Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 2, Episode 15 - Two Guys, a Girl and Graduation - full transcript

HOW MANY TIMES DO I HAVE TO
TELL YOU NOT TO STEAL MY PAPER?

3 MORE TIMES.

I NEED THE BUSINESS SECTION.

BERG, GIVE ME THE
BUSINESS SECTION.

HEY, SHAR, DO YOU WANT
THE BUSINESS SECTION?

THERE'S AN ARTICLE

ON MY DAD'S
CONSTRUCTION COMPANY.

OOH! HERE IT IS, HERE IT IS.

"GREGORY CARTER."
AAH! THAT'S MY DAD.

"EXPERT IN URBAN RENEWAL

WILL GIVE BOSTON'S HISTORIC
THEATERS A FACELIFT."



OH, MY GOD. THERE'S A
WHOLE BIOGRAPHY ON HIM.

HEY, GO, DAD.

WHERE'S MY NAME?
WHERE'S MY NAME?

FAMILY... FAMILY... HERE IT IS.

"HE IS THE PROUD FATHER OF 3.

"DAUGHTER ELIZABETH IS A TOP-LEVEL
EXECUTIVE AT BICKFORD CONSULTING."

AAH! THAT'S MY SISTER!

ACCORDING TO BERG, IT'S
YOUR PREGNANT SISTER.

IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE.

SHE WAS WEARING A BAGGY SWEATER.

"SON TODD IS A
SUCCESSFUL VICE PRESIDENT

AT THE BROKERAGE FIRM OF
LEDERMAN AND ANTONOTTI."

OOH! THAT'S MY BROTHER!

AND HE HAS ANOTHER
DAUGHTER, SHARON."



AAH! THAT'S YOU!

I LIKE IT.

IT WAS NICE AND TO THE POINT.

ELIZABETH.

TOP-LEVEL EXECUTIVE.

TODD. SUCCESSFUL VP.

AND SHARON.

WHY DIDN'T HE MENTION
WHAT I DO FOR A LIVING?

WHAT FATHER WOULDN'T
BE PROUD OF A DAUGHTER

WHO HAS SUCH A HIGH-LEVEL
POSITION IN A COMPANY?

YOU'RE EVEN QUOTED
IN THE PAPER TODAY.

"OUR CHEMICAL COMPANY
DENIES ANY RESPONSIBILITY

FOR THE SUDDEN
INCREASE IN 2-HEADED FISH."

OH, MY GOD. THAT'S IT.

HE'S ASHAMED OF ME.

HE REFURBISHES NEIGHBORHOODS.

I BREED CIRCUS FISH.

ENOUGH IS ENOUGH.

I'VE GOT TO GET A NEW JOB.

HAVING TWINS.

TELL HER TO STOP EATING.

HI, SHARON. MR. CARTER.

HEY, PETE.

HOW YA DOIN'?

ALL RIGHT. BERG.

WE JUST CAME DOWN

TO INVITE YOU TWO
TO DINNER TONIGHT

TO TOAST THE NEW
DIRECTOR OF MARKETING

FOR ANNE NIVEL FASHIONS.

YOU GOT THE JOB?

DAD, I DIDN'T GET IT YET.

I'M WAITING TO HEAR.

AW, YOU GOT IT.

YOU SAID THEY LOVED YOU.

WELL... THEY DID.

REMEMBER WHEN YOU RAN
FOR BROOKVILLE JUNIOR MISS?

AND YOU DIDN'T THINK YOU'D
WIN THE TALENT COMPETITION.

DAD.

NO ONE WILL EVER DO
THE ROBOT LIKE YOU DID.

REALLY?

YEAH. COME ON, DO IT. DO IT.

OH, GO AHEAD.

YEAH. COME ON, HONEY. COME ON.

I GOT A MEETING TO GO TO.

I'LL PICK YOU GUYS UP
AT 8:00 AT THE PARLOR.

Berg: SEE YA, DAD.

I WANT TIES.

OH. MM.

