Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 2, Episode 20 - Two Guys, a Girl and a Mother's Day - full transcript

Berg: HEY, SHAR.

HEY, GUYS. I NEED 4 LARGE
PIZZAS WITH EVERYTHING,

AND, UH, 2 DOUBLE CHEESE.

OH, GOOD. YOU GET A
COMPLIMENTARY MUU MUU WITH THAT.

NO, JOHNNY'S SISTERS ARE
IN TOWN FOR MOTHER'S DAY,

AND ALL 4 ARE MEETING
ME HERE FOR LUNCH.

OH, MY GOD.

WHERE'S THE PIZZA?

4 SISTERS... WHO
JUST CAN'T SAY NO.

I SWEAR, BERG, I DON'T
KNOW ANY OF THEM.

SHARON? YEAH.



THIS IS JONI, WENDY,
LINDA, AND PATTY.

WHAT A PRECIOUS LITTLE FLOWER.

I BET THERE'S NOT A
STRETCH MARK ON THAT BODY.

WHY DON'T WE, UH,
GRAB A BOOTH HERE?

YOU EXPECT ME TO
SQUEEZE INTO A BOOTH?

I CAN BARELY SQUEEZE ONTO A BUS.

A TABLE'S NICE. RIGHT HERE.

EXCUSE ME. WHERE'S
YOUR LADIES' ROOM?

Berg: OH, YEAH, IT'S
RIGHT OVER THERE.

HEY, SLIM. FOOD.

HEY, TINKERBELLE. IT'S COMING.

COME ON, BERG, EASE
UP. SHE'S PREGNANT.

YOU KNOW, I'LL BET SHE'D LIKE
A CANNOLI WHILE SHE WAITS.

AND YOU, PENCIL-NECK,



HUSTLE ME UP A ROOT BEER.

RIGHT AWAY, MA'AM.

ANYTHING FOR YOUR ALIEN HOST?

WHY DIDN'T YOU TELL ME THAT 3
OF YOUR SISTERS ARE PREGNANT?

I DON'T KNOW.

THEY'RE ALWAYS
PREGNANT. I MEAN...

EVERYBODY IN MY
FAMILY LOVES KIDS.

PATTY HAS 7, WENDY
HAS 5, AND LINDA HAS 3.

AND JONI, NONE
YET, BUT, YOU KNOW,

SHE'S ONLY BEEN MARRIED A YEAR.

HEY, EVERYONE, I JUST THREW UP!

YAY!

WELL, IT'S ABOUT TIME!

[DOOR OPENS]

HI, SHAR. YOU WANT SOME COFFEE?

COFFEE? YOU'RE JUST
NOW HAVING COFFEE?

JOHNNY AND I HAVE ALREADY
TAKEN 2 OF HIS NEPHEWS

ON A SEASHELL HUNT

AND STOPPED FOR
PANCAKES ON THE WAY BACK.

HERE'S YOUR PAPER.

SAVED YOU THE TRIP.

WELL, THAT BLOWS MY
PLAN FOR THIS MORNING.

YOU KNOW, AT FIRST

I THOUGHT I WAS
MAKING A HUGE MISTAKE

WHEN I VOLUNTEERED
TO HELP PATTY OUT.

BUT THOSE KIDS ARE SO ADORABLE.

SO ALIVE, SO CURIOUS. THEY
GIVE ME SO MUCH ENERGY.

THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE
2-FOOT-HIGH GINSENG.

HEY, SHARON, IF
YOU'RE GOING TO ROB US,

HAVE THE DECENCY TO TIE ME UP.

HEY!

NO, WE'RE GOING TO THE PARK.

OK, I GOT YOUR GOLF CLUB
AND YOUR BOOMERANG.

OHH! WHERE'S THAT THING

THAT BERG GAVE YOU
FOR YOUR BIRTHDAY?

OH, MY SUPER-DELUXE
TURBO WATER BLASTER? YEAH!

THAT'S NOT FOR KIDS.

