Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 2, Episode 21 - Two Guys, a Girl and Barenaked Ladies - full transcript
Barenaked Ladies narrate throughout this episode in song. Berg tries to get out of going with Ashley to get her nails done and convinces Sharon to go instead. Despite Sharon's reluctance, the outing with Ashley goes well and Sharon reveals some of Berg's secrets. Pete goes to a career counsellor looking for a job. He is offered the job of a therapist. However, his first and last therapy session doesn't go well. He goes back and ends up as the careers counsellor, which means quitting the pizza place.
HEY, PETE, WHEN YOU'RE
DONE TAKING THE BEER'S PULSE,
CHECK ITS BLOOD PRESSURE.
NO, NO, NO, CHECK IT OUT.
IT TAKES EXACTLY 32 SECONDS
TO FILL UP A PITCHER OF BEER.
27 SECONDS FOR DARK BEER
BECAUSE THERE'S LESS FOAM.
THAT MEANS I CAN CLEAR
A PLATE, SERVE A PIZZA,
AND STILL HAVE 2 SECONDS LEFT
BEFORE THE PITCHERS ARE FULL.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
WHEN YOU SAY GREAT, YOU
MEAN LIKE IN A GREAT TRAGEDY
OR A GREAT WASTE OF TIME?
COME ON, MAN.
LOOK, YOU GET TO
GO TO THE HOSPITAL
EVERY DAY AND SAVE
LIVES, YOU KNOW?
I'VE BEEN THROUGH 4
YEARS OF UNDERGRAD,
2 YEARS OF ARCHITECTURE
SCHOOL, AND... AND I SERVE PIZZA.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I SERVE IT
WELL. I SERVE IT CHEERFULLY.
BECAUSE THAT... THAT'S MY LIFE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
MY LIFE SUCKS.
WATCH IT.
♪ STUCK INSIDE A DEAD-END JOB ♪
♪ WAS NOT PART OF HIS PLAN ♪
♪ HE WOULD LIKE
THE OPPORTUNITY ♪
♪ TO SELL OUT TO THE MAN ♪
♪ THE ARNOLD'S OF THE NINETIES ♪
♪ IS NOT WHERE HE WANTS TO BE ♪
♪ AGING IN A PIZZA JOINT
LIKE A SECOND-RATE FONZIE ♪
HEY, BERG.
HEY.
OOH... OOH, ASHLEY,
I LIKE THAT PERFUME. THANKS.
WHAT IS IT, BRIMSTONE?
WOW, PETE, THAT'S FUNNY.
MY GOSH, WITH A SENSE
OF HUMOR LIKE THAT,
YOU COULD BE MORE
THAN JUST A PIZZA GUY.
YOU COULD BE...
THE FUNNY PIZZA GUY.
HEY, HONEY, AREN'T YOU
READY? WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.
WHERE YOU GOING? JUST OUT.
THE MANICURIST.
NOW, LISTEN, NOTHING
TOO TRASHY, BERG.
I DON'T WANT A LOT OF
SAILORS HANGING AROUND.
I'M NOT GOING TO GET
MY NAILS DONE, OK?
I'M GOING BECAUSE... BECAUSE...
ASHLEY... WHY THE
HELL AM I GOING?
BECAUSE IF I'M IN THE
BEAUTY SHOP BY MYSELF,
THEN... PEOPLE WILL TALK TO ME.
NOW IF I'M WITH A FRIEND,
THEN THOSE PEOPLE CAN'T ENGAGE
ME IN MEANINGLESS CHITCHAT.
NOW, HURRY UP SO WE CAN GO.
HEY, SHARON.
HEY, ASHLEY. [SNIFFS]
WHAT IS THAT... BRIMSTONE?
I KNOW. I DID IT.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
ASHLEY IS INTRODUCING BERG
TO THE ULTRA-BUTCH
WORLD OF MANICURE.
I'M... I'M SO SICK...
I'M SO SICK OF HAVING TO
DO EVERYTHING WITH ASHLEY.
I JUST WISH SHE
HAD A GIRLFRIEND.
HEH HEH, YEAH, RIGHT.
WHERE'S ASHLEY GOING
TO FIND A FRIEND? HELLO?
WELL, GOT TO GO.
NO, COME ON, SHARON.
PLEASE, PLEASE, DO THIS FOR ME.
BERG.
COME ON, ASHLEY AND I
HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON.
WHAT THE HECK
WILL WE TALK ABOUT?
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT WITCHCRAFT?
JUST... JUST TALK ABOUT
GIRL TALK. GIRL TALK!
OKEY-DOKEY, BERG. YOU READY?
YES.
I GUESS.
UM... ASHLEY, LISTEN,
I NEED TO GET MY
NAILS DONE, TOO.
WHY DON'T JUST YOU AND I GO?
OH.
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO COME TO MY SHOP?
THEY'RE NOT VERY GOOD.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST
ABOUT THE NAILS, RIGHT?
I MEAN, IT'S... IT'S REALLY MORE
ABOUT US TWO GIRLS TALKIN'.
YOU KNOW... GIRL TALK.
WELL, FINE, BUT I DON'T
WANT TO BE LATE, SO...
DON'T TAKE TOO LONG
CHANGING YOUR CLOTHES.
OH, I DON'T NEED TO
CHANGE. I'LL JUST WEAR THIS.
OH.
WELL, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
SHARON IS GONNA MAKE YOU PAY.
BIG TIME.
TOTALLY WORTH IT.
HEY, ASH, DO YOU THINK THIS
COLOR WOULD LOOK GOOD ON ME?
NO.
OOH, WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?
NOT AS GOOD AS THE FIRST.
WELL, IS THERE ANY COLOR
THAT YOU THINK WOULD
LOOK GOOD ON ME?
HMM. I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN,
WITH YOUR SKIN
TONE, IT'S A LITTLE HARD
TO FIND A COLOR THAT
DOESN'T WASH YOU OUT.
REALLY? HA HA.
AND YOU DON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM?
I MEAN, YOU'RE AWFULLY PALE.
LOOK, SHARON, I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST IN SUCH A BAD MOOD.
I'VE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND THAT
DIDN'T WANT TO SPEND
THE DAY WITH ME.
I'VE KNOWN BERG A LONG
TIME, AND I'VE FOUND IT'S BEST
NOT TO FORCE HIM TO DO
ANYTHING HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, HE JUST POUTS AND WHINES
AND GETS RED IN THE FACE
WHEN HE DOESN'T GET HIS WAY.
