Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 2, Episode 7 - Two Guys, a Girl and an Internship - full transcript

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

SHARON CARTER'S OFFICE.
THIS IS MONEYPENNY.

ONE MOMENT. I'LL,
UH, I'LL SEE IF SHE'S IN.

ED WALSH, GREENPEACE.
SOUNDS ANGRY.

TELL HIM I'M OUT
HAVING A SEAL SANDWICH.

ED? SHE'LL HAVE
TO CALL YOU BACK.

THANK YOU, MONEYPENNY.

BERG.

YOU HAVE GOT TO BE KIDDING ME.

I HAVE NEVER BEEN MORE
SERIOUS IN MY WHOLE LIFE, ASHLEY.

WHAT ARE WE TALKING ABOUT?



I JUST SAW THE SCHEDULE
AT THE HOSPITAL.

WHY DID YOU SWITCH
TO THE NIGHT SHIFT?

'CAUSE YOU'RE ON THE
NIGHT SHIFT, BUTTERCUP.

AND I SWITCHED
INTO THE NIGHT SHIFT

TO GET AWAY FROM
YOU IN THE DAY SHIFT.

YOU'VE GOTTA STOP
FOLLOWING ME AROUND.

ME? WHAT ABOUT YOU?

ANTONIO'S, TOMASO'S,
PIZZA SHACK, GALUCCI'S.

WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THERE'S 40 PIZZA JOINTS
NEAR YOUR HOUSE,

AND YET EVERY DAY
YOU TAKE 3 BUSES

TO COME HERE AND TELL ME

HOW MUCH YOU
DON'T WANT TO SEE ME.

FIRST OF ALL, IT'S
ONE BUS, BERG, OK?



AND SECOND OF ALL,

I WOULD GLADLY FOLLOW YOU

TO THE ENDS OF THE
EARTH TO TELL YOU

JUST HOW MUCH I
DON'T WANT TO SEE YOU.

AM I BEING PERSISTENT OR STUPID?

YOU'RE BEING
PERSISTENTLY STUPID.

Berg: HEY, HOW
WAS THE INTERVIEW?

GOOD.

FOR THOSE OF YOU
SCORING AT HOME,

I AM NOW 0 FOR 5.

YOU KNOW, ARCHITECTS
CAN BE SO UPTIGHT.

REALLY?

WHAT'D YOU DO THIS TIME, PETE?

THIS TIME IT WAS NOT MY FAULT.

I MEAN, HOW WAS I
SUPPOSED TO KNOW

THAT I WAS STICKING MY GUM
UNDERNEATH A LOUIS XIV CHAIR?

WHAT IS GOING ON WITH YOU

THAT YOU KEEP BLOWING
THESE INTERVIEWS?

I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS I
JUST WANT THEM SO BADLY

THAT ONCE I GET INTO
THESE GUYS' OFFICES,

I JUST TURN INTO
THIS BUMBLING FOOL.

OR...

MAYBE YOU DON'T WANT IT AT ALL.

WHAT?

MAYBE YOU JUST DON'T
WANT TO BE AN ARCHITECT.

YEAH, RIGHT.

LET'S FACE IT, PETE.

YOU'RE NOT BEING YOURSELF.

I MEAN, LAST WEEK,
YOU TOOK A DIVOT

OUT OF AN 18th
CENTURY ORIENTAL RUG.

I DIDN'T HEAR ABOUT THAT ONE.

I WANTED TO SEE MY CHIP SHOT.

MEANWHILE, I HIT THAT CHUNK
OF RUG STRAIGHT AS AN ARROW.

GREAT FIRST IMPRESSION.

WHY DO FIRST IMPRESSIONS
HAVE TO BE SO IMPORTANT?

I MEAN, I MAKE A GREAT
FOURTH IMPRESSION.

THIS INTERVIEW THING'S

SORT OF PUTTING A MILD
SNAG IN PETE'S CAREER.

YOU KEEP TELLING ME

THAT ASHLEY'S DAD IS
SOME BIG ARCHITECT.

