Two Guys, a Girl and a Pizza Place (1998–2001): Season 2, Episode 10 - Two Guys, a Girl and a Thanksgiving - full transcript
Sharon and Johnny decide to start a new thanksgiving tradition where they are alone. However, Sharon's cooking skills are not up to it. Pete's grandfather suddenly comes for a visit. Berg goes around to Ashley's place and meets her boyfriend. He invites them to Sharon's thanksgiving dinner, which becomes bigger than Sharon wants when Pete and his grandfather also invite themselves. Berg tries to break up Sharon and Justin but has more success driving a wedge between Johnny and Sharon, who is becoming frustrated.
I'M GOING TO MISS YOU
OVER THANKSGIVING.
OOH.
I HATE GOING HOME
FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
SOMEBODY'S ALWAYS THROWING
SOMETHING AT SOMEBODY
AND SAYING SOMETHING
THEY CAN NEVER TAKE BACK,
AND THEN I HAVE
TO SIT IN MY ROOM
UNTIL I COOL OFF AND APOLOGIZE.
TRY BEING CRAMMED INTO
MY SISTER'S APARTMENT.
5 NEPHEWS TRYING TO
SHOVE YAMS IN YOUR EARS
AND PUNCHING YOU IN THE STOMACH.
UNCLE JOHNNY! UNCLE JOHNNY!
UNCLE JOHNNY! UNCLE JOHNNY!
DO YOU THINK YOUR
SISTER WOULD BE UPSET
IF YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP THIS YEAR?
WHY?
MAYBE YOU AND I COULD
SPEND THANKSGIVING TOGETHER.
START A NEW TRADITION.
ARE WE ALLOWED TO DO THAT?
YEAH. YOU AND ME BEING
THANKFUL FOR EACH OTHER.
YEAH, LET'S DO IT.
REALLY?
YEAH.
AAH! WOW! THANKSGIVING
AT MY PLACE.
YEAH.
YEAH, MY SISTER MAKES A
GREAT THANKSGIVING DINNER,
BUT I KNOW YOURS IS
GOING TO BE EVEN BETTER.
OH, JOHNNY.
I HAVE TO COOK?
HEY, SHARON. HERE'S
ANOTHER NEW TRADITION.
CLOSE YOUR WINDOW!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OHH!
THERE'S GUTS INSIDE. GET IT OUT.
I'M NOT GETTING IT
OUT. YOU GET IT OUT.
COME ON!
YOU'RE A MED STUDENT.
YES. AND WHAT YOU NEED IS A VET.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
WHAT THE HELL IS
GOING ON OUT THERE?
CHECK THIS OUT.
THERE'S A BUS, A COP, AND A TAXI
ALL BEING BLOCKED IN BY A
MINT-GREEN BUICK SKYLARK.
OH, GOD. PLEASE DON'T
TELL ME IT'S A CONVERTIBLE
WITH CLEAR PLASTIC SEAT COVERS.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
GRANDPA!
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE
SPOT I GOT... RIGHT OUT FRONT.
WELCOME.
HELLO THERE.
GRANDPA, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WELL, IT WAS A NICE
DAY, I WAS FEELING GOOD,
I... I THOUGHT I'D TAKE A DRIVE.
PLUS, I LEFT YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
WAS IT ON PURPOSE, OR
DID YOU TAKE A WRONG TURN?
THIS IS NOT LIKE LAST MONTH.
THIS TIME IT'S FOR GOOD.
[CAR HORNS CONTINUE TO HONK]
ALL RIGHT, UH,
GIVE ME YOUR KEYS.
I'M GOING TO GO MOVE YOUR CAR.
THE DAY YOU DRIVE MY CAR,
YOU'LL BE COMING
HOME FROM MY FUNERAL.
GREAT, THEN I'LL FINALLY
GET TO TURN OFF THE BLINKER.
PETE'S GRANDPARENTS SURE
HAVE A MESSED-UP RELATIONSHIP.
OOH, ACTUALLY, THAT REMINDS ME.
I GOT TO GET OVER TO ASHLEY'S.
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
THAT'S HER STUFF.
HER BOYFRIEND'S MOVED TO TOWN.
I FIGURE IT'S REALLY GOING TO
SLOW THINGS DOWN BETWEEN US.
SHE SURE LEFT A LOT OF JUNK
FOR SOMEONE YOU
NEVER REALLY DATED.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW I HAVE IT.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
BERG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M GOING TO RESPECT WHAT YOU
SAID ABOUT YOUR PRIVACY AND JUST...
HONEY, IF THOSE ARE THE MOVERS,
COULD YOU TELL THEM
NOT TO UNLOAD ANYTHING
UNTIL I'M THERE TO SUPERVISE?
OK, WELL, I, UH,
I HAVE TO GET...
JUST ONE LOOK AT
HIM. ONE SMALL LOOK.
NO, BERG, COME ON!
HONEY, WOULD YOU... OH!
OH, EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY,
UH, ARE YOU A MOVER?
AND A SHAKER.
JUSTIN, THIS IS MICHAEL BERGEN.
HE'S, UH, A FRIEND
FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL.
OH, OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST A LITTLE
STRESSED OUT FROM THE MOVE.
THAT'S OK, YOU KNOW.
NOT TO MENTION HAVING
TO FIND A NEW JOB.
MUST BE HARD HAVING TO START
ALL OVER AGAIN AT YOUR AGE.
UM, JUSTIN, WHY DON'T
YOU GO PUT ON SOME PANTS?
OH, OH, OF COURSE. I'M
SORRY. WHERE IS MY MODESTY?
BERG!
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT THAT'S JUSTIN.
HOW COULD YOU
CHOOSE HIM OVER ME?
HEY, FIRST OF ALL, SHH!
AND SECOND OF ALL...
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I TOLD YOU...
I WAS GOING TO RESPECT
YOUR DECISION, AND I AM, OK?
THAT'S OK. I'M BIGGER THAN THIS.
I'M JUST GONNA LEAVE.
THIS IS THE GUY, HUH?
I BET THAT WE SHARED MORE
PASSION IN OUR ONE KISS
THAN YOU'VE EVER EXPERIENCED
IN YOUR ENTIRE
RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
TELL ME. TELL ME THAT
HE'S EVERYTHING YOU WANT...
AND I'LL LEAVE.
HE QUIT HIS JOB. HE
MOVED HERE FOR ME.
HE ASKED ME TO GIVE IT A CHANCE.
I OWE HIM THAT.
OK, WELL, I'LL
TAKE THAT AS A NO.
HONEY, CAN I PUT MY SOCKS
IN WITH YOUR UNDERWEAR?
UH, GEE, BERG, I'M
SORRY YOU GOT TO GO,
BUT WE'RE KIND OF IN A BIG RUSH.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
WELL, WE HAVE A LOT TO DO
TO PREPARE FOR
THANKSGIVING TOMORROW.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS CONFIRM OUR
RESERVATION AT THE RESTAURANT.
