Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 2, Episode 4 - Two Guys, a Girl and a Homecoming - full transcript

[COUGHING]

[COUGHING]

TIME!

STILL OVER A MINUTE.

FINE.

YOU'RE RIGHT.

I'D MAKE A LOUSY FIREMAN.

EVERYTHING OK WITH GARFIELD?

YEAH.

[LAUGHS]

YOU SURE THAT DOOR
ISN'T TOO HEAVY FOR YOU?



NO. NO.

I'VE HELD DOORS TWICE THIS SIZE.

YOU GOT THE TICKETS?

FORGET THE TICKETS, BERG.

MIKOS IS NEVER GONNA LET US
OFF FOR THE HOMECOMING GAME.

HE HATES US.

HE HATES YOU.

HE LOVES ME.

MIK... MY MAN!

I AM NOT YOUR MAN. I HATE YOU!

TAKE DOWN THE CHAIRS.

HERE TO HELP.

LISTEN, MIK... OS...

HOMECOMING'S TODAY, AND
PETE AND I WERE THINKING



THAT YOU COULD COVER THE PLACE

WHILE WE WENT TO THE GAME.

NO.

ALL RIGHT.

YOU LEAVE ME NO CHOICE.

I'M GONNA HAVE TO
PLAY THE GREEN CARD.

MAY I SEE YOUR PAPERS, PLEASE?

THAT'S IT! I'VE HAD IT UP TO
HERE WITH YOUR SMART MOUTH!

YOU WITH YOUR SHEEP JOKES
AND YOUR MEATBALL RACES!

YOU'RE EVIL! YOU'RE
A DEMON! I QUIT!

MIKOS, WE'RE OUT OF 409.

NO! YOU ARE OUT OF MIKOS!

OH, YEAH, YEAH.
NICE GOING, PETE!

I CAN'T BELIEVE WE'RE STUCK
HERE WORKING ON HOMECOMING.

WHO CARES?

WHAT DO YOU MEAN, WHO CARES?

IT'S OUR SEVENTH HOMECOMING

AND WE'RE STILL SITTING
IN THE STUDENT SECTION.

DO YOU REMEMBER THE WAY
THOSE KIDS LOOKED AT US LAST YEAR?

IT'S THE SAME WAY WE
LOOK AT THAT OLD GUY

WHO HANGS OUT AT THE DANCE CLUB.

YOU KNOW, THAT GUY...

HEY, SPORTS FANS.

SHARON!

THIS IS GOING TO BE

THE BEST HOMECOMING EVER!

OH, YEAH? WHY?

BECAUSE OF JOHNNY.

THIS YEAR, WHEN
MY OLD GIRLFRIENDS

ASK ME IF I'M SEEING ANYONE,

HOPING I'M NOT, I
CAN FINALLY SAY YES!

I MEAN, LET'S FACE IT,

THAT'S WHAT
HOMECOMING'S ALL ABOUT...

BEING BETTER THAN YOUR FRIENDS.

OH, GOOD!

THERE'S HEATHER SETTON.

I HATE HER!

HEATHER?

SHARON?

[ALL SQUEALING]

YOU LOOK FANTASTIC!

SO DO YOU! HOW ARE THINGS?

OH, THINGS ARE GREAT.

REALLY?

SO ARE YOU SEEING ANYONE?

AM I SEEING ANYONE?

YEAH. HE'S MEETING ME HERE.

GREAT!

OH, HERE WE GO...
JACK AND STEVE.

WHAT'S WITH THE SNAZZY SUITS?

DON'T LET 'EM FOOL YOU, BERG.

THEY'RE STILL THE SAME MORONS

WHO DID ALL OUR ERRANDS
FOR US JUNIOR YEAR.

YEAH, 'CAUSE THEY BELIEVED WE WERE
IN THE WITNESS PROTECTION PROGRAM.

PETE, BERG.

HEY! HEY!

JACK! SMELLY!

IT'S NOT SMELLY ANYMORE, BERG.

I'M A STOCKBROKER.

WHAT, YOU MANAGE MONEY?

