Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 2, Episode 8 - Two Guys, a Girl and a Wedding - full transcript
A friend of Pete, Berg and Sharon is getting married and they are all invited. The bride-to-be was one of Pete's former girlfriends. Berg invites Ashley to go to the wedding with him. Initially, she says no but relents. He dances with another woman in order to make her jealous. It works, but she has some bigger news for him. Sharon takes Johnny, but she is also a bridesmaid having to wear an atrocious dress. At the wedding, Pete gets drunk and makes a fool of himself.
ONLY KATEY AND SPUD
WOULD GET REGISTERED
AT A TRENDY GADGET
STORE LIKE FUTURE IMAGE.
I THINK IT'S GENIUS.
I SAY WE CHIP IN AND GET
THEM THE NIGHT GOGGLES.
THAT'S GOOD, BERG.
NOTHING SAYS COMMITMENT AND
TRUST LIKE SURVEILLANCE EQUIPMENT.
LA! WANT A BEER?
IS THERE A FLOAT PARKED OUTSIDE?
IT'S MY FIRST TIME
BEING A BRIDESMAID.
IF I WANT TO WEAR THE
GLOVES, I'M WEARING THE GLOVES.
HEY, PETE.
HEY, PRINCESS.
I'M TELLING YOU, THE ONLY WAY
TO WATCH THE GODFATHER MOVIES
IS ONE RIGHT AFTER THE OTHER.
[IMITATES BRANDO] I
BELIEVED THAT... THEN.
I BELIEVE THAT NOW.
HEY! GIVE ME 20 BUCKS FOR KATEY'S
WEDDING GIFT. HOW ABOUT THE, UH...
THE TOOTHPASTE MAKER?
WAIT, WAIT! KATEY... KATEY WHO?
KATEY. YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I
DON'T THINK I'M GONNA GO.
I'M JUST, YOU KNOW, I'M
NOT GOOD AT WEDDINGS.
Berg: THAT'S NOT TRUE.
YOU'RE ONLY NOT
GOOD AT WEDDINGS...
COMPARED TO ME.
HE IS QUITE THE DANCER.
YOU'RE A CROSS BETWEEN JOHN
TRAVOLTA AND FRED ASTAIRE.
WITH A DASH OF GOMEZ ADAMS.
CARA MIA?
OOH.
OH! YOU STILL GOT IT.
AND I PLAN TO USE IT.
IF I CAN GET ASHLEY
TO GO WITH ME.
I'LL TWIRL HER, DIP
HER, AND CHARM HER...
RIGHT INTO MY WEB OF LOVE.
GENIUS, GOMEZ.
OF COURSE.
[CRASH] OOH!
SORRY, 'TISH.
I JUST SPOKE WITH KATEY.
SHE REALLY WANTS YOU
TO COME TO THE WEDDING.
FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?
AREN'T EX-GIRLFRIENDS SUPPOSED
TO DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH?
AND IF THEY DON'T HAVE
THE DECENCY TO DO THAT,
THEY SHOULD AT
LEAST BE MISERABLE.
OR GET MAJORLY, MAJORLY FAT.
WELL, I HEARD SHE
HAS PUT ON A FEW.
REALLY?
COME ON! IF YOU DON'T
MAKE UP YOUR MIND,
THERE WON'T BE TIME
TO RENT YOU A TUX.
FORTUNATELY, I
ALREADY OWN A TUX.
YOU DO? REALLY?
SURE. FOR THOSE JUKEBOX
REPAIRMAN AWARDS.
ALL MY BUDDIES ARE
GETTING MARRIED.
I'VE BEEN BEST
MAN, LIKE, 7 TIMES.
NOW, JAMES BROWN...
NOW, THAT'S A TUX.
[IMITATES JAMES BROWN] OWW!
THAT MAN HAS STYLE. YEAH!
SUPER-WIDE LAPEL, STRIPE DOWN
THE PANT LEG, PLEATED CUMMERBUND,
ALL IN A CRANBERRY
CRUSHED VELVET.
SING IT.
NOT PURPLE. NO.
CRANBERRY.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
WISH ME LUCK.
UH, ASHLEY?
OH, HEY, BERG.
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?
OH, YEAH, SURE.
UH, LISTEN, I'LL
GET RIGHT TO IT.
I'M TIRED OF HITTING ON YOU.
I MEAN, IT DOESN'T SEEM
LIKE EITHER ONE OF US
ARE REALLY GETTING
MUCH OUT OF IT.
OK, BERG, WHAT'S THE CATCH?
NO, NO CATCH.
I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
FAIR ENOUGH. WE'RE FRIENDS.
YEAH? YEAH.
EXCELLENT!
GOOD.
UM... LISTEN, I HAVE THIS
OTHER GROUP OF FRIENDS,
AND, UH, WE'RE ALL GOING
TO A PARTY ON SUNDAY.
NO. IT WAS A LITTLE LATE,
BUT THE CATCH FINALLY GOT HERE.
NO, NO. IT'S JUST A PARTY.
NOW, THERE'S PEOPLE IN A
ROOM, YOU KNOW, NOTHING BIG.
A LITTLE WEDDING.
A WEDDING? BERG, THERE'S
NO WAY I'M GOING TO...
COME ON!
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S OUR WEDDING.
JUST... JUST THINK OF IT AS A PARTY
WITH A COUPLE OF VOWS UP FRONT.
A COUPLE OF VOWS, BERG?
IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT
DAY IN TWO PEOPLE'S LIVES.
WHY ARE YOU PUTTING
ALL THIS PRESSURE ON US?
THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.
Sharon: HOW'D IT GO?
WELL, IF I HAD A SEAT
BELT AND AN AIR BAG,
I'D BE ALIVE TODAY.
HEY, ASHLEY.
UH-HUH.
UH, CAN I TALK TO YOU?
YEAH.
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
GETTING INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE
LIKE BERG WOULD TERRIFY ME, TOO.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OK, I'M FREEZING MY BUTT OFF.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT... BERG'S GREAT.
KNOCK IT OFF AND
GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
SHARON, I LIKE BERG.