YOU CANNOT SPEND
THANKSGIVING IN A RESTAURANT.
AT LEAST NOT WHILE
MY FRIEND SHARON
IS HAVE A BIG
THANKSGIVING PARTY.
WELL, I ACCEPT. NO, HE DOESN'T.
SOUNDED LIKE HE DID.
ARE YOU OK?
IS THERE SOME PROBLEM
I'M NOT AWARE OF?
DON'T YOU WANT JUSTIN
TO MEET NEW PEOPLE?
WELL, OF COURSE I DO.
YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP ME
ALL TO YOURSELF, HONEY.
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M JUST BEING SILLY.
THEN IT'S A DATE. HEY!
YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE
THE BEST THANKSGIVING EVER.
WHOA, GOD, I TOLD YOU,
WE'RE STARTING A NEW TRADITION.
I WANT AN INTIMATE DINNER,
JUST ME AND JOHNNY.
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHAT
THANKSGIVING'S ALL ABOUT? PEOPLE.
PEOPLE COMING TOGETHER. SHARING.
THE PILGRIMS INVITING THE INDIANS
ONTO THEIR LAND AND INTO THEIR HOMES.
BEFRIENDING THEM,
LEARNING THEIR WAYS,
AND THEN STEALING WHAT
WAS RIGHTFULLY THEIRS.
WHAT HAPPENED TO
RESPECTING ASHLEY'S CHOICE?
SHE'S ONLY WITH THIS GUY
BECAUSE SHE FEELS OBLIGATED.
I MEAN, HOW CAN
YOU RESPECT THAT?
COME ON, SHARON, I
UNDERSTAND HOW HE FEELS. LOOK...
IF YOU WERE IN LOVE
WITH SOMEBODY ELSE,
I WOULD DO EVERYTHING
I POSSIBLY COULD
TO MAKE SURE YOU FELL
IN LOVE WITH ME INSTEAD.
OH! WHY DO YOU HAVE
TO BE SO DAMN SWEET?
FINE. YOU CAN COME.
OH, THANK YOU, SHARON.
YOU ARE THE BEST.
THANKS, JOHNNY.
NO PROBLEM. NOW I
CAN WATCH FOOTBALL.
I JUST CALLED GRANDMA, OK?
WE'RE GOING HOME
FOR THANKSGIVING.
WELL, I'M NOT GOING.
YES, YOU ARE.
ALL RIGHT, MR. WISE GUY,
TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE.
WE'RE AT THANKSGIVING DINNER.
THERE'S A LULL IN
THE CONVERSATION
AND I TURN TO MY
SON, YOUR FATHER,
AND SAY, "HEY, HOW
ABOUT LITTLE PETEY
"DROPPING OUT OF GRADUATE SCHOOL
"AFTER ALL THAT MONEY YOU SPENT?
NO, I DON'T THINK YOU RAISED
HIM TO BE A QUITTER, EITHER."
YOU WOULDN'T.
I'LL BURY YOU.
SHARON, 2 MORE FOR THANKSGIVING.
GREAT. THIS IS GREAT. THE
START OF A NEW TRADITION.
A QUIET, ROMANTIC
THANKSGIVING WITH YOU, ME, BERG,
THE WOMAN HE LOVES, THE
WOMAN HE LOVES BOYFRIEND,
PETE, AND HIS
RUNAWAY GRANDFATHER.
HEY, BERG.
JUSTIN.
HEY, I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY
AND THANK YOU FOR THE INVITE.
MY PLEASURE.
NO, REALLY, IT
MEANS A LOT TO ME.
I... LOOK, I DON'T
KNOW IF YOU'VE HEARD,
BUT ASHLEY AND I HAVE
BEEN HAVING SOME TROUBLE.
OH, REALLY.
YEAH, YEAH, I THINK...
I THINK SHE'S
SEEING ANOTHER GUY.
OH, I'M NOT MAKING YOU
UNCOMFORTABLE BY TELLING YOU THIS, AM I?
NO.
NO. NO. NO.
I MEAN, YOU'RE THE
ONLY GUY I KNOW HERE.
AND HEY, YOU'RE HER FRIEND,
HAVE YOU SEEN SOME
GUY HANGING AROUND,
ACTING ALL GOOFY
AND LOVE-STRUCK?
NO.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO SAY IT, ARE YOU?
WHAT?
YOU'RE IN LOVE
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.
WELL, YEAH, BUT SHE'S IN LOVE
WITH YOU AND THAT OTHER GUY.
YOU KNOW, I... I
HAVE TO ADMIT I'M...
I'M JUST SURPRISED ASHLEY
WOULD GO FOR SOMEBODY
WHO WASN'T MORE SUBSTANTIAL.
OK.
NOW, UH, I'M NOT
ADMITTING ANYTHING,
BUT I'M SURPRISED, 'CAUSE I
FIGURED ASHLEY WOULD BE DATING
SOMEONE WHO WAS A LITTLE MORE...
EVERYTHING.
GIVE IT UP, BERG.
YOU DELIVER PIZZAS.
I DELIVER DISSERTATIONS.
WHAT KIND OF TIPS
DO YOU GET FOR THAT?
I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS
WE'LL DISCUSS IT AT DINNER.
CAN'T WAIT.
THAT MAKES 2 OF US.
IT'S BEEN FUN.
OH, I'LL BE THERE.
TAKE CARE. YOU, TOO.
OH, ONE MORE LITTLE THING.
WHAT?
I'D LIKE A MEDIUM PIZZA
WITH PEPPERONI AND EXTRA CHEESE.
YOU GET A THIRD TOPPING FREE.
I THINK IT'S GREAT WE'RE
HAVING IT DOWN HERE.
IT'S GOING TO BE
WAY MORE ROMANTIC.
FOOTBALL.
OK, I'M GOING TO GET
THE STUFF UPSTAIRS.
UH-HUH.
SO, I'M JUSTOING
TO CHARGE UP THERE
AND BRING ALL THAT
FOOD DOWN ALL BY MYSELF.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST, HON.
OK.
OH, IF YOU'VE GOT ANY...
COULD YOU BRING DOWN
SOME OF THOSE MIXED NUTS?
YES.
UH, LEAVE OUT THE CASHEWS.
THEY REPEAT ON ME.
PETE, TRUST ME, YOU ARE
GOING TO HATE THIS JUSTIN GUY.
HE'S SO COMPETITIVE. SO ARE YOU.
HE'S ARROGANT. SO ARE YOU.
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
WHAT IS WITH THAT GUY?
BERG.
ASHLEY. JUSTIN.
HEY, LOOK, WE'RE HAVING
DINNER IN OUR APARTMENT HERE,
SO, UH, COME ON IN.
OH, WELL, UH, THIS
IS A NICE PLACE.