IN SCHOOL, YOU COULDN'T
MANAGE TO USE DEODORANT.

WELL, ONCE YOU
GRADUATE, THINGS CHANGE.

SO WHAT'S WITH THE APRONS?

OH, MY GOD. YOU GUYS DON'T
STILL WORK HERE, DO YOU?

I'M IN MED SCHOOL, AND PETE'S...

STILL IN THE WITNESS
PROTECTION PROGRAM.

SHH! SHH!

SO, UH, THEY STILL WORK HERE.

AH, THAT IS SO CUTE.

CLAIRE, MAKE A NOTE FOR ME TO GET
PETE AND BERG NEW LIVES FOR CHRISTMAS.

OK, OK, SMELLY. YOU KNOW WHAT?

YOU GUYS CAN PLAY DRESS-UP, AND
YOU CAN TALK ON YOUR LITTLE PHONES,

BUT YOU'LL ALWAYS
BE PEONS TO US.

YEAH? WELL, US PEONS WILL WAVE
TO YOU IN THE STUDENT SECTION

FROM OUR SEATS
ON THE 50-YARD LINE.

RIGHT BELOW THE LUXURY BOX.

OH, WELL, THAT'S JUST GREAT.

BECAUSE, YOU KNOW,
WE'LL BE IN THE LUXURY BOX.

[BOTH SNICKERING]

YEAH, RIGHT. WE'LL
BELIEVE IT WHEN WE SEE IT.

YOU WON'T HAVE TO SEE IT, BUCKO,

BECAUSE WE'LL BE PELTING THE
BACK OF YOUR HEADS WITH PATé.

YEAH!

WE DON'T HAVE TICKETS
FOR THE LUXURY BOX.

RELAX, ALL RIGHT? YOU'RE
GETTING AHEAD OF YOURSELF.

WE DON'T EVEN HAVE
A WAY OUT OF HERE.

THERE YOU GO.

BUT WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?
I MEAN, THIS PLACE IS PACKED.

WE'VE GOT NOBODY
HERE TO COVER IT.

WE'RE JUST GONNA HAVE
TO GET EVERYONE TO LEAVE.

NO, BERG...

WE CAN'T JUST LET
JACK AND SMELLY

THINK THEY HAVE THE UPPER HAND.

IT'S JUST A FOOTBALL GAME.

WE CANNOT LET THOSE
PUNKS WALK INTO OUR HOUSE

AND TALK TRASH.

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

WE'RE BETTER THAN
THEM. WE OWN THEM.

YES! YEAH, SURE, SURE.

YEAH, THEY HAVE CARS AND
JOBS AND CHECKING ACCOUNTS.

BUT THAT DOESN'T MAKE
YOU A BETTER PERSON.

NO, NO, NO. BETTER SEATS
MAKES YOU A BETTER PERSO.

EXACTLY! YOU KNOW
WHAT WE'RE GONNA DO?

WHAT?

WE'RE GONNA CLOSE THIS PLACE.

YEAH? WE'RE GONNA
GO TO THAT GAME.

YES! AND WE'RE GONNA
SIT IN THAT LUXURY BOX

AND SHOW THOSE GUYS
JUST WHO WE'RE NOT!

YES!

RIGHT! WHOO!

OK. THANKS FOR COMING.

ENJOY THE GAME.

KICKOFF'S IN A HALF AN HOUR!

COME ON, BERG. WE GOT TO
GET THESE PEOPLE OUTTA HERE!

I'M TRYING, ALL RIGHT?

HELLO.

WHAT?

CAN I GET ANOTHER REFILL?

THIS IS YOUR THIRD ONE.

WELL, THE SIGN
SAYS FREE REFILLS,

AND I WANT FREE REFILL NOW.

YOU'RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.

WHAT IS THIS?

DOESN'T SAY HOW MUCH.

AND WHEN IT'S RAINING,
HE GIVES ME HIS JACKET.

RICK GIVES ME HIS JACKET, TOO.

YEAH? BUT JOHNNY'S
NOT AN ALCOHOLIC.

THE PLACE IS THINNING OUT.