LOBSTER. TIES. TIES ARE GOOD.

SEE YOU TONIGHT.

I'M SO PROUD OF YOU.

BYE, DADDY.

BYE-BYE.

DID YOU SEE THAT?

HE HASN'T GUSHED LIKE
THAT SINCE I GRADUATED.

HE'S SO HAPPY I'M FINALLY
GONNA BE WORKING

FOR AN ETHICAL COMPANY.

I DON'T THINK YOU'RE GIVING
YOUR FATHER ENOUGH CREDIT.

I THINK HE'S JUST HAPPY
'CAUSE YOU'RE HAPPY.

WRONG.

IN MY FAMILY, YOU
ARE WHAT YOU DO.

MY DAD GAVE UP

A SUCCESSFUL REAL ESTATE
DEVELOPMENT COMPANY

AND COMPLETELY STARTED OVER

BECAUSE HE DIDN'T LIKE THE
PEOPLE HE WAS DEALING WITH.

MY DAD EXPECTS A LOT FROM US.

GOOD THING YOU'RE NOT
IN THAT FAMILY, HUH, PETE?

[CELL PHONE RINGS]

OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD.

THIS IS IT.

HELLO.

THIS IS SHE.

THANK YOU. I LOVED
YOU GUYS, TOO.

WHAT?

NO, THAT'S NOT TRUE.

THERE MUST BE
SOME CLERICAL ERROR.

I WILL GO DOWN THERE AND
STRAIGHTEN IT OUT IMMEDIATELY.

JUST DON'T GIVE MY JOB AWAY.

THANK YOU.

WHAT'S GOING ON?

THEY WERE DOING A ROUTINE
CHECK ON MY RESUME,

AND TUFTS SAID I
NEVER GRADUATED.

YES, YOU DID.

YEAH, YEAH, YEAH, YEAH.

LOOK. SEE?

I'M GOING OVER TO THE
REGISTRAR'S OFFICE.

DO YOU WANT COMPANY?

YEAH. I'LL GET THE CAR.

YOU DON'T THINK THIS IS ABOUT...

NO, BUT I'M GONNA GO
WITH HER JUST IN CASE.

SHE MUST NEVER FIND OUT

WHAT HAPPENED GRADUATION DAY.

SHE NEVER WILL.

I REALLY APPRECIATE
YOU COMING WITH ME.

AW, COME ON, SHAR.

YOU KNOW YOU COME
BEFORE MY BUSY SCHEDULE.

YOU'RE TAPING GENERAL
HOSPITAL FOR ME, RIGHT?

YES.

WELL, I GOTTA FIND
OUT IF LUKE OR STEFAN

PUSHED KATHERINE
OFF THE BALCONY.

OH! THIS IS SO FRUSTRATING.

THEY SAID I WAS
PERFECT FOR THAT JOB.

THAT'S WHAT THEY
SAID... "PERFECT."

THEY SAID I WAS
FRIENDLY AND FUN...

AND I'M GONNA TEAR
THIS WOMAN'S HEAD OFF.

WHOO! WHOO! HOO!

AH, LOOK AT 'EM.

SO NAIVE,

SO UNPREPARED FOR
WHAT AWAITS THEM.

WASTING 3 YEARS OF THEIR LIVES

GOING DOWN THE
WRONG CAREER PATH.

ONLY TO FIND YOURSELF
WORKING IN THE SAME PIZZA PLACE

FOR MINIMUM WAGE DAY AFTER DAY.

PUPPETS. YOU'RE ALL PUPPETS.

NEXT.

NAME?

SHARON CARTER.

UH, LISTEN, I HAD
THIS VERY IMPORTANT

JOB INTERVIEW TODAY,

AND THEY CALLED
ME UP AND TOLD ME

I NEVER GRADUATED.

WELL, LOOK AT THIS.

THEY WERE RIGHT!

YOU LEFT SCHOOL WITH
UNPAID PARKING TICKETS,

AND THEY HELD YOUR DIPLOMA.