I DIDN'T REALIZE
YOU HAD CHILDREN.
HA HA HA.
WELL, WELL, YOU'RE
EVERYTHING BERG SAID YOU'D BE.
I'M PETE.
HI.
LET ME HELP YOU OFF
WITH YOUR COAT THERE.
OH, THANKS.
OH, NO, I'LL DO IT.
THAT'S OK. I'M THE HOST.
REALLY, I INSIST. I INSIST.
GOT IT. YES!
OW.
JUSTIN, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU
TO MY GRANDFATHER CHARLIE.
AND THIS IS SHARON'S
BOYFRIEND JOHNNY.
IT'S FOURTH AND 8.
HEY, PETE, UH, WHY
DON'T YOU SHOW JUSTIN
WHERE TO HANG OUR COATS?
OK. RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
OK, UH, PETE, WHY DON'T YOU
GIVE JUSTIN A TOUR OF THE PLACE?
OH, OH, OK, UH, FOLLOW ME.
THE TRAM'S BROKE,
SO WE'LL HAVE TO WALK.
OK, BERG, THE ONLY
REASON THAT I'M HERE
IS BECAUSE JUSTIN WAS REALLY
EXCITED ABOUT MEETING NEW PEOPLE.
I LIKE HIM.
HE'S A NICE GUY.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
HE IS. I KNOW.
YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE!
Pete, shouting: THAT WAS THE
BEDROOM. THIS IS THE HALLWAY,
WHICH WILL LEAD US INTO
THE LIVING ROOM AGAIN!
THANK YOU FOR
THAT VERY LOUD TOUR.
JUST IN TIME. I WAS, UH,
JUST ABOUT TO POUR
A BOTTLE OF WINE.
NOW, THIS CAME HIGHLY,
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
OH, A BLEND.
I'LL ADJUST MY
PALATE ACCORDINGLY.
MAN, YOU CALL THAT A BLOCK?
DON'T LET HIM GO
OVER YOU LIKE THAT!
I CAN... YOU SHOULD BE IN THERE.
YOU'RE A MOOSE.
OH! OH!
Men: GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
NO, NO, PLEASE, DON'T
GET UP. YOU'RE GUESTS.
HEY, SHARON, THIS IS JUSTIN.
HI, JUSTIN. I'M SHARON.
GIVE ME THE BOTTLE.
OK, WELL, EVERYBODY,
HAPPY TURKEY DAY.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WHY DON'T WE HAVE A REAL TOAST?
SINCE THIS IS THANKSGIVING,
I THINK WE SHOULD ALL SAY
WHAT WE'RE THANKFUL FOR.
I, FOR ONE, AM THANKFUL
FOR THE LOVE AND DEVOTION
OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN IN THE WORLD,
WHO HAS CHOSEN TO SHARE
HER LIFE AND HER HEART WITH ME
ABOVE ALL OTHERS.
JUSTIN, THAT'S SO SWEET.
WAIT, TA-TA-TA, EH.
I'D LIKE TO SAY WHAT
I'M THANKFUL FOR.
DON'T. YEAH, DON'T.
GO AHEAD.
I'M THANKFUL THAT I'M SURROUNDED
BY SUCH VERY SPECIAL FRIENDS.
ESPECIALLY MY NEW FRIEND JUSTIN.
JUSTIN, AS I LOOK AT YOU
AND ASHLEY TOGETHER,
IT FILLS ME WITH A SENSE OF HOPE
THAT SOMEDAY SOON...
I'LL HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE.
NO, NO, NO, GRANDMA,
WE HAVEN'T LEFT YET.
WHY?
WELL, BECAUSE GRANDPA'S
CAR BLEW A GASKET.
WHY CAN'T WE TAKE THE TRAIN?
WHY CAN'T WE TAKE THE TRAIN?
BECAUSE YOU DROPPED
OUT OF GRADUATE SCHOOL.
BECAUSE THERE'S A
COW ON THE TRACKS.
I KNOW. WE'LL TRY TO
FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
OK. ALL RIGHT. I LOVE YOU, TOO.
YOU'RE GOING TO ROT IN HELL
FOR LYING TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
TAKE THAT CIGAR
IN THE HALL, PLEASE.
YES!
JOHNNY, HONEY?
HONEY, JOHNNY?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY
WHAT YOU'RE THANKFUL FOR?
DETROIT'S UP BY 12.
I'M GOING TO GO GET THE BIRD.
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
LOOK AT THEM OVER THERE, HUH?
WHAT A PHONY.
I HATE HIM.
HATE YOU.
HA HA HA.
WHAT?
I JUST THINK IT'S IRONIC.
YOU'RE TRYING TO BREAK
UP JUSTIN AND ASHLEY,
AND INSTEAD, YOU'RE BREAKING
UP JOHNNY AND SHARON.
YOU'RE ANNOYING.
BUT YOU'VE GIVEN ME AN IDEA.
LOOK, FOLLOW MY LEAD, OK?
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, GUYS, UM, MAYBE YOU CAN
SETTLE AN ARGUMENT FOR US.
OK, YOU TWO GO TO YOUR ROOM.
IT'S JUST THAT, UH,
WELL, ONE OF US IS A
HARD-WORKING MED STUDENT.
THE OTHER, A
LAY-ABOUT-THE-HOUSE FREELOADER.
OH, MY GOD, WAIT A
MINUTE. AS I SAY THIS,
I REALIZE THAT YOU GUYS ARE
IN THE EXACT SAME SITUATION,
WITH JUSTIN BEING
OUT OF WORK AND ALL.
I HOPE I DIDN'T
EMBARRASS YOU, JUSTIN.
OH, OH, NOT AT ALL. NOT AT ALL.
I JUST GOT A JOB
AT BOSTON COLLEGE.
YEAH, THEY CALLED
RIGHT AFTER YOU LEFT.
HA HA. I GUESS YOU'RE JUST MY
LITTLE GOOD-LUCK CHARM, BERG.
HEY, MAYBE YOU OUGHT
TO CUT OFF HIS FOOT
AND HANG YOUR KEYS FROM IT.
Sharon: OH, GOD!
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL TURKEY.
OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
I RUINED THANKSGIVING.
NONSENSE. THAT'S PERFECTLY GOOD.
WE'LL TAKE IT
UPSTAIRS AND WASH IT.
REALLY?
Sharon: JOHNNY, YOU
HAVE TO DRAW SOMETHING.
JUST A MINUTE. I'M THINKING.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE WATCHING TV.
COME ON, JOHNNY.
TIME'S ALMOST UP.
GOD, DRAW SOMETHING,
JOHNNY, ANYTHING.
YEAH!
TIME'S UP.
I'M JUST NOT VERY
GOOD AT THIS GAME.
YOU THINK?
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE
YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT?
YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT HELPING,
YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT TOASTING,
AND YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT CREATING
NEW TRADITIONS WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
[SIGHS]
NOW, I'M GOING TO GO GET PIE.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
HELP WITH THAT, HON?