YEAH, YEAH, BUT THERE'S STILL

SOME POCKETS OF RESISTANCE.

OK, AND THAT KID THAT HATES YOU

FROM MED SCHOOL,
HE REFUSES TO LEAVE.

I'LL TAKE CARE OF
HIM. YOU GET THE REST.

OK. HI. HOW WAS EVERYTHING?

OH, GREAT.

SUPER. LET ME CLEAN
THIS UP FOR YOU.

FOR YOUR CONVENIENCE,

A 15% GRATUITY HAS
BEEN ADDED TO YOUR MEAL.

HI, KAMEN. YOU GUYS
ALMOST FINISHED?

LIKE YOU CARE.

I JUST DON'T WANT YOU TO
BE LATE FOR THE KICKOFF.

LIKE I'D SIT IN THE STANDS SURROUNDED
BY A BUNCH OF PEOPLE I DON'T LIKE,

WATCHING OTHER PEOPLE I
DON'T LIKE PLAY A GAME I DON'T LIKE.

THEN YOU DON'T WANT TO BE LATE.

LET ME GET YOU A TO-GO BOX.

OH, WAIT. AM I PREVENTING
YOU FROM GOING TO THE GAME?

YES!

GOOD.

ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW, I
WOULD NEVER DO THIS,

BUT I GOTTA GET OUTTA HERE.

YOU SEE THOSE 2
GIRLS RIGHT THERE?

YEAH. THEY'RE
INTERESTED IN YOU GUYS.

YEAH, RIGHT, BERG.

SO DID YOU TELL HIM?

I TOLD HIM, BUT THEY
DON'T BELIEVE ME.

THIS IS KIND OF EMBARRASSING,

BUT DO YOU GUYS WANT
TO GO TO THE GAME WITH US?

[STAMMERING]

GREAT. LET'S GO.

WE DON'T REALLY HAVE TO TAKE
THEM TO THE GAME WITH US, DO WE?

NO, NO. ONCE YOU'RE DOWN
THE STREET, JUST LOSE 'EM.

Sharon: THERE HE IS! JOHNNY!

HEY!

YOU KNOW, I'M PLANNING
ON EATING LATER.

COULD I HAVE MY TONGUE BACK?

OH, JOHNNY.

THIS IS HEATHER, TRISH, AND DEB.

HI, HELLO, AND HELLO.

ISN'T HE CUTE?

SHARON, HE'S WONDERFUL.
I AM SO HAPPY FOR YOU.

DEB, TRISH, NOW.

THAT WAS FUN!

I LOVE HOMECOMING.

OH! I GOT YOU SOMETHING.
HAND ME THAT BAG.

OH! YOU GOT ME SOMETHING?

LIKE IT?

WELL, WHY WOULD I WEAR
THAT? I NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE.

YOU DIDN'T PLAY FOR
THE CELTICS EITHER.

OOH. 100% COTTON.

ALL RIGHT, LET'S GO. YOU'VE
CROSSED THE CUTESY LINE.

WELL, ACTUALLY, MIKOS WANTED
ME TO REPAIR THE JUKEBOX.

YEAH, WELL, MIKOS
WENT BACK TO CRETE.

NOW GET THE HELL OUT OF HERE.

YOU KNOW, IT'S THE FRIENDLINESS
THAT KEEPS ME COMING BACK.

WE'LL SEE YOU GUYS AT THE GAME.

YOU GOT IT. ALL
RIGHT. LOCK THE DOOR.

ALL RIGHT! ALL RIGHT.

THE HARD PART'S OVER.

OK. NOW ALL WE NEED TO DO
IS GET 2 LUXURY BOX SEATS,

ON HOMECOMING DAY, 18
MINUTES BEFORE KICKOFF.

OH, BERG, DO YOU HEAR THAT?

COME ON. THE GAME'S STARTING.

WHEN ARE WE GONNA GET
OUR TICKETS? COME ON.

IT'S GONNA WORK TO OUR
ADVANTAGE, ALL RIGHT?