WE'RE WAITING, AUNT SHARON.

HA HA. DID YOU HEAR THAT,
PETE? I'M AN AUNT SHARON.

I NEED A NAP.

OH, HO HO HO HO.

WHERE... WHERE YOU GOING?

THIS IS DR. STARETSKI.

HE'S AMAZING. I
HAVE TO MEET HIM.

EXCUSE ME. UM, DR. STARETSKI?

I'M ASHLEY WALKER.

ENCHANTED.

AND I'M HER BOYFRIEND
MICHAEL BERGEN.

REALLY?

WE'RE THE TOP 2
STUDENTS IN THE CLASS.

ONE, TWO.

BUCKLE MY SHOE
BUCKLE MY SHOE. OH!

BRILLIANT AND... AND FUNNY.

LOVELY AND PERCEPTIVE.

OH, PROFESSOR.

NAUSEOUS AND SICK.

COME ON, HONEY, THE
BACK ROW'S FILLING UP.

OH, NO, NO, NO. WAIT.

PROFESSOR STARETSKI,

I... I REALLY ENJOYED YOUR
JOURNAL ARTICLE ON HYDROTHERAPY

AND THE REGENERATION
OF MUSCLES AFTER TRAUMA.

WELL, THANK YOU. I'VE
WRITTEN MORE ON THE SUBJECT.

YOU'D PROBABLY DEVOUR
MY ENTIRE BODY OF WORK.

OH, I'M SURE I WOULD.

YOU SHOULD APPLY TO BE
MY NEW RESEARCH ASSISTANT.

IT WOULD BE A PLEASURE
TO HAVE YOU ON MY STAFF.

OH, WELL... TIME FOR CLASS.

IT'S BEEN NICE
MEETING YOU... BOTH.

PERHAPS WE CAN
TALK ABOUT IT LATER.

DEVOUR HIS BODY OF WORK?

WHAT'S THE PROBLEM?

OH, NOTHING. I JUST COULDN'T TELL
IF WE WERE IN A MED SCHOOL LECTURE

OR A MED SCHOOL PORNO FILM.

GOOD MORNING. I
AM DR. STARETSKI.

I BECAME PROFESSOR OF
ANATOMY BECAUSE I AM...

IN AWE OF THE HUMAN FORM.

THE BODY'S CAPACITY
FOR TERRIFYING VIOLENCE

AND TENDER PASSION

HAS AROUSED MAN'S FASCINATION
SINCE THE BEGINNING OF TIME.

I WILL TEACH YOU TO LOVE
THE HUMAN BODY AS I DO.

[IMITATES PROFESSOR]
I'M DR. STARETSKI,

AND I BECAME A PROFESSOR OF...

ANATOMY SO I COULD
BE... A DIRTY OLD MAN.

Boy: PIZZA!

WAIT! HOLD IT!

YOU SEE THAT THERE TABLE, MEN?

WE'RE GONNA TAKE THAT TABLE
AND AIN'T NO ONE'S GONNA STOP US.

I'M SCARED, SARGE.

WE'RE ALL SCARED.

NOW MOVE OUT!

AAH! YAY!

CHARGE!

SHOOT ME, PLEASE.

SHARON, THEY LOOK LIKE
THEY'RE HAVING A GREAT TIME.

OF COURSE THEY'RE
HAVING A GOOD TIME.

THEY'RE SO FULL OF
ENERGY, AND IF THEY RUN OUT,

THEY JUST SUCK UP ALL OF MINE.

THEY'RE LIKE LITTLE
ENERGY VAMPIRES.

WHY DO I SMELL PEANUT BUTTER?

OH, OH, OH. I USED IT TO GET
THE CHEWING GUM OUT OF MY HAIR.

I SWEAR I'M GOING
TO STRANGLE... SHH.

HE'S SO CUTE.

HOW DOES PATTY
HANDLE THOSE KIDS?

IT'S VERY EASY. SHE
GIVES THEM TO YOU.

HERE IS IT. HERE'S THE PIZZA.