DON'T... EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
OK. WELL, HERE WE GO.
ASHLEY, JUST YOU AND ME.
AND ME. WHATEVER.
AND GO.
UH, CIRCLE, ROUND, BALL, CIRCLE.
HIGH NOON.
YES!
HOW THE HELL
DID YOU GET HIGH
NOON OUT OF THAT?
THAT'S A GREAT CLUE. LOOK,
THE SUN AT THE TOP OF THE PAPER.
WHAT ELSE YOU
GONNA GET FROM THAT?
CIRCLE... ROUND...
BALL... CIRCLE?
UM, I DON'T KNOW.
YOU CAN KEEP HITTING IT,
BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW.
OK, AND TIME.
IT'S GONE WITH THE WIND.
TARA... WIND.
ARE YOU FROM AMERICA?
BUT WHAT'S THE
THING IN THE CORNER?
THE BURNING OF ATLANTA.
OH. OH.
YOU KNEW WHAT IT WAS.
AND... GO.
UH...
AN AMERICAN IN PARIS.
YES.
OK, ALL RIGHT...
HOW DID YOU GET THAT FROM THAT?
OH, WAIT A SEC, I
SEE. YEAH, OF COURSE.
BECAUSE YOU WERE CHEATING.
NO. NO, HE WASN'T. HE WAS
DRAWING THE EIFFEL TOWER.
THAT'S WHERE WE
WENT LAST SUMMER.
WE JUST HAVE SO
MUCH HISTORY, BERG.
FINE. GREAT.
EXCELLENT. NEW GAME.
HOW ABOUT CHARADES?
OK, PETE, YOU AND I ARE A TEAM.
OK.
READY? MM-HMM.
MOVIE.
3 WORDS. SECOND WORD.
KISS.
LONG KISS.
LONG KISS GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
OK. OK, OK, PETE,
YOU AND I ARE A TEAM.
ALL RIGHT.
OK. OK.
MOVIE.
3 WORDS.
SECOND WORD.
OK, I'LL TAKE A STAB.
LONG KISS GOOD NIGHT.
RIGHT.
OK, PETE, YOU AND I ARE A TEAM.
NO, GRANDPA.
WHOA.
NO. ENOUGH.
ENOUGH.
I'M NOT GONNA BE FOUGHT
OVER LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT.
GOD, JUSTIN, YOU KNEW
ABOUT ME AND BERG, DIDN'T YOU?
OH, WELL, I SUSPECTED.
NO, NO, YOU KNEW, AND INSTEAD
OF TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT,
YOU USED IT TO
MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, AND YOU.
YOU INVITED ME OVER HERE ONLY TO
DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN ME AND JUSTIN
INSTEAD OF RESPECTING
MY FEELINGS LIKE I ASKED.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS... THIS
IS REALLY HARD FOR ME.
AND YOU GUYS...
YOU GUYS WHO CLAIM TO
CARE ABOUT ME THE MOST
ARE MAKING ME THE
MOST MISERABLE.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
THIS IS THE WORST
THANKSGIVING I'VE EVER HAD.
OH, JUSTIN, FIND SOMEPLACE
ELSE TO SLEEP TONIGHT.
AND, BERG, DON'T CALL ME.
SHARON, THANK YOU
FOR A LOVELY EVENING.
I JUST... I THOUGHT
OF ANOTHER TOAST.
I'M THANKFUL I'M NOT
IN A RELATIONSHIP.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME, PETE?
THAT'S PASSION.
LOVING SOMEONE SO MUCH
THAT YOU'RE WILLING TO MAKE
A COMPLETE FOOL OF YOURSELF.
LIKE WHEN YOU LEFT GRANDMA
BECAUSE SHE BEAT YOU
AT WHEEL OF FORTUNE?
COME ON, PETE.
SHE GETS WORRIED IF
I GET HOME TOO LATE.
WAIT, WHOA, GRANDPA.
WHAT ABOUT MY DAD?
DIDN'T I TELL YOU?
HE'S OUT OF TOWN.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?
WELL, FOR ONE, I THINK
WE ALL ATE TOO MUCH.
SECONDLY, I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
I SHOULD HAVE JUST STEPPED BACK
AND LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU GUYS WORKED
IT OUT, YOU WORKED IT OUT.
THAT... THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN
THE CLASSY THING TO DO THEN.
AND THAT'S WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO NOW.
WELL, THAT'S
REALLY BIG OF YOU...
CONSIDERING SHE
JUST THREW ME OUT!
YOU TRY TO MAKE A GRAND GESTURE.
WELL, BERG, I CAME HERE
TONIGHT NOT LIKING YOU.
NOW I DON'T LIKE ANY OF YOU.
YOU KNOW, I WISH YOU TWO
JUST WOULD HAVE LISTENED
TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE
AND HAD A NICE,
INTIMATE THANKSGIVING.
WELL, I GUESS I'M THE ONE THAT
GETS TO CLEAN ALL THIS STUFF UP.
BEFORE YOU DO THAT,
BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING,
I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY.
I'M THANKFUL THAT I FOUND A
GIRL WHO'S NOT ONLY SMART
AND NOT ONLY BEAUTIFUL,
BUT WHO'S MORE IMPORTANT TO ME
THAN I COULD EVER PUT INTO A TOAST.
OH.
THAT'S SO SWEET.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO
SOAK THE TURKEY PAN
BEFORE YOU WASH THE DISHES.
SOAP'S UNDER THE
SINK. I'M TAKING A BATH.
MOM'S GOING TO LOVE HER.
I FEEL LIKE I'M LETTING
EVERYBODY DOWN.
I TELL YOU, PETE, YOU'RE
DOING THE RIGHT THING.
IF YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE AN ARCHITECT,
DON'T BE AN ARCHITECT.
JUST BE HAPPY.
THANK YOU.
BOY, IS YOUR FATHER
GOING TO KILL YOU.
OVER THANKSGIVING.
OOH.
I HATE GOING HOME
FOR THE HOLIDAYS.
SOMEBODY'S ALWAYS THROWING
SOMETHING AT SOMEBODY
AND SAYING SOMETHING
THEY CAN NEVER TAKE BACK,
AND THEN I HAVE
TO SIT IN MY ROOM
UNTIL I COOL OFF AND APOLOGIZE.
TRY BEING CRAMMED INTO
MY SISTER'S APARTMENT.
5 NEPHEWS TRYING TO
SHOVE YAMS IN YOUR EARS
AND PUNCHING YOU IN THE STOMACH.
UNCLE JOHNNY! UNCLE JOHNNY!
UNCLE JOHNNY! UNCLE JOHNNY!
DO YOU THINK YOUR
SISTER WOULD BE UPSET
IF YOU DIDN'T SHOW UP THIS YEAR?