I JUST DON'T LIKE
HIM IN THAT WAY.
OH, OK, OK.
SO THAT'S WHY YOU NEVER WALK
THROUGH THIS DOOR TO "STUDY"
WITHOUT WEARING FRESH LIPSTICK.
OK, I HAVE DRY LIPS.
HA HA HA.
YEAH, YEAH, I KNEW IT
HAD TO BE SOMETHING.
WHEN... WHEN A GIRL TURNS
YOU DOWN FOR THE 11th TIME,
YOU GOTTA BE ABLE
TO TAKE THE HINT.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT
TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME.
FRIENDS ISN'T EXACTLY
WHAT YOU WERE GOING FOR.
NAH! BUT SHE DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
KATEY AND I, WE'RE
JUST FRIENDS. YEAH.
JUST FRIENDS, YOU KNOW.
HELLO.
COME ON, GUYS, SNAP OUT OF IT.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY
ONES WITH PROBLEMS.
THERE'S A VERY GOOD CHANCE I
COULD SHOW UP AT THIS WEDDING
WITH A FOURTH TOP.
BERG!
TERRI!
MY GOD! THIS IS WHERE I
LEFT YOU GUYS 5 YEARS AGO.
HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD, GOOD. IT'S
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
TERRI!
PETE. OHH.
HOW YOU DOING WITH ALL THIS?
I KNOW YOU AND
KATEY WERE... IT'S BAD.
OHH.
OH, COME ON, PETE. JUST THINK,
SHE'S GONNA BE STUCK WITH
SPUD FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.
DOES ANYONE KNOW EXACTLY
HOW MUCH WEIGHT THEY'VE GAINED?
HE'S EXACTLY THE SAME.
BERG, BUY ME A DRINK.
HANK! CAPE COD, NO FRUIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? GOOD FOR BERG.
MAYBE TERRI WILL TAKE HIS MIND
OFF THAT ICE QUEEN FOR A WHILE.
OH, YOU CAN'T
TOTALLY BLAME ASHLEY
FOR BEING A LITTLE WARY OF BERG.
I AM VERY IMPRESSED YOU
REMEMBER WHAT I DRINK.
THAT'S NOT ALL I REMEMBER.
MMM. WE HAD SOME TIMES, BERG.
LIKE THAT TIME WE PULLED THE
OLD RISKY BUSINESS ON THE SUBWAY?
YEAH.
THAT WASN'T ME.
YEAH. IT WAS.
NO. BUT I DO REMEMBER THAT TIME
ON TOP OF THE PRUDENTIAL BUILDING.
OH, YEAH, IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
THAT WASN'T ME.
WHAT... WHAT... WHAT
IF TERRI'S RIGHT?
WHAT IF KATEY WAS THE ONE?
WHEN DID SHE SAY THAT?
SHE DIDN'T.
BUT SHE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT
WE WERE GOOD TOGETHER.
YOU'RE BLOWING THIS WHOLE
KATEY THING OUT OF PROPORTION.
YOU'RE JUST FREAKING OUT BECAUSE
EVERYONE YOU KNOW IS MOVING ON.
RIGHT?
DOING THINGS WITH THEIR
LIVES, THEIR CAREERS,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT.
WE MUST HAVE.
I KNOW WE WANTED TO.
THEN WHY WOULDN'T WE?
WE MUST HAVE!
HOW COULD WE FORGET?
I SAY WE SHOULD GO
REFRESH OUR MEMORIES.
UH, WE'RE GOING BACK TO
THE APARTMENT FOR A WHILE.
WE, UH, FORGOT SOMETHING.
SO GET THIS.
ASHLEY SWITCHES FROM THE
DAY SHIFT TO THE NIGHT SHIFT
TO GET AWAY FROM ME.
THIS GIRL JUST KEEPS REJECTING
YOU AND REJECTING YOU,
AND YOU KEEP GOING
BACK FOR MORE?
I'M AS BAFFLED AS YOU.
AND SHE... SHE... SHE DOESN'T
LAUGH AT ANY OF MY JOKES,
WON'T RETURN ANY OF MY
PHONE CALLS, AND SHE HAS...
SHE HAS PROBABLY THE BEST...
MOST AMAZING
SMILE I'VE EVER SEEN.
WOW, YOU REALLY KNOW
HOW TO TURN A GIRL ON.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
IT'S OK, IT'S OK. I JUST...
I MISS YOU, BERG.
I MISS ME, TOO.
I'M SORRY, TERRI.
I DON'T THINK THIS
IS GONNA HAPPEN.
REALLY?
UH, YOU WANT ANYTHING?
WELL, YEAH, BUT I'LL
SETTLE FOR A SODA.
IN SOME CULTURES, SODA CAN
BE MORE SATISFYING THAN SEX.
OH? [FIZZES]
AAH!
SEE?
IT'S OK. I'M OK.
UM... DO YOU HAVE A BLOW-DRYER?
UH, IN THE BATHROOM.
OK.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
STUPID. STUPID.
STUPID. ASHLEY.
HEY, BERG.
WHAT ARE YOU... HI! WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
OH, I JUST, UH, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE
FOR THE WAY I BLEW YOU OFF BEFORE,
AND, UM...
I'M REALLY FLATTERED THAT YOU
OFFERED TO TAKE ME TO THE WEDDING,
AND I WOULD LOVE TO GO
WITH YOU, AS YOUR FRIEND.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
NO.
WELL, THIS IS GREAT!
ASHLEY, THAT'S OUTSTANDING.
I... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
THERE REALLY ARE EASIER
WAYS TO GET A GIRL UNDRESSED.
NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO.
OH, NO. NO.
NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S OK,
BECAUSE WE ARE, ALL, UM, FRIENDS HERE.
Ashley: WAIT!
OBVIOUSLY, SOME
CLOSER THAN OTHERS.
UH, NO, WE ARE JUST
FRIENDS, BERG, RIGHT?
FRIENDS, SO... YEAH.
I WILL SEE YOU SUNDAY.
OK.
THAT WAS ASHLEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT
THE REAL TRAGEDY IS?
