Tuca & Bertie (2019–…): Season 3, Episode 5 - Salad Days - full transcript
♪ Baking, baking,
baking, baking ♪
♪ Baking, baking, baking,
baking ♪
♪ Break out the pans ♪
♪ Sift all the flour ♪
♪ Yeast week is here ♪
♪ This is the hour ♪
♪ Frost all those cakes ♪
♪ Get dough to rise ♪
♪ This is my chance ♪
♪ A kingdom of pies ♪
♪ Yeast Week is here again ♪
♪ Baking, baking,
baking, baking ♪
♪ Baking, baking, baking,
bake... ♪
♪ I'm back to bake
another week ♪
♪ The floor is mine,
my tool is yeast ♪
♪ And much like bread,
now I shall rise ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm not one
to compromise ♪
♪ I'm here again to do my best ♪
♪ Stressed to impress
another chef ♪
♪ I don't care
'cause I don't bake ♪
♪ But of the treats,
sure, I'll partake ♪
♪ We're ready to serve ♪
♪ The baked goods are hot ♪
♪ Come eat our wares ♪
♪ Bird Town's the spot ♪
♪ Yeast Week is here again ♪
♪ Yeast Week,
tell all your friends ♪
♪ Baking, baking,
baking, baking ♪
♪ Baking, baking, baking,
baking. ♪
Well, I'm going back to sleep.
Wake me up when there's
treats to eat.
♪ Tuca and Bertie and Tuca and Bertie
and Bertie and Tuca ♪
♪ And Tuca and Bertie,
Tuca and Bertie ♪
♪ Tu-Tu-Tuca ♪
- ♪ Tuca ♪
- ♪ And Bertie. ♪
Vocalizing...
*TUCA AND BERTIE*
Season 03 Episode 05
Episode Title: "Sald Days"
Aired on: August 01, 2022.
All right, Bertie,
are you ready to introduce
these WinterSalads to the world?
Oh, I'm ready.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
This is happening!
Oh. My. God!
Do you think this needs...
Cake pop tomatoes?
A lychee egg?
3,000 candied
orange zest "carrots"?
Cake pop tomatoes.
You got it, boss.
Ah, shit.
A study just found that jammy
beans are the new cigarettes.
I'm on it.
Just say no
to jammy beans.
Five minutes before
the savage horde breaks through
and ransacks these aisles,
leaving nothing behind
but wrappers and excrement.
Mm, mm. Mm!
Ah...
Ooh!
Ew.
Ew!
People actually buy those,
can you believe it?
They're animals.
People are animals.
That Danish looks
like it's sweating.
Leave it to Pete to bake
a pastry in his own image:
Sweaty and full of shit.
Am I right?
Boy, did he go basic
with this one.
It's such a normie
idea of "artisanal."
Yeah, well, you know,
normies like my stuff, too.
All right, Songthrush,
let's do this.
The savage horde.
They're here for us.
Wow! What is happening?
Oh, Tuca! This sick duck is all
healed up, and now she's wild.
How did things get so bad?
I must've spoiled it too much.
I don't know.
I gave her
everything she wanted,
including
a brand-new sports car,
which she stomped on
because it was the wrong color.
Now she's unrideable!
Lawrie, how many times
I told you,
if you have too much money,
just give it to me.
Stop pouring it into
these ducks.
I'm gonna have to sell her
to a duck rodeo.
Wait.
Don't sell her.
- I can tame her.
- Tuca, no!
That's what everyone thinks
about wild animals.
Just because they feel
a special connection,
the beast will trust them
and let itself be tamed.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
A special connection.
Oh, thank you!
Have a nice day!
People love these salads.
Yeah, I want to tweak
a couple of things.
That candied tuna was a miss.
Sorry. I was really out to "sea"
on that one.
But hey, the cheesecake eggs
went over easy.
Hello?
Bertie Songthrush,
I'm calling from Breadline
for a quote about Pastry Pete's
Yeast Week comeback.
- What?
- What are
your thoughts
on him launching a new bakery
and starting
a female mentors hip program?
Ugh. The only thing grosser
than Pastry Pete
are his sweaty-ass desserts.
Some people want to separate
the art from the artist.
Well, I want to separate
this chef from his kitchen.
I mean, his stuff is so basic.
Even Chef Winter says so.
Chef Winter Garcia said that?!
- Uh...
- Wowza!
I got me a headline for Breadline,
and it's right
before my deadline.
That was all off the record,
right?
That was just me, popping off
as, uh, your friend.
I'm a reporter,
my only friends are
The Truth and Getting Laid Off.
Bertie, this is Mr. Birdily,
the owner of the biggest
grocery chain in Bird Town.