WHY?
MAYBE YOU AND I COULD
SPEND THANKSGIVING TOGETHER.
START A NEW TRADITION.
ARE WE ALLOWED TO DO THAT?
YEAH. YOU AND ME BEING
THANKFUL FOR EACH OTHER.
YEAH, LET'S DO IT.
REALLY?
YEAH.
AAH! WOW! THANKSGIVING
AT MY PLACE.
YEAH.
YEAH, MY SISTER MAKES A
GREAT THANKSGIVING DINNER,
BUT I KNOW YOURS IS
GOING TO BE EVEN BETTER.
OH, JOHNNY.
I HAVE TO COOK?
HEY, SHARON. HERE'S
ANOTHER NEW TRADITION.
CLOSE YOUR WINDOW!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD! OH, MY GOD!
OHH!
THERE'S GUTS INSIDE. GET IT OUT.
I'M NOT GETTING IT
OUT. YOU GET IT OUT.
COME ON!
YOU'RE A MED STUDENT.
YES. AND WHAT YOU NEED IS A VET.
[CAR HORN HONKING]
WHAT THE HELL IS
GOING ON OUT THERE?
CHECK THIS OUT.
THERE'S A BUS, A COP, AND A TAXI
ALL BEING BLOCKED IN BY A
MINT-GREEN BUICK SKYLARK.
OH, GOD. PLEASE DON'T
TELL ME IT'S A CONVERTIBLE
WITH CLEAR PLASTIC SEAT COVERS.
HOW'D YOU KNOW?
GRANDPA!
YOU WON'T BELIEVE THE
SPOT I GOT... RIGHT OUT FRONT.
WELCOME.
HELLO THERE.
GRANDPA, WHAT
ARE YOU DOING HERE?
WELL, IT WAS A NICE
DAY, I WAS FEELING GOOD,
I... I THOUGHT I'D TAKE A DRIVE.
PLUS, I LEFT YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
WAS IT ON PURPOSE, OR
DID YOU TAKE A WRONG TURN?
THIS IS NOT LIKE LAST MONTH.
THIS TIME IT'S FOR GOOD.
[CAR HORNS CONTINUE TO HONK]
ALL RIGHT, UH,
GIVE ME YOUR KEYS.
I'M GOING TO GO MOVE YOUR CAR.
THE DAY YOU DRIVE MY CAR,
YOU'LL BE COMING
HOME FROM MY FUNERAL.
GREAT, THEN I'LL FINALLY
GET TO TURN OFF THE BLINKER.
PETE'S GRANDPARENTS SURE
HAVE A MESSED-UP RELATIONSHIP.
OOH, ACTUALLY, THAT REMINDS ME.
I GOT TO GET OVER TO ASHLEY'S.
WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
THAT'S HER STUFF.
HER BOYFRIEND'S MOVED TO TOWN.
I FIGURE IT'S REALLY GOING TO
SLOW THINGS DOWN BETWEEN US.
SHE SURE LEFT A LOT OF JUNK
FOR SOMEONE YOU
NEVER REALLY DATED.
SHE DOESN'T KNOW I HAVE IT.
[CLICKS TONGUE]
BERG, WHAT ARE YOU DOING HERE?
I'M GOING TO RESPECT WHAT YOU
SAID ABOUT YOUR PRIVACY AND JUST...
HONEY, IF THOSE ARE THE MOVERS,
COULD YOU TELL THEM
NOT TO UNLOAD ANYTHING
UNTIL I'M THERE TO SUPERVISE?
OK, WELL, I, UH,
I HAVE TO GET...
JUST ONE LOOK AT
HIM. ONE SMALL LOOK.
NO, BERG, COME ON!
HONEY, WOULD YOU... OH!
OH, EXCUSE ME, I'M SORRY,
UH, ARE YOU A MOVER?
AND A SHAKER.
JUSTIN, THIS IS MICHAEL BERGEN.
HE'S, UH, A FRIEND
FROM MEDICAL SCHOOL.
OH, OH, I'M SORRY.
I'M JUST A LITTLE
STRESSED OUT FROM THE MOVE.
THAT'S OK, YOU KNOW.
NOT TO MENTION HAVING
TO FIND A NEW JOB.
MUST BE HARD HAVING TO START
ALL OVER AGAIN AT YOUR AGE.
UM, JUSTIN, WHY DON'T
YOU GO PUT ON SOME PANTS?
OH, OH, OF COURSE. I'M
SORRY. WHERE IS MY MODESTY?
BERG!
I CAN'T BELIEVE
THAT THAT'S JUSTIN.
HOW COULD YOU
CHOOSE HIM OVER ME?
HEY, FIRST OF ALL, SHH!
AND SECOND OF ALL...
NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO, NO.
I TOLD YOU...
I WAS GOING TO RESPECT
YOUR DECISION, AND I AM, OK?
THAT'S OK. I'M BIGGER THAN THIS.
I'M JUST GONNA LEAVE.
THIS IS THE GUY, HUH?
I BET THAT WE SHARED MORE
PASSION IN OUR ONE KISS
THAN YOU'VE EVER EXPERIENCED
IN YOUR ENTIRE
RELATIONSHIP WITH HIM.
TELL ME. TELL ME THAT
HE'S EVERYTHING YOU WANT...
AND I'LL LEAVE.
HE QUIT HIS JOB. HE
MOVED HERE FOR ME.
HE ASKED ME TO GIVE IT A CHANCE.
I OWE HIM THAT.
OK, WELL, I'LL
TAKE THAT AS A NO.
HONEY, CAN I PUT MY SOCKS
IN WITH YOUR UNDERWEAR?
UH, GEE, BERG, I'M
SORRY YOU GOT TO GO,
BUT WE'RE KIND OF IN A BIG RUSH.
WHERE ARE WE GOING?
WELL, WE HAVE A LOT TO DO
TO PREPARE FOR
THANKSGIVING TOMORROW.
ALL WE HAVE TO DO IS CONFIRM OUR
RESERVATION AT THE RESTAURANT.
YOU CANNOT SPEND
THANKSGIVING IN A RESTAURANT.
AT LEAST NOT WHILE
MY FRIEND SHARON
IS HAVE A BIG
THANKSGIVING PARTY.
WELL, I ACCEPT. NO, HE DOESN'T.
SOUNDED LIKE HE DID.
ARE YOU OK?
IS THERE SOME PROBLEM
I'M NOT AWARE OF?
DON'T YOU WANT JUSTIN
TO MEET NEW PEOPLE?
WELL, OF COURSE I DO.
YOU CAN'T JUST KEEP ME
ALL TO YOURSELF, HONEY.
NO, YOU'RE RIGHT.
I'M JUST BEING SILLY.
THEN IT'S A DATE. HEY!
YOU KNOW, I THINK
THAT THIS IS GOING TO BE
THE BEST THANKSGIVING EVER.