THE REAL, REAL TRAGEDY
IS THAT TOMORROW
IS THE FIRST DAY OF
THE REST OF KATEY'S LIFE
WITHOUT ME.
REALLY? I THOUGHT THAT WAS, LIKE, 4
YEARS AGO, THE DAY SHE DUMPED YOU.
OH, OH, OH. OH, I SEE.
RELATIONSHIP INSIGHT
FROM ASHLEY'S FRIEND,
ASHLEY'S PAL, ASHLEY'S BUDDY.
HEY, SHE'S COMING
WITH ME, ISN'T SHE?
YEAH, AS A FRIEND.
YEAH. IF THAT'S THE GAME SHE
WANTS TO PLAY, I CAN PLAY ALONG.
SHE WANTS A FRIEND,
I'LL BE A FRIEND.
I WILL OOZE FRIEND.
HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
JUST A SEC.
IT'S PERFECT.
YOU KNOW, W-WITH KATEY AND
ME, IT WAS JUST A SCHEDULING THING.
YOU KNOW, I WAS READY
FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP,
AND SHE WASN'T.
WHO WOULD THINK THAT SPUD
WOULD BE THE LOVE OF HER LIFE?
HE'S NOT. HE'S NOT.
NO. SHE ALWAYS TOLD ME I
WAS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE.
SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS JUST
GOING TO WIND UP MARRYING
WHOEVER SHE WAS DATING WHEN
SHE FELT LIKE GETTING MARRIED.
HUH. I BET SPUD WOULD
LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.
LET IT GO.
YEAH.
YOU GOT ENOUGH ROOM IN THE ARMS?
I DON'T KNOW, LET ME SEE.
KATEY! KATEY, GIVE
ME A HUG, YOU BUICK.
YEAH, IT'S PERFECT.
WOO! HA HA. YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.
THANKS.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? JOHNNY
CALLED ME THIS MORNING.
HE ASKED TO BORROW SOME
CRANBERRY SOCKS. I DON'T KNOW.
OWW! WHAT?!
YOU GUYS ARE SO CHILDISH.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE
CLOTHES. IT'S ABOUT THE MAN.
AND I LOVE THE MAN. I DON'T
CARE WHAT HE'S WEARING.
AH, MS. CARTER.
YOUR DRESS IS READY.
YOU'LL MAKE A
BEAUTIFUL BRIDESMAID.
[GASPS]
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DRESS.
IT'S ABOUT THE PATHETIC
LIAR INSIDE THE DRESS.
WELL, I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE
THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SAY
THAT YOU LOOK MAGNIFICENT.
THANK YOU.
SHALL I SIGN US IN?
SURE.
OK... MICHAEL BERGEN AND... PAL.
PERFECT.
OH, WOW! THIS IS GREAT.
ASH, UH, TAKE CARE OF
THIS FOR ME, WILL YOU?
UH, SURE.
WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?
NOT ONLY WAS KATEY THE FIRST ONE
OF ALL THE GIRLS I DATED
WHO COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE,
SHE'S ALSO THE FIRST
ONE OF ALL THE ONES
WHO COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE
THAT'S GETTING MARRIED.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
ALL I KNOW IS SHE'S
THE LAST WOMAN
WHO SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO
PICK OUT BRIDESMAID'S DRESSES.
I HATE THESE SHOES.
THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE
PINK STRAITJACKETS.
WHEN'S JOHNNY GETTING HERE?
HE'S MEETING ME HERE.
HE HAD TO WORK LATE.
WELL, HOLD ON. LET ME
BLOW UP YOUR FLOATIES.
KATEY GOT THIN,
AND SPUD GOT KATEY.
YOU ARE SO MEAN.
HMM. EXCUSE ME.
IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?
OHH! AAH.
LOOK AT YOU.
HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU LOOK SO... HANDSOME.
WELL... THANKS.
I LOOK UGLY.
YOU LOOK PRETTY.
NO, HONEY, COME ON.
IT MATCHES YOUR SHOES!
HI, ASHLEY.
HI.
WHOO! THERE IT IS.
PLEASE.
OK. ASHLEY?
OH, THANK YOU,
BERG, I'D LOVE SOME.
YOU GOT IT, AMIGO.
THANK YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU DANCE
SOME WITH ASHLEY?
SHE IS YOUR DATE.
SHE'S NOT MY DATE.
SHE'S A FRIEND.
ALL WEEK YOU'RE TELLING ME,
"PRACTICE YOUR FOX TROT,
PRACTICE YOUR FOX TROT,"
AND NOW YOU WON'T DANCE WITH ME?
BECAUSE I FEEL
RIDICULOUS IN THIS THING.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT
THE DRESS, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S THE GIRL IN IT
THAT I'M CRAZY ABOUT.
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
YOU... ARE GONNA
GET SO LUCKY TONIGHT.
[MAN TAPPING ON GLASS]
I'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW
WORDS TO THE MAN WHO'S...
STEALING MY KATEY.
THERE'S A CERTAIN
FEELING A FATHER HAS
WHEN HE SEES JOY ON THE
FACE OF HIS, UH, LITTLE GIRL,
AND SINCE KATEY'S MET STEVE,
I'VE NEVER SEEN HER SO...
DEVOTED, AND I
COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD.
TO YOU, SON.
Crowd: AWW!
PFFFT!
YOU CALL THAT A TOAST?
HMM HMM. YOU
KNOW WHAT I CALL IT?
LIES.
YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE
ONLY GOT MARRIED TO HIM
BECAUSE SHE FELT
LIKE GETTING MARRIED.
THAT'S WHAT THEY OUGHT TO SAY.
WOULD ANYONE ELSE
LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS?
YEAH, OVER HERE.
AHEM... HI, UM... KATEY, UM...
YOU KNOW, AS... AS YOU
ALL KNOW, KATEY AND I,
WE GO WAY, WAY BACK.
YOU KNOW, WE WERE VERY,
VERY CLOSE, YOU KNOW, AND, UH...
UH, SHE, UH, SHE
TOLD ME SOMETHING
THAT WAS VERY, VERY
INTERESTING, YOU KNOW?