CAN'T YOU GET HIM
TO GET PETE A JOB?

I'VE TRIED, BUT THERE'S
JUST ONE PROBLEM.

SHE DOESN'T REALLY
LIKE TALKING TO ME.

FOR PETE, I'LL PLAY
MY TRUMP CARD.

[DEEP SIGH]

WHAT?

I NEED YOU TO GET YOUR DAD

TO GIVE PETE A JOB.

I TOLD YOU, MY DAD'S
FIRM IS REALLY SELECTIVE.

BESIDES, IT'S REALLY
NOT SOMETHING I WOULD...

I WON'T SWITCH BACK
TO THE DAY SHIFT.

DONE.

I REALLY APPRECIATE

YOU PUTTING OUR ROMANCE ON
HOLD FOR THE SAKE OF MY BUDDY.

IF PETE SCREWS THIS UP, I'M
HOLDING YOU RESPONSIBLE.

DO YOU THINK THAT I
WOULD DO ANYTHING

TO UPSET MY FUTURE
FATHER-IN-LAW?

PETE, I GOT YOU A JOB.

MR. WALKER, IT IS AN
HONOR TO MEET YOU.

MY LITTLE ASHLEY HAD AN AWFUL LOT
OF GOOD THINGS TO SAY ABOUT YOU.

GLAD TO HAVE YOU ABOARD.

THANK YOU FOR THE OPPORTUNITY.

I REALLY, REALLY APPRECIATE IT.

WOW! THAT'S QUITE A STRUCTURE.

A NEW CASINO WE'RE
BUILDING IN ATLANTIC CITY.

IT HAS A BIBLICAL THEME.

YES. I SEE HOW THE
RED SEA SWIMMING POOL

ACTUALLY PARTS TO
ACCOMMODATE THE PEOPLE MOVER.

3 LONG YEARS OF HARD WORK.

THOUSANDS OF MAN HOURS.

HAND ME THAT CUP OF
COFFEE, WOULD YOU, PETE?

THANK YOU.

SO... WHAT DO YOU THINK?

IT'S... IT'S AMAZING.

ISN'T IT?

HUH.

WHAT ARE YOU THINKING?

JUST THAT IF YOU MOVE THE
GARDEN OF EDEN KENO LOUNGE

TO THE OTHER SIDE OF THE
NOAH'S ARK BUFFET YOU MIGHT, UH...

YOU'D PROBABLY GET A LOT
MORE FOOT TRAFFIC TO THE, UH...

WHAT'S THAT? THE
SLOTS OF JERICHO.

THAT'S... THAT'S JUST A THOUGHT.

IT'S A DARN GOOD THOUGHT.

I'LL TELL YOU WHAT...

I WANT YOU TO MAKE A
COPY OF OUR PROJECT LIST

SO YOU CAN FAMILIARIZE YOURSELF
WITH WHAT WE'RE DOING AROUND HERE.

OH, YES, SIR.

YES, SIR.

YOU MIGHT WANT TO
TAKE A LOOK AT MY...

CRYSTAL REPLICA
OF THE EIFFEL TOWER.

IT'S PRICELESS.

WHOA! OK.

IT'S VERY LOVELY.

I'M JUST GONNA GO... COPY.
VERY NICE MEETING YOU.

BAD MACHINE.

BAD.

HEY. YOU MUST BE THE NEW GUY.

YOU'RE NOT GONNA BEAT ME UP
AND STEAL MY LUNCH MONEY, ARE YOU?

FINALLY SOMEONE IN THIS
OFFICE WITH A SENSE OF HUMOR.

HOW'D YOU EVER GET
PAST THE INTERVIEW?

LISTEN, I'M PETE. UH, BRITTANY.

HI, BRITTANY.

SO, YOU HAVING A HARD TIME HERE?

OH, THIS DAMN THING
IS DRIVING ME CRAZY.

WELL, LET ME HELP YOU OUT.

SEE, YOU JUST HAVE
TO PRESS RIGHT HERE

AND... AND JIGGLE HERE...