WHOA, GOD, I TOLD YOU,
WE'RE STARTING A NEW TRADITION.
I WANT AN INTIMATE DINNER,
JUST ME AND JOHNNY.
HAVE YOU FORGOTTEN WHAT
THANKSGIVING'S ALL ABOUT? PEOPLE.
PEOPLE COMING TOGETHER. SHARING.
THE PILGRIMS INVITING THE INDIANS
ONTO THEIR LAND AND INTO THEIR HOMES.
BEFRIENDING THEM,
LEARNING THEIR WAYS,
AND THEN STEALING WHAT
WAS RIGHTFULLY THEIRS.
WHAT HAPPENED TO
RESPECTING ASHLEY'S CHOICE?
SHE'S ONLY WITH THIS GUY
BECAUSE SHE FEELS OBLIGATED.
I MEAN, HOW CAN
YOU RESPECT THAT?
COME ON, SHARON, I
UNDERSTAND HOW HE FEELS. LOOK...
IF YOU WERE IN LOVE
WITH SOMEBODY ELSE,
I WOULD DO EVERYTHING
I POSSIBLY COULD
TO MAKE SURE YOU FELL
IN LOVE WITH ME INSTEAD.
OH! WHY DO YOU HAVE
TO BE SO DAMN SWEET?
FINE. YOU CAN COME.
OH, THANK YOU, SHARON.
YOU ARE THE BEST.
THANKS, JOHNNY.
NO PROBLEM. NOW I
CAN WATCH FOOTBALL.
I JUST CALLED GRANDMA, OK?
WE'RE GOING HOME
FOR THANKSGIVING.
WELL, I'M NOT GOING.
YES, YOU ARE.
ALL RIGHT, MR. WISE GUY,
TRY THIS ON FOR SIZE.
WE'RE AT THANKSGIVING DINNER.
THERE'S A LULL IN
THE CONVERSATION
AND I TURN TO MY
SON, YOUR FATHER,
AND SAY, "HEY, HOW
ABOUT LITTLE PETEY
"DROPPING OUT OF GRADUATE SCHOOL
"AFTER ALL THAT MONEY YOU SPENT?
NO, I DON'T THINK YOU RAISED
HIM TO BE A QUITTER, EITHER."
YOU WOULDN'T.
I'LL BURY YOU.
SHARON, 2 MORE FOR THANKSGIVING.
GREAT. THIS IS GREAT. THE
START OF A NEW TRADITION.
A QUIET, ROMANTIC
THANKSGIVING WITH YOU, ME, BERG,
THE WOMAN HE LOVES, THE
WOMAN HE LOVES BOYFRIEND,
PETE, AND HIS
RUNAWAY GRANDFATHER.
HEY, BERG.
JUSTIN.
HEY, I JUST WANTED TO STOP BY
AND THANK YOU FOR THE INVITE.
MY PLEASURE.
NO, REALLY, IT
MEANS A LOT TO ME.
I... LOOK, I DON'T
KNOW IF YOU'VE HEARD,
BUT ASHLEY AND I HAVE
BEEN HAVING SOME TROUBLE.
OH, REALLY.
YEAH, YEAH, I THINK...
I THINK SHE'S
SEEING ANOTHER GUY.
OH, I'M NOT MAKING YOU
UNCOMFORTABLE BY TELLING YOU THIS, AM I?
NO.
NO. NO. NO.
I MEAN, YOU'RE THE
ONLY GUY I KNOW HERE.
AND HEY, YOU'RE HER FRIEND,
HAVE YOU SEEN SOME
GUY HANGING AROUND,
ACTING ALL GOOFY
AND LOVE-STRUCK?
NO.
YOU'RE NOT GOING
TO SAY IT, ARE YOU?
WHAT?
YOU'RE IN LOVE
WITH MY GIRLFRIEND.
WELL, YEAH, BUT SHE'S IN LOVE
WITH YOU AND THAT OTHER GUY.
YOU KNOW, I... I
HAVE TO ADMIT I'M...
I'M JUST SURPRISED ASHLEY
WOULD GO FOR SOMEBODY
WHO WASN'T MORE SUBSTANTIAL.
OK.
NOW, UH, I'M NOT
ADMITTING ANYTHING,
BUT I'M SURPRISED, 'CAUSE I
FIGURED ASHLEY WOULD BE DATING
SOMEONE WHO WAS A LITTLE MORE...
EVERYTHING.
GIVE IT UP, BERG.
YOU DELIVER PIZZAS.
I DELIVER DISSERTATIONS.
WHAT KIND OF TIPS
DO YOU GET FOR THAT?
I DON'T KNOW. I GUESS
WE'LL DISCUSS IT AT DINNER.
CAN'T WAIT.
THAT MAKES 2 OF US.
IT'S BEEN FUN.
OH, I'LL BE THERE.
TAKE CARE. YOU, TOO.
OH, ONE MORE LITTLE THING.
WHAT?
I'D LIKE A MEDIUM PIZZA
WITH PEPPERONI AND EXTRA CHEESE.
YOU GET A THIRD TOPPING FREE.
I THINK IT'S GREAT WE'RE
HAVING IT DOWN HERE.
IT'S GOING TO BE
WAY MORE ROMANTIC.
FOOTBALL.
OK, I'M GOING TO GET
THE STUFF UPSTAIRS.
UH-HUH.
SO, I'M JUSTOING
TO CHARGE UP THERE
AND BRING ALL THAT
FOOD DOWN ALL BY MYSELF.
YOU'RE THE GREATEST, HON.
OK.
OH, IF YOU'VE GOT ANY...
COULD YOU BRING DOWN
SOME OF THOSE MIXED NUTS?
YES.
UH, LEAVE OUT THE CASHEWS.
THEY REPEAT ON ME.
PETE, TRUST ME, YOU ARE
GOING TO HATE THIS JUSTIN GUY.
HE'S SO COMPETITIVE. SO ARE YOU.
HE'S ARROGANT. SO ARE YOU.
YOU'RE MY BEST FRIEND.
WHAT IS WITH THAT GUY?
BERG.
ASHLEY. JUSTIN.
HEY, LOOK, WE'RE HAVING
DINNER IN OUR APARTMENT HERE,
SO, UH, COME ON IN.
OH, WELL, UH, THIS
IS A NICE PLACE.
I DIDN'T REALIZE
YOU HAD CHILDREN.
HA HA HA.
WELL, WELL, YOU'RE
EVERYTHING BERG SAID YOU'D BE.
I'M PETE.
HI.
LET ME HELP YOU OFF
WITH YOUR COAT THERE.
OH, THANKS.
OH, NO, I'LL DO IT.
THAT'S OK. I'M THE HOST.
REALLY, I INSIST. I INSIST.
GOT IT. YES!
OW.
JUSTIN, LET ME INTRODUCE YOU
TO MY GRANDFATHER CHARLIE.