LOOK, BETWEEN THE TIME
THE BALL IS KICKED OFF

AND THE RECEIVER CATCHES
IT, TICKET PRICES DROP 80%.

AND IF WE WAIT TILL THE END,
WE CAN GET 'EM FOR NOTHIN'.

THAT'S OUR GUY RIGHT THERE.

HE'S A SCALPER?
HOW CAN YOU TELL?

THE SHIFTY EYES,
HUNCHED SHOULDERS,

THE FACT THAT HE'S BEEN YELLING,

"I'VE GOT TICKETS.
WHO NEEDS TICKETS?"

YOU NEED TICKETS?

WHERE DO YOU WANT TO SIT?

WE'RE GONNA NEED... WHOA!

HOW DID YOU GET
ALL THOSE TICKETS?

MY MOM GAVE THEM TO ME.

NO, SERIOUSLY, HOW
DID YOU GET THEM?

ENJOY THE GAME... OFFICER.

WHAT DID I DO? YOU
LOOK LIKE A NARC!

I DO NOT LOOK LIKE A NARC.

JUST LEAVE THIS TO ME, OK?

YOU HOLDING?

DEPENDS. WHAT YOU NEED?

WELL, WHAT DO YOU GOT?

I GOT BLEACHERS,
LOGE, LUXURY, OR BLIMP.

OOH! OOH! WE'LL TAKE 2
FOR THE LUXURY BOX, PLEASE.

YOU A COP?

WHAT IS IT, THE HAIR?

DON'T... DON'T
WORRY ABOUT HIM, OK?

HE'S NOT A COP. HE'S JUST A GRAD
STUDENT WITH A BAD ATTITUDE.

SINCE THE GAME'S
ALREADY STARTED,

WE'LL GIVE YOU
20 APIECE FOR 'EM.

WHAT, ARE YOU KIDDING ME?

THEY'RE WORTH 200 EACH.

OH, RIGHT, RIGHT.

WE'LL GIVE YOU 30

AND A COUPON FOR A FREE
SALAD WITH A REGULAR PIZZA.

I DON'T EAT SALADS.

YOU CAN EXCHANGE
IT FOR A CALZONE.

DEAL.

HERE YOU GO.

2 TICKETS TO THE LUXURY BOX

AND 2 GUYS WITH 2 TICKETS.

1, 2... 1, 2.

WOW.

OH, BERG, THIS IS HEAVEN.

I KNEW IT.

I KNEW HEAVEN WOULD
HAVE AN OPEN BAR.

DO YOU REMEMBER LIFE
BEFORE THE LUXURY BOX?

VAGUELY.

LET'S, UH, LET'S
GO TO THE BALCONY

AND WAVE DOWN TO POOR JACK

AND HIS STUPID SIDEKICK
SMELLY, SHALL WE?

QUITE. BUT WE SHOULD BE HOLDING
COCKTAILS AND HORS D'OEUVRES,

DON'T YOU THINK?

[BRITISH ACCENT]
YES. YES, OF COURSE.

AH!

TUNA-WRAPPED ASPARAGUS
ON TOAST POINTS,

LIGHTLY BRUSHED
WITH A MANGO COOLEY.

I LIKE HEAVEN.

WHOA, WHOA, WHOA.

WAIT A MINUTE.

THOSE GUYS ARE
SITTING IN OUR SEATS.

EXCUSE ME, SIR, YOU'RE
SITTING IN OUR SEATS.

TAKE A WALK.

[SNAPS FINGERS] SECURITY!

YES, SIR.

YEAH, UH, WE PAID
$200 FOR THESE TICKETS,

AND WE'D LIKE TO
SIT IN THE SEATS.

HERE'S YOUR PROBLEM.

THESE TICKETS ARE COUNTERFEIT.

COUNTERFEIT?

OH. WELL. NEVER MIND.

I THINK YOU'D BETTER
COME WITH ME, SIR.

WAIT A SECOND. LOOK,
WE BOUGHT THOSE TICKETS.

WE HAD NO IDEA THEY
WERE COUNTERFEIT.

YEAH. YOU SHOULD ARREST
THE GUY IN THE PARKING LOT

WHO SOLD THEM TO US.