AND THEN IT SHOULD JUST, UH...

POP RIGHT IN.

[NERVOUS LAUGH]

WELL, I GUESS IT'S
JUST... PRESS AND JIGGLE.

THERE YOU GO.

THANK YOU, BRITTANY.

WELL, WE SHOULD REALLY
MAKE SURE THAT IT WORKS.

OK. OK.

WHAT DO YOU THINK?

WELL... WELL, I... I DON'T
KNOW VICTORIA'S SECRET,

BUT I KNOW YOURS.

LOCK THE DOOR, PETE.

WH-WH-WHAT, ARE YOU
CRAZY? RIGHT HERE?

WHY NOT?

WELL, BECAUSE I THINK

IT'S A REALLY BAD CAREER
MOVE. THAT'S WHY NOT.

OH.

LET ME JUST SAY ONE THING.

WHAT?

AH, WHAT'S A CAREER?

HEY, BERG.

I JUST GOT OFF THE
PHONE WITH MY FATHER.

WHATEVER PETE DID, I NO
LONGER CONSIDER HIM A FRIEND.

HE SAID THAT EVERYBODY
AT THE OFFICE LOVES PETE.

I CONSIDER HIM A
BROTHER, ACTUALLY.

WELL, I'M GLAD IT WORKED OUT,

'CAUSE PETE'S A GREAT GUY.

SO, UH, HOW WAS YOUR
FIRST SHIFT WITHOUT ME?

OH, GOD, BERG, IT WAS HORRIBLE.

REALLY?

PEOPLE WERE ACTUALLY
BEING PROFESSIONAL.

OOH.

WORK WAS BEING DONE.

NO ONE EVEN HAD THE
DECENCY TO FOLLOW ME AROUND

WITH A JAR OF EYEBALLS,
SINGING I ONLY HAVE EYES FOR YOU.

[SIGHS]

I THINK YOU KIND OF MISSED ME.

[LAUGHS]

A LITTLE.

HEY.

HEY. IT LOOKS LIKE YOU
HAD A GOOD FIRST DAY.

HE'S BEEN SMILING LIKE THIS
EVER SINCE I PICKED HIM UP.

YOU WOULD NOT
BELIEVE MY FIRST DAY.

YEAH. I HEARD THEY
LOVE YOU AT THE OFFICE.

REALLY?

YEAH. HEARD YOU SCORED BIG TIME.

JUST WHEN YOU THOUGHT
YOU WERE IN A SLUMP,

YOU BANG ONE OUT OF THE PARK.

ALL RIGHT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

WHAT ARE YOU... WHO
WERE YOU TALKING TO?

WELL, ASHLEY. HER DAD CALLED
HER AND TOLD HER EVERYTHING.

HER DAD CALLED AND TOLD HER

THAT I NAILED SOME
GIRL IN THE COPY ROOM?

WHAT? WHAT?

UH, NEVER MIND.

ALL RIGHT, LOOK, WHAT
DO YOU WANT FROM ME?

ONE MINUTE I'M LOADING THE PAPER
TRAY, AND THE NEXT MINUTE I'M...

COPYING HER PANTIES.

LOOK, I WAS THE NEW GUY.

I WAS TRYING TO MAKE FRIENDS.

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

ARE YOU OUT OF YOUR MIND?

LISTEN, I WENT OUT ON A LIMB
FOR YOU WITH ASHLEY, PETE.

YOU KNOW WHAT? YOU'RE
ON A MAJOR SELF-DESTRUCT.

SHARON, WOULD YOU
GET OFF THIS ALREADY?

COME ON. YOU'RE JUST
BEGGING TO GET FIRED.

HOW? HOW AM I
BEGGING TO GET FIRED?

I'LL TELL YOU HOW.

JACK AND JILL START MESSING
AROUND AT THE OFFICE.

IT'S JILL'S WORD AGAINST JACK'S.

JACK GETS FIRED.

JILL GETS HIS OFFICE,
HIS DESK, AND HIS SALARY.