OH. YAY! YAY!

COME ON, SHAR.
WE'LL RACE YOU HOME.

COME ON, YOU GUYS. LAST
ONE HOME'S A ROTTEN EGG!

YAY, OK.

I LOSE.

HI, BERG.

HI.

I GOT SOME REALLY EXCITING NEWS.

I'VE GOT AN INTERVIEW
WITH DR. STARETSKI TONIGHT.

WHAT ABOUT DINNER TONIGHT?

OH, DON'T WORRY. I
CANCELED AT THE RESTAURANT.

WHAT?!

WELL, I THINK I REALLY
HAVE A SHOT AT THIS JOB.

I MEAN, WITH MY
QUALIFICATIONS AND ALL.

NO, NO. HE'S NOT INTERESTED
IN YOUR QUALIFICATIONS, ASHLEY.

HE'S INTERESTED IN
YOUR... QUALIFICATIONS.

OH. OH, GOSH,
THAT'S RIGHT, BERG.

IT COULDN'T POSSIBLY BE BECAUSE
I'M THE NUMBER ONE MED STUDENT

IN THE CLASS.

HOW MANY TIMES A DAY
DOES SHE POINT THAT OUT?

ASHLEY, I'M SORRY. I'M
PUTTING MY FOOT DOWN.

YOU ARE NOT...

GOING TO THAT INTERVIEW
WITH DR. STARETSKI.

OH, OK, BERG.

I DIDN'T... I GUESS I JUST
DIDN'T REALLY REALIZE

IT WAS GOING TO
UPSET YOU THIS MUCH.

WELL, IT DOES.

OK. WELL, WHATEVER
YOU WANT ME TO DO.

WELL, THAT WAS A FUN
TRIP BACK TO THE FIFTIES.

NOW GET OUT OF MY FACE.

UNH!

I SEE YOU.

HEY, SHARON.

HEY, PATTY.

YOU WENT TO THE
GYM TO ESCAPE, HUH?

OH, NO, NO, NO. I JUST
REALLY NEEDED TO WORK OUT.

GRAB A CHAIR, HONEY.

I'D WORK OUT, TOO, YOU KNOW,

BUT I DON'T WANT TO
RUIN THIS GIRLISH FIGURE.

OH, NO, NO, NO. I THINK
PREGNANT WOMEN ARE BEAUTIFUL.

YEAH, BETWEEN THE BLOATING
AND THE CONSTIPATION,

THE BEAUTY JUST
SHINES RIGHT THROUGH.

PATTY, CAN I ASK YOU SOMETHING?

SURE.

HOW THE HELL DO YOU DO IT?

I... I MEAN, NO OFFENSE, YOUR
KIDS ARE GREAT AND EVERYTHING...

WHOA, OH. YOU MUST BE HANGING
OUT WITH THE WRONG KIDS.

MY KIDS ARE HOLY TERRORS.

WELL, IF IT'S SO HARD, WHY
DO YOU KEEP ON HAVING THEM?

WHAT CAN I SAY? I TRIED TO QUIT
SMOKING, AND THE PATCH DIDN'T WORK.

MY KIDS REALLY SCARED THE
HELL OUT OF YOU, DIDN'T THEY?

NO, NO, NOT REALLY.

SORT OF.

A LOT.

I UNDERSTAND. I
KNOW YOU'RE SCARED.

BUT IT'S A BEAUTIFUL THING
THAT WE WOMEN CAN DO.

TO CARRY A BABY.

TO BRING LIFE INTO THIS WORLD.

AND DON'T WORRY. YOU
WOULDN'T BE DOING IT ALONE.

YOU'VE GOT JOHNNY.
AND WE RAISED HIM GOOD.

SO... JOHNNY DEFINITELY
WANTS TO HAVE KIDS?

WANTS 'EM? HE'S GOTTA HAVE 'EM.

HE'S THE ONLY BOY.

HE'S GOTTA CARRY
ON THE FAMILY NAME.