YOU MEAN THE SCALPER?

OH, MAN. YEAH.

TICKET SCALPING'S ILLEGAL

ON STADIUM GROUNDS.

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. CAN'T
WE JUST YELL TO OUR FRIENDS?

NO!

YEAH? WELL, MAYBE A
COUPON FOR A FREE SALAD

WILL CHANGE YOUR TUNE.

OFFICER, THIS WAS
JUST A TERRIBLE MISTAKE.

IF YOU LET US GO, WE PROMISE
WE WON'T EVER DO IT AGAIN.

I KNOW YOU WON'T DO IT AGAIN,

'CAUSE YOU'RE GONNA BE
HERE FOR THE REST OF THE GAME.

STAY HERE.

WE WANT CONJUGAL VISITS.

[DOOR CLOSES]

AT-TI-CA!

AT-TI-CA!

[WHISPERING] At-ti-ca.

ALL RIGHT, COME ON,
BERG, LET'S FACE IT.

JACK AND SMELLY WON. WE'RE NEVER
GONNA GET TO THE LUXURY BOX NOW.

DON'T SAY THAT, OK?

LOOK, WE CAN'T LET
THEM BE BETTER THAN US.

WE GOTTA GET BACK TO THAT
BOX AND YELL DOWN AT THEM.

WHAT DO YOU WANT TO DO?

WE'RE LOCKED IN HERE, AND
THERE ARE GUARDS EVERYWHERE.

EXCUSE ME. DO YOU KNOW
WHERE THE LADIES' ROOM IS?

YEAH. IT'S JUST DOWN THE
HALLWAY ON YOUR LEFT.

THANKS.

ANYTIME.

SHALL WE?

WE CAN'T... WE CAN'T JUST LEAVE.

WHY NOT?

'CAUSE HE TOLD US NOT TO.

ARE YOU TRYING TO MAKE TRUSTEE?

ALL RIGHT. LOOK.

EVEN IF WE MAKE IT
TO THE LUXURY BOX,

SECURITY'S GONNA RECOGNIZE US.

HOW ARE WE GONNA GET PAST THAT?

HEY, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'LL GO GET THE BEERS.

I THINK THIS IS YOURS.

WOW.

I HATE YOU.

WHERE DID YOU FIND HIM?

AT THE BOTTOM OF A
HUGE CRACKERJACK BOX?

SO WHAT DOES HE DO?

JOHNNY?

OH, UH, HE'S IN THE,
UH, MUSIC BUSINESS.

PERFORMER? PRODUCER? WHAT?

HE'S IN DISTRIBUTION.

WOW.

YEAH. HE PRETTY MUCH
DECIDES WHAT SONGS YOU HEAR.

HERE WE GO.

THAT WAS QUICK.

I GOT A BUDDY WHO WORKS
A CONCESSION STAND.

SO, UH, SHARON TELLS US
YOU'RE IN THE MUSIC BUSINESS.

HA HA HA HA!

NEVER HEARD IT PUT
QUITE THAT WAY, BUT, YEAH.

DEB, DO YOU WANT SOME NACHOS?

SURE.

EXTRA CHEESE? SO IT...

SURE. SO IT MUST
BE... JALAPEÑO RINGS?

SURE.

SO IT MUST BE REALLY EXCITING

BEING A MUSIC EXECUTIVE.

WHAT?

CHIPWICH?

YOU KNOW, DECIDING WHO
GETS PLAYED ON THE RADIO.

WHERE'D YOU HEAR THAT?

YOU TOLD THEM I'M
SOME MUSIC EXECUTIVE?

YEAH... WELL, YOU KIND OF ARE.

WHAT... ARE YOU
EMBARRASSED OF ME?

NO. NOT AT ALL.

WELL, THEN TELL THEM.

I'M A JUKEBOX REPAIRMAN.

I'LL BE TAILGATING
WITH MY FRIENDS.

AND I NEVER WENT TO COLLEGE.

I JUST LOVE HOMECOMING.

BERG, I AM NEVER
GONNA FORGET THIS.