AND I'VE FELT HORRIBLE
ABOUT IT EVER SINCE.

ALL RIGHT. SHARON,
LOOK, I'M NOT JACK.

LISTEN, JACK.

YOU WERE USING YOUR
SEX LIFE TO JEOPARDIZE MINE,

AND I WILL NOT HAVE IT.

THIS HAS NOTHING TO
DO WITH YOU AND ASHLEY.

YOU'RE JUST JEALOUS

BECAUSE THIS IS THE BEST
FIRST DAY OF WORK STORY EVER,

AND YOU JUST WISH
IT HAPPENED TO YOU.

HE'S GOT ME THERE.

[GIGGLING]

MAY I SAY,

YOU HAVE A PHENOMENAL
FEEL FOR THIS EQUIPMENT.

WELL, WE SHOULD
TRY THE ONE UPSTAIRS.

IT'S GOT A SUPER-COLLATOR.

SO, SAME TIME TOMORROW?

OH, YEAH.

HEY. WHAT'S GOING ON, PETE?

OH, I WAS, UH, JUST THROWIN'
ON A FRESH BOTTLE, MR. WALKER.

BRITTANY, YOU CAN LEARN
A LOT FROM THIS GUY.

HE'S A REAL GO-GETTER.

YOU DON'T HAVE TO TELL ME, DAD.

HERE YOU GO.

OH, HEY, BERG. I WAS
JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU.

ISN'T IT FUN?

WELL... THE WAY I SEE IT,

YOU CAN TELL A
LOT ABOUT A PERSON

BY THE COMPANY
HE KEEPS, AND, UH,

IF A STABLE GUY LIKE
PETE IS YOUR BEST FRIEND,

THEN MAYBE YOU'RE NOT
THE NEANDERTHAL I THOUGHT.

OOGA-BOOLA.

SEE YOU LATER.

YOU WILL? YEAH.

I'M SWITCHING BACK
TO THE NIGHT SHIFT.

PETE, KEEP UP THE GOOD WORK.

HA HA!

SHE THINKS I'M STABLE.

ALL RIGHT, BERG, WE
GOTTA TALK. WHAT?

YOU KNOW THE COPY
GIRL FROM WORK?

DON'T TELL ME YOU GOT CAUGHT

'CAUSE ASHLEY'S GONNA KILL ME!

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO!
IT'S NOTHIN' LIKE THAT.

GOOD. IT'S WORSE.

SHE'S THE BOSS' DAUGHTER.

WHAT?

TH-THAT... THAT'S IMPOSSIBLE.

ASHLEY'S THE BOSS' DAUGHTER.

YES, THAT'S TRUE.

WHOA.

YOU MEAN ASHLEY LIED ABOUT
HER DAD OWNING THE COMPANY?

NO...

YOU'RE NOT SLEEPING WITH ASHLEY?

NO.

YOU'RE SLEEPING
WITH ASHLEY'S SISTER!

YES!

NO!

YOU GOT THE EASY SISTER!

WHAT AM I GONNA DO?

WHAT AM I GONNA DO? I
MEAN, IF HER DAD FINDS OUT,

I'M GONNA BE BLACKBALLED,
AND IF I WANT TO BE AN ARCHITECT,

I'M GONNA HAVE TO
MOVE TO ISTANBUL.

OK, LET ME THINK. LET ME THINK.

YOU GOT THE EASY SISTER!

BERG! OK, OK.

STOP HAVING SEX WITH HER.

YOU SURE YOU DON'T WANT TO THINK
ABOUT THIS A FEW MORE MINUTES?

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE
RIGHT. YOU'RE RIGHT.

IF YOU STOP SLEEPING WITH HER, SHE
COULD GET UPSET AND TELL HER DAD.

RIGHT, RIGHT. SO I'M GONNA
KEEP ON HAVING SEX WITH HER.

I KNEW I COULD
COUNT ON YOU, BUDDY.

HOLD IT, COPY BOY.