SO FROM THE ENTIRE DONNELLY
FAMILY TO YOU, SHARON,

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

HEY, ASHLEY. IT'S,
UH, BERG CALLING,

SEEING HOW THE INTERVIEW WENT.

JUST BEING A SUPPORTIVE
BOYFRIEND OF THE NINETIES.

CALL ME.

AM I BEING CRAZY?

OF COURSE YOU ARE.

I MEAN, IT'S NOT LIKE ASHLEY HAS A
HISTORY OF FALLING FOR HER PROFESSORS.

OH, WAIT A MINUTE. HER EX-BOYFRIEND
WAS A PROFESSOR. MY BAD.

YOU'RE ENJOYING
THIS, AREN'T YOU?

LIKE CHRISTMAS IN MAY.

YOU KNOW WHAT?

I'M FINE WITH THIS.

A-ASHLEY AND I ARE
FINE WITH THIS, OK?

I'M JUST... I'M OVERREACTING.

NOT FROM WHAT I HEARD.

WELL, LOOKIE LOOKIE.

THE RAT HAS COME
FOR HIS CHEESE FIX.

FINE. I WON'T TELL
YOU WHAT I KNOW.

IT'LL PROBABLY MAKE YOU UPSET.

OH, WAIT! THAT'S
WHY I CAME. HA HA.

WELL, WHATEVER IT IS,
KAMEN, I'M NOT INTERESTED.

YEAH? YEAH.

YEAH. YEAH?

IT'S ABOUT ASHLEY. SPILL IT.

WOULDN'T YOU SAY ASHLEY
IDOLIZES DR. STARETSKI?

I MEAN, I'VE NEVER SEEN HER
ACT LIKE THAT AROUND ANYONE.

YOU'VE NEVER SEEN THE
WAY SHE WORSHIPS ME.

LIKE I SAID.

ANYWAY, THE GUY'S
QUITE AN OPERATOR.

HE WORKS FROM HIS HOUSE.

HIRES ONLY WOMEN,
AND GET THIS...

PAINTS NUDES.

AND A PERSON WHO
PAINTS NUDES NEEDS...

A PERSON WITHOUT HER CLOTHES?

EXACTLY.

ASHLEY WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

YEAH, SHE MIGHT JUST
SKIP THE STRIP TEASE

AND JUMP RIGHT IN
THE SACK WITH HIM.

KAMEN, THAT'S MY GIRLFRIEND
YOU'RE TALKING ABOUT THERE.

YES, I KNOW.

UNPLEASANT, ISN 'T IT?

ACTUALLY, NO.

NO, YOU'VE BEEN...
YOU'VE BEEN VERY HELPFUL.

THANK YOU.

NO, NO, NO, DON'T THANK ME.

YOU SHOULD BE MORTALLY WOUNDED.

I'VE BEEN SUSPICIOUS
OF THIS GUY,

AND THIS GIVES ME JUST THE AMMO
I NEED TO GO IN THERE AND NAIL HIM.

THIS IS ALL WRONG.

I LOVE YOU.

[SMOOCH]

I LOVE YOU, TOO.

HERE'S THE STUFF I BORROWED.

TWO-IRON'S A LITTLE BENT.

OH, AND YOUR BOOMERANG,
IT DOESN'T COME BACK.

I DON'T EVER WANT TO HAVE KIDS.

OH, COME ON, SHAR. THEY'LL
BE GONE IN A FEW DAYS.

NO, I MEAN EVER.

HA. WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?

THERE ARE CERTAIN PEOPLE
THAT SHOULDN'T BE ALLOWED

TO BE PARENTS AND...
I AM THEIR QUEEN.

COME ON, SHARON.

IT'S GOING TO BE DIFFERENT
WHEN YOU HAVE YOUR OWN KIDS.

NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.

THIS BODY AIN'T HAVIN' KIDS.

THERE'S... PULLING
AND... AND STRETCHING...

AND... AND... AND
YOUR FEET GROW!