AND SPUD, I SEE YA,
AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER
WITH ALL THAT LOVE IN YOUR EYES...
EVEN THOUGH SHE'S
CHOMPING AWAY ON THAT GUM,
GOD, I USED TO HATE THAT!
AND THEN I'D SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT IT,
WE'D GET INTO THIS HUGE FIGHT.
WE FOUGHT A LOT, YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, I-I'M PRETTY
HAPPY NOW. I'M PRETTY HAPPY.
YEAH, I... I... I WENT
THROUGH THIS... THIS THING
WITH SCHOOL AND MY CAREER.
MELISSA BROKE UP
WITH ME, YOU KNOW.
NO, NO, NO, NO, I'M
OK. I'M OK. I JUST...
I SEE, YOU KNOW, I
SEE OTHER WOMEN. I DO.
CAN WE SHOOT HIM NOW?
SHH. LET HIM GO.
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE'S
THIS GIRL AT THE BANK.
I'M PRETTY SURE SHE LIKES ME.
I THINK I'M GOING
TO ASK HER OUT.
NO, I AM GOING TO ASK HER OUT.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW, PETE
DUNVILLE, HE'S GONNA BE OK.
YOU KNOW, SO... SO... SO, KATEY,
SPUDY... BE HEALTHY,
BE HAPPY, BE MARRIED.
LISTEN TO THAT.
YOU GOT OOHs AND AHHs.
I'M THE WIZARD OF AHHs.
[SLOW DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
SEE THAT GIRL OUT THERE IN THE WHITE
DRESS AND THE 12-FOOT HEAD THING?
YOU MEAN THE BRIDE?
YEAH, HER.
THAT COULD BE ME
DANCING WITH HER.
YEAH, I KNOW. I
HEARD YOUR TOAST.
YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA ADMIT,
IT FEELS PRETTY STUPID WATCHING
SOMEONE DANCE WITH THE PERSON
YOU SHOULD BE DANCING WITH.
THAT WAS SUBTLE.
WASN'T MEANT TO BE.
THANKS, PETE.
HEY, PAL.
HEY.
WANT TO DANCE?
FINALLY!
YOU'RE ONLY GIVING
ME ONE DANCE, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH.
TANGO!
[NEEDLE SCRATCHES OVER RECORD]
[TANGO BEGINS TO PLAY]
NOT BAD.
I KNOW.
IT BOTHERED YOU TO SEE ME
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, DIDN'T IT?
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
IS IT?
AND... OOH.
IT BOTHERS YOU THAT IT
BOTHERS YOU, DOESN'T IT?
ABSURD.
REALLY?
TELL ME SOMETHING, ASHLEY.
WHY ELSE WOULD YOU
BE DANCING WITH ME?
OH, JUST ADMIT IT.
OK, LISTEN, BERG,
YOU TRIED TO PLAY
YOUR CHILDISH LITTLE GAMES
ON ME, AND IT DIDN'T WORK,
AND I JUST DON'T
NEED THIS ANYMORE.
OH, YOU DON'T NEED THIS ANYMORE.
OH, MY GOD, I...
I'VE BEEN TAKING IT ON THE CHIN
FROM YOU FOR THE LAST 3 MONTHS.
AND I FIGURED SOMETHING
WAS WRONG WITH ME.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? THANK YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS, ASHLEY,
ON MAKING ME FEEL THIS BIG.
SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR
ICE QUEEN, GAME-PLAYING,
MIXED MESSAGE CRAP
AND DUMP IT ON SOMEONE ELSE,
BECAUSE I AM DONE.
WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THAT... PAL?
YOU...
KIDDING.
LOOK, I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?
OH, NO, NO, BERG.
I'M SORRY. YOU WERE RIGHT.
I'M RIGHT ABOUT WHAT?
I DO HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU.
YOU DO?
HAPPY?
WELL, YES, I MEAN, I AM...
I'M HAPPY, I'M STUNNED,
I'M A WALKING FESTIVAL.
IT'S NOT... IT'S
NOT THAT SIMPLE.
THE PROBLEM IS I HAVE...
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU HAVE WHAT?
YOU HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH?
A RASH?
NO, BERG... I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
WELL, WE MET IN
UNDERGRAD, AND...
NOW HE'S AT SCHOOL IN OXFORD.
AND JUST WHEN THE HELL WERE
YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS?
WHEN IT MATTERED.
SO YOU'RE SAYING IT MATTERS?
YEAH, BERG... I'M
SAYING IT MATTERS.
[ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING]
♪ STARTING ♪
♪ TODAY ♪
♪ I SIMPLY ♪
♪ HAVE NO CHOICE ♪
♪ AND SING WITH ONE VOICE ♪
SPRINKLER.
[IMITATING SPRINKLER]
SHOPPING CART.
LAWN MOWER.
AND PULL.
DO THE HUSTLE.
NOBODY KNOWS THE HUSTLE.
CHARLIE'S ANGELS.
Man: IN FRONT.
WOULD GET REGISTERED
AT A TRENDY GADGET
STORE LIKE FUTURE IMAGE.
I THINK IT'S GENIUS.
I SAY WE CHIP IN AND GET
THEM THE NIGHT GOGGLES.
THAT'S GOOD, BERG.
NOTHING SAYS COMMITMENT AND
TRUST LIKE SURVEILLANCE EQUIPMENT.
LA! WANT A BEER?
IS THERE A FLOAT PARKED OUTSIDE?
IT'S MY FIRST TIME
BEING A BRIDESMAID.
IF I WANT TO WEAR THE
GLOVES, I'M WEARING THE GLOVES.
HEY, PETE.
HEY, PRINCESS.
I'M TELLING YOU, THE ONLY WAY
TO WATCH THE GODFATHER MOVIES
IS ONE RIGHT AFTER THE OTHER.
[IMITATES BRANDO] I
BELIEVED THAT... THEN.
I BELIEVE THAT NOW.
HEY! GIVE ME 20 BUCKS FOR KATEY'S
WEDDING GIFT. HOW ABOUT THE, UH...