REALLY?
I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT
HE DID WHEN HE WANTED SEX.
HA HA HA!
THAT'S FUNNY.
YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING FUNNY.
GOD, THAT REMINDS ME OF
SOMETHING THAT I HEARD ABOUT BERG.
YEAH?
BUT I REALLY...
SHOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
BUT YOU'RE GONNA, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH.
I'M PETE DUNVILLE. THANK
YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME.
OH, MY PLEASURE.
WELL, THIS SHOULD BE EASY.
ACCORDING TO YOUR APTITUDE TEST,
YOU'RE MOST SUITED FOR
A CAREER IN ARCHITECTURE.
YEAH, UM, I... I STUDIED
ARCHITECTURE,
AND I... I HATED IT.
TOO BAD.
WELL, IT ALSO SAYS YOU
HAVE A HIGH APTITUDE
FOR... FOOD SERVICE.
UM... I WORK AT A PIZZA PLACE,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HATE THAT, TOO. SO...
I'M BEGINNING TO SEE A PATTERN.
I'M A COLLEGE GRAD, YOU KNOW?
AND I WANT A COLLEGE GRAD JOB.
I'M LOOKING FOR A CAREER.
OK, FORGET THE TEST.
THERE'S AN OPENING
FOR A THERAPIST TRAINEE.
THERAPIST? HUH.
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ALWAYS
SAY I'M A GOOD TALKER.
I THINK IT'S REALLY
MORE ABOUT LISTENING.
I'M SORRY, WHAT?
LISTENING.
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
BUT THEN YOU GET
TO RESPOND, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS MIGHT BE EXACTLY
WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.
Pete: NOW, THIS DOESN'T
INVOLVE NEEDLES, DOES IT?
♪ LOOKING FOR A NEW
CAREER CAN BE DAUNTING ♪
♪ IF YOU CAN CATCH OUR DRIFT ♪
♪ BUT MAYBE PETE HAS
FOUND HIS CALLING ♪
♪ AS A PSYCHOTHERAPIST ♪
HEY, PETE.
MM-HMM.
DO YOU THINK IT WAS A BAD IDEA
FOR ME TO PAWN ASHLEY
OFF ON SHARON LIKE THAT?
SHH. SHH. SHH. SHH.
SHH. LISTEN TO THIS.
"AS A THERAPIST,
"YOU SHOULD ALWAYS
LET THE PATIENT KNOW
THAT YOU UNDERSTAND
HOW THEY FEEL."
I FEEL BAD.
LIKE I JUST PUT 2 CATS IN A BAG
AND SENT THEM OFF TO
GET THEIR CLAWS DONE.
YOU SEE, I UNDERSTAND
HOW YOU FEEL.
THANKS, MAN.
I'M LYING. I HAVE NO
IDEA HOW YOU FEEL.
I CAN DO THIS.
HEY, GUYS. HEY.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
OOH, JUST LIKE FREDDY KRUEGER'S.
HOW DID IT GO WITH SHARON?
I ACTUALLY HAD A
PRETTY NICE TIME.
REALLY?
YEAH.
IT TURNS OUT THAT WE HAVE
A LOT MORE IN COMMON
THAN WE THOUGHT...
LESLIE.
LESLIE? WHO'S LESLIE?
LESLIE'S MY MIDDLE NAME.
I THOUGHT EUGENE
WAS YOUR MIDDLE NAME.
YEAH... NO.
LESLIE'S A GIRL'S NAME.
WHAT ELSE DID YOU
TWO TALK ABOUT?
I DON'T KNOW. GIRL TALK.
YOU KNOW, SHARON'S
A GIRL. I'M A GIRL.
LESLIE'S A GIRL'S NAME.
BEFORE WE GET STARTED,
LET'S WELCOME ONE OF
OUR TRAINEES TO OUR GROUP.
THIS IS PETE.
HI. HEY.HI.
[GRUNTS]
UH, PEOPLE... I NEED
ABOUT 10 MINUTES,
SO PETE'S GONNA GET
THE SESSION GOING,
AND I'LL JOIN YOU IN A BIT.
UM, UH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
ARE YOU SURE YOU
WANT ME TO DO THIS?
LISTEN, PETE, IT'S EASY.
I'D LEAVE A TAPE
RECORDER IN CHARGE,
BUT IT CAN'T NOD.
HEY, PEOPLE.
SO, UH, I DON'T KNOW, LET'S GET
STARTED. OH, WAIT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK IT'S FAIR
TO TELL YOU THAT
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN
A FACILITATOR BEFORE. SO...
WELL, THAT INSPIRES CONFIDENCE.
UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S START WITH YOU.
I'M MARY. I'M MANIC-DEPRESSIVE,
BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN THE, YOU
KNOW, MANIC PART IN 2 YEARS.
RIGHT.
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
LET'S START WITH YOU.
MY NAME IS KEVIN.
COMING TO GROUP
HAS REALLY HELPED ME
KEEP MY RAGE... UNDER CONTROL.
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU
TELL OUR FACILITATOR
ABOUT THE TIME YOU ACCIDENTALLY
PET YOUR CAT TOO HARD.
SHE BIT ME... BUT IT'S OK.
OK.
AND YOU?
I'M LOUIS.
I HAVE A WAY OF PUSHING
PEOPLE'S BUTTONS.
OH, YEAH? HOW'S THAT?
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
TOO BIG OF A LOSER
TO FIND A REAL JOB?
HA HA. YOU'RE GOOD.
IT'S A GIFT.
YEAH.
MY ROOMMATE WOULD LOVE YOU.
AND HOW ABOUT YOU?
KIM NEVER SAYS ANYTHING.
RIGHT. I SEE.
AND KIM, WHY...
KIM... [WHISTLES]
KIM... KIM, WHY IS THAT?
[HIGH VOICE] IF I SPOKE, I
WOULD TELL YOU YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
OK, ALL RIGHT, LOUIS,
I KNEW THAT WAS YOU.
HA.
UM... SO THAT BRINGS
US BACK TO, UM...
[SNORTING]
YOU.
WELL, EVER SINCE
THE BUS ACCIDENT
AND MY FATHER PASSING AWAY
AND LOSING MY PARAKEET WHEN
MY APARTMENT BURNED DOWN,
IT'S DIFFICULT FOR ME TO
GET THROUGH THE DAY...
YEAH, YEAH, YOU SEE,
I KNOW... I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
YOU KNOW, EVER
SINCE GRAD SCHOOL,
I'VE BEEN DOING NOTHING
BUT FLOUNDERING.