I MEAN, I'M ALREADY A SIZE 9.

I'M GOING TO LOOK LIKE BOZO.

BOZO'S A LOT OF FUN.

AAH!

18 HOURS OF GRUELING PAIN.

NOT THE HAIR. NOT THE HAIR.

FOLLOWED BY A
LIFETIME OF TORMENT.

I MEAN, THE CONTRACTIONS
STOP, BUT THE LABOR NEVER ENDS.

AHH! THANK YOU, EPILADY.

COME ON, SHAR.

WHAT'S REALLY GOING ON?

PETE...

IF A WOMAN DOESN'T
WANT TO HAVE KIDS,

DOES THAT MAKE HER
LESS OF A WOMAN?

DOES IT MAKE HER A BAD PERSON?

OF COURSE NOT.

IT MIGHT MAKE HER
A BAD BABY-SITTER.

SHAR, YOU KNOW WHAT?

I THINK YOU'RE A
WONDERFUL PERSON

WHETHER YOU WANT KIDS OR NOT.

WELL, I DON'T THINK
JOHNNY'S GOING TO THINK SO.

HE WANTS KIDS.

WELL, THEN YOU'LL DEAL WITH IT.

YEAH, BECAUSE IF I WAS
THE ONE IN LOVE WITH YOU,

I CAN'T THINK OF ANYONE
ELSE I'D RATHER HAVE...

BE AFRAID TO HAVE MY CHILDREN.

[LAUGHS]

WHY DO YOU ALWAYS KNOW
THE RIGHT THING TO SAY?

WHY ARE YOU THE ONLY
ONE THAT TELLS ME THAT?

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

Johnny: HEY, PETE, YOU IN THERE?

I NEED TO BORROW SOME SUPER
GLUE BEFORE SHARON GETS HOME.

GO TALK TO HIM.

OHH.

HI.

HEY.

THIS WASN'T EXPENSIVE, WAS IT?

HA!

THERE YOU ARE.

WHY, YES, YOU
CAUGHT ME RED-HANDED

AT HOME IN MY OFFICE.

I'M SORRY, MR. BERGEN.

IF YOU'RE HERE FOR AN INTERVIEW,

THE JOB IS ALREADY TAKEN.

LET ME GUESS. UH, YOU'VE
ALREADY GIVEN THE JOB TO ASHLEY.

YES, SHE CAME IN, AND SHE
PERFORMED MARVELOUSLY.

OH, MY GOD.

I'M TOO LATE, AREN'T I?

I'M AFRAID SO. NOW
IF YOU'LL EXCUSE ME...

WHY? WHY? IS ASHLEY
ON HER WAY BACK HERE?

NO.

WHERE IS SHE?

NOT HERE. NOW WILL YOU GO AWAY?

I HAVE SOME FINISHING TOUCHES
TO DO ON MY LATEST PAINTING.

OH, YOU MEAN YOUR
LATEST NUDE PAINTING.

YES.

YOU MAKE ME SICK.

I'M SORRY IF IT MAKES YOU
FEEL SO UNCOMFORTABLE.

BUT THAT'S YOUR
HANG-UP, NOT MINE.

GREAT ARTISTS OF THE
RENAISSANCE, THROUGH THEIR WORK,

WERE THE FIRST
TEACHERS OF ANATOMY.

OH, OH, YOU AND YOUR HIGH
AND MIGHTY MUMBO JUMBO.

YOU KNOW... IT'S
PEOPLE LIKE YOU...

IT'S PEOPLE LIKE YOU THAT...

UH... HEY... HEY... HEY...
HEY... WHATCHA DOIN'?

THE NAKED BODY IS
A BEAUTIFUL THING,

AND WHAT BETTER AND MORE
AVAILABLE SUBJECT THAN MYSELF?

THAT'S WHY I DO
NUDE SELF-PORTRAITS.

NUDE SELF-PORTRAITS?

OH, OH!

UH... LOVELY. UM...

I LOVE THE WAY
YOU'VE CAPTURED THE...