IF ASHLEY FINDS OUT YOU'RE
TAKING ADVANTAGE OF HER SISTER,

THAT CAN'T MAKE ME LOOK GOOD.

WHY IS THIS ALL ABOUT
YOU ALL OF A SUDDEN?

IT'S ABOUT YOU, OK? LOOK,
YOU GOTTA BREAK UP WITH HER

AND REMAIN FRIENDS.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO THAT?

I DON'T KNOW.

YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED?

WHAT?

WE NEED THE ADVICE OF SOMEONE
WHO'S BEEN DUMPED A LOT.

HELLO!

HOW DO YOU KNOW SHE'LL BE HERE?

WE, UH... WARM UP THE
COPIER HERE EVERY DAY AT 3:17.

EEW!

EXCEPT FOR THE FACT THAT
IT'S GONNA RUIN US BOTH...

WAY TO GO.

ALL RIGHT. HOW AM I
GONNA BREAK UP WITH HER?

OK, UM...

I NEED SOME
BACKGROUND INFORMATION.

WHAT DO YOU KNOW ABOUT HER?

OK, HER NAME IS BRITTANY,

AND I BELIEVE SHE'S ON
THE WELCOMING COMMITTEE.

ANYTHING MORE?
ANYTHING PERSONAL,

ASIDE FROM THE FACT THAT
SHE LIKES TO RIDE COPIERS?

UH... NO.

ONCE AGAIN, PETE. VERY PROUD.

I MEAN, OK, OK, PURELY PHYSICAL.

I THINK YOU MIGHT
BE OFF THE HOOK.

THIS REMINDS ME OF MY
RELATIONSHIP WITH TYLER.

JUST GO IN, TELL HER IT WAS FUN,

THANKS A LOT, BUT IT'S OVER.

ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

IS THAT A NEW OUTFIT?

YEAH. GOT IT ON SALE.

I LIKE IT.

THANKS.

HOW'D IT GO?

BEFORE I COULD SAY
ANYTHING, SHE GAVE ME THIS.

OHH!

SHARON. OK.

OK, OK, OK, OK.

UM, BEYOND THE PHYSICAL.
BEYOND THE PHYSICAL.

SHE LIKES YOU.

THIS REMINDS ME OF MY
RELATIONSHIP WITH TOM.

TELL HER, "WE CAN'T BE TOGETHER

BECAUSE I'LL LOSE
MYSELF IN YOU."

ALL RIGHT. LOSE MYSELF.
ALL RIGHT. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

SAY, YOU KNOW THEY'RE
GONNA SHUT OUR WATER OFF

BETWEEN 8:00 AND 5:00 TOMORROW?

OH, NO. I DIDN'T KNOW THAT.

THEY SENT US A NOTICE.

HMM. THANKS. I'LL FILL
UP MY TUB TONIGHT.

Sharon: WHAT HAPPENED?

I TOLD HER THAT I WAS
AFRAID I'D LOSE MYSELF IN HER,

AND SHE GOT MAD. SHE WANTS TO
KNOW WHAT THE HELL THAT MEANS.

WELL... WHAT THE
HELL DOES THAT MEAN?

GOD! I CAN'T BELIEVE I LET
TOM GET AWAY WITH THAT!

SHE'S WAITING FOR AN ANSWER.

OH, OK! OK! OK! OK! OK! OK!

JASON! HA HA! THE
GUY FROM HAWAII, YES!

GO IN,

TELL HER, UH, YOU
LIKE HER TOO MUCH,

AND YOU'RE JUST NOT IN
THAT PLACE IN YOUR LIFE.

OOH! YEAH.

YEAH, I LIKE THAT. ALL
RIGHT. I WILL BE RIGHT BACK.

[SIGHS]

WHATEVER HAPPENED
TO JASON ANYWAY?

THAT WAS THE ONLY TIME I GOT
DUMPED WHERE IT WASN'T TERRIBLE.

WE STAYED FRIENDS. IN FACT,
HE WAS SO SWEET ABOUT IT

THAT WE JUST KEPT ON
HAVING SEX FOR, LIKE...