And the second largest
in Grocery Town.
I was just telling Winter,
I think these little salads
will sell great at our stores.
Yeah, normies will love them.
Am I right, Winter? Eh?
Well, we would never refer to
our customers that way.
- We call them "complexies."
- Of course.
Uh...
Stop.
Stop. I said stop!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's the problem?
I thought we had a connection.
Whoa!
Need some help?
Speckle,
what are you doing here?
Isn't your office all the way
in the Nerd District?
Who let you into Coolsville?
I came to get a hot dog.
And the Coolsville key master
owed me a favor.
Take it sleazy, Speck-O.
Man, they're just letting anyone
into Coolsville these days.
Someone ought to do something
about that.
Someone like...
So, I saw you're having
duck problems.
Oh, yeah. She won't listen to
a word I say.
Maybe I can help.
I'm actually really good
with ducks
because I had a ton of
duck brothers in college.
I was in an all-duck fraternity,
Delta Delta Goose.
DDG! Theta Chapter, what?!
The brothers tapped me because
I was really good at waddling.
I say, DD what?
DDG! Theta Chapter represent.
Whose feathers are fine as hell?
Our feathers, our feathers,
well!
Delta Delta Goose is
here to say,
yo, we be looking this good
every day.
And we're the only frat
that gets all A's.
Speckle, this is hard
for me to say,
but this is the first time
that I'm proud to call you
my friend's
current boyfriend.
- Bertie!
- Uh...
Did you give a quote
for this Breadline article?
- It's really...
- I'm sorry.
That quote was taken
out of context,
and the context is...
I'm an idiot!
Don't listen to anything I say!
Oh, I was gonna say
that it's funny.
You roasted Pastry Pete
at the perfect temperature
- for the right amount of time.
- Funny?
Well, I'm also really sorry
for saying "normies"
in front of Mr. Birdily.
Well, Mr. Birdily is
easily wounded by that word.
He's a fifth-generation normie.
Try not to do it again,
or do... I don't care...
But just not in front of him.
Yeah. I-I got that.
That's what I like about you.
Quick study.
Now, why don't you take
the rest of the day off.
Go enjoy
the Yeast Week festivities.
Yes, Chef.
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I'm a working girl ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I'm a working girl ♪
♪ Wake up in the morning ♪
♪ It's so real. ♪
Nope. Too far.
Huh.
Quack, quack?
Yep, I reckon this is
a mighty tough gal, all right.
Speckle, I got it!
The duck is afraid.
When I'm afraid,
I kick stuff, too.
Boo...!
Ah! So pricey.
Hey, Tuca. Are you ready to go
to the movies?
Eek!
She lacks confidence, Speckle.
We need to boost her bravado
until she has the audacity
of a healthy duck.
But how?
Tuca, step on me.
I'd love to,
but let's focus on this duck
for one minute.
No, no, Tuca.
Ducks are hierarchical.
They maintain a pecking order
with dominance and aggression.
It may look cruel
from the outside,
because it is.
It's absolutely brutal.
Oh!
So, Ducky is the dork
of her crew.
Yes, we need to show Ducky
she's not
the lowest-ranking duck here.
I can to it, Tuca.
I can be bottom duck.
Step on me and show Ducky
who's not boss.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Treat me like a doormat.
This is fun.
Your body has
such a great stomp feel.
Thank... you.
Come on. Give it a try.
Ah! Awesome!
Yes!
That's right. More.
We're doing it, Speckle.
It's all good.
I asked myself, "Pete, should
you also have a woman mentor
"in your women's
mentors hip program
to mentor women?"
It took several days of
soul-searching,
and the answer was no.
But then, for optics reasons,
I was forced to make it a yes.
Ah. Well, I'm honored.
Splendid. So we have a deal?
You sugar my cookies, Pete,
and I'll dust yours
with cinnamon.
I'll be at the launch with you
tomorrow,
and I'll look fabulous
as always.
I love it when a woman puts in effort.
You are such a bad penguin.
I know, I'm the worst.
I heard Bertie Songthrush is
in your kitchen.
Word of advice?
These younger wannabe chefs,
the minute they're unhappy,
they run to social media
and try to destroy
everything you've built.
Watch out for that Bertie.
Thanks for the tip.
♪ Tuca and Speckle
and Ducky Day ♪
Oh, it's too hot.
Whoa.
Look at all of
this submission and obedience.
Woo-hoo!
So majestic.
Ducky, jump through that hoop.
Go up that ramp.
Ducky, do your taxes.
Whoa!
Oh, so good!
Welcome to the grand opening
of my newest
and largest patisserie.