WITH THE... UH...
WHOO! SO, UH...

YOU DON'T PAINT, LIKE,
RESEARCH ASSISTANTS.

OF COURSE NOT. THAT
WOULD BE OBSCENE.

RIGHT.

WOW, ONE OF US IS REALLY...
REALLY EMBARRASSED, AND, UH...

ODDLY ENOUGH, IT'S THE
GUY WEARING CLOTHES.

I'M JUST GONNA LEAVE.

MR. BERGEN, WOULD
YOU DO ME A FAVOR?

ASHLEY IS DOING RESEARCH
FOR ME IN THE MEDICAL LIBRARY.

ON YOUR WAY HOME, WOULD
YOU SWING BY AND LET HER KNOW

THAT HER PARANOID, INSECURE, AND,
I MIGHT ADD, IRRITATING BOYFRIEND

HAS JUST GOT HER FIRED.

SURE THING.

OK, OK, I KNOW I WASN'T
ESPECIALLY RIGHT.

OK, I WAS BLATANTLY WRONG.

BUT... BUT STARETSKI SHOULD HAVE
TAKEN IT OUT ON ME AND NOT YOU.

WE ARE A COUPLE. EVERYTHING
YOU DO REFLECTS ON ME,

AND YOU CAN'T BE ACTING LIKE A
CRAZY, JEALOUS, IRRATIONAL IDIOT.

I'M SORRY. IT'S WHO I AM.

WELL, WHO YOU ARE
IS UNACCEPTABLE.

[CHILDREN SCREAMING]

COME ON, KIDS, QUIET DOWN.

I'M TRYING TO TIME YOUR
MOTHER'S CONTRACTIONS.

THIS IS UNUSUAL.

THANK GOD YOU'RE HERE.
WE HAVE A SITUATION.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

I... I CAME OVER TO PICK THE
KIDS UP AND MY WATER BROKE.

WE NEED A NEW WELCOME MAT.

ARRRGGGHHH!

AAAAAH!

SHARON, WHAT ARE YOU DOING?

CHOPPING. JUST CHOPPING.

OK, WE-WE-WE'VE GOT TO
GET YOU TO THE HOSPITAL NOW.

YEAH.

NO, MY... JOHNNY'S GETTIN' MY
SISTER WENDY ON THE PHONE.

SHE'S MY MIDWIFE. SHE
DELIVERED THE LAST 4.

OK, I JUST TALKED TO
WENDY. SHE'S ON HER WAY.

SHE'LL BE HERE IN HALF AN HOUR.

OH, OH, NO. TOO LATE.

AGGGGHHHH! IT'S
COMIN'. IT'S COMIN'.

WHO'S GOT THE BIGGEST HANDS?

HOW CAN IT BECOMING?
YOU JUST WENT INTO LABOR.

HONEY, I'VE HAD 7 KIDS.

MY BIRTH CANAL IS
LIKE A WATER SLIDE.

YOU'RE IN MED
SCHOOL. DO SOMETHING.

YOU'RE RIGHT. YOU'RE
RIGHT. I'M GONNA... I'M GONNA...

GO HOME AND GET MY NOTES.

I'LL GIVE YOU A RIDE ON MY BIKE.

HANDLEBARS!

Ashley: NO, YOU CAN'T
CALL HANDLEBARS INSIDE.

OK, ALL RIGHT.
EVERYONE CALM DOWN.

OK? EVERYTHING IS UNDER CONTROL.

[SNAP]

ALL RIGHT, SHARON,
GET SOME TOWELS.

I DON'T WANT TO GET THE TOWELS.

GET SOME TOWELS. I DON'T
WANT TO GET THE TOWELS.

GET SOME TOWELS!

CALL YOUR FAMILY, JOHNNY.
LOOK, I NEED YOUR HELP.

NO, BERG, WE DON'T
KNOW WHAT WE'RE DOING.

YES, YES, WE CAN.

OK, WE'RE JUST GOING TO
TAKE HER INTO THE BEDROOM.