HOW COULD YOU?

YOU'RE AN ELEPHANT.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

NOW, THIS TIME WE NEED A PLAN.

OTHERWISE WE'RE
GONNA LOOK LIKE IDIOTS.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT, LOOK.

WE ENTER THE
DOORS, WE FLANK LEFT,

I'M GONNA DO AN END RUN
PAST THE BUFFET TABLE,

THEN WE HEAD STRAIGHT UP TO THE
WINDOW, YELL DOWN TO JACK AND SMELLY.

READY... BREAK! BREAK!

HEY, PETE. HI, BERG.

HEY, JOHNNY.

HOW'S IT GOING?

ALL RIGHT.

LET'S DO THIS.

Band member: THERE THEY ARE!

LET'S SHOW 'EM YOU
CAN'T MESS WITH THE BAND!

RUN, RUN, RUN!

KAMEN?

WHAT ARE YOU DOING, BERG?

WE GOT THE ENTIRE BRASS
SECTION ON OUR HEELS.

WHAT'S GOING ON? I TOLD
YOU IT WAS OK TO LOSE HIM.

WELL, I TRIED TO,

BUT DON'T YOU THINK THERE'S
SOMETHING ABOUT KAMEN

THAT'S KIND OF CUTE?

NO!

FACE IT, BERG.

YOU LOST, I WON.

HAH!

YOU... BAND GEEK.

BAND GEEK?

BAND GEEK?!

ELEPHANT.

GET OVER IT!

Keith Jackson announcing: THE HOME
TEAM'S DOWN BY A TOUCHDOWN

WITH A MINUTE LEFT
TO GO IN THE GAME.

FRANKLY, THEY'LL NEED A
MIRACLE TO PULL THIS ONE OUT.

TEAMS ARE SET FOR THE
KICKOFF. AND IT'S AWAY,

HIGH AND DEEP, FIELDED
AT ABOUT THE 8-YARD LINE.

HE STARTS BACK UP-FIELD.

HE BREAKS TO HIS LEFT.

BUT THERE'S A WALL OF DEFENDERS.

OH, A VICIOUS BLOCK
THAT OPENS A HUGE HOLE.

THERE'S A PLAY THEY'LL
TALK ABOUT AFTER THE GAME.

LOOK AT THOSE MOVES,

AS HE SPINS TO HIS RIGHT
AND KEEPS POUNDING.

HURDLES A TACKLER AT THE 30.

GOT THE GOAL LINE IN SIGHT,
ONLY THE KICKER LEFT TO BEAT.

OH HO, A STRAIGHT-ARM!

KNOCKS THAT FIFTH-YEAR
SENIOR RIGHT OUT OF HIS SHOES.

HE'S LUNGING FOR THE GOAL LINE,

BUT IT LOOKS LIKE HE'S
GOING TO BE DRAGGED DOWN

BY 2 TACKLERS SHORT OF IT.

AH, HE'S GOTTA BE
DISAPPOINTED IN THAT.

HEY, WAIT A MINUTE. HE WANTS IT.

LOOK AT THAT SECOND EFFORT.

HE'S CARRYING THEM ON HIS BACK.

I THINK HE'S GOING TO MAKE IT.

SMELLY!

IN... YOUR... FACE!

Jackson: AND HE SCORES!

THIS ONE'S GONNA MAKE
THE PLAY OF THE DAY.

THERE YOU ARE.

JOHNNY, CAN WE TALK?

I FEEL HORRIBLE. I'M
REALLY, REALLY SORRY.

WELL, YOU SHOULD BE.

SHAR, I'M SORRY,

I DON'T HAVE TIME
TO TALK RIGHT NOW.

A GROUP OF US EXECUTIVES
ARE ON A CORPORATE RETREAT.

JOHNNY, I KNOW. I WAS, LIKE,
20 DIFFERENT KINDS OF WRONG.

YOU GOT THAT RIGHT.

TOMMY, CAN YOU SHUT
UP FOR 2 SECONDS?

NOW, YOU KNOW
THAT'S NOT POSSIBLE.