THE TOOTHPASTE MAKER?
WAIT, WAIT! KATEY... KATEY WHO?
KATEY. YOUR EX-GIRLFRIEND.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? I
DON'T THINK I'M GONNA GO.
I'M JUST, YOU KNOW, I'M
NOT GOOD AT WEDDINGS.
Berg: THAT'S NOT TRUE.
YOU'RE ONLY NOT
GOOD AT WEDDINGS...
COMPARED TO ME.
HE IS QUITE THE DANCER.
YOU'RE A CROSS BETWEEN JOHN
TRAVOLTA AND FRED ASTAIRE.
WITH A DASH OF GOMEZ ADAMS.
CARA MIA?
OOH.
OH! YOU STILL GOT IT.
AND I PLAN TO USE IT.
IF I CAN GET ASHLEY
TO GO WITH ME.
I'LL TWIRL HER, DIP
HER, AND CHARM HER...
RIGHT INTO MY WEB OF LOVE.
GENIUS, GOMEZ.
OF COURSE.
[CRASH] OOH!
SORRY, 'TISH.
I JUST SPOKE WITH KATEY.
SHE REALLY WANTS YOU
TO COME TO THE WEDDING.
FINE. YOU KNOW WHAT?
AREN'T EX-GIRLFRIENDS SUPPOSED
TO DROP OFF THE FACE OF THE EARTH?
AND IF THEY DON'T HAVE
THE DECENCY TO DO THAT,
THEY SHOULD AT
LEAST BE MISERABLE.
OR GET MAJORLY, MAJORLY FAT.
WELL, I HEARD SHE
HAS PUT ON A FEW.
REALLY?
COME ON! IF YOU DON'T
MAKE UP YOUR MIND,
THERE WON'T BE TIME
TO RENT YOU A TUX.
FORTUNATELY, I
ALREADY OWN A TUX.
YOU DO? REALLY?
SURE. FOR THOSE JUKEBOX
REPAIRMAN AWARDS.
ALL MY BUDDIES ARE
GETTING MARRIED.
I'VE BEEN BEST
MAN, LIKE, 7 TIMES.
NOW, JAMES BROWN...
NOW, THAT'S A TUX.
[IMITATES JAMES BROWN] OWW!
THAT MAN HAS STYLE. YEAH!
SUPER-WIDE LAPEL, STRIPE DOWN
THE PANT LEG, PLEATED CUMMERBUND,
ALL IN A CRANBERRY
CRUSHED VELVET.
SING IT.
NOT PURPLE. NO.
CRANBERRY.
WELL, I'LL SEE YOU LATER.
WISH ME LUCK.
UH, ASHLEY?
OH, HEY, BERG.
CAN I TALK TO YOU FOR A MINUTE?
OH, YEAH, SURE.
UH, LISTEN, I'LL
GET RIGHT TO IT.
I'M TIRED OF HITTING ON YOU.
I MEAN, IT DOESN'T SEEM
LIKE EITHER ONE OF US
ARE REALLY GETTING
MUCH OUT OF IT.
OK, BERG, WHAT'S THE CATCH?
NO, NO CATCH.
I JUST WANT TO BE FRIENDS.
FAIR ENOUGH. WE'RE FRIENDS.
YEAH? YEAH.
EXCELLENT!
GOOD.
UM... LISTEN, I HAVE THIS
OTHER GROUP OF FRIENDS,
AND, UH, WE'RE ALL GOING
TO A PARTY ON SUNDAY.
NO. IT WAS A LITTLE LATE,
BUT THE CATCH FINALLY GOT HERE.
NO, NO. IT'S JUST A PARTY.
NOW, THERE'S PEOPLE IN A
ROOM, YOU KNOW, NOTHING BIG.
A LITTLE WEDDING.
A WEDDING? BERG, THERE'S
NO WAY I'M GOING TO...
COME ON!
IT'S NOT LIKE IT'S OUR WEDDING.
JUST... JUST THINK OF IT AS A PARTY
WITH A COUPLE OF VOWS UP FRONT.
A COUPLE OF VOWS, BERG?
IT'S THE MOST IMPORTANT
DAY IN TWO PEOPLE'S LIVES.
WHY ARE YOU PUTTING
ALL THIS PRESSURE ON US?
THANKS, BUT NO THANKS.
Sharon: HOW'D IT GO?
WELL, IF I HAD A SEAT
BELT AND AN AIR BAG,
I'D BE ALIVE TODAY.
HEY, ASHLEY.
UH-HUH.
UH, CAN I TALK TO YOU?
YEAH.
FOR WHAT IT'S WORTH,
GETTING INVOLVED WITH SOMEONE
LIKE BERG WOULD TERRIFY ME, TOO.
WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?
OK, I'M FREEZING MY BUTT OFF.
YOU KNOW WHAT I'M TALKING
ABOUT... BERG'S GREAT.
KNOCK IT OFF AND
GIVE HIM A CHANCE.
SHARON, I LIKE BERG.
I JUST DON'T LIKE
HIM IN THAT WAY.
OH, OK, OK.
SO THAT'S WHY YOU NEVER WALK
THROUGH THIS DOOR TO "STUDY"
WITHOUT WEARING FRESH LIPSTICK.
OK, I HAVE DRY LIPS.
HA HA HA.
YEAH, YEAH, I KNEW IT
HAD TO BE SOMETHING.
WHEN... WHEN A GIRL TURNS
YOU DOWN FOR THE 11th TIME,
YOU GOTTA BE ABLE
TO TAKE THE HINT.
SHE DIDN'T EVEN WANT
TO BE FRIENDS WITH ME.
FRIENDS ISN'T EXACTLY
WHAT YOU WERE GOING FOR.
NAH! BUT SHE DIDN'T KNOW THAT.
KATEY AND I, WE'RE
JUST FRIENDS. YEAH.
JUST FRIENDS, YOU KNOW.
HELLO.
COME ON, GUYS, SNAP OUT OF IT.
YOU'RE NOT THE ONLY
ONES WITH PROBLEMS.