COME ON. HERE WE GO.

BERG, BERG, YOUR
BEDROOM'S ON THE LEFT.

I KNOW.

OK. OK, THE HEAD IS CROWNING.

JUST PUSH. YOU'RE DOING FINE.

I KNOW I'M DOING FINE. I
DO THIS EVERY 10 MONTHS.

OK, DON'T... DON'T
FORGET TO BREATHE.

I... I AM.

I WAS TALKING TO SHARON.

OHH!

HEY, LET'S LAY DOWN
SOME NEWSPAPER.

COME ON. IT'S VERY STERILE.

HEY, MIRACLE OH,
OH, OH, COOTIES!

SHOULDN'T I BE DOING SOMETHING?

WE GOT A BIG ENOUGH CROWD HERE.

WHY DON'T YOU START
SELLING PEANUTS?

OK, OK, PATTY. GIVE ME ONE
MORE PUSH. HERE WE GO.

UNNNHH!

OK, ALL RIGHT, I CAN
SEE THE WHOLE FACE.

REST. REST A SECOND. GIVE
YOU SOME REST, ALL RIGHT.

OK, NOW, I'M GOING TO
ROTATE THE SHOULDERS

AND I'M GOING TO ASK YOU
TO GIVE ONE LAST PUSH.

BERG, YOU'RE DOING
A FANTASTIC JOB.

WHOA! THAT'S BEAUTIFUL!

YOU KNOW WHAT WE NEED?

A CAMERA. A CAMERA! I'M
GOING TO GO OUT AND BUY ONE.

SHARON, I GOT A KNOT IN MY SHOE.

OH, ANDY, NOW'S NOT A GOOD TIME.

GIVE IT HERE, ANDY.

[PANTING]

OK, PUSH!

ARRRGGGHHH.

THERE YOU GO, SWEETIE.

THANKS, MOM.

ARRRGGGHHH.

OK, ALL RIGHT. HERE WE GO.
HERE WE GO. HERE WE GO.

IT'S A... IT'S A
GIRL. IT'S A GIRL.

OH, AND IT ONLY TOOK ME 8 TRIES.

WHOO! JOHNNY, I CAN
SURE USE SOME ICE CHIPS.

OH, MY GOD. WHO DO YOU
WANT TO CUT THE CORD?

OH, IS THE MAYOR HERE?

COULD I?

YEAH.

SHARON, WILL YOU
GRAB THAT BLANKET?

OH, YEAH.

[BABY CRYING]

HEY, HEY, HEY. THAT'S
MY GRANDMOTHER'S.

YOU HOLD HER.

[BABY CRIES]

NO, I DON'T THINK SO.

I SAID HOLD HER.

COME ON, SHARON. YOU CAN DO IT.

SUPPORT THE HEAD.

OH, GOSH!

[BABY FUSSES]

HELLO.

LOOK AT YOU.

SO LITTLE.

I'M YOUR UNCLE JOHNNY.

YOU LIKE THE ZOO?

OH, LOOK AT THE
LITTLE FINGER NAILS.

HI. I'M YOUR AUNT SHARON.

YES, I AM. YES, I AM. YES, I AM.

OH, PETE, LOOK.

ALL RIGHT, I SAID YOU COULD
HOLD HER NOT ADOPT HER.

BYE, SWEET THING.

OHH.

SO THAT'S WHERE THEY COME FROM.

BERG, YOU WERE INCREDIBLE.

YOU WERE SO CALM,
SO PROFESSIONAL,

SO WONDERFUL.

WELL, THAT'S ALSO WHO I AM.

THINK THEY'LL LET US BABY-SIT?

SURE YOU KNOW WHAT YOU'RE
GETTING YOURSELF INTO?

YEAH.

AND NOW FOR AN ENCORE,

I'M GONNA BREAST-FEED.

HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY.

SO THAT'S WHERE THEY COME FROM.

OH, OH, OH, COOTIES.

HEY!

Man: IN FRONT!