I DON'T THINK IT'S
THE SAME THING.
MMM. I DON'T KNOW, MARY.
FLOUNDERING'S FLOUNDERING.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I'M GETTING
THE HANG OF THIS NOW.
YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL
HERE FOR EACH OTHER.
OH, WE ARE, HUH?
WE'RE HERE... WE'RE HERE
TO HELP ONE ANOTHER.
OH, GOOD, GOOD. KEVIN,
CAN I BORROW YOUR COMB?
LOUIS.
OK, KEVIN, ALL RIGHT,
NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT? UM...
LET IT OUT.
I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE...
SHH... SHH. SHH. SHH.
SHH. SHH. SHH. SHH.
COME ON, JUST... LET IT OUT.
LET IT OUT. YOU KNOW,
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
OK, JUST COME ON. YOU CAN DO IT.
COME ON, KEVIN,
LET YOUR HAIR DOWN.
HA HA HA HA.
I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS CHAIR
AND BEAT YOU FEATURELESS!
ALL RIGHT, KEVIN, PUT
IT BACK IN. PUT IT BACK IN.
GET OUT!
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
GET OUT!
SHE'S NEVER SAID A WORD.
WOW. WOW. RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS A REAL BREAKTHROUGH.
KIM, YOU'RE IN CHARGE.
♪ PETE TRIED TO BE A
THERAPIST, BUT HE SUCKED ♪
♪ MAYBE NEXT TIME HE
WILL HAVE BETTER LUCK ♪
♪ MAYBE HE SHOULD FIND
HIMSELF ANOTHER LINE OF WORK ♪
♪ MAYBE ONE THAT DOESN'T
MAKE HIM COME OFF AS A JERK ♪
♪ JERK ♪ ♪ JERK ♪ ♪ JERK ♪
STOP TELLING ASHLEY
STUFF ABOUT ME.
OWW!
GOD! WE DON'T TALK ABOUT YOU.
I STILL CRY WHEN I SEE BAMBI?
OK, WE DO.
YOU KNOW, ASHLEY CAN
REALLY BE QUITE FUNNY
WHEN SHE'S MAKING
FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE.
HILARIOUS. YOU
KNOW, I HAD TO SPEND
ALL OF LAST NIGHT LISTENING TO,
[MIMICKING ASHLEY]
"DON'T BE AFRAID, LESLIE.
BAMBI WILL MAKE IT
OUT OF THE FOREST FIRE."
IT'S LIKE BEING MOCKED
BY KATHARINE HEPBURN.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?
YOU GOT A LOT OF FLAWS.
DID YOU HAVE TO TELL
HER I'M AFRAID OF MOTHS?
HEY, I WAS ON A ROLL.
OH, BY THE WAY,
THE MANICURISTS ARE
DYING TO MEET YOU.
NO, MR. SANDERS,
LOOK, IT'S HOPELESS.
I'M NEVER GOING
TO FIND A CAREER.
CAN I MAKE ANOTHER
PITCH FOR ARCHITECTURE?
IT'S A... IT'S A NICE LIVING.
I WANT MORE THAN
JUST A NICE LIVING.
YOU KNOW, I WANT A JOB
THAT I FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT.
A JOB THAT'S... THAT'S MORE
THAN A MEANS TO AN END.
YOU KNOW, A JOB AT THE
END OF THE DAY I CAN SAY,
I'M COMPLETE. YOU KNOW?
PETE'S COMPLETE.
HEY, LOOK, THERE'S
COMPLETE PETE.
WELL, I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS.
YOU CAN STOP LOOKING.
[CLEARS THROAT]
THERE'S NO SUCH JOB.
WHAT?
DON'T YOU THINK
WE ALL WANT THAT?
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T START
OFF AS A CAREER COUNSELOR.
I WANTED TO BE... AN AUCTIONEER.
NO, NO, NO, NO, SEE,
WITH YOUR VOICE,
I'M THINKING MORE LIKE THE
MOVIE-PHONE GUY, YOU KNOW?
OR, OH, OH, THE PERSON ON THE
OTHER END WHEN YOU CALL TIME.
BUT THOSE ARE JUST RECORDINGS.
WELL, LET'S FACE IT. LIVE IS
NOT REALLY YOUR STRENGTH.
DO ME A FAVOR...
AND READ... THIS.
[CLEARS THROAT]
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
I THINK WE HAVE A WINNER.
UH, NOT NOW. WE'RE ON A BREAK.
HEY, BERG.
HEY, JOHNNY. OH, JEEZ.
OOPS.
SORRY.
IT'S OK.
HAVE YOU SEEN ASHLEY AROUND?
NO. UH... MAYBE
SHE'S WITH SHARON.
YOU KNOW HOW THOSE 2 GIRLS
ARE WHEN THEY GET TOGETHER.
TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK.
IT'S LIKE 2 LITTLE
BIRDS. TALK, TALK, TALK...
YEAH, I GET IT.
SO, YOU EVER THROWN A
FOOTBALL AROUND OUT THERE?
YEAH, ME AND SOME BUD...
HA HA, THAT'S GREAT.
LISTEN, HAS SHARON EVER
TOLD YOU ABOUT THE TIME
SHE WOKE UP DRUNK
IN A MEN'S GYM?
I DON'T... GOSSIP.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY, THERE'S ASHLEY.
YOU CAN GIRL TALK WITH HER.
OH, WATCH OUT,
BERG, THERE'S A MOTH.
OK, GOOD ONE.
OH, COME ON, BERG. I THOUGHT
EVERYTHING WAS FUNNY TO YOU.
WELL, IT'S NOT.
OK?
SO, I HAD A BAD
EXPERIENCE WITH MOTHS.
I CRIED AT BAMBI,
AND SO WHAT IF I
STUTTERED IN HIGH SCHOOL?
WHAT?
YEAH, YEAH, I BET YOU AND SHARON
HAD A GOOD
CH-CH-CH-CHUCKLE OVER THAT.
NO, SHARON DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT STUTTERING.
SHE DIDN'T? OH.
WELL, THEN... NEVER MIND.
SO, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
ALL RIGHT.
YOU USED TO STUTTER?
DO YOU KNOW WHY I NEVER TALK
ABOUT MY HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS?
NO.
NO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY.
OH, COME ON, YOU?
ME. YEAH.
YOU KNOW HOW THERE'S ALWAYS ONE
KID IN THE CLASS THAT EVERYONE PICKS ON?