At first, the engineers said
I had to build the building
out of building, but I thought,
why not do something iconic?
I present to you
Bird Town's first building
to be made entirely
out of bread!
H-Help!
I'm a sandwich.
Oh, man,
that was super hilarious.
Really fun to watch it
all go down.
Well, I'll tell you
what your problem is.
This building got eaten
by a duck.
Eaten by a duck.
I swear to God.
Who is responsible for this?
Oh, me! What happened?
This store was going to be
the headquarters
of my new female
mentors hip program.
This mallard is a menace.
It must be sent to
the pillow factory at once.
Do it...
uh, for women!
No. You can't take Ducky.
Duckina is innocent.
Ah, wait. Duckaren? Ah.
I haven't settled on a name yet.
Maybe Pasty Pete's right,
Tuca-toots.
She's out of control!
Yes, the only restitution is
if my pillows personally come
from that duck's carcass.
I demand to sleep on death!
Come here.
You'll never take her.
Speckle, we're starting
a protest.
Are we?
'Cause I was hoping
to head home.
Tie us to the duck, Speckle.
That rope looks real itchy.
Speckle, the hierarchy is me,
the duck,
the itchy rope and then you.
- You got to do what I say.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay. All right, okay. Mm...
Good morning.
I hope you're ready for
our long Tour de Fronds today.
Fronds as in leaves.
Leaves as in salad,
salad as in WinterSalads.
What's the matter, Bertie?
Normally you love
corny wordplay.
I'm pandering to your tastes,
and you're leaving me
high and dry.
I... heard you're working
with Pastry Pete
on that mentors hip program.
It's just so...
disappointing.
Ah, your first disappointment.
- Cherish it.
- We need to talk about this.
Fine, but let's talk on the go.
We've got a packed schedule,
and we're running late
to Birdily Wirdily.
Such a stupid name
for a grocery store.
♪ Birdly Wirdly! ♪
"A great name
for a grocery store."
Why Pastry Pete?
Was the world's largest
pile of trash not available?
This was a business decision,
Bertie.
It's not personal.
Business is personal.
We're people,
and it's very personal to me.
Here you go. Enjoy a sample.
Thank you for trying
WinterSalads.
I look up to you, Winter.
I mean, y-you're my idol.
That's not my problem.
You've projected all of
these expectations onto me
just because I'm further along
in my career than you,
but I'm just some lady.
I didn't ask to be fawned over.
Oh, my God!
Are you Winter Garcia?
Will you sign my cake?
I-I'm such a big fawn!
Yes, that's me.
I just think
you should reconsider.
See, your problem is you see
the world in black and white.
People are either good or bad.
They're either your perfect
idol, up on a pedestal,
or they're completely evil,
and they don't deserve to live
anymore.
She has a point!
You have a very
binary worldview!
In your mind, everyone who ever
grabs your feathers at work
is a dangerous pervert
who should go to jail forever.
Why would anyone need to
grab my feathers at work?
Hmm.
Hmm.
And don't go posting
everything I say
in some angry rant on Birdster
about how toxic I am.
What? I would never!
Also, no one uses Birdster
anymore.
Yeah, actually,
the cool new app is ClipClop,
which was originally made
so that horses at horse college
could judge other horses.
Now it's popular
with all species,
and the government uses it
to track and control
our elections.
Ha.
Sorry. I'll just stick to
saying almost nothing
for days at a time.
Do you think I'd have gotten
this far in my career
if I'd cried
every time I felt a pair of
saggy bird balls on my shoulder?
Because Boris Sourdough thought
it would be funny
to haze the only woman
in his kitchen?
I, uh... Wow. Are you okay?
I'm not a victim, Bertie.
I've had to put up
with a hundred Pastry Petes.
Uh, but Pete's just using you
to legitimize himself.
And by working with him, you're
reinforcing that he's powerful.
Partnering with him is going
to expand my platform
and help boost WinterSnacks
to the next level.
What part of that doesn't jive
with your female
empowerment crusade?
Oh...
Say you're sorry, Bertie.
I don't want to fight.
Apologize!
You're going to lose
your dream job, Bertie!
You've dealt
with a hundred Pastry Petes
and none of them got to you?
You came out of
that gauntlet of dicks
with no lasting damage
whatsoever?
I'm a chef.
Burns and scars are
part of the job.
So, we both agree
this is toxic bullshit,
but you believe every young chef
should be forced to endure it,
and toughen up, because
that's easier than changing
a messed-up system, right?
That's right. I am tough.
Your generation is so soft
and helpless,
no resiliency whatsoever.
You all just want a mommy
to wipe your ass for you.