THERE'S A VERY GOOD CHANCE I
COULD SHOW UP AT THIS WEDDING
WITH A FOURTH TOP.
BERG!
TERRI!
MY GOD! THIS IS WHERE I
LEFT YOU GUYS 5 YEARS AGO.
HOW ARE YOU?
GOOD, GOOD. IT'S
SO GOOD TO SEE YOU.
TERRI!
PETE. OHH.
HOW YOU DOING WITH ALL THIS?
I KNOW YOU AND
KATEY WERE... IT'S BAD.
OHH.
OH, COME ON, PETE. JUST THINK,
SHE'S GONNA BE STUCK WITH
SPUD FOR THE REST OF HER LIFE.
DOES ANYONE KNOW EXACTLY
HOW MUCH WEIGHT THEY'VE GAINED?
HE'S EXACTLY THE SAME.
BERG, BUY ME A DRINK.
HANK! CAPE COD, NO FRUIT.
YOU KNOW WHAT? GOOD FOR BERG.
MAYBE TERRI WILL TAKE HIS MIND
OFF THAT ICE QUEEN FOR A WHILE.
OH, YOU CAN'T
TOTALLY BLAME ASHLEY
FOR BEING A LITTLE WARY OF BERG.
I AM VERY IMPRESSED YOU
REMEMBER WHAT I DRINK.
THAT'S NOT ALL I REMEMBER.
MMM. WE HAD SOME TIMES, BERG.
LIKE THAT TIME WE PULLED THE
OLD RISKY BUSINESS ON THE SUBWAY?
YEAH.
THAT WASN'T ME.
YEAH. IT WAS.
NO. BUT I DO REMEMBER THAT TIME
ON TOP OF THE PRUDENTIAL BUILDING.
OH, YEAH, IT WAS INCREDIBLE.
THAT WASN'T ME.
WHAT... WHAT... WHAT
IF TERRI'S RIGHT?
WHAT IF KATEY WAS THE ONE?
WHEN DID SHE SAY THAT?
SHE DIDN'T.
BUT SHE OBVIOUSLY THOUGHT
WE WERE GOOD TOGETHER.
YOU'RE BLOWING THIS WHOLE
KATEY THING OUT OF PROPORTION.
YOU'RE JUST FREAKING OUT BECAUSE
EVERYONE YOU KNOW IS MOVING ON.
RIGHT?
DOING THINGS WITH THEIR
LIVES, THEIR CAREERS,
AND YOU DON'T HAVE ANY OF THAT.
WE MUST HAVE.
I KNOW WE WANTED TO.
THEN WHY WOULDN'T WE?
WE MUST HAVE!
HOW COULD WE FORGET?
I SAY WE SHOULD GO
REFRESH OUR MEMORIES.
UH, WE'RE GOING BACK TO
THE APARTMENT FOR A WHILE.
WE, UH, FORGOT SOMETHING.
SO GET THIS.
ASHLEY SWITCHES FROM THE
DAY SHIFT TO THE NIGHT SHIFT
TO GET AWAY FROM ME.
THIS GIRL JUST KEEPS REJECTING
YOU AND REJECTING YOU,
AND YOU KEEP GOING
BACK FOR MORE?
I'M AS BAFFLED AS YOU.
AND SHE... SHE... SHE DOESN'T
LAUGH AT ANY OF MY JOKES,
WON'T RETURN ANY OF MY
PHONE CALLS, AND SHE HAS...
SHE HAS PROBABLY THE BEST...
MOST AMAZING
SMILE I'VE EVER SEEN.
WOW, YOU REALLY KNOW
HOW TO TURN A GIRL ON.
I'M SORRY. I'M SORRY.
IT'S OK, IT'S OK. I JUST...
I MISS YOU, BERG.
I MISS ME, TOO.
I'M SORRY, TERRI.
I DON'T THINK THIS
IS GONNA HAPPEN.
REALLY?
UH, YOU WANT ANYTHING?
WELL, YEAH, BUT I'LL
SETTLE FOR A SODA.
IN SOME CULTURES, SODA CAN
BE MORE SATISFYING THAN SEX.
OH? [FIZZES]
AAH!
SEE?
IT'S OK. I'M OK.
UM... DO YOU HAVE A BLOW-DRYER?
UH, IN THE BATHROOM.
OK.
[KNOCK ON DOOR]
WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH ME?
STUPID. STUPID.
STUPID. ASHLEY.
HEY, BERG.
WHAT ARE YOU... HI! WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
OH, I JUST, UH, I WANTED TO APOLOGIZE
FOR THE WAY I BLEW YOU OFF BEFORE,
AND, UM...
I'M REALLY FLATTERED THAT YOU
OFFERED TO TAKE ME TO THE WEDDING,
AND I WOULD LOVE TO GO
WITH YOU, AS YOUR FRIEND.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
NO.
WELL, THIS IS GREAT!
ASHLEY, THAT'S OUTSTANDING.
I... I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO SAY.
THERE REALLY ARE EASIER
WAYS TO GET A GIRL UNDRESSED.
NO!
NO, NO, NO, NO.
OH, NO. NO.
NO. YOU KNOW WHAT? IT'S OK,
BECAUSE WE ARE, ALL, UM, FRIENDS HERE.
Ashley: WAIT!
OBVIOUSLY, SOME
CLOSER THAN OTHERS.
UH, NO, WE ARE JUST
FRIENDS, BERG, RIGHT?
FRIENDS, SO... YEAH.
I WILL SEE YOU SUNDAY.
OK.
THAT WAS ASHLEY.
YOU KNOW WHAT
THE REAL TRAGEDY IS?
THE REAL, REAL TRAGEDY
IS THAT TOMORROW
IS THE FIRST DAY OF
THE REST OF KATEY'S LIFE
WITHOUT ME.
REALLY? I THOUGHT THAT WAS, LIKE, 4
YEARS AGO, THE DAY SHE DUMPED YOU.
OH, OH, OH. OH, I SEE.
RELATIONSHIP INSIGHT
FROM ASHLEY'S FRIEND,
ASHLEY'S PAL, ASHLEY'S BUDDY.