NO, NO, NO, NO. I PAID THEM.

I REMEMBER PAYING THEM.

PETE, DON'T YOU
REMEMBER ME PAYING THEM?

YEAH. SHE PAID THEM.

OH, WELL, I CAN'T TELL YOU

WHAT A DIFFERENCE
THAT DOESN'T MAKE.

LISTEN, I DON'T
HAVE TIME FOR THIS.

CAN I SEE A SUPERVISOR?

WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

NOW IS NO TIME TO
STAND ON PRINCIPLE, OK?

JUST PAY THEM AGAIN.

HOW BAD COULD IT BE?

OH, MY LORD.

12 TICKETS WITH
INTEREST, PLUS PENALTIES.

WHATEVER. JUST TAKE CARE OF IT.

AT LEAST YOU'RE
GETTING AIR LINE MILES.

NOW WE CAN ALL
FLY FREE TO SATURN.

OK. YOU'RE ALL
SET. JUST SIGN HERE.

CONGRATULATIONS.

YOU'RE NOW JUST 3 ENGLISH
CREDITS SHY OF GRADUATION.

WHAT? WHAT ARE
YOU TALKING ABOUT?

I HAVE ENOUGH CREDITS.

NOT ANYMORE.

REQUIREMENTS HAVE CHANGED.

WELL, WHAT AM I
SUPPOSED TO DO NOW?

YOU'RE IN LUCK.

NIGHT CLASSES IN FRESHMAN
ENGLISH START THIS EVENING.

I CAN'T RETAKE
FRESHMAN ENGLISH AGAIN.

WELL, YOU KNOW WHAT?

UM... THAT'S REDUNDANT.

YOU DON'T NEED TO SAY "AGAIN."

WHAT?

SEE, WHEN YOU SAY "RETAKE,"

THE "AGAIN" IS IMPLIED.

WELL, I'M NOT WRONG.

[GENERAL HOSPITAL
THEME MUSIC PLAYS]

WHAT HAPPENED?

LUKE PUSHED KATHERINE.

WITH SHARON NOT GRADUATING.

OH. OH, OH.

IT WAS THE PARKING TICKETS.

NO, NO, NO.

BUT SHARON THINKS THAT
THE SCHOOL SCREWED UP...

AND SHE HAS TO RETAKE
FRESHMAN ENGLISH.

[STIFLING A LAUGH]

BUT WE'RE COOL, RIGHT?

YEAH.

SHE MUST NEVER FIND OUT.

SHE NEVER WILL.

[DRONING MALE VOICE]
OVER THE NEXT FEW WEEKS,

YOU WILL NOT ONLY UNDERSTAND
THE PARTS OF A SENTENCE,

BUT YOU'LL BE ABLE TO
DIAGRAM ONE ON YOUR OWN.

ONE MORE HOUR, AND
WE ARE GRADUATES.

ALL RIGHT. OK. HEY, THIS IS IT.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO. COME ON.

WAIT, WAIT. WAIT, WAIT.

PICTURE. PICTURE.

OH, WAIT. I NEED MY CAP.

WHAT'S IT WORTH TO YOU?

ACTUALLY, CAPS ARE FREE TODAY.

OH, GOSH. HEY. YOU
GUYS DROPPED OFF

THE MONEY I GAVE YOU FOR
MY PARKING TICKETS, RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY. ALL
$210 TAKEN CARE OF.

BOY, ARE THEY PAID.

THERE HAVE NEVER...
THANK YOU, PETE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
DO THIS RIGHT, HUH?

OOH! CHAMPAGNE.

YES.

[AS ROBIN LEACH]
WHAT WOULD YOU DO

IF YOU WERE YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL

AND HAD A BIG BOTTLE
OF CHAMPAGNE?

YOU'D SHARE IT WITH
YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS,

AND THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY DID.

WOW. THAT'S EXPENSIVE STUFF.

HOW'D YOU GUYS AFFORD IT?