Now, can you open up my phone
and block yourself
on social media?
Because I don't know
how to do that.
There.
Now, now, Tuca.
Just let the duck go.
Sometimes when you can't
get your ducks in order,
that's on the duck.
So, you just gonna give up
on every worker
who eats a building, huh?
Huh, Lawrie?
This duck has value.
This duck has talent,
and I'm going to show you.
I say, DD what?
DDG! Theta Chapter represent!
I say, DD who?
DDG! You know who!
Whose feet are webbed as hell?
This ducky, this ducky, well!
What did I tell you, Lawrie?
Oh, Tuca, you did it!
You've trained my wildest duck.
Oh, man. This duck is
gonna make me so much money!
And then I'm gonna
spend that money
on even wilder and sicker ducks!
It's a bad idea
for me to have money, Tuca!
Oh, boy!
Ah...
I needed these.
I think I'm done here, Jamie.
I thought this was my dream job
for my dream boss,
but I was just being naive.
You know, I can tell
the general shape of people,
and you're not shaped
like a quitter.
Aw, Jamie.
You're shaped
like a mini fridge.
Um...
And mini fridges don't quit,
but they do break down.
And that's
what I like about you, Bertie.
Every day is a new breakdown.
Okay, Jamie.
Welcome, everyone,
to the kickoff of the inaugural
Pastry Pete Mentorship Program
for young female chefs.
As a vanguard, an icon,
a legend in baking
and male feminism,
I asked myself, "Pastry Pete,
how can young women benefit
from your gigantic...
expertise?"
Hey, you there.
Tell the audience what
made you apply to this program.
I just graduated
from culinary school.
I'm broke, and I'm hungry
all the time.
Don't worry. I've got plenty of
fresh, hot baguettes for you.
Oh, okay.
- Hello?
- Bertie Songthrush?
You again.
Could I confirm a quote
for this article...
No, you could absolutely not.
You are a bad friend.
...about WinterSalads being
a highlight of Yeast Week?
And Winter crediting you
with that success.
No. Well... What?
I quote, "Bertie Songthrush
came up with the brilliant idea,
"executed it with ingenuity,
and I'm proud to have her
in the WinterSnacks family."
That's... so nice.
I know, right? I'm a nice lady.
Did you give that quote
before or after our fight?
- After.
- That's even nicer.
And now, I'll bring up
my co-mentor,
or, as I'd like to call her,
a wo-mentor.
After all,
what kind of mentor
to young women would I be
if I, a man, hogged all
the mentoring to myself?
That's why I, Pastry Pete,
have partnered up
with Chef Winter Garcia.
You'd better hurry,
your thingy is being
launched up there without you.
I thought about it,
and you know what?
him.
Well, seems like
Chef Garcia can't make it.
I guess I'm the only chef
that cares about women.
I'm still thinking about
what you said.
About giving my name
to help clean his.
So you... agree?
No. I don't know.
It's complicated.
But you were brave
to bring it up to me,
face-to-face.
Maybe I don't know everything
about people your age.
That's okay.
I know it's because you're old
and have dementia.
Furthermore, it is my belief
that anything a man can do,
a woman can do
after being taught by a man.
This guy is a duck killer.
He tried to kill my duck and me!
Okay, not me, but still.
Girls, get on the duck.
This gross man can't help you.
This is an emergency
e-quack-uation.
I'm e-quack-uating you.
She's ejaculating us?
All right.
Ahoy, Ducky!
Yah!
Wow. What a happy ending.
She'll teach them to bake.
No, she won't.
Can I go home?
Not yet.
These women need guidance
and confidence, Speckle.
Say no more.
Just press your foot down,
one at a time, on top of him.
It may feel uncomfortable
and cruel at first,
but soon, you'll see that
cruelty is very empowering.
You're-you're all doing great.
Don't worry about a thing.
A-Anything I can do
to be supportive.
It hurts so good.
♪ We're baking it up ♪
♪ Baking it up tonight ♪
♪ We're baking it up,
we're baking it up ♪
♪ We're baking it up ♪
♪ And it feels all right ♪
♪ We're baking it up,
we're baking it up ♪
♪ Oh, I want you
to bake me there ♪
♪ Bake it all night ♪
♪ It's just not fair ♪
♪ We're baking it up ♪
♪ Baking it up tonight. ♪
This is Bertie. Leave a message.
Bertie, just buzzing your mobile
to ask when you're planning
to return from your sabbatical.