JUST... TRY.

LOOK, SHAR, I'M SORRY

THAT I'M NOT WHO
YOU WANT ME TO BE,

BUT LET ME TELL YOU SOMETHING.

UNLIKE YOU, I'M
PROUD OF WHAT I DO.

WHAT? YOU'RE NOT
HAPPY BEING A STRIPPER?

TOMMY!

YOU TOLD HIM I WAS A STRIPPER?

SORRY. SORRY.

EXOTIC DANCER.

COME ON, GUYS, LET'S GO.

MAKE MINE MEDIUM-WELL.

WHAT?

WHY WOULD YOU POSSIBLY
TELL THEM I WAS A STRIPPER?

I JUST... I DIDN'T WANT
TO TAKE A LOT OF CRAP

FOR DATING A SUIT.

OH.

SO YOU'RE EMBARRASSED OF ME.

NO. NO! I...

I JUST DON'T WANT MY
BUDDIES SINGING UPTOWN GIRL

EVERY TIME WE GO OUT.

SO YOU IMMEDIATELY
WENT RIGHT TO STRIPPER?

WELL, YOU COULD BE.

YOU HAVE A GREAT BODY.

DON'T THINK THAT'S GONNA
GET YOU OFF THE HOOK.

I CAN'T BELIEVE
YOU GOT MAD AT ME

FOR DOING THE SAME
THING YOU WERE DOING.

WELL, THAT JUST GOES TO SHOW
HOW MUCH WE HAVE IN COMMON.

WELL...

I'M SORRY.

I'M SORRY. I MEAN...

WHAT DO YOU WANT
ME TO SAY, SHARON,

THAT I'M COMPLETELY
CRAZY ABOUT YOU?

WELL, IT COULDN'T HURT.

I AM.

I AM. I AM SO CRAZY ABOUT YOU.

AND I THINK YOU LIKE ME, TOO.

SOMETIMES.

OK, ALL THE TIME.

YOU KNOW, I DON'T...

I DON'T THINK I PLANNED ON
FALLING FOR A GIRL LIKE YOU.

I'M PRETTY SURE
YOU DIDN'T PLAN ON

FALLING FOR A GUY LIKE ME.

I GUESS WE JUST HAVE TO
MAKE A COUPLE OF ADJUSTMENTS.

YEAH?

YEAH.

SO YOU WANT ME
TO... STRIP FOR YOU?

WELL, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO
IF YOU WANT THAT RECORD DEAL.

[CHUCKLING]

PETE, WE DID IT.

YOU SHOULD'VE SEEN THE
LOOK ON THOSE GUYS' FACES.

COME ON, YOU GOTTA SHOW ME.

HA HA HA HA!

WHAT A COUPLE OF LOSERS.

WE SHOWED THEM.

YEAH. YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS JUST PROVES IT, BERG.

WE CAN DO ANYTHING TOGETHER.

YOU GONNA FINISH THAT FRUIT CUP?

NO.

GO FOR IT, NUMBER 24601.

HA HA HA HA! HA HA HA HA!

OH, I LOVE HOMECOMING.

YEAH.

Jackson: EXACTLY WHAT WAS
GOING THROUGH YOUR HEAD

DURING THAT RUN-BACK?

Berg: AS SOON AS I LOOKED
UP-FIELD, I GOT A GREAT BLOCK.

I THREW IT INTO HIGH GEAR,

CUT UP THE SIDELINE,
PUT A SPIN MOVE ON,

AND WENT RIGHT OVER
THE TOP, AND THEN...

WELL, THEN IT WAS JUST THE
KICKER. WATCH WHAT I DO TO HIM.

HO HO. KICKERS SHOULD JUST KICK.

YOU KNOW WHAT I MEAN?

Jackson: NOW, LET'S TAKE
ANOTHER LOOK AT THAT.

BOY, YOU REALLY
CREAMED THAT GUY.

WELL, I REALLY HAVE
TO THANK THE LORD

FOR ALL MY GOD-GIVEN ABILITY.

GET AWAY FROM ME,
KID. NO AUTOGRAPHS.