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SOME GIRL

ACTUALLY GAVE IT TO US?

ALL RIGHT. CHEERS.

HERE'S TO GRADUATION,
OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT...

GETTING OUT OF JAIL.

Instructor: COULD SOMEONE
GIVE ME A SENTENCE

WITH A SUBJECT, A
VERB, AND AN ADJECTIVE?

I'M GONNA TEAR PETE
AND BERG'S HEADS

OFF THEIR SPINDLY LITTLE NECKS.

SHA-RON.

HEY, SHAR.

WHICH ONE OF YOU
WANTS TO DIE FIRST?

ACTUALLY, YOU KNOW,

WE'RE GOING TO GO TOGETHER.

WE HAVE THIS SORT OF
THELMA-AND-LOUISE PACT.

NO.

GRADUATION DAY.

YOU TOOK THE MONEY I GAVE YOU
TO PAY FOR MY PARKING TICKETS

AND BOUGHT CHAMPAGNE. ADMIT IT.

WE WOULD NEVER DO THAT.

SOME GIRL GAVE US
THAT CHAMPAGNE.

WHO?

I DON'T KNOW.

OH, YEAH. SOME
GIRL YOU DON'T KNOW

GAVE YOU A $200-BOTTLE
OF CHAMPAGNE?

YES. YES.

ADMIT YOU DID IT,

OR, TONIGHT AT DINNER,
I'M GONNA TELL MY FATHER

THAT YOU TWO SQUANDERED
THE THOUSANDS OF DOLLARS

HE SPENT TO GET ME
THROUGH COLLEGE

ON A BOTTLE OF BOOZE.

WELL, I HAD TO TELL MY FATHER

I SQUANDERED THOUSANDS
OF DOLLARS IN BOOZE

TO GET ME THROUGH COLLEGE.

WOULD YOU STOP IT?

THIS JOB WAS IMPORTANT TO ME.

THIS JOB WAS MINE.

AND YOU LAUGH, BUT, MEANWHILE,

I HAVE TO SIT ACROSS FROM
MY FATHER AT DINNER TONIGHT

AND TELL HIM I
DIDN'T GET THIS JOB

AND SEE THAT LOOK OF
DISAPPOINTMENT ON HIS FACE.

HEY, SHAR, COME ON.

NO! COME ON NOTHING!

I DO EVERYTHING FOR YOU TWO,

AND I CAN'T EVEN COUNT ON YOU

TO DO ONE SIMPLE THING?

AND YOU SIT HERE

AND YOU LIE TO ME
AND YOU MAKE JOKES?

I'M SICK OF IT.

I'M SICK OF YOU TWO.

[DOOR SLAMS]

I THINK SHE'S SERIOUS.

IT'S BEEN 3 YEARS. LET'S
JUST TELL HER THE TRUTH.

NO, NO, NO. BERG, LOOK,
WE MADE A PROMISE.

SO, WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?

THE FIRST THING I'M GONNA DO

IS PUT HER NEWSPAPER
BACK UNDER HER DOOR.

ALL RIGHT. 5 MORE HOURS,

AND WE ARE GRADUATES.

HEY, GUYS.

HEY. HEY.

I NEED YOUR HELP.

I HAVE, LIKE, 800
THINGS TO DO TODAY.

PICK UP MY ROBE,
SELL BACK BOOKS,

PAY MY PARKING TICKETS,
GET MY NAILS DONE,

AND BE BACK HERE BY NOON
TO HAVE LUNCH WITH MY DAD.

NO PROBLEM. I'LL HAVE
LUNCH WITH YOUR DAD,

AND PETE WILL
GET HIS NAILS DONE.

HERE.

OH, LOOK. BERG, SHARON
UPPED OUR ALLOWANCE.

YIPPEE.

IT'S TO PAY FOR MY
PARKING TICKETS.

WHY ARE YOU PAYING IN CASH?