No rush, we're keeping your desk
nice and warm
for you here at Conde Nest.
baking, baking ♪
♪ Baking, baking, baking,
baking ♪
♪ Break out the pans ♪
♪ Sift all the flour ♪
♪ Yeast week is here ♪
♪ This is the hour ♪
♪ Frost all those cakes ♪
♪ Get dough to rise ♪
♪ This is my chance ♪
♪ A kingdom of pies ♪
♪ Yeast Week is here again ♪
♪ Baking, baking,
baking, baking ♪
♪ Baking, baking, baking,
bake... ♪
♪ I'm back to bake
another week ♪
♪ The floor is mine,
my tool is yeast ♪
♪ And much like bread,
now I shall rise ♪
♪ 'Cause I'm not one
to compromise ♪
♪ I'm here again to do my best ♪
♪ Stressed to impress
another chef ♪
♪ I don't care
'cause I don't bake ♪
♪ But of the treats,
sure, I'll partake ♪
♪ We're ready to serve ♪
♪ The baked goods are hot ♪
♪ Come eat our wares ♪
♪ Bird Town's the spot ♪
♪ Yeast Week is here again ♪
♪ Yeast Week,
tell all your friends ♪
♪ Baking, baking,
baking, baking ♪
♪ Baking, baking, baking,
baking. ♪
Well, I'm going back to sleep.
Wake me up when there's
treats to eat.
♪ Tuca and Bertie and Tuca and Bertie
and Bertie and Tuca ♪
♪ And Tuca and Bertie,
Tuca and Bertie ♪
♪ Tu-Tu-Tuca ♪
- ♪ Tuca ♪
- ♪ And Bertie. ♪
Vocalizing...
*TUCA AND BERTIE*
Season 03 Episode 05
Episode Title: "Sald Days"
Aired on: August 01, 2022.
All right, Bertie,
are you ready to introduce
these WinterSalads to the world?
Oh, I'm ready.
Oh, my God. Oh, my God!
This is happening!
Oh. My. God!
Do you think this needs...
Cake pop tomatoes?
A lychee egg?
3,000 candied
orange zest "carrots"?
Cake pop tomatoes.
You got it, boss.
Ah, shit.
A study just found that jammy
beans are the new cigarettes.
I'm on it.
Just say no
to jammy beans.
Five minutes before
the savage horde breaks through
and ransacks these aisles,
leaving nothing behind
but wrappers and excrement.
Mm, mm. Mm!
Ah...
Ooh!
Ew.
Ew!
People actually buy those,
can you believe it?
They're animals.
People are animals.
That Danish looks
like it's sweating.
Leave it to Pete to bake
a pastry in his own image:
Sweaty and full of shit.
Am I right?
Boy, did he go basic
with this one.
It's such a normie
idea of "artisanal."
Yeah, well, you know,
normies like my stuff, too.
All right, Songthrush,
let's do this.
The savage horde.
They're here for us.
Wow! What is happening?
Oh, Tuca! This sick duck is all
healed up, and now she's wild.
How did things get so bad?
I must've spoiled it too much.
I don't know.
I gave her
everything she wanted,
including
a brand-new sports car,
which she stomped on
because it was the wrong color.
Now she's unrideable!
Lawrie, how many times
I told you,
if you have too much money,
just give it to me.
Stop pouring it into
these ducks.
I'm gonna have to sell her
to a duck rodeo.
Wait.
Don't sell her.
- I can tame her.
- Tuca, no!
That's what everyone thinks
about wild animals.
Just because they feel
a special connection,
the beast will trust them
and let itself be tamed.
Uh-huh. Yeah.
A special connection.
Oh, thank you!
Have a nice day!
People love these salads.
Yeah, I want to tweak
a couple of things.
That candied tuna was a miss.
Sorry. I was really out to "sea"
on that one.
But hey, the cheesecake eggs
went over easy.
Hello?
Bertie Songthrush,
I'm calling from Breadline
for a quote about Pastry Pete's
Yeast Week comeback.
- What?
- What are
your thoughts
on him launching a new bakery
and starting
a female mentors hip program?
Ugh. The only thing grosser
than Pastry Pete
are his sweaty-ass desserts.
Some people want to separate
the art from the artist.
Well, I want to separate
this chef from his kitchen.
I mean, his stuff is so basic.
Even Chef Winter says so.
Chef Winter Garcia said that?!
- Uh...
- Wowza!
I got me a headline for Breadline,
and it's right
before my deadline.
That was all off the record,
right?
That was just me, popping off
as, uh, your friend.
I'm a reporter,
my only friends are
The Truth and Getting Laid Off.
Bertie, this is Mr. Birdily,
the owner of the biggest
grocery chain in Bird Town.
And the second largest
in Grocery Town.