MY STUTTERING WAS SO BAD,
I COULDN'T EVEN PICK ON HIM.
WHEN THE TEACHER DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE WORKING THAT DAY,
SHE'D HAVE ME SAY THE
PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
ONCE I ALMOST DROWNED
PLAYING MARCO POLO.
OH, THERE... THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO. THERE
YOU GO. COME ON.
I'M AT MY WEAKEST. TAKE
YOUR BEST SHOT. LET'S GO.
HEY, BERG.
I'M REALLY GLAD I HEARD THAT
FROM YOU INSTEAD OF SHARON.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S
NOTHING MORE ATTRACTIVE
THAN A MAN WHO'S
WILLING TO OPEN UP.
DID YOU KNOW THAT SHARON
WOKE UP DRUNK IN A MEN'S GYM?
HEY. SHARON.
HEY, ASHLEY. OH, THE HEAT IS ON.
OH, LISTEN, I WAS JUST
TALKING TO MOTH BOY...
OH, OH... HEY, SHARON.
UM, YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING,
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T FOCUS OUR
CONVERSATIONS SO MUCH ON BERG.
YEAH. I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.
I MEAN, HEY, THERE'S...
THERE'S TONS OF OTHER
STUFF WE CAN TALK ABOUT.
YEAH, OF COURSE.
YEAH.
AHH. AHH.
ARE YOU SURE? YEAH?
YEAH.
OR... WE COULD JUST...
TALK ABOUT BERG AND
KEEP IT TO OURSELVES.
OOH, I LIKE THAT.
OK.
HEY.
HEY, PETE. SO, HOW'S
LIFE AFTER SANCTIONS
FROM THE AMERICAN
MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION?
WELL, NOT AS BAD
AS YOU MIGHT THINK.
TURNS OUT I GOT MY
CAREER COUNSELOR
A JOB WITH A MAJOR
AUTO MANUFACTURER.
HE'S NOW THE GUY THAT SAYS,
"DING, DING, DING, DING,
YOUR LIGHTS ARE ON."
BUT NOW YOU ARE LOOKING
AT THE NEW COUNSELOR
FOR THE BOSTON METRO
EMPLOYMENT AGENCY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
YEAH, YEAH, IT TURNS
OUT THAT I CAN FIND WORK,
BUT JUST FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
UH, PART-TIME OR... FULL.
WOW! WOW. UM...
DING, DING, DING,
YOU'VE GOT A CAREER.
YEAH. WHOO.
SO I GUESS YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO, UH...
YEAH, YEAH, I ACTUALLY
CAME DOWN HERE
TO TELL YOU I'M... I'M QUITTIN'.
YEAH, YEAH, OF COURSE YOU ARE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
NOT IN SCHOOL ANYMORE LIKE ME,
AND YOU GOT YOURSELF A REAL JOB.
SO... THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GREAT.
YEAH.
WOW.
MAN, I...
WOW! MAN, OH, MAN.
WE HAD SOME... WE HAD SOME
GREAT TIMES HERE, DIDN'T WE?
THE BEST.
YOU KNOW, WE PRACTICALLY
GREW UP IN THIS PLACE, YOU KNOW?
WHAT'S WEIRD IS, I THOUGHT I'D
BE HAPPY WHEN THIS DAY CAME.
YEAH.
IT'S FUNNY, HUH?
I'LL TELL YA,
PETE. THIS PLACE...
THIS PLACE IS NOT GONNA
BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU, MAN.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU, TOO, MAN.
BYE, BERG.
BYE, BUDDY.
SO, I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME?
YEAH, SEE YA, MAN.
♪ DO DOO DO DOOO ♪
♪ SO LONG, PEPPERONI ♪
♪ SO LONG, PARMESAN CHEESE ♪
♪ SO LONG TO BEGGIN' FOR TIPS ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE DOWN
ON ONE BENDED KNEE ♪
♪ WELL, YOU WANT A CAREER ♪
♪ SO YOU GOT A CAREER ♪
♪ AND WE'RE SURE
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE ♪
♪ BUT IF IT ALL COMES ♪
♪ CRASHING DOWN ON YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T COME
BACK HERE AND WHINE ♪
♪ SAY SO LONG TO PIZZA ♪
♪ YEAH, SO LONG TO PIZZA ♪
♪ PETE ♪
SO...
WHAT TYPE OF WORK ARE
YOU FELLAS LOOKIN' FOR?
WE'D LIKE TO BE IN A BAND.
NO, NO, FELLAS, FELLAS,
COME ON, COME ON.
WHAT KIND OF CAREER
IS THAT, YOU KNOW?
YOU NEED TO GET
SOMETHING STABLE, YOU KNOW?
HEY, DID YOU EVER THINK
ABOUT DATA PROCESSING?
IT'S THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE.
NO, WE'RE REALLY, REALLY GOOD.
I MEAN, CHECK THIS OUT. 2, 3, 4.
♪ I MET YOU ♪
♪ BEFORE THE FALL OF ROME ♪
♪ AND I BEGGED YOU ♪
♪ TO LET ME TAKE YOU HOME ♪
♪ YOU WERE WRONG, I WAS RIGHT ♪
♪ YOU SAID GOOD-BYE ♪
♪ I SAID GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ OOH OO OO OOH ♪
♪ IT'S ALL BEEN DONE ♪
♪ OOH OO OO OOH ♪
♪ IT'S ALL BEEN DONE ♪
♪ OOH OO OO OOH ♪
♪ IT'S ALL BEEN ♪
♪ DONE ♪
♪ BEFORE ♪
EH.
DONE TAKING THE BEER'S PULSE,
CHECK ITS BLOOD PRESSURE.
NO, NO, NO, CHECK IT OUT.
IT TAKES EXACTLY 32 SECONDS
TO FILL UP A PITCHER OF BEER.
27 SECONDS FOR DARK BEER
BECAUSE THERE'S LESS FOAM.
THAT MEANS I CAN CLEAR
A PLATE, SERVE A PIZZA,
AND STILL HAVE 2 SECONDS LEFT
BEFORE THE PITCHERS ARE FULL.
ISN'T THAT GREAT?
WHEN YOU SAY GREAT, YOU
MEAN LIKE IN A GREAT TRAGEDY
OR A GREAT WASTE OF TIME?
COME ON, MAN.
LOOK, YOU GET TO
GO TO THE HOSPITAL
EVERY DAY AND SAVE
LIVES, YOU KNOW?