'CAUSE MY CHECKS
AND CREDIT CARDS

GO TO MY FATHER'S ACCOUNTANT,

AND I DON'T WANT MY DAD
TO KNOW I SCREWED UP.

ALL RIGHT. WE'LL
DROP IT OFF FOR YOU.

I WANTED TO SAY GOOD-BYE

TO THE CAMPUS POLICE ANYHOW.

I GOTTA RUN, BUT I WILL MEET
YOU GUYS BACK HERE AFTER LUNCH,

AND WE'LL GO TO
GRADUATION TOGETHER.

ALL RIGHT. ALL RIGHT.

THAT'S A LOT OF MONEY.

OH, YEAH.

I FORGET.

DID SHE SAY "PARKING
TICKETS" OR "DOG TRACK"?

I DON'T RECALL.

WHAT DO YOU BOYS
FEEL LIKE DOING?

O'MALLEY'S?

BERG, THE PRESIDENTS
WANT TO HAVE COCKTAILS.

[KNOCK ON DOOR]

IT'S OPEN.

HI, HI, HI, HI. IT'S ME.

HEY. HEY.

GOD, I CAN'T BELIEVE YOU
GUYS ARE GRADUATING.

THIS PLACE IS NOT GONNA
BE THE SAME WITHOUT YOU.

WELL, THANK YOU.

HERE. A LITTLE
GOING-AWAY PRESENT.

LOOK.

WHOA. OH, THIS IS
EXPENSIVE STUFF.

YEAH, WELL, YOU
GUYS ARE WORTH IT.

GOD, I'M GONNA MISS YOU.

WHOA.

COME HERE.

ALL RIGHT!

OK. ALL RIGHT.

WE'LL MISS YOU, TOO.

BYE-BYE.

AHH.

WHO WAS THAT?

ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA.

ALL RIGHT. COME ON, BERG,

BETTER GET THESE PARKING
TICKETS TAKEN CARE OF.

YEAH. YEAH.

HANDLEBARS.

YOU CAN'T CALL
"HANDLEBARS" INSIDE.

HANDLEBARS.

LOOK, I JUST DID IT AGAIN.

[TELEPHONE RINGS]

HELLO.

HEY, HOW YA DO... WHAT?

WHY?

WHY WHAT? WHAT WHY? WHAT?

OH, MY GOD. OH, MY GOD, WHAT?

LOOK, PETE AND I ARE ON OUR WAY.

WE'RE ON OUR WAY WHERE? JAIL.

WHICH ONE OF OUR
BONEHEAD FRIENDS

GOT ARRESTED THIS TIME?

HEH HEH. SHARON'S DAD.

HI. WE'RE HERE TO BAIL
OUT GREGORY CARTER.

CARTER.

WHAT'S THE CHARGE?

DRUNK IN PUBLIC.

OK. I NEED A SIGNATURE AND $200.

WELL, WE'LL USE SHARON'S MONEY.

SO WE DON'T PAY
HER PARKING TICKETS.

EXCUSE ME?

OH. IT'S CAMPUS POLICE.

[ALL LAUGH]

WAIT HERE. I'LL BE RIGHT BACK.

WELL, WE STILL GOT
10 EXTRA DOLLARS.

WHAT CAN WE DO WITH $10?

WE COULD BUY
MR. CARTER SOME ADVIL.

RIGHT THIS WAY.

YOUR APPEARANCE DATE
IS ON YOUR ARREST REPORT.

THANK YOU.

BERG, PETE, THANK
YOU FOR COMING.

I DIDN'T KNOW WHO ELSE TO CALL.

NO PROBLEM.

I GUESS I HAD TOO MANY
LONG ISLAND ICED TEAS

ON AN EMPTY STOMACH.

EVIDENTLY, I PASSED OUT

IN A McDONALD'S PLAYLAND.

SINCE WHEN DOES McDONALD'S
SERVE LONG ISLAND ICED TEAS?

UH, MR. CARTER, IF IT'S
NOT TOO RUDE TO ASK,

WE NEED TO ASK YOU
FOR THE BAIL MONEY BACK.