HEY, SHE'S COMING
WITH ME, ISN'T SHE?
YEAH, AS A FRIEND.
YEAH. IF THAT'S THE GAME SHE
WANTS TO PLAY, I CAN PLAY ALONG.
SHE WANTS A FRIEND,
I'LL BE A FRIEND.
I WILL OOZE FRIEND.
HOW DOES THAT FEEL?
JUST A SEC.
IT'S PERFECT.
YOU KNOW, W-WITH KATEY AND
ME, IT WAS JUST A SCHEDULING THING.
YOU KNOW, I WAS READY
FOR A SERIOUS RELATIONSHIP,
AND SHE WASN'T.
WHO WOULD THINK THAT SPUD
WOULD BE THE LOVE OF HER LIFE?
HE'S NOT. HE'S NOT.
NO. SHE ALWAYS TOLD ME I
WAS THE LOVE OF HER LIFE.
SHE SAID THAT SHE WAS JUST
GOING TO WIND UP MARRYING
WHOEVER SHE WAS DATING WHEN
SHE FELT LIKE GETTING MARRIED.
HUH. I BET SPUD WOULD
LOVE TO HEAR ABOUT THAT.
LET IT GO.
YEAH.
YOU GOT ENOUGH ROOM IN THE ARMS?
I DON'T KNOW, LET ME SEE.
KATEY! KATEY, GIVE
ME A HUG, YOU BUICK.
YEAH, IT'S PERFECT.
WOO! HA HA. YOU GUYS LOOK GREAT.
THANKS.
OH, YOU KNOW WHAT? JOHNNY
CALLED ME THIS MORNING.
HE ASKED TO BORROW SOME
CRANBERRY SOCKS. I DON'T KNOW.
OWW! WHAT?!
YOU GUYS ARE SO CHILDISH.
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE
CLOTHES. IT'S ABOUT THE MAN.
AND I LOVE THE MAN. I DON'T
CARE WHAT HE'S WEARING.
AH, MS. CARTER.
YOUR DRESS IS READY.
YOU'LL MAKE A
BEAUTIFUL BRIDESMAID.
[GASPS]
IT'S NOT ABOUT THE DRESS.
IT'S ABOUT THE PATHETIC
LIAR INSIDE THE DRESS.
WELL, I WOULD LIKE TO TAKE
THIS OPPORTUNITY TO SAY
THAT YOU LOOK MAGNIFICENT.
THANK YOU.
SHALL I SIGN US IN?
SURE.
OK... MICHAEL BERGEN AND... PAL.
PERFECT.
OH, WOW! THIS IS GREAT.
ASH, UH, TAKE CARE OF
THIS FOR ME, WILL YOU?
UH, SURE.
WHAT ARE FRIENDS FOR?
NOT ONLY WAS KATEY THE FIRST ONE
OF ALL THE GIRLS I DATED
WHO COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE,
SHE'S ALSO THE FIRST
ONE OF ALL THE ONES
WHO COULD HAVE BEEN THE ONE
THAT'S GETTING MARRIED.
YOU SEE WHAT I'M SAYING?
ALL I KNOW IS SHE'S
THE LAST WOMAN
WHO SHOULD BE ALLOWED TO
PICK OUT BRIDESMAID'S DRESSES.
I HATE THESE SHOES.
THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE
PINK STRAITJACKETS.
WHEN'S JOHNNY GETTING HERE?
HE'S MEETING ME HERE.
HE HAD TO WORK LATE.
WELL, HOLD ON. LET ME
BLOW UP YOUR FLOATIES.
KATEY GOT THIN,
AND SPUD GOT KATEY.
YOU ARE SO MEAN.
HMM. EXCUSE ME.
IS THIS SEAT TAKEN?
OHH! AAH.
LOOK AT YOU.
HONEY, WHAT'S WRONG?
YOU LOOK SO... HANDSOME.
WELL... THANKS.
I LOOK UGLY.
YOU LOOK PRETTY.
NO, HONEY, COME ON.
IT MATCHES YOUR SHOES!
HI, ASHLEY.
HI.
WHOO! THERE IT IS.
PLEASE.
OK. ASHLEY?
OH, THANK YOU,
BERG, I'D LOVE SOME.
YOU GOT IT, AMIGO.
THANK YOU.
WHY DON'T YOU DANCE
SOME WITH ASHLEY?
SHE IS YOUR DATE.
SHE'S NOT MY DATE.
SHE'S A FRIEND.
ALL WEEK YOU'RE TELLING ME,
"PRACTICE YOUR FOX TROT,
PRACTICE YOUR FOX TROT,"
AND NOW YOU WON'T DANCE WITH ME?
BECAUSE I FEEL
RIDICULOUS IN THIS THING.
I DON'T CARE ABOUT
THE DRESS, ALL RIGHT?
IT'S THE GIRL IN IT
THAT I'M CRAZY ABOUT.
[GASPS]
[GASPS]
YOU... ARE GONNA
GET SO LUCKY TONIGHT.
[MAN TAPPING ON GLASS]
I'D LIKE TO SAY A FEW
WORDS TO THE MAN WHO'S...
STEALING MY KATEY.
THERE'S A CERTAIN
FEELING A FATHER HAS
WHEN HE SEES JOY ON THE
FACE OF HIS, UH, LITTLE GIRL,
AND SINCE KATEY'S MET STEVE,
I'VE NEVER SEEN HER SO...
DEVOTED, AND I
COULDN'T BE MORE PROUD.
TO YOU, SON.
Crowd: AWW!
PFFFT!
YOU CALL THAT A TOAST?
HMM HMM. YOU
KNOW WHAT I CALL IT?
LIES.
YOU KNOW WHAT? SHE
ONLY GOT MARRIED TO HIM
BECAUSE SHE FELT
LIKE GETTING MARRIED.
THAT'S WHAT THEY OUGHT TO SAY.
WOULD ANYONE ELSE
LIKE TO SAY A FEW WORDS?
YEAH, OVER HERE.
AHEM... HI, UM... KATEY, UM...