I'VE BEEN THROUGH 4
YEARS OF UNDERGRAD,
2 YEARS OF ARCHITECTURE
SCHOOL, AND... AND I SERVE PIZZA.
YOU KNOW WHAT? I SERVE IT
WELL. I SERVE IT CHEERFULLY.
BECAUSE THAT... THAT'S MY LIFE.
WHERE ARE YOU GOING?
MY LIFE SUCKS.
WATCH IT.
♪ STUCK INSIDE A DEAD-END JOB ♪
♪ WAS NOT PART OF HIS PLAN ♪
♪ HE WOULD LIKE
THE OPPORTUNITY ♪
♪ TO SELL OUT TO THE MAN ♪
♪ THE ARNOLD'S OF THE NINETIES ♪
♪ IS NOT WHERE HE WANTS TO BE ♪
♪ AGING IN A PIZZA JOINT
LIKE A SECOND-RATE FONZIE ♪
HEY, BERG.
HEY.
OOH... OOH, ASHLEY,
I LIKE THAT PERFUME. THANKS.
WHAT IS IT, BRIMSTONE?
WOW, PETE, THAT'S FUNNY.
MY GOSH, WITH A SENSE
OF HUMOR LIKE THAT,
YOU COULD BE MORE
THAN JUST A PIZZA GUY.
YOU COULD BE...
THE FUNNY PIZZA GUY.
HEY, HONEY, AREN'T YOU
READY? WE'RE GONNA BE LATE.
WHERE YOU GOING? JUST OUT.
THE MANICURIST.
NOW, LISTEN, NOTHING
TOO TRASHY, BERG.
I DON'T WANT A LOT OF
SAILORS HANGING AROUND.
I'M NOT GOING TO GET
MY NAILS DONE, OK?
I'M GOING BECAUSE... BECAUSE...
ASHLEY... WHY THE
HELL AM I GOING?
BECAUSE IF I'M IN THE
BEAUTY SHOP BY MYSELF,
THEN... PEOPLE WILL TALK TO ME.
NOW IF I'M WITH A FRIEND,
THEN THOSE PEOPLE CAN'T ENGAGE
ME IN MEANINGLESS CHITCHAT.
NOW, HURRY UP SO WE CAN GO.
HEY, SHARON.
HEY, ASHLEY. [SNIFFS]
WHAT IS THAT... BRIMSTONE?
I KNOW. I DID IT.
WHAT'S GOING ON?
ASHLEY IS INTRODUCING BERG
TO THE ULTRA-BUTCH
WORLD OF MANICURE.
I'M... I'M SO SICK...
I'M SO SICK OF HAVING TO
DO EVERYTHING WITH ASHLEY.
I JUST WISH SHE
HAD A GIRLFRIEND.
HEH HEH, YEAH, RIGHT.
WHERE'S ASHLEY GOING
TO FIND A FRIEND? HELLO?
WELL, GOT TO GO.
NO, COME ON, SHARON.
PLEASE, PLEASE, DO THIS FOR ME.
BERG.
COME ON, ASHLEY AND I
HAVE NOTHING IN COMMON.
WHAT THE HECK
WILL WE TALK ABOUT?
DO YOU KNOW ANYTHING
ABOUT WITCHCRAFT?
JUST... JUST TALK ABOUT
GIRL TALK. GIRL TALK!
OKEY-DOKEY, BERG. YOU READY?
YES.
I GUESS.
UM... ASHLEY, LISTEN,
I NEED TO GET MY
NAILS DONE, TOO.
WHY DON'T JUST YOU AND I GO?
OH.
ARE YOU SURE YOU WANT
TO COME TO MY SHOP?
THEY'RE NOT VERY GOOD.
BUT IT'S NOT JUST
ABOUT THE NAILS, RIGHT?
I MEAN, IT'S... IT'S REALLY MORE
ABOUT US TWO GIRLS TALKIN'.
YOU KNOW... GIRL TALK.
WELL, FINE, BUT I DON'T
WANT TO BE LATE, SO...
DON'T TAKE TOO LONG
CHANGING YOUR CLOTHES.
OH, I DON'T NEED TO
CHANGE. I'LL JUST WEAR THIS.
OH.
WELL, LET'S GET THIS OVER WITH.
SHARON IS GONNA MAKE YOU PAY.
BIG TIME.
TOTALLY WORTH IT.
HEY, ASH, DO YOU THINK THIS
COLOR WOULD LOOK GOOD ON ME?
NO.
OOH, WHAT ABOUT THIS ONE?
NOT AS GOOD AS THE FIRST.
WELL, IS THERE ANY COLOR
THAT YOU THINK WOULD
LOOK GOOD ON ME?
HMM. I DON'T KNOW. I MEAN,
WITH YOUR SKIN
TONE, IT'S A LITTLE HARD
TO FIND A COLOR THAT
DOESN'T WASH YOU OUT.
REALLY? HA HA.
AND YOU DON'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM?
I MEAN, YOU'RE AWFULLY PALE.
LOOK, SHARON, I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST IN SUCH A BAD MOOD.
I'VE NEVER HAD A BOYFRIEND THAT
DIDN'T WANT TO SPEND
THE DAY WITH ME.
I'VE KNOWN BERG A LONG
TIME, AND I'VE FOUND IT'S BEST
NOT TO FORCE HIM TO DO
ANYTHING HE DOESN'T WANT TO DO.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN?
WELL, HE JUST POUTS AND WHINES
AND GETS RED IN THE FACE
WHEN HE DOESN'T GET HIS WAY.
REALLY?
I THOUGHT THAT'S WHAT
HE DID WHEN HE WANTED SEX.
HA HA HA!
THAT'S FUNNY.
YOU JUST SAID SOMETHING FUNNY.
GOD, THAT REMINDS ME OF
SOMETHING THAT I HEARD ABOUT BERG.
YEAH?
BUT I REALLY...
SHOULDN'T SAY ANYTHING.
BUT YOU'RE GONNA, RIGHT?
OH, YEAH.
I'M PETE DUNVILLE. THANK
YOU FOR TAKING THE TIME.
OH, MY PLEASURE.
WELL, THIS SHOULD BE EASY.
ACCORDING TO YOUR APTITUDE TEST,
YOU'RE MOST SUITED FOR
A CAREER IN ARCHITECTURE.
YEAH, UM, I... I STUDIED
ARCHITECTURE,
AND I... I HATED IT.
TOO BAD.
WELL, IT ALSO SAYS YOU
HAVE A HIGH APTITUDE
FOR... FOOD SERVICE.