AND THIS IS SHARON'S
BOYFRIEND JOHNNY.
IT'S FOURTH AND 8.
HEY, PETE, UH, WHY
DON'T YOU SHOW JUSTIN
WHERE TO HANG OUR COATS?
OK. RIGHT BEHIND YOU.
OK, UH, PETE, WHY DON'T YOU
GIVE JUSTIN A TOUR OF THE PLACE?
OH, OH, OK, UH, FOLLOW ME.
THE TRAM'S BROKE,
SO WE'LL HAVE TO WALK.
OK, BERG, THE ONLY
REASON THAT I'M HERE
IS BECAUSE JUSTIN WAS REALLY
EXCITED ABOUT MEETING NEW PEOPLE.
I LIKE HIM.
HE'S A NICE GUY.
THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING.
HE IS. I KNOW.
YOU'RE IMPOSSIBLE!
Pete, shouting: THAT WAS THE
BEDROOM. THIS IS THE HALLWAY,
WHICH WILL LEAD US INTO
THE LIVING ROOM AGAIN!
THANK YOU FOR
THAT VERY LOUD TOUR.
JUST IN TIME. I WAS, UH,
JUST ABOUT TO POUR
A BOTTLE OF WINE.
NOW, THIS CAME HIGHLY,
HIGHLY RECOMMENDED.
OH, A BLEND.
I'LL ADJUST MY
PALATE ACCORDINGLY.
MAN, YOU CALL THAT A BLOCK?
DON'T LET HIM GO
OVER YOU LIKE THAT!
I CAN... YOU SHOULD BE IN THERE.
YOU'RE A MOOSE.
OH! OH!
Men: GO! GO! GO! GO! GO!
NO, NO, PLEASE, DON'T
GET UP. YOU'RE GUESTS.
HEY, SHARON, THIS IS JUSTIN.
HI, JUSTIN. I'M SHARON.
GIVE ME THE BOTTLE.
OK, WELL, EVERYBODY,
HAPPY TURKEY DAY.
WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT.
WHY DON'T WE HAVE A REAL TOAST?
SINCE THIS IS THANKSGIVING,
I THINK WE SHOULD ALL SAY
WHAT WE'RE THANKFUL FOR.
I, FOR ONE, AM THANKFUL
FOR THE LOVE AND DEVOTION
OF THE MOST BEAUTIFUL
WOMAN IN THE WORLD,
WHO HAS CHOSEN TO SHARE
HER LIFE AND HER HEART WITH ME
ABOVE ALL OTHERS.
JUSTIN, THAT'S SO SWEET.
WAIT, TA-TA-TA, EH.
I'D LIKE TO SAY WHAT
I'M THANKFUL FOR.
DON'T. YEAH, DON'T.
GO AHEAD.
I'M THANKFUL THAT I'M SURROUNDED
BY SUCH VERY SPECIAL FRIENDS.
ESPECIALLY MY NEW FRIEND JUSTIN.
JUSTIN, AS I LOOK AT YOU
AND ASHLEY TOGETHER,
IT FILLS ME WITH A SENSE OF HOPE
THAT SOMEDAY SOON...
I'LL HAVE WHAT YOU HAVE.
NO, NO, NO, GRANDMA,
WE HAVEN'T LEFT YET.
WHY?
WELL, BECAUSE GRANDPA'S
CAR BLEW A GASKET.
WHY CAN'T WE TAKE THE TRAIN?
WHY CAN'T WE TAKE THE TRAIN?
BECAUSE YOU DROPPED
OUT OF GRADUATE SCHOOL.
BECAUSE THERE'S A
COW ON THE TRACKS.
I KNOW. WE'LL TRY TO
FIGURE SOMETHING OUT.
OK. ALL RIGHT. I LOVE YOU, TOO.
YOU'RE GOING TO ROT IN HELL
FOR LYING TO YOUR GRANDMOTHER.
TAKE THAT CIGAR
IN THE HALL, PLEASE.
YES!
JOHNNY, HONEY?
HONEY, JOHNNY?
WOULD YOU LIKE TO SAY
WHAT YOU'RE THANKFUL FOR?
DETROIT'S UP BY 12.
I'M GOING TO GO GET THE BIRD.
IT'S ALL YOUR FAULT.
LOOK AT THEM OVER THERE, HUH?
WHAT A PHONY.
I HATE HIM.
HATE YOU.
HA HA HA.
WHAT?
I JUST THINK IT'S IRONIC.
YOU'RE TRYING TO BREAK
UP JUSTIN AND ASHLEY,
AND INSTEAD, YOU'RE BREAKING
UP JOHNNY AND SHARON.
YOU'RE ANNOYING.
BUT YOU'VE GIVEN ME AN IDEA.
LOOK, FOLLOW MY LEAD, OK?
ALL RIGHT.
HEY, GUYS, UM, MAYBE YOU CAN
SETTLE AN ARGUMENT FOR US.
OK, YOU TWO GO TO YOUR ROOM.
IT'S JUST THAT, UH,
WELL, ONE OF US IS A
HARD-WORKING MED STUDENT.
THE OTHER, A
LAY-ABOUT-THE-HOUSE FREELOADER.
OH, MY GOD, WAIT A
MINUTE. AS I SAY THIS,
I REALIZE THAT YOU GUYS ARE
IN THE EXACT SAME SITUATION,
WITH JUSTIN BEING
OUT OF WORK AND ALL.
I HOPE I DIDN'T
EMBARRASS YOU, JUSTIN.
OH, OH, NOT AT ALL. NOT AT ALL.
I JUST GOT A JOB
AT BOSTON COLLEGE.
YEAH, THEY CALLED
RIGHT AFTER YOU LEFT.
HA HA. I GUESS YOU'RE JUST MY
LITTLE GOOD-LUCK CHARM, BERG.
HEY, MAYBE YOU OUGHT
TO CUT OFF HIS FOOT
AND HANG YOUR KEYS FROM IT.
Sharon: OH, GOD!
WHAT A BEAUTIFUL TURKEY.
OH, MY GOD!
OH, MY GOD!
I RUINED THANKSGIVING.
NONSENSE. THAT'S PERFECTLY GOOD.
WE'LL TAKE IT
UPSTAIRS AND WASH IT.
REALLY?
Sharon: JOHNNY, YOU
HAVE TO DRAW SOMETHING.
JUST A MINUTE. I'M THINKING.
NO, YOU'RE NOT.
YOU'RE WATCHING TV.
COME ON, JOHNNY.
TIME'S ALMOST UP.
GOD, DRAW SOMETHING,
JOHNNY, ANYTHING.
YEAH!
TIME'S UP.
I'M JUST NOT VERY
GOOD AT THIS GAME.
YOU THINK?
YOU KNOW WHAT ELSE
YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT?
YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT HELPING,
YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT TOASTING,
AND YOU'RE NOT GOOD AT CREATING
NEW TRADITIONS WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND.