YOU KNOW, AS... AS YOU
ALL KNOW, KATEY AND I,
WE GO WAY, WAY BACK.
YOU KNOW, WE WERE VERY,
VERY CLOSE, YOU KNOW, AND, UH...
UH, SHE, UH, SHE
TOLD ME SOMETHING
THAT WAS VERY, VERY
INTERESTING, YOU KNOW?
AND SPUD, I SEE YA,
AND YOU'RE LOOKING AT HER
WITH ALL THAT LOVE IN YOUR EYES...
EVEN THOUGH SHE'S
CHOMPING AWAY ON THAT GUM,
GOD, I USED TO HATE THAT!
AND THEN I'D SAY
SOMETHING ABOUT IT,
WE'D GET INTO THIS HUGE FIGHT.
WE FOUGHT A LOT, YOU KNOW?
YOU KNOW, I-I'M PRETTY
HAPPY NOW. I'M PRETTY HAPPY.
YEAH, I... I... I WENT
THROUGH THIS... THIS THING
WITH SCHOOL AND MY CAREER.
MELISSA BROKE UP
WITH ME, YOU KNOW.
NO, NO, NO, NO, I'M
OK. I'M OK. I JUST...
I SEE, YOU KNOW, I
SEE OTHER WOMEN. I DO.
CAN WE SHOOT HIM NOW?
SHH. LET HIM GO.
ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW WHAT?
YOU KNOW WHAT? THERE'S
THIS GIRL AT THE BANK.
I'M PRETTY SURE SHE LIKES ME.
I THINK I'M GOING
TO ASK HER OUT.
NO, I AM GOING TO ASK HER OUT.
YOU KNOW, THAT'S JUST GREAT.
DON'T WORRY ABOUT ME, EVERYBODY.
YOU KNOW, PETE
DUNVILLE, HE'S GONNA BE OK.
YOU KNOW, SO... SO... SO, KATEY,
SPUDY... BE HEALTHY,
BE HAPPY, BE MARRIED.
LISTEN TO THAT.
YOU GOT OOHs AND AHHs.
I'M THE WIZARD OF AHHs.
[SLOW DANCE MUSIC PLAYING]
SEE THAT GIRL OUT THERE IN THE WHITE
DRESS AND THE 12-FOOT HEAD THING?
YOU MEAN THE BRIDE?
YEAH, HER.
THAT COULD BE ME
DANCING WITH HER.
YEAH, I KNOW. I
HEARD YOUR TOAST.
YOU KNOW, YOU GOTTA ADMIT,
IT FEELS PRETTY STUPID WATCHING
SOMEONE DANCE WITH THE PERSON
YOU SHOULD BE DANCING WITH.
THAT WAS SUBTLE.
WASN'T MEANT TO BE.
THANKS, PETE.
HEY, PAL.
HEY.
WANT TO DANCE?
FINALLY!
YOU'RE ONLY GIVING
ME ONE DANCE, RIGHT?
THAT'S RIGHT. YEAH.
TANGO!
[NEEDLE SCRATCHES OVER RECORD]
[TANGO BEGINS TO PLAY]
NOT BAD.
I KNOW.
IT BOTHERED YOU TO SEE ME
WITH ANOTHER WOMAN, DIDN'T IT?
THAT'S RIDICULOUS.
IS IT?
AND... OOH.
IT BOTHERS YOU THAT IT
BOTHERS YOU, DOESN'T IT?
ABSURD.
REALLY?
TELL ME SOMETHING, ASHLEY.
WHY ELSE WOULD YOU
BE DANCING WITH ME?
OH, JUST ADMIT IT.
OK, LISTEN, BERG,
YOU TRIED TO PLAY
YOUR CHILDISH LITTLE GAMES
ON ME, AND IT DIDN'T WORK,
AND I JUST DON'T
NEED THIS ANYMORE.
OH, YOU DON'T NEED THIS ANYMORE.
OH, MY GOD, I...
I'VE BEEN TAKING IT ON THE CHIN
FROM YOU FOR THE LAST 3 MONTHS.
AND I FIGURED SOMETHING
WAS WRONG WITH ME.
WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT? THANK YOU.
CONGRATULATIONS, ASHLEY,
ON MAKING ME FEEL THIS BIG.
SO YOU CAN TAKE YOUR
ICE QUEEN, GAME-PLAYING,
MIXED MESSAGE CRAP
AND DUMP IT ON SOMEONE ELSE,
BECAUSE I AM DONE.
WHAT DO YOU
THINK OF THAT... PAL?
YOU...
KIDDING.
LOOK, I'M SORRY, ALL RIGHT?
OH, NO, NO, BERG.
I'M SORRY. YOU WERE RIGHT.
I'M RIGHT ABOUT WHAT?
I DO HAVE FEELINGS FOR YOU.
YOU DO?
HAPPY?
WELL, YES, I MEAN, I AM...
I'M HAPPY, I'M STUNNED,
I'M A WALKING FESTIVAL.
IT'S NOT... IT'S
NOT THAT SIMPLE.
THE PROBLEM IS I HAVE...
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. YOU HAVE WHAT?
YOU HAVE A PLANE TO CATCH?
A RASH?
NO, BERG... I HAVE A BOYFRIEND.
WELL, WE MET IN
UNDERGRAD, AND...
NOW HE'S AT SCHOOL IN OXFORD.
AND JUST WHEN THE HELL WERE
YOU PLANNING ON TELLING ME THIS?
WHEN IT MATTERED.
SO YOU'RE SAYING IT MATTERS?
YEAH, BERG... I'M
SAYING IT MATTERS.
[ROMANTIC SONG PLAYING]
♪ STARTING ♪
♪ TODAY ♪
♪ I SIMPLY ♪
♪ HAVE NO CHOICE ♪
♪ AND SING WITH ONE VOICE ♪
SPRINKLER.
[IMITATING SPRINKLER]
SHOPPING CART.
LAWN MOWER.
AND PULL.
DO THE HUSTLE.
NOBODY KNOWS THE HUSTLE.
CHARLIE'S ANGELS.
Man: IN FRONT.