIZE HIM?
HE HAS ONE ARM.
GREAT!
IT'S NOT GREAT FOR HIM,
BUT IT SURE HELPS ME.
OH, UH, EXCUSE ME, SIR,
DID YOU SEE THE
WOMAN I WAS WITH?
YES. SHE LEFT RIGHT
AFTER YOU, MONSIEUR.
A-AFTER ME?
WELL, UH, NOT RIGHT AFTER.
FIRST SHE TOOK
SOME TIME TO, UH...
GO THROUGH YOUR LUGGAGE.
NO, NO.
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
COME ON, PLEASE,
NOT THE MONEY SOCK,
NOT THE MONEY
SOCK, NOT THE MONEY...
HA HA HA!
SHE LEFT THE SOCK!
SHE LEFT THE SOCK!
SHE TOOK THE MONEY!
SHE TOOK THE MONEY
AND LEFT THE SOCK?
ABSURD.
OH, MY GOD, WHAT AM I GONNA DO?
I WOULD JUMP OFF THIS SIDE.
THE VIEW IS BEAUTIFUL.
THERE YOU ARE.
WHERE HAVE YOU BEEN?
DO YOU KNOW WHAT TIME IT IS?
I WENT OUT FOR A WALK.
YOU KNOW WHAT? FUNNIEST
THING HAPPENED TO ME.
I ASKED THIS GUY FOR
DIRECTIONS, AND HE ANSWERED ME.
OKAY, I GET IT.
AND THEN I ASKED THE GROCER
IF THE MELONS WERE FRESH.
HE ANSWERED ME, TOO!
I NEARLY FELL DOWN!
PEOPLE WERE ANSWERING
ME WHEREVER I WENT!
PRETTY SOON, I
WAS DOIN' IT MYSELF!
"DO YOU WANT FRIES WITH
THAT?" "NO," I SAID, "NO FRIES!"
JOHNNY, I WANT TO GIVE
YOU AN ANSWER, I DO.
BUT...
BUT I'M SCARED, OKAY?
CAN'T YOU UNDERSTAND THAT?
I-IF YOU DON'T LOVE
ME, JUST TELL ME.
I DO LOVE YOU.
THEN WHAT IS THE PROBLEM?!
I DON'T KNOW!
GOD! WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?!
WHY CAN'T I JUST SAY YES?
WHY CAN'T I JUST LET GO
AND TRUST MY FEELINGS?
WHY AM I TAKING WHAT SHOULD BE
THE BEST MOMENT
OF MY ENTIRE LIFE
AND RUINING IT?
WHAT ARE YOU DOING?
GET UP, GET UP, GET UP!
NO.
I AM NOT LETTING GO THIS
TIME UNTIL I GET AN ANSWER,
JUST TRUST YOUR FEELINGS.
LET GO!
NO.
LET GO!
NO.
LET GO! NO!
AAH!
OWW!
I'M SORRY!
I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY!
I'M OKAY, I'M OKAY!
AT LEAST I KNOW THIS
TIME YOU HEARD ME.
I LOVE YOU.
I REALLY DO LOVE YOU.
I LOVE YOU, TOO.
ASK ME AGAIN.
WHAT?
COME HERE.
PROPOSE TO ME AGAIN.
OKAY.
I WAS IN A BAD MOOD EARLIER.
TAKE YOUR SHOES OFF FIRST.
SHARON, WILL YOU MARRY ME?
YES...
IN THEORY.
"IN THEORY"? WHAT THE
HELL DOES THAT MEAN?
IT IS WHAT IT IS.
BUT IT'S A YES, RIGHT?
YES... IN THEORY.
I HEARD YES! YAY!
YOU'RE FOOLS!
THERE'S NO SUCH THING
AS LOVE! IT DOESN'T EXIST!
D-DO YOU KNOW WHERE THE
WORD LOVE COMES FROM?
IT COMES FROM THE WORD
L'OEUF, WHICH MEANS EGG,
WHICH MEANS... ZERO,
WHICH MEANS NOTHING.
YOU FRENCH ARE IDIOTS!
STUPIDE!
SIR, WOULD YOU BUY ME A DRINK?
DON'T LET PARIS FOOL YOU!
THERE'S NO SUCH THING AS LOVE!
I L'OEUF YOU, TOO.
OKAY, ASHLEY, I'VE DECIDED
TO LET THE OARS AND
THE BASKETBALL HOOP GO.
YOU COULDN'T FIND
THEM, COULD YOU?
IT'S LIKE YOU WORK FOR THE MOB.
DON'T WORRY, FROM NOW
ON, I'LL CHECK WITH YOU FIRST.
SO, HOW WOULD YOU FEEL
ABOUT LOSING THE COFFEE TABLE?