SURE, OF COURSE. I'LL SEND
YOU A CHECK TOMORROW.

ACTUALLY, WE KINDA
NEED IT... NOW IN CASH.

WELL, I'M SORRY. I
DON'T HAVE IT ON ME.

THERE'S AN ATM RIGHT
AROUND THE CORNER.

LOOK, GUYS.

I'M IN A LITTLE BIT OF TROUBLE.

ACTUALLY, A LOT OF TROUBLE.

I'M... COMPLETELY BROKE.

WHAT? HOW?

THE BOTTOM FELL OUT OF
THE REAL ESTATE MARKET.

I LOST EVERYTHING.

CREDITORS CAME AFTER ME.

THE WHOLE THING'S A MESS.

SO THAT'S WHY YOU
CALLED US AND NOT SHARON.

I DIDN'T WANT HER TO KNOW.

JUST DIDN'T WANT TO SEE
THAT LOOK ON HER FACE.

BUT IT'S PROBABLY
TIME I TOLD HER.

NO. WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.

MR. CARTER, YOU
DON'T HAVE TO DO THAT.

SHE'S GONNA FIND OUT EVENTUALLY.

NOT NECESSARILY, NO.

WE LIE TO HER ALL THE TIME.

MR. CARTER, YOU
JUST HIT A ROUGH SPOT.

ALL YOU GOTTA DO IS
TURN THINGS AROUND.

YEAH, BUT I GOTTA START
OVER FROM SCRATCH.

YOU CAN DO THAT.

SHARON SAYS YOU'RE
AN AMAZING BUSINESSMAN,

AND THAT'S WHY SHE IDOLIZES YOU.

YEAH.

I GUESS I PROBABLY
SHOULD AT LEAST TRY

BEFORE I TELL HER, HUH?

WHY MAKE HER FEEL ALL UPSET

IF I DON'T HAVE TO?

I MEAN, THE DRINKING
SURE ISN'T WORKING.

NO, IT SURE ISN'T.

SO...

THIS WILL JUST STAY BETWEEN US?

IT'S JUST BETWEEN US.

WE PROMISE, NO MATTER WHAT.

THANKS.

YOU'RE MEETING SHARON
FOR LUNCH IN 15 MINUTES.

HANDLEBARS.

YOU CAN'T CALL
"HANDLEBARS" INSIDE.

ONE MORE HOUR, AND
WE ARE GRADUATES.

ALL RIGHT. OK. HEY, THIS IS IT.

ALL RIGHT. LET'S GO. COME ON.

WAIT, WAIT. WAIT, WAIT.

PICTURE. PICTURE.

OH, WAIT. I NEED MY CAP.

WHAT'S IT WORTH TO YOU?

ACTUALLY, CAPS ARE FREE TODAY.

OH, GOSH. HEY. YOU
GUYS DROPPED OFF

THE MONEY I GAVE YOU FOR
MY PARKING TICKETS, RIGHT?

ABSOLUTELY. ALL
$210 TAKEN CARE OF.

BOY, ARE THEY PAID.

THERE HAVE NEVER...
THANK YOU, PETE.

WHAT DO YOU SAY WE
DO THIS RIGHT, HUH?

OOH! CHAMPAGNE.

YES.

[AS ROBIN LEACH]
WHAT WOULD YOU DO

IF YOU WERE YOUNG AND BEAUTIFUL

AND HAD A BIG BOTTLE
OF CHAMPAGNE?

YOU'D SHARE IT WITH
YOUR CLOSEST FRIENDS,

AND THAT'S JUST WHAT THEY DID.

WOW. THAT'S EXPENSIVE STUFF.

HOW'D YOU GUYS AFFORD IT?

CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT SOME GIRL

ACTUALLY GAVE IT TO US?

ALL RIGHT. CHEERS.

HERE'S TO GRADUATION,
OR AS I LIKE TO CALL IT...

GETTING OUT OF JAIL.

PERFECT.