[COPIER RUNNING]

HEY. UH, BUDDY, YOU...
YOU CAN'T GO IN THERE.

NONSENSE. I CAN GO ANYWHERE
I WANT. I OWN THIS BUILDING.

YOU'RE... YOU'RE...
YOU'RE MR. WALKER.

SHARON... THIS IS MR. WALKER.

PLEASE BE LOCKED.
PLEASE BE LOCKED.

PLEASE BE LOCKED.
PLEASE... PETE!

BRITTANY!

DADDY?!

Pete: SIR? [THUD]

HE DIDN'T LOCK THE DOOR.

OH, MY GOD. DADDY. IS HE OK?

WELL, HE... HE PASSED
OUT, AND HE HIT HIS HEAD,

AND NOW HE HAS A MILD
CONCUSSION, BUT THE DOCTORS SAY

HE'S GONNA BE JUST FINE.

OH, THANK GOD YOU
WERE THERE TO HELP.

WELL...

WELL, IT WAS PRETTY
TOUCH-AND-GO THERE FOR A WHILE.

OH. SO HOW DID IT HAPPEN?

HOW DID WHAT HAPPEN?

WHAT BROUGHT IT ON?

OH, IT WAS AWFUL!

WE'LL GIVE YOU
TWO A MINUTE ALONE.

Ashley: OH.

OK, WHAT THE HELL
WAS I THINKING?

IF THE OLD MAN TELLS
ASHLEY, I LOSE MY JOB,

AND YOU LOSE YOUR
IMAGINARY GIRLFRIEND.

LOOK. LISTEN TO ME, OK?

THAT GUY TOOK A PRETTY
HARD SHOT TO THE HEAD, OK?

SO THERE'S A GOOD CHANCE HE'S
NOT GONNA REMEMBER ANY OF THIS.

Brittany: HE'S WAKING UP.

Walker: OHH... DADDY?

Ashley: DADDY.

ASHLEY?

HOW ARE YOU FEELING?

WELL, I'M A LITTLE DIZZY.
MY HEAD REALLY HURTS.

WHEW! WHEW!

WHAT HAPPENED?

WELL, I REMEMBER...

OH. I REMEMBER I HAD
TO MAKE SOME COPIES,

AND, UH...

THEN I DON'T REMEMBER.

Walker: OH, WAIT!

NO. THAT'S IT.

DADDY, I AM SO
GLAD THAT YOU'RE OK.

OHH... MY LITTLE ANGEL.

HAH!

OH.

DADDY.

THIS IS BERG.

HE SAVED YOUR LIFE.

THANK YOU.

DON'T THANK ME, SIR.

PETE HERE DESERVES
ALL THE CREDIT.

I HAVE THE FEELING

THIS INTERNSHIP IS THE BEGINNING

OF A LONG AND PROSPEROUS
FUTURE WITH MY FIRM.

LONG FUTURE?

AS IN THE REST OF MY LIFE?

I... I DON'T... OH, COME
ON, COME ON, PETE.

IT'S PERFECTLY NORMAL
TO HAVE COLD FEET

WHEN YOU'RE ABOUT TO
EMBARK ON SOMETHING

THAT'S GONNA CHANGE YOUR LIFE.

WELL, I MEAN, ACTUALLY,
MY FEET ARE FINE.

BUT, UM...

I THINK MAYBE IT'S JUST MY
PASSION FOR ARCHITECTURE

IS WHAT COOLED OFF.

NONSENSE. IF YOU WEREN'T A MAN OF
PASSION, YOU WOULDN'T BE HERE RIGHT NOW.

Walker: LET ME TELL
YOU SOMETHING, PETE.

THESE ARE THE DAYS

AND THE DECISIONS THAT
DETERMINE A YOUNG MAN'S FUTURE.

I'M AFRAID YOU'RE RIGHT, SIR.