UM... I WORK AT A PIZZA PLACE,
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I HATE THAT, TOO. SO...
I'M BEGINNING TO SEE A PATTERN.
I'M A COLLEGE GRAD, YOU KNOW?
AND I WANT A COLLEGE GRAD JOB.
I'M LOOKING FOR A CAREER.
OK, FORGET THE TEST.
THERE'S AN OPENING
FOR A THERAPIST TRAINEE.
THERAPIST? HUH.
YOU KNOW, PEOPLE ALWAYS
SAY I'M A GOOD TALKER.
I THINK IT'S REALLY
MORE ABOUT LISTENING.
I'M SORRY, WHAT?
LISTENING.
OH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH,
BUT THEN YOU GET
TO RESPOND, RIGHT?
ALL RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS MIGHT BE EXACTLY
WHAT I'M LOOKING FOR.
Pete: NOW, THIS DOESN'T
INVOLVE NEEDLES, DOES IT?
♪ LOOKING FOR A NEW
CAREER CAN BE DAUNTING ♪
♪ IF YOU CAN CATCH OUR DRIFT ♪
♪ BUT MAYBE PETE HAS
FOUND HIS CALLING ♪
♪ AS A PSYCHOTHERAPIST ♪
HEY, PETE.
MM-HMM.
DO YOU THINK IT WAS A BAD IDEA
FOR ME TO PAWN ASHLEY
OFF ON SHARON LIKE THAT?
SHH. SHH. SHH. SHH.
SHH. LISTEN TO THIS.
"AS A THERAPIST,
"YOU SHOULD ALWAYS
LET THE PATIENT KNOW
THAT YOU UNDERSTAND
HOW THEY FEEL."
I FEEL BAD.
LIKE I JUST PUT 2 CATS IN A BAG
AND SENT THEM OFF TO
GET THEIR CLAWS DONE.
YOU SEE, I UNDERSTAND
HOW YOU FEEL.
THANKS, MAN.
I'M LYING. I HAVE NO
IDEA HOW YOU FEEL.
I CAN DO THIS.
HEY, GUYS. HEY.
SO, WHAT DO YOU THINK?
OOH, JUST LIKE FREDDY KRUEGER'S.
HOW DID IT GO WITH SHARON?
I ACTUALLY HAD A
PRETTY NICE TIME.
REALLY?
YEAH.
IT TURNS OUT THAT WE HAVE
A LOT MORE IN COMMON
THAN WE THOUGHT...
LESLIE.
LESLIE? WHO'S LESLIE?
LESLIE'S MY MIDDLE NAME.
I THOUGHT EUGENE
WAS YOUR MIDDLE NAME.
YEAH... NO.
LESLIE'S A GIRL'S NAME.
WHAT ELSE DID YOU
TWO TALK ABOUT?
I DON'T KNOW. GIRL TALK.
YOU KNOW, SHARON'S
A GIRL. I'M A GIRL.
LESLIE'S A GIRL'S NAME.
BEFORE WE GET STARTED,
LET'S WELCOME ONE OF
OUR TRAINEES TO OUR GROUP.
THIS IS PETE.
HI. HEY.HI.
[GRUNTS]
UH, PEOPLE... I NEED
ABOUT 10 MINUTES,
SO PETE'S GONNA GET
THE SESSION GOING,
AND I'LL JOIN YOU IN A BIT.
UM, UH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT,
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
ARE YOU SURE YOU
WANT ME TO DO THIS?
LISTEN, PETE, IT'S EASY.
I'D LEAVE A TAPE
RECORDER IN CHARGE,
BUT IT CAN'T NOD.
HEY, PEOPLE.
SO, UH, I DON'T KNOW, LET'S GET
STARTED. OH, WAIT, YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK IT'S FAIR
TO TELL YOU THAT
I'VE NEVER ACTUALLY BEEN
A FACILITATOR BEFORE. SO...
WELL, THAT INSPIRES CONFIDENCE.
UM, YOU KNOW WHAT?
LET'S START WITH YOU.
I'M MARY. I'M MANIC-DEPRESSIVE,
BUT I HAVEN'T SEEN THE, YOU
KNOW, MANIC PART IN 2 YEARS.
RIGHT.
ON SECOND THOUGHT,
LET'S START WITH YOU.
MY NAME IS KEVIN.
COMING TO GROUP
HAS REALLY HELPED ME
KEEP MY RAGE... UNDER CONTROL.
YEAH, WHY DON'T YOU
TELL OUR FACILITATOR
ABOUT THE TIME YOU ACCIDENTALLY
PET YOUR CAT TOO HARD.
SHE BIT ME... BUT IT'S OK.
OK.
AND YOU?
I'M LOUIS.
I HAVE A WAY OF PUSHING
PEOPLE'S BUTTONS.
OH, YEAH? HOW'S THAT?
WELL, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
TOO BIG OF A LOSER
TO FIND A REAL JOB?
HA HA. YOU'RE GOOD.
IT'S A GIFT.
YEAH.
MY ROOMMATE WOULD LOVE YOU.
AND HOW ABOUT YOU?
KIM NEVER SAYS ANYTHING.
RIGHT. I SEE.
AND KIM, WHY...
KIM... [WHISTLES]
KIM... KIM, WHY IS THAT?
[HIGH VOICE] IF I SPOKE, I
WOULD TELL YOU YOU'RE AN IDIOT.
OK, ALL RIGHT, LOUIS,
I KNEW THAT WAS YOU.
HA.
UM... SO THAT BRINGS
US BACK TO, UM...
[SNORTING]
YOU.
WELL, EVER SINCE
THE BUS ACCIDENT
AND MY FATHER PASSING AWAY
AND LOSING MY PARAKEET WHEN
MY APARTMENT BURNED DOWN,
IT'S DIFFICULT FOR ME TO
GET THROUGH THE DAY...
YEAH, YEAH, YOU SEE,
I KNOW... I KNOW HOW YOU FEEL.
YOU KNOW, EVER
SINCE GRAD SCHOOL,
I'VE BEEN DOING NOTHING
BUT FLOUNDERING.
I DON'T THINK IT'S
THE SAME THING.
MMM. I DON'T KNOW, MARY.
FLOUNDERING'S FLOUNDERING.
YOU KNOW WHAT?
I THINK I'M GETTING
THE HANG OF THIS NOW.
YOU KNOW, WE'RE ALL
HERE FOR EACH OTHER.
OH, WE ARE, HUH?