I was just telling Winter,
I think these little salads
will sell great at our stores.
Yeah, normies will love them.
Am I right, Winter? Eh?
Well, we would never refer to
our customers that way.
- We call them "complexies."
- Of course.
Uh...
Stop.
Stop. I said stop!
Whoa, whoa, whoa!
What's the problem?
I thought we had a connection.
Whoa!
Need some help?
Speckle,
what are you doing here?
Isn't your office all the way
in the Nerd District?
Who let you into Coolsville?
I came to get a hot dog.
And the Coolsville key master
owed me a favor.
Take it sleazy, Speck-O.
Man, they're just letting anyone
into Coolsville these days.
Someone ought to do something
about that.
Someone like...
So, I saw you're having
duck problems.
Oh, yeah. She won't listen to
a word I say.
Maybe I can help.
I'm actually really good
with ducks
because I had a ton of
duck brothers in college.
I was in an all-duck fraternity,
Delta Delta Goose.
DDG! Theta Chapter, what?!
The brothers tapped me because
I was really good at waddling.
I say, DD what?
DDG! Theta Chapter represent.
Whose feathers are fine as hell?
Our feathers, our feathers,
well!
Delta Delta Goose is
here to say,
yo, we be looking this good
every day.
And we're the only frat
that gets all A's.
Speckle, this is hard
for me to say,
but this is the first time
that I'm proud to call you
my friend's
current boyfriend.
- Bertie!
- Uh...
Did you give a quote
for this Breadline article?
- It's really...
- I'm sorry.
That quote was taken
out of context,
and the context is...
I'm an idiot!
Don't listen to anything I say!
Oh, I was gonna say
that it's funny.
You roasted Pastry Pete
at the perfect temperature
- for the right amount of time.
- Funny?
Well, I'm also really sorry
for saying "normies"
in front of Mr. Birdily.
Well, Mr. Birdily is
easily wounded by that word.
He's a fifth-generation normie.
Try not to do it again,
or do... I don't care...
But just not in front of him.
Yeah. I-I got that.
That's what I like about you.
Quick study.
Now, why don't you take
the rest of the day off.
Go enjoy
the Yeast Week festivities.
Yes, Chef.
♪ Ooh, ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I'm a working girl ♪
♪ Ooh ♪
♪ Ooh, ooh ♪
♪ I'm a working girl ♪
♪ Wake up in the morning ♪
♪ It's so real. ♪
Nope. Too far.
Huh.
Quack, quack?
Yep, I reckon this is
a mighty tough gal, all right.
Speckle, I got it!
The duck is afraid.
When I'm afraid,
I kick stuff, too.
Boo...!
Ah! So pricey.
Hey, Tuca. Are you ready to go
to the movies?
Eek!
She lacks confidence, Speckle.
We need to boost her bravado
until she has the audacity
of a healthy duck.
But how?
Tuca, step on me.
I'd love to,
but let's focus on this duck
for one minute.
No, no, Tuca.
Ducks are hierarchical.
They maintain a pecking order
with dominance and aggression.
It may look cruel
from the outside,
because it is.
It's absolutely brutal.
Oh!
So, Ducky is the dork
of her crew.
Yes, we need to show Ducky
she's not
the lowest-ranking duck here.
I can to it, Tuca.
I can be bottom duck.
Step on me and show Ducky
who's not boss.
- Okay.
- Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah.
Treat me like a doormat.
This is fun.
Your body has
such a great stomp feel.
Thank... you.
Come on. Give it a try.
Ah! Awesome!
Yes!
That's right. More.
We're doing it, Speckle.
It's all good.
I asked myself, "Pete, should
you also have a woman mentor
"in your women's
mentors hip program
to mentor women?"
It took several days of
soul-searching,
and the answer was no.
But then, for optics reasons,
I was forced to make it a yes.
Ah. Well, I'm honored.
Splendid. So we have a deal?
You sugar my cookies, Pete,
and I'll dust yours
with cinnamon.
I'll be at the launch with you
tomorrow,
and I'll look fabulous
as always.
I love it when a woman puts in effort.
You are such a bad penguin.
I know, I'm the worst.
I heard Bertie Songthrush is
in your kitchen.
Word of advice?
These younger wannabe chefs,
the minute they're unhappy,
they run to social media
and try to destroy
everything you've built.
Watch out for that Bertie.
Thanks for the tip.
♪ Tuca and Speckle
and Ducky Day ♪
Oh, it's too hot.
Whoa.
Look at all of
this submission and obedience.
Woo-hoo!
So majestic.
Ducky, jump through that hoop.
Go up that ramp.
Ducky, do your taxes.
Whoa!