OK. UH, LET'S GO GRADUATE.

OH, I'M SO GLAD
YOU'RE HERE, DADDY.

I COULD NEVER HAVE DONE
ANY OF THIS WITHOUT YOU.

SO, ANYWAY, DAD,

AFTER I FINISH
THIS STUPID CLASS,

THERE'S A POSSIBILITY

THAT THERE STILL MIGHT BE
A JOB FOR ME AT ANNE NIVEL.

I HATE PETE AND BERG.

LISTEN, HONEY, IF THERE'S
ONE THING I'VE LEARNED,

IT'S THAT JOBS COME AND GO.

BUT YOUR FRIENDS WILL GET
YOU THROUGH THE ROUGH TIMES.

YEAH, BUT THEY'RE THE
CAUSE OF MY ROUGH TIMES.

THIS JOB WAS IMPORTANT.

I DON'T WANT YOU TO BE
ASHAMED OF ME ANYMORE.

WHAT?

WHY DIDN'T YOU MENTION
ME IN THE ARTICLE YESTERDAY?

I MENTIONED YOU.

YEAH, BUT YOU MENTIONED WHAT
TODD AND LIZ DO FOR A LIVING.

AND ME... NOTHING.

REALLY?

ADMIT IT.

YOU HATE MY JOB.

HONEY, I DON'T... YEAH,
I DO HATE YOUR JOB.

BUT I LOVE YOU.

I KNOW YOU LOVE ME,

BUT I WANT YOU TO
BE AS PROUD OF ME

AS I AM OF YOU.

SHARON, LISTEN TO ME.

Berg: HI, SHARON.

NO.

MR. CARTER, CAN WE
TALK TO YOU FOR A SEC?

I CAN'T BELIEVE SHE DIDN'T
GET THAT JOB BECAUSE OF ME.

WE WERE TALKING, AND WE
JUST WANNA LET YOU KNOW

THAT NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS
BETWEEN SHARON AND US,

WE'RE NEVER GONNA
TELL HER ANYTHING.

JUST GIVE IT A FEW WEEKS.

WE'LL DO SOMETHING WORSE,

AND SHE'LL FORGET ALL ABOUT IT.

THANKS, GUYS,

BUT I THINK IT'S TIME SHARON
AND I HAD AN HONEST TALK

ABOUT WHAT REALLY HAPPENED.

YOU'RE GOING TO
TELL HER EVERYTHING?

YEAH. I OWE IT TO HER,

AND I OWE IT TO YOU GUYS.

YOU ALL SET, HONEY?

YEAH.

SHARON, IF IT'S OK WITH YOU,

I THINK WE SHOULD
GO TO DINNER ALONE.

GOOD.

SHE IS GOING TO FEEL SO BAD.

OH, YEAH.

WE MUST NEVER LET
HER LIVE THIS DOWN.

[CHORTLING]

WE NEVER WILL.

I FEEL SO BAD. I REALLY DO.

WE KNOW.

AND WE'VE COMPLIED A
LIST OF THINGS YOU CAN DO

TO MAKE IT UP TO US.

"ONE... A 6-PACK OF BEER..."

IMPORTED...

"DELIVERED TO OUR
FRIDGE ONCE A WEEK."

UH, 2. I LIKE THIS ONE.

"YOUR FIRSTBORN,
REGARDLESS OF SEX,

SHALL BE NAMED ELVIS."

"3... TELL JOHNNY NO STOMPING
AROUND IN WORK BOOTS

BEFORE 8 A.M."

YEAH. EVER SINCE HE'S
MOVED IN WITH YOU,

WE HAVEN'T BEEN ABLE
TO GET A WINK OF SLEEP.

JOHNNY LIVES WITH YOU?

I FORGOT TO MENTION THAT.

I THINK WE HAVE A FEW
MORE THINGS TO DISCUSS.

SEE YOU UPSTAIRS.

[DOOR CLOSES]

OOPS.

OW!

I HATE YOU GUYS.