[SIGHS]
NOW, I'M GOING TO GO GET PIE.
WOULD YOU LIKE SOME
HELP WITH THAT, HON?
DON'T... EVEN THINK ABOUT IT.
OK. WELL, HERE WE GO.
ASHLEY, JUST YOU AND ME.
AND ME. WHATEVER.
AND GO.
UH, CIRCLE, ROUND, BALL, CIRCLE.
HIGH NOON.
YES!
HOW THE HELL
DID YOU GET HIGH
NOON OUT OF THAT?
THAT'S A GREAT CLUE. LOOK,
THE SUN AT THE TOP OF THE PAPER.
WHAT ELSE YOU
GONNA GET FROM THAT?
CIRCLE... ROUND...
BALL... CIRCLE?
UM, I DON'T KNOW.
YOU CAN KEEP HITTING IT,
BUT I STILL DON'T KNOW.
OK, AND TIME.
IT'S GONE WITH THE WIND.
TARA... WIND.
ARE YOU FROM AMERICA?
BUT WHAT'S THE
THING IN THE CORNER?
THE BURNING OF ATLANTA.
OH. OH.
YOU KNEW WHAT IT WAS.
AND... GO.
UH...
AN AMERICAN IN PARIS.
YES.
OK, ALL RIGHT...
HOW DID YOU GET THAT FROM THAT?
OH, WAIT A SEC, I
SEE. YEAH, OF COURSE.
BECAUSE YOU WERE CHEATING.
NO. NO, HE WASN'T. HE WAS
DRAWING THE EIFFEL TOWER.
THAT'S WHERE WE
WENT LAST SUMMER.
WE JUST HAVE SO
MUCH HISTORY, BERG.
FINE. GREAT.
EXCELLENT. NEW GAME.
HOW ABOUT CHARADES?
OK, PETE, YOU AND I ARE A TEAM.
OK.
READY? MM-HMM.
MOVIE.
3 WORDS. SECOND WORD.
KISS.
LONG KISS.
LONG KISS GOOD NIGHT.
THANK YOU.
OK. OK, OK, PETE,
YOU AND I ARE A TEAM.
ALL RIGHT.
OK. OK.
MOVIE.
3 WORDS.
SECOND WORD.
OK, I'LL TAKE A STAB.
LONG KISS GOOD NIGHT.
RIGHT.
OK, PETE, YOU AND I ARE A TEAM.
NO, GRANDPA.
WHOA.
NO. ENOUGH.
ENOUGH.
I'M NOT GONNA BE FOUGHT
OVER LIKE A PIECE OF MEAT.
GOD, JUSTIN, YOU KNEW
ABOUT ME AND BERG, DIDN'T YOU?
OH, WELL, I SUSPECTED.
NO, NO, YOU KNEW, AND INSTEAD
OF TALKING TO ME ABOUT IT,
YOU USED IT TO
MAKE ME FEEL GUILTY.
OH, YEAH.
YEAH, AND YOU.
YOU INVITED ME OVER HERE ONLY TO
DRIVE A WEDGE BETWEEN ME AND JUSTIN
INSTEAD OF RESPECTING
MY FEELINGS LIKE I ASKED.
YOU KNOW, THIS IS... THIS
IS REALLY HARD FOR ME.
AND YOU GUYS...
YOU GUYS WHO CLAIM TO
CARE ABOUT ME THE MOST
ARE MAKING ME THE
MOST MISERABLE.
WELL, CONGRATULATIONS.
THIS IS THE WORST
THANKSGIVING I'VE EVER HAD.
OH, JUSTIN, FIND SOMEPLACE
ELSE TO SLEEP TONIGHT.
AND, BERG, DON'T CALL ME.
SHARON, THANK YOU
FOR A LOVELY EVENING.
I JUST... I THOUGHT
OF ANOTHER TOAST.
I'M THANKFUL I'M NOT
IN A RELATIONSHIP.
ARE YOU KIDDING ME, PETE?
THAT'S PASSION.
LOVING SOMEONE SO MUCH
THAT YOU'RE WILLING TO MAKE
A COMPLETE FOOL OF YOURSELF.
LIKE WHEN YOU LEFT GRANDMA
BECAUSE SHE BEAT YOU
AT WHEEL OF FORTUNE?
COME ON, PETE.
SHE GETS WORRIED IF
I GET HOME TOO LATE.
WAIT, WHOA, GRANDPA.
WHAT ABOUT MY DAD?
DIDN'T I TELL YOU?
HE'S OUT OF TOWN.
WAIT A MINUTE. WAIT A MINUTE.
WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED HERE?
WELL, FOR ONE, I THINK
WE ALL ATE TOO MUCH.
SECONDLY, I OWE YOU AN APOLOGY.
YEAH, YEAH, RIGHT.
I SHOULD HAVE JUST STEPPED BACK
AND LET NATURE TAKE ITS COURSE.
YOU KNOW, IF YOU GUYS WORKED
IT OUT, YOU WORKED IT OUT.
THAT... THAT WOULD HAVE BEEN
THE CLASSY THING TO DO THEN.
AND THAT'S WHAT
I'M GOING TO DO NOW.
WELL, THAT'S
REALLY BIG OF YOU...
CONSIDERING SHE
JUST THREW ME OUT!
YOU TRY TO MAKE A GRAND GESTURE.
WELL, BERG, I CAME HERE
TONIGHT NOT LIKING YOU.
NOW I DON'T LIKE ANY OF YOU.
YOU KNOW, I WISH YOU TWO
JUST WOULD HAVE LISTENED
TO ME IN THE FIRST PLACE
AND HAD A NICE,
INTIMATE THANKSGIVING.
WELL, I GUESS I'M THE ONE THAT
GETS TO CLEAN ALL THIS STUFF UP.
BEFORE YOU DO THAT,
BEFORE YOU DO ANYTHING,
I HAVE SOMETHING I WANT TO SAY.
I'M THANKFUL THAT I FOUND A
GIRL WHO'S NOT ONLY SMART
AND NOT ONLY BEAUTIFUL,
BUT WHO'S MORE IMPORTANT TO ME
THAN I COULD EVER PUT INTO A TOAST.
OH.
THAT'S SO SWEET.
YOU MIGHT WANT TO
SOAK THE TURKEY PAN
BEFORE YOU WASH THE DISHES.
SOAP'S UNDER THE
SINK. I'M TAKING A BATH.
MOM'S GOING TO LOVE HER.
I FEEL LIKE I'M LETTING
EVERYBODY DOWN.
I TELL YOU, PETE, YOU'RE
DOING THE RIGHT THING.
IF YOU DON'T WANT
TO BE AN ARCHITECT,
DON'T BE AN ARCHITECT.
JUST BE HAPPY.
THANK YOU.
BOY, IS YOUR FATHER
GOING TO KILL YOU.