Oh, so good!
Welcome to the grand opening
of my newest
and largest patisserie.
At first, the engineers said
I had to build the building
out of building, but I thought,
why not do something iconic?
I present to you
Bird Town's first building
to be made entirely
out of bread!
H-Help!
I'm a sandwich.
Oh, man,
that was super hilarious.
Really fun to watch it
all go down.
Well, I'll tell you
what your problem is.
This building got eaten
by a duck.
Eaten by a duck.
I swear to God.
Who is responsible for this?
Oh, me! What happened?
This store was going to be
the headquarters
of my new female
mentors hip program.
This mallard is a menace.
It must be sent to
the pillow factory at once.
Do it...
uh, for women!
No. You can't take Ducky.
Duckina is innocent.
Ah, wait. Duckaren? Ah.
I haven't settled on a name yet.
Maybe Pasty Pete's right,
Tuca-toots.
She's out of control!
Yes, the only restitution is
if my pillows personally come
from that duck's carcass.
I demand to sleep on death!
Come here.
You'll never take her.
Speckle, we're starting
a protest.
Are we?
'Cause I was hoping
to head home.
Tie us to the duck, Speckle.
That rope looks real itchy.
Speckle, the hierarchy is me,
the duck,
the itchy rope and then you.
- You got to do what I say.
- Mm-hmm.
Okay. All right, okay. Mm...
Good morning.
I hope you're ready for
our long Tour de Fronds today.
Fronds as in leaves.
Leaves as in salad,
salad as in WinterSalads.
What's the matter, Bertie?
Normally you love
corny wordplay.
I'm pandering to your tastes,
and you're leaving me
high and dry.
I... heard you're working
with Pastry Pete
on that mentors hip program.
It's just so...
disappointing.
Ah, your first disappointment.
- Cherish it.
- We need to talk about this.
Fine, but let's talk on the go.
We've got a packed schedule,
and we're running late
to Birdily Wirdily.
Such a stupid name
for a grocery store.
♪ Birdly Wirdly! ♪
"A great name
for a grocery store."
Why Pastry Pete?
Was the world's largest
pile of trash not available?
This was a business decision,
Bertie.
It's not personal.
Business is personal.
We're people,
and it's very personal to me.
Here you go. Enjoy a sample.
Thank you for trying
WinterSalads.
I look up to you, Winter.
I mean, y-you're my idol.
That's not my problem.
You've projected all of
these expectations onto me
just because I'm further along
in my career than you,
but I'm just some lady.
I didn't ask to be fawned over.
Oh, my God!
Are you Winter Garcia?
Will you sign my cake?
I-I'm such a big fawn!
Yes, that's me.
I just think
you should reconsider.
See, your problem is you see
the world in black and white.
People are either good or bad.
They're either your perfect
idol, up on a pedestal,
or they're completely evil,
and they don't deserve to live
anymore.
She has a point!
You have a very
binary worldview!
In your mind, everyone who ever
grabs your feathers at work
is a dangerous pervert
who should go to jail forever.
Why would anyone need to
grab my feathers at work?
Hmm.
Hmm.
And don't go posting
everything I say
in some angry rant on Birdster
about how toxic I am.
What? I would never!
Also, no one uses Birdster
anymore.
Yeah, actually,
the cool new app is ClipClop,
which was originally made
so that horses at horse college
could judge other horses.
Now it's popular
with all species,
and the government uses it
to track and control
our elections.
Ha.
Sorry. I'll just stick to
saying almost nothing
for days at a time.
Do you think I'd have gotten
this far in my career
if I'd cried
every time I felt a pair of
saggy bird balls on my shoulder?
Because Boris Sourdough thought
it would be funny
to haze the only woman
in his kitchen?
I, uh... Wow. Are you okay?
I'm not a victim, Bertie.
I've had to put up
with a hundred Pastry Petes.
Uh, but Pete's just using you
to legitimize himself.
And by working with him, you're
reinforcing that he's powerful.
Partnering with him is going
to expand my platform
and help boost WinterSnacks
to the next level.
What part of that doesn't jive
with your female
empowerment crusade?
Oh...
Say you're sorry, Bertie.
I don't want to fight.
Apologize!
You're going to lose
your dream job, Bertie!
You've dealt
with a hundred Pastry Petes
and none of them got to you?
You came out of
that gauntlet of dicks
with no lasting damage
whatsoever?
I'm a chef.
Burns and scars are
part of the job.
So, we both agree
this is toxic bullshit,
but you believe every young chef
should be forced to endure it,
and toughen up, because
that's easier than changing
a messed-up system, right?
That's right. I am tough.