YOU BET I AM. AND THERE'S
NOT A DAMN THING YOU CAN SAY

THAT'LL CONVINCE ME

THAT YOU'RE NOT GONNA TURN
OUT TO BE ONE HELL OF AN ARCHITECT.

I PILED YOUR DAUGHTER
ON THE COPY MACHINE.

WHAT? WHAT?

WHAT? WHAT? WHAT?

HE SAID HE PILED YOUR DAUGHTER

ON THE COPY MACHINE.

YOU'RE RIGHT! YOU!

I REMEMBER NOW!

YOU'RE FIRED!

CONSIDER YOUR
ARCHITECTURE CAREER OVER!

I BELIEVE I DO, SIR.

THANK YOU.

I'M HOPIN'...

THAT THIS DOESN'T
REFLECT POORLY UPON ME.

CALL ME.

HERE'S TO YOU, PETE.

YOU KNOW, WHO WOULD'VE
THOUGHT ME, JOBLESS, DIRECTIONLESS,

AND HAPPY AS A CLAM?

WELL, PERSONALLY, I
THOUGHT IT WAS PRETTY CLASSY

OF MY FUTURE FATHER-IN-LAW

TO HAVE YOUR STUFF BOXED
AND WAITING ON THE CURB.

SEE, PETE? WHO KNOWS YOU
BETTER THAN ANYBODY, HUH?

YOU WERE RIGHT. I WAS
JUST SABOTAGING MYSELF

BECAUSE I DON'T REALLY
WANT TO BE AN ARCHITECT.

HMM. MAYBE I WAS SABOTAGING
MY RELATIONSHIP WITH ASHLEY

'CAUSE I...'CAUSE I DON'T
REALLY WANT TO BE WITH HER.

REALLY? NO!

ACTUALLY, BERG, I DON'T
THINK YOU BLEW IT WITH ASHLEY

AS MUCH AS YOU THINK.

WHAT DO YOU MEAN?

WELL, I TALKED
TO HER A LITTLE BIT

AT THE HOSPITAL.

AND?

AND...

SHE ACTUALLY THOUGHT
IT WAS KIND OF AMUSING,

YOU KNOW, THE WAY THAT YOU
BEGGED HER TO GET PETE A JOB,

AND THEN PETE COMIN' IN
AND BLOWIN' HER DAD'S MIND,

NEARLY GIVING HIM
A HEART ATTACK.

SHE SAID, "I GUESS THAT'S
ALL PART OF BERG'S CHARM."

REALLY? NO!

Woman on TV: IN SUPER
SLOW-MOTION PHOTOGRAPHY,

WE WITNESS A DUNG BEETLE
EMERGE FROM THE DUNG BALL,

ONLY TO FALL VICTIM TO THE STICKY
TONGUE OF AN AWAITING CHAMELEON.

THIS IS REALLY WHAT
YOU DO ALL DAY?

MM-HMM.

COOL.

HEAR ME OUT. HOW IS IT?

EXCELLENT. GREAT.

LOOK, I'M NOT SAYING
QUIT THE RED SOX.

THEY NEED A SHORT STOP TOO.

I'M JUST SAYING...

PLAY FOR US ON SATURDAYS.

ONLY IF SHE'S PLAYING.

THAT'S OUR CATCHER.

RIGHT NOW YOU ARE
EMBARRASING ME.

HE'S EMBARRASING ME.

THAT'S WHY I COME HERE. OH.

THAT AND THE PIZZA.

IT'S FREE, RIGHT? IT'S ON PETE.

OK, LUMAR. LAST OFFER.

YOU PLAY FOR US,

YOU DON'T PAY FOR THE UNIFORMS.

RED SOX DON'T MAKE
ME PAY FOR MY UNIFORM.

YEAH, BUT THESE
ARE PRE-SHUNK CUT.

LATER, GUYS.

LATER.

SEE YOU.

DARN. I CAN'T BELIEVE THE RED
SOX GOT HIM BEFORE WE DID.

DON'T WORRY. HE WILL BE BACK.

HOW DO YOU KNOW?

STOLE HIS ROOKIE
OF THE YEAR RING