WE'RE HERE... WE'RE HERE
TO HELP ONE ANOTHER.
OH, GOOD, GOOD. KEVIN,
CAN I BORROW YOUR COMB?
LOUIS.
OK, KEVIN, ALL RIGHT,
NOW, YOU KNOW WHAT? UM...
LET IT OUT.
I WOULDN'T DO THAT IF I WERE...
SHH... SHH. SHH. SHH.
SHH. SHH. SHH. SHH.
COME ON, JUST... LET IT OUT.
LET IT OUT. YOU KNOW,
IT'S NOT YOUR FAULT.
OK, JUST COME ON. YOU CAN DO IT.
COME ON, KEVIN,
LET YOUR HAIR DOWN.
HA HA HA HA.
I'M GOING TO TAKE THIS CHAIR
AND BEAT YOU FEATURELESS!
ALL RIGHT, KEVIN, PUT
IT BACK IN. PUT IT BACK IN.
GET OUT!
WHAT DID YOU SAY?
GET OUT!
SHE'S NEVER SAID A WORD.
WOW. WOW. RIGHT. YOU KNOW WHAT?
THIS IS A REAL BREAKTHROUGH.
KIM, YOU'RE IN CHARGE.
♪ PETE TRIED TO BE A
THERAPIST, BUT HE SUCKED ♪
♪ MAYBE NEXT TIME HE
WILL HAVE BETTER LUCK ♪
♪ MAYBE HE SHOULD FIND
HIMSELF ANOTHER LINE OF WORK ♪
♪ MAYBE ONE THAT DOESN'T
MAKE HIM COME OFF AS A JERK ♪
♪ JERK ♪ ♪ JERK ♪ ♪ JERK ♪
STOP TELLING ASHLEY
STUFF ABOUT ME.
OWW!
GOD! WE DON'T TALK ABOUT YOU.
I STILL CRY WHEN I SEE BAMBI?
OK, WE DO.
YOU KNOW, ASHLEY CAN
REALLY BE QUITE FUNNY
WHEN SHE'S MAKING
FUN OF OTHER PEOPLE.
HILARIOUS. YOU
KNOW, I HAD TO SPEND
ALL OF LAST NIGHT LISTENING TO,
[MIMICKING ASHLEY]
"DON'T BE AFRAID, LESLIE.
BAMBI WILL MAKE IT
OUT OF THE FOREST FIRE."
IT'S LIKE BEING MOCKED
BY KATHARINE HEPBURN.
WHAT DID YOU EXPECT ME TO DO?
YOU GOT A LOT OF FLAWS.
DID YOU HAVE TO TELL
HER I'M AFRAID OF MOTHS?
HEY, I WAS ON A ROLL.
OH, BY THE WAY,
THE MANICURISTS ARE
DYING TO MEET YOU.
NO, MR. SANDERS,
LOOK, IT'S HOPELESS.
I'M NEVER GOING
TO FIND A CAREER.
CAN I MAKE ANOTHER
PITCH FOR ARCHITECTURE?
IT'S A... IT'S A NICE LIVING.
I WANT MORE THAN
JUST A NICE LIVING.
YOU KNOW, I WANT A JOB
THAT I FEEL PASSIONATE ABOUT.
A JOB THAT'S... THAT'S MORE
THAN A MEANS TO AN END.
YOU KNOW, A JOB AT THE
END OF THE DAY I CAN SAY,
I'M COMPLETE. YOU KNOW?
PETE'S COMPLETE.
HEY, LOOK, THERE'S
COMPLETE PETE.
WELL, I'VE GOT GREAT NEWS.
YOU CAN STOP LOOKING.
[CLEARS THROAT]
THERE'S NO SUCH JOB.
WHAT?
DON'T YOU THINK
WE ALL WANT THAT?
YOU KNOW, I DIDN'T START
OFF AS A CAREER COUNSELOR.
I WANTED TO BE... AN AUCTIONEER.
NO, NO, NO, NO, SEE,
WITH YOUR VOICE,
I'M THINKING MORE LIKE THE
MOVIE-PHONE GUY, YOU KNOW?
OR, OH, OH, THE PERSON ON THE
OTHER END WHEN YOU CALL TIME.
BUT THOSE ARE JUST RECORDINGS.
WELL, LET'S FACE IT. LIVE IS
NOT REALLY YOUR STRENGTH.
DO ME A FAVOR...
AND READ... THIS.
[CLEARS THROAT]
"YOU'VE GOT MAIL."
I THINK WE HAVE A WINNER.
UH, NOT NOW. WE'RE ON A BREAK.
HEY, BERG.
HEY, JOHNNY. OH, JEEZ.
OOPS.
SORRY.
IT'S OK.
HAVE YOU SEEN ASHLEY AROUND?
NO. UH... MAYBE
SHE'S WITH SHARON.
YOU KNOW HOW THOSE 2 GIRLS
ARE WHEN THEY GET TOGETHER.
TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK, TALK.
IT'S LIKE 2 LITTLE
BIRDS. TALK, TALK, TALK...
YEAH, I GET IT.
SO, YOU EVER THROWN A
FOOTBALL AROUND OUT THERE?
YEAH, ME AND SOME BUD...
HA HA, THAT'S GREAT.
LISTEN, HAS SHARON EVER
TOLD YOU ABOUT THE TIME
SHE WOKE UP DRUNK
IN A MEN'S GYM?
I DON'T... GOSSIP.
HEY, GUYS.
HEY, THERE'S ASHLEY.
YOU CAN GIRL TALK WITH HER.
OH, WATCH OUT,
BERG, THERE'S A MOTH.
OK, GOOD ONE.
OH, COME ON, BERG. I THOUGHT
EVERYTHING WAS FUNNY TO YOU.
WELL, IT'S NOT.
OK?
SO, I HAD A BAD
EXPERIENCE WITH MOTHS.
I CRIED AT BAMBI,
AND SO WHAT IF I
STUTTERED IN HIGH SCHOOL?
WHAT?
YEAH, YEAH, I BET YOU AND SHARON
HAD A GOOD
CH-CH-CH-CHUCKLE OVER THAT.
NO, SHARON DIDN'T SAY
ANYTHING ABOUT STUTTERING.
SHE DIDN'T? OH.
WELL, THEN... NEVER MIND.
SO, HOW WAS YOUR DAY?
ALL RIGHT.
YOU USED TO STUTTER?
DO YOU KNOW WHY I NEVER TALK
ABOUT MY HIGH SCHOOL FRIENDS?
NO.