Your generation is so soft
and helpless,
no resiliency whatsoever.
You all just want a mommy
to wipe your ass for you.
Now, can you open up my phone
and block yourself
on social media?
Because I don't know
how to do that.
There.
Now, now, Tuca.
Just let the duck go.
Sometimes when you can't
get your ducks in order,
that's on the duck.
So, you just gonna give up
on every worker
who eats a building, huh?
Huh, Lawrie?
This duck has value.
This duck has talent,
and I'm going to show you.
I say, DD what?
DDG! Theta Chapter represent!
I say, DD who?
DDG! You know who!
Whose feet are webbed as hell?
This ducky, this ducky, well!
What did I tell you, Lawrie?
Oh, Tuca, you did it!
You've trained my wildest duck.
Oh, man. This duck is
gonna make me so much money!
And then I'm gonna
spend that money
on even wilder and sicker ducks!
It's a bad idea
for me to have money, Tuca!
Oh, boy!
Ah...
I needed these.
I think I'm done here, Jamie.
I thought this was my dream job
for my dream boss,
but I was just being naive.
You know, I can tell
the general shape of people,
and you're not shaped
like a quitter.
Aw, Jamie.
You're shaped
like a mini fridge.
Um...
And mini fridges don't quit,
but they do break down.
And that's
what I like about you, Bertie.
Every day is a new breakdown.
Okay, Jamie.
Welcome, everyone,
to the kickoff of the inaugural
Pastry Pete Mentorship Program
for young female chefs.
As a vanguard, an icon,
a legend in baking
and male feminism,
I asked myself, "Pastry Pete,
how can young women benefit
from your gigantic...
expertise?"
Hey, you there.
Tell the audience what
made you apply to this program.
I just graduated
from culinary school.
I'm broke, and I'm hungry
all the time.
Don't worry. I've got plenty of
fresh, hot baguettes for you.
Oh, okay.
- Hello?
- Bertie Songthrush?
You again.
Could I confirm a quote
for this article...
No, you could absolutely not.
You are a bad friend.
...about WinterSalads being
a highlight of Yeast Week?
And Winter crediting you
with that success.
No. Well... What?
I quote, "Bertie Songthrush
came up with the brilliant idea,
"executed it with ingenuity,
and I'm proud to have her
in the WinterSnacks family."
That's... so nice.
I know, right? I'm a nice lady.
Did you give that quote
before or after our fight?
- After.
- That's even nicer.
And now, I'll bring up
my co-mentor,
or, as I'd like to call her,
a wo-mentor.
After all,
what kind of mentor
to young women would I be
if I, a man, hogged all
the mentoring to myself?
That's why I, Pastry Pete,
have partnered up
with Chef Winter Garcia.
You'd better hurry,
your thingy is being
launched up there without you.
I thought about it,
and you know what?
him.
Well, seems like
Chef Garcia can't make it.
I guess I'm the only chef
that cares about women.
I'm still thinking about
what you said.
About giving my name
to help clean his.
So you... agree?
No. I don't know.
It's complicated.
But you were brave
to bring it up to me,
face-to-face.
Maybe I don't know everything
about people your age.
That's okay.
I know it's because you're old
and have dementia.
Furthermore, it is my belief
that anything a man can do,
a woman can do
after being taught by a man.
This guy is a duck killer.
He tried to kill my duck and me!
Okay, not me, but still.
Girls, get on the duck.
This gross man can't help you.
This is an emergency
e-quack-uation.
I'm e-quack-uating you.
She's ejaculating us?
All right.
Ahoy, Ducky!
Yah!
Wow. What a happy ending.
She'll teach them to bake.
No, she won't.
Can I go home?
Not yet.
These women need guidance
and confidence, Speckle.
Say no more.
Just press your foot down,
one at a time, on top of him.
It may feel uncomfortable
and cruel at first,
but soon, you'll see that
cruelty is very empowering.
You're-you're all doing great.
Don't worry about a thing.
A-Anything I can do
to be supportive.
It hurts so good.
♪ We're baking it up ♪
♪ Baking it up tonight ♪
♪ We're baking it up,
we're baking it up ♪
♪ We're baking it up ♪
♪ And it feels all right ♪
♪ We're baking it up,
we're baking it up ♪
♪ Oh, I want you
to bake me there ♪
♪ Bake it all night ♪
♪ It's just not fair ♪
♪ We're baking it up ♪
♪ Baking it up tonight. ♪
This is Bertie. Leave a message.
Bertie, just buzzing your mobile
to ask when you're planning
to return from your sabbatical.
No rush, we're keeping your desk
nice and warm
for you here at Conde Nest.