NO, BECAUSE I DIDN'T HAVE ANY.
OH, COME ON, YOU?
ME. YEAH.
YOU KNOW HOW THERE'S ALWAYS ONE
KID IN THE CLASS THAT EVERYONE PICKS ON?
MY STUTTERING WAS SO BAD,
I COULDN'T EVEN PICK ON HIM.
WHEN THE TEACHER DIDN'T
FEEL LIKE WORKING THAT DAY,
SHE'D HAVE ME SAY THE
PLEDGE OF ALLEGIANCE.
ONCE I ALMOST DROWNED
PLAYING MARCO POLO.
OH, THERE... THERE YOU GO.
THERE YOU GO. THERE
YOU GO. COME ON.
I'M AT MY WEAKEST. TAKE
YOUR BEST SHOT. LET'S GO.
HEY, BERG.
I'M REALLY GLAD I HEARD THAT
FROM YOU INSTEAD OF SHARON.
YOU KNOW, THERE'S
NOTHING MORE ATTRACTIVE
THAN A MAN WHO'S
WILLING TO OPEN UP.
DID YOU KNOW THAT SHARON
WOKE UP DRUNK IN A MEN'S GYM?
HEY. SHARON.
HEY, ASHLEY. OH, THE HEAT IS ON.
OH, LISTEN, I WAS JUST
TALKING TO MOTH BOY...
OH, OH... HEY, SHARON.
UM, YOU KNOW, I WAS THINKING,
MAYBE WE SHOULDN'T FOCUS OUR
CONVERSATIONS SO MUCH ON BERG.
YEAH. I SUPPOSE YOU'RE RIGHT.
I MEAN, HEY, THERE'S...
THERE'S TONS OF OTHER
STUFF WE CAN TALK ABOUT.
YEAH, OF COURSE.
YEAH.
AHH. AHH.
ARE YOU SURE? YEAH?
YEAH.
OR... WE COULD JUST...
TALK ABOUT BERG AND
KEEP IT TO OURSELVES.
OOH, I LIKE THAT.
OK.
HEY.
HEY, PETE. SO, HOW'S
LIFE AFTER SANCTIONS
FROM THE AMERICAN
MENTAL HEALTH ASSOCIATION?
WELL, NOT AS BAD
AS YOU MIGHT THINK.
TURNS OUT I GOT MY
CAREER COUNSELOR
A JOB WITH A MAJOR
AUTO MANUFACTURER.
HE'S NOW THE GUY THAT SAYS,
"DING, DING, DING, DING,
YOUR LIGHTS ARE ON."
BUT NOW YOU ARE LOOKING
AT THE NEW COUNSELOR
FOR THE BOSTON METRO
EMPLOYMENT AGENCY.
CONGRATULATIONS.
YEAH, YEAH, IT TURNS
OUT THAT I CAN FIND WORK,
BUT JUST FOR OTHER PEOPLE.
UH, PART-TIME OR... FULL.
WOW! WOW. UM...
DING, DING, DING,
YOU'VE GOT A CAREER.
YEAH. WHOO.
SO I GUESS YOU'RE
GONNA HAVE TO, UH...
YEAH, YEAH, I ACTUALLY
CAME DOWN HERE
TO TELL YOU I'M... I'M QUITTIN'.
YEAH, YEAH, OF COURSE YOU ARE.
I MEAN, YOU KNOW, YOU'RE
NOT IN SCHOOL ANYMORE LIKE ME,
AND YOU GOT YOURSELF A REAL JOB.
SO... THAT'S GREAT.
THAT'S GREAT.
YEAH.
WOW.
MAN, I...
WOW! MAN, OH, MAN.
WE HAD SOME... WE HAD SOME
GREAT TIMES HERE, DIDN'T WE?
THE BEST.
YOU KNOW, WE PRACTICALLY
GREW UP IN THIS PLACE, YOU KNOW?
WHAT'S WEIRD IS, I THOUGHT I'D
BE HAPPY WHEN THIS DAY CAME.
YEAH.
IT'S FUNNY, HUH?
I'LL TELL YA,
PETE. THIS PLACE...
THIS PLACE IS NOT GONNA
BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU, MAN.
I'M GONNA MISS YOU, TOO, MAN.
BYE, BERG.
BYE, BUDDY.
SO, I'LL SEE YOU AT HOME?
YEAH, SEE YA, MAN.
♪ DO DOO DO DOOO ♪
♪ SO LONG, PEPPERONI ♪
♪ SO LONG, PARMESAN CHEESE ♪
♪ SO LONG TO BEGGIN' FOR TIPS ♪
♪ WHEN YOU'RE DOWN
ON ONE BENDED KNEE ♪
♪ WELL, YOU WANT A CAREER ♪
♪ SO YOU GOT A CAREER ♪
♪ AND WE'RE SURE
EVERYTHING WILL BE FINE ♪
♪ BUT IF IT ALL COMES ♪
♪ CRASHING DOWN ON YOUR HEAD ♪
♪ PLEASE DON'T COME
BACK HERE AND WHINE ♪
♪ SAY SO LONG TO PIZZA ♪
♪ YEAH, SO LONG TO PIZZA ♪
♪ PETE ♪
SO...
WHAT TYPE OF WORK ARE
YOU FELLAS LOOKIN' FOR?
WE'D LIKE TO BE IN A BAND.
NO, NO, FELLAS, FELLAS,
COME ON, COME ON.
WHAT KIND OF CAREER
IS THAT, YOU KNOW?
YOU NEED TO GET
SOMETHING STABLE, YOU KNOW?
HEY, DID YOU EVER THINK
ABOUT DATA PROCESSING?
IT'S THE WAVE OF THE FUTURE.
NO, WE'RE REALLY, REALLY GOOD.
I MEAN, CHECK THIS OUT. 2, 3, 4.
♪ I MET YOU ♪
♪ BEFORE THE FALL OF ROME ♪
♪ AND I BEGGED YOU ♪
♪ TO LET ME TAKE YOU HOME ♪
♪ YOU WERE WRONG, I WAS RIGHT ♪
♪ YOU SAID GOOD-BYE ♪
♪ I SAID GOOD NIGHT ♪
♪ OOH OO OO OOH ♪
♪ IT'S ALL BEEN DONE ♪
♪ OOH OO OO OOH ♪
♪ IT'S ALL BEEN DONE ♪
♪ OOH OO OO OOH ♪
♪ IT'S ALL BEEN ♪
♪ DONE ♪
♪ BEFORE ♪
EH.